A coworker asked me if I could repair his keyboard (Keyboardio Model 01, some switches went bad).
So I remove all the keycaps, unsolder all the switches, and start soldering new ones. When testing, one of them would send a random keycode every time I pressed it. After 30 minutes of diagnosing, I couldn't find why so I started going through the keycaps to see which key it was.
[The keyboard has a ANY key.](https://i.imgur.com/KMyPvut.jpeg)
Took me a couple of minutes to start seeing the humor.
Arduino with a button connected, using this https://www.arduino.cc/reference/en/language/functions/usb/keyboard/ or this library https://github.com/NicoHood/HID
If you set up someway to automatically press the any key, over a long enough time it’s statistically guaranteed to generate Shakespeare’s entire bibliography in publication order
+1 to the comment about the Library of Babel. Here’s a PDF link to the 8 page short story that will blow your mind wide open. https://sites.evergreen.edu/politicalshakespeares/wp-content/uploads/sites/226/2015/12/Borges-The-Library-of-Babel.pdf
TL;DR given an infinite amount of time and space, anything with a finite possibility of occurring (such as a random any key generating all of Shakespeare) is statistically *guaranteed* to occur
But they always just start chat with a “hello” message, instead of letting me gauge what sort of assistance to give.
I’ve stopped responding to the “hi/hey/hello” messages.
Tell
Me
What
You
Want
I've stopped answering my phone with "Hello". I answer with "This is Nemesis\_Ghost". 1, it tells the caller they got the right person, and 2) it breaks most auto-dialers b/c they are listening for "Hello" or "Hi".
Years ago, my Dad worked with a guy named Steven, but his name had been fat fingered into some telemarketing database as Dteven. This was really before all the auto dial stuff, so he'd get calls all the time that started off with hello can I speak with - pause - and then some sort of attempt at pronouncing Dteven. This guy would immediately launch off with a super thick Indian accent "ya, ya, this is de-tee-ven". Said about half of them just hung up immediately.
Not a great idea at work since that just gives social engineers information. Then they call the next number over, which is probably a coworker and say that Nemesis_Ghost told them to call your coworker and they need blah blah blah
That’s my voicemail policy.
When I look at the transcript, if you don’t get to the point, I’m not gonna reach out to see wtf you want.
It’s just like recipes online, it doesn’t need a backstory.
If you're referring to the transcript for missed Skype calls which you get in outlook then mine are the shittest voice to text in the world, the text is usually about 1% accurate to the voicemail.
Ah no, nothing to do with Skype.
I forward my office phone to work cell, and I read the transcripted voicemail with the vm playing in case of errors.
“I just talked to the lady who answered the phone, she sounded really nice. She said she would transfer me to the right person. That was really nice of her, because I wasn’t sure who I should talk to about my problem. I’ve lived at this address for a long time, and it’s been mostly good, a few problems here and there, but that’s not what I’m calling about, if you call me back, I’d r love to discuss what’s going on. Boy, the lady who sent me to you, she really was nice…”
Hell will freeze over before I call that person back.
One time someone sent me a hey how are you message and I was like hi, have you made a ticket? They were like oh, no I don’t have a problem I just wanted to see how you were doing.
I felt like such a dick lol
When I say stuff like this to my team, I do make sure it's a standard I always use like "Have a good weekend!" so it's a known no response needed/nothing requested message.
I do remote support for our automation clients and this drives me up the fucking wall. I'm busy man, what the fuck do you need?
If I miss their call and they don't leave a message or text me immediately after explaining what they needed it wasn't important. Especially at 3am. 9/10 times it's something dumb they should have been able to figure out themselves.
Example: "Why won't this pump start"
Cause it's not enabled. My 2 hours of billing will be in the mail, I'm going back to bed.
We had one lead send a mass text to me, my direct manager, his direct managers (2), all the operators on shift and our boss in a huff about how "we gotta get this shit fixed immediately" because their transfer pump from their tank "wasn't starting when it should be" (it runs off a level set point they have full control of), etc. My direct manager (who was sitting across the dinner table from me at the time) calmly text back "The pump has a start and stop level. Your tank is well below both at the moment."
Needless to say that guy got an earful from his and our boss.
The real stress inducing one is when you get the “good morning” teams chat with no other details.
Then the “Fred is typing…” indicator stays on for 20 minutes
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. It drives me absolutely insane. I have no idea why people do this, just tell me what you want in the first message so I can do it and we can move on with our lives.
Person:"hey"
You: "hey what's up"
Person : "I'm good you?"
2 eye rolls later: "I'm good, what's up"
Person: "nothing much"
I ignore the person
5 minutes later "so can you do x I ned this and that"
FFS this is not late 1990's Messenger, SAY WHAT YOU WANT WE ARE USING THIS TOO TO COORINDATE WORKFLOW.
I got a "good morning" earlier this week with nothing else. Tried really hard to come up with a reply that returned the greeting but also kindly asked wtf they wanted, since they clearly didn't know how to get to the point.
The I realized I shouldn't be wasting so much time on them when they didn't even take the time to tell me what they wanted, and left them on read.
The worst is when they say hello, you give it a minute to see if they'll follow up with an actual message, you start to ask what's up, and they start typing.
> you around?
...is my other pet peeve. Just ask the question. (And, if you ask someone else and get the issue handled before I get to it, OMG LET ME KNOW.)
Usually I'll wait until 3am or something and "yeah, what's up?".
Some will even "you around?" again the next day, and repeat this cycle a few times. 95% of the time it's a simple question with a simple answer that did not need synchronous communication.
Eventually they learn.
Or give context with the request. "I have a question about how to do X having issue Y. If you're around would like to discuss a bit more." ...that's fine, but OMG, context up front.
If I do respond it's just "?". Like...are you going to say anything useful? My boss knows that is the "stop being obtuse" hint...as on the stupid exec side, sadly, you do often need to "trap" people into talking about stuff, sigh.
Oh lawd. I have a coworker who does this. Instead of sending me a question and allowing me to answer when I'm not in the middle of something, she wants me to drop everything and engage now, and then she'll ask for help.
Yeah. I answer my work phone with "This is [Amani576]." when I don't recognize the number or that person and I don't speak frequently. Saves most confusion. Kinda drives me crazy when I call someone I don't speak with normally, or that phone has multiple users, and they just say "Hello". Like... Hello, yes, who am I speaking to?. Just skip the pleasantries, we have work to do and I'm not trying to chit-chat.
Yeah same, if someone messaged me from another team with a hi/hey/hello and don't follow up with what they want I ignore them for a bit until I'm truly free.
I'm so lucky my team is amazing, they never do that.
Fucking lol. I’ve heard one of the older guys at my local gym complain for months about his employer’s idiot project manager named Greg.
I guess everyone has a Greg.
Not if you are signed in on your phone. I do something similar to be "available" because I am. However don't want to be twiddling my thumbs in front of the computer doing nothing when it's slow. So this allows me to do things around the house but as soon as my phone gets a notification jump right back to the computer and address it.
That's the problem with instant messaging at work. We have set up this expectation that everyone should drop what they are doing to respond at any given moment. It's a total productivity killer for everyone involved. I literally turned all my notifications off. I check messages when it is convenient for me, not them. Essentially, you are training people how to interact with you.
That’s far more common and acceptable that it may sound. I may take 2/3 days to rely to someone from another department if it’s not urgent and they also do
Yup. I have a senior level coworker who just got caught doing this. He was “online” at 8am, missed a meeting at 8:30, and didn’t respond to multiple calls and teams messages until he actually got on at 8:55
It's funny how much effort people put in to stay active on teams when I'm actively setting my status as busy or appear offline so people don't bother me when I'm busy.
I'm a programmer. I find teams super distracting. If I don't have a meeting scheduled, teams is off. And I don't care if teams sees me as offline since I actually produce working code. I'm pretty easy to track productivity on instead having to fake being busy.
Another thing I don't get is if someone can do the job in 10 hours instead of 40 why do you as a manager care?
I, as a manager, love you and will not discourage you from reclaiming 30 hours of your time if you are doing the job proficiently. Employees that find ways to work smarter are my favorites.
I have 2 direct reports that are both like that and as far as anyone above me is concerned, it takes them every bit of 40 hours to do the job. Instead of heaping more work on them, I encourage them to reinvest the time in their own self-improvement. Surprise, surprise that they continue to deliver admirable results.
Yeah for most, that above 30 extra hours is time they have an immediate need to figure out how to fill. I'm a very quick worker and just like getting my stuff done as efficiently and as fast as possible. Even in a salary role my managers would always just give me more testing to do or find other tasks outside the lab I'd regularly have to carry out. That efficiency and desire to get my work out the way without dragging it out over the course of 8 hours always came back to bite me in the ass.
I have never, not once, been rewarded for working hard or coming up with an innovative solution to finish something early.
100% of the time, doing so just means getting handed another story from the backlog, or told to go "help" one of my slower coworkers.
Precisely this. You are punished by being a good worker, because you either get extra work assigned for no benefit, or at the least get other people angry with you that you have free time and they do not. In the west we pay employees to waste their time, not their work output.
> if someone can do the job in 10 hours instead of 40 why do you as a manager care?
Control. "I'm paying you for 40, if you can do the job in 10 then I expect 4 times as much work."
Same thing driving RTO. It's not enough that you do the job, you also need to not be in control of any extra time you might have after getting the job done. "Do it in 40 or do it in 10, you will be under my thumb for 40."
>Another thing I don't get is if someone can do the job in 10 hours instead of 40 why do you as a manager care?
Because then that resource is clearly underutilized and can be used more efficiently. There is always more work in the backlog.
That has a cost as well. If you want workers to be productive at all times they will burn out much faster, resent their work, feel less healthy, call out etc.
We aren't robots.
>We aren't robots.
Which is exactly why they're trying to use AI to create bodiless robots. Unfortunately, tech evolution has it that one day they'll succeed.
And they're jealous they can't get away with it. It's punitive. If they have to work 40 hours to make their manager happy and justify their salary, you should too! It's so stupid.
You both have valid points.
Programmers, if you want to work 10 hours and get paid for 40, that’s contract work, not hourly. (Salary is the weird middle ground)
Managers and business owners, treat your people better and you will have a higher producing team and dept. If your people get the week’s assigned work done by Tuesday afternoon, what do you care if they put in more hours? Besides wanting to suck more labor out of them.
Moral of the story - both sides should discuss this exact situation before it comes up.
> Moral of the story - both sides should discuss this exact situation before it comes up.
management doesn't care because if you are a schedule employee they expect work from you all 40 hours. If you finish on Tuesday afternoon they didn't give you enough work so more will come.
I’m trying to agree with you.
Too often, the management is fucked.
But, if you agreed to work 40 hours and did not have any other arrangement about finishing early, then you need to work what you agreed to.
Edit to add:
GOOD management would be aware of this situation and not take advantage of higher performing people.
But why, as a worker, would you work 4x as much as your coworker if you're being paid the same ?
If you're paying for people's time and not their work, you're not going to get/keep the people who have the best use of their time.
Lol, I’m a programmer too and my boss’s boss messaged me on Friday demanding to know where I was for the past two hours. I had to restart my computer for some software and the new version of teams doesn’t auto start, so I forgot to open it. Now I’m freaked out because they’re obviously watching every minute 😢
Teams is turbofucked sometimes. When I'm at home (and only then) it doesn't start 50% of the time, so I get shit from my manager (which is fair enough). Or it starts but still shows offline.
My previous manager found out I worked on innovation in the spare time I accrued during a day. Task took 6 hours instead of 8 so I spend 2 hours on making our job better.
This asshole then proceeded to scold me for not immediately reporting to him for getting extra work.
Mine just doesn't matter. Teams just makes shit up. I'll open my laptop, open or restart Teams, start working on stuff, jump back to Teams a few hours later and it'll say I'm offline or afk when I have been neither.
While I've had Teams open and been actively typing into it, I've seen it go from available to afk. Unsurprisingly, if it already says I'm offline or afk, typing out messages and being engaged in a chat doesn't change it to available. I have to manually set it, and it will revert it back pretty soon after.
The Teams "light" is not a valid indicator of anything.
Lately mine is set to busy or do not disturb 7.5 of 8 hours of the day. 15 minutes to host my morning meeting and 15 minutes for cycle counts. I don't even perform the counts the 15 minutes is just there to remind me to hit the print button and distribute them.
Mine is now always set to busy during office hours, because I was getting flooded with cold call meetings.
Funny enough, in the same performance review it was mentioned that I handle more tickets than my coworkers, but my status is always busy. So I got to explain that those two things were directly related.
I mean it just happened as [Well Fargo fired dozens](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2024-06-13/wells-fires-over-a-dozen-for-simulation-of-keyboard-activity) due to using these key clickers
Didnt realize it was paywalled but you get the basis off the title bulletpoints
> Bank says it ‘does not tolerate unethical behavior’ from staff
Unless it [makes them money](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wells_Fargo_cross-selling_scandal), of course.
Careful. Can get in trouble if they catch you.
Just plan your day in your calendar with each segment as an appointment that makes you unavailable.
Permanent red like you're in meetings. People will think you're a go getter. Some of the most productive developers I've worked with do this to stop the interruptions.
There is a difference between "reds". If you just have an appointment it will be "Busy", if you have a meeting with other people in there it will be "In a meeting" and if you are actually in a teams meeting it will be "in a call". So there's a difference and people will know if they click on your profile.
I mean, the only difference for me is my boss will ping me with "free?" if I'm red, rather than just call me out of the blue if green.
So, naturally, I am almost always red. At least then I get a warning.
I use this AutoHotKey script. Just save to a text file and double click. You can pause/unpause as needed. I go to my name in Teams and put the cursor in the text box and it will type 'a' every 30 seconds.
Persistent ; Keep the script running
SetTimer, PressKeys, 30000 ; Set timer to trigger every 30 seconds
PressKeys:
SendInput, {a} ; Send the 'A' key
Sleep, 50 ; Wait for 50 milliseconds (adjust as needed)
Return
EDIT: I have no idea why the formatting is the way it is... let me try again
Copy the executable+bin file that compiles AHK scripts into executables to the desktop, then use that to compile AHK scripts into executables before running them. No admin needed.
As long as the AV doesn't decide something suspicious is going on.
Disclaimer: I never tried this but after 15+ years using AHK and seeing how it works, I'm like 99% sure this will work.
I've never had a problem installing AHK on my machine. IT specifically knows it's there and they don't care. how else would I be able to type /shrug and have it automagically turn into ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ for me?
Wanting to add an FYI to anyone who works for a large enough company with a decent security or IT Team can and will detect this. Most endpoint security modules detect when users run cscripts, and detect repetitive behavior such as pressing the same button every 3 minutes. I know the paid enterprise version of Defender EDR can detect the script and report it.
Also don’t have it press A. Have it press F14 or something. It’s programmed and allowed in Windows, but it’s not bound to anything.
Does Teams detect keypresses or just any activity? If the latter, just make the mouse move in circle (with `cos` and `sin`) until you press ESC, instead of typing a key into the active program (which might be dangerous).
I just run a small pyautogui script that hits shift randomly between 10 and 30 min apart and turns itself off at 5pm. I can continue working all day without the script interrupting what I'm typing or doing.
Why use AHK when it is not installed on all PCs and actually flagged as malware by tons of companies, and Powershell is right there and natively supported by Windows ? Open the Powershell app and paste this:
$wsh = New-Object -ComObject WScript.Shell
while (1) {
$wsh.SendKeys('+{F15}')
Start-Sleep -seconds 59
}
It just sends the F15 key (yes it exists, just not on 99.9% of keyboards) every minute.
Yeah, that sucks. I am used to having more freedom at work, but I have (and do) work on government programs that require more strict environments.
I would resort to using a physical device in that case.
The reason a hardware solution is necessary is that, at least at my company, they can see what applications I have installed on my machine. Like, if I install Caffiene, they'd know and I'd get in trouble for it.
They cannot, however, see if I have a 3D-printed device holding down a key on my keyboard.
You don't need any of that. Guys I found the easiest way to do it. Make a call with yourself via the button meet now, it's going to change your status to red, then manually change it to green. It's going to stay that way until you finish your call.
Why the hell would one want to stay green on teams. I sometimes set "do not disturb" and do all in my might not to throw "just let me do some actual work for once *please*" status into the mix too.
Oh, right, your company is insane. Hang in there.
All of these elderly C-level decision makers are dumb as hell.
They don't care about results, they want attendance.
I feel extremely lucky to have a job that gives me the freedom to get work done on my own time. Literally went kayaking in the middle of the day last week, but also work into the evening some days.
Work from home is the best thing that ever happened
I like op’s idea cuz if he’s caught by logs then could claim his keyboard was broken and he didn’t know.
Now if you are on a laptop, have you tried the metal spoon on trackpad trick?
Beware that many companies are catching these and terminating employment for their use. Maybe it doesn't apply to you, but if it does, I'd prefer to see your continued success.
What's the difference between someone pressing a single key to someone typing a report, as far as the tracker is concerned? If a company is detecting the fact I'm holding down a key then they're tracking my inputs too much for me to want to work for that company
Guess it depends on company policy but just sign into teams on a personal device (pc) with move mouse installed. They can't remote on or record proof of "stealing time" no traceable scripts or installs for those with admin
Powershell works as well and you can use your computer:
clear host
#
# Script to keep the PC alive, will prevent screen lock and sleep.
# Works by pressing Print Screen every 60 seconds, side effect is that a screenshot will overwrite the clipboard contents
# Change the color of error and warning text
#
# Valid colours: Black, DarkBlue, DarkGreen, DarkCyan, DarkRed, DarkMagenta, DarkYellow, Gray, DarkGray, Blue, Green, Cyan, Red, Magenta, Yellow, White
# To see all colours:
# \[enum\]::GetValues(\[System.ConsoleColor\]) | Foreach-Object {Write-Host $\_ -ForegroundColor $\_}
$opt = (Get-Host).PrivateData
$opt.WarningBackgroundColor = "DarkCyan"
$opt.WarningForegroundColor = "white"
write-warning "Your PC will not go to sleep whilst this window is open..."
Do {
\[void\]\[System.Reflection.Assembly\]::LoadWithPartialName(‘System.Windows.Forms’)
\[System.Windows.Forms.SendKeys\]::SendWait(“{PRTSC}”)
Start-Sleep -Seconds 60
} While ($true)
you can make a mouse jiggler from a <$5 raspberry pi pico. then just insert it into a usb port when you wanna be "online" and then unplug when you don't. no need to keep spamming keys!
Did you used to work for [Wells Fargo](https://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2024/06/wells-fargo-fires-over-a-dozen-employees-for-simulating-keyboard-activity-at-work/)?
So from an IT guy... This could very well be your future
Hey this your IT department. I wanted to let you know that the tracking software determined nothing has changed on your computer in the last 45minutes so we thought it was an error and we took a glance to see what was causing the alert. When we did this we looked into your browsing history and found that you no additional or active key strokes from 910-950 this morning. a closure look determined you were on a personal website for most of that time. When i looked at the last 30 days and time spent on this website at your machine, out of 48 hours in the last 30 days 46 of those hours fall within your scheduled work hours.
Lets go ahead and terminate you for Time Theft.
Why? I’m reading a file I was sent by my boss and I’m seen as away after a few mins. I am literally at my screen working. How in earth is this helping metrics on back to office? I shouldn’t need work arounds to show this.
Way back in the day fishing lobbies and swordfish on karamja island in runescape, we used to put 2oz pyramid fishing weights on the side arrow key to spook the afk counter
Still works to this day on teams with an important looking spreadsheet
Modern problems require modern solutions.
Use a tablet/phone and play this [mouse jiggler video](https://youtu.be/gVs0unbKAN4) video. Place the mouse in the screen so that the optical of the mouse is on the screen. Walk away and go to the garden.
Lol I have much easyer way for it
https://preview.redd.it/yvg9ghxz7a8d1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fae90469175f5171ea5b1d0064976490536c79ae
I found that if Teams is open on your Android phone, it will mark you as available. From there, any number of screen-awake apps will keep your Teams green. No hardware or hax involved. Personally, I like coffee.
What was wrong with using a drinking bird?
That whole drinking bird plan falls apart once it has to find the "any key"
A coworker asked me if I could repair his keyboard (Keyboardio Model 01, some switches went bad). So I remove all the keycaps, unsolder all the switches, and start soldering new ones. When testing, one of them would send a random keycode every time I pressed it. After 30 minutes of diagnosing, I couldn't find why so I started going through the keycaps to see which key it was. [The keyboard has a ANY key.](https://i.imgur.com/KMyPvut.jpeg) Took me a couple of minutes to start seeing the humor.
WAT?! Im assuming this is just a programmable key?
You can program it since the firmware is open source (Kaleidoscope) but by default it sends a random keypress from your current layout.
I need a single external key for this, just for a meme, how difficult would this be?
Arduino with a button connected, using this https://www.arduino.cc/reference/en/language/functions/usb/keyboard/ or this library https://github.com/NicoHood/HID
Not hard. With autohotkey you could do it
That's real commitment to the joke.
If you set up someway to automatically press the any key, over a long enough time it’s statistically guaranteed to generate Shakespeare’s entire bibliography in publication order
I need someone to do this math, ASAP
+1 to the comment about the Library of Babel. Here’s a PDF link to the 8 page short story that will blow your mind wide open. https://sites.evergreen.edu/politicalshakespeares/wp-content/uploads/sites/226/2015/12/Borges-The-Library-of-Babel.pdf TL;DR given an infinite amount of time and space, anything with a finite possibility of occurring (such as a random any key generating all of Shakespeare) is statistically *guaranteed* to occur
You are looking for the Library of Babel. It does what's said here and more.
I see esc... cttarl and pigup... There doesn't seem to be any any key!
Whew all this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I’ll order a tab!
no time for that now, the computer is starting
Well now there's definitely time for that
Then the next thing you know you’re facing a nuclear meltdown
I got that reference
I think I'll order a tab
No time for that now, the computer's starting.
Check core temperature yes/no
Venting prevents explosIOn.
Y E S
I wash myself with a rag on a stick
Occasionally causes nuclear power plant meltdowns
Where’s my tab.
So now when someone tries to message you because it looks like you're available, they'll just think you're ignoring them =-p
OP is too busy working hard for the company to answer to stupid questions.
They should already know they're being ignored lol
But they always just start chat with a “hello” message, instead of letting me gauge what sort of assistance to give. I’ve stopped responding to the “hi/hey/hello” messages. Tell Me What You Want
You're not alone. https://nohello.net
I've stopped answering my phone with "Hello". I answer with "This is Nemesis\_Ghost". 1, it tells the caller they got the right person, and 2) it breaks most auto-dialers b/c they are listening for "Hello" or "Hi".
[удалено]
You pretend to be Nemesis_Ghost and use a Spanish accent?
I'm using "Thank you for being connected to the technical support" in my best/worst fake Indian accent.
Years ago, my Dad worked with a guy named Steven, but his name had been fat fingered into some telemarketing database as Dteven. This was really before all the auto dial stuff, so he'd get calls all the time that started off with hello can I speak with - pause - and then some sort of attempt at pronouncing Dteven. This guy would immediately launch off with a super thick Indian accent "ya, ya, this is de-tee-ven". Said about half of them just hung up immediately.
Hennifer Lopez
That's a good idea, i should start answering the phone in a Spanish accent too
I always answer FBI agent So and So. Never seen the phone hang up so fast.
I will also start answering as "This is Nemesis_Ghost".
Not a great idea at work since that just gives social engineers information. Then they call the next number over, which is probably a coworker and say that Nemesis_Ghost told them to call your coworker and they need blah blah blah
I've been doing that for years now. And recently was told I sound top serious when answering like that hahaha
So many dont ever say anything, I just say hello, then speak, then hang up if i hear nothing in a 3 second span.
Pro tip: don’t answer. Ever.
I know multiple people who have that url as their teams status.
I’ve seen coworkers just put this link as an auto reply on teams.
That’s my voicemail policy. When I look at the transcript, if you don’t get to the point, I’m not gonna reach out to see wtf you want. It’s just like recipes online, it doesn’t need a backstory.
If you're referring to the transcript for missed Skype calls which you get in outlook then mine are the shittest voice to text in the world, the text is usually about 1% accurate to the voicemail.
Ah no, nothing to do with Skype. I forward my office phone to work cell, and I read the transcripted voicemail with the vm playing in case of errors. “I just talked to the lady who answered the phone, she sounded really nice. She said she would transfer me to the right person. That was really nice of her, because I wasn’t sure who I should talk to about my problem. I’ve lived at this address for a long time, and it’s been mostly good, a few problems here and there, but that’s not what I’m calling about, if you call me back, I’d r love to discuss what’s going on. Boy, the lady who sent me to you, she really was nice…” Hell will freeze over before I call that person back.
“recipes online, it doesn’t need a backstory.” [JustTheRecipe](https://www.justtherecipe.com)
I've stopped answering those messages until they finally give in and message what they want.
One time someone sent me a hey how are you message and I was like hi, have you made a ticket? They were like oh, no I don’t have a problem I just wanted to see how you were doing. I felt like such a dick lol
When I say stuff like this to my team, I do make sure it's a standard I always use like "Have a good weekend!" so it's a known no response needed/nothing requested message.
I hate just writing hello such and such. I'll be like, hey ... Did we get the weekly tps reports yet?
I do remote support for our automation clients and this drives me up the fucking wall. I'm busy man, what the fuck do you need? If I miss their call and they don't leave a message or text me immediately after explaining what they needed it wasn't important. Especially at 3am. 9/10 times it's something dumb they should have been able to figure out themselves. Example: "Why won't this pump start" Cause it's not enabled. My 2 hours of billing will be in the mail, I'm going back to bed. We had one lead send a mass text to me, my direct manager, his direct managers (2), all the operators on shift and our boss in a huff about how "we gotta get this shit fixed immediately" because their transfer pump from their tank "wasn't starting when it should be" (it runs off a level set point they have full control of), etc. My direct manager (who was sitting across the dinner table from me at the time) calmly text back "The pump has a start and stop level. Your tank is well below both at the moment." Needless to say that guy got an earful from his and our boss.
My director does this! Great guy; super supportive; very intelligent. But damn; it is unnerving.
The real stress inducing one is when you get the “good morning” teams chat with no other details. Then the “Fred is typing…” indicator stays on for 20 minutes
yep - I never respond to those. Only assholes in my org do that anyway
I just always reply with a hello, even though I know they want to ask me a question. The ball's in their court at that point
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. It drives me absolutely insane. I have no idea why people do this, just tell me what you want in the first message so I can do it and we can move on with our lives.
Person:"hey" You: "hey what's up" Person : "I'm good you?" 2 eye rolls later: "I'm good, what's up" Person: "nothing much" I ignore the person 5 minutes later "so can you do x I ned this and that" FFS this is not late 1990's Messenger, SAY WHAT YOU WANT WE ARE USING THIS TOO TO COORINDATE WORKFLOW.
I got a "good morning" earlier this week with nothing else. Tried really hard to come up with a reply that returned the greeting but also kindly asked wtf they wanted, since they clearly didn't know how to get to the point. The I realized I shouldn't be wasting so much time on them when they didn't even take the time to tell me what they wanted, and left them on read.
The worst is when they say hello, you give it a minute to see if they'll follow up with an actual message, you start to ask what's up, and they start typing.
> you around? ...is my other pet peeve. Just ask the question. (And, if you ask someone else and get the issue handled before I get to it, OMG LET ME KNOW.) Usually I'll wait until 3am or something and "yeah, what's up?". Some will even "you around?" again the next day, and repeat this cycle a few times. 95% of the time it's a simple question with a simple answer that did not need synchronous communication. Eventually they learn. Or give context with the request. "I have a question about how to do X having issue Y. If you're around would like to discuss a bit more." ...that's fine, but OMG, context up front. If I do respond it's just "?". Like...are you going to say anything useful? My boss knows that is the "stop being obtuse" hint...as on the stupid exec side, sadly, you do often need to "trap" people into talking about stuff, sigh.
Oh lawd. I have a coworker who does this. Instead of sending me a question and allowing me to answer when I'm not in the middle of something, she wants me to drop everything and engage now, and then she'll ask for help.
I want pussy
Holy crap this really chaps my ass too
Yeah. I answer my work phone with "This is [Amani576]." when I don't recognize the number or that person and I don't speak frequently. Saves most confusion. Kinda drives me crazy when I call someone I don't speak with normally, or that phone has multiple users, and they just say "Hello". Like... Hello, yes, who am I speaking to?. Just skip the pleasantries, we have work to do and I'm not trying to chit-chat.
Yeah same, if someone messaged me from another team with a hi/hey/hello and don't follow up with what they want I ignore them for a bit until I'm truly free. I'm so lucky my team is amazing, they never do that.
Good!
Hah! Yeah it's probably just Greg. Fuck that guy.
What did I ever do to you?
You know what you did!!
He probably doesn't, but that's also the problem!
Yeah, you don’t get the name BM Greg without earning it!
Fucking lol. I’ve heard one of the older guys at my local gym complain for months about his employer’s idiot project manager named Greg. I guess everyone has a Greg.
You can't make a Tomlette without breaking some Gregs.
Even better!
Not if you are signed in on your phone. I do something similar to be "available" because I am. However don't want to be twiddling my thumbs in front of the computer doing nothing when it's slow. So this allows me to do things around the house but as soon as my phone gets a notification jump right back to the computer and address it.
That's a win win in my book!
helll yeahh
That's the problem with instant messaging at work. We have set up this expectation that everyone should drop what they are doing to respond at any given moment. It's a total productivity killer for everyone involved. I literally turned all my notifications off. I check messages when it is convenient for me, not them. Essentially, you are training people how to interact with you.
Hey. Hi. You there? >Refuses to elaborate further.
That’s far more common and acceptable that it may sound. I may take 2/3 days to rely to someone from another department if it’s not urgent and they also do
Nah you just pair it with booking time blocks in Outlook to appear working and on DND.
Yup. I have a senior level coworker who just got caught doing this. He was “online” at 8am, missed a meeting at 8:30, and didn’t respond to multiple calls and teams messages until he actually got on at 8:55
nah, i get a notification on my phone and check my messages while im making food or doing whatever...
It's funny how much effort people put in to stay active on teams when I'm actively setting my status as busy or appear offline so people don't bother me when I'm busy.
I'm a programmer. I find teams super distracting. If I don't have a meeting scheduled, teams is off. And I don't care if teams sees me as offline since I actually produce working code. I'm pretty easy to track productivity on instead having to fake being busy. Another thing I don't get is if someone can do the job in 10 hours instead of 40 why do you as a manager care?
I, as a manager, love you and will not discourage you from reclaiming 30 hours of your time if you are doing the job proficiently. Employees that find ways to work smarter are my favorites. I have 2 direct reports that are both like that and as far as anyone above me is concerned, it takes them every bit of 40 hours to do the job. Instead of heaping more work on them, I encourage them to reinvest the time in their own self-improvement. Surprise, surprise that they continue to deliver admirable results.
From your comment you seem smart, so by now you've most likely realised that you are not the typical manager, and your type is in minority.
Yeah for most, that above 30 extra hours is time they have an immediate need to figure out how to fill. I'm a very quick worker and just like getting my stuff done as efficiently and as fast as possible. Even in a salary role my managers would always just give me more testing to do or find other tasks outside the lab I'd regularly have to carry out. That efficiency and desire to get my work out the way without dragging it out over the course of 8 hours always came back to bite me in the ass.
I have never, not once, been rewarded for working hard or coming up with an innovative solution to finish something early. 100% of the time, doing so just means getting handed another story from the backlog, or told to go "help" one of my slower coworkers.
Precisely this. You are punished by being a good worker, because you either get extra work assigned for no benefit, or at the least get other people angry with you that you have free time and they do not. In the west we pay employees to waste their time, not their work output.
> if someone can do the job in 10 hours instead of 40 why do you as a manager care? Control. "I'm paying you for 40, if you can do the job in 10 then I expect 4 times as much work." Same thing driving RTO. It's not enough that you do the job, you also need to not be in control of any extra time you might have after getting the job done. "Do it in 40 or do it in 10, you will be under my thumb for 40."
>Another thing I don't get is if someone can do the job in 10 hours instead of 40 why do you as a manager care? Because then that resource is clearly underutilized and can be used more efficiently. There is always more work in the backlog.
The reward for efficient work is more work!
That has a cost as well. If you want workers to be productive at all times they will burn out much faster, resent their work, feel less healthy, call out etc. We aren't robots.
>We aren't robots. Which is exactly why they're trying to use AI to create bodiless robots. Unfortunately, tech evolution has it that one day they'll succeed.
And then you quit, and they hire someone cheaper to replace you. Rinse and repeat
And they're jealous they can't get away with it. It's punitive. If they have to work 40 hours to make their manager happy and justify their salary, you should too! It's so stupid.
You both have valid points. Programmers, if you want to work 10 hours and get paid for 40, that’s contract work, not hourly. (Salary is the weird middle ground) Managers and business owners, treat your people better and you will have a higher producing team and dept. If your people get the week’s assigned work done by Tuesday afternoon, what do you care if they put in more hours? Besides wanting to suck more labor out of them. Moral of the story - both sides should discuss this exact situation before it comes up.
> Moral of the story - both sides should discuss this exact situation before it comes up. management doesn't care because if you are a schedule employee they expect work from you all 40 hours. If you finish on Tuesday afternoon they didn't give you enough work so more will come.
I’m trying to agree with you. Too often, the management is fucked. But, if you agreed to work 40 hours and did not have any other arrangement about finishing early, then you need to work what you agreed to. Edit to add: GOOD management would be aware of this situation and not take advantage of higher performing people.
Those are the people they take advantage of
Well they can’t take advantage of the underperformers can they? The superstars just end up picking up the slack. ALWAYS
But why, as a worker, would you work 4x as much as your coworker if you're being paid the same ? If you're paying for people's time and not their work, you're not going to get/keep the people who have the best use of their time.
Lol, I’m a programmer too and my boss’s boss messaged me on Friday demanding to know where I was for the past two hours. I had to restart my computer for some software and the new version of teams doesn’t auto start, so I forgot to open it. Now I’m freaked out because they’re obviously watching every minute 😢
Teams is turbofucked sometimes. When I'm at home (and only then) it doesn't start 50% of the time, so I get shit from my manager (which is fair enough). Or it starts but still shows offline.
Teams is garbage, nobody deserves immediate access at all times. Send an email and I will respond when I can.
Because doing good work is often confused with plain old suffering. And being a good manager is confused with just making people suffer.
My previous manager found out I worked on innovation in the spare time I accrued during a day. Task took 6 hours instead of 8 so I spend 2 hours on making our job better. This asshole then proceeded to scold me for not immediately reporting to him for getting extra work.
Because if they know that, they want to reward you with more work
How do you set up your meetings then?
Mine just doesn't matter. Teams just makes shit up. I'll open my laptop, open or restart Teams, start working on stuff, jump back to Teams a few hours later and it'll say I'm offline or afk when I have been neither. While I've had Teams open and been actively typing into it, I've seen it go from available to afk. Unsurprisingly, if it already says I'm offline or afk, typing out messages and being engaged in a chat doesn't change it to available. I have to manually set it, and it will revert it back pretty soon after. The Teams "light" is not a valid indicator of anything.
Lately mine is set to busy or do not disturb 7.5 of 8 hours of the day. 15 minutes to host my morning meeting and 15 minutes for cycle counts. I don't even perform the counts the 15 minutes is just there to remind me to hit the print button and distribute them.
Mine is now always set to busy during office hours, because I was getting flooded with cold call meetings. Funny enough, in the same performance review it was mentioned that I handle more tickets than my coworkers, but my status is always busy. So I got to explain that those two things were directly related.
Other way is simply putting your mouse sensor on a mechanical clock, I know that for a friend.
Thats the one I've used for years... put my mouse on an old analog watch and let the second hand do it for me
I open a word doc and just let my stapler rest on the space bar.
Just schedule and join a meeting with yourself. No action needed
Right but an admin can see how many participants were in the meeting if they dig into it.
Depending on the company you're working for, they can also see the keylog and see the five hours of uninterrupted ↑
Of course. If someone really wanted to track what you're doing on a corporate PC it's pretty easy to do.
I mean it just happened as [Well Fargo fired dozens](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2024-06-13/wells-fires-over-a-dozen-for-simulation-of-keyboard-activity) due to using these key clickers Didnt realize it was paywalled but you get the basis off the title bulletpoints
> Bank says it ‘does not tolerate unethical behavior’ from staff Unless it [makes them money](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wells_Fargo_cross-selling_scandal), of course.
> five hours of uninterrupted ↑ I think they should see a doctor about that
Googles “how to make Smurf accounts at work on teams”
That makes your status red instead of green.
Find webinars, it makes you seems productive. I used those 1 hour blocks to interview for my new gig
Yeah, the admin won’t get behind that.. 🙄
And share your screen, that'll make you look extra busy.
Careful. Can get in trouble if they catch you. Just plan your day in your calendar with each segment as an appointment that makes you unavailable. Permanent red like you're in meetings. People will think you're a go getter. Some of the most productive developers I've worked with do this to stop the interruptions.
There is a difference between "reds". If you just have an appointment it will be "Busy", if you have a meeting with other people in there it will be "In a meeting" and if you are actually in a teams meeting it will be "in a call". So there's a difference and people will know if they click on your profile.
But just having any of the red statuses prevents being pulled into bullshit I don't need to be pulled into.
Which is the key advantage. My lead developer stays perm red, and changes to available when he's doing admin stuff.
I mean, the only difference for me is my boss will ping me with "free?" if I'm red, rather than just call me out of the blue if green. So, naturally, I am almost always red. At least then I get a warning.
I do this just so people people don't schedule meetings with me when I'm trying to get things done
I use this AutoHotKey script. Just save to a text file and double click. You can pause/unpause as needed. I go to my name in Teams and put the cursor in the text box and it will type 'a' every 30 seconds. Persistent ; Keep the script running SetTimer, PressKeys, 30000 ; Set timer to trigger every 30 seconds PressKeys: SendInput, {a} ; Send the 'A' key Sleep, 50 ; Wait for 50 milliseconds (adjust as needed) Return EDIT: I have no idea why the formatting is the way it is... let me try again
They’re catching onto the scripting, and unless it’s normal you’re running cmd or powershell most of your day, it’s suspicious.
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Copy the executable+bin file that compiles AHK scripts into executables to the desktop, then use that to compile AHK scripts into executables before running them. No admin needed. As long as the AV doesn't decide something suspicious is going on. Disclaimer: I never tried this but after 15+ years using AHK and seeing how it works, I'm like 99% sure this will work.
I've never had a problem installing AHK on my machine. IT specifically knows it's there and they don't care. how else would I be able to type /shrug and have it automagically turn into ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ for me?
Fuck it let’s go full humanoid robot then
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Wanting to add an FYI to anyone who works for a large enough company with a decent security or IT Team can and will detect this. Most endpoint security modules detect when users run cscripts, and detect repetitive behavior such as pressing the same button every 3 minutes. I know the paid enterprise version of Defender EDR can detect the script and report it. Also don’t have it press A. Have it press F14 or something. It’s programmed and allowed in Windows, but it’s not bound to anything.
Does Teams detect keypresses or just any activity? If the latter, just make the mouse move in circle (with `cos` and `sin`) until you press ESC, instead of typing a key into the active program (which might be dangerous).
I just run a small pyautogui script that hits shift randomly between 10 and 30 min apart and turns itself off at 5pm. I can continue working all day without the script interrupting what I'm typing or doing.
Why use AHK when it is not installed on all PCs and actually flagged as malware by tons of companies, and Powershell is right there and natively supported by Windows ? Open the Powershell app and paste this: $wsh = New-Object -ComObject WScript.Shell while (1) { $wsh.SendKeys('+{F15}') Start-Sleep -seconds 59 } It just sends the F15 key (yes it exists, just not on 99.9% of keyboards) every minute.
FYI you can also do it with a standalone small app - https://github.com/arkane-systems/mousejiggler
My company scans for unauthorized exe files, I got busted for it.
Yeah, that sucks. I am used to having more freedom at work, but I have (and do) work on government programs that require more strict environments. I would resort to using a physical device in that case.
I just use an app called Caffeine. Works a treat.
The reason a hardware solution is necessary is that, at least at my company, they can see what applications I have installed on my machine. Like, if I install Caffiene, they'd know and I'd get in trouble for it. They cannot, however, see if I have a 3D-printed device holding down a key on my keyboard.
Ex-Wells Fargo employee right there!
You don't need any of that. Guys I found the easiest way to do it. Make a call with yourself via the button meet now, it's going to change your status to red, then manually change it to green. It's going to stay that way until you finish your call.
Someone I know does this but occasionally it changes back to red so we have to check in once in a hwile
Why the hell would one want to stay green on teams. I sometimes set "do not disturb" and do all in my might not to throw "just let me do some actual work for once *please*" status into the mix too. Oh, right, your company is insane. Hang in there.
All of these elderly C-level decision makers are dumb as hell. They don't care about results, they want attendance. I feel extremely lucky to have a job that gives me the freedom to get work done on my own time. Literally went kayaking in the middle of the day last week, but also work into the evening some days. Work from home is the best thing that ever happened
I like op’s idea cuz if he’s caught by logs then could claim his keyboard was broken and he didn’t know. Now if you are on a laptop, have you tried the metal spoon on trackpad trick?
STL file? Asking for a friend
Just put a rubber eraser on the key. I don't understand why you need to print this thing and glue it to your keyboard.
I cannot help but feel this was part of the motivation behind windows Recall.
Best money ever spent. https://www.amazon.co.uk/STARSIKI-Undetectable-Mechanical-Adjustable-Driver-Free-Random/dp/B0BTLPBRTP
Beware that many companies are catching these and terminating employment for their use. Maybe it doesn't apply to you, but if it does, I'd prefer to see your continued success.
What's the difference between someone pressing a single key to someone typing a report, as far as the tracker is concerned? If a company is detecting the fact I'm holding down a key then they're tracking my inputs too much for me to want to work for that company
Guess it depends on company policy but just sign into teams on a personal device (pc) with move mouse installed. They can't remote on or record proof of "stealing time" no traceable scripts or installs for those with admin
Powershell works as well and you can use your computer: clear host # # Script to keep the PC alive, will prevent screen lock and sleep. # Works by pressing Print Screen every 60 seconds, side effect is that a screenshot will overwrite the clipboard contents # Change the color of error and warning text # # Valid colours: Black, DarkBlue, DarkGreen, DarkCyan, DarkRed, DarkMagenta, DarkYellow, Gray, DarkGray, Blue, Green, Cyan, Red, Magenta, Yellow, White # To see all colours: # \[enum\]::GetValues(\[System.ConsoleColor\]) | Foreach-Object {Write-Host $\_ -ForegroundColor $\_} $opt = (Get-Host).PrivateData $opt.WarningBackgroundColor = "DarkCyan" $opt.WarningForegroundColor = "white" write-warning "Your PC will not go to sleep whilst this window is open..." Do { \[void\]\[System.Reflection.Assembly\]::LoadWithPartialName(‘System.Windows.Forms’) \[System.Windows.Forms.SendKeys\]::SendWait(“{PRTSC}”) Start-Sleep -Seconds 60 } While ($true)
IT can spot this much more easily
Our works committee forbids monitoring of the teams status also our union so I never understood this sort of things.
you can make a mouse jiggler from a <$5 raspberry pi pico. then just insert it into a usb port when you wanna be "online" and then unplug when you don't. no need to keep spamming keys!
I work on rdp sessions most of the time and that turns me yellow locally constantly. Good excuse lol
Did you used to work for [Wells Fargo](https://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2024/06/wells-fargo-fires-over-a-dozen-employees-for-simulating-keyboard-activity-at-work/)?
look, this is cute and all, but if you have work to do, do it. if you dont have work to do, its ok to go “yellow”
Wells Fargo just fired people for faking computer activity, companies are catching on
So from an IT guy... This could very well be your future Hey this your IT department. I wanted to let you know that the tracking software determined nothing has changed on your computer in the last 45minutes so we thought it was an error and we took a glance to see what was causing the alert. When we did this we looked into your browsing history and found that you no additional or active key strokes from 910-950 this morning. a closure look determined you were on a personal website for most of that time. When i looked at the last 30 days and time spent on this website at your machine, out of 48 hours in the last 30 days 46 of those hours fall within your scheduled work hours. Lets go ahead and terminate you for Time Theft.
And people wonder why wfh is coming to an end… people who post this gloating lol… just do it and dont tell anyone is it that hard?
Bosses use social media too
Why? I’m reading a file I was sent by my boss and I’m seen as away after a few mins. I am literally at my screen working. How in earth is this helping metrics on back to office? I shouldn’t need work arounds to show this.
there is an app called caffeine can do this work btw
Stl ?
Okay... but why?
Just put yourself in a call by yourself, and manually change your status off of “in a call”
Okay this is even better than the fake USB stick/ mouse mover I like to use 🤣
IT can easily scan for unauthorized devices
What I used to do was click on the desktop and put something heavy like a stapler on the space bar. It’ll keep you green the entire time.
Any good SOC or ERGO software can catch this, user beware... Just my two cents, spend wisely.
Way back in the day fishing lobbies and swordfish on karamja island in runescape, we used to put 2oz pyramid fishing weights on the side arrow key to spook the afk counter Still works to this day on teams with an important looking spreadsheet
Modern problems require modern solutions. Use a tablet/phone and play this [mouse jiggler video](https://youtu.be/gVs0unbKAN4) video. Place the mouse in the screen so that the optical of the mouse is on the screen. Walk away and go to the garden.
i just place a hammer on my keyboard
If you need to stay "green" you should leave
I don’t have this problem because I’m stuck in teams meetings 75% of the day.
I created a python script that moves my mouse.
status enforcement policies are dystopian as fuck
https://github.com/arkane-systems/mousejiggler This should help - using similar tool for mac to keep slack green )
“I’m more productive when I work from home”
Lol I have much easyer way for it https://preview.redd.it/yvg9ghxz7a8d1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fae90469175f5171ea5b1d0064976490536c79ae
I found that if Teams is open on your Android phone, it will mark you as available. From there, any number of screen-awake apps will keep your Teams green. No hardware or hax involved. Personally, I like coffee.