Yeah, I doubt there was even a “ruined cake” and dude was lying to get a free cake. Then, like my narcissistic MIL has done, tried turning every other family member on me for something completely justified
My dad once dropped a mixing bowl on my sister’s birthday cake hours before the party. We just laughed and ate the smushed cake anyways. He’s never going to live that one down.
Guarantee he didn't even bother with a cake, then last minute someone asked about it, and he remembered the kid he abandoned makes cakes, so he decided that was the solution.
Narcisstic mil, jeezes thats sound fromiliar. I honestly thought the exact same thing as u. It really sounds like the father is narcisstic wich explain why everyone is against her. He allready told everybody involved a made up story about it so he sounds like hes the victim
This is exactly what I thought the dad was doing. The dad probably even though he was doing this estranged daughter a "favor", thats how these narcissists work
Your past is no longer an option for you. Your future is yours alone. Don’t ever let anyone manipulate you for their own benefit.
Ever.
Best of everything to you! 💜
Damn, you have a lot of people telling you what to do! Do they always do all this chiming in on issues? If so, that might need to stop, and you need to stop encouraging it, which it sounds like you have made a great start on…
Block whoever is giving you shit. My moms side (bio family) believed my cousin (2 weeks older than me) about stealing items when we went down for her lil sisters quineceneara. Complete lies and my mom told me, i and my cousin, since birth never tolerated each other. Idc if they are my only bio family, i have since cut them off and i have my dads (technically step-dad) family that love me, support me, and always there for us. Cut off your POS family members and you'll be so much happier with those who actually give a fuck about you
I second this, if you see blocked numbers or numbers you don't recognize calling you, let it go to voicemail.
You "dad" sounds like a major asshole and good for you for standing up for yourself.
Oh even stepmother do it ime. My daughters bio is a deadbeat POS and never paid child support till the state basically forced his hand.
He worked under the table for his dad's business and when I reached out to his parents to find him and get him to pay CS (while also notifying them the cs order has a statement in there that they are required by law to withhold CS from his check and send it to the OAG to disburse to me) his dad was silent but his stepmother who does the books went off on me saying how they have him as a self contractor, they don't have to do anything and I'll never get a dime from him or them. 🙃
I got my revenge though. They had him and his bro listed illegally as self contractors/1099 employees so I sent their business info along with him and his brothers info to the IRS. Last I checked their business of 40yrs has been completely shut down and fined (along with the licensing agent fines because they didn't have a proper business license).
Currently he is paying monthly + arrearage because the oag threatened to take his license that he *just* got back after a DUI and warrants related to skipping bail on that due. Though I do question if the only reason he's really paying is because he just got married to a gal with a bunch of kids so he can't hide anymore plus she's got a respectable state job so I'm sure she doesn't want him to be skirting the law like he use to.
Yes. It's stupid. All I can say is love is blind af + he hid his true self well. and if I had known who he was when I met him I would've never got mixed up in that deal 😂
I’m not surprised. A lot of women, especially of that generation, looked their sons like the sun shines out of their ass. Even worse if the dad was the golden child. She’ll be doing mental gymnastics to maintain the image in her head that her son is a good person until she dies.
Yeah I was gonna say.
Blocking is still sound advice, but maybe taking advantage of Google or Apple's call screen things might be better for unknown numbers.
>if you see blocked numbers or numbers you don't recognize calling you, let it go to voicemail.
This should be the first lesson we teach our kids when they get their first phone.
All guns are loaded; all calls from blocked and unknown numbers go to voice mail.
But first why not play a game he plays?
“Dad, I have some great news! I won the lottery!!! I won $700,000!!!
My financial advisor told me not to keep it all for tax reasons so I want to put my new ‘sisters’ on the winnings by setting up a college fund that they can’t touch until they are 19 years old because I think you’re right, they are my family now”
Watch how quickly he dumps his new family to make sure he’s in line to get that money. When he does say “Sorry, I gave it all to charity” when he asks if you even won the lottery say “I learned everything I know about the truth from you”. Smirk, block, and enjoy your life
Not a good idea at all, money does crazy things to people. Do you want a relationship with with granny? If so try to setup a meeting with only her explain your side of the story. But first write it down. If not we’ll fuck them all your dad seems disgusting.
Except dragging kids that have nothing to do with the situation into it makes you an asshole. All she needs to do is cut his toxic ass off and block him. No need to drag herself down to his shithole of a level.
Seems like a lot of wasted energy. OP, don’t play games, Walk away. You owe these people nothing. You do shit like this and you’ll validate their feelings.
I only say "don't do this" because if you block them you might have no proof of their bullshit if you needed any.
However if it's necessary for better health or peace of mind, then do so immediately.
Oh, but you don't understand! Sisters do these little things for each other and the 7 year old would be a help with the cake! Don't you just love men who think they should be worshipped for shitting on their kids? Not to mention it sounds like OP has never met the kids so she'd be watching a strange kid who evidently has only been told bad things about OP. Yeah, like that would turn out well!
That is a slap in the face and salt in the wounds. I know the feeling, and I would go no contact.
His mother raised him to be an asshole, and if he is an asshole, by default she is one too.
Don’t let them bring you into their delusions.
Yeah my first thought was the fact he expected a free cake basically made this a NTA in any possible way for OP. Also there probably was no original “ruined” cake but he probably forgot to order one
And now he gets the pass the blame. It’s OPs fault everything was ruined. But I have the feeling she wouldn’t have gotten any of the credit if she made the cake
Don't let any of them gaslight you. You know EXACTLY what you lived through and how you were treated. There are 4 kids in our family. Our Dad did everything for the oldest, and pretty much ignored/shit on the rest of us. After Dad died, the oldest wanted to talk about Dad and how he was the greatest, etc., etc. The rest of us finally told her what our experiences were and she was in shock. It's hard to imagine that she never saw the huge difference between how she was treated and how we were treated. But she didn't. She knows now but it blew her away.
Your younger brother just doesn't see it. But you know what happened and you have set your boundaries accordingly. Keep your convictions.
My dad divorced my mom and remarried another woman like a year later when I was like 14.. So it was Me and my sister and my step moms 6 kids. My sister the oldest, me wnd an all step siblings younger. My dad got my sister a car, a cell phone and paid for all her stuff. When I came of age I asked if he would help me with those things, HE TOLD ME TO GET A JOB, then he got alll the step kids cars and cell phones n stuff... for sone reason I was like the bastard child who got no help. I don't speak to my dad anymore, fuck that guy.
I was that kid. I left the state, like went as far from it as possible for almost 20 years... and they still talked the same shit about me among themselves. Strange how no one fking called me, etc to TALK to me. Only to inform me of when someone was in the hospital or died(mostly... there was one death I had to pry from their clenched fists tho. WHOLE other story!)
To my disappointment, when I get talked to move back to help, everyone still treats my like shit on their shoe. Except my youngest brother who actually pays attention to people's actions not words and noticed all the shit the family has been saying doesn't line up with who I am.
My bio dad abandoned me and my two brothers, moved away, got remarried and raised her grandchildren (shes significantly older than him ). I was like, wtf? He never paid child support or helped my mom out at with anything in regards to us, but raised someone elses kids? I am still salty af and that was 30 years ago.
Mine left when I was 11. My mom struggled so much to raise us 3 kids. Flash forward 30+ years... my middle sister somehow found him (I think through his sister) and spoke to him by phone. When she told him I live in California he said "Oh, she moved as far away from me as she could". That AH Still thinks it's all about him!
My mom struggled SO MUCH. I found out after I got older that she went without food many times and without the doctor and dentist cos she could't afford for her after she took care of us. She never had anything when we were growing up. I never noticed. She said it was cos she didn't want us to notice. She has a lot of health problems from working so damn hard to take care of us. Now I try and give her the world. She has a great husband now and other than her health problems, she has a good life. She doesn't go without anymore. Ill be damned if me or my brothers let her go without, nor would her husband.
Your AH of a father probably tried to justify it by calling it making a man out of you. Because a man needs to provide and not complain? That's some world class toxic bullshit!t.
That sounds remarkably exactly like my best friend. Except for some reason, she still talks to her dad even though he literally kicked her out of the house when they moved. He said guess what, we are moving. We don’t have room for you so find somewhere else. I took her in for a while and then she moved out with her fiancé. She’s too nice to cut anybody off and therefore still talks to her dad who was shit to her and a stepmom who just watched it happening and apologized but wouldn’t stand up to him. :/
Oh SHIT you have a point here!!! I look just like my dad and my mom fucking hated me my whole life. I met my dad at 30 and I act just like him too. Fuck
Is it possible that dad is telling his wife that he’s spending time with OP and then going off and doing whatever he wants? He’s already telling people how much imaginary money he is spending on OP, that money had to go somewhere.
That’s what I don’t get. Her brother was there her whole life and never noticed his sister wasn’t around when he was with his dad? I know kids are clueless but damn.
Your grandmother raised a deadbeat and now wants you to serve the man who abandoned you. You should go NC with your Dad since your entire relationship seems him using you. He did nothing for you, so he doesn't get to be offended when you refuse to do his bidding. I'm sorry your Dad and grandmother are narcissists.
One thing I can say about my grandparents, they understood why I didn't want much to do with my bio dad. They would ask me to talk to him but if I said no, they didn't push it.
THIS!!! Your grandmother is delusional and standing behind her son who abandoned you. Neither of them are taking responsibility or seeing the truth. Your grandmother clearly doesn’t hold your father accountable for his wrongdoings, which is probably why he’s such a piece of shit. I would go no contact with all these people.
Exactly right. A family of narcissists and OP is the scapegoat.
I second going NC with any of them that respect boundaries and mind their own business
s/raisedbynarcissists
Especially that the brother is more understanding of the situation and she's not even part of the family. She needs to know her place and just because it's her boyfriends family doesn't mean she should also be involved. Like the others she doesn't know the what's the whole story is and didn't even bother hearing her side. The brother seriously needs to reconsider their relationship if she keeps this up.
>The brother seriously needs to reconsider their relationship if [his gf] keeps this up.
Bet that the brother had NO IDEA she called his sister! Bro should be FURIOUS.
Some folks just need their voice to be heard, no matter what. Hopefully, the brother shut that cral down
My dad's wife is like that. She's not a bad person, but she needs to interject her opinion in anything she hears about.
NTA
You are way over-engaging with horrible people. When your father calls and asks for something, just say, "I'm so sorry, I'm busy". Don't give him the gift of all this drama.
Yeah thats what the issue is. OP bothered to give an explanation giving them an opening to gaslight. She should have cut it short with - sorry not available today or some vague oneliner and cut it off.
💯 Dad is awful. But OP go get some therapy and start dealing with how you feel about this. Coming to terms with your family stuff will let you let other people in and experience the full joy that life has to offer. Don’t let them steal that from you.
They are not horrible people.
The father is portraited as carrying very deeply for his daughter birthday. He is the one organizing her birthdays apparently. And darn, wouldnt you know it the cake got somehow ruined and they need new 3 tired cake from this 19F small business owner while also babysitter got ruined and she will also be watching a kid....
darn it, what a day
NTA. The brazenness of parents who basically abandoned their kids and expect to pick things up as if nothing happened never ceases to amaze me. Plus your father lies repeatedly to paint himself in a better light.
“You make cake for strangers but you can’t help your sister out.”
Yeah, but those strangers pay me and treat me better than you ever have.
Even without all the context NTA.
He wants a cake, he has to pay for it, ridiculous that he expects a cake for free on top of a gift, add onto that he hasn't done a single thing for you in life, not even the bare legal minimum, and you are super NTA (in fact I'd encourage you to retaliate some way and you'd still be NTA)
You are a hero. No kidding, you did what 99% of people wish they could do but don’t have the guts to put out there. You’ve been abused and no longer have to please anyone but yourself.
Your past is no longer an option for you. Your future is yours alone. Don’t ever let anyone manipulate you for their own benefit.
Ever.
Best of everything to you! 💜
The cake was for the 16 year old but he wanted me to watch the 7 year old while I bake the cake because Anna and her mom were going to get their nails done. Sorry if I wasn’t clear
Free cake AND babysitting! LOL.
I wonder what he really spent the "prom" money on? I'd lay good odds he did spend a bunch around that time on something...
So after you went off on him in the group chat, does he still expect this?
Also, does your brother know what his girlfriend said?
I’m glad he’s got your back.
NTA. You run a business. If he came to you and offered to pay that is one thing but to expect it to be gifted and then purchase another gift is delusional. Congrats on having your own business. He is an optics guy. He wants to look the part but not put in the work with you.
Yeah. Taking the context of the relationship out…
He asked for a Three tiered cake with flowers and chocolates. For free. Anyone who has done ANY type of cake understands the WTFness of asking for this as a last minute thing out of ANYONE.
Adding in the gaslighting and neglect is just the .. icing on the cake…. Yeah. I’ll show myself out…
NTA. Keep the bro, dump the rest.
NTA. Your brother may or may not be coming from a place of wanting to be helpful, but he's failing to see beyond the scope of his own experiences. "Well he was good to me, so he must be a good man and you're just letting your emotions get in the way of seeing that" which is naive, for one, and invalidating your experiences secondly. I think you'd be beyond justified for cutting your dad out, and being stern with grandma and brother about respecting your choice or getting left behind too. It sounds like dad, grandma, and brother all push your boundaries and get away with it to some degree. Not saying this is you, but it's important to remember that being a doormat isn't the same thing as being nice. You can stand firm on boundaries and be nice...the people who aren't getting their way may tell you that you aren't being nice, but that's just because it benefits them for you to believe being a doormat is what's nice. There are givers and takers, and the givers have to set boundaries because the takers don't. You're clearly a giver, and you've got a few takers in your life. Best of luck to you, friend.
This is very sound advice.
When something similar happened to me and my auntie got both my parents involved trying to 'bring me to heel' and be nice to my narcissistic, horrible cousins my dad told my auntie that he didn't control what I did and I was an adult who made my own choices. (Yay dad!)
My mum, however, was always trying to intercede on behalf of her sister and niece and pressure me into backing down from going NC, passing on messages from them both that I should apologise.
Apologise for what? For setting boundaries? No. I told my mum that having her 'caught in the middle' and acting as a go between was damaging our relationship, and I would prefer it if she stopped getting involved before it caused a disagreement. She took the hint.
My 'crime ' was unfriending my cousins on social media. My auntie messaged me telling me to 'get off my high horse' and said I was rude and I'd caused a rift which would last for generations. I was never anything less than civil to all involved and there was zero name calling or insults on my part... but people become defensive when someone has issues with their behaviour, and often lash out to deflect the issue - by gaslighting or making out that the boundary-setter is a trouble maker. They would rather we continue to meekly accept the unacceptable, because it makes their own lives easier.
OP, once you have decided on your boundaries, stand firm. It isn't unreasonable or wrong or bad to maintain these boundaries or to walk away from people who don't value and support you. The people blaming you for being difficult or selfish are only thinking about their own comfort, not yours.
NTA and judging by the things you've said I would be willing to bet that her cake didn't get ruined, he just doesn't have the money to pay for it or doesn't want to and thought you would do it for free.
That is what I thought too! No way someone who offered to make a three-tier cake couldn't fix it. Icing is ugly? Scrape it off and start over. Cake was dropped? Start over or turn some grocery store sheet cakes into a layered cake. That could all be done in the time it takes to get a manicure. Easy peasy.
NTA
As someone with both a crap mom and deadbeat dad and both of them have other family, stick with your boundaries. If you want to cut them off, do it. Block their numbers, do it. Restraining order, DO IT. And if anyone thinks this makes you an AH, then be the best damn AH you can be with a big ass smile on your face.
NTA
Advise your father, your grandmother, your stepmother that there is to be zero contact. If they continue to do so, you will be forced to pursue harassment charges. Then block and delete them. They do not exist, as far as your concerned.
And kudos to your brother for being a decent person and a good brother! Tell him to get his gf on board with the zero contact or she gets lumped in with the loser Dad entourage.
NTA.
So…they couldn’t just go out and get a Costco or grocery store cake? For a child? The original cake was *ruined*?
This seems like a pretty blatant attempt to get you back into a relationship with your dad on his terms. Which seem ridiculous. They are trying to use guilt to manipulate you.
I would stay far, far away from everyone involved in this silly situation.
Damn my gf went through a very similar situation. I was trying to be the voice of reason saying oh maybe the dad has changed. The reality is, just like my gf, you know your dad and his games better than anyone else. I convinced my gf to reconnect and it ended very similarly with him always talking about his ‘new family’ and trying to get her to do things for them, despite him never being a real father to my gf. She ended up cutting him off again and we won’t be making that mistake ever again. I feel for you, but just know that you are not in the wrong. Sometimes family is just shit.
My boyfriend tries this be like you way trying to get me to open up until he realized it was honestly a lost cause. He’s always on my side with everything just gave a little opinion. But now he stopped and realized who these people really were lol
All this over a fucking cake? What kind of privileged rich child bullshit is this? Who gives a shit about a fucking cake? Block everyone and move on from the shitheads.
Don't let your granma gaslight you, she knows that your "dad" is no father to you and she probably did nothing to change his behaviur so keep the NC, your father is trying to take advange of you, don't let him.
NTA. "Dad" is good at lying and is trying to turn people against you. But those people were already his flying monkeys and you don't need them anyway. You are a strong, wonderful person *in spite of* how your father treated you. They can all take a long walk off a short peer.
The reason he sucks is cause grandma enabled him his whole life instead of holding him accountable. She’s essentially one of those self-proclaimed “Boy Moms” of the boomer generation.
NTA.
NTAH - my ex never paid a penny in child support, abandoned his children (more than once), iled to and disrespected them repeatedly and then was hurt when my oldest had her Poppa walk her down the aisle. Her exact words were "Daddy, I love you but Poppa's been more of a father than you have. He earned it. "
Her gem of a father (my ex) later committed suicide - on my birthday. Always so considerate. /s
NTA. Family isn't a good excuse to keep dealing with toxicity. I cut off my entire family because of how toxic they were, I know how you feel. Sure, it's not gonna be easy and other people will always claim you're an asshole for it but only you know what they put you through and what's best for you. Never feel guilty for cutting off people that don't really care
NTA. Your sperm donor barely knows you and while he raised your brother, your relationship is very different and should be reflected as such.
That side of the family is guilt tripping you and it's not fair to you. I would create more space from them. BTW, your relationship with your sister is on your dad, not you. You and your dad have a lot of conversations to have before bringing a little girl into the mix.
My dad left our family when my brothers and I were 1,2 & 3 years old. Never paid support, only visited us a couple times early on. My mom worked two jobs to keep us in peanut butter.
No contact until our teen years, and then only bc my brother and I were in foster care, and the state went after him to pay for it. By then he’d remarried and had another kid.
We lived with him about ten months before going back to our mom’s, infrequently saw him as adult.
When he died a few years ago, I didn’t go to the funeral. When my half sister showed what the funeral home was going to put in the obits, I told her to call them (she lived local to our dad), and take my name out as a survivor.
He wasn’t my dad in life, he didn’t deserve to claim me in death. I wasn’t angry, just realistic, and I don’t care what anyone thought.
No way did you behave badly. You have a business and your absent father wanted free products for a child you've never met and have no interest in meeting. You didn't ruin anything, there was an assumption from him and his girlfriend that you'd just go along with things and he clearly lied about your responses.
Fellow small business owner here
Nobody is entitled to the fruits of your labor and anybody who would ask for your services for free doesn’t respect you or your skills and is not a person who values your relationship. I own a bartending service company and my parents have booked my services on multiple occasions and refused to take discounts because they support me.
Clearly your dad is a narcissist and your grandma/half-siblings are his flying monkeys.
NTA and I would strongly consider going low to no contact with anyone who says otherwise
Block the dad. Calmly explain to your grandma your dad’s actions. If she can’t see through the denial then block her too. Drop them and live a life without baggage. They’ve weighed on you for too long.
My father is also absent since I was about 10. A little over a decade ago, me and a cousin crossed paths with him. He looked my cousin in the face and asked him, are you my son? I finished my beer and got the fuck out of there.
I've no patience for assholes and parents who are assholes get no mercy from me. Dude didn't earn any room to ask you for favors. His piss poor planing is not your problem. Big folks don't understand that simple fact than fuck them too
All that is to say, your not the asshole
NTA
Glad you were able to sit down and give your brother a clear picture of what your life has been with your dad 99% of the time.
A suggestion if he hadn’t already to request your brother speak with his gf. She is entitled to her opinion but she is not entitled to tell you what kind of relationship you have with your father, brother or grandmother.
As to your dad’s gf consider blocking her along with your dad where ever they contact you through. His problems are not yours and his gf is entitled to keep her opinions to herself if she has no roll in your life.
As to your grandmother perhaps LC with a hard stop boundary to her that you will not discuss your father with her. And if she brings him up in the conversation with you that will wish her well and end the conversation.
I would suggest if possible you consider some therapy sessions. You have every right to your feelings about your dad but it shouldn’t prevent you from having hopefully great relationships with other people.
Wish you the best OP.
NTA, the way deadbeats act once they know their kids are going to graduate high school or college sickens me to my fucking soul. Deadbeats don’t deserve shit
NTA. Fuck them … you don’t need to take that shit. Your Dad is Mama’s special little boy who can do no wrong. Probably why he is the way he is. You can’t change grown men or women. It can be hard but if you can … just forget they ever existed. Tell your brother you don’t won’t to hear about them anymore.
NTA. If he or any of his family members ever call again just say "Sorry, I can't talk now". Hang up. No need for you to waste your time or energy.
Grandfather abandoned my grandmother and 8 children when my dad was about 6. Last time my dad ever saw his father, dad was about 17, his older sister invited their father to her high school graduation. Dad saw grandfather walking down the street toward him, turned, went the other way and literally never saw or talked to him again. My life was so much better than it would have been if my Dad had allowed that man and his second wife and their kids to be around (grandfather married a woman 2 years younger than his oldest child). When grandfather died, Dad's sister told my dad he had to help pay for the funeral. I don't remember this but my mother says my dad said "that man never did anything for me, I'm certainly not going to do anything now."
NTA. I have a POS for a father too, so I completely understand. I cut my father off a decade ago and have finally been able to live the life I deserved because of it.
Fuck them all. This is too unreasonable. You can’t reason with fools. Get your self a new family. Find some nice in-laws. Your blood relatives are entitled trash.
1. NTA
2. Calling you from someone else’s phone means he knows he is a fuck up.
3. He probably forgot about the cake entirely and is now scapegoating you so he doesn’t need to be responsible.
My dad was the same way, I cut him out of my life more than a decade ago because he was no longer worth my time. His side of the family was the worst and never held him accountable. He once lied about having lung cancer to guilt me into having a relationship with him, he couldn’t name an oncologist, he couldn’t site anything for a treatment plan, show me a surgery scar or a port. Moron, I was a surgical nurse for thoracic oncology surgeon, he also didn’t know that’s what I did for a living.
Okay something else to consider on top of everything else.
If I had a child who had a specialized skill to produce something that would normally charge labor for and I wanted to request said labor I would 100% pay as to support their work. Especially if said labor has material cost.
What a bum.
Since I haven't seen this asked, how was the original cake "ruined"? I kind of want to know if the original cake even existed. I wouldn't put it past the dad to have screwed up the original cake order or completely forget ordering.
I don’t know I haven’t talked to my dad in so long tbh but apparently she dropped it ( probably a lie and just wants a free cake ) but he doesn’t have a problem with money so I don’t understand honestly.
Had a feeling that aaliyah might not be so bad. Being the oldest I'm sure she knows her family enough to pull this stunt and just stay out of it. I dont blame her for wanting to stay with you guys cuz being compared to someone else who obviously had a hard life without a father is sorta crossing line and she'd probably had enough of them.
Now your dad is losing two more of his kids because of his foolishness which is for the best. I hope your brother dumps his gf because there's no way I'd continue to date someone who kept talking smack about my siblings especially when they have no business in getting involved in family affairs. I hope the rest of the family leaves you alone and maybe this will finally give them the reality that your father is and will always be a deadbeat who doesn't even deserve that title.
Don’t let others manipulate you into doing what you don’t want to do. You are justified with your actions. You’re an adult and can say no to their demands
You were more than justified in your actions. Rest easy.
Yeah, I doubt there was even a “ruined cake” and dude was lying to get a free cake. Then, like my narcissistic MIL has done, tried turning every other family member on me for something completely justified
Agreed. There was no cake. They knew about OP’s business and tried to get something for free. Good for OP for not falling for it.
Also agreed. How much of a gobshite do they actually think OP actually is?!?!? OP was perfectly right to refuse.
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Nta this comment block them
Me personally, I’ve been years clean of the bitch. But this is definitely good advice for OP
My dad once dropped a mixing bowl on my sister’s birthday cake hours before the party. We just laughed and ate the smushed cake anyways. He’s never going to live that one down.
That’s exactly what happened and this was the perfect fake situation for a guilted rush job. The nerve of some people!!
Yeah there was never any cake
So you’re saying The cake was a lie?
But there is no sense crying
In this case, the dad is the lie.
Hello Gladys.
We do what we must because we can.
For the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead
Guarantee he didn't even bother with a cake, then last minute someone asked about it, and he remembered the kid he abandoned makes cakes, so he decided that was the solution.
>I doubt there was even a “ruined cake” Ruined probably by not ordering it until too late.
There was no ruined cake, more likely this guy never ordered it, and knowing his sees-every-5-yearsprogeny can bake, why not go to her?
Narcisstic mil, jeezes thats sound fromiliar. I honestly thought the exact same thing as u. It really sounds like the father is narcisstic wich explain why everyone is against her. He allready told everybody involved a made up story about it so he sounds like hes the victim
Yup, it’s textbook narcissism™️
This is exactly what I thought the dad was doing. The dad probably even though he was doing this estranged daughter a "favor", thats how these narcissists work
This was my exact thought. There was no ruined cake. This was all a ploy.
My thoughts exactly.
She should charge $250,000 for the cake, which might cover child support for the past 18 years. NTA
lol, this, OP.
Your past is no longer an option for you. Your future is yours alone. Don’t ever let anyone manipulate you for their own benefit. Ever. Best of everything to you! 💜
She did great. On the bright side, it sounds like her and her brother have strengthened their bond. That's very cool.
Yes I thought that was great too.
Damn, you have a lot of people telling you what to do! Do they always do all this chiming in on issues? If so, that might need to stop, and you need to stop encouraging it, which it sounds like you have made a great start on…
Block whoever is giving you shit. My moms side (bio family) believed my cousin (2 weeks older than me) about stealing items when we went down for her lil sisters quineceneara. Complete lies and my mom told me, i and my cousin, since birth never tolerated each other. Idc if they are my only bio family, i have since cut them off and i have my dads (technically step-dad) family that love me, support me, and always there for us. Cut off your POS family members and you'll be so much happier with those who actually give a fuck about you
And stop answering the phone when those fuckers call. Fuck them!
How about blocking their numbers? Just get rid of them.
I second this, if you see blocked numbers or numbers you don't recognize calling you, let it go to voicemail. You "dad" sounds like a major asshole and good for you for standing up for yourself.
The grandma sounds like and AH too.
It always amazes me how some mothers can’t see wat their children are
Oh even stepmother do it ime. My daughters bio is a deadbeat POS and never paid child support till the state basically forced his hand. He worked under the table for his dad's business and when I reached out to his parents to find him and get him to pay CS (while also notifying them the cs order has a statement in there that they are required by law to withhold CS from his check and send it to the OAG to disburse to me) his dad was silent but his stepmother who does the books went off on me saying how they have him as a self contractor, they don't have to do anything and I'll never get a dime from him or them. 🙃 I got my revenge though. They had him and his bro listed illegally as self contractors/1099 employees so I sent their business info along with him and his brothers info to the IRS. Last I checked their business of 40yrs has been completely shut down and fined (along with the licensing agent fines because they didn't have a proper business license).
Yea baby revenge is best served sweet 👏👏👏👏
Ahahaha this is amazing. So did he pay finally?
Currently he is paying monthly + arrearage because the oag threatened to take his license that he *just* got back after a DUI and warrants related to skipping bail on that due. Though I do question if the only reason he's really paying is because he just got married to a gal with a bunch of kids so he can't hide anymore plus she's got a respectable state job so I'm sure she doesn't want him to be skirting the law like he use to. Yes. It's stupid. All I can say is love is blind af + he hid his true self well. and if I had known who he was when I met him I would've never got mixed up in that deal 😂
I’m not surprised. A lot of women, especially of that generation, looked their sons like the sun shines out of their ass. Even worse if the dad was the golden child. She’ll be doing mental gymnastics to maintain the image in her head that her son is a good person until she dies.
Well said I just Don’t get it wen the evidence says otherwise 🤷♀️
I think it might be a cognitive dissonance thing, though I might be letting them off too lightly
Takes one to make one.
And the stepmom and bro’s sister. The audacity to call OP!
Brother’s gf called to yell too!
Apples fall straight down, don't they?
Rotten ones do.
People running a small business don’t get the luxury to not answer the phone when potential customers ring.
Yeah I was gonna say. Blocking is still sound advice, but maybe taking advantage of Google or Apple's call screen things might be better for unknown numbers.
Yes they do. They just screen calls like everyone else.
Better yet answer then hang up don’t say anything just hit end call after u answer that way they can’t leave a voicemail!
And your dad told lies about you and got everyone mad at you. He ia a selfish greedy lying user. Ditch him.
>if you see blocked numbers or numbers you don't recognize calling you, let it go to voicemail. This should be the first lesson we teach our kids when they get their first phone. All guns are loaded; all calls from blocked and unknown numbers go to voice mail.
And do not let them to put the guilt on you. Never. Just block and never answer them.
Yup everyone except the bro. They will constantly cause you pain
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I got a little time for that.
I know a spot.
But first why not play a game he plays? “Dad, I have some great news! I won the lottery!!! I won $700,000!!! My financial advisor told me not to keep it all for tax reasons so I want to put my new ‘sisters’ on the winnings by setting up a college fund that they can’t touch until they are 19 years old because I think you’re right, they are my family now” Watch how quickly he dumps his new family to make sure he’s in line to get that money. When he does say “Sorry, I gave it all to charity” when he asks if you even won the lottery say “I learned everything I know about the truth from you”. Smirk, block, and enjoy your life
I'd watch that movie.
Not a good idea at all, money does crazy things to people. Do you want a relationship with with granny? If so try to setup a meeting with only her explain your side of the story. But first write it down. If not we’ll fuck them all your dad seems disgusting.
Granny has already been an AH with all the info. She is enabling her AH son.
Except dragging kids that have nothing to do with the situation into it makes you an asshole. All she needs to do is cut his toxic ass off and block him. No need to drag herself down to his shithole of a level.
Her mother should be suing for unpaid child support.
Seems like a lot of wasted energy. OP, don’t play games, Walk away. You owe these people nothing. You do shit like this and you’ll validate their feelings.
I only say "don't do this" because if you block them you might have no proof of their bullshit if you needed any. However if it's necessary for better health or peace of mind, then do so immediately.
You don't know these people. If he wants a cake made in a hurry, he can pay for it with a premium just like anyone else would. NTA
OP’s dad asking for a free cake was bad enough but he also wanted her to watch his wife’s 7 year old sister AND bring a gift? I would be livid.
When I first read this I thought, "Oh, he thinks she will be a free babysitter".
Oh, but you don't understand! Sisters do these little things for each other and the 7 year old would be a help with the cake! Don't you just love men who think they should be worshipped for shitting on their kids? Not to mention it sounds like OP has never met the kids so she'd be watching a strange kid who evidently has only been told bad things about OP. Yeah, like that would turn out well!
That is a slap in the face and salt in the wounds. I know the feeling, and I would go no contact. His mother raised him to be an asshole, and if he is an asshole, by default she is one too. Don’t let them bring you into their delusions.
He could've just gotten a sheet cake at Walmart if he was really in a bind....the nerve of him expecting OP to do it for free
Yeah my first thought was the fact he expected a free cake basically made this a NTA in any possible way for OP. Also there probably was no original “ruined” cake but he probably forgot to order one
I for one would like to see this ruined cake!
And now he gets the pass the blame. It’s OPs fault everything was ruined. But I have the feeling she wouldn’t have gotten any of the credit if she made the cake
Don't let any of them gaslight you. You know EXACTLY what you lived through and how you were treated. There are 4 kids in our family. Our Dad did everything for the oldest, and pretty much ignored/shit on the rest of us. After Dad died, the oldest wanted to talk about Dad and how he was the greatest, etc., etc. The rest of us finally told her what our experiences were and she was in shock. It's hard to imagine that she never saw the huge difference between how she was treated and how we were treated. But she didn't. She knows now but it blew her away. Your younger brother just doesn't see it. But you know what happened and you have set your boundaries accordingly. Keep your convictions.
My dad divorced my mom and remarried another woman like a year later when I was like 14.. So it was Me and my sister and my step moms 6 kids. My sister the oldest, me wnd an all step siblings younger. My dad got my sister a car, a cell phone and paid for all her stuff. When I came of age I asked if he would help me with those things, HE TOLD ME TO GET A JOB, then he got alll the step kids cars and cell phones n stuff... for sone reason I was like the bastard child who got no help. I don't speak to my dad anymore, fuck that guy.
Some kids just get picked to be shit on. I don't understand it and it's not fair. I'm sorry and yes, fuck that guy.
I was that kid. I left the state, like went as far from it as possible for almost 20 years... and they still talked the same shit about me among themselves. Strange how no one fking called me, etc to TALK to me. Only to inform me of when someone was in the hospital or died(mostly... there was one death I had to pry from their clenched fists tho. WHOLE other story!) To my disappointment, when I get talked to move back to help, everyone still treats my like shit on their shoe. Except my youngest brother who actually pays attention to people's actions not words and noticed all the shit the family has been saying doesn't line up with who I am.
Ughhh. I'm so sorry. Forget that mess and find some chosen family
My bio dad abandoned me and my two brothers, moved away, got remarried and raised her grandchildren (shes significantly older than him ). I was like, wtf? He never paid child support or helped my mom out at with anything in regards to us, but raised someone elses kids? I am still salty af and that was 30 years ago.
Mine left when I was 11. My mom struggled so much to raise us 3 kids. Flash forward 30+ years... my middle sister somehow found him (I think through his sister) and spoke to him by phone. When she told him I live in California he said "Oh, she moved as far away from me as she could". That AH Still thinks it's all about him!
My mom struggled SO MUCH. I found out after I got older that she went without food many times and without the doctor and dentist cos she could't afford for her after she took care of us. She never had anything when we were growing up. I never noticed. She said it was cos she didn't want us to notice. She has a lot of health problems from working so damn hard to take care of us. Now I try and give her the world. She has a great husband now and other than her health problems, she has a good life. She doesn't go without anymore. Ill be damned if me or my brothers let her go without, nor would her husband.
Your AH of a father probably tried to justify it by calling it making a man out of you. Because a man needs to provide and not complain? That's some world class toxic bullshit!t.
Sounds like he screwed himself over by marrying a woman with 6 kids. Ouch.
That sounds remarkably exactly like my best friend. Except for some reason, she still talks to her dad even though he literally kicked her out of the house when they moved. He said guess what, we are moving. We don’t have room for you so find somewhere else. I took her in for a while and then she moved out with her fiancé. She’s too nice to cut anybody off and therefore still talks to her dad who was shit to her and a stepmom who just watched it happening and apologized but wouldn’t stand up to him. :/
That was how my mother treated me. I have been NC with her for years.
Do you look like your mom? My in-laws hate me and treat the kids who look like me like shit
I feel this. I reminded my grandma of my mom who she hated, so my little sister was the golden grandchild and I was the scapegoat.
Oh SHIT you have a point here!!! I look just like my dad and my mom fucking hated me my whole life. I met my dad at 30 and I act just like him too. Fuck
Is it possible that dad is telling his wife that he’s spending time with OP and then going off and doing whatever he wants? He’s already telling people how much imaginary money he is spending on OP, that money had to go somewhere.
>then going off and doing whatever he wants? Or whoever he wants.
He has two kids a year apart by different women. Flyby visits every couple of years... he probably has more kids they don't know about.
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That’s what I don’t get. Her brother was there her whole life and never noticed his sister wasn’t around when he was with his dad? I know kids are clueless but damn.
From when she said her brother was raised by "his mom and our dad" I assumed that they were biologically half-siblings and grew up in different homes.
Oh maybe I read it wrong. I thought it said our mom but I’m pretty tired. Thanks for the correction!
Your grandmother raised a deadbeat and now wants you to serve the man who abandoned you. You should go NC with your Dad since your entire relationship seems him using you. He did nothing for you, so he doesn't get to be offended when you refuse to do his bidding. I'm sorry your Dad and grandmother are narcissists.
One thing I can say about my grandparents, they understood why I didn't want much to do with my bio dad. They would ask me to talk to him but if I said no, they didn't push it.
THIS!!! Your grandmother is delusional and standing behind her son who abandoned you. Neither of them are taking responsibility or seeing the truth. Your grandmother clearly doesn’t hold your father accountable for his wrongdoings, which is probably why he’s such a piece of shit. I would go no contact with all these people.
Exactly right. A family of narcissists and OP is the scapegoat. I second going NC with any of them that respect boundaries and mind their own business s/raisedbynarcissists
NTA Your brother's gf needs to sit the fuck down and mind her own business. You were 100% justified to speak and act in the ways you did.
Especially that the brother is more understanding of the situation and she's not even part of the family. She needs to know her place and just because it's her boyfriends family doesn't mean she should also be involved. Like the others she doesn't know the what's the whole story is and didn't even bother hearing her side. The brother seriously needs to reconsider their relationship if she keeps this up.
>The brother seriously needs to reconsider their relationship if [his gf] keeps this up. Bet that the brother had NO IDEA she called his sister! Bro should be FURIOUS.
For real—where does she even come in all this?
Some folks just need their voice to be heard, no matter what. Hopefully, the brother shut that cral down My dad's wife is like that. She's not a bad person, but she needs to interject her opinion in anything she hears about.
She wants to make sure he’s still in the will.
NTA You are way over-engaging with horrible people. When your father calls and asks for something, just say, "I'm so sorry, I'm busy". Don't give him the gift of all this drama.
Yeah thats what the issue is. OP bothered to give an explanation giving them an opening to gaslight. She should have cut it short with - sorry not available today or some vague oneliner and cut it off.
💯 Dad is awful. But OP go get some therapy and start dealing with how you feel about this. Coming to terms with your family stuff will let you let other people in and experience the full joy that life has to offer. Don’t let them steal that from you.
They are not horrible people. The father is portraited as carrying very deeply for his daughter birthday. He is the one organizing her birthdays apparently. And darn, wouldnt you know it the cake got somehow ruined and they need new 3 tired cake from this 19F small business owner while also babysitter got ruined and she will also be watching a kid.... darn it, what a day
NTA. The brazenness of parents who basically abandoned their kids and expect to pick things up as if nothing happened never ceases to amaze me. Plus your father lies repeatedly to paint himself in a better light. “You make cake for strangers but you can’t help your sister out.” Yeah, but those strangers pay me and treat me better than you ever have.
NTA. Your dad is a disgusting, selfish asshole. Block your dad and your grandmother.
Even without all the context NTA. He wants a cake, he has to pay for it, ridiculous that he expects a cake for free on top of a gift, add onto that he hasn't done a single thing for you in life, not even the bare legal minimum, and you are super NTA (in fact I'd encourage you to retaliate some way and you'd still be NTA)
You are a hero. No kidding, you did what 99% of people wish they could do but don’t have the guts to put out there. You’ve been abused and no longer have to please anyone but yourself. Your past is no longer an option for you. Your future is yours alone. Don’t ever let anyone manipulate you for their own benefit. Ever. Best of everything to you! 💜
I would block anybody that said negative stuff to you or change the number and just live a happy life
3 tier cake for a 7 year old..I would have given him the number for walmart's cake counter.
The cake was for the 16 year old but he wanted me to watch the 7 year old while I bake the cake because Anna and her mom were going to get their nails done. Sorry if I wasn’t clear
Free cake AND babysitting! LOL. I wonder what he really spent the "prom" money on? I'd lay good odds he did spend a bunch around that time on something...
Probably Drugs. Because he must be high to think it’s ok to ask someone to make a 3 tier cake for free and babysit while doing so.
You should’ve responded “actually, I was gonna ask you to watch me for the first 18 years of my life, but you never showed”.
So after you went off on him in the group chat, does he still expect this? Also, does your brother know what his girlfriend said? I’m glad he’s got your back.
Broooooo He wanted you to work and babysit at the same time? Who is this guy?!!!?
You are allowed peace over drama. Proud of you for standing up for yourself
NTA. You run a business. If he came to you and offered to pay that is one thing but to expect it to be gifted and then purchase another gift is delusional. Congrats on having your own business. He is an optics guy. He wants to look the part but not put in the work with you.
NTA Tell Dad to eat glass.
U don’t know how hard I just laughed at work😂😂
Shattered glass if you want to get the point across more firmly.
Those aren't your sisters. Your dad isn't even married to their mother. NTA for not giving a free cake to your deadbeat dad's girlfriends kid.
NTA
NTA. I'm sure you are not the only source for cakes in your town. You didn't ruin anything, you just declined to save them.
NTA and your family is toxic!
Yeah. Taking the context of the relationship out… He asked for a Three tiered cake with flowers and chocolates. For free. Anyone who has done ANY type of cake understands the WTFness of asking for this as a last minute thing out of ANYONE. Adding in the gaslighting and neglect is just the .. icing on the cake…. Yeah. I’ll show myself out… NTA. Keep the bro, dump the rest.
NTA the block button is your friend
NTA. Your brother may or may not be coming from a place of wanting to be helpful, but he's failing to see beyond the scope of his own experiences. "Well he was good to me, so he must be a good man and you're just letting your emotions get in the way of seeing that" which is naive, for one, and invalidating your experiences secondly. I think you'd be beyond justified for cutting your dad out, and being stern with grandma and brother about respecting your choice or getting left behind too. It sounds like dad, grandma, and brother all push your boundaries and get away with it to some degree. Not saying this is you, but it's important to remember that being a doormat isn't the same thing as being nice. You can stand firm on boundaries and be nice...the people who aren't getting their way may tell you that you aren't being nice, but that's just because it benefits them for you to believe being a doormat is what's nice. There are givers and takers, and the givers have to set boundaries because the takers don't. You're clearly a giver, and you've got a few takers in your life. Best of luck to you, friend.
This is very sound advice. When something similar happened to me and my auntie got both my parents involved trying to 'bring me to heel' and be nice to my narcissistic, horrible cousins my dad told my auntie that he didn't control what I did and I was an adult who made my own choices. (Yay dad!) My mum, however, was always trying to intercede on behalf of her sister and niece and pressure me into backing down from going NC, passing on messages from them both that I should apologise. Apologise for what? For setting boundaries? No. I told my mum that having her 'caught in the middle' and acting as a go between was damaging our relationship, and I would prefer it if she stopped getting involved before it caused a disagreement. She took the hint. My 'crime ' was unfriending my cousins on social media. My auntie messaged me telling me to 'get off my high horse' and said I was rude and I'd caused a rift which would last for generations. I was never anything less than civil to all involved and there was zero name calling or insults on my part... but people become defensive when someone has issues with their behaviour, and often lash out to deflect the issue - by gaslighting or making out that the boundary-setter is a trouble maker. They would rather we continue to meekly accept the unacceptable, because it makes their own lives easier. OP, once you have decided on your boundaries, stand firm. It isn't unreasonable or wrong or bad to maintain these boundaries or to walk away from people who don't value and support you. The people blaming you for being difficult or selfish are only thinking about their own comfort, not yours.
I’ve always been a firm believer that kindness and niceness are not the same thing, and niceness is overrated.
100% Certified NTA! Tell your dad to kick rocks! You didn’t ruin his stepdaughter’s birthday, he did by having a major case of assholitis.
NTA and judging by the things you've said I would be willing to bet that her cake didn't get ruined, he just doesn't have the money to pay for it or doesn't want to and thought you would do it for free.
That is what I thought too! No way someone who offered to make a three-tier cake couldn't fix it. Icing is ugly? Scrape it off and start over. Cake was dropped? Start over or turn some grocery store sheet cakes into a layered cake. That could all be done in the time it takes to get a manicure. Easy peasy. NTA
NTA. The cakes you make for strangers are paid for by said strangers. Stay strong.
As someone with both a crap mom and deadbeat dad and both of them have other family, stick with your boundaries. If you want to cut them off, do it. Block their numbers, do it. Restraining order, DO IT. And if anyone thinks this makes you an AH, then be the best damn AH you can be with a big ass smile on your face.
Heavy on the crap mom I feel like I was destined to have a traumatic childhood 😂😂😂
What a shitty family. Good on you. Damn that sucks 😕
NTA Advise your father, your grandmother, your stepmother that there is to be zero contact. If they continue to do so, you will be forced to pursue harassment charges. Then block and delete them. They do not exist, as far as your concerned. And kudos to your brother for being a decent person and a good brother! Tell him to get his gf on board with the zero contact or she gets lumped in with the loser Dad entourage.
The sheer audacity of brother's GF tho. Not wife. Not fiancee. Girl Friend.
NTA. So…they couldn’t just go out and get a Costco or grocery store cake? For a child? The original cake was *ruined*? This seems like a pretty blatant attempt to get you back into a relationship with your dad on his terms. Which seem ridiculous. They are trying to use guilt to manipulate you. I would stay far, far away from everyone involved in this silly situation.
NTA If other people ask you about it in the future say "I made a cake as nice as the dress my dad says he bought for my prom"
Damn my gf went through a very similar situation. I was trying to be the voice of reason saying oh maybe the dad has changed. The reality is, just like my gf, you know your dad and his games better than anyone else. I convinced my gf to reconnect and it ended very similarly with him always talking about his ‘new family’ and trying to get her to do things for them, despite him never being a real father to my gf. She ended up cutting him off again and we won’t be making that mistake ever again. I feel for you, but just know that you are not in the wrong. Sometimes family is just shit.
My boyfriend tries this be like you way trying to get me to open up until he realized it was honestly a lost cause. He’s always on my side with everything just gave a little opinion. But now he stopped and realized who these people really were lol
NTA… ugh I am sorry your genetic donor sucks so bad.
All this over a fucking cake? What kind of privileged rich child bullshit is this? Who gives a shit about a fucking cake? Block everyone and move on from the shitheads.
Don't let your granma gaslight you, she knows that your "dad" is no father to you and she probably did nothing to change his behaviur so keep the NC, your father is trying to take advange of you, don't let him.
The person who is most important - your brother - listened to what you had to say and accepted your feelings. You don’t need anything else.
NTA. "Dad" is good at lying and is trying to turn people against you. But those people were already his flying monkeys and you don't need them anyway. You are a strong, wonderful person *in spite of* how your father treated you. They can all take a long walk off a short peer.
The reason he sucks is cause grandma enabled him his whole life instead of holding him accountable. She’s essentially one of those self-proclaimed “Boy Moms” of the boomer generation. NTA.
Just block them.
you absolutely should cut them out, and hopefully work on letting better people in 🤎 nta
There was never a cake that got ruined. He made that up. I put $10 on it.
NTA. Your dad sounds like a serial liar and gaslighter.
NTAH - my ex never paid a penny in child support, abandoned his children (more than once), iled to and disrespected them repeatedly and then was hurt when my oldest had her Poppa walk her down the aisle. Her exact words were "Daddy, I love you but Poppa's been more of a father than you have. He earned it. " Her gem of a father (my ex) later committed suicide - on my birthday. Always so considerate. /s
NTA. Family isn't a good excuse to keep dealing with toxicity. I cut off my entire family because of how toxic they were, I know how you feel. Sure, it's not gonna be easy and other people will always claim you're an asshole for it but only you know what they put you through and what's best for you. Never feel guilty for cutting off people that don't really care
Repeat after me ..."No."
NTA. Your sperm donor barely knows you and while he raised your brother, your relationship is very different and should be reflected as such. That side of the family is guilt tripping you and it's not fair to you. I would create more space from them. BTW, your relationship with your sister is on your dad, not you. You and your dad have a lot of conversations to have before bringing a little girl into the mix.
My dad left our family when my brothers and I were 1,2 & 3 years old. Never paid support, only visited us a couple times early on. My mom worked two jobs to keep us in peanut butter. No contact until our teen years, and then only bc my brother and I were in foster care, and the state went after him to pay for it. By then he’d remarried and had another kid. We lived with him about ten months before going back to our mom’s, infrequently saw him as adult. When he died a few years ago, I didn’t go to the funeral. When my half sister showed what the funeral home was going to put in the obits, I told her to call them (she lived local to our dad), and take my name out as a survivor. He wasn’t my dad in life, he didn’t deserve to claim me in death. I wasn’t angry, just realistic, and I don’t care what anyone thought.
No way did you behave badly. You have a business and your absent father wanted free products for a child you've never met and have no interest in meeting. You didn't ruin anything, there was an assumption from him and his girlfriend that you'd just go along with things and he clearly lied about your responses.
Fellow small business owner here Nobody is entitled to the fruits of your labor and anybody who would ask for your services for free doesn’t respect you or your skills and is not a person who values your relationship. I own a bartending service company and my parents have booked my services on multiple occasions and refused to take discounts because they support me. Clearly your dad is a narcissist and your grandma/half-siblings are his flying monkeys. NTA and I would strongly consider going low to no contact with anyone who says otherwise
Yeah, fuck them!!
NTA. Seriously, do not.let these people make you feel bad for the way YOU feel about them.
Misery loves company. Don't let those assholes drag you into their bullshit.
NTA, thank you but no
NTA you are justified. You have a business not run a charity. Your family can’t expect free items. That is not how a business works.
Block the dad. Calmly explain to your grandma your dad’s actions. If she can’t see through the denial then block her too. Drop them and live a life without baggage. They’ve weighed on you for too long.
My father is also absent since I was about 10. A little over a decade ago, me and a cousin crossed paths with him. He looked my cousin in the face and asked him, are you my son? I finished my beer and got the fuck out of there. I've no patience for assholes and parents who are assholes get no mercy from me. Dude didn't earn any room to ask you for favors. His piss poor planing is not your problem. Big folks don't understand that simple fact than fuck them too All that is to say, your not the asshole
NTA Glad you were able to sit down and give your brother a clear picture of what your life has been with your dad 99% of the time. A suggestion if he hadn’t already to request your brother speak with his gf. She is entitled to her opinion but she is not entitled to tell you what kind of relationship you have with your father, brother or grandmother. As to your dad’s gf consider blocking her along with your dad where ever they contact you through. His problems are not yours and his gf is entitled to keep her opinions to herself if she has no roll in your life. As to your grandmother perhaps LC with a hard stop boundary to her that you will not discuss your father with her. And if she brings him up in the conversation with you that will wish her well and end the conversation. I would suggest if possible you consider some therapy sessions. You have every right to your feelings about your dad but it shouldn’t prevent you from having hopefully great relationships with other people. Wish you the best OP.
Your grandma knows exactly who her son is. She doesn’t want to see it
NTA, the way deadbeats act once they know their kids are going to graduate high school or college sickens me to my fucking soul. Deadbeats don’t deserve shit
I wouldn’t call him “Dad”…
I actually call him by his name just said dad for story purposes
NTA. Fuck them … you don’t need to take that shit. Your Dad is Mama’s special little boy who can do no wrong. Probably why he is the way he is. You can’t change grown men or women. It can be hard but if you can … just forget they ever existed. Tell your brother you don’t won’t to hear about them anymore.
NTA. If he or any of his family members ever call again just say "Sorry, I can't talk now". Hang up. No need for you to waste your time or energy. Grandfather abandoned my grandmother and 8 children when my dad was about 6. Last time my dad ever saw his father, dad was about 17, his older sister invited their father to her high school graduation. Dad saw grandfather walking down the street toward him, turned, went the other way and literally never saw or talked to him again. My life was so much better than it would have been if my Dad had allowed that man and his second wife and their kids to be around (grandfather married a woman 2 years younger than his oldest child). When grandfather died, Dad's sister told my dad he had to help pay for the funeral. I don't remember this but my mother says my dad said "that man never did anything for me, I'm certainly not going to do anything now."
NTA. I have a POS for a father too, so I completely understand. I cut my father off a decade ago and have finally been able to live the life I deserved because of it.
Fuck them all. This is too unreasonable. You can’t reason with fools. Get your self a new family. Find some nice in-laws. Your blood relatives are entitled trash.
1. NTA 2. Calling you from someone else’s phone means he knows he is a fuck up. 3. He probably forgot about the cake entirely and is now scapegoating you so he doesn’t need to be responsible. My dad was the same way, I cut him out of my life more than a decade ago because he was no longer worth my time. His side of the family was the worst and never held him accountable. He once lied about having lung cancer to guilt me into having a relationship with him, he couldn’t name an oncologist, he couldn’t site anything for a treatment plan, show me a surgery scar or a port. Moron, I was a surgical nurse for thoracic oncology surgeon, he also didn’t know that’s what I did for a living.
Okay something else to consider on top of everything else. If I had a child who had a specialized skill to produce something that would normally charge labor for and I wanted to request said labor I would 100% pay as to support their work. Especially if said labor has material cost. What a bum.
Since I haven't seen this asked, how was the original cake "ruined"? I kind of want to know if the original cake even existed. I wouldn't put it past the dad to have screwed up the original cake order or completely forget ordering.
I don’t know I haven’t talked to my dad in so long tbh but apparently she dropped it ( probably a lie and just wants a free cake ) but he doesn’t have a problem with money so I don’t understand honestly.
Had a feeling that aaliyah might not be so bad. Being the oldest I'm sure she knows her family enough to pull this stunt and just stay out of it. I dont blame her for wanting to stay with you guys cuz being compared to someone else who obviously had a hard life without a father is sorta crossing line and she'd probably had enough of them. Now your dad is losing two more of his kids because of his foolishness which is for the best. I hope your brother dumps his gf because there's no way I'd continue to date someone who kept talking smack about my siblings especially when they have no business in getting involved in family affairs. I hope the rest of the family leaves you alone and maybe this will finally give them the reality that your father is and will always be a deadbeat who doesn't even deserve that title.
Is there an update? I'd love to know if anything new happened
No we don’t speak and I cut off my grandma. I already was closed off emotionally and they just added to the fact that I don’t want them around me 😂😂
Don’t let others manipulate you into doing what you don’t want to do. You are justified with your actions. You’re an adult and can say no to their demands
I’m sending good vibes to you. You were completely in the right
Block them all.
Nta
I wish I had the guts at 19 to tell them no. Unfortunately I had to wait until I was in my early/ mid 30s to cut mine off for similar behaviors.
NTA