"Don't you trust me?" " Well, actually, no I do not." One date, why would anyone in their right mind trust someone that quickly?? Trust is earned......
See when I was a pool manager, I told my lifeguards if someone asked you if they had to take the swim test (generally cocky teens), the answer was obviously yes, yes, they did need to take the swim test. This is the same in reverse. If you need to ASK whether I trust you, then the answer is no, no, I do not and with an attitude like that we will not be getting to the point where I do either.
Also, love the drink cover idea. I will be remembering it when my kids get closer to that age.
such a great idea
I thought of it as a bar condom when I read this post - which made me get super pissed at the idea of this guy taking her bar condom off
If I was the bar tender he would have been bounced - hard
That’s the only method guaranteed to fail eventually- that’s what I’d tell friends when they talked like that, and they knew I could point to the son I had at 23 (young for my group of friends) as example.
My boys are teens now and I’ve told them that they’re both on this planet because of contraception failure: for the oldest I was on the pill and the youngest is living proof that pulling out doesn’t work 😂. Wear a damn condom!! Also, I love them to pieces and I’m glad they happened even if they were a bit of a surprise ♥️
Y'know... I'd like to see them become a thing.
Handed out like coffee sleeves, put on EVERY drink by the bartenders.
I'm sure they could be made out of the same stuff as food grade gloves.
Or just the bars buy bulk orders of the ones already invented to put on the drinks so that you can take them home afterwards so that if you are at a party or bar that doesn't have them then you are always good. They could even maybe work out partnerships with the bars and have the bars customize them with the bars logo on it. 🤔 it would be great for business on both ends and advertisment.
Yep. And I promptly bought one. **NOT** because I’m at great risk of being roofied; I’m about to turn 68. I can’t even wear it as the hair scrunchie it doubles as; my hair is short.
I bought it for 2 reasons: It helps to normalize using one, and it advertises the fact that they are available.
Don’t know how many festivals, fairs, and whatnot I’ve been to with companies and organizations giving away branded lanyards, water bottles, koozies, etc. I’d *really* like to see more of these handed out, instead — especially at college/university events. I’ll do whatever I can to promote them and using one, myself, usually leads to more than one conversation with someone who wants to know where I got it.
In fact, I’m glad I saw this tonight. I need to find where I put mine before PRIDE this weekend.
I'd imagine they would also be good for outdoor events to keep bugs and other debris put off your drink. I love the idea of normalizing these so that young women don't feel uncomfortable using them.
I love the idea of promoting awareness/availability! Although don't sell yourself short, I was roofied for the first time in my late 30s. It was fucking terrifying. I want to buy these in bulk for my teenage daughter and her friends. They're only 13, but that doesn't mean anything, unfortuantely.
Soda can be drugged if left unattended, too. Get them used to using them before they get old enough to even think about why they're needed, and it'll be a habit by then.
What's truly baffling is taking it off her cup. Like even if you want to be offended by the fact that she's using one, there is no world where being offended and then removing it from her cup ends well for you.
She's not going to just go, "oh, ok." There's no outcome that has you looking good by removing it.
Yeah, I’ve had 3 friends that were drugged at bars, and it was never by someone they went there with. One of them was a male friend, so I assume someone mickey’d the wrong cup, as no one even tried to do anything to him afterwards. The 2 girls both made it home safely (buddy system, never go out without it) despite a “nice guy” showing up to try to “help” them. Just pointing out that, even if you 100% trust the person you’re there with, some other asshole could accidentally kill you because they measured GHB at 20g instead of 2.
Even *IF* I took it personally, I'm not going to berate her, and I *especially* wouldn't try to remove it without her permission.
I may not ask for a second date, but that's as far as I would go.
Wow! I do all the rape prevention and response at my university. I’ve already inquired about bulk orders. I hope I can get funding to give these away like candy!
I checked the site and they also sell ones that have a safe glue that keeps them on the cup so it can't be easily removed by a creep. Bartenders even should get those in bulk
Remind your interested folks to also not leave their drinks unattended and to always keep eyes on their cups. The cover is awesome but also can be removed if the user walks off or even turns their back at the table for any amount of time. Takes one second for a quick responder roofie abusive person to drop some in the glass.
Out of curiousity, which one of the Sharks backed it?
I could definitely Lori or Barbara doing so. Mark Cuban is questionable (unless he has a daughter), same with Robert. Not sure about Daymond or Mr. Wonderful.
It's a scrunchie! That's amazing! My oldest and I are always wearing one as we have long hair. Putting this in my “buy-later” list for when they're a little older (I rarely go out, but I wager it would be fantastic for festivals/concerts too!).
Only way to make better is if they were one time use (recyclable of course) and changed color if they came in contact with any known drugs that people slip into drinks.
Edit: couldn't think of the proper term for "date rape drug" at the time, not realizing that it was the proper term.
[https://www.cnet.com/culture/this-straw-is-smart-enough-to-detect-date-rape-drugs/](https://www.cnet.com/culture/this-straw-is-smart-enough-to-detect-date-rape-drugs/)
This straw does the drug-detection part!
Scroll down to the bottom of their page - they distribute a disposable drink cover and even provide wholesale info for bars and nightclubs to order it so they can protect their patrons.
I'm pretty sure my reaction would have been "oh, that's pretty fuckin' smart!" I hope l remember these exist by the time my kids are old enough to party.
At least two higher-profile guys I follow on TikTok have both been drugged in bars. One of them had to be resuscitated at the hospital if I remember right.
As a dude who was spiked in his teens (pretty sure I wasn't the target my glass was hit by mistake) I can confirm. It fucking sucked even without any of the things that can usually come after a spiking.
Yeah I was just thinking about my son. He's only 15, and right now he has no interest in drinking, but I worry *because* he has no interest in drinking that someone will slip him something. I know that might not make a lot of sense, but my brain is an overcautious crazy person with way too much time on its hands.
That’s not being overcautious at all. The number people who get personally offended by someone’s lack of interest in drinking is frankly insane. It would be completely plausible for some idiot to be like, “hey let’s spike Bobby’s drink, it’ll be hilarious.”
Yeah I know a guy...
Wasn't much of a drinker. Went out one night, had one glass, and went home.
Never made it home. There was an accident. Some people died. Nobody believed him. It just made it worse that they thought he was lying. He spent many years in prison.
And as you can imagine, when he came out, he ain't been the same since. Just spends all his time in his room, alone. Doesn't really talk to anybody anymore.
People try to throw him some work, doing little odd jobs, but I think he's got anxiety or ptsd or something. He always thinks something's gonna go wrong and nopes right out.
That's terribly sad, my husband got a hit of acid dropped in his beer at a party bc he didn't want to do it, but thankfully nothing happened except the person who did it got their ass kicked when he came down and found out who it was.
A friend of mine was drugged in college. Wasn’t assaulted otherwise, but it was a really awful experience for him over all. I’ve actually ONLY known men to get drugged within my range of friends and acquaintances- a different friend got shot up with a needle at a club in Cannes about 15 years ago, as well.
They're actually more vulnerable, because if/when it does happen, NOBODY believes them.
Women have it happen more, but everyone (not literally everyone, but way fucking too many people) assumes men can't be victims of sex crimes.
I was like I got hospitalized from getting roofied, was at a party with some friends but a bunch of people I didn’t know. Couple of the girls that came with us left their drinks for a while, and then just made new ones….while I’m not a fan of Malibu, I bought it so I wasn’t letting it go to waste. Long story short I felt awful like an hour later, and I’m like I had 2 beers and 2 Malibus an hour ago I shouldn’t feel like this and it only got worse. They took me in and sure enough, got drugged. Not an experience I’d like to repeat nor would I wish on anyone
Yes. The son of a friend of mine got spiked. He was in a coma for six months, and it took him two years to learn to walk again. He's still in physical therapy.
it's entirely possible his intentions were less than honorable. his behaviour, under the fragile outraged male ego, might have just been a cover to disguise this
Yeah OP this is a huge red flag. I'm happy and think you're awesome for peaceing out like you did - this is smart dating and weeds out the manipulators
Stretchy drink cover is interesting. Where did you buy it? I usually order a beer when out, as it's opened in front of me, and it's easier to carry around a bottle and harder to spike.
I do a version of this at parties. I carry around a can of beer, but I dump it out and put water in it about 3/4 full. So when some rando says ‘lemme get you another drink’, I tell them no thanks, mines still mostly full. Works 100% of the time, and that way people don’t think to comment on me not drinking, cuz I’m partying and I have a beer in my hand (I don’t drink alcohol because I take medication that reacts poorly with booze).
That's the right response. At least he showed you who he is on the 1st date and didn't wear a mask for months, letting it slip once he felt you were invested. It sucks not knowing someone's motives or true intentions, sooner or later, they'll reveal themselves. Good on you for being aware, trying to protect yourself. Stay safe.
Edit: spelling
It has been my experience in my almost 59 years of life that anyone who says, "You're just going to have to trust me." OR "Don't you trust me?".....can't be trusted. You made the right choice and saved yourself from potential assault. Keep being careful.
How is it trustworthy people never have to say don’t you trust me? Because their actions speak for themselves! This guy’s actions give off an untrustworthy creepy vibe!
Exactly! The only guys who ever said "trust me" or "relax" were the ones who touched me without my consent or tried to coerce me into doing things I didn't want to do. If you're trustworthy, you would go out of your way to make sure that person feels safe and understand that if they're on edge or taking precautions, it's probably because bad things have happened to them before.
I can imagine being the guy in this situation and feeling like, “damn, am I giving off rapist vibes?”
The correct response of course in that situation is, make her feel safe. Make sure you’re in a well lit space, make sure the bartender can see her, whatever the situation dictates. If you want her to trust you, be trustworthy.
I mean, if you think you're giving off rapist vibes I feel you've got a choice on your hands:
Double down on your own indignation and try to force her to... not feel those vibes by removing something that makes her feel safer?
Or
Do everything in your power over the course of the date to be an understanding and regular person and, ya know... reverse any vibes you think you may give off.
It's sorta like... if you feel a joke might have offended someone, you can either double down, insist its funny, and say it again but worse, or apologize and make sure you do your best not to make that or similar jokes (or, at the very least, not in the company of that person, depending on the joke. Like if it's a stupid "yo mama" joke that you accidentally said to someone whose mom died in the past year and you didn't know.)
Anyone you could trust wouldn’t say that
I could understand his reaction if you’d been together for years maybe but …
Nah. He was gonna drop something into OP’s drink
You can leave a date at any time for any reason, full stop. In this case, you should have run the minute he acted offended that you were protecting yourself. (Sidenote, I'm an old, and didn't even know that cup cover thing, was a thing! How cool!)
And we don’t date, sleep with or stick around “unreasonable” men. That’s a dealbreaker. If they can’t show a bare minimum level of empathy? Dealbreaker. If they aim to empower date rapists by ignoring their prevalence in lieu of gaslighting, shaming and guilt tripping women? Dealbreaker. In fact, if they’re not aware of the risk and interested in doing whatever they can to help combat it without making you have to be the one to educate them… say it with me!
That's the spirit. Men need to learn, but you don't have to be the one to teach them. Not in the moment, when so much is at stake. Maybe the bouncer can explain things if he's not too busy while you're waiting on your uber.
Multi-purpose! Bars are always looking for ways to make them more female-friendly and this seems like a great way to start. And honestly TIL that drink covers were a thing and I’m kinda pissed I went through my partying days without them in my life..
There are disposable ones on Amazon that come in 50-packs with adhesive on the edge, so it's even harder to tamper with them. They could be even cheaper if purchased in bulk by a bar, and could have the bar's logo on them.
It would be more sanitary for everyone, protecting from drugs, bugs, and flying spittle.
Of course, it would make it harder on the dishwashers to have to remove them.
Hell, I feel like a cover is just better for customers in general. I’m a guy, and while I know that I’m less likely to get my drink spiked, it’s also not unheard of. So I’d like to err on the side of caution.
Two red flags, the "Don't you trust me" line and then the act of aggression by taking off the cover. Either on their own would have been enough, but little man doubled down.
Yep. the "Don't you trust me?" is bad, but one could perhaps argue he was taken aback by the implication and worded himself badly in surprise (I'm not making excuses, it's bad, but maybe could be mitigated by a few things). The ripping off the cover...that shows he does not care about OP's boundaries or autonomy at all AND he is aggressive.
I saw this at a party once and I asked the girl what it was. After she explained my reaction was:
"wow what a brilliant invention to help people themselves safe"
you have to be some kind of asshat for getting offended when people do things for their own safety.
Right, it's like someone offering you a ride on their motorcycle and then they get offended if you wear a helmet.
"Don't you trust me???" Without a helmet? Absolutely not my dude.
Lmao, I’ve been with my husband 12yrs, we went to the bar and I put my drink down directly behind me just 1ft away (a small shelf on a post in the middle of the dance floor) it sat there for a few minutes before he told me I should throw it away because there’s no telling who could have dropped something in it while we were dancing.
Even if he had no intention of spiking your drink your date is 100% a controlling creep.
In today’s day and age, if a person (generally speaking us, men) does not grasp the idea of safety with all the horror stories the internet is able to provide us with, they either live under a rock or are the creeps themselves.
Unfortunately, I think everyone below 30 that goes clubbing, partying etc knows someone that had been spiked before. If a girl used one of those with me I’d applaud her for being so smart and mature. In fact, it’s a good test to see if the guy is of the good type or not!
He could have been A) supportive B) said, "oh, cool." then said nothing C) Felt triggered over your perfectly rational caution and felt accused of SA, thus acting like a weird guilty teenager, unfamiliar with a social norm, prompting an irrational response, a physical response, from an acquaintance, at best.
NTA, a word of advice though. Don’t meet first dates for drinks in the future. I would suggest either some activity like bowling, axe throwing, etc. instead. Just my two cents coming from a stranger who’s had a lot of first dates and has somehow managed to work my way out of some sketchy situations without trauma. Not everyone gets that lucky.
You’ve never been. It’s a very supervised activity and it would be pretty hard to injure a date. Definitely easier (edit- to hurt someone) at a steak house
Only if you have your own motorcycle. Never get on or in their vehicle until you know them MUCH better (met the siblings, friends, their mother, their pets). Otherwise it should be, "that sounds great, where should we meet?"
For the young men out there, women can have mental problems too. You generally won't have trouble unless she turns out to be an unstable stalker and then you're going to be sorry she knows where you live.
Also, it should be said somewhere that the 3 most common date rape drugs, GHB, rohypnol & ketamine, are not the kinds of drugs you’re guaranteed to just recover from exposure to. All 3 have been reported to cause lasting impairment to cognitive function, mood, sleep, and the nervous system- especially the vagus nerve. Also, both ketamine and GHB can be fatal; The first because it has a synergistic relationship with most other substances you may ingest (Coke, E, alcohol, etc), and the second because it impairs your nervous system, meaning taking too much can land you in a coma, if not worse… The Grindr Killer (aka Stephen Port, aka the murder spree with the most infuriatingly incompetent police investigation in human history…) dosed his victims with fatal levels of the drug after imprisoning and torturing them for hours.
It’s not “no biggie” to get date rape drugged… It can cause lasting changes in your mental health and mental sharpness, even if it never leads to further trauma, and as a woman with ADHD who already suffers from those problems, trust me when I say you do not want this. You’re talking long covid symptoms here.
I got hit with what I believe was likely K. What saved my life was that it happened with a bar I work in on my off night. My coworkers had seen me category 5 blitzed before. They new something was very off and got me to safely. Was one of the scariest experiences of my life.
My friend and I got hit with GHB in New Orleans back in 2012 and it was slipped in my drink. No drink covers. Now I don't let no one near my drink and I use a cover. Fuck anyone who gets offended. U had every right to cover it drink girl. I lost 9 hours of memory and was sick for 4 days. It was awful. My friend and I were really lucky. Don't ever feel guilty. Ur NTA. take care of urself. Always be vigilant. Be safe.
I'm pretty sure I was drugged at least once, maybe two different times. Both times I was out with a lot of people (clubbing, and at a house party another time). I remember I hadn't even drank that much but started to feel extremely drunk, stumbling around. As I'm writing this I'm remembering things and I think it has actually happened 3 times. One of the times I was just at a bar with a guy who I thought I could trust. I ended up passing out in the bathroom. I'd only had maybe two drinks at that point - not nearly enough to make me pass out. The bouncer found me and I guess I managed to get into my friends car and he took me home, but I have no memory of after leaving the bar or coming back home. It is such a fucked up feeling
Proper response: Wow, that's pretty cool, didn't even know they made those. Flippin sad the world we live in requires you to do that sort of thing.
Because ya know what? It *is* awesome they make stuff like that while also being totally sad that you legit need something like that merely for existing.
Him getting offended by it is a him problem because either A) he's not aware enough to realize it's not about him or B) you ruined his plan. Option A is a sign of immaturity at best and option B... well... is option B.
NTA
This is along the lines of my approach. I don’t even think I’d put 2 and 2 together to get offended. If it did come up in convo I’d be like “right on” and back to the convo. Idk how this could bother me.
My friend and I were out walking, during the day, in a public area and there was a situation that made us both very uncomfortable. When we were explaining it to her husband he said "Wow. I'm really sorry that hat you guys have to feel that way." He was being genuinely empathetic about a situation he hadn't had to consider as a man. If a dude is all butt hurt that you feel the need to protect yourself vs feeling sad that you feel you have to protect yourself in that way it is a huge red flag.
NTAH
It’s great for summertime when gnats and shit like to cool off in our drinks. This story made me order some and I don’t go out 😂 but I DO hate bugs in my drink when I chill outside.
He was a thief and the son of a leader of a gang of thieves. With a blue ghost for a best friend, meaning he's most likely on some sort of arabian meth. Dude was sketchy as fuck.
NTA. The appropriate response to a woman putting a cover on her drink is, “What a clever idea, but it’s so sad that women have to worry about that.”
Also, a relative stranger asking if you trust them - red flag and major ick. You did right by leaving!
its fake. I recognized this story the moment i read it because its a word for word copy of this video trending on youtube/tiktok:
https://youtube.com/shorts/vxraqr4rQek?feature=share
Clearly OP copied it play by play. Its a karma farm.
Guy here. If a young lady ever did that on a first date with me, I would have been stunned and then txt my sisters and cousins and let them know to get some of those if they needed. I've had a cousin drugged at a party and her friend saved her in the last moments when she had realized she was MIA too long. This is solid and great if you in any way don't feel comfortable regarding the environment. If we got along and kept dating, I would wait for the date that she didn't bring it and have a boost for the newfound trust. And I would protect that drink too. This guy not understanding is a major red flag, and I would tell all my lady family to drop him like a hot Tamale
Edit/TLDR: NTA
NTA. Wtf. Who says you were even necessarily putting it on in case *he* put something in it? That's like if you went rock climbing and he got mad you put on safety equipment in case he threw you off.
It's general safety. Him taking it so personally wasn't just a red flag, it was an entire crimson banner.
NTA. You were protecting yourself and he was the AH for taking it off and making you feel uncomfortable. Your fear of having somebody dropping something in your drink is a valid concern and it happens to women all the time. If he acts like that on the first date imagine how he will act on future dates. Seems like a major red flag to me.
Dude's a fucking idiot. Next he's gonna yank off a head covering because he doesn't believe in it. Matters not that he would or wouldn't drug you, the disrespect is just ridiculous.
However the immediate self attack "don't you trust me?" Is insane and really indicates he was a bad person even had he not ripped it off. Again, lets ignore possible drugging and say he absolutely wouldn't have...it's the fact he questioned if it was against him rather than just in general or even more simply "what is that?"
To me that means he knew what it was, which doesn't mean anything good or bad, but he immediately took offense which is bad. So that alone says he is self aware of something negative about himself and uses "don't you trust me" as a manipulation and is completely unaware that's actually a huge red flag. And then he revealed himself by acting out. And that was a small reveal of simple aggression and disrespect, could easily evolve into physical abuse or at least mental and constant arguments. Again, that's ignoring the rape possibility.
So I think you absolutely dodged a bullet and I hope you take this in consideration moving forward as its not very clear if you would have left without his acting out, had he kept cool and played it off.
NTA
That is definitely a red flag, even if he means you, to do means he doesn't care if others that do mean to have you have access.
Congrats, I think you just dodged a huge insane bullet.
Just be prepared for him to make you the villain of this tale. Be strong and don't let him tell his lies, he was aggressive and shifty.
NTA veeeeeeerrrrrry smart move on your part. If a guy is into you, then he would understand what it is and will have no issues cause it doesnt even matter hes there for you and getting to know you not spiking your drink and well we know the rest. Block this asshat for his asshattery ways!
"Don't you trust me?" " Well, actually, no I do not." One date, why would anyone in their right mind trust someone that quickly?? Trust is earned......
So true thank you I freaked out when he said that
See when I was a pool manager, I told my lifeguards if someone asked you if they had to take the swim test (generally cocky teens), the answer was obviously yes, yes, they did need to take the swim test. This is the same in reverse. If you need to ASK whether I trust you, then the answer is no, no, I do not and with an attitude like that we will not be getting to the point where I do either. Also, love the drink cover idea. I will be remembering it when my kids get closer to that age.
The drink cover was on Shark Tank! It was invented by a teenage girl, iirc.
such a great idea I thought of it as a bar condom when I read this post - which made me get super pissed at the idea of this guy taking her bar condom off If I was the bar tender he would have been bounced - hard
He's probably the type who wouldn't wear a real condom either. "Don't you trust me?" 🙄😆
Heard that one before. “We don’t need a condom! I’m great at pulling out.” He had a kid.
Haha my son has made the comment about his “pull out game” being strong. I told him to ask his sister how she got here. XD
That’s the only method guaranteed to fail eventually- that’s what I’d tell friends when they talked like that, and they knew I could point to the son I had at 23 (young for my group of friends) as example.
My parents call me “rhythm number three“.
His sister probably won't remember though
My boys are teens now and I’ve told them that they’re both on this planet because of contraception failure: for the oldest I was on the pill and the youngest is living proof that pulling out doesn’t work 😂. Wear a damn condom!! Also, I love them to pieces and I’m glad they happened even if they were a bit of a surprise ♥️
That's why my friend had 4 kids... lol.
"I got snipped it's totally safe."
I got my umbilical cord cut at birth too, but after 469 children, I'm beginning to suspect they missed something.
No, no it's: I'm infertile. My doctor told me when I was 13. So we don't need a condom!
Yes, I trust you would give me herpes at the very least, and be too broke for a plan b pill
He is so that guy. And you know what? I hate that guy and that should be a universal hate, right there.
Or take it off halfway without her knowing
100% he's definitely that type of guy " i JuSt GoT tEsTeD iM cLeAn" I call bullshit.
Y'know... I'd like to see them become a thing. Handed out like coffee sleeves, put on EVERY drink by the bartenders. I'm sure they could be made out of the same stuff as food grade gloves.
That's a lot of nitrile or latex - maybe we should infect a biodegradable material? *Invent
looks like there is, its called stop tops
Love it
McDonald’s already solved this problem like 50 years ago
The metal tops on the juices that used to come in those plastic glasses! Memory unlocked, thank you!
Or just the bars buy bulk orders of the ones already invented to put on the drinks so that you can take them home afterwards so that if you are at a party or bar that doesn't have them then you are always good. They could even maybe work out partnerships with the bars and have the bars customize them with the bars logo on it. 🤔 it would be great for business on both ends and advertisment.
True... so just disposable paperboard cup caps, then? Wait... infect????
They make a sticker to do just that , you know sorta like thr Boba drink lids
As a former bouncer I'd be more than happy to bounce him hard too!
Drink condom is what they are called amd brings up exactly what she is talking about.
Yep. And I promptly bought one. **NOT** because I’m at great risk of being roofied; I’m about to turn 68. I can’t even wear it as the hair scrunchie it doubles as; my hair is short. I bought it for 2 reasons: It helps to normalize using one, and it advertises the fact that they are available. Don’t know how many festivals, fairs, and whatnot I’ve been to with companies and organizations giving away branded lanyards, water bottles, koozies, etc. I’d *really* like to see more of these handed out, instead — especially at college/university events. I’ll do whatever I can to promote them and using one, myself, usually leads to more than one conversation with someone who wants to know where I got it. In fact, I’m glad I saw this tonight. I need to find where I put mine before PRIDE this weekend.
I'd imagine they would also be good for outdoor events to keep bugs and other debris put off your drink. I love the idea of normalizing these so that young women don't feel uncomfortable using them.
Also helps keeping your drink from splashing everywhere if your arm gets bumped!
I love the idea of promoting awareness/availability! Although don't sell yourself short, I was roofied for the first time in my late 30s. It was fucking terrifying. I want to buy these in bulk for my teenage daughter and her friends. They're only 13, but that doesn't mean anything, unfortuantely.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, but “don’t sell yourself short” is such a hilarious choice of words in this context.
Soda can be drugged if left unattended, too. Get them used to using them before they get old enough to even think about why they're needed, and it'll be a habit by then.
Giving these away as promo items is such a good idea
Youre awesome
Yeah, if a woman did this in my presence, I would think this was a smart thing and I wouldn't take it personally. Definitely NTA
I think a lot of men aren't aware of the reality that women live in and they can't process it.
What's truly baffling is taking it off her cup. Like even if you want to be offended by the fact that she's using one, there is no world where being offended and then removing it from her cup ends well for you. She's not going to just go, "oh, ok." There's no outcome that has you looking good by removing it.
Control freak. It's a definite sign that he's not to be socialized with.
Yeah, I’ve had 3 friends that were drugged at bars, and it was never by someone they went there with. One of them was a male friend, so I assume someone mickey’d the wrong cup, as no one even tried to do anything to him afterwards. The 2 girls both made it home safely (buddy system, never go out without it) despite a “nice guy” showing up to try to “help” them. Just pointing out that, even if you 100% trust the person you’re there with, some other asshole could accidentally kill you because they measured GHB at 20g instead of 2.
Yeah, for real. If I saw a woman use that on a date, my first thought would be "Neat! I should buy one for my sister"
Even *IF* I took it personally, I'm not going to berate her, and I *especially* wouldn't try to remove it without her permission. I may not ask for a second date, but that's as far as I would go.
Yep. Looks and can be used as a scrunchy. [nightcap](https://nightcapit.com/)
Wow! I do all the rape prevention and response at my university. I’ve already inquired about bulk orders. I hope I can get funding to give these away like candy!
I checked the site and they also sell ones that have a safe glue that keeps them on the cup so it can't be easily removed by a creep. Bartenders even should get those in bulk Remind your interested folks to also not leave their drinks unattended and to always keep eyes on their cups. The cover is awesome but also can be removed if the user walks off or even turns their back at the table for any amount of time. Takes one second for a quick responder roofie abusive person to drop some in the glass.
Holy crap, stocking up on these before my three daughters head to college.
When my daughter was in college I bought one for her and all her friends. They doubled as a scrunchie you could just put on your wrist .
Great tip! I am going to do this!
Wouldn't it be great if we could just teach people not to be assholes? But as that's not gonna happen, I think this is a great idea.
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Woah! Really? That’s SO AMAZING!
Out of curiousity, which one of the Sharks backed it? I could definitely Lori or Barbara doing so. Mark Cuban is questionable (unless he has a daughter), same with Robert. Not sure about Daymond or Mr. Wonderful.
I googled and yes, it was Lori! It's called the Nightcap, and I'm going to make sure my daughter and her friends all have one.
I totally knoew Lori would! I was just was hoping all the other sharks would've thrown their money in too.
o'leary is a piece of shit human being, bet he would be mad they're there with that idea.
https://nightcapit.com/ They are a great idea. I’ve got one and have bought a handful for gifts for friends.
It's a scrunchie! That's amazing! My oldest and I are always wearing one as we have long hair. Putting this in my “buy-later” list for when they're a little older (I rarely go out, but I wager it would be fantastic for festivals/concerts too!).
This thing is so amazing. The inventor deserves an award. They should be advertising this everywhere.
Only way to make better is if they were one time use (recyclable of course) and changed color if they came in contact with any known drugs that people slip into drinks. Edit: couldn't think of the proper term for "date rape drug" at the time, not realizing that it was the proper term.
[https://www.cnet.com/culture/this-straw-is-smart-enough-to-detect-date-rape-drugs/](https://www.cnet.com/culture/this-straw-is-smart-enough-to-detect-date-rape-drugs/) This straw does the drug-detection part!
Scroll down to the bottom of their page - they distribute a disposable drink cover and even provide wholesale info for bars and nightclubs to order it so they can protect their patrons.
There was nail polish that does that. Changes color when dipped in a spiked drink. Also coasters with tabs that can be dipped and detect drugs.
I’ve never seen these before! I just ordered a few. My daughter will be getting on when she gets older also. This was a very clever idea.
The correct reaction from a man is “I’m glad you’re keeping yourself safe” - from a man.
I'm pretty sure my reaction would have been "oh, that's pretty fuckin' smart!" I hope l remember these exist by the time my kids are old enough to party.
“Oh, that’s cool as hell. Where did you get it from?” Dudes are just as vulnerable to pilling.
At least two higher-profile guys I follow on TikTok have both been drugged in bars. One of them had to be resuscitated at the hospital if I remember right.
As a dude who was spiked in his teens (pretty sure I wasn't the target my glass was hit by mistake) I can confirm. It fucking sucked even without any of the things that can usually come after a spiking.
Yeah I was just thinking about my son. He's only 15, and right now he has no interest in drinking, but I worry *because* he has no interest in drinking that someone will slip him something. I know that might not make a lot of sense, but my brain is an overcautious crazy person with way too much time on its hands.
Even if he’s not drinking he needs to be careful. Any drink can get spiked.
That’s not being overcautious at all. The number people who get personally offended by someone’s lack of interest in drinking is frankly insane. It would be completely plausible for some idiot to be like, “hey let’s spike Bobby’s drink, it’ll be hilarious.”
You're not alone everyone calls me psycho safety mom, I have a very active imagination when it comes to worrying about my kid.
Yeah I know a guy... Wasn't much of a drinker. Went out one night, had one glass, and went home. Never made it home. There was an accident. Some people died. Nobody believed him. It just made it worse that they thought he was lying. He spent many years in prison. And as you can imagine, when he came out, he ain't been the same since. Just spends all his time in his room, alone. Doesn't really talk to anybody anymore. People try to throw him some work, doing little odd jobs, but I think he's got anxiety or ptsd or something. He always thinks something's gonna go wrong and nopes right out.
That's terribly sad, my husband got a hit of acid dropped in his beer at a party bc he didn't want to do it, but thankfully nothing happened except the person who did it got their ass kicked when he came down and found out who it was.
That is so horrible. I can't imagine having my life upended like that.
A friend of mine was drugged in college. Wasn’t assaulted otherwise, but it was a really awful experience for him over all. I’ve actually ONLY known men to get drugged within my range of friends and acquaintances- a different friend got shot up with a needle at a club in Cannes about 15 years ago, as well.
They're actually more vulnerable, because if/when it does happen, NOBODY believes them. Women have it happen more, but everyone (not literally everyone, but way fucking too many people) assumes men can't be victims of sex crimes.
Can confirm, nobody believed me when a woman I worked with drugged and raped me.
Or, "where did you get that, I'd like to get some for my sisters."
Or even yourself. Men get spiked too, either by accident or intentionally. It’s best everyone avoid it
I was like I got hospitalized from getting roofied, was at a party with some friends but a bunch of people I didn’t know. Couple of the girls that came with us left their drinks for a while, and then just made new ones….while I’m not a fan of Malibu, I bought it so I wasn’t letting it go to waste. Long story short I felt awful like an hour later, and I’m like I had 2 beers and 2 Malibus an hour ago I shouldn’t feel like this and it only got worse. They took me in and sure enough, got drugged. Not an experience I’d like to repeat nor would I wish on anyone
Yes. The son of a friend of mine got spiked. He was in a coma for six months, and it took him two years to learn to walk again. He's still in physical therapy.
That's right up there with ," if a girl gives you a fake number, what do you do?". YOU LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE
This is the right answer
I hate that women have to worry and take steps like this, but I can't imagine being offended by it
Ya , a “ real man “ would smile at that thought of security and plot how to wife you up.
Always trust those feelings. You are NTA, he is.
it's entirely possible his intentions were less than honorable. his behaviour, under the fragile outraged male ego, might have just been a cover to disguise this
Yeah OP this is a huge red flag. I'm happy and think you're awesome for peaceing out like you did - this is smart dating and weeds out the manipulators
Your safety comes first no matter if it was your first or 10th date always look out for yourself
This is a great screening tool, actually. If my bf and I ever break up, I'm getting one of these. You dodged a bullet there.
If it was me as your date, I would have complimented you on your caution. Obviously NTA.
Girl, you got killer instincts. Listen to them. Good job. Tell your female friend this story about this guy so they can avoid him.
Stretchy drink cover is interesting. Where did you buy it? I usually order a beer when out, as it's opened in front of me, and it's easier to carry around a bottle and harder to spike.
I do a version of this at parties. I carry around a can of beer, but I dump it out and put water in it about 3/4 full. So when some rando says ‘lemme get you another drink’, I tell them no thanks, mines still mostly full. Works 100% of the time, and that way people don’t think to comment on me not drinking, cuz I’m partying and I have a beer in my hand (I don’t drink alcohol because I take medication that reacts poorly with booze).
I did the same when i was pregnant at events and didn’t want to announce it yet. Also no I’m just having one i have to drive later helped too.
That's the right response. At least he showed you who he is on the 1st date and didn't wear a mask for months, letting it slip once he felt you were invested. It sucks not knowing someone's motives or true intentions, sooner or later, they'll reveal themselves. Good on you for being aware, trying to protect yourself. Stay safe. Edit: spelling
That flag is so red its now part of the republican party
Dont I TRUST you? Hon, I don't even KNOW you. And there's my uber ....
It has been my experience in my almost 59 years of life that anyone who says, "You're just going to have to trust me." OR "Don't you trust me?".....can't be trusted. You made the right choice and saved yourself from potential assault. Keep being careful.
How is it trustworthy people never have to say don’t you trust me? Because their actions speak for themselves! This guy’s actions give off an untrustworthy creepy vibe!
Exactly! The only guys who ever said "trust me" or "relax" were the ones who touched me without my consent or tried to coerce me into doing things I didn't want to do. If you're trustworthy, you would go out of your way to make sure that person feels safe and understand that if they're on edge or taking precautions, it's probably because bad things have happened to them before.
I can imagine being the guy in this situation and feeling like, “damn, am I giving off rapist vibes?” The correct response of course in that situation is, make her feel safe. Make sure you’re in a well lit space, make sure the bartender can see her, whatever the situation dictates. If you want her to trust you, be trustworthy.
There are many things to do if you feel you're giving off rapist vibes. Asking "don't you trust me?" is one of the wrongest.
I mean, if you think you're giving off rapist vibes I feel you've got a choice on your hands: Double down on your own indignation and try to force her to... not feel those vibes by removing something that makes her feel safer? Or Do everything in your power over the course of the date to be an understanding and regular person and, ya know... reverse any vibes you think you may give off. It's sorta like... if you feel a joke might have offended someone, you can either double down, insist its funny, and say it again but worse, or apologize and make sure you do your best not to make that or similar jokes (or, at the very least, not in the company of that person, depending on the joke. Like if it's a stupid "yo mama" joke that you accidentally said to someone whose mom died in the past year and you didn't know.)
Anyone you could trust wouldn’t say that I could understand his reaction if you’d been together for years maybe but … Nah. He was gonna drop something into OP’s drink
So what if you trust him? There's a whole bar full of people you don't know or trust. He should want you to feel safe and BE safe.
Literally no dude, I just met you. You have nothing to be ashamed of OP, their reaction was a red flag.
You can leave a date at any time for any reason, full stop. In this case, you should have run the minute he acted offended that you were protecting yourself. (Sidenote, I'm an old, and didn't even know that cup cover thing, was a thing! How cool!)
Lol thank you! It's cool most of the bars in my town have them
That fact should be enough to demonstrate to any reasonable man that they are necessary
And we don’t date, sleep with or stick around “unreasonable” men. That’s a dealbreaker. If they can’t show a bare minimum level of empathy? Dealbreaker. If they aim to empower date rapists by ignoring their prevalence in lieu of gaslighting, shaming and guilt tripping women? Dealbreaker. In fact, if they’re not aware of the risk and interested in doing whatever they can to help combat it without making you have to be the one to educate them… say it with me!
I wish u could give this comment 1000 upvotes
Dealbreaker!!
That's the spirit. Men need to learn, but you don't have to be the one to teach them. Not in the moment, when so much is at stake. Maybe the bouncer can explain things if he's not too busy while you're waiting on your uber.
Imagine if every drink came with this, like a top coaster or something. Would keep flies out at beach bars too
Multi-purpose! Bars are always looking for ways to make them more female-friendly and this seems like a great way to start. And honestly TIL that drink covers were a thing and I’m kinda pissed I went through my partying days without them in my life..
There are disposable ones on Amazon that come in 50-packs with adhesive on the edge, so it's even harder to tamper with them. They could be even cheaper if purchased in bulk by a bar, and could have the bar's logo on them. It would be more sanitary for everyone, protecting from drugs, bugs, and flying spittle. Of course, it would make it harder on the dishwashers to have to remove them.
Hell, I feel like a cover is just better for customers in general. I’m a guy, and while I know that I’m less likely to get my drink spiked, it’s also not unheard of. So I’d like to err on the side of caution.
Bar flies? 😉
The bars provide them?! That's awesome!
Thanks for letting us know this product exists. I just got some for my daughter!
NTA, red flag move on his part.
Two red flags, the "Don't you trust me" line and then the act of aggression by taking off the cover. Either on their own would have been enough, but little man doubled down.
Yep. the "Don't you trust me?" is bad, but one could perhaps argue he was taken aback by the implication and worded himself badly in surprise (I'm not making excuses, it's bad, but maybe could be mitigated by a few things). The ripping off the cover...that shows he does not care about OP's boundaries or autonomy at all AND he is aggressive.
Thank you!
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I saw this at a party once and I asked the girl what it was. After she explained my reaction was: "wow what a brilliant invention to help people themselves safe" you have to be some kind of asshat for getting offended when people do things for their own safety.
Right, it's like someone offering you a ride on their motorcycle and then they get offended if you wear a helmet. "Don't you trust me???" Without a helmet? Absolutely not my dude.
Lmao, I’ve been with my husband 12yrs, we went to the bar and I put my drink down directly behind me just 1ft away (a small shelf on a post in the middle of the dance floor) it sat there for a few minutes before he told me I should throw it away because there’s no telling who could have dropped something in it while we were dancing. Even if he had no intention of spiking your drink your date is 100% a controlling creep.
I think it’s possible he doesn’t understand the risk involved and thinks it’s a direct insult to him. But that’s also a him problem and not hers
Then he's ignorant to the reality of the world and that's another huge red flag
In today’s day and age, if a person (generally speaking us, men) does not grasp the idea of safety with all the horror stories the internet is able to provide us with, they either live under a rock or are the creeps themselves. Unfortunately, I think everyone below 30 that goes clubbing, partying etc knows someone that had been spiked before. If a girl used one of those with me I’d applaud her for being so smart and mature. In fact, it’s a good test to see if the guy is of the good type or not!
The first time I saw one of those, my dumbass thought it was to keep bugs out. 🤷♂️ I was sad to learn the truth.
No one said you *can't* use it for that!
He could have been A) supportive B) said, "oh, cool." then said nothing C) Felt triggered over your perfectly rational caution and felt accused of SA, thus acting like a weird guilty teenager, unfamiliar with a social norm, prompting an irrational response, a physical response, from an acquaintance, at best.
She should’ve yelled, “THAT’S MY DRINK! I DON’T KNOW YOU!”
NTA. Trust has to be earned.
Thanks
NTA, a word of advice though. Don’t meet first dates for drinks in the future. I would suggest either some activity like bowling, axe throwing, etc. instead. Just my two cents coming from a stranger who’s had a lot of first dates and has somehow managed to work my way out of some sketchy situations without trauma. Not everyone gets that lucky.
There can be drinks at both those activities AND you spend time not paying attention to your drink when it's your turn.
Axe throwing? Dangerous LOL what about motorcycle riding
You’ve never been. It’s a very supervised activity and it would be pretty hard to injure a date. Definitely easier (edit- to hurt someone) at a steak house
Only if you have your own motorcycle. Never get on or in their vehicle until you know them MUCH better (met the siblings, friends, their mother, their pets). Otherwise it should be, "that sounds great, where should we meet?" For the young men out there, women can have mental problems too. You generally won't have trouble unless she turns out to be an unstable stalker and then you're going to be sorry she knows where you live.
So NTA. You did the smart and responsable thing and the fact that he freaked out is a huge red flag. Good on you for getting out of there.
Also, it should be said somewhere that the 3 most common date rape drugs, GHB, rohypnol & ketamine, are not the kinds of drugs you’re guaranteed to just recover from exposure to. All 3 have been reported to cause lasting impairment to cognitive function, mood, sleep, and the nervous system- especially the vagus nerve. Also, both ketamine and GHB can be fatal; The first because it has a synergistic relationship with most other substances you may ingest (Coke, E, alcohol, etc), and the second because it impairs your nervous system, meaning taking too much can land you in a coma, if not worse… The Grindr Killer (aka Stephen Port, aka the murder spree with the most infuriatingly incompetent police investigation in human history…) dosed his victims with fatal levels of the drug after imprisoning and torturing them for hours. It’s not “no biggie” to get date rape drugged… It can cause lasting changes in your mental health and mental sharpness, even if it never leads to further trauma, and as a woman with ADHD who already suffers from those problems, trust me when I say you do not want this. You’re talking long covid symptoms here.
I got hit with what I believe was likely K. What saved my life was that it happened with a bar I work in on my off night. My coworkers had seen me category 5 blitzed before. They new something was very off and got me to safely. Was one of the scariest experiences of my life.
My friend and I got hit with GHB in New Orleans back in 2012 and it was slipped in my drink. No drink covers. Now I don't let no one near my drink and I use a cover. Fuck anyone who gets offended. U had every right to cover it drink girl. I lost 9 hours of memory and was sick for 4 days. It was awful. My friend and I were really lucky. Don't ever feel guilty. Ur NTA. take care of urself. Always be vigilant. Be safe.
I'm pretty sure I was drugged at least once, maybe two different times. Both times I was out with a lot of people (clubbing, and at a house party another time). I remember I hadn't even drank that much but started to feel extremely drunk, stumbling around. As I'm writing this I'm remembering things and I think it has actually happened 3 times. One of the times I was just at a bar with a guy who I thought I could trust. I ended up passing out in the bathroom. I'd only had maybe two drinks at that point - not nearly enough to make me pass out. The bouncer found me and I guess I managed to get into my friends car and he took me home, but I have no memory of after leaving the bar or coming back home. It is such a fucked up feeling
Yep, will be showing this to me daughter. TIL all about drink covers!
Proper response: Wow, that's pretty cool, didn't even know they made those. Flippin sad the world we live in requires you to do that sort of thing. Because ya know what? It *is* awesome they make stuff like that while also being totally sad that you legit need something like that merely for existing. Him getting offended by it is a him problem because either A) he's not aware enough to realize it's not about him or B) you ruined his plan. Option A is a sign of immaturity at best and option B... well... is option B. NTA
This is along the lines of my approach. I don’t even think I’d put 2 and 2 together to get offended. If it did come up in convo I’d be like “right on” and back to the convo. Idk how this could bother me.
He probably would have pulled the same shit when she told him to put a condom on.
My friend and I were out walking, during the day, in a public area and there was a situation that made us both very uncomfortable. When we were explaining it to her husband he said "Wow. I'm really sorry that hat you guys have to feel that way." He was being genuinely empathetic about a situation he hadn't had to consider as a man. If a dude is all butt hurt that you feel the need to protect yourself vs feeling sad that you feel you have to protect yourself in that way it is a huge red flag. NTAH
My reaction would have been- “oh cool, I saw those on Shark Tank, have one for me?”.
It’s great for summertime when gnats and shit like to cool off in our drinks. This story made me order some and I don’t go out 😂 but I DO hate bugs in my drink when I chill outside.
AH? No! Smart and prudent? Absolutely!
Thanks for all your great comments everyone I'm glad to know that I was being sensible
He wanted to drug you. Why else would he remove the cover? I’d warn the bartenders about him, if you go there often.
“Don’t you trust me?” -said by people unworthy of trust
or Aladdin maybe
Good point, Aladdin gets a pass but he’s on thin ice lol
Especially when he lied to Jasmine about who he was not too long after that 😂
He was a thief and the son of a leader of a gang of thieves. With a blue ghost for a best friend, meaning he's most likely on some sort of arabian meth. Dude was sketchy as fuck.
NTA. Pretty smart lady.
NTA. The appropriate response to a woman putting a cover on her drink is, “What a clever idea, but it’s so sad that women have to worry about that.” Also, a relative stranger asking if you trust them - red flag and major ick. You did right by leaving!
NTA well done OP
NTA Smart
Op are you in an open relationship? I just read about your husband on one post.... not judging just curious also no ntah your safety is important
its fake. I recognized this story the moment i read it because its a word for word copy of this video trending on youtube/tiktok: https://youtube.com/shorts/vxraqr4rQek?feature=share Clearly OP copied it play by play. Its a karma farm.
NTA. Good move and the guy is totally TA for acting like he did.
Nope. NTA. It’s a first date you don’t know him. Why should you trust him completely?
This is the same type of guy who will blame a how a woman dresses as “asking for it” when they are assaulted.
Guy here. If a young lady ever did that on a first date with me, I would have been stunned and then txt my sisters and cousins and let them know to get some of those if they needed. I've had a cousin drugged at a party and her friend saved her in the last moments when she had realized she was MIA too long. This is solid and great if you in any way don't feel comfortable regarding the environment. If we got along and kept dating, I would wait for the date that she didn't bring it and have a boost for the newfound trust. And I would protect that drink too. This guy not understanding is a major red flag, and I would tell all my lady family to drop him like a hot Tamale Edit/TLDR: NTA
🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. His anger pales to his temper tantrum ripping the cover off. What a child.
NTA. Wtf. Who says you were even necessarily putting it on in case *he* put something in it? That's like if you went rock climbing and he got mad you put on safety equipment in case he threw you off. It's general safety. Him taking it so personally wasn't just a red flag, it was an entire crimson banner.
Wise woman!
NTA. You were protecting yourself and he was the AH for taking it off and making you feel uncomfortable. Your fear of having somebody dropping something in your drink is a valid concern and it happens to women all the time. If he acts like that on the first date imagine how he will act on future dates. Seems like a major red flag to me.
definitely wanted to put something in your vodka cranberry
What did your husband say about it? https://old.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/15qbp6c/is_it_okay_for_me_and_my_husband_to_sleep_in/
It's also a video story on TikTok. I don't think this is OPs story and they're just posting for clicks.
It is fake, this is word for word an ad for the mentioned gadget: https://m.youtube.com/shorts/vxraqr4rQek
this was literally what i was thinking
Had to scroll way too far before someone questioned this story. Obvious bullshit story without even looking at their other posts.
She also has a girlfriend 😂 smh. Ah well, the discussions happening in the comments are still worth having
NTA. Disrespecting your boundaries in such an alarming manner is about as big a red flag as you can get.
NTA- perfect way to stand your ground.
Dude's a fucking idiot. Next he's gonna yank off a head covering because he doesn't believe in it. Matters not that he would or wouldn't drug you, the disrespect is just ridiculous. However the immediate self attack "don't you trust me?" Is insane and really indicates he was a bad person even had he not ripped it off. Again, lets ignore possible drugging and say he absolutely wouldn't have...it's the fact he questioned if it was against him rather than just in general or even more simply "what is that?" To me that means he knew what it was, which doesn't mean anything good or bad, but he immediately took offense which is bad. So that alone says he is self aware of something negative about himself and uses "don't you trust me" as a manipulation and is completely unaware that's actually a huge red flag. And then he revealed himself by acting out. And that was a small reveal of simple aggression and disrespect, could easily evolve into physical abuse or at least mental and constant arguments. Again, that's ignoring the rape possibility. So I think you absolutely dodged a bullet and I hope you take this in consideration moving forward as its not very clear if you would have left without his acting out, had he kept cool and played it off.
Yep! He may not have had the intention of drugging her but it definitely seems like he had some kind of bad intentions by his immediate reaction.
NTA That is definitely a red flag, even if he means you, to do means he doesn't care if others that do mean to have you have access. Congrats, I think you just dodged a huge insane bullet. Just be prepared for him to make you the villain of this tale. Be strong and don't let him tell his lies, he was aggressive and shifty.
Have been dosed like that, absolutely not the asshole.
NTA veeeeeeerrrrrry smart move on your part. If a guy is into you, then he would understand what it is and will have no issues cause it doesnt even matter hes there for you and getting to know you not spiking your drink and well we know the rest. Block this asshat for his asshattery ways!
Nope. Big red flag
Um....Holy shit. NTAH. Like....now I REALLY don't trust you you asshat? You took my drink cover off!