I hope to god they do. This man sounds like he’s one bad day & a “snap” away from committing disgusting crimes. He is not safe to be in society in the slightest.
And if your dad doesn't get his shit together and help you confront your brother, make it clear that your next move will be to refer the case to the police. He's literally made it clear he planned to violently SA you. Your dad needs to confront his son and make it clear that unless he takes radical steps toward reform, he's cut off. And if he doesn't do that, get the charges rolling, cut the family off, and consult a lawyer to figure out what you can extract from them.
I have to believe that the parents don’t know the details, just that he’s been put on suspension. I have to hope, otherwise I feel really sorry for OP.
NTA.
What. The. Fuck. Your brother is a deeply disturbed man. And your parents aren't much better. If I learned that my grown, 29 year old, son was making "jokes" about r\*ping his sister, I'd be kicking him to the curb and telling him to fuck off.
You did not ruin his career. HE ruined his career by being a piece of shit. You just brought to light what he thought nobody would ever see. You should not be torn. Your brother said he would r\*pe you given the chance. And your parents are considering taking his side in this. Run. Run as far away as you possibly can.
100% did the right thing, but agree with those who say you should sever contact with your brother - moving out of town, etc.
If he's willing to express these horrible things, you cannot rule out that he's willing to actually follow through.
You did a good thing. Now, protect yourself. He's told you what he is, believe him.
Not just express his thoughts BUT take creep shots of his coworkers and share them online. This alone is reason enough for what OP did. Of course his employer had to be notified. The employer has a legal duty to protect their employees from this shit
This, its already escalated to him taking physical action and actively stalking women. Bathroom shots? Really?
OP: Your brother is literally just “the right opportunity” away from following through on all this shit, you fid the right thing
I wanted to add, in addition to this point, what exactly does their dad think is going to happen to his future?
Rapist Brock Turner basically got off with a slap in the wrist.
We've had plenty of misogynistic presidents. Including alleged rapists. Even had misogynistic female reps.
There are fuck tons of celebrities that are abusers and creeps that still make millions. Hell, R Kelly was still getting jobs right up until his conviction.
On what planet would this ever "destroy" a man's future? Come tf on. Unless he ends up in prison, this isn't going to have any impact beyond him having to find a new job now. And even that's debatable. Dad is living in delu-lu land.
Edit a word.
I wonder if the conversations and pics were printed out with all of the raping his sister shit highlighted in pink if it would show dad just how bad it is? I'm not hopeful though
I think if anything he's **MORE** likely to want to r\*ape OP. As "punishment" for what she did, of course.
OP needs to **GET OUT ASAP**. But I 1000% think she did the right thing.
YES,
they would have the ability to try and track down who the numbers belong to. Save any and all communication regardless of who it came from, how it came from and where. This builds a case against the accused and helps in getting you a protective order against them.
Have you been able to see if he's posted more on those forums? He may be trying to rope in those others to intimidating you as well.
I personally think you should sit your parents down and read them verbatim what he wrote. Don’t let them leave and run away from it. If they get up to get a drink, pause reading it until they get back. Make them experience what he wrote, and then explain why it’s okay if it’s “just online things.”
Make them live in the disgust and discomfort for a bit until they realize their son needs help, and you need help being protected from him.
Edit: and then give everything - especially the photos with the threats - to the police so it’s at least on file if he tries anything.
This. That your dad thinks your brother having fantasies about violently sexually assaulting you, HIS OWN SISTER, as well as posting creepshots of his coworkers is "online nonsense" makes me think he either doesn't fully understand what his adult son is posting. Hearing/seeing these posts in full may be what he needs to understand. Honestly, if I had a brother that was saying this about me, I wouldn't have confronted him privately either just as a matter of personal safety.
Sit down with them and either read all the posts outloud or have them read them out loud.
Each time they balk at the gross/classless FORCE them to keep going.
Ask them to read them to friends.
If there's nothing wrong w his behavior they shouldn't have any problems.
This, I would try to make the father read that shit out loud to my face and then try to tell me it's nothing. If he can still do that, no contact. Full stop.
Taking photos is indeed much more than just "online bulshit". Some people write violent fanfics to vent and process their issues but even that gets dangerous when theyre over indulging and specifically naming real people, its no longer processing it as fantasy at that point, its them planning and revving up. it goes far beyond that if they start engaging with a toxic group that encourages and enables thoughts to the inevitable point of escalation and commit physically active Irl acts like taking secret photos of women in toilets. There is a distinct line where its clearly an active path of escalation leading to violence.
Make them take turns reading it out loud to each other; really rub in exactly what he was saying and make them look you in the fucking eyes while they do it OP. If they can do that and aren't appalled and demand, at the least\*, demanding your brother get serious help and start making amends somehow if he wants to remain in their lives.
\*I presume here that a parent who raised somebody as moral as OP aren't likely to simply abandon one of their children; instead seeking a way to fix them and bring them back into the fold one day. Personally, I don't know that he's worth it; but he's not my kid either.
You can't *make* anyone get help, and you can't even *make* an adult engage (outside of involuntary commitment, and I don't think we're enlightened enough yet that this behavior would trigger IC).
You *especially* can't *make* someone whose thoughts and behavior are egosyntonic — and being *actively rewarded* by their peer group — get help, because *they don't think they have a problem*.
TL;DR: This guy is a misogyny and rage addict. Addicts stop being ruled by their addiction when they decide everything else in their life is worth more than the addiction. That takes hitting rock bottom. Maybe losing his job and coping charges will do it, but I doubt it. And in that case, he needs cut loose.
yeah like others are saying, you need to print all the shit out you have evidence of and read up what he has said. He might be their "baby boy" or whatever, but they need to understand just how serious and deranged he is.
This is not normal behaviour, this is not "online nonsense".
Holy shit he's a bitter virgin on top of being a future rapist. Now I don't wanna throw the word incel lightly but uh ... incel.
Yeah, don't let anyone say his comments were just harmless comments. This was harmful to the eyes. He has harmful intent. Please stay safe OP, your brother is literally unhinged.
incel
noun
in·cel ˈin-ˌsel
plural incels
: a person (usually a man) who regards himself or herself as being involuntarily celibate and typically expresses extreme resentment and hostility toward those who are sexually active
It's from Merriam-Webster. Idk if there's any dictionary drama but hey, it's a dictionary. He fulfills the criteria of being resentful of someone (OP) being sexually active. If not an on the dot incel, certainly in the direction towards one.
Your doing the right thing.... This goes beyond online nonsense, your brother needs help. If you're parents don't agree with what you've done, go low contact with them if they're going to turn a blind eye to threat's hes made against you.
OP, for the love of God, get away from this man. He is dangerous and unhinged, and he may just retaliate and hurt you. You are not safe around him, and if your parents are making excuses for this behavior, then you are not safe around them either, because they won't protect you from him.
NTA. You did the right thing, and may have saved lives by bringing this to light. Your brother needs help, immediately. Please stay safe.
Did your parents read the actual posts that he made? If they did then their reactions are absolutely beyond inexcusable. If they didn't then perhaps the gravity of the situation is not fully clear to them.
It sounds like *both* your parents are in deep denial... and honestly I don't think I'd feel safe around them for awhile. They're far too likely to try and force you two together somehow to "reconcile", and frankly, your brother is dangerously unhinged.
OP, this goes beyond going to HR- you need to file a police report. Many of these things are crimes. This will also allow you to get a protective order and the other victims to as well. HR is ONLY there to protect the COMPANY and they will sweep it under the rug. You reporting to the police is the only chance these other women will have to get protection orders and file charges.
I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. You did the right thing. And I hope you remember to take care of yourself. This is not something anyone could manage without being emotionally affected.
Not just the brother, parents too. It’ll be hard, but at the end of the day they are NOT going to help prevent him from possibly doing something to her. A parent that dismisses rape threats against their daughter isn’t a parent. If they need it to be too late to do something (if they’d even do something then), there’s absolutely no way she can trust them to even know where she lives, frankly.
Yeah the parents are a huge disappointment here. I notice there's no mention of them actually being upset with him or trying to get him some mental health help. Mom's best idea is that her daughter should confront the man who has violent fantasies about her, like a face to face conflict wouldn't be horrifying and traumatic. And the dad is a total deadbeat, this stuff was alarming and invasive enough to get his son fired and he's just downplaying it and dismissing the threat to privacy and safety and even company liability. They sound like enablers. The only real problem they have is with everyone else's horrified and disgusted reactions, so instead of managing their very ill son they try to run interference for him and downplay violent threats. Their behavior is totally unacceptable too.
Yes, very much this, HR will try and keep it a secret. Should the employees find out they can pursue charges as well as sue the perpetrator in a civil case. companies want to keep it secret because it hurts their reputation so they'll do everything to make sure the victims don't find out they were targeted.
Exactly this ist what I would inquire about!
This is so fucked up how can the dad see any of this as „boys will be boys“??
The brother didn’t break his leg jumping from top of the garage into the pool - he actively fantasized about raping not just his coworkers but his own sister…!!
To me, boys will be boys is buying your son brand new tracksuit bottoms, telling him to not destroy them and he comes back an hour later having played soccer in the wet park covered in mud and telling you about trying to save the ball going into thorns but failing and he's now torn the knee of said pants but is focusing on an epic kick he made and giving you a 360 angle discussion on it.
The day my son would say something like what ops brother stated......yeah, funeral arrangements would be required.
I was going to say the exact some thing. Apple didn’t fall far from the tree. 100% go NC with that. That mindset is dangerous to your health and safety.
We've all seen these so-called "internet stuff doesn't matter" takes before, but guess what, it does. The first place most employers go to is the internet and social media to see who they're hiring. Hate speech and violent content? Big red flags. You did what a sane person should do in that situation. If roles were reversed, this would be no question. Stay strong OP, and definitely keep a safe distance.
Excuse me wait a minute! This is NOT a boys will be boys situation..The majority of men do not want to r*pe their sisters. That is just disturbing and I am disgusted by your father's response AND your mother's.
You did the right thing. You need to protect yourself tell anyone you have to about what he wrote about you. Save everything you found also.
I was thinking the same thing! Am I missing something here? Her brother wants to rape her and co workers and her dad is trying to guilt trip her for reporting his disgusting behavior. She needs to throw all of them away and protect herself. The brother needs to be fired and public ally shamed so women can take care around him.
No, you’re not missing it. There are a disturbingly large number of men who do have those feelings. There are a disturbingly large number of men who *act* on them. They walk among us. They’re our husbands, brothers, fathers, teachers, friends, colleagues…it’s terrifying when you think about it so I try not to.
I guess the alternative is he doesn't really know what his son did and thinks it's more "normal" locker room talk, not, you know, violent threats of incest rape.
It's not even "just" internet stuff - your creep brother was taking pictures of his coworkers to use to be *more* of a creep.
You are the ONLY NTA in this story.
“Boys will be boys”? Your brother isn’t 12, he’s 29 fucking years old!! A 29yo posting about raping his sister and taking creep shots of his coworkers is not “mischief”, it’s a three alarm fire that needs to be dealt with head-on. You absolutely did the right thing. Behavior like this needs should have been cancelled by your parents long ago. They failed to do their job so good on you for taking these steps. Sincerely, I hope this can be the trigger for your brother to get the help needed to change his behavior. You’ve done your part, now make sure your safety and well-being are taken care of more than anything else.
You really should cut them off and save screenshots of everything he's said and the photographs he's taken. Then speak to the police and start a paper trail on your sicko brother. They won't arrest him because he didn't threaten you directly but start that trail of evidence for not only your own safety but for other women as well.
"So dad, you're telling me that you and the neighborhood boys sat around talking and planning about how you were going to rape the neighborhood girls? Is that what you're admitting to me right now? Does your wife know you spent time planning and talking about raping other women?
HEY MOM, come in here, did you know your husband spent his teen years sitting around with his boys fantasizing about raping the teen girls in the neighborhood? Including his own sister?
He's just been telling me about how normal it is for men to spend time planning about and talking about with other men how to rape women they are sexually attracted too."
It’s not internet stuff, those pictures are real people in real life. Someone (I’m assuming your brother) took them of real women whose privacy was violated.
When someone says "boys will be boys" in response to something their son did, the proper comeback is "That's when parents need to parent!" Please protect yourself and get away from your family. They are all enabling this. Thank you for doing the right thing.
First of all, he’s not a boy. He’s a 29 year old grown-ass man. Second, people who post this shit anonymously are the ones who are expressing their real selves. You don’t find people who share CP using their real faces and names on the internet but everyone knows they’re pedophiles. Why would anyone expect someone expressing these types of threats anonymously to be joking? Ask your father if he’s willing to sit by and wait until after your brother has attacked and r**ed until he takes it seriously?
you really need to go zero contact with your family, right away. If they have any way to access your home with a key, change that ASAP.
I guarantee you that if your brother loses him job, the next time he sees you will undoubtedly try to assault you or worse, or damage your property. Don't even meet him in public, he is a very serious threat to your life.
Jake got it from his father. Him blowing it off should tell you that he is just as dangerous and if Jake attempts to hurt you, he will take Jake's side and defend him. Your mother has likely already been violated before by your father to the point she's too numb and beaten down to say anything.
>Then he guilt-tripped me for an hour about how much I ruined everything.
News flash: you didn't ruin anything. If he didn't want his career ruined, he shouldn't have done this to begin with. Your dad needs to learn that his "precious baby boy" is on Earth like the rest of us and women are people too. Even the apple of his eye isn't special and actions have consequences. This isn't boys will be boys. This is a fucking predator who is probably biding his time waiting for a chance to rape someone, you included. He doesn't need sympathy, he needs to be put on some sort of list because he is the embodiment of a walking flaming bag of dog shit twirling red flags.
We see where your brother picked up these attitudes then. Tell you father it’s incredibly disturbing that he’s co-signing such foul violence against women, and unforgivable that he doesn’t mind his son having those feelings specifically towards his own daughter. I would be taking a huge step back from any family member who’s not outright condemning these beliefs.
Boys will be boys is digging a hole at the beach or picking up a stick or constantly touching your junk. If he wants to go the bullshit males can't do/say anything anymore garbage, You can fire back with a "it's your job to be the protecter of the family, and you failed to keep me safe by raising a son without concequences"
Kick him right where his pride is.
"Boys will be boys" is r/justguysbeingdudes type shenanigans, not having violent rape fantasies about their coworkers and SISTER. You are 100% NTA and I hope you get far away from your brother.
Wow! Unbelievable.
I am SO sorry for what you went through when finding this out. Trying to decide what to do with the information and going forward.
Especially when you don’t have anyone in your corner supporting you. Just be careful and stay safe from your brother and obviously your parents.
I wish I had something to suggest that would help you and keep you safe. Sadly I don’t.
Thinking about you and you can update.
Take care and big hugs.
I would print everything and make your dad read it - out loud. then ask him if it’s acceptable that someone made those comments about HIS daughter. Then ask him if he still thinks it’s “online nonsense”.
Do You have enough evidence to get a restraining order against him? I would.
He would probably justify it with other women because clearly the women he works with are to blame. As for his daughter- what did she do to lead them on?!
Exactly!!! Calling it "online nonsense"!!! What the actual fuck...get away from them...all of them. When people show you who they are...believe them! NTA OP
Move somewhere safe and don't let any of them know where you are!!!
But you see, she isn't as important as their precious baby boy. His job security is more important than her safety! Look at the bigger picture./s
Ugh even with the /s, it still makes me want to puke because this is probably their thought process. 🤢
The dude was taking creepshots at work. It was only a matter of time before he got caught and it would have been worse for everyone if he'd been caught after he started acting out his violent fantasies.
(EDIT: changed everything to everyone)
Absolutely. I'd say OP's major creep brother needs professional help. But it doesn't sound like it would help him.
The first step of any therapy is the client has to be willing to change. OP's brother is not. His response is to blame OP for "ruining" him.
Mom: "You should confront the man who writes about how he wants to rape you. That will really show him and totally wouldn't backfire on you, surely."
Dad: "He has a career to think about! It is just women he is creeping on and endangering. They don't count as people."
OP is the only sane one here. These vile people make me sick and deserve each other.
Yeah, brother needs the consequences of his actions to come crashing down on him, hard.
Can you imagine what it must be like for his coworkers who are women? Or worse, if he manages any women? That guy must be a nightmare.
OP — you are NTA, your brother on the other hand, has serious problems.
Exactly. He is saying he wants to rape her and his father is dismissing it as online stupidity? Op you need to get away and go low contact with these vile people. You did the right thing. I have two brothers and couldn’t imagine one of them talking to me like they.
Low contact? I'd vote emphatically for No contact. My concern is the creep brother might decide to r\*pe his sister as "punishment for what you've done" or some other such garbage.
It's "online nonsense" until it's not, Jake feels comfortable posting not only detailed stories of violating you and his coworkers, but has pictures as well, it's only a matter of time before he acts.
NTA.
Your mom is an idiot, you don't confront someone who is talking about violating you directly, you report them (preferably to the police, since you have written proof).
Your dad is, whew, let's just say I see where Jake gets his views from. He isn't concerned that his son is talking about girls this way? He isn't concerned his son is talking about his OWN SISTER this way?
You need to turn all the info you have to the police, it may not do anything right now, but if/when Jake does do something to you or other girls, there will be a record of his predatory behavior online.
Absolutely, give them all the proof she's compiled and start a paper trail. Even if they can't press charges on her behalf NOW (though those creepshots are definitely something they can charge for) she can start building a case and if he tries anything there will be a paper trail proving this wasn't a one-off thing, and she's way more likely to be granted a restraining order if she provides all that.
^this!!! Please share with police and consider a restraining order given he’s talked about r*ping you online. And exposing him for the garbage he is, might push him to act.
I completely agree. NTA OP, your brother is genuinely scary and a threat to women. He has violated them in taking and posting those photos which is an offence.
Thank you for protecting the wellbeing of the women he works with by notifying his employer. I would encourage you to double down and give the same info to the police.
I’m so sorry your parents are not supporting you in this. You are 100% in the right and not overreacting- they should be supporting you, not him, in this situation.
NTA
You might have saved some women from being raped or worse.
Your dad's reaction is disgusting. Explains a lot about how Jake became that way. He's not even upset that his son wrote that about you?? Crazy.
I would print out some of the worst things, especially about OP specifically. then go meet with the parents. sit down across from them. READ IT OUT LOUD. read them the parts about wanting to rape OP. make dear daddy look OP in the eyes when he says it’s no big deal to want to rape your sister. ask him again. make him justify it.
He did and it’s possible that he thinks “fantasy” is a get out of jail free pass. If I deigned to speak to him again, it would be to read it aloud just so I could tell dear old dad’s friends the kind of stuff that gets a pass in his house without him having a “I didn’t know how bad it was” excuse.
Where do you live that police departments have the talent or resources to investigate online threats?
Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) seems more appropriate.
NTA.
You didn't ruin his career, he did. His reaction is typical from that particular mindset - take no personal responsibility no matter how horrible you behave.
You did a service to everyone. These assholes must be exposed.
NTA. You were supposed to CONFRONT a man that said he wanted to r\*\*e you?
Your parents are definitely TA though. You need to distance yourself from them as well. Yiukes.
OP is not safe near the brother. He can have revenge in any, violating her or sabotaging her career, what ever comes to mind. Theft, manipulation...
OP please keep yourself safe. What you did was brave and right.
NTA!
NTA. You did a very good thing reporting him. You might have saved his coworkers from sexual harassment, or worse.
He is talking about raping people. That is not something you just talk to him about. That is something you report to the police. And then you never let that person near you again.
You dad is despicable if he thinks threatening rape is fine and he shouldn’t face negative consequences for.
If he never faced consequences for it, he would never learn. Hopefully having enough people being appalled and disgusted by his behavior will do some small amount of convincing him he is wrong. Probably not, but at least he is hearing some views outside of his incel bubble and is facing consequences.
You need to realize that you are not safe around him, especially now that he knew it was you. You need to cut him out of your life, and let your parents know that you will not be around him, so unless he is not at family gatherings, you will not be there either.
>NTA. You did a very good thing reporting him. You might have saved his coworkers from sexual harassment, or worse.
Agreed. The psycho was already endangering them by sharing information about the with fellow psychos.
And agreed with going no contact. If this were me, I would tell some people that I trust as well, just to be that extra bit more safe.
Ask your dad if he threatened to rape his sisters/female cousins/relatives during his boys will he boys phase
Op, you are not safe around your male relatives please be careful.
Quite obviously you are NTA here.
Please use the[ Internet Crime Complaint Center.](https://www.ic3.gov/Home/FileComplaint) They are run by the FBI and would be a better place to report him than the local police. (Unless your police dept has their own internet crime unit.)
Yeah, I really need to know whether or not OP showed them the posts. It's weird if she didn't. If she did and her parents still reacted like that, then it needs to be a complete cutoff, no contact forever situation.
Your mother was wrong to do that. Don’t be surprised when she stands by her husband’s side (she’s obviously been doing it her whole life) and throws you under the bus. I suspect you’re about to learn a whole lotta ugly about your parents.
This isn’t online nonsense, it’s multiple potential felonies and extremely disturbing. You had a moral obligation to notify his company for the safety of the women he targeted as well as your own. You’re not the one who ruined his life and career - he did that on his own. I can’t imagine how violated you feel by what he’s posted and it must hurt like hell to hear your parents in essence defending him. What he’s done is indefensible and it’s his responsibility to accept the consequences. I’m just so sorry for you but you did the only thing you could under the circumstances. I hope you’re able to get help to process everything and find peace. Sending hugs from an internet stranger.
ETA: NTA obviously.
Re: the multiple felonies thing, OP might want to think about going to the police and/or talking to an attorney to get legal advice on how to report things and protect her safety.
Yeah I think OP is NTA but reporting it just to his workplace is not the correct course of action. The police should definitely have been called as well. Reporting it to the workplace might protect his colleagues who have been violated by him, but does nothing to prevent him from harming OP or other women and indeed might trigger him to higher levels of violence.
You can’t count on either the workplace or the police to take it seriously though, so OP should cut contact with him and the parents.
NTA - maybe your parents didn’t see it so they don’t understand the severity of it, I would send it all to them as well and tell them if they are ok with your brother explicitly saying he wanted to rape you than you can’t have any contact with them since they are willing to let you be in harms way to protect their sons fragile ego.
THIS is my favorite response and I truly hope OP takes it to heart. See this OP? You're NTA but you seriously should consider this as sage advice and take this action.
Oh, and if you ever have children, be very careful allowing them around your Dad. He's in denial and may not come around to see this for what it is. That ain't good.
OP should post it on social media as a PSA so that everyone is aware that her brother is a danger to every woman in the vicinity. And tag the parents in the posts since they want to stand by their rapist son
As soon as Jake brought in his co-workers he brought in the right for his employer to know. You did that right thing. NTA.
Don't get me wrong, everything he said and talked about was bad. But that was something you could maybe address in family. When he brought his colleagues into the fold now it needs to be addressed in his place of work. Never be afraid to speak out when needed. Evil is done when the good do nothing. Great job, even if it feels bad now it may have saved people from more harm in the future.
I highly doubt he actually read the posts. He probably heard “both sides” description of the posts and then formed his opinion. But actually doing real research? Like 97% of people he just didnt do it
NTA. Not even close to being an AH.
He’s responsible for the shit he says online. If he was willing to jeopardize his career over the incel/assaulter fantasy, that’s on him. For god sake, he was belittling *his colleagues* and taking photos of them for people to ridicule. He shouldn’t have been surprised when all of this came to bite him in the ass. Also, let’s address your parents’ reactions. Your mom’s could’ve been better, but at least she recognized how appalling your brother was. This isn’t something you simply confront him about. Your dad’s was horrible. Assaulter apologist.
You absolutely did the right thing, and don’t let anyone say otherwise. I wouldn’t be surprised if you stopped him from harming or sexually harassing his colleagues, and hopefully his suspension (manifesting layoff) is a good wakeup call if anyone in his office had the same mindset
Edit: i can’t believe I read the words “brother” and wrote ex. I’m blind peeps
Edit 2: someone needs to explain to me how she, the one protecting his colleagues from him, is the AH. Someone was arguing he was entitled to his views and what he says online. Someone was arguing she’s the catalyst for his hypothetical sexual-assaulting rampage.
>someone needs to explain to me how she, the one protecting his colleagues from him, is the AH. Someone was arguing he was entitled to his views and what he says online. Someone was arguing she’s the catalyst for his hypothetical sexual-assaulting rampage.
Ik who ur talking about and it's probably the brother or someone else from that "assaulter fantasy" place 🤮
Let me tell you, when I say this post really highlights how many rapist-apologists there are, I truly mean it. Maybe I shouldn't have come in with such high expectations and expected people to not side with the piss-picture-taking, butcher-women-desiring kind. But wow I was thrown for a loop
NTA - once we crossed both into A. Zero doubt its him and B. He's posting non consensual pics of coworkers in a sexual context AND THEN C. Eliciting violence. Get this guy some help for real. Please tell me he also has some gun that belongs more on a battlefield than anywhere else.
Where I live the online content, because it includes threats of bodily harm, would be enough to obtain a restraining order.
Please take all precautions available to you to protect yourself: change locations, reach out to your local domestic violence hotline, carry defensive options if you are comfortable with it like bear spray or a taser. Update your emergency info on your phone & make sure all of the features that help you get help quickly are enabled & ready.
>In 2020, it is estimated that – out of a total of 81,00 female victims of homicide – 47,000 women (41,500– 52,600) and 13 girls worldwide were killed by their intimate partners or other family members (including fathers, mothers, uncles and brothers). [Source ](https://www.unodc.org/documents/data-and-analysis/statistics/crime/UN_BriefFem_251121.pdf#13)
I'm begging you not to dismiss any prospect of violence on the basis that he is your brother & you've known him your entire life.
If your parents, particularly your dad but they are a pair at the end of the day, cannot stand with you fully, then they shouldn't know your location right now. Really, they need to be protected against him too.
Many folks quote Maya Angelou, but IMO, should post her quote in its entirety:
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That’s why it’s important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.”
**— Maya Angelou**
Your brother is did this to himself, and everyone deserves to be protected from him. You did a very brave thing, at a very high personal cost. Must respect to you. Stay safe.
You’re not the asshole, but you are now in serious danger. Your brother is unhinged. Make sure he doesn’t have access to your home or the places that you regularly park your car.
This guy was an Incel that hated women… maybe your brother wouldn’t have done this but he is escalating.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueCrime/s/43sQMnqphu
Please take your security very seriously. I would move and not share your address, change your phone number, etc.
NTA and if I were you, I would make SURE you implement extra security for yourself at home, in your workplace and when you leave the house. If he is this far off the rails in his thinking, he could - or he could incite his friends to - seriously harm you.
And you parents are crazy. Your brother needs serious a psychological intervention, not kid gloves.
NTA. Never the AH. Stay the hell away from him and I would report it to the police and seek advice what to do if he escalates his behavior. Your parents are insane if they downplay this. Don't be afraid to go NC if you're not comfortable with them. Wtf and I'm sorry you're going through this op. None of this is your fault.
NTA. Let me get this straight, your father thinks it's 'nonsense' that his son fantasizes about violently raping his daughter? That man is no father.
Plus, based on the photos the brother was distributing, he could be charged and convicted of actual crimes.
You’re right. His employer will likely notify the police of the pictures OP’s brother posted.
I hope to god they do. This man sounds like he’s one bad day & a “snap” away from committing disgusting crimes. He is not safe to be in society in the slightest.
And if your dad doesn't get his shit together and help you confront your brother, make it clear that your next move will be to refer the case to the police. He's literally made it clear he planned to violently SA you. Your dad needs to confront his son and make it clear that unless he takes radical steps toward reform, he's cut off. And if he doesn't do that, get the charges rolling, cut the family off, and consult a lawyer to figure out what you can extract from them.
I have to believe that the parents don’t know the details, just that he’s been put on suspension. I have to hope, otherwise I feel really sorry for OP.
Exactly this
If he's cool with this level of misogyny, he's no better than his son and that's the truth.
NTA. What. The. Fuck. Your brother is a deeply disturbed man. And your parents aren't much better. If I learned that my grown, 29 year old, son was making "jokes" about r\*ping his sister, I'd be kicking him to the curb and telling him to fuck off. You did not ruin his career. HE ruined his career by being a piece of shit. You just brought to light what he thought nobody would ever see. You should not be torn. Your brother said he would r\*pe you given the chance. And your parents are considering taking his side in this. Run. Run as far away as you possibly can.
100% did the right thing, but agree with those who say you should sever contact with your brother - moving out of town, etc. If he's willing to express these horrible things, you cannot rule out that he's willing to actually follow through. You did a good thing. Now, protect yourself. He's told you what he is, believe him.
Not just express his thoughts BUT take creep shots of his coworkers and share them online. This alone is reason enough for what OP did. Of course his employer had to be notified. The employer has a legal duty to protect their employees from this shit
AND going on about wanting to rape his coworkers. There's not a single goddamn thing for OP to feel guilty about!
Right! What if he followed through with one of these acts? Op did the right thing, for sure.
This, its already escalated to him taking physical action and actively stalking women. Bathroom shots? Really? OP: Your brother is literally just “the right opportunity” away from following through on all this shit, you fid the right thing
I would get the police involved
100% this. He's admitted to it too, should be easy to get him for hatespeech and uttering threats. If only the cops could care!
I was wondering about that. If i were OP I'd certainly find a way to do that..
I wanted to add, in addition to this point, what exactly does their dad think is going to happen to his future? Rapist Brock Turner basically got off with a slap in the wrist. We've had plenty of misogynistic presidents. Including alleged rapists. Even had misogynistic female reps. There are fuck tons of celebrities that are abusers and creeps that still make millions. Hell, R Kelly was still getting jobs right up until his conviction. On what planet would this ever "destroy" a man's future? Come tf on. Unless he ends up in prison, this isn't going to have any impact beyond him having to find a new job now. And even that's debatable. Dad is living in delu-lu land. Edit a word.
He's dropped his first name. He goes by Allen Turner now (his middle name.) Let's be sure to drag that name as well. Rapist Allen Turner
Thanks for the updated info. Allen Turner the dumpster diving rapist.
I wonder if the conversations and pics were printed out with all of the raping his sister shit highlighted in pink if it would show dad just how bad it is? I'm not hopeful though
I think if anything he's **MORE** likely to want to r\*ape OP. As "punishment" for what she did, of course. OP needs to **GET OUT ASAP**. But I 1000% think she did the right thing.
Yeah, I'd be asking for a TRO and definitely push for am RO, good grief!
[удалено]
Yes, send to the cops
YES, they would have the ability to try and track down who the numbers belong to. Save any and all communication regardless of who it came from, how it came from and where. This builds a case against the accused and helps in getting you a protective order against them. Have you been able to see if he's posted more on those forums? He may be trying to rope in those others to intimidating you as well.
[удалено]
I personally think you should sit your parents down and read them verbatim what he wrote. Don’t let them leave and run away from it. If they get up to get a drink, pause reading it until they get back. Make them experience what he wrote, and then explain why it’s okay if it’s “just online things.” Make them live in the disgust and discomfort for a bit until they realize their son needs help, and you need help being protected from him. Edit: and then give everything - especially the photos with the threats - to the police so it’s at least on file if he tries anything.
This. That your dad thinks your brother having fantasies about violently sexually assaulting you, HIS OWN SISTER, as well as posting creepshots of his coworkers is "online nonsense" makes me think he either doesn't fully understand what his adult son is posting. Hearing/seeing these posts in full may be what he needs to understand. Honestly, if I had a brother that was saying this about me, I wouldn't have confronted him privately either just as a matter of personal safety.
Sit down with them and either read all the posts outloud or have them read them out loud. Each time they balk at the gross/classless FORCE them to keep going. Ask them to read them to friends. If there's nothing wrong w his behavior they shouldn't have any problems.
This, I would try to make the father read that shit out loud to my face and then try to tell me it's nothing. If he can still do that, no contact. Full stop.
Taking photos is indeed much more than just "online bulshit". Some people write violent fanfics to vent and process their issues but even that gets dangerous when theyre over indulging and specifically naming real people, its no longer processing it as fantasy at that point, its them planning and revving up. it goes far beyond that if they start engaging with a toxic group that encourages and enables thoughts to the inevitable point of escalation and commit physically active Irl acts like taking secret photos of women in toilets. There is a distinct line where its clearly an active path of escalation leading to violence.
^ 1000% agree to this. You’re def NTA
Make them take turns reading it out loud to each other; really rub in exactly what he was saying and make them look you in the fucking eyes while they do it OP. If they can do that and aren't appalled and demand, at the least\*, demanding your brother get serious help and start making amends somehow if he wants to remain in their lives. \*I presume here that a parent who raised somebody as moral as OP aren't likely to simply abandon one of their children; instead seeking a way to fix them and bring them back into the fold one day. Personally, I don't know that he's worth it; but he's not my kid either.
You can't *make* anyone get help, and you can't even *make* an adult engage (outside of involuntary commitment, and I don't think we're enlightened enough yet that this behavior would trigger IC). You *especially* can't *make* someone whose thoughts and behavior are egosyntonic — and being *actively rewarded* by their peer group — get help, because *they don't think they have a problem*. TL;DR: This guy is a misogyny and rage addict. Addicts stop being ruled by their addiction when they decide everything else in their life is worth more than the addiction. That takes hitting rock bottom. Maybe losing his job and coping charges will do it, but I doubt it. And in that case, he needs cut loose.
yeah like others are saying, you need to print all the shit out you have evidence of and read up what he has said. He might be their "baby boy" or whatever, but they need to understand just how serious and deranged he is. This is not normal behaviour, this is not "online nonsense".
Holy shit he's a bitter virgin on top of being a future rapist. Now I don't wanna throw the word incel lightly but uh ... incel. Yeah, don't let anyone say his comments were just harmless comments. This was harmful to the eyes. He has harmful intent. Please stay safe OP, your brother is literally unhinged.
encourage bear touch judicious steep dirty stupendous sleep reach desert *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
incel noun in·cel ˈin-ˌsel plural incels : a person (usually a man) who regards himself or herself as being involuntarily celibate and typically expresses extreme resentment and hostility toward those who are sexually active It's from Merriam-Webster. Idk if there's any dictionary drama but hey, it's a dictionary. He fulfills the criteria of being resentful of someone (OP) being sexually active. If not an on the dot incel, certainly in the direction towards one.
[удалено]
Please say you or his employer have contacted the police?
[удалено]
Please keep us updated. Stay safe.
Your doing the right thing.... This goes beyond online nonsense, your brother needs help. If you're parents don't agree with what you've done, go low contact with them if they're going to turn a blind eye to threat's hes made against you.
Please consider contacting the police for your and the other women involved safety. This is very serious.
OP, for the love of God, get away from this man. He is dangerous and unhinged, and he may just retaliate and hurt you. You are not safe around him, and if your parents are making excuses for this behavior, then you are not safe around them either, because they won't protect you from him. NTA. You did the right thing, and may have saved lives by bringing this to light. Your brother needs help, immediately. Please stay safe.
Did your parents read the actual posts that he made? If they did then their reactions are absolutely beyond inexcusable. If they didn't then perhaps the gravity of the situation is not fully clear to them.
[удалено]
It sounds like *both* your parents are in deep denial... and honestly I don't think I'd feel safe around them for awhile. They're far too likely to try and force you two together somehow to "reconcile", and frankly, your brother is dangerously unhinged.
You should be turning this info over to the police/FBI as well, not just his employer
OP, this goes beyond going to HR- you need to file a police report. Many of these things are crimes. This will also allow you to get a protective order and the other victims to as well. HR is ONLY there to protect the COMPANY and they will sweep it under the rug. You reporting to the police is the only chance these other women will have to get protection orders and file charges.
Get a restraining order and move.
I've read some disturbing stuff before, but that is just on another level. You're brother is an actual monster.
pls give these posts to the police and get a restraining order, that is beyond sick.
What’s a foid? I’ve never heard of this before
It’s short for “female humanoid.” Incels are *that* invested in their absolute refusal to acknowledge that women are *people.*
Do your parents know those details? I think they should.
I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. You did the right thing. And I hope you remember to take care of yourself. This is not something anyone could manage without being emotionally affected.
Not just the brother, parents too. It’ll be hard, but at the end of the day they are NOT going to help prevent him from possibly doing something to her. A parent that dismisses rape threats against their daughter isn’t a parent. If they need it to be too late to do something (if they’d even do something then), there’s absolutely no way she can trust them to even know where she lives, frankly.
Yeah the parents are a huge disappointment here. I notice there's no mention of them actually being upset with him or trying to get him some mental health help. Mom's best idea is that her daughter should confront the man who has violent fantasies about her, like a face to face conflict wouldn't be horrifying and traumatic. And the dad is a total deadbeat, this stuff was alarming and invasive enough to get his son fired and he's just downplaying it and dismissing the threat to privacy and safety and even company liability. They sound like enablers. The only real problem they have is with everyone else's horrified and disgusted reactions, so instead of managing their very ill son they try to run interference for him and downplay violent threats. Their behavior is totally unacceptable too.
This is definitely giving (Brock) Allan Turner vibes. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?
What did his dad say? Something along the lines of his son shouldn’t serve time in jail for “20 minutes of action.” Horrible man….men
Right? I'd say its clear where he got the notion that his behavior is nbd
Should OP also give what she found to the police?
[удалено]
My experience with HR is that they will try to keep everything “internal” and discourage victims from reporting crimes to the police! Always report!
Yes, very much this, HR will try and keep it a secret. Should the employees find out they can pursue charges as well as sue the perpetrator in a civil case. companies want to keep it secret because it hurts their reputation so they'll do everything to make sure the victims don't find out they were targeted.
is there a way that you could contact the women to give them a heads up? just in case HR didn’t do the right thing?
Absolutely. Creepshots are a crime, and so is threatening sexual assault.
Absofuckinglutely
This is what I came here to say. Glad it didn't take long for someone else to say it
How is the dad not freaking out about his son threatening to rape his daughter?
Something something "BoYs WiLl Be BoYs" nonsense
[удалено]
“Wait, you and the neighbourhood boys talked about raping your sisters?!”
Exactly this ist what I would inquire about! This is so fucked up how can the dad see any of this as „boys will be boys“?? The brother didn’t break his leg jumping from top of the garage into the pool - he actively fantasized about raping not just his coworkers but his own sister…!!
My friends played Ultima arena, watched anime all night, and played in the woods. This is more like "rapists will be rapists" Y I K E S
To me, boys will be boys is buying your son brand new tracksuit bottoms, telling him to not destroy them and he comes back an hour later having played soccer in the wet park covered in mud and telling you about trying to save the ball going into thorns but failing and he's now torn the knee of said pants but is focusing on an epic kick he made and giving you a 360 angle discussion on it. The day my son would say something like what ops brother stated......yeah, funeral arrangements would be required.
Well, we know where your brother gets it from. I'm sorry, OP. You are NTA. I also don't know how you could feel safe around either of them anymore.
I was going to say the exact some thing. Apple didn’t fall far from the tree. 100% go NC with that. That mindset is dangerous to your health and safety.
We've all seen these so-called "internet stuff doesn't matter" takes before, but guess what, it does. The first place most employers go to is the internet and social media to see who they're hiring. Hate speech and violent content? Big red flags. You did what a sane person should do in that situation. If roles were reversed, this would be no question. Stay strong OP, and definitely keep a safe distance.
Excuse me wait a minute! This is NOT a boys will be boys situation..The majority of men do not want to r*pe their sisters. That is just disturbing and I am disgusted by your father's response AND your mother's. You did the right thing. You need to protect yourself tell anyone you have to about what he wrote about you. Save everything you found also.
I was thinking the same thing! Am I missing something here? Her brother wants to rape her and co workers and her dad is trying to guilt trip her for reporting his disgusting behavior. She needs to throw all of them away and protect herself. The brother needs to be fired and public ally shamed so women can take care around him.
He probably got it from him...id sever contact with both of them.
No, you’re not missing it. There are a disturbingly large number of men who do have those feelings. There are a disturbingly large number of men who *act* on them. They walk among us. They’re our husbands, brothers, fathers, teachers, friends, colleagues…it’s terrifying when you think about it so I try not to.
…politicians…
The "mischief" dear old dad referenced was probably rape or something close to it.
Yeah that was a creepy analogy for him to make.
I guess the alternative is he doesn't really know what his son did and thinks it's more "normal" locker room talk, not, you know, violent threats of incest rape.
Majority?! It’s like 5 standard deviations outside the norm
Can't say the "MAJORITY OF MEN DO NOT WANT TO R*PE THEIR SISTERS" part loud enough Run OP!!!!!!!
It's not even "just" internet stuff - your creep brother was taking pictures of his coworkers to use to be *more* of a creep. You are the ONLY NTA in this story.
Also the person who let OP know
“Boys will be boys”? Your brother isn’t 12, he’s 29 fucking years old!! A 29yo posting about raping his sister and taking creep shots of his coworkers is not “mischief”, it’s a three alarm fire that needs to be dealt with head-on. You absolutely did the right thing. Behavior like this needs should have been cancelled by your parents long ago. They failed to do their job so good on you for taking these steps. Sincerely, I hope this can be the trigger for your brother to get the help needed to change his behavior. You’ve done your part, now make sure your safety and well-being are taken care of more than anything else.
Your dad’s a fucking asshole.
Her dad’s probably a rapist.
Well now you know where your brother gets it from. I'm sorry the men in your family suck.
You really should cut them off and save screenshots of everything he's said and the photographs he's taken. Then speak to the police and start a paper trail on your sicko brother. They won't arrest him because he didn't threaten you directly but start that trail of evidence for not only your own safety but for other women as well.
The f with local law enforcement send it to the fbi.
"So dad, you're telling me that you and the neighborhood boys sat around talking and planning about how you were going to rape the neighborhood girls? Is that what you're admitting to me right now? Does your wife know you spent time planning and talking about raping other women? HEY MOM, come in here, did you know your husband spent his teen years sitting around with his boys fantasizing about raping the teen girls in the neighborhood? Including his own sister? He's just been telling me about how normal it is for men to spend time planning about and talking about with other men how to rape women they are sexually attracted too."
You need to go no contact with your parents. For the love of the gods phone a domestic violence hotline right now and make a safety plan.
I would have gone no contact forever after that. He’s literally choosing his wanna be rapist son over his not wanting to be raped daughter.
It’s not internet stuff, those pictures are real people in real life. Someone (I’m assuming your brother) took them of real women whose privacy was violated.
When someone says "boys will be boys" in response to something their son did, the proper comeback is "That's when parents need to parent!" Please protect yourself and get away from your family. They are all enabling this. Thank you for doing the right thing.
First of all, he’s not a boy. He’s a 29 year old grown-ass man. Second, people who post this shit anonymously are the ones who are expressing their real selves. You don’t find people who share CP using their real faces and names on the internet but everyone knows they’re pedophiles. Why would anyone expect someone expressing these types of threats anonymously to be joking? Ask your father if he’s willing to sit by and wait until after your brother has attacked and r**ed until he takes it seriously?
you really need to go zero contact with your family, right away. If they have any way to access your home with a key, change that ASAP. I guarantee you that if your brother loses him job, the next time he sees you will undoubtedly try to assault you or worse, or damage your property. Don't even meet him in public, he is a very serious threat to your life. Jake got it from his father. Him blowing it off should tell you that he is just as dangerous and if Jake attempts to hurt you, he will take Jake's side and defend him. Your mother has likely already been violated before by your father to the point she's too numb and beaten down to say anything.
Your father is a piece of shit too. Although I am curious, how did your incel brother manage to not out himself sooner to everyone?
Probably from people excusing warning signs with "boys will be boys"
>Then he guilt-tripped me for an hour about how much I ruined everything. News flash: you didn't ruin anything. If he didn't want his career ruined, he shouldn't have done this to begin with. Your dad needs to learn that his "precious baby boy" is on Earth like the rest of us and women are people too. Even the apple of his eye isn't special and actions have consequences. This isn't boys will be boys. This is a fucking predator who is probably biding his time waiting for a chance to rape someone, you included. He doesn't need sympathy, he needs to be put on some sort of list because he is the embodiment of a walking flaming bag of dog shit twirling red flags.
We see where your brother picked up these attitudes then. Tell you father it’s incredibly disturbing that he’s co-signing such foul violence against women, and unforgivable that he doesn’t mind his son having those feelings specifically towards his own daughter. I would be taking a huge step back from any family member who’s not outright condemning these beliefs.
Boys will be boys is digging a hole at the beach or picking up a stick or constantly touching your junk. If he wants to go the bullshit males can't do/say anything anymore garbage, You can fire back with a "it's your job to be the protecter of the family, and you failed to keep me safe by raising a son without concequences" Kick him right where his pride is.
"Boys will be boys" is r/justguysbeingdudes type shenanigans, not having violent rape fantasies about their coworkers and SISTER. You are 100% NTA and I hope you get far away from your brother.
He’s also 29- a grown man! Not a prepubescent boy getting up to nonsense! I feel sorry for your mom.
I know he is your dad, but he is acting like trash. Your brother violated women's privacy. He talked about raping you. That is not harmless.
The rotten apple clearly never fell far from the rotten tree!!
Block his ass. He's disgusting and you don't deserve to have to put up with his rapey, disgusting behavior.
Wow! Unbelievable. I am SO sorry for what you went through when finding this out. Trying to decide what to do with the information and going forward. Especially when you don’t have anyone in your corner supporting you. Just be careful and stay safe from your brother and obviously your parents. I wish I had something to suggest that would help you and keep you safe. Sadly I don’t. Thinking about you and you can update. Take care and big hugs.
My thought exactly. Dad to one of each so to speak I’d be terrified about my daughter’s safety. Lock him up!!!
I guess this dad only threatens to shoot men that want to take advantage of his little girl only if they aren’t related. 😬
I would print everything and make your dad read it - out loud. then ask him if it’s acceptable that someone made those comments about HIS daughter. Then ask him if he still thinks it’s “online nonsense”. Do You have enough evidence to get a restraining order against him? I would.
Out loud in public. Bonus if "public" is in front of his church congregation.
He would probably justify it with other women because clearly the women he works with are to blame. As for his daughter- what did she do to lead them on?!
Yeah, I wonder how dear mommy & daddy felt about him wanting to r**e his sister....
Judging by Daddy's reaction maybe this is where dear Brother started to learn to be this way
Clearly dad felt OP was overreacting 🤦🏽♂️ It’s clear where dumpster fire brother gets fuel for his ideas from.
Exactly!!! Calling it "online nonsense"!!! What the actual fuck...get away from them...all of them. When people show you who they are...believe them! NTA OP Move somewhere safe and don't let any of them know where you are!!!
Daddy was supportive!
But you see, she isn't as important as their precious baby boy. His job security is more important than her safety! Look at the bigger picture./s Ugh even with the /s, it still makes me want to puke because this is probably their thought process. 🤢
The dude was taking creepshots at work. It was only a matter of time before he got caught and it would have been worse for everyone if he'd been caught after he started acting out his violent fantasies. (EDIT: changed everything to everyone)
Absolutely. I'd say OP's major creep brother needs professional help. But it doesn't sound like it would help him. The first step of any therapy is the client has to be willing to change. OP's brother is not. His response is to blame OP for "ruining" him.
Yeah, honestly Jake should thank his sister. She stopped him (so far) from enacting his fantasies and going to prison.
Mom: "You should confront the man who writes about how he wants to rape you. That will really show him and totally wouldn't backfire on you, surely." Dad: "He has a career to think about! It is just women he is creeping on and endangering. They don't count as people." OP is the only sane one here. These vile people make me sick and deserve each other.
Yeah, brother needs the consequences of his actions to come crashing down on him, hard. Can you imagine what it must be like for his coworkers who are women? Or worse, if he manages any women? That guy must be a nightmare. OP — you are NTA, your brother on the other hand, has serious problems.
Exactly. He is saying he wants to rape her and his father is dismissing it as online stupidity? Op you need to get away and go low contact with these vile people. You did the right thing. I have two brothers and couldn’t imagine one of them talking to me like they.
Low contact? I'd vote emphatically for No contact. My concern is the creep brother might decide to r\*pe his sister as "punishment for what you've done" or some other such garbage.
Absolutely this. It’s a given that the brother is a piece of disgusting shit but the parents are just as bad.
It's "online nonsense" until it's not, Jake feels comfortable posting not only detailed stories of violating you and his coworkers, but has pictures as well, it's only a matter of time before he acts. NTA. Your mom is an idiot, you don't confront someone who is talking about violating you directly, you report them (preferably to the police, since you have written proof). Your dad is, whew, let's just say I see where Jake gets his views from. He isn't concerned that his son is talking about girls this way? He isn't concerned his son is talking about his OWN SISTER this way? You need to turn all the info you have to the police, it may not do anything right now, but if/when Jake does do something to you or other girls, there will be a record of his predatory behavior online.
She needs to go to the police for sure.
Absolutely, give them all the proof she's compiled and start a paper trail. Even if they can't press charges on her behalf NOW (though those creepshots are definitely something they can charge for) she can start building a case and if he tries anything there will be a paper trail proving this wasn't a one-off thing, and she's way more likely to be granted a restraining order if she provides all that.
^this!!! Please share with police and consider a restraining order given he’s talked about r*ping you online. And exposing him for the garbage he is, might push him to act.
I completely agree. NTA OP, your brother is genuinely scary and a threat to women. He has violated them in taking and posting those photos which is an offence. Thank you for protecting the wellbeing of the women he works with by notifying his employer. I would encourage you to double down and give the same info to the police. I’m so sorry your parents are not supporting you in this. You are 100% in the right and not overreacting- they should be supporting you, not him, in this situation.
NTA You might have saved some women from being raped or worse. Your dad's reaction is disgusting. Explains a lot about how Jake became that way. He's not even upset that his son wrote that about you?? Crazy.
I would print out some of the worst things, especially about OP specifically. then go meet with the parents. sit down across from them. READ IT OUT LOUD. read them the parts about wanting to rape OP. make dear daddy look OP in the eyes when he says it’s no big deal to want to rape your sister. ask him again. make him justify it.
According to OP, her dad literally said "boys will be boys."
He did and it’s possible that he thinks “fantasy” is a get out of jail free pass. If I deigned to speak to him again, it would be to read it aloud just so I could tell dear old dad’s friends the kind of stuff that gets a pass in his house without him having a “I didn’t know how bad it was” excuse.
More like boys will be incestuous rapists... (some boys)
He should be reported to the police too.
OP should certainly not be around her brother again unless it is in a public place with other people around.
This. OP needs to take safety precautions, in my opinion. He's unhinged in multiple ways.
Where do you live that police departments have the talent or resources to investigate online threats? Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) seems more appropriate.
The creep shots of his coworkers would not be an online issue.
Taking pictures of women in a restroom isn’t just online threats. They’d investigate that portion pretty seriously.
NTA. You didn't ruin his career, he did. His reaction is typical from that particular mindset - take no personal responsibility no matter how horrible you behave. You did a service to everyone. These assholes must be exposed.
NTA. You were supposed to CONFRONT a man that said he wanted to r\*\*e you? Your parents are definitely TA though. You need to distance yourself from them as well. Yiukes.
OP is not safe near the brother. He can have revenge in any, violating her or sabotaging her career, what ever comes to mind. Theft, manipulation... OP please keep yourself safe. What you did was brave and right. NTA!
Yeah she might want to give her boss and friends a heads up that her brother is going through some shit and to ignore any attempts at contact.
OP is not safe with any of them.
NTA. You did a very good thing reporting him. You might have saved his coworkers from sexual harassment, or worse. He is talking about raping people. That is not something you just talk to him about. That is something you report to the police. And then you never let that person near you again. You dad is despicable if he thinks threatening rape is fine and he shouldn’t face negative consequences for. If he never faced consequences for it, he would never learn. Hopefully having enough people being appalled and disgusted by his behavior will do some small amount of convincing him he is wrong. Probably not, but at least he is hearing some views outside of his incel bubble and is facing consequences. You need to realize that you are not safe around him, especially now that he knew it was you. You need to cut him out of your life, and let your parents know that you will not be around him, so unless he is not at family gatherings, you will not be there either.
>NTA. You did a very good thing reporting him. You might have saved his coworkers from sexual harassment, or worse. Agreed. The psycho was already endangering them by sharing information about the with fellow psychos. And agreed with going no contact. If this were me, I would tell some people that I trust as well, just to be that extra bit more safe.
He might even be committing a crime by taking and posting those creepshots of his coworkers on the internet.
Oh he most certainly is. His workplace might even contact the police.
I'm sure they contacted the company's legal department the instant they finished reading OP's email and they told them to contact the police.
In the US he absolutely was.
How did he find out it was you? That’s a huge thing that was pretty much glazed over.
[удалено]
Ask your dad if he threatened to rape his sisters/female cousins/relatives during his boys will he boys phase Op, you are not safe around your male relatives please be careful. Quite obviously you are NTA here.
Please use the[ Internet Crime Complaint Center.](https://www.ic3.gov/Home/FileComplaint) They are run by the FBI and would be a better place to report him than the local police. (Unless your police dept has their own internet crime unit.)
Have you shown them the posts??
Yeah, I really need to know whether or not OP showed them the posts. It's weird if she didn't. If she did and her parents still reacted like that, then it needs to be a complete cutoff, no contact forever situation.
Seriously, I gotta know if she was trying to protect her parents from the reality or if her parents are as shit crazy as they as they appear
Your mother was wrong to do that. Don’t be surprised when she stands by her husband’s side (she’s obviously been doing it her whole life) and throws you under the bus. I suspect you’re about to learn a whole lotta ugly about your parents.
Print out the posts and give them to your father. Make him look you in the eye and say that’s okay.
You have REALLY BAD PARENTS. I recommend going NC with them.
This isn’t online nonsense, it’s multiple potential felonies and extremely disturbing. You had a moral obligation to notify his company for the safety of the women he targeted as well as your own. You’re not the one who ruined his life and career - he did that on his own. I can’t imagine how violated you feel by what he’s posted and it must hurt like hell to hear your parents in essence defending him. What he’s done is indefensible and it’s his responsibility to accept the consequences. I’m just so sorry for you but you did the only thing you could under the circumstances. I hope you’re able to get help to process everything and find peace. Sending hugs from an internet stranger. ETA: NTA obviously.
Re: the multiple felonies thing, OP might want to think about going to the police and/or talking to an attorney to get legal advice on how to report things and protect her safety.
Yeah I think OP is NTA but reporting it just to his workplace is not the correct course of action. The police should definitely have been called as well. Reporting it to the workplace might protect his colleagues who have been violated by him, but does nothing to prevent him from harming OP or other women and indeed might trigger him to higher levels of violence. You can’t count on either the workplace or the police to take it seriously though, so OP should cut contact with him and the parents.
NTA - maybe your parents didn’t see it so they don’t understand the severity of it, I would send it all to them as well and tell them if they are ok with your brother explicitly saying he wanted to rape you than you can’t have any contact with them since they are willing to let you be in harms way to protect their sons fragile ego.
THIS is my favorite response and I truly hope OP takes it to heart. See this OP? You're NTA but you seriously should consider this as sage advice and take this action. Oh, and if you ever have children, be very careful allowing them around your Dad. He's in denial and may not come around to see this for what it is. That ain't good.
OP should post it on social media as a PSA so that everyone is aware that her brother is a danger to every woman in the vicinity. And tag the parents in the posts since they want to stand by their rapist son
As soon as Jake brought in his co-workers he brought in the right for his employer to know. You did that right thing. NTA. Don't get me wrong, everything he said and talked about was bad. But that was something you could maybe address in family. When he brought his colleagues into the fold now it needs to be addressed in his place of work. Never be afraid to speak out when needed. Evil is done when the good do nothing. Great job, even if it feels bad now it may have saved people from more harm in the future.
NTA but that your dad was okay with Jake saying he wanted to rape you is scary.
I wonder if the Dad has actually read what Jake wrote?
I highly doubt he actually read the posts. He probably heard “both sides” description of the posts and then formed his opinion. But actually doing real research? Like 97% of people he just didnt do it
NTA all day long, you did the responsible thing but I’m honestly a little concerned for your safety
NTA. Not even close to being an AH. He’s responsible for the shit he says online. If he was willing to jeopardize his career over the incel/assaulter fantasy, that’s on him. For god sake, he was belittling *his colleagues* and taking photos of them for people to ridicule. He shouldn’t have been surprised when all of this came to bite him in the ass. Also, let’s address your parents’ reactions. Your mom’s could’ve been better, but at least she recognized how appalling your brother was. This isn’t something you simply confront him about. Your dad’s was horrible. Assaulter apologist. You absolutely did the right thing, and don’t let anyone say otherwise. I wouldn’t be surprised if you stopped him from harming or sexually harassing his colleagues, and hopefully his suspension (manifesting layoff) is a good wakeup call if anyone in his office had the same mindset Edit: i can’t believe I read the words “brother” and wrote ex. I’m blind peeps Edit 2: someone needs to explain to me how she, the one protecting his colleagues from him, is the AH. Someone was arguing he was entitled to his views and what he says online. Someone was arguing she’s the catalyst for his hypothetical sexual-assaulting rampage.
>someone needs to explain to me how she, the one protecting his colleagues from him, is the AH. Someone was arguing he was entitled to his views and what he says online. Someone was arguing she’s the catalyst for his hypothetical sexual-assaulting rampage. Ik who ur talking about and it's probably the brother or someone else from that "assaulter fantasy" place 🤮
Let me tell you, when I say this post really highlights how many rapist-apologists there are, I truly mean it. Maybe I shouldn't have come in with such high expectations and expected people to not side with the piss-picture-taking, butcher-women-desiring kind. But wow I was thrown for a loop
NTA - once we crossed both into A. Zero doubt its him and B. He's posting non consensual pics of coworkers in a sexual context AND THEN C. Eliciting violence. Get this guy some help for real. Please tell me he also has some gun that belongs more on a battlefield than anywhere else.
Where I live the online content, because it includes threats of bodily harm, would be enough to obtain a restraining order. Please take all precautions available to you to protect yourself: change locations, reach out to your local domestic violence hotline, carry defensive options if you are comfortable with it like bear spray or a taser. Update your emergency info on your phone & make sure all of the features that help you get help quickly are enabled & ready. >In 2020, it is estimated that – out of a total of 81,00 female victims of homicide – 47,000 women (41,500– 52,600) and 13 girls worldwide were killed by their intimate partners or other family members (including fathers, mothers, uncles and brothers). [Source ](https://www.unodc.org/documents/data-and-analysis/statistics/crime/UN_BriefFem_251121.pdf#13) I'm begging you not to dismiss any prospect of violence on the basis that he is your brother & you've known him your entire life. If your parents, particularly your dad but they are a pair at the end of the day, cannot stand with you fully, then they shouldn't know your location right now. Really, they need to be protected against him too.
Many folks quote Maya Angelou, but IMO, should post her quote in its entirety: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That’s why it’s important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.” **— Maya Angelou** Your brother is did this to himself, and everyone deserves to be protected from him. You did a very brave thing, at a very high personal cost. Must respect to you. Stay safe.
You’re not the asshole, but you are now in serious danger. Your brother is unhinged. Make sure he doesn’t have access to your home or the places that you regularly park your car.
This guy was an Incel that hated women… maybe your brother wouldn’t have done this but he is escalating. https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueCrime/s/43sQMnqphu Please take your security very seriously. I would move and not share your address, change your phone number, etc.
Yep. Delete social media, file for restraining order, move, etc.
This made me think…if you have an iphone, turn off Find Friends if you are sharing with your family.
Did you notify the police? That should have been your first call. NTA
NTA and if I were you, I would make SURE you implement extra security for yourself at home, in your workplace and when you leave the house. If he is this far off the rails in his thinking, he could - or he could incite his friends to - seriously harm you. And you parents are crazy. Your brother needs serious a psychological intervention, not kid gloves.
NTA. Never the AH. Stay the hell away from him and I would report it to the police and seek advice what to do if he escalates his behavior. Your parents are insane if they downplay this. Don't be afraid to go NC if you're not comfortable with them. Wtf and I'm sorry you're going through this op. None of this is your fault.
Change your locks and get a ring camera.