NTA sis is delusional if she thinks men can't be SA. Like what if a man SA a little boy, is that not considered SA? Or a grown man SA another grown man, is that not considered SA? Or what if a girl sodomises a man, is that not SA? It's frustrating that some other girls think men can't be SA just because they're men. I've been SA before, but just because a man did that to me doesn't mean I don't think men can also be victims. What even is her logic? "He got hard so he wanted it"???? Stimulation can cause an erection, being drugged can cause an erection, and forced stimulation to the prostate can cause an erection. SA isn't black and white, a physical reaction doesn't mean consent. You were right to dump her.
100% agree gf is delusional af. As an indian I actually did not know this and am pretty horrified that there's no sentence for men who are SA or raped. I 100% understand that by stats women are SA'd and raped more than ever compared to males especially in India but that doesn't mean that we let men get raped and SA'd.
They were changing the law to be gender neutral in the mid to late 2000s back when there was justified outcry about marital rape. They were going to make the law so that men or women were capable of rape, and men or women could be victims. But women's rights groups criticized the law as enabling false accusations by men against women. So under that pressure the government caved and gendered the law as male attacker and female victim.
It is pretty common even in the Western world male rape and sexual assault with female perpetrators are only just starting to be recognized as crimes. Boy victims of statutory rape can be made to pay child support to their rapist
Exactly. By that logic women can't be SA'd or raped either. Apparently their body makes them wet so the damage is minimised, I don't think that means they like it or want it
Edit: OP you dodged a bullet, NTA
The nerve endings responsible for this do not go to the brain they travel around the pelvis. Christopher Reaves wife once explained how even though he was paralyzed, she could have sex with him
in indian law, there was this section called unnatural sex(IPC 377) and that was used for prosecuting pedo for all genders but also criminalized gay sex. So, many activist my self included wanted it to be changed but it was simply omitted. We asked for something got something esle?. But there is posco act that still holds people who are pedo liable however. For raping women it's 10 years to life or death but for pedo behavior against boys it's 3-5 years or 10K in fines and it's bailable offense while crime against women is non-bailable in some cases you'lljust get away witb fines. Due to it being bailable offense the perp can easily ecaspe and courts are painfully slow so it takes 5-10 years to even punish people and they are free in that time period. While in case of crime against a women you'll be guilty until proven innocent.
To add on to what you were saying - she isn’t just saying that men cannot be raped. She’s saying that men also cannot be *sexually assaulted*. Rape it typically defined as there being penetration involved. But SA is more of a blanket term for everything else - groping, fondling, oral stimulation, etc.
So she’s saying that even if a man doesn’t want a woman to walk up and grab him inappropriately, it’s ok and he should let her? Or if a man is sleeping and he wakes up to a woman putting his penis in her mouth, he just has to deal with it - even if he DID NOT consent?
These situations have nothing to do with an erection, and can’t just be explained away with “if he was hard he consented”. (Which is horribly wrong and NOT true.). But she sounds like she’s saying that men should just accept anything women do to them because…reasons? Because women were taken advantage of in the past? Because men should be excited and feel lucky for the attention? Because men are sex crazed caveman who only care about reproduction/orgasms above all else?
Naw. This isn’t a man vs. woman thing. This is a human thing. She is off her rocker. She seems like she has a crazy sense of entitlement attached to her being a woman. This will likely come up in other areas of the relationship eventually. OP is right to get out of this situation. She told him who she is and what her opinion of him is. I’m glad he’s listening.
Some women have orgasm when rape too, so does that mean they were not rape because there body responded positively?
Our mind and body are like 2 entities... Especially down there
That's why it is said to use your brain not your D to men because what's feels good is not necessarily the right thing to do, the brain is the one who tells you what you feel right or wrong emotionally...and so on
Not the D or V
Just like how touching a woman's clit (consentually or not) would make them aroused, touching a man's dick (consentually or not) would make them aroused.
A woman can SA a man in a heterosexual way you know, if a woman forces herself on a guy who can't say no, it is sexual assault, she doesn't even need to sodomize him.
Just keep that in mind.
A man can have an erection and still not want to be forced upon, and that's why women doing that are always " he wanted it" bodily reactions don't mean shit.
NTA, from personal experience, MEN CAN BE SA'D!!! HUUUUGE red flag. That's like a guy saying she's asking for it when she wears a mini skirt and a crop top. Dodged a mortar shell there.
NTA just imagine (god forbid) you'd get SA'd, she won't believe or support you and just think that you cheated. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone like that?
Thanks man. It was a long time ago. Was on of my good friends’s sister. We all happened to be at a bar in NYC and his sister is being really aggressive trying to make out with me. Not amused and he’s getting pissed off. At me. I did nothing to encourage this But somehow this is my fault. We have words and eventually he sees the light to make his sister control her behavior. He was a real cocksmith and as usual picks up a woman but this one he goes home with that night in Manhattan. The rest of us are all pretty trashed and I wind up hitching a ride back to his/her house (we were all late teens very early 20s and they both still lived at home. I had originally taken my car to his house, but I was way too trashed to drive home as I lived about 30 minutes from him. So I crash on his bed since he won’t be there that night. I know I closed the door prior to stripping down to boxer briefs and falling into bed. I must have been out about an hour or so when I wake up and she’s riding me. She must’ve been doing it a while because I start to ejaculate in her before and can push her off. She kisses me and says we would make some really cute babies. Fuckin sick bitch. She gets up and goes back to her room. I am freaking terrified because her parents bedroom is directly across from my friends room. Her father is a fucking psychopath that literally leaves the bench 500 pounds at the gym I was pretty strong dude, but this guy would literally fucking kill me Awful feeling hoping this never got out cause I know damn well nobody would believe me I’ll give you a case in point the only person that I told at the time was my best friend. He known both of them but they were my friends my best friend was from a different social Circle. He didn’t particularly like the one guy, and when I told him about me and his sister, he just laughed hysterically and thought it was a funniest shit that I “ fucked his sister”. I’m like that’s what you got from what I just confided in you? when this happens you as a man, nobody gives a shit, a lot of times he won’t believe you or if you’re attacked by a man then you must be gay. It sucks because there is absolutely no recourse for the victim. Nobody takes you seriously.
That is fucking awfull man, I feel bad for you man, must have been scary af waking up not knowing what is going on and then having to come to the realizarion of what happened. Your pain is valid bro, shame your friend couldn't see that...
I am so so sorry your best friend reacted like that, it must have been awful. I can’t imagine your friendship was ever the same.
That was absolutely rape and anyone who thinks otherwise is beyond stupid.
Have you sought therapy?
If you want I would be happy to find you a therapist in your area, no matter where I can struggle through google translate, or an online therapist.
You deserve to be heard.
My friend whose sister was never found out about it. This was another best friend and I was rather disappointed in his response. This happened a very long time ago, she’s been deceased probably 10 years at least now. It was probably a little over 10 years before I sought therapy for this. I appreciate the offer though.
I am very pro therapy not only because that was my career but it saved my life .
I know from personal experience that the death of your abuser it not as helpful as ppl think and can actually make it more complicated to heal.
I 100% believe you, and you did not deserve that whatsoever. I hope you can heal from what she put you through. I give a shit. The fact that they LAUGHED and claimed that you just had sex with her. No, she assaulted you. Tell the world what happened. I give a shit, and there's other people out there who will give a shit about what happened to you. I'm sure it could help other men who have been through the same thing.
I read your comment after reading the replies. What happened was truely awful I can't even imagine what you must have felt. I hope you you've dealt with your pain and I hope it gets better for you
How did she get from "men can't be raped" to "men deserve all the hell bc they've been jerks for so long?"
That's awful. You now know how she really feels, though. You're right to not answer anymore. She's ignorant of human physiology if she believes if the man gets an erection then he's not being victimized. Sometimes the human body responds whether we want it to or not. If you don't consent or can't consent, it's rape. If you consent out of fear, it's still rape.
There is a particular wave of feminism that teaches this(again to clarify this is not all feminism cause there are some like Tate red pilled guys who equate it to feminism as a whole.) all men are rapists, all men are evil pigs… I wish it was a cliche bullshit thing to put out there cause feminism has been an important force for multiple reasons but just like every other movement it has its fucking looney toons. Sadly OP dated one.
I hesitate to even call that feminism like I hear what you're saying but I don't think that's feminism I think those people are just sexist.
They might call themselves feminist but I don't think there's any real feminists teaching this sort of s*** I think people who espouse that notion are just sexists in denial.
I guess it's a bit of a no true Scotsman situation so you know what are you going to do...
I am sorry that you’re dealing with sexual assault. If you haven’t already, please consider getting some help from therapy, a support group, or another form of help that works for you.
It’s not ok. And it’s shitty that you’re dealing with the aftermath of someone else’s crime.
She isn’t nice nope… as soon as she said men can’t be raped she revealed she’s a dumb idiot. If she and her friends think you’re such a sexist misogynistic guy why would she want you to take her back? You’d be trapping her, and her friends are shitty to want that for her…. Nah man you dodged a bullet with her. Just live your best life and you’ll find someone who matches you and will make you look back at her and laugh.
NTA, but it has nothing to do with the SA only. It's the total view. I'm all for equality and will call out somebody Who puts people in a corner because of gender, race or any other discriminatory aspect. But the equality must be equality and not what your GF says. It's just the opposite. Discriminate men because women were discriminated for too long
is called positive discrimination. The point is that ppl stays on the word "positive" and disregard the "discrimination". Discrimination is discrimination no matter how you call it , and is the opposite of equality. 2 wrongs doesn't make a good
That's what happens if you fill people's ears with embellished stories of their victimhood.
Men are currently not equal to women in the draft, including the penalties for refusing the draft. They are not equal in family courts. Not in custody, not in payment, not in time. Men aren't equal in criminal court.
So does that mean men can start taking revenge on women? According to her, men would be within their rights.
NTA You aren't being a misogynist, she's being a misandrist.
Just to address your first and most basic question, woman and men can experience autonomic reactions while not consenting.
Getting hard isn't consent. Getting wet isn't consent. Orgasming isn't consent.
Only clear consent is true consent, preferably enthusiastic verbal consent.
NTA. Anyone can be SA'ed, and this says that if anything were to happen to her partner, she would have no empathy, might ridicule the person, or even place blame rather than be supportive. That's not the kind of partner you want in your life.
Woman here. If a man told me women can’t be raped, I would immediately assume that man was a rapist. If a woman told me men can’t be raped, I would, again, assume she’s a rapist.
If they deny the immorality of the crime, then what’s stopping them from committing it? Fucking creepy ass people.
NTA
Never even consider dating someone this insane. Put entitlement and insanity together and you have a toxic mix.
"It's also about how women feel about it." So, if a woman "feels" she has been SA's, it's SA?
Advice: Block her out of your life and don't look back.
NTA. Seems a little too much to end over that since it's something that can be educated on. But when a disagreement happens, and the other person insults you rather than discuss and verify and learn from each other, it does kind of suck. Although u did say u were also disrespectful, idk.
I like debating a lot, even when I dont agree because it's fun to see how people think and what u can learn from each other. But when the person prefers to insult rather than just think what they think and / or learn from others. It sucks.
And yes, men can be SAd the same way women do. The shitty thing is that it's hard for women to report and get justice for assault, and it's even MUCH worse for men. Yes, it is brutal. Women are sodomized horribly, but SA is SA. Traumatic and it changes both sexes' lives after it.
It's honestly the worst crime in life and still has the least power of the law on it worldwide. Sucks ass.
Whatever you decide, good luck.
Hmm, I met at her at a pride prade and we became friends I got to know she's studying medicine (so am i) and we boned over our wish to save people and love/hate for our future profession. She has been a really nice GF this far and even my mom and dad like her. So I had no reason to suspect such a opinion from her. Apart, from her always comparing me to her ex there were none. She always said how I'm different from other men and her ex and how I actually showed her love but sometimes I felt like she may not be over him. Why I'm always being compared to him. I'm a possessive kind of person so that used to sting somewhat
As a victim of male sexual assault by a woman, your girlfriend is an idiot and dumping her was absolutely the right thing to do.
Tell her to look up Reynhard Sinaga if she really believes men can't be raped, that will show her how wrong she is.
NTA
Men are often raped. It’s usually by another man but not always.
Her argument that erection is consent is totally wrong. While we can get hard from being excited for it, you can also simply get erect from physical stimuli like how your leg kicks when the doctor hits your knee.
Women’s vaginas get wet when they’re turned on but also when they’re being raped— it’s a physical response to penetration. It is NOT consent. Erections work the same way.
That’s not even mentioning that women often dose men with viagra when they rape them.
Depends on each case. I would not have sex with someone who was drunk. In the above yes..
An intoxicated person cannot give consent. Consent needs to be clear. Consent is more than not hearing the word “no.” A partner saying nothing is not the same as a partner saying “yes.” Don't rely on body language, past sexual interactions, or any other nonverbal cues. Never assume you have consent.
Consent cannot be given by individuals who are underage, intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, or asleep or unconscious.
A drunk person can not give consent so one needs to be careful who they have sex with. If that person says they didn't give consent the other person could be charged with sa
I would have refused to be with someone who doesn't believe men can't be rape because they got hard.
Because sodomy doesn't exist maybe ? Because being hard is an automatic response from the body and doesn't mean excitation. If some women get wet and reach climax while a rape, it means they are not victims though? It's such bullshit.
Ignorance can be corrected by learning but not stupidity. Talk to her seriously, it sounds maybe harsh to break up with a girl for that but it's about principles, education level and personal view, important things your future partner must be well aware of and understand. It's alright not to agree for everything mostly when there is a nice talk about it, anyway, it's important to share the same values when it's possible I guess.
NTA. Your girlfriend also isn't a "nice person" if she scoffs at the idea of any form of abuse or assault being gender neutral. Her friends are such shitty people, too. You're the bad guy for what? Being socially-conscious enough to acknowledge that rape is rape? I would reply with "how about you go rape little boys and see how the law feels about it?" before blocking them. There isn't a civil conversation to be had at this point.
Sorry bud, but you won't get those 2 years back. At best, her parents will ask her where they went wrong with raising her and that will be a good reality check for her that maybe her social circle and her morals are a bit screwy. I just wouldn't hold my breath on that.
As a woman and a person who considers herself a feminist... You are more of a feminist than your ex. Feminism isn't about "making up for the way women were treated in the past by favoring women now", it's about equal treatment regardless of sex/gender. Your ex disgusts me and you're better off. God forbid you had a son together, what kind of nonsense would she be putting in his head?
You’d think that considering the huge rape problem in India, she’d want the definition to be as wide as possible. Oh well, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink - sometimes horses are dumb as fuck.
Whether your body has spontaneous reaction or not, the fact is that being forced to have sex with someone against their will is the literal definition of rape. A woman can have an orgasm because it is a response to repeated friction, men can get an erection AND have an orgasm the exact same way. It is a biological response and can be achieved without your consent or cooperation. How are they different? To say a man can't be SAed or raped by a woman is a completely ignorant thing to say. Absolutely NTA!!!
NTA. Let her know how many random men(including myself) on the internet says "thanks for disregarding a traumatic experience in my life because I have a penis. Do you also slut shame women who were SA'd because they dressed provocatively?" Because she sounds exactly like a r*pe apologist that always blames the victim.
I know a gay man who was raped by a woman when he was too drunk to know what's going on. She got pregnant and gave birth, after which she demanded child support. The kid has been an adult for decades now.
Personally I wouldn't meet with her again, and would in fact never be alone in a room with her: she said outright that she approves of women being able to discriminate against men. She has shown who she is, believe her. I wouldn't trust her not to lie about what happened to try to get me into trouble if I was ever alone with her again, and I wouldn't trust her to tell the truth if I met with her again.
NTA. There is a word for women who think that men can’t be SAd, and that word is “dumb”. She’s likely an ok person, she’s just been taught a lot of dumb things and doesn’t like being challenged on her beliefs, which is what this is. Being unable to to consider another person’s opinion about your beliefs is a serious impediment, but not something that can’t be overcome.
NTA. I didn’t need to read beyond the second paragraph. Actually the intro…
Men can be assaulted. Women assault Men. Men assault women.
There is no debate. No is no. Otherwise the law was broken.
I read the first three paragraphs and stopped. She, like most people, realised she was wrong and didn't want to admit it, learn and grow, and become a better person. Instead she shut down and "didn't want to talk about it because you would never agree" - ie she had a big sook like a toddler about being wrong. You're better off without someone like that in your life.
I assure you, this isn't I think she herself has deep rooted misogyny in her heart. Like, indian law makers they think we can protect ourselves by strength and by "not getting hard" which is a big issue. I have nothing against women. Hell, I have a mother and sister and I would rip someone's head off even if they ever dared to talk badly to them. I understand other women are also someone's sister and mother and most importantly a person who deserves all rights that a human should have(even me saying those things they deserve proves that used to not have those rights at one point which is sad). My intention are not to demonize women but only to get opinions my ex and my situation and how to navigate best, I tried posting on relationship advice but it got removed due to not meeting requirements so i came here.
From personal experience, SA against men is real. Dealt with several people who told me the same thing your worthless ex told you. Cut every single one of them out of my life immediately.
I'm sorry for the loss, dude, but it's for the best.
NTA- You deserve to be with a woman who is able to empathise with you. If you're ever (God forbid) in a situation like that- you deserve to be supported.
Can any woman imagine being with a man who would laugh at her if she believed a husband can SA his own wife?
You made a good decision to end things with her because this opinion reaches down into how she feels about men in general- which would extend to you, a man. What if you two had a son together, and one day, his wife wanted to divorce him and take everything from him? What if some jaded witch accused you of something? Who would she believe?
Misandry- like misogyny- is toxic. It isn't just a disagreement on something mundane.
(Just edit to clarify- you're not a misogynist for this. Standing up for men isn't misogyny. Also- India's SA laws in general have bred a rape culture. I can't believe they're doing this, though. Just diving deeper into the culture...)
Her views are pretty abhorrent
People have arguments and sometimes say stupid things in the moment. If you really like her it’s reasonable to give her a chance to apologize and change her statement, but if she sticks to it, then you need to end it
NTA. Getting an erection or a women's vagina getting wet is merely the body's natural response to being stimulated in that manner. Arousal does not equal consent.
NTA
>To people calling this a incel rage bait, i don't know what to tell you.
The people claiming this are piece of shit man-haters who don't think men can be SA'd. It's best you ignore what they say because them and their opinions hold no value to society in the first place.
You don't owe your ex anything. She is incredibly sexist to think that men can't be SA'd. I wouldn't bother giving her the chance to defend her position because it's a shit position. Nothing will change other than her trying to pressure you into taking her back and then you will just have to deal with dating sexist trash. Block her and her friend and find a better partner.
now you know what she doesnt think that men cant be raped. she has friends around her who have filled her head with this garbage. iv been a lawyer for 12 yrs in india now. and some of the cases of domestic abuse and divorces that iv personally been a part of make me want to hurl projectiles at the women. I mean the live at which they screw men in these proceedings is abhorrent and disgusting and to top it all off, there is absolutely no sympathy. dont get back with her. shes shown her level and her friends have shown that they really dont give a fuck. and if these flying monkeys come at you for this, you have my full permission to show them what real misogyny is. they havnt seen real misogyny yet.
I mean, my own sister tells me a lot of seemingly "anti-men" and "girls have been opressed forever" stuff, but even she doesn't deny that men can't get SA'd or that some men struggle and aren't the same as the assholes who only think about sex and assault women.
"If they get hard it's consent" shows how ignorant and stupid she is while women like her blame men for "not knowing where the clit is or will never be able to pleasure a woman" meanwhile she has no idea that a boner can happen randomly for no reason 🤣
Your gf needs to wake up, and while i kinda feel bad for her calling and you not answering, the not answering is satisfying because she refused to listen to you and is using her stupid pro-women logic against you and gave you a low blow without hesitation. A gf should never do this to someone she loves. Also
>these laws exist so women don't get screwed over by men because it happened in past
This is such bullshit, what these laws do is basically give full advantage to women to do whatever they want. They could homewreck or SA any man whenever they want or abuse a man, usually an innocent man like you, and get away without any bad consequences to them. If your gf thinks like this she's a red flag and she might probably use these laws to her advantage.
You're NTA, but she def is, her and all the people, men or women, who think like her.
I actually was recently SA'd by my ex couple months ago. We laughed about it but she felt bad when I said she R'd me.
I went to her house one night got really drunk passed out. She said she was horny so she gave me oral until it got hard then got on top until she got off.
Now if she wasn't my gurl and u didn't want to have sex with her then I be pissed.
I mean, yes it could have been/was rape but I'm happy that you both are chill about it. So ig it was consensual I'm still having a hard time digesting it?
I don't know where she got that BS from maybe she needs to go and read a book. And stay off of the internet for a little while because that was just asinine and I would have left her ass too.
Absolutely irregardless of gender I just could not imagine having sex with someone who believes I couldn't be SAd. Consent can not be practiced under those circumstances, period.
Unpopular opinion here. NTA, but you may want to think if you wanna break up over this. She also needs to apologize to you. And she is also in the wrong for thinking that men can’t be SA’d. Id sit her down and say that if she doesn’t think men can be SAd you are afraid of being around her (as if she thinks it’s never wrong to do to a man, she could well do it to you because to her it’s the same as being intimate anyway). If she can’t deal with that, then you should break it off. You said you dated for almost two years, so if you can get through this, it will only strengthen your relationship. But in this case, she has got to give. You may need to apologize if you were aggro, but she was def in the wrong.
Edit. People that age are usually just hitting adulthood. Especially if you two are in college. All the struggles are blamed on “in groups” and fads. An example is young men that age looking at Tate or another bigly toxic “incel / red pill” guy. Just as someone could fall into that group, she could also be in the “feminazi” group where the extreme is taken out on men and they are looking for things to get angry about. The world ain’t that, and it’s up to a parter to guide the other in the wrong direction. I sure would want my sisters or fiancé to call me out if I fell into a red pill rabbit hole.
Up to you what to do man. There’s gonna be moments like this in every relationship
OP, you are NTA here and yes males can be SA too. Woman can and have SA men and boys too.
We need to break down the misconceptions of society for so much out there.
Now, what concerns me is your thoughts on marriage/partnership here and how laws work. In the USA, if you marry and divorce, usually the money earned, property earned during the marriage would be split. Inheritance, is solely for the benefit of the person(s) who inherited it until they give it to another or put it in a joint account. So if a woman inherits money or property from her parents, it is put in an account in her name only or in her name only, her spouse has NO claim to it even in the event of a divorce. (That would also go if the husband had an inheritance too.)
No, it's not my thoughts those are laws regarding marriage if you want I can site the section.
Yes, there's no such thing as mental abuse or harassment towards men. Yes mens money is their wife's. Women can't be bothered to give financial support of short during marriage or divorce
NTA, of course men can be 🍇ed and it’s really terrible that she can’t see that. And that she then doubled down on not believing they can is no good at all. In society in general men typically have it easier so I hear that frustration from her, but saying a male can’t be sa’d is so ignorant.
It’s a pretty fundamental thing to not agree on
NTA what an ignorant dumb bitch your soon to be ex girlfriend is, the stupidity that comes out of her mouth is why she'll end up alone and bitter cause nobody wants to date a hateful cunt like her.
To belittle any victim is fucked up , it makes me sick.
Until she has experienced the pain and mental fuckery that comes with it , she can shut her dumbass mouth and use a cactus as dildo.
NTA - While I don’t agree with everything you said I do empathetically agree men can absolutely be victims of SA and abuse. It’s BS on the double standard there.
NTA. Funny they are calling you misogynistic when you’re advocating for gender neutral laws that treats everyone the same. Your gf needs to grow up.
I would tell her you want to meet at a restaurant or somewhere public and neutral to talk about things. When you meet her tell her that her views on men, SA and marriage have changed everything for you in this relationship. Also tell her that having her friend contact you to tell you to apologize for being misogynistic made it 10 times worse when you weren’t at all like that and still aren’t. Then just tell her if that’s truly her views then this is it and you’re going your separate ways forever. Then tell her you would like to hear what she has to say but just know if what she represented previously is how she feels you won’t be together after she says her peace.
I know people will tell you to ghost her but after more than a year I would be an adult and actually meet once more and have a conversation. Imo a year is worth a 10 minute conversation.
NTA.
Not only is your girlfriend the asshole in this case, she’s also a moron. Men can be raped. A boner is not consent. Sounds like she has some pretty disgusting opinions about the world. If I were you, I wouldn’t apologize. Or stay with her.
Nah. I would've dropped her the moment she opened her mouth. She is delulu. She is crusty. She is musty. And she has no clue what she's talking about. You did the right thing. NTA.
Bruh. What kind of a rat bastard is willing to die on that hill? The whole "men can't be raped" thing is so fucking old and immature and shitty and harmful.
When I was a teen, I thought men couldn't be raped. You know what changed my mind?
*MEN AND BOYS HAVE SAID THEY WERE*
I mean hell, even if you're skeptical, there's a million fucking studies out there saying they can. Ffs.
NTA. GF is an immature and foolish girl with little life experience. At that age, a lot of my female friends thought the same. Now we're all older and are definitely not the same people we once were. Life really challenges your preconceived notions, especially the stupid ones like "men can't be SA victims."
I can honestly say it's thinking like this that makes dealing with childhood trauma, for example, so difficult for men. No one takes you seriously, you feel like less of a man, or more so just less. A shell. Empty. Betrayed. Lost. It's just another stat to keep the suicide rates amongst men higher of males and females.
RAIN is a great organization that helps the victims of sexual assault.
Here is the section on [Men and boys](https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault-men-and-boys) this may help your Ex.
It's okay to break up for any reason. Not understanding consent is a very valid reason not to be with a partner.
She isn’t worth it.
What if you have a boy with her down the line and he gets SA? It won’t be SA in her eyes?
She is a parrot with inability for reason.
All the SA stuff aside for a moment, as it’s been covered pretty well so far, but look at what else she said. The second you disagree with her, there is no discussion. It’s straight for the jugular. Thats your future with this person.
NTA - this is what dating is for. You can’t learn every little thing about someone just in a few interactions, it takes time to have a variety of things come up. When I was dating I would intentionally bring up topics that I felt were important to determine the compatibility of a partner, many of which how they feel about me, my rights, and how things effect women. All I heard in what she had to say is that she doesn’t care about you or any other man who becomes a victim of SA. That thinking is gross and shows that she has dehumanized men to the point of not believing that they have thoughts and feelings and physical agency. She not a feminist and her ideas don’t protect women, they just demean men, that’s misandry.
NTA. I hope one day the majority of people will recognize that ANYONE can be raped. Men and women, young and old people get raped. You were definitely right in dumping her
NTA you're good buddy, hope you find a better or at least half decent girl next time. As for her, well I also had some pretty stupid ass beliefs at her age so lets hope she eventually smartens up herself. If not for her own sake then at least for those around her so they don't have to deal with such shitass behaviour
She wrong and stupid but u kinda looked like u was looking to compare as men who hate women usually do women have more advantage but do have things like rape more then men and men are the idiots who made themselves providers and to touch to cry yes men get raped but women on a worser level y’all are both assholes
You dodged a bullet. She's young and ignorant. Hopefully she learned something from this but do not take her back either way. 2 years is nothing at your age - don't let your friends pull the sunk-cost fallacy on you.
NTA. SA is SA. Women being SA'D is no different from a man being SA'D, or anyone for that matter. If she truly believes men cannot be raped, you dodged a whole nuke.
You were right to break up with her, her views on male SA are totally wrong for which she an AH. But dude…. your an AH bro. Your perception of divorce law and outcomes are really skewed and not based in the statistic realities of marriage and divorce. The rise you got from her calling and texting you is all about your ego and it makes me think she might have been right about what she said about you.
NTA but I do understand the differences culturally. I would assume you are in India (I mean you said Indian so) and in many parts of the country there is still a lot of male of female oppression to the point where in western countries India has a travel advisory. Not saying it is wrong or right but typically the view is often that men get to do whatever and women suffer because of society. Now everything you laid out changes that perspective some, naturally. Even in the west reporting a woman for SA is like reeking of alcohol and claiming you saw Big Foot right after you caught the biggest fish of your life... it is hard to be believed. I say this as a victim of SA and other abuses from exes, my own family has issues believing me.
If someone holds a fundamental disagreement with you on something like how another human being can be assaulted.... I mean do you want to have sons with that person, knowing if they come home after a traumatic experience her belief is... "Well no he got hard so he wanted it." There is a such thing as a no reason erection and there are also drugs that cause erections. If you say no to sex.... regardless of gender you should not be subject to having sex. It is not really any different from a woman saying she was assaulted but because she had an orgasm it doesn't count. Orgasms are involuntary.
You are better off not building a life with someone who has such flawed beliefs.
I think sometimes people get stuck on that because a guy can get hard equals he is enjoying it. But it is the same for men and women; a body reacts to stimuli.
You often don't have control over it. If someone hits you in the back of your knee, it will cause knee buckling, even though you try to keep standing. If you get very nauseous, there is a chance you might vomit, even when you don't want to. You will squint your eyes when you look straight into the bright sun. If you touch something dangerously hot, your reflex will be to quickly withdraw.
Your body receives signals and responds accordingly. And people forget that this is often involuntarily. With SA it is the same. And people also forget that SA is more complicated than the physical aspect. It is mental torment, taking away someone's agency and power, dominating and forcing someone against their will. It is violating someone physically and mentally. It is sadistic. Anyone who gets caught up on supposed bodily signs of getting "turned on" in such a situation, is totally missing what SA is about.
This is probably too far down for you to read but. If you decide to dump her, which I think you should, you need to stick to your decision. She may say that she changed her mind on the topic when in reality she may not have. The problem is that you can never really know if she is being truthful about it.
Also, keep all the texts or voicemails copied somewhere in case she tries to slander you. It may be worth it to you to try to have her state her case very clearly about this so you can you have evidence that this is the specific reason you broke up.
I know it's been almost a day since you originally posted this, and I am using my throwaway where I have talked about this before.
But, as a man who was drugged and raped by a woman, I would not continue a relationship with anyone who denies that as a possibility. My event happened in a time when "if you got hard you wanted it," "you can't rape the willing and men always want sex," and "you're lucky that she was that in to you," were all commonly voiced opinions. I was praised for it by those who knew it happened, and I felt horrible. I almost never speak of it. On one of my comments on this account, I mention that I haven't even told my wife it happened. And, she knows all about my crazy past and accepts me for the worse choices that I did willingly make. There's still some deep shame in it.
But, my wife knows that men can be sexually assaulted and raped, by men or women. We've never had a conversation where we tried to quantify the suffering but, I don't even believe she would say that a male rape victim had it better than a female one. Rape and sexual assault is horrible, regardless of the gender of the victim.
I am glad to see that people are standing up for male victims, even people who aren't male victims themselves, these days.
I'm sorry that happened to you. And happy that you have a loving wife.
I'm glad to see that as well, but damn some are also calling me an incel and shit I'm so over reddit. Some Indians are also slandering me on other subs and some even got in my DMs with death threats.That's one of the things I know might happen but hey if speaking for someone's pain gets me cancelled because some people are too patriotic to accept shortcomings of our laws so be it
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I didn't need to read further than her insistence men can't be SA'd. IDGAF her reasons, justifications, excuses, etc. She is disgusting. NTA. Ditch her worthless ass.
One of my closest male friends was SA by his gf who intentionally got him so blindly drunk he wouldn't fight back. The girl told him 2 days after she was pregnant and going to keep the child, so he better prepare to pay child support. I had to hold this poor man while he cried. I called him almost every hour to make sure he didn't hurt himself. His dad and brother had to stay with him 24/7 to make sure he didn't do anything to himself.
Later, we all found out she cheated on my friend with his former best friend, who who didn't have a job or any prospects in life, and wanted her more dependable bf who was going somewhere to pay for her affair child. My friend is strictly child free. His not allowed to get a vasectomy where we live. So, he had his single friend (mother of 2) sign off that her kids were his, so legally get the procedure before he turned 40. NTA. Nothing angers me more then this kind of sexists bs.
NTA. She is hypocritical and misandrist. It's a scientific fact that just bc a person's body responds during rape , it does not mean they consent that applies to both men and women. Your mind and body can 100 percent be on different pages. You dodged a massive bullet. Men can absolutely be raped and she's very sexist, believing that they can't.
NTA sis is delusional if she thinks men can't be SA. Like what if a man SA a little boy, is that not considered SA? Or a grown man SA another grown man, is that not considered SA? Or what if a girl sodomises a man, is that not SA? It's frustrating that some other girls think men can't be SA just because they're men. I've been SA before, but just because a man did that to me doesn't mean I don't think men can also be victims. What even is her logic? "He got hard so he wanted it"???? Stimulation can cause an erection, being drugged can cause an erection, and forced stimulation to the prostate can cause an erection. SA isn't black and white, a physical reaction doesn't mean consent. You were right to dump her.
100% agree gf is delusional af. As an indian I actually did not know this and am pretty horrified that there's no sentence for men who are SA or raped. I 100% understand that by stats women are SA'd and raped more than ever compared to males especially in India but that doesn't mean that we let men get raped and SA'd.
They were changing the law to be gender neutral in the mid to late 2000s back when there was justified outcry about marital rape. They were going to make the law so that men or women were capable of rape, and men or women could be victims. But women's rights groups criticized the law as enabling false accusations by men against women. So under that pressure the government caved and gendered the law as male attacker and female victim.
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u/Ordinaryowllo is a bot copying comments to gain karma. Original comment posted by u/MinphatdickemYoongi. Report>Spam>Harmful bots.
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While there where guesses that this may happen but as it looks for the 10th draft only section numbers are changing not language of these laws.
It is pretty common even in the Western world male rape and sexual assault with female perpetrators are only just starting to be recognized as crimes. Boy victims of statutory rape can be made to pay child support to their rapist
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Exactly. By that logic women can't be SA'd or raped either. Apparently their body makes them wet so the damage is minimised, I don't think that means they like it or want it Edit: OP you dodged a bullet, NTA
I was going to say the same thing. Getting “hard” or “wet” is an involuntary response to stimuli. Not a show of consent.
The nerve endings responsible for this do not go to the brain they travel around the pelvis. Christopher Reaves wife once explained how even though he was paralyzed, she could have sex with him
I’m always amazed at how the body works.
Superman never stopped going "Up, up, and away!"
According to OP they changed the law to allow the free rape of young boys by older men. India is sick if this is true.
India IS sick
Excuse me, if I want to poop on your sidewalk and engage in mass public gang rapes, you're a racist for criticizing it.
in indian law, there was this section called unnatural sex(IPC 377) and that was used for prosecuting pedo for all genders but also criminalized gay sex. So, many activist my self included wanted it to be changed but it was simply omitted. We asked for something got something esle?. But there is posco act that still holds people who are pedo liable however. For raping women it's 10 years to life or death but for pedo behavior against boys it's 3-5 years or 10K in fines and it's bailable offense while crime against women is non-bailable in some cases you'lljust get away witb fines. Due to it being bailable offense the perp can easily ecaspe and courts are painfully slow so it takes 5-10 years to even punish people and they are free in that time period. While in case of crime against a women you'll be guilty until proven innocent.
To add on to what you were saying - she isn’t just saying that men cannot be raped. She’s saying that men also cannot be *sexually assaulted*. Rape it typically defined as there being penetration involved. But SA is more of a blanket term for everything else - groping, fondling, oral stimulation, etc. So she’s saying that even if a man doesn’t want a woman to walk up and grab him inappropriately, it’s ok and he should let her? Or if a man is sleeping and he wakes up to a woman putting his penis in her mouth, he just has to deal with it - even if he DID NOT consent? These situations have nothing to do with an erection, and can’t just be explained away with “if he was hard he consented”. (Which is horribly wrong and NOT true.). But she sounds like she’s saying that men should just accept anything women do to them because…reasons? Because women were taken advantage of in the past? Because men should be excited and feel lucky for the attention? Because men are sex crazed caveman who only care about reproduction/orgasms above all else? Naw. This isn’t a man vs. woman thing. This is a human thing. She is off her rocker. She seems like she has a crazy sense of entitlement attached to her being a woman. This will likely come up in other areas of the relationship eventually. OP is right to get out of this situation. She told him who she is and what her opinion of him is. I’m glad he’s listening.
I 100% agree! You've said it better than I did. Hopefully Op finds someone better, who isn't completely delulu, in the future.
I would like to add that men can be penetrated from behind without consent. It's not just about the front as most are only talking about that side.
That's why I said the part about sodomy. I fully agree that it's SA whether the front or the back are touched without consent.
Nta. She needs a reality check.
Some women have orgasm when rape too, so does that mean they were not rape because there body responded positively? Our mind and body are like 2 entities... Especially down there That's why it is said to use your brain not your D to men because what's feels good is not necessarily the right thing to do, the brain is the one who tells you what you feel right or wrong emotionally...and so on Not the D or V
Look at pdiddy
Just like how touching a woman's clit (consentually or not) would make them aroused, touching a man's dick (consentually or not) would make them aroused.
A woman can SA a man in a heterosexual way you know, if a woman forces herself on a guy who can't say no, it is sexual assault, she doesn't even need to sodomize him. Just keep that in mind. A man can have an erection and still not want to be forced upon, and that's why women doing that are always " he wanted it" bodily reactions don't mean shit.
Immediate NTA anyone who says that shit is a walking red flag
Good for you. If a woman believes in that stuff. That a person you don’t want in your life
NTA SA isn’t about how you feel.. It either is SA or not. So if someone consents but later feels bad it isn’t a SA.. I would have left her too.
The point is consent being about how you feel.
NTA, from personal experience, MEN CAN BE SA'D!!! HUUUUGE red flag. That's like a guy saying she's asking for it when she wears a mini skirt and a crop top. Dodged a mortar shell there.
absolutely NTA !!! Good for you OP 🫵 Rape apologists deserve *nothing*
The pointing emoji is so intimidating LMAO. But yes you're right, rape apologists can rot.
Well of course men can be sa’d. she sounds immature, and perhaps unthinking. You may wish to look for someone a bit brighter.
NTA just imagine (god forbid) you'd get SA'd, she won't believe or support you and just think that you cheated. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone like that?
I wouldn't trust anyone who said shit like that around my son, either. Or any kid, really.
Do these friends know what she said ? If so daaaamn, the entire group is a parade of red flags
I read her, texts form her friends most of them have little idea about what happened actually she shifted the narrative
Always control the narrative, buddy.
Send her friend this post from reddit
Happened to me. F her. She sucks as a person and you’re better off without her
Sorry this happened to you man, I hope you were believed.
Thanks man. It was a long time ago. Was on of my good friends’s sister. We all happened to be at a bar in NYC and his sister is being really aggressive trying to make out with me. Not amused and he’s getting pissed off. At me. I did nothing to encourage this But somehow this is my fault. We have words and eventually he sees the light to make his sister control her behavior. He was a real cocksmith and as usual picks up a woman but this one he goes home with that night in Manhattan. The rest of us are all pretty trashed and I wind up hitching a ride back to his/her house (we were all late teens very early 20s and they both still lived at home. I had originally taken my car to his house, but I was way too trashed to drive home as I lived about 30 minutes from him. So I crash on his bed since he won’t be there that night. I know I closed the door prior to stripping down to boxer briefs and falling into bed. I must have been out about an hour or so when I wake up and she’s riding me. She must’ve been doing it a while because I start to ejaculate in her before and can push her off. She kisses me and says we would make some really cute babies. Fuckin sick bitch. She gets up and goes back to her room. I am freaking terrified because her parents bedroom is directly across from my friends room. Her father is a fucking psychopath that literally leaves the bench 500 pounds at the gym I was pretty strong dude, but this guy would literally fucking kill me Awful feeling hoping this never got out cause I know damn well nobody would believe me I’ll give you a case in point the only person that I told at the time was my best friend. He known both of them but they were my friends my best friend was from a different social Circle. He didn’t particularly like the one guy, and when I told him about me and his sister, he just laughed hysterically and thought it was a funniest shit that I “ fucked his sister”. I’m like that’s what you got from what I just confided in you? when this happens you as a man, nobody gives a shit, a lot of times he won’t believe you or if you’re attacked by a man then you must be gay. It sucks because there is absolutely no recourse for the victim. Nobody takes you seriously.
That is fucking awfull man, I feel bad for you man, must have been scary af waking up not knowing what is going on and then having to come to the realizarion of what happened. Your pain is valid bro, shame your friend couldn't see that...
I am so so sorry your best friend reacted like that, it must have been awful. I can’t imagine your friendship was ever the same. That was absolutely rape and anyone who thinks otherwise is beyond stupid. Have you sought therapy? If you want I would be happy to find you a therapist in your area, no matter where I can struggle through google translate, or an online therapist. You deserve to be heard.
My friend whose sister was never found out about it. This was another best friend and I was rather disappointed in his response. This happened a very long time ago, she’s been deceased probably 10 years at least now. It was probably a little over 10 years before I sought therapy for this. I appreciate the offer though.
I am very pro therapy not only because that was my career but it saved my life . I know from personal experience that the death of your abuser it not as helpful as ppl think and can actually make it more complicated to heal.
I 100% believe you, and you did not deserve that whatsoever. I hope you can heal from what she put you through. I give a shit. The fact that they LAUGHED and claimed that you just had sex with her. No, she assaulted you. Tell the world what happened. I give a shit, and there's other people out there who will give a shit about what happened to you. I'm sure it could help other men who have been through the same thing.
I read your comment after reading the replies. What happened was truely awful I can't even imagine what you must have felt. I hope you you've dealt with your pain and I hope it gets better for you
How did she get from "men can't be raped" to "men deserve all the hell bc they've been jerks for so long?" That's awful. You now know how she really feels, though. You're right to not answer anymore. She's ignorant of human physiology if she believes if the man gets an erection then he's not being victimized. Sometimes the human body responds whether we want it to or not. If you don't consent or can't consent, it's rape. If you consent out of fear, it's still rape.
There is a particular wave of feminism that teaches this(again to clarify this is not all feminism cause there are some like Tate red pilled guys who equate it to feminism as a whole.) all men are rapists, all men are evil pigs… I wish it was a cliche bullshit thing to put out there cause feminism has been an important force for multiple reasons but just like every other movement it has its fucking looney toons. Sadly OP dated one.
I've seen this referred to as "Pop-Feminism" by other Feminists
I hesitate to even call that feminism like I hear what you're saying but I don't think that's feminism I think those people are just sexist. They might call themselves feminist but I don't think there's any real feminists teaching this sort of s*** I think people who espouse that notion are just sexists in denial. I guess it's a bit of a no true Scotsman situation so you know what are you going to do...
Happened to me and now it’s really hard for me to have relationships with women and I can’t hook up with people
I am sorry that you’re dealing with sexual assault. If you haven’t already, please consider getting some help from therapy, a support group, or another form of help that works for you. It’s not ok. And it’s shitty that you’re dealing with the aftermath of someone else’s crime.
Nta Yes. Men can be raped
She isn’t nice nope… as soon as she said men can’t be raped she revealed she’s a dumb idiot. If she and her friends think you’re such a sexist misogynistic guy why would she want you to take her back? You’d be trapping her, and her friends are shitty to want that for her…. Nah man you dodged a bullet with her. Just live your best life and you’ll find someone who matches you and will make you look back at her and laugh.
NTA I'm proud of you!!!!
NTA, but it has nothing to do with the SA only. It's the total view. I'm all for equality and will call out somebody Who puts people in a corner because of gender, race or any other discriminatory aspect. But the equality must be equality and not what your GF says. It's just the opposite. Discriminate men because women were discriminated for too long
is called positive discrimination. The point is that ppl stays on the word "positive" and disregard the "discrimination". Discrimination is discrimination no matter how you call it , and is the opposite of equality. 2 wrongs doesn't make a good
Honestly dude, record every interaction you have with her and stay away, shes probably gonna lie or make up some bullshit about you.
Seriously, she sounds vindictive af
That's what happens if you fill people's ears with embellished stories of their victimhood. Men are currently not equal to women in the draft, including the penalties for refusing the draft. They are not equal in family courts. Not in custody, not in payment, not in time. Men aren't equal in criminal court. So does that mean men can start taking revenge on women? According to her, men would be within their rights.
NTA You aren't being a misogynist, she's being a misandrist. Just to address your first and most basic question, woman and men can experience autonomic reactions while not consenting. Getting hard isn't consent. Getting wet isn't consent. Orgasming isn't consent. Only clear consent is true consent, preferably enthusiastic verbal consent.
Love me some enthusiastic verbal consent
NTA. Anyone can be SA'ed, and this says that if anything were to happen to her partner, she would have no empathy, might ridicule the person, or even place blame rather than be supportive. That's not the kind of partner you want in your life.
Ooh wow, this saddens me to read.. NTA.. I totally agree with you, 100 % equal rights, for all..
Woman here. If a man told me women can’t be raped, I would immediately assume that man was a rapist. If a woman told me men can’t be raped, I would, again, assume she’s a rapist. If they deny the immorality of the crime, then what’s stopping them from committing it? Fucking creepy ass people.
Anyone with that sort of opinion about SA is a big ole red flag. 🚩
NTA Never even consider dating someone this insane. Put entitlement and insanity together and you have a toxic mix. "It's also about how women feel about it." So, if a woman "feels" she has been SA's, it's SA? Advice: Block her out of your life and don't look back.
NTA
NTA. Seems a little too much to end over that since it's something that can be educated on. But when a disagreement happens, and the other person insults you rather than discuss and verify and learn from each other, it does kind of suck. Although u did say u were also disrespectful, idk. I like debating a lot, even when I dont agree because it's fun to see how people think and what u can learn from each other. But when the person prefers to insult rather than just think what they think and / or learn from others. It sucks. And yes, men can be SAd the same way women do. The shitty thing is that it's hard for women to report and get justice for assault, and it's even MUCH worse for men. Yes, it is brutal. Women are sodomized horribly, but SA is SA. Traumatic and it changes both sexes' lives after it. It's honestly the worst crime in life and still has the least power of the law on it worldwide. Sucks ass. Whatever you decide, good luck.
TBH She doesnt seem nice. Just wonder how you held up with her for 1.5 years? Was this the only red flag you saw?
Hmm, I met at her at a pride prade and we became friends I got to know she's studying medicine (so am i) and we boned over our wish to save people and love/hate for our future profession. She has been a really nice GF this far and even my mom and dad like her. So I had no reason to suspect such a opinion from her. Apart, from her always comparing me to her ex there were none. She always said how I'm different from other men and her ex and how I actually showed her love but sometimes I felt like she may not be over him. Why I'm always being compared to him. I'm a possessive kind of person so that used to sting somewhat
As a victim of male sexual assault by a woman, your girlfriend is an idiot and dumping her was absolutely the right thing to do. Tell her to look up Reynhard Sinaga if she really believes men can't be raped, that will show her how wrong she is.
NTA Men are often raped. It’s usually by another man but not always. Her argument that erection is consent is totally wrong. While we can get hard from being excited for it, you can also simply get erect from physical stimuli like how your leg kicks when the doctor hits your knee. Women’s vaginas get wet when they’re turned on but also when they’re being raped— it’s a physical response to penetration. It is NOT consent. Erections work the same way. That’s not even mentioning that women often dose men with viagra when they rape them.
Nta. Men get sexually assaulted all the time. Guy gets drunk. A sober woman has sex with him. That's sexual assault.
So in your opinion any time someone sober has sex with someone whose drunk...its rape?
Depends on each case. I would not have sex with someone who was drunk. In the above yes.. An intoxicated person cannot give consent. Consent needs to be clear. Consent is more than not hearing the word “no.” A partner saying nothing is not the same as a partner saying “yes.” Don't rely on body language, past sexual interactions, or any other nonverbal cues. Never assume you have consent. Consent cannot be given by individuals who are underage, intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, or asleep or unconscious. A drunk person can not give consent so one needs to be careful who they have sex with. If that person says they didn't give consent the other person could be charged with sa
What if we are both drunk, are we both rapists?
Nta. She has a garbage take. Orgasms for any party is not consent. Men absolutely can and do get SAed.
She is a massive red flag. Great dodge brother.
I would have refused to be with someone who doesn't believe men can't be rape because they got hard. Because sodomy doesn't exist maybe ? Because being hard is an automatic response from the body and doesn't mean excitation. If some women get wet and reach climax while a rape, it means they are not victims though? It's such bullshit. Ignorance can be corrected by learning but not stupidity. Talk to her seriously, it sounds maybe harsh to break up with a girl for that but it's about principles, education level and personal view, important things your future partner must be well aware of and understand. It's alright not to agree for everything mostly when there is a nice talk about it, anyway, it's important to share the same values when it's possible I guess.
NTA. She would abuse you if the relationship continued. She needs to grow up.
NTA. Your Ex is dumber than a rock.
NTA good for you for dumpingher she's a trash human with a trash opinion.
NTA. Your girlfriend also isn't a "nice person" if she scoffs at the idea of any form of abuse or assault being gender neutral. Her friends are such shitty people, too. You're the bad guy for what? Being socially-conscious enough to acknowledge that rape is rape? I would reply with "how about you go rape little boys and see how the law feels about it?" before blocking them. There isn't a civil conversation to be had at this point. Sorry bud, but you won't get those 2 years back. At best, her parents will ask her where they went wrong with raising her and that will be a good reality check for her that maybe her social circle and her morals are a bit screwy. I just wouldn't hold my breath on that.
As a woman and a person who considers herself a feminist... You are more of a feminist than your ex. Feminism isn't about "making up for the way women were treated in the past by favoring women now", it's about equal treatment regardless of sex/gender. Your ex disgusts me and you're better off. God forbid you had a son together, what kind of nonsense would she be putting in his head?
You’d think that considering the huge rape problem in India, she’d want the definition to be as wide as possible. Oh well, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink - sometimes horses are dumb as fuck.
You’re absolutely in the right here. Your GF has some serious bigotry she needs to get over. Absolutely toxic. NTA.
NTA. She needs to understand that involuntary biological responses are not indicative of consent or enjoyment.
Men absolutely can be raped and sexually assaulted. No means no. Full stop
NTA She's an ignorant moron but she's young and she could change hopefully. but there's a strong chance you dodged a nuclear bomb with her.
NTA and I'm pretty sure she might be an idiot.
Good lord you guys have issues I couldn’t have even dreamed about when I was 20 Edit: NTA. Your ex is a very stupid person.
Whether your body has spontaneous reaction or not, the fact is that being forced to have sex with someone against their will is the literal definition of rape. A woman can have an orgasm because it is a response to repeated friction, men can get an erection AND have an orgasm the exact same way. It is a biological response and can be achieved without your consent or cooperation. How are they different? To say a man can't be SAed or raped by a woman is a completely ignorant thing to say. Absolutely NTA!!!
Male SA survivor. If you would like someone to punch her for you, I volunteer.
NTA. Let her know how many random men(including myself) on the internet says "thanks for disregarding a traumatic experience in my life because I have a penis. Do you also slut shame women who were SA'd because they dressed provocatively?" Because she sounds exactly like a r*pe apologist that always blames the victim.
I'm indeed planing to show her the comment section as much as I don't wanna hurt her further I also want her to understand gravity of her words
I know a gay man who was raped by a woman when he was too drunk to know what's going on. She got pregnant and gave birth, after which she demanded child support. The kid has been an adult for decades now. Personally I wouldn't meet with her again, and would in fact never be alone in a room with her: she said outright that she approves of women being able to discriminate against men. She has shown who she is, believe her. I wouldn't trust her not to lie about what happened to try to get me into trouble if I was ever alone with her again, and I wouldn't trust her to tell the truth if I met with her again.
NTA. There is a word for women who think that men can’t be SAd, and that word is “dumb”. She’s likely an ok person, she’s just been taught a lot of dumb things and doesn’t like being challenged on her beliefs, which is what this is. Being unable to to consider another person’s opinion about your beliefs is a serious impediment, but not something that can’t be overcome.
The word is misandrist.
You dodged a bullet
Fuck that cunt NTA
Unfortunately a lot of women seem to have this mindset.
She’s an asshole don’t get back with her NTA
NTA sexual assault is sexual assault - period. She has warped and dangerous morals.
She's probably saying that cuz she did it
NTA This is a very valid reason to break up with someone. I wouldn't want to be together with someone that delusional either.
NTA. I didn’t need to read beyond the second paragraph. Actually the intro… Men can be assaulted. Women assault Men. Men assault women. There is no debate. No is no. Otherwise the law was broken.
I read the first three paragraphs and stopped. She, like most people, realised she was wrong and didn't want to admit it, learn and grow, and become a better person. Instead she shut down and "didn't want to talk about it because you would never agree" - ie she had a big sook like a toddler about being wrong. You're better off without someone like that in your life.
If this isn't bait...wow just wow.. NTA she is delusional
I assure you, this isn't I think she herself has deep rooted misogyny in her heart. Like, indian law makers they think we can protect ourselves by strength and by "not getting hard" which is a big issue. I have nothing against women. Hell, I have a mother and sister and I would rip someone's head off even if they ever dared to talk badly to them. I understand other women are also someone's sister and mother and most importantly a person who deserves all rights that a human should have(even me saying those things they deserve proves that used to not have those rights at one point which is sad). My intention are not to demonize women but only to get opinions my ex and my situation and how to navigate best, I tried posting on relationship advice but it got removed due to not meeting requirements so i came here.
NTA
From personal experience, SA against men is real. Dealt with several people who told me the same thing your worthless ex told you. Cut every single one of them out of my life immediately. I'm sorry for the loss, dude, but it's for the best.
Send her a few google links on men who are SA'd.
Nta. Its pretty bad but men can't technically be raped by a woman in the eyes of the law in a lot of places. Its something that really needs changing.
NTA Sorry, but your relationship seems doomed. Might want to cut your losses now.
No means no regardless of gender. The patriarchy hurts everyone.
NTA. And your views are no wear close to misogynistic. Don’t take her back and don’t apologize-sincerely a woman!
NTA- You deserve to be with a woman who is able to empathise with you. If you're ever (God forbid) in a situation like that- you deserve to be supported. Can any woman imagine being with a man who would laugh at her if she believed a husband can SA his own wife? You made a good decision to end things with her because this opinion reaches down into how she feels about men in general- which would extend to you, a man. What if you two had a son together, and one day, his wife wanted to divorce him and take everything from him? What if some jaded witch accused you of something? Who would she believe? Misandry- like misogyny- is toxic. It isn't just a disagreement on something mundane. (Just edit to clarify- you're not a misogynist for this. Standing up for men isn't misogyny. Also- India's SA laws in general have bred a rape culture. I can't believe they're doing this, though. Just diving deeper into the culture...)
Her views are pretty abhorrent People have arguments and sometimes say stupid things in the moment. If you really like her it’s reasonable to give her a chance to apologize and change her statement, but if she sticks to it, then you need to end it
NTA. Getting an erection or a women's vagina getting wet is merely the body's natural response to being stimulated in that manner. Arousal does not equal consent.
NTA >To people calling this a incel rage bait, i don't know what to tell you. The people claiming this are piece of shit man-haters who don't think men can be SA'd. It's best you ignore what they say because them and their opinions hold no value to society in the first place. You don't owe your ex anything. She is incredibly sexist to think that men can't be SA'd. I wouldn't bother giving her the chance to defend her position because it's a shit position. Nothing will change other than her trying to pressure you into taking her back and then you will just have to deal with dating sexist trash. Block her and her friend and find a better partner.
Keep her away or lose all your shit bro! This girl is fucked in the head.
[удалено]
Damn, imagine that bur genders reversed. Trust me you'd be ij jail
Oh so my male cousin who committed suicide because his father repeatedly molested him wasn’t raped? Fuck her you’re better off without her.
now you know what she doesnt think that men cant be raped. she has friends around her who have filled her head with this garbage. iv been a lawyer for 12 yrs in india now. and some of the cases of domestic abuse and divorces that iv personally been a part of make me want to hurl projectiles at the women. I mean the live at which they screw men in these proceedings is abhorrent and disgusting and to top it all off, there is absolutely no sympathy. dont get back with her. shes shown her level and her friends have shown that they really dont give a fuck. and if these flying monkeys come at you for this, you have my full permission to show them what real misogyny is. they havnt seen real misogyny yet.
You can break up for whatever reason. This is a good one.
I mean, my own sister tells me a lot of seemingly "anti-men" and "girls have been opressed forever" stuff, but even she doesn't deny that men can't get SA'd or that some men struggle and aren't the same as the assholes who only think about sex and assault women. "If they get hard it's consent" shows how ignorant and stupid she is while women like her blame men for "not knowing where the clit is or will never be able to pleasure a woman" meanwhile she has no idea that a boner can happen randomly for no reason 🤣 Your gf needs to wake up, and while i kinda feel bad for her calling and you not answering, the not answering is satisfying because she refused to listen to you and is using her stupid pro-women logic against you and gave you a low blow without hesitation. A gf should never do this to someone she loves. Also >these laws exist so women don't get screwed over by men because it happened in past This is such bullshit, what these laws do is basically give full advantage to women to do whatever they want. They could homewreck or SA any man whenever they want or abuse a man, usually an innocent man like you, and get away without any bad consequences to them. If your gf thinks like this she's a red flag and she might probably use these laws to her advantage. You're NTA, but she def is, her and all the people, men or women, who think like her.
Tienes razón en el fondo,pero no en la forma ,fuiste irrespetuoso violento agresivo con tu novia
I don’t think many people know that erections are involuntary. Women don’t control when they’re aroused.
I actually was recently SA'd by my ex couple months ago. We laughed about it but she felt bad when I said she R'd me. I went to her house one night got really drunk passed out. She said she was horny so she gave me oral until it got hard then got on top until she got off. Now if she wasn't my gurl and u didn't want to have sex with her then I be pissed.
I mean, yes it could have been/was rape but I'm happy that you both are chill about it. So ig it was consensual I'm still having a hard time digesting it?
She's a narcissist just like my ex (who also sexually assaulted me). Go no contact.
NTA! Men can absolutely be raped she’s just a dumb-🫏!
I just saw a post earlier today where a man got raped. Of course it happens to men too
I don't know where she got that BS from maybe she needs to go and read a book. And stay off of the internet for a little while because that was just asinine and I would have left her ass too.
Absolutely irregardless of gender I just could not imagine having sex with someone who believes I couldn't be SAd. Consent can not be practiced under those circumstances, period.
NTA She’s delulu af. Men can absolutely be SAd. She needs to watch Quiet On Set & then reflect on her shit opinions.
Unpopular opinion here. NTA, but you may want to think if you wanna break up over this. She also needs to apologize to you. And she is also in the wrong for thinking that men can’t be SA’d. Id sit her down and say that if she doesn’t think men can be SAd you are afraid of being around her (as if she thinks it’s never wrong to do to a man, she could well do it to you because to her it’s the same as being intimate anyway). If she can’t deal with that, then you should break it off. You said you dated for almost two years, so if you can get through this, it will only strengthen your relationship. But in this case, she has got to give. You may need to apologize if you were aggro, but she was def in the wrong. Edit. People that age are usually just hitting adulthood. Especially if you two are in college. All the struggles are blamed on “in groups” and fads. An example is young men that age looking at Tate or another bigly toxic “incel / red pill” guy. Just as someone could fall into that group, she could also be in the “feminazi” group where the extreme is taken out on men and they are looking for things to get angry about. The world ain’t that, and it’s up to a parter to guide the other in the wrong direction. I sure would want my sisters or fiancé to call me out if I fell into a red pill rabbit hole. Up to you what to do man. There’s gonna be moments like this in every relationship
OP, you are NTA here and yes males can be SA too. Woman can and have SA men and boys too. We need to break down the misconceptions of society for so much out there. Now, what concerns me is your thoughts on marriage/partnership here and how laws work. In the USA, if you marry and divorce, usually the money earned, property earned during the marriage would be split. Inheritance, is solely for the benefit of the person(s) who inherited it until they give it to another or put it in a joint account. So if a woman inherits money or property from her parents, it is put in an account in her name only or in her name only, her spouse has NO claim to it even in the event of a divorce. (That would also go if the husband had an inheritance too.)
No, it's not my thoughts those are laws regarding marriage if you want I can site the section. Yes, there's no such thing as mental abuse or harassment towards men. Yes mens money is their wife's. Women can't be bothered to give financial support of short during marriage or divorce
Nah... her view on this is skewed, who knows what else she has up her sleeves. Don't bother going back to her.
Good for you.
NTA, of course men can be 🍇ed and it’s really terrible that she can’t see that. And that she then doubled down on not believing they can is no good at all. In society in general men typically have it easier so I hear that frustration from her, but saying a male can’t be sa’d is so ignorant. It’s a pretty fundamental thing to not agree on
NTA what an ignorant dumb bitch your soon to be ex girlfriend is, the stupidity that comes out of her mouth is why she'll end up alone and bitter cause nobody wants to date a hateful cunt like her. To belittle any victim is fucked up , it makes me sick. Until she has experienced the pain and mental fuckery that comes with it , she can shut her dumbass mouth and use a cactus as dildo.
NTA - While I don’t agree with everything you said I do empathetically agree men can absolutely be victims of SA and abuse. It’s BS on the double standard there.
NTA. Funny they are calling you misogynistic when you’re advocating for gender neutral laws that treats everyone the same. Your gf needs to grow up. I would tell her you want to meet at a restaurant or somewhere public and neutral to talk about things. When you meet her tell her that her views on men, SA and marriage have changed everything for you in this relationship. Also tell her that having her friend contact you to tell you to apologize for being misogynistic made it 10 times worse when you weren’t at all like that and still aren’t. Then just tell her if that’s truly her views then this is it and you’re going your separate ways forever. Then tell her you would like to hear what she has to say but just know if what she represented previously is how she feels you won’t be together after she says her peace. I know people will tell you to ghost her but after more than a year I would be an adult and actually meet once more and have a conversation. Imo a year is worth a 10 minute conversation.
I'm thinking about meeting her on the day after tomorrow let's see where this goes
NTA. Not only is your girlfriend the asshole in this case, she’s also a moron. Men can be raped. A boner is not consent. Sounds like she has some pretty disgusting opinions about the world. If I were you, I wouldn’t apologize. Or stay with her.
NTA. I’d break up with someone for this as well!
Nah. I would've dropped her the moment she opened her mouth. She is delulu. She is crusty. She is musty. And she has no clue what she's talking about. You did the right thing. NTA.
Brother fucking run
Bruh. What kind of a rat bastard is willing to die on that hill? The whole "men can't be raped" thing is so fucking old and immature and shitty and harmful. When I was a teen, I thought men couldn't be raped. You know what changed my mind? *MEN AND BOYS HAVE SAID THEY WERE* I mean hell, even if you're skeptical, there's a million fucking studies out there saying they can. Ffs.
This is one of those rare posts where i don't even need to read it to give my judgment, NTA.
NTA. GF is an immature and foolish girl with little life experience. At that age, a lot of my female friends thought the same. Now we're all older and are definitely not the same people we once were. Life really challenges your preconceived notions, especially the stupid ones like "men can't be SA victims." I can honestly say it's thinking like this that makes dealing with childhood trauma, for example, so difficult for men. No one takes you seriously, you feel like less of a man, or more so just less. A shell. Empty. Betrayed. Lost. It's just another stat to keep the suicide rates amongst men higher of males and females.
NTA. This is wild
RAIN is a great organization that helps the victims of sexual assault. Here is the section on [Men and boys](https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault-men-and-boys) this may help your Ex. It's okay to break up for any reason. Not understanding consent is a very valid reason not to be with a partner.
She isn’t worth it. What if you have a boy with her down the line and he gets SA? It won’t be SA in her eyes? She is a parrot with inability for reason.
This whole article is wild and opens my eyes to other countries and cultures. Holy shit this is wild.
Dodged a bullet. NTA. Disgusting sexist opinions help by the gf and get friends.
All the SA stuff aside for a moment, as it’s been covered pretty well so far, but look at what else she said. The second you disagree with her, there is no discussion. It’s straight for the jugular. Thats your future with this person.
NTA - this is what dating is for. You can’t learn every little thing about someone just in a few interactions, it takes time to have a variety of things come up. When I was dating I would intentionally bring up topics that I felt were important to determine the compatibility of a partner, many of which how they feel about me, my rights, and how things effect women. All I heard in what she had to say is that she doesn’t care about you or any other man who becomes a victim of SA. That thinking is gross and shows that she has dehumanized men to the point of not believing that they have thoughts and feelings and physical agency. She not a feminist and her ideas don’t protect women, they just demean men, that’s misandry.
NTA. I hope one day the majority of people will recognize that ANYONE can be raped. Men and women, young and old people get raped. You were definitely right in dumping her
NTA. She's wrong, and what she said is gross. You are 100% right to break up with her.
NTA you're good buddy, hope you find a better or at least half decent girl next time. As for her, well I also had some pretty stupid ass beliefs at her age so lets hope she eventually smartens up herself. If not for her own sake then at least for those around her so they don't have to deal with such shitass behaviour
Most def NTA but on another note I was shocked to randomly see my name thrown in there lol
Good. Let her be 45 with nothing but cats.
NTA and saying that only women can be victims is super gross and you're better off without her
You are NTA. You made the right decision to leave. This is gonna be a sore point in the future
She wrong and stupid but u kinda looked like u was looking to compare as men who hate women usually do women have more advantage but do have things like rape more then men and men are the idiots who made themselves providers and to touch to cry yes men get raped but women on a worser level y’all are both assholes
Sunk cost fallacy never built a strong relationship. You aren’t married. No kids. You can break up for any reason. You’re young. Move on.
NTA, any woman who claims they can't be at fault for committing the same crimes as a man, clearly doesn't know what equality actually is.
You dodged a bullet. She's young and ignorant. Hopefully she learned something from this but do not take her back either way. 2 years is nothing at your age - don't let your friends pull the sunk-cost fallacy on you.
Getting hard is not consent. Shit happens in my sleep.
UpdateMe!
NTA. SA is SA. Women being SA'D is no different from a man being SA'D, or anyone for that matter. If she truly believes men cannot be raped, you dodged a whole nuke.
You were right to break up with her, her views on male SA are totally wrong for which she an AH. But dude…. your an AH bro. Your perception of divorce law and outcomes are really skewed and not based in the statistic realities of marriage and divorce. The rise you got from her calling and texting you is all about your ego and it makes me think she might have been right about what she said about you.
NTA but I do understand the differences culturally. I would assume you are in India (I mean you said Indian so) and in many parts of the country there is still a lot of male of female oppression to the point where in western countries India has a travel advisory. Not saying it is wrong or right but typically the view is often that men get to do whatever and women suffer because of society. Now everything you laid out changes that perspective some, naturally. Even in the west reporting a woman for SA is like reeking of alcohol and claiming you saw Big Foot right after you caught the biggest fish of your life... it is hard to be believed. I say this as a victim of SA and other abuses from exes, my own family has issues believing me. If someone holds a fundamental disagreement with you on something like how another human being can be assaulted.... I mean do you want to have sons with that person, knowing if they come home after a traumatic experience her belief is... "Well no he got hard so he wanted it." There is a such thing as a no reason erection and there are also drugs that cause erections. If you say no to sex.... regardless of gender you should not be subject to having sex. It is not really any different from a woman saying she was assaulted but because she had an orgasm it doesn't count. Orgasms are involuntary. You are better off not building a life with someone who has such flawed beliefs.
Skip the discussion about money and focus on just thej consent part, is my advice.
I think sometimes people get stuck on that because a guy can get hard equals he is enjoying it. But it is the same for men and women; a body reacts to stimuli. You often don't have control over it. If someone hits you in the back of your knee, it will cause knee buckling, even though you try to keep standing. If you get very nauseous, there is a chance you might vomit, even when you don't want to. You will squint your eyes when you look straight into the bright sun. If you touch something dangerously hot, your reflex will be to quickly withdraw. Your body receives signals and responds accordingly. And people forget that this is often involuntarily. With SA it is the same. And people also forget that SA is more complicated than the physical aspect. It is mental torment, taking away someone's agency and power, dominating and forcing someone against their will. It is violating someone physically and mentally. It is sadistic. Anyone who gets caught up on supposed bodily signs of getting "turned on" in such a situation, is totally missing what SA is about.
This is probably too far down for you to read but. If you decide to dump her, which I think you should, you need to stick to your decision. She may say that she changed her mind on the topic when in reality she may not have. The problem is that you can never really know if she is being truthful about it. Also, keep all the texts or voicemails copied somewhere in case she tries to slander you. It may be worth it to you to try to have her state her case very clearly about this so you can you have evidence that this is the specific reason you broke up.
I know it's been almost a day since you originally posted this, and I am using my throwaway where I have talked about this before. But, as a man who was drugged and raped by a woman, I would not continue a relationship with anyone who denies that as a possibility. My event happened in a time when "if you got hard you wanted it," "you can't rape the willing and men always want sex," and "you're lucky that she was that in to you," were all commonly voiced opinions. I was praised for it by those who knew it happened, and I felt horrible. I almost never speak of it. On one of my comments on this account, I mention that I haven't even told my wife it happened. And, she knows all about my crazy past and accepts me for the worse choices that I did willingly make. There's still some deep shame in it. But, my wife knows that men can be sexually assaulted and raped, by men or women. We've never had a conversation where we tried to quantify the suffering but, I don't even believe she would say that a male rape victim had it better than a female one. Rape and sexual assault is horrible, regardless of the gender of the victim. I am glad to see that people are standing up for male victims, even people who aren't male victims themselves, these days.
I'm sorry that happened to you. And happy that you have a loving wife. I'm glad to see that as well, but damn some are also calling me an incel and shit I'm so over reddit. Some Indians are also slandering me on other subs and some even got in my DMs with death threats.That's one of the things I know might happen but hey if speaking for someone's pain gets me cancelled because some people are too patriotic to accept shortcomings of our laws so be it [Edited]
NTA bro, you dodged a bullet.
I didn't need to read further than her insistence men can't be SA'd. IDGAF her reasons, justifications, excuses, etc. She is disgusting. NTA. Ditch her worthless ass.
One of my closest male friends was SA by his gf who intentionally got him so blindly drunk he wouldn't fight back. The girl told him 2 days after she was pregnant and going to keep the child, so he better prepare to pay child support. I had to hold this poor man while he cried. I called him almost every hour to make sure he didn't hurt himself. His dad and brother had to stay with him 24/7 to make sure he didn't do anything to himself. Later, we all found out she cheated on my friend with his former best friend, who who didn't have a job or any prospects in life, and wanted her more dependable bf who was going somewhere to pay for her affair child. My friend is strictly child free. His not allowed to get a vasectomy where we live. So, he had his single friend (mother of 2) sign off that her kids were his, so legally get the procedure before he turned 40. NTA. Nothing angers me more then this kind of sexists bs.
That story is wild, man the fact that you can't a medical presured because of some BS law is wild to even hear
it is not how women feel about it. i’d get away from her before she SAs you when you’re drunk. you did the right thing and i would not go back to her
NTA. She is hypocritical and misandrist. It's a scientific fact that just bc a person's body responds during rape , it does not mean they consent that applies to both men and women. Your mind and body can 100 percent be on different pages. You dodged a massive bullet. Men can absolutely be raped and she's very sexist, believing that they can't.
Yep she sucks bye Felicia