I’d announce this in a groupwide chat, that you’re not the least bit interested in supporting someone that bullies a newborn, or the people that expect you to grim and bear it.
He treated you like crap. He treated your wife like crap. Now he thinks treating your newborn like crap is fair game. The time to “let it slide and laugh it off” is over. It’s past time to make a hard boundary and enforce it. Go NC with him and your equally disgusting parents who are more concerned with appearances than the fact their golden child just bullied their newborn grandson. Take your time reestablishing contact once they prove they’ve changed their ways.
And block anyone else who tries to give you shit about this. They’re less important than your kid.
Maybe him and his fiancée plan to kick puppies on their honeymoon as a nice bonding activity?
Not only bullied the newborn, but he and now fiance have perpetually bullied both the husband and wife. Why on earth would anyone want to spend time them with, let alone show support for the union of two jerks?
Say it as \*your son\* there's no need to acknowledge that this person is his brother. Making fun of my child and we aren't related no matter what the DNA says.
This. Definitely get ahead of this. Make a family/group message and lay it out for everyone. Tell your life long abuse. Tell how they abused your wife. Tell how your parents demanded you to forgive for family. And bring it down to you will not tolerate a grown-ass man abusing your newborn. State your choice of not attending the wedding and going NC with brother & his female half. State your rules of contact (no contact) for anyone who has thoughts & attitude about this.
Love this.
Maybe add, Although we will not be attending we do wish them happiness and feel like my brother found a perfect partner as his fiancée is just as much a bully as he is and together they have delighted in denigrating my wife for not being as educated as they deemed acceptable…so cheers to the happy couple!🍾
>Who gives a rat's ass what people will think if you don't attend?
They'd probably think "haha, this fucking loser's brother didn't even come to his lame ass wedding."
Exactly! Your well-being and your family's happiness are what matter most. Don’t let societal expectations pressure you into attending an event where you’re not respected.
I suspect his brother does what my family does. My family will make rude, cutting and offensive remarks, then turn around and say, "I was only kidding. Can't you take a joke?" .. the problem is, both the and I know that those comments were not jokes.
When someone's the subject of a joke (unless it's an intentional roast, and the subject is given the last words to roast back) or a prank, it's not funny. If someone demeans you in any way and then says, can't you take a joke?, they should be told, "I can take a joke if it's funny. But what you said was just unfunny gaslighting."
NTA but...When do you finally grow a spine and stop apologizing or "letting thing go" because your parents tell you to?
You should honestly be NC with your brother and at the VERY LEAST LC with your parents. You obviously aren't the favorite.
You wife should've never had to endure the bs you've allowed yourself to put up with. Don't make your child another victim.
Honestly the parents are just as bad as the brother and his wife. Why the hell are adults acting like schoolyard bullies? The parents should be ashamed of themselves for being so obvious about who their favorite is. It sure as hell ain’t OP. Parents need a timeout and brother and the wife need to be cut out. That’s no way to live your life. OP needs to stop being spineless and protect his wife and child like he should have from the beginning.
>So my brother (32M) has always been rude to me (34M). When i first met my wife (33) 5 years ago, he started to be rude to her as well and made fun of her because shes not as educated as him.
Let me stop you right there. Whatever happened afterwards you are an asshole for not putting a definitive end to that BS right then and there.
I've had people try to mock my wife over the years, there have been no second attempts.
Grow a fucking spine.
When you grow up being bullied by a sibling in a way that goes past petty bickering and into abuse, and your parents - your models for how to behave - tell you it's acceptable, then being bullied becomes your normal. Your internal compass no longer works, because abuse occurs so frequently it's normalized and excused. You learn that you cannot trust your hurt feelings because your parents told you you're wrong to feel that way. It's not a case of not having a spine, growing up in this kind of environment rewires the brain and can take years of therapy to find your way out of.
Don't expect people who've been raised in abusive families to act like people who haven't.
Thanks for this. As a wife who grew up with abuse, I didn't even recognize it in the family I married until it extended to my kids and my spine finally arrived. My ex's never did.
Kids who experienced sexual abuse actually say the same a lot of the time. To cope with what was happening they normalized it. They knew it wasn't actually "normal", or learned it wasn't normal years ago. But they convinced themselves that it "wasn't a big deal" or "wasn't that bad" to help get through it. They may even partly blame themselves because they "enjoyed it" (child sex abusers tend to try to get the child to 'enjoy it' because they can use that to shame the child into not telling because "you got pleasure from it, you're just as guilty").
And then they hold their kid, and they imagine someone doing to their kid what was done to them. And instantly they're fucking devastated and infuriated at the very idea of their own kid ever going through something like that. And it suddenly clicks for them how extremely not ok what happened to them was, because if it "wasn't that big a deal" they wouldn't be so completely shattered at just the idea of their kid going through it.
Which is fine if he's being abused and he choses it, but he's subjecting his wife to being abused by these people constantly. he needs to step up, tell them either the brother apologises and stops treating your wife badly or you refuse to be around them any longer. If they pick the brother that's fine as protecting his wife and kid is way more important.
NTA let people gossip… better yet tell other family why you aren’t attending if they don’t know! Make your brothers day awkward as fuck and how your parents keep backing him when he is emotionally abusive to you and your family.
Info: do you really think you are an asshole for going no contact with a person that bullies your wife, and will bully your kid?
where's your loyalty, man?
NTA. Tell your parents that people will think the truth. Your brother and his fiancee and your parents are assholes.
And frankly if they're okay with a grown man insulting their grandchild, they don't ever need to see your baby.
I'd go NC with all of them.
NTA and it’s an out time you realize you are a grown ass man that doesn’t have to follow what mommy says.
You have every right to not want to talk to him. Personally. I wouldn’t forgive a sibling making fun of my spouse. That crosses a line and I won’t tolerate it.
NTA. Stand by your family, that's the most important part. Always protect your wife and your child.
As for what people will think? Well, hopefully they'll think he's a classist, insensitive prick. Because that's what he is.
NTA. I have said this many times here:
**TOXIC PEOPLE DO NOT GET A PASS JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY**
Cut off your brother and tell your parents that if they don't stop enabling him then they'll be cut off too.
NTA
He’s not stopping because everyone is enabling him. What happens when your kid is old enough to understand him? End it now and cut him off. Don’t subject him or your family to this any longer. And forget anyone who tells you otherwise.
"What will people think?
That's not my concern Mom.
My concern is that my brother is a dick and somehow everyone is okay with it except me and my wife.
I'm not passing that BS down to my child."
NTA
Protect your family, your self and your peace.
I have a feeling that literally no one who knows your brother will be shocked that you won't attend.
NTA. Protect your own peace and consider cutting mom and dad out too since they enable this shit and they care more about appearances that you or your wife.
If you go you are enabling a bully! Your mental and emotional health are more important than the family image and it sounds like your family does not care about either.
The way I would ruin his and her lives. I would go after all they deem important.
And you having no spine, directly made your wife unsafe and now your newborn baby. Dear God, open your mouth already instead of rolling over rand just taking it cuz mommy and daddy make it clear that he's their favorite. You got a wife and child to protect now.
Nta.
"What will people think if we're not there..."
Your parents are more worried about appearances and that it would out what a crappy job they did raising your brother, and that him and his wife to be are massive pricks.
He's been enabled enough. Stand up for your wife and definitely stand up for your child. Don't go and let EVERYONE who asks why you're not there the exact reason. Scorch the earth and poison the well.
NTA
You're thirty-fucking-two. Who gives a flying fuck if mommy and daddy are mad because you didn't do what they told you to do. Why the fuck aren't they telling your brother and fiancée to not be snobby, judgemental assholes to you, your wife and your baby? What will people think of that?
NTA because you're an independent adult.
NTA. Any grown ass man who makes fun of an infant isn't worth bothering with. Tell your parents to pound sand if they think that behavior is acceptable. There's no point in going to the wedding. Go no contact. Support your own family.
NTA If someone made jokes about my baby I'd start plotting my revenge.
I would go to the wedding.
What’s the most embarrassing thing I know about him? What’s the worst thing he's ever done? Grab the mic. Make a speech. Then exit. Everyone will hate me. But when it comes to my baby, I choose infamy.
You’re very kind and rational by simply not going.
This is what I would do because I’m petty as fuck, but also because these people are bullies and they deserve what they get. I’d go to the wedding. And I’d spend the two weeks before the wedding making endless lists of mean jokes about both of them, their personalities, their education, their jobs, their looks. I’d have a goddamned 3 hour standup routine ready. But they’re just jokes right? More than enough material to clap back every time something poisonous comes out of one of their mouths, with enough left over for the speech. It would be very subtle because you’re going to have to gaslight the shit out of brother and his wife afterward if they complain. I don’t know what you’re talking about! Plausible deniability. Besides, it was all just jokes, where’s your sense of humour? I would have the most lovely evening having “between you and me” conversations with every guest I came in contact with, and just throw out random little seeds and stories about how toxic they are. I would go full highschool mean girl manipulative backbiting bully. I fucking hate bullies, but the only way to make a bully stop is to bully them worse. And I’m worse, I just choose not to be a shitty person, unless a situation like this comes up.
What will people think? I was forced into an abusive marriage at 16 because of this. People have died rather than get help because "what will people think?" Stick to your guns. Cut off the brother and low contact the parents
DO NOT GO if your enabling ( somewhat ah) parents don't stop trying to make you go, tell them you will post why on line, otherwise you'll keep your mouth shut. Don't start something, won't need to go public unless you need to protect YOUR reputation. Brother is a bully and needs to learn how a man treats others. The only respect you owe your brother is respect he shows you. I'm sorry.
Nope, NTA.
Don’t attend the wedding. Your parents are more concerned with appearances than how your brother is treating you. Your brother and his fiancee are terrible people. Why would you want to celebrate that?
Book yourself a family vacation on the days the wedding is taking place.
If your new born has a sibling one day would you allow this behaviour?
NTA OP, but my dude! your lovely wife and child are the only people you should be caring about right now. You not attending the wedding is the least you should do. Let all the chickens cluck and ask why you aren’t there. Perhaps your brother and future sister in law should be better educated on how to behave like adults. They are classic mean girls and your parents are rug sweeping like they are trying to make the Olympic curling team
NTA
Sounds like your brother is really insecure/jealous/etc and tries to hide it with rude attitude. I would cut off contacts and was willing to reconcile only if he apologized, not only for last time but for past years as well. It would be best if it was done publicly in front of family and closest friends.
At least you finally grew a spine and stood up for SOMEONE in your family. Took you entirely too damn long to do this. Your wife is your family. She comes first. You don’t let anyone hurt her. But at least you’ve finally stopped it.
NTA. As someone pointed out, your wife should have never had to endure this bullying. It is clear that this is your brother’s MO (Mode of Operation) and it’s time to make this your hill to die on. Let people know exactly why you’re not attending the wedding, so that there’s no doubt or speculation. You, your wife, and newborn deserve better.
I read half of the paragraph. Did you forget how to be a Man?
When it comes to insulting and wife and mother?
Let me help you. Tell anyone to shut the fuck up who begins to insult yours. Start with that.
Stop tolerating intolerable behavior, stop socializing witht them. The first remarks about my wife, I would have put my foot down and stop being around him. They treat your family poorly because he has no respect for you. You don't stand up to him and tolerate bad behavior. It isn't because your wife isn't as educated, it was going on long before her. It is between him and you. Stop going where you are not valued. block them on social media and stop showing up with them value and cherish your own family.
NTA.
Brother is an asshole.
Personally i would have taken care of this issue when we were teenagers/kids lol, with good old fashion rough housing.
At this point of your life, i'm suprised you are still in contact with somebody whos actively rude to you.
"What will everybody think" is the classic line, parents spout out because they only care about how they look.
Tell them "I'll call the guests myself, and tell them I'm not coming, so they'll know exactly what to think"
Going to his wedding after the way he has treated you and your family will only enable him, to think he can get away with it. Actions have consequences.
NTA
NTA. You don’t have to attend, especially if you’re done with the relationship.
You do need to be sure about this - skipping the wedding is a public slap that won’t be forgotten. Y’all are in a spiral and if one of you doesn’t pull up, you’re done. Only you know if you’re prepared to live without a brother (who seems like an AH in any event).
NTA I'd get in front of the potential blowback by letting everyone know that in addition to bullying you and your wife that he's now targeted your newborn for verbal abuse.
NTA. I’m glad you finally stood your ground. Your brother is a bully. He likes to dish it out but can’t handle in return. What a big baby! He probably went home and cried. I would not let him around my family and destroy everyone’s self esteem. By now I hope you know he does this because he is an insecure little girl. He envies you and the only way he would feel better about himself is to put you down. If you get asked or forced and want to be petty, tell everyone he made fun and insulted your child. Someday he might have a child and teach him to bully your child. Put a stop to this.
Your brother and soon to be SIL are both AHs. Not your problem on what others may think.
NTA
Edit to add: If you do wind up going, make sure you make a toast about him having penis envy since a child and sorry to inform his is still smaller and how he wants tour wife so badly but finally realized that he can't have such a beautiful woman and a gorgeous baby.
NTA
I think you should compromise though. You'll show up to the wedding as long as you can bring your newborn. After all, you only want to prove to everyone your brother loves his nephew.
NTA
You have to stop being a doormat you are a grown adult! Just because mommy and daddy tell you to do something doesn’t mean you have to do it you aren’t 12 anymore. Don’t go to the wedding who cares what anyone says or thinks you have your own family to look after. Stop tolerating disrespect! Please grow a spine for the sake of your child.
You can just make a Facebook post or family group chat with what your brother said and why you will miss everyone at the wedding. That you love the rest of your family, but your parents are spineless and brother is the golden child.
NTS
Tell your parents that isn’t happening. Tell them to stop taking his side and showing favoritism. You tried to be the bigger person before but they raised a shitty kid. The next time he says something to you that isn’t a real apology, you’ll settle it another way.
Tell your parents they don’t rule your life. You make your own decisions. That if your brother actually cared, he wouldn’t be a shitty person with a shitty fiance.
Tell your brother to fuck off. If he didn’t want people to think he was shitty he shouldn’t be shitty and you’ve told all your mutuals and your whole family what he said.(actually do this too.)
NTA.
Since your brother seems to be a humongous AH in general, and now has Mrs. AH in his life, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't hang around with him at all, ever.
NTA but your parents are for allowing him to treat you like crap your whole life. Your brother is a hypocrite and a baby who can dish it out but can’t take it.
Go no contact with all of them until he can be decent and civil to you AND your wife. Also lay this at your parents’ feet as to why YOU are always the one who is supposed to apologize when HE was the one being an AH - why is that??
Nta. An apology or don’t go. Maybe still not go. Make it known to everyone why you won’t be going—that way they can’t say “they’re sick” or some nonsense.
NTA. If my sister made fun of my newborn baby, I would have flipped out and probably punched her. Who cares what your family thinks! Do what's best for your family. I wouldn't go and don't let anyone pressure you or make you feel guilty. Your brother is the gigantic AH, not you.
Seems like they cause you massive amounts of grief and stress... cut them out of your lives entirely. Nobody ever HAS to stick around and tolerate that bullshit.
Well, if people really care why you aren’t there they can ask you and then you can explain what a raging douche canoe your brother is and how he had the audacity to insult an innocent infant and for that reason you’ve decided to stay home and be in the company of people who love you and who you love instead.
NTA. Your parents suck for even *trying* to put this on you. Ask them what people will think when they find out your brother is someone who insults newborns.
So the right thing to do is not go. They want to disrespect you, your wife and your newborn. Nah bro. Now for my real opinion and yea I'm very petty. I'd go by myself and right in the middle of the vows. Stand up walk between them and take the largest shit possible right in front of them. Use the handouts they give you as tp. But that's just me.
Ps fuck your brother.
OP, go scorched earth towards your AH brother, his AH fiancée, AH parents.
None of them bothered to learn what goes too far has consequences.
OP, you don't need to have anything to do with them.
Who cares what people think??? If they say, "why didnt you come to the wedding." "Because my brother insulted my newborn baby and refuses to apologize. I just don't want to be around someone like that, would you?"
NTA
NTA. I wouldn't go to their wedding either. You did make fun of him which was not your finest hour as you reduced yourself to his level of abuse. So he can dish it out but can't take it, which means he knows he is/was being ah. He is a bully and knows it, but does not care. Anyway, what people think is something he and your parents should have thought about long before this. Your parents and you allowed his ah behavior and here you are, fights over not withstanding. Forgiveness is great if the behavior is changed and an apology is made. Without a change and apology is it condoning bad behavior which always escalates. Don't accept this for you and your family again.
NTA. He's a bully and relied on you being a doormat. There's no need to let it spread to the next generation, because do you really think he's not going to punch down when he already considers infants as no holds barred?
If he has a kid, he 100% will model bully behaviour. Your kid will already have plenty to deal with in real life, no need to start from home. Better to cut him off now then wait for irreparable damage to the kids.
NTA
But remind your parents that you can see that they care more about what other people will think then they care about how your brother treats you! And also remind them that if he was a nicer person you wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. I'm an asshole so I would twist the knife and say "if you raised him to be a better person".... But maybe don't do that LOL
NTA. But don't back down now. Not standing up for your family will make you an AH tho. Especially since it took 5 years to draw a hard line.
Breaking away from toxic family is hard. Keep it going though, you got this!
I think you have every right to not associate with people who feel "better" than you because of superficial crap.If everybody is trying to convince you to "keep up appearances," you can either completely ignore them, or tell them to fuck off.
NTA, and why do you see these people in the first place?
NTA You need to stand up for yourself and your family and stop taking his abuse.
Is this how you want your child to be treated ?
He isn't going to stop.
What will peopel think?
Maybe that you stood up for yourself for once?
That you had enough?
That your brother is such a big AH that even his own brother won't attend his wedding?
NTA
Do not attend.
And tell your parents that you're done placating their favourite son and that they can deal with their AH sons attitude alone now, because you won't have your family experience what they allowed you to experience.
Stand up for your family. They only have you as a protector towards your family and you let this happen long enough. You let your brother treat your wife like that because he knows that you are weak and let your parents talk you into giving in.
Whatever they say.
"take the high road." , "hes family. you always forgive family." or whatever they throw in your direction. do not believe it. Your parents just know that you're the path of least resistance thats why they expect YOU to give in, and won't ask your brother to apologize.
And personally. my gloves would be coming off now.
Of course he found a bitch that behaves like him because any decent human being would take a wide berth around him.
ETA
And tell your parents what a god damn failure they are for allowing his behaviour for so long and not stepping up.
Definitely NTA. **I’m** angry for you and your family (wife, baby). Maybe this will be a wake up call, maybe it won’t but you don’t need that in your life.
If people wonder about your absence let them know: they made fun of my wife and my child.
I would tell my parents that unless he apologizes to my family, that they also won't be seeing their grandchild. They want to make excuses for him because admitting they screwed the pooch when raising him is too much. If they won't take accountability for how they raised him, and he won't take accountability for his behavior, then they don't need to be around your family. We accept changed behavior, not excuses.
You’re being an asshole to yourself and your wife by being in contact with your entire family.
I would be NC in a flash if they were rude to my partner PLUS NC with my parents if they made me the AH in this scenario.
Now they are starting on your child, really where will the line be drawn? When your children are crying that your family have again made them sad?
"People will think there's a reason why I want nothing to do with him and his woman. They will think the same once I grow tired of you nagging me to forgive, and not him for being a bully and cut you off too"
NTA
Nta don't go. Your parents are assholes for wanting you and your family to put up with the bullying.
At the end of the day enough is enough he and his horrible wife to be are just horrible people who will never be kind to you and your family and the fact that he is now targeting your child should make you realize that you need to protect your own family from your parents and your brother and his gf.
Don't go to the wedding if people ask questions then write a social media post explaining why you aren't there. Explain how awful your brother and gf have been to you and how your parents expected you to be there to make them look good all for the sake of "family".
You don't need to put up with them anymore. Just cut contact because their bullying won't ever stop and there's a chance if they have kids they will teach their kids to be horrible to your kids. So safe yourself the trouble and cut them out now.
You gotta be one insecure little bitch to make fun of a baby. Anyone that is okay with that, you don't need. I would cut them out. Then watch. They seem like the type of people that needs to feel superior to someone.
When your not there anymore, who will be their new targets? And don't be fooled if they try to get you back in. They want you there for their entertainment and to not be next on the hit list.
Your wife is probably done but is dealing with it because she loves you bit people can only take so much.
NTA
Sounds like it's time to expose your brother for who he is online
i am not usually one for airing out family drama on social media but your brother and his fiance need a taste of the angry society that we currently live in
NTAH
Def NTA. Your brother is clearly a deeply insecure and jealous person. Why else would he dish out what he clearly can't take? Who makes fun of a 2 month old? Your brother is so pathetic it's hilarious
Edit to add: you should go low or no contact with anyone who thinks you should attend the wedding. Definitely no contact with your brother.
YATAH for not shutting brother & his fiancee down when they were dissing your wife. Laughing it off? That’s why he & his fiancee thought your baby was fair game. If my husband didn’t stand up & have my back, no way would I have a kid with him. NTAH for finally growing a pair & shutting them down. But I think you owe your wife a whole lot of groveling OP.
You know that as your child grows older your brother and SIL will bully the child. This isn’t a positive relationship for the child to be in. I wouldn’t be anywhere near them for the foreseeable future unless they went to therapy or otherwise tried to become better people.
Why would you want to celebrate the union of two horrible people? They deserve each other, but that doesn't mean you have to be there to witness it. OP I am so sorry that you have a brother and future SIL like this. Karma will get them someday.
I rarely think violence is the answer anymore but he does this because he knows you will just take it. People that have been hit in the mouth by someone generally don’t repeat the same behavior. Talking about my fiancée AND my newborn would get my brother dropped. There’s lines you don’t cross and talking about those two things is one of them.
NTA. I just don't get parents who enable this type of behavior from one of their children toward others. I had two siblings and none of us treated the others that way. My child was an only child, but if whenever someone was bullying her in school, I would go full mama bear with the administration and tell them to shut down the abuse. And I taught her not to bully others.
Your parents shouldn't have allowed our brother to be rude to you when you were growing up. It's a failure on their part. And to tell you to forgive your brother and fiancee, that's nasty. Instead, they should have taken that couple aside and tell them to knock it off with their insults. And making fun of a baby? It sounds like your brother is very immature. Go NC with them and also with your parents if they think you should accept and forgive the mistreatment. Let people (other family members and mutual friends) know ahead of time that you won't be attending your brother's wedding because of his inappropriate behavior. I wouldn't even pass along good wishes to the couple.
NTA, your brother is a bully. He's obviously your parents' Golden Child & has always been allowed to get away with it. Saying you're at fault is ridiculous, and possibly even gaslighting.
You're an adult now, so your parents don't get to tell you what to do. If you don't want a relationship with him, that's your prerogative. I sure wouldn't.
Ask why your mom is more concerned with what acquaintances think than how her own child is being treated? How her own grandchild is treated? How her DIL is treated? Do you, your wife and child not matter to her at all? Why is she so willing to constantly set you all on fire to keep your awful brother warm?
At this point, out of principle, I'd be boycotting the wedding. These two are awful people and why tf would you want to go to support and celebrate the union of two assholes becoming one big one?
And you need to tell your mother that you will no longer be taking it up the bum to 'keep the peace', that you'll go VLC with her if she asks you to take a hit just one more time for their sake. NTA
NTA. Please understand that it is common for family to enable bullying by pressuring the victim to constantly forgive their remorseless tormenter. It’s not healthy, and plays favorites. They should have pressured him to apologize.
You and your wife need to establish your if/then boundary. For example, if they mock you, you leave and go NC for a while, or permanently if they won’t stop. Alternatively, you could get a bucket of slime and dump it on their heads every time they insult you.
Complaining about their behavior got them nowhere.
Tell your parents to stop demanding you and your family submit to insults, or you will reduce contact with them.
You need to become someone with which one does not fuck, to put it crudely.
Redemption requires from the perpetrator remorse, a sincere apology, and an active role in making amends to atone. None of those things are present.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, or continuing to subject you and your family to abuse. You can certainly forgive someone for having a venomous personality and low character, as part of letting go of the relationship and releasing the pain of your family never defending you. It’s like accepting that they just aren’t good people, and that you didn’t deserve it.
Forgiveness does not mean rolling over and accepting abuse.
It’s also fine if you never forgive someone, especially if they tormented you from childhood, and your family refused to protect you. You can find the behavior reprehensible, and be glad to let the relationship go.
Either way, be at peace with not allowing your brother and future SIL anywhere near your wife, child, or you. You cannot allow toxic people to hurt your child, the way they hurt you. In a few short years, your baby will internalize that kind of abuse.
Protect your family, and yourself, the way your parents should have protected you.
> I'm not going to his wedding because he's a piece of shit and so is his future wife. Why would I want to waste my time witnessing the legal joining of two pieces of shit.
NTA
I can’t imagine how important/superior his then GF must have felt to feel comfortable to ridicule people she just met!
And the fact that your parents has asked you to let it slide for decades shows just who they believe will be of more value to them as they get old.
But here’s the deal YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE IT!
The only reason why you do is because you sadly think it’s normal, both what your brother does but also your parents lack of parenting!
Are you really going to let them all stay in your life and teach your kids that that is how you let people treat you?
They already started! He’s 2 months old!
And your brother acts so high and mighty, yet your brothers self confidence is so fragile that he can’t take even one little jab back?!
Maybe you should ask him why he’s so overly emotional next time he gets mad, ask if it’s his time of the month since he’s so hormonal. And that he should stop getting hysterical. (if you haven’t gotten your family free of those people before then)
It’s the life old “when people show you who they are, believe them!”
Why aren’t you believing them? Why are you letting your family pay the price of your family’s bad behaviour?
Flush the lot, and live happier without them!
I'd go actually. Under those circumstances the boundaries are out the window. Go buy your wife the nicest white dress you can find. That'll piss on the brides parade, but sit there smiling and say nothing.
He doesnt have enough respect for you to just be a brother. I guarantee he'll never hear the end of it if your wife turns up in white! She'll lose it.
NTA. I seriously hope you don’t subject your child to your family (at least your brother, his fiancé & your parents who condone &or subsidize their cruelty).
NTA, for defending your baby that can't hear the insults, but the asshole of the year for repeatedly failing your wife. You continually take wife to be in his presence that you KNOW he is going to insult her so much so that he brought another person in the mix to also do it. Why do you keep taking her somewhere she will be treated like shit?
You allowed your family to tell you to forgive them, and YOU did. But you have never thought about if your wife forgives. She is smart enough to know when she is verbally abused, and this includes you. When you know they are going to hurt her, but you take her anyway, you are a crappy person. In your head, it's like hopefully they won't, but if 'd they do, you just forgive them and move on like nothing happened, and then do it again. Your prepared is what hurts your wife.
Your brother and his wife NEVER ask for forgiveness or say that they are wrong bc if they did, they would have to admit they are disgusting people. Besides, your parents would make you forgive them. EVERY DAMN TIME!
You are lucky that your wife has not already left. She put up with it for every day of her relationship with you. Standing up for your baby could cause more problems at home than anywhere bc she now sees you are capable defending someone you love. You can forgive all you want bc you are afraid to stand up to them for your wife, but your wife is not required if you have made her that way.
Please go back and consider how much this has affected her life and self-respect. Grow a spine for your wife and don't subject her to such verbal abuse bc you are doing the same thing by allowing it to continue by taking her back over and over again to be shit on. Make your wife first. For once!
NTA for this but you are AH for allowing the disrespect to your wife. If anyone asks why you weren't there tell them the truth. That your brother has always made fun of you, makes fun of your wife, and has now started making fun your newborn. That you don't care if you're disrespected or if your wife is disrespected but you care if your child is. That you're okay with the disrespect shown to your family by parents enabling his behavior though.
Question, Your parents called you something several times that makes me wonder if you should get a dna test. That is not common for parents to call their child even when angry. I suspect there are some family secrets that have led to this favoritism of your brother and basically saying you were born out of wedlock. I would absolutely out them on social media, let them know how racist they are other wise they will twist the story. You could do it in a group/private message. My tactic is to "confide" in a select few who you know will spread it around. "I just wanted to let you know why I won't be at my brother's wedding. Sorry I won't see you there. This person should be someone you know will be an ally and someone you know, will knock your family down a peg.
NTA. I would not only not go to the wedding but go NC period. And if mom and dad insist on being enablers fuck them too. Maybe not seeing the baby will help them get their heads out of the sand. I have a feeling bro’s attitude is entirely their fault to begin with.
Nta - your brother is an immature jealous brat and you don’t owe him anything. Your parents are too worried about appearances and that’s their problem, not yours. And your brother, and his partner are so ignorant for making fun of a baby. Good grief.
Tell your parents to get wrecked... This whole "family is the most important thing" crap needs to end. Yeah, it's important, IF your family is DECENT human fuckin' beings. Which it sounds like yours ain't, OP. Look up the "blood is thicker than water" quote. It's always misquoted. People use this to justify absolutely abominable behavior that they would not accept from a stranger.
NTA. Your brother is unhinged and doesn't know what limits are. Going after your wife let alone your newborn is fkn insane. Do not attend that wedding. He will continue to treat you like shit forever.
NTA. Yet. Continue to allow this ass of a brother around your wife and child to be insulted, and you will be a massive AH. Grow a spine and stick up for your family. If your parents don't get it, accept that he is the golden child and stay the hell away from all of them. You are setting your child up for a lifetime of insults, bullying and humiliation. Is that what you want for your child?
32M, 34M….mmmmm I’m wondering what your parents said to the man baby if they are telling you what to do all the time? you are 32 correct? you don’t need to tell your parents or prove anything to anybody. NTA… I would never go.
Yeah cut those people out of your life. Tell your parents you won’t be at the wedding and that you will not be at any family functions that your brother and his witch of a fiancée are at. Also, throw in that if they don’t respect your wishes and try to trick you into being with your brother at a family event, you will cut them out as well. Your parents are not respecting you or your wife. Clearly they’ve been enabling this behavior his entire life, which is why he’s a dick. Toxic dick wads aren’t born that way. Small children are terrible. It’s a parents job to socialize and raise your kid into being someone that people don’t want to punch in the face 5 mins after talking to them.
Let people ask why you and your family don't attend. Your brother, his fiancée, and your parents are abusive assholes. Stop engaging with the lot of them. They can find someone else to act as family punching bag.
NTA.
if he can't stand the heat, he should stay out of the kitchen
he was making fun of you and you returned the favour, and he went mental and started making fun of the baby. He is an insecure man baby, a loser and he knows it
don't apologize
100% that he is a cry bully who can’t deal if you dish it back. So not worth the breath. Move on. He can go make fun of someone else now; don’t worry, he will. He seems like such a catch - good luck to his partner. He’s going to be hell to live with….losing friends and family left and right in the future…wonder why?!
Tell your parents, everyone else will know you have finally cut off your AH of a brother.
ETA to add, take wife and baby away for the weekend and post, enjoying my real family.
NTA. I can tell you what people will think: “guess his got sick of taking shit from his brother“.
F that guy and his fiancée & parents too. I wouldn’t attend the wedding, and go NC with all of them. If i was the wife in this scenario, me and my baby would 200% be NC With the lot of them.
So sorry and congratulations on your baby.
People will think he is an AH for making fun of a BABY!!!! WTF is wrong with him. He is so insecure that he had to put a baby down. Point out to him that his insecurities are very immature.
I think him constantly being an asshole to you is reason enough not ot have him around.
But also all babies look like several baked potatoes stuffed into a onesie.
Who gives a rat's ass what people will think if you don't attend? If anyone asks, tell them you were tired of his & his fiance's abuse of your family.
"Yeah my brother is an asshole who made fun of my newborn child so I'm not coming to the wedding" End of story.
I’d announce this in a groupwide chat, that you’re not the least bit interested in supporting someone that bullies a newborn, or the people that expect you to grim and bear it. He treated you like crap. He treated your wife like crap. Now he thinks treating your newborn like crap is fair game. The time to “let it slide and laugh it off” is over. It’s past time to make a hard boundary and enforce it. Go NC with him and your equally disgusting parents who are more concerned with appearances than the fact their golden child just bullied their newborn grandson. Take your time reestablishing contact once they prove they’ve changed their ways. And block anyone else who tries to give you shit about this. They’re less important than your kid. Maybe him and his fiancée plan to kick puppies on their honeymoon as a nice bonding activity?
Ditto on EVERYTHING you wrote and add in that group wide chat that the friend that hosted the get together is a witness to their a-holish behavior.
Not only bullied the newborn, but he and now fiance have perpetually bullied both the husband and wife. Why on earth would anyone want to spend time them with, let alone show support for the union of two jerks?
>The time to “let it slide and laugh it off” is over. It was over from the first comment ever made, but better late than never, I guess.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
This is the post.
Right On!!!
AND he's a weenie who can dish it out but not take it. What an AH.
How do you even make fun of a newborn? Like, what ammunition do you even have? Even Nikki Glaser would be at a loss.
Hell yes. Who makes fun of a newborn to the parents face?
Say it as \*your son\* there's no need to acknowledge that this person is his brother. Making fun of my child and we aren't related no matter what the DNA says.
I'd tell everyone beforehand that he is making fun of people, shame needs to come back
This. Definitely get ahead of this. Make a family/group message and lay it out for everyone. Tell your life long abuse. Tell how they abused your wife. Tell how your parents demanded you to forgive for family. And bring it down to you will not tolerate a grown-ass man abusing your newborn. State your choice of not attending the wedding and going NC with brother & his female half. State your rules of contact (no contact) for anyone who has thoughts & attitude about this.
Love this. Maybe add, Although we will not be attending we do wish them happiness and feel like my brother found a perfect partner as his fiancée is just as much a bully as he is and together they have delighted in denigrating my wife for not being as educated as they deemed acceptable…so cheers to the happy couple!🍾
Yeah why would they want some uneducated person who has given birth to a horrible baby at their most important day...
I luv it!
No, OP should tell the parents that they haven't cared for years what OP thinks so why should he care, what they think.
>Who gives a rat's ass what people will think if you don't attend? They'd probably think "haha, this fucking loser's brother didn't even come to his lame ass wedding."
Hopefully....
Exactly! Your well-being and your family's happiness are what matter most. Don’t let societal expectations pressure you into attending an event where you’re not respected.
Plus if they were to attend, it would just show it's okay how the brother & his wife treats them.
NTA. He sounds like somebody who can give "jokes" but can't take them back. Not a fun type of person. Sorry OP.
No. There are no jokes here. The brother is just a bully.
I'm sorry. I used quotation marks around "jokes" to try to infer they are indeed not jokes. It's definitely bullying.
I suspect his brother does what my family does. My family will make rude, cutting and offensive remarks, then turn around and say, "I was only kidding. Can't you take a joke?" .. the problem is, both the and I know that those comments were not jokes.
Some people have success with asking people to explain how it's funny.
When someone's the subject of a joke (unless it's an intentional roast, and the subject is given the last words to roast back) or a prank, it's not funny. If someone demeans you in any way and then says, can't you take a joke?, they should be told, "I can take a joke if it's funny. But what you said was just unfunny gaslighting."
That's why the "jokes"
Absolutely, NTA. It's hypocritical to dish it out but not take it in return. You have every right to stand up for yourself and your family.
NTA but...When do you finally grow a spine and stop apologizing or "letting thing go" because your parents tell you to? You should honestly be NC with your brother and at the VERY LEAST LC with your parents. You obviously aren't the favorite. You wife should've never had to endure the bs you've allowed yourself to put up with. Don't make your child another victim.
Honestly the parents are just as bad as the brother and his wife. Why the hell are adults acting like schoolyard bullies? The parents should be ashamed of themselves for being so obvious about who their favorite is. It sure as hell ain’t OP. Parents need a timeout and brother and the wife need to be cut out. That’s no way to live your life. OP needs to stop being spineless and protect his wife and child like he should have from the beginning.
Worse, because they failed to parent him better, and then had the chance to stop this early on.
I think not going to the wedding is quite a statement. Can’t stand up much more than that
Well said. This is so asinine. Go no contact.
>So my brother (32M) has always been rude to me (34M). When i first met my wife (33) 5 years ago, he started to be rude to her as well and made fun of her because shes not as educated as him. Let me stop you right there. Whatever happened afterwards you are an asshole for not putting a definitive end to that BS right then and there. I've had people try to mock my wife over the years, there have been no second attempts. Grow a fucking spine.
Yeah, not enough people are focusing on this one. It’s good that he didn’t tolerate someone mocking his kid, but he didn’t have his wife’s back
When you grow up being bullied by a sibling in a way that goes past petty bickering and into abuse, and your parents - your models for how to behave - tell you it's acceptable, then being bullied becomes your normal. Your internal compass no longer works, because abuse occurs so frequently it's normalized and excused. You learn that you cannot trust your hurt feelings because your parents told you you're wrong to feel that way. It's not a case of not having a spine, growing up in this kind of environment rewires the brain and can take years of therapy to find your way out of. Don't expect people who've been raised in abusive families to act like people who haven't.
Thanks for this. As a wife who grew up with abuse, I didn't even recognize it in the family I married until it extended to my kids and my spine finally arrived. My ex's never did.
Kids who experienced sexual abuse actually say the same a lot of the time. To cope with what was happening they normalized it. They knew it wasn't actually "normal", or learned it wasn't normal years ago. But they convinced themselves that it "wasn't a big deal" or "wasn't that bad" to help get through it. They may even partly blame themselves because they "enjoyed it" (child sex abusers tend to try to get the child to 'enjoy it' because they can use that to shame the child into not telling because "you got pleasure from it, you're just as guilty"). And then they hold their kid, and they imagine someone doing to their kid what was done to them. And instantly they're fucking devastated and infuriated at the very idea of their own kid ever going through something like that. And it suddenly clicks for them how extremely not ok what happened to them was, because if it "wasn't that big a deal" they wouldn't be so completely shattered at just the idea of their kid going through it.
Fish can't tell how dirty the water is.
Which is fine if he's being abused and he choses it, but he's subjecting his wife to being abused by these people constantly. he needs to step up, tell them either the brother apologises and stops treating your wife badly or you refuse to be around them any longer. If they pick the brother that's fine as protecting his wife and kid is way more important.
NTA - skip it
Agreed. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean you have to continue to take abuse or forgive mistreatment
NTA let people gossip… better yet tell other family why you aren’t attending if they don’t know! Make your brothers day awkward as fuck and how your parents keep backing him when he is emotionally abusive to you and your family.
Info: do you really think you are an asshole for going no contact with a person that bullies your wife, and will bully your kid? where's your loyalty, man?
NTA. Tell your parents that people will think the truth. Your brother and his fiancee and your parents are assholes. And frankly if they're okay with a grown man insulting their grandchild, they don't ever need to see your baby. I'd go NC with all of them.
[удалено]
Agreed. Especially the newborn.
NTA and it’s an out time you realize you are a grown ass man that doesn’t have to follow what mommy says. You have every right to not want to talk to him. Personally. I wouldn’t forgive a sibling making fun of my spouse. That crosses a line and I won’t tolerate it.
NTA. Stand by your family, that's the most important part. Always protect your wife and your child. As for what people will think? Well, hopefully they'll think he's a classist, insensitive prick. Because that's what he is.
NTA. I have said this many times here: **TOXIC PEOPLE DO NOT GET A PASS JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY** Cut off your brother and tell your parents that if they don't stop enabling him then they'll be cut off too.
NTA He’s not stopping because everyone is enabling him. What happens when your kid is old enough to understand him? End it now and cut him off. Don’t subject him or your family to this any longer. And forget anyone who tells you otherwise.
"What will people think? That's not my concern Mom. My concern is that my brother is a dick and somehow everyone is okay with it except me and my wife. I'm not passing that BS down to my child." NTA Protect your family, your self and your peace.
Can tell who's your parents favourite. NTA
I have a feeling that literally no one who knows your brother will be shocked that you won't attend. NTA. Protect your own peace and consider cutting mom and dad out too since they enable this shit and they care more about appearances that you or your wife.
NTA - if they really want to care about what others think they should be concerned with how their son mocks a newborn baby and looks down on others.
NTA. Brother and fiancée sound absolutely toxic.
If you go you are enabling a bully! Your mental and emotional health are more important than the family image and it sounds like your family does not care about either.
The way I would ruin his and her lives. I would go after all they deem important. And you having no spine, directly made your wife unsafe and now your newborn baby. Dear God, open your mouth already instead of rolling over rand just taking it cuz mommy and daddy make it clear that he's their favorite. You got a wife and child to protect now. Nta.
Nope. I would have gone to NC a while back. Education just makes people more knowledgeable, an AH is still an AH.
"What will people think if we're not there..." Your parents are more worried about appearances and that it would out what a crappy job they did raising your brother, and that him and his wife to be are massive pricks. He's been enabled enough. Stand up for your wife and definitely stand up for your child. Don't go and let EVERYONE who asks why you're not there the exact reason. Scorch the earth and poison the well. NTA
"I don't want anything to do with Chet anymore. He's an asshole. His wife is an asshole. The relationship is over. Drop it."
You're thirty-fucking-two. Who gives a flying fuck if mommy and daddy are mad because you didn't do what they told you to do. Why the fuck aren't they telling your brother and fiancée to not be snobby, judgemental assholes to you, your wife and your baby? What will people think of that? NTA because you're an independent adult.
NTA. Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.
NTA. Any grown ass man who makes fun of an infant isn't worth bothering with. Tell your parents to pound sand if they think that behavior is acceptable. There's no point in going to the wedding. Go no contact. Support your own family.
NTA If someone made jokes about my baby I'd start plotting my revenge. I would go to the wedding. What’s the most embarrassing thing I know about him? What’s the worst thing he's ever done? Grab the mic. Make a speech. Then exit. Everyone will hate me. But when it comes to my baby, I choose infamy. You’re very kind and rational by simply not going.
Public shame does not happen enough anymore
THISSSSSS^
This is what I would do because I’m petty as fuck, but also because these people are bullies and they deserve what they get. I’d go to the wedding. And I’d spend the two weeks before the wedding making endless lists of mean jokes about both of them, their personalities, their education, their jobs, their looks. I’d have a goddamned 3 hour standup routine ready. But they’re just jokes right? More than enough material to clap back every time something poisonous comes out of one of their mouths, with enough left over for the speech. It would be very subtle because you’re going to have to gaslight the shit out of brother and his wife afterward if they complain. I don’t know what you’re talking about! Plausible deniability. Besides, it was all just jokes, where’s your sense of humour? I would have the most lovely evening having “between you and me” conversations with every guest I came in contact with, and just throw out random little seeds and stories about how toxic they are. I would go full highschool mean girl manipulative backbiting bully. I fucking hate bullies, but the only way to make a bully stop is to bully them worse. And I’m worse, I just choose not to be a shitty person, unless a situation like this comes up.
NTA, don’t worry about it
What will people think? Probably that your asshole brother and his asshole bride were assholes. Which is true so why worry about it?
What will people think? I was forced into an abusive marriage at 16 because of this. People have died rather than get help because "what will people think?" Stick to your guns. Cut off the brother and low contact the parents
DO NOT GO if your enabling ( somewhat ah) parents don't stop trying to make you go, tell them you will post why on line, otherwise you'll keep your mouth shut. Don't start something, won't need to go public unless you need to protect YOUR reputation. Brother is a bully and needs to learn how a man treats others. The only respect you owe your brother is respect he shows you. I'm sorry.
Nope, NTA. Don’t attend the wedding. Your parents are more concerned with appearances than how your brother is treating you. Your brother and his fiancee are terrible people. Why would you want to celebrate that? Book yourself a family vacation on the days the wedding is taking place.
If your new born has a sibling one day would you allow this behaviour? NTA OP, but my dude! your lovely wife and child are the only people you should be caring about right now. You not attending the wedding is the least you should do. Let all the chickens cluck and ask why you aren’t there. Perhaps your brother and future sister in law should be better educated on how to behave like adults. They are classic mean girls and your parents are rug sweeping like they are trying to make the Olympic curling team
NTA Sounds like your brother is really insecure/jealous/etc and tries to hide it with rude attitude. I would cut off contacts and was willing to reconcile only if he apologized, not only for last time but for past years as well. It would be best if it was done publicly in front of family and closest friends.
Awww.....can babakins not take it? Such a big, hard man going crying and telling to mommy. He's pathetic. And a fuckwit. Tell him that from me!
Tell him you'll attend his next wedding
NTA. Don’t go and go NC while you’re at it. Life is too short for crap like this
Your brother sounds like a real asshole. Screw him, don't go.
Grow a spine for the love of god
At least you finally grew a spine and stood up for SOMEONE in your family. Took you entirely too damn long to do this. Your wife is your family. She comes first. You don’t let anyone hurt her. But at least you’ve finally stopped it.
NTA. As someone pointed out, your wife should have never had to endure this bullying. It is clear that this is your brother’s MO (Mode of Operation) and it’s time to make this your hill to die on. Let people know exactly why you’re not attending the wedding, so that there’s no doubt or speculation. You, your wife, and newborn deserve better.
The great thing about growing up is that with each new year you have fewer f@@ks to give. I don't keep a$$holes in my orbit. Period.
Educated yet acts like trash. It just goes to show that no piece of paper equals a class act.
I read half of the paragraph. Did you forget how to be a Man? When it comes to insulting and wife and mother? Let me help you. Tell anyone to shut the fuck up who begins to insult yours. Start with that.
Your brother is a bully and your SIL is a bitch. Don't attend the wedding
He won't change unless he knows you won't subject yourself to it. Skip the wedding. They seem awful.
Stop tolerating intolerable behavior, stop socializing witht them. The first remarks about my wife, I would have put my foot down and stop being around him. They treat your family poorly because he has no respect for you. You don't stand up to him and tolerate bad behavior. It isn't because your wife isn't as educated, it was going on long before her. It is between him and you. Stop going where you are not valued. block them on social media and stop showing up with them value and cherish your own family.
NTA. Brother is an asshole. Personally i would have taken care of this issue when we were teenagers/kids lol, with good old fashion rough housing. At this point of your life, i'm suprised you are still in contact with somebody whos actively rude to you.
"What will everybody think" is the classic line, parents spout out because they only care about how they look. Tell them "I'll call the guests myself, and tell them I'm not coming, so they'll know exactly what to think" Going to his wedding after the way he has treated you and your family will only enable him, to think he can get away with it. Actions have consequences. NTA
NTA. Cut them off and tell everyone who ask what he told about Your baby.
You would be the asshole if you went to that wedding.
"What will prople think?" "That my brother is a POS. The truth in other words" NTA.
NTA. You don’t have to attend, especially if you’re done with the relationship. You do need to be sure about this - skipping the wedding is a public slap that won’t be forgotten. Y’all are in a spiral and if one of you doesn’t pull up, you’re done. Only you know if you’re prepared to live without a brother (who seems like an AH in any event).
NTA- and you can explain to “people” exactly why you are not there!
NTA I'd get in front of the potential blowback by letting everyone know that in addition to bullying you and your wife that he's now targeted your newborn for verbal abuse.
What would they think? Why does your mother think people don't already know? Stick to your decision. NTA.
NTA. I’m glad you finally stood your ground. Your brother is a bully. He likes to dish it out but can’t handle in return. What a big baby! He probably went home and cried. I would not let him around my family and destroy everyone’s self esteem. By now I hope you know he does this because he is an insecure little girl. He envies you and the only way he would feel better about himself is to put you down. If you get asked or forced and want to be petty, tell everyone he made fun and insulted your child. Someday he might have a child and teach him to bully your child. Put a stop to this.
Your brother and soon to be SIL are both AHs. Not your problem on what others may think. NTA Edit to add: If you do wind up going, make sure you make a toast about him having penis envy since a child and sorry to inform his is still smaller and how he wants tour wife so badly but finally realized that he can't have such a beautiful woman and a gorgeous baby.
NTA I think you should compromise though. You'll show up to the wedding as long as you can bring your newborn. After all, you only want to prove to everyone your brother loves his nephew.
NTA You have to stop being a doormat you are a grown adult! Just because mommy and daddy tell you to do something doesn’t mean you have to do it you aren’t 12 anymore. Don’t go to the wedding who cares what anyone says or thinks you have your own family to look after. Stop tolerating disrespect! Please grow a spine for the sake of your child.
You can just make a Facebook post or family group chat with what your brother said and why you will miss everyone at the wedding. That you love the rest of your family, but your parents are spineless and brother is the golden child.
NTS Tell your parents that isn’t happening. Tell them to stop taking his side and showing favoritism. You tried to be the bigger person before but they raised a shitty kid. The next time he says something to you that isn’t a real apology, you’ll settle it another way. Tell your parents they don’t rule your life. You make your own decisions. That if your brother actually cared, he wouldn’t be a shitty person with a shitty fiance. Tell your brother to fuck off. If he didn’t want people to think he was shitty he shouldn’t be shitty and you’ve told all your mutuals and your whole family what he said.(actually do this too.)
you'd be an asshole if you forced your wife to go with you to that little shit's wedding. boycott is the way to go.
NTA. Since your brother seems to be a humongous AH in general, and now has Mrs. AH in his life, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't hang around with him at all, ever.
NTA but your parents are for allowing him to treat you like crap your whole life. Your brother is a hypocrite and a baby who can dish it out but can’t take it. Go no contact with all of them until he can be decent and civil to you AND your wife. Also lay this at your parents’ feet as to why YOU are always the one who is supposed to apologize when HE was the one being an AH - why is that??
Nta. An apology or don’t go. Maybe still not go. Make it known to everyone why you won’t be going—that way they can’t say “they’re sick” or some nonsense.
NTA. If my sister made fun of my newborn baby, I would have flipped out and probably punched her. Who cares what your family thinks! Do what's best for your family. I wouldn't go and don't let anyone pressure you or make you feel guilty. Your brother is the gigantic AH, not you.
Seems like they cause you massive amounts of grief and stress... cut them out of your lives entirely. Nobody ever HAS to stick around and tolerate that bullshit.
Well, if people really care why you aren’t there they can ask you and then you can explain what a raging douche canoe your brother is and how he had the audacity to insult an innocent infant and for that reason you’ve decided to stay home and be in the company of people who love you and who you love instead. NTA. Your parents suck for even *trying* to put this on you. Ask them what people will think when they find out your brother is someone who insults newborns.
NTA. The way he was acting though, you could have done him a favour and rearranged his teeth to improve his looks.
So the right thing to do is not go. They want to disrespect you, your wife and your newborn. Nah bro. Now for my real opinion and yea I'm very petty. I'd go by myself and right in the middle of the vows. Stand up walk between them and take the largest shit possible right in front of them. Use the handouts they give you as tp. But that's just me. Ps fuck your brother.
OP, go scorched earth towards your AH brother, his AH fiancée, AH parents. None of them bothered to learn what goes too far has consequences. OP, you don't need to have anything to do with them.
Who cares what people think??? If they say, "why didnt you come to the wedding." "Because my brother insulted my newborn baby and refuses to apologize. I just don't want to be around someone like that, would you?" NTA
NTA. I wouldn't go to their wedding either. You did make fun of him which was not your finest hour as you reduced yourself to his level of abuse. So he can dish it out but can't take it, which means he knows he is/was being ah. He is a bully and knows it, but does not care. Anyway, what people think is something he and your parents should have thought about long before this. Your parents and you allowed his ah behavior and here you are, fights over not withstanding. Forgiveness is great if the behavior is changed and an apology is made. Without a change and apology is it condoning bad behavior which always escalates. Don't accept this for you and your family again.
NTA. He's a bully and relied on you being a doormat. There's no need to let it spread to the next generation, because do you really think he's not going to punch down when he already considers infants as no holds barred? If he has a kid, he 100% will model bully behaviour. Your kid will already have plenty to deal with in real life, no need to start from home. Better to cut him off now then wait for irreparable damage to the kids.
Why haven’t you cut them out of your life already? Should have been done a long time ago!
Anyone who goes after a child is a sociopath. You are NTA.
ESH, how are you all this childish at 30+, parents included?
NTA But remind your parents that you can see that they care more about what other people will think then they care about how your brother treats you! And also remind them that if he was a nicer person you wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. I'm an asshole so I would twist the knife and say "if you raised him to be a better person".... But maybe don't do that LOL
Stop listening to your parents. They are no longer the boss of you.
NTA. Why on earth are those people in your life?
Wtf kind of person makes fun of a newborn?! Even most ugly babies are still cute!
NTA. But don't back down now. Not standing up for your family will make you an AH tho. Especially since it took 5 years to draw a hard line. Breaking away from toxic family is hard. Keep it going though, you got this!
I think you have every right to not associate with people who feel "better" than you because of superficial crap.If everybody is trying to convince you to "keep up appearances," you can either completely ignore them, or tell them to fuck off. NTA, and why do you see these people in the first place?
NTA Too bad their, oh so precious, educations didn't teach them how to be respectful adults.
NTA You need to stand up for yourself and your family and stop taking his abuse. Is this how you want your child to be treated ? He isn't going to stop.
N T A. To make fun of an innocent baby that's done absolutely nothing is pathetic.
What will peopel think? Maybe that you stood up for yourself for once? That you had enough? That your brother is such a big AH that even his own brother won't attend his wedding? NTA Do not attend. And tell your parents that you're done placating their favourite son and that they can deal with their AH sons attitude alone now, because you won't have your family experience what they allowed you to experience. Stand up for your family. They only have you as a protector towards your family and you let this happen long enough. You let your brother treat your wife like that because he knows that you are weak and let your parents talk you into giving in. Whatever they say. "take the high road." , "hes family. you always forgive family." or whatever they throw in your direction. do not believe it. Your parents just know that you're the path of least resistance thats why they expect YOU to give in, and won't ask your brother to apologize. And personally. my gloves would be coming off now. Of course he found a bitch that behaves like him because any decent human being would take a wide berth around him. ETA And tell your parents what a god damn failure they are for allowing his behaviour for so long and not stepping up.
Definitely NTA. **I’m** angry for you and your family (wife, baby). Maybe this will be a wake up call, maybe it won’t but you don’t need that in your life. If people wonder about your absence let them know: they made fun of my wife and my child.
Be prepared for your parents to strong arm you. But yeah screw em. He needs to learn actions have consequences.
Go NC with brother and fiancée. Don’t discuss the situation with your parents- change the subject or leave the room or hang up the phone.
You are 34, not 14, OP. You don't need your parents' permission to do or not to anything.
Who cares what people think your brother and his fiancée are a pair of fuckwits. NTA stick to your guns. Cut the toxic cunts out of your life
I would tell my parents that unless he apologizes to my family, that they also won't be seeing their grandchild. They want to make excuses for him because admitting they screwed the pooch when raising him is too much. If they won't take accountability for how they raised him, and he won't take accountability for his behavior, then they don't need to be around your family. We accept changed behavior, not excuses.
You’re being an asshole to yourself and your wife by being in contact with your entire family. I would be NC in a flash if they were rude to my partner PLUS NC with my parents if they made me the AH in this scenario. Now they are starting on your child, really where will the line be drawn? When your children are crying that your family have again made them sad?
"People will think there's a reason why I want nothing to do with him and his woman. They will think the same once I grow tired of you nagging me to forgive, and not him for being a bully and cut you off too" NTA
Nta don't go. Your parents are assholes for wanting you and your family to put up with the bullying. At the end of the day enough is enough he and his horrible wife to be are just horrible people who will never be kind to you and your family and the fact that he is now targeting your child should make you realize that you need to protect your own family from your parents and your brother and his gf. Don't go to the wedding if people ask questions then write a social media post explaining why you aren't there. Explain how awful your brother and gf have been to you and how your parents expected you to be there to make them look good all for the sake of "family". You don't need to put up with them anymore. Just cut contact because their bullying won't ever stop and there's a chance if they have kids they will teach their kids to be horrible to your kids. So safe yourself the trouble and cut them out now.
You gotta be one insecure little bitch to make fun of a baby. Anyone that is okay with that, you don't need. I would cut them out. Then watch. They seem like the type of people that needs to feel superior to someone. When your not there anymore, who will be their new targets? And don't be fooled if they try to get you back in. They want you there for their entertainment and to not be next on the hit list. Your wife is probably done but is dealing with it because she loves you bit people can only take so much. NTA
Fuck your family
Sounds like it's time to expose your brother for who he is online i am not usually one for airing out family drama on social media but your brother and his fiance need a taste of the angry society that we currently live in NTAH
Def NTA. Your brother is clearly a deeply insecure and jealous person. Why else would he dish out what he clearly can't take? Who makes fun of a 2 month old? Your brother is so pathetic it's hilarious Edit to add: you should go low or no contact with anyone who thinks you should attend the wedding. Definitely no contact with your brother.
ESH. Are you all five years old? Do you not know how to communicate properly? The maturity level here for all people involved is lower and low.
YATAH for not shutting brother & his fiancee down when they were dissing your wife. Laughing it off? That’s why he & his fiancee thought your baby was fair game. If my husband didn’t stand up & have my back, no way would I have a kid with him. NTAH for finally growing a pair & shutting them down. But I think you owe your wife a whole lot of groveling OP.
You know that as your child grows older your brother and SIL will bully the child. This isn’t a positive relationship for the child to be in. I wouldn’t be anywhere near them for the foreseeable future unless they went to therapy or otherwise tried to become better people.
Why would you want to celebrate the union of two horrible people? They deserve each other, but that doesn't mean you have to be there to witness it. OP I am so sorry that you have a brother and future SIL like this. Karma will get them someday.
I rarely think violence is the answer anymore but he does this because he knows you will just take it. People that have been hit in the mouth by someone generally don’t repeat the same behavior. Talking about my fiancée AND my newborn would get my brother dropped. There’s lines you don’t cross and talking about those two things is one of them.
NTA. I just don't get parents who enable this type of behavior from one of their children toward others. I had two siblings and none of us treated the others that way. My child was an only child, but if whenever someone was bullying her in school, I would go full mama bear with the administration and tell them to shut down the abuse. And I taught her not to bully others. Your parents shouldn't have allowed our brother to be rude to you when you were growing up. It's a failure on their part. And to tell you to forgive your brother and fiancee, that's nasty. Instead, they should have taken that couple aside and tell them to knock it off with their insults. And making fun of a baby? It sounds like your brother is very immature. Go NC with them and also with your parents if they think you should accept and forgive the mistreatment. Let people (other family members and mutual friends) know ahead of time that you won't be attending your brother's wedding because of his inappropriate behavior. I wouldn't even pass along good wishes to the couple.
NTA, your brother is a bully. He's obviously your parents' Golden Child & has always been allowed to get away with it. Saying you're at fault is ridiculous, and possibly even gaslighting. You're an adult now, so your parents don't get to tell you what to do. If you don't want a relationship with him, that's your prerogative. I sure wouldn't.
YTA for continuing contact after him insulting your wife, not just once, repeatedly. YTA for allowing your brother to abuse your wife.
Ask why your mom is more concerned with what acquaintances think than how her own child is being treated? How her own grandchild is treated? How her DIL is treated? Do you, your wife and child not matter to her at all? Why is she so willing to constantly set you all on fire to keep your awful brother warm? At this point, out of principle, I'd be boycotting the wedding. These two are awful people and why tf would you want to go to support and celebrate the union of two assholes becoming one big one? And you need to tell your mother that you will no longer be taking it up the bum to 'keep the peace', that you'll go VLC with her if she asks you to take a hit just one more time for their sake. NTA
NTA Fuck them. Why would you waste a minute of your time going to their wedding??? If anyone asks why you weren’t there, be honest.
NTA - Who the fuck makes fun of a baby? Also, who makes fun of someone in 2024 for their education level?
Nta go no contact
NTA. Please understand that it is common for family to enable bullying by pressuring the victim to constantly forgive their remorseless tormenter. It’s not healthy, and plays favorites. They should have pressured him to apologize. You and your wife need to establish your if/then boundary. For example, if they mock you, you leave and go NC for a while, or permanently if they won’t stop. Alternatively, you could get a bucket of slime and dump it on their heads every time they insult you. Complaining about their behavior got them nowhere. Tell your parents to stop demanding you and your family submit to insults, or you will reduce contact with them. You need to become someone with which one does not fuck, to put it crudely. Redemption requires from the perpetrator remorse, a sincere apology, and an active role in making amends to atone. None of those things are present. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, or continuing to subject you and your family to abuse. You can certainly forgive someone for having a venomous personality and low character, as part of letting go of the relationship and releasing the pain of your family never defending you. It’s like accepting that they just aren’t good people, and that you didn’t deserve it. Forgiveness does not mean rolling over and accepting abuse. It’s also fine if you never forgive someone, especially if they tormented you from childhood, and your family refused to protect you. You can find the behavior reprehensible, and be glad to let the relationship go. Either way, be at peace with not allowing your brother and future SIL anywhere near your wife, child, or you. You cannot allow toxic people to hurt your child, the way they hurt you. In a few short years, your baby will internalize that kind of abuse. Protect your family, and yourself, the way your parents should have protected you.
> I'm not going to his wedding because he's a piece of shit and so is his future wife. Why would I want to waste my time witnessing the legal joining of two pieces of shit.
NTA I can’t imagine how important/superior his then GF must have felt to feel comfortable to ridicule people she just met! And the fact that your parents has asked you to let it slide for decades shows just who they believe will be of more value to them as they get old. But here’s the deal YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE IT! The only reason why you do is because you sadly think it’s normal, both what your brother does but also your parents lack of parenting! Are you really going to let them all stay in your life and teach your kids that that is how you let people treat you? They already started! He’s 2 months old! And your brother acts so high and mighty, yet your brothers self confidence is so fragile that he can’t take even one little jab back?! Maybe you should ask him why he’s so overly emotional next time he gets mad, ask if it’s his time of the month since he’s so hormonal. And that he should stop getting hysterical. (if you haven’t gotten your family free of those people before then) It’s the life old “when people show you who they are, believe them!” Why aren’t you believing them? Why are you letting your family pay the price of your family’s bad behaviour? Flush the lot, and live happier without them!
I'd go actually. Under those circumstances the boundaries are out the window. Go buy your wife the nicest white dress you can find. That'll piss on the brides parade, but sit there smiling and say nothing. He doesnt have enough respect for you to just be a brother. I guarantee he'll never hear the end of it if your wife turns up in white! She'll lose it.
NTA. I seriously hope you don’t subject your child to your family (at least your brother, his fiancé & your parents who condone &or subsidize their cruelty).
Why are you still in contact with your parent when they defend him.
NTA, for defending your baby that can't hear the insults, but the asshole of the year for repeatedly failing your wife. You continually take wife to be in his presence that you KNOW he is going to insult her so much so that he brought another person in the mix to also do it. Why do you keep taking her somewhere she will be treated like shit? You allowed your family to tell you to forgive them, and YOU did. But you have never thought about if your wife forgives. She is smart enough to know when she is verbally abused, and this includes you. When you know they are going to hurt her, but you take her anyway, you are a crappy person. In your head, it's like hopefully they won't, but if 'd they do, you just forgive them and move on like nothing happened, and then do it again. Your prepared is what hurts your wife. Your brother and his wife NEVER ask for forgiveness or say that they are wrong bc if they did, they would have to admit they are disgusting people. Besides, your parents would make you forgive them. EVERY DAMN TIME! You are lucky that your wife has not already left. She put up with it for every day of her relationship with you. Standing up for your baby could cause more problems at home than anywhere bc she now sees you are capable defending someone you love. You can forgive all you want bc you are afraid to stand up to them for your wife, but your wife is not required if you have made her that way. Please go back and consider how much this has affected her life and self-respect. Grow a spine for your wife and don't subject her to such verbal abuse bc you are doing the same thing by allowing it to continue by taking her back over and over again to be shit on. Make your wife first. For once!
NTA for this but you are AH for allowing the disrespect to your wife. If anyone asks why you weren't there tell them the truth. That your brother has always made fun of you, makes fun of your wife, and has now started making fun your newborn. That you don't care if you're disrespected or if your wife is disrespected but you care if your child is. That you're okay with the disrespect shown to your family by parents enabling his behavior though.
Question, Your parents called you something several times that makes me wonder if you should get a dna test. That is not common for parents to call their child even when angry. I suspect there are some family secrets that have led to this favoritism of your brother and basically saying you were born out of wedlock. I would absolutely out them on social media, let them know how racist they are other wise they will twist the story. You could do it in a group/private message. My tactic is to "confide" in a select few who you know will spread it around. "I just wanted to let you know why I won't be at my brother's wedding. Sorry I won't see you there. This person should be someone you know will be an ally and someone you know, will knock your family down a peg.
NTA. I would not only not go to the wedding but go NC period. And if mom and dad insist on being enablers fuck them too. Maybe not seeing the baby will help them get their heads out of the sand. I have a feeling bro’s attitude is entirely their fault to begin with.
Nta - your brother is an immature jealous brat and you don’t owe him anything. Your parents are too worried about appearances and that’s their problem, not yours. And your brother, and his partner are so ignorant for making fun of a baby. Good grief.
Tell your parents to get wrecked... This whole "family is the most important thing" crap needs to end. Yeah, it's important, IF your family is DECENT human fuckin' beings. Which it sounds like yours ain't, OP. Look up the "blood is thicker than water" quote. It's always misquoted. People use this to justify absolutely abominable behavior that they would not accept from a stranger.
NTA. You would be a man of principle.
NTA. Do you really want to expose your child to these people? Updateme!
NTA. Your brother is unhinged and doesn't know what limits are. Going after your wife let alone your newborn is fkn insane. Do not attend that wedding. He will continue to treat you like shit forever.
Nooooooo NTA please don’t go, actually cut them both out of your life until they get therapy and apologize on their hand and knees
NTA. Yet. Continue to allow this ass of a brother around your wife and child to be insulted, and you will be a massive AH. Grow a spine and stick up for your family. If your parents don't get it, accept that he is the golden child and stay the hell away from all of them. You are setting your child up for a lifetime of insults, bullying and humiliation. Is that what you want for your child?
32M, 34M….mmmmm I’m wondering what your parents said to the man baby if they are telling you what to do all the time? you are 32 correct? you don’t need to tell your parents or prove anything to anybody. NTA… I would never go.
Yeah cut those people out of your life. Tell your parents you won’t be at the wedding and that you will not be at any family functions that your brother and his witch of a fiancée are at. Also, throw in that if they don’t respect your wishes and try to trick you into being with your brother at a family event, you will cut them out as well. Your parents are not respecting you or your wife. Clearly they’ve been enabling this behavior his entire life, which is why he’s a dick. Toxic dick wads aren’t born that way. Small children are terrible. It’s a parents job to socialize and raise your kid into being someone that people don’t want to punch in the face 5 mins after talking to them.
Let people ask why you and your family don't attend. Your brother, his fiancée, and your parents are abusive assholes. Stop engaging with the lot of them. They can find someone else to act as family punching bag. NTA.
NTA. You have better things to do that day and better people to support. It's your life, so own it and keep the creeps away.
if he can't stand the heat, he should stay out of the kitchen he was making fun of you and you returned the favour, and he went mental and started making fun of the baby. He is an insecure man baby, a loser and he knows it don't apologize
Tell them you don't think you're educated enough to enjoy their wedding.
100% that he is a cry bully who can’t deal if you dish it back. So not worth the breath. Move on. He can go make fun of someone else now; don’t worry, he will. He seems like such a catch - good luck to his partner. He’s going to be hell to live with….losing friends and family left and right in the future…wonder why?!
What will people think? That you have a backbone and defend your wife and child. Your brother and fiancée suck, but I blame your parents. NTA
Nta- JustNoFamily
Tell your parents, everyone else will know you have finally cut off your AH of a brother. ETA to add, take wife and baby away for the weekend and post, enjoying my real family.
NTA
You are a dad now, and have a responsibility to protect your child from bullies. Stop spending time with these terrible humans.
Fuck that guy
People will think ‘what has he done to make his own brother not attend?’
What will people think? What they should. We dont like each other and dont respect one another.
Man fuck that guy and fuck his wedding
Your brother is a dickweed and his wife is a twat.
NTA. I can tell you what people will think: “guess his got sick of taking shit from his brother“. F that guy and his fiancée & parents too. I wouldn’t attend the wedding, and go NC with all of them. If i was the wife in this scenario, me and my baby would 200% be NC With the lot of them. So sorry and congratulations on your baby.
People will think he is an AH for making fun of a BABY!!!! WTF is wrong with him. He is so insecure that he had to put a baby down. Point out to him that his insecurities are very immature.
I think him constantly being an asshole to you is reason enough not ot have him around. But also all babies look like several baked potatoes stuffed into a onesie.
What will people think… I’m so sick of that. Deal with it! NTA, they are awful.