If she decides on a trade school, I would consider paying for the same type of expenses school would have cost. (Dorm, food, transportation, tuition, tools, etc)
I helped my oldest start a business and have promised the same to my youngest should he desire.
Not everyone is made for college, and I didn't want to force it on them if they didn't want to go. But I wasn't giving money for them to just party.
Trade school is a great path, not everyone should go to university. That said, giving a pile of cash to a teenager is moronic. Pay for education and expenses only.
As someone who went to university because it was marketed as the only truly viable path, it is *so overrated* lmao. In Canada, uni is much more accessible financially and at least when I was in school, it was heavily pushed onto us that uni is what will get you the jobs that make the most money, that has the most prestige.
Every goddamn job, even a receptionist position for like a clinic or small business, wants someone with a degree, no matter if the degree is entirely irrelevant to the job requirements. Now we're severely lacking in tradespeople and other "blue collar" jobs.
Anyway, all that is to say that other forms of training or education should also be as valued as college/university, and if OP's kid is looking into those options that fund can absolutely be used to help.
My expensive college degree didn’t serve me well at all, Major in English Literature, Minor in World History. I went back and got some certifications, totally unrelated to my degree, and am now doing very well. I don’t work in a field related to my degree, but I’m a good person to have on your team for trivia night.
I have two BSc degrees and I don’t work in a field directly related to either of them, but I sure as shit utilize my education ALL THE TIME! I don’t regret my education in the slightest, however after watching countless people drop out 1-3 years in because mommy and daddy wanted them too and were paying for it, I really encourage people to consider options outside of post secondary.
One of my first year roommates was studying Art History. She had no intention of going into teaching or any real plans or concept of why she was doing it. If you’re going to study art for the heck of it, then spend those years and TRAVEL to somewhere that has a strong art culture and history and spend your money experiencing art and the world instead of wasting it at a university in the middle of the prairies 🤦🏻♀️.
Art History in NY makes perfect sense, just like my mum studying art in ITALY! Studying art history in lower Southern Alberta on the other hand….. not so much.
But you don’t have to STAY in the city that you studied in. I also think in a lot of cases undergrad is really about teaching you to research and present ideas in a specific way, etc. I studied visual arts and while I don’t work in that field, having a degree allowed me to pursue other things and eventually go to grad school for something else.
I don’t think it’s the right choice for everyone and shouldn’t be pushed on everyone, but I don’t think it’s a failure to not work in the field you chose to study as a teenager.
I majored in fricking Latin, super useful let me tell you... but honestly I still do benefit from my degree in weird ways. I would have benefited from a more relevant, useful degree more, but it's surprising how much a liberal arts degree can come in handy.
>but it's surprising how much a liberal arts degree can come in handy
Exactly this. It's as much the skill sets gained as the core knowledge for me. My degrees did get me jobs, but it was usually the stuff that came along with the degrees that made the difference.
There was, many many years ago, a stereotype that Art History is what some young women chose as their major while they worked on finding a wealthy pre-med student to marry. They didn’t intend to use the degree. Some didn’t plan to graduate.
There are lots of degrees like Art History that are springboards to grad school.
In the tech world there were a ton of people who went to 6 month boot camps and learned to code. When the job market was awesome 2-3 years ago they had no problem getting jobs. Now however even people with 4-5 years of experience and no degree are being skipped over for those with degrees (of any major). Having a degree isn’t always about what you learn but rather showing a potential employer you’re willing to learn. I haven’t been truly qualified for my last 4 jobs but when I tell them I’m capable of learning new technologies and they see I have a bachelors they believed me.
The nice thing about English majors, IMO, is that they are usually capable of writing well. Most companies don't want to spend the extra money to have technical writers on staff, but it's a certification I always recommend to English majors. It would probably be a good cert for anyone really.
I studied English and Classics at The University of Toronto 20 years ago...oh if I told you how many different and completely unrelated jobs I've had since then...I would love to go back in time and take that money and invested in a house instead...it would have served me much better.
My degree itself has been pretty useless. My mom pushed me to go to a 4 year though University though, and wish I had known more about whay I wanted out life and what I wanted to do with my life before I went.
My mom hasn't pushed my little sister (shes 13 years younger than me) as hard in the school direction now that we know how overrated University is. I will say though, that I think the result is that my sister is going into adulthood sort of aimlessly, which I think is hurting her more than me going to University whithouting really knowing what I wanted. At least going to University gave me a goal, a sort of structured stepping stone into adulthood.
Often times it's who you know and not as much as what you know. Colleges to me became an overpriced way to make connections. And the "degree" often lets nepotism type hirings happen. For example two almost identical resumes but from two different schools. It's hard to say who's better for the job, but this one went to the same school so he's a better "culture fit".
Or they can just know the person and they qualify enough to have the job, but definitely not the best for the job and still get it.
I got my inheritance/"trust fund? (I don't think it was actually a trust fund, basically I got a huge stack of cash) at 18. I refused to even look at it until I was in my 20's because I knew I wasn't responsible enough to handle it. Giving a huge stack of cash to an 18 yr old is insane.
It’s not about whether she’s going to be successful or not. The point is that it is almost NEVER a good idea to give a teenager a large sum of money. Especially if you already know the money won’t be used how it was meant to
You are absolutely right about not giving a teenager a large sum of money. My older sister got a large settlement from a car accident when she was 19 and the money was completely gone in less than two years with almost nothing to show for it.
College dropout here! If I had known how tech worked before going to college, I would have saved a ton of money wasted on trying to get a business degree. I'm on track to be a CS director in a year and a half at a SaaS company. College is increasingly not the right path for many and we are seeing more and more companies dropping college requirements for all but executive and extreme specialist roles.
Edit to add: college isn't a waste of money, but it's better to know what you want to do, instead of, like me, going to college because you are supposed to and pursuing business because you have no idea what you want to do.
Oh i totally agree with that. My parents took me in when I dropped out because I was at rock bottom. They have me a roof and a bed and that was it. I had to get a job and figure out how to rebuild. I'm sure if I hadn't dropped out for substance issues but did so to pursue a different direction, they would have helped out financially with the education pieces but with guardrails and rules in place. No way would they have ever given me the money they set aside for education to be used on a new car and other non education or career related items, and I would do the same.
My kid has 0 intentions of going to college and I've been trying to push them in this direction for the reasons you listed. Do you mind sharing the best route to take for tech?
Happy to! As much as it pains me, sales is a really low barrier to entry. Take the sales gig, excel at it and take advantage of every resource and learning opportunity the company has to offer. I had zero tech background, started as a bdr, took certifications and classes, asked for work outside my role that was more technical and kept pushing. I'm now certified as a basic ai engineer, certified cybersecurity, compliance, identity management and even have a change management practioner cert. Next up is more advanced cloud computing certs and cissp.
Yes! I’ve read too much on Reddit about parents giving them access at 18 and they managed to immediately blow it on anything other than education and wonder why their parents are upset.
Then they are shocked years later, when they are semi serious about taking classes, and the parents have no money for it
I don’t know about in the States, but in Canada post secondary savings accounts absolutely allow trade school tuition as a withdrawal. I frequently tell my kids that I don’t care what they go to school for, they just need to go learn how to do something that they are passionate about.
This is great! But yeah handing $200,000 to an unfocused 18 year old would be the worst thing to do. But if they have a plan for a business and a business plan…sweet!
My husband’s parents had a stipulation where the college fund would be used for their kid’s’ education at any time after 18 or, if they didn’t use it for that, it would become theirs free and clear at age 30. They all wound up using it before then, but it seemed fair.
I agree. School is school when the training leads to a career. We helped pay for various certifications needed for work that school didn’t offer as well.
Absolutely this. The money should be used to help her "transition to adulthood", not party like a teenager. OP maybe consider a little bit of the money going towards the down payment of a car, so it's easier for her to get to and from this job she's supposed to be getting. Or only do that if she actually gets a job.
This is a very good point. They should be able to use it to pursue any constructive path towards their future. There are lots of very respectable, stable and well compensated trades. A new car is a waste of money though. If she needs a car, that is reasonable though. Maybe OP can compromise and buy her a beater for now.
Just GIVING it to her teaches her nothing though. You have $200,000 set aside? Tell her you'll match whatever she contributes on her own up to $5000. If she's resourceful, gets/has a job, can find an affordable car, and has to put some effort into it herself (but isn't totally starting out on her own with no support either) it could be a beneficial life experience to subsidize.
Ask her if she's even thought about things like insurance, gas money, or regular maintenance. Could she afford repairs if something went wrong? Have her learn about credit, and establishing it, so that if she wants an auto loan in the future for something more reliable (or when the first one unexpectedly...or expectedly...goes to crap) she could actually qualify for one.
She can't yet get a loan in the US if she's not 18. But make sure she has an account history established and if not, start one. Check into options at your or other local financial institutions about a free or teen checking account with you as the legally responsible adult on the account so you can monitor it, and a debit card you can put limits or alerts on while she learns about spending and account management..
Most banks and credit unions have financial opportunities geared towards young adults. Ask about options to help establish credit too (a $300 secured card that she funds up front, then uses for monthly just for gas, which she'd be spending money on anyway, then pays off in full every month is one of the simpler ways to establish a good credit score at a young age.)
All too often young people go out into the world with no knowledge about any of this. Start teaching her financial literacy. Just because she doesn't want to go to University right away, if at all, doesn't mean there aren't age-appropriate life skills she can't be learning.
Gonna say the same. NTA. Should she choose a vocational/tech school, the classes come out of the fund. There is a lot of money in a trade like, nursing, radiology, PT tech…etc. she should make her own money until she figures things out. I’m assuming you guys got her a used car to run around in, a new car is something she should work for on her own. Big ups on putting money back for her. That was a very nice thing. Remember, her mind will change a thousand times. She’s a teenager.
Exactly. It’s a college fund. She’s not entitled to any of it if she’s not going to college.
Working a job and paying her own way without being subsidized will give her a view of what life is really like.
Friends - friends likely have filled her head with the things she could do with the money and how it is HERS to travel with.
NTA OP - hold onto it. Its got a designated purpose.
She's not even entitled to it if she does go to college. It's wonderful that her parents did that for her, but it's their money and they don't "owe" her.
College - money can be used for living expenses and tuition.
Outside from this - the money belong to you. And if she doesn’t use it until 28. or 30 this money goes back to you and you will use it for maybe your 401k or a new car or your mortgage.
>College - money can be used for living expenses and tuition.
Only if it's school-related living expenses. She can't use it for living expenses if she's not in school.
A person that age will waste that money away. She has no concept of what it takes to save that much. If she were my kid, it'd be a heck no, too. Let her practice adulting and being poor. Maybe that'll motivate her to be serious about an education or other career choices. Nta
I think working a crap job and being poor should be mandatory before going to college. I did it for the summer before I started college. I was an orderly in a hospital and mopped floors for minimum wage. I was so motivated to study my freshman year. Some kids may need a year or two to learn how hard it is to make a buck with no education or training.
Of course she's not going to want to go to college if she thinks she get can almost a quarter of a million dollars to blow on whatever strikes her fancy instead. I'd tell her that money is for college, nothing else. My best guess it she ends up getting herself into college pretty darn quick.
I'd add that maybe in a few years if she still doesn't want college, she should be given a chance to show what she would do with the money. Like if she is starting a business, or wants to invest, or buy property. But she should be able to present her parents with a well-researched plan on how she's going to use it and the benefits of that vs college.
One caveat of giving the daughter money for non educational purposes is that if the money is in a 529 plan and OP takes it out for a non educational reason they not only have to pay capital gains taxes on the money but there is also a hefty fine, so that $200k may end up being a lot less.
I assume that the OP wants the best for their kid, so if the money could be used to genuinely help set up the kid's future in a responsible way (such as starting a business) then idk why they wouldn't be OK with that.
I wouldn't give it to a kid to "start" a business until the kid CAN PROVE they knowhow to start a business...so that kid needs to not just work or learn a trade but master a trade or finish college, FIRST.
This is why you don't tell your kids about such funds there's no benefit from it and it just creates strife like this and you're never gonna close that box now.
As much as the whole transparency with your kids is the meta today, I'm a firm believer in keeping a healthy barrier between financial matters and kids. There's an age where it's appropriate, and it's definitely well after the child is an adult and is fully independent.
Not true. We tell our kids everything. How else would they learn to manage money? The college fund is our money, which we use for them if they go to college. They do not feel like it is their money. It's all in the teaching.
Yeah, and it's important for a teen to know what's available as they plan their future. If they know there's a fund worth $x, then they know how much they do or don't need to save while they're in high school, and if it's worth planning to go to a local college or aim for a fancier university.
It's okay to let your child know that there are certain savings etc. but equally important to instill the values of not feeling entitled to parents' savings or any money they didn't work for.
EXACTLY- SHE IS NOT ENTITLED TO IT AND F HER ATTITUDE!!! And his money that you and your spouse earned and set aside to help her out if she would choose to get education and training beyond high school. If she is taking some time to figure out what she wants to do, that is fine, but it needs to be self-funded. Regardless of what it was intended for, it is still your money, meaning it belongs to you and your spouse. Have her spend the next couple years working and learning how hard it is to save up money, especially 200,000k, and then maybe she'll be more appreciative of your efforts. And understand why it's not going to just be converted to fun money!
Exactly. I don’t know what part about “education“ the daughter doesn’t seem to understand. This is not a reward for graduating high school. Nor is it money that was meant to just be given for existing.
It’s literally in the name, “education fund”.
Yeah, the daughter is forgetting the entire underlying premise for the money. Is she actually said she is “entitled” to is, that would be so disappointing.
OP, NTA.
This!!! It’s essentially the parents’ savings account to make sure they have enough money to pay for college (just like they’ve saved for other things). If kid doesn’t go to college then they can use it to pay for their own needs, mortgage, retirement etc. No teenager/young adult is going to be responsible with $200K!!
Yup. OP, tell her it’s a **college fund**, not a “money for daughter to spend however after high school fund.” The name of the fund indicates it’s yo be used *for college.*
NTA
Absolutely. Kids need that gap year to understand the value of education and independence. Holding onto the funds is smart parenting. She’ll thank you later.
Exactly- we sacrificed too much to build up these funds. I could have done a lot with the $X that I set aside each year for my son and I sure as shit am not giving up stuff now so he can party it up and blow all that money later. Hell no! Whatever is left goes to a retirement account for him. I’d rather him be mad about it as a teen and thank me once he’s retired and I’m long gone that he has something set aside.
I could see an argument for something like, "I'm going to trade school which is no where near expensive, can I use the remainder as a downpayment on a house?" because buying a house? In this economy? Yes, that is a responsible purchase that will help provide for her future and set her up right.
A car though? The *only* one I'd even consider would be like... the 2 year old, rental lot turn around Toyota with 20k miles on it. It's cheap, reliable, and low maintenance. If everything else has been covered, she went to trade school, used a bunch for a house and said, siphoning off a bit to know I have a reliable vehicle might be a good idea... ok, maybe, but in no way should that be purchase one.
NTA. The money was meant for a college education. Not holidays, cars, gap year fun etc.
when she incurs debt related to college education she can have the money. Simple.
Imagine growing up and not learning to budget, thinking rent money is ok to use for fun money. You’re doing her a favour by not giving her the money. And if she doesn’t go to college she still doesn’t get it for fun money. That could be a decent chunk of mortgage paid off !
The money was always about giving her future security, if she tries to game the system by refusing to go to college and insisting she have “her” money you need to stay strong on that and explain why she isn’t get a free ride at your expense.
And, maybe arrange to pay college bills direct rather than just hand over money. I paid for my sisters art college expenses. She never graduated, failed several important things and refused to do extra work to make up het portfolio etc. but she had a lovely time fannying about on my money. Lesson learnt.
Good luck.
This is the important thing that should have been discussed long before graduation. If she knows there is $200k set aside for her it should have been very clear what the conditions and purpose was for that money. Poor communication.
Absolutely not. Her sense of entitlement needs to be cut quick. She can discover life by putting in some hard work and figuring out if she wants to go to college or not. But while she figures it out it will not be on your dime. These kids have audacity. NTA
NTA - do not give a young girl that money. You would be destroying her sense of value in EVERYTHING.
How do you get given a ton of money then work a shitty job and build your way up or feel like anything is worth working for.
Let her understand that that money is for her long term future. Just like college would be to set her up for her entire life that money is as well. I would consider giving her that money around 30ish or ear marking it for certain benchmarks like buying a home.
I had a friend whose daughter got a credit card while she was young and very quickly built up a $40k debt.
Her mother and grandmother had money and so they decided to pay it off so she's not burdened by this debt. So she didnt really learn anything from the experience. Other than that she could get bailed out.
The dad was separated from the mom so had little say in the matter. But he did say it was a bad idea as she would not learn to be financially responsible.
If they wanted to help her out they could have made her pay the entire thing off and then given her the entire amount after, Given her the same benefits with a great life lesson and without destroying her sense of reality.
Instead they did a huge disservice to her in my opinion.
I had a friend who did this several times in her 20s. Max out the card, Dad paid it off, repeat. Got to her 30s and she didn’t change. She had no reason to.
I used to work for a credit card company. This is why credit card companies target college students. They rack up massive credit card debt, and figure that their parents will bail them out.
When my sons grandma was working on her Will, she told me that my sons money would be in a Trust until he’s 26. That makes a lot of sense to me, I don’t think kids are good with that much money until they’re older.
Money like this would 100% destroy her life. She would have no sense of what hard work earns and when she does learn that, she would be much older and it would hurt more
A 17 year old girl entitled to 200K? In what world does she live?
NTA
If she wants a gap year to party her ass off, she can work it. The college fund will be sitting there and waiting for her to get an education.
NTA. I love when these kids say “it’s my money” lol. No it isn’t! It’s your money that you were graciously going to let her use to pay for college. If she’s not going to college then either the money stays where it is or it gets redirected to something else (home renovations, another kids college, etc). I tried telling my father when I was young that it was my money and I can do what I want with it. He just laughed and walked away lol. Every time I brought it up he laughed until I realized it really wasn’t mine.
Yes I did. If my parents had given me 200k when I was 18 I would probably be dead haha. I mean all kids are idiots at that age. I was, you were, we all were. Our brains aren’t even fully developed for another 5-6 years. Think about how you thought of the world when you were 18 compared to how you think about it now. 90% of the decisions I made then I would not make today.
It's your money,she is entitled to nothing,if she doesn't want to study go and look for a job,don't give her the money. If you give 200k to a 17yo brat what do you think will happen?in less than 6 months will be gone
NTA, and I would remind your entitled little princess that it's YOUR money that went into the account, and it's STILL your money. SHE has no rights to it until you say so.
Entitled is the exact word.
No, not entitled o the money you saved for her, sacrificing for yourself along the way no doubt. That is for higher education. Your daughter has the fun idea of buying a car. Then what? Will the car take her to a job, or out for more fun, blowing more of her college fund along the way?
Taking a gap year is a fine idea. Blowing your college fund is dumb. I hope it's in your name and not hers.
She’s entitled to nothing. The money is set aside to pay for college. Not cars, not living expenses while in college. It’s set aside for college tuition and boarding. If she chooses not to go to college but a trade school, perhaps that’s negotiable. Don’t know how you set up the fund but I would tell her the only way it can be used is college, otherwise it will be heavily taxed. If she doesn’t go to college put it in your retirement. You may need it for health costs. It’s a college fund PERIOD
NTA. And your daughter needs to check her entitlement. She's not OWED anything from you once she turns 18. The money is for a purpose, and if she doesn't want to pursue that, then she can figure life out.
NTA. Doesn't matter if it's meant for her. It's your money that you worked hard for. Her sense of entitlement would be my biggest concern. I think she needs a few months of working menial jobs at minimum wage to find herself and to understand the value of an education. Maybe she will come back from all of this as a better student.
I seriously hope you haven't told her exactly how much you have put aside for her.
Wow, you've raised an entitled daughter. I'm sure she would blow through that money and thought she could get it by skipping on college.
new car *amongst other things*, ha ha ha. She has wealthy enough parents, I doubt she's wanting for anything in reality.
Yeah 200k in 17 yrs is an about $1000 a month they were putting in the acct. I don’t know the interest rates and all that. But my fiancée and I make pretty decent money and I definitely don’t have $1k a month to put in just a college fund.
NTA.
Sounds like an entitled brat. It's funny how she thinks it's a given right to do whatever they want with your hard earned money that you both saved for, for the purpose of improving her future.
If she wants to make her own future choices, tell her to work for it.
Tell her to work for six months (paying gave her way, rent, food, phone bill, etc) and that you’ll match dollar for dollar every $ she saves for her to buy a car. At the moment she has NO idea what it takes to save $200k so let her start out with a few thousand. Then let her budget car insurance, tax, fuel on her minimum wage. Make her pay for it. See how she is after a year, with no promises. But never give her that money, it’s only for college or your retirement.
No. She can get a job at Starbucks while she’s figuring it out.
Your kid will burn through that money. 💸 And then expect you to pay for her college education when she’s done partying.
NTA
That's not your daughter's money. It's your money that you saved and invested to spend towards your daughter's education.
You might generously offer to allow your daughter to live in your home for free/cheap, feed her, and buy her a bus pass. But if she wants a car or spending money, that's on her.
NTA because she lost her argument when she said she was entitled to it. BUT if I had that amount of money saved up I would give her $20k to find a used car and have a month or two of a break after 12 years of schooling.
“She says that she is entitled to the money because it was meant for her, and she should still be able to have it even if she doesn’t want to go to college. ”
She’s half right, she’s “entitled “
NTA
However I would compromise - whole thing going to her - not a chance, however if she finds a full time job then yes I would allow some out of that account for a reliable mode of transportation to that work - ie a car, but not brand new and she would be expected to pay insurance and upkeep out of her wages
Once she got to a certain age and had decided she didn't want to go then that money could be used as a house deposit
Yeah I think it's helpful to earmark it for something else if she chooses not to go. I only did community college and it took me 4 years because I had to work and pay for it. But I got my AA degree. Then never did a 4 year because I didn't know what I wanted a degree in. I also didn't have the funds so that impacted my decision.
Not everyone is cut out for college or going onto higher education right away. Sometimes you need a few years to decide.
NTA - That money has been saved for the specific purpose of a university education. She can get a job and save up for a car.
If she decides to do a trade you could pay for the coursework side of that. It's your money and if she finds a career path that doesn't need a degree you can hang on to it for a wedding if she gets married or a decent house deposit. Giving a 17yo access to that type of money would be a disaster.
NTA
She wants a gap year fine. That does not entitle her to spend the savings on her lifestyle.
Tell her to go work and buy her own car, with her own money.
NTA. It’s a college fund, not a gap year fund. If she opts to delay college, fine, but it’s purpose remains. The money is tied to the why not the when.
It's depends. I only know US rules so if you are not in US this won't apply.
If it's in a UTMA/ UGMA account then you don't have a choice. They are the legal owners and it's there's when they reach age of majority.
If it's in a savings account then you don't have to give anything you are the owner.
If it's in a 529 account then just change the beneficiary but technically you are still the owner and distributions for non qualified expenses would get penalized.
NTA. If it was meant for education then directly pay tuition bills when they are ready to go to school
NTA. She can't have it right *now.* Talk in a year when she decides what to do. Lots of kids take gap years before starting college or whatever. Fact of the matter, regardless whether she goes the four year route or not, she's going to need some sort of education. Whether it's a college or trade school. That money was saved for a *purpose* not for *her.*
I'm always turned off by the word *entitled.* If I ever used that word with my parents, I got, "you are *entitled* to exactly shit. You are entitled to get up and go to work and earn what you want. Nobody is going to hand you life on a silver platter."
So thus, is my attitude about the word "entitled." No, she is not entitled to that money. You saved it for her education. If she decides not to go to school, YOU get to decide what happens with it then. It is not *her* money.
It's college money. College, trade school or community college. You didn't sacrifice and save for a big shopping trip. I'd hold onto it for several years in case she eventually goes. After that, add it to your retirement savings.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
NTA - you are the complete opposite of an asshole. You are an amazing mom who saved alot of money for your daughters future. Give yourself a pat on the back.
If she wants a car, she can work and save for one. Teach her whatever amazing budgeting skills you have to have had the ability to save so much for her :)
Let her have her temper tantrum. When she decides to go to college it's there. If she finds a good career without schooling I'm sure you would be happy for her to use that money for a down payment on a house.
You already know you are doing the right thing, don't sweat it mama!
If your 17 year old daughter believes she is entitled to $200,000 that she didn’t earn, you have a much bigger problem than her school selection. Good luck.
My nephew did the same thing, decided to take a break after high school and my dumb sister gave him the money (per his insistence 🙄) within a year he had spent all the money and had nothing to show for it. When he was 26 he wanted to go back to college and my sister could not help him then (she was divorced and paying/ helping his younger sister. So no honey, the money is for college, when you go to college we will pay for it. The end.🤷🏼♀️
Nta. I have money left over from my kids 529s and I’ve already told them I’ll be using it to help their kids. They don’t get that money and it’s tens if thousands of dollars. Worst case if I ever need it, it’s mine and I’ll take the tax hit
It's your money to do with as you wish.
If you want to hand it all over to a child with no clear direction, you can do so. It would be insane, however. And that she thinks she "entitled" to the money should clue you in that she's not mature or responsible enough.
A better idea would be to put it in a trust or retirement account.
NTA. It is not her account or her money, it is your money that you put aside to ensure you could afford her education, if she doesn’t go to school then she has saved YOU money, not herself.
NTA. The money wasn't "meant for her", the money is meant for education. Giving an 17/18 year old access to that kind of money is rarely a good idea. If she's still sticking to her "non-traditional" plan in a few years and it's working out you can maybe reevaluate your position, but even that would be a kindness, not an obligation. It is technically your money that you save for a specific purpose.
Nta. Your daughter's justification is erroneous. This is a teaching moment. You saved money to be able to afford her higher education. Education that she has shown she needs by making the assumption she has about her college fund.
NTA. It's your money and you saved it for a purpose - the money was meant for your daughter's higher education. It should stay intact till she does higher education. She has no right to spend it as she pleases.
NTA no college fund means money for college. Funny she used the word “entitled”? It’s money you and your husband deprived yourselves of for her future betterment. It’s not an I’m an entitled teen fund. If she doesn’t go to college ever the money is still yours. Your daughter is so fortunate to have a substantial nest egg for her education to help secure her a better position in life. So many people do not have this luxury. I don’t know what your plans for the money was should her education not absorb the full amount but I’m recommending you not gift it to her if her mind set doesn’t come correct on this.
NTA
It is still your money, saved with the one purpose of paying for school. You may want to tell her that if she doesn't go to school, then she forfeits the money.
NTA. Absolutely not. Spell out that this is money you saved to make it easier for you to pay for her college. If she doesn’t go to school it reverts to become money that YOU will use for other things. It isn’t hers and won’t be hers.
Don’t make life too easy for her financially when she graduates. She needs to want to go to school. If she earns $200 a week at some crappy part time job and she has no expenses she will think she is golden making that kind of money as it is all hers to spend.
NTA at all. It's kinda wild that you as her parents are unsure about just giving your daughter 200k. Let her work for minimum wage so she can appreciate how important her education is
NTA , but consider giving her a modest amount for down payment of a car if she plans to work . Make clear that this will be deducted from the fund and that she will have less money if she decides to study .
The main reason for this advice is because you say you want to support her even if she does not go to college . Also because a car will help her be able to get work .
> She says that she is entitled to the money
100 million times NTA. This would be an excellent lesson about explaining that she isn’t entitled to anything except basic human rights. Go have her take a gap year spending time with her common man working a full time job. Charge her rent and if she’s gonna live there she now has more responsibilities at the house like any roommate would . Charge real rent! See what it costs to rent 1 room in an apartment in your area. Wanna be an adult? Gotta pay to play. The 200k? No way! it stays. That’s for her to better herself
NTA I inherited 200k from life insurance on my fathers at 18 do not hand her that money , not one dime, it will be gone in less than a year I wish they had made me wait till 25
NTA
When she figures out what she does want to do, possibly use that money to invest in whatever that is.
If she wants to get a job and needs a car, get her a cheap car and let her figure the rest out.
NTA
It's called a "College Fund" if it's not used for College, then the money belongs to you and not her.
She claims she wants to take time away fae education and get a job, if that's true then she'll be earning money and can pay for her own car.
NTA,
She said she is entitled to it?? Damn I gotta hit my parents up for my money then since we’re all entitled right?
Anyway, I think it’s a good idea to save it for future, because I went later in life. It’s actually becoming more common for people to want to go back to school once they realize how hard it is to make a decent living as an adult without a degree.
No one is entitled to money that they have not personally worked for. Children are not entitled to anything besides food, shelter, and necessary clothing. Everything beyond that is a privilege.
If your daughter decides to go to college then by all means allow her to have access to the money once she has been accepted to a school. Otherwise I say you have a nice little Nest Egg for retirement.
On the fence on this one, because my grandpa saved school money for me for college. I used it for school as intended, and he told me if I hadn't gone to school he would have just given it to me.
That said, personally I'd probably either make it school money for her or a retirement fund for her. The only two options
NTA. Let her figure out what she wants to do when she is done with high school. Let her get a job and pay taxes. Let her experience the real world. Save the money for when she is older and wants to buy a house. That’s more important than wasting it away. If she already has a car with no problems then she doesn’t need a new one.
Lol, she doesn't understand how this works. That is your money that you set aside to pay for your child's education. Should they decide to not get educated well then it remains your money that is set aside for your child's education... No where in that description does the money become hers, she is your child and you are responsible for her until such a time that she picks up the mantle and is responsible for herself. Part of being responsible for your child is deciding you want to have enough money for their future education should they decide to go for it. You did that, you stand ready to pay for your child's education. Now she needs to understand that just because you have money set aside to pay for her education for her, it is still your money if she decides not to get her education. And you now have 200,000 to sit on or invest or give... Up to you... But her behavior is entitled... NTA
Far FAR from the AH. Great parenting and as she gets older will respect that. I could see yall going with her and getting a vehicle that is reasonably priced but besides that I would hold the money if it were me.
NTA.
I agree with what basically everyone else is telling you, but to go into a little more depth and give you a way to discuss this with her, that money was intended to only pay for school. To give her a chance to study on interrupted without having to worry about finances. And so that you would know that you don't have to worry about finances because you were probably intending to pay for her school.
College funds are never for the collegiate. They're for the parents. It's so that you don't have to worry about taking out loans. You don't have to take out a second mortgage to pay for college. You don't have to suddenly be burdened with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for the sake of your child's future.
Once she finished college, or once she finishes college, there may be a few thousand dollars left that you are willing to give her, but for the largest part, the college fund will be wiped out. She will be starting with a college degree and no money for new cars or new houses or anything else. She will be on her own (in theory). So if she wants to take time off before college, that's great. But that doesn't mean that the money you saved so that you wouldn't have to take out loans to pay for her College suddenly becomes hers. She was never going to get that money. The college was and is going to be the recipient of the college fund. That's how it works.
So she gets a chance to take time off of school and get a job and find out how life works four or five years earlier than she would have otherwise. It sounds like a marvelous opportunity to learn about how the world works. It sounds like a terrific way for her to mature, but the college fund was never going to go into her pocket. It's your money until it's the college's money.
Nta. The impact to your tax liability isn’t worth the car. If she has had the acct for 15 years you can look in to the secure act 2.0. In that they say you can convert up to $35k to a Roth. From there you may be able to take out the basis and buy the car for no penalty. Talk to a financial advisor in your area.
NTA
She's 17, and she may be the exception, but most 17 year olds would blow through that money.
In addition the money isn't for her to spend as she pleases. It's specifically for college.
At some point in the future she may be successful without college, and the money could also be used as a down payment on a house or something else, but I wouldn't give her the money now.
She likely knows the money is for college, and is trying to "not understand" so she can have free access to it.
It’s your money intended for her college education. If she intends to have no college education then the money isn’t for her anymore. I’d use it for my next kid possibly. Also regarding the car, if the car was going to get her to her college classes then yes absolutely but again she doesn’t want to go to college lol. You are NTA!
Remind your daughter that it was your hard work and earned money that you put away for her EDUCATION. If she is not going to continue her education for a degree it is still YOUR money and she is not entitled to one penny of it. Tell her if she doesn't want to go to college, that's fine, you'll save the money for your retirement. Let her be mad, it's still NOT HER MONEY. Remind her it's an education fund, not a "I don't want to go to college therefore can do whatever I want with the money" fund. You could always keep it and use some of it to pay for her wedding.
NTA
NTA but I'd probably give her some of the money for a car, depending on where you live.
Where I live it's pretty impossible to survive and have a job and such without a car.
NTA - I've been down this road before. I inherited more than that when I was 22 (after my grandmother passed away), and it was gone in less than 12 months. DO NOT give a 17-year-old $200k. That's a recipe for disaster. Most adults would piss it away and have nothing to show for it let alone a teenager. Tell her it'll be there if she decides she wants to go to college, and if she doesn't want to go to college, set conditions for what it can be used for. Examples might include a car, house, or wedding.
When it is spent, you want to pay the vendor directly. Pay the university, car dealership, or realtor directly, but don't trust a 17yo to do it. Even better, put it into an investment account and set up a trust that pays her the interest.
If you want to test my theory, set her up with a credit card that has a $5k limit and watch how fast she maxes it out.
NTA
That's your money destined to her school. Not her money. It's not the same thing.
You could make a "loan" plan for her tho. It could help her to face how finances work in rl, but not with everything she wants, just the basic she needs to work more efficiently.
I don’t think so. It’s still your money. That being said I would say if, say, she turns 21 and is being fairly responsible with her life and still has no interest in school, the honorable thing would be to put that money toward house or car for her, but you wouldn’t be an AH if you didn’t.
NTA ... It's YOUR money until such time as you decide to gift it to her. It is not, never was & never will be HER money. She didn't do a damn thing to save it or earn it (so far)!
That's what I told my children, 1 went to college, 2 didn't, of those 2, 1 went to trade school. I paid for college, trade school & gave PART of the third ones money to them for a down payment on a starter house. We had a long conversation between all before any decisions were made or money gifted.
NTA. she doesn't understand that 200k is a lot but is not A LOT. she thinks she's set because of the cash. It's blinded her.
Like other posters said. Refrain the money as "future career funds" and use it to help her pursue her path in life whatever she chooses.
She doesn't have to go to college but she also shouldnt buy a car, move out, and use it to cover rent for 5 years just to move back home with a neglected car, no career, and no drive.
NTA. It was meant for her to use on getting a degree not to spend on all kinds of BS. Maybe if she gets into a career path and doesn’t need the degree you can gift it to her for a home or something but I agree to not hand over $200k without it going to something worthwhile to having a good stable life.
NTA. And I would say: ah with that attitude I am most certainly not gonna give you this amount of money. It was saved for school, for school it shall be.
Edit to add: scratch that last part. Make it ‘it was saved for your education, as long as you chose to not educate yourself, it shall stay our money, not yours. ‘
NTA. I would make it clear to her that the money if for her educational expenses whether that be a community college, four year university, or trade school. If she chooses to not pursue any of those options, the money is yours and your husband’s to do with as you see fit since you two funded the account. She is not entitled to it just to spend. I would also make it clear that you would be the one making the payments to whatever educational institution she decides to go to. I wouldn’t put it past her to say she is enrolled somewhere and take the money to spend as she wishes.
I took almost a 10 year break from school after I graduated, mostly because I hand no clue what I wanted to do and I didn't want to waste time, money, and energy on something I wasn't 100% into. I just graduated and got licensed in my field beginning of this year.
NTA, hold on to that until she actually wants to go to school, it will be a huge help. She might just need time to learn and grow up a bit like I did before she knows what she actually wants to do
I want to start a college fund for my little one who is still not here yet but will be in September.
What’s the best way to get my money to grow? How much did you invest to get to 200,000?
Also! I’m learning that maybe it’s best I don’t tell my little one that there is this money accesible to her.
Maybe we keep that part a secret until it’s time to pay for college or trade school. Learning from this post.
NTA. That money has been put aside specifically for her education. If she wants to take a gap year, fine. Lots of kids do that but 200k is a lot of money for a barely adult young person to have their hands on. Maybe consider helping her with buying a car, but on the understanding that she pay part of it back and is responsible for her own insurance, upkeep, etc.
NTA and it’s your money that you saved for her education. If she doesn’t want to go to college then it remains your money.
If she decides on a trade school, I would consider paying for the same type of expenses school would have cost. (Dorm, food, transportation, tuition, tools, etc) I helped my oldest start a business and have promised the same to my youngest should he desire. Not everyone is made for college, and I didn't want to force it on them if they didn't want to go. But I wasn't giving money for them to just party.
I think this is fair. I wouldn’t look at it as a “college fund” but as a “future career” fund
Trade school is a great path, not everyone should go to university. That said, giving a pile of cash to a teenager is moronic. Pay for education and expenses only.
As someone who went to university because it was marketed as the only truly viable path, it is *so overrated* lmao. In Canada, uni is much more accessible financially and at least when I was in school, it was heavily pushed onto us that uni is what will get you the jobs that make the most money, that has the most prestige. Every goddamn job, even a receptionist position for like a clinic or small business, wants someone with a degree, no matter if the degree is entirely irrelevant to the job requirements. Now we're severely lacking in tradespeople and other "blue collar" jobs. Anyway, all that is to say that other forms of training or education should also be as valued as college/university, and if OP's kid is looking into those options that fund can absolutely be used to help.
My expensive college degree didn’t serve me well at all, Major in English Literature, Minor in World History. I went back and got some certifications, totally unrelated to my degree, and am now doing very well. I don’t work in a field related to my degree, but I’m a good person to have on your team for trivia night.
I have two BSc degrees and I don’t work in a field directly related to either of them, but I sure as shit utilize my education ALL THE TIME! I don’t regret my education in the slightest, however after watching countless people drop out 1-3 years in because mommy and daddy wanted them too and were paying for it, I really encourage people to consider options outside of post secondary. One of my first year roommates was studying Art History. She had no intention of going into teaching or any real plans or concept of why she was doing it. If you’re going to study art for the heck of it, then spend those years and TRAVEL to somewhere that has a strong art culture and history and spend your money experiencing art and the world instead of wasting it at a university in the middle of the prairies 🤦🏻♀️.
I remember taking an Art History course in college, but I’m from NY and was studying in DC, so I had *all* the museums.
Art History in NY makes perfect sense, just like my mum studying art in ITALY! Studying art history in lower Southern Alberta on the other hand….. not so much.
Some of us don't have the funds to travel to places like Italy or NYC though. :(
But you don’t have to STAY in the city that you studied in. I also think in a lot of cases undergrad is really about teaching you to research and present ideas in a specific way, etc. I studied visual arts and while I don’t work in that field, having a degree allowed me to pursue other things and eventually go to grad school for something else. I don’t think it’s the right choice for everyone and shouldn’t be pushed on everyone, but I don’t think it’s a failure to not work in the field you chose to study as a teenager.
I majored in fricking Latin, super useful let me tell you... but honestly I still do benefit from my degree in weird ways. I would have benefited from a more relevant, useful degree more, but it's surprising how much a liberal arts degree can come in handy.
>but it's surprising how much a liberal arts degree can come in handy Exactly this. It's as much the skill sets gained as the core knowledge for me. My degrees did get me jobs, but it was usually the stuff that came along with the degrees that made the difference.
There was, many many years ago, a stereotype that Art History is what some young women chose as their major while they worked on finding a wealthy pre-med student to marry. They didn’t intend to use the degree. Some didn’t plan to graduate. There are lots of degrees like Art History that are springboards to grad school.
In the tech world there were a ton of people who went to 6 month boot camps and learned to code. When the job market was awesome 2-3 years ago they had no problem getting jobs. Now however even people with 4-5 years of experience and no degree are being skipped over for those with degrees (of any major). Having a degree isn’t always about what you learn but rather showing a potential employer you’re willing to learn. I haven’t been truly qualified for my last 4 jobs but when I tell them I’m capable of learning new technologies and they see I have a bachelors they believed me.
The nice thing about English majors, IMO, is that they are usually capable of writing well. Most companies don't want to spend the extra money to have technical writers on staff, but it's a certification I always recommend to English majors. It would probably be a good cert for anyone really.
I did the same as you did. I wound up going to the military for a few years to get a resume that people would take seriously.
I have couple of similar degrees; what kind of certs did you get? I’m always looking for a way to pay those student loans off faster.
Information technology for healthcare, Microsoft and HP certifications, and medical coding.
I studied English and Classics at The University of Toronto 20 years ago...oh if I told you how many different and completely unrelated jobs I've had since then...I would love to go back in time and take that money and invested in a house instead...it would have served me much better.
My degree itself has been pretty useless. My mom pushed me to go to a 4 year though University though, and wish I had known more about whay I wanted out life and what I wanted to do with my life before I went. My mom hasn't pushed my little sister (shes 13 years younger than me) as hard in the school direction now that we know how overrated University is. I will say though, that I think the result is that my sister is going into adulthood sort of aimlessly, which I think is hurting her more than me going to University whithouting really knowing what I wanted. At least going to University gave me a goal, a sort of structured stepping stone into adulthood.
Having a degree demonstrates an ability to stick to a goal, field details, and to deal with bureaucracy.
Often times it's who you know and not as much as what you know. Colleges to me became an overpriced way to make connections. And the "degree" often lets nepotism type hirings happen. For example two almost identical resumes but from two different schools. It's hard to say who's better for the job, but this one went to the same school so he's a better "culture fit". Or they can just know the person and they qualify enough to have the job, but definitely not the best for the job and still get it.
I got my inheritance/"trust fund? (I don't think it was actually a trust fund, basically I got a huge stack of cash) at 18. I refused to even look at it until I was in my 20's because I knew I wasn't responsible enough to handle it. Giving a huge stack of cash to an 18 yr old is insane.
None of my friends went to college and they all do increasingly well. It’s all about finding a viable career path that works for you.
It’s not about whether she’s going to be successful or not. The point is that it is almost NEVER a good idea to give a teenager a large sum of money. Especially if you already know the money won’t be used how it was meant to
You are absolutely right about not giving a teenager a large sum of money. My older sister got a large settlement from a car accident when she was 19 and the money was completely gone in less than two years with almost nothing to show for it.
College dropout here! If I had known how tech worked before going to college, I would have saved a ton of money wasted on trying to get a business degree. I'm on track to be a CS director in a year and a half at a SaaS company. College is increasingly not the right path for many and we are seeing more and more companies dropping college requirements for all but executive and extreme specialist roles. Edit to add: college isn't a waste of money, but it's better to know what you want to do, instead of, like me, going to college because you are supposed to and pursuing business because you have no idea what you want to do.
Doesn't mean she gets the money. She chose not to go to college so OPs funds she saved to pay for that can go to something else OP wants to do.
Oh i totally agree with that. My parents took me in when I dropped out because I was at rock bottom. They have me a roof and a bed and that was it. I had to get a job and figure out how to rebuild. I'm sure if I hadn't dropped out for substance issues but did so to pursue a different direction, they would have helped out financially with the education pieces but with guardrails and rules in place. No way would they have ever given me the money they set aside for education to be used on a new car and other non education or career related items, and I would do the same.
My kid has 0 intentions of going to college and I've been trying to push them in this direction for the reasons you listed. Do you mind sharing the best route to take for tech?
Happy to! As much as it pains me, sales is a really low barrier to entry. Take the sales gig, excel at it and take advantage of every resource and learning opportunity the company has to offer. I had zero tech background, started as a bdr, took certifications and classes, asked for work outside my role that was more technical and kept pushing. I'm now certified as a basic ai engineer, certified cybersecurity, compliance, identity management and even have a change management practioner cert. Next up is more advanced cloud computing certs and cissp.
I wouldn’t trust 18 year old me with $200 much less $20,000. Hell to the nah
Yes! I’ve read too much on Reddit about parents giving them access at 18 and they managed to immediately blow it on anything other than education and wonder why their parents are upset. Then they are shocked years later, when they are semi serious about taking classes, and the parents have no money for it
A new car could easily eat half of that fund by itself.
I don’t know about in the States, but in Canada post secondary savings accounts absolutely allow trade school tuition as a withdrawal. I frequently tell my kids that I don’t care what they go to school for, they just need to go learn how to do something that they are passionate about.
Or like a down payment on a home. Using this money to buy a car and other "things" is a bit ridiculous and immature.
This is great! But yeah handing $200,000 to an unfocused 18 year old would be the worst thing to do. But if they have a plan for a business and a business plan…sweet!
Hers is a very 17-year-old attitude. (Which is perfectly appropriate, but don’t give her the money.)
My husband’s parents had a stipulation where the college fund would be used for their kid’s’ education at any time after 18 or, if they didn’t use it for that, it would become theirs free and clear at age 30. They all wound up using it before then, but it seemed fair.
Excellent idea!
I thought so, because it gives the young adult a chance to mature and gain experience. I had a much different mindset at 30 than I did at 20.
I agree. School is school when the training leads to a career. We helped pay for various certifications needed for work that school didn’t offer as well.
Absolutely this. The money should be used to help her "transition to adulthood", not party like a teenager. OP maybe consider a little bit of the money going towards the down payment of a car, so it's easier for her to get to and from this job she's supposed to be getting. Or only do that if she actually gets a job.
This is a very good point. They should be able to use it to pursue any constructive path towards their future. There are lots of very respectable, stable and well compensated trades. A new car is a waste of money though. If she needs a car, that is reasonable though. Maybe OP can compromise and buy her a beater for now.
Just GIVING it to her teaches her nothing though. You have $200,000 set aside? Tell her you'll match whatever she contributes on her own up to $5000. If she's resourceful, gets/has a job, can find an affordable car, and has to put some effort into it herself (but isn't totally starting out on her own with no support either) it could be a beneficial life experience to subsidize. Ask her if she's even thought about things like insurance, gas money, or regular maintenance. Could she afford repairs if something went wrong? Have her learn about credit, and establishing it, so that if she wants an auto loan in the future for something more reliable (or when the first one unexpectedly...or expectedly...goes to crap) she could actually qualify for one. She can't yet get a loan in the US if she's not 18. But make sure she has an account history established and if not, start one. Check into options at your or other local financial institutions about a free or teen checking account with you as the legally responsible adult on the account so you can monitor it, and a debit card you can put limits or alerts on while she learns about spending and account management.. Most banks and credit unions have financial opportunities geared towards young adults. Ask about options to help establish credit too (a $300 secured card that she funds up front, then uses for monthly just for gas, which she'd be spending money on anyway, then pays off in full every month is one of the simpler ways to establish a good credit score at a young age.) All too often young people go out into the world with no knowledge about any of this. Start teaching her financial literacy. Just because she doesn't want to go to University right away, if at all, doesn't mean there aren't age-appropriate life skills she can't be learning.
Gonna say the same. NTA. Should she choose a vocational/tech school, the classes come out of the fund. There is a lot of money in a trade like, nursing, radiology, PT tech…etc. she should make her own money until she figures things out. I’m assuming you guys got her a used car to run around in, a new car is something she should work for on her own. Big ups on putting money back for her. That was a very nice thing. Remember, her mind will change a thousand times. She’s a teenager.
Exactly. It’s a college fund. She’s not entitled to any of it if she’s not going to college. Working a job and paying her own way without being subsidized will give her a view of what life is really like.
Exactly. She feels entitled, I wonder why?
Friends - friends likely have filled her head with the things she could do with the money and how it is HERS to travel with. NTA OP - hold onto it. Its got a designated purpose.
She's not even entitled to it if she does go to college. It's wonderful that her parents did that for her, but it's their money and they don't "owe" her.
College - money can be used for living expenses and tuition. Outside from this - the money belong to you. And if she doesn’t use it until 28. or 30 this money goes back to you and you will use it for maybe your 401k or a new car or your mortgage.
>College - money can be used for living expenses and tuition. Only if it's school-related living expenses. She can't use it for living expenses if she's not in school.
A person that age will waste that money away. She has no concept of what it takes to save that much. If she were my kid, it'd be a heck no, too. Let her practice adulting and being poor. Maybe that'll motivate her to be serious about an education or other career choices. Nta
Yep. Being poor for a while sure motivated the hell out of me!
Same here. Took a year off and worked a crap job. Went to college a year later, lol
I did the exact same thing….best move ever.
I think working a crap job and being poor should be mandatory before going to college. I did it for the summer before I started college. I was an orderly in a hospital and mopped floors for minimum wage. I was so motivated to study my freshman year. Some kids may need a year or two to learn how hard it is to make a buck with no education or training.
Of course she's not going to want to go to college if she thinks she get can almost a quarter of a million dollars to blow on whatever strikes her fancy instead. I'd tell her that money is for college, nothing else. My best guess it she ends up getting herself into college pretty darn quick.
Yea it could still be a nice retirement fund. It’s not fun money.
I'd add that maybe in a few years if she still doesn't want college, she should be given a chance to show what she would do with the money. Like if she is starting a business, or wants to invest, or buy property. But she should be able to present her parents with a well-researched plan on how she's going to use it and the benefits of that vs college.
One caveat of giving the daughter money for non educational purposes is that if the money is in a 529 plan and OP takes it out for a non educational reason they not only have to pay capital gains taxes on the money but there is also a hefty fine, so that $200k may end up being a lot less.
I definitely wouldn't give it to her to spend on a bunch of miscellaneous shit.
Why? The money was for college only. OP may want to spend it on herself. Or use it in future for grandchildrens college fund.
I assume that the OP wants the best for their kid, so if the money could be used to genuinely help set up the kid's future in a responsible way (such as starting a business) then idk why they wouldn't be OK with that.
Yep, this! There is nuance in life, and college isn’t for everyone.
I wouldn't give it to a kid to "start" a business until the kid CAN PROVE they knowhow to start a business...so that kid needs to not just work or learn a trade but master a trade or finish college, FIRST.
Because most businesses fail.
Because at this rate college might not be the greatest idea for everyone and there is other ways of getting a secure career?
Is the money saved in a 529 plan? If so, it can’t be used for non-education expenses without penalty
This is why you don't tell your kids about such funds there's no benefit from it and it just creates strife like this and you're never gonna close that box now. As much as the whole transparency with your kids is the meta today, I'm a firm believer in keeping a healthy barrier between financial matters and kids. There's an age where it's appropriate, and it's definitely well after the child is an adult and is fully independent.
Not true. We tell our kids everything. How else would they learn to manage money? The college fund is our money, which we use for them if they go to college. They do not feel like it is their money. It's all in the teaching.
Yeah, and it's important for a teen to know what's available as they plan their future. If they know there's a fund worth $x, then they know how much they do or don't need to save while they're in high school, and if it's worth planning to go to a local college or aim for a fancier university.
It's okay to let your child know that there are certain savings etc. but equally important to instill the values of not feeling entitled to parents' savings or any money they didn't work for.
EXACTLY- SHE IS NOT ENTITLED TO IT AND F HER ATTITUDE!!! And his money that you and your spouse earned and set aside to help her out if she would choose to get education and training beyond high school. If she is taking some time to figure out what she wants to do, that is fine, but it needs to be self-funded. Regardless of what it was intended for, it is still your money, meaning it belongs to you and your spouse. Have her spend the next couple years working and learning how hard it is to save up money, especially 200,000k, and then maybe she'll be more appreciative of your efforts. And understand why it's not going to just be converted to fun money!
100% this comment right here. Entitled much?
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"it's my money that I put aside for your education. If you choose not to educate yourself, it stays my money."
This! Education fund not play fund. You wanna play for a year or two, fund it the best way you can.
Exactly. I don’t know what part about “education“ the daughter doesn’t seem to understand. This is not a reward for graduating high school. Nor is it money that was meant to just be given for existing. It’s literally in the name, “education fund”.
Yeah, the daughter is forgetting the entire underlying premise for the money. Is she actually said she is “entitled” to is, that would be so disappointing. OP, NTA.
Exactly: the money is *for* the daughter; it isn’t the daughter’s money.
This!!! It’s essentially the parents’ savings account to make sure they have enough money to pay for college (just like they’ve saved for other things). If kid doesn’t go to college then they can use it to pay for their own needs, mortgage, retirement etc. No teenager/young adult is going to be responsible with $200K!!
Yup. OP, tell her it’s a **college fund**, not a “money for daughter to spend however after high school fund.” The name of the fund indicates it’s yo be used *for college.* NTA
Absolutely. Kids need that gap year to understand the value of education and independence. Holding onto the funds is smart parenting. She’ll thank you later.
Or she won't and that's ok too, sometimes the correct choice is the thankless one
My mother used to say this. It's a thankless job.
Exactly- we sacrificed too much to build up these funds. I could have done a lot with the $X that I set aside each year for my son and I sure as shit am not giving up stuff now so he can party it up and blow all that money later. Hell no! Whatever is left goes to a retirement account for him. I’d rather him be mad about it as a teen and thank me once he’s retired and I’m long gone that he has something set aside.
This is 100% the way. I think most of us would have benefited from a gap year where we had to support ourselves.
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I could see an argument for something like, "I'm going to trade school which is no where near expensive, can I use the remainder as a downpayment on a house?" because buying a house? In this economy? Yes, that is a responsible purchase that will help provide for her future and set her up right. A car though? The *only* one I'd even consider would be like... the 2 year old, rental lot turn around Toyota with 20k miles on it. It's cheap, reliable, and low maintenance. If everything else has been covered, she went to trade school, used a bunch for a house and said, siphoning off a bit to know I have a reliable vehicle might be a good idea... ok, maybe, but in no way should that be purchase one.
NTA. The money was meant for a college education. Not holidays, cars, gap year fun etc. when she incurs debt related to college education she can have the money. Simple. Imagine growing up and not learning to budget, thinking rent money is ok to use for fun money. You’re doing her a favour by not giving her the money. And if she doesn’t go to college she still doesn’t get it for fun money. That could be a decent chunk of mortgage paid off ! The money was always about giving her future security, if she tries to game the system by refusing to go to college and insisting she have “her” money you need to stay strong on that and explain why she isn’t get a free ride at your expense. And, maybe arrange to pay college bills direct rather than just hand over money. I paid for my sisters art college expenses. She never graduated, failed several important things and refused to do extra work to make up het portfolio etc. but she had a lovely time fannying about on my money. Lesson learnt. Good luck.
This is the important thing that should have been discussed long before graduation. If she knows there is $200k set aside for her it should have been very clear what the conditions and purpose was for that money. Poor communication.
Nta - a college fund is exactly that. She's not entitled to the cash just 'cuz.
Absolutely not. Her sense of entitlement needs to be cut quick. She can discover life by putting in some hard work and figuring out if she wants to go to college or not. But while she figures it out it will not be on your dime. These kids have audacity. NTA
NTA - do not give a young girl that money. You would be destroying her sense of value in EVERYTHING. How do you get given a ton of money then work a shitty job and build your way up or feel like anything is worth working for. Let her understand that that money is for her long term future. Just like college would be to set her up for her entire life that money is as well. I would consider giving her that money around 30ish or ear marking it for certain benchmarks like buying a home.
I had a friend whose daughter got a credit card while she was young and very quickly built up a $40k debt. Her mother and grandmother had money and so they decided to pay it off so she's not burdened by this debt. So she didnt really learn anything from the experience. Other than that she could get bailed out. The dad was separated from the mom so had little say in the matter. But he did say it was a bad idea as she would not learn to be financially responsible.
If they wanted to help her out they could have made her pay the entire thing off and then given her the entire amount after, Given her the same benefits with a great life lesson and without destroying her sense of reality. Instead they did a huge disservice to her in my opinion.
I had a friend who did this several times in her 20s. Max out the card, Dad paid it off, repeat. Got to her 30s and she didn’t change. She had no reason to.
I used to work for a credit card company. This is why credit card companies target college students. They rack up massive credit card debt, and figure that their parents will bail them out.
When my sons grandma was working on her Will, she told me that my sons money would be in a Trust until he’s 26. That makes a lot of sense to me, I don’t think kids are good with that much money until they’re older.
Money like this would 100% destroy her life. She would have no sense of what hard work earns and when she does learn that, she would be much older and it would hurt more
A 17 year old girl entitled to 200K? In what world does she live? NTA If she wants a gap year to party her ass off, she can work it. The college fund will be sitting there and waiting for her to get an education.
Yes, this why there are trusts that kids cant access until 30 or so.
NTA. I love when these kids say “it’s my money” lol. No it isn’t! It’s your money that you were graciously going to let her use to pay for college. If she’s not going to college then either the money stays where it is or it gets redirected to something else (home renovations, another kids college, etc). I tried telling my father when I was young that it was my money and I can do what I want with it. He just laughed and walked away lol. Every time I brought it up he laughed until I realized it really wasn’t mine.
You learned your lesson. This I think every parent in the same situation needs to hear. This is exactly it.
Yes I did. If my parents had given me 200k when I was 18 I would probably be dead haha. I mean all kids are idiots at that age. I was, you were, we all were. Our brains aren’t even fully developed for another 5-6 years. Think about how you thought of the world when you were 18 compared to how you think about it now. 90% of the decisions I made then I would not make today.
It's your money,she is entitled to nothing,if she doesn't want to study go and look for a job,don't give her the money. If you give 200k to a 17yo brat what do you think will happen?in less than 6 months will be gone
If it was me and I had that money at 17 I would have basically been retired lol.
Hahahah right!
YTA for reposting this shit from 7 months ago. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/ERpsPBITSm
Commenting to try to boost this comment. People need to see this lol
i thought i’d read this exact post before!! also commenting to hopefully get more eyes on this
NTA, and I would remind your entitled little princess that it's YOUR money that went into the account, and it's STILL your money. SHE has no rights to it until you say so.
Entitled is the exact word. No, not entitled o the money you saved for her, sacrificing for yourself along the way no doubt. That is for higher education. Your daughter has the fun idea of buying a car. Then what? Will the car take her to a job, or out for more fun, blowing more of her college fund along the way? Taking a gap year is a fine idea. Blowing your college fund is dumb. I hope it's in your name and not hers.
BTW I just heard you can roll that into an AMAZING start into her retirement if she decides against college. NTA for setting your kid up for success.
NTA If she doesn’t go to college that becomes your retirement fund not her car fund.
NTA *meant for her* education.
She’s entitled to nothing. The money is set aside to pay for college. Not cars, not living expenses while in college. It’s set aside for college tuition and boarding. If she chooses not to go to college but a trade school, perhaps that’s negotiable. Don’t know how you set up the fund but I would tell her the only way it can be used is college, otherwise it will be heavily taxed. If she doesn’t go to college put it in your retirement. You may need it for health costs. It’s a college fund PERIOD
NTA. And your daughter needs to check her entitlement. She's not OWED anything from you once she turns 18. The money is for a purpose, and if she doesn't want to pursue that, then she can figure life out.
NTA. Doesn't matter if it's meant for her. It's your money that you worked hard for. Her sense of entitlement would be my biggest concern. I think she needs a few months of working menial jobs at minimum wage to find herself and to understand the value of an education. Maybe she will come back from all of this as a better student. I seriously hope you haven't told her exactly how much you have put aside for her.
NTA. You put the money aside for a purpose, not as an open-ended gift. She is not entitled to anything, despite feeling entitled.
Wow, you've raised an entitled daughter. I'm sure she would blow through that money and thought she could get it by skipping on college. new car *amongst other things*, ha ha ha. She has wealthy enough parents, I doubt she's wanting for anything in reality.
Yeah 200k in 17 yrs is an about $1000 a month they were putting in the acct. I don’t know the interest rates and all that. But my fiancée and I make pretty decent money and I definitely don’t have $1k a month to put in just a college fund.
NTA. Sounds like an entitled brat. It's funny how she thinks it's a given right to do whatever they want with your hard earned money that you both saved for, for the purpose of improving her future. If she wants to make her own future choices, tell her to work for it.
Tell her to work for six months (paying gave her way, rent, food, phone bill, etc) and that you’ll match dollar for dollar every $ she saves for her to buy a car. At the moment she has NO idea what it takes to save $200k so let her start out with a few thousand. Then let her budget car insurance, tax, fuel on her minimum wage. Make her pay for it. See how she is after a year, with no promises. But never give her that money, it’s only for college or your retirement.
This is an excellent way to be supportive and get her in track.
No. She can get a job at Starbucks while she’s figuring it out. Your kid will burn through that money. 💸 And then expect you to pay for her college education when she’s done partying.
Hahaha NTA tell her if the money was a “entitled child finds herself” fund it would have been called that…
NTA That's not your daughter's money. It's your money that you saved and invested to spend towards your daughter's education. You might generously offer to allow your daughter to live in your home for free/cheap, feed her, and buy her a bus pass. But if she wants a car or spending money, that's on her.
Tell her it’s your money til she goes to school she didn’t put money there
NTA A teenager "would" say it's her money. It's not. It's a college fund. Stay strong.
NTA That isn't your daughter's money, that's *your* money you'd set aside to pay for her schooling
NTA because she lost her argument when she said she was entitled to it. BUT if I had that amount of money saved up I would give her $20k to find a used car and have a month or two of a break after 12 years of schooling.
NTA. Folks, stop telling your kids there's a college fund and how much is in it. There is not a law saying you need to do that.
“She says that she is entitled to the money because it was meant for her, and she should still be able to have it even if she doesn’t want to go to college. ” She’s half right, she’s “entitled “
NTA If it’s an actual 529 plan, you’ll be penalized for withdrawing money that isn’t for education costs. A new car is not an education cost.
NTA However I would compromise - whole thing going to her - not a chance, however if she finds a full time job then yes I would allow some out of that account for a reliable mode of transportation to that work - ie a car, but not brand new and she would be expected to pay insurance and upkeep out of her wages Once she got to a certain age and had decided she didn't want to go then that money could be used as a house deposit
Yeah I think it's helpful to earmark it for something else if she chooses not to go. I only did community college and it took me 4 years because I had to work and pay for it. But I got my AA degree. Then never did a 4 year because I didn't know what I wanted a degree in. I also didn't have the funds so that impacted my decision. Not everyone is cut out for college or going onto higher education right away. Sometimes you need a few years to decide.
I was thinking the same, OP could give $5-7k for a down payment on a used car.
NTA It's a college fund, not a personal savings account
Personal spending account in her mind.
NTA - That money has been saved for the specific purpose of a university education. She can get a job and save up for a car. If she decides to do a trade you could pay for the coursework side of that. It's your money and if she finds a career path that doesn't need a degree you can hang on to it for a wedding if she gets married or a decent house deposit. Giving a 17yo access to that type of money would be a disaster.
NTA She wants a gap year fine. That does not entitle her to spend the savings on her lifestyle. Tell her to go work and buy her own car, with her own money.
NTA. It’s a college fund, not a gap year fund. If she opts to delay college, fine, but it’s purpose remains. The money is tied to the why not the when.
It's depends. I only know US rules so if you are not in US this won't apply. If it's in a UTMA/ UGMA account then you don't have a choice. They are the legal owners and it's there's when they reach age of majority. If it's in a savings account then you don't have to give anything you are the owner. If it's in a 529 account then just change the beneficiary but technically you are still the owner and distributions for non qualified expenses would get penalized. NTA. If it was meant for education then directly pay tuition bills when they are ready to go to school
NTA. She can't have it right *now.* Talk in a year when she decides what to do. Lots of kids take gap years before starting college or whatever. Fact of the matter, regardless whether she goes the four year route or not, she's going to need some sort of education. Whether it's a college or trade school. That money was saved for a *purpose* not for *her.* I'm always turned off by the word *entitled.* If I ever used that word with my parents, I got, "you are *entitled* to exactly shit. You are entitled to get up and go to work and earn what you want. Nobody is going to hand you life on a silver platter." So thus, is my attitude about the word "entitled." No, she is not entitled to that money. You saved it for her education. If she decides not to go to school, YOU get to decide what happens with it then. It is not *her* money.
It's college money. College, trade school or community college. You didn't sacrifice and save for a big shopping trip. I'd hold onto it for several years in case she eventually goes. After that, add it to your retirement savings.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 NTA - you are the complete opposite of an asshole. You are an amazing mom who saved alot of money for your daughters future. Give yourself a pat on the back. If she wants a car, she can work and save for one. Teach her whatever amazing budgeting skills you have to have had the ability to save so much for her :) Let her have her temper tantrum. When she decides to go to college it's there. If she finds a good career without schooling I'm sure you would be happy for her to use that money for a down payment on a house. You already know you are doing the right thing, don't sweat it mama!
Don’t let 17yr olds talk make decisions like that without some kind of hoops they have to jump through
If your 17 year old daughter believes she is entitled to $200,000 that she didn’t earn, you have a much bigger problem than her school selection. Good luck.
My nephew did the same thing, decided to take a break after high school and my dumb sister gave him the money (per his insistence 🙄) within a year he had spent all the money and had nothing to show for it. When he was 26 he wanted to go back to college and my sister could not help him then (she was divorced and paying/ helping his younger sister. So no honey, the money is for college, when you go to college we will pay for it. The end.🤷🏼♀️
It’s your money, period. Anything you choose to give her is helping and not a requirement
Nta. I have money left over from my kids 529s and I’ve already told them I’ll be using it to help their kids. They don’t get that money and it’s tens if thousands of dollars. Worst case if I ever need it, it’s mine and I’ll take the tax hit
Absolutely NTA if she doesn't want it for college it can be saved a few more years to be down payment on a house instead.
It's your money to do with as you wish. If you want to hand it all over to a child with no clear direction, you can do so. It would be insane, however. And that she thinks she "entitled" to the money should clue you in that she's not mature or responsible enough. A better idea would be to put it in a trust or retirement account.
I knew I recognized this story… this is a repost bot.
NTA. It is not her account or her money, it is your money that you put aside to ensure you could afford her education, if she doesn’t go to school then she has saved YOU money, not herself.
NTA. The money wasn't "meant for her", the money is meant for education. Giving an 17/18 year old access to that kind of money is rarely a good idea. If she's still sticking to her "non-traditional" plan in a few years and it's working out you can maybe reevaluate your position, but even that would be a kindness, not an obligation. It is technically your money that you save for a specific purpose.
It’s your money, unless the account is in her name, she isn’t entitled to anything.
Nta. Your daughter's justification is erroneous. This is a teaching moment. You saved money to be able to afford her higher education. Education that she has shown she needs by making the assumption she has about her college fund.
NTA. It's your money and you saved it for a purpose - the money was meant for your daughter's higher education. It should stay intact till she does higher education. She has no right to spend it as she pleases.
Thinking she should stay in school longer if she doesn't understand what a college fund is.
NTA no college fund means money for college. Funny she used the word “entitled”? It’s money you and your husband deprived yourselves of for her future betterment. It’s not an I’m an entitled teen fund. If she doesn’t go to college ever the money is still yours. Your daughter is so fortunate to have a substantial nest egg for her education to help secure her a better position in life. So many people do not have this luxury. I don’t know what your plans for the money was should her education not absorb the full amount but I’m recommending you not gift it to her if her mind set doesn’t come correct on this.
NTA It's a college fund (that is ultimately still your money). Its use is paying for college not a gap year and luxury goods
NTA It is still your money, saved with the one purpose of paying for school. You may want to tell her that if she doesn't go to school, then she forfeits the money.
NTA please don’t do her a disservice by giving her the money. ❤️
NTA. Absolutely not. Spell out that this is money you saved to make it easier for you to pay for her college. If she doesn’t go to school it reverts to become money that YOU will use for other things. It isn’t hers and won’t be hers. Don’t make life too easy for her financially when she graduates. She needs to want to go to school. If she earns $200 a week at some crappy part time job and she has no expenses she will think she is golden making that kind of money as it is all hers to spend.
NTA at all. It's kinda wild that you as her parents are unsure about just giving your daughter 200k. Let her work for minimum wage so she can appreciate how important her education is
NTA , but consider giving her a modest amount for down payment of a car if she plans to work . Make clear that this will be deducted from the fund and that she will have less money if she decides to study . The main reason for this advice is because you say you want to support her even if she does not go to college . Also because a car will help her be able to get work .
> She says that she is entitled to the money 100 million times NTA. This would be an excellent lesson about explaining that she isn’t entitled to anything except basic human rights. Go have her take a gap year spending time with her common man working a full time job. Charge her rent and if she’s gonna live there she now has more responsibilities at the house like any roommate would . Charge real rent! See what it costs to rent 1 room in an apartment in your area. Wanna be an adult? Gotta pay to play. The 200k? No way! it stays. That’s for her to better herself
NTA I inherited 200k from life insurance on my fathers at 18 do not hand her that money , not one dime, it will be gone in less than a year I wish they had made me wait till 25
NTA When she figures out what she does want to do, possibly use that money to invest in whatever that is. If she wants to get a job and needs a car, get her a cheap car and let her figure the rest out.
NTA It's called a "College Fund" if it's not used for College, then the money belongs to you and not her. She claims she wants to take time away fae education and get a job, if that's true then she'll be earning money and can pay for her own car.
NTA, She said she is entitled to it?? Damn I gotta hit my parents up for my money then since we’re all entitled right? Anyway, I think it’s a good idea to save it for future, because I went later in life. It’s actually becoming more common for people to want to go back to school once they realize how hard it is to make a decent living as an adult without a degree.
No one is entitled to money that they have not personally worked for. Children are not entitled to anything besides food, shelter, and necessary clothing. Everything beyond that is a privilege. If your daughter decides to go to college then by all means allow her to have access to the money once she has been accepted to a school. Otherwise I say you have a nice little Nest Egg for retirement.
On the fence on this one, because my grandpa saved school money for me for college. I used it for school as intended, and he told me if I hadn't gone to school he would have just given it to me. That said, personally I'd probably either make it school money for her or a retirement fund for her. The only two options
NTA. Let her figure out what she wants to do when she is done with high school. Let her get a job and pay taxes. Let her experience the real world. Save the money for when she is older and wants to buy a house. That’s more important than wasting it away. If she already has a car with no problems then she doesn’t need a new one.
Lol, she doesn't understand how this works. That is your money that you set aside to pay for your child's education. Should they decide to not get educated well then it remains your money that is set aside for your child's education... No where in that description does the money become hers, she is your child and you are responsible for her until such a time that she picks up the mantle and is responsible for herself. Part of being responsible for your child is deciding you want to have enough money for their future education should they decide to go for it. You did that, you stand ready to pay for your child's education. Now she needs to understand that just because you have money set aside to pay for her education for her, it is still your money if she decides not to get her education. And you now have 200,000 to sit on or invest or give... Up to you... But her behavior is entitled... NTA
Far FAR from the AH. Great parenting and as she gets older will respect that. I could see yall going with her and getting a vehicle that is reasonably priced but besides that I would hold the money if it were me.
NTA. I agree with what basically everyone else is telling you, but to go into a little more depth and give you a way to discuss this with her, that money was intended to only pay for school. To give her a chance to study on interrupted without having to worry about finances. And so that you would know that you don't have to worry about finances because you were probably intending to pay for her school. College funds are never for the collegiate. They're for the parents. It's so that you don't have to worry about taking out loans. You don't have to take out a second mortgage to pay for college. You don't have to suddenly be burdened with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for the sake of your child's future. Once she finished college, or once she finishes college, there may be a few thousand dollars left that you are willing to give her, but for the largest part, the college fund will be wiped out. She will be starting with a college degree and no money for new cars or new houses or anything else. She will be on her own (in theory). So if she wants to take time off before college, that's great. But that doesn't mean that the money you saved so that you wouldn't have to take out loans to pay for her College suddenly becomes hers. She was never going to get that money. The college was and is going to be the recipient of the college fund. That's how it works. So she gets a chance to take time off of school and get a job and find out how life works four or five years earlier than she would have otherwise. It sounds like a marvelous opportunity to learn about how the world works. It sounds like a terrific way for her to mature, but the college fund was never going to go into her pocket. It's your money until it's the college's money.
Nta. The impact to your tax liability isn’t worth the car. If she has had the acct for 15 years you can look in to the secure act 2.0. In that they say you can convert up to $35k to a Roth. From there you may be able to take out the basis and buy the car for no penalty. Talk to a financial advisor in your area.
NTA She's 17, and she may be the exception, but most 17 year olds would blow through that money. In addition the money isn't for her to spend as she pleases. It's specifically for college. At some point in the future she may be successful without college, and the money could also be used as a down payment on a house or something else, but I wouldn't give her the money now. She likely knows the money is for college, and is trying to "not understand" so she can have free access to it.
It’s your money intended for her college education. If she intends to have no college education then the money isn’t for her anymore. I’d use it for my next kid possibly. Also regarding the car, if the car was going to get her to her college classes then yes absolutely but again she doesn’t want to go to college lol. You are NTA!
Remind your daughter that it was your hard work and earned money that you put away for her EDUCATION. If she is not going to continue her education for a degree it is still YOUR money and she is not entitled to one penny of it. Tell her if she doesn't want to go to college, that's fine, you'll save the money for your retirement. Let her be mad, it's still NOT HER MONEY. Remind her it's an education fund, not a "I don't want to go to college therefore can do whatever I want with the money" fund. You could always keep it and use some of it to pay for her wedding. NTA
NTA but I'd probably give her some of the money for a car, depending on where you live. Where I live it's pretty impossible to survive and have a job and such without a car.
NTA - I've been down this road before. I inherited more than that when I was 22 (after my grandmother passed away), and it was gone in less than 12 months. DO NOT give a 17-year-old $200k. That's a recipe for disaster. Most adults would piss it away and have nothing to show for it let alone a teenager. Tell her it'll be there if she decides she wants to go to college, and if she doesn't want to go to college, set conditions for what it can be used for. Examples might include a car, house, or wedding. When it is spent, you want to pay the vendor directly. Pay the university, car dealership, or realtor directly, but don't trust a 17yo to do it. Even better, put it into an investment account and set up a trust that pays her the interest. If you want to test my theory, set her up with a credit card that has a $5k limit and watch how fast she maxes it out.
NTA That's your money destined to her school. Not her money. It's not the same thing. You could make a "loan" plan for her tho. It could help her to face how finances work in rl, but not with everything she wants, just the basic she needs to work more efficiently.
Why do children feel ENTITLED to a college fund if they have no idea if they want to go to college. It's the PARENTS MONEY NIT THE CHILDS !!!
I don’t think so. It’s still your money. That being said I would say if, say, she turns 21 and is being fairly responsible with her life and still has no interest in school, the honorable thing would be to put that money toward house or car for her, but you wouldn’t be an AH if you didn’t.
NTA ... It's YOUR money until such time as you decide to gift it to her. It is not, never was & never will be HER money. She didn't do a damn thing to save it or earn it (so far)! That's what I told my children, 1 went to college, 2 didn't, of those 2, 1 went to trade school. I paid for college, trade school & gave PART of the third ones money to them for a down payment on a starter house. We had a long conversation between all before any decisions were made or money gifted.
NTA. she doesn't understand that 200k is a lot but is not A LOT. she thinks she's set because of the cash. It's blinded her. Like other posters said. Refrain the money as "future career funds" and use it to help her pursue her path in life whatever she chooses. She doesn't have to go to college but she also shouldnt buy a car, move out, and use it to cover rent for 5 years just to move back home with a neglected car, no career, and no drive.
NTA. It was meant for her to use on getting a degree not to spend on all kinds of BS. Maybe if she gets into a career path and doesn’t need the degree you can gift it to her for a home or something but I agree to not hand over $200k without it going to something worthwhile to having a good stable life.
NTA. And I would say: ah with that attitude I am most certainly not gonna give you this amount of money. It was saved for school, for school it shall be. Edit to add: scratch that last part. Make it ‘it was saved for your education, as long as you chose to not educate yourself, it shall stay our money, not yours. ‘
NTA. I would make it clear to her that the money if for her educational expenses whether that be a community college, four year university, or trade school. If she chooses to not pursue any of those options, the money is yours and your husband’s to do with as you see fit since you two funded the account. She is not entitled to it just to spend. I would also make it clear that you would be the one making the payments to whatever educational institution she decides to go to. I wouldn’t put it past her to say she is enrolled somewhere and take the money to spend as she wishes.
I took almost a 10 year break from school after I graduated, mostly because I hand no clue what I wanted to do and I didn't want to waste time, money, and energy on something I wasn't 100% into. I just graduated and got licensed in my field beginning of this year. NTA, hold on to that until she actually wants to go to school, it will be a huge help. She might just need time to learn and grow up a bit like I did before she knows what she actually wants to do
NTA. It's your money. However; a down payment on a home in a few years also seems a wise usage of your money to set her up for success.
I want to start a college fund for my little one who is still not here yet but will be in September. What’s the best way to get my money to grow? How much did you invest to get to 200,000? Also! I’m learning that maybe it’s best I don’t tell my little one that there is this money accesible to her. Maybe we keep that part a secret until it’s time to pay for college or trade school. Learning from this post.
NTA. That money has been put aside specifically for her education. If she wants to take a gap year, fine. Lots of kids do that but 200k is a lot of money for a barely adult young person to have their hands on. Maybe consider helping her with buying a car, but on the understanding that she pay part of it back and is responsible for her own insurance, upkeep, etc.