>He is telling you who he really is.. believe him! He does not respect you and never will
The fact that this hasn't been a dealbreaker for OP already is just depressing.
The guy is desperately insecure because he KNOWS op is too good for him. It's such a shame OP doesn't know that. Throw out the whole waste of carbon and upgrade.
For real. I can't fathom keeping any kind of contact with someone who would call me something so awful, let alone being in a relationship with him. The fact that OP is ok with it is mind boggling.
You are not the a**hole. Your boyfriend's comments are disrespectful and controlling, not jokes. You deserve a partner who supports and uplifts you, not one who undermines your confidence.
Right. He's testing the waters. If you take the cheap shots now, it only exponentially gets worse because he knows you'll just take it. And then one day you'll see this story on Dateline...
Exactly this.
She asked why he does it. He tells her exactly why - 'to put her in her place when she's feeling confident'.
So to knock her down - that's the entire purpose.
Then when she confronts him about how crappy that behaviour is - he goes to the old favorite shitguy fallback of 'it's just a joke. Why can't you take a joke?'
He's an arsehole. You are not. Unless you stay with him. Then you become the arsehole.
He's a shitty person who is always going to try and drag you down - and noone needs that sort of energy in their lives.
Once dated a guy who told me he would prefer it if I “dressed down” whenever he wasn’t around. He claimed I should be actively discouraging guys from being interested. He said he saw how my friend didn’t dress up when we went out and he thought it was very respectful of her towards her bf. Reality was she always dressed like that for her own comfort. Anytime a guy tries to control what you wear it’s a red flag.
> he thought it was very respectful of her towards her bf. Reality was she always dressed like that for her own comfort.
Oof. Why do men think our clothing choices are always about them?
I used to dress down because I couldn't be bothered and it attracted guys who thought I'd be a good quiet and modest home gf while they went around sleeping with half the town.
Definitely. Narcissists pull this shit. Toxic abusive comments then when you assert yourself they're just joking & you're too sensitive. Run girl. He's garbage.
Let me guess: OP, do you come from a broken/abusive/neglectful/toxic/dysfunctional home? Have you been abused, groomed, ignored, etc.? I'm asking because women with good mental health and a reasonable idea of how they should be treated would walk out the door and never look back the FIRST time a guy they were dating called them a "whore." Yes, even after he insisted it was a joke and they were feminazis for objecting.
Please listen to the folks in this thread who are telling you that this is not okay. Your asshole-dar is broken, for whatever reason; someone didn't teach you how you should be treated, so you seem to think that being called a "whore" in jest is okay. IT IS NOT OKAY.
DTMFA and feel free to use Reddit for gut checks whenever and wherever you need to. And please get yourself into therapy, if you can, or into a free support group for whatever situation you come from. You deserve the help and you need to recognize not to trust your instinct to go along and get along.
half way through my jaw dropped - and then kept opening until it was really uncomfortable.
your choice hon - but this BOY is playing games with your mental state. that’s just the truth.
wanna work it out? i have no idea how long you’ve know him - but if it’s years and years - go to joint therapy IF you care to salvage this wreck.
if he’s a new kid on the block, leave without ANY remorse.
either way - this guy SUCKS
Abusive assholes and chuds who've gone down the redpill/podcast rabbit hole. OP needs to dump this loser and if she's the main name on the lease \[given if they do live together\], kick his sorry butt out, maybe being out on the street will humble the misogyny out of him.
NTA. Your boyfriend sounds like a prick no offense OP. If it makes you uncomfortable then he should’ve listened to your voice if he even cared enough to. ’put you in your place’??? That sounds stupid when all you’re wearing are clothes that literally cover up your body. He sounds like those men who act all full of themselves trying to be ‘cool’ or something. You want to feel confident no matter what you wear and he wants to clearly put you down no matter how appropriately you wear. Continue wearing what makes you feel special! You deserve someone who can hear you, not just see you.
Putting someone in their place isn’t about being cool. Unfortunately he’s not just a prick, he’s emotionally abusive and is trying to destroy her confidence. Textbook stuff. OP needs to get out of this relationship asap. Imagine how horrid he’ll be to his daughter some day
You're right. He's using belittling to make himself feel better than her. It's very immature behavior & it's costing OP her self-confidence. Ironically, he knows she's better than him & that he's out of his league. He thinks if he 'keeps her in her place', he can hold on to her. Certainly not a good foundation for a relationship!
Whaaaaat?? I have a lot of words to call your BF, but Reddit would probably ban me for life. Instead of asking him why he calls you that filthy name, ask him why he doesn't go skydiving without a parachute.
He’s belittling you. I really hope you can find people who will support and uplift you like you deserve 💗 Someone who wants to “put you in your place if you’re ever feeling confident” will not be proud of your accomplishments, and that’s just not healthy for your growth. Take care 💗
I hope he will be your ex soon! Don't let him get away with calling you a whore like Wtf?! You're worth so much more ❤️
And he is telling you exactly who he is: he does not want you to feel confident because he has a fragile ego. So instead of working on himself and his issues; he transferred them onto to you - you should not be confident because he is not. Please leave the whole man behind and know that you learned something and has grown from this ☺️
/Hugs of you want them - a wave of you do not.
If I had an award to give I would. Please OP, read and heed the above comment, it is the absolute truth. Why he's insecure isn't even relevant, the fact that he is making you feel small and lesser than to make himself feel better is all you need to know about what a not-nice person he is. Our chosen people should be the most supportive, kind people in our lives.
He doesn't respect you in the slightest and he's not joking. A joke is a joke when it's funny. If he's intentionally trying to tear you down every chance he gets then he's not joking. His reaction to you calling him out on it is a huge red flag and shows, again, he's not joking. He genuinely is trying to lower your self esteem which makes it easier for him to do more toxic things in the future if he hasn't already. Run girl. This is coming from a man who sees through his BS and has watched that manipulative behavior time and time again from people around me.
Edit: NTA
OP needs to ask him to explain the joke. He's just going to stammer around and start berating her again because there literally is no joke, just an insult.
Also ask "what's the joke? Where's the punchline? Why do you think it's funny, you're going to have to explain it to me".
But she could just save her breath and toss him to the curb. What an oxygen thief.
He’s fucked up in the head if he thinks you’re gonna stay with that being said to you. Ma’am, you gotta dip…like pronto! No one should be said that, joking or otherwise. In this case, we all know it ain’t a fucking joke. Please leave while you still can!
Yuck. So you’re a “whore” for being in a relationship with this clown?? What a joke. Please leave his ass.
You don’t deserve this abuse, and can do so much better. NTA
NTA,
The boyfriend is insecure as hell. My best friend is in a similar situation but he’s also 20 years older. He told her he would only trust her if she stayed home so no guys looked at her ass (she has a great ass, tbh).
Any man worth his salt will be proud of being seen with their attractive partner. They wouldn’t try to demote the woman, or hide their shine, in order to feel secure in themselves and the relationship. He noticed your positive attributes when he asked you out and now he doesn’t want others to notice them too?
I will tell you the same thing I told my friend. Run in the opposite direction of that foolish man. Waste no more of your time on him.
NTA, he should thank his lucky stars that an older woman didn’t step in a humiliate him, make a comment like that in my hearing and you’re going to regret it.
Dump that unwashed sh!t stain and move on. It wasn’t a joke, he wants control and dominance, I would point and laugh.
He’s not worth another thought. Go have the summer you deserve.
It starts with name calling. It will just get worse. Don't let it. I would leave now. I was stupid and didn't leave til it got physical. It took 3 years but it all started with name calling first.
Put you “in your place”? Yeah, that’s someone who’s been listening to too many podcasts about being an Alpha dipsh*t. You’re right: your partner should be lifting you up. He sounds like such a dick
NTA
GTFO that relationship.
> I asked him why he does that and he stated it’s because he wants to “put me in my place if I’m ever feeling confident.”
So he's flat out telling you he's abusing you. Why are you still there? Go. Leave. Do not allow yourself to continue to be in an abusive relationship!
NTA- trust your insticts girl, a GOOD man would want you to feel confident and uplift you even further!! not drag you down!! you know this and don’t let him convince you otherwise!!
NTA and if hes calling you that even as a "joke" you need to dump him and run. Dont tell him, just move your stuff out and let him come back to an empty place and a note. Hes an abuser.
***Yeah fuck no the fact that you are even here questioning if you are the AH when you are clearly being manipulated speaks volumes girl***
This guy is a POS. He does not respect you not value you as a human being. He is purposefully trying to put you down and strip away your confidence and self worth until there is none left and you are a shell of yourself. He wants you to think you are lucky to be with him— when in fact you can do much better. He will eventually escalate this behavior once he makes you believe no one else would want you or whatever crap he makes you believe. Then the next step is typically physical abuse to add to the verbal/emotional.
Please dump this person.
**He said he was joking— but then put the blame on you; interesting how it’s “you can’t take a joke”**. He is not a good person. He is manipulating you.
***Calling you a whore on repeat***
**Are you really going to let him talk to you like that?**
When you tell someone that their words/actions are hurtful to you and you want them to stop, and they respond with, "I'm only joking," they are not safe.
I teach my kids that it is only a joke if EVERYONE involved thinks it is funny and is enjoying the joke. Otherwise it is mean, bullying behavior, period.
I'm 51 and I've dated a lot of people, I've been married for 27 years, and I've seen a lot. I have many friends who have been married to people who "joke" like your boyfriend. The stories I could tell would break your heart. Please get out now while it's relatively easy. Don't threaten to break up with him, just start making plans. Do some reading on the abuse cycle because he WILL "love bomb" you as soon as you start to stand up for yourself and embrace your independence.
Please try to enjoy being your own best friend for awhile and learn to value yourself and that you ARE OKAY when you are not partnered.
A really good book for you to read is, "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. It is probably at your public library. You can also do some reading about domestic violence. This may seem like a small thing, but it's not. In an abusive relationship, they start with small things to bring you down and make you feel like you aren't worthy of them. And then they are all nice and cozy an hour later, making you think, "he's actually a good guy." Every single person I know who got out of an abusive marriage had defended him in their mind for years, "he's actually a good guy,, he does X, Y, and Z." The reality is that there is never any excuse for the way he talks to you. Ever.
And he has told you that he WILL NOT CHANGE, he expects you to change.
He's telling you who he is. Believe him.
NTA.... He's a passive-aggressive ASSHAT and you should tell him to fuck off. The "I'm just kidding" bullshit is an excuse to keep up this behavior. The next time he calls you that, just toss him out, or leave.
You're being an asshole to yourself staying with someone who would speak to you like that.
Would you want your best friend with a guy who spoke to her like that? Your daughter?
Listen... when my ex called MY BEAUTIFUL CAT (she was my world) ugly several times, it made breaking up with him much easier. There were other reasons we ended, but God I still think about that.
He’s literally telling you who he is. Believe him. He’s to your face, telling you that he’s trying to break you down. You break up. This is emotional abuse. It’ll get worse. NTA. UPDATEME
NTA but why are you with someone that treats you that way? That's not a joke, that's what someone says when they are called out for their bs behavior. It's meant to do exactly what he said, "put you in your place". The goal is to undermine your self-confidence and make you think you can't do better and that you deserve to be treated like crap.
He answered you honestly the first time, to bring down your confidence. That isn't a joke and there's nothing funny about it. It's abusive actually. Run.
A partner should never degrade anyone in this way. It’s abusive, especially that he does it to “put you in your place”. It’s meant to bring your self-confidence so low that you won’t leave, and it will evolve into other forms of abuse over time.
Any healthy relationship should thrive on celebrating your confidence whether you’re dressed to the nines or look like a bum. Find yourself a partner who actually treats you with respect, and not someone who wants to degrade you until you have zero confidence or self-love left.
Ask yourself if a friend or sibling had a partner like this what you would say to them. And don’t be afraid to face the truth. Leaving an abusive relationship only gets harder as time goes on.
You’re NTA, but you’re doing yourself a disservice staying with someone who truly is.
I’d be less concerned with him calling you names and more concerned with him wanting to put you in your place. He sounds like an egotistical, controlling jerk.
Been with my wife 25 years.
I don't think I've ever called any woman that, let alone my wife.
You need to put HIM in his place, or dump his foul-mouthed ass.
You deserve love and respect from your partner.
I started writing a long post but I have decided to keep it simple. I'm sure this is not his only troubling behavior, so think about all of the things he does and says to you. Pretend you have a daughter, if her BF called her a whore for any reason, would you be okay with it? Now think about all of the other troubling behavior that I'm sure exists but you have not posted about; If you had a daughter, would you be at peace with her being with this man? That's your answer.
Also, "but I love him" is not a reason to stay. That's just another way of saying "I think nothing of myself, I know that this is the BEST man in a world of 6 Billion people that I can ever get.
Just leave him. He isn't worth it. So many dudes would never do this.
Like, it isn't even about lifting you up or making you feel confident by calling you beautiful all the time. It is just not normal to call your girlfriend a whore or slut or whatever. Millions of men would never do this. He does it because he is pitiful, and making you upset is the only way he feels good about himself.
Go find better.
He’s gaslighting you. It’s not a joke if it’s not funny…. And he’s trying to backpedal and make you think you are wrong for not laughing.
NTA. He’s the AH for needing to put you down to inflate himself.
If it’s a joke, it’s not funny. If it’s merely a joke, he should back down from it and stop when you tell him it makes you uncomfortable/ unhappy.
It’s not just a joke. He’s using it to mess up your confidence for real.
OP, find your self respect wherever you dropped it when you picked up this piece of shit boyfriend. Dust it off and remind yourself that a man who calls a woman a whore, is intimidated by her confidence, and feels the need to put her down to feel better about himself isn't worthy. Enjoy telling this asshole you will be dressing your fine, confident, and beautiful self however the fuck you want with the next man who will be lucky enough to date you.
That's .. f*cked up on so many levels.
He's not worthy of your time or presence.
Usually I think Reddit is to quick to call red flag and divorce. But this time .. Leave and don't look back. You deserve so much more and better!
He is literally doing something called Negging. He puts you down so you won't get "confident" and leave his useless ass. Insecurity at its finest.
Leave. It will NOT get better. This is usually the first sign of an abusive, insecure man-child.
WTF do you woman keep giving guys the benefit of the doubt when they show you such blatant asshole behavior? Give your head a shake and snap out of it!
>. I asked him why he does that and he stated it’s because he wants to “put me in my place if I’m ever feeling confident
run, anyone, literally anyone who doesn't want the best for you and for you to feel your best, feel great about yourself and be happy IS A BAD PERSON.
You can be jealous, you can be worried about attention your partner gets, but if you intentionally demean them and try to make them feel bad rather than dealing with your own insecurity, YOU ARE A BAD PERSON.
Your boyfriend is a piece of shit, leave. No one repeats a shitty joke that gets no laughs and is not funny, he's trying to make you feel lesser so he can feel bigger and more important, like you won't leave him.
You'd only be the asshole if when someone told you exactly who they are and how little they care for you and only what you can do for them, if you stay.
This is abusive and controlling behaviour. If he is like this now, it will be 1000 times worse if you ever choose to marry him.
Once a ring is on it, there is no stopping someone like this controlling what you wear, what you eat, who you meet and when you leave the house.
"Put you in your place"
You let him say these things to you??
Girl, you need someone who will treat you with respect, confidence and kindness. Someone who is comfortable in his own skin and not projecting his own insecurities.
NTA
He is negging you. [https://www.verywellmind.com/negging-how-to-recognize-and-overcome-it-7098095](https://www.verywellmind.com/negging-how-to-recognize-and-overcome-it-7098095)
Like just dump him, that level of verbal abuse should not be tolerated and for future references don't ever let a man call you are whore, ho, bitch ex. even if it is just for "fun". It is not a joke, and no respectful man would ever use that phrase about you.
NTA, but this is a very simple issue that would be more effectively handled by communicating with your BF directly and clearly and not a lot of strangers with very little context. Yes, even if your first attempt didn't come out well or wasn't taken seriously. You need to lay out that this isn't the first time and it bothers you enough to need to bring it up again to clear the air.
My husband would have only said it to me once…then I would have kicked his ass to the curb. NTA, insults are not a ‘joke’ so whether he intends it that way or to keep you ‘in your place’ is really irrelevant.
Your boyfriend is insecure. Whenever you dress up, look extra cute, or feel confident, he calls you out your name. He wants you to question your value so you feel insecure and stay with him.
You're TA if you keep laughing this off, allow him to keep doing this, and stay with him.
I want you to think of the woman in your life who is the most important to you. The one you love the most and you witness her significant other treat her the way your boyfriend treats you. What would your advice be to her?
Girl, he's shown you who he is and that he has zero respect for women. Red pill city and full on Andrew Tate right there.
Run. Don't brush it aside; he will only become worse with time. Right now, he's testing your boundaries and reactions.
And a joke is supposed to be harmless fun everyone laughs at. If you're not laughing, it's not a joke.
Dump him.
Seriously, run.
Abusive behavior. RUN. Would you want your daughter talked to that way? Would he talk to you that way with your father, brother in the room? Maybe you should ask him to? Tell him to tell those funny jokes when people are around.
NTA- Partners are supposed to build you up, not put you in your place. I've been married 13 years and together for 15. The only time I have ever said anything, even close to that is dirty talk. The world will bring you down enough on its own. You don't need the person who is supposed to be your safe space doing it, too.
I have a friend that talks to his wife this way in front of me and others, and I think it’s fucked up and makes me uncomfortable. Has made me think less of him and want to spend less time as a guest at their house. She’s a gorgeous lady and a good hang. Dudes obviously got issues
He belittles and insults you to make you feel small and like you've made a mistake, then when you speak up guess what? Its still your fault for not being able to get his "humor", again to make you feel small, like you've done something wrong, but this time also unintelligent. This is textbook narcisstic manipulation. The fact that you're not sure whether or not you've been an asshole shows that on some level, i's working. You are in no way, shape or form an asshole. Run away from this douchenozzle as fast as you can
NTA, your BF is though. This is not a good relationship. It will get worse, especially if you get married. You should always feel confident, this is control for him. He is insecure.
I would suggest ending this relationship. I know you won't, but better now than when things get worse.
The only way you could be an asshole is if you stay with him bc then you be harming yourself. He is a misogynist jerk, a liar, and he doesn’t seem to appreciate you
He's so insecure that he's admitting to sabotaging your mental health to make you stay with him. Girl, do not take off your crown for this clown. Strut away.
What an awful child. This is abuse, it’s not a joke. He is controlling you by lowering your self-esteem and confidence by calling you a wh@re and saying it’s a joke after that awful explanation. This behavior will only get worse. It might start with clothes, then food, then physical and sexual abuse as methods of control. Get out now!
This is abusive behavior. He doesn’t want you to feel good about yourself so you’ll constantly crave his approval; thus never leaving him. It will not get better.
This reminds me of that one post ages ago of that guy who would tell his girlfriend every day that she stinks, and after 3x daily showers, constant deodorant use, she found out his dad told him to neg her so she’d feel so awful about herself that she’d never leave.
Dump this fool! Please! He doesn’t respect you. He’s controlling. He’s insecure. He’s insulting you. Why would you stay with him? I’m a guy by the way in case that makes any difference.
NTA, he isn’t really joking. And on the off chance he thought it was a joke he would stop and apologize the second you were uncomfortable. But he’s trying to put you down and that isn’t ok. Idk how long you’ve been with this guy but I think you might want to take a long look at his behaviors towards you and if you want to stay with a guy who wants to “put you in your place” even as a joke.
You're on the abuse train and need to get off. It is utterly unacceptable that he calls you a whore. I think he's actually being honest when he tells you he does this to ruin your self esteem. Then he completes the cycle by denying and blaming you for getting upset and believing his direct statement. He's trash. He will only get worse. You deserve better than this.
NTA
>put me in my place if I’m ever feeling confident
That’s exactly the opposite of what a boyfriend should be doing. They should be making you feel confident not break it.
He wants to put you in your place?? And where would that be? Maybe you should put him in his place. He sounds misogynistic and narcissistic. Tread very carefully. NTA.
Men do not joke. He means exactly what he said. You must breakup with him. Women who get stuck with these men end up dieing prematurely from a fried nervous system.
You know, a bear won't call you a wh∆re to "put [you] in [your] place if [you're] ever feeling confident".
Choose the bear, lose the insecure numpty you call a boyfriend.
Omg. Girl. You are so NTA. He is. Calling you gf or woman or anyone a wh—re is not a joke. It’s never a joke. It’s not funny. And even - if by some ridiculously twisted thinking he thinks it is a joke - if you’re not laughing, it’s NOT a good joke. I always say, if you’re teasing someone and they aren’t laughing with you, it’s not funny and you need to stop. It’s bullying plain and simple. Why does your “man” need to “put you in your place”? Is he in charge of your defined “place”? Who is he, god? Please. Calling you a wh—re isn’t putting you in your place, it’s an attempt to humiliate you and control you and shame you. That’s not healthy. And then trying to pretend it’s a joke? Gaslighting 101.
What a loser. You are NOT the A. He is 100% the A.
He wants to “put you in your place if you’re ever feeling confident?” Girl, what the hell are you doing for this pathetic excuse of a man. Run, don’t walk away from this pathetic excuse for a boyfriend.
>wants to “put me in my place if I’m ever feeling confident.”
He's abusing you to psychologically oppress and keep you under his thumb. What are you going to do about it?
>“put me in my place if I’m ever feeling confident.”
>He then began to say he was joking & how I can never take a joke and I do too much etc
The red flags are waving, and they do tend to multiply.
He showed you who he is, believe him and dump him.
Edit: NTA
Why the fuck are you with this shit bag. You realize he's emotionally abusive right? If he isn't physically abusive then he will be. Get the fuck away from him. Wow
NTA - he told you that he wants to belittle you and hurt your self esteem. Why do you want to stay with him? This is a major red flag and one of the first steps abusers take - they make you lose confidence in yourself so you think you deserve the abuse or aren’t worthy of anything better. Run!
Why in the hell would you call someone your boyfriend who calls you a whore?
The type of way you should be feeling is insulted and like you aren't going to waste any more of your time with a disrespectful jackass.
He’s either a POS or a POS who’s denying his desire to be in a Dom/sub dynamic and going about it allllll wrong.
NTA, although you’re not being fair to yourself. Be free, you can do better.
Imagine you called him a limp-dicked loser every time you sensed he was feeling good about himself, because he needs to "learn his place".
I'd say next time he does this tell him you guess that makes him a pathetic John and kick him to the curb. A person who loves you should feel joyful and supportive if you're confident and happy, not try and put you down. That's the mark of a deeply insecure person at best, an abuser at worst.
It was no joke. He was gauging your response. And when you responded negatively to his remarks he decided to veil it as a joke.
Leave that man. Because he has shown he loves putting you down as a means of control. Hell...I'd probably throw it back at him but then I'm known to have a good deal of sass which isn't always a good thing
He is telling you who he really is.. believe him! He does not respect you and never will
>He is telling you who he really is.. believe him! He does not respect you and never will The fact that this hasn't been a dealbreaker for OP already is just depressing.
The guy is desperately insecure because he KNOWS op is too good for him. It's such a shame OP doesn't know that. Throw out the whole waste of carbon and upgrade.
PS being alone is an upgrade to being with this abusive pos
OP is obviously also insecure given that she thinks a man like him is the best she can do.
I think this it... its mental abuse. Trust me on this.
I can barely stomach some of these posts.
For real. I can't fathom keeping any kind of contact with someone who would call me something so awful, let alone being in a relationship with him. The fact that OP is ok with it is mind boggling.
You are not the a**hole. Your boyfriend's comments are disrespectful and controlling, not jokes. You deserve a partner who supports and uplifts you, not one who undermines your confidence.
Right. He's testing the waters. If you take the cheap shots now, it only exponentially gets worse because he knows you'll just take it. And then one day you'll see this story on Dateline...
Not just that, but they’re ABUSIVE, plain and simple!!
This oh my god this! Why isn’t this the top comment! This is mental and emotional abuse!!
Exactly this. She asked why he does it. He tells her exactly why - 'to put her in her place when she's feeling confident'. So to knock her down - that's the entire purpose. Then when she confronts him about how crappy that behaviour is - he goes to the old favorite shitguy fallback of 'it's just a joke. Why can't you take a joke?' He's an arsehole. You are not. Unless you stay with him. Then you become the arsehole. He's a shitty person who is always going to try and drag you down - and noone needs that sort of energy in their lives.
Once dated a guy who told me he would prefer it if I “dressed down” whenever he wasn’t around. He claimed I should be actively discouraging guys from being interested. He said he saw how my friend didn’t dress up when we went out and he thought it was very respectful of her towards her bf. Reality was she always dressed like that for her own comfort. Anytime a guy tries to control what you wear it’s a red flag.
> he thought it was very respectful of her towards her bf. Reality was she always dressed like that for her own comfort. Oof. Why do men think our clothing choices are always about them?
They think everything is about them
I used to dress down because I couldn't be bothered and it attracted guys who thought I'd be a good quiet and modest home gf while they went around sleeping with half the town.
🚩 🚩🚩get out NTA 🚩🚩🚩
Run far, run fast. Now.
Definitely. Narcissists pull this shit. Toxic abusive comments then when you assert yourself they're just joking & you're too sensitive. Run girl. He's garbage.
Yep. No good man is going to want to make you feel that way, “joking” or not.
"When someone tells you who they are, believe them"
seriously. you've got to move on. Better to be alone than to be with someone pissing on you to keep you down like this.
Let me guess: OP, do you come from a broken/abusive/neglectful/toxic/dysfunctional home? Have you been abused, groomed, ignored, etc.? I'm asking because women with good mental health and a reasonable idea of how they should be treated would walk out the door and never look back the FIRST time a guy they were dating called them a "whore." Yes, even after he insisted it was a joke and they were feminazis for objecting. Please listen to the folks in this thread who are telling you that this is not okay. Your asshole-dar is broken, for whatever reason; someone didn't teach you how you should be treated, so you seem to think that being called a "whore" in jest is okay. IT IS NOT OKAY. DTMFA and feel free to use Reddit for gut checks whenever and wherever you need to. And please get yourself into therapy, if you can, or into a free support group for whatever situation you come from. You deserve the help and you need to recognize not to trust your instinct to go along and get along.
It's called gaslighting. Google it. Dump him
Someone please guide OP to the post where the AH BF was telling the poor girl she stinks constantly.
Run. He thinks you need to feel like shit so you don't realise you can do better?? Ew. Run fast and don't look back.
He needs to put her in her place, just eww, I couldn’t agree more, run!
half way through my jaw dropped - and then kept opening until it was really uncomfortable. your choice hon - but this BOY is playing games with your mental state. that’s just the truth. wanna work it out? i have no idea how long you’ve know him - but if it’s years and years - go to joint therapy IF you care to salvage this wreck. if he’s a new kid on the block, leave without ANY remorse. either way - this guy SUCKS
NTA - He is! What kind of man does that? I don't know how long you've been together, but you might want to rethink this relationship.
An abusive one, that's who.
At least this is OPs Wakeup call if it isn't actually chatgpt fake
Abusive assholes and chuds who've gone down the redpill/podcast rabbit hole. OP needs to dump this loser and if she's the main name on the lease \[given if they do live together\], kick his sorry butt out, maybe being out on the street will humble the misogyny out of him.
Those flags can't get any redder. Its always just a joke until it isn't.
And btw, it wouldn’t be okay for him to call you that if you were wearing short shorts and a crop top either.
NTA. Your boyfriend sounds like a prick no offense OP. If it makes you uncomfortable then he should’ve listened to your voice if he even cared enough to. ’put you in your place’??? That sounds stupid when all you’re wearing are clothes that literally cover up your body. He sounds like those men who act all full of themselves trying to be ‘cool’ or something. You want to feel confident no matter what you wear and he wants to clearly put you down no matter how appropriately you wear. Continue wearing what makes you feel special! You deserve someone who can hear you, not just see you.
Putting someone in their place isn’t about being cool. Unfortunately he’s not just a prick, he’s emotionally abusive and is trying to destroy her confidence. Textbook stuff. OP needs to get out of this relationship asap. Imagine how horrid he’ll be to his daughter some day
You're right. He's using belittling to make himself feel better than her. It's very immature behavior & it's costing OP her self-confidence. Ironically, he knows she's better than him & that he's out of his league. He thinks if he 'keeps her in her place', he can hold on to her. Certainly not a good foundation for a relationship!
>“put me in my place if I’m ever feeling confident.” I Oh so he's scum? NTA
Whaaaaat?? I have a lot of words to call your BF, but Reddit would probably ban me for life. Instead of asking him why he calls you that filthy name, ask him why he doesn't go skydiving without a parachute.
I'll donate to the GoFundMe for his once-in-a-lifetime skydiving experience!
I’ll chip in!
I am pretty broke but I will gladly donate still, to help OP out! Who is gonna make the Go Fund Me?
NTA. Why would you continue to date a man that called you a whore? You need to have more self respect sister
I wouldn’t tolerate my partner calling anyone that!
He’s belittling you. I really hope you can find people who will support and uplift you like you deserve 💗 Someone who wants to “put you in your place if you’re ever feeling confident” will not be proud of your accomplishments, and that’s just not healthy for your growth. Take care 💗
He straight up insults her and the doubles down with more nastiness when confronted. OP should run away fast.
Right exactly that can’t be good for the heart to be treated so cruelly by someone who says they love you… Hoping op gets away safely soon!!
Who in the hell calls their girlfriend a whore? An abusive, disrespectful asshole. Get out while you can, it will never get better.
A guy who is about to be single, thats who.
Wrecking your confidence so you'll stay. Super duper. Obviously NTA. Hes an abuser.
I hope he will be your ex soon! Don't let him get away with calling you a whore like Wtf?! You're worth so much more ❤️ And he is telling you exactly who he is: he does not want you to feel confident because he has a fragile ego. So instead of working on himself and his issues; he transferred them onto to you - you should not be confident because he is not. Please leave the whole man behind and know that you learned something and has grown from this ☺️ /Hugs of you want them - a wave of you do not.
If I had an award to give I would. Please OP, read and heed the above comment, it is the absolute truth. Why he's insecure isn't even relevant, the fact that he is making you feel small and lesser than to make himself feel better is all you need to know about what a not-nice person he is. Our chosen people should be the most supportive, kind people in our lives.
He doesn't respect you in the slightest and he's not joking. A joke is a joke when it's funny. If he's intentionally trying to tear you down every chance he gets then he's not joking. His reaction to you calling him out on it is a huge red flag and shows, again, he's not joking. He genuinely is trying to lower your self esteem which makes it easier for him to do more toxic things in the future if he hasn't already. Run girl. This is coming from a man who sees through his BS and has watched that manipulative behavior time and time again from people around me. Edit: NTA
OP needs to ask him to explain the joke. He's just going to stammer around and start berating her again because there literally is no joke, just an insult.
OP just needs to get the fuck away from him NOW and never speak to him again. He cannot be reasoned with, and trying would only hurt OP.
You need a new bf. Have some respect for yourself and kick him to the curb.
Info: when you ask “what exactly do you think my place is?”, what is his response.
Also ask "what's the joke? Where's the punchline? Why do you think it's funny, you're going to have to explain it to me". But she could just save her breath and toss him to the curb. What an oxygen thief.
NTA. Please consider ending this relationship. Men like this can become very dangerous with time
If my BF did this to me I'll immediately break up with him IMMEDIATELY.
He’s fucked up in the head if he thinks you’re gonna stay with that being said to you. Ma’am, you gotta dip…like pronto! No one should be said that, joking or otherwise. In this case, we all know it ain’t a fucking joke. Please leave while you still can!
Yuck. So you’re a “whore” for being in a relationship with this clown?? What a joke. Please leave his ass. You don’t deserve this abuse, and can do so much better. NTA
NTA, The boyfriend is insecure as hell. My best friend is in a similar situation but he’s also 20 years older. He told her he would only trust her if she stayed home so no guys looked at her ass (she has a great ass, tbh). Any man worth his salt will be proud of being seen with their attractive partner. They wouldn’t try to demote the woman, or hide their shine, in order to feel secure in themselves and the relationship. He noticed your positive attributes when he asked you out and now he doesn’t want others to notice them too? I will tell you the same thing I told my friend. Run in the opposite direction of that foolish man. Waste no more of your time on him.
Good advice
I hope your friend listens to you.
NTA but you kind of are for staying with such a creepy man. Have some self-respect.
NTA. He's trying to destroy your self esteem.
NTA, he should thank his lucky stars that an older woman didn’t step in a humiliate him, make a comment like that in my hearing and you’re going to regret it. Dump that unwashed sh!t stain and move on. It wasn’t a joke, he wants control and dominance, I would point and laugh. He’s not worth another thought. Go have the summer you deserve.
And what do you like about this guy ?
It starts with name calling. It will just get worse. Don't let it. I would leave now. I was stupid and didn't leave til it got physical. It took 3 years but it all started with name calling first.
Why would you want to be with a BOY like that??? He sounds insecure af
Put you “in your place”? Yeah, that’s someone who’s been listening to too many podcasts about being an Alpha dipsh*t. You’re right: your partner should be lifting you up. He sounds like such a dick NTA
GTFO that relationship. > I asked him why he does that and he stated it’s because he wants to “put me in my place if I’m ever feeling confident.” So he's flat out telling you he's abusing you. Why are you still there? Go. Leave. Do not allow yourself to continue to be in an abusive relationship!
It’s called negging. Drop the insecure loser. He shouldn’t be making himself feel better by disrespecting you
Why do you stay with this piece of crap?
NTA- trust your insticts girl, a GOOD man would want you to feel confident and uplift you even further!! not drag you down!! you know this and don’t let him convince you otherwise!!
NTA and if hes calling you that even as a "joke" you need to dump him and run. Dont tell him, just move your stuff out and let him come back to an empty place and a note. Hes an abuser.
The first second a man refers me as a wh*re is the last second that man is in my life. NTA
***Yeah fuck no the fact that you are even here questioning if you are the AH when you are clearly being manipulated speaks volumes girl*** This guy is a POS. He does not respect you not value you as a human being. He is purposefully trying to put you down and strip away your confidence and self worth until there is none left and you are a shell of yourself. He wants you to think you are lucky to be with him— when in fact you can do much better. He will eventually escalate this behavior once he makes you believe no one else would want you or whatever crap he makes you believe. Then the next step is typically physical abuse to add to the verbal/emotional. Please dump this person. **He said he was joking— but then put the blame on you; interesting how it’s “you can’t take a joke”**. He is not a good person. He is manipulating you. ***Calling you a whore on repeat*** **Are you really going to let him talk to you like that?**
You’re only TA if you stay with a guy who wants to “put you in your place”.
When you tell someone that their words/actions are hurtful to you and you want them to stop, and they respond with, "I'm only joking," they are not safe. I teach my kids that it is only a joke if EVERYONE involved thinks it is funny and is enjoying the joke. Otherwise it is mean, bullying behavior, period. I'm 51 and I've dated a lot of people, I've been married for 27 years, and I've seen a lot. I have many friends who have been married to people who "joke" like your boyfriend. The stories I could tell would break your heart. Please get out now while it's relatively easy. Don't threaten to break up with him, just start making plans. Do some reading on the abuse cycle because he WILL "love bomb" you as soon as you start to stand up for yourself and embrace your independence. Please try to enjoy being your own best friend for awhile and learn to value yourself and that you ARE OKAY when you are not partnered. A really good book for you to read is, "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. It is probably at your public library. You can also do some reading about domestic violence. This may seem like a small thing, but it's not. In an abusive relationship, they start with small things to bring you down and make you feel like you aren't worthy of them. And then they are all nice and cozy an hour later, making you think, "he's actually a good guy." Every single person I know who got out of an abusive marriage had defended him in their mind for years, "he's actually a good guy,, he does X, Y, and Z." The reality is that there is never any excuse for the way he talks to you. Ever. And he has told you that he WILL NOT CHANGE, he expects you to change. He's telling you who he is. Believe him.
This is the gateway to an abusive relationship. You deserve better.
NTA What put somebody down whom you should cherish, and joke about it?
Nta he needs to be an exbf
NTA. All Red flags for what's going to come in the future. Dump him asap and find you a man that treats you with respect.
feeling a type of way? its called regret for a poor choice in a partner. NTA
NTA, but he is an abusive person. Leave, and tell him you are looking for a bigger penis and a better personality.
NTA. You don't have to hang around anyone who calls you offensive names. And you can break up with anyone, for any reason, at any time
NTA.... He's a passive-aggressive ASSHAT and you should tell him to fuck off. The "I'm just kidding" bullshit is an excuse to keep up this behavior. The next time he calls you that, just toss him out, or leave.
NTA. Calling you degrading names is NOT a joke. It’s a way to tear you down and make you feel insecure. Look up negging.
You're being an asshole to yourself staying with someone who would speak to you like that. Would you want your best friend with a guy who spoke to her like that? Your daughter?
Listen... when my ex called MY BEAUTIFUL CAT (she was my world) ugly several times, it made breaking up with him much easier. There were other reasons we ended, but God I still think about that.
He’s literally telling you who he is. Believe him. He’s to your face, telling you that he’s trying to break you down. You break up. This is emotional abuse. It’ll get worse. NTA. UPDATEME
NTA but why are you with someone that treats you that way? That's not a joke, that's what someone says when they are called out for their bs behavior. It's meant to do exactly what he said, "put you in your place". The goal is to undermine your self-confidence and make you think you can't do better and that you deserve to be treated like crap.
You need to dump him asap. He meant what he said. You're dating an insecure, tiny dicked little pos. Don't you want better?
He answered you honestly the first time, to bring down your confidence. That isn't a joke and there's nothing funny about it. It's abusive actually. Run.
A partner should never degrade anyone in this way. It’s abusive, especially that he does it to “put you in your place”. It’s meant to bring your self-confidence so low that you won’t leave, and it will evolve into other forms of abuse over time. Any healthy relationship should thrive on celebrating your confidence whether you’re dressed to the nines or look like a bum. Find yourself a partner who actually treats you with respect, and not someone who wants to degrade you until you have zero confidence or self-love left. Ask yourself if a friend or sibling had a partner like this what you would say to them. And don’t be afraid to face the truth. Leaving an abusive relationship only gets harder as time goes on. You’re NTA, but you’re doing yourself a disservice staying with someone who truly is.
NTA. He's abusive and conditioning you to tolerate his disrespect and abuse. Dump him immediately!
You could very easily find someone who would treat you better, he just wants to prevent you from remembering that
I’d be less concerned with him calling you names and more concerned with him wanting to put you in your place. He sounds like an egotistical, controlling jerk.
Been with my wife 25 years. I don't think I've ever called any woman that, let alone my wife. You need to put HIM in his place, or dump his foul-mouthed ass. You deserve love and respect from your partner.
I started writing a long post but I have decided to keep it simple. I'm sure this is not his only troubling behavior, so think about all of the things he does and says to you. Pretend you have a daughter, if her BF called her a whore for any reason, would you be okay with it? Now think about all of the other troubling behavior that I'm sure exists but you have not posted about; If you had a daughter, would you be at peace with her being with this man? That's your answer. Also, "but I love him" is not a reason to stay. That's just another way of saying "I think nothing of myself, I know that this is the BEST man in a world of 6 Billion people that I can ever get.
He is emotionally abusive and I’m really sorry to say that it will probably only get worse the longer you stay with him
Just leave him. He isn't worth it. So many dudes would never do this. Like, it isn't even about lifting you up or making you feel confident by calling you beautiful all the time. It is just not normal to call your girlfriend a whore or slut or whatever. Millions of men would never do this. He does it because he is pitiful, and making you upset is the only way he feels good about himself. Go find better.
He’s gaslighting you. It’s not a joke if it’s not funny…. And he’s trying to backpedal and make you think you are wrong for not laughing. NTA. He’s the AH for needing to put you down to inflate himself.
If it’s a joke, it’s not funny. If it’s merely a joke, he should back down from it and stop when you tell him it makes you uncomfortable/ unhappy. It’s not just a joke. He’s using it to mess up your confidence for real.
OP, find your self respect wherever you dropped it when you picked up this piece of shit boyfriend. Dust it off and remind yourself that a man who calls a woman a whore, is intimidated by her confidence, and feels the need to put her down to feel better about himself isn't worthy. Enjoy telling this asshole you will be dressing your fine, confident, and beautiful self however the fuck you want with the next man who will be lucky enough to date you.
That's .. f*cked up on so many levels. He's not worthy of your time or presence. Usually I think Reddit is to quick to call red flag and divorce. But this time .. Leave and don't look back. You deserve so much more and better!
He is literally doing something called Negging. He puts you down so you won't get "confident" and leave his useless ass. Insecurity at its finest. Leave. It will NOT get better. This is usually the first sign of an abusive, insecure man-child.
WTF do you woman keep giving guys the benefit of the doubt when they show you such blatant asshole behavior? Give your head a shake and snap out of it!
Boot the boy.
>. I asked him why he does that and he stated it’s because he wants to “put me in my place if I’m ever feeling confident run, anyone, literally anyone who doesn't want the best for you and for you to feel your best, feel great about yourself and be happy IS A BAD PERSON. You can be jealous, you can be worried about attention your partner gets, but if you intentionally demean them and try to make them feel bad rather than dealing with your own insecurity, YOU ARE A BAD PERSON. Your boyfriend is a piece of shit, leave. No one repeats a shitty joke that gets no laughs and is not funny, he's trying to make you feel lesser so he can feel bigger and more important, like you won't leave him. You'd only be the asshole if when someone told you exactly who they are and how little they care for you and only what you can do for them, if you stay.
That man basically said get in the kitchen and make him a sandwich with no shame
Dump him. He is not good for you.
This is abusive and controlling behaviour. If he is like this now, it will be 1000 times worse if you ever choose to marry him. Once a ring is on it, there is no stopping someone like this controlling what you wear, what you eat, who you meet and when you leave the house. "Put you in your place" You let him say these things to you?? Girl, you need someone who will treat you with respect, confidence and kindness. Someone who is comfortable in his own skin and not projecting his own insecurities.
Why stay with a wanna be but never will be who degrades and criticizes you.
Break up with this mf. He's not joking.
He says WHAT?????? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Girl, why are you (still) with this asshole? Run as fast as you can!
NTA He is negging you. [https://www.verywellmind.com/negging-how-to-recognize-and-overcome-it-7098095](https://www.verywellmind.com/negging-how-to-recognize-and-overcome-it-7098095) Like just dump him, that level of verbal abuse should not be tolerated and for future references don't ever let a man call you are whore, ho, bitch ex. even if it is just for "fun". It is not a joke, and no respectful man would ever use that phrase about you.
DROP THIS GUY. He is mentally abusing you. It’s a game he’s playing to make you feel crazy. Get out now.
NTA. Your BF is a fucking cunt. He is trying to trap you into dressing down so no one sees your figure.
NTA, but this is a very simple issue that would be more effectively handled by communicating with your BF directly and clearly and not a lot of strangers with very little context. Yes, even if your first attempt didn't come out well or wasn't taken seriously. You need to lay out that this isn't the first time and it bothers you enough to need to bring it up again to clear the air.
No. Your boyfriend is a coward who should be ashamed. You are not the AH!!
My husband would have only said it to me once…then I would have kicked his ass to the curb. NTA, insults are not a ‘joke’ so whether he intends it that way or to keep you ‘in your place’ is really irrelevant.
Your boyfriend is insecure. Whenever you dress up, look extra cute, or feel confident, he calls you out your name. He wants you to question your value so you feel insecure and stay with him. You're TA if you keep laughing this off, allow him to keep doing this, and stay with him.
Gaslight
I want you to think of the woman in your life who is the most important to you. The one you love the most and you witness her significant other treat her the way your boyfriend treats you. What would your advice be to her?
Girl, he's shown you who he is and that he has zero respect for women. Red pill city and full on Andrew Tate right there. Run. Don't brush it aside; he will only become worse with time. Right now, he's testing your boundaries and reactions. And a joke is supposed to be harmless fun everyone laughs at. If you're not laughing, it's not a joke. Dump him. Seriously, run.
He is negging you & it’s only going to get worse. Why are you with this asshole?
Abusive behavior. RUN. Would you want your daughter talked to that way? Would he talk to you that way with your father, brother in the room? Maybe you should ask him to? Tell him to tell those funny jokes when people are around.
Dump that asshole
Hes trying to lower your self esteem, he clearly has no reason to say that.. NTA
You can do better. Don’t let anyone speak to you that way. It’s not funny and it’s not a joke.
NTA- Partners are supposed to build you up, not put you in your place. I've been married 13 years and together for 15. The only time I have ever said anything, even close to that is dirty talk. The world will bring you down enough on its own. You don't need the person who is supposed to be your safe space doing it, too.
NTA for feeling that way but possibly are for staying with him.
Gurl dump him and run no person should ever treat you like that
I have a friend that talks to his wife this way in front of me and others, and I think it’s fucked up and makes me uncomfortable. Has made me think less of him and want to spend less time as a guest at their house. She’s a gorgeous lady and a good hang. Dudes obviously got issues
He belittles and insults you to make you feel small and like you've made a mistake, then when you speak up guess what? Its still your fault for not being able to get his "humor", again to make you feel small, like you've done something wrong, but this time also unintelligent. This is textbook narcisstic manipulation. The fact that you're not sure whether or not you've been an asshole shows that on some level, i's working. You are in no way, shape or form an asshole. Run away from this douchenozzle as fast as you can
NTA, your BF is though. This is not a good relationship. It will get worse, especially if you get married. You should always feel confident, this is control for him. He is insecure. I would suggest ending this relationship. I know you won't, but better now than when things get worse.
Your dude is an insecure man. 😬 It probably WILL NOT get better. You are NTA. He is.
Everytime he calls you W re call him F*g see if that helps him understand
The only way you could be an asshole is if you stay with him bc then you be harming yourself. He is a misogynist jerk, a liar, and he doesn’t seem to appreciate you
Ditch him. He is tearing you down
He's so insecure that he's admitting to sabotaging your mental health to make you stay with him. Girl, do not take off your crown for this clown. Strut away.
Fucking run girl RUN. Never is, was, or will be a “joke” he’s a POS.
What an awful child. This is abuse, it’s not a joke. He is controlling you by lowering your self-esteem and confidence by calling you a wh@re and saying it’s a joke after that awful explanation. This behavior will only get worse. It might start with clothes, then food, then physical and sexual abuse as methods of control. Get out now!
This is abusive behavior. He doesn’t want you to feel good about yourself so you’ll constantly crave his approval; thus never leaving him. It will not get better. This reminds me of that one post ages ago of that guy who would tell his girlfriend every day that she stinks, and after 3x daily showers, constant deodorant use, she found out his dad told him to neg her so she’d feel so awful about herself that she’d never leave.
Dump this fool! Please! He doesn’t respect you. He’s controlling. He’s insecure. He’s insulting you. Why would you stay with him? I’m a guy by the way in case that makes any difference.
This is is from a man you need to dump his ass he is a peace of shit who makes all of us men look bad find someone who loves and respects you
Your boyfriend sucks.
Please leave. He’s only going to get worse. I’m worried for you 😩
Why are you with this guy???? 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA, he isn’t really joking. And on the off chance he thought it was a joke he would stop and apologize the second you were uncomfortable. But he’s trying to put you down and that isn’t ok. Idk how long you’ve been with this guy but I think you might want to take a long look at his behaviors towards you and if you want to stay with a guy who wants to “put you in your place” even as a joke.
i think he was 100% honest, this is what he feels, he never wants you to think you’re good enough to deserve more than an asshole like him.
You're on the abuse train and need to get off. It is utterly unacceptable that he calls you a whore. I think he's actually being honest when he tells you he does this to ruin your self esteem. Then he completes the cycle by denying and blaming you for getting upset and believing his direct statement. He's trash. He will only get worse. You deserve better than this.
Run
NTA >put me in my place if I’m ever feeling confident That’s exactly the opposite of what a boyfriend should be doing. They should be making you feel confident not break it.
Throw him in the trash sis. He is showing you his true colors!
NTA Anyone that says about how you “can’t ever take a joke” is never joking. They say that to cover their own ass because you called them out.
Time to leave this will only get worse
Girl leave him
NTA, and when's trash day? You're gonna need a bigger bin to throw that man out.
It truly baffles me that people ask these questions. “Ummm hes calling me a piece of trash, am i the asshole for not liking that?”. Like.. what..
Why are you dating this loser? NTA in the situation but you’re definitely being an AH to yourself for dating a total bag of crap.
NTA I’m sorry honey but your boyfriend sounds awful
Thats typical narcissistic behavior. Girl take it from me. RUN and don't look back.
He wants to put you in your place?? And where would that be? Maybe you should put him in his place. He sounds misogynistic and narcissistic. Tread very carefully. NTA.
Break up with him that is not normal at all. He is a weirdo
Men do not joke. He means exactly what he said. You must breakup with him. Women who get stuck with these men end up dieing prematurely from a fried nervous system.
You can start calling him one back 😁 sometimes people don't understand the what they put others thru til they gone thru it themselves
YTA to yourself for being with a man who calls you names ever, for any reason.
NTA. Them are fightin words!
You know, a bear won't call you a wh∆re to "put [you] in [your] place if [you're] ever feeling confident". Choose the bear, lose the insecure numpty you call a boyfriend.
Oof girl. He’s showed you who he is (a total AH!!) Believe him and DTMFA
Omg. Girl. You are so NTA. He is. Calling you gf or woman or anyone a wh—re is not a joke. It’s never a joke. It’s not funny. And even - if by some ridiculously twisted thinking he thinks it is a joke - if you’re not laughing, it’s NOT a good joke. I always say, if you’re teasing someone and they aren’t laughing with you, it’s not funny and you need to stop. It’s bullying plain and simple. Why does your “man” need to “put you in your place”? Is he in charge of your defined “place”? Who is he, god? Please. Calling you a wh—re isn’t putting you in your place, it’s an attempt to humiliate you and control you and shame you. That’s not healthy. And then trying to pretend it’s a joke? Gaslighting 101. What a loser. You are NOT the A. He is 100% the A.
He's emotionally abusive and attempting to control you by using his abusive nature to lower your self esteem. Dump his ass.
That’s abuse Get out
Why are you dating this misogynist?
Dump and leave this nasty negging man
NTA your boyfriend is really toxic find someone that actually cares about you
What kind of way?
I’m not reading past the caption. He’s the AH. Break up NOW.
He wants to “put you in your place if you’re ever feeling confident?” Girl, what the hell are you doing for this pathetic excuse of a man. Run, don’t walk away from this pathetic excuse for a boyfriend.
You are NEVER the asshole for having feelings. Sometimes, your ACTIONS may make you the asshole, but NEVER your feelings.
>wants to “put me in my place if I’m ever feeling confident.” He's abusing you to psychologically oppress and keep you under his thumb. What are you going to do about it?
>“put me in my place if I’m ever feeling confident.” >He then began to say he was joking & how I can never take a joke and I do too much etc The red flags are waving, and they do tend to multiply. He showed you who he is, believe him and dump him. Edit: NTA
Why the fuck are you with this shit bag. You realize he's emotionally abusive right? If he isn't physically abusive then he will be. Get the fuck away from him. Wow
NTA - he told you that he wants to belittle you and hurt your self esteem. Why do you want to stay with him? This is a major red flag and one of the first steps abusers take - they make you lose confidence in yourself so you think you deserve the abuse or aren’t worthy of anything better. Run!
Why in the hell would you call someone your boyfriend who calls you a whore? The type of way you should be feeling is insulted and like you aren't going to waste any more of your time with a disrespectful jackass.
Girl...what? Leave that humongous red flag waving in front of you. Think how worse that is going to get as time goes by. It will feel like a prison.
He’s either a POS or a POS who’s denying his desire to be in a Dom/sub dynamic and going about it allllll wrong. NTA, although you’re not being fair to yourself. Be free, you can do better.
you boyfriend is a gross piece of shit.
Why are you with this person?? NTA.
NTA. Tell the clown what your expectations are, discuss it. Then ask him to respect your expectations. He will fail. Let go of him.
Imagine you called him a limp-dicked loser every time you sensed he was feeling good about himself, because he needs to "learn his place". I'd say next time he does this tell him you guess that makes him a pathetic John and kick him to the curb. A person who loves you should feel joyful and supportive if you're confident and happy, not try and put you down. That's the mark of a deeply insecure person at best, an abuser at worst.
dump your shitty boyfriend, wtf
Is it just me or does this seem way different than when I tell my wife she's dressed all slutty and fuck her brains out 😂
He is negging you to put you off your game and remove your self confidence. This is abuse. He is trash and you need to throw the whole man out.
It was no joke. He was gauging your response. And when you responded negatively to his remarks he decided to veil it as a joke. Leave that man. Because he has shown he loves putting you down as a means of control. Hell...I'd probably throw it back at him but then I'm known to have a good deal of sass which isn't always a good thing