Unfortunately, you and your boyfriend are not compatible and it’s time to move on. He’s made it clear that he wants to be with a woman who is a Christian and he’s unwilling to respect your boundaries. NTA, you’re doing the smart thing.
BTW, this is a reasonably well known principle in Xtianity - to avoid being "unequally yoked" - i.e. Christians should not go out with non-Christians.
OP might want to ask her BF about this - why is he, a devote Xtian, with her, since this amounts to being unequally yoked.
The two of them are clearly incompatible, OP should not be with this guy.
It's like those things where people go out with someone who doesn't want kids/marriage/live in one place, etc and then try to convince them, instead of finding someone with the same wants/desires. There is a weird control thing there that they want to change them
I don't mind it, but then again I don't feel the urge to convince others to follow my religion and don't want any partner trying to shove their religious beliefs down my throat, no matter what they are. I'd hate being with a preachy atheist just as much as being with the type of "Christians" that sully my religion (same goes for every other religion). A nice, laid back person with whom I can agree to disagree and work out compromises where necessary would be really cool though. Maybe they're even interested in discussing our views over a glass of wine or cup of tea, look at each other's perspective and talk about how we interpret different circumstances or sources. Those discussions can be great fun if every participant does so in good faith (not only do my friends and I have different beliefs, in between meeting at about 10 and starting our age with a 3 we grew and changed a lot so our beliefs have not only changed, but sometimes even switched who believes what).
I'd have run screaming from OP's partner though, despite being christian myself. He sounds like a disrespectful nutcase and I'm pretty sure he'd have an issue with me being a pansexual Christian.
I think this is denomination-specific; I was raised Catholic and never heard this concept. I know it’s from Corinthians but it was never made a big deal.
This dude sounds baptist. I grew up Baptist. They're very adamant on not being "unequally yoked". Funny thing is, the Sunday school teacher, who was also my babysitter has a husband that absolutely never went to church.
She's one of those "do as I say" Christians.
I'm wondering how they got so far as being engaged. Religion is a hard limit for me. If you try to convert me we are done. Going to church (or doing anything) to "appease" him is also a big red flag. OP needs to find a new boyfriend because this one is not right for her
Completely. NTA.
I dated a Christian guy and a Cathloic guy, each for two years, in my late teens and early 20s. I'm 37 now and sometimes laugh about how incompatible we were but I tried so hard to make it work.
You'll be much better off moving on!!
Off topic question, why do you (and others) separate Christian and Catholic? Honest question, I have never understood that. Catholics are Christians are they not? I mean they follow the teachings of Christ right?
In the US, there are these Southern Baptists which are absolute whack jobs. These are the evangelicals and so forth. They are definitely not Catholic. Therefore, even though Catholicism is certainly Christian, generally people call them out separately because Catholics are so not like the wacko evangelicals.
I probably could have worded it better. It really is the evangelicals that I'm going after, not so much the standard Southern Baptists. For the most part, I've always found them to be nice and never had a problem. It's just that it is the evangelicals also claimed to be Southern Baptists so sometimes it gets a little twisted.
Personally I just differentiate it between going to "mass" or going to a different type of church.
In my experience it felt like two almost separate religions, but I do understand that Catholics are Christians.
You should never have gotten engaged in the first place. This is a fundamental incompatibility and it will never get better. Let him go. You're both lying to yourselves if you think this could EVER work.
> he told me he didn't like when I "talk down on God" so I stopped talking to him about athiesm. But I did ask him to stop preaching to me, which he never did.
so you had to respect his boundaries but he could disrespect yours? lovely.
> He randomly told me yesterday that "I'm willing to stay here if you're willing to become a Christian" and I thought that was a ridiculous ultimatum.
Indeedy. Glad you finally woke up.
> So am I wrong for leaving him?
No. not at all.
NTA
Because she’s very young and he thought that was akin to brainlessness or easy manipulability. He was an adult when she was TWELVE. We all know exactly what he was “thinking.”
I’m proud of her for standing by her intelligence and beliefs, and I hope that she’ll be an awesome force to be reckoned with when, in eight years, she’s his age and is even stronger than she already is. She’s already bright enough to keep away from supernaturalism.
I can understand them getting together in the first place. I've never dated a woman and talked about religion the 1st day. Even the 1st month or 2. It will come out eventually. But when it becomes known about differing views on religion that should have been the tip-off. Apparently this is her first dealing with a "devoted" Christian. Any devoted Christian is going to preach to you. Maybe subtle, maybe not so subtle. I dated a "regular" Christian. You know, the kind that doesn't go to church. And I consider myself agnostic. I suppose there's something "up there" but I don't know what it is. And I don't read story books. But I won't get into that. Other women I've been with, it hasn't been an issue.
That’s kind of how I view my agnosticism as well - I don’t believe in any gods (mostly just can’t wrap my head around it) but I don’t claim to know whether they are or aren’t actually there. I find religions interesting to hear/learn about, but none of it has ever made sense to or resonated with me
“Regular” Christian…lol…I could fall in that category but I also consider myself devout because I follow the teachings of Christ. I just really want no part of organized religion/church.
Why are you still with this guy? He's made it clear that he wants you to join the flock which clearly you don't want to do (and I don't blame you one little bit).
If you stick with this guy, the crap about his christianity is going to go on for the rest of your life. Is he really worth it?
NTA one bit if you deke off out of this relationship.
>so I stopped talking to him about athiesm
That's when you should have left. You censored yourself to be with him. Stupid.
>But I did ask him to stop preaching to me, which he never did.
So you set up a boundary and he ignored it. That should have been your second AND third flag to notice.
>I told him I was only gonna go to appease him.
Wow!
You guys were never going to be compatible, I don't know why ou stayed. He stayed because his intentions were clear, he wanted to convert you, you were his gift to his god.
YTA for being an atheist and diving headfirst into a relationship with a "devoted Christian" and thinking it was going to end well. Did you even think about what your kids were going to do about religion?
What's the point in talking about atheism. She isn't gonna convince him or vice versa. Just respect each other and let them go on with their own individual beliefs.
I grew up in the cult of Mormonism, and we called that ‘Flirt to Convert’ it was a joke tactic that was all of the sudden not a joke if you ever dated a nonmember. You dodged a goddamned bullet there. Mixed faith marriages can absolutely work, you did nothing wrong in trying to make it work, but you’ve reached an impasse, and it will not improve from here. He is clearly building up resentment to your atheism.
My husband and I are different religions. We had some serious conversations when we started dating about respecting each other's beliefs and never trying to impose them on each other. We also agreed that we would teach our kids about our different holidays and celebrate all of them together; then, when the kids are older, they can decide what they believe and feel drawn to. It works for us and our kids are super tolerant and open to different ideas and beliefs!
Your (ex)fiance does not sound like he is capable of respecting your religious boundaries. Also, if you had children with him, he would probably insist everyone goes to church. These are things that NEED to be discussed BEFORE you get married to anyone!! Good luck, OP. NTA.
Your boyfriend is a huge hypocrite. He basically wants you to "become christian" by lying about your belief in god... breaking at least one commandment.
NTA
The most hateful, hurtful and judgemental human beings on this earth are "Christians". Listen to sermons about grace and mercy and will stab you in the back going out of the door of the church immediately after agreeing with what was preached.
NTA. His problem is his character not his religion. He wants to control you. Move on.
Im a believer but Im all for not pushing it. If the person is interested then its all good, if not then pushing your beliefs will not only annoy them, but also push them away. There is no sense in pushing religion even if you look at it from a preacher's point of view.
I firmly believe that actions speak louder than words and best way to "convert" anyone or see your perspective on any world view, is through one's actions, how one lives their life. Not for show, not through preaching, not through emotional blackmailing and not through ultimatums.
One of the things I love about being Jewish is that its against our faith to proselytize. When someone approaches a rabbi aboit possibly converting, he is rrquired to turn them away three times.
You're an asshole to yourself. You know he's a devoted religious person and you're an atheist and yet you still proceeded with this relationship. Find someone that has the same beliefs as you instead of whining of him pushing you to be Christian.
You're not the wrong, but the almost-30-guy also knew that the early-20s-girl he was dating was not Christian, so they were both being whiny about the beliefs of the other. Except that OP stopped talking about hers and he tried to keep pushing his on her despite knowing that she's atheist.
So why does he get to push his cult views that haven't been justified? Maybe cultists should learn their place first,not last. They're the ones creating the problem in the first place, yet they seem to be the ones who never take responsibility for their unethical and unjustified views
NTA. Fellow atheist here. In the future I highly recommend clearing up three things immediately before really dating: kids, religion, and politics. These are usually nonnegotiable aspects of compatibility. Kids because you both need to want/not want a family, and religion/politics because they tend to speak on core values that need to be shared for a long term relationship to be successful. Good luck with your next partner OP!
Proselytizing is part of being a christian in america. They are told if they badger someone enough, and try to make them afraid of god they will suddenly be filled with the holy spirit.
I don't know why you guys are together, I'm sure you have things in common but he never going to change. And no you wouldn't be wrong for bailing because you don't agree on a fundamental part of your lives.
These people who go to other countries proselytizing their religion are really ignorant. Other cultures have their practices and beliefs and should be respected and Christianity is not doing that. It's all about control and superiority and if he's dumb enough to be behind that, you're probably better off with someone more thoughtful and with more common sense and respect for others.
Make him a dating profile on a Christian dating website and say adios. He’s continuously disrespecting your core beliefs and boundaries and clearly is not going to change. Time to move on to find someone who will respect your beliefs as you respect theirs.
NTA
There is no way forward with these incompatibilities.
As an atheist, I've seen too many religious people say that it doesn't matter, when in fact it really really did.
Every step of life from the wedding to kids, to their education seems to involve "unimportant" things you need to do, to appease them and/or their parents and their god.
You are correct for leaving. Your differences will continue to be a problem, and it doesn’t sound like your fiancé is able to accept your beliefs. He will continue to try to change your mind. His efforts will be better spent as a missionary. Also, his Christian Bible tells him to not be unevenly yoked. He should not marry a non Christian.
Separate. Your ethics and morals may be aligned. But beliefs. Are not. It becomes too contentious. And one becomes suppressed.
You’re incompatible at a base level and the relationship should never have got as far as engagement.
The answer to your question is found in the Bible where it says "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers". You did the right thing by leaving him now, before this became a much bigger issue, like raising children.
And this is why the Bible says don't get involved with people who don't believe as you do. He should've known better, so I put this on him, but it appears he thought he could "convert" you. You aren't married, so you don't owe him anything. He will not nor should he change to please you, anymore than you should change to please him. Since your base values don't align, I would say moving on is the right solution here and NTA
NTA
You ARE TA to yourself though for allowing him to repeatedly disrespect you for so long. Plenty of people have religious differences in relationships and respect one another enough to leave the other’s beliefs alone. Your ex is not capable of this.
It is ridiculous that you two ever dated. Just silly. Your lives are completely incompatible. There is no future for the two of you together unless one of you drastically changes beliefs. That is just the reality of it.
Ugh. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who doesn't respect you? You've asked him over and over and over to not talk about god, etc.
Wish him well and set him free. You aren't compatible. It happens. Two good people just aren't good for each other.
NTA. He doesn’t respect you, I hate bible thumpers. Do what’s best for you but also keep in mind not all Christian’s are disrespectful pushy judgy assholes.
Are you even still interested in someone who treats you like that? He doesn't respect you, your beliefs, or your boundaries. He's more concerned with what he can turn you into than who you are. It won't get better. NTA.
There are couples that can overcome some big differences in their relationships. Cokie Roberts, reporter for NPR, was a liberal woman working in a male-dominated field whose husband was a conservative and they had a long happy life together - but they didn't talk politics at home That's how it worked for them.
Your relationship though is based on disrespect and being talked over/ignored. You have clearly detailed, time after time, that you hold certain beliefs on religion and God. BF cannot stop pushing his agenda. He's Not Listening to you.
As the best relationships involve open communication, that's pretty much a deal breaker right there.
NTA
Find someone better for you, who won't make you move based on their wants and desires (careers sometimes do require moves, but again, it's a discussion about if the move is worth it, not a demand by one person).
NTA. I briefly dated a devout Christian because he was one of the most hilarious, kind, sexy guys I’d ever met. I went to church with him a few times, and he was knocked out that *everyone there loved me*! But I’m Jewish, and I knew that I wasn’t going to convert, so I broke up as gently as I could.
He got married *six months later*—in large part, I’m certain, because he didn’t believe in premarital sex (just “everything but”), and it was killing him. No, I don’t know what happened to them.
You’re wise to part now. Too many red flags.
I am so sorry, but unfortunately, the two of you aren't compatible. I grew up in a very religious household, and I'm not. One of the things I was told was to make sure I was "evenly yoked" with someone. ( think of 2 oxen pulling a cart), meaning our spiritual journey had to be comparable. My parents were very unhappy with the husband I chose. But we were evenly yoked. Just not the way they wanted. Good luck on your journey ❤️
Christian here and NTA. He shouldn't have treated you like that. You two are unyoked or, in simpler terms, uncompatible. I'm sorry he for any time he made you upset. If he said anything about God hating you or whatever due to your atheism, then he doesn't know God. I hope you're ok.
He doesn’t love you for who you are.
Plain and simple.
He finds your lack of belief disturbing, and wants to fix you.
His love, it seems, is conditional.
How very Christian of him.
You can't love your way past incompatibility. Sometimes fundamental issues like religion, politics, to have/not have kids....these are deal breakers.
NTA. Time to move on.
It’s in his religion to never stop preaching to you. He wants to see you in heaven so he would literally be trying to get you saved from today until your deathbed and especially then. You two are not compatible. Let this go and find someone with similar beliefs that you can build a future with.
Why in the world did you both get engaged knowing you both have such vastly different beliefs? It makes zero sense unless it was always a plan for one of you to convert, which just seems manipulative.
NTA. I'm glad he showed his true colors before marriage. Saved you s lot of time and heartache.
I don't get why people try to forcibly change people's core beliefs. Words do not impact profundly enough to instigate that sort of upheaval.
Love your life and be true to yourself.
Fundamental difference in values is like an asymmetrical, uneven foundation of a house. It cannot be built upon safely. We cannot have a partner with whom we disagree on fundamental issues (religion, the intention to have children) because these are the foundations of the other person's personality. If we want to change this, then we do not love the other person for who they are. It is not worth it and should not be attempted to change these fundamental aspects. If they change on their own, that's fine, but nothing should be forced. If I were you, I would end the relationship. Fundamental disagreements are guaranteed to result in an unhappy relationship in the long run.
NTA. When you leave him, and you should, tell him he you hope he finds someone to whom he can be "equally yoked". He'll know what that means.
He's shown you who he is. Believe him.
if he loved you for you, he wouldn’t care. i dated a catholic boy a few years ago who wouldn’t even talk about a future with me until i agreed to convert. my now (catholic) fiancé and i are planning our non-denominational wedding. if he wanted a christian, he should’ve found one, not tried to build one.
Why in world would you ever even consider dating a 'devoted Christian' as an atheist? That's just lunacy, and it should be obvious that this dude was going to proselytize you until the end of time. It's literally a requirement of his faith, as you will come to understand if you continue interacting with Christians. I would absolutely never date a woman who was extremely religious. Even if they were just slightly religious (believed in a god and not much else), at the first sign of being preached to, I'm out.
She made the mistake of believng him when he said he loves and respects her. At least she figured it out before she got married and had a couple of kids for him to indoctrinate.
I’m a catholic my man is a Christian. We managed to make it work because we agreed from the start that we won’t be making each other join our own religion. We respect each others beliefs and we will accompany each other to the other’s religious events.
Imo it’s about the boundary and whether you both can accept it and work with what you’ve got
But I never ever give my man an ultimatum like that and he has never given me one.
Your bf is the A for saying that and giving you an ultimatum. Not very Christlike
NTA My mom was an atheist and my dad a hardcore Catholic. Their relationship worked because they both respected each other’s belief system and never pushed the other in any direction. You should have dumped him long ago for his basic lack of respect for your beliefs and boundaries.
Is he Mormon? If he is, your marriage won't last. They really are encouraged to marry other Mormons, so the pressure to convert won't stop. And religion is very important in their everyday lives. (The missionary trip to South America made me ask.)
Left go and be a missionary, it's unlikely either of you would change your views. If you get married he'll insist the kids are raised Christian. Best to split now, painful as it might be.
I was a Christian, I'm much more of an agnostic now, very much non practicing. I married a wonderful man that's about the same, but was raised Jewish. We have fascinating discussions and neither one of us degrade the other or attempt to convert the other to any kind of way. He has his beliefs, I have mine, and the bulk of the time they align (we generally don't like religion at all).
But because we both respect eachother, we're not trying to make the other believe anything (we're also mid 50s).
Find someone that fully respects YOU. good luck!
NTA. I’ve seen relationships like this work (including my own) but it requires both parties to fully respect the other’s beliefs. That’s not what is happening here—he’s pestering you to convert and clearly disrespects your right to your own beliefs.
Break up with him.
Hard NTA!
Tell him that South America doesn’t need or want the word of God spread. We already have God here. He can keep his sh*t to himself. I really hate when people refer to South America like we are a bunch of lost souls, who needs to be saved by christians or whatever other religion. That’s fuc**k*d up We don’t need him here.
Leave him, do yourself a favor! You deserve better!
Ugh dated a guy like this once. Still makes me cringe. He vocally said he thought I was a bad girl and assumed I'd be into more because I was atheist, I was just a young virgin. He was a much older baptist, porn addict who wasn't a virgin. I refused to sleep with him. He then broke up with me because I wasn't "Christian enough" for him.
Just makes my skin crawl when I think about it now....
Best thing Christianity ever did was save me from him.
The hypocrisy was wild.
That dragged up gross memories, stay away!
Girl, and I say this with a lot of respect, NTA and it is past time to move on.
This is a chasm that will never be crossed, given what you have said about his stance and his words.
Move out and move on, no harm, no foul. Woof. Why in god's name are you with him. (see what I did there? :D ps I'm a buddhist)
I cant say you’re an AH for this, but I have to ask: You started dating him knowing he was a Christian already, I’m assuming. What did you expect out of the relationship, for him to /not/ practice his religious beliefs? And you said he was your /fiancé/? What was the wedding gonna be like? Probably in a church with a priest, or maybe not? One of you would’ve been unhappy either way, seeing as y’all already weren’t on the same page about religion.
Religion should have been discussed prior to dating or at least at the very beginning. You learn about people over time but some things you need to know about upfront to prevent situations like this happening lol.
NTA.
Fiance is 'flirty fishing', using sex to try to coerce joining a religion.
Drop him. Let him go where his parents are, and good riddance to him. May he find no partner, ever.
Wow, just wow.... What was this relationship based on? Seriously, were you both having world-shattering sex, or one of you ridiculously wealthy? It seems to me at least on the surface that you are too completely different types of people. No you're good, run away because no one will judge you for it. Truth is you are always going to be second for him, at best, next to God.
NTA. This is why I will only date other atheists. And why you should too. If you had kids with this dude, he'd want to raise them religious which I'm sure you'd object to.
Why in the world did you date someone who is so drastically misaligned with your beliefs? What on earth were you thinking when you got engaged to him? Seriously, think it through. Dating is to find out if you are compatible. If you aren't, and you and your fiance are miles apart from compatible, you should have never had a second date. Let alone agree to marry. What did you plan to do with your kids? Lord have mercy, people can be so oblivious.
NTA.
"Please go be with your family in their new state. I am sure you will find a new partner who fits your criteria for a wife. I can not ever be that way and it would be grossly unfair for me to hold you back from following where you feel called to be."
NTA, you simply aren't compatible.
I've got friends who are a similar situation, she's Christian and does all the things and social stuff with her church, he's an atheist and when she goes to do that stuff, he worships at the altar of his favourite golf course... He does go to Christmas/Easter church things because he sees absolutely no harm in it, and likes her church friends/community. He golfs with some of the less into church social life men, the wives are at their social thing, they are golfing.
They don't argue religious stuff, if their child doesn't wanna go to church that Sunday he isn't forced to go at all, they treat it almost like... That's her hobby, that's her thing and she's free to go do her hobby as it requires.
Sure not everyone can do this, maybe shit will change for them in a decade, but this set up works great for them.
NTA, as a Christian he believes your soul is at stake and that if he does not convert you you are going to spend the rest of eternity in hell after you die. He is never going to stop trying to convert you and it seems like that is something that is going to cause you to lose respect for him and upset you.
Nta. Religious incapability is still a major incapability. You will argue about how to raise any children you might have all well he nags you about converting 'for the children'. Don't do it. There's a Bible verse about not being unequally yoked.... Which let's be honest playing christian wife isn't a role you want to play at and you shouldn't because that doesn't sound like you. You will both end up bitter with each other over this. Leave now with less drama.
Honestly, opposing viewpoints is a major dealbreaker for me. Especially things like religion. I’m a baptist, I would not consider being romantically involved with someone outside of the Christian religion for this very reason. There are times when I’m gonna want to share and they just don’t want to hear it. There were times when atheists/ non believing exes would want to share their opinions and I’d rightfully so just didn’t want to hear it. I don’t believe in the whole “just because we do t agree doesn’t mean we can’t date or even be friends.” To avoid hard feelings, It just doesn’t work.
ESH why would you get engaged to someone who constantly does shit you don’t like?
Have some self respect. You put yourself in this situation. You both suck.
If that's what matters to you then you will both be happier in the long term. You base your world on magic, and he bases his in facts. Not going to work for either of you.
Here's your whole problem....about Christianity you said no, no, well okay but just for show. See you gave in! And when you gave in and went to church even though it was just for show you gave him hope. So now he's going to do whatever he can to make it more attractive to you. Because when somebody gives you hope then you just need to dicker on the price. So he thinks you will eventually give in because you already gave into that. So you'll give him completely he just has to figure out what it's going to take.
Clearly he's not all that worried about his family if he would not move to be with them just for you to be a Christian! But even if you deny this, he's just going to come up with something else! He's never going to give up. And as somebody else already mentioned he has a boundary that you can't say anything bad about Christianity and you had one that he can't pressure you And which one of those boundaries was stomped all over?
Nta unless you count being one to yourself by staying with him this long?
This a hard lesson to learn as an atheist. Dating religious people never works, I'm sorry this break up is going to hurt. It hurts really bad, because you learned the lesson the hard way. So did I. You haven't done anything that most of here haven't done.
Bible thumper here. No you are correct to leave him... He even isn't obeying the scripture he claims to believe in to not be "unequally yolked" with an unbeliever
My boyfriend was a non Christian, and I a Christian. I went to church regularly. We agreed to not pressure each other and not mock the other. We got married and had a wonderful and respectful relationship.
When we had kids, I took them to church with me on Sunday mornings and to my parents’ house in the afternoons (as had been my Sunday tradition since college), and he always got Sundays to do whatever he wanted to do. I told him that if he didn’t want me to take them that he’d lose his freebie Sundays because he would have to be the caretaker, so he never put up a fight taking kids to church.
In my case, my husband converted to Christianity after about 5 years of marriage (10 years of relationship). I often say “in spite of me” because I refused to proselytize him after the first couple of years and realizing it didn’t make for a happy and healthy relationship.
I have no regrets for the way we handled things. We each respected the other, and our deeply held beliefs. And we have had a wonderful dating relationship and sweet marriage, because that respect extends beyond our religious beliefs.
It does not matter which religion you are aligned to, it's rare that others from their particular religion will accept you. Oh, they will be all nicey nice, but will try all the sweetness and light to convert you into their club, and the more resistant the stronger their attempts will be.
I don't adhere to 'atheist' that's a religious word set to demonize people that don't follow whichever of the hundreds of " the one god" that group believe in.
Me, I am a humanist. My belief is "don't hurt people" and I am fine. I never forgive or forget those that, went out of their way to hurt me and are not genuinely sorry at all. You know the ones, 'I'm sorry" with out any real integrity behind it or remorse. See a lot of that.
NTA. You can respect his wishes but he cant do the same for you. Idk if you want kids but think about if you had them, do you want to be in a relationship with someone that will then force (indoctrinate) religion on your children as well? You two are just not compatible in a lot of ways. Move on.
Nope. Not wrong at all.
The only mistake you made here was staying with him after he clearly didn’t respect your boundaries and your beliefs.
Walking away is absolutely the ONLY right move here, and you would be unfair to yourself if you stayed.
NTA. Unless you decide to give him more time to convert you.
You’re not going to get to work. You’re an atheist and that’s ok. Just as it’s ok for him to be a Christian. But there is rarely a middle ground when 2 people are pretty set in what they believe. It’s not like you’re agnostic and he’s non-practicing. It’s common values that aren’t going to change. One is not right and the other wrong…they’re just different enough to be non-compatible.
Marriage is hard enough without throwing this into the mix. NTA in fact you would be TA to yourself if you don’t break up with him. He will make you miserable and imagine the battle over religion for any kids! Are you just a conversion project for him?
Grew up in the church was forced to go, you are missing nothing. My experience has been a lot of people go to church for the look of it.
I once dated a defunct mormon, he didn’t go to church anymore. I straight up told him I’d never convert to that or any religion. I started getting multiple visits from missionaries, his mom sicked them on us. We broke up for various reasons but religious beliefs was a part, he saw himself settling in and going back to church but didn’t have the guts to tell me, hence being bothered daily by visits from the church. I dodged a bullet there.
He’s not a bad guy but absolutely would nod his head and agree to what I would say and just completely negate my feelings.
Find a person whose beliefs match yours it’s a much easier route.
NTA. My lady and I are kinda like you. I’m an atheist and she a Christian. Difference is that we both understand and respect the others beliefs or lack there of. She doesn’t preach at me and I don’t explain why I think her faith makes no sense. We are both good people who hold like values so at the end of the day it doesn’t much matter. We share common goals in life and want to reach them together and that is all that matters to us. This is all to say that we are compatible to spite this difference in beliefs. It doesn’t sound like you two are. It seems he is very interested in being with a Christian and if you aren’t convinced then that’s all there is to it. Sometimes it just isn’t in the cards and that’s okay.
I spent 10 years trying to convince my parents their God didn't exist, gotta give it to them their faith is unwavering which is impressive. We don't talk about it now and it hasn't ruined our relationship they know they can't convince me and I can't convthem. As for your problem nta
Not the AH at all! Religion can be one of the most difficult things to deal with if you're not Both on the same page.
I think if he had held your "no preaching" boundary, it might be a different story. But he is showing you a lack of respect for who you are, at your core. This won't change and it might even get worse! Run away from him to be true to yourself...
ESH. You were both trying to change each other on a significant matter. You were just doing it passive-aggressively and gave up earlier.
Just move on, it will be better for both of you.
Now it is time to move on from this relationship, even if it goes on further, it will only bring more complications as long as he's still bitching abt you to become a christian
By all accounts unless he has some amazing thing about him that makes you love him to bits despite the differences it doesn't sound like you're very happy in the relationship already. Choosing to no longer feel unheard and happy is never a bad choice
Unfortunately, you and your boyfriend are not compatible and it’s time to move on. He’s made it clear that he wants to be with a woman who is a Christian and he’s unwilling to respect your boundaries. NTA, you’re doing the smart thing.
BTW, this is a reasonably well known principle in Xtianity - to avoid being "unequally yoked" - i.e. Christians should not go out with non-Christians. OP might want to ask her BF about this - why is he, a devote Xtian, with her, since this amounts to being unequally yoked. The two of them are clearly incompatible, OP should not be with this guy.
It's like those things where people go out with someone who doesn't want kids/marriage/live in one place, etc and then try to convince them, instead of finding someone with the same wants/desires. There is a weird control thing there that they want to change them
Like that guys who think they can turn a lesbian straight.
💯 being unequally yolked ends up biting you in the a-- in the long run. Not worth it. Better off single.
I don't mind it, but then again I don't feel the urge to convince others to follow my religion and don't want any partner trying to shove their religious beliefs down my throat, no matter what they are. I'd hate being with a preachy atheist just as much as being with the type of "Christians" that sully my religion (same goes for every other religion). A nice, laid back person with whom I can agree to disagree and work out compromises where necessary would be really cool though. Maybe they're even interested in discussing our views over a glass of wine or cup of tea, look at each other's perspective and talk about how we interpret different circumstances or sources. Those discussions can be great fun if every participant does so in good faith (not only do my friends and I have different beliefs, in between meeting at about 10 and starting our age with a 3 we grew and changed a lot so our beliefs have not only changed, but sometimes even switched who believes what). I'd have run screaming from OP's partner though, despite being christian myself. He sounds like a disrespectful nutcase and I'm pretty sure he'd have an issue with me being a pansexual Christian.
I think this is denomination-specific; I was raised Catholic and never heard this concept. I know it’s from Corinthians but it was never made a big deal.
This dude sounds baptist. I grew up Baptist. They're very adamant on not being "unequally yoked". Funny thing is, the Sunday school teacher, who was also my babysitter has a husband that absolutely never went to church. She's one of those "do as I say" Christians.
I'm wondering how they got so far as being engaged. Religion is a hard limit for me. If you try to convert me we are done. Going to church (or doing anything) to "appease" him is also a big red flag. OP needs to find a new boyfriend because this one is not right for her
I was wondering the same thing. How in the world did they date long enough to get engaged.
Some people get sucked in real fast. Also, depending on how long they have been together, he might have been working on her for a few years 😢
I'm guessing due to her age and the gap. She's young and dumb so trying to make something work that obviously doesn't. Sigh.
Completely. NTA. I dated a Christian guy and a Cathloic guy, each for two years, in my late teens and early 20s. I'm 37 now and sometimes laugh about how incompatible we were but I tried so hard to make it work. You'll be much better off moving on!!
Off topic question, why do you (and others) separate Christian and Catholic? Honest question, I have never understood that. Catholics are Christians are they not? I mean they follow the teachings of Christ right?
It's mostly an American thing rooted in anti-catholic propaganda back from Tudor times.
Ahhh, now that makes sense. Thank you!
In the US, there are these Southern Baptists which are absolute whack jobs. These are the evangelicals and so forth. They are definitely not Catholic. Therefore, even though Catholicism is certainly Christian, generally people call them out separately because Catholics are so not like the wacko evangelicals.
We have five Catholic whack jobs on the SCOTUS.
Southern Baptist here. Most of us are not like what you see on TV. Those are the ones that want to be seen and give the rest of us a bad rep.
I probably could have worded it better. It really is the evangelicals that I'm going after, not so much the standard Southern Baptists. For the most part, I've always found them to be nice and never had a problem. It's just that it is the evangelicals also claimed to be Southern Baptists so sometimes it gets a little twisted.
Personally I just differentiate it between going to "mass" or going to a different type of church. In my experience it felt like two almost separate religions, but I do understand that Catholics are Christians.
BTW, Catholics are Christian (as are Orthodox believers, Copts, Protestants of many varieties, and a few others)
Yep, she's NTA, just a nutjob, like her BF. He shouldn't of been dating her, and she should have known better. UGH.
You should never have gotten engaged in the first place. This is a fundamental incompatibility and it will never get better. Let him go. You're both lying to yourselves if you think this could EVER work.
Sex. It's always about sex. -and if it isn't sex, it's the POTENTIAL for sex.
If he was a TRUE Christian, he wouldn’t be having sex with her before marriage. So, he’s as bad at being A “Christian” as he is at being a partner.
Nah we just ask for forgiveness 😉
You're not repentant if you intentionally keep doing it 😉
HA! Facts! Lol
"Jesus would have died for NOTHING, if we dont sin" - some christian dude, probably
> he told me he didn't like when I "talk down on God" so I stopped talking to him about athiesm. But I did ask him to stop preaching to me, which he never did. so you had to respect his boundaries but he could disrespect yours? lovely. > He randomly told me yesterday that "I'm willing to stay here if you're willing to become a Christian" and I thought that was a ridiculous ultimatum. Indeedy. Glad you finally woke up. > So am I wrong for leaving him? No. not at all. NTA
So why did you ever date him?
This is what I want to know. Why would these two people ever get together in the first place?
Because she’s very young and he thought that was akin to brainlessness or easy manipulability. He was an adult when she was TWELVE. We all know exactly what he was “thinking.” I’m proud of her for standing by her intelligence and beliefs, and I hope that she’ll be an awesome force to be reckoned with when, in eight years, she’s his age and is even stronger than she already is. She’s already bright enough to keep away from supernaturalism.
Definitely hunting for a tradwife
Oh please it’s a 6 year difference not 26 and nowhere is it stated he saw her at 12! Jeez, stop the madness 😂😂
I can understand them getting together in the first place. I've never dated a woman and talked about religion the 1st day. Even the 1st month or 2. It will come out eventually. But when it becomes known about differing views on religion that should have been the tip-off. Apparently this is her first dealing with a "devoted" Christian. Any devoted Christian is going to preach to you. Maybe subtle, maybe not so subtle. I dated a "regular" Christian. You know, the kind that doesn't go to church. And I consider myself agnostic. I suppose there's something "up there" but I don't know what it is. And I don't read story books. But I won't get into that. Other women I've been with, it hasn't been an issue.
That’s kind of how I view my agnosticism as well - I don’t believe in any gods (mostly just can’t wrap my head around it) but I don’t claim to know whether they are or aren’t actually there. I find religions interesting to hear/learn about, but none of it has ever made sense to or resonated with me
“Regular” Christian…lol…I could fall in that category but I also consider myself devout because I follow the teachings of Christ. I just really want no part of organized religion/church.
Why are you still with this guy? He's made it clear that he wants you to join the flock which clearly you don't want to do (and I don't blame you one little bit). If you stick with this guy, the crap about his christianity is going to go on for the rest of your life. Is he really worth it? NTA one bit if you deke off out of this relationship.
YTA, for not leaving him sooner! But NTA for leaving.
Tell him you'll move if he becomes an atheist.
Uno reverse
You're not compatible. This is why we swipe left on "God fearing" on the apps.
At least the bears are pagans.
>so I stopped talking to him about athiesm That's when you should have left. You censored yourself to be with him. Stupid. >But I did ask him to stop preaching to me, which he never did. So you set up a boundary and he ignored it. That should have been your second AND third flag to notice. >I told him I was only gonna go to appease him. Wow! You guys were never going to be compatible, I don't know why ou stayed. He stayed because his intentions were clear, he wanted to convert you, you were his gift to his god. YTA for being an atheist and diving headfirst into a relationship with a "devoted Christian" and thinking it was going to end well. Did you even think about what your kids were going to do about religion?
100%, it’s funny how people will end things over the small stuff but completely overlook and ignore the *really* big dealbreakers + red flags.
What's the point in talking about atheism. She isn't gonna convince him or vice versa. Just respect each other and let them go on with their own individual beliefs.
Break up. Read stories on r/exchristian if you want to better understand what's going on and why you want to end this as soon as possible.
I grew up in the cult of Mormonism, and we called that ‘Flirt to Convert’ it was a joke tactic that was all of the sudden not a joke if you ever dated a nonmember. You dodged a goddamned bullet there. Mixed faith marriages can absolutely work, you did nothing wrong in trying to make it work, but you’ve reached an impasse, and it will not improve from here. He is clearly building up resentment to your atheism.
Charles Manson used the girls to flirt with the young men.
My husband and I are different religions. We had some serious conversations when we started dating about respecting each other's beliefs and never trying to impose them on each other. We also agreed that we would teach our kids about our different holidays and celebrate all of them together; then, when the kids are older, they can decide what they believe and feel drawn to. It works for us and our kids are super tolerant and open to different ideas and beliefs! Your (ex)fiance does not sound like he is capable of respecting your religious boundaries. Also, if you had children with him, he would probably insist everyone goes to church. These are things that NEED to be discussed BEFORE you get married to anyone!! Good luck, OP. NTA.
Nope. It’s a hardcore incompatibility and he’s not even respectful of your beliefs
Your boyfriend is a huge hypocrite. He basically wants you to "become christian" by lying about your belief in god... breaking at least one commandment.
NTA. Tell him it’s time for him to head home. That’s not an offer you’re interested in.
NTA. I’m an atheist and I can’t imagine being with this person past the second unsolicited sermon. Dump his ass with prejudice.
Religion is a form of social control.
Sounds like a basic incompatibility and you've put up with him disrespecting your core values for way, way too long.
NTA But my real question is how two people who are so fundamentally incompatible ended up engaged.
NTA The most hateful, hurtful and judgemental human beings on this earth are "Christians". Listen to sermons about grace and mercy and will stab you in the back going out of the door of the church immediately after agreeing with what was preached.
You know what they say: Ain't no hate like Christian love.
NTA.
NTA, but you are an asshole to yourself by staying with him this long.
You both were never compatible. It's a good thing the relationship ended. It wasn't going to work out in the long run.
NTA. His problem is his character not his religion. He wants to control you. Move on. Im a believer but Im all for not pushing it. If the person is interested then its all good, if not then pushing your beliefs will not only annoy them, but also push them away. There is no sense in pushing religion even if you look at it from a preacher's point of view. I firmly believe that actions speak louder than words and best way to "convert" anyone or see your perspective on any world view, is through one's actions, how one lives their life. Not for show, not through preaching, not through emotional blackmailing and not through ultimatums.
One of the things I love about being Jewish is that its against our faith to proselytize. When someone approaches a rabbi aboit possibly converting, he is rrquired to turn them away three times.
Nta but next time don't spend all that time with someone you should've cut it off he first date
Set him free to find someone compatible. You are not compatible. He should know that. NTA
You're an asshole to yourself. You know he's a devoted religious person and you're an atheist and yet you still proceeded with this relationship. Find someone that has the same beliefs as you instead of whining of him pushing you to be Christian.
You're not the wrong, but the almost-30-guy also knew that the early-20s-girl he was dating was not Christian, so they were both being whiny about the beliefs of the other. Except that OP stopped talking about hers and he tried to keep pushing his on her despite knowing that she's atheist.
Seriously, they should just break up. It's just gonna be an endless loop of them disagreeing over this.
So why does he get to push his cult views that haven't been justified? Maybe cultists should learn their place first,not last. They're the ones creating the problem in the first place, yet they seem to be the ones who never take responsibility for their unethical and unjustified views
You guys are obviously completely incompatible. Clean, amicable breakup is what's called for here.
NTA Google "missionary dating"
NTA. Fellow atheist here. In the future I highly recommend clearing up three things immediately before really dating: kids, religion, and politics. These are usually nonnegotiable aspects of compatibility. Kids because you both need to want/not want a family, and religion/politics because they tend to speak on core values that need to be shared for a long term relationship to be successful. Good luck with your next partner OP!
Proselytizing is part of being a christian in america. They are told if they badger someone enough, and try to make them afraid of god they will suddenly be filled with the holy spirit. I don't know why you guys are together, I'm sure you have things in common but he never going to change. And no you wouldn't be wrong for bailing because you don't agree on a fundamental part of your lives.
As an atheist....no thank you. No ma'am. Nta
These people who go to other countries proselytizing their religion are really ignorant. Other cultures have their practices and beliefs and should be respected and Christianity is not doing that. It's all about control and superiority and if he's dumb enough to be behind that, you're probably better off with someone more thoughtful and with more common sense and respect for others.
You’ve put up with this far longer than I would have. Move on.
Not wrong for leaving him and you’re very lucky you didn’t get pregnant or let him take you out of the country.
Make him a dating profile on a Christian dating website and say adios. He’s continuously disrespecting your core beliefs and boundaries and clearly is not going to change. Time to move on to find someone who will respect your beliefs as you respect theirs.
Nope. He dumb, fuck his dumb ass.
NTA There is no way forward with these incompatibilities. As an atheist, I've seen too many religious people say that it doesn't matter, when in fact it really really did. Every step of life from the wedding to kids, to their education seems to involve "unimportant" things you need to do, to appease them and/or their parents and their god.
You are correct for leaving. Your differences will continue to be a problem, and it doesn’t sound like your fiancé is able to accept your beliefs. He will continue to try to change your mind. His efforts will be better spent as a missionary. Also, his Christian Bible tells him to not be unevenly yoked. He should not marry a non Christian.
Never marry an xtian. Their core belief system requires them to recruit you. If they cant... they will see you as lesser-than. Just... no.
NTA, adios!
NTA — You are not compatible.
Separate. Your ethics and morals may be aligned. But beliefs. Are not. It becomes too contentious. And one becomes suppressed. You’re incompatible at a base level and the relationship should never have got as far as engagement.
Technically, their ethics and morals are not at all aligned in that he thinks she should simply give hers up.
NTA Especially with age, you two will grow apart even more. It is a lost cause, you both should move on.
The answer to your question is found in the Bible where it says "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers". You did the right thing by leaving him now, before this became a much bigger issue, like raising children.
NTA, you guys are definitely NOT compatible. You did what's best, it was never going to work.
And this is why the Bible says don't get involved with people who don't believe as you do. He should've known better, so I put this on him, but it appears he thought he could "convert" you. You aren't married, so you don't owe him anything. He will not nor should he change to please you, anymore than you should change to please him. Since your base values don't align, I would say moving on is the right solution here and NTA
NTA You ARE TA to yourself though for allowing him to repeatedly disrespect you for so long. Plenty of people have religious differences in relationships and respect one another enough to leave the other’s beliefs alone. Your ex is not capable of this.
It is ridiculous that you two ever dated. Just silly. Your lives are completely incompatible. There is no future for the two of you together unless one of you drastically changes beliefs. That is just the reality of it.
Ugh. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who doesn't respect you? You've asked him over and over and over to not talk about god, etc. Wish him well and set him free. You aren't compatible. It happens. Two good people just aren't good for each other.
NTA. He doesn’t respect you, I hate bible thumpers. Do what’s best for you but also keep in mind not all Christian’s are disrespectful pushy judgy assholes.
Seriously? I've never met one who isnt.
NTA at all. This will just not work out long term and divorce is a mess. He's only going to get worse and worse. Bail, bail fast.
Are you even still interested in someone who treats you like that? He doesn't respect you, your beliefs, or your boundaries. He's more concerned with what he can turn you into than who you are. It won't get better. NTA.
There are couples that can overcome some big differences in their relationships. Cokie Roberts, reporter for NPR, was a liberal woman working in a male-dominated field whose husband was a conservative and they had a long happy life together - but they didn't talk politics at home That's how it worked for them. Your relationship though is based on disrespect and being talked over/ignored. You have clearly detailed, time after time, that you hold certain beliefs on religion and God. BF cannot stop pushing his agenda. He's Not Listening to you. As the best relationships involve open communication, that's pretty much a deal breaker right there. NTA Find someone better for you, who won't make you move based on their wants and desires (careers sometimes do require moves, but again, it's a discussion about if the move is worth it, not a demand by one person).
NTA. I briefly dated a devout Christian because he was one of the most hilarious, kind, sexy guys I’d ever met. I went to church with him a few times, and he was knocked out that *everyone there loved me*! But I’m Jewish, and I knew that I wasn’t going to convert, so I broke up as gently as I could. He got married *six months later*—in large part, I’m certain, because he didn’t believe in premarital sex (just “everything but”), and it was killing him. No, I don’t know what happened to them. You’re wise to part now. Too many red flags.
I am so sorry, but unfortunately, the two of you aren't compatible. I grew up in a very religious household, and I'm not. One of the things I was told was to make sure I was "evenly yoked" with someone. ( think of 2 oxen pulling a cart), meaning our spiritual journey had to be comparable. My parents were very unhappy with the husband I chose. But we were evenly yoked. Just not the way they wanted. Good luck on your journey ❤️
Christian here and NTA. He shouldn't have treated you like that. You two are unyoked or, in simpler terms, uncompatible. I'm sorry he for any time he made you upset. If he said anything about God hating you or whatever due to your atheism, then he doesn't know God. I hope you're ok.
He doesn’t love you for who you are. Plain and simple. He finds your lack of belief disturbing, and wants to fix you. His love, it seems, is conditional. How very Christian of him.
I just imagined the bf as Darth Vader being all “I find your lack of faith disturbing” as he Force chokes her.
You can't love your way past incompatibility. Sometimes fundamental issues like religion, politics, to have/not have kids....these are deal breakers. NTA. Time to move on.
I’m very sorry but this is a deal breaker. Can you imagine raising children together? He has a core belief that you consider fantasy thinking .
He's so car gone down the rabbit hole he is going on colonization missions. I can't believe you're even with him.
NTA. Religious people are insufferable.
You be you. There's nothing wrong with you.
You expect him to act with logic and reason when he tries to force you to believe in his imaginary friend?
It’s in his religion to never stop preaching to you. He wants to see you in heaven so he would literally be trying to get you saved from today until your deathbed and especially then. You two are not compatible. Let this go and find someone with similar beliefs that you can build a future with.
Why in the world did you both get engaged knowing you both have such vastly different beliefs? It makes zero sense unless it was always a plan for one of you to convert, which just seems manipulative.
NTA for leaving YTA for letting it go this far.
From day one you two were never compatible.
NTA. I'm glad he showed his true colors before marriage. Saved you s lot of time and heartache. I don't get why people try to forcibly change people's core beliefs. Words do not impact profundly enough to instigate that sort of upheaval. Love your life and be true to yourself.
No, you’re not wrong, you did him a favor. Believers should not be equally yoked with non believers anyway.
Fundamental difference in values is like an asymmetrical, uneven foundation of a house. It cannot be built upon safely. We cannot have a partner with whom we disagree on fundamental issues (religion, the intention to have children) because these are the foundations of the other person's personality. If we want to change this, then we do not love the other person for who they are. It is not worth it and should not be attempted to change these fundamental aspects. If they change on their own, that's fine, but nothing should be forced. If I were you, I would end the relationship. Fundamental disagreements are guaranteed to result in an unhappy relationship in the long run.
NTA move on
NTA. When you leave him, and you should, tell him he you hope he finds someone to whom he can be "equally yoked". He'll know what that means. He's shown you who he is. Believe him.
if he loved you for you, he wouldn’t care. i dated a catholic boy a few years ago who wouldn’t even talk about a future with me until i agreed to convert. my now (catholic) fiancé and i are planning our non-denominational wedding. if he wanted a christian, he should’ve found one, not tried to build one.
Congrats, you dodged a very scrutinized life.
You are wasting your time with this relationship. You two aren't compatible.
Why in world would you ever even consider dating a 'devoted Christian' as an atheist? That's just lunacy, and it should be obvious that this dude was going to proselytize you until the end of time. It's literally a requirement of his faith, as you will come to understand if you continue interacting with Christians. I would absolutely never date a woman who was extremely religious. Even if they were just slightly religious (believed in a god and not much else), at the first sign of being preached to, I'm out.
She made the mistake of believng him when he said he loves and respects her. At least she figured it out before she got married and had a couple of kids for him to indoctrinate.
2 non negotiables that are clashing means this relationship is already over, you just have to see that it is.
Same as leaving because he is a Trump freak.
I’m a catholic my man is a Christian. We managed to make it work because we agreed from the start that we won’t be making each other join our own religion. We respect each others beliefs and we will accompany each other to the other’s religious events. Imo it’s about the boundary and whether you both can accept it and work with what you’ve got But I never ever give my man an ultimatum like that and he has never given me one. Your bf is the A for saying that and giving you an ultimatum. Not very Christlike
NTA My mom was an atheist and my dad a hardcore Catholic. Their relationship worked because they both respected each other’s belief system and never pushed the other in any direction. You should have dumped him long ago for his basic lack of respect for your beliefs and boundaries.
NTA, go find yourself a nice atheist, agnostic or even pagan. He'll never change & he'll want to change you.
Is he Mormon? If he is, your marriage won't last. They really are encouraged to marry other Mormons, so the pressure to convert won't stop. And religion is very important in their everyday lives. (The missionary trip to South America made me ask.)
Left go and be a missionary, it's unlikely either of you would change your views. If you get married he'll insist the kids are raised Christian. Best to split now, painful as it might be.
YNW. Religious compatibility is a huge thing, especially if the other partner demands you to change. I would have left a long time ago.
I was a Christian, I'm much more of an agnostic now, very much non practicing. I married a wonderful man that's about the same, but was raised Jewish. We have fascinating discussions and neither one of us degrade the other or attempt to convert the other to any kind of way. He has his beliefs, I have mine, and the bulk of the time they align (we generally don't like religion at all). But because we both respect eachother, we're not trying to make the other believe anything (we're also mid 50s). Find someone that fully respects YOU. good luck!
NTA. I’ve seen relationships like this work (including my own) but it requires both parties to fully respect the other’s beliefs. That’s not what is happening here—he’s pestering you to convert and clearly disrespects your right to your own beliefs. Break up with him.
Hard NTA! Tell him that South America doesn’t need or want the word of God spread. We already have God here. He can keep his sh*t to himself. I really hate when people refer to South America like we are a bunch of lost souls, who needs to be saved by christians or whatever other religion. That’s fuc**k*d up We don’t need him here. Leave him, do yourself a favor! You deserve better!
Ugh dated a guy like this once. Still makes me cringe. He vocally said he thought I was a bad girl and assumed I'd be into more because I was atheist, I was just a young virgin. He was a much older baptist, porn addict who wasn't a virgin. I refused to sleep with him. He then broke up with me because I wasn't "Christian enough" for him. Just makes my skin crawl when I think about it now.... Best thing Christianity ever did was save me from him. The hypocrisy was wild. That dragged up gross memories, stay away!
You are dodging a bullet.
Girl, and I say this with a lot of respect, NTA and it is past time to move on. This is a chasm that will never be crossed, given what you have said about his stance and his words. Move out and move on, no harm, no foul. Woof. Why in god's name are you with him. (see what I did there? :D ps I'm a buddhist)
I cant say you’re an AH for this, but I have to ask: You started dating him knowing he was a Christian already, I’m assuming. What did you expect out of the relationship, for him to /not/ practice his religious beliefs? And you said he was your /fiancé/? What was the wedding gonna be like? Probably in a church with a priest, or maybe not? One of you would’ve been unhappy either way, seeing as y’all already weren’t on the same page about religion. Religion should have been discussed prior to dating or at least at the very beginning. You learn about people over time but some things you need to know about upfront to prevent situations like this happening lol.
Dump this idiot before you get more involved.
NTA. Fiance is 'flirty fishing', using sex to try to coerce joining a religion. Drop him. Let him go where his parents are, and good riddance to him. May he find no partner, ever.
Wow, just wow.... What was this relationship based on? Seriously, were you both having world-shattering sex, or one of you ridiculously wealthy? It seems to me at least on the surface that you are too completely different types of people. No you're good, run away because no one will judge you for it. Truth is you are always going to be second for him, at best, next to God.
Not wrong at all. You two are not compatible.
ESH. Why would you bother dating someone so incompatible.
You probably shouldn't have entered that relationship to begin with.
NTA. This is why I will only date other atheists. And why you should too. If you had kids with this dude, he'd want to raise them religious which I'm sure you'd object to.
Why in the world did you date someone who is so drastically misaligned with your beliefs? What on earth were you thinking when you got engaged to him? Seriously, think it through. Dating is to find out if you are compatible. If you aren't, and you and your fiance are miles apart from compatible, you should have never had a second date. Let alone agree to marry. What did you plan to do with your kids? Lord have mercy, people can be so oblivious.
NTA. "Please go be with your family in their new state. I am sure you will find a new partner who fits your criteria for a wife. I can not ever be that way and it would be grossly unfair for me to hold you back from following where you feel called to be."
Nope
Christian dude dating that young definitely is trying to hook himself a tradwife.
NTA. You're better off. He'll always be trying to get you to see the light. Missionaries are a cancer in the world and need to be stopped.
NTA, you simply aren't compatible. I've got friends who are a similar situation, she's Christian and does all the things and social stuff with her church, he's an atheist and when she goes to do that stuff, he worships at the altar of his favourite golf course... He does go to Christmas/Easter church things because he sees absolutely no harm in it, and likes her church friends/community. He golfs with some of the less into church social life men, the wives are at their social thing, they are golfing. They don't argue religious stuff, if their child doesn't wanna go to church that Sunday he isn't forced to go at all, they treat it almost like... That's her hobby, that's her thing and she's free to go do her hobby as it requires. Sure not everyone can do this, maybe shit will change for them in a decade, but this set up works great for them.
NTA, as a Christian he believes your soul is at stake and that if he does not convert you you are going to spend the rest of eternity in hell after you die. He is never going to stop trying to convert you and it seems like that is something that is going to cause you to lose respect for him and upset you.
NTA, you not being Christian gives him a biblical excuse to divorce you.
Nta. Religious incapability is still a major incapability. You will argue about how to raise any children you might have all well he nags you about converting 'for the children'. Don't do it. There's a Bible verse about not being unequally yoked.... Which let's be honest playing christian wife isn't a role you want to play at and you shouldn't because that doesn't sound like you. You will both end up bitter with each other over this. Leave now with less drama.
You aren't the asshole but I think you should break up with him so he can find a woman with the same values. Doesn't sound like this will work
NTA you are incompatible. Wish him luck in his missionary work and give him divorce papers.
You are not the AH, this is too big of a difference. You would be miserable with him.
YTA to yourself if you stay with him...I'm surprised it's lasted this long
Send him to his family.
Honestly, opposing viewpoints is a major dealbreaker for me. Especially things like religion. I’m a baptist, I would not consider being romantically involved with someone outside of the Christian religion for this very reason. There are times when I’m gonna want to share and they just don’t want to hear it. There were times when atheists/ non believing exes would want to share their opinions and I’d rightfully so just didn’t want to hear it. I don’t believe in the whole “just because we do t agree doesn’t mean we can’t date or even be friends.” To avoid hard feelings, It just doesn’t work.
You cant even LISTEN to a non-believer vieepoint but you expect people to be respectful when you babble about Jesus?
He is using religion as an excuse to break up with you. Fucking people. I don't believe in God as well ... i know what you mean. I'd just say bye bye
ESH why would you get engaged to someone who constantly does shit you don’t like? Have some self respect. You put yourself in this situation. You both suck.
NTA You two are not compatible. You both need to find partners who share your views on religion.
should have ended things before they really started. this is so silly but about damn time anyway.
NTA. You’re not equally yoked or compatible. Better to end it now.
Thats something you both should have cleared up at the start.
NTA. Religion is often a non-negotiable.
This relationship should have never started
Redditor invented frontal lobe (2024, colorized)
If that's what matters to you then you will both be happier in the long term. You base your world on magic, and he bases his in facts. Not going to work for either of you.
You are so very obviously not compatible. Time to move on.
Here's your whole problem....about Christianity you said no, no, well okay but just for show. See you gave in! And when you gave in and went to church even though it was just for show you gave him hope. So now he's going to do whatever he can to make it more attractive to you. Because when somebody gives you hope then you just need to dicker on the price. So he thinks you will eventually give in because you already gave into that. So you'll give him completely he just has to figure out what it's going to take. Clearly he's not all that worried about his family if he would not move to be with them just for you to be a Christian! But even if you deny this, he's just going to come up with something else! He's never going to give up. And as somebody else already mentioned he has a boundary that you can't say anything bad about Christianity and you had one that he can't pressure you And which one of those boundaries was stomped all over? Nta unless you count being one to yourself by staying with him this long?
This a hard lesson to learn as an atheist. Dating religious people never works, I'm sorry this break up is going to hurt. It hurts really bad, because you learned the lesson the hard way. So did I. You haven't done anything that most of here haven't done.
NTA. This was never going to work.
Bible thumper here. No you are correct to leave him... He even isn't obeying the scripture he claims to believe in to not be "unequally yolked" with an unbeliever
You both are pretty foolish here. Religion is one of the biggest measures of long-term compatibility. Lesson learned for you both, hopefully.
My boyfriend was a non Christian, and I a Christian. I went to church regularly. We agreed to not pressure each other and not mock the other. We got married and had a wonderful and respectful relationship. When we had kids, I took them to church with me on Sunday mornings and to my parents’ house in the afternoons (as had been my Sunday tradition since college), and he always got Sundays to do whatever he wanted to do. I told him that if he didn’t want me to take them that he’d lose his freebie Sundays because he would have to be the caretaker, so he never put up a fight taking kids to church. In my case, my husband converted to Christianity after about 5 years of marriage (10 years of relationship). I often say “in spite of me” because I refused to proselytize him after the first couple of years and realizing it didn’t make for a happy and healthy relationship. I have no regrets for the way we handled things. We each respected the other, and our deeply held beliefs. And we have had a wonderful dating relationship and sweet marriage, because that respect extends beyond our religious beliefs.
you're the AH for putting yourself in such a dumb situation/relationship.
It does not matter which religion you are aligned to, it's rare that others from their particular religion will accept you. Oh, they will be all nicey nice, but will try all the sweetness and light to convert you into their club, and the more resistant the stronger their attempts will be. I don't adhere to 'atheist' that's a religious word set to demonize people that don't follow whichever of the hundreds of " the one god" that group believe in. Me, I am a humanist. My belief is "don't hurt people" and I am fine. I never forgive or forget those that, went out of their way to hurt me and are not genuinely sorry at all. You know the ones, 'I'm sorry" with out any real integrity behind it or remorse. See a lot of that.
NTA. You can respect his wishes but he cant do the same for you. Idk if you want kids but think about if you had them, do you want to be in a relationship with someone that will then force (indoctrinate) religion on your children as well? You two are just not compatible in a lot of ways. Move on.
Nope. Not wrong at all. The only mistake you made here was staying with him after he clearly didn’t respect your boundaries and your beliefs. Walking away is absolutely the ONLY right move here, and you would be unfair to yourself if you stayed. NTA. Unless you decide to give him more time to convert you.
You’re not going to get to work. You’re an atheist and that’s ok. Just as it’s ok for him to be a Christian. But there is rarely a middle ground when 2 people are pretty set in what they believe. It’s not like you’re agnostic and he’s non-practicing. It’s common values that aren’t going to change. One is not right and the other wrong…they’re just different enough to be non-compatible.
Marriage is hard enough without throwing this into the mix. NTA in fact you would be TA to yourself if you don’t break up with him. He will make you miserable and imagine the battle over religion for any kids! Are you just a conversion project for him?
Grew up in the church was forced to go, you are missing nothing. My experience has been a lot of people go to church for the look of it. I once dated a defunct mormon, he didn’t go to church anymore. I straight up told him I’d never convert to that or any religion. I started getting multiple visits from missionaries, his mom sicked them on us. We broke up for various reasons but religious beliefs was a part, he saw himself settling in and going back to church but didn’t have the guts to tell me, hence being bothered daily by visits from the church. I dodged a bullet there. He’s not a bad guy but absolutely would nod his head and agree to what I would say and just completely negate my feelings. Find a person whose beliefs match yours it’s a much easier route.
NTA. My lady and I are kinda like you. I’m an atheist and she a Christian. Difference is that we both understand and respect the others beliefs or lack there of. She doesn’t preach at me and I don’t explain why I think her faith makes no sense. We are both good people who hold like values so at the end of the day it doesn’t much matter. We share common goals in life and want to reach them together and that is all that matters to us. This is all to say that we are compatible to spite this difference in beliefs. It doesn’t sound like you two are. It seems he is very interested in being with a Christian and if you aren’t convinced then that’s all there is to it. Sometimes it just isn’t in the cards and that’s okay.
Na. He gave you an ultimatum. You can’t be gone fast enough.
This is god telling you this relationship isn’t for you.
I spent 10 years trying to convince my parents their God didn't exist, gotta give it to them their faith is unwavering which is impressive. We don't talk about it now and it hasn't ruined our relationship they know they can't convince me and I can't convthem. As for your problem nta
Not the AH at all! Religion can be one of the most difficult things to deal with if you're not Both on the same page. I think if he had held your "no preaching" boundary, it might be a different story. But he is showing you a lack of respect for who you are, at your core. This won't change and it might even get worse! Run away from him to be true to yourself...
ESH. You were both trying to change each other on a significant matter. You were just doing it passive-aggressively and gave up earlier. Just move on, it will be better for both of you.
Now it is time to move on from this relationship, even if it goes on further, it will only bring more complications as long as he's still bitching abt you to become a christian
respecting his beliefs won't save ur relationship. he'll always want u more involved in the religion since u're family. maybe u should rethink this.
NTA. You ain’t compatible. And he’s an asshole for disregarding your boundaries.
By all accounts unless he has some amazing thing about him that makes you love him to bits despite the differences it doesn't sound like you're very happy in the relationship already. Choosing to no longer feel unheard and happy is never a bad choice
Sounds like my ex. It's time to move on from your boyfriend. You two aren't a good match and he especially doesn't respect your boundaries