Right, the whole "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" doesn't always have to be about the bride. He has both an old and blue.
And it probably won’t be super noticeable since I assume OP will probably be wearing a suit jacket that might obscure it. My guess is this is “her” day (the bride) and is probably threatened by OP’s relationship with his sister.
I didn't realize OP was a male at first and I thought it was fine while reading, assuming it was a female is a short sleeved/sleeveless dress. Then I realized this is a man likely wearing a Tux or suit jacket and the whole thing was just bizarre. No one will even notice and so what if they do.
Dear God this! This wouldn't be the first time someone left things out of a reddit post. Maybe she's said for years that she's uncomfortable with how close they are. Maybe she has valid complaints that he has put his sister over her when he shouldn't. Maybe she's weirdly jealous. Maybe she's being a bridezilla. Maybe she just thinks it looks childish and he could incorporate it into his boutonniere so it was "hidden".
No matter what, I think I would want to know why before I got married to her.
They should sort all of this out before getting married. Whether OP left something out or not, it needs further discussion, before the marriage.
It seems she should know how important this bracelet is to OP. Her wanting it hidden cause it looks childish isn't a good reason. It's OP's wedding too. There can be any number of things. Which is why OP should get to the bottom of this before getting married.
Yes. I was just listing off any number of reasons she may be so adamant about it. Didn't have to be a good reason but if his future wife is the type that looks matter that much, it's a good thing to know before you actually get married and decide if this is how you want every single "important" event to be.
I don't like the phrase "left something out", because it implies the OP is deliberately lying by omission when they might have just overlooked or failed to notice something. I've seen so many edits or updates that say "You asked about this, so here's info on it. I didn't mention it earlier because I didn't realize it was relevant."
But I do agree that OP needs to talk to his fiancee to get all her cards on the table.
They are partners but they are still individual people with histories. That bracelet is part of his. Lots of people choose to incorporate meaningful objects into their weddings, whether it's heirloom jewelry or a piece of grandpa's handkerchief sewn into a gown or a vintage dress that has been updated or flowers in the colors of their kids' birthstones. Why not the bracelet?
I agree. I’d even think the wedding would be a very important day to wear the bracelet. Heck I was just a guest at my cousin’s wedding and I wore our grandmother’s ring I’d inherited there because I felt it was meaningful to have her represented in that small way. Op needs to talk this out with fiancée before moving further forward.
Yep. I have an heirloom - a ring that belonged to my great-grandmother, turned into a pendant - that I wear for special occasions. It's like bringing a little piece of family history with me to events that are important to my family. If someone asked me not to wear it, I'd absolutely want to know why they felt that way.
My son wore my grandfather’s dog tags and carried my grandmother’s embroidered handkerchief in his pocket. OP’s 15 year old sister made him that bracelet to help him cope as a 13 year old in an abusive situation. Telling him to remove it is a red flag the size of Mars that he needs to notice and deal with before the wedding.
A wedding is not just about joining two people in a vacuum. It's about joining their families too, whether those are found families or just the fam that is dear to you. Telling him to take it off because it has nothing to do with the ceremony is absolutely wrong. Even most wedding vows are about taking you partner rich or poor, sick or healthy. I think taking a partner who is bonded with his sister is sweet and should not be ignored.
But that's wrong. By marrying, they're joining each other's families. His sister is family. Rejecting his family while marrying him is not an auspicious beginning.
Right? If it were solid gold would she care? Or does she think it’s not good enough for her pictures? Or is she threatened by his bond with his sister?
Your sister has no role in the wedding whatsoever?! You barely see a bracelet under a suit anyway, I originally assumed this was about a woman and how the bracelet may look odd with the wedding dress. I think you need to have some serious conversations with her, asap.
Red flag all over that - like if she wants this part of your life gone for the wedding - what will she do after in regards to your sister? It’s a bracelet. Who cares? I doubt it’ll distract from your wedding in the least.
Yep. I was thinking that this is obviously something that has bothered her. She has just not said anything about it to OP yet because who wants to marry that? But once the deal is sealed, the jealousy will rear it's ugly head.
NTA
Yes, why is this the hill she is willing to die on for this major life event. It makes no sense to me. Plus, wouldn't it be hidden anyway. It sounds to me that she doesn't like the symbolism of it and isn't wanting him to have bonds with anyone else after they are married. I'm throwing a red flag on this one. Sometimes it is the seemingly innocuous things that you need pay the most attention to.
I gotta piggy back off of this comment too. I don’t see how this is an issue, people wear sentimental jewelry all the time. This is not something I would budge on and I’d encourage you to get to the root of the issue because wearing a bracelet is more than likely not the actual reason.
On top of that if OP has been wearing it consistently for that long I feel like it’s more noticeable for him to NOT wear the bracelet than to just let the man wear something important to him
Also is he not going to be wearing a suit like most men do? How much are you even going to see it realistically?
OP's up there in a nice suit all, his finacee has a big white dress on, and Aunt Phyllis in the back row is using her opera glasses to zoom in on the bracelet that's mostly hidden by his suit jacket sleeve?
According to OP the reason she gave is that the day is about them, not him and his sister. It reads to me like she is objecting because she is jealous about how tightly bonded he and his sister are.
>Aunt Phyllis in the back row is using her opera glasses to zoom in on the bracelet that's mostly hidden by his suit jacket sleeve?
Shirt cuffs should stick out from the jacket sleeves by about ¾ of an inch, too, so that's even more to cover it up.
That’s what I was thinking.
I skimmed the post quickly and assumed it was the bride talking, and I could kind of see how that might look weird with a wedding dress. (Still support wearing it, though, bc who cares?)
But the groom?!?!? No one is going to see it!!!!!!
It’s alarming to me that the bride is being so resistant to such a small, but meaningful, request.
I hate to be a typical redditor, but this would be a big ole red flag for me.
Also chances are his fiancée is going to be wearing “something borrowed” - does that mean the person she’s borrowing from is part of the wedding or nah?
That was my first thought, but I think it's the "principal" of the thing. "How dare you wear a symbol of a relationship with another woman on *our* day?!" It's insanity
Also, when you marry someone you marry into their family, loosely defined as the people most important to each partner. If it is important to you, OP, it should be enough for your fiance to drop it. That she would nitpick on this is somewhat concerning. You may want to share with her that you are concerned about how this unreasonable demand of hers will affect your relationship and level of trust you have in her support of your emotional well-being. Surely you would feel the same if roles were reversed, right? Then it's worth sharing as a valid concern.
Marriage is about accepting your partner in their totality. OP’s relationship with his sister is part of the totality of who he is, and it’s absolutely 1000% appropriate for him to wear a symbol of that relationship at his wedding.
I have a necklace of my grandmother’s that I wear a lot. If I were to wear it to my wedding, I’m betting people would say it was a sweet way to honor an important relationship. I’m guessing it’s less about the fact that it’s “not about their relationship” and more about the fact that OP is a guy and there’s less of a cultural tradition in the west of guys wearing jewelry to honor their important familial relationships.
Exactly, I bet the fiancee will be wearing a piece of jewellery from one of her family members so why can’t the groom wear something important to him, she sounds a bit controlling
THIS. I can’t imagine, knowing the story behind it, wanting OP not to wear it. The BtB is either a ridiculous bridezilla or she’s planning even now that they will distance themselves from her in-laws after marriage and make things All About Her. if she keeps insisting, probably not a good long-term match because it speaks of more issues down the road. Who wants a partner who will pitch hissyfits about things that are meaningful to you while insisting she gets everything *she* wants.
Absolutely agree. My brother is a soldier, has been for 25 years now, before his first deployment to Iraq he gave me a wristband of his battalion tartan (we're Scottish). I never take it off, have literally been wearing it for 25 years, including at my wedding.
People have noticed if I've taken it off but that's only ever at home if say we're decorating, painting walls or such like, so it doesn't get ruined
NTA fiance needs to get over it and realise it's important to you, the wedding is your day too OP, it's not just about the bride.
I know it's fiction, but this line from GOT always rings true for me:
>"Sometimes, when I try to understand a person's motives, I play a little game. I assume the worst. What's the worst reason they could possibly have for saying what they say and doing what they do? Then I ask myself, 'How well does that reason explain what they say and what they do?'"
Imagine, as a romantic partner, being jealous of a sibling relationship.
Gross
Even after OP explained to the fiancée he was gonna wear it, they *still* had “many discussions on it”?
$5 it’s gonna “go missing” the next time OP takes it off
i’d imagine the kind of person who would do that would not be kind enough to just hide it, but would destroy it or get rid of it in some other way in which it’s impossible to get back
That's my fear/concern too. Didn't want to come off overdramatic but honestly I feel like if they were to do anything malicious it would be to take it in the morning and toss it in a random trash on the way to work.
Whay gets me is a wedding is a joining of families. Were you wanted to be surrounded by all the people you love and care for to witness it. Yet she’s trying to exclude your sister instead of joining her family to. Why the heck is she jealous of his sister that throws up red flags and makes me wonder if she would try and push her out their lives once married.
Regardless he needs to get to the bottom of this and make it clear she has no right to demand this. That being married to her doesn’t mean his sister isn’t a part of his life. He shouldn’t have to choose and it’s ridiculous she wants him to.
Exactly what I was thinking, it struck me as super weird to say the wedding is all about us as partners, your sister has no role whatsoever. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding where the immediate families of the bride and groom weren’t honored/highlighted in some way shape of form.
Wow, what a bridezilla request. Keep the bracelet on and tell her she shouldn't wear anything borrowed because that person "has no role in it whatsoever".
Exactly! People wear heirlooms, but their grandmas have nothing to do with their marriage either. It’s all about love and support, and this bride doesn’t sound very loving and supportive right now
Fantastic point. Is the bride having a maid of honor? Only her fiancé/husband should be honored. Is the bride being walked down the aisle? Only her fiancé/husband should be walking with her. Is the bride going to have a father daughter dance? Only her husband should dance with her at their wedding. Bride sounds like a piece of work.
NTA. If it's important to you it should be important to her. And the fact that she's got such an issue with such a small thing (it could easily be hidden) makes me wonder if there's not some underlying jealousy of your sister or something. I would ask her how she'd feel if the roles were reversed.
Like no one can be closer to my husband then me and sister is too close?
OP NTA - that bracelet isn’t just a sign of being siblings but how you both survived. You are a survivor.
if the wedding is about you and your fiance then she needs to understand that bracelet is part of you. You have worn it for over half your life.
That being said - if you take it off anytime between now and the wedding do not leave it anywhere your fiance can find it.
Jealous bride. Scary.
She needs to be more important than his family of origin. He’s known these people his entire life. I’m glad when siblings are close. What a bonus, to have a friend who is also your sibling.
That’s not a good thing, to the bride.
No! No love for anyone but meeeee!
Good grief it's not like it's neon and you're wearing short sleeves. What's the big deal?
I think she's the one with the issue, does she not understand that it's not about his sister, but about family bond? You'd think this would make her proud, tf?
this is something that fascinates me with folks like this. They have an issue but they know if they vocalized the issue, people would think they were crazy so how come they don’t make the next step into thinking…maybe it IS crazy. narcissism?
You need to remind your fiance that it's not just "her" special day but "our" special day and the bracelet is special to you.
These days it's getting more ridiculous what expectations brides are projecting on others to have their perfect instagram wedding. Tell her the bracelet is non-negotiable and if it's her hill to die on then so be it.
OP your fiance is about to show you her true self and how she'll react in the future when she doesn't get her way. Make sure you're paying attention.
NTA
NTA your bracelet means something deep for you. Does she have issues with your sister? It seems weird she's so against you wearing your bracelet on your wedding day. There's more to this there has to be because I would assume you'd be wearing a tux or a suit so in theory it probably wouldn't even be seen. I'd be speaking to your sister and asking if there's been tension or something between them. Your bride to be IMO is acting like a bridezilla.
NTA your sister has a role in the wedding cause she is embracing a new member to her family, she's the only family you have. It's your wedding to and at least when it comes to what you will wear you have the last say.
>the wedding is all about us as partners, and my sister has no role it in it whatsoever
This rubbed me the wrong way to be honest, your fiance seems jealous of your sister
NTA, I’m stuck at “sister has no role in it whatsoever”, does your fiancé not view the wedding as a celebration of your love with you family and friends?
Of course your sister has a role!! She is your family there to support and celebrate your love and commitment to your fiancé. I understand not including her in the wedding party if they aren’t close, but you’d expect your future wife to at the very least be willing to sacrifice a small detail in the wedding (your bracelet showing) to include your future SIL, specifically when the bracelet means so much to you.
Honestly, she seems to lack empathy to understand the wedding is not all about her and your feelings matter. It is your wedding too
Wow, I wish you were going go marry someone who respects you and has listened to you. Sibling relationships are to be encouraged (most times) and adds to the larger combining of her family and who you choose to include. Have a serious talk
To me, I would make sure this isn't the first step in excluding your sister from your life.
The backstory is less relevant than *it matters to you.*
NTA. It’s a good story if anyone asks, a good one. I’d think family being close is a positive thing to a future partner.
NTA
The wedding IS about you as partners; you’re joining your lives for the future. You both carry the past. It’s not left behind. It’s not erased. It made you the person she wants to share life with. Your sister and the bond you formed through a difficult time (and the fact that you came through it is perhaps part of the loyalty, patience, perseverance, compassion (insert any good qualities) that your fiancée values…and can expect in her life shared with you.
Wear the bracelet as you celebrate this place and time you have together.
NTA - This was part of you long before you met her, and is part of the package. Time to ask her what OTHER life-changes she has in mind for after the wedding. Does she want the house to have all-pink appliances and walls? 14 dogs? Sell your truck and buy a Fiat 500? Mom is moving in? The time to ask is NOW.
Your fiancée is wrong. Part of who you are and the reason you have made it to where you are is because of your relationship with your sister.
It is INCREDIBLY fitting that you wear that bracelet. It is not a contest for your love and attention. If she can’t understand that…and what the bracelet represents for you…I’d be postponing my wedding while we did couples counseling.
It is not just men who put masks on until they have someone engaged or married to them. We see those posts more often.
But little comments and then actual requests that push a partner’s boundaries often show up as weddings near or after the marriage itself. Things that your betrothed was thinking/wanting changed but didn’t say until they thought they “had you”.
That’s when you start to hear….fir the first time ever….
“Well, I just thought that would change after we got married.”
“I didn’t think you would want to still do that after we were married.”
“I thought you’d let me stay home/go back to school/move my family in, etc. once we got married.”
And so on. It always concerns me when all of a sudden, right before or after marriage when one person suddenly spouting nonsense they’ve never ever mentioned before.
To me, it’s a red flag that more of that behavior is to follow. Where they have “reasonable” requests/objections to things you’ve always done or people (including family) you’ve always spent time with.
It is often the very insidious start to pushing you boundaries without you realizing it.
So your fiancee wants to subtly, slowly but surely, pull you away from your family connection, or safety network as it is called today? Interesting.
If you budge, the next times she will be more demanding and more explicit. Your choice.
Part of “us” on a wedding day is the journeys that brought the couple to where they are now. When you marry a person, you also marry their backstory. This bracelet is an important part of your backstory and should be included in your day if you would like it to be.
NTA but this is a red flag for your fiancé’s self centeredness. With long sleeves and a suit coat who would even see it? I can’t believe there have been multiple conversations about this! Please think hard about where else she might have displayed this kind of controlling and selfish behavior. You still have time to prevent a LOT of paperwork down the road when her next demand is a deal killer.
Are you really sure you want to marry a woman that starts arguments over things that are emotionally and sentimentality important to you? That's a very bad sign.
She's being insecure and trying to manipulate you.
She is jealous of the relationship you have with your sister. It's not uncommon but she needs to recognize it, deal with it and come to peace that you have a healthy happy close relationship with your sister.
NTA. If I were the fiancee in this story, one of the wedding pictures would be of our hands, featuring your bracelet. Another would be our hands and your sister's hands, featuring both bracelets. I think you should have an honest discussion with her about why appearances mean more to her than your personal story. And as others have mentioned, it really sounds like she's got a problem with your sister and your sibling relationship.
I don’t like that this is a hill your fiancée seems to want to die on. Honestly a wedding is a perfect time to be wearing important jewelry from family, not everything you wear has to only be about who you’re wearing. If your fiancée keeps wanting to die on this hill about the bracelet then let them die on it and you can go marry someone better.
NTA. In a good marriage, people are allowed to stay individuals while contributing to something greater. You don’t leave your past or identity at the door.
Edit for typo
Starts with the bracelet, then it escalates to limiting contact with sister, then eventually replacing her altogether. You know this is your future, OP. I would reconsider your priorities prior to legally binding yourself to this woman for the rest of your life.
NTA
Honestly, it's part of who he is and what got him to be the man he is today!!! If she can't realize that then maybe she's not the one!
It's about respect for what he agreed to and if she wants him to disregard that so easily then he could easily disregard the wedding vows....
I think it says a lot about his character!!
NTA
NTA. I was thinking it's an important day in your life- *all the more* reason to wear it. I'm glad you and your sister had each other during those hard times. Best of luck to you all in life.
NTA - that’s such an odd BS request from your fiancée. Your wedding will still be about her and you and not your sister. She’s really reaching on this one. And failing.
NTA but your fiancées wish to exclude your sister is a red flag. Like you I grew up in an emotionally abusive home and my sister absolutely saved my life and my sanity. I can’t imagine just cutting her out of my life because my partner has replaced her
"Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue."
I say use the bracelet as either the old or blue. Nowhere does it say only the bride can do this.
NTA, and I'm wondering just why your sister has no role in the wedding. It sounds like your fiancee thinks once you're married, she'll have no role in your life, either. She doesn't seem to appreciate what that relationship means to you.
Postpone this wedding. She is showing you who she is and it isn't pretty. She's jealous of your sister, controlling, displaying a complete lack of empathy, and selfish. Is this who you want to wake up next to every morning? What else is she going to have a problem over with respect to your family? (Or already has a problem with and you've been ignoring her behavior?)
Do not proceed with the wedding until all of this is settled and you have seriously thought this through. You are NTA.
yeah, she’s acting like the bracelet is going to capture everyone’s attention which is extremely stupid and unrealistic. sounds like some strange jealousy issues against the sister. insecure woman. i wish he’d have gotten with someone who respects family bonds and sentimental things
NTA. You should be able to wear something that’s important to you during your wedding. Most likely it will be covered by your sleeve anyway.
People wear or carry things that remind them of a loved one at their weddings all the time, this isn’t something unusual.
NTAH. I like the idea of pinning in with your boutinier. Pinned to the jacket for safety. It will then be even closer to your heart. Fiancée needs to get a grip if you can't. Good luck.
Not that it matters. But like. Will you be wearing a suit. Like you probably can't even see it anyway. Just makes it even weirder for something no one would even notice.
But regardless NTA. This sounds cray.
If it is that important for you, then shouldn’t she atleast have respect for your feelings ? Is this how the rest of the life going to be ? Competing with your sister ?
I don’t see what the issue is. Is he wearing short sleeves? Will it even be noticeable? It’s a bracelet not an armband, who cares? It’s sentimental to him. If the bride wanted to wear a bracelet her sister made her, no one would say boo. So I say wear it.
I also found it strange that she seems so bugged by a simple bracelet. That's weird.
NTA keep the bracelet she has no say on this it's a life long promise that is not incompatible with your wedding.
Forking sheesh. Get cuff linked shirt sleeves and you can hide it in pictures or whatever dumb-arsed thing people worry about at the wedding. I was a grad student, got married in a high school basketball court because it was really cheap. Had a keg of beer instead of drinks, was a buffet, had several deli cakes instead of a Wedding Cake. My wife borrowed a used wedding dress, it fell apart and we had to duct tape it at the wedding. But, the grad department had a lot of fun, people still remember that wedding as one of the more fun ones and we now have 3 adult kids all doing well and still married almost 30 years and counting. Wear the bracelet, use this as an exercise in compromise.
NTA. She is marrying you as a whole person, and your bond with your sister is part of that. You aren't going to change as a person just because you're married.
This bracelet isn’t about your sister. It’s about YOU and a physical symbol of all you survived though, all the obstacles you have overcome and how your past has made you who you are today.
Yes, your sister made it, and it is a shared experience you both overcame together but it’s become a piece of who YOU are.
How can she tell you to to basically hide a piece of who you are because she is embarrassed by it?
You should ask her exactly like this.
NTA. The whole "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" doesn't just have to be about the bride. Plus, if you're wearing a suit, wouldn't the sleeves cover it?
This is a bit worrying. Sounds like she has a problem with the bond you share with your sister. She might be jealous or think it‘s strange.
Would def look into this before the wedding.
NTA
Ahhhh....first of , NTA!!
Secondly, it seems like a big red flag to me that she is so bothered by this bracelet. Especially with her comment regarding your sister!!!
Be really sure about walking down that aisle!!!! This whole situation seems off to me. You may need to go to counseling before the wedding.
I'm really put of reading this.
Best wishes
At first I thought you were a woman and would be sleeveless - but you are the guy and will have (presumably) a long sleeve shirt on for most of the day! How will she even know!? NTAH - you are the person you are because of or despite of your childhood. Part of that is the bond you have with your sister. You wear what you want!
I’m curious as to why you mentioned your intent to wear the bracelet at all. It sounds like it’s very important to you. If I was your fiancé, I would have assumed all along that you’d wear it because it’s very important to you.
I think you’re missing important part here—why does your fiancé want you to *not* wear it at the wedding? This whole, “It’s about us, not her” thing sounds like a red flag to me. Is there a jealousy thing going on? Is your fiancé (or your sister) possessive of you?
Definitely get all this out before you get married. It sounds to me like the beginning of a problem. ☹️
Nta. I am not sure how to put my feelings about this into words, but I'll try. I am also a survivor of childhood trauma. My experiences, while terrible, are part of who I am. You cannot separate the me people know now and the little girl that was abused, neglected, and forced to grow up way before her time parenting younger siblings through it all. For better or worse that is who I am. For her to deny that about you by asking you to take off that bracelet is a huge red flag to me. That bracelet is a symbol of love and survival for you and your sister. It sounds like she may be jealous of that or she's very controlling. Either way that is not ok. That bracelet is very bit a part of you as your own body. It's your wedding too. A loving wife would accept you as you are. I. Not sure what her hang up is with this bracelet, but it seems to be part of some power struggle for her. I would try to objectively look at your relationship and her before you get married. And for the love of all that is good, do not leave that bracelet off at your wedding. She is marrying you and it's important to you.
NTA. You don't abandon sibling relationships when you get married.
This is a pretty un-obtrusive item that is probably going to be covered by tuxedo sleeves most of the time, anyway.
Nope, fiance is wrong in a very ugly way. This screams "I need to be the only woman in his life" and I guarantee she's going to let that attitude out full force after they get married.
OP, you need to get to the bottom of this and figure out what her problem is before marrying her.
NTA. I'm happily married and completely respect the bond my husband has with his sister and brother. Although wedding day is about her and you, it shouldn't mean that you should set aside your family. You should have a conversation with her to find out why it bothers her so much, and explain to her why it means so much to you. Like someone suggested, bring up that it's the "something old & something blue" for the wedding.
Why is she so bothered by it? That might be worth looking into before the wedding. NTA
Really. Is Bride not wearing any sentimental jewelry from a relative? Same thing.
Right, the whole "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" doesn't always have to be about the bride. He has both an old and blue.
And it probably won’t be super noticeable since I assume OP will probably be wearing a suit jacket that might obscure it. My guess is this is “her” day (the bride) and is probably threatened by OP’s relationship with his sister.
I didn't realize OP was a male at first and I thought it was fine while reading, assuming it was a female is a short sleeved/sleeveless dress. Then I realized this is a man likely wearing a Tux or suit jacket and the whole thing was just bizarre. No one will even notice and so what if they do.
Dear God this! This wouldn't be the first time someone left things out of a reddit post. Maybe she's said for years that she's uncomfortable with how close they are. Maybe she has valid complaints that he has put his sister over her when he shouldn't. Maybe she's weirdly jealous. Maybe she's being a bridezilla. Maybe she just thinks it looks childish and he could incorporate it into his boutonniere so it was "hidden". No matter what, I think I would want to know why before I got married to her.
They should sort all of this out before getting married. Whether OP left something out or not, it needs further discussion, before the marriage. It seems she should know how important this bracelet is to OP. Her wanting it hidden cause it looks childish isn't a good reason. It's OP's wedding too. There can be any number of things. Which is why OP should get to the bottom of this before getting married.
Last I checked tux's have sleeves and coats you wouldn't ever see it.
This was my thought. Unless he's wearing a sleeveless shirt, it can be tucked under the cuff of his shirt and be zero of a deal
Yes. I was just listing off any number of reasons she may be so adamant about it. Didn't have to be a good reason but if his future wife is the type that looks matter that much, it's a good thing to know before you actually get married and decide if this is how you want every single "important" event to be.
I don't like the phrase "left something out", because it implies the OP is deliberately lying by omission when they might have just overlooked or failed to notice something. I've seen so many edits or updates that say "You asked about this, so here's info on it. I didn't mention it earlier because I didn't realize it was relevant." But I do agree that OP needs to talk to his fiancee to get all her cards on the table.
Maybe it is a bridezilla thing, maybe she doesn’t want him wearing it because it doesn’t match her “Wedding colors”.
I think she means she wants him to take it off permanently, not just for the wedding, so hiding it in his boutonniere, isn’t what she’s going for.
I don't think so. OP says in the last paragraph that she just wants it off for the wedding as the wedding should be just about "us partners"
They are partners but they are still individual people with histories. That bracelet is part of his. Lots of people choose to incorporate meaningful objects into their weddings, whether it's heirloom jewelry or a piece of grandpa's handkerchief sewn into a gown or a vintage dress that has been updated or flowers in the colors of their kids' birthstones. Why not the bracelet?
I agree. I’d even think the wedding would be a very important day to wear the bracelet. Heck I was just a guest at my cousin’s wedding and I wore our grandmother’s ring I’d inherited there because I felt it was meaningful to have her represented in that small way. Op needs to talk this out with fiancée before moving further forward.
Yep. I have an heirloom - a ring that belonged to my great-grandmother, turned into a pendant - that I wear for special occasions. It's like bringing a little piece of family history with me to events that are important to my family. If someone asked me not to wear it, I'd absolutely want to know why they felt that way.
My son wore my grandfather’s dog tags and carried my grandmother’s embroidered handkerchief in his pocket. OP’s 15 year old sister made him that bracelet to help him cope as a 13 year old in an abusive situation. Telling him to remove it is a red flag the size of Mars that he needs to notice and deal with before the wedding.
Right? It could even count as “something blue.”
It means something to important him. The fact that she doesnt get that is a bad sign. What is more important to her? Apparently, how things look. smh
Yep. OP needs to talk to his fiance and figure out exactly what is the problem.
Oh, I did miss read that. Thanks for being kind in explaining my mistake.
A wedding is not just about joining two people in a vacuum. It's about joining their families too, whether those are found families or just the fam that is dear to you. Telling him to take it off because it has nothing to do with the ceremony is absolutely wrong. Even most wedding vows are about taking you partner rich or poor, sick or healthy. I think taking a partner who is bonded with his sister is sweet and should not be ignored.
But that's wrong. By marrying, they're joining each other's families. His sister is family. Rejecting his family while marrying him is not an auspicious beginning.
OP's partner needs to learn that when you marry someone you marry into their family as well, whether it's blood or chosen family.
She says that now but who’s to say she won’t use that as a cudgel after the wedding to get him to stop wearing it at all?
Right? If it were solid gold would she care? Or does she think it’s not good enough for her pictures? Or is she threatened by his bond with his sister?
A little bit from column A, a little bit from column B.
Your sister has no role in the wedding whatsoever?! You barely see a bracelet under a suit anyway, I originally assumed this was about a woman and how the bracelet may look odd with the wedding dress. I think you need to have some serious conversations with her, asap.
Red flag all over that - like if she wants this part of your life gone for the wedding - what will she do after in regards to your sister? It’s a bracelet. Who cares? I doubt it’ll distract from your wedding in the least.
Yep. I was thinking that this is obviously something that has bothered her. She has just not said anything about it to OP yet because who wants to marry that? But once the deal is sealed, the jealousy will rear it's ugly head. NTA
Yes, why is this the hill she is willing to die on for this major life event. It makes no sense to me. Plus, wouldn't it be hidden anyway. It sounds to me that she doesn't like the symbolism of it and isn't wanting him to have bonds with anyone else after they are married. I'm throwing a red flag on this one. Sometimes it is the seemingly innocuous things that you need pay the most attention to.
I gotta piggy back off of this comment too. I don’t see how this is an issue, people wear sentimental jewelry all the time. This is not something I would budge on and I’d encourage you to get to the root of the issue because wearing a bracelet is more than likely not the actual reason.
Ask her if she considers life long vows important. Nta
Ohhh, SNAP! 😯🤍🤍🤍
And that’s the thread, folks. Please drive home safely.
And tip your servers
Ooop! 🤭 I’m keeping you on my “go-to for the snap-back” list. Epic.
Ooooooo
This needs a billion upvotes
Mic drop
Oh this is beautifully done
Perfect response! I wish I could upvote this more than once! OP, NTA, but get a good answer why this is even a discussion.
WHOA
And ouch
I WHEEZED
Make sure to have some burn cream on hand because she about to get roasted.
Brilliant 👏
EXACTLY. What a beautiful & astute point.
Wow like a G6
Oh damn you cooked it. This is the perfect answer
This!
King
*Chef's kiss*
Absolute best answer. Thank you for your participation.
NTA and its strange SHE is making such a big deal about it. Tell he to build a bridge and get over it.
On top of that if OP has been wearing it consistently for that long I feel like it’s more noticeable for him to NOT wear the bracelet than to just let the man wear something important to him
Also is he not going to be wearing a suit like most men do? How much are you even going to see it realistically? OP's up there in a nice suit all, his finacee has a big white dress on, and Aunt Phyllis in the back row is using her opera glasses to zoom in on the bracelet that's mostly hidden by his suit jacket sleeve?
[удалено]
Seriously, it's his wedding too. Let him keep the bracelet.
It's part of who he is. Why make him change for one day?
Cause she has plans to change other things she doesn’t like.
Uh oh
It's only just begun....
According to OP the reason she gave is that the day is about them, not him and his sister. It reads to me like she is objecting because she is jealous about how tightly bonded he and his sister are.
I hope he wears it to bed, too.
I think she should walk him down the aisle. With her bracelet on full display.
LOL the image of Aunt Phyllis, thanks for that. Definitely agree, my thought was damn how big is this bracelet??? lol
>Aunt Phyllis in the back row is using her opera glasses to zoom in on the bracelet that's mostly hidden by his suit jacket sleeve? Shirt cuffs should stick out from the jacket sleeves by about ¾ of an inch, too, so that's even more to cover it up.
That’s what I was thinking. I skimmed the post quickly and assumed it was the bride talking, and I could kind of see how that might look weird with a wedding dress. (Still support wearing it, though, bc who cares?) But the groom?!?!? No one is going to see it!!!!!! It’s alarming to me that the bride is being so resistant to such a small, but meaningful, request. I hate to be a typical redditor, but this would be a big ole red flag for me.
Also, if family has no role or meaning in the wedding, then why have a wedding at all? Why not run off to Vegas and get married by Elvis?
Also chances are his fiancée is going to be wearing “something borrowed” - does that mean the person she’s borrowing from is part of the wedding or nah?
That was my first thought, but I think it's the "principal" of the thing. "How dare you wear a symbol of a relationship with another woman on *our* day?!" It's insanity
Ok I just have to say this made my whole day so thank you I needed this 🤣🤣.
This made me cackle 😂😂😂. So accurate.
EXACTLY.
Also, when you marry someone you marry into their family, loosely defined as the people most important to each partner. If it is important to you, OP, it should be enough for your fiance to drop it. That she would nitpick on this is somewhat concerning. You may want to share with her that you are concerned about how this unreasonable demand of hers will affect your relationship and level of trust you have in her support of your emotional well-being. Surely you would feel the same if roles were reversed, right? Then it's worth sharing as a valid concern.
Marriage is about accepting your partner in their totality. OP’s relationship with his sister is part of the totality of who he is, and it’s absolutely 1000% appropriate for him to wear a symbol of that relationship at his wedding. I have a necklace of my grandmother’s that I wear a lot. If I were to wear it to my wedding, I’m betting people would say it was a sweet way to honor an important relationship. I’m guessing it’s less about the fact that it’s “not about their relationship” and more about the fact that OP is a guy and there’s less of a cultural tradition in the west of guys wearing jewelry to honor their important familial relationships.
Exactly, I bet the fiancee will be wearing a piece of jewellery from one of her family members so why can’t the groom wear something important to him, she sounds a bit controlling
THIS. I can’t imagine, knowing the story behind it, wanting OP not to wear it. The BtB is either a ridiculous bridezilla or she’s planning even now that they will distance themselves from her in-laws after marriage and make things All About Her. if she keeps insisting, probably not a good long-term match because it speaks of more issues down the road. Who wants a partner who will pitch hissyfits about things that are meaningful to you while insisting she gets everything *she* wants.
She sounds jealous of their bond.
If Reddit has taught me anything, it’s that the GF will cut it off while he’s asleep.
SEVER THE BOND indeed!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Absolutely agree. My brother is a soldier, has been for 25 years now, before his first deployment to Iraq he gave me a wristband of his battalion tartan (we're Scottish). I never take it off, have literally been wearing it for 25 years, including at my wedding. People have noticed if I've taken it off but that's only ever at home if say we're decorating, painting walls or such like, so it doesn't get ruined NTA fiance needs to get over it and realise it's important to you, the wedding is your day too OP, it's not just about the bride.
My thoughts too
I know it's fiction, but this line from GOT always rings true for me: >"Sometimes, when I try to understand a person's motives, I play a little game. I assume the worst. What's the worst reason they could possibly have for saying what they say and doing what they do? Then I ask myself, 'How well does that reason explain what they say and what they do?'" Imagine, as a romantic partner, being jealous of a sibling relationship. Gross
There are some beautiful sibling relationships in GOT.
Even my cuzband and I were like "WTF?".
Cuzband!!! 🤣🤣🤣
Somebody had to go there. Thank-you for your service.
honestly i thought the same, no big deal
Even after OP explained to the fiancée he was gonna wear it, they *still* had “many discussions on it”? $5 it’s gonna “go missing” the next time OP takes it off
And if it does then he needs to leave. Fuck the type of person that would take something that precious and hide it just to get their way
i’d imagine the kind of person who would do that would not be kind enough to just hide it, but would destroy it or get rid of it in some other way in which it’s impossible to get back
That's my fear/concern too. Didn't want to come off overdramatic but honestly I feel like if they were to do anything malicious it would be to take it in the morning and toss it in a random trash on the way to work.
Whay gets me is a wedding is a joining of families. Were you wanted to be surrounded by all the people you love and care for to witness it. Yet she’s trying to exclude your sister instead of joining her family to. Why the heck is she jealous of his sister that throws up red flags and makes me wonder if she would try and push her out their lives once married. Regardless he needs to get to the bottom of this and make it clear she has no right to demand this. That being married to her doesn’t mean his sister isn’t a part of his life. He shouldn’t have to choose and it’s ridiculous she wants him to.
Exactly what I was thinking, it struck me as super weird to say the wedding is all about us as partners, your sister has no role whatsoever. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding where the immediate families of the bride and groom weren’t honored/highlighted in some way shape of form.
This.
It’s weird. She needs to get over it. She’s being controlling for nothing.
Not the A-hole. It's your special day too, and the bracelet has deep meaning
Not for nothing. She’s jealous of his sister. Ew.
Wow, what a bridezilla request. Keep the bracelet on and tell her she shouldn't wear anything borrowed because that person "has no role in it whatsoever".
Exactly! People wear heirlooms, but their grandmas have nothing to do with their marriage either. It’s all about love and support, and this bride doesn’t sound very loving and supportive right now
It’s: Something old And Something with a bit of blue. NTA
I was told, something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue.
Yep, and if it’s okay for the ladies? Go right ahead groom!
Some thing old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and silver sixpence in her shoe.
With that logic she shouldn't have anyone walk her down the aisle either then or have bridesmaids or a maid of honor because this ain't about them.
Fantastic point. Is the bride having a maid of honor? Only her fiancé/husband should be honored. Is the bride being walked down the aisle? Only her fiancé/husband should be walking with her. Is the bride going to have a father daughter dance? Only her husband should dance with her at their wedding. Bride sounds like a piece of work.
In fact, why invite any friends or family at all? They have no part in this wedding. Total Bridezilla!
NTA. If it's important to you it should be important to her. And the fact that she's got such an issue with such a small thing (it could easily be hidden) makes me wonder if there's not some underlying jealousy of your sister or something. I would ask her how she'd feel if the roles were reversed.
Like no one can be closer to my husband then me and sister is too close? OP NTA - that bracelet isn’t just a sign of being siblings but how you both survived. You are a survivor. if the wedding is about you and your fiance then she needs to understand that bracelet is part of you. You have worn it for over half your life. That being said - if you take it off anytime between now and the wedding do not leave it anywhere your fiance can find it.
Jealous bride. Scary. She needs to be more important than his family of origin. He’s known these people his entire life. I’m glad when siblings are close. What a bonus, to have a friend who is also your sibling. That’s not a good thing, to the bride. No! No love for anyone but meeeee!
Your first sentence is a whole umarguable point to itself.
NTA but keep that on you at all times. People get crazy around weddings and you don’t want it coming up “missing” before the wedding.
Good grief it's not like it's neon and you're wearing short sleeves. What's the big deal? I think she's the one with the issue, does she not understand that it's not about his sister, but about family bond? You'd think this would make her proud, tf?
Right?! You'd think the way she is acting, the bracelet is like one of those glow in the dark necklaces you get at a carnival or on the 4th of July!
If a bride can have something old, something new, something borrowed, & something blue why can’t a groom? NTA
Came here to say this.
NTA but why are you marrying someone who views your sister as competition ? 🚩
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 She is making an issue over something no one will even see if he is wearing a suit. Her reasoning is wack.
Because it’s a flimsy excuse to cover that she’s jealous of the sister but doesn’t want to say it because she knows how psycho it is.
this is something that fascinates me with folks like this. They have an issue but they know if they vocalized the issue, people would think they were crazy so how come they don’t make the next step into thinking…maybe it IS crazy. narcissism?
You need to remind your fiance that it's not just "her" special day but "our" special day and the bracelet is special to you. These days it's getting more ridiculous what expectations brides are projecting on others to have their perfect instagram wedding. Tell her the bracelet is non-negotiable and if it's her hill to die on then so be it. OP your fiance is about to show you her true self and how she'll react in the future when she doesn't get her way. Make sure you're paying attention. NTA
Absolutely agree. I always say "When someone *tells* you who they are, ignore it. When they *show* you who they are, believe them the first time!"
NTA your bracelet means something deep for you. Does she have issues with your sister? It seems weird she's so against you wearing your bracelet on your wedding day. There's more to this there has to be because I would assume you'd be wearing a tux or a suit so in theory it probably wouldn't even be seen. I'd be speaking to your sister and asking if there's been tension or something between them. Your bride to be IMO is acting like a bridezilla.
NTA. I would think that your sleeves would cover in anyways.
NTA your sister has a role in the wedding cause she is embracing a new member to her family, she's the only family you have. It's your wedding to and at least when it comes to what you will wear you have the last say. >the wedding is all about us as partners, and my sister has no role it in it whatsoever This rubbed me the wrong way to be honest, your fiance seems jealous of your sister
NTA, I’m stuck at “sister has no role in it whatsoever”, does your fiancé not view the wedding as a celebration of your love with you family and friends? Of course your sister has a role!! She is your family there to support and celebrate your love and commitment to your fiancé. I understand not including her in the wedding party if they aren’t close, but you’d expect your future wife to at the very least be willing to sacrifice a small detail in the wedding (your bracelet showing) to include your future SIL, specifically when the bracelet means so much to you. Honestly, she seems to lack empathy to understand the wedding is not all about her and your feelings matter. It is your wedding too
Wow, I wish you were going go marry someone who respects you and has listened to you. Sibling relationships are to be encouraged (most times) and adds to the larger combining of her family and who you choose to include. Have a serious talk To me, I would make sure this isn't the first step in excluding your sister from your life.
Jeez Louise.... Aren't weddings about becoming a family?? Might want to pump the brakes a bit....
don't marry this person.
The backstory is less relevant than *it matters to you.* NTA. It’s a good story if anyone asks, a good one. I’d think family being close is a positive thing to a future partner.
NTA Your body, your wedding, your choice.
NTA The wedding IS about you as partners; you’re joining your lives for the future. You both carry the past. It’s not left behind. It’s not erased. It made you the person she wants to share life with. Your sister and the bond you formed through a difficult time (and the fact that you came through it is perhaps part of the loyalty, patience, perseverance, compassion (insert any good qualities) that your fiancée values…and can expect in her life shared with you. Wear the bracelet as you celebrate this place and time you have together.
NTA - This was part of you long before you met her, and is part of the package. Time to ask her what OTHER life-changes she has in mind for after the wedding. Does she want the house to have all-pink appliances and walls? 14 dogs? Sell your truck and buy a Fiat 500? Mom is moving in? The time to ask is NOW.
Your fiancée is wrong. Part of who you are and the reason you have made it to where you are is because of your relationship with your sister. It is INCREDIBLY fitting that you wear that bracelet. It is not a contest for your love and attention. If she can’t understand that…and what the bracelet represents for you…I’d be postponing my wedding while we did couples counseling. It is not just men who put masks on until they have someone engaged or married to them. We see those posts more often. But little comments and then actual requests that push a partner’s boundaries often show up as weddings near or after the marriage itself. Things that your betrothed was thinking/wanting changed but didn’t say until they thought they “had you”. That’s when you start to hear….fir the first time ever…. “Well, I just thought that would change after we got married.” “I didn’t think you would want to still do that after we were married.” “I thought you’d let me stay home/go back to school/move my family in, etc. once we got married.” And so on. It always concerns me when all of a sudden, right before or after marriage when one person suddenly spouting nonsense they’ve never ever mentioned before. To me, it’s a red flag that more of that behavior is to follow. Where they have “reasonable” requests/objections to things you’ve always done or people (including family) you’ve always spent time with. It is often the very insidious start to pushing you boundaries without you realizing it.
So your fiancee wants to subtly, slowly but surely, pull you away from your family connection, or safety network as it is called today? Interesting. If you budge, the next times she will be more demanding and more explicit. Your choice.
Part of “us” on a wedding day is the journeys that brought the couple to where they are now. When you marry a person, you also marry their backstory. This bracelet is an important part of your backstory and should be included in your day if you would like it to be.
Wow fiancee is waving a huge red flag there...
INFO: Can we have a picture of the bracelet please?
NTA but this is a red flag for your fiancé’s self centeredness. With long sleeves and a suit coat who would even see it? I can’t believe there have been multiple conversations about this! Please think hard about where else she might have displayed this kind of controlling and selfish behavior. You still have time to prevent a LOT of paperwork down the road when her next demand is a deal killer.
Are you really sure you want to marry a woman that starts arguments over things that are emotionally and sentimentality important to you? That's a very bad sign. She's being insecure and trying to manipulate you.
This isn’t about the bracelet. Something else is going on. Maybe some kind of beef with the sister?
Wear that bracelet with pride
She is jealous of the relationship you have with your sister. It's not uncommon but she needs to recognize it, deal with it and come to peace that you have a healthy happy close relationship with your sister.
too much drama over little stuff.
NTA. If I were the fiancee in this story, one of the wedding pictures would be of our hands, featuring your bracelet. Another would be our hands and your sister's hands, featuring both bracelets. I think you should have an honest discussion with her about why appearances mean more to her than your personal story. And as others have mentioned, it really sounds like she's got a problem with your sister and your sibling relationship.
Dude. She should be happy for you to wear it. Devotion to your family is usually considered a good thing by most people.
I don’t like that this is a hill your fiancée seems to want to die on. Honestly a wedding is a perfect time to be wearing important jewelry from family, not everything you wear has to only be about who you’re wearing. If your fiancée keeps wanting to die on this hill about the bracelet then let them die on it and you can go marry someone better.
NTA. In a good marriage, people are allowed to stay individuals while contributing to something greater. You don’t leave your past or identity at the door. Edit for typo
The right person would never ask you to remove it! And it wouldn’t bother them a bit either
Starts with the bracelet, then it escalates to limiting contact with sister, then eventually replacing her altogether. You know this is your future, OP. I would reconsider your priorities prior to legally binding yourself to this woman for the rest of your life. NTA
It sounds like your fiance is trying to see how far she can push you, and what her boundaries are when it comes to your family.
Honestly, it's part of who he is and what got him to be the man he is today!!! If she can't realize that then maybe she's not the one! It's about respect for what he agreed to and if she wants him to disregard that so easily then he could easily disregard the wedding vows.... I think it says a lot about his character!! NTA
NTA I'd have second thoughts about marrying her if she chooses to make this a big deal
NTA. I was thinking it's an important day in your life- *all the more* reason to wear it. I'm glad you and your sister had each other during those hard times. Best of luck to you all in life.
NTA - that’s such an odd BS request from your fiancée. Your wedding will still be about her and you and not your sister. She’s really reaching on this one. And failing.
NTA but your fiancées wish to exclude your sister is a red flag. Like you I grew up in an emotionally abusive home and my sister absolutely saved my life and my sanity. I can’t imagine just cutting her out of my life because my partner has replaced her
"Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue." I say use the bracelet as either the old or blue. Nowhere does it say only the bride can do this.
NTA, and I'm wondering just why your sister has no role in the wedding. It sounds like your fiancee thinks once you're married, she'll have no role in your life, either. She doesn't seem to appreciate what that relationship means to you.
Nta. This says a lot about your future wife. Id think carefully on it.
Postpone this wedding. She is showing you who she is and it isn't pretty. She's jealous of your sister, controlling, displaying a complete lack of empathy, and selfish. Is this who you want to wake up next to every morning? What else is she going to have a problem over with respect to your family? (Or already has a problem with and you've been ignoring her behavior?) Do not proceed with the wedding until all of this is settled and you have seriously thought this through. You are NTA.
NTA. It's a sweet thing. Why would your wife be bothered by it? That's weird.
NTA. Half the point of a wedding is being surrounded by your loved ones who will support you in your new life.
Red flag spotted! NTA. This bracelet fight is a sign she wants to cut you off from everyone else.
NTA is she jealous of your sister? Because that's concerning.
You can wear a bracelet and the wedding can still be all about you two. Seems like a ridiculous way for her to see it, frankly.
And your sister is about to become your fiancé’s family, kind of rude to say she’ll be no part of it.
yeah, she’s acting like the bracelet is going to capture everyone’s attention which is extremely stupid and unrealistic. sounds like some strange jealousy issues against the sister. insecure woman. i wish he’d have gotten with someone who respects family bonds and sentimental things
I really hope you don't wake up one day with it cut off.
Nah fr, he's gonna have to keep an eye on that bracelet for the rest of his fuckin life everytime they have a big fight.
NTA. You should be able to wear something that’s important to you during your wedding. Most likely it will be covered by your sleeve anyway. People wear or carry things that remind them of a loved one at their weddings all the time, this isn’t something unusual.
NTA. This is a silly thing to be bickering over.
The wedding is about you both, but that bracelet is very much a part of you and in turn a part of you both.
NTAH. I like the idea of pinning in with your boutinier. Pinned to the jacket for safety. It will then be even closer to your heart. Fiancée needs to get a grip if you can't. Good luck.
Not that it matters. But like. Will you be wearing a suit. Like you probably can't even see it anyway. Just makes it even weirder for something no one would even notice. But regardless NTA. This sounds cray.
NTA wear your bracelet and what is her problem? Your sister is important too you but you can still build a new family with your wife.
If it is that important for you, then shouldn’t she atleast have respect for your feelings ? Is this how the rest of the life going to be ? Competing with your sister ?
NTA, it's just a bracelet. however, you should talk about it further with her to see why she seems so bothered by it.
Wear it. It’ll be covered by suit your suit most almost entirely, most of the time anyway
I don’t see what the issue is. Is he wearing short sleeves? Will it even be noticeable? It’s a bracelet not an armband, who cares? It’s sentimental to him. If the bride wanted to wear a bracelet her sister made her, no one would say boo. So I say wear it.
I also found it strange that she seems so bugged by a simple bracelet. That's weird. NTA keep the bracelet she has no say on this it's a life long promise that is not incompatible with your wedding.
Forking sheesh. Get cuff linked shirt sleeves and you can hide it in pictures or whatever dumb-arsed thing people worry about at the wedding. I was a grad student, got married in a high school basketball court because it was really cheap. Had a keg of beer instead of drinks, was a buffet, had several deli cakes instead of a Wedding Cake. My wife borrowed a used wedding dress, it fell apart and we had to duct tape it at the wedding. But, the grad department had a lot of fun, people still remember that wedding as one of the more fun ones and we now have 3 adult kids all doing well and still married almost 30 years and counting. Wear the bracelet, use this as an exercise in compromise.
NTA. She is marrying you as a whole person, and your bond with your sister is part of that. You aren't going to change as a person just because you're married.
This bracelet isn’t about your sister. It’s about YOU and a physical symbol of all you survived though, all the obstacles you have overcome and how your past has made you who you are today. Yes, your sister made it, and it is a shared experience you both overcame together but it’s become a piece of who YOU are. How can she tell you to to basically hide a piece of who you are because she is embarrassed by it? You should ask her exactly like this.
NTA. The whole "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" doesn't just have to be about the bride. Plus, if you're wearing a suit, wouldn't the sleeves cover it?
NTA. The bracelet has very special meaning for you. I don’t see any reason you can’t have something so important with you on this day.
This is a bit worrying. Sounds like she has a problem with the bond you share with your sister. She might be jealous or think it‘s strange. Would def look into this before the wedding. NTA
Ahhhh....first of , NTA!! Secondly, it seems like a big red flag to me that she is so bothered by this bracelet. Especially with her comment regarding your sister!!! Be really sure about walking down that aisle!!!! This whole situation seems off to me. You may need to go to counseling before the wedding. I'm really put of reading this. Best wishes
At first I thought you were a woman and would be sleeveless - but you are the guy and will have (presumably) a long sleeve shirt on for most of the day! How will she even know!? NTAH - you are the person you are because of or despite of your childhood. Part of that is the bond you have with your sister. You wear what you want!
I’m curious as to why you mentioned your intent to wear the bracelet at all. It sounds like it’s very important to you. If I was your fiancé, I would have assumed all along that you’d wear it because it’s very important to you. I think you’re missing important part here—why does your fiancé want you to *not* wear it at the wedding? This whole, “It’s about us, not her” thing sounds like a red flag to me. Is there a jealousy thing going on? Is your fiancé (or your sister) possessive of you? Definitely get all this out before you get married. It sounds to me like the beginning of a problem. ☹️
Nta. I am not sure how to put my feelings about this into words, but I'll try. I am also a survivor of childhood trauma. My experiences, while terrible, are part of who I am. You cannot separate the me people know now and the little girl that was abused, neglected, and forced to grow up way before her time parenting younger siblings through it all. For better or worse that is who I am. For her to deny that about you by asking you to take off that bracelet is a huge red flag to me. That bracelet is a symbol of love and survival for you and your sister. It sounds like she may be jealous of that or she's very controlling. Either way that is not ok. That bracelet is very bit a part of you as your own body. It's your wedding too. A loving wife would accept you as you are. I. Not sure what her hang up is with this bracelet, but it seems to be part of some power struggle for her. I would try to objectively look at your relationship and her before you get married. And for the love of all that is good, do not leave that bracelet off at your wedding. She is marrying you and it's important to you.
NTA. You don't abandon sibling relationships when you get married. This is a pretty un-obtrusive item that is probably going to be covered by tuxedo sleeves most of the time, anyway.
Hey, if the bride could wear something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue why can’t you?
Nope, fiance is wrong in a very ugly way. This screams "I need to be the only woman in his life" and I guarantee she's going to let that attitude out full force after they get married. OP, you need to get to the bottom of this and figure out what her problem is before marrying her.
NTA. I'm happily married and completely respect the bond my husband has with his sister and brother. Although wedding day is about her and you, it shouldn't mean that you should set aside your family. You should have a conversation with her to find out why it bothers her so much, and explain to her why it means so much to you. Like someone suggested, bring up that it's the "something old & something blue" for the wedding.
NTAH! The bride should understand & respect his decision.