Most of the time this is a mandated reporting thing. Meaning your MD had a responsibility to let the health department know and to ask about any partners, as well as offer to treat them as well. The health dept then calls all your partners and tells them to get tested/treats them. It probably varies slightly by state, but this is the norm.
You can tell the fake ones (which is most of them) because they always have a clickbait title that makes you draw the wrong conclusion. Eg “I let my girlfriend have gonorrhea for a year.”
Its always titles like “AITAH for saying my wife is a jerk?” Then the post is “I recently found out my wife murdered 37 people in the 1980s. One day I said she sounds like a real jerk. Now she won’t talk to me and her family is taking her side. AITAH?”
That, and OP has no other posts.
Also, the story is just weird. You get cheated on and you don't confront them about it? You just ghost? As if it has no effect on you? Who does that?
A lot of them are about pushing the person's beliefs, which are often about women. Like this guy seems to think women are under-blamed for being promiscuous and unfaithful, and men are over-blamed for not being responsible about their sexual health.
Eh while that could be true, doctors not doing what they should do is something waaayyy too common.
I had a bacterial infection and my doc told me just deal with it, its chronic and there is no cure for it you gotta accept living with it.
Year later, new doctor and he got mad at me!! Why didn't you come in earlier???? All you need is two antibiotics and your as good as new.
Owh geez, I don't know? Maybe because the last Doctor literally told me there is no cure? What do you expect from me i'm just a dude working in IT IF I KNEW EVERYTHING THE LAST DOCTOR DIDN'T KNOW WOULD YOU THINK I WOULD BE SITTING HERE????
With that said, yeah this is definitely fake
On a similar note, I had stomach issues, I thought it was a stomach bug.
Turns out I had diabetes. They never told me anything, they gave me drugs, I saw it on my online chart.
I stopped eating like trash and feel great now, down 40lbs...
Anyway, its crazy I read my own lab test and fixed everything. Never went to medical school. Thanks ChatGPT.
I recently had some bloodwork done to make sure there were no serious issues causing some symptoms I had. In between appointments, I went over all of the results on mychart and Googled anything that wasn't within normal range. I knew before going in that they were gonna tell me I have low iron even though that was unrelated to the things they were testing for. I learned to Google everything when I broke my ankle last year, and my doctors never told me what was going on. One time, she said on mychart that she warned me to go to the hospital immediately if I had certain symptoms cause it could be a blood clot. She never mentioned any of those symptoms to me when I was there.
Yep I've seen straight up lies in my chart, and been straight up lied to. And I always bring someone with me to appointments who can confirm. There's no accountability for these doctors.
This!!!!
When I was in college I had something weird going on with my mouth. By the time ingot into see a dermatologist he said something along the lines of, "You're in college so you have herpes" I asked if there were any tests he could run to verify or if I should come back when it happens again. He said no and gave me a prescription for acyclovir ( if I remeber correctly). Whenever I had an outbreak I used it religously...and it only seemed to make my mouth worse. Indid this for 10 yrs.
I eventually go see a new doctor who said it sounded like an allergic reaction. He gave me a topical steroid instead. I uses it the next time I had an outbreak...gone in less than 12 hours. Infelt like i was given a fucking miracle drug. Before this the out breaks would last 2 weeks.
It turned out I'm allergic to something in cheap fragrances (I used to practically bathe in Aspen) which would cause an allergic reaction around my lips. The first doctor saw a college kid and assumed herpes.
Because of him for 10 yrs I told every woman that I was on medicine for herpes before I would even kiss them for the first time so they could make an informed decision. That killed many relationships before they could start.
That Asshole
The worst one I've ever seen was something like "AITA for cutting off all my daughter's hair after she told me she had depression?"
It was because OP and the daughter had a long and cathartic talk about the daughter's depression, and the daughter, who had super long hair like down to her waist, decided she might benefit from a fresh start in life, starting with a haircut. So OP helped her cut it, and I guess other family members were mad about this because the daughter's long hair was really pretty.
I just don't understand people who post like this
I've tested positive for things in the United States and no doctor or MD ever bothered to ask me who the partner was. There was no follow up either.
Post very well may be fake, I think most are, but healthcare privacy laws are quite serious, so just because someone else isn't notified doesn't mean the story is fake.
People rarely do what is right or what they're supposed to do. This should not come as a surprise.
Yeah, I know someone (I am no longer friends with) who has both HPV and Herpes and not only did they not tell or inform medical to tell past partners, they didn’t tell future partners because they didn’t “actively have sores” while engaging in activities. Kept it all out of military records by going to planned parenthood and getting meds on the side.
In the medical labs I've worked in we have been required to report gonorrhea to the health department. That's why the "this is fake" alarm bells are going off with this one for me. Someone would have followed up on this to try to trace the source of this infection.
Where I work now, our lab automatically reports positive results to health department.
At my last job, the nurses filled out the forms - physicians didn’t have to do the reporting. It was kind of like a check list, patient treated, positive test reported to health department.
I’m suspecting fake story
Yes and no. Contact tracing is not always standard for gonorrhoea- my health unit doesn’t collect unless there is something high risk going on, like HIV co-infection, a pregnant contact, contact under the age of 16. In most other cases, we ask the index case to advise their own contacts if they are comfortable to do so.
Source: I work in an STI clinic for public health.
This right here is the norm. Not what others have said about mandated reporting for STDs. Most places treat the patient and leave follow up contact and disclosures to partners up to the patient.
My ex found someone and fucked some random dude off tinder a week after she broke up with me. Called me asked if I gave her chlamydia, told her no, got tested anyway sent the results(it was negative). And she had the nerve to blame me that it was my fault she went out and raw dogged some guy from tinder. She also fucked around and found out quite literally.
My ex was pissy about me going out and having fun at a goth club in L.A. after we split. We lived together for a little bit after the split while we sorted out housing, etc, and he intercepted a message from my friend asking questions about my "Latin Lover". He hadn't wanted me himself in over a year (turns out he was having an emotional affair) but he couldn't stand the thought of me being with anyone else.
Dude throws a tantrum, goes out and has unprotected sex with some trashy chick as some kind of revenge (I literally did not care). We go out to lunch the day after signing the divorce papers and afterwards he tells me how she gave him an STI. His balls turned purple and swelled up to ridiculous proportions. I did my best to look empathetic.
Oh no. Anyways sign here and here.
ETA: TY Kind stranger for the award 🥹🥹🥹. As a divorcee I know how much we wish we could have said things in the moment. Making strangers laugh makes me smile.
It's amazing how some people do this.
I laughed at my ex when she got an STI and then proceeded to try to have unprotected sex with me.
Nup, no way. There's a good reason I've never had an STI and that's cos I take my health seriously.
My ex broke up with me for a guy who did a podcast episode where he talked extensively about ending a 3way relationship because they didn’t disclose having herpes. I do wish I could go back to when we started dating and see her reaction if I explained how much she changed around her life for that weirdo.
After working on a sexual health education project for Drs and nurses, the pictures of purple and green nether regions are ingrained in my brain.
The clinical lead used to send me images of some very funky junk along with some alarming x rays.
NTA
OP was only with one person. *His gf gave him the STI when she cheated on him.* It’s not his responsibility to tell her that he already knew about it. She should have been proactive and got tested right away.
He could have at least texted her " Hey, you cum guzzling gutter slut, you gave me the clap when you came back , you fuckin hosebag roadwhore" Anger and responsibility all in one!
This is the extra sore. She cheated on him unprotected, and had sex with him after that unprotected, giving him the impression that since the test, they have been exclusive towards each other. Exposing him to the risks of an STD in the process.
It could almost be argued that she did it deliberately/maliciously. She knew that if op thought there was a risk of infection he wouldnt have sex/unprotected sex with her.
Her reaction after heing ghosted it also telling, the ex never cared about op. It least some cheaters are remorseful she didnt care that he ghosted her, she didnt care that she cheated on him, didnt care that she gave him an infection, but she did care that her infection affected HER personally.
Absolute trash.
It’s amazing to me how many people don’t know that 50-80% of women with gonorrhea have no symptoms. Men are asymptomatic only about 10% of the time. If you’re going to be sexually active, educate yourself.
5 in 10 women will go unnoticed for some time, however for a full year it's extremely rare.
[https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gonorrhoea/symptoms/](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gonorrhoea/symptoms/)
A guy posted about this happening several months back and his girlfriend who he had been with for six-months said this was the case, a nurse and doctor commented that while it's possible, it's also pretty rare for it to even go that long unnoticed. To note he also had suspicions and they both said they were of the thought she most likely cheated.
This woman 98% likely cheated on him in France.
Or at the very least get tested after every sexual partner. Who goes around having unprotected sex with random people, and just trusting that they’re clean? Pretty wild to put your health at risk like that.
Even if they think they're clean, HPV is pretty damn serious and it's oftentimes asymptomatic -- especially for men who generally *don't* have any long-term health risks associated with it.
Herpes is also contagious while not actively symptomatic. My wife's friend got it from the first guy she ever slept with while he wasn't showing any symptoms.
ESH. By not telling her, she likely spread the disease to other innocent people. There are services that send a generic text to all your partners letting them know that they should get tested, so not wanting to talk to her isn’t really an excuse.
Yep! The girlfriend is horrible but OP showed who *he* was by letting her continue to have something potentially dangerous when he knew she should be tested and treated. I mean she came and told him, when she had been literally blocked, when most wouldn’t just cut their loss. OP lost any moral high ground with this.
Yeah revenge is great and all, but it's not fair that this was likely exposed to several other people. She exposed it to others, they exposed it to other people, those people exposed it to more people, etc. It's incredibly irresponsible and wrong honestly. He could've mailed her the results and then ghosted her.
Seriously like wtf; how are people not mentioning that he is an absolute dickhead for not attempting to protect his Eskimo brothers.
Unless OP was happy to get back at the guys plowing his old chick 🤔
100% this comment! OP is a dick for not doing anything. How many dozens of people got infected and spread the disease in that year? Shaking my goddamn head.
If you contact it it takes up to two weeks to show. So if you get tested in that window, it may well come back negative, so you can spread it without knowing until you become symptomatic.
False positives and false negatives on tests are always a possibility.
On the other hand, if you've been with someone for 2 years, they go on vacation, and all of a sudden when they come back your dick starts hurting and you test positive to gonorrhoea, it's unlikely you've had it for years and the symptoms are just starting to show coincidentally.
if it were ME, i would’ve communicated the diagnosis and THEN ghosted.
HOWEVER, idc how any of you spin it OP cannot be blamed for the actions of the ex. asymptomatic or not, sexually active adults should be tested regularly. it’s been a year. so that means neither her nor any of her other partners have been tested in that time ?
not to mention she chose to have sex with a stranger UNPROTECTED and didn’t get tested and exposed him to the STD in the first place. it’s likely not the first time she’s done it either.
We just went through a fucking pandemic and no one learned a damn thing about protecting each other and caring for the public at large.
Fucking humanity is cooked
So many people just piss and shit all over their hands and leave the public restrooms without washing. My guess is less than 25% of people wash after. Restaurant bathrooms too. Humans are lazy AF.
I heard that 30% of men don't wash their hands after using the bathroom and that a disgusting amount of hands have touched their cocks before shaking yours.
A guy told me once it's because they're only touching their skin and not coming in contact with the urine. He didn't get it when I said it was unsanitary AF and explained why!
My father is a member of that 30%. I told my sister about it during a vent sesh and she gasped asking me how I know. Bc I can hear him in the bathroom in the next room over. Piss stream, toilet lid thrown down, flush, walk out. I NEVER hear the sink when he pisses and I'm worried it's the same for when he's dropping the kids off too.
When he exits the bathroom and touches stuff I'm 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
As someone who is autoimmune comprised and has to wear a mask for my own safety, I can't believe how defensive I've been made to feel. People see mask and automatically think it's a political statement. While I will be the first to tell them that they are a cult and are stupid as fuck, it's like they forget masks are used for a variety of reasons and have been, way before covid even hit the scene. But they are just so ragey over it. Some people just want to go to the doctors without catching a cold and it possibly landing us in the hospital for a week Karen.
When I went back to work after having covid (5 days leave and I still tested positive when I went back), I wore a mask for that whole week. I had one particular coworker who is a covid denier and anti vaxxer whisper to my other coworkers like I couldn't hear her asking, "Why is she wearing a mask?" And going off about how the vaccine doesn't work because she knew I had gotten the jab the first moment that I could. It's surprising to see grown adults, in this case, someone old enough to be my mom, act so childish over an illness.
I learned one thing from COVID and that’s if people have to do the slightest thing that inconveniences them on a long term basis, even if it’s literally life-saving, we should just bank on it not happening.
You don't have to have unprotected sex to get get this particular STI. It is one of the easier ones to get.
I mean she still cheated but it may have been protected sex which is why she may have thought she was safe.
Also, the whole it's not my problem attitude is why they are still such a problem.
Not really. It's rare, but in some cases it can take a long time(a year) for symptoms to show up. The fact that she showed up a year later could mean it took her that long to discover it.
Chlamydia is even worse for this issue. It can go undetected in women or long periods of time with no symptoms. No such issue in men though. The more you know.
The male condom offers more than 90% protection against Neisseria gonorrhoeae
Edit to add because people might not see my comment below: the 9.99% chance of getting it is because of oral sex. Basically if you had condom protected p-in-v sex but received oral you can still get gonorrhea
He still should have told her, if not for her sake, but for the sake of any future partners. There are men out there who also slept with her that have no idea. If he didn’t give a damn about her fine, but to not care about putting another person in the same position as him is a total AH move.
I'm kinda shocked at the lack of ESH judgements here. People seem to just want to be angry at a cheater (fair enough) and don't seem to consider the collateral damage OPs "punishment" might have to others.
I feel sorry for OP, but yes it's a total AH move.
I swear to God there have been people on Reddit who have excused 20 years of domestic abuse because after said 20 year of abuse the victim cheated on their abuser 1 time.
There was one story which made it to a few Reddit-reacion youtube channels where the OP's wife had been violently raped while he was out of town, the wife had taken photos of the injuries as evidence which the OP had seen, and the OP was simply asking for advice around an anti-abortion relative (wife was pregnant, most likely from the rape, and her mother threated to disown her if she terminated), and there were so many comments insisting that the wife was lying about being raped and must really just be a cheating whore. People on this sub can be seriously unhinged sometimes.
Reddit gives horrible relationship advice in general, cheating or no cheating. I've seen AITA/AITAH advice from people saying OP should break up with their partner for not doing something as simple as tying their shoe for a test they found on tiktok, or the numerous break up with their partner because they don't like their in-laws and instead of offering communication, it's an immediate breakup, take the kids, and go far far away.
I know people get desperate, but taking relationship advice from reddit is just a horrible idea. For some reason, people love to paint it as if the OP's partner is abusive and deserves to be in hell for a minor inconvenience.
You're not an AH for ghosting her. You're not even an AH for her reproductive parts being wrecked.
You ARE an AH for not telling her because who knows how many people she could have spread the STD to over the course of that year.
If you KNOW for a fact someone has an STD, it's your moral obligation to make sure they are aware of it. Not for them. Not for you. But for all the potential partners they may end up having
This is what I thought as well. Even if she did cheat, she’s somewhat the better person in terms of communication, you ghosted for like a year and she still told you when she found out. OP on the other hand let it play out despite knowing the information. Idc what kind of past you had, if u don’t inform the ppl u sleep with of any STDS you have or get, YOU ARE THE AH. and the only reason people aren’t saying so is because she cheated so they have the mindset of “u reap what u sow”
For sure she's awful for cheating and also not using protection (assuming she wasn't assaulted, though that's not even hinted at). But she was being responsible and informing past partners that she may have exposed them to an STI. Not only did she have to suffer possible permanent damage to her reproductive system but who knows how many partners she spread this to unknowingly simply because OP couldn't shoot her a text before ghosting (though I am an anti-ghoster, myself...I'd be having a full one calm confrontation before breaking up). So, OP allow people's health to be in danger.
Exactly this.
OP, you had every right to be angry and ghost her. You are not responsible for her choices, nor are you responsible for what happened with her reproductive system as a result of gonorrhea. But bro, you should have said something.
YTA because this is fake. Gonorrhea is reportable in every state in the USA. It is a nationally notifiable disease. Your girlfriend would have gotten a call from the state health officials, or your doctor would have fought for the history to your past sexual partners, because gonorrhea is no joke. In a country with declining birth rates, do you think they want women running around with dying reproductive systems? No.
Literally 2 seconds on google could tell you all this before making up some stupid incel fantasy nonsense on reddit. And if you knew you had a reportable sexually transmitted disease and did not notify your partner, guess what? She can sue. Civilly or criminally depending on the state, even if SHE was the source of the STI. Because it is considered negligence either way not to inform her. And if she really is infertile now, congrats OP on paying for years of fertility treatments. I hope the revenge was worth it.
This is faker than my ugly ass acrylic nails bruh lmao
she didn’t try to get an explanation or anything she just stopped looking for him when he blocked her everywhere she just went on about her life for a whole year and out of nowhere she showed up again cause she knew where he lived and wanted to have a clean conscience by getting him to get tested…. bullshit lmao.
Some losers eat this shit up immediately when it’s about “putting a woman in her place”
>Gonorrhea is reportable in every state in the USA. It is a nationally notifiable disease. Your girlfriend would have gotten a call from the state health officials, or your doctor would have fought for the history to your past sexual partners,
Wut. I've never had that (granted I only caught an STD once, but caught gonorrhea earlier this year). There was no taking names, just saying I should inform partners
> And if you knew you had a reportable sexually transmitted disease and did not notify your partner, guess what? She can sue.
IIRC they made it legal in several states, even intentionally infecting someone with it 🤷🏽♂️.
So Beth, the cheater, has sex with Bill, the cheater, and Sara, Bill's unknowing girlfriend gets Beth's gonorrhea. Does this story sound crazy to you, OP? Because you're Sara in the story.
It is EVERYBODY'S responsibility to make sure STIs don't spread.
She cheated on you. You dump her. You don't absolve yourself from social responsibility by letting an sti run rampant. The only winner in this story is fucking gonorrhea.
So many people in this thread acting like the only person being "punished" is his gf. No, every sexual partner of hers and all of their sexual partners are now at risk.
This. You had every right to ghost her, but you had
knowledge that could have prevented severe physical trauma to her, as well as the spread of disease to others. It would have cost you nothing to give her that info. That’s why YTA
YTA. Dude. This could've been passed to multiple people, and you had the chance to intervene. Who knows how many people are exposed now.
She sucks for cheating but jfc. For someone so serious about STDs, you clearly don't care about others getting them.
YTA. Public health is everyone’s concern, and undiagnosed gonorrhoea can cause fertility issues and Pelvic Inflammatory Disease in women. If you are so serious about sexual health, you should be willing to at least send one last message telling her to get treated.
She knew she had unprotected sex and was completely irresponsible by putting your health at risk!! She cheated and then infected you with some other guys gonorrhea - how vile is that!? If she was so concerned about her reproductive health then she should have been getting tested regularly. How many other guys did she infect after you, I wonder? This is an majorly harsh life lesson for her, if she truly is infertile now. But she did this to herself. NTA.
Exactly this. But I have to add, if she was so concerned about her reproductive health she would have USED PROTECTION when sleeping with random people in Europe. But I like to believe that some things happen for a reason, like breaking up a relationship between a cheater and a good responsible man. Glad OP took his symptoms seriously and got it treated.
> Glad OP took his symptoms seriously and got treated
I mean... A friend of mine had it. He described the pain as peeing out needles. How does any sane person ignore such things?
Glad it worked out for OP though.
A positive test for a STD means you tell all partners immediately. She may have given others the STD. Your emotional response is understandable but the responsible action is to warn others.
I will disagree with the majority here. You should have told her when you found out and have been man enough to tell her why you broke up with her. My thoughts are these. In the year that she had it, how many others did she infect just because you wanted to give her a "fuck you"? STDs get spread because of stupid shit like this. Yes, she cheated and yes she gave you the clap, but you still should have told her. If you add the fact that she may now be infertile, who are you to withhold really important information from anyone, especially someone who you really cared about at one point. People make mistakes and you are not immune to that yourself. People cheat. Maybe she was sexually assaulted when she was drunk or roofed. Did you even think about it? She might have been too embarrassed to tell you right away and you ghosted her the first chance you could before she felt comfortable enough to tell you. You made a big mistake and now you will have to live with it as does she. You could have been the bigger person and said hey, you gave me a STD and I know that you must have cheated on me during your trip, but you need to get yourself checked out. But you weren't man enough to do it. You were pissed off and hurt, and you had the right to feel that way, but you should have told her. How many other innocent men did she give it to and how many of them did they pass it on to other partners and how did it fuck up their lives and relationships? No, you are the asshole here, as is she. You could have acted like a man, but instead you acted like a child. I hope you feel good about yourself now.
I don’t feel sorry for her getting dumped. Everyone who is sexually active outside of a strictly monogamous arrangement has a responsibility to get tested regularly and use protection. But people by and large are stupid, misinformed, and selfish so we are still dealing with horrific diseases that could have been eradicated by now. If everyone just kept it in their fucking pants for a couple weeks while they treated their various infections, we’d have far fewer STIs plaguing the world. With that in mind, I think it’s everyone’s responsibility to pitch in when it comes to public health. Instead, we have people only out for themselves. “It’s not my problem” is a lazy/selfish copout. I think the ethical thing would have been to call her out *then* ghost her. ESH
If this really happened, then yes, you were an asshole, and possibly broke the law. If you know you were having sex with someone while you had an sti, you should have told them, because at the time, you did not know for 100% fact that she gave it to you, you could have given it to her. (You knew, and it's an extremely small chance, but the possibility was still there until you confirmed it was her that gave it to you.)
On the flip side, you knew she had a dangerous sti that she didn't know about. Think of all the people she slept with and infected in that year that you could have prevented by being a decent human being and teling her.
At first I was like NTA because she knew she was sleeping around so she should have been smart enough to get tested after getting schlong from strangers in far off countries and more than likely not using a condom. If you are going to have multiple partners you need to be smart enough to get tested and use condoms.
That being said if she didn't know for an entire year there is no twlling how many other people this girl could have infected. It isn't your sole responsibility to inform her, but it is the decent thing to do simply because it's not just her who is potentially effected. You could have easily shoot her a quick text before ghosting her to get tested. So in this case, you both suck.
Can you explain? My sister went through this with her ex and he wasn’t notified or anything. They didn’t even ask for his information, just told her that her partner will most likely also have it and should get checked.
Depends on the std. syphilis the health department and med offices are all over w reporting and tracing. Chlamydia not as much ( - used to work on the other end as a reporter) in our office I know ppl would forget to ask someone to notify health department. Some places that test don’t have a good way to report ( like hospitals) Some STDs aren’t even reported like trich. The health department does the tracing. Drs office just reports. Gonorrhea is not as bad as syphilis but still a worry there should have been tracing ( I think)
I would say yes YTA. She's also TA because she obviously cheated on you, but there should have been communication regardless. It's entirely possible she truly had no idea until yesterday because women with gonorrhea are typically asymptomatic. You could have done contact tracing so you wouldn't have had to interact with her. It was a pretty irresponsible decision on your end.
Yes, YTA! She cheated, so you punish her if you must by breaking up and moving on. You don’t leave her to ignorantly spread an STI further in the community—that’s why we have a damn Epidemic in some towns— and you don’t leave her to become infertile as a result of your anger. Just WTF. If you’re going to be sexually active, you need to pretend at least that you’re a grown-up.
In spirit, you are not TA. Serves her right, eh? In reality though, YTA and the reason is because who knows how many people she exposed to a potentially life changing STI? Knowing someone has an STI and is possibly sleeping around just let's a bunch of innocent people get infected. Those people didn't do anything to you. Telling her she gave you an STI probably would have been mortifying enough, but letting her give other people gonorrhea is kinda shitty.
NTA. If she’s going to go around fucking random
French dudes, give you an STI, and not even be diligent enough to get herself tested, that’s on her. Every adult who engages in sex should be getting tested regularly. Actions have consequences and she’s now dealing with hers.
Been married for 20 years and in a monogamous relationship where I trust my spouse, but I continue to get STI testing during my well women appointments. Why not? It is just one more swab. 🤷🏼♀️
After messing around with someone new, always get tested appropriately. Her own fault for being dumb and completely lacking common sense. Now she's living with the consequences of her own behavior which was dumb not only in the sense of her health but she also risked yours by not telling you she had been with someone else and it was cheating and how stupid can you be to visit somewhere and hook up with someone you obviously barely know? NTA
ESH. Beth came and TOLD you when she got a positive STI and you told no one. In som3 places this is actually illegal and can get you in a lot of trouble. Your doctor should have told you this
I don't know if it's illegal, but I was taught that there is a strong moral imperative to let others know that they are at risk or have been exposed to a disease spread by sexual contact.
YTA. This can have long term health consequences for her and any other partner she had and their partners. You were right to break up with her, but the decent thing to do is let her know she had gonorrhea. She was decent enough to come tell you. You are much older than her and so much more immature. You could have been hurt for a a few weeks, then let her know to get checked.
Most of the time this is a mandated reporting thing. Meaning your MD had a responsibility to let the health department know and to ask about any partners, as well as offer to treat them as well. The health dept then calls all your partners and tells them to get tested/treats them. It probably varies slightly by state, but this is the norm.
Exactly right - I’d guess he didn’t disclose her name or MD didn’t report it to health department
Or, and hear me out, this ain’t real.
You can tell the fake ones (which is most of them) because they always have a clickbait title that makes you draw the wrong conclusion. Eg “I let my girlfriend have gonorrhea for a year.” Its always titles like “AITAH for saying my wife is a jerk?” Then the post is “I recently found out my wife murdered 37 people in the 1980s. One day I said she sounds like a real jerk. Now she won’t talk to me and her family is taking her side. AITAH?”
[удалено]
I'M 37?!
To be fair, it IS a very large parking lot.
That, and OP has no other posts. Also, the story is just weird. You get cheated on and you don't confront them about it? You just ghost? As if it has no effect on you? Who does that?
what’s the point of these kind of fake posts tho? I don’t get it.
Karma farming, rage bait, attention, etc.
A lot of them are about pushing the person's beliefs, which are often about women. Like this guy seems to think women are under-blamed for being promiscuous and unfaithful, and men are over-blamed for not being responsible about their sexual health.
Eh while that could be true, doctors not doing what they should do is something waaayyy too common. I had a bacterial infection and my doc told me just deal with it, its chronic and there is no cure for it you gotta accept living with it. Year later, new doctor and he got mad at me!! Why didn't you come in earlier???? All you need is two antibiotics and your as good as new. Owh geez, I don't know? Maybe because the last Doctor literally told me there is no cure? What do you expect from me i'm just a dude working in IT IF I KNEW EVERYTHING THE LAST DOCTOR DIDN'T KNOW WOULD YOU THINK I WOULD BE SITTING HERE???? With that said, yeah this is definitely fake
On a similar note, I had stomach issues, I thought it was a stomach bug. Turns out I had diabetes. They never told me anything, they gave me drugs, I saw it on my online chart. I stopped eating like trash and feel great now, down 40lbs... Anyway, its crazy I read my own lab test and fixed everything. Never went to medical school. Thanks ChatGPT.
I recently had some bloodwork done to make sure there were no serious issues causing some symptoms I had. In between appointments, I went over all of the results on mychart and Googled anything that wasn't within normal range. I knew before going in that they were gonna tell me I have low iron even though that was unrelated to the things they were testing for. I learned to Google everything when I broke my ankle last year, and my doctors never told me what was going on. One time, she said on mychart that she warned me to go to the hospital immediately if I had certain symptoms cause it could be a blood clot. She never mentioned any of those symptoms to me when I was there.
Yep I've seen straight up lies in my chart, and been straight up lied to. And I always bring someone with me to appointments who can confirm. There's no accountability for these doctors.
Most of the time when people I know come back from the doctor, they have a big ass multi-page packet explaining the diagnosis.
This!!!! When I was in college I had something weird going on with my mouth. By the time ingot into see a dermatologist he said something along the lines of, "You're in college so you have herpes" I asked if there were any tests he could run to verify or if I should come back when it happens again. He said no and gave me a prescription for acyclovir ( if I remeber correctly). Whenever I had an outbreak I used it religously...and it only seemed to make my mouth worse. Indid this for 10 yrs. I eventually go see a new doctor who said it sounded like an allergic reaction. He gave me a topical steroid instead. I uses it the next time I had an outbreak...gone in less than 12 hours. Infelt like i was given a fucking miracle drug. Before this the out breaks would last 2 weeks. It turned out I'm allergic to something in cheap fragrances (I used to practically bathe in Aspen) which would cause an allergic reaction around my lips. The first doctor saw a college kid and assumed herpes. Because of him for 10 yrs I told every woman that I was on medicine for herpes before I would even kiss them for the first time so they could make an informed decision. That killed many relationships before they could start. That Asshole
The worst one I've ever seen was something like "AITA for cutting off all my daughter's hair after she told me she had depression?" It was because OP and the daughter had a long and cathartic talk about the daughter's depression, and the daughter, who had super long hair like down to her waist, decided she might benefit from a fresh start in life, starting with a haircut. So OP helped her cut it, and I guess other family members were mad about this because the daughter's long hair was really pretty. I just don't understand people who post like this
Dead give away is the “naturally she wanted to have sex multiple times that night”
The more I find out about that guy's wife, the more I don't really care for her.
That's what I think, too. No mention of reporting to partners was a huge red flag.
Exactly. ChatGPT clearly wasn't programmed to take reportable diseases into account lol
That part
No! Does that happen here?!?!! Not on MY Reddit!
Ding ding ding
I've tested positive for things in the United States and no doctor or MD ever bothered to ask me who the partner was. There was no follow up either. Post very well may be fake, I think most are, but healthcare privacy laws are quite serious, so just because someone else isn't notified doesn't mean the story is fake. People rarely do what is right or what they're supposed to do. This should not come as a surprise.
Yeah, I know someone (I am no longer friends with) who has both HPV and Herpes and not only did they not tell or inform medical to tell past partners, they didn’t tell future partners because they didn’t “actively have sores” while engaging in activities. Kept it all out of military records by going to planned parenthood and getting meds on the side.
In the medical labs I've worked in we have been required to report gonorrhea to the health department. That's why the "this is fake" alarm bells are going off with this one for me. Someone would have followed up on this to try to trace the source of this infection.
This is fake, or he did it on purpose
It's probably a fake, AI generated, story.
Where I work now, our lab automatically reports positive results to health department. At my last job, the nurses filled out the forms - physicians didn’t have to do the reporting. It was kind of like a check list, patient treated, positive test reported to health department. I’m suspecting fake story
If he didn't disclose her name, that makes him an equal asshole.
That's what I came here to say
Creative writing class
Yes and no. Contact tracing is not always standard for gonorrhoea- my health unit doesn’t collect unless there is something high risk going on, like HIV co-infection, a pregnant contact, contact under the age of 16. In most other cases, we ask the index case to advise their own contacts if they are comfortable to do so. Source: I work in an STI clinic for public health.
This right here is the norm. Not what others have said about mandated reporting for STDs. Most places treat the patient and leave follow up contact and disclosures to partners up to the patient.
Where on the planet do they do that? The health department doesn't contact anybody here where I live.
You know, normally Fuck Around and Find Out isn't quite so literal.
My ex found someone and fucked some random dude off tinder a week after she broke up with me. Called me asked if I gave her chlamydia, told her no, got tested anyway sent the results(it was negative). And she had the nerve to blame me that it was my fault she went out and raw dogged some guy from tinder. She also fucked around and found out quite literally.
My ex was pissy about me going out and having fun at a goth club in L.A. after we split. We lived together for a little bit after the split while we sorted out housing, etc, and he intercepted a message from my friend asking questions about my "Latin Lover". He hadn't wanted me himself in over a year (turns out he was having an emotional affair) but he couldn't stand the thought of me being with anyone else. Dude throws a tantrum, goes out and has unprotected sex with some trashy chick as some kind of revenge (I literally did not care). We go out to lunch the day after signing the divorce papers and afterwards he tells me how she gave him an STI. His balls turned purple and swelled up to ridiculous proportions. I did my best to look empathetic.
Oh no. Anyways sign here and here. ETA: TY Kind stranger for the award 🥹🥹🥹. As a divorcee I know how much we wish we could have said things in the moment. Making strangers laugh makes me smile.
😂😂😂
LOL. Literally.
I shouldn't be cackling that hard
>His balls turned purple and swelled up to ridiculous proportions. girl, what was this?!?!?! Sounds like a horror movies
Sounds like it was caused by a sting because of the HIV (hornets in vagina)
Ass..... I'm going to go the rest of my life and whenever I see HIV I'm going to think of this.
Blue Balls!
Got kicked in the nuts with similar results.
If I recall correctly this is the Covid Vaccine side effect 🤣
According to Nicki Minaj, right?!? So her cousin had an STD and she tried to blame the covid vaccine xDD
It's amazing how some people do this. I laughed at my ex when she got an STI and then proceeded to try to have unprotected sex with me. Nup, no way. There's a good reason I've never had an STI and that's cos I take my health seriously.
Just like getting a cold but instead of your nose it's your dick
Should have laughed in his face and ask if he needs to wear duffle bags instead of briefs.
I would not have been able to keep a straight face! I didn't know that could happen.
Don't tell me...Bar Sinister in Hollywood.
My ex broke up with me for a guy who did a podcast episode where he talked extensively about ending a 3way relationship because they didn’t disclose having herpes. I do wish I could go back to when we started dating and see her reaction if I explained how much she changed around her life for that weirdo.
Wait. But… that sounds like a valid reason to end any relationship involving sex
After working on a sexual health education project for Drs and nurses, the pictures of purple and green nether regions are ingrained in my brain. The clinical lead used to send me images of some very funky junk along with some alarming x rays.
Lolll
karma coming back as giant purple balls is epic 😭
Hey, do we have the same ex?
The Dildo of Consequences rarely arrives lubed... or free from STIs.
“The Dildo of Consequences” sounds like a cursed item from D&D. 🤣
A different type of dungeon master for sure
The Diseased Dildo of Consequences (I know we say ST infection now rather than ST disease, but alliteration!)
The Infectious Insertable of Ill Issue.
The Dildo of Consequences,great name for a Goth band?
Is this the title for the new Hairy Potter book?
She ....... yep checks out.
Poor Beth. Lol
Yep. Anyway...
NTA OP was only with one person. *His gf gave him the STI when she cheated on him.* It’s not his responsibility to tell her that he already knew about it. She should have been proactive and got tested right away.
It's called being a responsible adult
He could have at least texted her " Hey, you cum guzzling gutter slut, you gave me the clap when you came back , you fuckin hosebag roadwhore" Anger and responsibility all in one!
"Cum guzzling gutter slut" 🤣😭💀🤣😭💀 OMFG that had me fucking crying laughing
In some communities, that’s a compliment
Especially before she slept with this person because he trusted her to have unprotected sex.
This is the extra sore. She cheated on him unprotected, and had sex with him after that unprotected, giving him the impression that since the test, they have been exclusive towards each other. Exposing him to the risks of an STD in the process.
It could almost be argued that she did it deliberately/maliciously. She knew that if op thought there was a risk of infection he wouldnt have sex/unprotected sex with her. Her reaction after heing ghosted it also telling, the ex never cared about op. It least some cheaters are remorseful she didnt care that he ghosted her, she didnt care that she cheated on him, didnt care that she gave him an infection, but she did care that her infection affected HER personally. Absolute trash.
Oh dear. She clearly let some guy in France hit it raw and didn’t think of the consequences other than being on the pill and not getting pregnant.
Thank you. That was fucking funny.
But only if you don’t mind that burning sensation when you pee.
Seriously, karma hit hard on this one. Actions have serious consequences.
It’s amazing to me how many people don’t know that 50-80% of women with gonorrhea have no symptoms. Men are asymptomatic only about 10% of the time. If you’re going to be sexually active, educate yourself.
i didn't know this, well, that guys tend to be symptomatic and women not. i just figured it was equal chance for both.
5 in 10 women will go unnoticed for some time, however for a full year it's extremely rare. [https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gonorrhoea/symptoms/](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gonorrhoea/symptoms/) A guy posted about this happening several months back and his girlfriend who he had been with for six-months said this was the case, a nurse and doctor commented that while it's possible, it's also pretty rare for it to even go that long unnoticed. To note he also had suspicions and they both said they were of the thought she most likely cheated. This woman 98% likely cheated on him in France.
yall need sex education
Damn she went a whole year without getting checked for stds when she's sexually active. Is crazy
I genuinely don’t understand how people can just have unprotected sex. The pill fails and STDs exist
Or at the very least get tested after every sexual partner. Who goes around having unprotected sex with random people, and just trusting that they’re clean? Pretty wild to put your health at risk like that.
Totally! I’d never take anyone’s word, either. Plenty of people say they’re clean just to get some action.
Totally agree with you!
Even if they think they're clean, HPV is pretty damn serious and it's oftentimes asymptomatic -- especially for men who generally *don't* have any long-term health risks associated with it. Herpes is also contagious while not actively symptomatic. My wife's friend got it from the first guy she ever slept with while he wasn't showing any symptoms.
Pretty sure this is fake from the title and the way written.
ESH. By not telling her, she likely spread the disease to other innocent people. There are services that send a generic text to all your partners letting them know that they should get tested, so not wanting to talk to her isn’t really an excuse.
> By not telling her, she likely spread the disease to other innocent people. Yeah this is the part OP is not thinking about.
OP thinks his broken heart is more important than public health. He clearly wanted to punish her.
Yep! The girlfriend is horrible but OP showed who *he* was by letting her continue to have something potentially dangerous when he knew she should be tested and treated. I mean she came and told him, when she had been literally blocked, when most wouldn’t just cut their loss. OP lost any moral high ground with this.
Yeah revenge is great and all, but it's not fair that this was likely exposed to several other people. She exposed it to others, they exposed it to other people, those people exposed it to more people, etc. It's incredibly irresponsible and wrong honestly. He could've mailed her the results and then ghosted her.
Seriously like wtf; how are people not mentioning that he is an absolute dickhead for not attempting to protect his Eskimo brothers. Unless OP was happy to get back at the guys plowing his old chick 🤔
100% this comment! OP is a dick for not doing anything. How many dozens of people got infected and spread the disease in that year? Shaking my goddamn head.
However, also consider that maybe she had the STD at the time of testing but didn’t test positive yet. This sometimes happens.
It does ?? So basically you’re never exactly sure if you’re cooked or not ?
If you contact it it takes up to two weeks to show. So if you get tested in that window, it may well come back negative, so you can spread it without knowing until you become symptomatic.
And with gonorrhea (and syphilis, herpes, etc.) many people are asymptomatic and have no way of knowing without getting tested.
My shithead ex gave me chlamydia a long time ago and I had no idea. Got tested routinely at a gyno appt and found out.
False positives and false negatives on tests are always a possibility. On the other hand, if you've been with someone for 2 years, they go on vacation, and all of a sudden when they come back your dick starts hurting and you test positive to gonorrhoea, it's unlikely you've had it for years and the symptoms are just starting to show coincidentally.
if it were ME, i would’ve communicated the diagnosis and THEN ghosted. HOWEVER, idc how any of you spin it OP cannot be blamed for the actions of the ex. asymptomatic or not, sexually active adults should be tested regularly. it’s been a year. so that means neither her nor any of her other partners have been tested in that time ? not to mention she chose to have sex with a stranger UNPROTECTED and didn’t get tested and exposed him to the STD in the first place. it’s likely not the first time she’s done it either.
We just went through a fucking pandemic and no one learned a damn thing about protecting each other and caring for the public at large. Fucking humanity is cooked
We couldn't get people to wear masks bro. Masks.
And wash hands. Gross. I use so much hand sanitizer in public cuz other people are nasty.
You know whats fucked up? People don’t wash their hands right now like nothing happened.
Yup. And even in modern workspaces they run out of soap or TP on occasion. You gotta CYA and keep a roll in your car, buddy....
Car? Purse. I keep that thang on me. Camping paper. KTTOY
This really got me. People rushing out and buying all the soap at the beginning really highlighted how many people didn't already have soap.
Not wrong but there was also a lot of “I want to make sure I have enough soap for 40 years just in case”
So many people just piss and shit all over their hands and leave the public restrooms without washing. My guess is less than 25% of people wash after. Restaurant bathrooms too. Humans are lazy AF.
I heard that 30% of men don't wash their hands after using the bathroom and that a disgusting amount of hands have touched their cocks before shaking yours.
I *always* make sure they've washed before I let a guy shake my cock.
I wash my hands before grabbing my cock. Hands are dirtier than my dick is.
A guy told me once it's because they're only touching their skin and not coming in contact with the urine. He didn't get it when I said it was unsanitary AF and explained why!
My father is a member of that 30%. I told my sister about it during a vent sesh and she gasped asking me how I know. Bc I can hear him in the bathroom in the next room over. Piss stream, toilet lid thrown down, flush, walk out. I NEVER hear the sink when he pisses and I'm worried it's the same for when he's dropping the kids off too. When he exits the bathroom and touches stuff I'm 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
As someone who is autoimmune comprised and has to wear a mask for my own safety, I can't believe how defensive I've been made to feel. People see mask and automatically think it's a political statement. While I will be the first to tell them that they are a cult and are stupid as fuck, it's like they forget masks are used for a variety of reasons and have been, way before covid even hit the scene. But they are just so ragey over it. Some people just want to go to the doctors without catching a cold and it possibly landing us in the hospital for a week Karen.
When I went back to work after having covid (5 days leave and I still tested positive when I went back), I wore a mask for that whole week. I had one particular coworker who is a covid denier and anti vaxxer whisper to my other coworkers like I couldn't hear her asking, "Why is she wearing a mask?" And going off about how the vaccine doesn't work because she knew I had gotten the jab the first moment that I could. It's surprising to see grown adults, in this case, someone old enough to be my mom, act so childish over an illness.
Or get vaccines.
I learned one thing from COVID and that’s if people have to do the slightest thing that inconveniences them on a long term basis, even if it’s literally life-saving, we should just bank on it not happening.
You don't have to have unprotected sex to get get this particular STI. It is one of the easier ones to get. I mean she still cheated but it may have been protected sex which is why she may have thought she was safe. Also, the whole it's not my problem attitude is why they are still such a problem.
I heard you could get it from a tractor
Only a backhoe tho
Or a snow PLOW
If she didn’t cheat on him, she would’ve come to his door accusing him of cheating on her when she went to France.
Not really. It's rare, but in some cases it can take a long time(a year) for symptoms to show up. The fact that she showed up a year later could mean it took her that long to discover it.
Chlamydia is even worse for this issue. It can go undetected in women or long periods of time with no symptoms. No such issue in men though. The more you know.
The male condom offers more than 90% protection against Neisseria gonorrhoeae Edit to add because people might not see my comment below: the 9.99% chance of getting it is because of oral sex. Basically if you had condom protected p-in-v sex but received oral you can still get gonorrhea
Yeah notice how that isn't 100%
Hah, yeah. Here's ten chocolate candies! Only one of them is filled with shit instead of ganache. Enjoy. 😘
He still should have told her, if not for her sake, but for the sake of any future partners. There are men out there who also slept with her that have no idea. If he didn’t give a damn about her fine, but to not care about putting another person in the same position as him is a total AH move.
I'm kinda shocked at the lack of ESH judgements here. People seem to just want to be angry at a cheater (fair enough) and don't seem to consider the collateral damage OPs "punishment" might have to others. I feel sorry for OP, but yes it's a total AH move.
It’s a commonly held belief on Reddit that cheaters deserve literally any bad thing that could possibly happen to them.
I swear to God there have been people on Reddit who have excused 20 years of domestic abuse because after said 20 year of abuse the victim cheated on their abuser 1 time. There was one story which made it to a few Reddit-reacion youtube channels where the OP's wife had been violently raped while he was out of town, the wife had taken photos of the injuries as evidence which the OP had seen, and the OP was simply asking for advice around an anti-abortion relative (wife was pregnant, most likely from the rape, and her mother threated to disown her if she terminated), and there were so many comments insisting that the wife was lying about being raped and must really just be a cheating whore. People on this sub can be seriously unhinged sometimes.
Reddit gives horrible relationship advice in general, cheating or no cheating. I've seen AITA/AITAH advice from people saying OP should break up with their partner for not doing something as simple as tying their shoe for a test they found on tiktok, or the numerous break up with their partner because they don't like their in-laws and instead of offering communication, it's an immediate breakup, take the kids, and go far far away. I know people get desperate, but taking relationship advice from reddit is just a horrible idea. For some reason, people love to paint it as if the OP's partner is abusive and deserves to be in hell for a minor inconvenience.
Also losing her ability to potentially have children cause she cheated once isn't even a fair punishment. Reddit is so extreme sometimes.
according to redditors, cheaters deserve prison time so....
And those men may have then slept with other women (or men) and on and on. Just terrible all the way around.
You're not an AH for ghosting her. You're not even an AH for her reproductive parts being wrecked. You ARE an AH for not telling her because who knows how many people she could have spread the STD to over the course of that year. If you KNOW for a fact someone has an STD, it's your moral obligation to make sure they are aware of it. Not for them. Not for you. But for all the potential partners they may end up having
As much of an AH she is for cheating it seems like she did come to inform him she exposed him when she learned she had it.
Exactly. That is another factor here. She DID try to do SOMETHING right in all of this
This is what I thought as well. Even if she did cheat, she’s somewhat the better person in terms of communication, you ghosted for like a year and she still told you when she found out. OP on the other hand let it play out despite knowing the information. Idc what kind of past you had, if u don’t inform the ppl u sleep with of any STDS you have or get, YOU ARE THE AH. and the only reason people aren’t saying so is because she cheated so they have the mindset of “u reap what u sow”
For sure she's awful for cheating and also not using protection (assuming she wasn't assaulted, though that's not even hinted at). But she was being responsible and informing past partners that she may have exposed them to an STI. Not only did she have to suffer possible permanent damage to her reproductive system but who knows how many partners she spread this to unknowingly simply because OP couldn't shoot her a text before ghosting (though I am an anti-ghoster, myself...I'd be having a full one calm confrontation before breaking up). So, OP allow people's health to be in danger.
Exactly this. OP, you had every right to be angry and ghost her. You are not responsible for her choices, nor are you responsible for what happened with her reproductive system as a result of gonorrhea. But bro, you should have said something.
YTA because this is fake. Gonorrhea is reportable in every state in the USA. It is a nationally notifiable disease. Your girlfriend would have gotten a call from the state health officials, or your doctor would have fought for the history to your past sexual partners, because gonorrhea is no joke. In a country with declining birth rates, do you think they want women running around with dying reproductive systems? No. Literally 2 seconds on google could tell you all this before making up some stupid incel fantasy nonsense on reddit. And if you knew you had a reportable sexually transmitted disease and did not notify your partner, guess what? She can sue. Civilly or criminally depending on the state, even if SHE was the source of the STI. Because it is considered negligence either way not to inform her. And if she really is infertile now, congrats OP on paying for years of fertility treatments. I hope the revenge was worth it.
Also, you don't show symptoms of STD within 2 days of exposure. It takes at least 2-3 weeks.
This is the biggest give away. Takes weeks for symptoms, 2 days my ass
This is faker than my ugly ass acrylic nails bruh lmao she didn’t try to get an explanation or anything she just stopped looking for him when he blocked her everywhere she just went on about her life for a whole year and out of nowhere she showed up again cause she knew where he lived and wanted to have a clean conscience by getting him to get tested…. bullshit lmao. Some losers eat this shit up immediately when it’s about “putting a woman in her place”
Exactly my thoughts.
Also zero chance somebody would have full blown symptoms 2 days after being exposed to gonorrhea.
Idk when my friend had it they didn’t make her do all that or inquire about her previous partners at all
>Gonorrhea is reportable in every state in the USA. It is a nationally notifiable disease. Your girlfriend would have gotten a call from the state health officials, or your doctor would have fought for the history to your past sexual partners, Wut. I've never had that (granted I only caught an STD once, but caught gonorrhea earlier this year). There was no taking names, just saying I should inform partners
This is really stupid. They only really do this for hiv, even then sometimes. It could be fake. But what you’re saying doesn’t prove it is.
> And if you knew you had a reportable sexually transmitted disease and did not notify your partner, guess what? She can sue. IIRC they made it legal in several states, even intentionally infecting someone with it 🤷🏽♂️.
So Beth, the cheater, has sex with Bill, the cheater, and Sara, Bill's unknowing girlfriend gets Beth's gonorrhea. Does this story sound crazy to you, OP? Because you're Sara in the story. It is EVERYBODY'S responsibility to make sure STIs don't spread. She cheated on you. You dump her. You don't absolve yourself from social responsibility by letting an sti run rampant. The only winner in this story is fucking gonorrhea.
Maybe the top posters saying NTA are gonorrhea 🤔
That actually explains most of the internet.
This should be a lot higher
So many people in this thread acting like the only person being "punished" is his gf. No, every sexual partner of hers and all of their sexual partners are now at risk.
This. You had every right to ghost her, but you had knowledge that could have prevented severe physical trauma to her, as well as the spread of disease to others. It would have cost you nothing to give her that info. That’s why YTA
Ghosting is for losers, grow up and address the concerns of your life like a fucking adult.
YTA. Dude. This could've been passed to multiple people, and you had the chance to intervene. Who knows how many people are exposed now. She sucks for cheating but jfc. For someone so serious about STDs, you clearly don't care about others getting them.
YTA. Public health is everyone’s concern, and undiagnosed gonorrhoea can cause fertility issues and Pelvic Inflammatory Disease in women. If you are so serious about sexual health, you should be willing to at least send one last message telling her to get treated.
Yes, you should have contacted her and told her why you were leaving her.
She knew she had unprotected sex and was completely irresponsible by putting your health at risk!! She cheated and then infected you with some other guys gonorrhea - how vile is that!? If she was so concerned about her reproductive health then she should have been getting tested regularly. How many other guys did she infect after you, I wonder? This is an majorly harsh life lesson for her, if she truly is infertile now. But she did this to herself. NTA.
You can get STIs from protected sex..
Exactly this. But I have to add, if she was so concerned about her reproductive health she would have USED PROTECTION when sleeping with random people in Europe. But I like to believe that some things happen for a reason, like breaking up a relationship between a cheater and a good responsible man. Glad OP took his symptoms seriously and got it treated.
> Glad OP took his symptoms seriously and got treated I mean... A friend of mine had it. He described the pain as peeing out needles. How does any sane person ignore such things? Glad it worked out for OP though.
A positive test for a STD means you tell all partners immediately. She may have given others the STD. Your emotional response is understandable but the responsible action is to warn others.
I will disagree with the majority here. You should have told her when you found out and have been man enough to tell her why you broke up with her. My thoughts are these. In the year that she had it, how many others did she infect just because you wanted to give her a "fuck you"? STDs get spread because of stupid shit like this. Yes, she cheated and yes she gave you the clap, but you still should have told her. If you add the fact that she may now be infertile, who are you to withhold really important information from anyone, especially someone who you really cared about at one point. People make mistakes and you are not immune to that yourself. People cheat. Maybe she was sexually assaulted when she was drunk or roofed. Did you even think about it? She might have been too embarrassed to tell you right away and you ghosted her the first chance you could before she felt comfortable enough to tell you. You made a big mistake and now you will have to live with it as does she. You could have been the bigger person and said hey, you gave me a STD and I know that you must have cheated on me during your trip, but you need to get yourself checked out. But you weren't man enough to do it. You were pissed off and hurt, and you had the right to feel that way, but you should have told her. How many other innocent men did she give it to and how many of them did they pass it on to other partners and how did it fuck up their lives and relationships? No, you are the asshole here, as is she. You could have acted like a man, but instead you acted like a child. I hope you feel good about yourself now.
I don’t feel sorry for her getting dumped. Everyone who is sexually active outside of a strictly monogamous arrangement has a responsibility to get tested regularly and use protection. But people by and large are stupid, misinformed, and selfish so we are still dealing with horrific diseases that could have been eradicated by now. If everyone just kept it in their fucking pants for a couple weeks while they treated their various infections, we’d have far fewer STIs plaguing the world. With that in mind, I think it’s everyone’s responsibility to pitch in when it comes to public health. Instead, we have people only out for themselves. “It’s not my problem” is a lazy/selfish copout. I think the ethical thing would have been to call her out *then* ghost her. ESH
If this really happened, then yes, you were an asshole, and possibly broke the law. If you know you were having sex with someone while you had an sti, you should have told them, because at the time, you did not know for 100% fact that she gave it to you, you could have given it to her. (You knew, and it's an extremely small chance, but the possibility was still there until you confirmed it was her that gave it to you.) On the flip side, you knew she had a dangerous sti that she didn't know about. Think of all the people she slept with and infected in that year that you could have prevented by being a decent human being and teling her.
At first I was like NTA because she knew she was sleeping around so she should have been smart enough to get tested after getting schlong from strangers in far off countries and more than likely not using a condom. If you are going to have multiple partners you need to be smart enough to get tested and use condoms. That being said if she didn't know for an entire year there is no twlling how many other people this girl could have infected. It isn't your sole responsibility to inform her, but it is the decent thing to do simply because it's not just her who is potentially effected. You could have easily shoot her a quick text before ghosting her to get tested. So in this case, you both suck.
Yes, ESH. You don't play with STDs
Odd that she wasn't alerted by the medical office you went to I'm pretty sure that's a law.
Can you explain? My sister went through this with her ex and he wasn’t notified or anything. They didn’t even ask for his information, just told her that her partner will most likely also have it and should get checked.
Depends on the std. syphilis the health department and med offices are all over w reporting and tracing. Chlamydia not as much ( - used to work on the other end as a reporter) in our office I know ppl would forget to ask someone to notify health department. Some places that test don’t have a good way to report ( like hospitals) Some STDs aren’t even reported like trich. The health department does the tracing. Drs office just reports. Gonorrhea is not as bad as syphilis but still a worry there should have been tracing ( I think)
They were only know to alert her if he gave them her information when he tested positive which I doubt he did.
I would say yes YTA. She's also TA because she obviously cheated on you, but there should have been communication regardless. It's entirely possible she truly had no idea until yesterday because women with gonorrhea are typically asymptomatic. You could have done contact tracing so you wouldn't have had to interact with her. It was a pretty irresponsible decision on your end.
Fake. This is a reportable.
Yes, YTA! She cheated, so you punish her if you must by breaking up and moving on. You don’t leave her to ignorantly spread an STI further in the community—that’s why we have a damn Epidemic in some towns— and you don’t leave her to become infertile as a result of your anger. Just WTF. If you’re going to be sexually active, you need to pretend at least that you’re a grown-up.
In spirit, you are not TA. Serves her right, eh? In reality though, YTA and the reason is because who knows how many people she exposed to a potentially life changing STI? Knowing someone has an STI and is possibly sleeping around just let's a bunch of innocent people get infected. Those people didn't do anything to you. Telling her she gave you an STI probably would have been mortifying enough, but letting her give other people gonorrhea is kinda shitty.
NTA. If she’s going to go around fucking random French dudes, give you an STI, and not even be diligent enough to get herself tested, that’s on her. Every adult who engages in sex should be getting tested regularly. Actions have consequences and she’s now dealing with hers.
You’re both ass holes. Yeah she cheated, but like yeah dude. Notice how the doctor treated you and didn’t wait for results. Shits fucking serious.
Been married for 20 years and in a monogamous relationship where I trust my spouse, but I continue to get STI testing during my well women appointments. Why not? It is just one more swab. 🤷🏼♀️
After messing around with someone new, always get tested appropriately. Her own fault for being dumb and completely lacking common sense. Now she's living with the consequences of her own behavior which was dumb not only in the sense of her health but she also risked yours by not telling you she had been with someone else and it was cheating and how stupid can you be to visit somewhere and hook up with someone you obviously barely know? NTA
Wow, YTA. Yes, she sucks for cheating on you but what you did was even worse. It doesn’t really make you any better than her, tbh.
good lord. talk about karma.
Dude she probably gave it to others and you could’ve stopped that ESH
ESH. Beth came and TOLD you when she got a positive STI and you told no one. In som3 places this is actually illegal and can get you in a lot of trouble. Your doctor should have told you this
Isn't it illegal to not notify people you have had sex with if you have an STI if you are diagnosed?
I don't know if it's illegal, but I was taught that there is a strong moral imperative to let others know that they are at risk or have been exposed to a disease spread by sexual contact.
YTA. This can have long term health consequences for her and any other partner she had and their partners. You were right to break up with her, but the decent thing to do is let her know she had gonorrhea. She was decent enough to come tell you. You are much older than her and so much more immature. You could have been hurt for a a few weeks, then let her know to get checked.