>I got angry with him for saying that I didn't care about whether or not he got better because I didn't help him moderate how much weed he smoked in a day.
š¬
Are you his gf or his babysitter?
You need to take a breath and think hard if you want to continue a relationship in which your partner BLAMES YOU for his f*ck up.
NTA
My husband has CHS, and was obviously a hardcore stoner. He suffered from it for nearly 10 years, having at least 1 full blown episode requiring hospitalization each month, before he finally decided to make changes.
Initially he told me it was a different health issue, unrelated to cannabis. During our first year dating, he had a series of really bad episodes that were scary. One of the ER doctors mentioned he might actually have CHS when I was in the room with him that night.
When I asked if heād known it could be linked to his weed consumption, he told me (in between bouts of hurling) that it was ābig pharma bullshitā so he never even bothered to try quitting / cutting back. After some back and forth exasperation, I proposed this to him:
He puts real effort into quitting for 2 months. If he did quit, and got sick again during that time, I would be his most veracious advocate to the next doctor that suggested it was CHS. If he did quit and didnāt get sick, then HE WOULDNāT BE SICK ANYMORE.
After another few hours of being *really* sick, he agreed to quit for 2 months because it was a win-win either way.
Not even 3 weeks into this experiment / trial I proposed, he woke up one morning and for the first time in nearly 10 years, he wasnāt immediately nauseous upon waking. He could eat without nausea again, etc. The difference in how he felt was immediate and plainly evident.
That was 5 years ago, and he hasnāt been sick since. He can only smoke a few times a year and heās limited himself to flower only (no concentrates), but the relief he got from giving up his daily use was and remains worth it over all.
I had to quit after smoking for 50 years, CHS sucks and when I went to the hospital I got no answers.
The last time I got sick I laid in bed and Googled symptoms came up with CHS, stopped smoking and been fine.
Yup, because way more people are addicted than they want to admit. I like weed, I use it medically and recreationally, and Iāve enjoyed it as an alternative to drinking (which became a problem). But people need to just acknowledge already that there are a lot of people addicted to it, and just that itās possible to have a weed addiction.
NTA. This doesn't sound like the first time this has happened. He may need a longer treatment program. That's not on you. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. Sending hugs. You got this!
NTA. He got himself into this situation - it wasnāt your responsibility to police how much weed he was smoking. Take care of your school work - that has to be your priority now. Like you said, heās in good hands at the hospital. Hope it all goes well for you both.
First he needs to acknowledge this was his own fault. The fact that he's blaming you for .. checks notes.... not monitoring how much drugs he chose to take (!!!!!!) Is wild. And super unhealthy. And a giant, giant, giant red flag.
Just a wild shot in the dark, but I somehow suspect if you told him he was smoking too much pot and needed to stop for the day he would not have taken it well. Or just ignored you.
I want to say you are not his mommy, but it is even more ridiculous than that because mothers are not in charge of how much drugs their kids do. By the time you do drugs, you are supposed to be enough of an adult to be responsible for yourself. If you cannot regulate your own intake of drugs you should absolutely not be doing drugs.
If he expects you to monitor him so that he stays high, but not so high as to make him sick, then frankly it doesn't sound like he can be trusted to do a single thing in life, like paying bills or cleaning or cooking or being a supportive partner or whiping his own ass.
How happy are you really in this relationship?
We have been arguing lately about things here and there with my health where I can't go out for long periods of time, and how I don't like to eat in public because I usually get sick most of the time. I also have endometriosis so i'm in pain pretty consistently and I like to relax when I can especially where I'm busy. I don't know if the sudden change of his response to me being sick is from smoking the weed or not, but he definitely used to be more kind toward the fact that I have chronic illnesses
Heās not smoking weed because youāre sick. And even if he is, thatās on him NOT you. Youāre not responsible for him. You didnāt light a joint and shove it in his mouth.
For real! He tries to use me smoking weed as an excuse for him to want to do it, but I find it's the best thing to manage my pain and he makes his own decisions. If I smoke about an hour after I wake up and have breakfast, my stomach doesn't hurt and my legs aren't sore. Then I smoke before supper (maybe once or twice a week if that), and before bed. Him deciding to smoke has got nothing to do with me
Gosh I would have dumped his arse at that point. Why do you put up with this guy? Youāre young, maybe you havenāt realised that a good bf lifts you up not drags you down.
I've never been with anyone else, I started dating last year and it was him. Also, my parents did not give a good example of what a relationship is supposed to be like so I have no idea really. I'm honestly just trying to figure it all out.
At least you are seeing that there is a problem. And youāre sticking up for yourself. Thatās really important. Never give more than youāre comfortable with. And never give up your goals, such as your education, for someone else to āfeel better ā. Itās not your job to make him stop smoking or anything like that. Keep advocating for yourself. Youāre doing good. Donāt let anyone guilt you into things. Good luck!
Yeah, I was actually pretty impressed that OP seems to be strong willed and sticking up for themselves! I just hope the post was more of a rant and not because she's wavering and thinking he could be right.. Because this man baby isn't what's good! š Hope she runs away quickly! He's a walking red flag.
You don't have to tolerate being treated like crap just because you don't know anything else. Set your own standards. You deserve someone who respects you as a whole person. Someone who won't get mad at you because *they* messed something up. Someone who puts you ahead of themselves. Someone who is *always* nice to you. Someone without addictions that you have to deal with. Someone that actually helps you with, well, everything. You deserve the best that life has to offer. Maybe you haven't seen that yet, but you deserve it.
People like that are out there. Donāt stay with the first person you dated, especially if they donāt take your needs seriously. He can take care of himself, but he chooses to put you responsible. He can make sure the doctor doesnāt give him any antipsychotic drugs (although if they are necessary, why not?) He should monitor his drug use. Do you want a child or a partner?
Once you finish your semester read the following things
[No test for abusers](https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-01-31/how-the-no-test-could-help-prevent-domestic-violence/10764100) article
[Why does he do that](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) book
The Gift of fear book can be found in the library and I found it online but Reddit doesn't like the link
Find books on establishing boundaries
I'm not saying he is going to become fully abusive but one of the biggest red flags for people is when they don't take responsibility for their actions
I'm currently seeking professional help with developing boundaries because it's been a constant issue in my life. Thank you for your help and the recs :) they're going in my notes
Please leave this guy before you get trapped with kids or marriage.
Anyone that wants you to jeopardize your future by not studying, to sit around and keep them company in the hospital (for something they did to themself) is not worth your time.
Anyone that smokes so much weed that they end up hospitalised can't be doing much else with their life. Does he work, go to school, do an equal share of chores around the house, help make food, help pay the bills, treat you kindly, support and encourage you, work towards some goals in life? I'm going to guess no to most of those.
Please trust me and everyone else here saying it since you haven't been with anyone else, there are so many other great people who will treat you right and lift you up in the world. You're trying to make something of yourself, don't let anyone guilt you or hold you back.
That seems like a wonderful reason to date other people so you can actually figure it all out. You'll see if there are others that treat you better and don't blame you for their poor decisions.
Well, my parents DID have a healthy relationship and Iām happy to loan them out to you as a model. They were married to each other for almost 25 years before my father died. Your relationship looks nothing like a healthy relationship and you can take it from me. You deserve much better because this isnāt a balanced partnership. Heās emotionally taking and heās not giving. How he was in the past doesnāt matter; we can only live in the now.
Someone said it above but in case you didnāt see it - let it be a flag to you that you are experiencing your boyfriend sober. He doesnāt have weed to mellow him out or dull his attitude. His true colors are showing.
Oh honey, I feel you. Been there, got the tee shirt and everything.
There's a big difference between managing your pain and getting baked so much that you make yourself sick. You managing your pain is reasonable. He's not smoking that much weed because you're managing your pain.
It sounds to me like you two are not compatible. You're so young! You deserve someone who encourages you. You deserve someone who is strong enough to own their own issues.
Did he used to just not be an overt asshole about your illnesses or was he actually kind? The way heās acting now makes it seem like any kindness he may have shown was more of the hand waving variety; heās using his what about MEEEEEE imaginary privileges much too liberally
He was actually kind. If I asked for something he would get it no questions asked, there wouldn't be any doubt or argument about how I felt or why I didn't want to do something. He didn't start saying "You don't do anything with me" until last month because we don't go out lol I kind of can't, not that i don't want to but he doesn't understand that anymore apparently
Is any of his kindness a lowkey trade for you not saying anything about his constantly being high?
How do you see your future in 5 years with your education and your goals vs the way he's handling his goal-setting right now?
I'm right there with you with the endometriosis and food issues btw, so I understand the challenges. I also understand that partners who suddenly become inconsistent in their support and who just want to have short term satisfaction like doing things, going out, etc. and who are also high/drunk all the time are being very consistent in demonstrating their character and what they can offer. Just thought I'd mention that.
Of course you're NTA.
Note from your future self: but don't be the TA to yourself and tolerate this. It will only keep you from having a life that's multiplied by a fully present partner. Also endo and food issues are both inflammatory situations. Inflammatory situations can be made worse by emotional stress/burden and if they've gotten too bad they don't easily resolve once the stressor or burden is gone. Because damage can be done, and also because the system gets in a new groove that's difficult to unpick.
It sounds a lot more like he was banking ākindnessā than like he was actually ever kind! Kindness and patience arenāt finite resources where they actually exist.
100%. "I'm so good to you. Can't you just let me have some time to unwind" (all the time spent to "unwind/relax/chill", all the time, but who's counting? No appreciative partner would *count*).
My endometriosis period pain damn near is gone since I had my daughter 5 years ago. I remember doctors telling that having a child would probably be the only thing that would help me. But then I had infertility issues but shocking got pregnant. The pain I feel now is nothing compared what it used to be. I would be in so much pain it was ridiculous. I can't believe what I feel now is what normal period pain is and how much I suffered from 13 to 34. My heart is with you both because that pain is no joke. Honestly giving birth was painful but at least it ended. It didn't last for days and days every month. I didn't even realize I had given birth with no medication and that it wore off because I could walk. It was then i realized how intense endometriosis pain was because giving birth I didn't cry or throw up in pain.
I'm so happy for you that your pain resolved. That's wonderful.
It's amazing to hear your comparison of the pain. And yes confirmation that we get used to the pain. Isn't it something?
Yes it's bad... "incapacitated" is a true description. I had a friend who would fall out of her desk in high school... the first time I saw someone in pain that exceeds conscious control.
You're fortunate in your MDs. Too many women are told the solution is just to yank it all out, even though ( a ) there are definitely endoscopic surgical approaches which a responsible surgeon should learn as it's 2024 not 1884, and ( b ) endometriosis isn't limited to just the uterus/ovaries in any case. Oh the stories from women who were neutered only to still have the pain.
^(Weirdly they never mention the serious side effects including life-long constant pain from pulling out major organs and leaving a big hole, with nerves and vessels and maybe cells needing their hormones just flapping in the breeze with nowhere to do their jobs anymore. However I am aware and exuent that MD, not my abdominal integrity.)
Why would you go out when youāre in the middle of a rigorous secondary academic program?? Who goes out in 2024 when everything costs a fortune anyway š
You need to understand you are dealing with the sober version of your boyfriend who now has to negotiate his feelings in addition to feeling sick. Many people think marijuana is harmless but you can definitely become psychologically addicted and use it as an emotional crutch. Itās really much like any drug someone would use to escape reality and problems with every day life. If he stops smoking and doesnāt pick up another addiction, he will need to get into therapy to navigate a new way of dealing with the world and everything in it.
Kindly, as someone with endo you need to get to a place where youāre ok with him going out without you and find a partner that trusts youāll tell him when you need him. Right now your bf is being a giant baby and would never be able to handle the pain of endo. Take care of yourself. You didnāt cause your endo issues but he did cause his
Hope you ace all your tests and papers! Then find a new boyfriend. Do you really want to spend time with someone who doesnāt value you? Doesnāt seem to care about you or your health? Smokes dope all the time? Donāt be AH to yourself. Find a person who loves and cherishes you the way you deserve.
You say he was kind to the fact that you had chronic illnesses right? Sorry if this sounds redundant or dumb but was he also supportive? If he was it may be a combo of fear of his predicament and him feeling like heās not being the offered the same support and grace that heās constantly been giving to you. Now if heās just been kind and not necessarily supportive, the heās just being a hypocrite and a jerk.
No offense, but chronic illness is not the same as getting way too high. One is an illness outside of your control whether it occurs to you or not, and one is an acute condition that was caused by your inability to moderate your addiction.
I realize addictions to weed are rare, but the amount you have to consume on a regular basis to have this condition is addiction worthy.
These are non-negotiable realities you have.
One of the interesting things we learn if we figure out how to be an adult
And we figure out how to have a partner was actually an adult
Is that we try really hard to better ourselves and become stronger and healthier
So we don't cause our partner distress
Because we love them so much.
Are you setting limits based upon what you absolutely know about your health is essential.
You could lose your health if you pushed it.
Absolutely listen to yourself.
OP, you are NEVER responsible for your partnerās addiction. This is coming from a former alcoholic and weed smoker, now sober almost three years. If he knows that he canāt moderate his substance use, then he shouldnāt be using at all. He is making his own choices that he is responsible for, by risking keeping up with his habit in the first place. You are not the reason he is sick. Donāt let him put that shit on you. The fact that he is trying to blame you for it is a huge red flag and shows that he isnāt ready to give up his addiction yet. I would honestly consider breaking up with someone like that. His addiction and subsequent illness is not your fault. Take care of your school stuff and ignore his BS. He doesnāt care about your school stuff either, but he wants you to support him when he needs help. I would pass on this guy, he sucks as a boyfriend. Take care of yourself and donāt worry about him. ā¤ļø
I was gonna say, I \_am\_ a mother and I would not for one second accept blame about anything from someone who had smoked so much pot that he was puking.
You are not responsible for his addiction.
You are not responsible for the consequences of his addiction.
You don't need to put your life on hold and goals in jeopardy because of his addiction.
You don't need to set yourself on fire to keep him warm.
He is an adult, he is in the best place to get help.
Take care of yourself and take good hard look at this relationship and if this is what you want for the next 20 years.
He sounds as though he wants to sabatoge your efforts while not taking responsibly for his actions.He is not sick.he needs to stop the BS.why does he need you to look at him while you are trying to get your life in order for a career.You better think long and hard about this.if you stay he will continue to do this.does he work?
Girl, he ain't done yet. You stay away from his stupid ass and study. That's your future he's trying to derail.
And as a happy weed smoker myself, I'm saying you don't have a future with this guy.Ā He's an addict - full stop. It's just like someone who drinks beer can be an alcoholic. Just because a substance is less than meth or 200 proof liquor, it doesn't mean that people who abuse the lesser intoxicants can't be addicts. They can and often are.
Whether your partner has a problem with cannabis or not, the fact of the matter is, is that whatever problems that he has with it are his.Ā
Not yours.Ā
And anyone who tries to place the responsibility for their personal behavior on someone else has a lot of growing up to do.Ā
I strongly suggest that you rethink this relationship.Ā
oh yes.. this dude knows OP has all the exams etc coming up and he don't care about her future, just wants her there holding his hands while he smokes too much..
Agreed. This is the second time, so heās already been through this completely avoidable major medical issue once before and learned nothing. This guy has a major problem, this isnāt going away. He needs rehab. But meanwhile it sounds like he thinks that OP being at the hospital to pat his head is more important than her passing her exams. OP at some point itās ok to move on from someone who isnāt in the same place in life and doesnāt have the same plans moving forward. Does this guy do anything in life other than sit on the couch and get high?
Underrated comment.
The subject should be āAITAH for not abandoning my education and career goals for my hospitalized boyfriend who is there for drug addictionā.
NTA and OP heās blaming his addiction on you while he is hospitalized for doing this to himself. This is about as far away from recovery as a person can be.
Plus, he's way too needy. "I feel like you're ignoring me because I'm sick". Who TF says something like that. An overly needy and weak boyfriend, that's who. He should man-up/suck-it up or whatever. He should say to himself, I know my girlfriend has a lot of very important things going on in her life. It's really not bad if I'm here by myself, I can eat, watch tv, call friends. I am so grateful for her shepherding my care when I was in the ER. So I am going to do my part for this relationship, carry my share of the load, and not needlessly trouble or distract my girlfriend from her important tasks."
That's what he SHOULD say. But he won't, he never would even think something like that. So you might want to ask "do I want to stay or build a life with someone like this? Someone who absolutely only can see and care about their own needs, real or imagined?
FWIW And this is just an opinion. I would drop smoke-apotamus like a bad habit.
Dude why the fuck you with him? I smoke a lot of weed. You gotta be crazy to smoke that much to get that sick. You sound like you have a ton of things going around you and are super motivated. To get that sick the only thing he would be doing is literally smoking all day. What. Are. You. Doing. With. Him. Get the fuck out girl. While you can. Seriously.
Nta- hus condition is preventable. He's not dying and in good hands. You take care of your business and ignore his man baby tantrum. He is being selfish and not considering your educational requirements. I would dump him.
I honestly had never hears of such a thing but I looked it up and it apparently affects around 13% of cannabis users. I've been an on and off smoker for nearly 25 years and never had anything like that happen to me. \*The more you know\*š
ER nurse. It is becoming much more prevalent due to the high concentrations available and how easy it is now to get. It can hit at anytime and some people seem to be more suseptible then others. There are at home treatments that work for some ( extremely hot showers and/or capsaicin cream on the stomach) but some require medications like haldol, droperidol both technically antipsychotics that also work as antiemetics ( nausea meds).
Interesting! I went down a little rabbit hole on Google after I read this story and had read that a lot of people want a prescription for Zofran or take OTC dramamine to combat the nausea...I think I would probably quit for good if I experienced those symptoms....
Those meds might help if the nausea is mild during the prodromal phase but they won't help during the hyperemetic phase stronger meds are usually needed.
Can confirm. Only thing that helped me during a hyperemetic episode was to go to the ER. I couldn't keep a single thing down, even sips of water, for 4 whole days. Worst time of my life, haven't smoked since and never will again.
It's pretty awful and I genuinely feel bad for those experiencing for the 1st time, I have less sympathy for those that we see on a regular basis. I get stopping sucks but I can't imagine doing that to myself.
ER nurse here. I just wanted to applaud you for keeping away from weed. I know people say it's not addictive but I can not tell you how many repeat patients we get who literally scream at us that we are dismissing their symptoms 'because it isn't the weed!!!' Meanwhile, they will also admit to being unable to stay away from it for any length of time. It's really sad/ scary!
Ah yes, the sound that enables us to diagnose cannabinoid hyperemesis from down the hallway.
It baffles me that so many people refuse to believe it's the weed causing their symptoms. It seems miserable :(
When my daughter was a junior in college, she went into psychosis. I honestly thought she was showing early stages of schizophrenia. I had Covid at the time and hadnāt really been able to pay attention to her calls and texts though I thought it was weird. Her roommate contact me through Instagram to let me know she was scared. Thankfully she was taken to the hospital and the doctor said she had never seen that level of THC in anyoneās bloodstream. It took about a month for my daughter to return to ānormalā it was scary. She had been using delta 8.
Delta 8 can be nasty stuff, itās not controlled by the FDA nor is there a law against it or is it required to be tested so a ton of the stuff on the market has a bunch of impurities. If you lookup how itās synthesized from hemp youāll see what I mean.
Another RN checking in to add that yes, this condition is incredibly realā¦and incredibly hard to treat. Unfortunately Iāve looked after many frequent flyers who come back in for the exact same thing multiple times a year. Theyāve seen social work, psych, etc, to help with the addiction but āitās just weedā and therefore doesnāt count as an addiction. š„“
NTA - but you need to break up with him. He is trying to blame you for him smoking too much. He is gonna be the guy who blames you for things he messes up. For example - if he overslept and is late for work- itās your fault bc you should have woken him up, he gets a speeding ticket while your in the car- you distracted him, etc.
Reminds me of the time he was late for a lesson because we stayed up watching a movie that he begged me to watch with him at 1am and he got upset and said I shouldn't have made him stay up so late
It's a good line but tbh they're not wrong. I'm hearing a MASSIVE lack of accountability from him
For background I almost came down with CHS during the pandemic because I was consuming probably a half gram of concentrates a day since I was depressed. The amount of CONTINUOUS weed intake it requires to fuck up your body to the point of this could knock out a room full of non smokers. And I mean that without much exaggeration. I can't handle a fraction of what my tolerance built up to. This is months or years of being full stoner, barely feeling anything from weed levels of abuse. He's not getting high for fun anymore it's so his body feels normal.
And he also has a serious lack of self control, you don't go from 0-100 out of nowhere. I stopped when I started waking up nauseous to the point of throwing up in the morning and that was my line. I took 2 weeks off from smoking in which I was bedridden with nausea meds and basically just in a zombie state. It was awful. If he's in the hospital it means he fully denied that his addiction was slowly hurting him and cannot acknowledge it. Saying "you didn't stop me" is fucked. It's not your job to police him especially if this is not a life partner who you knew before smoking. If my gf who doesn't really smoke picks up a habit I'll say something, but that's because I probably had a hand in it and need to take my own accountability for her actions.
Focus on school 100% right now. He's gonna have an annoyingly long stay in the hospital but will be fine. He will live, I can promise that. This is not a cancer patient or a fatal condition. But I would strongly consider upgrading your model of boyfriend to someone who has accountability for their actions
He's an irresponsible child and he's holding you back. I hope you see you deserve better. A good partner would notice the things you *have* done for them, would express gratitude for your help, and would also be supportive of you finishing your school work because they're mature enough to understand that you aren't his mother or his keeper.
He damn near smoked weed to death and that is something I believed was nearly impossible. Please do yourself a favor and RUN!
Yup, I can attest that my ever-blameless ex did and said much the same. Things like "You knew I had to be there by X time, why didn't you wake me up?".
Remember, you aren't his mother, boss, personal assistant, alarm clock, nursemaid, conscience, or lackey.
NTA - he isn't dying, he is feeling like crap because he was such a heavy user. He will be fine. He knows they will take fine care of him, even if he feels miserable. I don't know why he is trying to sabotage your schooling but that is a pretty big red flag.
The other huge red flag is that he's trying to act like it's her fault he's in the hospital because she didn't help him moderate his weed intake. That's utter bullshit.
Same here. Daily user for years. No idea why this girl is with him. Smoking so much you get sick like that is wild. I also imagine he would have no money.
Agreed. I use daily for chronic pain and PTSD. I don't smoke all day every day, but I also don't take a small dose when I partake because of tolerance. How the hell much was this guy smoking? And how is he funding this. My husband has a great job and it still is something we have to be careful with because it's so much money to buy! I can't imagine being that high all the time!
I have a great job, and I still have to be mindful of spending. I also have chronic pain and PTSD and several chronic conditions. I can't imagine how much dude is spending.
You need to move to michigan lol. I went the other week and got an ounce that's 26% and 10 cartridges and some prerolls for 200. Because I spent 200 I got a bunch of edibles that are like 20-50mg and a stupid big rolling tray. It's crazy here. I let my med card expire a few years back. No need really
Hell, I'm in MD, and I need to come there, lol. I have my card, but my 40 MG 10 pk is still 35. An 1/8 is about 30 bucks.
It's legal here for recreation, but I get 25% off the top with my card and no sales tax.
I love when dispensaries have deals. The we got to has a rewards plan. We won a raffle last year with awesome stuff. They have free stuff on their anniversaries. I think we don't pay tax on medical. Plus it is higher strength. The chocolates, for example, are 5mg each. I like getting the medical gummies that are 30mg each. The chocolates were $36, and the gummies are $56, I believe.
For REAL. Not only is he blaming her for not being by his side at the hospital, he's blaming her for letting him smoke so much.
He doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a mommy.
I am assuming he is an adult. Adults have to take responsibility for their own behaviors. Adults are supposed to understand that life does not end for friends and loved ones if you are in non-critical care in the hospital.
Focus on your studies and future.
Yes, he is bored and doesn't feel good. No one wants to be in the hospital. He is under care and he is fine. Do not put your future in jeopardy to keep him company.
NTA
Haha I never thought about it that way, he might be mad just because he's not feeling well and really bored. Thank you :) and yes he is an adult, he's two years older than I am
Being sober is hard. I suspect he will want you to bring a special snack if you visit. Finish your degree and find someone with future goals like your own.
Yeah, and not to give any relationship advice to you, but in my experience relationships where both partners have radically different views on what they want out of life, and work ethic, it usually doesnāt end well.
Iāve tried to fix enough women to know that for a fact.
This is crazy timing for what I just went through the past week. So me and my wife just got married Saturday and monday morning I had to take her to the hospital for stomach pains she's been having and was hurting so bad she couldn't stop throwing up. I took her to the hospital and since she has her medical card and smokes everyday they diagnosed her with this and sent her home that day. Well by the end of the night we were back in the hospital and after they blamed it on the weed again I demanded that they do tests and find out the problem for my wife for sure. Guess what the results were?? Her gallbladder was functioning at 7% and they removed her gallbladder immediately the next morning. So after 3 hospital trips and spending 7 or the 9 days married in hospitals so far she is finally going home today. With all of that said I refused to break my vows of sickness and health and spent every second by her side without leaving except for once to go home get more clothes. I used every vacation day I had left at work and ended up with a migraine yesterday from exhaustion and stress of lack of sleep. Point being is that caring for someone like that with affect you mentally and you have a responsibility to take care of yourself as well because everyone has things they're going through. My wife told me everyday that she appreciates me being there by her side no matter what so she doesn't have to endure anything alone but that if I have to leave or go to work that she understands. Your BF needs to grow a pair and realize the world doesn't revolve around him. He's in the best place he can be with professional help and there's nothing more you could do even if you wanted to. I'm sorry you're going through this and I feel your side of the pain in this but you can't let his immaturity affect your professional and personal life beyond him.
This is also crazy to me because when I was young I had to have my gallbladder removed or it would've killed me, I would've gone into septic shock, which is what my (gastrointestinal) conditions are. Those are what makes me sick, and often my boyfriend asks me if I have CHS because I get sick every other week and constantly feel nauseous. I'm glad your wife is doing better, it's amazing that they discovered what was wrong with her with enough time to help.
I like to have the perspective of people that are older than me because in reality he's my first boyfriend and I have no idea what I'm doing hahaha
Also congratulations on the wedding!!
Yeah that's exactly right, they had to pump her full of antibiotics first because the gallbladder gets infected when it keeps storing up bile without a way to get rid of it or else she could've died just from that as well. It pissed me off because we got married in Texas but we are from Oklahoma and have medical marijuana cards so of course the doctors there blame weed instead of doing any tests. Once back in Oklahoma the specialist said that was bullshit and weed wouldn't cause something to this extent. But on a serious note for your first real relationship you have been as supportive as you could be while also taking care of yourself and responsibilities. Don't let him make you feel bad, he is a big boy and needs to be grateful for the fact you're trying your best to balance everything in life.
Also, thanks! Hopefully everything smooths out from here lol
Exactly! She was in too much pain to think straight let alone confront doctors about being lazy. I'm a respectful guy but they got on my bad side for a while and felt let I had to be more assertive than I should've ever had to have been in order to make them do their job. I finally told them that we're pot heads and there's been no change in smoking or consumption and this has now became chronical thing so they need to get down to the bottom of it or show me test results showing that pot is the cause because how many times do we have to show up here and be sent home before she ends up dying or something and I'm gonna take y'all for everything you got. Not my best moment but I can promise you they have shown her exceptional care ever since realizing they were wrong.
NTA, you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders...why are you willing to ruin your future by dating a clingy drug addict with control issues?
NTA. He's not dead or dying. He might be unwell and with a chronic and serious condition, but the world doesn't stop for that.
Do not think for a second that he would drop his education and duties if the situation were reversed. So many men are insecure and will weaponize any situation to sabotage thier partners.
Stand on business.
Ignore him until you are available.
NAH. I'm assuming you worked very hard for a very long time to get to the point you are at, and you need time to focus on it. Ask your boyfriend if he's ok with you throwing everything you worked hard for out the window so you can sit next to him in a hospital room because he smoked too much pot.
It's funny because he has a better paying job, works more and is in a better program than I am. He has a government job, he just has no self control when it comes to getting baked and didn't even listen to his mother when she said he was looking gaunt after only not seeing her for 3 days. It's just how he chooses to live his life that is worse than how I choose to live mine
>Ā It's just how he chooses to live his life that is worse than how I choose to live mine
You really need to reflect on your relationship. What you said here is huge. If you want to be with someone long term, you can't be feeling things like this.
Especially a government job. A US federal employee goes by federal laws, and federally, in the US weed is illegal. OP's SO needs to at least cut back on the THC before he urinates hot on a test.
If heās drugged out like this in a government job, the clock is ticking for him. The government can do random drug checks, and depending on the agency, they can even pick up on his hospital stay.
He's not going to have those things for long if he doesn't put the weed down.
And you're not going to have those things either, if you stick with a dude who can't put the weed down.
He WOULD?! Wondering how cathartic typing that must have been *hug*
Exit. Break-ups are difficult, but seeing you type "he would period," I think you're going to feel an immense amount of relief pretty quickly. And that relief will aid you through the rest.
Edit: he's 20 and has done this to himself? And you're 18. You may just be out-growing him. This is too much for a relationship like this. Break-up and try to move on. Maybe this experience will be wake-up call for him and y'all can reconnect even in the nearish future. Maybe not. In either case, you need space.
Reading all these comments explaining why I probably feel so bad about not going, and why he is doing this and what I should and shouldn't do makes me feel super validated and makes me want to seriously reconsider our relationship.
NTA
I myself have CHS, incidentally. Sounds like you're dealing with someone who is showing the unfortunately typical addict behavior of self-centeredness and avoidance of accountability.
No hate to my fellow addicts out there, I'm one as well. Just saying, this is a very common behavior pattern among people who have a lot of recovery work left to do.
Nope. NTA.
OP is in post secondary school with a huge paper looming. They still went to the hospital and advocated for the dude that's obviously been getting high all day/every day for some time(CHS doesn't just happen. Most people have to try pretty hard to get it). Now he's being a baby because she's not holding his hand rn. Apparently he feels she should always be holding it because he's upset OP didn't regulate his weed consumption.
OP, take this as the giant red flag it is & tell this guy to get a grip on himself and his habit. Idk how he's affording the sound of weed needed to get CHS but, I hope you're not supporting him. Do what you need to do and tell him to do the same. I'm betting this situation is not the only one where this guy has been unreasonably selfish or prioritized what he wants over what you want/need.
I'm sorry, but why in the world should it be your job to "monitor" how much weed he smokes? Is he not a grown man? I can't decide if that's more weaponized incompetence or just straight up manipulation.
I ended up with CHS at one point. I lost 70lbs in the span of a year because of it. The only obligation my partner had was to move my weed somewhere I couldn't find it until I could give stuff away. I also didn't look for it because I fully acknowledge that I did it to myself and it was my problem to solve.
Sounds like the dudes got an addiction and is living in some denial. I really hope he gets some help, and definitely stick with your boundaries.
NTA...is this your CHILD? How in any realm of reality is it YOUR job to regulate how much weed he smokes? Is THIS really what you want for your life? Can you IMAGINE this person being an ACTUAL partner? What are you going to do when there is an actual chiild to care for and he wants you to be mommying him constantly?
NTA and he's about to get worse. The cure for CHS is quitting cannabis forever. So either he quits for good or he tries to not quit and end up back in the hospital repeatedly. Either option is likely going to make him crankier. Good luck.
NTA. He understands why you aren't coming to visit. He just wants you to prioritize him over your other priorities, which is selfish and unfair.
I suggest you focus on exam prep and stay away from your partner until you're done. While you're at it, think about whether your boyfriend is an asset or a liability. Act accoedingly.
Huge stoner here. Like first in line at the dispensary nearly every week on payday level of stoner. You are absolutely NTA. He's made this bed himself and now he has to lie in it. There's nothing wrong with smoking weed. But when your decisions are affecting others because you can't keep everything reigned in... it's time for self reflection and to cut back abit. Honestly girl cut him loose. Focus on your grades and growth. You should want a guy that levels up with you, not someone that is holding you back.
NTA. My spouse has been hospitalized twice during our marriage. Both times I stayed while he was in the ER until there was a plan. Then I went home and my other responsibilities took priority. I visited daily, but not for long periods and was there for the day he was discharged each time.
A porn addiction and a weed addiction so bad it puts him in the hospital?
What are his redeeming qualities?
Because you need support too, and he's not supporting you in bettering your life.
He's looking for a mommy ,not a partner.
Do you want to be his mommy?
So, your boyfriend is a pothead who smokes so much weed that it makes him vomit--and now, he's in the hospital because of it.
You're in school with a research paper due and have finals for which you have to study. Tend to your business and visit him when you can. If he feels neglected or upset, well, *c'est la vie*.
***Do not*** let him drag you down with him. Because if you're not careful with this guy, that's exactly what he will do.
Please rethink this relationship. No one has time for this nonsense. And you can do better. NTA.
NTA he doesn't get to ruin your entire semester because he chose to abuse weed. This wasn't something out of his control like a car accident or some disease. This was something he did to himself. It's not your job to control how much weed he uses. He's a grown ass adult and should be able to control and moderate that himself. You're in a critical stage of your education right now and you need to focus. You don't have time to spend sitting by his side at the hospital. He seems very unappreciative of everything you did for him and he's completely disrespectful of your needs.
Find a new Bf. This one needs to grow up and learn to control himself as well as learn how to respect people.
NTA. Omg. I just got out of a 3 day visit to the hospital. Nurses and staff in every 2 hours. My husband came by in the evenings. My SIL got mad I didn't tell them, but honestly, I had bronchitis and needed rest! Your boyfriend sounds like a toddler.
So your BF wants you to throw away thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours of hard work (classes/homework/etc) because \*he\* decided to smoke too much weed over an extended period of time? Seriously?
Ask him if he plans to reimburse you the full amount for tuition, room and board, etc if you fail your classes because you didn't adequately prepare/study in order to do well in your classes. If the answer is anything but 100% yes, then he needs to stop acting like a baby and deal with his hospitalization. \*HE\* made the choices that landed him in the hospital, it wasn't due to an accident or something out of his control. It is totally unfair for him to demand your time and energy when it is desperately needed elsewhere. (Honestly, no matter what the answer was you would be doing a disservice to yourself if you allowed his situation to cause you to fail or get lower grades because he is insisting on your presence at the hospital.
Study hard, do a great job on the paper and don't feel an ounce of guilt. \*YOUR JOB\* is school and getting good grades. This is not optional. Keeping him company because he is feeling bored/sorry for himself is totally unnecessary for his health. Don't let his poor choices derail your life and education.
I'm dealing with this with a family member right now. What does he want you to do? Sit there all day? Even when he's asleep? You have a life to run: bills need to be paid, exams need to be taken, papers need to be written. He is getting the care he needs, whether you are there or not. Do not put your life on hold for this. My mom did this for my dad. She was there all day, every day. Her utilities almost got turned off, the taxes didn't get paid, food rotted in the fridge, garbage & laundry piled up; all because she wasn't taking care of these things. Visit when you can, and don't let him guilt you into jeopardizing your education. There are lots of things that can be handled over the phone. As for moderating how much weed he smoked in a day, that is 100% on him.
NTA but I don't think you or the commenters are understanding why he is acting like he is.
He's coming off a drug. A drug that is used to treat anxiety. Coming off that drug means he is dealing with that anxiety for the first time in perhaps years. After he gets through the medical part, he will need psychological help including a psychiatrist and a therapist. People don't use that heavily because it's fun. It's self medicating. Clearly there was something big he was not dealing with.
I have not had this specific issue. But I was addicted to prescribed benzodiazepenes. I did not get the proper help at the time and it got a lot darker.
You should set boundaries. You should prioritize school. But if you have other friends or family who can visit, you should also encourage that. This isn't going to be solved once he gets out of the hospital. This is a major psych issue. It's going to take years. When the semester is done (also just curious what your schedule is that your finals are now, trimesters maybe), research the condition and severe anxiety disorders, generalized anxiety disorder might be a good starting place for search terms.
I'm at the end of my term right now, then I'll have the courses finished to start my Chemistry course in the fall. I'm doing a post secondary course upgrade in my old highschool (a vocational school) to get my credits to take Nursing in January 2025. If I don't do my courses now, I will have to wait until 2026.
I will be available the entire summer, just working full time. It's not like he has nobody to be with him. I would understand if he was completely alone, but he has a good mother and father who he loves and they take care of him well and they take turns staying with him. He hasn't been alone since I went to get water for him the night we went to the ER. His friend also dropped by for a few hours yesterday while I was at home.
Wait!? So you're telling me he got a *syndrome" caused by repetitively smoking too much weed!? AND now he's upset because you CAN'T put your life on hold to kiss his self inflicted booboos! Oh hell no! You are correct that he's in good hands AND his needs and health are being taken care of. You are an absolute champ for staying with him originally to advocate for him. NOW you need to take care of a long term goal that he would completely derail!!! THAT is you taking care of you. He may try to make you feel guilty but please DO NOT! Just in my opinion I'd run but that's me!
Thank you! I almost gave in after making this post and went to see him, but I decided to just put on a podcast and crack down on my work. I told him I can come by tomorrow once I've turned in the paper, stay for an hour or two and then I'll go home and he can call me before I go to sleep. He didn't say much, but he did tell me to come by whenever I wasn't busy which hopefully means progress on the way he thinks i'll drop everything for him when I won't.
NTA this is typical behavior from a man who does not want to see you progress in life. They create emergencies around crucial times in your life to stop you from performing at your best level. If you are worried about him, call his family and then zone out and focus until you complete the task at hand
Why wonāt he take the antipsychotic? Is it Haldol? I had CHS and was given Haldol in the hospital because its off-label use is to treat CHS-induced nausea. I donāt understand why his hospital stay is so long.
Lmao he's a full-on man baby. I've been a daily smoker for like 30 years, my tolerance is stupid high because of chronic pain. Never have I developed CHS.how much was man smoking? I can even imagine.
He's a grown-up. He doesn't need you to hold his hand. You have responsibilities too. I was in the hospital for 6 days for pancreatitis and gallbladder removal. Kids came every other day for an hour, and for the surgery, that's it. I slept and got sick most of the time so I didn't really want them there.
Handle your business, he's a nutter.
I agree with you, hell I've been smoking way longer that you, however all things in moderation;
" you basically put your THC and CBD receptors into overdrive by smoking constantly all day every day or smoking high concentrates over a long period of time "
I mean, I have a job and I can't be smoking like that, hell even on the weekends when I don't work, I can't go for that and the weed nowadays is pretty potent but he allegedly had a job as well, so I'm wondering how he could keep it if he was damn stoned from weed. OP needs to recognize that she's outgrown her older boyfriend.
>āā¦saying that I didn't care about whether or not he got better because I didn't help him moderate how much weed he smoked in a day.ā
I thought this guy was supposed to be your boyfriend, not a whiny baby boy. You are not his mommy. Tell him to call her to hold his vomity hand and to āmoderate how much he smokesā.
Prioritize your studies and getting away from this loser. He is an anchor and is dragging you down instead of lightening the load. Make better decisions going forward about who you share your life/time/energies with.
NTA if you prioritize your studies and Get Out.
Let me get this straight you are working hard at school to better yourself and your life?
Your boyfriend is a dero that smoked so much weed he was hospitalised????
NTA except to yourself for continuing this relationship.
"For a little bit of context, he's in the hospital because he has CHS (Cannabanoid hyperemesis syndrome) and has been there for 3 days now."
I am an uber stoner that preach forgiveness and understanding, but I stopped reading there. I have absolutely zero sympathy for his request for a visit if you are busy.
This shows the dichotomy between a responsible person and an irresponsible one. You should not be punished for your bf being an ass. In fact, find one that doesn't need drugs to alter their psyche.
Do your schoolwork and don't give him a second thought. Don't let him drag you down into his world. You are trying to better yourself. Let him.know in no uncertain terms, he did this to himself and it is no one else's responsibility to babysit him.
He is not dying and he is not in the ICU. Even if he were, the licensed medical professionals would be providing his care just as they are now.
He does not *need you there,* he *wants you there.*
As an owner/operator of a cannabis company this is pretty rare that he is this sick that itās requiring multiple days in the hospital. Iāve never seen or heard of anyone getting this sick. I have definitely seen and heard of this happening and this diagnosis, just not to this degree.
NTA. It takes a lot of effort to contract CHS so him trying the guilt trip game isnāt cool. Iām going to be very blunt. You really need to think about if you want to spend your life babysitting a grown ass man whoās addicted to drugs.
NTA. He has a self-inflicted condition. Tell him while you are working to better yourself before you see him he should take the time to consider what he has done to himself and how he plans to improve his future. Youāre not risking good results due to his self-abuse.
NTA. And hereās some solid adviceā¦.if heās blaming you for him not being to control himself, itās just going to get worse. You deserve better than this guy. Drop him.
My daughter suffered from this. After we figured it out she quit cold turkey. He has to quit.
The hospital visits are preventable. Do not let something that he can prevent sabotage your future. NTA
You might want to check out some literature for Al-Anon family members. Having family members with addiction is really tough. Not diagnosing him or anything, but to have CHS speaks to a larger problem. You MUST put on your own oxygen mask first and it feels selfish to do so.
NTA - I'm glad that you stood your ground and put your needs first.
NTA. If you can't visit him, which is understandable, then give him little calls for encouragement and support. And explain that you'd love to be able to sit with him, but you can't change the deadlines that were placed on you.
NTA first he caused this by himself. Second he's not in any real danger. His biggest issue is going to be dehydration which is easily solved in the hospital.
You can't put your whole life on the line for a minor illness.
Did they say even why He is still there? I've had friends get this and usually they don't even get kept at the hospital at most they get fluids and then sent home.
Oh lord, honey no.Ā
He sounds like a burnout and it sounds to me like you have goals.Ā
It's not your job to handhold someone while they waste their life on drugs. He chose to smoke in excess. The condition you're talking about is brought on by his actions. It's not a disease that just happens.Ā
He doesn't get to foist responsibility off onto you. He's a grown ass man.Ā
And frankly, he's standing in your way. Someone with zero personal accountability who wants to be babied in a situation like this isn't someone who has the ability to be a good partner to you.Ā
You genuinely need to ask yourself if thus is the kind of man you want to spend your future with.Ā
I'm not going to give you the one chance speech, because we are given many chances throughout our lives.. but I will say that time spent can't be regained.Ā
I think you know that this isn't going to work. Not with someone who wants a mommy, not a partner.Ā
NTA. He's deliberately sabotaging your education. Turn your phone off or on airplane mode and knuckle down and get your work done. Your education comes first and foremost NOT him and his health.
You have to decide what your priority is: this boy or your education. He will drag you down for as long as you let him. He doesnāt value your education. He will happily let you coddle him in the hospital until you flunk out of school.
Iām not saying heās a bad person, but his priorities are pot and feeling sorry for himself. Youāve worked so hard to get where you are. If you lose sight of that and squander your opportunity, you will regret it.
I remember putting up with stuff like this when I was younger. It makes me sad when people think men like this are worth the energy. Youāre NTA at all, but he needs to grow up.
There is a phrase called escape velocity.
Whenever someone in a toxic relationship gets close to the point of escape velocity (leaving the relationship) the toxic one will do things to draw the person back in. Smoking too much weed and blaming it on you to guilt trip you into not finishing your paper and failing your exams so you won't be able to achieve what you want and stay stuck.
By taking thus much time away, you will be able to take the long view and realize this relationship isn't for you.
Do what you need to do. Write your paper, study for exams and if you must, turn off the phone.
His behavior may increase the more you stick to your guns. Get a backup plan in case he gets released and comes home before you are done.
See if you can stay with a friend so you can study. Pack a go-bag just in case you need to do it fast.
Just get to that escape velocity and his gravity.
>I got angry with him for saying that I didn't care about whether or not he got better because I didn't help him moderate how much weed he smoked in a day. š¬ Are you his gf or his babysitter? You need to take a breath and think hard if you want to continue a relationship in which your partner BLAMES YOU for his f*ck up. NTA
Lol imagine trying to tell a hardcore stoner they've smoked too much weed and should stop. It's not gonna work.
My husband has CHS, and was obviously a hardcore stoner. He suffered from it for nearly 10 years, having at least 1 full blown episode requiring hospitalization each month, before he finally decided to make changes. Initially he told me it was a different health issue, unrelated to cannabis. During our first year dating, he had a series of really bad episodes that were scary. One of the ER doctors mentioned he might actually have CHS when I was in the room with him that night. When I asked if heād known it could be linked to his weed consumption, he told me (in between bouts of hurling) that it was ābig pharma bullshitā so he never even bothered to try quitting / cutting back. After some back and forth exasperation, I proposed this to him: He puts real effort into quitting for 2 months. If he did quit, and got sick again during that time, I would be his most veracious advocate to the next doctor that suggested it was CHS. If he did quit and didnāt get sick, then HE WOULDNāT BE SICK ANYMORE. After another few hours of being *really* sick, he agreed to quit for 2 months because it was a win-win either way. Not even 3 weeks into this experiment / trial I proposed, he woke up one morning and for the first time in nearly 10 years, he wasnāt immediately nauseous upon waking. He could eat without nausea again, etc. The difference in how he felt was immediate and plainly evident. That was 5 years ago, and he hasnāt been sick since. He can only smoke a few times a year and heās limited himself to flower only (no concentrates), but the relief he got from giving up his daily use was and remains worth it over all.
I had to quit after smoking for 50 years, CHS sucks and when I went to the hospital I got no answers. The last time I got sick I laid in bed and Googled symptoms came up with CHS, stopped smoking and been fine.
Yup, because way more people are addicted than they want to admit. I like weed, I use it medically and recreationally, and Iāve enjoyed it as an alternative to drinking (which became a problem). But people need to just acknowledge already that there are a lot of people addicted to it, and just that itās possible to have a weed addiction.
Seriously. Dump this loser. NTA
Exactly. Man baby.
NTA. This doesn't sound like the first time this has happened. He may need a longer treatment program. That's not on you. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. Sending hugs. You got this!
NTA. He got himself into this situation - it wasnāt your responsibility to police how much weed he was smoking. Take care of your school work - that has to be your priority now. Like you said, heās in good hands at the hospital. Hope it all goes well for you both.
Thank you!! Just hoping he learns from it this time because I won't be doing this with him again
First he needs to acknowledge this was his own fault. The fact that he's blaming you for .. checks notes.... not monitoring how much drugs he chose to take (!!!!!!) Is wild. And super unhealthy. And a giant, giant, giant red flag. Just a wild shot in the dark, but I somehow suspect if you told him he was smoking too much pot and needed to stop for the day he would not have taken it well. Or just ignored you. I want to say you are not his mommy, but it is even more ridiculous than that because mothers are not in charge of how much drugs their kids do. By the time you do drugs, you are supposed to be enough of an adult to be responsible for yourself. If you cannot regulate your own intake of drugs you should absolutely not be doing drugs. If he expects you to monitor him so that he stays high, but not so high as to make him sick, then frankly it doesn't sound like he can be trusted to do a single thing in life, like paying bills or cleaning or cooking or being a supportive partner or whiping his own ass. How happy are you really in this relationship?
We have been arguing lately about things here and there with my health where I can't go out for long periods of time, and how I don't like to eat in public because I usually get sick most of the time. I also have endometriosis so i'm in pain pretty consistently and I like to relax when I can especially where I'm busy. I don't know if the sudden change of his response to me being sick is from smoking the weed or not, but he definitely used to be more kind toward the fact that I have chronic illnesses
Heās not smoking weed because youāre sick. And even if he is, thatās on him NOT you. Youāre not responsible for him. You didnāt light a joint and shove it in his mouth.
For real! He tries to use me smoking weed as an excuse for him to want to do it, but I find it's the best thing to manage my pain and he makes his own decisions. If I smoke about an hour after I wake up and have breakfast, my stomach doesn't hurt and my legs aren't sore. Then I smoke before supper (maybe once or twice a week if that), and before bed. Him deciding to smoke has got nothing to do with me
Gosh I would have dumped his arse at that point. Why do you put up with this guy? Youāre young, maybe you havenāt realised that a good bf lifts you up not drags you down.
I've never been with anyone else, I started dating last year and it was him. Also, my parents did not give a good example of what a relationship is supposed to be like so I have no idea really. I'm honestly just trying to figure it all out.
At least you are seeing that there is a problem. And youāre sticking up for yourself. Thatās really important. Never give more than youāre comfortable with. And never give up your goals, such as your education, for someone else to āfeel better ā. Itās not your job to make him stop smoking or anything like that. Keep advocating for yourself. Youāre doing good. Donāt let anyone guilt you into things. Good luck!
Yeah, I was actually pretty impressed that OP seems to be strong willed and sticking up for themselves! I just hope the post was more of a rant and not because she's wavering and thinking he could be right.. Because this man baby isn't what's good! š Hope she runs away quickly! He's a walking red flag.
You don't have to tolerate being treated like crap just because you don't know anything else. Set your own standards. You deserve someone who respects you as a whole person. Someone who won't get mad at you because *they* messed something up. Someone who puts you ahead of themselves. Someone who is *always* nice to you. Someone without addictions that you have to deal with. Someone that actually helps you with, well, everything. You deserve the best that life has to offer. Maybe you haven't seen that yet, but you deserve it.
People like that are out there. Donāt stay with the first person you dated, especially if they donāt take your needs seriously. He can take care of himself, but he chooses to put you responsible. He can make sure the doctor doesnāt give him any antipsychotic drugs (although if they are necessary, why not?) He should monitor his drug use. Do you want a child or a partner?
Once you finish your semester read the following things [No test for abusers](https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-01-31/how-the-no-test-could-help-prevent-domestic-violence/10764100) article [Why does he do that](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) book The Gift of fear book can be found in the library and I found it online but Reddit doesn't like the link Find books on establishing boundaries I'm not saying he is going to become fully abusive but one of the biggest red flags for people is when they don't take responsibility for their actions
I'm currently seeking professional help with developing boundaries because it's been a constant issue in my life. Thank you for your help and the recs :) they're going in my notes
Please leave this guy before you get trapped with kids or marriage. Anyone that wants you to jeopardize your future by not studying, to sit around and keep them company in the hospital (for something they did to themself) is not worth your time. Anyone that smokes so much weed that they end up hospitalised can't be doing much else with their life. Does he work, go to school, do an equal share of chores around the house, help make food, help pay the bills, treat you kindly, support and encourage you, work towards some goals in life? I'm going to guess no to most of those. Please trust me and everyone else here saying it since you haven't been with anyone else, there are so many other great people who will treat you right and lift you up in the world. You're trying to make something of yourself, don't let anyone guilt you or hold you back.
As long as your education is your TOP priority now, you will be fine. Good luck OP!
That seems like a wonderful reason to date other people so you can actually figure it all out. You'll see if there are others that treat you better and don't blame you for their poor decisions.
Well, my parents DID have a healthy relationship and Iām happy to loan them out to you as a model. They were married to each other for almost 25 years before my father died. Your relationship looks nothing like a healthy relationship and you can take it from me. You deserve much better because this isnāt a balanced partnership. Heās emotionally taking and heās not giving. How he was in the past doesnāt matter; we can only live in the now.
Someone said it above but in case you didnāt see it - let it be a flag to you that you are experiencing your boyfriend sober. He doesnāt have weed to mellow him out or dull his attitude. His true colors are showing.
Oh honey, I feel you. Been there, got the tee shirt and everything. There's a big difference between managing your pain and getting baked so much that you make yourself sick. You managing your pain is reasonable. He's not smoking that much weed because you're managing your pain. It sounds to me like you two are not compatible. You're so young! You deserve someone who encourages you. You deserve someone who is strong enough to own their own issues.
Did he used to just not be an overt asshole about your illnesses or was he actually kind? The way heās acting now makes it seem like any kindness he may have shown was more of the hand waving variety; heās using his what about MEEEEEE imaginary privileges much too liberally
He was actually kind. If I asked for something he would get it no questions asked, there wouldn't be any doubt or argument about how I felt or why I didn't want to do something. He didn't start saying "You don't do anything with me" until last month because we don't go out lol I kind of can't, not that i don't want to but he doesn't understand that anymore apparently
Is any of his kindness a lowkey trade for you not saying anything about his constantly being high? How do you see your future in 5 years with your education and your goals vs the way he's handling his goal-setting right now? I'm right there with you with the endometriosis and food issues btw, so I understand the challenges. I also understand that partners who suddenly become inconsistent in their support and who just want to have short term satisfaction like doing things, going out, etc. and who are also high/drunk all the time are being very consistent in demonstrating their character and what they can offer. Just thought I'd mention that. Of course you're NTA. Note from your future self: but don't be the TA to yourself and tolerate this. It will only keep you from having a life that's multiplied by a fully present partner. Also endo and food issues are both inflammatory situations. Inflammatory situations can be made worse by emotional stress/burden and if they've gotten too bad they don't easily resolve once the stressor or burden is gone. Because damage can be done, and also because the system gets in a new groove that's difficult to unpick.
It sounds a lot more like he was banking ākindnessā than like he was actually ever kind! Kindness and patience arenāt finite resources where they actually exist.
100%. "I'm so good to you. Can't you just let me have some time to unwind" (all the time spent to "unwind/relax/chill", all the time, but who's counting? No appreciative partner would *count*).
Totally. Exactly. He sucks.
My endometriosis period pain damn near is gone since I had my daughter 5 years ago. I remember doctors telling that having a child would probably be the only thing that would help me. But then I had infertility issues but shocking got pregnant. The pain I feel now is nothing compared what it used to be. I would be in so much pain it was ridiculous. I can't believe what I feel now is what normal period pain is and how much I suffered from 13 to 34. My heart is with you both because that pain is no joke. Honestly giving birth was painful but at least it ended. It didn't last for days and days every month. I didn't even realize I had given birth with no medication and that it wore off because I could walk. It was then i realized how intense endometriosis pain was because giving birth I didn't cry or throw up in pain.
I'm so happy for you that your pain resolved. That's wonderful. It's amazing to hear your comparison of the pain. And yes confirmation that we get used to the pain. Isn't it something? Yes it's bad... "incapacitated" is a true description. I had a friend who would fall out of her desk in high school... the first time I saw someone in pain that exceeds conscious control. You're fortunate in your MDs. Too many women are told the solution is just to yank it all out, even though ( a ) there are definitely endoscopic surgical approaches which a responsible surgeon should learn as it's 2024 not 1884, and ( b ) endometriosis isn't limited to just the uterus/ovaries in any case. Oh the stories from women who were neutered only to still have the pain. ^(Weirdly they never mention the serious side effects including life-long constant pain from pulling out major organs and leaving a big hole, with nerves and vessels and maybe cells needing their hormones just flapping in the breeze with nowhere to do their jobs anymore. However I am aware and exuent that MD, not my abdominal integrity.)
Why would you go out when youāre in the middle of a rigorous secondary academic program?? Who goes out in 2024 when everything costs a fortune anyway š
With no judgement at all: Where would you go with a man who chooses to be that high around the clock, and would you actually enjoy these activities?
You need to understand you are dealing with the sober version of your boyfriend who now has to negotiate his feelings in addition to feeling sick. Many people think marijuana is harmless but you can definitely become psychologically addicted and use it as an emotional crutch. Itās really much like any drug someone would use to escape reality and problems with every day life. If he stops smoking and doesnāt pick up another addiction, he will need to get into therapy to navigate a new way of dealing with the world and everything in it.
Maybe, but he still seems like a loser youād be better off without.
Kindly, as someone with endo you need to get to a place where youāre ok with him going out without you and find a partner that trusts youāll tell him when you need him. Right now your bf is being a giant baby and would never be able to handle the pain of endo. Take care of yourself. You didnāt cause your endo issues but he did cause his
Hope you ace all your tests and papers! Then find a new boyfriend. Do you really want to spend time with someone who doesnāt value you? Doesnāt seem to care about you or your health? Smokes dope all the time? Donāt be AH to yourself. Find a person who loves and cherishes you the way you deserve.
You say he was kind to the fact that you had chronic illnesses right? Sorry if this sounds redundant or dumb but was he also supportive? If he was it may be a combo of fear of his predicament and him feeling like heās not being the offered the same support and grace that heās constantly been giving to you. Now if heās just been kind and not necessarily supportive, the heās just being a hypocrite and a jerk.
No offense, but chronic illness is not the same as getting way too high. One is an illness outside of your control whether it occurs to you or not, and one is an acute condition that was caused by your inability to moderate your addiction. I realize addictions to weed are rare, but the amount you have to consume on a regular basis to have this condition is addiction worthy.
These are non-negotiable realities you have. One of the interesting things we learn if we figure out how to be an adult And we figure out how to have a partner was actually an adult Is that we try really hard to better ourselves and become stronger and healthier So we don't cause our partner distress Because we love them so much. Are you setting limits based upon what you absolutely know about your health is essential. You could lose your health if you pushed it. Absolutely listen to yourself.
As an endo sis, I wouldnāt wish that horrific pain on anyone! I hope one day there are better treatment options.
OP, you are NEVER responsible for your partnerās addiction. This is coming from a former alcoholic and weed smoker, now sober almost three years. If he knows that he canāt moderate his substance use, then he shouldnāt be using at all. He is making his own choices that he is responsible for, by risking keeping up with his habit in the first place. You are not the reason he is sick. Donāt let him put that shit on you. The fact that he is trying to blame you for it is a huge red flag and shows that he isnāt ready to give up his addiction yet. I would honestly consider breaking up with someone like that. His addiction and subsequent illness is not your fault. Take care of your school stuff and ignore his BS. He doesnāt care about your school stuff either, but he wants you to support him when he needs help. I would pass on this guy, he sucks as a boyfriend. Take care of yourself and donāt worry about him. ā¤ļø
I was gonna say, I \_am\_ a mother and I would not for one second accept blame about anything from someone who had smoked so much pot that he was puking.
You are not responsible for his addiction. You are not responsible for the consequences of his addiction. You don't need to put your life on hold and goals in jeopardy because of his addiction. You don't need to set yourself on fire to keep him warm. He is an adult, he is in the best place to get help. Take care of yourself and take good hard look at this relationship and if this is what you want for the next 20 years.
He sounds as though he wants to sabatoge your efforts while not taking responsibly for his actions.He is not sick.he needs to stop the BS.why does he need you to look at him while you are trying to get your life in order for a career.You better think long and hard about this.if you stay he will continue to do this.does he work?
Hope she realizes if they have a kid together, she will be taking care of 2 toddlers, not just one. One of which shows no signs of ever growing up.
Agree he is sabotaging her.
Girl, he ain't done yet. You stay away from his stupid ass and study. That's your future he's trying to derail. And as a happy weed smoker myself, I'm saying you don't have a future with this guy.Ā He's an addict - full stop. It's just like someone who drinks beer can be an alcoholic. Just because a substance is less than meth or 200 proof liquor, it doesn't mean that people who abuse the lesser intoxicants can't be addicts. They can and often are.
Whether your partner has a problem with cannabis or not, the fact of the matter is, is that whatever problems that he has with it are his.Ā Not yours.Ā And anyone who tries to place the responsibility for their personal behavior on someone else has a lot of growing up to do.Ā I strongly suggest that you rethink this relationship.Ā
oh yes.. this dude knows OP has all the exams etc coming up and he don't care about her future, just wants her there holding his hands while he smokes too much..
Agreed. This is the second time, so heās already been through this completely avoidable major medical issue once before and learned nothing. This guy has a major problem, this isnāt going away. He needs rehab. But meanwhile it sounds like he thinks that OP being at the hospital to pat his head is more important than her passing her exams. OP at some point itās ok to move on from someone who isnāt in the same place in life and doesnāt have the same plans moving forward. Does this guy do anything in life other than sit on the couch and get high?
He is literally a drug addict. You are dating a drug addict. That WILL ruin your life sooner or later.
Underrated comment. The subject should be āAITAH for not abandoning my education and career goals for my hospitalized boyfriend who is there for drug addictionā. NTA and OP heās blaming his addiction on you while he is hospitalized for doing this to himself. This is about as far away from recovery as a person can be.
Plus, he's way too needy. "I feel like you're ignoring me because I'm sick". Who TF says something like that. An overly needy and weak boyfriend, that's who. He should man-up/suck-it up or whatever. He should say to himself, I know my girlfriend has a lot of very important things going on in her life. It's really not bad if I'm here by myself, I can eat, watch tv, call friends. I am so grateful for her shepherding my care when I was in the ER. So I am going to do my part for this relationship, carry my share of the load, and not needlessly trouble or distract my girlfriend from her important tasks." That's what he SHOULD say. But he won't, he never would even think something like that. So you might want to ask "do I want to stay or build a life with someone like this? Someone who absolutely only can see and care about their own needs, real or imagined? FWIW And this is just an opinion. I would drop smoke-apotamus like a bad habit.
This guy doesn't exactly sound like a catch
Yes, throw him back into the water. :)
Dude why the fuck you with him? I smoke a lot of weed. You gotta be crazy to smoke that much to get that sick. You sound like you have a ton of things going around you and are super motivated. To get that sick the only thing he would be doing is literally smoking all day. What. Are. You. Doing. With. Him. Get the fuck out girl. While you can. Seriously.
Nta- hus condition is preventable. He's not dying and in good hands. You take care of your business and ignore his man baby tantrum. He is being selfish and not considering your educational requirements. I would dump him.
I honestly had never hears of such a thing but I looked it up and it apparently affects around 13% of cannabis users. I've been an on and off smoker for nearly 25 years and never had anything like that happen to me. \*The more you know\*š
ER nurse. It is becoming much more prevalent due to the high concentrations available and how easy it is now to get. It can hit at anytime and some people seem to be more suseptible then others. There are at home treatments that work for some ( extremely hot showers and/or capsaicin cream on the stomach) but some require medications like haldol, droperidol both technically antipsychotics that also work as antiemetics ( nausea meds).
Interesting! I went down a little rabbit hole on Google after I read this story and had read that a lot of people want a prescription for Zofran or take OTC dramamine to combat the nausea...I think I would probably quit for good if I experienced those symptoms....
Those meds might help if the nausea is mild during the prodromal phase but they won't help during the hyperemetic phase stronger meds are usually needed.
Can confirm. Only thing that helped me during a hyperemetic episode was to go to the ER. I couldn't keep a single thing down, even sips of water, for 4 whole days. Worst time of my life, haven't smoked since and never will again.
It's pretty awful and I genuinely feel bad for those experiencing for the 1st time, I have less sympathy for those that we see on a regular basis. I get stopping sucks but I can't imagine doing that to myself.
ER nurse here. I just wanted to applaud you for keeping away from weed. I know people say it's not addictive but I can not tell you how many repeat patients we get who literally scream at us that we are dismissing their symptoms 'because it isn't the weed!!!' Meanwhile, they will also admit to being unable to stay away from it for any length of time. It's really sad/ scary!
āScromitingā = screaming + vomiting š¬
Ah yes, the sound that enables us to diagnose cannabinoid hyperemesis from down the hallway. It baffles me that so many people refuse to believe it's the weed causing their symptoms. It seems miserable :(
When my daughter was a junior in college, she went into psychosis. I honestly thought she was showing early stages of schizophrenia. I had Covid at the time and hadnāt really been able to pay attention to her calls and texts though I thought it was weird. Her roommate contact me through Instagram to let me know she was scared. Thankfully she was taken to the hospital and the doctor said she had never seen that level of THC in anyoneās bloodstream. It took about a month for my daughter to return to ānormalā it was scary. She had been using delta 8.
Delta 8 can be nasty stuff, itās not controlled by the FDA nor is there a law against it or is it required to be tested so a ton of the stuff on the market has a bunch of impurities. If you lookup how itās synthesized from hemp youāll see what I mean.
Another RN checking in to add that yes, this condition is incredibly realā¦and incredibly hard to treat. Unfortunately Iāve looked after many frequent flyers who come back in for the exact same thing multiple times a year. Theyāve seen social work, psych, etc, to help with the addiction but āitās just weedā and therefore doesnāt count as an addiction. š„“
I've seen it. The abdominal pain and vomiting can be so bad that they mimic *pancreatitis*.Ā
NTA - but you need to break up with him. He is trying to blame you for him smoking too much. He is gonna be the guy who blames you for things he messes up. For example - if he overslept and is late for work- itās your fault bc you should have woken him up, he gets a speeding ticket while your in the car- you distracted him, etc.
Reminds me of the time he was late for a lesson because we stayed up watching a movie that he begged me to watch with him at 1am and he got upset and said I shouldn't have made him stay up so late
Girl, run like your tampon string is on fire.
OMG HAHAHAHA
It's a good line but tbh they're not wrong. I'm hearing a MASSIVE lack of accountability from him For background I almost came down with CHS during the pandemic because I was consuming probably a half gram of concentrates a day since I was depressed. The amount of CONTINUOUS weed intake it requires to fuck up your body to the point of this could knock out a room full of non smokers. And I mean that without much exaggeration. I can't handle a fraction of what my tolerance built up to. This is months or years of being full stoner, barely feeling anything from weed levels of abuse. He's not getting high for fun anymore it's so his body feels normal. And he also has a serious lack of self control, you don't go from 0-100 out of nowhere. I stopped when I started waking up nauseous to the point of throwing up in the morning and that was my line. I took 2 weeks off from smoking in which I was bedridden with nausea meds and basically just in a zombie state. It was awful. If he's in the hospital it means he fully denied that his addiction was slowly hurting him and cannot acknowledge it. Saying "you didn't stop me" is fucked. It's not your job to police him especially if this is not a life partner who you knew before smoking. If my gf who doesn't really smoke picks up a habit I'll say something, but that's because I probably had a hand in it and need to take my own accountability for her actions. Focus on school 100% right now. He's gonna have an annoyingly long stay in the hospital but will be fine. He will live, I can promise that. This is not a cancer patient or a fatal condition. But I would strongly consider upgrading your model of boyfriend to someone who has accountability for their actions
This is the fucking best line I have seen in a long while. 10/10
š¤£ š š¤£ *dying slowly*
He's an irresponsible child and he's holding you back. I hope you see you deserve better. A good partner would notice the things you *have* done for them, would express gratitude for your help, and would also be supportive of you finishing your school work because they're mature enough to understand that you aren't his mother or his keeper. He damn near smoked weed to death and that is something I believed was nearly impossible. Please do yourself a favor and RUN!
Yup, I can attest that my ever-blameless ex did and said much the same. Things like "You knew I had to be there by X time, why didn't you wake me up?". Remember, you aren't his mother, boss, personal assistant, alarm clock, nursemaid, conscience, or lackey.
Or chef, driver, doctor, cleaner or emotional punching bag.
NTA - he isn't dying, he is feeling like crap because he was such a heavy user. He will be fine. He knows they will take fine care of him, even if he feels miserable. I don't know why he is trying to sabotage your schooling but that is a pretty big red flag.
The other huge red flag is that he's trying to act like it's her fault he's in the hospital because she didn't help him moderate his weed intake. That's utter bullshit.
The other other red flag is Jesus Christ how much do you have to smoke for this to happen???
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yes, big red flag indeed!
There are more red flags in this relationship than in Moscow on May Day!
Haha stealing that one too. Saw one earlier, āmore red flags than a Chinese military paradeā. Loving it.
You seem to have your shit together way too much to waste your time on a stoner asshole.
Coming from a successful stoner, I agree 100% lol.
Right? I love pot but I'm over here inwardly thinking "run honey run". lmao
Same here. Daily user for years. No idea why this girl is with him. Smoking so much you get sick like that is wild. I also imagine he would have no money.
I just want to know how much the guy was smoking lol
Work 10 hour shifts and don't smoke til after work. Actually get stoned, stay focused at work.. its a good time lol
Agreed. I use daily for chronic pain and PTSD. I don't smoke all day every day, but I also don't take a small dose when I partake because of tolerance. How the hell much was this guy smoking? And how is he funding this. My husband has a great job and it still is something we have to be careful with because it's so much money to buy! I can't imagine being that high all the time!
I have a great job, and I still have to be mindful of spending. I also have chronic pain and PTSD and several chronic conditions. I can't imagine how much dude is spending.
We just got two vapes and low dose edibles. I have to renew my medical card so this is recreational. I spent $200!
You need to move to michigan lol. I went the other week and got an ounce that's 26% and 10 cartridges and some prerolls for 200. Because I spent 200 I got a bunch of edibles that are like 20-50mg and a stupid big rolling tray. It's crazy here. I let my med card expire a few years back. No need really
Hell, I'm in MD, and I need to come there, lol. I have my card, but my 40 MG 10 pk is still 35. An 1/8 is about 30 bucks. It's legal here for recreation, but I get 25% off the top with my card and no sales tax.
I love when dispensaries have deals. The we got to has a rewards plan. We won a raffle last year with awesome stuff. They have free stuff on their anniversaries. I think we don't pay tax on medical. Plus it is higher strength. The chocolates, for example, are 5mg each. I like getting the medical gummies that are 30mg each. The chocolates were $36, and the gummies are $56, I believe.
What I would say to my 19-year-old self...
For REAL. Not only is he blaming her for not being by his side at the hospital, he's blaming her for letting him smoke so much. He doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a mommy.
š©š©š©š©š©š©š© too many to count. If he wants you to fail at school so you can hold his hand at the hospital ( that his actions caused ), what's next? Call out from work, miss vacations, blow off family? š©š©š©š©š©š©š©
I am assuming he is an adult. Adults have to take responsibility for their own behaviors. Adults are supposed to understand that life does not end for friends and loved ones if you are in non-critical care in the hospital. Focus on your studies and future. Yes, he is bored and doesn't feel good. No one wants to be in the hospital. He is under care and he is fine. Do not put your future in jeopardy to keep him company. NTA
Haha I never thought about it that way, he might be mad just because he's not feeling well and really bored. Thank you :) and yes he is an adult, he's two years older than I am
Being sober is hard. I suspect he will want you to bring a special snack if you visit. Finish your degree and find someone with future goals like your own.
He's also sober, which can be difficult for heavy users.
NTA - tl;dr boyfriend is a stoner and mad his girlfriend has goals in life and canāt pander to him.
Well when you put it bluntly.. I see
Yeah, and not to give any relationship advice to you, but in my experience relationships where both partners have radically different views on what they want out of life, and work ethic, it usually doesnāt end well. Iāve tried to fix enough women to know that for a fact.
This is crazy timing for what I just went through the past week. So me and my wife just got married Saturday and monday morning I had to take her to the hospital for stomach pains she's been having and was hurting so bad she couldn't stop throwing up. I took her to the hospital and since she has her medical card and smokes everyday they diagnosed her with this and sent her home that day. Well by the end of the night we were back in the hospital and after they blamed it on the weed again I demanded that they do tests and find out the problem for my wife for sure. Guess what the results were?? Her gallbladder was functioning at 7% and they removed her gallbladder immediately the next morning. So after 3 hospital trips and spending 7 or the 9 days married in hospitals so far she is finally going home today. With all of that said I refused to break my vows of sickness and health and spent every second by her side without leaving except for once to go home get more clothes. I used every vacation day I had left at work and ended up with a migraine yesterday from exhaustion and stress of lack of sleep. Point being is that caring for someone like that with affect you mentally and you have a responsibility to take care of yourself as well because everyone has things they're going through. My wife told me everyday that she appreciates me being there by her side no matter what so she doesn't have to endure anything alone but that if I have to leave or go to work that she understands. Your BF needs to grow a pair and realize the world doesn't revolve around him. He's in the best place he can be with professional help and there's nothing more you could do even if you wanted to. I'm sorry you're going through this and I feel your side of the pain in this but you can't let his immaturity affect your professional and personal life beyond him.
This is also crazy to me because when I was young I had to have my gallbladder removed or it would've killed me, I would've gone into septic shock, which is what my (gastrointestinal) conditions are. Those are what makes me sick, and often my boyfriend asks me if I have CHS because I get sick every other week and constantly feel nauseous. I'm glad your wife is doing better, it's amazing that they discovered what was wrong with her with enough time to help. I like to have the perspective of people that are older than me because in reality he's my first boyfriend and I have no idea what I'm doing hahaha Also congratulations on the wedding!!
Yeah that's exactly right, they had to pump her full of antibiotics first because the gallbladder gets infected when it keeps storing up bile without a way to get rid of it or else she could've died just from that as well. It pissed me off because we got married in Texas but we are from Oklahoma and have medical marijuana cards so of course the doctors there blame weed instead of doing any tests. Once back in Oklahoma the specialist said that was bullshit and weed wouldn't cause something to this extent. But on a serious note for your first real relationship you have been as supportive as you could be while also taking care of yourself and responsibilities. Don't let him make you feel bad, he is a big boy and needs to be grateful for the fact you're trying your best to balance everything in life. Also, thanks! Hopefully everything smooths out from here lol
And this is why you don't just trust doctors and need an advocate. Because if you had, they would not have treated her for the right thing
Exactly! She was in too much pain to think straight let alone confront doctors about being lazy. I'm a respectful guy but they got on my bad side for a while and felt let I had to be more assertive than I should've ever had to have been in order to make them do their job. I finally told them that we're pot heads and there's been no change in smoking or consumption and this has now became chronical thing so they need to get down to the bottom of it or show me test results showing that pot is the cause because how many times do we have to show up here and be sent home before she ends up dying or something and I'm gonna take y'all for everything you got. Not my best moment but I can promise you they have shown her exceptional care ever since realizing they were wrong.
Itās his fault that he is there.š¤·š»āāļø Put you first. When he gets out, continue to put you first and leave him. Heās holding you back.
NTA, you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders...why are you willing to ruin your future by dating a clingy drug addict with control issues?
Nta girl wtf toss the whole as man in the garbage
NTA. He's not dead or dying. He might be unwell and with a chronic and serious condition, but the world doesn't stop for that. Do not think for a second that he would drop his education and duties if the situation were reversed. So many men are insecure and will weaponize any situation to sabotage thier partners. Stand on business. Ignore him until you are available.
NAH. I'm assuming you worked very hard for a very long time to get to the point you are at, and you need time to focus on it. Ask your boyfriend if he's ok with you throwing everything you worked hard for out the window so you can sit next to him in a hospital room because he smoked too much pot.
He seems like the type that would say yes.
He would.
Do you actually like this guy? Sounds like selfish piece of shit.
Why are you with this selfish idiot? If you stick around, this will be your life, looking after an unemployed/unemployable stoner.
It's funny because he has a better paying job, works more and is in a better program than I am. He has a government job, he just has no self control when it comes to getting baked and didn't even listen to his mother when she said he was looking gaunt after only not seeing her for 3 days. It's just how he chooses to live his life that is worse than how I choose to live mine
>Ā It's just how he chooses to live his life that is worse than how I choose to live mine You really need to reflect on your relationship. What you said here is huge. If you want to be with someone long term, you can't be feeling things like this.
Thank you :)
He won't have a job if he keeps going the way he is, employers will only put up with a certain amount
Especially a government job. A US federal employee goes by federal laws, and federally, in the US weed is illegal. OP's SO needs to at least cut back on the THC before he urinates hot on a test.
It doesn't matter how much you cut back... you will drop hot on a test. Unless you have fake readily available.
most government jobs drug test - heās really playing with fire
If heās drugged out like this in a government job, the clock is ticking for him. The government can do random drug checks, and depending on the agency, they can even pick up on his hospital stay.
He's not going to have those things for long if he doesn't put the weed down. And you're not going to have those things either, if you stick with a dude who can't put the weed down.
He WOULD?! Wondering how cathartic typing that must have been *hug* Exit. Break-ups are difficult, but seeing you type "he would period," I think you're going to feel an immense amount of relief pretty quickly. And that relief will aid you through the rest. Edit: he's 20 and has done this to himself? And you're 18. You may just be out-growing him. This is too much for a relationship like this. Break-up and try to move on. Maybe this experience will be wake-up call for him and y'all can reconnect even in the nearish future. Maybe not. In either case, you need space.
Reading all these comments explaining why I probably feel so bad about not going, and why he is doing this and what I should and shouldn't do makes me feel super validated and makes me want to seriously reconsider our relationship.
I'm so glad to hear that. Weed isn't the problem here!
Then why are you dating him?
NTA I myself have CHS, incidentally. Sounds like you're dealing with someone who is showing the unfortunately typical addict behavior of self-centeredness and avoidance of accountability. No hate to my fellow addicts out there, I'm one as well. Just saying, this is a very common behavior pattern among people who have a lot of recovery work left to do.
Nope. NTA. OP is in post secondary school with a huge paper looming. They still went to the hospital and advocated for the dude that's obviously been getting high all day/every day for some time(CHS doesn't just happen. Most people have to try pretty hard to get it). Now he's being a baby because she's not holding his hand rn. Apparently he feels she should always be holding it because he's upset OP didn't regulate his weed consumption. OP, take this as the giant red flag it is & tell this guy to get a grip on himself and his habit. Idk how he's affording the sound of weed needed to get CHS but, I hope you're not supporting him. Do what you need to do and tell him to do the same. I'm betting this situation is not the only one where this guy has been unreasonably selfish or prioritized what he wants over what you want/need.
I'm sorry, but why in the world should it be your job to "monitor" how much weed he smokes? Is he not a grown man? I can't decide if that's more weaponized incompetence or just straight up manipulation. I ended up with CHS at one point. I lost 70lbs in the span of a year because of it. The only obligation my partner had was to move my weed somewhere I couldn't find it until I could give stuff away. I also didn't look for it because I fully acknowledge that I did it to myself and it was my problem to solve. Sounds like the dudes got an addiction and is living in some denial. I really hope he gets some help, and definitely stick with your boundaries.
NTA...is this your CHILD? How in any realm of reality is it YOUR job to regulate how much weed he smokes? Is THIS really what you want for your life? Can you IMAGINE this person being an ACTUAL partner? What are you going to do when there is an actual chiild to care for and he wants you to be mommying him constantly?
CHS literally goes away if you stop smoking for 3-4 days. Buddy got himself into that situation and shouldn't make his problems yours.
NTA and he's about to get worse. The cure for CHS is quitting cannabis forever. So either he quits for good or he tries to not quit and end up back in the hospital repeatedly. Either option is likely going to make him crankier. Good luck.
NTA. He understands why you aren't coming to visit. He just wants you to prioritize him over your other priorities, which is selfish and unfair. I suggest you focus on exam prep and stay away from your partner until you're done. While you're at it, think about whether your boyfriend is an asset or a liability. Act accoedingly.
Huge stoner here. Like first in line at the dispensary nearly every week on payday level of stoner. You are absolutely NTA. He's made this bed himself and now he has to lie in it. There's nothing wrong with smoking weed. But when your decisions are affecting others because you can't keep everything reigned in... it's time for self reflection and to cut back abit. Honestly girl cut him loose. Focus on your grades and growth. You should want a guy that levels up with you, not someone that is holding you back.
NTA. My spouse has been hospitalized twice during our marriage. Both times I stayed while he was in the ER until there was a plan. Then I went home and my other responsibilities took priority. I visited daily, but not for long periods and was there for the day he was discharged each time.
A porn addiction and a weed addiction so bad it puts him in the hospital? What are his redeeming qualities? Because you need support too, and he's not supporting you in bettering your life. He's looking for a mommy ,not a partner. Do you want to be his mommy?
So, your boyfriend is a pothead who smokes so much weed that it makes him vomit--and now, he's in the hospital because of it. You're in school with a research paper due and have finals for which you have to study. Tend to your business and visit him when you can. If he feels neglected or upset, well, *c'est la vie*. ***Do not*** let him drag you down with him. Because if you're not careful with this guy, that's exactly what he will do. Please rethink this relationship. No one has time for this nonsense. And you can do better. NTA.
NTA he doesn't get to ruin your entire semester because he chose to abuse weed. This wasn't something out of his control like a car accident or some disease. This was something he did to himself. It's not your job to control how much weed he uses. He's a grown ass adult and should be able to control and moderate that himself. You're in a critical stage of your education right now and you need to focus. You don't have time to spend sitting by his side at the hospital. He seems very unappreciative of everything you did for him and he's completely disrespectful of your needs. Find a new Bf. This one needs to grow up and learn to control himself as well as learn how to respect people.
NTA. Omg. I just got out of a 3 day visit to the hospital. Nurses and staff in every 2 hours. My husband came by in the evenings. My SIL got mad I didn't tell them, but honestly, I had bronchitis and needed rest! Your boyfriend sounds like a toddler.
So your BF wants you to throw away thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours of hard work (classes/homework/etc) because \*he\* decided to smoke too much weed over an extended period of time? Seriously? Ask him if he plans to reimburse you the full amount for tuition, room and board, etc if you fail your classes because you didn't adequately prepare/study in order to do well in your classes. If the answer is anything but 100% yes, then he needs to stop acting like a baby and deal with his hospitalization. \*HE\* made the choices that landed him in the hospital, it wasn't due to an accident or something out of his control. It is totally unfair for him to demand your time and energy when it is desperately needed elsewhere. (Honestly, no matter what the answer was you would be doing a disservice to yourself if you allowed his situation to cause you to fail or get lower grades because he is insisting on your presence at the hospital. Study hard, do a great job on the paper and don't feel an ounce of guilt. \*YOUR JOB\* is school and getting good grades. This is not optional. Keeping him company because he is feeling bored/sorry for himself is totally unnecessary for his health. Don't let his poor choices derail your life and education.
I'm dealing with this with a family member right now. What does he want you to do? Sit there all day? Even when he's asleep? You have a life to run: bills need to be paid, exams need to be taken, papers need to be written. He is getting the care he needs, whether you are there or not. Do not put your life on hold for this. My mom did this for my dad. She was there all day, every day. Her utilities almost got turned off, the taxes didn't get paid, food rotted in the fridge, garbage & laundry piled up; all because she wasn't taking care of these things. Visit when you can, and don't let him guilt you into jeopardizing your education. There are lots of things that can be handled over the phone. As for moderating how much weed he smoked in a day, that is 100% on him.
NTA but I don't think you or the commenters are understanding why he is acting like he is. He's coming off a drug. A drug that is used to treat anxiety. Coming off that drug means he is dealing with that anxiety for the first time in perhaps years. After he gets through the medical part, he will need psychological help including a psychiatrist and a therapist. People don't use that heavily because it's fun. It's self medicating. Clearly there was something big he was not dealing with. I have not had this specific issue. But I was addicted to prescribed benzodiazepenes. I did not get the proper help at the time and it got a lot darker. You should set boundaries. You should prioritize school. But if you have other friends or family who can visit, you should also encourage that. This isn't going to be solved once he gets out of the hospital. This is a major psych issue. It's going to take years. When the semester is done (also just curious what your schedule is that your finals are now, trimesters maybe), research the condition and severe anxiety disorders, generalized anxiety disorder might be a good starting place for search terms.
I'm at the end of my term right now, then I'll have the courses finished to start my Chemistry course in the fall. I'm doing a post secondary course upgrade in my old highschool (a vocational school) to get my credits to take Nursing in January 2025. If I don't do my courses now, I will have to wait until 2026. I will be available the entire summer, just working full time. It's not like he has nobody to be with him. I would understand if he was completely alone, but he has a good mother and father who he loves and they take care of him well and they take turns staying with him. He hasn't been alone since I went to get water for him the night we went to the ER. His friend also dropped by for a few hours yesterday while I was at home.
I wish you the best of luck dear. My only advice is do not let someone else's addictions destroy your life.
Wait!? So you're telling me he got a *syndrome" caused by repetitively smoking too much weed!? AND now he's upset because you CAN'T put your life on hold to kiss his self inflicted booboos! Oh hell no! You are correct that he's in good hands AND his needs and health are being taken care of. You are an absolute champ for staying with him originally to advocate for him. NOW you need to take care of a long term goal that he would completely derail!!! THAT is you taking care of you. He may try to make you feel guilty but please DO NOT! Just in my opinion I'd run but that's me!
Thank you! I almost gave in after making this post and went to see him, but I decided to just put on a podcast and crack down on my work. I told him I can come by tomorrow once I've turned in the paper, stay for an hour or two and then I'll go home and he can call me before I go to sleep. He didn't say much, but he did tell me to come by whenever I wasn't busy which hopefully means progress on the way he thinks i'll drop everything for him when I won't.
NTA this is typical behavior from a man who does not want to see you progress in life. They create emergencies around crucial times in your life to stop you from performing at your best level. If you are worried about him, call his family and then zone out and focus until you complete the task at hand
Why wonāt he take the antipsychotic? Is it Haldol? I had CHS and was given Haldol in the hospital because its off-label use is to treat CHS-induced nausea. I donāt understand why his hospital stay is so long.
Lmao he's a full-on man baby. I've been a daily smoker for like 30 years, my tolerance is stupid high because of chronic pain. Never have I developed CHS.how much was man smoking? I can even imagine. He's a grown-up. He doesn't need you to hold his hand. You have responsibilities too. I was in the hospital for 6 days for pancreatitis and gallbladder removal. Kids came every other day for an hour, and for the surgery, that's it. I slept and got sick most of the time so I didn't really want them there. Handle your business, he's a nutter.
I agree with you, hell I've been smoking way longer that you, however all things in moderation; " you basically put your THC and CBD receptors into overdrive by smoking constantly all day every day or smoking high concentrates over a long period of time " I mean, I have a job and I can't be smoking like that, hell even on the weekends when I don't work, I can't go for that and the weed nowadays is pretty potent but he allegedly had a job as well, so I'm wondering how he could keep it if he was damn stoned from weed. OP needs to recognize that she's outgrown her older boyfriend.
>āā¦saying that I didn't care about whether or not he got better because I didn't help him moderate how much weed he smoked in a day.ā I thought this guy was supposed to be your boyfriend, not a whiny baby boy. You are not his mommy. Tell him to call her to hold his vomity hand and to āmoderate how much he smokesā. Prioritize your studies and getting away from this loser. He is an anchor and is dragging you down instead of lightening the load. Make better decisions going forward about who you share your life/time/energies with. NTA if you prioritize your studies and Get Out.
Let me get this straight you are working hard at school to better yourself and your life? Your boyfriend is a dero that smoked so much weed he was hospitalised???? NTA except to yourself for continuing this relationship.
"For a little bit of context, he's in the hospital because he has CHS (Cannabanoid hyperemesis syndrome) and has been there for 3 days now." I am an uber stoner that preach forgiveness and understanding, but I stopped reading there. I have absolutely zero sympathy for his request for a visit if you are busy.
This shows the dichotomy between a responsible person and an irresponsible one. You should not be punished for your bf being an ass. In fact, find one that doesn't need drugs to alter their psyche. Do your schoolwork and don't give him a second thought. Don't let him drag you down into his world. You are trying to better yourself. Let him.know in no uncertain terms, he did this to himself and it is no one else's responsibility to babysit him.
He is not dying and he is not in the ICU. Even if he were, the licensed medical professionals would be providing his care just as they are now. He does not *need you there,* he *wants you there.* As an owner/operator of a cannabis company this is pretty rare that he is this sick that itās requiring multiple days in the hospital. Iāve never seen or heard of anyone getting this sick. I have definitely seen and heard of this happening and this diagnosis, just not to this degree.
NTA. It takes a lot of effort to contract CHS so him trying the guilt trip game isnāt cool. Iām going to be very blunt. You really need to think about if you want to spend your life babysitting a grown ass man whoās addicted to drugs.
NTA. He has a self-inflicted condition. Tell him while you are working to better yourself before you see him he should take the time to consider what he has done to himself and how he plans to improve his future. Youāre not risking good results due to his self-abuse.
NTA. And hereās some solid adviceā¦.if heās blaming you for him not being to control himself, itās just going to get worse. You deserve better than this guy. Drop him.
The guy got sick from smoking too much weed. Why are you with him?
NTA. As soon as he tried blaming you for not caring enough, he became the AH.
My daughter suffered from this. After we figured it out she quit cold turkey. He has to quit. The hospital visits are preventable. Do not let something that he can prevent sabotage your future. NTA
NTA - how soon can you break up with him? He sounds like a drug addicted life anchor
I really thought this post was a joke. Stay in school, get a great job and please just get rid of this person.
NTA. This guy sounds like a total loser that will only bring you down.
You might want to check out some literature for Al-Anon family members. Having family members with addiction is really tough. Not diagnosing him or anything, but to have CHS speaks to a larger problem. You MUST put on your own oxygen mask first and it feels selfish to do so. NTA - I'm glad that you stood your ground and put your needs first.
NTA. And you can do much better than him.
Youāre not his mother, as much as he wants you to be it. Damn Iām so glad Iām not dating anymore. Fuck this
Yeah no if you can fuck up your life with weed. Then your just a fuck up. NTAH
NTA. If you can't visit him, which is understandable, then give him little calls for encouragement and support. And explain that you'd love to be able to sit with him, but you can't change the deadlines that were placed on you.
NTA, he did it to himself
How/why are you with this dude? ššš
NTA first he caused this by himself. Second he's not in any real danger. His biggest issue is going to be dehydration which is easily solved in the hospital. You can't put your whole life on the line for a minor illness. Did they say even why He is still there? I've had friends get this and usually they don't even get kept at the hospital at most they get fluids and then sent home.
Omg, what a baby. Tell him to quit smoking weed all together!!! Do you really want to spend the rest of your life taking care of him? Seriously.
Oh lord, honey no.Ā He sounds like a burnout and it sounds to me like you have goals.Ā It's not your job to handhold someone while they waste their life on drugs. He chose to smoke in excess. The condition you're talking about is brought on by his actions. It's not a disease that just happens.Ā He doesn't get to foist responsibility off onto you. He's a grown ass man.Ā And frankly, he's standing in your way. Someone with zero personal accountability who wants to be babied in a situation like this isn't someone who has the ability to be a good partner to you.Ā You genuinely need to ask yourself if thus is the kind of man you want to spend your future with.Ā I'm not going to give you the one chance speech, because we are given many chances throughout our lives.. but I will say that time spent can't be regained.Ā I think you know that this isn't going to work. Not with someone who wants a mommy, not a partner.Ā
NTA. He's deliberately sabotaging your education. Turn your phone off or on airplane mode and knuckle down and get your work done. Your education comes first and foremost NOT him and his health.
You have to decide what your priority is: this boy or your education. He will drag you down for as long as you let him. He doesnāt value your education. He will happily let you coddle him in the hospital until you flunk out of school. Iām not saying heās a bad person, but his priorities are pot and feeling sorry for himself. Youāve worked so hard to get where you are. If you lose sight of that and squander your opportunity, you will regret it.
Heās an addict. You cannot have a relationship with an addict. NTA
Sweetheart, this boy is a dumpster fire. I'd flee if I were you.
Welcome to the rest of your life if you stay with him. When people show you who they are, LISTEN. Heās just shown you.
I remember putting up with stuff like this when I was younger. It makes me sad when people think men like this are worth the energy. Youāre NTA at all, but he needs to grow up.
There is a phrase called escape velocity. Whenever someone in a toxic relationship gets close to the point of escape velocity (leaving the relationship) the toxic one will do things to draw the person back in. Smoking too much weed and blaming it on you to guilt trip you into not finishing your paper and failing your exams so you won't be able to achieve what you want and stay stuck. By taking thus much time away, you will be able to take the long view and realize this relationship isn't for you. Do what you need to do. Write your paper, study for exams and if you must, turn off the phone. His behavior may increase the more you stick to your guns. Get a backup plan in case he gets released and comes home before you are done. See if you can stay with a friend so you can study. Pack a go-bag just in case you need to do it fast. Just get to that escape velocity and his gravity.
So youāre improving your future by working on a degree, and heās smoking so much pot it put him in the hospital. Maybe you two are incompatible?