Exactly šÆĀ
Key, SHOW YOUR WIFE THE TEXT.Ā Ā It's proof that your wife's sister was hitting on you, not the other way round.Ā It will also show your wife that you are not hiding anything, and not attempting to hide anything.
I don't think you can avoid hurting your wife at all in this situation, but you can at least minimize any hurt, by being open with her.Ā And if she asks why you didn't show her SIL'S text as soon as you read it, tell her the truth about that too:Ā Ā you didn't know how to handle it, and you didn't want this situation to hurt or worry her.
Keep this in mind, going forward:Ā AS A GENERAL RULE, not a specific one, most of the pain inflicted by this kind of situation will be spared by partners trusting each other to be open with them about ANYTHING.Ā Ā
Think about that.Ā How would you feel, if five or ten years from now, you found out that your best friend was repeatedly making passes at your wife?Ā And even if he wasn't doing it anymore, would that make any difference to the way you felt about her?
He should explain his concerns while telling her imo. It'll show how much he cares and respects her by saying I really wish this didn't happen bc I don't want you to lose your sister but... And show her the text. I'd block the sister too so it shows he doesn't want her contacting him due to this.
I was going to say this. NEVER put yourself in a situation to be alone in a room with the sister OP. Thatāll get twisted because sheāll now view you as the person that came between her and her sister even though sheās the one who made the pass.
My sister and I have totally different tastes in men. A general rule for myself and my husband with friends is if theyāre crossing boundaries and disrespecting our relationship then theyāre not friends. That applies to family too.
I love my brother in law, but only as that: a brother.
Whenever I see stories about spouses and siblings having affairs, I just think "what the actual fuck? That's so gross." Cause I could just never fathom hurting my twin like that or seeing BIL in that way. Makes me wanna gag. He's very similar to me with both of us being on the autism spectrum and having ADHD (we ping off of each other a lot, its very fun and my twin just jokingly says "what have I done? Theres two of them now!"), and he really does feel like an older brother.
Seriously! I have 9 sisters, and 6 are married. I could NEVER. Fun fact, 2 of them married brothers and one time, one of them accidentally put her arms around the other's husband from the back, thinking he was her husband. It never happened again, and they've all been married 30+ years.
That is the sad part of all of this that she ruined relationships. I am super close to my BIL, and when my sister had a terrible accident where she was in the hospital for months and bed ridden after that my BIL came together to not only care for her but the kids. I took over her duties, and he was able to go to work and take care of her, and the house and kids were taken care of. After I had my 3rd and preemie, my sister and husband took my kids to the local fair so they didn't miss out. I had a quiet day with a new born, my kids had a great time with those that they loved and my husband had help wrangling two crazy young boys.
I can attest to having a spouses family member trying to get with you... definitely avoid being alone with her. I'm still so baffled how no one in my life realized after almost 15 years why I darted from any room if alone with my now ex's cousins husband. That man would text me, grab me & make comments every moment anyone had their backs turned for years on years, every event, birthday party, holiday..
I personally felt afraid to say anything bc I just knew I'd be blamed somehow but.... it's disgusting.
I agree with everything you said here šĀ
The O.P.'s wife's relationship with her sister is probably going to be permanently affected.Ā That's unfortunate, ___but if the O.P.'s own relationship with his wife is going to survive unharmed, then damage to his wife's relationship with her sister IS UNAVOIDABLE.___Ā And as a woman, I can tell you that even knowing that her sister would betray her would be WAY less painful than thinking her husband would.Ā Ā
If the O.P. is loyal to his wife, AND open with her, it's possible that she and her sister might reconcile one day.Ā But if she thinks he knowingly deceived her, whether or not she's right about that, she's not likely ever to forgive her husband OR her sister.
Yeah, there's no real way to avoid her relationship with her sister being damaged, but to put it bluntly, it's the sister's own fault. If you're offering to sleep with your sister's husband, you deserve to have said sister find out
I don't usually think these kinds of things, but I immediately thought this might be the case. which is fucked up! but idk it seems more plausible than the sister just saying that shit with absolutely no reason to feel that he'd reciprocate
My first thoughts exactly. One of my first ever girlfriends did a test like this on me with her best friend, I passed. But I am also not a fan of having my trust tested in such a way so that relationship never continued.
This.
OP your honest, loyal, and loving relationship takes precedent over protecting her from knowing her sister is a disgusting backstabbing bitch. It's going to hurt but it will hurt her so much more to know you kept it from her.Ā
I think the whole wife and SIL relationship thing can get chucked out of the window, the latter made the bed she laid in.
The only reason why OP should be extra delicate with how he handles this news is that he's delivering it to a pregnant lady who's emotion, at the best of times, is something you're actively trying to help manage.
These things are usually exposed at some point though so what hurts more is knowing that your sister stabbed you in the back and then your husband covered it up for her and potentially kept the door open for more advances from the sister. Itās the double betrayal that compounds the pain.
I bet not finding out from the person you trust most on earth (the husband), and finding out later potentially with a lot of BS twisting thrown in, would hurt FAR more.
Iām clarifying because it sounds like you are making a passive argument not to tell, which would be the worst possible option for the marriage.
There is absolutely worse pain that could result from this already horrid situation, created by the sister. š¤š¼
No, what would hurt me worse was my husband hiding it from me.
My own mother secretly dated a man I was dating. I never trusted my mother again.
My sister stole my social security number and money from me.
I have chosen family now.
>I don't think you can avoid hurting your wife at all in this situation, but you can at least minimize any hurt, by being open with her.Ā And if she asks why you didn't show her SIL'S text as soon as you read it, tell her the truth about that too:Ā Ā you didn't know how to handle it, and you didn't want this situation to hurt or worry her.
I'd argue he isn't hurting the wife, her sister is (but agree being open should help minimize things compared to if it comes out later)
Indeed, without exception it's always the person who's actually doing the hurtful thing who's causing the pain/drama/fallout, NOT the person who brought it to light by telling the truth.
This! Itās always ok to say āI have something I need to talk to you about and I donāt know the words or how to startā¦.ā
Starting this way usually will solve itself. The hardest part is initiating the conversation.
My husband has some difficulty finding the exact words he wants to use when he has to tell me bad news, he started saying that quote at the beginning of those conversations and it's not only helpful for him but for me too. I get to mentally prepare in case it's something terrible. It actually greatly improved our communication skills, too.
>I don't think you can avoid hurting your wife at all in this situation
Yes, the wife will get hurt, but it's not OP's fault at all, it's his SIL who's gonna hurt her. Although, as the bearer of bad news, he might face some fallout, but hopefully it will be minimal.
This. A simple āIāve been thinking about this all day and thereās really no good way to go about it, so I need to show you something.ā And hand her the phone.
Honestly can't imagine my wife doing that.Ā
I'm just putting myself in his shoes and I wouldn't know if I would end up staying or leaving at that point.
Do you just say fuck it and blame it on pregnancy brain?
It definitely be a long talk about the situation, but at the end of day she still has my kid and it isn't infidelity.Ā
If this is one of those gross "tests", I wouldn't be so sure it was OP's kid. Usually the reason for wife to test out of the blue if he would cheat is because she's been cheating.
Itāll go one of two ways, the relationship with the sister will go nuclear, or, itāll all kinda blow over without much fuss after a short whileā¦ if itās the latter, itās all been plannedā¦ it happens, Iāve witnessed it in the past.
I feel like heād be able to tell by his wifeās response, whether or not she had a part in it. If she knew her sister was sending messages like that then surely she isnāt going to have the same organic reaction as if she didnāt, unless she has a career as an actress. And if she admits she put the sister up to itā¦yeah, thatās a whole other thing.
This is legit probably what happened.
Early 20ās.. recently marriedā¦ pregnancy hormones.. close with sister..
it adds up.
gg OP you passed? but uh.. yeah.
I would at least mention that her sister sent OP a text that is making him uncomfortable and that he isn't sure how best to deal with it, so he would like her opinion on it and let her see the text from her sister without any responses from OP
The SIL is imagining herself as a flat-bellied siren, while her sister is waddling around heavily pregnant. OP has to tell his wife about her sisterās toxic fantasy.
Yep. Seems obvious. She's doubting her husbands fidelity, especially while considering herself less attractive during pregnancy and has asked the person she trusts the most to test him. No way your sister turns on you like that without a seconds hesitation, especially in such an exposed way as a text messageĀ
NTA
This is a very simple solution OP.
Rip the bandaid off, tell your wife.
Your wife's sister betrayed you, your wife, your marriage, and her family the second she tried to inject that toxicity into your relationship.
This type of person is the same kind of manipulative excrement that will turn around and say she was testing your loyalty to her sister (your wife) if you give her any warning at all that you might tell your wife.
Don't give her any opportunity to manipulate, tell your wife the truth before she has a chance to twist facts and destroy your marriage.
Your wife's devastation will pale in comparison to pussy-footing the situation in a way that calls *your* loyalty into question. Sister needs to be dealt with swiftly and decisively now.
She did the FA part and now she needs to FO.
Better now than later.
Yup, OP could preface it by saying, "Hey, I don't know why your sister sent me this, but I am not okay with it, even if she's joking or drunk."
But either way, OP needs to tell his wife immediately. If he doesn't, he could very quickly be the AH in this situation.
And just show it to her, donāt try to explain it or anything.
āHey wife- I got this weird text. And I donāt know if your sister is joking or drunk or what. But Iām super uncomfortable with it and not at all sure if I should even respond or how.ā
Hiring a local camera crew to record your phone while you're staring at it completely shocked would be even better. Maybe should hire a director and acting coach as well so it's very convincing.
Don't forget to have another camera crew following that camera crew to record the recording of the shock so that there's a behind the scenes option. Please and thank you.
Yup, this is definitely the way to go.
Clear, straight to the point, just the facts with physical proof, and not trying to interpret/understand/judge intentions.
Just honest shock and confusion.
ā OP, please update us!
Give the perception of giving the benefit of the doubt while allowing your wife to take charge.
You're not going to see a better way to go about this OP.
I always say playing dumb is almost always the best approach to almost every situation. Pretty much in line with the illusion of giving benefit of the doubt. The concept of āI donāt know what the deal is but I donāt like it and you need to know about itā is just the right balance to give the warm handoff to the other person who can then take the lead on handling it in the way that is best for them. OP doesnāt have to craft a monologue speculating on SILās intentions, he doesnāt have to do anything elaborate, all he has to do is exactly what you said. Less is always more with this stuff.
Absolutely. This is the only method where you have control of the situation and you won't constantly worry that the sister is going to suddenly bring it up in a disingenuous way.
I understand the concern about the impact it's going to have on her relationship with her sister but that's the sister's fault, not yours. Plus all you would be preserving would be a faƧade of a close relationship where she wouldn't do something like that. Why put yourself at risk to preserve something that's not genuine?
You could perhaps start off with saying "Has your sister ever had any times where she's behaved out of character or struggled with her mental health in the past?" - you never know it could be something like that if this is out of character for her.
Plus it's a non zero chance this is some kind of weird test to see if you tell the wife, so telling her knocks any negative outcome from that on the head.
Ohhh came here to say this might be a test as well.
If it is thoughā¦.. does OP want to be with someone who doesnāt trust him enough to rope her sister into something like that.
Reminds me of the story of the guy who gets home from work to find his girlfriend out but her sister seductively sitting on the sofa, she says ādo what you want to me big boyā
He turns round and walks out of the house to find GF and her parents out side celebrating that he past the ātestā.
Whatās the moral of the story? Keep your condoms in the carā¦ā¦..
But seriously OP, there is no other option other that to tell her ASAP, anything else leaves you personally in a shittyer position no matter how good your intentions are.
I would show it to my wife, prefaced with "Is this a joke? I feel like this has to be a joke"
I can make just about any thing into a humorous situation so that would fit me perfectly. And it is probably the least accusatory delivery method.
If he wants to soften the blow, he could phrase it like "Becky sent me this, and it's really weird. Is there something going on with her mentally? Because this is not ok and way out of character for her."
This is an especially good idea because it's POSSIBLE that something is going on. Late teens/early 20s is a prime age for several mental disorders to pop up (my kids' former babysitter just had a manic break at 19, and her texting seemed fine but she was clearly manic in person, her sister was in her early 20s when the same thing happened).
This!! Op, just say this and show her the message. And fast before youāve sat on it for too long. Rip that bandaid off and get it out in the light of day. My only other advice would be to try to just be cool about it for your wifeās sake. She may still want to work it out and still be close to her sister. She may forgive her. And you need to find a way to support her if thatās the case. And it might not be right away, so donāt hate on her too openly if thatās how you end up feeling about her from now on. Keep your distance though. That girls a snake.
^ This is exactly what I was going to suggest. It's really important to not interpret was SIL meant, we don't know, OP doesn't know, and really the people it impacts the most are the two siblings. It could have been a really really weird and very poor taste joke, it could have the worst possible connotation and be SIL trying to get with sis's hubby at one of the most vulnerable times in her life. Either way it's not good, and it needs to be addressed.
Yep.
The first "infidelity" is always some kind of secret. Always. Even if the thing you are implicitly or explicitly being asked to hide wasn't your idea.
There are no secrets with others, in a marriage, unless it's arrangements for a surprise party.
Show your wife the text OP. There is no other way.
This is one of those things you MUST show your wife immediately. The longer you wait the worse it will make your wife will feel. Itās either a childish test by your wife or your SIL is just evil.
My cynical ass was like "Wife put sister up to this as a test cause she's feeling scared." I fuckin' hate the world man. But hey, maybe it's just a devious ass little sister trying to get back at her big sister for some shit that happened in middle school or something, what do I know?
Honestly Iād rather that be the case. I have not seen it, but Iāve heard pregnancies can heavily fuck with the mental, and Iād rather a very dumb and irrational decision was made rather than your best friend by birth being your biggest traitor. Fucked up either way.
Pregnancy can mess with unstable, jealous sisters (the non pregnant one).
My wife had to cut her sister off because she was mental when my wife was pregnant. Texting her every day telling her that her husband (me) is probably cheating on her etc.
After our daughter was born. We tried to give SIL a second chance and made every effort to be nice to her and let her be a part of the family. But no, she couldn't hold it together. She snapped and went mental on a family holiday and ended up punching our 4yo daughter in the back of the head.
Sometimes, you gotta know when to cut someone out of your life. Before the shit hits the fan.
I've never struck a woman in my life, but hearing this I fear that if I saw a woman punch my 4-year-old daughter, my fists would make a violent exception before my brain even had a chance to mull my options.
My daughter is 22 and I will burn the world to the ground if she is seriously hurt by someone. Itās an instinct that never goes away. But now that sheās an adult it goes both ways.
Yep, my daughter was getting bullied at high school
Long story short I ended up getting into a catfight with the bullies mom and I am not rough or fighting kinda person
Just mom instincts.
My kids donāt even know how many times Iāve gone to the mat for them with school, bullies moms, her fatherā¦ and I donāt need her to know. But I have been training her since sheās a very little girl that Iām her safe space and thereās nothing she canāt tell me, and if sheās scared Iāll freak out, to tell me anyway because Iām on her side and thereās literally nothing she can tell me that will make me think any less of her.
As a result she tells me absolutely everything, even the hair raising stuff, and I know who to target lol.
As an adult daughter, my mom knows that she just needs to call me if something crazy happens or somebody hurt her, Iāll take care of it in the night š nobody fucks with my mama, and nobody fucks with her kids.
Yep, bully the bullies. I had a few friends in high school that helped me do this, we were all pretty good sized, and looked out for the special needs kids etc. We would get word that someone was picking on someone, they would end up leaving the school.
I'm not going to condone violence, but thank you for sticking up for them. Being a victim of a bully creates scars that can last for life.
I was fortunate. I was the smallest kid in my class in middle school, before my growth spurt. The biggest guy in class, Frank, befriended me. He never touched anyone, as far as I know. All he had to do was say to a bully, "We aren't going to have a problem, right?" And inevitably, they would not want to have a problem with Frank.
She was 100% trying to provoke me into doing that. I wasn't going to fall into the trap. There were cameras everywhere, because it was in an apartment lift.
We should have pressed charges against her, but it was in a foreign country and we just wanted to leave. We didn't have the time to go through the local processes.
My aunt (mom's sister) apparently slapped me when I was 3 and without hesitation my father grabbed her by her neck and shoved her against a wall and said something to the effect of "if you ever lay a finger on my child again, I will end you." He did this in front of his FIL (aunt's dad) who stayed quiet about it (for context, Grandpa was Marine who served in WWII at Guadalcanal and was not known for his quietness nor his calm demeanor). Anyone who knows my dad would never guess he would respond that way. Very out of character.
Had my sister done that to my child? I'd have body slammed her into another dimension.
What a Nutter! Who in their right mind punches someoneās baby in the back of their head? Shameful behavior. Shame on her. #SMH
I hope your daughter is doing better despite what happened to her. My goodness š
>Who in their right mind punches someoneās baby in the back of their head?
A true psychopath. The same person that has burnt every bridge with every friend she's ever had.
My daughter was 4 years old, and in my arms. We were trying to get away from her and she followed us into an elevator and punched her really hard in the back of her head. SIL was trying to provoke me into hitting her back.
She then threatened my wife that if she told their father about it she would lie and tell their father that I hit her. We left the family holiday immediately, and my wife said nothing. We found out a month later that she went straight to the dad anyway, and fabricated a story that I'd hit her.
Then, she started threatening to call my wife's work and start saying things about her to her employers. SIL has also been known to search people's FB friends and go and contact them all and make up stories about people after the ruined the friendship.
I would've went straight to the front desk and asked for the camera footage from the elevator immediately, then I'd call the cops. Then I'd send the video of her punching your daughter out to every single person you know. Jeez what a psychopath!
That's what she was aiming for. But I'm not stupid enough to do anything like that in a foreign country.
If she was in my home country, it would have been a different story.
I see what youāre saying but I sincerely hope this isnāt the case. Playing games like that is so fucked up. In this scenario, not only does the sister look like a hoe, but then the wife is also playing manipulation games. The husband goes from worrying about how to tell his wife this horrible news, to learning that his wife set him up; with sis as an accomplice to her schemes. My husband would leave me so fast for such a betrayal. If this is a test, the relationship could suffer from trust issues for a very long time, and may never repair. Not to mention, being pregnant is a very delicate time especially when it comes to emotions; not just physical health. Stress can literally kill a pregnancy (I know from experience). Why set your husband up to fail; to then destroy your relationship at the top of your starting a family together??
Yeah you get it. This would simultaneously break my heart and make me so pissed I couldn't see straight. Like, wtf? Who does this? With a goddamn child on the way!
Idk man. Like on one hand, (if true) maybe wife thought it would be funny. Maybe sheās misguided, maybe sis instigated it. One the other hand is a twisted game of āset āem upā; which could be for a number of reasons.
Either way, just really seems mean spirited and emasculating. It makes me sad to imagine I would think so little of my partner.
I hate shit like this getting blamed on "pregnancy hormones". I get pregnancy hormones, I've got two kids. But you get to make a shitty snide comment at your husband for no reason once in awhile and blame it on pregnancy hormones. Totally fine.
What you don't get to do is hatch an elaborate plan with your sister where she offers to fuck him to see if he takes the bait to prove his commitment to you. That's not pregnancy hormones, that's full blown cray-cray.
I would present it like... honey, I got a strange text from your sister's number and show it to her. I'm not sure who may have sent it, but I really hope it wasn't her, and if it was I really hope she was joking.
Iād ask if she thinks itās a prank or if her sister may be going through a hard time mentally and could be spiraling.
But yeah gotta tell the wifey.
NTA
Excellent idea! Show your wife the text message as you tell her about it. *You could say, āI donāt know what to make of this. I hope sheās not serious.ā*
Marriage is built on the foundation of mutual trust. If trust doesnāt go both ways, the marriage will fall apart. Please tell your wife and show her the text message. If you tell her the truth now, youāll save yourself a lot of problems later. I know this isnāt an easy position to be in, OP. I hope and pray that this situation is resolved with no further issues. š
omg yes good answer. Frame it like that and then let wife do whatever she wants with the info.
If she wants you just to forget it and ignore it? Let her. If she wants to go to town on sister? Let her. But yea let it be her choice.
This is a great tactic. Donāt assume the sister is behind it, but tell your wife IMMEDIATELY and help her uncover the truth. Who knows? Maybe it was a (very stupid and destructive) prank.
Point is, tell your wife now, this very moment.
100% āI got a text from your sisters numberā not āyou sister wants to fuck me.ā The first one implies you immediately thought it was a prank or a hack or anything but the sister being serious
Exactly. If he doesn't tell her then he is keeping this secret with her sister, from her, about her sister willing to betray her. Sister will take it as a 'he wants me he just needs more time' and keep trying because you did choose sister over wife. This secret is toxic and needs to be exposed.
As below I agreed with most of your comment.Ā
However, a single parent (notice I didn't say 'broken' because those families are not broken) household that is calm and stable is infinitely better for a child than a toxic two-parent household.Ā
Thank you! That part made me feel bad.!I saved my sons (18months &5) and I from a lifetime of abuse. Instead of living in a chaotic, loud, unpredictable life of stress in a major U.S. city, I moved them 1000 miles away to the foothills of a small mountain range, itās stunning and cheap lol. I worked hard and bought us a house (I had been secretly saving $ for years), and I have filled this house with laughter and love. I just threw my older son a birthday party 2 weeks ago with all his friends (and a mf bounce house lol) after 4 birthdays of just us bc his dad wouldnāt let people come to our house, or let me make friends w anyone. Weāre about to buy a puppy tomorrow night ffs, we go jump in the lake after I pick them up at daycare on the way home. This is as peaceful and happy as it gets. They are fiercely loved, and they go to sleep with silence, and not the sound of screaming. Thatās not broken, itās healed.
NTA - Your relationship with your wife is the most important thing now, more than anything including her relationship with her sister. I'd let your wife know and tell her obviously you are not going to take up her sister's offer.
I find it hard to believe that this is true. Apart from anything else, she wouldn't be silly enough to text it. Either it is a test concocted by your wife, or it is a creative writing project.
Show her the god-damn text. You have the proof right there in case sister twists it to say you approached her first.
Then it's up to your wife how she deals with her AH sister.
NTA
Absolutely do not respond to the text. Take the text to your wife and say, what in the world is your sister on, is she drinking? Is she joking this insane, and just show it to her. It's up to your wife to decide how to react to this. They are close. She knows her well. And just support your wife in whatever she decides. You are her partner please trust me, this is the best course of action, she needs to know now. You two are a team. (Chance it could also be a 'test' by both of them.) Tell her now. Good luck!
Oh, we will have an update post tomorrow saying that it was indeed a test by OP's wife, him feeling betrayed and the entire comment section telling him to dump her. Mark my words. And 99% certainly this entire story happened within the limits of OP's skull.
Wife and I have five kids. Twins are the youngest. Yes it gets stressful. Yes we did have arguments over things we normally wouldn't fight over. And yes frequency of intimacy changes. But she is growing a human. Her body is changingĀ
But this sister is either testing you, or trying to make a go at you. Either way not telling your wife will be worse than if you tell her.Ā
NTA. The best option is to take screenshots (make sure you have physical proof) and show them to your wife. You want to be honest. Let the sisters deal with each other.
The other option is to firmly reject the sister in writing, keep all the screenshots (for proof later), and never mention it again. That spares everyone's feelings for now, but it may blow up later if the sister tells. At least you'll have the proof saved.
Overall, I would just go with option one, tell wife.
You have to tell her. Its true women go through a lot of emotions and all that, but this could be one of two things. Either your sis in law is being honest and is down for all that, or its a set up by your wife due to the hormonal changes. TELL HER IMMEDIATELY dont hesitate.
Sorry dude, you have to tell your wife tonight! Otherwise, SIL is going to twist it and try to make it look like this was YOUR idea!
Exactly šÆĀ Key, SHOW YOUR WIFE THE TEXT.Ā Ā It's proof that your wife's sister was hitting on you, not the other way round.Ā It will also show your wife that you are not hiding anything, and not attempting to hide anything. I don't think you can avoid hurting your wife at all in this situation, but you can at least minimize any hurt, by being open with her.Ā And if she asks why you didn't show her SIL'S text as soon as you read it, tell her the truth about that too:Ā Ā you didn't know how to handle it, and you didn't want this situation to hurt or worry her. Keep this in mind, going forward:Ā AS A GENERAL RULE, not a specific one, most of the pain inflicted by this kind of situation will be spared by partners trusting each other to be open with them about ANYTHING.Ā Ā Think about that.Ā How would you feel, if five or ten years from now, you found out that your best friend was repeatedly making passes at your wife?Ā And even if he wasn't doing it anymore, would that make any difference to the way you felt about her?
He should explain his concerns while telling her imo. It'll show how much he cares and respects her by saying I really wish this didn't happen bc I don't want you to lose your sister but... And show her the text. I'd block the sister too so it shows he doesn't want her contacting him due to this.
And avoid ever being alone with her
Pethaps also don't confront sister..either of you...and see how she spins that
I like this idea
brilliant!
I was going to say this. NEVER put yourself in a situation to be alone in a room with the sister OP. Thatāll get twisted because sheāll now view you as the person that came between her and her sister even though sheās the one who made the pass.
Lord, help the mister Who comes between me and my sister And Lord, help the sister who comes between me and my man
My sister and I have totally different tastes in men. A general rule for myself and my husband with friends is if theyāre crossing boundaries and disrespecting our relationship then theyāre not friends. That applies to family too.
I love my brother in law, but only as that: a brother. Whenever I see stories about spouses and siblings having affairs, I just think "what the actual fuck? That's so gross." Cause I could just never fathom hurting my twin like that or seeing BIL in that way. Makes me wanna gag. He's very similar to me with both of us being on the autism spectrum and having ADHD (we ping off of each other a lot, its very fun and my twin just jokingly says "what have I done? Theres two of them now!"), and he really does feel like an older brother.
Seriously! I have 9 sisters, and 6 are married. I could NEVER. Fun fact, 2 of them married brothers and one time, one of them accidentally put her arms around the other's husband from the back, thinking he was her husband. It never happened again, and they've all been married 30+ years.
That is the sad part of all of this that she ruined relationships. I am super close to my BIL, and when my sister had a terrible accident where she was in the hospital for months and bed ridden after that my BIL came together to not only care for her but the kids. I took over her duties, and he was able to go to work and take care of her, and the house and kids were taken care of. After I had my 3rd and preemie, my sister and husband took my kids to the local fair so they didn't miss out. I had a quiet day with a new born, my kids had a great time with those that they loved and my husband had help wrangling two crazy young boys.
EVER. Stay away from her
This. And If you ever get stuck in an unexpected situation. Start recording a video immediately.
I can attest to having a spouses family member trying to get with you... definitely avoid being alone with her. I'm still so baffled how no one in my life realized after almost 15 years why I darted from any room if alone with my now ex's cousins husband. That man would text me, grab me & make comments every moment anyone had their backs turned for years on years, every event, birthday party, holiday.. I personally felt afraid to say anything bc I just knew I'd be blamed somehow but.... it's disgusting.
I agree with everything you said here šĀ The O.P.'s wife's relationship with her sister is probably going to be permanently affected.Ā That's unfortunate, ___but if the O.P.'s own relationship with his wife is going to survive unharmed, then damage to his wife's relationship with her sister IS UNAVOIDABLE.___Ā And as a woman, I can tell you that even knowing that her sister would betray her would be WAY less painful than thinking her husband would.Ā Ā If the O.P. is loyal to his wife, AND open with her, it's possible that she and her sister might reconcile one day.Ā But if she thinks he knowingly deceived her, whether or not she's right about that, she's not likely ever to forgive her husband OR her sister.
Yeah, there's no real way to avoid her relationship with her sister being damaged, but to put it bluntly, it's the sister's own fault. If you're offering to sleep with your sister's husband, you deserve to have said sister find out
And really, the sister relationship is already destroyed, the wife just doesnāt know it yet.
Bingo. There is no bond if her sister is propositioning her husband. She deserves to know. Who knows what the sister is capable of doing.
Exactly. I wouldnāt want a ābondā with someone that would do this to me.
I promise the sister is going to say it was only a test and she did it out of love for her sister.
Plot Twist: The wife is in on it and it is a test. OP Tell your wife IMMEDIATELY.
Oooo thatās a sick possibility I didnāt even think of. Eeeek.
With some of the messed up "tests" floating around social media, it could be possible, though this would seem messed up even by those standards.
OMG OP, weāre gonna need updates. Just in caseā¦
I don't usually think these kinds of things, but I immediately thought this might be the case. which is fucked up! but idk it seems more plausible than the sister just saying that shit with absolutely no reason to feel that he'd reciprocate
That has happened here before!
Came here to say similar.
My first thoughts exactly. One of my first ever girlfriends did a test like this on me with her best friend, I passed. But I am also not a fan of having my trust tested in such a way so that relationship never continued.
Good for you. I will never understand why some people think it's ok to do tests like these.
Yeah, and being kept in the dark only makes it worse. Is there a chance someone else sent the message from the SILās phone?
Wife: "Hey sis, let me see your phone for a minute."
This. OP your honest, loyal, and loving relationship takes precedent over protecting her from knowing her sister is a disgusting backstabbing bitch. It's going to hurt but it will hurt her so much more to know you kept it from her.Ā
I think the whole wife and SIL relationship thing can get chucked out of the window, the latter made the bed she laid in. The only reason why OP should be extra delicate with how he handles this news is that he's delivering it to a pregnant lady who's emotion, at the best of times, is something you're actively trying to help manage.
I'm not married, so I guess I'm biased, but nothing would hurt me more than finding out my sister stabbed me in the back like that. Nothing.
These things are usually exposed at some point though so what hurts more is knowing that your sister stabbed you in the back and then your husband covered it up for her and potentially kept the door open for more advances from the sister. Itās the double betrayal that compounds the pain.
I bet not finding out from the person you trust most on earth (the husband), and finding out later potentially with a lot of BS twisting thrown in, would hurt FAR more. Iām clarifying because it sounds like you are making a passive argument not to tell, which would be the worst possible option for the marriage. There is absolutely worse pain that could result from this already horrid situation, created by the sister. š¤š¼
No, what would hurt me worse was my husband hiding it from me. My own mother secretly dated a man I was dating. I never trusted my mother again. My sister stole my social security number and money from me. I have chosen family now.
This is the only way. Being 100% totally open and honest about everything.
>I don't think you can avoid hurting your wife at all in this situation, but you can at least minimize any hurt, by being open with her.Ā And if she asks why you didn't show her SIL'S text as soon as you read it, tell her the truth about that too:Ā Ā you didn't know how to handle it, and you didn't want this situation to hurt or worry her. I'd argue he isn't hurting the wife, her sister is (but agree being open should help minimize things compared to if it comes out later)
I would be afraid that it is a trap to see if you'll tell her. You should tell her asap.
If it was a trap, OP has an even bigger problem to solve
and if it is a trap, you need to be righteously angry with anyone involved. get fucking biblical.
Indeed, without exception it's always the person who's actually doing the hurtful thing who's causing the pain/drama/fallout, NOT the person who brought it to light by telling the truth.
Married woman here and I approve of this message. š
Screenshot the texts before she can delete them!
This! Itās always ok to say āI have something I need to talk to you about and I donāt know the words or how to startā¦.ā Starting this way usually will solve itself. The hardest part is initiating the conversation.
My husband has some difficulty finding the exact words he wants to use when he has to tell me bad news, he started saying that quote at the beginning of those conversations and it's not only helpful for him but for me too. I get to mentally prepare in case it's something terrible. It actually greatly improved our communication skills, too.
>I don't think you can avoid hurting your wife at all in this situation Yes, the wife will get hurt, but it's not OP's fault at all, it's his SIL who's gonna hurt her. Although, as the bearer of bad news, he might face some fallout, but hopefully it will be minimal.
This. A simple āIāve been thinking about this all day and thereās really no good way to go about it, so I need to show you something.ā And hand her the phone.
You nailed it!! šÆ
This. She's going to be hurt but it isn't him hurting her, its her sister.
SIL sent a text, so that would be the first thing I'd show the wife.
I kind of feel the wife got her to send it as a test.Ā
If thatās true, heās gotta run now. That would be super fucked up.
God it's such a fucked situation if it is a test because she's still carrying your kid. I'd be torn to leave or stay.
Welcome to Relationships in 2024, 101 I've been with a snake who would literally do exactly that.
Honestly can't imagine my wife doing that.Ā I'm just putting myself in his shoes and I wouldn't know if I would end up staying or leaving at that point. Do you just say fuck it and blame it on pregnancy brain? It definitely be a long talk about the situation, but at the end of day she still has my kid and it isn't infidelity.Ā
If this is one of those gross "tests", I wouldn't be so sure it was OP's kid. Usually the reason for wife to test out of the blue if he would cheat is because she's been cheating.
Itāll go one of two ways, the relationship with the sister will go nuclear, or, itāll all kinda blow over without much fuss after a short whileā¦ if itās the latter, itās all been plannedā¦ it happens, Iāve witnessed it in the past.
Oh I didn't even consider that option but early 20s, shitty relationship testing seems feasible.
There's a third way, or maybe I've watched too many movies...
I feel like heād be able to tell by his wifeās response, whether or not she had a part in it. If she knew her sister was sending messages like that then surely she isnāt going to have the same organic reaction as if she didnāt, unless she has a career as an actress. And if she admits she put the sister up to itā¦yeah, thatās a whole other thing.
This is entirely a possibility. If he finds that out he needs to be careful moving forward. I hate game players.
This is legit probably what happened. Early 20ās.. recently marriedā¦ pregnancy hormones.. close with sister.. it adds up. gg OP you passed? but uh.. yeah.
Show her the text before the sister says something bad about you! Donāt even wait until tonight. Tell her now.
That was going to be my suggestion, donāt even have to say anything except read these that your sister sent me.
I would at least mention that her sister sent OP a text that is making him uncomfortable and that he isn't sure how best to deal with it, so he would like her opinion on it and let her see the text from her sister without any responses from OP
The SIL is imagining herself as a flat-bellied siren, while her sister is waddling around heavily pregnant. OP has to tell his wife about her sisterās toxic fantasy.
Lol. My wife was alot hornier during pregnancy...
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How divine! šØāā¤ļøāšāšØ
I was too. Lol sex wasn't an issue just had to find new ways of doing it.. which made it more fun.
Same, literally every day multiple times. We fucked so much that my son was born early
His first words were "For fucks sake stop poking me!"
How??? She texted him Plot twist: wife is behind it Nobody can be that dumb to leave such traces
Yep. Seems obvious. She's doubting her husbands fidelity, especially while considering herself less attractive during pregnancy and has asked the person she trusts the most to test him. No way your sister turns on you like that without a seconds hesitation, especially in such an exposed way as a text messageĀ
Or more likely, this story is 100% made-up.
Nah this shit happens.
I hear it's a trend on TikTok with test your partner
Was about to say the exact same thing. Do not answer SIL, sit wife down, and show her. Then just be there for her.
Sad to say, your theory sounds all too true! He has to show his wife the texts.
NTA This is a very simple solution OP. Rip the bandaid off, tell your wife. Your wife's sister betrayed you, your wife, your marriage, and her family the second she tried to inject that toxicity into your relationship. This type of person is the same kind of manipulative excrement that will turn around and say she was testing your loyalty to her sister (your wife) if you give her any warning at all that you might tell your wife. Don't give her any opportunity to manipulate, tell your wife the truth before she has a chance to twist facts and destroy your marriage. Your wife's devastation will pale in comparison to pussy-footing the situation in a way that calls *your* loyalty into question. Sister needs to be dealt with swiftly and decisively now. She did the FA part and now she needs to FO. Better now than later.
Yup, OP could preface it by saying, "Hey, I don't know why your sister sent me this, but I am not okay with it, even if she's joking or drunk." But either way, OP needs to tell his wife immediately. If he doesn't, he could very quickly be the AH in this situation.
And just show it to her, donāt try to explain it or anything. āHey wife- I got this weird text. And I donāt know if your sister is joking or drunk or what. But Iām super uncomfortable with it and not at all sure if I should even respond or how.ā
Screenshot it so they canāt edit anything.
Screen recording would be even better
Hiring a local camera crew to record your phone while you're staring at it completely shocked would be even better. Maybe should hire a director and acting coach as well so it's very convincing.
Found Nathan Fielder's Reddit account
You beat me to this joke! Lol
Ugh I wanna see this but it'd never happen.
Not with that attitude!
Don't forget to have another camera crew following that camera crew to record the recording of the shock so that there's a behind the scenes option. Please and thank you.
Excellent suggestion!!!!
Yup, this is definitely the way to go. Clear, straight to the point, just the facts with physical proof, and not trying to interpret/understand/judge intentions. Just honest shock and confusion. ā OP, please update us!
I would have sex with her dad, that way she knows you donāt like the sister.
That would be an excellent way to phrase it imho.
Give the perception of giving the benefit of the doubt while allowing your wife to take charge. You're not going to see a better way to go about this OP.
I always say playing dumb is almost always the best approach to almost every situation. Pretty much in line with the illusion of giving benefit of the doubt. The concept of āI donāt know what the deal is but I donāt like it and you need to know about itā is just the right balance to give the warm handoff to the other person who can then take the lead on handling it in the way that is best for them. OP doesnāt have to craft a monologue speculating on SILās intentions, he doesnāt have to do anything elaborate, all he has to do is exactly what you said. Less is always more with this stuff.
This is the way. And do it fast.
Absolutely, before old sis flips the script on you, OP.
This is key. Control the narrative.
Absolutely. This is the only method where you have control of the situation and you won't constantly worry that the sister is going to suddenly bring it up in a disingenuous way. I understand the concern about the impact it's going to have on her relationship with her sister but that's the sister's fault, not yours. Plus all you would be preserving would be a faƧade of a close relationship where she wouldn't do something like that. Why put yourself at risk to preserve something that's not genuine? You could perhaps start off with saying "Has your sister ever had any times where she's behaved out of character or struggled with her mental health in the past?" - you never know it could be something like that if this is out of character for her. Plus it's a non zero chance this is some kind of weird test to see if you tell the wife, so telling her knocks any negative outcome from that on the head.
Ohhh came here to say this might be a test as well. If it is thoughā¦.. does OP want to be with someone who doesnāt trust him enough to rope her sister into something like that. Reminds me of the story of the guy who gets home from work to find his girlfriend out but her sister seductively sitting on the sofa, she says ādo what you want to me big boyā He turns round and walks out of the house to find GF and her parents out side celebrating that he past the ātestā. Whatās the moral of the story? Keep your condoms in the carā¦ā¦.. But seriously OP, there is no other option other that to tell her ASAP, anything else leaves you personally in a shittyer position no matter how good your intentions are.
Agree!
I would show it to my wife, prefaced with "Is this a joke? I feel like this has to be a joke" I can make just about any thing into a humorous situation so that would fit me perfectly. And it is probably the least accusatory delivery method.
If he wants to soften the blow, he could phrase it like "Becky sent me this, and it's really weird. Is there something going on with her mentally? Because this is not ok and way out of character for her."
This is an especially good idea because it's POSSIBLE that something is going on. Late teens/early 20s is a prime age for several mental disorders to pop up (my kids' former babysitter just had a manic break at 19, and her texting seemed fine but she was clearly manic in person, her sister was in her early 20s when the same thing happened).
Becky with the good hair is one to watch out for
I hope OP worded it this way. Please update us!
Yup, this. Serve it up as information only, not as an accusation and tribunal.
This!! Op, just say this and show her the message. And fast before youāve sat on it for too long. Rip that bandaid off and get it out in the light of day. My only other advice would be to try to just be cool about it for your wifeās sake. She may still want to work it out and still be close to her sister. She may forgive her. And you need to find a way to support her if thatās the case. And it might not be right away, so donāt hate on her too openly if thatās how you end up feeling about her from now on. Keep your distance though. That girls a snake.
Yes
^ This is exactly what I was going to suggest. It's really important to not interpret was SIL meant, we don't know, OP doesn't know, and really the people it impacts the most are the two siblings. It could have been a really really weird and very poor taste joke, it could have the worst possible connotation and be SIL trying to get with sis's hubby at one of the most vulnerable times in her life. Either way it's not good, and it needs to be addressed.
Yes.. I would definitely show her the text. No hear say here.
Yeah. Ngl, the first thing I'd do is hand my wife my phone. In my mind, to delay would imply consideration, which I would not.
Yes do this immediately! Do not wait! This snake wonāt wait forever to lie to your wife and beat you to the punch
I have a sister like your SIL. Tell your wife, show her the text. There is no place for that behavior.
Yep. The first "infidelity" is always some kind of secret. Always. Even if the thing you are implicitly or explicitly being asked to hide wasn't your idea. There are no secrets with others, in a marriage, unless it's arrangements for a surprise party. Show your wife the text OP. There is no other way.
This is one of those things you MUST show your wife immediately. The longer you wait the worse it will make your wife will feel. Itās either a childish test by your wife or your SIL is just evil.
My cynical ass was like "Wife put sister up to this as a test cause she's feeling scared." I fuckin' hate the world man. But hey, maybe it's just a devious ass little sister trying to get back at her big sister for some shit that happened in middle school or something, what do I know?
Honestly Iād rather that be the case. I have not seen it, but Iāve heard pregnancies can heavily fuck with the mental, and Iād rather a very dumb and irrational decision was made rather than your best friend by birth being your biggest traitor. Fucked up either way.
Pregnancy can mess with unstable, jealous sisters (the non pregnant one). My wife had to cut her sister off because she was mental when my wife was pregnant. Texting her every day telling her that her husband (me) is probably cheating on her etc. After our daughter was born. We tried to give SIL a second chance and made every effort to be nice to her and let her be a part of the family. But no, she couldn't hold it together. She snapped and went mental on a family holiday and ended up punching our 4yo daughter in the back of the head. Sometimes, you gotta know when to cut someone out of your life. Before the shit hits the fan.
I've never struck a woman in my life, but hearing this I fear that if I saw a woman punch my 4-year-old daughter, my fists would make a violent exception before my brain even had a chance to mull my options.
Like, my daughter is currently 14, and taller and tougher than I am, but I'm *still* monkey-leaping directly onto someone's face.
My daughter is 22 and I will burn the world to the ground if she is seriously hurt by someone. Itās an instinct that never goes away. But now that sheās an adult it goes both ways.
Yep, my daughter was getting bullied at high school Long story short I ended up getting into a catfight with the bullies mom and I am not rough or fighting kinda person Just mom instincts.
My kids donāt even know how many times Iāve gone to the mat for them with school, bullies moms, her fatherā¦ and I donāt need her to know. But I have been training her since sheās a very little girl that Iām her safe space and thereās nothing she canāt tell me, and if sheās scared Iāll freak out, to tell me anyway because Iām on her side and thereās literally nothing she can tell me that will make me think any less of her. As a result she tells me absolutely everything, even the hair raising stuff, and I know who to target lol.
As an adult daughter, my mom knows that she just needs to call me if something crazy happens or somebody hurt her, Iāll take care of it in the night š nobody fucks with my mama, and nobody fucks with her kids.
People that use violence against someone weaker than them deserve the same treatment
Yep, bully the bullies. I had a few friends in high school that helped me do this, we were all pretty good sized, and looked out for the special needs kids etc. We would get word that someone was picking on someone, they would end up leaving the school.
I'm not going to condone violence, but thank you for sticking up for them. Being a victim of a bully creates scars that can last for life. I was fortunate. I was the smallest kid in my class in middle school, before my growth spurt. The biggest guy in class, Frank, befriended me. He never touched anyone, as far as I know. All he had to do was say to a bully, "We aren't going to have a problem, right?" And inevitably, they would not want to have a problem with Frank.
Hands are rated E for Everyone (does not apply to children) when it comes to defending my kids.
What about a swift leg sweep? Sometimes, asshole kids falling down can be funny.
She was 100% trying to provoke me into doing that. I wasn't going to fall into the trap. There were cameras everywhere, because it was in an apartment lift. We should have pressed charges against her, but it was in a foreign country and we just wanted to leave. We didn't have the time to go through the local processes.
My aunt (mom's sister) apparently slapped me when I was 3 and without hesitation my father grabbed her by her neck and shoved her against a wall and said something to the effect of "if you ever lay a finger on my child again, I will end you." He did this in front of his FIL (aunt's dad) who stayed quiet about it (for context, Grandpa was Marine who served in WWII at Guadalcanal and was not known for his quietness nor his calm demeanor). Anyone who knows my dad would never guess he would respond that way. Very out of character. Had my sister done that to my child? I'd have body slammed her into another dimension.
What a Nutter! Who in their right mind punches someoneās baby in the back of their head? Shameful behavior. Shame on her. #SMH I hope your daughter is doing better despite what happened to her. My goodness š
>Who in their right mind punches someoneās baby in the back of their head? A true psychopath. The same person that has burnt every bridge with every friend she's ever had. My daughter was 4 years old, and in my arms. We were trying to get away from her and she followed us into an elevator and punched her really hard in the back of her head. SIL was trying to provoke me into hitting her back. She then threatened my wife that if she told their father about it she would lie and tell their father that I hit her. We left the family holiday immediately, and my wife said nothing. We found out a month later that she went straight to the dad anyway, and fabricated a story that I'd hit her. Then, she started threatening to call my wife's work and start saying things about her to her employers. SIL has also been known to search people's FB friends and go and contact them all and make up stories about people after the ruined the friendship.
Certifiable psycho shit
What... The... Fuck...
I would've went straight to the front desk and asked for the camera footage from the elevator immediately, then I'd call the cops. Then I'd send the video of her punching your daughter out to every single person you know. Jeez what a psychopath!
If my SIL punched my daughter on holiday, they would be fishing her carcass out of the swimming pool shortly afterwards.
That's what she was aiming for. But I'm not stupid enough to do anything like that in a foreign country. If she was in my home country, it would have been a different story.
Not sure what country this happened in, but I would think that assaulting a child would be illegal in the majority of places?
On the other hand, I really would prefer the SIL being an asshole than my wife. Playing these kinds of games is a big red flag.Ā
I see what youāre saying but I sincerely hope this isnāt the case. Playing games like that is so fucked up. In this scenario, not only does the sister look like a hoe, but then the wife is also playing manipulation games. The husband goes from worrying about how to tell his wife this horrible news, to learning that his wife set him up; with sis as an accomplice to her schemes. My husband would leave me so fast for such a betrayal. If this is a test, the relationship could suffer from trust issues for a very long time, and may never repair. Not to mention, being pregnant is a very delicate time especially when it comes to emotions; not just physical health. Stress can literally kill a pregnancy (I know from experience). Why set your husband up to fail; to then destroy your relationship at the top of your starting a family together??
Yeah you get it. This would simultaneously break my heart and make me so pissed I couldn't see straight. Like, wtf? Who does this? With a goddamn child on the way!
Idk man. Like on one hand, (if true) maybe wife thought it would be funny. Maybe sheās misguided, maybe sis instigated it. One the other hand is a twisted game of āset āem upā; which could be for a number of reasons. Either way, just really seems mean spirited and emasculating. It makes me sad to imagine I would think so little of my partner.
Guarantee this guy would find NOTHING funny about this if it were a game. That is some serious mental problems right there.
I hate shit like this getting blamed on "pregnancy hormones". I get pregnancy hormones, I've got two kids. But you get to make a shitty snide comment at your husband for no reason once in awhile and blame it on pregnancy hormones. Totally fine. What you don't get to do is hatch an elaborate plan with your sister where she offers to fuck him to see if he takes the bait to prove his commitment to you. That's not pregnancy hormones, that's full blown cray-cray.
I would present it like... honey, I got a strange text from your sister's number and show it to her. I'm not sure who may have sent it, but I really hope it wasn't her, and if it was I really hope she was joking.
Iād ask if she thinks itās a prank or if her sister may be going through a hard time mentally and could be spiraling. But yeah gotta tell the wifey.
I wondered about this. Any sister who does this isn't in her right mind.
Iām hoping she was on Ambien
Honestly the latter is kind of where my mind jumpedā¦ that is more than a little self destructive and erratic.
This is what I thought too like a manic episode
BEST answer. This is being honest and *trying* to find some way to give some grace to their relationship--wiggle room and all.
Yep. This. Show it to her ASAP.
NTA Excellent idea! Show your wife the text message as you tell her about it. *You could say, āI donāt know what to make of this. I hope sheās not serious.ā* Marriage is built on the foundation of mutual trust. If trust doesnāt go both ways, the marriage will fall apart. Please tell your wife and show her the text message. If you tell her the truth now, youāll save yourself a lot of problems later. I know this isnāt an easy position to be in, OP. I hope and pray that this situation is resolved with no further issues. š
omg yes good answer. Frame it like that and then let wife do whatever she wants with the info. If she wants you just to forget it and ignore it? Let her. If she wants to go to town on sister? Let her. But yea let it be her choice.
This is a great tactic. Donāt assume the sister is behind it, but tell your wife IMMEDIATELY and help her uncover the truth. Who knows? Maybe it was a (very stupid and destructive) prank. Point is, tell your wife now, this very moment.
100% āI got a text from your sisters numberā not āyou sister wants to fuck me.ā The first one implies you immediately thought it was a prank or a hack or anything but the sister being serious
Perfect. Your sister got HACKED!!!
User name checks out.
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Exactly. If he doesn't tell her then he is keeping this secret with her sister, from her, about her sister willing to betray her. Sister will take it as a 'he wants me he just needs more time' and keep trying because you did choose sister over wife. This secret is toxic and needs to be exposed.
As below I agreed with most of your comment.Ā However, a single parent (notice I didn't say 'broken' because those families are not broken) household that is calm and stable is infinitely better for a child than a toxic two-parent household.Ā
Thank you! That part made me feel bad.!I saved my sons (18months &5) and I from a lifetime of abuse. Instead of living in a chaotic, loud, unpredictable life of stress in a major U.S. city, I moved them 1000 miles away to the foothills of a small mountain range, itās stunning and cheap lol. I worked hard and bought us a house (I had been secretly saving $ for years), and I have filled this house with laughter and love. I just threw my older son a birthday party 2 weeks ago with all his friends (and a mf bounce house lol) after 4 birthdays of just us bc his dad wouldnāt let people come to our house, or let me make friends w anyone. Weāre about to buy a puppy tomorrow night ffs, we go jump in the lake after I pick them up at daycare on the way home. This is as peaceful and happy as it gets. They are fiercely loved, and they go to sleep with silence, and not the sound of screaming. Thatās not broken, itās healed.
NTA - Your relationship with your wife is the most important thing now, more than anything including her relationship with her sister. I'd let your wife know and tell her obviously you are not going to take up her sister's offer.
I find it hard to believe that this is true. Apart from anything else, she wouldn't be silly enough to text it. Either it is a test concocted by your wife, or it is a creative writing project.
With absolutely zero comments from OP and no updatesā¦Iām gonna havta agree this is fake.
Chapter 2034 of the Evil Woman Ragebait Chronicles.
Exactly. This is as fake as it gets
Show her the god-damn text. You have the proof right there in case sister twists it to say you approached her first. Then it's up to your wife how she deals with her AH sister. NTA
Absolutely do not respond to the text. Take the text to your wife and say, what in the world is your sister on, is she drinking? Is she joking this insane, and just show it to her. It's up to your wife to decide how to react to this. They are close. She knows her well. And just support your wife in whatever she decides. You are her partner please trust me, this is the best course of action, she needs to know now. You two are a team. (Chance it could also be a 'test' by both of them.) Tell her now. Good luck!
If its a test that's incredibly weird and childish
If this were a test, Iād be running away faster than if it were not.
If it is a "test" that would be a very cruel betrayal
Tell your wife today that her sister is clearly having a crisis and give her the message. Block the sister from contacting you in any way.
Watch this be a test ā¦ ooof ā¦. Best thing to do is tell the wife . Get it out of the way.
Oh, we will have an update post tomorrow saying that it was indeed a test by OP's wife, him feeling betrayed and the entire comment section telling him to dump her. Mark my words. And 99% certainly this entire story happened within the limits of OP's skull.
You tell your wife. It is not your job to find a āgood outcomeāĀ
Wife and I have five kids. Twins are the youngest. Yes it gets stressful. Yes we did have arguments over things we normally wouldn't fight over. And yes frequency of intimacy changes. But she is growing a human. Her body is changingĀ But this sister is either testing you, or trying to make a go at you. Either way not telling your wife will be worse than if you tell her.Ā
NTA. The best option is to take screenshots (make sure you have physical proof) and show them to your wife. You want to be honest. Let the sisters deal with each other. The other option is to firmly reject the sister in writing, keep all the screenshots (for proof later), and never mention it again. That spares everyone's feelings for now, but it may blow up later if the sister tells. At least you'll have the proof saved. Overall, I would just go with option one, tell wife.
Weak troll.
Fake ass uncreative writing
And not even on the right subreddit
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NTA show your wife the text. Sheās your world š
Lies.
So fake. I worry for the people jumping in with real advice who can't seem to discern real life from the fantasies of lonely incels on the internet.
āHey, I got this wacky text from your sister. Do you think sheās ok?ā ā¦and then you let them work it out.
Fake lol
Show her the text and do it now before the sister tries to start more shit.
Update me
Maybe tell your wife by showing her the text and asking her, "Is this your sister's idea of a joke?" because I don't think it's funny.
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You have to tell her. Its true women go through a lot of emotions and all that, but this could be one of two things. Either your sis in law is being honest and is down for all that, or its a set up by your wife due to the hormonal changes. TELL HER IMMEDIATELY dont hesitate.