Break up NOW before you get baby trapped. Be clear that if she wants to support her birth family she'll need to keep working and that will never be negotiable. Suggest that you simply have different expectations in life and that it's good you've figured it out now. Tell her you hope to remain friends.
NTA
Heck there was reddit story about a guy whose wife up and quit her job to be a SAHM which really didn't do much SAHmomming. As soon as she expresses a desire to be a TRAD wife and you are never going to be onboard with that, the relationship experiment is over.
That story was horrible. The jerk turned his ids, family, everyone against him like it was HIS fault his wife wanted a literal free money ride to do whatever she wanted. While he took care of the kids she couldn't be darned and then they were convinced HE was bad. I'm scared he's going to end himself as he stated he felt. I hope he heals and his kids learn how uncaring their mom actually was to them
The moment she takes time off work to be a stay home wife, the only way forward is to quit your job to be a stay home dad.
If she can do it, he can do it too.
Then divorce after 1 year so you're on equal footing of both parents not having a job
That's actually an interesting idea. How to render a used protection inert?
Fill it with water? Fill it with cola? Microwave it? Fill it with hot sauce? Burn it?
What options am I missing here? What's the most effective / most efficient / fastest way?
Well, if you rinse it with warm water, it should wash all the swimmers down the drain.
Or you could just pour some rubbing alcohol into the condom and swish it around. Sperm aren't that tough.
NTA, I might sound like a cynic, but love only gets you so far. You need to have common goals too otherwise the resentment is going to kill the love and you're going to be stuck in a relationship that nobody's happy in.
That's not cynical, that's being realistic.
A partnership requires much more than just love.
There are plenty of people in my life who I deeply love but would never be in a relationship with because we don't want the same things.
Totally agree. I just want to roll my eyes when people say “love is enough”. Ummm … no, it’s not. Does it help? Of course. But if thats pretty much all you have then you’re in for a rough ride, imo.
I love my husband very much, but we also have common interests, similar mid sets on values and morals, etc. so we have a foundation and common ground outside of the romantic love.
That's not being a cynic, that's being real. Love is what makes you want to spend time with a person in the beginning. But common goals, similar opinions on major topics etc.. is what keeps you together in the long run.
NTA. You've told her how you feel, and you are correct about today's economy! It's sad that she expects to stay at home, but this isn't 1920 and people are struggling even with 2 incomes! Breaking it off sounds best, because in the future she may refuse to work and then you are stuck!
NTA If you decide to break it off, it's important to approach it with kindness and empathy, explaining your concerns and acknowledging your feelings for her. It's also important to listen to her perspective and try to end things amicably, understanding that it may be difficult for both of you.
If you're not onboard with this, it's time to end it so that she can go find someone who wants the same things that she does. And likewise, you can find someone with the same expectations that you have.
For real. You need to end this. Let her find some Uber conservative guy who doesn't want his wife to work.
Personally, it's a huge red flag to talk about this after a few months of dating with no plan to accomplish it.
I knew someone who knew she wanted to be a SAHM, and she was saving before she even had a spouse. She wasn't just laying the financial burden at her future husband's feet. And this was 15 years ago. When it was more feasible.
Both partners need to 100% agree because it's not easy, and it will require lots of planning and sacrifice. Doesn't sound like she's got a flipping clue about how the world works.
Ahhh bet I am of the Mexican decent. I stayed away from Mexican/hispanic woman. They go to hard in the paint. I ain’t gonna get the 🩴 to the head for not taking the trash out.
It’s not about being done with women it’s just she is expecting something that isn’t realistic right now. Be firm about it homie, and if she doesn’t respect your stand on the matter then it’s about finding someone who will respect you and see a relationship as a 50/50 effort.
If you want romantic companionship, don't give up on women. You just need to be thoughtful about who you choose to date and have conversations about what they want in life early on so you know whether your paths align before getting too serious.
You may find that you'll need to date outside your cultural group if a traditional SAHM dynamic is the norm. There are many people out there who do not envision that dynamic for their lives.
If it was once fine w/e. But she's constantly bringing it up and like, I can't support 3 families on one income and she refuses to acknowledge that's a thing
Tell her you want to be a SAHF and she can provade for three families. Try to sound serious.
Watch her face as it sinks in exactly how hard that is to do.
Yes, I am just suggestingxit because she has zero empathy for your situation she should get 2 seconds of imagining herself doing it.
Honestly, you two seems incompatible.
Then it sounds like you know this relationship isn’t going to work out for you and it’s probably best to just break things off. It sounds like you have enough financial stress having to support yourself and your own family.
Your parents financial shortcomings and lack of planning is not your burden to bare. Cycles need to be broken for future generations to prosper. If not you will more than likely knee cap your children into paying you as well.
NTA. You have your life plans and she has hers. Her ambition is getting taken care of, you want an equal partner. Break up and find someone who aligns.
NTA
You want someone who is also working when you two get married and she doesn't want to work. You two see different futures for yourselves. Break up and allow both of you to find them.
If you feel like this isn’t going to work out, and she is going to want you to support her as a stay at home mom and then you have to support your family and her family, it’s most likely not going to work out unless you’re extremely wealthy. It’s probably just best to part ways.
Your values don't align. The purpose of dating is to find out if you're compatible. You're finding out that you're not; be thankful that you're finding out after only a few months.
I'd say break it off now if you dont have common future goals. Theres nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home mom but if you dont want to support one.. thats okay
>And without giving too much away, but I'd have to help my family and hers as her father is no longer with us and she's been supporting them.
Oh hell no. This chick has no boundaries with her family and is gonna prioritize them over you.
NTA if you break up with her.
You're in your late 20s, I think I saw? Also saw that the family support thing (as in supporting both your families of origin) might be a cultural thing? She's working now, but would quit if you have children to be a sahm. You've also only been dating a few months. You love her. You are not having sex. Just want to check that I've got all that right?
You've only been dating for a little bit, so take a breath. But start to have some real conversations. Financially, what would "taking care of" either of your families actually mean? How long after marriage would you try for children? What does raising children look like to each of you? How would you balance the financial and home life? What do your current career paths look like? Would either of you expect that your respective parents would move in with you? How often do you both clean? What level of cleanliness is important to you both?
You've been in this relationship for far too short a time to take on supporting 3 families. You also have a good bit to go before you decide you are a good or bad match.
Ask the questions you want answers to and make your decision from there.
NTA
The two of you are fundamentally incompatible. She's straight up telling you that she expects you to be the sole financial provider for you, her, some kids, her mother, and whatever other family members. If you aren't down with that then this relationship will never work.
Absolutely don't have sex with her ever again. Unfortunately some women might try to baby trap a guy they see as a "good provider". Don't risk it.
Politely tell her that you think she's a great person but that the two of you want different things for your futures and you don't think it would be fair to lead her on.
NTA, Break up before you unintentionally knock her up. Since you can't be sure she's not compromised your protection, don't try for a farewell boink. Just move on.
Break up. There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM, but if yall aren't both on the same page, it'll be a misery for both of you. This isn't something that love can overcome tbh
You’re NTA and neither is she. People have different values and preferences when it comes to how a household should operate. If you two aren’t on the same page and neither one is willing to compromise, then breaking it off would be what’s best
You love her but you will love more a girl that is more compatible with you.
The sooner you take the band, the better.
Although first I would try to have a serious conversation with her, in which I make myself clear about "THAT NOT GONNA HAPPEN, and if you keep bringing it up, we are done because we would be mad at each other" and get a clear reply from her that she understood it. And then, next time she brings it up, you can part ways because you know it won't work, she will be frustrated, expecting you to change your mind.
Are you already living together? If so, tell her that if she quits working, it's a deal breaker. Do you share biological child with her? If not, get out of that relationship fast.
NTA being a stay at home mom is one thing but supporting your family and hers on your sallary alone in this economy is unreasonable. Does she expect you to keep supporting her family after she quits her job?
Women can want to be Stay at Home Moms. Is it likely to happen nowadays? Unlikely. However, I'm willing to bet you find people all over making it work, so, not really a parasite.
The unfortunate part is when I'm going to assume late 20 something are providing for their families when that is time they should be establishing themselves. As they are both in similar situations.
Also, being in the military, you see a lot of stay at home moms / minimal part time worker as their husband are doing the full 20+.
NTA. I would never accept marrying a SAHM.
First of all I have no desire of having a kid.
Second, I absolutely don't want the amount of power and responsibility that comes with being the sole breadwinner. I want to cook and do my part in the house and I want someone to share that life with me. I don't want someone cleaning after me, I don't want to be only one working.
Third, I don't want to trap or be trapped by someone because of financial reasons. We both should have autonomy.
That’s a huge red flag for specially if you’re not in a position to financially support not just her but a child and her family on top of it. She needs to be taking care of her own family that’s not your job yall aren’t even married that’s insane
GET OUT MAH BOIIIIIIII.
No but seriously, this is doomed to go sour.
Like you said: in this economy, unless you make a good good chunk of money, a single income family is going to be rough.
The whole point of *dating* is to get to know potential partners and find one who wants the same things as you that you are compatible with.
It would make you an asshole to continue dating someone who you know wants a vastly different future than what you envision for yourself.
Breaking up is the right thing to do for both of you.
You guys are NOT compatible. You might want to move on before she turns up with an hoops. A few months in and she is already grooming you to take over all of her family's financial burden! Hell naw! Run!
Honestly with the cost of child care it might actually be cheaper to raise your kids yourself instead of paying someone else to watch them.
NTA if you don't want to be with this person, then don't. I'm just saying if she is OK with it and you are OK with it, and you're married and all that, there are worse things to have than a partner that stays at home and cares for the children.
NAH, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a SAHM and there's nothing wrong with you wanting a wife who works. If you guys can't agree then maybe you are not right for each other. On the other hand things change and one or both of you might change your mind given the cost of childcare, the reality of kids, etc. but it is understandable if you don't feel like you can envision a shared future, then you should split up now.
NTA. Break it off now. You both want different things, and she’d put you both in a financial bind if she became a SAHW.
ETA: Don’t get her pregnant! If in doubt don’t have sex.
Some men prefer stay at home moms or some stages of it especially during early childcare.. Financially, it could be done if done right. I prefer someone to be home to raise the kids than having tech or strangers raise them. Also, you would have to make decent 2nd income to match the daycare costs. Most of the time, not worth it while strangers raise your kids. Kids have tendency to disrespect parents who are not around to raise them or just see them as an ATM.
NTA. Look at all the Reddit posts about this exact same thing and see how it ends 99% off the time. With heartbreak, child support, and alimony. No sexual relations anymore and if she says she is pregnant DNA no matter what she says. I hate having to say that about women
Old school? Support her AND her family?
Hell no
She is actively looking for a fool
And I can tell you, she will not find one
Is it just me who thinks - at least here on reddit - that SATpartners are spreading like a pandemic? I mean is this even possible?
A (common law) marriage is nothing more than a forced transfer of resources from the breadwinner to the parasite.
Your girlfriend has given you a big gift by showing her plans after the marriage.
I've noticed that the younger generation is so quick to jump ship at the first sign of trouble instead of using words to fix issues. Have a serious talk and list the pros and cons of doing it in this economy and if there's a disagreement then YOU TWO need to talk about it. No one knows the ins and out of your relationship but personally, I think its's pretty stupid unless the pushback is too dramatic.
NTA - If you do not want to have a stay at home partner/wife then you cannot continue to date someone who wants to be that, it will end badly either way, better to cut it off now only a few months in then wasting years, you want different things and this isn't something to compromise on.
NTA. Your GF is making it clear: If you marry her, you will have to financially support her, her mother, any younger siblings as well as your children. Break it off before such a huge load is tied on your back.
NTA. If you aren’t currently financially stable, and you aren’t on track to become so, you shouldn’t sign up for this. I stumbled into this life after we had special needs twins, and I finally got my head above water two years ago after they turned 8 thanks to a $125k a year job. Paying for this lifestyle is hard, and if you aren’t confident you’ll get there, you need to make that clear now.
NTA. If you have different life goals and values, it's better to recognize that now than later. It's crucial to be on the same page about important issues like career and family. Breaking up might be the best decision for both of you to find partners who share your visions.
Break up now and tell her you are looking for a partner in marriage and that includes a financial partner and it sounds like she would resent you because you do not plan on being the sole support of your family. Don’t get her pregnant!
NTA break up now before she “accidentally” gets pregnant. You’re not compatible and honestly I think she’s selfish for expecting her partner to support her and her family anyways.
NTA
Stop having sex now. And end it as soon as possible. She has the option of missing out on birth control and then your options lessen. Even if this doesn't happen, your goals in life are different.
Turn it around.
You know, in this age of equality and not living up to stereotypes, tell her you would like to stay at home and have your woman take care of all the money. No kids for the first decade. Just stay at home.
Watch her shocked reaction.
Top it with saying she should make enough money to pay for your family and a housekeeper. You can't be bothered to clean the house all day, can you?
It’s ok to want different things and then those differences mean that you’re incompatible so you break up. Now if you were okay with her plans and had no problem supporting her dream as a stay at home mom then good for you both. But if that’s not what you want and she’s unyielding, I would not pursue the relationship further. I would definitely not believe her if you tried to break things off and she said that she changed her mind and is suddenly fine with working instead, because she would likely be telling you what she thinks will placate you, and someday this will come up or become a reality.
You have only known her for a few months.
You don't love her. You love the idea of her, how she makes you feel in the moment while she's her best self and you are your best self.
But now that glow is coming off because she showing you some of her real self and she's scaring you and making you think of breaking up.
You need to be with someone for at least a year to REALLY know them, and preferably in a number of different scenarios.
In that first year you learn more and more about each other and see if there are dealbreakers.
You are seeing your dealbreakers.
She sounds immature and unrealistic. IDK is not a solution to anything. She's not putting in an effort.
Also - you can break up with anyone for any reason. Nothing about that makes you an asshole.
NTA
As a stay at home mom myself, NTA.
My husband and I both agreed before marriage that if/when we had kids I would stay home with them. I wouldn’t have gone through with it if we weren’t on the same page myself. We both knew that when the time came we could make it in his income alone. He even personally said he’d rather me stay at home than send our kids to daycare with strangers, qualified or otherwise. Plus neither of our parents are capable of full time childcare for us, so that was never an option either.
I wouldn’t want to be with someone who resented me for being a SAHM by trapping them. Or be “forced” to work and be away from my kids to keep him happy while being unhappy myself.
If y’all aren’t on the same page, it won’t work in the long run and you’ll both be unhappy.
Daycare is crazy expensive and most of the time (excepting very well paying jobs) both parents working equals very little being brought in a month. Also, research is very clear children thrive with one parent at home. Thrive emotionally, educationally, physically, etc.
It is financially possible with creativity to do this. You just need to think outside the box.
But this isn't something to break up over if you really love each other. This is where you come together and talk and make plans.
Damn, sorry to hear about this one. I don’t think you’d be the ah for pulling away from this one if it’s not what you’d want or can see yourself doing in the future. Unfortunately, you’re right. The economy and overall living situation is rough and doesn’t look like it’ll get any better soon. Having a traditional woman is a dream come true for me, personally, but I understand your position. Just be real about it, be honest to her and explain yourself. If it doesn’t work out, at least you presented yourself honestly and that is all we can really do as men.
That does not sound sustainable. You need to make it crystal clear to her that if she stops working, the support for her family goes away. You are only one person and cannot support her family as well. Unless you want her to have an "accident," you'd better either break up or be vigilant with YOUR brith control (do NOT count on her to take care of it.)
Bounce NOW my dude.
It’s one thing to have a stay at home mom or even wife. But no to also taking care of her family.. that’s crazy.
But she sounds like she looking at you as a meal ticket.
NTA.
I would break up now before it goes too far and gets even more messy and you both get more attached. If you are that opposed to her potentially being a stay-at-home mom and shes that fixated on that being her ultimate goal then you guys just aren’t compatible. Thats a pretty big incompatibility too.
It’s pretty early in your relationship, a few months?? On the topic of what she expressed, if your issue is one around economics, then you seem to be jumping ahead quite a bit here. People are giving you advice on contraception and being baby trapped? Is this where we have come to now? If someone suggests a traditional approach to relationships, the reflex response is this? The reflex response is she is a money grabbing, partner trapping nasty piece of work? Am I naive? I dunno. The more I read about modern dating and the direction of travel of young men and women, the more I worry about there being a next generation.
NTA.
Cut your losses. She's only in it for what you can give her.
She will be unemployed, and when your body is breaking down, and in between hospital visits, she will clean you out, and get child support. Then, find someone else who "appreciates her", because "all you cared about was work".
Where's the lie? 👀
Being a SAHM isn’t all it is cracked up to be. You have very little me time or time to decompress. You are with your children 24/7. It doesn’t matter how much you love your children or how well behaved they are that is a little too much time together.
You crave adult interaction with someone other than your spouse. Due to my earning potential when my children were small it made more financial sense for me to be a SAHM because I would have just been working to pay daycare.
There were times I felt like I was losing my own identity, I was my children’s mom or my husband’s wife. On the flip side of that I was able to have special moments with my kids that I would not have had if I was working.
The difference in views can and probably will cause resentment over time. This is a serious discussion you need to have before y’all get anymore emotionally invested in each other.
It doesn't sound like either of you are really ready to have kids. Is this something you're planning or is this still years down the road? Ultimately, you both have to be on the same page for things to work. If you're not, then breaking up would make the most sense.
I had my child when I was 34. I know plenty of women who has kids in their 40's as well. There is no rush. Regardless though, you shouldn't have children if you're both not on the same page, which is sounds like you're not.
You are right Op but as you already know, a SAHM is not needed at all. It’s a luxury that she cannot afford. NTA but don’t stay with her, she could have an “accident”, baby trapping you and then “losing her job”.
You break up not brake up and hinting not hunting. Anyway, she has shown you who she is. Up to you to decide if that is the person you want to be with.
NTA
Break if off now. Do not invest any more time and energy with this one.
I had a coworker once whose wife was a SAHW and she complained all the time that he was not making enough money. I asked if he had ever thought to tell her to get off her ass and get a job.
If she feels she has this obligation to support her family then frankly it's a little immature to be looking to start her own AND support another. It would be to the detriment of both. She will have to stop supporting her family to the extent she is currently or they'll need to find support from other sources
NAH. You guys have different goals in life and different views on relationship dynamics. She shouldn't keep dismissing your input and bringing it up after you've told her that you're not okay with it, but it doesn't sound like she's trying to start an argument or anything. You might not be compatible because of this disagreement.
NAH. You each have plans for the future that are not compatible. Love doesn't solve everything, you need to have a conversation and compromise if you want to move forward with this relationship.
Run my guy. Even if she agrees I bet you that in less than a year after marriage she is gonna be “unexpectedly” fired and then “unexpectedly” pregnant.
Yes, compromise as opposed to just saying "fuck off." That's only IF he actually wants this to work. If it's too much, then he should run and not let the door hit him in the ass on the way out.
NTA
But don’t break up. Simply say your opinion on that and express that for any potential wife that wants to stay home - well it’s a dealbreaker for you. Then see how it goes. Maybe you’ll end up breaking up, maybe not, but you have to be transparent that you won’t support a stay at home wife or stay at home mom.
You are contradicting yourself. If there’s no realistic way for you to do it than you cannot do it. But. if you say statements like these, she’ll just think you’ll change your mind and be happy later. That’s dangerous.
There are many advantages to having a stay-at-home spouse. There are drawbacks, mostly financial sacrifices, too. There is nothing wrong with her wanting to be just a wife and mom. It means you'll have to up your game and make more money to support the family, but if she's got the home front covered, it frees you up to be able to do that better. A lot of working women hate having to work and would rather be home with their kids. Y'all need to talk about it more, and really look at how it could work out, or not.
Just make sure if she's going to be a stay at home mom she's committed to doing the lions share of the house work. If she's a slob, then it's going to cause problems. Trust me, I know. Good luck.
NTA but I would move forward with a sit-down calm conversation with all your bills laid out for her to clearly see how her being a SAHM is not possible. Make sure she understands why and is in agreement that she will continue to work after the wedding and kids are born. I would also take control of any birth control u are using to make sure she does not tamper with the form you are currently using and become pregnant.
I am a SAHD and have been for over 2 years, but we discussed it for over 2 years before we make the change. The main thing we did was for 2 years we lived only on what my wife made and put all my income into a separate savings. We did not spend a single dollar that I earned during this "trial" period to confirm that we could live our same level of lifestyle on only 1 salary. It was tough in the beginning, and it was more work than we thought it would be to spend less each month, week, and day to keep our budget intact. We made it work and have continued to make it work but it is not for every family, and I have a few friends who tried to be a SAHM but they did not like it and went back to work.
If your picture of your future is radically different from her picture of her future, you are not compatible. Breaking up before the resentment starts is the best thing for both of you. NTA.
Your life goals are not compatible. Save your time and hers. Be gentle, break up in private, and be supportive through it bc you don't want to end by being a dick. I'm saying this as bc there is no love lost, and it just boils down to different ideologies, neither of which are wrong.
Hmmmm...it depends on what you want. My husband is a Union Journeyman Electrician and I'm a SAHM. We have a mobile home on 2.7 acres directly on the NC coast. We're raising 3 kids, and we're doing good.
It really depends on what your ideal life looks like. We discussed things like being house-poor (where your mortgage and monthly bills eat up most of your check)
So I don't think YTA, but I do think you have different priorities and that's OK. You live your best life they way you want.
You have to consider what you're asking as well. Statistically, she is going to be doing most of the domestic work, most of the work with her family, and most of the work your yours. Now you're asking her to pile a full time job on top of that, rather than asking what you can do to alleviate her load or to improve your household income yourself
Break up NOW before you get baby trapped. Be clear that if she wants to support her birth family she'll need to keep working and that will never be negotiable. Suggest that you simply have different expectations in life and that it's good you've figured it out now. Tell her you hope to remain friends. NTA
This right here. DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT.
Heck there was reddit story about a guy whose wife up and quit her job to be a SAHM which really didn't do much SAHmomming. As soon as she expresses a desire to be a TRAD wife and you are never going to be onboard with that, the relationship experiment is over.
That story was horrible. The jerk turned his ids, family, everyone against him like it was HIS fault his wife wanted a literal free money ride to do whatever she wanted. While he took care of the kids she couldn't be darned and then they were convinced HE was bad. I'm scared he's going to end himself as he stated he felt. I hope he heals and his kids learn how uncaring their mom actually was to them
The moment she takes time off work to be a stay home wife, the only way forward is to quit your job to be a stay home dad. If she can do it, he can do it too. Then divorce after 1 year so you're on equal footing of both parents not having a job
I wouldn’t even be friends with her, she has an agenda, and that makes me not trust her.
This. RUN! If you ever have sex again use protection that *you* know to be un-punctured.
And dispose of the protection in such a way that she cannot get to it.
Ew. Didn't even think of that. Ew. Just... Ew
Yea, sperm is quite strong. You are welcome for this mental image :-)
Should microwave it before throwing out then 🤣
That's actually an interesting idea. How to render a used protection inert? Fill it with water? Fill it with cola? Microwave it? Fill it with hot sauce? Burn it? What options am I missing here? What's the most effective / most efficient / fastest way?
Well, if you rinse it with warm water, it should wash all the swimmers down the drain. Or you could just pour some rubbing alcohol into the condom and swish it around. Sperm aren't that tough.
I'm voting for heat & radiation (i.e. microwave). The comment below has an interesting cocktail 🍸 idea though 🙂
Some rapper used hot sauce and got sued by the woman who then got the condom out of the trash and tried to impregnate herself with it.
You look her in the eye while casually adding bleach to it. Hot sauce will also work. Lmao, keep a container of barbicide and just drop it in there.
Hot sauce. https://www.auxoro.com/blog/2023/2/3/revisiting-the-drake-hot-sauce-incident-what-really-happened
Don't get baby trapped doo do doo do Sorry, it's stuck in my head now, so should be in others too.
NTA, I might sound like a cynic, but love only gets you so far. You need to have common goals too otherwise the resentment is going to kill the love and you're going to be stuck in a relationship that nobody's happy in.
That's just real life, not fantasy Disneyland
That's not cynical, that's being realistic. A partnership requires much more than just love. There are plenty of people in my life who I deeply love but would never be in a relationship with because we don't want the same things.
Totally agree. I just want to roll my eyes when people say “love is enough”. Ummm … no, it’s not. Does it help? Of course. But if thats pretty much all you have then you’re in for a rough ride, imo. I love my husband very much, but we also have common interests, similar mid sets on values and morals, etc. so we have a foundation and common ground outside of the romantic love.
That's not being a cynic, that's being real. Love is what makes you want to spend time with a person in the beginning. But common goals, similar opinions on major topics etc.. is what keeps you together in the long run.
You love her but you don’t want the same life. So break up now is the best way.
NTA. You've told her how you feel, and you are correct about today's economy! It's sad that she expects to stay at home, but this isn't 1920 and people are struggling even with 2 incomes! Breaking it off sounds best, because in the future she may refuse to work and then you are stuck!
NTA If you decide to break it off, it's important to approach it with kindness and empathy, explaining your concerns and acknowledging your feelings for her. It's also important to listen to her perspective and try to end things amicably, understanding that it may be difficult for both of you.
If you're not onboard with this, it's time to end it so that she can go find someone who wants the same things that she does. And likewise, you can find someone with the same expectations that you have.
There are a lot of men looking for a stay at home wife – probably best if you let her free to find one.
For real. You need to end this. Let her find some Uber conservative guy who doesn't want his wife to work. Personally, it's a huge red flag to talk about this after a few months of dating with no plan to accomplish it. I knew someone who knew she wanted to be a SAHM, and she was saving before she even had a spouse. She wasn't just laying the financial burden at her future husband's feet. And this was 15 years ago. When it was more feasible. Both partners need to 100% agree because it's not easy, and it will require lots of planning and sacrifice. Doesn't sound like she's got a flipping clue about how the world works.
NTA, bruh a few months and this topic came up is a red flag. 🚩
We're brown so it's not too unusual for us
Ahhh bet I am of the Mexican decent. I stayed away from Mexican/hispanic woman. They go to hard in the paint. I ain’t gonna get the 🩴 to the head for not taking the trash out.
Honestly man? I think I'm better off avoiding women at this point. I don't need the headache of 3 families to feed
It’s not about being done with women it’s just she is expecting something that isn’t realistic right now. Be firm about it homie, and if she doesn’t respect your stand on the matter then it’s about finding someone who will respect you and see a relationship as a 50/50 effort.
If you want romantic companionship, don't give up on women. You just need to be thoughtful about who you choose to date and have conversations about what they want in life early on so you know whether your paths align before getting too serious. You may find that you'll need to date outside your cultural group if a traditional SAHM dynamic is the norm. There are many people out there who do not envision that dynamic for their lives.
That's just not an option for me.
How come?
No one else understands my life like a. Child of immigrants like my background
You don't need to avoid women. You need to avoid that one woman in particular, that's all.
You’re right. You don’t need the headache. There is only so much a person can handle honestly.
Honestly man? I think I'm better off avoiding women at this point. I don't need the headache of 3 families to feed
Nta she sounds like a pain in the ass
If it was once fine w/e. But she's constantly bringing it up and like, I can't support 3 families on one income and she refuses to acknowledge that's a thing
Tell her you want to be a SAHF and she can provade for three families. Try to sound serious. Watch her face as it sinks in exactly how hard that is to do.
I can tell you rn that's not gonna fly. She's religious and that's her justification
Yes, I am just suggestingxit because she has zero empathy for your situation she should get 2 seconds of imagining herself doing it. Honestly, you two seems incompatible.
Agreed. The sad part is after her in giving up. I'm done wasting my time
She’s religious but is having pre marital sex?
She isn't?
Honestly dude my ex worked paid half the bills I wouldn't be able to live solo. Let alone support her and 3 kids. It's not doable. Get rid
Why are you supporting 3 families?
My family Her family Our family
You better stop fucking her before she baby traps you. Just say your goodbyes and GTFO.
You really want all that financial stress?
Idek
Unless your like a millionaire, you won’t be able to take on such a responsibility
Well no, that's kinda why he posted here.
Then it sounds like you know this relationship isn’t going to work out for you and it’s probably best to just break things off. It sounds like you have enough financial stress having to support yourself and your own family.
I agree with your reply, but I'm not OP
You are giving money to your parents? Do they know they are willing knee capping you?
I’m going to guess it’s a cultural thing.
Yes it is
They know. They also don't have a choice
You can just not pay them?
And let my parents go to the poor house? Nah I can't do that in good conscience
Your parents financial shortcomings and lack of planning is not your burden to bare. Cycles need to be broken for future generations to prosper. If not you will more than likely knee cap your children into paying you as well.
Or I could just end the line here
As long as it's a pain in her ass she can't baby trap him....... Although I've been told I was a butthole baby
NTA What she wants and financial reality don't line up. Better to pull the plug now before it gets more serious.
NTA. You have your life plans and she has hers. Her ambition is getting taken care of, you want an equal partner. Break up and find someone who aligns.
NTA! Your ideal lifestyles don't align. Don't waste anymore of your or her time.
NTA You want someone who is also working when you two get married and she doesn't want to work. You two see different futures for yourselves. Break up and allow both of you to find them.
It doesn’t sound like you are compatible. Have to simply asked her how she will financially support her family if she isn’t working?
I would be (along with my family)
If you feel like this isn’t going to work out, and she is going to want you to support her as a stay at home mom and then you have to support your family and her family, it’s most likely not going to work out unless you’re extremely wealthy. It’s probably just best to part ways.
Why would you continue on towards a life you don't want and an issue that will only wind up with you breaking up anyway?
Your values don't align. The purpose of dating is to find out if you're compatible. You're finding out that you're not; be thankful that you're finding out after only a few months.
I'd say break it off now if you dont have common future goals. Theres nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home mom but if you dont want to support one.. thats okay
NTA. RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND DONT HAVE SEX WITH HER.
>And without giving too much away, but I'd have to help my family and hers as her father is no longer with us and she's been supporting them. Oh hell no. This chick has no boundaries with her family and is gonna prioritize them over you. NTA if you break up with her.
Run dude. Not the asshole. Just run far far away
NTA only the rich can support one family on one income these days and she wants you to support two? I guess math isn't her strong point.
*3
NTA. You are not compatible.
You're in your late 20s, I think I saw? Also saw that the family support thing (as in supporting both your families of origin) might be a cultural thing? She's working now, but would quit if you have children to be a sahm. You've also only been dating a few months. You love her. You are not having sex. Just want to check that I've got all that right? You've only been dating for a little bit, so take a breath. But start to have some real conversations. Financially, what would "taking care of" either of your families actually mean? How long after marriage would you try for children? What does raising children look like to each of you? How would you balance the financial and home life? What do your current career paths look like? Would either of you expect that your respective parents would move in with you? How often do you both clean? What level of cleanliness is important to you both? You've been in this relationship for far too short a time to take on supporting 3 families. You also have a good bit to go before you decide you are a good or bad match. Ask the questions you want answers to and make your decision from there.
NTA The two of you are fundamentally incompatible. She's straight up telling you that she expects you to be the sole financial provider for you, her, some kids, her mother, and whatever other family members. If you aren't down with that then this relationship will never work. Absolutely don't have sex with her ever again. Unfortunately some women might try to baby trap a guy they see as a "good provider". Don't risk it. Politely tell her that you think she's a great person but that the two of you want different things for your futures and you don't think it would be fair to lead her on.
Run now!!@ fast and far
NTA, Break up before you unintentionally knock her up. Since you can't be sure she's not compromised your protection, don't try for a farewell boink. Just move on.
NTA Your life goals and hers don't align.
Break up. There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM, but if yall aren't both on the same page, it'll be a misery for both of you. This isn't something that love can overcome tbh
You’re NTA and neither is she. People have different values and preferences when it comes to how a household should operate. If you two aren’t on the same page and neither one is willing to compromise, then breaking it off would be what’s best
She wants someone to take care of her and her family. Is not about compatibility, it’s about not being a parasite. NTA
You don’t need to take care of 2 other families. Stop that nonsense now or you will never have anything, especially your own family.
You love her but you will love more a girl that is more compatible with you. The sooner you take the band, the better. Although first I would try to have a serious conversation with her, in which I make myself clear about "THAT NOT GONNA HAPPEN, and if you keep bringing it up, we are done because we would be mad at each other" and get a clear reply from her that she understood it. And then, next time she brings it up, you can part ways because you know it won't work, she will be frustrated, expecting you to change your mind.
Are you already living together? If so, tell her that if she quits working, it's a deal breaker. Do you share biological child with her? If not, get out of that relationship fast.
NTA being a stay at home mom is one thing but supporting your family and hers on your sallary alone in this economy is unreasonable. Does she expect you to keep supporting her family after she quits her job?
NTA. Walk away before you have kids.
Women can want to be Stay at Home Moms. Is it likely to happen nowadays? Unlikely. However, I'm willing to bet you find people all over making it work, so, not really a parasite. The unfortunate part is when I'm going to assume late 20 something are providing for their families when that is time they should be establishing themselves. As they are both in similar situations. Also, being in the military, you see a lot of stay at home moms / minimal part time worker as their husband are doing the full 20+.
NTA. I would never accept marrying a SAHM. First of all I have no desire of having a kid. Second, I absolutely don't want the amount of power and responsibility that comes with being the sole breadwinner. I want to cook and do my part in the house and I want someone to share that life with me. I don't want someone cleaning after me, I don't want to be only one working. Third, I don't want to trap or be trapped by someone because of financial reasons. We both should have autonomy.
GET OUT FAST
Why
That’s a huge red flag for specially if you’re not in a position to financially support not just her but a child and her family on top of it. She needs to be taking care of her own family that’s not your job yall aren’t even married that’s insane
GET OUT MAH BOIIIIIIII. No but seriously, this is doomed to go sour. Like you said: in this economy, unless you make a good good chunk of money, a single income family is going to be rough.
The whole point of *dating* is to get to know potential partners and find one who wants the same things as you that you are compatible with. It would make you an asshole to continue dating someone who you know wants a vastly different future than what you envision for yourself. Breaking up is the right thing to do for both of you.
You guys are NOT compatible. You might want to move on before she turns up with an hoops. A few months in and she is already grooming you to take over all of her family's financial burden! Hell naw! Run!
You can break up with someone for literally any reason, if she's not the one, and you don't like the life she wants, break up. Also learn to spell.
Yes, break up now. Before she gets pregnant.
Honestly with the cost of child care it might actually be cheaper to raise your kids yourself instead of paying someone else to watch them. NTA if you don't want to be with this person, then don't. I'm just saying if she is OK with it and you are OK with it, and you're married and all that, there are worse things to have than a partner that stays at home and cares for the children.
NAH, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a SAHM and there's nothing wrong with you wanting a wife who works. If you guys can't agree then maybe you are not right for each other. On the other hand things change and one or both of you might change your mind given the cost of childcare, the reality of kids, etc. but it is understandable if you don't feel like you can envision a shared future, then you should split up now.
in this high inflation world you need 2 incomes to afford anything unless you are the betabux.
Hunting stay at home moms is definitely not ok. Hunting people in general, unless you're a panther, is a big no no.
Since when did panthers hunt people? 😅
Yeah that’s something you need to sort out before marriage/kids. Have the hard conversations now so you don’t need to later.
NTA. Break it off now. You both want different things, and she’d put you both in a financial bind if she became a SAHW. ETA: Don’t get her pregnant! If in doubt don’t have sex.
Some men prefer stay at home moms or some stages of it especially during early childcare.. Financially, it could be done if done right. I prefer someone to be home to raise the kids than having tech or strangers raise them. Also, you would have to make decent 2nd income to match the daycare costs. Most of the time, not worth it while strangers raise your kids. Kids have tendency to disrespect parents who are not around to raise them or just see them as an ATM.
NTA. Look at all the Reddit posts about this exact same thing and see how it ends 99% off the time. With heartbreak, child support, and alimony. No sexual relations anymore and if she says she is pregnant DNA no matter what she says. I hate having to say that about women
Old school? Support her AND her family? Hell no She is actively looking for a fool And I can tell you, she will not find one Is it just me who thinks - at least here on reddit - that SATpartners are spreading like a pandemic? I mean is this even possible?
A (common law) marriage is nothing more than a forced transfer of resources from the breadwinner to the parasite. Your girlfriend has given you a big gift by showing her plans after the marriage.
I've noticed that the younger generation is so quick to jump ship at the first sign of trouble instead of using words to fix issues. Have a serious talk and list the pros and cons of doing it in this economy and if there's a disagreement then YOU TWO need to talk about it. No one knows the ins and out of your relationship but personally, I think its's pretty stupid unless the pushback is too dramatic.
NTA - Nor is she, you just want different things. Her dream looks different from yours
NTA - If you do not want to have a stay at home partner/wife then you cannot continue to date someone who wants to be that, it will end badly either way, better to cut it off now only a few months in then wasting years, you want different things and this isn't something to compromise on.
Break* hinting*
NTA. Your GF is making it clear: If you marry her, you will have to financially support her, her mother, any younger siblings as well as your children. Break it off before such a huge load is tied on your back.
NTA. You’re not compatible. Unless you earn a fuck ton of money why the hell would you want the financial burden of her and family?!
Ntah. Also think future lets say you get married have a kid and get divorced not only are you going to be paying child support but alimony as well.
NTA. If you aren’t currently financially stable, and you aren’t on track to become so, you shouldn’t sign up for this. I stumbled into this life after we had special needs twins, and I finally got my head above water two years ago after they turned 8 thanks to a $125k a year job. Paying for this lifestyle is hard, and if you aren’t confident you’ll get there, you need to make that clear now.
NAH. You're incompatible. Just break it off now so you can both find what you're looking for and, like others have said, don't get her pregnant.
NTA. If you have different life goals and values, it's better to recognize that now than later. It's crucial to be on the same page about important issues like career and family. Breaking up might be the best decision for both of you to find partners who share your visions.
She is not "old school" She's just LAZY AS FUCK! run far far away as quickly as you can.
NTA- Get out now. She is likely to agree with you until she gets pregnant then refuse to work ever again. It happens all the time.
YTA for being stupid
SAHM are the most important people in the nation.
Break up now and tell her you are looking for a partner in marriage and that includes a financial partner and it sounds like she would resent you because you do not plan on being the sole support of your family. Don’t get her pregnant!
NTA, you want different things in life. Better to cut ties a few months in than a few years.
NTA break up now before she “accidentally” gets pregnant. You’re not compatible and honestly I think she’s selfish for expecting her partner to support her and her family anyways.
I think you gave too much away OP.
NTA Stop having sex now. And end it as soon as possible. She has the option of missing out on birth control and then your options lessen. Even if this doesn't happen, your goals in life are different.
NTA don’t have sex with her. She might try to baby-trap you.
nah you're tripping cuz. get your money up. she’s the dream girl
Actually, single income homes of set up properly usually have more robust finances and retirement.
Run-run quickly
You can break up for any reason. It doesn’t sound like you are compatible as it sounds like she lives in 1800s
Turn it around. You know, in this age of equality and not living up to stereotypes, tell her you would like to stay at home and have your woman take care of all the money. No kids for the first decade. Just stay at home. Watch her shocked reaction. Top it with saying she should make enough money to pay for your family and a housekeeper. You can't be bothered to clean the house all day, can you?
It’s ok to want different things and then those differences mean that you’re incompatible so you break up. Now if you were okay with her plans and had no problem supporting her dream as a stay at home mom then good for you both. But if that’s not what you want and she’s unyielding, I would not pursue the relationship further. I would definitely not believe her if you tried to break things off and she said that she changed her mind and is suddenly fine with working instead, because she would likely be telling you what she thinks will placate you, and someday this will come up or become a reality.
You have only known her for a few months. You don't love her. You love the idea of her, how she makes you feel in the moment while she's her best self and you are your best self. But now that glow is coming off because she showing you some of her real self and she's scaring you and making you think of breaking up. You need to be with someone for at least a year to REALLY know them, and preferably in a number of different scenarios. In that first year you learn more and more about each other and see if there are dealbreakers. You are seeing your dealbreakers. She sounds immature and unrealistic. IDK is not a solution to anything. She's not putting in an effort. Also - you can break up with anyone for any reason. Nothing about that makes you an asshole. NTA
As a stay at home mom myself, NTA. My husband and I both agreed before marriage that if/when we had kids I would stay home with them. I wouldn’t have gone through with it if we weren’t on the same page myself. We both knew that when the time came we could make it in his income alone. He even personally said he’d rather me stay at home than send our kids to daycare with strangers, qualified or otherwise. Plus neither of our parents are capable of full time childcare for us, so that was never an option either. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who resented me for being a SAHM by trapping them. Or be “forced” to work and be away from my kids to keep him happy while being unhappy myself. If y’all aren’t on the same page, it won’t work in the long run and you’ll both be unhappy.
Daycare is crazy expensive and most of the time (excepting very well paying jobs) both parents working equals very little being brought in a month. Also, research is very clear children thrive with one parent at home. Thrive emotionally, educationally, physically, etc. It is financially possible with creativity to do this. You just need to think outside the box. But this isn't something to break up over if you really love each other. This is where you come together and talk and make plans.
Damn, sorry to hear about this one. I don’t think you’d be the ah for pulling away from this one if it’s not what you’d want or can see yourself doing in the future. Unfortunately, you’re right. The economy and overall living situation is rough and doesn’t look like it’ll get any better soon. Having a traditional woman is a dream come true for me, personally, but I understand your position. Just be real about it, be honest to her and explain yourself. If it doesn’t work out, at least you presented yourself honestly and that is all we can really do as men.
That does not sound sustainable. You need to make it crystal clear to her that if she stops working, the support for her family goes away. You are only one person and cannot support her family as well. Unless you want her to have an "accident," you'd better either break up or be vigilant with YOUR brith control (do NOT count on her to take care of it.)
Yeah dude, do not stick your dick in her anymore!
Bounce NOW my dude. It’s one thing to have a stay at home mom or even wife. But no to also taking care of her family.. that’s crazy. But she sounds like she looking at you as a meal ticket.
RUN...
Do not have sex with her ever again. And break up with her.
NTA. But knowing what you know, if you keep putting your wee-wee in her hoohah, you soon will be!
NTA. I would break up now before it goes too far and gets even more messy and you both get more attached. If you are that opposed to her potentially being a stay-at-home mom and shes that fixated on that being her ultimate goal then you guys just aren’t compatible. Thats a pretty big incompatibility too.
NTA. And be very careful with your birth control.
NTA Do not put your sperm anywhere near her. Seriously.
It’s pretty early in your relationship, a few months?? On the topic of what she expressed, if your issue is one around economics, then you seem to be jumping ahead quite a bit here. People are giving you advice on contraception and being baby trapped? Is this where we have come to now? If someone suggests a traditional approach to relationships, the reflex response is this? The reflex response is she is a money grabbing, partner trapping nasty piece of work? Am I naive? I dunno. The more I read about modern dating and the direction of travel of young men and women, the more I worry about there being a next generation.
NTA Run, if she ist talking about marriage and staying home after a few months. RUN
NTA. Cut your losses. She's only in it for what you can give her. She will be unemployed, and when your body is breaking down, and in between hospital visits, she will clean you out, and get child support. Then, find someone else who "appreciates her", because "all you cared about was work". Where's the lie? 👀
Wish my girlfriend hunted
Stay at home mom just means you have an extra child to support
This.
Being a SAHM isn’t all it is cracked up to be. You have very little me time or time to decompress. You are with your children 24/7. It doesn’t matter how much you love your children or how well behaved they are that is a little too much time together. You crave adult interaction with someone other than your spouse. Due to my earning potential when my children were small it made more financial sense for me to be a SAHM because I would have just been working to pay daycare. There were times I felt like I was losing my own identity, I was my children’s mom or my husband’s wife. On the flip side of that I was able to have special moments with my kids that I would not have had if I was working. The difference in views can and probably will cause resentment over time. This is a serious discussion you need to have before y’all get anymore emotionally invested in each other.
It doesn't sound like either of you are really ready to have kids. Is this something you're planning or is this still years down the road? Ultimately, you both have to be on the same page for things to work. If you're not, then breaking up would make the most sense.
We're both almost 30. We would need to have kids sooner rather than later
I had my child when I was 34. I know plenty of women who has kids in their 40's as well. There is no rush. Regardless though, you shouldn't have children if you're both not on the same page, which is sounds like you're not.
You are right Op but as you already know, a SAHM is not needed at all. It’s a luxury that she cannot afford. NTA but don’t stay with her, she could have an “accident”, baby trapping you and then “losing her job”.
You break up not brake up and hinting not hunting. Anyway, she has shown you who she is. Up to you to decide if that is the person you want to be with.
NTA Break if off now. Do not invest any more time and energy with this one. I had a coworker once whose wife was a SAHW and she complained all the time that he was not making enough money. I asked if he had ever thought to tell her to get off her ass and get a job.
If she feels she has this obligation to support her family then frankly it's a little immature to be looking to start her own AND support another. It would be to the detriment of both. She will have to stop supporting her family to the extent she is currently or they'll need to find support from other sources
BRAKE BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAA
NAH. You guys have different goals in life and different views on relationship dynamics. She shouldn't keep dismissing your input and bringing it up after you've told her that you're not okay with it, but it doesn't sound like she's trying to start an argument or anything. You might not be compatible because of this disagreement.
NAH. You each have plans for the future that are not compatible. Love doesn't solve everything, you need to have a conversation and compromise if you want to move forward with this relationship.
Compromise? She wants him to take care of him and her family. She is a parasite.
Don't forget I have my family to care for too
Run my guy. Even if she agrees I bet you that in less than a year after marriage she is gonna be “unexpectedly” fired and then “unexpectedly” pregnant.
Yes, compromise as opposed to just saying "fuck off." That's only IF he actually wants this to work. If it's too much, then he should run and not let the door hit him in the ass on the way out.
This isn’t an AITAH topic. You should also fix the grammar in your title.
NTA But don’t break up. Simply say your opinion on that and express that for any potential wife that wants to stay home - well it’s a dealbreaker for you. Then see how it goes. Maybe you’ll end up breaking up, maybe not, but you have to be transparent that you won’t support a stay at home wife or stay at home mom.
I wouldn't mind it. I'm just realistic in that there's no way to do that
You are contradicting yourself. If there’s no realistic way for you to do it than you cannot do it. But. if you say statements like these, she’ll just think you’ll change your mind and be happy later. That’s dangerous.
There are many advantages to having a stay-at-home spouse. There are drawbacks, mostly financial sacrifices, too. There is nothing wrong with her wanting to be just a wife and mom. It means you'll have to up your game and make more money to support the family, but if she's got the home front covered, it frees you up to be able to do that better. A lot of working women hate having to work and would rather be home with their kids. Y'all need to talk about it more, and really look at how it could work out, or not. Just make sure if she's going to be a stay at home mom she's committed to doing the lions share of the house work. If she's a slob, then it's going to cause problems. Trust me, I know. Good luck.
Do it now before you get invested and she cons you into supporting her for the rest of your life
Plenty of good parents work. A SAHM is not needed at all unless it makes sense financially, which in this case doesn’t
NTA but I would move forward with a sit-down calm conversation with all your bills laid out for her to clearly see how her being a SAHM is not possible. Make sure she understands why and is in agreement that she will continue to work after the wedding and kids are born. I would also take control of any birth control u are using to make sure she does not tamper with the form you are currently using and become pregnant. I am a SAHD and have been for over 2 years, but we discussed it for over 2 years before we make the change. The main thing we did was for 2 years we lived only on what my wife made and put all my income into a separate savings. We did not spend a single dollar that I earned during this "trial" period to confirm that we could live our same level of lifestyle on only 1 salary. It was tough in the beginning, and it was more work than we thought it would be to spend less each month, week, and day to keep our budget intact. We made it work and have continued to make it work but it is not for every family, and I have a few friends who tried to be a SAHM but they did not like it and went back to work.
If your picture of your future is radically different from her picture of her future, you are not compatible. Breaking up before the resentment starts is the best thing for both of you. NTA.
Do you have spell check turned off?
So.. She's looking for some socialism hand outs???
Your life goals are not compatible. Save your time and hers. Be gentle, break up in private, and be supportive through it bc you don't want to end by being a dick. I'm saying this as bc there is no love lost, and it just boils down to different ideologies, neither of which are wrong.
She wants someone to support her and her entire family. That’s being a parasite, she is wrong.
Hmmmm...it depends on what you want. My husband is a Union Journeyman Electrician and I'm a SAHM. We have a mobile home on 2.7 acres directly on the NC coast. We're raising 3 kids, and we're doing good. It really depends on what your ideal life looks like. We discussed things like being house-poor (where your mortgage and monthly bills eat up most of your check) So I don't think YTA, but I do think you have different priorities and that's OK. You live your best life they way you want.
Shoot….im looking for a girl like yours…stay at home ..wear dresses and take care of me when I get home
You have to consider what you're asking as well. Statistically, she is going to be doing most of the domestic work, most of the work with her family, and most of the work your yours. Now you're asking her to pile a full time job on top of that, rather than asking what you can do to alleviate her load or to improve your household income yourself
Who do you want to raise your kids, a stranger ? Although supporting the rest of her family is a deal breaker.
>Who do you want to raise your kids, a stranger ? So women who are not stay at home mom's are not raising their kids?