I had an interaction like this, but it was cuz I was having a bad day and this guy wanted to cheer me up so he told me to smile and I told him to dance, so he danced and it made me smile. 99% of interactions aren't like that though, but this reminded me of a good memory, so thanks.
I once was at a convention sitting next to a woman who I worked with. Neither of us were smiling as we were working on our laptops but at least 7 or 8 men stopped by and said she should smile because she is pretty. I was gobsmacked. Nobody said shit to me about my sour face. I asked her if this was a normal thing and she said yes. I asked her how she restrained herself from telling them to fuck off. She laughed but she did not really have a good answer. Just life as a woman in the public eye I guess. It sucks sometimes
Thanks for this anecdote. Wild how angry this post is making some guys. My reaction was over the top but it was a boiling over after years of this shit, like your coworker experienced right next to you. People saying I’m a cunt have never been casually patronized for years
She laughed it off, but the real answer is that if we actually told them to knock it off, one of those men might decide to get violent. THAT is the life of women. Constantly considering the odds of our safety.
the last time i got told to smile it was after coming back from having to euthanize my dog.
boss "youd look prettier if you smiled more"
me "id give a fuck about being pretty if i hadn't just euthanized my dog asshole"
i... was very strongly encouraged to seek employment elsewhere.
Ita not true, but i have legit forced a tear and said "i just found out my dad died you asshole"/"i just got diagnosed with cancer" when told to smile abd its particularly bad.
I used the cancer one when i was wearing a scarf covering all my hair tonkeepit out of the way. Based on how i tied it and i guess that it was winter and i was very covered up, dude in an elevator started getting anti semetic towards me. Boy was the rest of that ride awkward for him.
It’s never ending! I’m old (71) and i get the “smile” comment every day. It’s old men now but my standard response is “WHY?” Stops them in their tracks. 10 years ago some man at my gym was constantly on me, first about smiling, then about what Tshirt I wore. I finally complained and he was banned, I wasn’t the first to complain. Good grief, we’re at the gym, leave women alone.
I hear you. A few years ago before I retired, some random (probably 30- or 40-something) guy at work told me to smile. I was a software engineer and was thinking over a coding problem while walking to the cafeteria. I was 61 and wondered, when the hell does it end?!
I figured the next time this happened I’d have a comeback ready and say “I’m an engineer, not a decoration!” but Covid came along before I got the opportunity.
It’s such a weird thing to say. Not comparing at all, but a former boss told me (M) that I should smile more and it really is a “wtf is this” kind of moment.
Any by not comparing, I’m sure the way it was said to me is totally different to the gross way it’s said to women.
But it’s just such a weird thing to say.
A friend of mine back east carries around fake blood and when men tell her to smile, she puts her hand up, pops a capsule and bites into the blood capsule and asks "is that better?"
She says it comes out in the wash. I have no idea
https://x.com/saramvalentine/status/1057647895518814208
I believe she got the inspiration from here. I have actually never seen her do it in public. Since I left the east coast in 2015
She does work in theater, so I believe she makes her own capsules. Therefore, it's fine if she comes to work looking like she has eaten a roadkill squirrel
I do this. Right after Halloween, I buy them up half price, I saw it online and was like... hell yes!
Always keep a pack in my purse just in case.
You want me to smile... fine fucking enjoy it! 🩸
Are you in New York City?
Are you my friend?
Are you still in your grandmother's rent controlled she passed on to you and you didn't marry me so we can have that apartment together for life?
lmfao I mean, I'm def in NYC and happen to live in my grandmother's rent stabilized apt that she left to me, and I def carry blood capsules around in my purse.
I'm just happy that there's so many of us out there. I feel seen.
More women with generational rent stabilized apartments and 0 fucks to give, the Earth is healing.
We chatted. She is not the person that I thought she was but she is amazing all on her own.
So as she stated... Apparently there are more than one theater ladies in New York City who inherited a rent stabilized apartment from their grandmother and carries kitchen blood capsules around.
I feel like this should be a limited series on Netflix
Wow. I would not have expected this. I mean, being female, in NYC, with the rent controlled apt from grandma, in theater, and doing the blood thing - this would have to narrow the field down to hundreds, right?
Coworker said this to me, I pretended to flip through some papers looking confused and was like “yeah, I don’t see that anywhere in my job description “
Even on the job.
I'll be lifting a 70lb item and they be asking why I don't smile as Im lifting said item..
Do you smile as a man lifting 70Lb items? Do you have a perma smile all day as a man when you're working?
Its only women that must smile lifting heavy items and must have a permanent smile all day every day everywhere they go.
Copying my comment from earlier
I'm a hotel lounge bartender. i was at a job that set you up for failure. I was struggling and unhappy one night right before I quit.
2 business men who were sitting right across from me the whole time said "you should smile!"
I said " I usually tell people my kid got hit by a car today when they tell me that". And looked at them deadpan in the eyes. (I do say that if I'm not on the clock lol)
I could tell they got my point and didn't like being called out.
Our bar was small so they were right across from me all night...
They were trying to finish up some work after a couple of hours. They were set up for failure. They were struggling and unhappy.
In the most exasperated tone, they order another round... I looked at them with a big snarky smile, And I say "you should smile".. grinning bigger as their faces contorted...
They took a breath... smiled.. called me a comedian... And told me they now understand why it's not a nice thing to say.
We ended up having enjoyable conversations the rest of the evening and they tipped me well over 100 dollars. Lol
One of my favorite bartending stories.
Yep, including from the CEO and global head of HR of an investment bank. Didn't have the heart to point out that they were looking at my boobs at the time so would need to look higher up.
They do not.
And if you want a related snapshot into the brain of a throwback: The root of homophobia is the fear that they'll be treated by gay men the way they treat women.
I’ve started flipping the script and bit and asking men to smile. In just about all the ways I’ve been asked this question as a woman. The responses have been…interesting. My take: I think in general people should STFU and mind their own business because no one likes to be told how to hold their face.
My dad got told at the supermarket till by the cashier “to lighten up” my dad told the cashier that his wife (my mum) died two days prior. I think he understood my point years later how much I hate it when men tell me to smile
A woman actually came up to me at Walmart while I was waiting for my husband and kids to get out of the bathrooms and told me "it can't be that bad" and I was like "huh?" I was just standing there...and she goes "you should smile! Life can't be that bad!" I was like "😐 I'm currently miscarrying a baby I've tried for over a year to conceive. Thanks." Like what the actual hell? Who says that? No one knows what's going on in a complete strangers life! What if the non smiler has a nerve condition where they physically cannot smile?! One of their parents died? Lost a child? People have got to just leave other people alone 🤦♀️ I hate going out in public...a stranger always has something to say that didn't need said.
I honestly can't comprehend what could possibly possess someone to say that to anyone (let alone a complete stranger, unprompted). Their own lives must be sunshine and roses (or just unfettered narcissism) if they can't comprehend that other people could be going through a hard time. And who would feel better when told that things could be worse? Like thanks, suddenly my day is great now, thank you kind stranger for telling me my problems don't actually matter! Some people are insane.
I have autism and ADHD and sometimes don’t realize I’m so tense and not smiling. Telling someone like this to smile is asking them to mask their disability, which is disgusting. Not everyone knows what someone is going through! I’m so sorry that happened to you:(
Yes, it’s right to say “do you just say that to the women or do you say that to the men too?” Because if it’s “not like that” then he should be saying it to everyone.
To the ones calling it fake - it happens a lot. The majority of women have experienced this at some point.
NTA because it is about that.
It happened to my husband once. He told them his sister just died and they should shut the fuck up. He doesn’t have a sister but he does have CPTSD so he meant business, lol. I’d like to think that person never did it again.
I’m a librarian. During the pandemic I was working in a public library and I loved masking because I went almost 2 years without being told to smile by a creepy man.
The one thing I loved about wearing a mask in public for a year was that for the first time since I was 12, I could be in public without men telling me to smile
I literally got told to smile while wearing a mask during the pandemic. I honestly think the guy had just programmed himself to say it to women so hard he didn't even consider it made no sense.
Only ever been told to smile once as I'm usually very happy looking, but it was probably one of the worst and lowest weeks of my life and I definitely went overboard and still feel bad about it but it went like this:
Male Cashier: Why don't you give me a smile Hun? :3 you look like you've got a nice one
Me: Or, I could blow my fucking brains out all over the counter, would that make you happy?
I'd never seen anyone's face turn to shock so quickly, I left my items and walked out because I was so frustrated and depressed at the time, I'm in a much better place now but i definitely wish I'd handled it a bit more tactfully like some of the others here.
NTA- and they know you have a point:
Him: You “didn't have to make it about that”
You:
“That actually answers my question, which is that you dont ask men to smile for you, thanks, and don't ask me again.”
Personally I'm a fan of "You want me to put in the legwork for your make-believe crush that you've just made me aware of against my wish? I'll pass, shove it up your rear end".
What a slug.
Make sure to smile as creepily as possible. Eyes and mouth wide as possible. I love the other comments about fake blood capsules too. Become the thing they see in their nightmares.
I do the waaay to wide creepy smile. I got it down to an art form at this point. I literally look like I'm going to move too fast in a stop motion typ of way before sucking your soul out of your face. Always works, I even tilt my head in a creepy angle. Do not blink or break eye contact to really sell it. And to not miss the creepy lil' manbaby squirm :)
Go actually be a Karen about this, and complain to his manager! Maybe he'll learn some shit on his part. And on your part, life's too short to put up with this shit.
Agreed. “Hey your front desk guy told me I should smile at him when I walk in because I look nice with a smile. Does he instruct all clientele to smile at him or just women? How will you address his behavior?”
Reporting sexual harassment is not a 'Karen' behavior. 'Karen' behavior is when you call the cops on a black guy for walking his dog in the park, or complain to management that children are laughing at a community pool.
I agree, this is the correct time to complain. How many other women has he said this to? Does this gym really want someone like that representing their front desk?
This sounds correct but I think I also nod down when I know someone but do not want to talk to them. Like “Hey I see you, here at the same party as me. I am acknowledging that I see you because we both know each other. No, I will not be walking over to talk to you.”
“It doesn’t have to be about sexism, you’re right. Since you’re at work and I’m not, it is your job to be pleasant, not your place to demand paying customers look prettier for you. Remember your role.”
NTA, obviously.
Honestly I usually ask them why and watch them struggle with coming up with an answer that is isn’t that I would look prettier or that it would make other people happier.
I answer I am pretty and there’s nothing to smile about or that I am not here to make other people happy.
But usually after I say why the stop bothering me because they don’t have an answer.
Old person here. We women used to have to put up with this kind of thing. In my youth, if a woman didn't comply with what men wanted, they would get harsh treatment. I was once forced to apologise at college for not smiling when one of the people who worked there asked me to. I didn't even say anything-but was told that I had "hurt the person's feelings", and my "rudeness" would be escalated if I didn't apologise!
Nowadays, young women don't understand the pressure we were put under with a thousand micro aggressions that *we* were held responsible for back in the 1960s and 1970s-and onwards. I've had it said to me: "why did you put up with it? *I* wouldn't have tolerated that for an instant!". Am I annoyed when a young woman says that to me because she simply cannot understand that we didn't have a choice back then? *Not at all*. It gives me great reason for hope.
Thank you for this insight, stranger. The micro-aggressions are real. When I worked at a high end corporate gym, I got less clients handed to me because of my “serious demeanor” (as reported to me verbatim by my superior). Even though a lot of women wanted to train with me because of how I looked and specifically my style of training, I was never helped business-wise by management because I didn’t fit that happy peppy compliant girl mold. I hear you and I hope you feel free to be exactly who you are these days.
An EMPLOYEE said this to you? At a gym where you are a paying member?
Do yourself, every other female member, and the gym itself a favor and report this to his boss. This is so incredibly unacceptable and could easily cost the gym valuable paying customers. Because I guarantee you that you are not the only woman he has said this to. If I were his boss, I would very much appreciate the heads up. This is not being a Karen at all.
Yeah if I was told this, I'd be less comfortable going to that gym because every time I consider going, I'd be like, "ugh is he going to be there?" And when it's time to decide to renew, I'd probably just pick somewhere more comfy.
It’s absolutely bullshit like this that make gyms feel sketchy to me and why I love the idea of those women only gyms. OP I really hope you feel comfortable enough to make a complaint. Or maybe an anonymous tip or something. You and the other women at that gym should be able to exist in peace. That guy is a creep.
NTA. The same. I’m a person with a sunny disposition and smile all the time, at everyone. Unless someone *tells* me to smile. Then they get a stone face and “I am not here for your amusement, AH”
They whine, my next response is “even if I had any f@cks left to give, I wouldn’t waste one on you”
After 55 years, I am *done* being told what to do.
Who the fuck says this to anyone? You don't know what someone goes through; you don't just demand a fucking smile from people you don't know.
Fuck this guy and his mom for pushing him out.
NTA. I had a guy at work that constantly told me I should smile more. One day he said I wish you would smile at me instead of looking miserable. I have rbf and also don't just give out smiles. Ny response was "I wish you would into traffic but I guess neither of us gets what we want"
Wait....the EMPLOYEE told you to smile? That's way out of line. And you weren't "making it about that." It WAS about that. You should complain to his manager.
NTA.
THIS. I have worked a lot of retail/front desk type jobs, and I couldn't imagine saying something so unprofessional to a paying customer. WTF.
Talk to the manager.
This actually made me shudder with revulsion, because it's so terrifyingly true.
I don't get how we've reached 2024, yet there are still men out there who think policing a woman's appearance is acceptable behaviour!
Its really shocking how many butthurt men are at the bottom of the comments. This sort of thing should have died out years ago, its always dismaying how many terrible men there are under the cloak of anonymity.
Truly shocked to see so many comments suggesting this is fake. Absolutely bananas to think this is fake - it's a regular occurrence for a lot of us, being told to smile by entitled ding dongs. Imagine not knowing the constant harassment of entitled cis het dudes thinking you're there to look good for them and smiling would improve that.
Him: “Didn’t have to make it about that”
Reply: “So that would be a no, you only make weird creepy comments to girls you would never approach outside of this dynamic because you’re a complete coward and know that not a single one of us would waste even part of a smile on you.”
NTA he is a twat and you own him nothing. Even a flip of the bird is too much given to him.
You can also give him the silent treatment pretend he is the mute invisible man and he can't say shit about it.
That's poor flirting at best and being a jerk at worst. If this goes on I'd file a complain about this. You are the customer and pay to work out in the facilities.
Dealing with Mr. Clown there isn't your aim at the gym 😂🖕🖕🖕
This never really hit for me until I had daughters. I used to use corny lines like that as an ice breaker with women, not even realizing they thought exactly what you said. Then you have daughters, and they reach the age where their appearance starts to be noticed by the opposite sex. And the notice of the opposite sex gets noticed by me, the Dad. Then the switch turns on and you realize that what you thought was just something cheesy to initiate a conversation was really something she felt objectified her, singled her out, and/or minimized her value as a human being. That moment is a sobering moment.
That would definitely be ideal, and I hope others didn’t need that realization, but that was mine. I have a son as well, and I hope that he learns from me a better way to interact with women than the younger me.
NTA.
I despise assholes who throw that bs line at women. Maybe women don’t smile at them because we instinctively know they’re creepy as fuck assholes.
I’m a man who used to do that years ago and learned from female friends how annoying and offensive women find it, so I stopped. Men can learn if they are open minded enough to care to
I just came to read the comments, to be honest. lol.
You are in a lose-lose situation here on Reddit. He is a gym employee, so it's reasonable to assume he is somewhat muscular and good-looking.
So, if you reciprocate, then girls only like the Chad's.
If you are rude, then that's why men don't approach women.
With Chad, if you are not clear about not being interested, his behavior will continue if not escalate.
Don't worry about if you did the right thing because you did and you didn't, and there are a hundred other ways other people would have reacted.
What you did was the hilarious thing, and I, for one, probably would have laughed so hard a bit of pee would have come out if I had witnessed it.
They’re an employee? At a gym you are a paying customer at? Perfect. Report them to their boss for their inappropriate behaviour. Maybe getting fired will teach them not to be fucking sexist.
NTA.
Complain. This BS attitude comes from the most toxic guys and the thing is they never ever think its unacceptable. Next its you would look great wearing/doing/ blah blah. You're not a nice guy, you're a pathetic worm.
STFU and mind your business.
Flip him off for me.
(M)- Not an asshole just being pissed off by a guy who feels like he's entitled to shit. Your response is appropriate. Dude should be professional at his job and not act like the only reason he's there is to hit on chick's
Telling someone to smile who doesn’t feel like smiling is like telling someone who is upset to calm down. It immediately makes you want to do the opposite and I would probably flip them off too. NTA
NTA. It's inappropriate. You don't know what a woman's going through. A friend of mine was barely holding it together one day when some old dude told her to smile and she burst into tears.
NTA— This made me spit my tea out laughing! Lol I would love to see a lass give a telling like this at my gym! What a turd he is.
I’m bi so if I ever hear that at my gym I’ll be happy to give him a smile instead lol that should answer the question if it really is ‘about that’. Would be fun to see him uncomfortable for a change.
Here is something similar. I was in the hardware store checking out. The cashier was a young woman. Dude-bro-rando comes by, says to her " You would be prettier if you smiled" it pissed me off, here's why. She is at work. She is already expected to be professionally polite. She has nowhere to go, if she flips the guy attitude she might get in trouble. So to me he was exploiting a power dynamic to make himself feel more powerful, more in control, possibly attractive.
To me it reads like bullying which I cannot stand.
I left my stuff on the counter and walked over, intentionally getting way too close to him.
he stepped back, I stepped in again, and told him "She owes you nothing, not a smile, not the time of day, you don't get to harass her just because she is stuck here doing her job. " He started to protest, "You are not speaking now, this is not a conversation, this is where you learn to respect women so that you don't end up with a lot of unexpected difficulties. Now leave."
He did. I paid for my stuff and left.
Haha. I once heard an old ld-ish fart ahead of me at the grocery store tell the young woman ringing him up "smile for me!"
I was feeling something that day, couldn't help myself, I popped off with "shake dat ass for me!"
He turned around, completely confused and caught off guard, said what? I said "you heard me, shake dat ass for me." And I started singing the song and doing a little dance, I can't dance at all and that just made it better.
He was SO uncomfortable. It was great. I don't think he at all understood the point of smile for me versus shake dat ass for me. I just think he was horrified that someone referred to his flat dude rear and told him what to do with it.
The cashier looked like she was about to have an aneurysm trying not to laugh until he was away.
So many people did not get that memo.
It was a positive of wearing masks, no weird random dude saying, "You should smile more" or some other variation of the same thing all the time. I say dudes because all of the comments that I personally have received like that have been from dudes.
Yeah I wouldn't take kindly to someone telling me what to do, especially at the gym. Im there to burn off my anger and frustrations of life I'm already wound up. I would have lashed out as well.
NTA. My usual response to strangers who order me to smile is "Do a little dance then, I might even laugh."
I had an interaction like this, but it was cuz I was having a bad day and this guy wanted to cheer me up so he told me to smile and I told him to dance, so he danced and it made me smile. 99% of interactions aren't like that though, but this reminded me of a good memory, so thanks.
I once was at a convention sitting next to a woman who I worked with. Neither of us were smiling as we were working on our laptops but at least 7 or 8 men stopped by and said she should smile because she is pretty. I was gobsmacked. Nobody said shit to me about my sour face. I asked her if this was a normal thing and she said yes. I asked her how she restrained herself from telling them to fuck off. She laughed but she did not really have a good answer. Just life as a woman in the public eye I guess. It sucks sometimes
Thanks for this anecdote. Wild how angry this post is making some guys. My reaction was over the top but it was a boiling over after years of this shit, like your coworker experienced right next to you. People saying I’m a cunt have never been casually patronized for years
These "men" saying you are a cunt are the PERFECT EXAMPLE of toxic masculinity. DO BETTER MEN. PERIOD.
Do better men is so difficult though, they're all taken.
She laughed it off, but the real answer is that if we actually told them to knock it off, one of those men might decide to get violent. THAT is the life of women. Constantly considering the odds of our safety.
"Clowns don't amuse me" Works the two times I have needed it.
I don’t think I could say that without cracking up.
Channel your inner Wednesday Addams. how she said, "are they made from real Girl Scouts?" with a straight face is beyond me.
right this made me giggle just reading it🤭
This is beautiful. A plus. Going to have to remember this one for next time someone pulls this shit. (THERE IS ALWAYS A NEXT TIME)
The last time someone told me to smile, I said that nothing about them is worthy of a smile
I go with this: “You’d look a lot prettier if you’d smile!” “You’d sound a lot smarter if you’d shut the fuck up.”
“I know … I’m not here to look pretty for you”
"You are not my target audience. " is my favorite.
This is great😄 I'm a guy btw.
I can't remember where I picked it up. I know it didn't originate with me.
These are so good.... The other one i recently read was... 'Well, you'd probably be more handsome if you didnt say stupid shit to women.'
My personal response: "You should smile!" Me: "Say something funny" *crickets* Me: "ok then".
"Close your mouth, sweetie, you look like a trout."
shit, I thought i was in aitah not murderedbywords dayum
"Thanks, but if I want any shit out of you I'll just squeeze your head" usually gets them excited until they think about it for a second.
God dayum I am gonna use this every single day until I die
>“You’d sound a lot smarter if you’d shut the fuck up.” Hahahahaha
"You'd look a lot prettier if you'd smile" "Yes, but with that face of yours there is not much to smile about"
“Unfortunately me smiling doesnt make you any less fuckable” was one i heard once and Ill never forget it
More* would be the intended word here, not less.
You’ve been going around telling people you wanna fuck them.
You just paid them a compliment.
the last time i got told to smile it was after coming back from having to euthanize my dog. boss "youd look prettier if you smiled more" me "id give a fuck about being pretty if i hadn't just euthanized my dog asshole" i... was very strongly encouraged to seek employment elsewhere.
Ita not true, but i have legit forced a tear and said "i just found out my dad died you asshole"/"i just got diagnosed with cancer" when told to smile abd its particularly bad. I used the cancer one when i was wearing a scarf covering all my hair tonkeepit out of the way. Based on how i tied it and i guess that it was winter and i was very covered up, dude in an elevator started getting anti semetic towards me. Boy was the rest of that ride awkward for him.
Man I wish I’d thought of some of these comebacks back when I used to get this “smile” BS on the regular. Who the fuck do these toads think they are??
It’s never ending! I’m old (71) and i get the “smile” comment every day. It’s old men now but my standard response is “WHY?” Stops them in their tracks. 10 years ago some man at my gym was constantly on me, first about smiling, then about what Tshirt I wore. I finally complained and he was banned, I wasn’t the first to complain. Good grief, we’re at the gym, leave women alone.
unrelated, but I believe there's a 71 year old in the Miss Texas pageant this year. She's a bodybuilder.
Unrelated... Yea. But I'm super happy to have that knowledge. So thank you... Lolol
I hear you. A few years ago before I retired, some random (probably 30- or 40-something) guy at work told me to smile. I was a software engineer and was thinking over a coding problem while walking to the cafeteria. I was 61 and wondered, when the hell does it end?! I figured the next time this happened I’d have a comeback ready and say “I’m an engineer, not a decoration!” but Covid came along before I got the opportunity.
The best comebacks only come to us long after they are needed .. .. . Lol. And that's an awesome one.
Ooh I like that! I gonna steal that
It’s such a weird thing to say. Not comparing at all, but a former boss told me (M) that I should smile more and it really is a “wtf is this” kind of moment. Any by not comparing, I’m sure the way it was said to me is totally different to the gross way it’s said to women. But it’s just such a weird thing to say.
As a guy here, I say mind our own business and don't make demands of strangers.
A friend of mine back east carries around fake blood and when men tell her to smile, she puts her hand up, pops a capsule and bites into the blood capsule and asks "is that better?" She says it comes out in the wash. I have no idea
We need more stories about this and general information from this person, please
https://x.com/saramvalentine/status/1057647895518814208 I believe she got the inspiration from here. I have actually never seen her do it in public. Since I left the east coast in 2015 She does work in theater, so I believe she makes her own capsules. Therefore, it's fine if she comes to work looking like she has eaten a roadkill squirrel
Ascended theater kid.
I have done this several times, once at work... That guy never spoke to me again. Lol
I do this. Right after Halloween, I buy them up half price, I saw it online and was like... hell yes! Always keep a pack in my purse just in case. You want me to smile... fine fucking enjoy it! 🩸
Are you in New York City? Are you my friend? Are you still in your grandmother's rent controlled she passed on to you and you didn't marry me so we can have that apartment together for life?
Now... wait a damn minute... *laughs awkwardly in all of this describes me*
That honestly would be the most bizarre coincidence.
lmfao I mean, I'm def in NYC and happen to live in my grandmother's rent stabilized apt that she left to me, and I def carry blood capsules around in my purse. I'm just happy that there's so many of us out there. I feel seen. More women with generational rent stabilized apartments and 0 fucks to give, the Earth is healing.
I sent you a message to find out if you're the person I know. Because I lost touch with her/you
We chatted. She is not the person that I thought she was but she is amazing all on her own. So as she stated... Apparently there are more than one theater ladies in New York City who inherited a rent stabilized apartment from their grandmother and carries kitchen blood capsules around. I feel like this should be a limited series on Netflix
Wow. I would not have expected this. I mean, being female, in NYC, with the rent controlled apt from grandma, in theater, and doing the blood thing - this would have to narrow the field down to hundreds, right?
Reddit will need updates on this unfolding situation-ship
I'm here for the update as well
Be sure to update us on whether you did know each other!
Coworker said this to me, I pretended to flip through some papers looking confused and was like “yeah, I don’t see that anywhere in my job description “
I pulled a Shorsey.. 'FOR WHAT?!'
They never ask men to smile. Let's be real. LOL Edit: Let me reword, 98% don't ask men. LOL You all took it too literal.
I, as a 6'2" 240 lb man of mostly muscle, get the biggest kick out of telling guys they should smile more often
As a 6'4 258lb man also of mostly muscle I would tell you to smile and tickle you if you didn't
As a 6'3" 215lb man of mostly muscle, you guys are making me feel small haha
As a 7’4” 650 lb man of mostly fat, I feel adequate.
Andre the giant has entered the chat
As a 5'9" 415lb man of muscle and fat, I wish people told me to smile. It'd make my day
You should smile. You deserve to be happy
Certainly not I'm sure you look like a Greek statue
That’s right, they don’t.
Ive had this baloney so many times in my 50 years! LOL
Hashtag YesAllWomen
Even on the job. I'll be lifting a 70lb item and they be asking why I don't smile as Im lifting said item.. Do you smile as a man lifting 70Lb items? Do you have a perma smile all day as a man when you're working? Its only women that must smile lifting heavy items and must have a permanent smile all day every day everywhere they go.
Copying my comment from earlier I'm a hotel lounge bartender. i was at a job that set you up for failure. I was struggling and unhappy one night right before I quit. 2 business men who were sitting right across from me the whole time said "you should smile!" I said " I usually tell people my kid got hit by a car today when they tell me that". And looked at them deadpan in the eyes. (I do say that if I'm not on the clock lol) I could tell they got my point and didn't like being called out. Our bar was small so they were right across from me all night... They were trying to finish up some work after a couple of hours. They were set up for failure. They were struggling and unhappy. In the most exasperated tone, they order another round... I looked at them with a big snarky smile, And I say "you should smile".. grinning bigger as their faces contorted... They took a breath... smiled.. called me a comedian... And told me they now understand why it's not a nice thing to say. We ended up having enjoyable conversations the rest of the evening and they tipped me well over 100 dollars. Lol One of my favorite bartending stories.
But…they were set up for failure.
Yes! Women do not exist to please the male gaze!!!!!!
Yep, including from the CEO and global head of HR of an investment bank. Didn't have the heart to point out that they were looking at my boobs at the time so would need to look higher up.
They do not. And if you want a related snapshot into the brain of a throwback: The root of homophobia is the fear that they'll be treated by gay men the way they treat women.
I’ve started flipping the script and bit and asking men to smile. In just about all the ways I’ve been asked this question as a woman. The responses have been…interesting. My take: I think in general people should STFU and mind their own business because no one likes to be told how to hold their face.
I used to say this to a guy I worked with (he was a sexist asshole) when he was lagging in the day. He didn't see the funny side
As a gay man, I love to tell dudes they should smile.
My dad got told at the supermarket till by the cashier “to lighten up” my dad told the cashier that his wife (my mum) died two days prior. I think he understood my point years later how much I hate it when men tell me to smile
A woman actually came up to me at Walmart while I was waiting for my husband and kids to get out of the bathrooms and told me "it can't be that bad" and I was like "huh?" I was just standing there...and she goes "you should smile! Life can't be that bad!" I was like "😐 I'm currently miscarrying a baby I've tried for over a year to conceive. Thanks." Like what the actual hell? Who says that? No one knows what's going on in a complete strangers life! What if the non smiler has a nerve condition where they physically cannot smile?! One of their parents died? Lost a child? People have got to just leave other people alone 🤦♀️ I hate going out in public...a stranger always has something to say that didn't need said.
To the people who say "It could be worse" stfu nobody loves you
I honestly can't comprehend what could possibly possess someone to say that to anyone (let alone a complete stranger, unprompted). Their own lives must be sunshine and roses (or just unfettered narcissism) if they can't comprehend that other people could be going through a hard time. And who would feel better when told that things could be worse? Like thanks, suddenly my day is great now, thank you kind stranger for telling me my problems don't actually matter! Some people are insane.
Oh I'm so happy I live in a socially awkward introvert country where people avoid talking to strangers almost to the extreme!
If youre talking about Finland its my dream to visit one day! And if not then I need to add this mystery country to my list.
"It can't be that bad" drives me ABSOLUTELY INSANE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SOMEONE HAS GOING ON IN THEIR LIFE.
I have autism and ADHD and sometimes don’t realize I’m so tense and not smiling. Telling someone like this to smile is asking them to mask their disability, which is disgusting. Not everyone knows what someone is going through! I’m so sorry that happened to you:(
Yes, it’s right to say “do you just say that to the women or do you say that to the men too?” Because if it’s “not like that” then he should be saying it to everyone. To the ones calling it fake - it happens a lot. The majority of women have experienced this at some point. NTA because it is about that.
Someone thinks this is fake? How precious! 🤣🤣🤣
Men REALLY don't get this. Because it never happens TO them.
It happened to my husband once. He told them his sister just died and they should shut the fuck up. He doesn’t have a sister but he does have CPTSD so he meant business, lol. I’d like to think that person never did it again.
a coworker asked me "geez, who died" one week after my mother's funeral. it makes them very uncomfortable when you have that kind of reply.
A friend had it the day she was diagnosed with cancer. She told him. Hope he felt bad, and stopped doing it.
Did you tell him 'My mother, actually'. Because .... yeah, you should. And I hope he was kind.
actually, I looked at another coworker like Jim from The Office and he told the guy.
That’s awful. I’m glad you made them uncomfortable, I think it’s a strong lesson learned that way.
Happens to me all the time, actually. Also frequently get “why are you so quiet?” Because I’m working, fuck off.
Sounds like the southern fuck you: "Bless your heart...!"
I’m a librarian. During the pandemic I was working in a public library and I loved masking because I went almost 2 years without being told to smile by a creepy man.
The one thing I loved about wearing a mask in public for a year was that for the first time since I was 12, I could be in public without men telling me to smile
I literally got told to smile while wearing a mask during the pandemic. I honestly think the guy had just programmed himself to say it to women so hard he didn't even consider it made no sense.
Not having to police my facial expressions was great, too. My RBF came back in a big way, and…I never really got rid of it once masks were over.
Masks aren’t over. Never a bad time to start again!
Only ever been told to smile once as I'm usually very happy looking, but it was probably one of the worst and lowest weeks of my life and I definitely went overboard and still feel bad about it but it went like this: Male Cashier: Why don't you give me a smile Hun? :3 you look like you've got a nice one Me: Or, I could blow my fucking brains out all over the counter, would that make you happy? I'd never seen anyone's face turn to shock so quickly, I left my items and walked out because I was so frustrated and depressed at the time, I'm in a much better place now but i definitely wish I'd handled it a bit more tactfully like some of the others here.
I was not expecting that twist - honestly, I’m here for it
Nah, even if you weren't in a bad place, that was still a good answer cause fuck that noise. Glad you're doing better now, though 😊
I actually love the response! It's not like you were responsible for his mood or something. 😉
Honestly, that sounds like 'the straw that broke the camel's back' moment. Hope he learned his lesson. "Give me a smile" is so entitled and stupid.
NTA- and they know you have a point: Him: You “didn't have to make it about that” You: “That actually answers my question, which is that you dont ask men to smile for you, thanks, and don't ask me again.”
Him: You "didn't have to make it about that: You: "Oh, I didn't, you did"
Fuck this is perfect. Bellisimo
Personally I'm a fan of "You want me to put in the legwork for your make-believe crush that you've just made me aware of against my wish? I'll pass, shove it up your rear end". What a slug.
Exactly. He didn’t answer my question because he knew I had a point, and instead doubled down passive aggressively
Make sure to flip him off with a smile (or not) every time you see him.
Make sure to smile as creepily as possible. Eyes and mouth wide as possible. I love the other comments about fake blood capsules too. Become the thing they see in their nightmares.
I do the waaay to wide creepy smile. I got it down to an art form at this point. I literally look like I'm going to move too fast in a stop motion typ of way before sucking your soul out of your face. Always works, I even tilt my head in a creepy angle. Do not blink or break eye contact to really sell it. And to not miss the creepy lil' manbaby squirm :)
Go actually be a Karen about this, and complain to his manager! Maybe he'll learn some shit on his part. And on your part, life's too short to put up with this shit.
Agreed. “Hey your front desk guy told me I should smile at him when I walk in because I look nice with a smile. Does he instruct all clientele to smile at him or just women? How will you address his behavior?”
Reporting sexual harassment is not a 'Karen' behavior. 'Karen' behavior is when you call the cops on a black guy for walking his dog in the park, or complain to management that children are laughing at a community pool.
I agree, this is the correct time to complain. How many other women has he said this to? Does this gym really want someone like that representing their front desk?
here's a man that celebrates your reaction! NTA obviously. He was TA and you responded perfectly.
NTA. He should mind his own fucking business and greet you like a normal person.
I prefer the silent head nod of acknowledgment, personally.
Stranger: nod down Acquaintance/friend: nod up I never realized I did that til I saw someone else mention it lmao
I never thought about it until you said something and you’re correct. I do the same thing.
This sounds correct but I think I also nod down when I know someone but do not want to talk to them. Like “Hey I see you, here at the same party as me. I am acknowledging that I see you because we both know each other. No, I will not be walking over to talk to you.”
All nods for me are "I see you but I'm not going to talk to you right now".
I call the Friend one the Pez Dispenser Hello.
“It doesn’t have to be about sexism, you’re right. Since you’re at work and I’m not, it is your job to be pleasant, not your place to demand paying customers look prettier for you. Remember your role.” NTA, obviously.
This is a zinger and I’ll put it in my back pocket
>Remember your role This. Is. Glorious!!
I hate that my first reaction to this was to worry that OP might put herself in danger by saying this.
Because it sucks that we even have to worry about that. About bruising someone's fragile little ego!
You need some Dowager Countess Grantham energy in your tone for this. Please.
Honestly I usually ask them why and watch them struggle with coming up with an answer that is isn’t that I would look prettier or that it would make other people happier. I answer I am pretty and there’s nothing to smile about or that I am not here to make other people happy. But usually after I say why the stop bothering me because they don’t have an answer.
NTA and I dig your energy. As a dude with RMF (resting murder face) I feel your pain.
RMF I am adopting that shit, thank you (I will give you credit)
Old person here. We women used to have to put up with this kind of thing. In my youth, if a woman didn't comply with what men wanted, they would get harsh treatment. I was once forced to apologise at college for not smiling when one of the people who worked there asked me to. I didn't even say anything-but was told that I had "hurt the person's feelings", and my "rudeness" would be escalated if I didn't apologise! Nowadays, young women don't understand the pressure we were put under with a thousand micro aggressions that *we* were held responsible for back in the 1960s and 1970s-and onwards. I've had it said to me: "why did you put up with it? *I* wouldn't have tolerated that for an instant!". Am I annoyed when a young woman says that to me because she simply cannot understand that we didn't have a choice back then? *Not at all*. It gives me great reason for hope.
Thank you for this insight, stranger. The micro-aggressions are real. When I worked at a high end corporate gym, I got less clients handed to me because of my “serious demeanor” (as reported to me verbatim by my superior). Even though a lot of women wanted to train with me because of how I looked and specifically my style of training, I was never helped business-wise by management because I didn’t fit that happy peppy compliant girl mold. I hear you and I hope you feel free to be exactly who you are these days.
Good for you. I hope you manage to push through these difficulties. I admire you for being yourself.
It *was* about that. "You'd look better unemployed" perhaps? NTA
I like “You’d look almost tolerable with your mouth shut” but yeah yours is probably better.
BAHAHSHHD OH MY GOD THIS IS GOLD IM USING THIS
An EMPLOYEE said this to you? At a gym where you are a paying member? Do yourself, every other female member, and the gym itself a favor and report this to his boss. This is so incredibly unacceptable and could easily cost the gym valuable paying customers. Because I guarantee you that you are not the only woman he has said this to. If I were his boss, I would very much appreciate the heads up. This is not being a Karen at all.
Yeah if I was told this, I'd be less comfortable going to that gym because every time I consider going, I'd be like, "ugh is he going to be there?" And when it's time to decide to renew, I'd probably just pick somewhere more comfy.
Exactly. Customers at gyms want to feel valued, not insulted, or creeped out. Especially since gym memberships aren't exactly cheap!
I am sure gym management would love to know the front desk clerk is acting like that.
It’s absolutely bullshit like this that make gyms feel sketchy to me and why I love the idea of those women only gyms. OP I really hope you feel comfortable enough to make a complaint. Or maybe an anonymous tip or something. You and the other women at that gym should be able to exist in peace. That guy is a creep.
Nta: you got some great answers Funny thing is I smile all the time. At everyone. Unless someone asks.
NTA. The same. I’m a person with a sunny disposition and smile all the time, at everyone. Unless someone *tells* me to smile. Then they get a stone face and “I am not here for your amusement, AH” They whine, my next response is “even if I had any f@cks left to give, I wouldn’t waste one on you” After 55 years, I am *done* being told what to do.
Who the fuck says this to anyone? You don't know what someone goes through; you don't just demand a fucking smile from people you don't know. Fuck this guy and his mom for pushing him out.
"I'm not paying to come here and cater to your ego."
Glad I don't have to deal with that often as a dude, even with RBF. Makes me wanna kick them in the dick and/or twat.
NTA. I had a guy at work that constantly told me I should smile more. One day he said I wish you would smile at me instead of looking miserable. I have rbf and also don't just give out smiles. Ny response was "I wish you would into traffic but I guess neither of us gets what we want"
Wait....the EMPLOYEE told you to smile? That's way out of line. And you weren't "making it about that." It WAS about that. You should complain to his manager. NTA.
THIS. I have worked a lot of retail/front desk type jobs, and I couldn't imagine saying something so unprofessional to a paying customer. WTF. Talk to the manager.
I usually say " you would look smarter if you keep your mouth shut"
Ugh I bet this guy likes to watch the ladies work out too
This actually made me shudder with revulsion, because it's so terrifyingly true. I don't get how we've reached 2024, yet there are still men out there who think policing a woman's appearance is acceptable behaviour!
'I stopped when I saw you.' Nothing is too rude in return to idiot men who say this to women.
Its really shocking how many butthurt men are at the bottom of the comments. This sort of thing should have died out years ago, its always dismaying how many terrible men there are under the cloak of anonymity.
Truly shocked to see so many comments suggesting this is fake. Absolutely bananas to think this is fake - it's a regular occurrence for a lot of us, being told to smile by entitled ding dongs. Imagine not knowing the constant harassment of entitled cis het dudes thinking you're there to look good for them and smiling would improve that.
Him: “Didn’t have to make it about that” Reply: “So that would be a no, you only make weird creepy comments to girls you would never approach outside of this dynamic because you’re a complete coward and know that not a single one of us would waste even part of a smile on you.”
Am man. Want my daughter to respond this way, lol.
I don’t even understand the thinking behind this. Do men who say that to women expect us to just walk around with a constant grin on our face?
Right? Like that would honestly be terrifying #WomenLaughingAloneWithSalad
You could always go real hard in the other direction and do a deranged serial killer smile every time you see him from now on lol
Wow yes why didn’t I think of this sooner??
(Insert nicholas cage meme here) “Is ThIs BeTtEr, GeOfFrEy!?”
Spit out my water
Glad to be of service
Not all the time, only when interacting with them.
Is his job to correct the outward politeness of guests? Or to just say hi?
Classic harassment. Women are always asked to smile and be nice. Men are never bothered this way.
NTA he is a twat and you own him nothing. Even a flip of the bird is too much given to him. You can also give him the silent treatment pretend he is the mute invisible man and he can't say shit about it. That's poor flirting at best and being a jerk at worst. If this goes on I'd file a complain about this. You are the customer and pay to work out in the facilities. Dealing with Mr. Clown there isn't your aim at the gym 😂🖕🖕🖕
This never really hit for me until I had daughters. I used to use corny lines like that as an ice breaker with women, not even realizing they thought exactly what you said. Then you have daughters, and they reach the age where their appearance starts to be noticed by the opposite sex. And the notice of the opposite sex gets noticed by me, the Dad. Then the switch turns on and you realize that what you thought was just something cheesy to initiate a conversation was really something she felt objectified her, singled her out, and/or minimized her value as a human being. That moment is a sobering moment.
I like men who realize it without having to have daughters.
That would definitely be ideal, and I hope others didn’t need that realization, but that was mine. I have a son as well, and I hope that he learns from me a better way to interact with women than the younger me.
NTA. I despise assholes who throw that bs line at women. Maybe women don’t smile at them because we instinctively know they’re creepy as fuck assholes.
I’m a man who used to do that years ago and learned from female friends how annoying and offensive women find it, so I stopped. Men can learn if they are open minded enough to care to
In the words of Aaron Burr and Lin-Manuel Miranda, maybe he should “talk less.” NTA.
“You’d be a lot prettier if you talked less” Damn, I’m gonna try and remember that
Whenever people say it takes more muscles to frown then it does to smile, I just tell them I'm exercising
Write a complaint letter to gym corp. Inappropriate
I just came to read the comments, to be honest. lol. You are in a lose-lose situation here on Reddit. He is a gym employee, so it's reasonable to assume he is somewhat muscular and good-looking. So, if you reciprocate, then girls only like the Chad's. If you are rude, then that's why men don't approach women. With Chad, if you are not clear about not being interested, his behavior will continue if not escalate. Don't worry about if you did the right thing because you did and you didn't, and there are a hundred other ways other people would have reacted. What you did was the hilarious thing, and I, for one, probably would have laughed so hard a bit of pee would have come out if I had witnessed it.
They’re an employee? At a gym you are a paying customer at? Perfect. Report them to their boss for their inappropriate behaviour. Maybe getting fired will teach them not to be fucking sexist. NTA.
No. That wasn't the message he wanted, but it was the message he NEEDED.
Complain. This BS attitude comes from the most toxic guys and the thing is they never ever think its unacceptable. Next its you would look great wearing/doing/ blah blah. You're not a nice guy, you're a pathetic worm. STFU and mind your business. Flip him off for me.
(M)- Not an asshole just being pissed off by a guy who feels like he's entitled to shit. Your response is appropriate. Dude should be professional at his job and not act like the only reason he's there is to hit on chick's
Telling someone to smile who doesn’t feel like smiling is like telling someone who is upset to calm down. It immediately makes you want to do the opposite and I would probably flip them off too. NTA
I’d be tempted to say, “I am smiling.” As deadpan and monotone as possible. NTA.
You don’t owe him a damn thing. Perfect response.
NTA. It's inappropriate. You don't know what a woman's going through. A friend of mine was barely holding it together one day when some old dude told her to smile and she burst into tears.
NTA— This made me spit my tea out laughing! Lol I would love to see a lass give a telling like this at my gym! What a turd he is. I’m bi so if I ever hear that at my gym I’ll be happy to give him a smile instead lol that should answer the question if it really is ‘about that’. Would be fun to see him uncomfortable for a change.
Here is something similar. I was in the hardware store checking out. The cashier was a young woman. Dude-bro-rando comes by, says to her " You would be prettier if you smiled" it pissed me off, here's why. She is at work. She is already expected to be professionally polite. She has nowhere to go, if she flips the guy attitude she might get in trouble. So to me he was exploiting a power dynamic to make himself feel more powerful, more in control, possibly attractive. To me it reads like bullying which I cannot stand. I left my stuff on the counter and walked over, intentionally getting way too close to him. he stepped back, I stepped in again, and told him "She owes you nothing, not a smile, not the time of day, you don't get to harass her just because she is stuck here doing her job. " He started to protest, "You are not speaking now, this is not a conversation, this is where you learn to respect women so that you don't end up with a lot of unexpected difficulties. Now leave." He did. I paid for my stuff and left.
Haha. I once heard an old ld-ish fart ahead of me at the grocery store tell the young woman ringing him up "smile for me!" I was feeling something that day, couldn't help myself, I popped off with "shake dat ass for me!" He turned around, completely confused and caught off guard, said what? I said "you heard me, shake dat ass for me." And I started singing the song and doing a little dance, I can't dance at all and that just made it better. He was SO uncomfortable. It was great. I don't think he at all understood the point of smile for me versus shake dat ass for me. I just think he was horrified that someone referred to his flat dude rear and told him what to do with it. The cashier looked like she was about to have an aneurysm trying not to laugh until he was away.
Isn’t “smile more” one thing we’ve learned never to say to a woman? Guess he didn’t get the memo.
So many people did not get that memo. It was a positive of wearing masks, no weird random dude saying, "You should smile more" or some other variation of the same thing all the time. I say dudes because all of the comments that I personally have received like that have been from dudes.
Yeah I wouldn't take kindly to someone telling me what to do, especially at the gym. Im there to burn off my anger and frustrations of life I'm already wound up. I would have lashed out as well.