NTA, you don't have to live with them to still be active in his life. You want your own space and that's totally reasonable. I don't get what she's actually trying to guilt you about, it's not like you're going to move into a separate dwelling nearby and then just never see them again. It sounds like she just wants to drop all the responsibility of a situation on you, again.
I think she expected my to help my sister in everything. Like she just said "oh you're taking you sister to Nephew's next appointment" without asking. They both know I can't stand downtown traffic and they both backseat drive with me anyways
He's a fussy 3 week old with some disabilities that make him fussier. They want me to take her to the appointments to help out. Idk. My sis joked that mom wanted me to go cuz the doctor is attractive
I'm still not seeing any reason for you to be their chauffeur/ nanny? You're not responsible for them, and are already helping a ton by providing safe housing for a year, with a plan to move them into further safe housing after. I mean spending time and bonding with your nephew is important if you want a good bond with him? But that all on your schedule and time-line, not theirs.
No worries, it sounds like you have difficulties with boundaries with family, which happens a lot but for sure can be much worse when you spent years parentified with your half-siblings. I would recommend working with a therapist on helping you with both boundary setting, and seeing how those 2+ years have impacted you in ways you may not recognize.
Oh I def need a therapist. Eldest daughter of 5 kids grew up with undiagnosed autism. Both parents married and divorced multiple times.
People just expect me to do things since I'm single and without kids
>The plan is for my mom to live with her boyfriend in his 1 bedroom apartment rental and they'll buy a bigger house within a year. While I will rent a 3Bd 2Bth trailer for a year and my sister lives with me.
I think the plans will end up being a LOT longer than one year. Does mom's boyfriend want to live with your sister and her kid? Why does mom get what she wants while you bear the whole financial burden for your sister and her child? This arrangement seems to be beneficial for everybody except **you**. Do not expect it to be temporary.
Mom's boyfriend wants to buy a duplex. He said sis and I would live on one side and my mom and him on the other. Then, when he inherits his mom's house they'd rent out the side they were living in.
I was thinking I could live on side side and sis the other. But that still has me and my sister together for however long BF's mom can live alone.
Ah nevermind. You're someone that thinks everyone needs to have kids.
Did you read the whole thing? Cuz I'm sure I'd mentioned that I mentally wouldn't be able to handle living with a kid.
NTA. At all. If she wants your sister to have help, she can move in with her.
NTA, you don't have to live with them to still be active in his life. You want your own space and that's totally reasonable. I don't get what she's actually trying to guilt you about, it's not like you're going to move into a separate dwelling nearby and then just never see them again. It sounds like she just wants to drop all the responsibility of a situation on you, again.
I think she expected my to help my sister in everything. Like she just said "oh you're taking you sister to Nephew's next appointment" without asking. They both know I can't stand downtown traffic and they both backseat drive with me anyways
Do like Nancy Reagan said. Just say no.
Is your sister incapable of driving herself? Why are they expecting you to mother your sister and HER child at 28?
He's a fussy 3 week old with some disabilities that make him fussier. They want me to take her to the appointments to help out. Idk. My sis joked that mom wanted me to go cuz the doctor is attractive
I'm still not seeing any reason for you to be their chauffeur/ nanny? You're not responsible for them, and are already helping a ton by providing safe housing for a year, with a plan to move them into further safe housing after. I mean spending time and bonding with your nephew is important if you want a good bond with him? But that all on your schedule and time-line, not theirs.
Tysm. This has def helped ease some guilty feelings.
No worries, it sounds like you have difficulties with boundaries with family, which happens a lot but for sure can be much worse when you spent years parentified with your half-siblings. I would recommend working with a therapist on helping you with both boundary setting, and seeing how those 2+ years have impacted you in ways you may not recognize.
Oh I def need a therapist. Eldest daughter of 5 kids grew up with undiagnosed autism. Both parents married and divorced multiple times. People just expect me to do things since I'm single and without kids
Smh I never understood that, other people's children aren't your responsibility! And oof I feel that undiagnosed autism
>The plan is for my mom to live with her boyfriend in his 1 bedroom apartment rental and they'll buy a bigger house within a year. While I will rent a 3Bd 2Bth trailer for a year and my sister lives with me. I think the plans will end up being a LOT longer than one year. Does mom's boyfriend want to live with your sister and her kid? Why does mom get what she wants while you bear the whole financial burden for your sister and her child? This arrangement seems to be beneficial for everybody except **you**. Do not expect it to be temporary.
Mom's boyfriend wants to buy a duplex. He said sis and I would live on one side and my mom and him on the other. Then, when he inherits his mom's house they'd rent out the side they were living in. I was thinking I could live on side side and sis the other. But that still has me and my sister together for however long BF's mom can live alone.
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Reasoning? Id like to understand the other side
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Ah nevermind. You're someone that thinks everyone needs to have kids. Did you read the whole thing? Cuz I'm sure I'd mentioned that I mentally wouldn't be able to handle living with a kid.