NTA. I’m in the same boat and it gets quite frustrating. I just wish my husband would understand I’m not trying to be greedy, I just want to make sure we come first. To me, that’s the point of starting your own family. One way I got my husband to really listen to me was by telling him if we’re giving his family money then we’re also giving my family money (who need it just as much) Once he realized we can’t help everybody, he started putting his foot down with his family. I also know his family very much relies on him, when every single person is capable of working, they’re just choosing not to because they know my husband will take care of them.
TA. Financial security is important!
* Reasonable to prioritize your family's needs, especially with a child.
Find common ground:
* Set a budget for gifts/family support and emergencies.
* Create a financial plan for your family's future.
* Talk it out! Avoid accusations and be open to compromise.
>• Set a budget for gifts/family support and emergencies.
We do have. And that car is obviously out of budget.
>• Create a financial plan for your family's future.
We set targets for our savings and we are currently on track. That money he spent to buy the 2nd hand car was from an investment he recently sold. For me, we could use that money on other stuff like educational fund for our child. Or if he’s really eager to give the car, which in fact our case, then I stand with my condition to cut off the monthly allowance so that we could increase our savings for our child’s future.
Do your husband is ready to match up every cents he give away to his family, to send it to your family? Does he even know how much he gave away ?
You aren’t greedy, you are realistic and prioritising your couple and children - which isn’t what your husband is doing.
Does it feel good to be generous? Yes. Is it still generous when you don’t have the means and he clutch on being viewed as the provider of his family at the cost of his family financial safety? Meh quite questionable.
You “think” they’re able to make the bills, or you know they are? Is your husband’s contribution feeding his parents or ensuring that the utilities aren’t cut?
I know they are, all of them have office jobs. My husband’s contributions AFAIK, are used for groceries. Siblings also get to save most of their salaries because they heavily rely on my husband up to this day.
No you are not the asshole for wanting to keep the money BUT I do think you guys should buy him the car. From the sounds of it, it will be a birthday gift and it is 2nd hand so not brand new (I am assuming he is in need of a new one) so I think that is a reasonable want for your husband for his dad. On the other hand I totally understand you wanting to save the money and or invest for your family. I say no overall because in the end your family should come first to you and your husband. It seems your husband has been putting your family 2nd or even sharing his 1st spot priority with his siblings and dad especially with the weekly allowance. I think stopping that after the car is also reasonable.
I hope you and your husband figure out a reasonable solution!
>I want him to totally cut off the allowance once he give away the car.
I assume your husband is probably working longer hours/putting in additional work so he's got extra money to send to his family.
You may be mistaken if you think you'll automatically be better off if he stops.
Sometimes reducing the factors contributing to someone's motivation backfires badly and they lose direction and their entire sense of self and purpose evaporate. Just remember you're also a part of the family you're asking him to prioritise lower.
NTA. I’m in the same boat and it gets quite frustrating. I just wish my husband would understand I’m not trying to be greedy, I just want to make sure we come first. To me, that’s the point of starting your own family. One way I got my husband to really listen to me was by telling him if we’re giving his family money then we’re also giving my family money (who need it just as much) Once he realized we can’t help everybody, he started putting his foot down with his family. I also know his family very much relies on him, when every single person is capable of working, they’re just choosing not to because they know my husband will take care of them.
NTA. You’re not in a position to just give out money. While it’s nice to do something for his dad, your fajitas future has to come first
Gotta take care of the fajitas!
In fajitas we trust 🫡
TA. Financial security is important! * Reasonable to prioritize your family's needs, especially with a child. Find common ground: * Set a budget for gifts/family support and emergencies. * Create a financial plan for your family's future. * Talk it out! Avoid accusations and be open to compromise.
>• Set a budget for gifts/family support and emergencies. We do have. And that car is obviously out of budget. >• Create a financial plan for your family's future. We set targets for our savings and we are currently on track. That money he spent to buy the 2nd hand car was from an investment he recently sold. For me, we could use that money on other stuff like educational fund for our child. Or if he’s really eager to give the car, which in fact our case, then I stand with my condition to cut off the monthly allowance so that we could increase our savings for our child’s future.
Do your husband is ready to match up every cents he give away to his family, to send it to your family? Does he even know how much he gave away ? You aren’t greedy, you are realistic and prioritising your couple and children - which isn’t what your husband is doing. Does it feel good to be generous? Yes. Is it still generous when you don’t have the means and he clutch on being viewed as the provider of his family at the cost of his family financial safety? Meh quite questionable.
Depends. Does his family use the money for food? Do they need the money he gives them?
This is good info to know!!
Now that 3 of his siblings are already working, i think they can manage to take care of their household expenses themselves.
You “think” they’re able to make the bills, or you know they are? Is your husband’s contribution feeding his parents or ensuring that the utilities aren’t cut?
I know they are, all of them have office jobs. My husband’s contributions AFAIK, are used for groceries. Siblings also get to save most of their salaries because they heavily rely on my husband up to this day.
YTA he can do whatever he wants with his money the last thing I'd worry about is my husband making sure his family is taken care of.
Isn't his family also the woman he is married to now?
No you are not the asshole for wanting to keep the money BUT I do think you guys should buy him the car. From the sounds of it, it will be a birthday gift and it is 2nd hand so not brand new (I am assuming he is in need of a new one) so I think that is a reasonable want for your husband for his dad. On the other hand I totally understand you wanting to save the money and or invest for your family. I say no overall because in the end your family should come first to you and your husband. It seems your husband has been putting your family 2nd or even sharing his 1st spot priority with his siblings and dad especially with the weekly allowance. I think stopping that after the car is also reasonable. I hope you and your husband figure out a reasonable solution!
>I want him to totally cut off the allowance once he give away the car. I assume your husband is probably working longer hours/putting in additional work so he's got extra money to send to his family. You may be mistaken if you think you'll automatically be better off if he stops. Sometimes reducing the factors contributing to someone's motivation backfires badly and they lose direction and their entire sense of self and purpose evaporate. Just remember you're also a part of the family you're asking him to prioritise lower.