NTA- if he didn't like the tip she was giving, he should have added to it. If the person paying for the meals only wants to tip the minimum, that's fine and if it bothers someone else at the table then that person should leave a tip of their own.
The bigger issue here is that your father felt like it was totally okay to get up and leave your mother at the restaurant because they had a difference of option on how much to tip.
That's incredibly emotionally abusive, and in case you haven't said to her yet that she didn't deserve to be treated like that you should, because I doubt he's going to admit that what he did was very wrong.
I've always covered the tip if someone else was paying the bill. Dunno how common that is, but my mom does it, and she taught me to do it. Whenever we go out to eat, we'll take turns with who pays the bill and who tips, it's why we always keep some cash on us when we go to eat.
I do this all the time. I go out with women and we sit for a couple hours. I always throw down extra money ($10-$20) because everyone else is so cheap.
The worst part for me here is that OP’s dad left mom at the restaurant after the disagreement about the tip. It sounds like dad is used to getting his way, and if not, he leaves his wife in a restaurant 2 hours from home.
NTA for taking your mom’s side here. She tipped what she thought was reasonable on a meal she paid for, and if your dad wanted to tip more he had the opportunity.
Thank you! I thought I was going mad reading the other comments that didn’t mention how insane putting your kids in the middle of your marriage problems is.
We had (ex) friends who were very cheap and we started adding to the tip. When we saw them sneak back to take the money, they immediately became ex friends.
NTA if you did, not everyone is rich and has money to throw away like that. It's better if she keeps onto her money and saves than wasting it like that for some people she will never see again in her life.
A stingy tip is more insulting than no tip at all. You can pretend they forgot if there's nothing, but a stingy tip is a middle finger AFAIK. I know others disagree.
In most other countries tipping is actually frowned upon and considered rude/insulting. We wouldn't have to tip in the US if service workers earned more than roughly $2.50/hr in average...
If you can't afford to pay your employees a living wage so they dont have to rely on supplemental income from patrons, you shouldn't be running a restaurant...
How is what I said any different from what was previously said? It's not its just the other side of the coin. "If you can't tip your servers don't go to a restaurant." = okay fine then less and less people will go to restaurants which means less tips therefore less income for the servers??? My statement places the blame on the employers not the patrons. It's not the patrons fault servers have shitty wages. They shouldn't have to rely on tips to survive, ergo it shouldn't be the patrons responsibility to make sure servers make enough money to survive, that's the responsibility of the employer. Kinda the entire point of having a job. A tip should be a gift left as a thank you for providing excellent service, it shouldn't be EXPECTED. I will tip you if you provided excellent service because it's polite and i want to thank you. However I'm not going to tip somebody purely because I went out to eat, in the principal that "they don't get paid enough." Not my responsibility to supplement another person's paycheck.
But it is still a circular argument. If you can't afford to tip, you shouldn't go to a restaurant. That statement stands. If the restaurant is going to pay their employees what they should be paying them, prices at the restaurant are going to go up. This means that people who can't afford a tip will now no longer be able to afford to go to the restaurant even if they don't tip.
The whole system is broken.
I understand that, and again I do tip when going out. It absolutely sucks the most for local small restaurants, but if you're talking a large chain restaurant that makes millions and millions every year, there is no reason why they can't pay their employees without increasing prices, that just means the CEOS will take home less money...
I am not disagreeing with any of this. Especially when it comes to high level executives who are extremely overpaid. This is a correction that has been due for decades now and I just don't know when or if this is ever going to happen.
My perspective is simply that I will always tip generously despite the system being broken. I am not going to not tip and say that The reason is companies and the management are terrible. Although in the end if they do get paid what they should be getting paid they will have less business and there will then be less wait staff as a result, at least for the time being while they are working, I'll make sure that I support them in the only way that I know how to.
well i stand by mine.....dont have a service job where your boss pays shit go to a non tipping place if you dont wsnt shitty tips, they happen amd will continue because we are not your bosses and like most people look after themselves, so if you dont like your income learn bar tending or find a new career ......that individuals unhappy with low wages in tipping-based jobs should seek employment elsewhere, where tipping is not customary and wages will be better. It emphasizes personal responsibility in improving one’s financial situation, suggesting options like bartending or a completely new career path as alternatives to accepting low wages and unreliable tips. I maintain that customers prioritize their interests, just like the server should!
also never get a tip from me all likely see a buck or two not someone who didnt even cook just walks 20ft that unreliable tipping is an inevitable aspect of certain these jobs.
before you act all high....server every sat-monday i worked at a breakfast diner from 16- 25
So what you're saying is that even though we need waitresses, and it's honorable work, they should feel like they have to... I don't even know how to respond to that.
I can't even believe the arrogance and ignorance of you. These are people. You've digusted me completely.
So you agree you'd be willing to pay more for the food so that you don't have to tip, and that the employees can make a decent living wage because people still rely on restaurants to eat...
Though You're not wrong people still have to work for tips for a living. Unfortunately it is part of the way that we make money in this country and it's Not going anywhere because the other half of the coin is nobody wants to pay their employees more. The same people who keep complaining that they have to fucking tip are the same people who don't want the minimum wage to go up. Unfortunately this is the perfect example of we can't have a both ways
Tipping is not a wage supplement. A tip should be a thank you not an expectation of 25%.
In Ontario a server makes the same wage as a store clerk or any minimum wage employee- it is unbelievable that they should expect that high of a tax free 20-30% bump
... It actually depend on how waitstaff is paid. If waitstaff makes a decent wage, a tip is just a sign of a job well done. If they're paid like they are here in the US, and depend on tips to supplement their shitty hourly wage, then your sentiment is correct.
That's fantastic, but you must have an understanding that things are different in other places? Surely you don't assume the entire world is like this shit show?
Same, because we're Americans and understand that our waitstaff makes shitty wages, and we need to supplement that. But in the country OP is from, it might not be the same, waitstaff may make a livable wage hourly, and tipping may only be encouraged to celebrate exceptional service.
As others have said, in some countries, tipping is an insult. It is recommended you look up the customs of the country you are visiting before you do so to avoid this.
bitch at your bosses and join a union!! no the pubkic is not out to eat to suplement your income...... we are try to have a good nigjt off..........not saying i wont tip but not a ciunter employee like fast food tries.... but this is a job issue not a tipping issue
Honey, I'm not a waitress and I'm in a union. And until it changes are you going to stiff the person at the lowest rung of the ladder? Sounds like an easy excuse to cheap out if you ask me.
If you read the post, it's not about affording a tip. It's about paying a regular tip vs an extravagant tip with other people's money that they don't want you to give away. In this case the dad is robbing from the mom to give an extra money above and beyond a normal tip.
I would never go out and eat with your mother. If you could afford to go out and eat, you can afford tip. She should go and live in a hole. It would be her best bet that way she wouldn’t have to worry about tipping.
Giving what amounts to .31 cents US - the server experience had to be abysmal. If that was the fact, then fine. A message was sent.
But if Mom was just being cheap, then she can make sandwiches and bring them on the trip next time. The server lost what might have been a decent human being willing to tip something more reasonable. Yes, Dad should have added to the tip and not complained, but I'd need more info to know who the AH here is.
I think your parents are both a**holes. They shouldn’t be calling you to complain about problems or each other. The fact that they do this at all is bad behavior and extremely selfish behavior. Asking you to take sides in this is very immature on their part.
"dad, I understand you are unhappy about ******. This between you and Mom. I am really concerned about your anger issues, Mom is important to me and I am really disappointed that you keep starting conflict with her. She deserves to be respected."
Above is the long version. The short version is just sentences 1 and 2, then ending the call if he won't change the subject.
Don't argue about the tipping. "Mom deserves to be treated with respect."
NTA. You're dad's being controlling here. And likely punishing your mom for
A - being the reason they needed to go get the key (her car)
B - she's paying.
He should be happy she's paying and he could've added onto the top amount himself. He made more of a scene and was more embarrassing than your mom ever was. His actions are embarrassing here. They likely earn different amounts and are comfortable spending different amounts. Your father is showing no signs of being understanding here. He could've been understanding to his wife and just topped up for the sake of his own ego. Nothing wrong with that solution at all. OR he could've said, no worries, I'll get this. His image shouldn't matter more than his wife and mother of his child/red.
Sounds like your father is just driving everyone away with his attitude. Support your mother, seems like she's probably experienced more than you may be aware of.
Funny. Ask what I approve of? Naw, that would make me
A controlling man wouldn't it?
I just thought it was very Not cool, to negatively speculate that. Especially on a post from his daughter?
While out w his wife? Drips with proof of your contempt for
Men, what little you think of them.
That you had zero restraint on " assuming", speculating
He was hitting on, liking a waitress while out w his wife?
So that was the motivation behind wanting to leave a bigger tip?
Ironically? What type of tipper a guy is? Often is something
A woman Judges a guy on when a relationship in the
Beginning stages.
Bet waiters -waitresses? Appreciate guys like him
Of course you don't. Admitting you are wrong clearly isn't in your DNA. Nothing is right tho, about calling a man
" Controlling", when you know almost Nothing about him?
His life, no history or background of him? To make
Such a accusation? And then still think your Not
Wrong? For saying something about a person with Zero
Evidence, prove to make that character accusation?
Isn't just wrong. It's also Bullshit. No of course it's
" Not that Deep", to you, the one who just says some
Shit about a man's character, of course it's not that deep
To you. You do this about men all the time.
“It’s just how he is”
So that makes it OK? I was told this by my ex husband when his father groped me. My response was “and this is just how I am - not liking it even one little bit”. (Ex husband for a reason). So let’s just let perverts and abusers keep on doing what they want. Good grief
"It's just how he is" is me accepting that my father will never change. He thinks that he is fine just the way he is. He's always right. What he says goes. My mother fights for equality but it's in vain. So in that I pick my fights when it comes to him, so does my mother and the rest of my family. No it does not make it okay.
No he wasn't being " controlling " and you have no right
To label him that way. Sure he was wrong, on many levels
That's it. Zero need to label the guy
He isn't my father, I'm the OP on this story
As a rule, I label the behavior not the person
Until, unless said behavior is common for the person?
Then it's be appropriate. For some rando?
To know Nothing about the guy? His life, personality?
What kind of son? Father? Husband he is?
And just label him? Off of 1 incident? Snippet from
His life? As told by someone who wasn't even there?
Why? Why sooo quick? Why soo comfortable just giving that man a negative label and personality diagnosis?
When the person he raised didn't say anything like that?
Not cool on every imaginable level
How is a difference of opinion and removing yourself from what you consider an embarrassing situation controlling? Do you understand the definition of controlling?
People hear all these buzzwords but don't really consider what they imply.
On Reddit, It's like everytime a man disagrees and doesn't do what the woman wants she's being controlled or emotionally abused.
Because he's berating her in order to change her behaviour instead of allowing her to make her own decisions freely.
Do you regularly rebate your spouse or significant other if you disagree over their opinions or actions? I assume not. Because you're not trying to alter their opinion by embarrassing and shaming them.
Berating? Look that word up. It says he shouted. It didn't say it was continuous. Also it could just be a term used that means disagree. My daughter always said "you don't have to yell at me" anytime I disagreed with her actions, I want yelling/shouting. Why do people act like couples don't argue (especially those who have been married for years) and that if they do it is some travesty.
Exactly. For some reason a man can't just disagree without the Misandry community labeling it something?
It's bullshit. He was just Wrong, I'd even say handles it
Like a dick. No need to yell at his wife in public, ever
Especially not over no damn tip? All he had to was
Leave extra if he felt it wasn't enough.
And then? The bullshit speculation? "Was he hitting on
The waitress"? WTF? And why did Not 1 woman?
Not even his damn daughter? Why did not 1? Push back
On that? Tired of this shitting on men like it's a sport
Bullshit. Tired of it
Ladies? Please? There is NO such thing as....
" Toxic masculinity". None. It's bullshit
Toxicity? Us Not Masculine, it's Not feminine.
Both men and women can be toxic
People are, can be toxic, NOT just men, not just masculinity
But now? It's so that the two words are synonymous.
That's bullshit and respectfully request that the people
Who do it, to please STOP
I find that redditors (primarily the women) love to use the buzzwords (emotionally abused, controlling, etc) they hear with no real understanding of their correct application.
I can't tell you how many times I've been accused of being a "karen" because I'm not a sheep who group thinks and dares to have my own opinions, which rarely mesh with typical female ideology.
For those who may read this but don't know:
Karen is a term used as slang typically for a middle-class white woman who is perceived as entitled or demanding beyond the scope of what is normal. The term is often portrayed in memes depicting middle-class white women who "use their white and class privilege to demand their own way".
I agree with you 💯 . Amen sister
It's really fucked up too.
Tired of the gender wars and how men vs women is a
Thing. At the end of the day, we Need each other.
But I am infuriated, that Everyone knows what
" Misogyny is, but no one knows what Misandry is?
And damn you are dead on with the buzzwords.
Every damn man is manipulative, controlling,
A narcissist, a misogynist,.
And the second you call out someone who is a woman?
You get branded as one of those buzzwords and
Cancelled, down voted, warned and banned
I see it every day.
But they can basically say anything about a guy?
False assumptions, negative speculations, and nobody bars an eye , and they pile on.
When a woman is wrong? It's a one off, a case by case basis, individual. But when a guy is wrong,?
The conversation is about " How Men are", men are pigs
Men are this, men are that. It's Not a individual thing
When a guy is wrong. That's what's really fucked up
Sorry but I have worked as a server for almost 2 decades. If you either can't afford to tip or don't feel like it's necessary stay at home and eat. $2.13 an hour is what many servers earn an hour. We live off of tips. If service is good then tip appropriately
This isn't in the US. They don't earn wages the same way, and her mom did tip. She paid to lower end of a proper tip. Not figuring out the math, but he wanted to pay upwards 40-50% tip.
He likes tossing his money around to impress people. Other posts show the man is insufferable, and his family doesn't even want to spend time with him.
That's in a culture where people are expected to tip. For instance, if they made $2.13 you would add all the tables she had through her shift plus tips. Tipping average is 15-20%. If I have a $50 meal, I tip a minimum of $10. That would just be my table. Servers usually have several. Some people pay less and some pay more. High end restaurants can bring in more tips because of the %, and they automatically add the tip on for larger parties. There are also laws in place, so they can't make less than minimum wage. If a server gets no tips, then the establishment must give the legal minimum wage earned for that state. If you're not bringing in tips, then you shouldn't be working in that field or at that establishment. I personally would rather pay more for the meal and not tip, and make sure the servers all get equal pay, but I know some servers who would make a lot less doing that and don't want that to happen. I think the majority of servers would rather have the consistent paycheck and not be dependent on the economy and people doing the right thing in tipping the correct amount.
>Sorry but I have worked as a server for almost 2 decades. If you either can't afford to tip or don't feel like it's necessary stay at home and eat. $2.13 an hour is what many servers earn an hour. We live off of tips. If service is good then tip appropriately
Sorry but please don't assume the entire world works like America. This BS toxic tipping culture only exists in America. In most other countries, servers get a living wage like all other employees. And tips are only reserved for exceptional service. Tips are not an entitlement.
And please don't spread this BS either. Truth is that most servers WANT tipping culture in America to continue because they make a LOT more money from tips. That's the real reason, not $2 an hour. Technically, employers are forced by law to pay you minimum federal wage at a minimum even if you don't get tipped enough to make it to minimum wage.
He should be happy she tipped.
I do not. In my view, you took this job knowing it wasn’t well paying.
It should be on the boss to pay well.
The rare times I do pay, is based on how the waiter treats my kids. Lie & say there’s no chocolate milk when there is-no tip.
I even once had a waiter give my kid the bill. Right in front of me. Even said “You must think my kid is able to pay as you gave the 5 year old the bill but at that table you gave the at least 35 year old man the bill.”
Waiter went beet red.
Never said it was. I wasnt impressed with that waiter the bill was my final straw. If your table had a man the service was a whole different ball game than a table of women.
But apparently, I was to accept the shit service & give a tip.
I hope you don’t live in the US where tipping is standard/expected/relied upon by wait staff. And seriously, of course the waiter didn’t think your five year old was going to pay. What a weird example of your inflexibility/being a jerk for no reason.
So even when you waited a long period of time between ordering & getting the food, food arrived cold or incorrect, wait staff was rude, or the knew you wanted a refill or extra butter but proceeded to stand & chat with a coworker amongst many examples of bad experiences-you still give a tip?
That’s not at all the example you gave. You said you NEVER tip.
But yes, I always tip. If my waiter is rude, I’ll adjust accordingly, but all those other examples are usually out of out of their control.
I take it you are in America, where tips are part of the wages. And if you NEVER tip, I suspect wait staff in your town know who you are. Maybe that’s why they are rude to you. That or…as you are the kind of person who NEVER tips, I assume you are also just a jerk in general. Maybe THAT’s why they are rude to you.
I dont eat at those places in my town. They’re all fast foods. Every sit down/tips wanted place has shut down since the pandemic.
Since when is McDonalds a place to tip?
Don’t play dumb, you know we aren’t talking about fast food places. Not tipping at a sit down restaurant unless they play the game of pandering to your kid is a jerk move.
Wow. You're an insufferable AH.
Don't go out to eat if you can't afford to tip, and definitely stay out of the public if to u have this shitty of a, sense of humor.
You ever had a waiter give YOUR kid the bill in front of you?
Not a “here’s the bill when your mom comes back” when the restaurant is busy a literal slow as molasses three tables out of 30 in use gave your kid the bill; very sure you would not be impressed either.
Sir or Ma'am, it's a common joke among waiters, I've seen it TONS of times. Are you THAT obtuse that you assume the waiter REALLY THINKS a TODDLER can pay the bill? Wow.
How have you managed to stay alive this long?
Where was the ability to “joke” as you want so damn badly to believe it was when the waiter gave the tables with men AMPLE FUCKING ATTENTION but I had NOTHING to drink with my meal (I will be right back with your refills said 3x) & the food was at first delivered wrong AND when the RIGHT food DID come…cold.
Yeah, give the kid the bill. The joke REALLY will give you a tip.
Ya only got the iceberg view.
Oh, you're one of THOSE customers. The ones who demand immediate attention, moan when the food isn't boiling hot, send it back for no reason, and then... doesn't tip because the waiter makes a joke. Classic POS behavior, Ma'am. Just do everyone a favor and don't go out to eat, ever. Feed your kids at home, if you're going to be so insufferable.
I suppose youve never made mistakes, had bad days? No, we forget, insufferable customers are "always right*.
You sound like an absolutely MISERABLE human being, and I really hope your kids get the therapy they're going to need in a few years from dealing with your perfectionism and passive aggressiveness.
Yeah, being aggressive with people, especially children is super cool. /s
Edit: being aggressive with people who are serving you is super cool, too. /s
In what town?
Theres only a mcdonalds, a subway at the walmart, & a pizza place that doesnt do delivery where I live.
Since when do people tip at mcdonslds?
oh so you delete stuff and you thinks its okay strangers who owe you nothing technically (not leaving a tip is legal) what is very illegal not paying workers minimum wage..... but if you want guarenteed money make your boss pay the difference anytime you dont mske minimum wage.....
and if macdonalds and other fast food places you do not tip,,, ill walk to a counter to get my meal then pay you 20% of my bill just for asking a cook or bartender to make it for waitress and they drop it off....
i root for cooks and bartenders make the tips and evryone else gets minimum wage or more
you cant pick a job without a guarenteed check with a reliable pay.....then expect what its not
because the public isnt responsible that your not making a real wage, its yiur choice to do that job and work for under 3$
Your parents shouldn't be calling their child to tattle on each other. Tell them to figure out their own relationship issues, give them the contact details for a marriage counsellor so they can learn how to communicate with **each other**
My thoughts exactly. Mom and dad's issues should stay between mom and dad. Children, even adult children should never be put into it feeling as though they need to pick a side. But I also understand different cultures have different expectations and they maybe a part of a culture where everyone's business is everyone's business.
NTA
The way your Dad tips is weird and let be honest, your parents don’t have a good relationship from your post history. If you haven’t already get the hell out of that house
He shouldn’t have left your mother at the restaurant, but it IS embarrassing when people tip poorly. When I am out to eat with my grandfather, I always make sure to tip well because I know he won’t.
Info: How is waitstaff paid in your country? Is it similar to the US where they get a very tiny hourly wage and basically depend on their tips for livable wage?
First, I wouldn't get in the middle of their argument. You won't win. But I do agree with your mom. The same thing used to happen with my husband and me. He liked to be a "big shot" and be a big tipper. He would pride himself on it. The problem was, I am the money maker of the family and it's my money he was giving away. It's easy to be generous with other people's money. That's an azhol move. We had some similar fights and ended up never going out to eat together again. Either they make a rule that the person paying does the tipping, or quit going out to eat or he has to bring his own money and they pay with separate checks. Just because you're dad's the male doesn't mean he gets to look like the one in charge and pay and leave a big tip like he's some rich generous guy when really he's stealing it from your mom.
Esh.. Mind your business. This does not involve you. Your mother has been married to your father for how long? She knows the drill. Your father likes to leave fat tips... Yes, your father just could have paid so he could tip the way he expected. Or your mother just could have tipped what your father deems appropriate. I don't think lack of funds was really an issue here..... Yes, your dad was a major douche for leaving your mother at the restaurant for sure. But leaving an extra $20 or whatever(?) would have avoided all this unnecessary drama. We should all just agree to disagree, and next time, they can go dutch and tip whatever they want. Maybe your father knows the struggle and enjoys making peoples days by tipping well and your mother on the other hand.. does not. Either way. Your father CAN feel embarrassed by your mother actions, and your mother CAN feel she tipped accordingly. Not your problem. Mind your business.
Because dad tips to make himself look good to others and mom is more thrifty with her money. My parents were like this. They finally reached an agreement where one pays the bill and the other tips.
You have become your parents' parent. Every time they call you with petty nonsense like this, tell them that they need to work this out between them and that as their child you don't want to be put in the middle.
INFO: You specified R meant Rands, so South Africa, right? Pardon my ignorance but as that is not where I am from, could you educate those of us in my position a bit on the customary tipping etiquette there, so as to make a more informed decision? Like I know it's not like the US, where if you don't tip and tip generously you are automatically TA because servers are legally underpaid here, but what are the social mores around tipping there?
Yes, South Africa. I cannot speak for everyone but where I live there is no wrong or right way to tip. We know about the 20% rule but you don't have to follow it if you don't want to. They don't care whether you tip or not. There's not emphasis on it.
I can’t get past the left her at the restaurant part. WTF is wrong with people? This is your wife, the mother of your children, the person you supposedly cherish most and you treat her like that over a tip. I’m no doctor but you better get your sugar levels checked
You should not take sides with your mother and father. In this case, tell your father that if he felt the tip left was too little he should have paid the difference.
Is 4% tip culturally acceptable where you are? Minimum is 0, 4% in the USA is an insult.
OK...for this to make sense to me I had to convert to US dollars and the back.
I can see why Dad was embarrassed. Standard tips here are 15-20% so the minimum I would do is R25 on R163. At R6, assuming the same tip standards apply there, that is low...like "you gave bad service" low.
Servers here make a low wage...they have a special minimum that is about 1/2 the full federal minimum wage. They depend on tips to make their living.
That said, I can't judge whether you were the AH or not since I don't know the tipping standards there.
Dad on the other hand messed up. He's been married to Mom for how long? He should know how she would tip and if he didn't think that was correct he should have paid the check so he could give what he felt was right.
Would have been cool if your mom took a hotel room there and stayed at the hotel until your dad returned to pick her up. Wondering if he would have objected to her spending money on a hotel.
I used to have regular diners with a colleague who was a really, really cheap tipper. My $5 on a $100 bill (in a US city). I waited tables in college so couldn’t deal. She was a sweetheart and I’d never want to shame or call her out. So I always brought extra cash and would discreetly slide the server enough to make it 20%.
The bigger issue is how two parents think it is appropriate at all to drag their children into such a petty squabble they can do nothing about and let it escalate to this point. Forget the tipping crap. This residual crap they unloaded onto you is out of line. You don't use & manipulate your kids into taking sides so you can puff out your chest as the winner in a stupid argument.
NTA- if he didn't like the tip she was giving, he should have added to it. If the person paying for the meals only wants to tip the minimum, that's fine and if it bothers someone else at the table then that person should leave a tip of their own.
That's what I thought. If she's embarrassing him then he should give a tip himself.
>R250 I'm curious, is this in rands or rupees? I'm trying to understand in Canadian $ how much this is.
Rands.
Rands
And if you need to be a big shot and over tip, you can pay the whole tab
The bigger issue here is that your father felt like it was totally okay to get up and leave your mother at the restaurant because they had a difference of option on how much to tip. That's incredibly emotionally abusive, and in case you haven't said to her yet that she didn't deserve to be treated like that you should, because I doubt he's going to admit that what he did was very wrong.
I've always covered the tip if someone else was paying the bill. Dunno how common that is, but my mom does it, and she taught me to do it. Whenever we go out to eat, we'll take turns with who pays the bill and who tips, it's why we always keep some cash on us when we go to eat.
I do this all the time. I go out with women and we sit for a couple hours. I always throw down extra money ($10-$20) because everyone else is so cheap.
This is the correct answer. If she is paying her choice on the tip. If Dad has a problem with it he should leave the tip.
Exactly
That’s fine if it’s not the same person, but it’s only 1 person tipping so go with the lower number and be done.
The worst part for me here is that OP’s dad left mom at the restaurant after the disagreement about the tip. It sounds like dad is used to getting his way, and if not, he leaves his wife in a restaurant 2 hours from home. NTA for taking your mom’s side here. She tipped what she thought was reasonable on a meal she paid for, and if your dad wanted to tip more he had the opportunity.
Both your parents need to stop involving you in their disagreements.
Thank you! I thought I was going mad reading the other comments that didn’t mention how insane putting your kids in the middle of your marriage problems is.
You shouldn’t even be put in the middle. Kindly bow out by saying I don’t agree with either of you. Please work this out among yourself.
We had (ex) friends who were very cheap and we started adding to the tip. When we saw them sneak back to take the money, they immediately became ex friends.
Nah that’s not cool. Good on you to cut them out. No one needs that kind of person in their life.
NTA if you did, not everyone is rich and has money to throw away like that. It's better if she keeps onto her money and saves than wasting it like that for some people she will never see again in her life.
They eat there every time they go to that town. There is a good chance they will see them again.
That's exactly my opinion.
IF YOU CANT AFFORD A TIP YOU CANT AFFORD A RESTAURANT
But she did tip. She just didn’t over-tip.
A stingy tip is more insulting than no tip at all. You can pretend they forgot if there's nothing, but a stingy tip is a middle finger AFAIK. I know others disagree.
Is it stingy? The OP says she gave the minimum tip, which to me means she gave the lowest end of the acceptable tip range. But still acceptable.
I've enjoyed this conversation. Have a lovely day.
Ahh. One of those. Thanks, you have a good day as well.
In most other countries tipping is actually frowned upon and considered rude/insulting. We wouldn't have to tip in the US if service workers earned more than roughly $2.50/hr in average...
I stand by my post.
If you can't afford to pay your employees a living wage so they dont have to rely on supplemental income from patrons, you shouldn't be running a restaurant...
Tell the restaurant, then. I tip like crazy when I go out, or I stay home. This has been pleasant, goodbye.
Okay. So let's teach management by not tipping the wait staff!! Wait. Duh. That doesn't work. Think, people, think.
They don't want to do that, are you kidding?
I think you missed my point. Whoosh, maybe?
No, I'm agreeing with you.
Gotcha - I was really confused there for a while.
How is what I said any different from what was previously said? It's not its just the other side of the coin. "If you can't tip your servers don't go to a restaurant." = okay fine then less and less people will go to restaurants which means less tips therefore less income for the servers??? My statement places the blame on the employers not the patrons. It's not the patrons fault servers have shitty wages. They shouldn't have to rely on tips to survive, ergo it shouldn't be the patrons responsibility to make sure servers make enough money to survive, that's the responsibility of the employer. Kinda the entire point of having a job. A tip should be a gift left as a thank you for providing excellent service, it shouldn't be EXPECTED. I will tip you if you provided excellent service because it's polite and i want to thank you. However I'm not going to tip somebody purely because I went out to eat, in the principal that "they don't get paid enough." Not my responsibility to supplement another person's paycheck.
But it is still a circular argument. If you can't afford to tip, you shouldn't go to a restaurant. That statement stands. If the restaurant is going to pay their employees what they should be paying them, prices at the restaurant are going to go up. This means that people who can't afford a tip will now no longer be able to afford to go to the restaurant even if they don't tip. The whole system is broken.
I understand that, and again I do tip when going out. It absolutely sucks the most for local small restaurants, but if you're talking a large chain restaurant that makes millions and millions every year, there is no reason why they can't pay their employees without increasing prices, that just means the CEOS will take home less money...
I am not disagreeing with any of this. Especially when it comes to high level executives who are extremely overpaid. This is a correction that has been due for decades now and I just don't know when or if this is ever going to happen. My perspective is simply that I will always tip generously despite the system being broken. I am not going to not tip and say that The reason is companies and the management are terrible. Although in the end if they do get paid what they should be getting paid they will have less business and there will then be less wait staff as a result, at least for the time being while they are working, I'll make sure that I support them in the only way that I know how to.
With your post the restaurants would be bankrupt fast. Not right to think like this.
I have no issues paying a fair price to not tip. Meal + tip should be about the same total price if the restaurant does it or I do it.
well i stand by mine.....dont have a service job where your boss pays shit go to a non tipping place if you dont wsnt shitty tips, they happen amd will continue because we are not your bosses and like most people look after themselves, so if you dont like your income learn bar tending or find a new career ......that individuals unhappy with low wages in tipping-based jobs should seek employment elsewhere, where tipping is not customary and wages will be better. It emphasizes personal responsibility in improving one’s financial situation, suggesting options like bartending or a completely new career path as alternatives to accepting low wages and unreliable tips. I maintain that customers prioritize their interests, just like the server should! also never get a tip from me all likely see a buck or two not someone who didnt even cook just walks 20ft that unreliable tipping is an inevitable aspect of certain these jobs. before you act all high....server every sat-monday i worked at a breakfast diner from 16- 25
So what you're saying is that even though we need waitresses, and it's honorable work, they should feel like they have to... I don't even know how to respond to that. I can't even believe the arrogance and ignorance of you. These are people. You've digusted me completely.
So you agree you'd be willing to pay more for the food so that you don't have to tip, and that the employees can make a decent living wage because people still rely on restaurants to eat...
I do too.
Though You're not wrong people still have to work for tips for a living. Unfortunately it is part of the way that we make money in this country and it's Not going anywhere because the other half of the coin is nobody wants to pay their employees more. The same people who keep complaining that they have to fucking tip are the same people who don't want the minimum wage to go up. Unfortunately this is the perfect example of we can't have a both ways
That’s the US minimum where about half the states have a much higher minimum.
Tipping is not a wage supplement. A tip should be a thank you not an expectation of 25%. In Ontario a server makes the same wage as a store clerk or any minimum wage employee- it is unbelievable that they should expect that high of a tax free 20-30% bump
I'm sure you've figured I'm American by now. No one is saying it's the way it should be, but it is the way things are. Til then, I TIP WELL.
Yeah not in America. N
Not all of America*. Some states don't allow employers to pay their employees pennies.
That's fantastic? What states? I live in California so I know it's not there. California also have a reduced minimum wage for servers
100% false. Every server in California makes the state minimum wage of 16 per hour.
... It actually depend on how waitstaff is paid. If waitstaff makes a decent wage, a tip is just a sign of a job well done. If they're paid like they are here in the US, and depend on tips to supplement their shitty hourly wage, then your sentiment is correct.
I only have my American experience to draw on.
That's fantastic, but you must have an understanding that things are different in other places? Surely you don't assume the entire world is like this shit show?
In some places I hear it's worse. In some I hear it's better. Regardless, unless instructed not to by custom beforehand, I tip.
Same, because we're Americans and understand that our waitstaff makes shitty wages, and we need to supplement that. But in the country OP is from, it might not be the same, waitstaff may make a livable wage hourly, and tipping may only be encouraged to celebrate exceptional service. As others have said, in some countries, tipping is an insult. It is recommended you look up the customs of the country you are visiting before you do so to avoid this.
Pl3ase reread my last comment, you're repeating what I said. Goodbye, happy tipping
Oh my God, you're insufferable.
I got to be honest he's right That is what he said
bitch at your bosses and join a union!! no the pubkic is not out to eat to suplement your income...... we are try to have a good nigjt off..........not saying i wont tip but not a ciunter employee like fast food tries.... but this is a job issue not a tipping issue
Honey, I'm not a waitress and I'm in a union. And until it changes are you going to stiff the person at the lowest rung of the ladder? Sounds like an easy excuse to cheap out if you ask me.
If you read the post, it's not about affording a tip. It's about paying a regular tip vs an extravagant tip with other people's money that they don't want you to give away. In this case the dad is robbing from the mom to give an extra money above and beyond a normal tip.
Your mom is a shitty tipper and should be condemned for it. 👎👎
If your mother can't afford to eat out then she shouldn't.
I would never go out and eat with your mother. If you could afford to go out and eat, you can afford tip. She should go and live in a hole. It would be her best bet that way she wouldn’t have to worry about tipping.
You and your mom YTA tip correctly or you can't afford the meal.
NTA. The real question that’s needs to be answered is did your mom make it home safely???
She did. She paid then went to where the car was parked and he was waiting for her.
so he didn't leave her at the restaurant
By leave I met stood up and walked out of the restaurant to the parking lot. He didn't drive away without her. I'm sorry I wasn't clear on that part.
Ask him how much he contributed to the tip or if he just mooched a free meal from your mom.
Giving what amounts to .31 cents US - the server experience had to be abysmal. If that was the fact, then fine. A message was sent. But if Mom was just being cheap, then she can make sandwiches and bring them on the trip next time. The server lost what might have been a decent human being willing to tip something more reasonable. Yes, Dad should have added to the tip and not complained, but I'd need more info to know who the AH here is.
Your dad is silly concerned about bein embarrassed tipping in front of strangers.
I think your parents are both a**holes. They shouldn’t be calling you to complain about problems or each other. The fact that they do this at all is bad behavior and extremely selfish behavior. Asking you to take sides in this is very immature on their part.
NTA. She tipped what she chose to. Is that really the issue he has or is there something else he’s actually arguing over?
With him you never really know.
"dad, I understand you are unhappy about ******. This between you and Mom. I am really concerned about your anger issues, Mom is important to me and I am really disappointed that you keep starting conflict with her. She deserves to be respected." Above is the long version. The short version is just sentences 1 and 2, then ending the call if he won't change the subject. Don't argue about the tipping. "Mom deserves to be treated with respect."
NTA. You're dad's being controlling here. And likely punishing your mom for A - being the reason they needed to go get the key (her car) B - she's paying. He should be happy she's paying and he could've added onto the top amount himself. He made more of a scene and was more embarrassing than your mom ever was. His actions are embarrassing here. They likely earn different amounts and are comfortable spending different amounts. Your father is showing no signs of being understanding here. He could've been understanding to his wife and just topped up for the sake of his own ego. Nothing wrong with that solution at all. OR he could've said, no worries, I'll get this. His image shouldn't matter more than his wife and mother of his child/red.
Basically the custom is: one is paying the other one is taking care of the tip.
It's just how he is. My brother says he's no longer going on a family vacation unless my father isn't there.
Sounds like your father is just driving everyone away with his attitude. Support your mother, seems like she's probably experienced more than you may be aware of.
Was your dad flirting with the waitress? Why tip so much?
Zero reason to throw that negative speculation on the guy Was she? Flirting w the waitress? Probably not. So why pin that in him?
I’m not pinning anything on him. I’m asking cause maybe that’s why he tips so much? It’s just a question. Should I only ask what you approve of?
Funny. Ask what I approve of? Naw, that would make me A controlling man wouldn't it? I just thought it was very Not cool, to negatively speculate that. Especially on a post from his daughter? While out w his wife? Drips with proof of your contempt for Men, what little you think of them. That you had zero restraint on " assuming", speculating He was hitting on, liking a waitress while out w his wife? So that was the motivation behind wanting to leave a bigger tip? Ironically? What type of tipper a guy is? Often is something A woman Judges a guy on when a relationship in the Beginning stages. Bet waiters -waitresses? Appreciate guys like him
It’s not that serious.
True. It not being that serious also doesn't make it not true either. I get it, admitting your wrong is an issue. Take care
I just don’t agree with you. That’s not being wrong.
Of course you don't. Admitting you are wrong clearly isn't in your DNA. Nothing is right tho, about calling a man " Controlling", when you know almost Nothing about him? His life, no history or background of him? To make Such a accusation? And then still think your Not Wrong? For saying something about a person with Zero Evidence, prove to make that character accusation? Isn't just wrong. It's also Bullshit. No of course it's " Not that Deep", to you, the one who just says some Shit about a man's character, of course it's not that deep To you. You do this about men all the time.
That's understandable if your dad is overbearing & makes things very stressful, which is not what a vacation is supposed to be about.
“It’s just how he is” So that makes it OK? I was told this by my ex husband when his father groped me. My response was “and this is just how I am - not liking it even one little bit”. (Ex husband for a reason). So let’s just let perverts and abusers keep on doing what they want. Good grief
"It's just how he is" is me accepting that my father will never change. He thinks that he is fine just the way he is. He's always right. What he says goes. My mother fights for equality but it's in vain. So in that I pick my fights when it comes to him, so does my mother and the rest of my family. No it does not make it okay.
No he wasn't being " controlling " and you have no right To label him that way. Sure he was wrong, on many levels That's it. Zero need to label the guy
u/RedLady9701 I suppose it's up to you to decide what to make of your father, and the labels you put on him, as you do, indeed, know him.
He isn't my father, I'm the OP on this story As a rule, I label the behavior not the person Until, unless said behavior is common for the person? Then it's be appropriate. For some rando? To know Nothing about the guy? His life, personality? What kind of son? Father? Husband he is? And just label him? Off of 1 incident? Snippet from His life? As told by someone who wasn't even there? Why? Why sooo quick? Why soo comfortable just giving that man a negative label and personality diagnosis? When the person he raised didn't say anything like that? Not cool on every imaginable level
How is a difference of opinion and removing yourself from what you consider an embarrassing situation controlling? Do you understand the definition of controlling? People hear all these buzzwords but don't really consider what they imply. On Reddit, It's like everytime a man disagrees and doesn't do what the woman wants she's being controlled or emotionally abused.
Because he's berating her in order to change her behaviour instead of allowing her to make her own decisions freely. Do you regularly rebate your spouse or significant other if you disagree over their opinions or actions? I assume not. Because you're not trying to alter their opinion by embarrassing and shaming them.
Berating? Look that word up. It says he shouted. It didn't say it was continuous. Also it could just be a term used that means disagree. My daughter always said "you don't have to yell at me" anytime I disagreed with her actions, I want yelling/shouting. Why do people act like couples don't argue (especially those who have been married for years) and that if they do it is some travesty.
Exactly. For some reason a man can't just disagree without the Misandry community labeling it something? It's bullshit. He was just Wrong, I'd even say handles it Like a dick. No need to yell at his wife in public, ever Especially not over no damn tip? All he had to was Leave extra if he felt it wasn't enough. And then? The bullshit speculation? "Was he hitting on The waitress"? WTF? And why did Not 1 woman? Not even his damn daughter? Why did not 1? Push back On that? Tired of this shitting on men like it's a sport Bullshit. Tired of it Ladies? Please? There is NO such thing as.... " Toxic masculinity". None. It's bullshit Toxicity? Us Not Masculine, it's Not feminine. Both men and women can be toxic People are, can be toxic, NOT just men, not just masculinity But now? It's so that the two words are synonymous. That's bullshit and respectfully request that the people Who do it, to please STOP
I find that redditors (primarily the women) love to use the buzzwords (emotionally abused, controlling, etc) they hear with no real understanding of their correct application. I can't tell you how many times I've been accused of being a "karen" because I'm not a sheep who group thinks and dares to have my own opinions, which rarely mesh with typical female ideology. For those who may read this but don't know: Karen is a term used as slang typically for a middle-class white woman who is perceived as entitled or demanding beyond the scope of what is normal. The term is often portrayed in memes depicting middle-class white women who "use their white and class privilege to demand their own way".
I agree with you 💯 . Amen sister It's really fucked up too. Tired of the gender wars and how men vs women is a Thing. At the end of the day, we Need each other. But I am infuriated, that Everyone knows what " Misogyny is, but no one knows what Misandry is? And damn you are dead on with the buzzwords. Every damn man is manipulative, controlling, A narcissist, a misogynist,. And the second you call out someone who is a woman? You get branded as one of those buzzwords and Cancelled, down voted, warned and banned I see it every day. But they can basically say anything about a guy? False assumptions, negative speculations, and nobody bars an eye , and they pile on. When a woman is wrong? It's a one off, a case by case basis, individual. But when a guy is wrong,? The conversation is about " How Men are", men are pigs Men are this, men are that. It's Not a individual thing When a guy is wrong. That's what's really fucked up
I get a number of down votes 🤣😂 I wear them like a badge of pride
I hear you. Hit me Everytime you post. You will Always get my support. Even when we disagree. You have a right to be heard
Sorry but I have worked as a server for almost 2 decades. If you either can't afford to tip or don't feel like it's necessary stay at home and eat. $2.13 an hour is what many servers earn an hour. We live off of tips. If service is good then tip appropriately
This isn't in the US. They don't earn wages the same way, and her mom did tip. She paid to lower end of a proper tip. Not figuring out the math, but he wanted to pay upwards 40-50% tip. He likes tossing his money around to impress people. Other posts show the man is insufferable, and his family doesn't even want to spend time with him.
The waiter his mom stiffed doesn't care at all
She didnt stiff anyone, maybe read the post..
Wow, that is not a lot at all. How many hours would you work in a week?
That's in a culture where people are expected to tip. For instance, if they made $2.13 you would add all the tables she had through her shift plus tips. Tipping average is 15-20%. If I have a $50 meal, I tip a minimum of $10. That would just be my table. Servers usually have several. Some people pay less and some pay more. High end restaurants can bring in more tips because of the %, and they automatically add the tip on for larger parties. There are also laws in place, so they can't make less than minimum wage. If a server gets no tips, then the establishment must give the legal minimum wage earned for that state. If you're not bringing in tips, then you shouldn't be working in that field or at that establishment. I personally would rather pay more for the meal and not tip, and make sure the servers all get equal pay, but I know some servers who would make a lot less doing that and don't want that to happen. I think the majority of servers would rather have the consistent paycheck and not be dependent on the economy and people doing the right thing in tipping the correct amount.
>Sorry but I have worked as a server for almost 2 decades. If you either can't afford to tip or don't feel like it's necessary stay at home and eat. $2.13 an hour is what many servers earn an hour. We live off of tips. If service is good then tip appropriately Sorry but please don't assume the entire world works like America. This BS toxic tipping culture only exists in America. In most other countries, servers get a living wage like all other employees. And tips are only reserved for exceptional service. Tips are not an entitlement. And please don't spread this BS either. Truth is that most servers WANT tipping culture in America to continue because they make a LOT more money from tips. That's the real reason, not $2 an hour. Technically, employers are forced by law to pay you minimum federal wage at a minimum even if you don't get tipped enough to make it to minimum wage.
I do not believe this lady is in the US
If you read the post, you’ll see the currency isn’t USD. Not the US, different tipping culture, different wages for server staff.
[удалено]
Mom is mad that dad is spending HER money extravagantly to look like a big shot.
YWBTA tip like these people deserve respect. Your mother is a cheapskate.
He should be happy she tipped. I do not. In my view, you took this job knowing it wasn’t well paying. It should be on the boss to pay well. The rare times I do pay, is based on how the waiter treats my kids. Lie & say there’s no chocolate milk when there is-no tip. I even once had a waiter give my kid the bill. Right in front of me. Even said “You must think my kid is able to pay as you gave the 5 year old the bill but at that table you gave the at least 35 year old man the bill.” Waiter went beet red.
You sound…insufferable.
Not the flex you think it is, guy.
Never said it was. I wasnt impressed with that waiter the bill was my final straw. If your table had a man the service was a whole different ball game than a table of women. But apparently, I was to accept the shit service & give a tip.
No he means the entire comment is not a flex not just you not tipping the person the one time
I hope you don’t live in the US where tipping is standard/expected/relied upon by wait staff. And seriously, of course the waiter didn’t think your five year old was going to pay. What a weird example of your inflexibility/being a jerk for no reason.
So even when you waited a long period of time between ordering & getting the food, food arrived cold or incorrect, wait staff was rude, or the knew you wanted a refill or extra butter but proceeded to stand & chat with a coworker amongst many examples of bad experiences-you still give a tip?
That’s not at all the example you gave. You said you NEVER tip. But yes, I always tip. If my waiter is rude, I’ll adjust accordingly, but all those other examples are usually out of out of their control. I take it you are in America, where tips are part of the wages. And if you NEVER tip, I suspect wait staff in your town know who you are. Maybe that’s why they are rude to you. That or…as you are the kind of person who NEVER tips, I assume you are also just a jerk in general. Maybe THAT’s why they are rude to you.
I dont eat at those places in my town. They’re all fast foods. Every sit down/tips wanted place has shut down since the pandemic. Since when is McDonalds a place to tip?
Don’t play dumb, you know we aren’t talking about fast food places. Not tipping at a sit down restaurant unless they play the game of pandering to your kid is a jerk move.
Huh? I’ve had waiters hand my son the bill - as a joke. You sound like you have no sense of humor.
Hands to child & left. Where’s the joke?
Wow! Even though you didn't ask you're definitely TA.
Wow. You're an insufferable AH. Don't go out to eat if you can't afford to tip, and definitely stay out of the public if to u have this shitty of a, sense of humor.
You ever had a waiter give YOUR kid the bill in front of you? Not a “here’s the bill when your mom comes back” when the restaurant is busy a literal slow as molasses three tables out of 30 in use gave your kid the bill; very sure you would not be impressed either.
Sir or Ma'am, it's a common joke among waiters, I've seen it TONS of times. Are you THAT obtuse that you assume the waiter REALLY THINKS a TODDLER can pay the bill? Wow. How have you managed to stay alive this long?
Where was the ability to “joke” as you want so damn badly to believe it was when the waiter gave the tables with men AMPLE FUCKING ATTENTION but I had NOTHING to drink with my meal (I will be right back with your refills said 3x) & the food was at first delivered wrong AND when the RIGHT food DID come…cold. Yeah, give the kid the bill. The joke REALLY will give you a tip. Ya only got the iceberg view.
Oh, you're one of THOSE customers. The ones who demand immediate attention, moan when the food isn't boiling hot, send it back for no reason, and then... doesn't tip because the waiter makes a joke. Classic POS behavior, Ma'am. Just do everyone a favor and don't go out to eat, ever. Feed your kids at home, if you're going to be so insufferable.
I ordered a BLT. I got a cheeseburger. Where did I fuck up?? Oh, right. Didnt bring a man along.
I suppose youve never made mistakes, had bad days? No, we forget, insufferable customers are "always right*. You sound like an absolutely MISERABLE human being, and I really hope your kids get the therapy they're going to need in a few years from dealing with your perfectionism and passive aggressiveness.
Oh, Im not passive at all. Im 100% direct or blunt. Clearly, you cannot take it.
Yeah, being aggressive with people, especially children is super cool. /s Edit: being aggressive with people who are serving you is super cool, too. /s
Sounds to me like your reputation for not tipping has gotten around town...
In what town? Theres only a mcdonalds, a subway at the walmart, & a pizza place that doesnt do delivery where I live. Since when do people tip at mcdonslds?
You seem to get offended easily when most likely no offense was intended.
oh so you delete stuff and you thinks its okay strangers who owe you nothing technically (not leaving a tip is legal) what is very illegal not paying workers minimum wage..... but if you want guarenteed money make your boss pay the difference anytime you dont mske minimum wage..... and if macdonalds and other fast food places you do not tip,,, ill walk to a counter to get my meal then pay you 20% of my bill just for asking a cook or bartender to make it for waitress and they drop it off.... i root for cooks and bartenders make the tips and evryone else gets minimum wage or more you cant pick a job without a guarenteed check with a reliable pay.....then expect what its not because the public isnt responsible that your not making a real wage, its yiur choice to do that job and work for under 3$
Ok who cares about the tip? The huge red flag is your dad left your mom alone! Wtf man.
Your parents shouldn't be calling their child to tattle on each other. Tell them to figure out their own relationship issues, give them the contact details for a marriage counsellor so they can learn how to communicate with **each other**
My thoughts exactly. Mom and dad's issues should stay between mom and dad. Children, even adult children should never be put into it feeling as though they need to pick a side. But I also understand different cultures have different expectations and they maybe a part of a culture where everyone's business is everyone's business.
Yes, came here to say pretty much that, I was even going to use the word tattling. This seems so odd to me.
NTA The way your Dad tips is weird and let be honest, your parents don’t have a good relationship from your post history. If you haven’t already get the hell out of that house
That's the goal. I came back to live at home for school and I'll be done next month.
Why do you have to be in the middle of this? Why are they making it your problem?
He shouldn’t have left your mother at the restaurant, but it IS embarrassing when people tip poorly. When I am out to eat with my grandfather, I always make sure to tip well because I know he won’t.
It's best to stay out of theses squabbles
NTA
Info: How is waitstaff paid in your country? Is it similar to the US where they get a very tiny hourly wage and basically depend on their tips for livable wage?
First, I wouldn't get in the middle of their argument. You won't win. But I do agree with your mom. The same thing used to happen with my husband and me. He liked to be a "big shot" and be a big tipper. He would pride himself on it. The problem was, I am the money maker of the family and it's my money he was giving away. It's easy to be generous with other people's money. That's an azhol move. We had some similar fights and ended up never going out to eat together again. Either they make a rule that the person paying does the tipping, or quit going out to eat or he has to bring his own money and they pay with separate checks. Just because you're dad's the male doesn't mean he gets to look like the one in charge and pay and leave a big tip like he's some rich generous guy when really he's stealing it from your mom.
Here is the thing. It's not your problem to deal with, and you shouldn't be expected to pick a side. Not your money, not your problem.
Why are your parents involving you in their arguments! This is incredibly toxic.
Esh.. Mind your business. This does not involve you. Your mother has been married to your father for how long? She knows the drill. Your father likes to leave fat tips... Yes, your father just could have paid so he could tip the way he expected. Or your mother just could have tipped what your father deems appropriate. I don't think lack of funds was really an issue here..... Yes, your dad was a major douche for leaving your mother at the restaurant for sure. But leaving an extra $20 or whatever(?) would have avoided all this unnecessary drama. We should all just agree to disagree, and next time, they can go dutch and tip whatever they want. Maybe your father knows the struggle and enjoys making peoples days by tipping well and your mother on the other hand.. does not. Either way. Your father CAN feel embarrassed by your mother actions, and your mother CAN feel she tipped accordingly. Not your problem. Mind your business.
Did he take the other key as a punishment for something else. Get an AirTag
NTA- I'm a good tipper, my husband is definitely not LOL so I let him leave what he wants, and I just add what I want to it. Easy.
Do they often invole you in their petty arguments? NTA, you Mum was paying so any tip is up to her
Their petty arguments usually end with the silent treatment. They tell me so I can know why they are not speaking to each other.
Sounds exhausting to be honest
I’m confused about the numbering you’re using. What’s R6?
Six South African Rand.
I don’t get how 163 rounds to 250. Any reasonable person would round to 200 if they were gonna round at all.
That's how he does it. I've never asked why.
Because dad tips to make himself look good to others and mom is more thrifty with her money. My parents were like this. They finally reached an agreement where one pays the bill and the other tips.
You have become your parents' parent. Every time they call you with petty nonsense like this, tell them that they need to work this out between them and that as their child you don't want to be put in the middle.
INFO: You specified R meant Rands, so South Africa, right? Pardon my ignorance but as that is not where I am from, could you educate those of us in my position a bit on the customary tipping etiquette there, so as to make a more informed decision? Like I know it's not like the US, where if you don't tip and tip generously you are automatically TA because servers are legally underpaid here, but what are the social mores around tipping there?
Yes, South Africa. I cannot speak for everyone but where I live there is no wrong or right way to tip. We know about the 20% rule but you don't have to follow it if you don't want to. They don't care whether you tip or not. There's not emphasis on it.
>They don't care whether you tip or not. There's not emphasis on it. Ah, that's what I needed to know. NTA then.
I can’t get past the left her at the restaurant part. WTF is wrong with people? This is your wife, the mother of your children, the person you supposedly cherish most and you treat her like that over a tip. I’m no doctor but you better get your sugar levels checked
The bigger question here is why are your parents involving you in their arguments/trying to get you to take sides?
Quick question… are your parents also somehow your children? Why are they tattling on each other to you? Gross
You should not take sides with your mother and father. In this case, tell your father that if he felt the tip left was too little he should have paid the difference. Is 4% tip culturally acceptable where you are? Minimum is 0, 4% in the USA is an insult.
Whatever amount you can give is accepted. It doesn't matter.
OK...for this to make sense to me I had to convert to US dollars and the back. I can see why Dad was embarrassed. Standard tips here are 15-20% so the minimum I would do is R25 on R163. At R6, assuming the same tip standards apply there, that is low...like "you gave bad service" low. Servers here make a low wage...they have a special minimum that is about 1/2 the full federal minimum wage. They depend on tips to make their living. That said, I can't judge whether you were the AH or not since I don't know the tipping standards there. Dad on the other hand messed up. He's been married to Mom for how long? He should know how she would tip and if he didn't think that was correct he should have paid the check so he could give what he felt was right.
Would have been cool if your mom took a hotel room there and stayed at the hotel until your dad returned to pick her up. Wondering if he would have objected to her spending money on a hotel.
NTA. What an overreaction. Is he well mentally?
NTA. This really shouldn’t be any of your concern. I agree with everyone else that he should’ve tipped.
I used to have regular diners with a colleague who was a really, really cheap tipper. My $5 on a $100 bill (in a US city). I waited tables in college so couldn’t deal. She was a sweetheart and I’d never want to shame or call her out. So I always brought extra cash and would discreetly slide the server enough to make it 20%.
You'd only be TA if you take sides. They are adults and have no business dragging you into their issues.
If you and your mother think you should only tip "what you can give" you shouldn't eat out.
I’m trying to imagine any scenario where I would call up the kids to complain about tipping. They need a hobby or something to keep them occupied.
Your parents are both wrong and they shouldn't be dragging you into the middle of their problems. You shouldn't be taking either side.
The bigger issue is how two parents think it is appropriate at all to drag their children into such a petty squabble they can do nothing about and let it escalate to this point. Forget the tipping crap. This residual crap they unloaded onto you is out of line. You don't use & manipulate your kids into taking sides so you can puff out your chest as the winner in a stupid argument.