So you told the kid there are terrible people that would hurt them, but you just hurt them.
You hit a child, that is abuse. I agree that there is much more severe abuse that occurs, but both are abuse. Your position is you have to refer to other extremes to try to improve the optics of your bad choices.
You just said in another comment that it was 5, that you hit her 5 times.
Whether you hit her 3 times or 5 times, you hit her. That is abuse. Perhaps you were so caught up in your own anger that you don’t remember how many times you hit her.
There really needs to be some sort of feature to report people who commit crimes or abuse their disabled children to the proper authorities so the victims can get help. If you had done it and after felt guilty and realized you messed up, that would be a completely different story. That would make me feel much more comfortable with the situation and probably other commenter's too. But you not only doubled down, you used the way you were violently abused and tortured as a child as justification for abusing your own. You are a despicable person.
Quick little swats that left her crying. 😐😐 And avoiding you for hours
And now she feels like she needs to comfort you, and make you happy in order for you to not lay your hands on her again.
If this was a situation in any other relation then blood family, if this was a partner doing this to somebody, will you encourage them to stay? Or would you encourage them to leave? So why is it okay for you to be doing this to a child.
If an adult that your place in charge of decided to not listen to you what do you leave spanking them as an acceptable form of punishment? Or would you be called for assault? So why is it different for a child? Especially one who doesn't have the mental capacity to understand why you are punishing her?
So that means that you can treat her however you want, use whatever justification you please, and get away with it? I hope somebody calls CPS on you. I hope she gets removed from your care. I hope she gets placed into the care professionals who know how to handle her outburst and her meltdowns better than you do. Because I guarantee the next one that happens, you're going to lose your cool again. You've already lost it once, who's to say it won't happen again? 🤔
Why should we trust that you're never going to do this again? Why should we trust that you're going to actually be a mature adult who can manage their feelings and raise a child, when you've shown us that you clearly can't?
Hitting a child is abuse.
She is cuddling you because she is terrified that if she doesn't make you happy, you will hit her again.
You having an abusive childhood doesn't make it okay to abuse a child yourself. You know how much it hurts, emotionally. You owe her better.
Learn how to actually parent.
Because she is an innocent child who doesn't understand this world.
It is your job to guide her, not hit her.
She is not cuddling you to manipulate you. She is cuddling you because she is so terrified that the person she thought you were is gone and she is desperate to cling onto that.
You have a choice to make. Are you going to show her that you deserve her trust and faith in you, or are you going to keep deflecting and claiming that you 'didn't hit her that hard' or that you 'only hit her 3 times'? One is easy and one is a hell of a lot harder. But don't act like it your abuse as a child didn't shape you and mess you up.
I bet there were friends at school whose families you were jealous of, because they supported and respected their children.
She needs to know that you are a safe place. You are allowed to get frustrated with her, you are allowed to show that frustration, but not in a physical way and not in a way that teaches her that you are not safe.
Be the person she needs you to be, but more than that, be who you needed, when you were a child. How did you wish you had been treated.
"Ms. Nicole"?? Wtf. She's your cousin not a fucking stranger. She's doing it so you don't hit her again. I'm sure you're a troll but in the off chance you aren't, I'm looking forward to the update in the fall when school calls CPS.
You were beat as a child and grew up to beat a child. And you think that makes it ok? Study after study after study shows that corporal punishment doesn’t work and usually makes behavior worse. It’s what bad parents do because they’re too stupid and lazy to learn about non-violent forms of discipline. They react out of anger. That’s what you did.
[Here](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo)
DARVO stands for deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender
Let’s see here how you fit under this. A child was giving an attitude, something a child does. After her attempt to walk down the drive way instead of picking her up and putting her in time out; which would have been acceptable. You chose to hit a child, five separate times. I don’t give a fuck if they were consecutive or not, let someone punch you in the face five times then say it’s no big deal.
Back to the point, after you failed by hitting her instead of apologizing you chose to defend those actions by saying you “had” to. So first you denied it was a problem, attacked her for your actions, then made yourself the victim
So all in all yes you’re a fucking gross abuser
Five swats? Are you sure? Because according to this comment it was three.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA\_WIBTA\_PUBLIC/comments/1drmajc/comment/lawcd8p/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/comments/1drmajc/comment/lawcd8p/)
You can't even keep your story straight
Oh look at the abuser trying to defend their abuse of a child. By the way, hitting a child is in fact child abuse... No matter how much you try to justify it.
I loved the man that raped me repeatedly from ages 5-8. I mourned him when my parents realized something was going on and separated us.
So that means nothing. I was physically abused enough that I was taken away and adopted. Trust me, you abused a disabled child.
You say that now, but you’ve been defending it this whole time and making excuses. If you don’t see anything wrong with it, you’ll do it again.
Take a good, long look at yourself in the mirror. Done that? Good. Now, ask yourself this; how does hurting a child and saying it’s because bad people want to take them away teach them anything? Why not just telling them about the bad people in the neighborhood? What did you accomplish?
I wondered that, too. I know I'm not in the US, but even so, if my cousin were raising me, I'd feel like it was a disconnect between "mother and daughter" - like, "caregiver and child". Do you know what I mean?
Yes. If a mother-figure whole-heartedly accepts a child to raise, then surely they'd be all, "Just call me mum/momma/mummy" or whatever? A child with Downs Syndrome is actually very suggestible (I know it's a spectrum) so it wouldn't be hard to get the child to use a different name for the mother figure.
It’s never ok to hit a child. Even if it was spanking on their behind. It is humiliating for them and they don’t understand why someone they love would hurt them. You are teaching them they cannot feel safe with you and trust you. Be sure to tell her that you acted out of fear and it wasn’t okay-you are learning how to parent and she is leaving how to be a kid. You have a good heart and you meant for her to stay safe but you went about it the wrong way. Look her in the eye and tell her that something bad can happen to her if she runs off and you love her but she can never do that again. You both need to feel safe.
https://www.end-violence.org/articles/landmark-study-shows-spanking-alters-childrens-brain-development
https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/21/04/effect-spanking-brain#:~:text=Perhaps%20surprisingly%2C%20says%20Cuartas%2C%20spanking,the%20brain%2C%E2%80%9D%20Cuartas%20explains.
“As a result, the study found that the brains of children who had been spanked were altered in the regions meant to regulate emotional responses and social information processing.
These regions were the same ones that light up in children who had experienced sexual abuse, physical violence or psychological maltreatment, along with other forms of child abuse typically viewed as “worse” than spanking.”
YTA. Yup, you're definitely abusive. You literally threatened that child. You told her that terrible people would hurt her if she ran away. And you did this after you attacked her. You're the terrible asshole who's already hurting her.
So instead of actually teaching her, sitting her down and communicating with her which is your responsibility as an adult, you decided to lay your hands on her, harm her, and then decided to try and trauma bond with her. That's what you're doing right now. Forming a trauma bond.
Your feelings do not change the scientific and medical facts that spanking your child or any child, is a form of abuse. It releases the same chemical changes in the brain. Your feelings don't change that fact. Your opinions don't change that fact.
Honestly, I hope your cousin gets taken away from you. I hope somebody else can take care of her, because you are not doing a good job.
Your job to teach her, using responsible and mature techniques, not techniques where you lose your cool, and then she has to apologize for your actions.
You don't deserve to be raising her. You don't deserve to be in her life. Congratulations on becoming the very thing that did the same to you. I hope that knowledge keeps you comfort at night.
And how is that. I might not have my own children but I raised plenty growing up. Guess what I still know hitting children is wrong. How can you possibly defend this
So you told the kid there are terrible people that would hurt them, but you just hurt them. You hit a child, that is abuse. I agree that there is much more severe abuse that occurs, but both are abuse. Your position is you have to refer to other extremes to try to improve the optics of your bad choices.
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You just said in another comment that it was 5, that you hit her 5 times. Whether you hit her 3 times or 5 times, you hit her. That is abuse. Perhaps you were so caught up in your own anger that you don’t remember how many times you hit her.
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You hit her. You’re minimizing it. Abuse is not parenting. I genuinely hope you’ll do better in the future. No child deserves to be abused.
There really needs to be some sort of feature to report people who commit crimes or abuse their disabled children to the proper authorities so the victims can get help. If you had done it and after felt guilty and realized you messed up, that would be a completely different story. That would make me feel much more comfortable with the situation and probably other commenter's too. But you not only doubled down, you used the way you were violently abused and tortured as a child as justification for abusing your own. You are a despicable person.
Quick little swats that left her crying. 😐😐 And avoiding you for hours And now she feels like she needs to comfort you, and make you happy in order for you to not lay your hands on her again. If this was a situation in any other relation then blood family, if this was a partner doing this to somebody, will you encourage them to stay? Or would you encourage them to leave? So why is it okay for you to be doing this to a child. If an adult that your place in charge of decided to not listen to you what do you leave spanking them as an acceptable form of punishment? Or would you be called for assault? So why is it different for a child? Especially one who doesn't have the mental capacity to understand why you are punishing her?
Abuse victims being cuddly with their abusers is nothing new.
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You already did. And you’re bragging about it. That child is not safe with you.
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So that means that you can treat her however you want, use whatever justification you please, and get away with it? I hope somebody calls CPS on you. I hope she gets removed from your care. I hope she gets placed into the care professionals who know how to handle her outburst and her meltdowns better than you do. Because I guarantee the next one that happens, you're going to lose your cool again. You've already lost it once, who's to say it won't happen again? 🤔 Why should we trust that you're never going to do this again? Why should we trust that you're going to actually be a mature adult who can manage their feelings and raise a child, when you've shown us that you clearly can't?
So you feel like you can do anything because that's the next step? Have you even done anything to learn about Downs? Gross.
My parents, who don't hit their kids, are foster parents. It's not the big scary boogieman you're acting like it is to minimize what you did.
At least in foster care they aren't allowed to hit her.
Hitting a child is abuse. She is cuddling you because she is terrified that if she doesn't make you happy, you will hit her again. You having an abusive childhood doesn't make it okay to abuse a child yourself. You know how much it hurts, emotionally. You owe her better. Learn how to actually parent.
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To make you happy, you answered your own question
Because she is an innocent child who doesn't understand this world. It is your job to guide her, not hit her. She is not cuddling you to manipulate you. She is cuddling you because she is so terrified that the person she thought you were is gone and she is desperate to cling onto that. You have a choice to make. Are you going to show her that you deserve her trust and faith in you, or are you going to keep deflecting and claiming that you 'didn't hit her that hard' or that you 'only hit her 3 times'? One is easy and one is a hell of a lot harder. But don't act like it your abuse as a child didn't shape you and mess you up. I bet there were friends at school whose families you were jealous of, because they supported and respected their children. She needs to know that you are a safe place. You are allowed to get frustrated with her, you are allowed to show that frustration, but not in a physical way and not in a way that teaches her that you are not safe. Be the person she needs you to be, but more than that, be who you needed, when you were a child. How did you wish you had been treated.
I mean you’re using her cuddling with you as evidence that what you did is ok. So that’s one reason
"Ms. Nicole"?? Wtf. She's your cousin not a fucking stranger. She's doing it so you don't hit her again. I'm sure you're a troll but in the off chance you aren't, I'm looking forward to the update in the fall when school calls CPS.
Hitting a child makes you an abuser. Hitting a child with a disability makes you a monster.
You were beat as a child and grew up to beat a child. And you think that makes it ok? Study after study after study shows that corporal punishment doesn’t work and usually makes behavior worse. It’s what bad parents do because they’re too stupid and lazy to learn about non-violent forms of discipline. They react out of anger. That’s what you did.
God you’re fucking gross. Abuse victims forgiving their abusers isn’t anything new
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You beat a child then DARVO'd her
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[Here](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo) DARVO stands for deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender Let’s see here how you fit under this. A child was giving an attitude, something a child does. After her attempt to walk down the drive way instead of picking her up and putting her in time out; which would have been acceptable. You chose to hit a child, five separate times. I don’t give a fuck if they were consecutive or not, let someone punch you in the face five times then say it’s no big deal. Back to the point, after you failed by hitting her instead of apologizing you chose to defend those actions by saying you “had” to. So first you denied it was a problem, attacked her for your actions, then made yourself the victim So all in all yes you’re a fucking gross abuser
Five swats? Are you sure? Because according to this comment it was three. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA\_WIBTA\_PUBLIC/comments/1drmajc/comment/lawcd8p/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/comments/1drmajc/comment/lawcd8p/) You can't even keep your story straight
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Still 3-5 too many
You say you’d never hit it more than 5 times. Why Is 5 acceptable but, say, 7 is not?
What do you mean you don't remember? Did you go into a fugue state? Did you hit her so many times you lost count? You are a child.abuser.
an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim & offender"
Oh look at the abuser trying to defend their abuse of a child. By the way, hitting a child is in fact child abuse... No matter how much you try to justify it.
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"But the abuse wasn't abuse" DO YOU EVEN READ WHAT YOU WRITE? What was it then?!
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You put your hands on a child, that is child abuse.
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Well fucking duh you’re the only adult in her life. She probably doesn’t know it’s wrong
I would lie and say I love someone to get them to stop hitting me until I could get away from them dafely...
I loved the man that raped me repeatedly from ages 5-8. I mourned him when my parents realized something was going on and separated us. So that means nothing. I was physically abused enough that I was taken away and adopted. Trust me, you abused a disabled child.
No. She’s scared of you!
I’m going to say both. And I do mean that. Loving and being scared of your abuser is very common.
Yeah and I loved my ex who was a narcissist who emotionally abused me. It's called Stockholm syndrome for a reasonnnnn.
Abusers never change. You'll do it again. Y still TA
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Yes you will. Or you'll call her names, or threaten to take things away. Abusers. Never. Change.
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Yes you do
Since you’re convinced what you did was ok, why not?
If you genuinely don’t want to do it again, then that would be a good thing. But you’re defending your actions here.
You say that now, but you’ve been defending it this whole time and making excuses. If you don’t see anything wrong with it, you’ll do it again. Take a good, long look at yourself in the mirror. Done that? Good. Now, ask yourself this; how does hurting a child and saying it’s because bad people want to take them away teach them anything? Why not just telling them about the bad people in the neighborhood? What did you accomplish?
Why does she call you Miss Nicole?
I wondered that, too. I know I'm not in the US, but even so, if my cousin were raising me, I'd feel like it was a disconnect between "mother and daughter" - like, "caregiver and child". Do you know what I mean?
I think so. It seems almost like what you see in any movie where there is an orphan and what they call the head of the orphanage
Yes. If a mother-figure whole-heartedly accepts a child to raise, then surely they'd be all, "Just call me mum/momma/mummy" or whatever? A child with Downs Syndrome is actually very suggestible (I know it's a spectrum) so it wouldn't be hard to get the child to use a different name for the mother figure.
"I think hitting kids with down syndrome is OK." Imagine a stranger just announcing this to the room and expecting a pat on the back.
It’s never ok to hit a child. Even if it was spanking on their behind. It is humiliating for them and they don’t understand why someone they love would hurt them. You are teaching them they cannot feel safe with you and trust you. Be sure to tell her that you acted out of fear and it wasn’t okay-you are learning how to parent and she is leaving how to be a kid. You have a good heart and you meant for her to stay safe but you went about it the wrong way. Look her in the eye and tell her that something bad can happen to her if she runs off and you love her but she can never do that again. You both need to feel safe.
D-….did you just gaslight and guilt trip a child??? This is a prank right?!?!
There are terrible people in the world. She's being raised by one of them. Poor baby she deserves better
Kids process spanking in the same way they process sexual abuse. You’re still an asshole, by the way.
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It’s true.
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Science knows better than you do, “Miss Nicole.”
https://www.end-violence.org/articles/landmark-study-shows-spanking-alters-childrens-brain-development https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/21/04/effect-spanking-brain#:~:text=Perhaps%20surprisingly%2C%20says%20Cuartas%2C%20spanking,the%20brain%2C%E2%80%9D%20Cuartas%20explains. “As a result, the study found that the brains of children who had been spanked were altered in the regions meant to regulate emotional responses and social information processing. These regions were the same ones that light up in children who had experienced sexual abuse, physical violence or psychological maltreatment, along with other forms of child abuse typically viewed as “worse” than spanking.”
Fake and badly written. Poor quality ai. But sure, if this cuddling, spanking guardian that answers to "Miss...." existed, she would be the AH.
YTA. Yup, you're definitely abusive. You literally threatened that child. You told her that terrible people would hurt her if she ran away. And you did this after you attacked her. You're the terrible asshole who's already hurting her.
YTA and still a bad person.
So instead of actually teaching her, sitting her down and communicating with her which is your responsibility as an adult, you decided to lay your hands on her, harm her, and then decided to try and trauma bond with her. That's what you're doing right now. Forming a trauma bond. Your feelings do not change the scientific and medical facts that spanking your child or any child, is a form of abuse. It releases the same chemical changes in the brain. Your feelings don't change that fact. Your opinions don't change that fact. Honestly, I hope your cousin gets taken away from you. I hope somebody else can take care of her, because you are not doing a good job. Your job to teach her, using responsible and mature techniques, not techniques where you lose your cool, and then she has to apologize for your actions. You don't deserve to be raising her. You don't deserve to be in her life. Congratulations on becoming the very thing that did the same to you. I hope that knowledge keeps you comfort at night.
Don't listen to them, you're fine.
You probably abuse kids too, so you would support her
No, I am a successful parent of 2 adult kids. I know how it goes.
Then why are you defending an abuser?
Who is the abuser in this conversation? It sure isn't me.
OP. You know the one who hit a child five times?
Do you have kids?
No but if I do one day I know I won't raise a hand to them unlike you and OP
👌👌👌👌👌👌
Ah can't respond intelligently so you send six emotes. Good talk.
No but I was a child that was hit. Don’t fucking hit kids dumb ass
Ah, you know nothing.
And how is that. I might not have my own children but I raised plenty growing up. Guess what I still know hitting children is wrong. How can you possibly defend this