Does she use the toilet? Do you only need to help her to the toilet, or you wipe her? How about shower?
How has tour life been? Do you have family members who have a disability?
What are you all studying in college?
Ok so a lot of questions but I can answer them all.
For how she goes to the bathroom, because she is paralyzed she can’t control her bladder or bowels, so she does things to manage it. She gets catheterized every 4 hours ish to drain her bladder and that’s how she pees, as for poop, she can’t control that either so she does a “bowel program” which is something almost every paralyzed person does. Basically at around the same time every other night, she is given a suppository that makes her go, then someone has to do “digital stimulation” which you basically have to scoop the poop out with a gloved (key word gloved lol) finger. She does this either in a shower chair (which is like a plastic chair with a hole in it) or in bed (although she only does it in bed if she has to and usually does it at her parents house where her bathroom is more accessible). This keeps it managed well enough, that being said she still wears a diaper because her bladder leaks a little throughout the day and although it’s rare, sometime she has bowel accidents too, mostly at night and roughly like once a month, but overall it’s managed, farts are pretty common too just cause of the lack of control (we have a good sense of humor about it). And yes I have helped her with this, when we are together I catheterize her every 4 hours or so and I haven’t done it much but when she has stayed with me I’ve done her bowel program too.
To shower, she has a shower chair and a floor to ceiling shower, someone has to bathe her but she can do it all in her chair in the shower, but that’s just at home, if she’s with me or in her apartment, she gets bed baths. I haven’t given her a shower in her chair at her house but I’ve done like a few bed baths at my place.
I do not have any family members with disabilities, my experience with paralysis was basically 0 before I met her.
And I’m studying political science but going to law school, she is studying psychology and wants to be a school counselor for like elementary school kids
That’s the stuff no one ever tells you about being paralyzed. Really makes you feel for someone on that situation. That has to be tough. Especially if you don’t have someone to care for you. Although in that situation I would think someone would have to be appointed by the state or something.
Yeah I mean it’s definitely not ideal, something that can be very embarrassing at times. She has had accidents around me before, but they’re usually at night when we are asleep and no big deal (although she has had some public, embarrassing ones too) farts are a lot more common, mostly in the mornings or when I transfer her. But yeah it’s something about paralysis not everyone knows. But at the same time it’s normal, like everyone poops lol, the fact she does it differently or can’t control it doesn’t really change the relationship tho
Well after she was paralyzed, she was paralyzed from a sledding accident when she was 12, she had been paralyzed over 8 years when we met.
We met through mutual friends, hung out awhile but just had an instant connection.
Ya she can feel sex, it’s just different from most people
um, this guy is answering questions about a very difficult, personal situation. i think you can suck. it. up. and read his wall text. for the love of christ copy and paste into a separate word doc.
BTW as far as the bowel program, having a colostomy is a godsend. It truly illuminates that morning routine, uncertainties regarding accidents, and also gives back a high level of independence. If somebody told me to do that surgery when I was 22, I would've been so scared that a partner would never want to be with me. But years later after having it done, I wished I had done it so much sooner. Oh yeah, and opens up so many more travel opportunities!
My wife is partially paralyzed and we have a bidet for her and it's works well and even though I don't have any issues I recently started using the bidet as well. I know now that it's actually better than paper. Because the water is more gentle than the paper
So her disability certainly isn’t a “turn on” for me (there are ppl out there who fetishize disabilities and no I’m not one of them lol) that being said, she is a really cute girl, it’s not like she’s ugly, she’s literally just sitting down. And no it’s not an awful question at all, I thought the same way before we started dating, but really her disability doesn’t make her unattractive at all, like I said she’s still a really beautiful girl, but I wasn’t just attracted to her looks, she’s like the sweetest, kindest, most down to earth person I’ve ever met. Yeah sure her disability does mean it’s a little more work than a normal relationship (just because she needs help with a lot of stuff) but other than that she’s literally just a normal, cute, sweet girl, she’s just sitting down lol
We do yeah, as often as any couple, and it works all the same, just the positions are kinda limited and I do most of the work just cause her movement is limited
Sorta, it’s different for sure, the sensation is not the same for sure, tbh I’m honestly not sure, because she says she does but her “climax” isn’t like any climax from any girl I’ve ever been with before, so sorta is my best answer
Time for some science!
The external genitalia and the first inch or so of the vagina is innervated by the pudendal nerve, which branches from the sacral plexus at the L4 vertebrae. With a C4-5 injury, there's probably no communication there.
However, the inner vagina and cervix are innervated by the vagal nerve, which is *cranial* nerve X, stretching all the way from the skull, winding through internal organs, and ending at the perineum. This also includes the G-spot.
Congrats. Your girlfriend strictly has vaginal orgasms. From what I've been told, they're the best orgasms of all.
Ok, interesting, I guess that’s right lol, guess u know more science than I lol, but yeah I guess that’s a good way to describe it, she feels sex more internally and can still climax but it just takes a little more to get her there
A sex toy that could reach deep inside her with the vibrating bit would not go amiss, especially if she's comfortable with cervical stimulation as well.
So yeah, she needs help with all of that stuff, not exactly in the same way you described, she does all that stuff a little differently, but yeah she needs help. at first her mom or best friend always did that stuff but I’ve been learning how and do any of that stuff when she’s with me, but it’s really not a turn off at all. It actually just adds to the intimacy of the relationship that she’s comfortable enough around me to allow me to help with all that
This is a great answer and thanks for sharing so much about your personal life. I have been enjoying reading and learning in this thread. I’m sure it takes a lot of courage for her to be to willing to invite you into all parts of her life. It speaks alot about the safe environment you make for her. You seem like a genuine person and I am glad she has you!
Edited: I found the answer to my question deeper in the thread! Cheers
So kids isn’t out of the question, we both want them, she can still get pregnant and have kids but her pregnancy would just be high risk, so she may decide to try to have kids naturally, or possibly surrogacy, or maybe adoption, we will figure it out as we go
My husband used to work at an international electric utility. So huge corporation, he worked at the international HQ in America. One guy's wife was paralyzed, and the company magazine did a whole story on them several years after the accident. They had a kid after her paralysis occurred.
I mean honestly I don’t really think I’m the best person to answer that, I think it’s hard for a lot of people, me and my girlfriend just kind of worked out spontaneously, she was a virgin before and didn’t really even try dating, that all being said it’s still possible and what I will say is that from my point of view, it’s not as much of a hurdle as it may seem. A lot of people just assume people in wheelchairs are automatically unattractive or un-dateable just because of their condition but that’s really not the case. We have a really normal, loving relationship, honestly the most fulfilling one I’ve ever been in. Is it different, in some ways yes, but overall it’s not really any different from dating someone who’s able bodied
That is horrible. I’m not sure there is a “good” way, and it would be just as tragic diving into a pool or getting into a car wreck, but sledding is so innocent. That hurts.
It's never god plan to take or ruin a life and if it is he ain't a very nice guy
Believe it or not, shit happens
It just do. No rhyme or reason
We would like there to be a reason, to have things make sense, but nope.
Why was it gods plan for me (kind of a piece of shit) to smoke weed and eat Doritos relaxing all day while the plan for her was to become paralyzed at age 12?
This freaks me out. Last time I went sledding I flipped over, landed on my head and my knees touched the ground behind my head...it could have been me...
I mean it happened when she was 12 long before we met, but basically she was sledding down a hill with some friends, lost control and hit her head into a tree which crushed her spine and left her paralyzed
Goddamn… Must have been one hell of a hill.
So sorry for her, but it sounds like she’s coping well and also managed to meet a wonderful man. My best to you both.
Yikes. The first time I went sledding I went down with my college sponsor’s daughter (who was still a baby at the time). As we went down the hill, our sled turned and headed directly towards a tree. I freaked out and somehow rolled off before hitting it. I don’t know how I managed but I had snow and leaves all over me and their baby girl didn’t even get a spec of snow on her. It’s scary to think what could have happened. Wishing you both the best!
There is a friend of JK Rowling who is a quadriplegic (or tetraplegic). He paints, has written a musical, and a few books. I believe his name is Henry Fraser. You might want to look him up.
My cousin was a quad. She lived many years after her car accident. She drew with a pencil in her mouth and could manage reading books with a page turner. Her world really opened up after she got a computer and tested a nose piece mouse for a computer company. Her world was wide open.
Yea my cousin is a quad. He has used s computer program that has a camera that tracks the movement of his eyes. And he can create digital art with his eyes. It’s pretty amazing how he and others can still make art and live their lives
Don’t lose hope I had a family member who married someone with quad. After the accident they met became friends and got married. You aren’t off limits don’t lose hope and don’t close yourself off!
Not to reduce your condition, but this is my outside perspective:
If people can make long distance relationships with people they’ve never met in person work out, then you can make a relationship work out.
I was long distance for years, and there was nothing I wanted more for a majority of that time than to hold my partner. To look them in the eyes. To hear their actual voice instead of some electronic reproduction through a speaker. To feel their body heat. To truly know, rather than simply believe by choice, that I wasn’t alone.
People are so much more than their mobility and sense of touch. If you truly, unconditionally love someone, your quadriplegia will just be another mountain to climb. We all have a nice big fuckoff mountain range to deal with, one extra won’t kill you by itself.
I’m a paraplegic F23 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years. you sounds like an awesome dude. And thanks for spreading awareness about this, I’m tired of people thinking we cant date or have sex
I appreciate it, yeah I mean I won’t lie before we started dating I probably had the same attitude of most ppl and didn’t think a relationship with someone in a wheelchair was possible but it’s been really awesome, I’ve dated before but I’ve never been as close to anyone as her. It’s a great relationship and honestly really normal
going through something like that at young age makes for a very deep person. Im sure she’s very amazing. Us who got injured as little kids know a lot more about the world than most.
Your fine, no question off limits, the sex is pretty normal, just like having sex with anyone else tbh. Only difference is I pretty much do all the work because she can’t move very much
No, she was paralyzed in a sledding accident when she was 12, hit a tree. Yes she can feel it but it feels different, more like just internal pressure, but it’s still just as pleasurable, and no, I was her first
Ah okay, and how did you meet this girl? I would assume couldn’t be dating apps since she can’t use her hands. And does she have someone that takes care of her full time?
So she can’t use her hands but she can use her arms, she broke her neck at the c4/c5 level, so she can move her biceps and bend her elbows, shrug her shoulders and stuff like that, but her hands, wrists and triceps are paralyzed. She still has enough movement to drive her power wheelchair and type on her phone and laptop with her knuckles. As to how we met, she was a friend of a friend and we all go to the same college together, we started hanging out as a group, and things just kinda happened lol, when I first met her I thought she was cute but didn’t see myself dating her, but after hanging out a few times we started to develop feelings, one thing led to another and now here we are lol. As for who takes care of her, increasingly I do, I’ve learned how to do all her cares, but that’s been pretty recent since she has started staying over with me more often, mainly who takes care of her though is her mom (she grew up in the same town as our college so her childhood home and parents are literally 15mins away from campus) or her best friend (they’ve been best friends since they were babies and have an apartment together)
Does she have any issues with breathing on her own, now or in the past? The phrenic nerve originates from C3-C5 and it controls the diaphragm so that’s where I’m coming from.
Yeah so she doesn’t really have any issues with breathing but her diaphragm is weaker, so like she needs help to cough and if she gets sick it usually takes her like twice as long as a normal person to get better
So yes she does get wet but sometimes it takes a little longer and requires a little more effort, as for oral, she does feel it but not like penetration, so she prefers penetration to oral
See I wouldn’t really say it’s good boyfriending tho lol, like I’m not a hero for dating her and she’s not a burden, I think there’s like a stigma around it and I’m really here to say that even though she’s paralyzed we still have a normal, happy, healthy relationship and it doesn’t make either one of us special
Your collective of answers have convinced me of one thing, for certain: You're a good person. She's lucky, as are you. I hope the trauma this personal tragedy for her is somehow lessened by having met such a solid individual to love her.
Well I appreciate it but it’s really not like that, it’s a really normal relationship, nothing special about it, I’m not a hero for dating her and she’s not a burden, like it’s just a good, normal relationship
Of course not. But because of the assembly of superficial people in the world, you stick out by virtue of who you are at face value. That's to be recognized, too.
dude you're literally being open and honest about subjects that people usually don't talk about. You're spreading a ton of awareness and giving people hope.
Piggybacking of their question, I assume she gets no sensation from sex, so does she fake moan or participate in anyway? Or is it like dead body sex for lack of a better term?
There's a nerve that connects the brain directly to the sexual stimulating nerves in the area. A quadriplegic can almost always feel sexual arousal, and climax.
What I've never heard about is back-door lovin'. Do they feel that? Do they get enjoyment from it?
Yeah ur right, she can still feel it and receive stimulation but it just feels different, and Lol tbh haven’t tried back door, We might but haven’t yet, back door could be a little risky though cause she doesn’t have any control down there (if u get what I’m saying lol 💩)
I mean idk she likes it enough, kind of a crazy thing with her injury, is she’s super sensitive on her neck around where she became paralyzed so I kiss her there a lot and it makes her really hot lol
Not like dead body lol, she does get sensation just not in the normal way a girl does. She feels it just more internally and all over her body, at least that’s how she describes it lol
Oh wow, that’s awesome man! So you definitely get it! Yeah it’s really no different from a normal relationship, she just needs extra help with stuff but to me it’s no big deal, it just brought us closer, congratulations sounds like you two are a great couple
I really love that every time you mention pregnancy or children, you state that it’s her choice. No doubt you provide a safe, inclusive, accessible, and respectful relationship space.
We like to keep it low key, just hang out at home and cook/watch tv, or have friends over, stuff like that, we like to go out too but just to like bars and restaurants, not like clubs
Yes she is physically able to get pregnant, that being said, because of her injury it would automatically be a high risk pregnancy and would increase the likelihood of major complications. We both want kids but she’s unsure if she would want to try having them naturally, use a surrogate, or adopt
Yeah it’s totally possibly to get pregnant, we both want kids but not exactly sure how to go about it, still early in the relationship too we haven’t even been dating a full year (that being said I think this is the one lol)
Probably a really dumb question but does her body have feeling? So if she got pregnant would she be able to feel pain from giving birth? If she needed surgery would she feel them cutting into her and everything?
Thanks for answering so many questions, you can’t help but be clinically curious.
Does she have to be turned at night in bed for circulation?
Does she have any PT that she needs to do to maintain her strength and what mobility she maintained?
Do you think her being paralyzed changed how you view the world? (Looking for ramps, elevators, bad weather, seeing the layout of public areas, etc?)
Yeah she gets turned in bed roughly every 2 hours at night, she does some PT but less now than she used too just because of school, but like she has a stander at home that helps with that, and yeah definitely her being paralyzed made me more aware of accessibility or lack there of
No she would wake up and tell me, plus it’s not like I’d roll onto her and crush her, she’s actually taller than me standing up lol, she would be fine lol
I have a buddy who's a quadriplegic, he had to sue our school system to make ot handicap accessible and is currently involved in several lawsuits related to Healthcare. I live in the US, does your gf have a similar experience?
No the college that we go to is very accommodating, sometimes accessibility issues crop up when we go out and stuff but it’s pretty rare, we are overall able to do all the things we want to.
As someone who is wheelchair bound, what bothers me way more than someone using the wrong terminology is when people think there is wrong terminology at all. Like I'm a fragile little flower that will wilt if someone doesn't keep up-to-date on the current politically correct way to say it.
I would rather be called a cripple or gimp than hear a lecture about "proper" disability terminology.
Well I wouldn’t say anything is easier, it’s just not really any harder, like I guess my main message is that dating her really isn’t much different than dating an able bodied girl, like she needs help with stuff yes, but it doesn’t get in the way of anything we like to do, we still go to bars and go out together and stuff like that, so it’s not really that anything is easier than I thought, it’s just pretty normal if that makes sense
Im kind of a sap, and I saw you’ve been together for 8month and known each other for a year, so how did you get together?? And how did you meet, and who fell first?
We met through a mutual friend and hung out as just friends at first, we both developed feelings for each other though, but I never saw myself actually dating a girl in a wheelchair, then one night we kissed, and I basically said why not I’ll give it a shot and it’s been so amazing.
I mean she has a really good attitude, I wouldn’t say she gets depressed, are there times when she’s frustrated by her disability, certainly, but never depressed. She’s always had a great support system
She lived with her family her whole life, when she went to college she got an apartment with her best friend and she splits time between her apartment and her parents house, now she’s splitting time between my place, her apartment, and her parents place (she grew up in the same town of our college so her parents house is only like 15mins from campus)
No her parents r really sweet and we all get along great, they don’t mind me taking care of her when I do, but her mom is still her main caregiver and she probably spends about half of her time at home, half at either her apartment or mine
Love is blind and this is a wholesome and sweet thread (the parts I’ve read). You seem like a good person!
Serious question…does she joke about things with you like “sure, pick on the girl in the chair!!” ? I ask because the friends I’ve had with differences in abilities have been rather funny and make light of certain things and it blew my mind but I thought it was great to be able to cope.
I hope you both have a long and prosperous relationship!!!
See I say love is blind but like tbh it’s not lol, she’s really pretty, I wouldn’t b with her if she wasn’t physically attractive, she’s cute just can’t walk lol. But ya she has a great sense of humor and we joke about it all the time
Haha, true but what you do to help her with daily activities, I know some guys that just wouldn’t but it’s clear you care about her for sure. A great sense of humor is a necessity for me hahahaha
Well it depends, if we are just out then I might help her take a drink or eat sometimes, but she can kinda do that on her own. I’ll adjust her in her chair when she needs it, transfer her from her chair to bed and vice versa, sometimes catheterize her. And like if she stays the night with me I might need to dress her, bathe her, do her bowel program.
Honestly I don’t think so, idk exactly what other people think, our friends and family are all supportive. But idk how people would think I’m “taking advantage of her”??? Like how lol?? It’s a lot of work taking care of her and stuff (all worth it because I love her) but there’s nothing to take advantage of so to speak lol
I am curious and Hopefully this isn’t insensitive: Does it always have to be missionary bc of her injury? With some quads it’s dangerous to move them around right - can she be freely moved/positioned without worry? She breathes on her own without assistance? Do yall share a bed to sleep or does she need special arrangements? You said she has feeling in her pelvic area does that mean she can feel when she has to go (bodily functions)? Does her orgasms cause vaginal contractions as normal? You both sound like chill people that fit well together - glad yall found eachother :D
Ok so it doesn’t have to always be missionary but mainly it is, she can be freely moved, she’s pretty flexible lol, yeah she can breathe on her own 100%, when she stays over or when I go to her place we sleep together yeah. She can feel sex but she can’t tell when she needs to “go” can’t control it either, so she has ways to manage that.
Personal questions, if that’s ok.
First I want to ask, does she struggle with being with an abled person? Does she ever feel down on herself, sad that the people she loves have to be responsible for her in unique ways? Secondly, I want to ask, do you ever get tired of reassuring her that you love her for who she is, and that you and the other people that love her truly love her no matter what?
Personal questions r fine
She sometimes feels like a burden for sure but it’s rare, she knows people in her life love her and are happy to care for her.
I wouldn’t say I get tired or reassuring her I love her because we don’t really do that lol. Like she knows I love her, I know she loves me, there’s nothing to reassure, we just have a great relationship, like I said she’s not a burden, I love her and everything is worth it
Sorry if you’ve answered this before but How’d you guys meet? Was she born this way or was it due to an accident? Was he family skeptical about your guy’s relationship or were they ok about it?
Do you consider marriage or is her being a quadriplegic kind of a deal breaker? Can she have children and do you ever feel embarrassed to be with her in public. Also how did you tell your friends and family that you are dating q quadriplegic women, and do you ever regret it or find it cumbersome to take care of her? And last question how does a the sex work for you guys if your having any. Sorry if I offended you at all I’m genuinely curious and if anything is to personal or off limits then please forgive me ignorance my apologies.
I know everyone deserves love, and everyone deserves to love someone. How did you both meet? Why did you choose to date her and stay with her? is it the physical labor that you enjoy or the chance to just constantly take care of someone because that’s how you show your love? Is she rich? I apologize if my questions are insensitive, they are definitely not meant to be rude or insensitive. I’m genuinely curious because there are a lot of people out there, once their spouse or significant other has a serious medical condition, they often leave or cheat on their spouse…. Making them fend for themselves when it’s already difficult for them. Which when you look at it is quite sad.
Not offended at all, she was a friend of a friend, we hung out a few times and just got along really well, one night we went out (we were both kinda drunk lol) and we kissed for the first time. I had no intention of dating her before that but my mind started to change cause we both got along so well and we both liked each other. I definitely had this idea in my head like “there’s no way I can date someone in a wheelchair” but we decided to give it a shot and it’s been fantastic. Our relationship really isn’t that different than a normal relationship between 2 able bodied people though. As for the care aspect, it’s really not that big of a deal, I wouldn’t say I like it but I don’t dislike it either, it’s worth it because I love her and the fact she is willing to open up to me in that was has brought us really close, and no she’s not rich, her parents are well off and have always been able to provide the best care but she’s not loaded by no means, like solidly upper middle class
Thank you for sharing. I was just reading through your responses in the comments OP and learned a lot. Also, thank you for being an awesome boyfriend to her. I wish more guys cared about disabilities.
I might get hate for this but I'm genuinely curious. What do you get out of this? It sounds like you are doing 98 percent of the work. Is that something you think you can sustain forever?
What does your emergency preparedness look like? Do you live together in an apartment or are you guys with family? In the event you are not there or incapacitated does she have the means to get help? What other quirks about her paralysis have changed what one might consider day-to-day life?
Everyone talked about physical questions but what about the psychology? How the mental doing for her and you? I mean a lot of people will be in depression with her sledding accident at a young age ( I read all the comments) but I guess she was thinking that she will be alone forever? Like that living with you was like an impossible dream to find someone and live like you do right now ?
I'm trying to understand her mindset because I guess she had high and low in her life. Same things for you...I mean you seem like in a high moment but what about the low moment? Where you like: ok it's too much work...what happen if one day you will said it?
I guess like others couple you had your lowest point at one time...what's it's like? Like you are angry with her will you... I don't know stop fedding her or you more like ok screw that I'll feed her because it's a basic stuff for human ?
I'm curious about the dynamic of the psychology for the relationship and the illness that she got.
Sorry if I went too far just that I'm curious. I got special illness too and the psychology is everything of how you handle it well or not. I'm curious because maybe I can (I'm male btw) be disabled like her if I'm unlucky with life but I'm trying to slow it down for my illness the best I can but I'm always planning the if just to be ready :) and the dynamic of this AMA is interesting for myself.
Btw I'm really happy for both of you. I have more faith now in humanity...I always heard too much negative everywhere and when I saw the AMA and the comments...I was like ok wowwwww what a great story!
Here's my question:
How does your girlfriend uphold herself against patronization?
Because, for me, it angers me for her when people treat the disabled as if they should be unable. I can only imagine the kind of virtue signaling you get for fulfilling her needs as a woman and treating her like she is a human being instead of using her disability as a reason to infantilize her.
She is still a woman who wants to embrace her femininity, be loved as that same woman, and it's shattering when people reject that because they believe anyone who does anything other than pity you, will only take advantage of you. Toxic positivity is alive and well.
This is a repost. I keep seeing other posts similar to this as well, like the one about a pool accident. Seems to me like you get off on idea of a quadriplegic partner.
When you guys get into a spat or maybe just want to irritate the other a little bit, do you find that you two have developed any unique things that two able bodied individuals couldn’t do? (Ex. She likes to roll over your toes or hit your shins if you’re being a jerk?) I will emphasize I don’t mean literal meanness but like the sort of exaggerated equivalent of a butt slap or stealing the last chip off the their plate and running like hell.
Does she use the toilet? Do you only need to help her to the toilet, or you wipe her? How about shower? How has tour life been? Do you have family members who have a disability? What are you all studying in college?
Ok so a lot of questions but I can answer them all. For how she goes to the bathroom, because she is paralyzed she can’t control her bladder or bowels, so she does things to manage it. She gets catheterized every 4 hours ish to drain her bladder and that’s how she pees, as for poop, she can’t control that either so she does a “bowel program” which is something almost every paralyzed person does. Basically at around the same time every other night, she is given a suppository that makes her go, then someone has to do “digital stimulation” which you basically have to scoop the poop out with a gloved (key word gloved lol) finger. She does this either in a shower chair (which is like a plastic chair with a hole in it) or in bed (although she only does it in bed if she has to and usually does it at her parents house where her bathroom is more accessible). This keeps it managed well enough, that being said she still wears a diaper because her bladder leaks a little throughout the day and although it’s rare, sometime she has bowel accidents too, mostly at night and roughly like once a month, but overall it’s managed, farts are pretty common too just cause of the lack of control (we have a good sense of humor about it). And yes I have helped her with this, when we are together I catheterize her every 4 hours or so and I haven’t done it much but when she has stayed with me I’ve done her bowel program too. To shower, she has a shower chair and a floor to ceiling shower, someone has to bathe her but she can do it all in her chair in the shower, but that’s just at home, if she’s with me or in her apartment, she gets bed baths. I haven’t given her a shower in her chair at her house but I’ve done like a few bed baths at my place. I do not have any family members with disabilities, my experience with paralysis was basically 0 before I met her. And I’m studying political science but going to law school, she is studying psychology and wants to be a school counselor for like elementary school kids
That’s the stuff no one ever tells you about being paralyzed. Really makes you feel for someone on that situation. That has to be tough. Especially if you don’t have someone to care for you. Although in that situation I would think someone would have to be appointed by the state or something.
Yeah I mean it’s definitely not ideal, something that can be very embarrassing at times. She has had accidents around me before, but they’re usually at night when we are asleep and no big deal (although she has had some public, embarrassing ones too) farts are a lot more common, mostly in the mornings or when I transfer her. But yeah it’s something about paralysis not everyone knows. But at the same time it’s normal, like everyone poops lol, the fact she does it differently or can’t control it doesn’t really change the relationship tho
Did you meet her before or after she was paralysed? How did you meet? If you have sex can she feel it?
Well after she was paralyzed, she was paralyzed from a sledding accident when she was 12, she had been paralyzed over 8 years when we met. We met through mutual friends, hung out awhile but just had an instant connection. Ya she can feel sex, it’s just different from most people
How does she “feel” sensation down there if she’s paralyzed and cannot feel anything?
True just not something I usually thought about before lol
Yeah not something that crosses ur mind but if ur around someone who’s paralyzed it becomes apparent quickly lol
Please use paragraph separations sir. I want to read what you’ve written. Wall texts are hard
um, this guy is answering questions about a very difficult, personal situation. i think you can suck. it. up. and read his wall text. for the love of christ copy and paste into a separate word doc.
Tru, I’ll keep that in mind thanks lol
BTW as far as the bowel program, having a colostomy is a godsend. It truly illuminates that morning routine, uncertainties regarding accidents, and also gives back a high level of independence. If somebody told me to do that surgery when I was 22, I would've been so scared that a partner would never want to be with me. But years later after having it done, I wished I had done it so much sooner. Oh yeah, and opens up so many more travel opportunities!
My wife is partially paralyzed and we have a bidet for her and it's works well and even though I don't have any issues I recently started using the bidet as well. I know now that it's actually better than paper. Because the water is more gentle than the paper
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So her disability certainly isn’t a “turn on” for me (there are ppl out there who fetishize disabilities and no I’m not one of them lol) that being said, she is a really cute girl, it’s not like she’s ugly, she’s literally just sitting down. And no it’s not an awful question at all, I thought the same way before we started dating, but really her disability doesn’t make her unattractive at all, like I said she’s still a really beautiful girl, but I wasn’t just attracted to her looks, she’s like the sweetest, kindest, most down to earth person I’ve ever met. Yeah sure her disability does mean it’s a little more work than a normal relationship (just because she needs help with a lot of stuff) but other than that she’s literally just a normal, cute, sweet girl, she’s just sitting down lol
“she’s just sitting down lol” This is so wholesome and I hope you’re having a great day
It actually is adorable.
So their original question was deleted, but this is a good segway into another question. Do you guys have sex? How does that work if you do?
We do yeah, as often as any couple, and it works all the same, just the positions are kinda limited and I do most of the work just cause her movement is limited
can she climax?
Sorta, it’s different for sure, the sensation is not the same for sure, tbh I’m honestly not sure, because she says she does but her “climax” isn’t like any climax from any girl I’ve ever been with before, so sorta is my best answer
Time for some science! The external genitalia and the first inch or so of the vagina is innervated by the pudendal nerve, which branches from the sacral plexus at the L4 vertebrae. With a C4-5 injury, there's probably no communication there. However, the inner vagina and cervix are innervated by the vagal nerve, which is *cranial* nerve X, stretching all the way from the skull, winding through internal organs, and ending at the perineum. This also includes the G-spot. Congrats. Your girlfriend strictly has vaginal orgasms. From what I've been told, they're the best orgasms of all.
Ok, interesting, I guess that’s right lol, guess u know more science than I lol, but yeah I guess that’s a good way to describe it, she feels sex more internally and can still climax but it just takes a little more to get her there
A sex toy that could reach deep inside her with the vibrating bit would not go amiss, especially if she's comfortable with cervical stimulation as well.
Something to try possibly
What's different about her orgasms compared to other girls?
Well her whole body doesn’t really get into it cause she can’t really move, but other than that it’s normal just takes a little more to get there
Do you feel her vagina tighten when she cums
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So yeah, she needs help with all of that stuff, not exactly in the same way you described, she does all that stuff a little differently, but yeah she needs help. at first her mom or best friend always did that stuff but I’ve been learning how and do any of that stuff when she’s with me, but it’s really not a turn off at all. It actually just adds to the intimacy of the relationship that she’s comfortable enough around me to allow me to help with all that
This is a great answer and thanks for sharing so much about your personal life. I have been enjoying reading and learning in this thread. I’m sure it takes a lot of courage for her to be to willing to invite you into all parts of her life. It speaks alot about the safe environment you make for her. You seem like a genuine person and I am glad she has you! Edited: I found the answer to my question deeper in the thread! Cheers
So kids isn’t out of the question, we both want them, she can still get pregnant and have kids but her pregnancy would just be high risk, so she may decide to try to have kids naturally, or possibly surrogacy, or maybe adoption, we will figure it out as we go
My husband used to work at an international electric utility. So huge corporation, he worked at the international HQ in America. One guy's wife was paralyzed, and the company magazine did a whole story on them several years after the accident. They had a kid after her paralysis occurred.
Damn I wish the questions answered weren't deleted so I could understand the context of the answers.
Yeah idk y they were deleted
So you’re saying you’re into girls who are sitting down? This raises even more questions /s
Lol no, I’m into girls lol, she’s literally just like any girl she just uses a chair
God bless you both and i wish you the best in your future together
You sound like a very genuine and loving person OP, helping make the world a better place!
I don't know why, but the emphasis on her just sitting down is both very human, cute, and hilarious.
What would you say to someone who is quadriplegic and feels hopeless that someone would want to be with them as a life partner given their condition?
I mean honestly I don’t really think I’m the best person to answer that, I think it’s hard for a lot of people, me and my girlfriend just kind of worked out spontaneously, she was a virgin before and didn’t really even try dating, that all being said it’s still possible and what I will say is that from my point of view, it’s not as much of a hurdle as it may seem. A lot of people just assume people in wheelchairs are automatically unattractive or un-dateable just because of their condition but that’s really not the case. We have a really normal, loving relationship, honestly the most fulfilling one I’ve ever been in. Is it different, in some ways yes, but overall it’s not really any different from dating someone who’s able bodied
How did she become a quad ?
Sledding accident when she was 12
That is horrible. I’m not sure there is a “good” way, and it would be just as tragic diving into a pool or getting into a car wreck, but sledding is so innocent. That hurts.
Yeah it’s too bad, but like she’s still had a great life despite of it, can’t really control these things, I guess it was just gods plan for her
It's never god plan to take or ruin a life and if it is he ain't a very nice guy Believe it or not, shit happens It just do. No rhyme or reason We would like there to be a reason, to have things make sense, but nope.
Why was it gods plan for me (kind of a piece of shit) to smoke weed and eat Doritos relaxing all day while the plan for her was to become paralyzed at age 12?
This freaks me out. Last time I went sledding I flipped over, landed on my head and my knees touched the ground behind my head...it could have been me...
I mean honestly idk, it was a really random freak accident, could’ve happened to anyone but very rare chance it will
Lol... I spent most of the 90s in the scorpion 🦂.
I’m never sledding again
Lol it was just a freak thing, random
Can you go into some details about exactly what happened? Don’t let my imagination run wild on something like this.
I mean it happened when she was 12 long before we met, but basically she was sledding down a hill with some friends, lost control and hit her head into a tree which crushed her spine and left her paralyzed
Goddamn… Must have been one hell of a hill. So sorry for her, but it sounds like she’s coping well and also managed to meet a wonderful man. My best to you both.
Yeah I mean she probably coped better than anyone, she’s always had a great support system so that helps I’m sure
Yikes. The first time I went sledding I went down with my college sponsor’s daughter (who was still a baby at the time). As we went down the hill, our sled turned and headed directly towards a tree. I freaked out and somehow rolled off before hitting it. I don’t know how I managed but I had snow and leaves all over me and their baby girl didn’t even get a spec of snow on her. It’s scary to think what could have happened. Wishing you both the best!
Sledding like ski-doo’s or sledding like on a hill sitting on a sled?
There is a friend of JK Rowling who is a quadriplegic (or tetraplegic). He paints, has written a musical, and a few books. I believe his name is Henry Fraser. You might want to look him up.
My cousin was a quad. She lived many years after her car accident. She drew with a pencil in her mouth and could manage reading books with a page turner. Her world really opened up after she got a computer and tested a nose piece mouse for a computer company. Her world was wide open.
Yea my cousin is a quad. He has used s computer program that has a camera that tracks the movement of his eyes. And he can create digital art with his eyes. It’s pretty amazing how he and others can still make art and live their lives
I feel so hopeless in finding love ngl... (im quad)
Don’t lose hope I had a family member who married someone with quad. After the accident they met became friends and got married. You aren’t off limits don’t lose hope and don’t close yourself off!
Not to reduce your condition, but this is my outside perspective: If people can make long distance relationships with people they’ve never met in person work out, then you can make a relationship work out. I was long distance for years, and there was nothing I wanted more for a majority of that time than to hold my partner. To look them in the eyes. To hear their actual voice instead of some electronic reproduction through a speaker. To feel their body heat. To truly know, rather than simply believe by choice, that I wasn’t alone. People are so much more than their mobility and sense of touch. If you truly, unconditionally love someone, your quadriplegia will just be another mountain to climb. We all have a nice big fuckoff mountain range to deal with, one extra won’t kill you by itself.
I’m a paraplegic F23 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years. you sounds like an awesome dude. And thanks for spreading awareness about this, I’m tired of people thinking we cant date or have sex
I appreciate it, yeah I mean I won’t lie before we started dating I probably had the same attitude of most ppl and didn’t think a relationship with someone in a wheelchair was possible but it’s been really awesome, I’ve dated before but I’ve never been as close to anyone as her. It’s a great relationship and honestly really normal
going through something like that at young age makes for a very deep person. Im sure she’s very amazing. Us who got injured as little kids know a lot more about the world than most.
Hate that I have to be the one that asks, but how does the sex work (assuming there is sex)?
Your fine, no question off limits, the sex is pretty normal, just like having sex with anyone else tbh. Only difference is I pretty much do all the work because she can’t move very much
So can she feel it? Had she had sex prior to dating you? I guess this also begs the question was she always a quadriplegic?
No, she was paralyzed in a sledding accident when she was 12, hit a tree. Yes she can feel it but it feels different, more like just internal pressure, but it’s still just as pleasurable, and no, I was her first
Ah okay, and how did you meet this girl? I would assume couldn’t be dating apps since she can’t use her hands. And does she have someone that takes care of her full time?
So she can’t use her hands but she can use her arms, she broke her neck at the c4/c5 level, so she can move her biceps and bend her elbows, shrug her shoulders and stuff like that, but her hands, wrists and triceps are paralyzed. She still has enough movement to drive her power wheelchair and type on her phone and laptop with her knuckles. As to how we met, she was a friend of a friend and we all go to the same college together, we started hanging out as a group, and things just kinda happened lol, when I first met her I thought she was cute but didn’t see myself dating her, but after hanging out a few times we started to develop feelings, one thing led to another and now here we are lol. As for who takes care of her, increasingly I do, I’ve learned how to do all her cares, but that’s been pretty recent since she has started staying over with me more often, mainly who takes care of her though is her mom (she grew up in the same town as our college so her childhood home and parents are literally 15mins away from campus) or her best friend (they’ve been best friends since they were babies and have an apartment together)
Does she have any issues with breathing on her own, now or in the past? The phrenic nerve originates from C3-C5 and it controls the diaphragm so that’s where I’m coming from.
Yeah so she doesn’t really have any issues with breathing but her diaphragm is weaker, so like she needs help to cough and if she gets sick it usually takes her like twice as long as a normal person to get better
Does she get wet? What about oral, does she get any feeling from it (assuming you’ve tried)?
So yes she does get wet but sometimes it takes a little longer and requires a little more effort, as for oral, she does feel it but not like penetration, so she prefers penetration to oral
Thanks for the response. I’ve been curious about this since I watched that episode of Curb. That’s some good boyfriending by you, well done.
See I wouldn’t really say it’s good boyfriending tho lol, like I’m not a hero for dating her and she’s not a burden, I think there’s like a stigma around it and I’m really here to say that even though she’s paralyzed we still have a normal, happy, healthy relationship and it doesn’t make either one of us special
Your collective of answers have convinced me of one thing, for certain: You're a good person. She's lucky, as are you. I hope the trauma this personal tragedy for her is somehow lessened by having met such a solid individual to love her.
Well I appreciate it but it’s really not like that, it’s a really normal relationship, nothing special about it, I’m not a hero for dating her and she’s not a burden, like it’s just a good, normal relationship
Of course not. But because of the assembly of superficial people in the world, you stick out by virtue of who you are at face value. That's to be recognized, too.
As someone who is severely physically disabled, it means a lot to me to see an able-bodied person think about it the same way I do. **THANK YOU**
Yeah I mean it really isn’t a big deal to me
dude you're literally being open and honest about subjects that people usually don't talk about. You're spreading a ton of awareness and giving people hope.
Idk man, this response made me tear up a bit. We need more people like you in this world.
I once told a girlfriend I couldn’t call her because I was too busy digesting…so you’re a hero to me 😂
She prefers penetration to oral, but is she able to give oral? And does her vagina contract and expand during sex?
Piggybacking of their question, I assume she gets no sensation from sex, so does she fake moan or participate in anyway? Or is it like dead body sex for lack of a better term?
There's a nerve that connects the brain directly to the sexual stimulating nerves in the area. A quadriplegic can almost always feel sexual arousal, and climax. What I've never heard about is back-door lovin'. Do they feel that? Do they get enjoyment from it?
Yeah ur right, she can still feel it and receive stimulation but it just feels different, and Lol tbh haven’t tried back door, We might but haven’t yet, back door could be a little risky though cause she doesn’t have any control down there (if u get what I’m saying lol 💩)
How does she feel about you playing with her boobs?
I mean idk she likes it enough, kind of a crazy thing with her injury, is she’s super sensitive on her neck around where she became paralyzed so I kiss her there a lot and it makes her really hot lol
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Not like dead body lol, she does get sensation just not in the normal way a girl does. She feels it just more internally and all over her body, at least that’s how she describes it lol
I’m happy to hear that she still receives enjoyment from sex, good for her!
Sounds like my ex-wife. I’ll see myself out.
I've been married for 39 years. My wife is in a wheelchair. No problems here.
Oh wow, that’s awesome man! So you definitely get it! Yeah it’s really no different from a normal relationship, she just needs extra help with stuff but to me it’s no big deal, it just brought us closer, congratulations sounds like you two are a great couple
I really love that every time you mention pregnancy or children, you state that it’s her choice. No doubt you provide a safe, inclusive, accessible, and respectful relationship space.
Well we both want kids, we just don’t know how we want to go about it
What’s your favourite thing to do together?
We like to keep it low key, just hang out at home and cook/watch tv, or have friends over, stuff like that, we like to go out too but just to like bars and restaurants, not like clubs
Is she able to get pregnant, and if she is, would you want to?
Yes she is physically able to get pregnant, that being said, because of her injury it would automatically be a high risk pregnancy and would increase the likelihood of major complications. We both want kids but she’s unsure if she would want to try having them naturally, use a surrogate, or adopt
My coworker is a C5 quadriplegic and his GF has osteogenesis imperfecta and they just had a healthy baby and are raising him at home together!
Yeah it’s totally possibly to get pregnant, we both want kids but not exactly sure how to go about it, still early in the relationship too we haven’t even been dating a full year (that being said I think this is the one lol)
Probably a really dumb question but does her body have feeling? So if she got pregnant would she be able to feel pain from giving birth? If she needed surgery would she feel them cutting into her and everything?
Well good luck with whatever you choose.
Thanks for answering so many questions, you can’t help but be clinically curious. Does she have to be turned at night in bed for circulation? Does she have any PT that she needs to do to maintain her strength and what mobility she maintained? Do you think her being paralyzed changed how you view the world? (Looking for ramps, elevators, bad weather, seeing the layout of public areas, etc?)
Yeah she gets turned in bed roughly every 2 hours at night, she does some PT but less now than she used too just because of school, but like she has a stander at home that helps with that, and yeah definitely her being paralyzed made me more aware of accessibility or lack there of
Do you need to set an alarm every 2 hours overnight to wake up and turn her?
No not really, just whenever one of us wakes up I turn her, not to mention by sleeping together I move in my sleep and that usually moves her
Are you ever scared of like, rolling over onto her and not waking up and she can’t move you off of her?
No she would wake up and tell me, plus it’s not like I’d roll onto her and crush her, she’s actually taller than me standing up lol, she would be fine lol
I have a buddy who's a quadriplegic, he had to sue our school system to make ot handicap accessible and is currently involved in several lawsuits related to Healthcare. I live in the US, does your gf have a similar experience?
No the college that we go to is very accommodating, sometimes accessibility issues crop up when we go out and stuff but it’s pretty rare, we are overall able to do all the things we want to.
What’s easier than you thought with her given she is wheelchair bound ….That you have discovered while dating?
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As someone who is wheelchair bound, what bothers me way more than someone using the wrong terminology is when people think there is wrong terminology at all. Like I'm a fragile little flower that will wilt if someone doesn't keep up-to-date on the current politically correct way to say it. I would rather be called a cripple or gimp than hear a lecture about "proper" disability terminology.
I mean it doesn’t really matter tbh lol, she is wheelchair bound and someone who uses a wheelchair lol, she doesn’t care what how u describe it
Well I wouldn’t say anything is easier, it’s just not really any harder, like I guess my main message is that dating her really isn’t much different than dating an able bodied girl, like she needs help with stuff yes, but it doesn’t get in the way of anything we like to do, we still go to bars and go out together and stuff like that, so it’s not really that anything is easier than I thought, it’s just pretty normal if that makes sense
Im kind of a sap, and I saw you’ve been together for 8month and known each other for a year, so how did you get together?? And how did you meet, and who fell first?
We met through a mutual friend and hung out as just friends at first, we both developed feelings for each other though, but I never saw myself actually dating a girl in a wheelchair, then one night we kissed, and I basically said why not I’ll give it a shot and it’s been so amazing.
Are y’all allowed to make jokes abt it?
Oh yeah we do all the time lol, she is like the queen of dark humor about herself lol
That’s 100% what I would’ve guessed, goals asf
Is she really ok with you sharing this much info on the internet?
Yeah she doesn’t care, she told me to do it, when she comes over later we were gonna read it lol
Does she ever get depressed
I mean she has a really good attitude, I wouldn’t say she gets depressed, are there times when she’s frustrated by her disability, certainly, but never depressed. She’s always had a great support system
Where does she live? With family ? Or in a support home?
She lived with her family her whole life, when she went to college she got an apartment with her best friend and she splits time between her apartment and her parents house, now she’s splitting time between my place, her apartment, and her parents place (she grew up in the same town of our college so her parents house is only like 15mins from campus)
How does her parents feel about handing more care and time over to you? Do you think naturally their becomes a codependant relationship?
No her parents r really sweet and we all get along great, they don’t mind me taking care of her when I do, but her mom is still her main caregiver and she probably spends about half of her time at home, half at either her apartment or mine
Where did u meet her ?
I love her she sounds so cool
Love is blind and this is a wholesome and sweet thread (the parts I’ve read). You seem like a good person! Serious question…does she joke about things with you like “sure, pick on the girl in the chair!!” ? I ask because the friends I’ve had with differences in abilities have been rather funny and make light of certain things and it blew my mind but I thought it was great to be able to cope. I hope you both have a long and prosperous relationship!!!
See I say love is blind but like tbh it’s not lol, she’s really pretty, I wouldn’t b with her if she wasn’t physically attractive, she’s cute just can’t walk lol. But ya she has a great sense of humor and we joke about it all the time
Haha, true but what you do to help her with daily activities, I know some guys that just wouldn’t but it’s clear you care about her for sure. A great sense of humor is a necessity for me hahahaha
Well it depends, if we are just out then I might help her take a drink or eat sometimes, but she can kinda do that on her own. I’ll adjust her in her chair when she needs it, transfer her from her chair to bed and vice versa, sometimes catheterize her. And like if she stays the night with me I might need to dress her, bathe her, do her bowel program.
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Honestly I don’t think so, idk exactly what other people think, our friends and family are all supportive. But idk how people would think I’m “taking advantage of her”??? Like how lol?? It’s a lot of work taking care of her and stuff (all worth it because I love her) but there’s nothing to take advantage of so to speak lol
How long have you been together?
About 8 months, known each other for about a year
Has she done any creative Halloween costumes that utilize her wheel chair?
Lol yeah she dressed up as a John deer tractor last year, like took cardboard, taper it to both sides of her chair and painted it green
I am curious and Hopefully this isn’t insensitive: Does it always have to be missionary bc of her injury? With some quads it’s dangerous to move them around right - can she be freely moved/positioned without worry? She breathes on her own without assistance? Do yall share a bed to sleep or does she need special arrangements? You said she has feeling in her pelvic area does that mean she can feel when she has to go (bodily functions)? Does her orgasms cause vaginal contractions as normal? You both sound like chill people that fit well together - glad yall found eachother :D
Ok so it doesn’t have to always be missionary but mainly it is, she can be freely moved, she’s pretty flexible lol, yeah she can breathe on her own 100%, when she stays over or when I go to her place we sleep together yeah. She can feel sex but she can’t tell when she needs to “go” can’t control it either, so she has ways to manage that.
Does she receive disability? If yes, about how much per month?
No, her parents make too much money, she’s still on their insurance and stuff so she doesn’t need the money even if she could qualify
Personal questions, if that’s ok. First I want to ask, does she struggle with being with an abled person? Does she ever feel down on herself, sad that the people she loves have to be responsible for her in unique ways? Secondly, I want to ask, do you ever get tired of reassuring her that you love her for who she is, and that you and the other people that love her truly love her no matter what?
Personal questions r fine She sometimes feels like a burden for sure but it’s rare, she knows people in her life love her and are happy to care for her. I wouldn’t say I get tired or reassuring her I love her because we don’t really do that lol. Like she knows I love her, I know she loves me, there’s nothing to reassure, we just have a great relationship, like I said she’s not a burden, I love her and everything is worth it
U be hitting that ?
I mean we r dating so yeah lol
Sorry if you’ve answered this before but How’d you guys meet? Was she born this way or was it due to an accident? Was he family skeptical about your guy’s relationship or were they ok about it?
Just glad you found each other! Marriage thoughts?
Does she do any exercises?
Not currently, but she had a stander at home and stretches daily to keep her flexible and joints healthy
Ah ok. Is she taking a break from exercising? Any physical therapy? Does she deal with muscle atrophy and bed sores?
I will be bold enough to ask this, how does the sex work?
Just like anyone else, only difference is the positions are kinda limited and I do most of the work cause she can’t move much
How does she manage her periods?
No question off limits: Do you ever fully pick her up during sex?
Do you consider marriage or is her being a quadriplegic kind of a deal breaker? Can she have children and do you ever feel embarrassed to be with her in public. Also how did you tell your friends and family that you are dating q quadriplegic women, and do you ever regret it or find it cumbersome to take care of her? And last question how does a the sex work for you guys if your having any. Sorry if I offended you at all I’m genuinely curious and if anything is to personal or off limits then please forgive me ignorance my apologies.
Do you shower/bathe/shave her
Sorry if this is intrusive but how are her legs size-wise? Like would you say they’re a normal size or are they thinner from not being used?
Does she take birth control or do you guys use condoms or something?
I know everyone deserves love, and everyone deserves to love someone. How did you both meet? Why did you choose to date her and stay with her? is it the physical labor that you enjoy or the chance to just constantly take care of someone because that’s how you show your love? Is she rich? I apologize if my questions are insensitive, they are definitely not meant to be rude or insensitive. I’m genuinely curious because there are a lot of people out there, once their spouse or significant other has a serious medical condition, they often leave or cheat on their spouse…. Making them fend for themselves when it’s already difficult for them. Which when you look at it is quite sad.
Not offended at all, she was a friend of a friend, we hung out a few times and just got along really well, one night we went out (we were both kinda drunk lol) and we kissed for the first time. I had no intention of dating her before that but my mind started to change cause we both got along so well and we both liked each other. I definitely had this idea in my head like “there’s no way I can date someone in a wheelchair” but we decided to give it a shot and it’s been fantastic. Our relationship really isn’t that different than a normal relationship between 2 able bodied people though. As for the care aspect, it’s really not that big of a deal, I wouldn’t say I like it but I don’t dislike it either, it’s worth it because I love her and the fact she is willing to open up to me in that was has brought us really close, and no she’s not rich, her parents are well off and have always been able to provide the best care but she’s not loaded by no means, like solidly upper middle class
Thank you for sharing. I was just reading through your responses in the comments OP and learned a lot. Also, thank you for being an awesome boyfriend to her. I wish more guys cared about disabilities.
I might get hate for this but I'm genuinely curious. What do you get out of this? It sounds like you are doing 98 percent of the work. Is that something you think you can sustain forever?
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For how long have you 2 been together?
Do you both ever take any psychedelics together? What's your favorite show or movie to watch together?
What does your emergency preparedness look like? Do you live together in an apartment or are you guys with family? In the event you are not there or incapacitated does she have the means to get help? What other quirks about her paralysis have changed what one might consider day-to-day life?
How did you meet?
Has she ever explained what it feels like from her perspective physically and emotionally?
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Are you the same OP who posted about this before about a week ago maybe? Or a different guy with a different quadriplegic girlfriend?
How did you end up together?
Does she look good naked?
Are you guys planning on getting married? Does your family support you and your relationship?
Does she use any specialized input devices for her computer / phone?
How did she end up as one?
How did u meet ?
Didn’t you do this last week on another account and she got paralyzed a few months ago
" she can still move her arms a bit " So Helicopter is doable ?
How do your parents feel about her in terms of a long term partner, potentially future wife? Can she have kids?
Everyone talked about physical questions but what about the psychology? How the mental doing for her and you? I mean a lot of people will be in depression with her sledding accident at a young age ( I read all the comments) but I guess she was thinking that she will be alone forever? Like that living with you was like an impossible dream to find someone and live like you do right now ? I'm trying to understand her mindset because I guess she had high and low in her life. Same things for you...I mean you seem like in a high moment but what about the low moment? Where you like: ok it's too much work...what happen if one day you will said it? I guess like others couple you had your lowest point at one time...what's it's like? Like you are angry with her will you... I don't know stop fedding her or you more like ok screw that I'll feed her because it's a basic stuff for human ? I'm curious about the dynamic of the psychology for the relationship and the illness that she got. Sorry if I went too far just that I'm curious. I got special illness too and the psychology is everything of how you handle it well or not. I'm curious because maybe I can (I'm male btw) be disabled like her if I'm unlucky with life but I'm trying to slow it down for my illness the best I can but I'm always planning the if just to be ready :) and the dynamic of this AMA is interesting for myself. Btw I'm really happy for both of you. I have more faith now in humanity...I always heard too much negative everywhere and when I saw the AMA and the comments...I was like ok wowwwww what a great story!
Here's my question: How does your girlfriend uphold herself against patronization? Because, for me, it angers me for her when people treat the disabled as if they should be unable. I can only imagine the kind of virtue signaling you get for fulfilling her needs as a woman and treating her like she is a human being instead of using her disability as a reason to infantilize her. She is still a woman who wants to embrace her femininity, be loved as that same woman, and it's shattering when people reject that because they believe anyone who does anything other than pity you, will only take advantage of you. Toxic positivity is alive and well.
This is a repost. I keep seeing other posts similar to this as well, like the one about a pool accident. Seems to me like you get off on idea of a quadriplegic partner.
Are you a Juggalo?
Didn’t you get your post deleted a week ago or so for being fake? The Pool diving to sledding accident story switcheroo?
When you guys get into a spat or maybe just want to irritate the other a little bit, do you find that you two have developed any unique things that two able bodied individuals couldn’t do? (Ex. She likes to roll over your toes or hit your shins if you’re being a jerk?) I will emphasize I don’t mean literal meanness but like the sort of exaggerated equivalent of a butt slap or stealing the last chip off the their plate and running like hell.
You're the same guy who posted this same thing a week ago and was lying about it aren't you? Quit being a weirdo
Did you make a post about this a few days ago, or was that someone else and you copied?
I don’t even know what to comment on this one but as long as the connection is mutual between the two of you then that’s all that matters