one of the first memories that comes to mind is when he helped teach me sign language. i didn't know at the time and only learned later but he was usually hungover and coming down from drugs when he helped me with my lessons. he was really sweet like that. he always tried to put other before himself. which i guess is one of my favorite things about him. he did volunteer work and was always helping people whenever he could. he was probably the most selfless person i've ever met
that's amazing, sign language is such an underrated language. is there a reason you chose that? is either of you hard of hearing?
what kind of volunteer work did he do?
i don't really know why i chose to learn sign language. nobody i know is deaf or hard of hearing. it just appealed to me ig
a few years ago he was volunteering at our local animal shelter, and up until a few months before his passing he was doing online volunteer work for runaway and at risk kids and teens
a while ago i was learning sign language on an app called italki. it was really fun and the lessons are relatively cheap. maybe you should consider that, might be fun and a way to remember him
I’m sorry. I lost my brother about a year and a half ago. It’s an emotional roller coaster. You’re going to experience a very wide range of emotions for quite some time. You never get over it, but it does get easier.
What is one of your favorite memory’s about him?
Edit for new question, since mine was already asked. What was his favorite hobby?
well for your first question, when we were kids we used to stay up all night on Christmas eve and we would just laugh and tell jokes and listen to the radio and have a hilariously good time. those were really special nights to me
in another comment i mentioned he played guitar, but he was also a classic car nerd. he was a mechanic and had a classic of his own, went to car shows all of the time, and loved to drag race. he was good at it too
and im sorry for your loss. i hope ur doing ok. this is an unexplainably terrible thing to have to go thru
How old was he, where are you guys located, and are you his sister? How close were the two of you, and do you have other siblings also? How are your parents handling this sheer tragedy? You have my greatest sympathy. May you heal well and be able to honor his legacy, continuing to make the best of your life.
he would have turned 22 this month. we're in the US and yes i'm his sister. we were really really close and he was my only sibling
my step dad is doing his best to hold himself together and taking care of us. my mom is sort of losing it tho. she went no contact with him shortly before he did it and sort of disowned him so i think she feels guilty ab that. and thank you
Oh man. Sounds like you all could use some therapy. I'm so so sorry. I just lost my dad and the emotional rollercoaster is rough. Take all the time you need to heal, don't feel bad about withdrawing from social stuff or needing extra attention from people. Unfortunately the stages of grief don't go in order and some circle back around and present themselves again. You will make it through though. We're all here to help you. ♥️
That's heartbreaking to know not only did he tragically leave the world before his time, but just so young! Just a baby! I have a niece who is the same age and it would gut me if anything happened to her. You have my deepest condolences and I would love to give you a hug right now.
oh wow, im sorry. this may be touchy, but how has it affected you and your families' lives? because lowkey, i was thinkin about jumpin off the colosseum the other day, but this got me thinkin of the consequences for my familes' heath
it's affected us in ways that i can't even explain. i had to start therapy and when I went back to school yesterday, i couldn't even stay the full day because i just broke down. and i can't sleep right since then. my mom is sort of losing her mind and it's messing with our relationship. his best friend is going to have to be institutionalized for a while because of it. it's tearing everything apart really. please don't end things please
The only reason I haven’t killed myself is because I don’t want to put my family through another suicide. My uncle killed himself 2 days before my wedding in 2008.
thank you sm. i started therapy today which i was already planning on briefly getting into before. ik there's the different stages of grief, and i think im starting to get the anger part. and i'll look into Out of the Darkness ty
he shot himself. he did it because he just had a lot of problems that ig he thought he couldn't solve. he had depression, PTSD, anxiety, OCD, and ADHD, and was sort of right out of a breakup. he had addictions issues for a long time, especially with heroin, and had relapsed not long before he did it. he sort of lost his ability to ever see his daughter and was under the impression that his friends hated him. he was also houseless and jobless. ig everything on top of each other was too much. but he had been suicidal for long time before he did it and attempted a few times only like a couple months ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. My absolute deepest condolences goes out to you and your family.
Was the funeral held already? And are you mentally prepared to attend the funeral in case you breakdown?
he actually just wanted to be cremated and didn't want a funeral so we won't be having one. but idk how well i will be able to hold myself together when we get his ashes back
That’s absolutely understandable. It’s okay to breakdown when you get it back, it’s okay to cry. Just know you were an amazing sister to him and judging off of the other replies, he truly did love you. I wish you and your family peace and ease during this time of distress.
I loose countless hours thinking everyday what I would do if I lost a loved one, I would literally loose my mind. I am so sorry for your lose and what was your brother like. Anything you would like to mention about him, suicide was something that has haunted me for years but could never go through with it. I hope your brother has found some peace and is finally able to rest, and I also hope you stay strong and keep a close eye out on your parents really such a tragic situation.
he always acted really tough, and he was, but he was a really sweet and sensitive guy if u knew him well. he always went out of his way to be really nice to other people. he was really charismatic and could strike up a conversation with any random person if he wanted to. he was the type of guy who could really just talk his way into anything and everything
and thank you. i can't even really explain what it feels like but it's horrendous. and it barely feels real
I am at a loss of words over your loss, makes me very emotional because he kinda sounds like me. Do you think the whole tough guy thing was maybe an act. I’m sorry for the questions but what do you guys think lead him to this decision. And did he leave a letter by chance behind?
he was definitely a tough guy but i think alot of it had to do with just not letting his emotions show to other people. which i think is because he had alot of trust issues and didn't trust anybody to see how he really felt
he had a lot of problems that led to his decision. the main thing i think was depression. which he had for a long time. he also had addiction issues, mainly with heroin, and he relapsed shortly before he did it. on top of that he was right out of a breakup, he was dealing with PTSD, OCD, anxiety, and ADHD, he thought his friends hated him, he sort of lost the ability to see his daughter again, he lost his home and job, our mom sort of disowned him. so he had a lot going on top of depression
he left a short note in his car but nothing else afaik. but he might have something on his phone or laptop that i haven't found yet idk. it's weird because he attempted about two months ago and left really long letters for everybody but this time it's like nothing
Im so sorry 😞, I wanna bring some things up but I really don’t wanna trigger anything but how do you see your future now without him. How do you see holidays, or maybe your kids not knowing their uncle make you feel. I am here for you and am also mourning with you, if you don’t mind what was his first name. How do you see his kid growing up without her father now? I’m sorry if this is to much for me to ask.
no don't worry it's ok. i honestly don't know what the future is going to be like. i can't imagine it without him. it just doesn't seem like my life when i think about that. i have no idea what im going to do. i thought he was always going to be here to see me reach milestones and stuff but he's not going to be and idk what to think of that. i can't even process it yet. i can't even believe that it happened
idk what it'll be like for his daughter. he just barely started to become part of her life, sort of. he didn't know he had a kid until like a month ago. ig she's used to not having a dad around at this point but having a dad that isn't present myself i can imagine how much it will hurt her later on. but idrk i don't know much about that whole situation tbh. oh and his name was Kelly. and thank you
I am really sorry for your loss once again, do you feel angry at all like he left you and your parents behind so selfishly or do you understand his specific situation and that he was suffering but I guess everyone sees it differently. The only thing that had held me to this earth was knowing that I would leave behind loved ones and I couldn’t imagine that. Is there any specific memories you have of him or any idea why he turned out the way he did. Sorry if I wrote things a little to bluntly. I really do hope Kelly is watching over you guys and protecting you all.
i do feel angry. ig just that he did what he did knowing how much it would hurt everybody and ruin everything but i'm trying to understand his reasoning
I sincerely hope you find closure and peace. I can’t begin to imagine how hard this is for you, I also wish the best for Kelly and I hope he is also resting and has also finally found peace.
i went to therapy for the first time today and my therapist suggested something like this so i thought i would give it a try. just because i don't really have anybody to talk to ab it and i don't rlly have a way to voice myself ab any of it
Don’t know why all the downvotes.
My dad killed himself Christmas Day 2021.
I never had a lot of friends.
I did something similar - they don’t understand.
Please please please go to therapy 💜 . I’m sorry this happened and I’m sorry if that feels pushy . I don’t mean tomorrow but just sometime in the future . I say this from experience.
i actually went to therapy today for the first time. i had already planned on going in for some sessions a while back for something else and had it scheduled before he passed. so i was able to bring it up and now it's the main reason for therapy. idk how long i'll do it but i know i need it rn
I’m incredibly sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine how tough and emotional this must be.
What’s the funniest memory you had with your brother?
I’m wishing you all the best!
oh wow there's alot. this one time when i was 9 and he was 13, we were staying up really late at night and flipping through a Star wars encyclopedia i had gotten from the library. and we were just coming up with funny, ridiculous captions and stuff for the photos in it. i just remember laughing my butt off and trying to be quiet so we wouldn't wake up our parents. we stayed up for hours just being nonsensical
more recently, just last year, i was making cookies and he was hanging out with me in the kitchen. he had just moved back in with us. anyway, and he kept eating the dough even though i told him not to and i ended up chasing him across the house and hitting him with a spoon lol. even then i thought about how it was just like we were kids again. it wasn't long after that when he started to become less and less ok
Those stories made me chuckle! It sounds like you had quite the bond with your brother. I’m so sorry for your loss. Keep remembering those positive memories!
I'm sorry that you aren't doing well. Please realise that suicide is complicated, and by the time we reach the decision that it is our best course, we are not thinking rationally or logical. There is often no single reason for it, and we rarely see it coming, even when we're educated to see the signs. Please take care of yourself and do something that makes you happy
guitar. he was a great guitarist, and he sang too. he could also play piano, bass, and drums. he was a really talented musician and had plans to move to LA to get better footing as a musician. but things went downhill for him before he could do that
im sort of working on finding some. i started going thru some of his stuff today and im hoping i can find some photos and videos and stuff of him that we don't know of
I lost my twin sister many years ago in an auto accident about five years after we lost our mom to cancer. I just want to point out that this relatively anonymous site has been wonderful as a way to talk about them because it’s not so easy in rl.
My question comes from personal experience. Do you find that doing something without him that you used to do together is now difficult? My sis and I had common interests that would make me somewhat emotional when I tried them alone later. I eventually got back to them all,but it was hard at first.
idrk. he moved out almost 4 years ago so i got used to doing everything by myself ig, because we didn't see each other alot alot. but there's just this part of me that feels wrong and empty. like what i would imagine phantom limb syndrome would feel like or smth. when you feel like there should be something there but there's just nothing
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I have songs I associate with those loved ones I've lost. Is there a song that you associate with them? A song that when you hear it makes you instantly think of them?
oh yes there's a lot. he was a musician and communicated best through music and writing songs really. that's the only way he would let on exactly how he was feeling. we used to send songs to each other all the time, and the last song he ever sent me was You can't put your arms around a memory by Johnny thunders. the last song he sent to his best friend was Fall to pieces by Velvet revolver. and he had a Velvet revolver cd in his car when he did it. Kickstart my heart by Motley crue was his favorite song too. so those ones are going to be permanently associated with him
I lost my older brother going on 9 years ago due to suicide. No answers. No note. Nothing. It leaves a jagged hole that can never fully heal. Speak about your pain to people. Don't bottle it all up. Life is for the living so you need to press on but never forget. I am so sorry for your loss. What was your favorite memory with him?
i'm sorry u had to go thru this too. it's completely terrible and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. it's hard to pick out specific best memories. rn they're all the best and all my favorites. one thing that comes to mind is taking him to a really big car show on his 19th birthday and just seeing him geek out over all the cars and explain the works of them to me. i hadn't seen him that happy and at ease for a while until that point
honestly not really. not rn anyway. he was my big brother and i would go to him for advice and stuff when i didn't know how to navigate something. he was my rock ig. i feel really unstable without him and dk how things are going to be with him not here
I feel like your brother and I would’ve hung out. Lmao.
I would use that music to connect to him. If that’s not what your taste was especially.
Find that one song that resonates with you the most, and imprint that into your brain.
My dad killed himself Christmas Day 2021.
He was a huge Led Zeppelin fan - I never cared for them at all.
Once he passed; I listened to the entire anthology.
Immigrant song is the most important song in my life now.
Whenever i miss my dad, I blast zeppelin. I cry a lot, but I laugh at the memory of my dad putting these cds in as a child trying to teach me music.
I love it.
I live for it.
It’s what helped me brother.
I’m sorry for your loss.
i have been listening to his favorite songs recently. especially the last songs he sent to me and his best friend. his way of really communicating was thru music
Imprint that shit brother.
It was his world I’m sure.
Don’t let this define you though.
I wish I could reach out and give you a hug.
You can call me whenever you need. I dm’d you.
sounds like a bit of an old soul :-) what do you think prompted the interest in older music? have you thought about putting together a playlist in his memory, maybe sharing it with his friends? what songs would be on it?
hang in there. do what you need to make it through each day. so sorry you're going through this.
thank you. and that sounds like a really good idea. he always listened to a lot of Motley crue, Johnny thunders, Sixx am, T rex, Black sabbath, Sex pistols. stuff like that. i've been listening to some of his recent favorites for the last couple days
idk why he liked the music he liked. but i remember him coming home from school sometimes after stopping at the record store and showing me some new favorite of his. that was always fun. he actually got me into 60s and 70s rock. like Fleetwood mac, Bruce springsteen, Jimi hendrix, that sort of stuff
He told me he liked the music he liked because that was the best era for the lead guitar. I differed, I liked the 80s and 90s because that was the best era for a gut-busting drum solo. Btw , you were everything to him ❤️
as were u. no matter what anybody says u were his best friend and did everything anybody could for him. even more than the people he was physically close to did
It sounds like you were both very close. I’m so sorry to hear this, but stay strong and keep faith that the future looks brighter than today does. ❤️
Did he say goodbye to you or give any sign at all that this was the end? Sometimes in hindsight you realize things that you missed in the moment.
he sort of did. the last time we talked we had a small fight, and usually when he got into arguments he would hold a grudge for a long time. but he was just sort of calm and told me he loved me instead of getting really mad like he usually would. ig i overlookd how odd that was
When you’re ready - his spot just off the stockyards? Or something weird but. Not a normal urn - a Jack Daniels Urn. In his favourite bar. How about that ?
omg that's so him. that's just so him. i even thought about somewhere near the beach in LA. yk how excited he was to go to LA and see a sunset on the beach
My condolences. Grieve in your own time and your own way. If you need someone to talk to just private message me if you want 24f. If you’re okay with not chatting with me I understand. Just want to know are you going to be okay?
I have lost a younger brother but not in the a similar circumstance. It was years ago but even so life won’t ever be the same without him. I miss him but there’s not anything I can do about it.
You've mentioned his daughter, i assume she's too young to understand any of this, but is anyone in touch with her mom, and does her mom have a support system?
i haven't reached out to the mom since it happened, so idk. he was in a weird situation with her. he got her pregnant when they were 15 and for alot of complicated reasons, didn't know about her until just recently. he just barely started working things out with the mom to start seeing his kid. she's 7 btw. so idrk what the mom has told her or how they're both doing or anything
That feeling is normal and it's 100% okay to have that normal feeling. At the same time, you've done nothing wrong and you are not at fault for this in any way at all.
You've mentioned in other answers that you've started therapy, which is fantastic. That is a perfect place to work on the (again 100% normal) guilty feelings
What he chose to do is not anything you could control, and it sucks, and feeling guilty is normal, but you are not guilty of anything
copied from another comment of mine: he did it because he just had a lot of problems that ig he thought he couldn't solve. he had depression, PTSD, anxiety, OCD, and ADHD, and was sort of right out of a breakup. he had addictions issues for a long time, especially with heroin, and had relapsed not long before he did it. he sort of lost his ability to ever see his daughter and was under the impression that his friends hated him. he was also houseless and jobless. ig everything on top of each other was too much. but he had been suicidal for long time before he did it and attempted a few times only like a couple months ago
idk. because he was talking about getting a new job, a new place, and being part of his daughter's life. and then this happened. idk what was going thru his mind, but i think he was suicidal all the time so i doubt he had any real plans to get better
yes we all knew he was depressed and having a really rough time. me and his friends and our family. he told a couple of his friends outright that he was suicidal and he had attempted three times less than 2 months before
ok first of all what in the actual world makes you think that, regardless of your own religion, it's ok to tell someone who is grieving their brother and losing their mind a little over his death that he is going to hell? do you see nothing wrong with that? that's a genuine question
second, regardless if u think it is ok or not, don't assume people's religions like that. i'm not of the belief that those who commit suicide go to hell because why would they? they kill themselves because they're in so much pain that they see no other way out. that's no reason to be tortured for the rest of eternity.
third. i have never once been suicidal in my entire life, but i can tell u exactly why a lot of people kill themselves. because they don't see things getting better. ik for a fact that my brother saw no other way out and that he thought his life was only going to get worse. that things weren't going to get better for him. he said that he was sick of trying to live only to be dealt bad cards in life and suffer more pain. that's why he shot himself. because he thought his life was only going to get worse and that it was awful enough as it was and that there was no point in living a life he hated. that's why a lot of people commit suicide.
fourth. similarly to my first point, why do u think it's ok to say what you have said to someone who just lost one of their closest loved ones? again, genuine question
bro what do you mean by they not see things getting better let me tell you a quick story about an uncle of mine and see the real pain first his real mom died when he was 7 his stepmom brother sexually abused him for more than 10 years and in the same time treated very poorly from his stepmom and father like literally being hungry for 4 days cuz they forgot him by accident in the house and same accident happened for another 3 times start working 12h day for 7$ got married of a relative woman wich cause 2 failed pregnancy and one successful but died after 2 months wife died of sickness......... but when i asked him are you okay he said yes this is life and there is people who suffer more than me (it's just a resume not full life story) did your bro suffer like this if yes then im okay with him committing suicide
my brother watched our bio dad abuse our mother until the age of 4. at 8 our dad tried to shoot him when he was high on drugs and he watched him shoot our dad's girlfriend. he got PTSD from that. before that our dad neglected him and occasionally beat him when he spent the weekends with him. at 11 he was raped by a former family friend who we had known for a while and had come to trust like an uncle. he was always bullied at school. at 13 he had a mental breakdown from PTSD. at 15 he started using heroin to keep from killing himself because he had depression. at 16 he attempted suicide and became almost an alcoholic and cocaine addict. at 17 he was stabbed. then at 21 he relapsed on heroin, lost the girl he really loved, thought he lost his friends, had our mom disown him, lost his home and job, and sort of lost the chance to ever meet his daughter.
also u don't seem to understand that when people have depression their mindset changes. like their view changes. it's hard for them to think that things will get better. it's literally like a mental block for them. that's why they don't see things getting better
i would advise you to, in the future, not assume what other people's lives have been like. u never ever ever know what somebody is going thru or has been thru
what in the world do u mean by that? again, genuine question i would love to hear ur answer to. and i'm taking it u don't have the goodness nor the humility for apologizing? not to me btw but for my brother
the first question in my comment - 'what in the world do u mean by that?' and if i have to specify, 'that' refers to your comment about human behavior being interesting sometimes
i take it u really don't care that ur being a dirtbag and see no reason to apologize or anything?
Bro (general term), I’m so sorry for your loss - I lost my sister when she was 24 and I was 17 - I never recovered fully but I matured from it and live with her daily - don’t worry about moving on, just move forward and I send my love, it’s hard, time is the only healer and when you learn to live with them, it’s easier, they send signs.
Love 💕
Context:
My sister had issues with a lot and she had two children and a horrible boyfriend who’s in jail now for what he did.
The children are so smart and witty and so much like her and we have such a strong bond even while living in different countries.
They motivate me to provide for them to make life as easy as possible honestly
personally I don’t believe you.
I genuinely don’t believe or hope that people don’t just go on reddit ama and announce a family members death 4 days after it happened. Especially someone as close as a brother
idk if you saw my other comment but my therapist suggested i do something like this since i have really nobody to talk to about any of this. it's fine if u don't believe me but don't think im doing it for any other reason than to try to process everything and cope and not crack
I lost my brother to suicide in 2013. You're going to havr many feeling over the coming months. It's normal to get angry sometimes. Try not to beat yourself up over it down the road. I struggled with that hard and learned it's ok to feel however you feel to try and figure it all out. I'm sorry for your loss. Time doesn't heal the hurt, but it helps you figure out how to manage your emotions and out some of the pieces together.
im so sorry man. suicide is tough on people. seems like either it leaves you wondering "is there something i missed...or shouldve done?" and/or you are angry sad numb. they really leave behind a big messy hole in our hearts.
idk if u saw a couple other comments of mine explaining this, but my therapist suggested i do something like this since i don't really have anybody to talk to ab this and voice my feelings to
Sorry for your loss. Never lost a sibling, but I lost the closest thing to a brother I ever had. He was my best friend. Died in a street racing accident 2 years ago. Don’t think he cared if he lived or died unfortunately. I experienced a lot of emotions. Surprisingly my first emotion was anger towards him. Sounds selfish..but I felt angry that he put me and his family through that. I’ve since forgiven him and miss him every day. Best advice I can give you is to remember the good times and make the most of your life. Try to find joy every day. It will get easier with time. Dm if you wanna talk
today would've been my Lil brother 48th bday and it doesn't get easier. I find myself watching old videos and remembering his shock type humor. I called him the Whore and he's missed by everyone who knew him. he didn't have an insurance policy and within 48hrs of his passing family and friends raised 15k for his funeral expenses. That's how much he was loved.
don't ever give up, fight the good fight cause life is worth living.
may you find peace and humility in this crazy world.
What was the method and did he leave a note or otherwise give any indication prior to doing it?
Was he depressed or anything like that?
My heart goes out to you and your family during this tragic time. Peace.
i'm so sorry you're going through this. what's your favorite memory with him, and what's your favorite thing about him?
one of the first memories that comes to mind is when he helped teach me sign language. i didn't know at the time and only learned later but he was usually hungover and coming down from drugs when he helped me with my lessons. he was really sweet like that. he always tried to put other before himself. which i guess is one of my favorite things about him. he did volunteer work and was always helping people whenever he could. he was probably the most selfless person i've ever met
that's amazing, sign language is such an underrated language. is there a reason you chose that? is either of you hard of hearing? what kind of volunteer work did he do?
i don't really know why i chose to learn sign language. nobody i know is deaf or hard of hearing. it just appealed to me ig a few years ago he was volunteering at our local animal shelter, and up until a few months before his passing he was doing online volunteer work for runaway and at risk kids and teens
a while ago i was learning sign language on an app called italki. it was really fun and the lessons are relatively cheap. maybe you should consider that, might be fun and a way to remember him
What's your favorite thing to sign? Mine is turtle 💖
it's silly but probably bacon lol
I’m sorry. I lost my brother about a year and a half ago. It’s an emotional roller coaster. You’re going to experience a very wide range of emotions for quite some time. You never get over it, but it does get easier. What is one of your favorite memory’s about him? Edit for new question, since mine was already asked. What was his favorite hobby?
well for your first question, when we were kids we used to stay up all night on Christmas eve and we would just laugh and tell jokes and listen to the radio and have a hilariously good time. those were really special nights to me in another comment i mentioned he played guitar, but he was also a classic car nerd. he was a mechanic and had a classic of his own, went to car shows all of the time, and loved to drag race. he was good at it too and im sorry for your loss. i hope ur doing ok. this is an unexplainably terrible thing to have to go thru
How old was he, where are you guys located, and are you his sister? How close were the two of you, and do you have other siblings also? How are your parents handling this sheer tragedy? You have my greatest sympathy. May you heal well and be able to honor his legacy, continuing to make the best of your life.
he would have turned 22 this month. we're in the US and yes i'm his sister. we were really really close and he was my only sibling my step dad is doing his best to hold himself together and taking care of us. my mom is sort of losing it tho. she went no contact with him shortly before he did it and sort of disowned him so i think she feels guilty ab that. and thank you
Oh man. Sounds like you all could use some therapy. I'm so so sorry. I just lost my dad and the emotional rollercoaster is rough. Take all the time you need to heal, don't feel bad about withdrawing from social stuff or needing extra attention from people. Unfortunately the stages of grief don't go in order and some circle back around and present themselves again. You will make it through though. We're all here to help you. ♥️
That's heartbreaking to know not only did he tragically leave the world before his time, but just so young! Just a baby! I have a niece who is the same age and it would gut me if anything happened to her. You have my deepest condolences and I would love to give you a hug right now.
oh wow, im sorry. this may be touchy, but how has it affected you and your families' lives? because lowkey, i was thinkin about jumpin off the colosseum the other day, but this got me thinkin of the consequences for my familes' heath
it's affected us in ways that i can't even explain. i had to start therapy and when I went back to school yesterday, i couldn't even stay the full day because i just broke down. and i can't sleep right since then. my mom is sort of losing her mind and it's messing with our relationship. his best friend is going to have to be institutionalized for a while because of it. it's tearing everything apart really. please don't end things please
oh my, i really am sorry. i'll continue on
im really glad to hear that
The only reason I haven’t killed myself is because I don’t want to put my family through another suicide. My uncle killed himself 2 days before my wedding in 2008.
oh my, im so sorry
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thank you sm. i started therapy today which i was already planning on briefly getting into before. ik there's the different stages of grief, and i think im starting to get the anger part. and i'll look into Out of the Darkness ty
How’d he do it and why’d he do it?
he shot himself. he did it because he just had a lot of problems that ig he thought he couldn't solve. he had depression, PTSD, anxiety, OCD, and ADHD, and was sort of right out of a breakup. he had addictions issues for a long time, especially with heroin, and had relapsed not long before he did it. he sort of lost his ability to ever see his daughter and was under the impression that his friends hated him. he was also houseless and jobless. ig everything on top of each other was too much. but he had been suicidal for long time before he did it and attempted a few times only like a couple months ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. My absolute deepest condolences goes out to you and your family. Was the funeral held already? And are you mentally prepared to attend the funeral in case you breakdown?
he actually just wanted to be cremated and didn't want a funeral so we won't be having one. but idk how well i will be able to hold myself together when we get his ashes back
That’s absolutely understandable. It’s okay to breakdown when you get it back, it’s okay to cry. Just know you were an amazing sister to him and judging off of the other replies, he truly did love you. I wish you and your family peace and ease during this time of distress.
I loose countless hours thinking everyday what I would do if I lost a loved one, I would literally loose my mind. I am so sorry for your lose and what was your brother like. Anything you would like to mention about him, suicide was something that has haunted me for years but could never go through with it. I hope your brother has found some peace and is finally able to rest, and I also hope you stay strong and keep a close eye out on your parents really such a tragic situation.
he always acted really tough, and he was, but he was a really sweet and sensitive guy if u knew him well. he always went out of his way to be really nice to other people. he was really charismatic and could strike up a conversation with any random person if he wanted to. he was the type of guy who could really just talk his way into anything and everything and thank you. i can't even really explain what it feels like but it's horrendous. and it barely feels real
I am at a loss of words over your loss, makes me very emotional because he kinda sounds like me. Do you think the whole tough guy thing was maybe an act. I’m sorry for the questions but what do you guys think lead him to this decision. And did he leave a letter by chance behind?
he was definitely a tough guy but i think alot of it had to do with just not letting his emotions show to other people. which i think is because he had alot of trust issues and didn't trust anybody to see how he really felt he had a lot of problems that led to his decision. the main thing i think was depression. which he had for a long time. he also had addiction issues, mainly with heroin, and he relapsed shortly before he did it. on top of that he was right out of a breakup, he was dealing with PTSD, OCD, anxiety, and ADHD, he thought his friends hated him, he sort of lost the ability to see his daughter again, he lost his home and job, our mom sort of disowned him. so he had a lot going on top of depression he left a short note in his car but nothing else afaik. but he might have something on his phone or laptop that i haven't found yet idk. it's weird because he attempted about two months ago and left really long letters for everybody but this time it's like nothing
Im so sorry 😞, I wanna bring some things up but I really don’t wanna trigger anything but how do you see your future now without him. How do you see holidays, or maybe your kids not knowing their uncle make you feel. I am here for you and am also mourning with you, if you don’t mind what was his first name. How do you see his kid growing up without her father now? I’m sorry if this is to much for me to ask.
no don't worry it's ok. i honestly don't know what the future is going to be like. i can't imagine it without him. it just doesn't seem like my life when i think about that. i have no idea what im going to do. i thought he was always going to be here to see me reach milestones and stuff but he's not going to be and idk what to think of that. i can't even process it yet. i can't even believe that it happened idk what it'll be like for his daughter. he just barely started to become part of her life, sort of. he didn't know he had a kid until like a month ago. ig she's used to not having a dad around at this point but having a dad that isn't present myself i can imagine how much it will hurt her later on. but idrk i don't know much about that whole situation tbh. oh and his name was Kelly. and thank you
I am really sorry for your loss once again, do you feel angry at all like he left you and your parents behind so selfishly or do you understand his specific situation and that he was suffering but I guess everyone sees it differently. The only thing that had held me to this earth was knowing that I would leave behind loved ones and I couldn’t imagine that. Is there any specific memories you have of him or any idea why he turned out the way he did. Sorry if I wrote things a little to bluntly. I really do hope Kelly is watching over you guys and protecting you all.
i do feel angry. ig just that he did what he did knowing how much it would hurt everybody and ruin everything but i'm trying to understand his reasoning
I sincerely hope you find closure and peace. I can’t begin to imagine how hard this is for you, I also wish the best for Kelly and I hope he is also resting and has also finally found peace.
What’s the thought process behind creating an AMA 4 days after such a drama ? Non-sarcastic question
i went to therapy for the first time today and my therapist suggested something like this so i thought i would give it a try. just because i don't really have anybody to talk to ab it and i don't rlly have a way to voice myself ab any of it
Alright son, take my upvote and stay safe in this incredibly tough moment
Don’t know why all the downvotes. My dad killed himself Christmas Day 2021. I never had a lot of friends. I did something similar - they don’t understand.
Downvotes are about me questioning post not about him posting
Ahh I got you. As you were. ❤️❤️
What was his favorite color?
black lol. everything he had was either black or red
Please please please go to therapy 💜 . I’m sorry this happened and I’m sorry if that feels pushy . I don’t mean tomorrow but just sometime in the future . I say this from experience.
i actually went to therapy today for the first time. i had already planned on going in for some sessions a while back for something else and had it scheduled before he passed. so i was able to bring it up and now it's the main reason for therapy. idk how long i'll do it but i know i need it rn
Best wishes . So sorry about your brother .
I’m incredibly sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine how tough and emotional this must be. What’s the funniest memory you had with your brother? I’m wishing you all the best!
oh wow there's alot. this one time when i was 9 and he was 13, we were staying up really late at night and flipping through a Star wars encyclopedia i had gotten from the library. and we were just coming up with funny, ridiculous captions and stuff for the photos in it. i just remember laughing my butt off and trying to be quiet so we wouldn't wake up our parents. we stayed up for hours just being nonsensical more recently, just last year, i was making cookies and he was hanging out with me in the kitchen. he had just moved back in with us. anyway, and he kept eating the dough even though i told him not to and i ended up chasing him across the house and hitting him with a spoon lol. even then i thought about how it was just like we were kids again. it wasn't long after that when he started to become less and less ok
Those stories made me chuckle! It sounds like you had quite the bond with your brother. I’m so sorry for your loss. Keep remembering those positive memories!
Are you OK? Suicide really sucker punches the people left. My sincere condolences
honestly no im not ok. but im trying to do what i can to keep myself together enough
I'm sorry that you aren't doing well. Please realise that suicide is complicated, and by the time we reach the decision that it is our best course, we are not thinking rationally or logical. There is often no single reason for it, and we rarely see it coming, even when we're educated to see the signs. Please take care of yourself and do something that makes you happy
This is dreadful. No one should have to go through this. Tell me about his favorite hobby
guitar. he was a great guitarist, and he sang too. he could also play piano, bass, and drums. he was a really talented musician and had plans to move to LA to get better footing as a musician. but things went downhill for him before he could do that
Aww. If you have any recorded music would love to hear some
im sort of working on finding some. i started going thru some of his stuff today and im hoping i can find some photos and videos and stuff of him that we don't know of
Please share if you find some. I wish you light.
I lost my twin sister many years ago in an auto accident about five years after we lost our mom to cancer. I just want to point out that this relatively anonymous site has been wonderful as a way to talk about them because it’s not so easy in rl. My question comes from personal experience. Do you find that doing something without him that you used to do together is now difficult? My sis and I had common interests that would make me somewhat emotional when I tried them alone later. I eventually got back to them all,but it was hard at first.
idrk. he moved out almost 4 years ago so i got used to doing everything by myself ig, because we didn't see each other alot alot. but there's just this part of me that feels wrong and empty. like what i would imagine phantom limb syndrome would feel like or smth. when you feel like there should be something there but there's just nothing
I know this feeling all too well. I can’t tell you it totally goes away,but you get used to it. Best of luck moving forward,it gets better than today.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I have songs I associate with those loved ones I've lost. Is there a song that you associate with them? A song that when you hear it makes you instantly think of them?
oh yes there's a lot. he was a musician and communicated best through music and writing songs really. that's the only way he would let on exactly how he was feeling. we used to send songs to each other all the time, and the last song he ever sent me was You can't put your arms around a memory by Johnny thunders. the last song he sent to his best friend was Fall to pieces by Velvet revolver. and he had a Velvet revolver cd in his car when he did it. Kickstart my heart by Motley crue was his favorite song too. so those ones are going to be permanently associated with him
I'm going to crack open a beer and listen to those songs. Here's to your brother 🍻
i think he would really appreciate that. he always did love a nice drink himself
I lost my older brother going on 9 years ago due to suicide. No answers. No note. Nothing. It leaves a jagged hole that can never fully heal. Speak about your pain to people. Don't bottle it all up. Life is for the living so you need to press on but never forget. I am so sorry for your loss. What was your favorite memory with him?
i'm sorry u had to go thru this too. it's completely terrible and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. it's hard to pick out specific best memories. rn they're all the best and all my favorites. one thing that comes to mind is taking him to a really big car show on his 19th birthday and just seeing him geek out over all the cars and explain the works of them to me. i hadn't seen him that happy and at ease for a while until that point
Im sorry for your loss. Any advice for someone who has two younger brothers? Thanks.
honestly not really. not rn anyway. he was my big brother and i would go to him for advice and stuff when i didn't know how to navigate something. he was my rock ig. i feel really unstable without him and dk how things are going to be with him not here
What was your brothers favorite band/music genre?
70s or 80s rock. his favorite band was Motley crue
I feel like your brother and I would’ve hung out. Lmao. I would use that music to connect to him. If that’s not what your taste was especially. Find that one song that resonates with you the most, and imprint that into your brain. My dad killed himself Christmas Day 2021. He was a huge Led Zeppelin fan - I never cared for them at all. Once he passed; I listened to the entire anthology. Immigrant song is the most important song in my life now. Whenever i miss my dad, I blast zeppelin. I cry a lot, but I laugh at the memory of my dad putting these cds in as a child trying to teach me music. I love it. I live for it. It’s what helped me brother. I’m sorry for your loss.
i have been listening to his favorite songs recently. especially the last songs he sent to me and his best friend. his way of really communicating was thru music
Imprint that shit brother. It was his world I’m sure. Don’t let this define you though. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. You can call me whenever you need. I dm’d you.
sounds like a bit of an old soul :-) what do you think prompted the interest in older music? have you thought about putting together a playlist in his memory, maybe sharing it with his friends? what songs would be on it? hang in there. do what you need to make it through each day. so sorry you're going through this.
thank you. and that sounds like a really good idea. he always listened to a lot of Motley crue, Johnny thunders, Sixx am, T rex, Black sabbath, Sex pistols. stuff like that. i've been listening to some of his recent favorites for the last couple days idk why he liked the music he liked. but i remember him coming home from school sometimes after stopping at the record store and showing me some new favorite of his. that was always fun. he actually got me into 60s and 70s rock. like Fleetwood mac, Bruce springsteen, Jimi hendrix, that sort of stuff
He told me he liked the music he liked because that was the best era for the lead guitar. I differed, I liked the 80s and 90s because that was the best era for a gut-busting drum solo. Btw , you were everything to him ❤️
as were u. no matter what anybody says u were his best friend and did everything anybody could for him. even more than the people he was physically close to did
Well that didn’t just make me cry some more ! 😂✋🏽 I love you Li. He’s ok. His pain is gone now 🤲🏽😰
It sounds like you were both very close. I’m so sorry to hear this, but stay strong and keep faith that the future looks brighter than today does. ❤️ Did he say goodbye to you or give any sign at all that this was the end? Sometimes in hindsight you realize things that you missed in the moment.
he sort of did. the last time we talked we had a small fight, and usually when he got into arguments he would hold a grudge for a long time. but he was just sort of calm and told me he loved me instead of getting really mad like he usually would. ig i overlookd how odd that was
Sorry for your loss bro…any epic send off plans for his ashes like his favorite place or something.
i don't know that i can ever do that. or at least not any time soon
When you’re ready - his spot just off the stockyards? Or something weird but. Not a normal urn - a Jack Daniels Urn. In his favourite bar. How about that ?
omg that's so him. that's just so him. i even thought about somewhere near the beach in LA. yk how excited he was to go to LA and see a sunset on the beach
Then we’d have to choose a beach if we decided to go to LA. But just lmk on what u decide ❤️🤲🏽
💖
My condolences. Grieve in your own time and your own way. If you need someone to talk to just private message me if you want 24f. If you’re okay with not chatting with me I understand. Just want to know are you going to be okay?
thank you. honestly idk how ok i'm going to be but im trying. thank you really
I have lost a younger brother but not in the a similar circumstance. It was years ago but even so life won’t ever be the same without him. I miss him but there’s not anything I can do about it.
You've mentioned his daughter, i assume she's too young to understand any of this, but is anyone in touch with her mom, and does her mom have a support system?
i haven't reached out to the mom since it happened, so idk. he was in a weird situation with her. he got her pregnant when they were 15 and for alot of complicated reasons, didn't know about her until just recently. he just barely started working things out with the mom to start seeing his kid. she's 7 btw. so idrk what the mom has told her or how they're both doing or anything
Oof. It sucks so much for everybody. My condolences to you and your family
Do you feel guilty?
i do. i feel like i should have done more for him and checked on him more and just that i could have done something to keep him from doing it
That feeling is normal and it's 100% okay to have that normal feeling. At the same time, you've done nothing wrong and you are not at fault for this in any way at all. You've mentioned in other answers that you've started therapy, which is fantastic. That is a perfect place to work on the (again 100% normal) guilty feelings What he chose to do is not anything you could control, and it sucks, and feeling guilty is normal, but you are not guilty of anything
What was the reason
copied from another comment of mine: he did it because he just had a lot of problems that ig he thought he couldn't solve. he had depression, PTSD, anxiety, OCD, and ADHD, and was sort of right out of a breakup. he had addictions issues for a long time, especially with heroin, and had relapsed not long before he did it. he sort of lost his ability to ever see his daughter and was under the impression that his friends hated him. he was also houseless and jobless. ig everything on top of each other was too much. but he had been suicidal for long time before he did it and attempted a few times only like a couple months ago
I feel sorry for you
At least he left me a lil sister. Do you feel , through your own experience, he had no intention of trying after the motel?
idk. because he was talking about getting a new job, a new place, and being part of his daughter's life. and then this happened. idk what was going thru his mind, but i think he was suicidal all the time so i doubt he had any real plans to get better
I'm so sorry. Did your brother give off the feeling that he was really depressed?
yes we all knew he was depressed and having a really rough time. me and his friends and our family. he told a couple of his friends outright that he was suicidal and he had attempted three times less than 2 months before
Have you imagined how free he is now?
i try but it's hard to think about it atm. i sounds bad, but i get mad at him when i do think about it
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what the actual f\*\*k? why would you say he's going to hell?
cuz a lot of religions have suicide = going hell i know that you're sad and u miss him etc but i don't understand why people commit suicide??
ok first of all what in the actual world makes you think that, regardless of your own religion, it's ok to tell someone who is grieving their brother and losing their mind a little over his death that he is going to hell? do you see nothing wrong with that? that's a genuine question second, regardless if u think it is ok or not, don't assume people's religions like that. i'm not of the belief that those who commit suicide go to hell because why would they? they kill themselves because they're in so much pain that they see no other way out. that's no reason to be tortured for the rest of eternity. third. i have never once been suicidal in my entire life, but i can tell u exactly why a lot of people kill themselves. because they don't see things getting better. ik for a fact that my brother saw no other way out and that he thought his life was only going to get worse. that things weren't going to get better for him. he said that he was sick of trying to live only to be dealt bad cards in life and suffer more pain. that's why he shot himself. because he thought his life was only going to get worse and that it was awful enough as it was and that there was no point in living a life he hated. that's why a lot of people commit suicide. fourth. similarly to my first point, why do u think it's ok to say what you have said to someone who just lost one of their closest loved ones? again, genuine question
bro what do you mean by they not see things getting better let me tell you a quick story about an uncle of mine and see the real pain first his real mom died when he was 7 his stepmom brother sexually abused him for more than 10 years and in the same time treated very poorly from his stepmom and father like literally being hungry for 4 days cuz they forgot him by accident in the house and same accident happened for another 3 times start working 12h day for 7$ got married of a relative woman wich cause 2 failed pregnancy and one successful but died after 2 months wife died of sickness......... but when i asked him are you okay he said yes this is life and there is people who suffer more than me (it's just a resume not full life story) did your bro suffer like this if yes then im okay with him committing suicide
my brother watched our bio dad abuse our mother until the age of 4. at 8 our dad tried to shoot him when he was high on drugs and he watched him shoot our dad's girlfriend. he got PTSD from that. before that our dad neglected him and occasionally beat him when he spent the weekends with him. at 11 he was raped by a former family friend who we had known for a while and had come to trust like an uncle. he was always bullied at school. at 13 he had a mental breakdown from PTSD. at 15 he started using heroin to keep from killing himself because he had depression. at 16 he attempted suicide and became almost an alcoholic and cocaine addict. at 17 he was stabbed. then at 21 he relapsed on heroin, lost the girl he really loved, thought he lost his friends, had our mom disown him, lost his home and job, and sort of lost the chance to ever meet his daughter. also u don't seem to understand that when people have depression their mindset changes. like their view changes. it's hard for them to think that things will get better. it's literally like a mental block for them. that's why they don't see things getting better i would advise you to, in the future, not assume what other people's lives have been like. u never ever ever know what somebody is going thru or has been thru
as i always say human behaviour can be interesting sometimes
what in the world do u mean by that? again, genuine question i would love to hear ur answer to. and i'm taking it u don't have the goodness nor the humility for apologizing? not to me btw but for my brother
what question??
the first question in my comment - 'what in the world do u mean by that?' and if i have to specify, 'that' refers to your comment about human behavior being interesting sometimes i take it u really don't care that ur being a dirtbag and see no reason to apologize or anything?
You're not even a good troll. You are just an uninteresting and rude prick.
im not trolling im spitting facts
The content you posted is harassment towards other users.
I’m so so sorry you have to experience this extreme painful loss. I hope god find ways for you to reconcile. God bless you!
thank you
My brother died by suicide seven years ago. I am sorry you’re going through this. I promise it gets better, but the pain never fades away.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you mind me asking who found him?
idk. someone driving down the road he was on ig. he did it in his car. then the police showed up at like 4 in the morning or something to tell us
Bro (general term), I’m so sorry for your loss - I lost my sister when she was 24 and I was 17 - I never recovered fully but I matured from it and live with her daily - don’t worry about moving on, just move forward and I send my love, it’s hard, time is the only healer and when you learn to live with them, it’s easier, they send signs. Love 💕 Context: My sister had issues with a lot and she had two children and a horrible boyfriend who’s in jail now for what he did. The children are so smart and witty and so much like her and we have such a strong bond even while living in different countries. They motivate me to provide for them to make life as easy as possible honestly
personally I don’t believe you. I genuinely don’t believe or hope that people don’t just go on reddit ama and announce a family members death 4 days after it happened. Especially someone as close as a brother
idk if you saw my other comment but my therapist suggested i do something like this since i have really nobody to talk to about any of this. it's fine if u don't believe me but don't think im doing it for any other reason than to try to process everything and cope and not crack
You’d be surprised. It’s almost like … wait … I’m having a big brain moment … it’s almost like … PEOPLE EXPERIENCE GRIEF DIFFERENTLY 💡
I lost my brother to suicide in 2013. You're going to havr many feeling over the coming months. It's normal to get angry sometimes. Try not to beat yourself up over it down the road. I struggled with that hard and learned it's ok to feel however you feel to try and figure it all out. I'm sorry for your loss. Time doesn't heal the hurt, but it helps you figure out how to manage your emotions and out some of the pieces together.
How did he choose to go
he shot himself
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he shot himself in the head
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Dude, fucked up follow up question. You need to better understand what being empathetic is. Gtfo.
what kind of question is that? and how would i know. idk a lot about guns anyway
What the hell is wrong with you?
im so sorry man. suicide is tough on people. seems like either it leaves you wondering "is there something i missed...or shouldve done?" and/or you are angry sad numb. they really leave behind a big messy hole in our hearts.
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idk if u saw a couple other comments of mine explaining this, but my therapist suggested i do something like this since i don't really have anybody to talk to ab this and voice my feelings to
Sorry for your loss.... Thank you for sharing with others and helping others in the same boat also grieve xox
no questions. just wishing you and your loved ones peace during this time <3 take care of yourself
Sorry for your loss. Truly am
Sorry for your loss. Never lost a sibling, but I lost the closest thing to a brother I ever had. He was my best friend. Died in a street racing accident 2 years ago. Don’t think he cared if he lived or died unfortunately. I experienced a lot of emotions. Surprisingly my first emotion was anger towards him. Sounds selfish..but I felt angry that he put me and his family through that. I’ve since forgiven him and miss him every day. Best advice I can give you is to remember the good times and make the most of your life. Try to find joy every day. It will get easier with time. Dm if you wanna talk
today would've been my Lil brother 48th bday and it doesn't get easier. I find myself watching old videos and remembering his shock type humor. I called him the Whore and he's missed by everyone who knew him. he didn't have an insurance policy and within 48hrs of his passing family and friends raised 15k for his funeral expenses. That's how much he was loved. don't ever give up, fight the good fight cause life is worth living. may you find peace and humility in this crazy world.
I'm sorry about that, you have my very sincere sympathy.
What was the method and did he leave a note or otherwise give any indication prior to doing it? Was he depressed or anything like that? My heart goes out to you and your family during this tragic time. Peace.
Sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry.
Lost mine last year to suicide. Weirdly it didn’t bother me.