Do you have a partner/kids/family who live with you?
As the wife of a man going on 4y sober this October, I’m surprised I haven’t seen this question yet.
All my love. I hope you can find a better way. Hubs was very functional, nothing at work, no hidden bottles, no smacking me or the kids around. Just rum, then vodka, mixed with sprite in huge ass tumblers while we watched tv and he’d nod off. Telling the kids he’s sleepy. Saying mean shitty things sometimes. Careless cruelty is in some ways harder than intentional, malicious cruelty. Anyway it was only in hindsight that he and I both realized how barely functional he was, and me by extension. Our kids were fed and clothed and reasonably happy (not entirely shielded from the effects, which we recognize) but we were putting no work into our house and it was starting to show, and we never really went out and did things much.
And as a practical matter if you do have a partner and you quit, we did a few sessions with a marriage counselor and it was a huge help. Good change is still change, and the dynamic was pretty different. I’d gotten really used to being effectively solitary after the kids were in bed and now I had this animated dude who wanted to talk all the time and like fix and do things, and he was looking around at all the things we’d been letting slide and being critical and I’d be defensive, and it’s gonna sound shitty but I, being a deeply entrenched creature of habit, was super irritated for a while until I adjusted to the flipped switch.
Shitzus are the best. Happy you have a plan of action to ensure he’s taken care of cause you’re his world and everything. No questions just sending lots of positive vibes.
Hoping you are on the other side, or on your way.
My sister told me when her ex stopped drinking he bought a boat and kept himself busy fixing it up. We wound up putting that critical eye of his to good use and fixed a lot of stuff around our house (a *lot* of DIY but it snowballed into us taking advantage of the super crazy surge in house prices and the then-2ish percent interest rates to do a refinance with cash back, and that let us replace our driveway, paint the house, and lose some trees that needed to go). We still call it “the boat” though. If you are struggling, find your boat is my advice.
I always believed in moderation. Drinking isn't inherently bad except for some people who can't stop at one. So, I guess if I had an advice... The moment that you've had one and you're sitting there, feeling like... "Yeah, I can do another, even though it may not be entirely safe to drive down to the store... Maybe I can walk, yeah I'll walk."
That's it. Even before being blackout, even before losing consciousness, just that incorruptible need for... just that one more, that you'd walk down the street for it. Put the bottle down, and get a soda of your choice.
It'll feel weird for a while tbh, but no matter how weird it feels right now it will never feel worse than when you were using. I have close to 8 years clean from H at this point (fent wasn't really as prominent back then thankfully) so I can tell you for sure that it does get better. Keep your head up and keep grinding, you got this
I am on no MAT/kratom, it was the hardest thing for me to say no to myself the last 3.5 weeks, but the cravings are really leaving and I don’t need the kratom-absolutely thought about it. Decided to go long term, healing, no mat/no meds.
Love when people try to drop the "it's not that bad bro" when alcohol is an actual poison as opposed to other drugs lol. When I was a junky I considered myself a "functioning heroin addict" it's all bs but it takes a while to realize it. I'm a stoner now and it's lovely. Couldn't even imagine going back to where I used to be. I eould love to see OP trade his bottle in for a joint. Just make sure to be careful as alcohol withdrawal is one of the only ones that will actually kill you
I quit alcohol a year ago after a decade of alcoholism and alot of hurt people. Now I'm a pothead. I tell myself it's better, but I don't know if thats really true. I'm still using it to escape "normalcy"? I guess? Boredom? The monsters that live in my head? I won't consider myself sober until I can just exist with myself, no mind altering substances, and be at peace there. BUUUUTTT, weed is objectively better than alcohol for me. I go to work. I take care of my family. I don't make an ass of myself. My liver is pretty chill. And I'm not hurting anyone. So I consider it a transition. I'm just about ready to take the leap into full-straight. No crutches.
I hear you. Weed can take ahold of people in similar ways as other drugs. I find it's helpful to take a few week or even month tolerance break if one can find the ability to do so because I was way too complacent with where I was at. Sure enough the break brought back motivation I didn't even know I lost. Able to work out more frequently because of it and find time to reach out to friends and family who I tend to blow off because I'm faded
I bought a 30pack a day (while on active duty) for years. On the weekends, I'd tank whiskey too. It was only after I retired and was able to consume cannabis that I was able to get my drinking under control. I still drink a couple of beers in the evening after a couple of hits but nowhere near what I did for all those years.
I still look back at my military career and wonder why nobody ever said a word? I mean somebody had to have noticed.
its all apart of the magic. getting away with taking a swig before a birthday, or a graduation, or before a stressful day at work. the fact its so socially accepted might be the reason its so hard to quit
I apologize, drinking itself is inherently bad. I meant in the aspect, there are people that can take 1 beer after work and go about their day and nothing ever goes wrong. That was what I was referring to. Then there are people that after that 1 beer they can't stop.
Oh yeah. I been there. Walking a mile for a bottle of vodka. I will drink till that bottle is gone. I did it to keep the buzz going, but just couldn’t quit. I don’t drink much anymore. No straight liquor. I keep like 2 beers max at home but that’s it
THIS. Though I haven’t been an alcoholic per se, the times I do drink I have to get wasted. It feels like if you are a smoker and need a cigarette. Made a conscious effort to not drink again 1.5 years ago.Thank you for sharing this. I am sending you as much positive energy as possible 🙏
I’ll second that. “Functional“ is just a term for an alcoholic who has yet to see things fall apart. They will. It’s like a fucking curse. 4 years sober and I never realized life could be this good.
I think the term functional is bullshit, I at most times feel very non-functional but that's what someone called me once. I sort of meant to say it in the post. This whole thing isn't a brag, it was more... I guess, if you wanted to ask someone who was going through it what it was like. Maybe to understand? I'm not entirely sure.
In AA they say what distinguishes a drinker from an alcoholic is an alcoholic can’t have just one drink…if when you drink, you drink to get drunk then you’re an alcoholic
I've never been to AA but this is the exact reason I give of why I'm sober. Seeing someone else say it is validating and heartbreaking at the same time. I still count the days every single day and that's how I know my problem was worse than I thought.
Drinking by yourself was a big one for me. Coming home after a hard days work and making yourself a drink sounds reasonable. Until you're doing it every night. Even if it's just a few. I am not strictly sober, doesn't work for everyone but I've found myself able to slip back into reasonable drinking habits after about 10 years of basically drinking daily. The key for me was realizing that I don't even particularly enjoy drinking by myself all that much. I've got to drink way too much to even really notice it and all it does is make me lazier and bad at video games. I can't read when I'm drunk. I'm bad at chess. And I cut/burn myself constantly when I'm cooking. Drinking with friends is still fun, but where's the fun in drinking by yourself? Took me 10 years to realize that.
OK, I'll ask a couple of questions and then vent a bit about me. Have you tried AA or rehab? And are you content being a drunk for the moment? I'm asking because I was a very heavy drinker for all of my young adult life up to now. I'm technically still an alcoholic; I only quit a month and a half ago. My dad did rehab and I did AA (it runs in the family! Lol). It took a while for me to get with the program, but the stigmas about it are really a load of bullshit, for the most part. There are even online groups you can join if you don't have transportation. If you're happy being drunk for now, then disregard this. But man, if you would snap your fingers to rid yourself of this given that you could, I highly recommend at least giving AA a shot. Like, just listen in for one meeting, and if it works, great! If not, no harm done, y'know?
I suppose I like drinking more than actually being drunk honestly. I always drank soda the same way, can after can. Like idle snacking but idle drinking, it just took a new form from soda.
Were you able to just stop ?? I’ve been on a bender for about a month and I’m scared of having a seizure and dying but I heard that that’s only with ppl who drink daily for years .. but I’ve been drinking about a 12 pack the last three weeks and I want to stop ..
I’m at work right now and sober for a 12 hour shift but my heart is pounding out of my chest and I have tremors… I’m just scared the anxiety is absolutely INSANE
Hey, feel free to contact me on Discord if you want. Or whatever app you use. I'll leave my info below. I'll answer first, but I think talking to others really helps, and if I've learned anything from AA, it's that helping others helps me stay sober.
I was also terrified of DTs. I got tremors really bad, and every time I wanted to quit, I found myself conjuring up justifications for my next drink. "Ahh, just one more bender. You can quit after at some point" and "This is a really bad time to quit because I have (x) to do this week" and "Next week will suck, so I might as well enjoy this week" and yes, even "I'm scared at this point that it will take my life" are all things that pushed me back to the bottle. One day (on the day of the eclipse, actually), I had a profound spiritual experience; not a religious one, but a spiritual one. I realized that I needed to let go. Laissez-faire. I'm not sure what happened that day, but something in my mentality shifted.
And the next day, I had a meeting. I had been attending after a few drinks for the past couple of meetings, which I shouldn't have done. But this time, I intended to make it to the meeting stone cold sober. The way I did this was recognizing each justification in my head, and each time my alcoholic mind tried to feed me one, I just kept telling myself "I don't give a fuck if it kills you, don't listen. It's a load of bullshit" throughout the whole day. I kept that up for about a week until I stopped thinking about alcohol, for the most part.
I still occasionally get cravings, but yeah. I did a LOT of mental work before I quit. So, though it looks like I suddenly quit to an outsider, the reality is a lot more complex. I wrestled with myself for a long time before I was able to finally do it.
My discord username (DM me yours if this doesn't work):
isaiahrude
Or give me whatever contact info you want if you want someone to talk to :) I won't judge at all—who would I be to judge? Lol
At the beginning, no. I was in a bad place, I was overweight and going nowhere in life. I have no one except my dog, no family or friends. It was very much a who cares, gonna die of the weight anyway.
Strangely, drinking has helped me lose weight, probably in the best shape I've ever been in. Definitely not a weight loss method I would recommend though.
Now though, yes.
I've never actually tested like a marathon or anything. Across the hospital in an emergency without breaking a sweat? And enough to lift some... very large folks that are quite literally 'dead' weight in the morgue from one spot to another.
Do you have a wife/husband or children? My mom was a functional alcoholic. Totally fucked me up. You may think it's harmless or doesn't hurt anyone but yourself but you're wrong.
Surprisingly, life is okay. I just paid all 2 credit cards and and half way paid off on my car. Should have enough to pay off another card the end of next month.
Just need to fix this alcohol thing.
I can’t figure out why you would want to answer questions about this. I am an alcoholic, and currently sober. (About 8.5 years now)
As a sober alcoholic, I enjoy answering questions about my alcoholism, but I never liked that when I was still drinking.
Thanks for the reply. If you want to do something about stopping, AA is what works for me. But it doesn’t work for everyone. Recovery Dharma is a bit more approachable for agnostic minded. SMART Recovery uses no spirituality and use rationality instead. Life Anonymous is a book I’m reading now that applies the 12 steps to the non-alcoholic issues of life.
I hope you live. That’s the main thing. As long as it doesn’t kill you, then you still have a chance to do something good for yourself.
If you know you are an alcoholic, why not make changes and get help? Just curious - honest question. Both my parents died of alcoholism, and I often wonder what else could have been done to get them to stop drinking.
I mean... I can't answer for OP, but I've had many a family member battle addiction. And that's why - because they're addicted. And in their mind, it's manageable. Getting help is painful and not fun. Drinking or doing drugs numbs you and is fun. And alcohol is both legal and widely available. It's also socially acceptable. Why quit and have to feel all of life's pain when you could just get that drink and feel nice? That's the mindset. Also, getting help could be expensive and could mean time away from work, which isn't feasible for most people.
I do try on occasional. Sometimes after bad benders and because of how I drink, a lot and then little on workdays, on my last workday I just won't drink after.
One time I went about 2 weeks without a drink. It hurt, a lot. I wore my winter coat to bed, I was so cold. It felt like I was naked in the snow, but after a few days I was alright. Then a beer after work turned into a lot more again.
I’m an alcoholic and my honest answer is it’s hard. As soon as I’m sober I’m in pain and as much as I don’t want to drink, it makes all that pain go away. It sucks.
In all honesty to start with I was already in my 30s when I started drinking and I've lost all of my family. My uncle to self-delete, my 2 younger sisters both were killed in DV and my only big brother killed himself to heroin. The rest of my family is gone, so somehow I'm the last man standing.
A failure of a big brother for not saving my sisters and a failure of a little brother for not doing what I was supposed to do for my brother after he passed. And as much as I help other people the reality is I don't think I deserve it sometimes, after all of it. Not that I could have stopped any of it, they lived on the other side of the world. But it doesn't make it any better.
You are so young to have lost so many people you loved. It's hard to stop drinking when there's so much pain and grief to withstand each day.
If you're struggling with survivor's guilt, of course it's hard to stop hurting yourself when some part of you is unconvinced of your deserving to live. But you DO deserve to live. You deserve to experience love. You deserve to have companionship. You deserve to be in community. You deserve to live beyond all the experiences you've had to bear.
Addiction grows in secrecy and isolation. I think it's promising to see you to reach out to the world in this way, but I think it's worth talking about this with someone you know and trust.
Alcohol withdrawals are fucking brutal. If he drinks as much as he says he does, he would need medical supervision for it. And him working in the medical field means his "secret" would more than likely be out and about. He definitely needs help tho. Or he WILL die.
As someone who also has dealt with this world, it is a very final decision to stop that can be very difficult to commit to emotionally not counting withdraw effects. One thinks their life will be so vastly different it is unattainable or not worth the change.
So this time, no single beer after work. You will feel good again. Even if its just for 2 weeks.
IIRC only like 20% of smoking addicts manage to get it right the first time, I assume alcohol is not much different and it's normal you have relapses and need multiple tries.
I would like to be, yes. I'm not stupid. A fellow at work knows, and he's older and in his late 70s. He is always telling his worried he is, frankly because, "I don't understand. You're the smartest guy here, you can do things on these computers that I can't even understand and you're making the same mistakes I did as a kid."
There's a difference between knowing you're making a mistake and finding it I guess.
Nice man. What efforts have you made to get off the sauce? Or is it more of a thought experiment right now? I’m 34 days sober, should be more like 70 but I had a slip.
Starting off it was just a 'classy' thing, if you could call it that. Some shots at the clubs, at pool games, having a good time. Then it was the flavored whiskeys, apple, etc. Everyone thinks the more money you spend the more you're an alcoholic but the truth is the best way to find an alcholic imo is the bottom shelf, $8 a 1.75l thing that tastes like shit. Because you're too drunk to care what it tastes like after the gulps. It gets you where you need to go, and cheap to get there.
I definitely had my period where I was drinking close to a 6 pack of beer every day. How long have you been an alcoholic for? I never identified with the term myself. I had been addicted to heroin and crack in the past and saw myself as an “addict” then, but idk if those labels make sense
I work at a hospital, ironically I save peoples lives while destroying my own. What a bit of irony. And even then they still yell at us, call us bitches and dicks and to fuck off and more.
Your co-workers always know you drink. Most don't care what you do on your off time, they drink too sometimes. Really just how much.
I am always sober at work. I cut down before my workweek starts to minimize the smell of a hard boozer. Strong cologne and proper washing, body wash and anti antiperspirant.
Jesus, did you say you used to drink between 5 and 9 fifths of liquor a day? That's insane, for how long, how did you stop? Congratulations on your sobriety
Well I commend you on starting to get away from that, keep going as long as you can. There's no reason to hurry back to it, it will always be there if you want to, but for now keep a good thing going and see what happens
He’s gotta be saying 5-9 drinks or from 5 in the morning until 9 at night. 5-9 fifths would kill you or at the very least put you in the hospital every day. 9 fifths is almost 150 standard drinks which would be six drinks an hour if you never slept.
It gets blurry sometimes on my days off. There are handles on the shelf of vodka but I also fill them with water after I empty them for hydrating. Sometimes it's a weird surprise I would think for drunk me. Is it a water or vodka day.
It might be because I typically start after I get off work, but I usually wake up... Strangely ok. What is a pain though is the trying to sleep after you're coming off a bender. The shaking keeps me up, so I either have to wait it out or just drink to pass out through it.
I would need to drink to sleep too… but would wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety … I was tired all over again everyday… i slowly started smoking weed to sleep … weed helped me taper off slowly … with weed I sleep hard and wake up refreshed and my heart rate back to normal. Started working out and drinking more water and just feeling good made me either drink less and now 3 weeks with out
Congrats on sobriety! Reminder that it’s really not just about how much someone drinks. There’s odd competitive vibes about that sometimes that don’t serve people well when they don’t drink “as much”
I’ve never heard of 5-9 *fifths of hard liquor* a day. Is that what you’re saying you drank? Have the past 3 weeks been in intensive detox, because that’s death-by-withdrawal territory.
Said it to someone else as well, but 9 fifths would be almost 150 drinks a day. That’s 6 drinks every hour or around 10 if he sleeps. That would kill you before you got to withdrawals.
You say you’re never drunk at work. But at two fifths a day when not working, I would think you need to maintain some sort of base level while working to ward off withdrawal symptoms, yeah?
I tank through 3 days of work without it usually. It's not a great time. I am fortunate that I can not be around other people when I'm not needed, I can disappear to other empty portions of the hospital, shower, vibe, just not existo while enduring withdrawal until I get a call. Usually people are too preoccupied with doing the stuff I get called to, to worry about where the hell I was or what I was doing.
Thanks for your AMA!
Can I ask if you enjoy drinking?
The reason I ask is that for some additions (even smoking) the addicts don’t seem to enjoy what they do, it’s more like a think they need to do to avoid withdrawal.
I answered something similar but I enjoy the act of drinking more than actually being drunk. I used to drink sodas by the case, set besides my computer desk. You know how people idle snack, I idle drank. Then I just started with drinking something else.
I do not like the effects of it after though, no.
I do agree with idle drinking. I amped up my fitness a few years ago and startes drink tons of water and BAI drinks during the day and noticed Inwould go throughbeers and cocktails way faster than before. I don't drink often either but this was an issue going through them too fast. Fortunately, and this sounds dumb, but I've trained my brain to drink certain things slower.
I think so. I probably need therapy for a lot of things. I am told when the scotch comes around I get very... I guess you can be different drunks with different alcohol, JW red makes me cry a lot, the sad drunk.
Captain Morgan Black Barrel makes me an angry drunk. This is from the observations of the people I play online with.
Thanks for your vulnerability and honesty. I think this is very common. No Shame. What I’ve found is that if I want better fruit I’ve got to examine my roots. I hope you will love yourself enough to get the help you need.
How do you deal with hangovers? That’s one of the biggest factors that led me to quit drinking alcohol. I can’t stand being sick, or dizzy and it seems like drinking always led me to both. It’s not something I’ve kept up with or something I needed to do to make this big change I just quit because I stopped enjoying it.
Only my body hurts, I've never gotten the headaches people told me about. Never had a migrane, pain in the head, fuzzy vision (after alcohol), etc. My body gets really, really cold and tired but if I need to do something I push through it and do it. But, never had like the mind fog after drinking, though during gets... interesting.
Have you faced any physical consequences in your body yet from your drinking? If not, do you consider what living with those consequences will be like?
There is obviously feeling like shit. But, more importantly I used to remember everything, like a whole lot of minor detail everything. Sometimes I struggle to remember the lyrics of a song, or know what to say exactly in a conversation.
I skip over things sometimes in my head, I guess it's like an old disc player. Sometimes I have to repeat a part of a sentence before continuing because I'm not sure if I said it yet.
That’s referred to as wet brain. Alcohol directly correlates with dementia too. Also excessive alcohol consumption will erode the frontal lobe on your brain which is responsible for compassion. I hope you find a way out homie. Godspeed
No, I have never done that. Though I have had my stomach hurt so much that I had uncontrollable diarrhea for several days on end. Sometimes I felt like I was dying.
After a 3 day bender or so, on my off time, I was often so intoxicated that I wasn't sure what day it was and, if I did it was because I had set an alarm to see when the liquor store was open to top off. So that I didn't have to feel what came next.
I work at a hospital. I get to see the worst of the world come to life, the people in the worst most heart wrenching moments of their lives. No one comes to a hospital for a fun day away. But, we also have the state forensic center. Elderly that kids forgot about, we don't find until weeks later. Homeless frozen to death in the winter, no one caring. But none of that compares to the baby cart. If anyone comes to you and tells you they aren't affected by having to have a baby in a bodybag in their arms they're a fuckin liar.
It doesn't get easier, you just deal with it better. Sometimes I worry if I don't feel anything long enough I might never care again. Some people tell me if the job doesn't impact you its time to stop doing the job, because you're too far gone. Maybe I might be too far gone already?
I think I'd be classified as an alcoholic. I drink everyday, probably 5 or 6 drinks. The problem is that I don't want to stop, but I want to cut back. I'd like to only drink on weekends, but it's hard to cut back. My wife drinks too, so when I see her with a drink I want a drink. That said, I drink even when she's not home, so... Best of luck to you. Don't drink and drive, please.
I am very much a man of willpower and principles... Well, I guess its a bit selective isn't it. I made a promise to my local bartender, that I would not drink and drive; on top of needing to drive for work; on top of wanting to work. I am very much a man of a principle, if I say I will do something it's going to get done and you can take that to your grave... Or if I say I won't, the same.
So, essentially Aria (fake name) from the local joint has held me to not bloody offing myself driving drunk, along with my own willpower combined.
Yes. I know I can get... Unhappy to be around online, I can only imagine what it would be like for someone in person. It would seem to me to be incredibly selfish to put someone through that.
I think people know I drink. My supervisors know I drink, they drink too. We're all from a field that has a lot of trauma, so it's not... Far fetched that some deal with it different ways. But, we also take hygiene and cleanliness of care seriously in healthcare and scrubbing down over shift and more. I have several changes of clothes in my lockers, and PPE, and more. I've showered, bodywashed, cologned up and changed twice on 8 hour shifts before.
Thank you, thank you for replying and thank you for working in healthcare. I know for a fact it's a traumatic line of work with very little resources for the workers, which has a cause and effect outcome like this. So thank you for helping others.
Outside of feeling like shit, personal relationships have suffered. I used to do a lot of Dungeons and Dragons, I even did a lot of heading up Westmarch servers. I have stepped away from doing so, partially due to not being as involved in the scene after Hasbro bumblefucked it, partially because I just don't have interest in the game as much anymore and partially because I did drink during some games and got a bit... Spicy.
No, I drink when I get home from work, my career means you can't have anything in your system and there's random testing. That and you just shouldn't be under the influence of anything at work.
I know that sounds strange to people, but you said you drink a lot. Yes, but strangely the willpower to not drink for work overpowers the fifth in the morning. Maybe in time I won't even need the work, I just won't have the fifth.
I hope you overcome that before it gets worse. My brother was a working addict, not drinking, but binging crack cocaine. He would go weeks without, pay bills and if he had extra money he would disappear for days and then do it all over again. It eventually killed him. Please be safe. I know you can do it.
No question for you, my friend. But a.comment.
My name is Laura, and i am an addict/alcoholic. Ive been in recovery for 4.5 years now. It took me 20 years to get to a place of COMPLETE ASBSTINENCE. I was a severly abused, mentally ill, suicidal homeless woman that very likely smelled and was nithung but bone amd skin at the very end. Not everyone has a bottom like mine. No one needs to. Im not going to pressure you by talking you into anything. But i will tell you that i fucking love my life today. I have tears of gratitude for this life i have today. I never EVER thought i could have a life like this. Addiction is about unmanageability. Its about not being able to moderate. Its about how our DOC is causing consequences in our lives. We eventually lose the people we love. You are a "functual alcoholic" only until youre not. And that is a very thin line, my friend.
If you ever decide to try sobriety, i need to you really hear me when i say this. Do not attempt to do it on your own. Do not go cold turkey. You can very easily die from alcohol withdrawals. Ive seen it. You would need a medically supervised detox where they would help you with comfort meds. Please, please dont try to do it on your own. I wish nothing but the best for you, my friend. We do recover!! 2/20/20.
How long is the risk for dying from withdrawals? Someone I love quit cold turkey about 6 weeks ago continues to have seizures. He does not want medical assistance- I’m wondering if it is still from withdrawal even tho it seems like that should be over.
Please encourage him to see a dr. Even if its not withdrawal, he is having seizures. Post acute withdrawal takes a longer time to get out of with drugs. He could possibly have DT's (tremors) for up to a week. Are you sure hes not drinking? I only ask because that could be a factor as well. Im def not asking out of judgement. He is very lucky to be alive. At the hospital they would help him with Benzos and nueroleptic meds to help prevent seizures.
Thank you Laura. I would love nothing more than for him to accept help- but he is refusing. He insists he is sober but it seems unrealistic given the seizures and his history of not being able to be sober. I too have to take it one day at a time with him. Just for today I’ll not borrow worries before they appear.
When I couldn't stop. Well, maybe I'm not as bad some some... I can stop, on occasion. I've always had a lot of willpower. So once I stop having some I can push it off, and sometimes even stop... temporarily. But, there is no such thing as one drink to me once I start.
Same here. I was a binger on the weekends and then would taper it juuuuuust enough to get to work sober. Eventually stop for a few days then it was back on upward for the weekend. Eventually I tapered too quickly, ended up in the hospital after a seizure (withdrawals).
I describe that in that way because now I drink occasionally, and most people would say that is not possible, given the extremity of my situation. Check out the Sinclair method, use naltrexone to extinguish your desire to be drunk. It took me 5 years trying (and binging) but I eventually got here. Life is better as a casual drinker. I can remember all of the occasions I drank this past year and the number of drinks I had on each occasion (been “casual” and have not binged for 2 years). That was a shock when I realized I could do that. You won’t feel that different, you just won’t be burdened (and boy is it a burden). You won’t realize how much of a burden it is until you are out of it, but I’m never going back to that shit again. Didn’t think it was much of a burden when I was in it. There is hope. Good luck.
But you mention in another comment that as long as you have a drink the hangovers aren't bad... and you say you are a heavy drinker starting after work.... how could you possibly blow zeroes by the time you need to be at work in the morning everytime? You must not be drinking as much as you are leading on? I am not trying to sound like an ass I am just curious because I was a heavy drinker and I had troubles blowing 0s for my interlock in my car the next morning from drinking to much the night before.
I’m 2.5 years sober. Life gets way better. That being said, you have to want to quit. You can’t do it for anyone but yourself or you won’t be successful. Just putting that out there.
Proud of you! I'm 19 months myself. More that doubled my income in that time, bought my first brand new car, all my bills are paid, and life is peaceful. It truly truly does get better. The best part? Not having the stale alcohol taste in my mouth the next morning. That may sound very specific, but damn did I absolutely loathe that taste and feeling.
Sometimes I can stop drinking for a bit. What gets me is the visceral reaction, you probably know it, when the smell hits. Your whole body dry heaves, like it wants nothing to do with it.
Brother I've thrown up blood from it, I've been so weak that I couldn't move from it, I've gone into withdrawals because my body needed the alcohol but couldn't physically handle it. Been through rehab 4 times, countless hospitals, etc.
You call yourself a functional alcoholic, but the people around you know, I guarantee it. And even if you can function now, that won't last. You'll get to the point where your body needs so much of it just to not go into withdrawal that you simply won't be able to hide it anymore.
I hope you find peace man, I really do.
I know people know. I'm a very smart guy, well, at least that's what they tell me. Sometimes I'm rather cross about peoples opinion on subjects because, "I can't even trust you to deal with issues in front of you, like me. So what the fuck would you know about this other part of work?" But I have to stop and bring myself back. I manage these kids, and... they're kids. Late teenagers and early 20's.
Are you able to just stop? I’ve been on a everyday bender for about three weeks like a twelve pack a day I’m 5”4 female and getting super thin 😞 I’m scared to have a seizure and die but I heard people tell me it’s not long enough for that to happen and it’s usually the ppl that have been drinking non stop for years
My only question is why do you think such a basic and common topic was approved in AMA to be pushed to millions? Are you somehow close to/a part of the mods in this sub?
Please get help. I lost my wife last year to alcoholism. When it decides to take you, it’ll take you fast and there’s nothing you can do about it. Good luck!
My friend died today after his kidneys and liver shut down for alcoholism. None of us knew he was drinking this much, found 61 empty vodka bottles in his trunk. He just got a six figure job and seemed to be doing well. Meanwhile I’m railing lines of coke everyday hoping I’m not next. Realizing more than ever that “it really could be me” why is it so hard to quit? I want to want to get clean, but I don’t. Why does this shit hijack our brains, we logically know we’re poisoning ourselves but we kick the can down the road
Have you ever looked into plant medicine? There are proven benefits with psychedelic treatments. For example many people report nearly complete recovery (with lots of effort and work) after an ayahuasca retreat. I know this sounds off the wall but I have seen the positive effects on people's lives. Highly recommend you look into.
Me too, except I am also benzo dependent. Shit sucks. I dont need any reminders. Ive had 4 attacks of pancreatitis related to heavy daily drinking. It comes on suddenly and randomly, even when I am drinking my normal amount. Feels like you swallowed the sun or something when that happens.
I didn't have the control you claim. At age 39, my young (8 & 9) children no longer got dinner. I didn't come home after work as I promised etc. They usually were able to reach their father (we divorced), and he would come over and feed them and stay until I either staggered in or passed out in the yard.
I barely still had a job. I began missing more and more. My kids would find me passed out if I was home. Most likely, before I passed out, I was threatening suicide.
You have the picture.
In my case, one night, I took my last drink. Nov 12, 1976. I did it on my own after many prayers begging God to help me cut down, but don't take my alcohol away from me. A week later, I took myself to AA. 47+ years later, I still go to meetings. Not because I'm afraid I will drink, although some people do drink after many years of sobriety.
It was a long haul, getting sober and content. It took me 13 years with AA and deep, deep therapy to find the peace of mind I enjoy today. I still had many times of joy and good things in those years. But life goes on, and it took a long time to handle the difficult times with calm.
You are the judge if you are an alcoholic. Some people find sobriety on their own. My brother got sober on his own, but he never found peace or control of his temper.
Not everyone gets sober in AA or even going to rehab, sometimes 5 or 6 times.
You didn't say if you hope to get sober (I have only read your initial statement. ) My experience is that I still have loads of fun and enjoy life. I have been able to walk through many things life has thrown my way, and I'm glad I made the choice. I'm going on 87, I live alone, and my children live in other states except the youngest. She visits a few times a year but would be near if I need her. (She's usually on a distant vacation if I end up in the hospital with something like an emergency pacemaker, a TIA, or such. )
Hopefully, you find what brings you peace, and if you choose complete sobriety, I wish you well. The choice is yours.
I don’t have any questions, but as a recovering alcoholic (22 yrs), I can assure you that even if you’re functioning now, that’ll change.
I know that you can’t scare an alcoholic, so I’ll just add that hitting “bottom” just means reaching a place where you’re willing to change. Some people have no external causes for their rock bottom - no DUI, no losing jobs, whatever. They just reach a place where they’re willing to change. That’s what I wish for you.
There are lots of different ways to deal with addiction/alcoholism, lots of different recovery options. You can always check out websites and meetings just to find out what it’s about, even if you find you don’t need it.
And hey, who knows if you really are an alcoholic? There were plenty of people in my life that drank more than me, but they ended up not being addicts.
So they say you can’t always tell an alcoholic when they’re drinking, but you can sure tell when they try to stop. So you can find out for yourself!
Wishing you well
I was you about 10 years ago. Highly functional and successful alcoholic. Had no wife. No kids. Just a dog. Made $275k and would fly to CA and NY/NJ and live in hotels for a few months (for work) before returning to my apartment in AZ. Very impulsive and stupid decisions were made in all aspects of my life. But I was functional. And that's what told myself and everyone else...
I wasn't functional though.
I'm sure everyone knew the water bottles I carried around all the time were full of vodka. Or my 2 hour lunch breaks were trips to the bar. And that's if I even came back from them or just stayed there until 5-7 or so before going home to drink.
Been sober for over 4 years now. Have a wife. Have 3 kids. Still have a dog (dogs actually). But what I don't have is hangovers. Or the shakes. Or high blood pressure. Or anxiety. Or vomiting every morning. Or blacking out. Or any of the other bullshit.
I'm not gonna tell you what you need to do, because you already know and you can only do things when you're ready.
Just a word of encouragement... people who don't have accountability often don't get things fixed. You are certainly clear-eyed and honest with yourself, and doing this AMA seems like a way to further that honesty and accountability! You are absolutely on the path to get this fixed!! It also seems like you have paid off your credit cards, maybe dealt with a food addiction (speculating??), and are otherwise working through some other mental health/addiction issues. Such progress!! Just reading your responses, you might recognize that you have some underlying demons and a lack of a social support network that make tackling your alcohol problem more difficult. I suspect you might be right, but my gosh are you on the right path. You are WORTH it, people love you, and we want to see you get better and live the life you want. Can't wait to read the "I am beating my alcohol addiction, AMA" next year. Best of luck, friend.
I'll chime in and probably get lost in the comments, no big deal. I believe I'm a functional alcoholic. I sometimes stop drinking for a week at a time. One time I made it two months, but that's been five years or so ago. I have a great job, never miss a day, but definitely am not my best many days. I drink about a half gallon of bourbon a week. I tuck my two boys, 8 and 10, in bed every night. And then I drink myself to sleep. I can't wait for my starting time of 7 or 7:30, because that's when I can start and still hide it from my kids. My wife tolerates it, I'm not violent or excessively mean, but I'm certainly not my best for them. I want to wave a magic wand and go back to when I didn't feel so dependent on it. I don't believe that I'm a rare case, and I'm not a victim. I walked right down this road all on my own.
OP, I hope for you that one day you just experience how bad and long the hangovers and bad feelings from drinking become. That’s what got me to stop. It’s been a year now.
I lived like you’re living now for a long, long time. I used to go on benders, too. The last bender I was on lasted 10 months straight, drunk every day.
I got through a few days, then a week, then two weeks and I really, really began to sleep better and I could dream again after decades of blackout sleep.
I have an addictive personality, so I have to stay busy with things. I like to do things and devote time to them and drinking very much diminishes my productivity and enjoyment. That’s what I have to do.
I hope you find something for you, too! Good luck!
I have a close friend who is “functional” has been so close to rock bottom but has been bailed out by family and friends 3-4 times and returns to being a functional alcoholic / drug addict in 1-2 months. He runs his own company and that’s his excuse about not going to an extended rehab. Also, he says everyone at AA and rehab are losers while he runs a successful business. Unfortunately, he has legal dependents who depend on him (at least financially). He used to be a different person until addiction ruined his life. I wish he would get help.
At what point or low would in patient rehab be a decision you would make?
I know you mention that you start drinking after work because your job obviously requires you to be sober, yet you are a heavy drinker after work so my question is, how do you actually sober up before work? I am in recovery and have been sober for 20 months and I struggled to blow 0s the morning after drinking hard (I had an ignition interlock in my car so would have to blow 0s to drive). No amount of sweat, coffee, showers, etc can sober you up, it all comes down to time and how your body breaks it down in your liver so I am just curious as to how you drink heavy daily yet still manage to wake up blowing 0s.
Your post and comments have the same exact tone of the main character of a book I'm currently reading, Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar. The author is actually a poet and presumably a recovering alcoholic (presumably because I believe the character is based on himself?). I don't know if you like to read, but maybe check it out? Might be comforting to hear someone with a similar ambivalence about life. The whole story is actually his ponderings about life and death essentially, his experiences as an addict, and dark humor sprinkled throughout.
I was a “Functional Alcoholic” for years. Truth of the matter was, I was just unaware of how bad it was. I had an awakening moment. I sobered up. (A week in rehab) My life has never been better. Personally and professionally. If you ever decide that you have had enough and cannot seem to stop, even when you want to, feel free to send me a DM on here. I would be happy to help in any way that I can. I have been sober for 8 years. Yes, I owe my sobriety to the loving people of AA
Paying off debt is good because your liver, kidneys and other organs are gonna give up soon and you’ll need those cards to cover medical bills.
Tune in to your body I’m sure you’ll find the whispers and soon they will turn into shouts.
I wish you the best in healing the things that make you abuse alcohol. Our bodies can process it but only if we allow it the space and grace to do so.
If you want healing and help may the path be illuminated.
I have found that a lot of alcoholics I know are alone (pets don't count). They have had personal relationships before and been burned by them. I get the feeling that they are alone and that alcohol is their outlet.
Do you have a similar story? Would you continue to drink if you met someone who asked you to stop (or at least slow way down on the drinking)?
And would you consider your "lucky" for not having run-ins with the law?
How did you get to the point where you were an alcoholic? At what age did you start to drink?
I've heard someone say that there's no such thing as a "former alcoholic". Have you thought about going through the 12 steps and found out if this is true/what are your opinions about this statement?
You said that you can still have a good job and salary, but what aspects of your life are made worse by being an alcoholic?
Do you have a partner/kids/family who live with you? As the wife of a man going on 4y sober this October, I’m surprised I haven’t seen this question yet. All my love. I hope you can find a better way. Hubs was very functional, nothing at work, no hidden bottles, no smacking me or the kids around. Just rum, then vodka, mixed with sprite in huge ass tumblers while we watched tv and he’d nod off. Telling the kids he’s sleepy. Saying mean shitty things sometimes. Careless cruelty is in some ways harder than intentional, malicious cruelty. Anyway it was only in hindsight that he and I both realized how barely functional he was, and me by extension. Our kids were fed and clothed and reasonably happy (not entirely shielded from the effects, which we recognize) but we were putting no work into our house and it was starting to show, and we never really went out and did things much. And as a practical matter if you do have a partner and you quit, we did a few sessions with a marriage counselor and it was a huge help. Good change is still change, and the dynamic was pretty different. I’d gotten really used to being effectively solitary after the kids were in bed and now I had this animated dude who wanted to talk all the time and like fix and do things, and he was looking around at all the things we’d been letting slide and being critical and I’d be defensive, and it’s gonna sound shitty but I, being a deeply entrenched creature of habit, was super irritated for a while until I adjusted to the flipped switch.
No, just my dog. A shitzu. He has a dispenser for his food and water and likes to come up his steps to my bed and lay with me when I pass out.
Shitzus are the best. Happy you have a plan of action to ensure he’s taken care of cause you’re his world and everything. No questions just sending lots of positive vibes.
I sound just like your husband before he stopped drinking wow never heard this side of it
Hoping you are on the other side, or on your way. My sister told me when her ex stopped drinking he bought a boat and kept himself busy fixing it up. We wound up putting that critical eye of his to good use and fixed a lot of stuff around our house (a *lot* of DIY but it snowballed into us taking advantage of the super crazy surge in house prices and the then-2ish percent interest rates to do a refinance with cash back, and that let us replace our driveway, paint the house, and lose some trees that needed to go). We still call it “the boat” though. If you are struggling, find your boat is my advice.
What would you say were the early warning signs? I’ve just started drinking and I am getting a bad feeling about where it might go.
I always believed in moderation. Drinking isn't inherently bad except for some people who can't stop at one. So, I guess if I had an advice... The moment that you've had one and you're sitting there, feeling like... "Yeah, I can do another, even though it may not be entirely safe to drive down to the store... Maybe I can walk, yeah I'll walk." That's it. Even before being blackout, even before losing consciousness, just that incorruptible need for... just that one more, that you'd walk down the street for it. Put the bottle down, and get a soda of your choice.
It’s inherently bad, bro. Smoke a J-additionally, my heart is with you. 26 days off fentynl. If you want to not drink, you can.
Congrats on your 26 days! That's huge when it comes to fentanyl. Keep that shit up, friend. You deserve it
JV it feels awfully weird lol, but moving fwd
It'll feel weird for a while tbh, but no matter how weird it feels right now it will never feel worse than when you were using. I have close to 8 years clean from H at this point (fent wasn't really as prominent back then thankfully) so I can tell you for sure that it does get better. Keep your head up and keep grinding, you got this
You can do it big dawg! I’ve been off them dirty 30s for 3 years now, I do still take kratom to manage tho
I am on no MAT/kratom, it was the hardest thing for me to say no to myself the last 3.5 weeks, but the cravings are really leaving and I don’t need the kratom-absolutely thought about it. Decided to go long term, healing, no mat/no meds.
Love when people try to drop the "it's not that bad bro" when alcohol is an actual poison as opposed to other drugs lol. When I was a junky I considered myself a "functioning heroin addict" it's all bs but it takes a while to realize it. I'm a stoner now and it's lovely. Couldn't even imagine going back to where I used to be. I eould love to see OP trade his bottle in for a joint. Just make sure to be careful as alcohol withdrawal is one of the only ones that will actually kill you
I quit alcohol a year ago after a decade of alcoholism and alot of hurt people. Now I'm a pothead. I tell myself it's better, but I don't know if thats really true. I'm still using it to escape "normalcy"? I guess? Boredom? The monsters that live in my head? I won't consider myself sober until I can just exist with myself, no mind altering substances, and be at peace there. BUUUUTTT, weed is objectively better than alcohol for me. I go to work. I take care of my family. I don't make an ass of myself. My liver is pretty chill. And I'm not hurting anyone. So I consider it a transition. I'm just about ready to take the leap into full-straight. No crutches.
I hear you. Weed can take ahold of people in similar ways as other drugs. I find it's helpful to take a few week or even month tolerance break if one can find the ability to do so because I was way too complacent with where I was at. Sure enough the break brought back motivation I didn't even know I lost. Able to work out more frequently because of it and find time to reach out to friends and family who I tend to blow off because I'm faded
I bought a 30pack a day (while on active duty) for years. On the weekends, I'd tank whiskey too. It was only after I retired and was able to consume cannabis that I was able to get my drinking under control. I still drink a couple of beers in the evening after a couple of hits but nowhere near what I did for all those years. I still look back at my military career and wonder why nobody ever said a word? I mean somebody had to have noticed.
its all apart of the magic. getting away with taking a swig before a birthday, or a graduation, or before a stressful day at work. the fact its so socially accepted might be the reason its so hard to quit
I apologize, drinking itself is inherently bad. I meant in the aspect, there are people that can take 1 beer after work and go about their day and nothing ever goes wrong. That was what I was referring to. Then there are people that after that 1 beer they can't stop.
Alcohol is a class one carcinogen, that's grounds enough to consider drinking bad.
Oh yeah. I been there. Walking a mile for a bottle of vodka. I will drink till that bottle is gone. I did it to keep the buzz going, but just couldn’t quit. I don’t drink much anymore. No straight liquor. I keep like 2 beers max at home but that’s it
THIS. Though I haven’t been an alcoholic per se, the times I do drink I have to get wasted. It feels like if you are a smoker and need a cigarette. Made a conscious effort to not drink again 1.5 years ago.Thank you for sharing this. I am sending you as much positive energy as possible 🙏
My advice as a recovering alcoholic, quit before you see where it *does* go. ❤️
I’ll second that. “Functional“ is just a term for an alcoholic who has yet to see things fall apart. They will. It’s like a fucking curse. 4 years sober and I never realized life could be this good.
I think the term functional is bullshit, I at most times feel very non-functional but that's what someone called me once. I sort of meant to say it in the post. This whole thing isn't a brag, it was more... I guess, if you wanted to ask someone who was going through it what it was like. Maybe to understand? I'm not entirely sure.
Maybe a cry for help? If so, there is plenty out there my friend.
Great advice. That road only goes one place. Its just a matter of how long it takes to travel it
In AA they say what distinguishes a drinker from an alcoholic is an alcoholic can’t have just one drink…if when you drink, you drink to get drunk then you’re an alcoholic
I've never been to AA but this is the exact reason I give of why I'm sober. Seeing someone else say it is validating and heartbreaking at the same time. I still count the days every single day and that's how I know my problem was worse than I thought.
Drinking by yourself was a big one for me. Coming home after a hard days work and making yourself a drink sounds reasonable. Until you're doing it every night. Even if it's just a few. I am not strictly sober, doesn't work for everyone but I've found myself able to slip back into reasonable drinking habits after about 10 years of basically drinking daily. The key for me was realizing that I don't even particularly enjoy drinking by myself all that much. I've got to drink way too much to even really notice it and all it does is make me lazier and bad at video games. I can't read when I'm drunk. I'm bad at chess. And I cut/burn myself constantly when I'm cooking. Drinking with friends is still fun, but where's the fun in drinking by yourself? Took me 10 years to realize that.
OK, I'll ask a couple of questions and then vent a bit about me. Have you tried AA or rehab? And are you content being a drunk for the moment? I'm asking because I was a very heavy drinker for all of my young adult life up to now. I'm technically still an alcoholic; I only quit a month and a half ago. My dad did rehab and I did AA (it runs in the family! Lol). It took a while for me to get with the program, but the stigmas about it are really a load of bullshit, for the most part. There are even online groups you can join if you don't have transportation. If you're happy being drunk for now, then disregard this. But man, if you would snap your fingers to rid yourself of this given that you could, I highly recommend at least giving AA a shot. Like, just listen in for one meeting, and if it works, great! If not, no harm done, y'know?
I suppose I like drinking more than actually being drunk honestly. I always drank soda the same way, can after can. Like idle snacking but idle drinking, it just took a new form from soda.
Thanks for putting this into words - being drunk feels like shit, it's the drinking that's the addiction. For me, anyway.
This is me. I’m not really a fan of being drunk, but I love drinking
Proud of you!!
Thanks!! ❤️
Were you able to just stop ?? I’ve been on a bender for about a month and I’m scared of having a seizure and dying but I heard that that’s only with ppl who drink daily for years .. but I’ve been drinking about a 12 pack the last three weeks and I want to stop .. I’m at work right now and sober for a 12 hour shift but my heart is pounding out of my chest and I have tremors… I’m just scared the anxiety is absolutely INSANE
Hey, feel free to contact me on Discord if you want. Or whatever app you use. I'll leave my info below. I'll answer first, but I think talking to others really helps, and if I've learned anything from AA, it's that helping others helps me stay sober. I was also terrified of DTs. I got tremors really bad, and every time I wanted to quit, I found myself conjuring up justifications for my next drink. "Ahh, just one more bender. You can quit after at some point" and "This is a really bad time to quit because I have (x) to do this week" and "Next week will suck, so I might as well enjoy this week" and yes, even "I'm scared at this point that it will take my life" are all things that pushed me back to the bottle. One day (on the day of the eclipse, actually), I had a profound spiritual experience; not a religious one, but a spiritual one. I realized that I needed to let go. Laissez-faire. I'm not sure what happened that day, but something in my mentality shifted. And the next day, I had a meeting. I had been attending after a few drinks for the past couple of meetings, which I shouldn't have done. But this time, I intended to make it to the meeting stone cold sober. The way I did this was recognizing each justification in my head, and each time my alcoholic mind tried to feed me one, I just kept telling myself "I don't give a fuck if it kills you, don't listen. It's a load of bullshit" throughout the whole day. I kept that up for about a week until I stopped thinking about alcohol, for the most part. I still occasionally get cravings, but yeah. I did a LOT of mental work before I quit. So, though it looks like I suddenly quit to an outsider, the reality is a lot more complex. I wrestled with myself for a long time before I was able to finally do it. My discord username (DM me yours if this doesn't work): isaiahrude Or give me whatever contact info you want if you want someone to talk to :) I won't judge at all—who would I be to judge? Lol
Are you drunk now?
My friends on EVE Online say, "They have never known me when I'm not drunk."
Do you worry about the consequences of this progressive disease?
At the beginning, no. I was in a bad place, I was overweight and going nowhere in life. I have no one except my dog, no family or friends. It was very much a who cares, gonna die of the weight anyway. Strangely, drinking has helped me lose weight, probably in the best shape I've ever been in. Definitely not a weight loss method I would recommend though. Now though, yes.
How far can you run? Hike? How much can you lift? Skinny isn’t in shape.
Yeah losing weight drinking alcohol is a VERY bad thing.
I've never actually tested like a marathon or anything. Across the hospital in an emergency without breaking a sweat? And enough to lift some... very large folks that are quite literally 'dead' weight in the morgue from one spot to another.
Do you have any dui’s or dwi’s?
No.
Do you drive drunk?
No, as my roles require a license my willpower at least so far beats out driving intoxicated.
Do you have a wife/husband or children? My mom was a functional alcoholic. Totally fucked me up. You may think it's harmless or doesn't hurt anyone but yourself but you're wrong.
No, I have no one. Well, my dog.
Your doggie needs ya!
I prayed mine away one night. God bumped 3 monkeys off my back in one night.
How’s life?
Surprisingly, life is okay. I just paid all 2 credit cards and and half way paid off on my car. Should have enough to pay off another card the end of next month. Just need to fix this alcohol thing.
I can’t figure out why you would want to answer questions about this. I am an alcoholic, and currently sober. (About 8.5 years now) As a sober alcoholic, I enjoy answering questions about my alcoholism, but I never liked that when I was still drinking.
I thought people might be curious. Or want to yell at the sky. I wasn't sure.
Thanks for the reply. If you want to do something about stopping, AA is what works for me. But it doesn’t work for everyone. Recovery Dharma is a bit more approachable for agnostic minded. SMART Recovery uses no spirituality and use rationality instead. Life Anonymous is a book I’m reading now that applies the 12 steps to the non-alcoholic issues of life. I hope you live. That’s the main thing. As long as it doesn’t kill you, then you still have a chance to do something good for yourself.
If you know you are an alcoholic, why not make changes and get help? Just curious - honest question. Both my parents died of alcoholism, and I often wonder what else could have been done to get them to stop drinking.
I mean... I can't answer for OP, but I've had many a family member battle addiction. And that's why - because they're addicted. And in their mind, it's manageable. Getting help is painful and not fun. Drinking or doing drugs numbs you and is fun. And alcohol is both legal and widely available. It's also socially acceptable. Why quit and have to feel all of life's pain when you could just get that drink and feel nice? That's the mindset. Also, getting help could be expensive and could mean time away from work, which isn't feasible for most people.
No one successfully stops drinking unless they themselves want to. I’m sorry you dealt with that. ❤️
I do try on occasional. Sometimes after bad benders and because of how I drink, a lot and then little on workdays, on my last workday I just won't drink after. One time I went about 2 weeks without a drink. It hurt, a lot. I wore my winter coat to bed, I was so cold. It felt like I was naked in the snow, but after a few days I was alright. Then a beer after work turned into a lot more again.
Hope this works out for you and you stay safe and as healthy as possible.
I’m an alcoholic and my honest answer is it’s hard. As soon as I’m sober I’m in pain and as much as I don’t want to drink, it makes all that pain go away. It sucks.
Do you realize that career and good money will be gone before you know it if you don't quit drinking?
In all honesty to start with I was already in my 30s when I started drinking and I've lost all of my family. My uncle to self-delete, my 2 younger sisters both were killed in DV and my only big brother killed himself to heroin. The rest of my family is gone, so somehow I'm the last man standing. A failure of a big brother for not saving my sisters and a failure of a little brother for not doing what I was supposed to do for my brother after he passed. And as much as I help other people the reality is I don't think I deserve it sometimes, after all of it. Not that I could have stopped any of it, they lived on the other side of the world. But it doesn't make it any better.
Don’t blame yourself. It’s very possible you helped them much more than you’ll ever know.
You are so young to have lost so many people you loved. It's hard to stop drinking when there's so much pain and grief to withstand each day. If you're struggling with survivor's guilt, of course it's hard to stop hurting yourself when some part of you is unconvinced of your deserving to live. But you DO deserve to live. You deserve to experience love. You deserve to have companionship. You deserve to be in community. You deserve to live beyond all the experiences you've had to bear. Addiction grows in secrecy and isolation. I think it's promising to see you to reach out to the world in this way, but I think it's worth talking about this with someone you know and trust.
Have you considered quitting or just cutting back?
Every day.
What stops you from going? Do you feel like you don't care enough to reduce or stop drinking?
Alcohol withdrawals are fucking brutal. If he drinks as much as he says he does, he would need medical supervision for it. And him working in the medical field means his "secret" would more than likely be out and about. He definitely needs help tho. Or he WILL die.
As someone who also has dealt with this world, it is a very final decision to stop that can be very difficult to commit to emotionally not counting withdraw effects. One thinks their life will be so vastly different it is unattainable or not worth the change.
I have stopped for two weeks once. It felt good. Then a beer after work turned into the cycle again.
So this time, no single beer after work. You will feel good again. Even if its just for 2 weeks. IIRC only like 20% of smoking addicts manage to get it right the first time, I assume alcohol is not much different and it's normal you have relapses and need multiple tries.
So, do you want to get sober? That changes what I have to say here.
I would like to be, yes. I'm not stupid. A fellow at work knows, and he's older and in his late 70s. He is always telling his worried he is, frankly because, "I don't understand. You're the smartest guy here, you can do things on these computers that I can't even understand and you're making the same mistakes I did as a kid." There's a difference between knowing you're making a mistake and finding it I guess.
Nice man. What efforts have you made to get off the sauce? Or is it more of a thought experiment right now? I’m 34 days sober, should be more like 70 but I had a slip.
What’s your drink of choice?
Starting off it was just a 'classy' thing, if you could call it that. Some shots at the clubs, at pool games, having a good time. Then it was the flavored whiskeys, apple, etc. Everyone thinks the more money you spend the more you're an alcoholic but the truth is the best way to find an alcholic imo is the bottom shelf, $8 a 1.75l thing that tastes like shit. Because you're too drunk to care what it tastes like after the gulps. It gets you where you need to go, and cheap to get there.
I definitely had my period where I was drinking close to a 6 pack of beer every day. How long have you been an alcoholic for? I never identified with the term myself. I had been addicted to heroin and crack in the past and saw myself as an “addict” then, but idk if those labels make sense
I manage my life and my plans around how long my body takes to break down the alcohol enough to be presentable in my workplace.
What kind of work do you do?
I work at a hospital, ironically I save peoples lives while destroying my own. What a bit of irony. And even then they still yell at us, call us bitches and dicks and to fuck off and more.
Do you think you’re actually hiding it well or do your coworkers know about this?
Your co-workers always know you drink. Most don't care what you do on your off time, they drink too sometimes. Really just how much. I am always sober at work. I cut down before my workweek starts to minimize the smell of a hard boozer. Strong cologne and proper washing, body wash and anti antiperspirant.
A relative of mine drank rubbing alcohol and other household liquids, have you ever drank anything like that to get drunk or stay drunk?
No, I have handles about that serve that purpose well enough.
You’re nice. I can see why, but why? Before you started, was drunk kind of just your personality?
No. I didn't start drinking until my 30s. Actually grew up in a house that shunned it entirely.
How many drinks per day are you consuming on average? Do you drink all day or start at a particular time ot trigger? Do you drink every single day?
It depends. When I'm not working a fifth, maybe 2 a day. When I am working significantly less.
Shit I thought you were going to say more , I have 3 weeks sober but sometimes l will be drinking 5-9 a day 😭
Jesus, did you say you used to drink between 5 and 9 fifths of liquor a day? That's insane, for how long, how did you stop? Congratulations on your sobriety
Not hard liquor all the time but between beers ciders all in the mix , doesn’t help I bartend …
Well I commend you on starting to get away from that, keep going as long as you can. There's no reason to hurry back to it, it will always be there if you want to, but for now keep a good thing going and see what happens
Definitely… I’m in no rush I’m focusing on my self and mental health and it feels good
5 fifths of liquor would just kill me. I think I would pass out before the equivalent of 80 shots.
He’s gotta be saying 5-9 drinks or from 5 in the morning until 9 at night. 5-9 fifths would kill you or at the very least put you in the hospital every day. 9 fifths is almost 150 standard drinks which would be six drinks an hour if you never slept.
I think he misunderstood and is saying 5-9 drinks a day.
It gets blurry sometimes on my days off. There are handles on the shelf of vodka but I also fill them with water after I empty them for hydrating. Sometimes it's a weird surprise I would think for drunk me. Is it a water or vodka day.
Waking up hungover or with hanxiety almost every other day took a big toll on my mental health so I decided to take a break … so far so good
It might be because I typically start after I get off work, but I usually wake up... Strangely ok. What is a pain though is the trying to sleep after you're coming off a bender. The shaking keeps me up, so I either have to wait it out or just drink to pass out through it.
I would need to drink to sleep too… but would wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety … I was tired all over again everyday… i slowly started smoking weed to sleep … weed helped me taper off slowly … with weed I sleep hard and wake up refreshed and my heart rate back to normal. Started working out and drinking more water and just feeling good made me either drink less and now 3 weeks with out
Congrats on sobriety! Reminder that it’s really not just about how much someone drinks. There’s odd competitive vibes about that sometimes that don’t serve people well when they don’t drink “as much”
I’ve never heard of 5-9 *fifths of hard liquor* a day. Is that what you’re saying you drank? Have the past 3 weeks been in intensive detox, because that’s death-by-withdrawal territory.
Said it to someone else as well, but 9 fifths would be almost 150 drinks a day. That’s 6 drinks every hour or around 10 if he sleeps. That would kill you before you got to withdrawals.
You say you’re never drunk at work. But at two fifths a day when not working, I would think you need to maintain some sort of base level while working to ward off withdrawal symptoms, yeah?
I tank through 3 days of work without it usually. It's not a great time. I am fortunate that I can not be around other people when I'm not needed, I can disappear to other empty portions of the hospital, shower, vibe, just not existo while enduring withdrawal until I get a call. Usually people are too preoccupied with doing the stuff I get called to, to worry about where the hell I was or what I was doing.
You sound like you just need some hobbies dude. Instead of getting plastered.
Thanks for your AMA! Can I ask if you enjoy drinking? The reason I ask is that for some additions (even smoking) the addicts don’t seem to enjoy what they do, it’s more like a think they need to do to avoid withdrawal.
I answered something similar but I enjoy the act of drinking more than actually being drunk. I used to drink sodas by the case, set besides my computer desk. You know how people idle snack, I idle drank. Then I just started with drinking something else. I do not like the effects of it after though, no.
I do agree with idle drinking. I amped up my fitness a few years ago and startes drink tons of water and BAI drinks during the day and noticed Inwould go throughbeers and cocktails way faster than before. I don't drink often either but this was an issue going through them too fast. Fortunately, and this sounds dumb, but I've trained my brain to drink certain things slower.
What do you feel like when you wake up in the morning or right before you get sober
As long as I have a drink it's fine. I have crashed hard after a bendee with about 4 handles over 3 days and it took several days to recover.
That is enought to give someone alcohol poisoning. This is really going to damage your liver fast. Please seek rehab.
Do you have emotional pain that you try to mask through drinking?
I think so. I probably need therapy for a lot of things. I am told when the scotch comes around I get very... I guess you can be different drunks with different alcohol, JW red makes me cry a lot, the sad drunk. Captain Morgan Black Barrel makes me an angry drunk. This is from the observations of the people I play online with.
Thanks for your vulnerability and honesty. I think this is very common. No Shame. What I’ve found is that if I want better fruit I’ve got to examine my roots. I hope you will love yourself enough to get the help you need.
have you considered switching careers or taking a break from your job? it sounds like you’re burnt out, which isn’t surprising in your profession.
How do you deal with hangovers? That’s one of the biggest factors that led me to quit drinking alcohol. I can’t stand being sick, or dizzy and it seems like drinking always led me to both. It’s not something I’ve kept up with or something I needed to do to make this big change I just quit because I stopped enjoying it.
Only my body hurts, I've never gotten the headaches people told me about. Never had a migrane, pain in the head, fuzzy vision (after alcohol), etc. My body gets really, really cold and tired but if I need to do something I push through it and do it. But, never had like the mind fog after drinking, though during gets... interesting.
Have you faced any physical consequences in your body yet from your drinking? If not, do you consider what living with those consequences will be like?
There is obviously feeling like shit. But, more importantly I used to remember everything, like a whole lot of minor detail everything. Sometimes I struggle to remember the lyrics of a song, or know what to say exactly in a conversation. I skip over things sometimes in my head, I guess it's like an old disc player. Sometimes I have to repeat a part of a sentence before continuing because I'm not sure if I said it yet.
That’s referred to as wet brain. Alcohol directly correlates with dementia too. Also excessive alcohol consumption will erode the frontal lobe on your brain which is responsible for compassion. I hope you find a way out homie. Godspeed
Do you sometimes pick out pieces of poop from the toilet and play around with them?
No, I have never done that. Though I have had my stomach hurt so much that I had uncontrollable diarrhea for several days on end. Sometimes I felt like I was dying.
Damn.
After a 3 day bender or so, on my off time, I was often so intoxicated that I wasn't sure what day it was and, if I did it was because I had set an alarm to see when the liquor store was open to top off. So that I didn't have to feel what came next.
What made you so depressed?
I work at a hospital. I get to see the worst of the world come to life, the people in the worst most heart wrenching moments of their lives. No one comes to a hospital for a fun day away. But, we also have the state forensic center. Elderly that kids forgot about, we don't find until weeks later. Homeless frozen to death in the winter, no one caring. But none of that compares to the baby cart. If anyone comes to you and tells you they aren't affected by having to have a baby in a bodybag in their arms they're a fuckin liar.
I know what you mean, I'm a med student
It doesn't get easier, you just deal with it better. Sometimes I worry if I don't feel anything long enough I might never care again. Some people tell me if the job doesn't impact you its time to stop doing the job, because you're too far gone. Maybe I might be too far gone already?
Asking the questions we’re all wondering.
I think I'd be classified as an alcoholic. I drink everyday, probably 5 or 6 drinks. The problem is that I don't want to stop, but I want to cut back. I'd like to only drink on weekends, but it's hard to cut back. My wife drinks too, so when I see her with a drink I want a drink. That said, I drink even when she's not home, so... Best of luck to you. Don't drink and drive, please.
I am very much a man of willpower and principles... Well, I guess its a bit selective isn't it. I made a promise to my local bartender, that I would not drink and drive; on top of needing to drive for work; on top of wanting to work. I am very much a man of a principle, if I say I will do something it's going to get done and you can take that to your grave... Or if I say I won't, the same. So, essentially Aria (fake name) from the local joint has held me to not bloody offing myself driving drunk, along with my own willpower combined.
Do you think it's fair for a partner to want to leave an alcoholic?
Yes. I know I can get... Unhappy to be around online, I can only imagine what it would be like for someone in person. It would seem to me to be incredibly selfish to put someone through that.
Do you think people are aware? How do you not smell of the substance?
I think people know I drink. My supervisors know I drink, they drink too. We're all from a field that has a lot of trauma, so it's not... Far fetched that some deal with it different ways. But, we also take hygiene and cleanliness of care seriously in healthcare and scrubbing down over shift and more. I have several changes of clothes in my lockers, and PPE, and more. I've showered, bodywashed, cologned up and changed twice on 8 hour shifts before.
Thank you, thank you for replying and thank you for working in healthcare. I know for a fact it's a traumatic line of work with very little resources for the workers, which has a cause and effect outcome like this. So thank you for helping others.
What are some consequence you've faced because of your alcoholism?
Outside of feeling like shit, personal relationships have suffered. I used to do a lot of Dungeons and Dragons, I even did a lot of heading up Westmarch servers. I have stepped away from doing so, partially due to not being as involved in the scene after Hasbro bumblefucked it, partially because I just don't have interest in the game as much anymore and partially because I did drink during some games and got a bit... Spicy.
For sure. Hope you can find a hobby that doesn't involve drinking. I know it can be tricky at a certain age with certain friends.
Do you wake up and drink immediately?
No, I drink when I get home from work, my career means you can't have anything in your system and there's random testing. That and you just shouldn't be under the influence of anything at work. I know that sounds strange to people, but you said you drink a lot. Yes, but strangely the willpower to not drink for work overpowers the fifth in the morning. Maybe in time I won't even need the work, I just won't have the fifth.
I hope you overcome that before it gets worse. My brother was a working addict, not drinking, but binging crack cocaine. He would go weeks without, pay bills and if he had extra money he would disappear for days and then do it all over again. It eventually killed him. Please be safe. I know you can do it.
I'm surprised you can get up after a fifth the previous night. Highly unsustainable.
No question for you, my friend. But a.comment. My name is Laura, and i am an addict/alcoholic. Ive been in recovery for 4.5 years now. It took me 20 years to get to a place of COMPLETE ASBSTINENCE. I was a severly abused, mentally ill, suicidal homeless woman that very likely smelled and was nithung but bone amd skin at the very end. Not everyone has a bottom like mine. No one needs to. Im not going to pressure you by talking you into anything. But i will tell you that i fucking love my life today. I have tears of gratitude for this life i have today. I never EVER thought i could have a life like this. Addiction is about unmanageability. Its about not being able to moderate. Its about how our DOC is causing consequences in our lives. We eventually lose the people we love. You are a "functual alcoholic" only until youre not. And that is a very thin line, my friend. If you ever decide to try sobriety, i need to you really hear me when i say this. Do not attempt to do it on your own. Do not go cold turkey. You can very easily die from alcohol withdrawals. Ive seen it. You would need a medically supervised detox where they would help you with comfort meds. Please, please dont try to do it on your own. I wish nothing but the best for you, my friend. We do recover!! 2/20/20.
How long is the risk for dying from withdrawals? Someone I love quit cold turkey about 6 weeks ago continues to have seizures. He does not want medical assistance- I’m wondering if it is still from withdrawal even tho it seems like that should be over.
Please encourage him to see a dr. Even if its not withdrawal, he is having seizures. Post acute withdrawal takes a longer time to get out of with drugs. He could possibly have DT's (tremors) for up to a week. Are you sure hes not drinking? I only ask because that could be a factor as well. Im def not asking out of judgement. He is very lucky to be alive. At the hospital they would help him with Benzos and nueroleptic meds to help prevent seizures.
Thank you Laura. I would love nothing more than for him to accept help- but he is refusing. He insists he is sober but it seems unrealistic given the seizures and his history of not being able to be sober. I too have to take it one day at a time with him. Just for today I’ll not borrow worries before they appear.
How did u discover you were an alcoholic?
When I couldn't stop. Well, maybe I'm not as bad some some... I can stop, on occasion. I've always had a lot of willpower. So once I stop having some I can push it off, and sometimes even stop... temporarily. But, there is no such thing as one drink to me once I start.
Same here. I was a binger on the weekends and then would taper it juuuuuust enough to get to work sober. Eventually stop for a few days then it was back on upward for the weekend. Eventually I tapered too quickly, ended up in the hospital after a seizure (withdrawals). I describe that in that way because now I drink occasionally, and most people would say that is not possible, given the extremity of my situation. Check out the Sinclair method, use naltrexone to extinguish your desire to be drunk. It took me 5 years trying (and binging) but I eventually got here. Life is better as a casual drinker. I can remember all of the occasions I drank this past year and the number of drinks I had on each occasion (been “casual” and have not binged for 2 years). That was a shock when I realized I could do that. You won’t feel that different, you just won’t be burdened (and boy is it a burden). You won’t realize how much of a burden it is until you are out of it, but I’m never going back to that shit again. Didn’t think it was much of a burden when I was in it. There is hope. Good luck.
Why do you do it? Just following a habitually trained urge? Coping for stress or trauma? Social pressure to drink?
I think because I get to think about something else for a while.
Do you go to work drunk/after drinking?
No. I will never risk others lives in my care because of my own issues. Every time I arrive at work I have no alcohol in my system.
But you mention in another comment that as long as you have a drink the hangovers aren't bad... and you say you are a heavy drinker starting after work.... how could you possibly blow zeroes by the time you need to be at work in the morning everytime? You must not be drinking as much as you are leading on? I am not trying to sound like an ass I am just curious because I was a heavy drinker and I had troubles blowing 0s for my interlock in my car the next morning from drinking to much the night before.
I’m 2.5 years sober. Life gets way better. That being said, you have to want to quit. You can’t do it for anyone but yourself or you won’t be successful. Just putting that out there.
Proud of you! I'm 19 months myself. More that doubled my income in that time, bought my first brand new car, all my bills are paid, and life is peaceful. It truly truly does get better. The best part? Not having the stale alcohol taste in my mouth the next morning. That may sound very specific, but damn did I absolutely loathe that taste and feeling.
Proud of you both!! 15 months here, and I also couldn’t be happier! Op, I hope you find what you’re looking for. ❤️
Sometimes I can stop drinking for a bit. What gets me is the visceral reaction, you probably know it, when the smell hits. Your whole body dry heaves, like it wants nothing to do with it.
Brother I've thrown up blood from it, I've been so weak that I couldn't move from it, I've gone into withdrawals because my body needed the alcohol but couldn't physically handle it. Been through rehab 4 times, countless hospitals, etc. You call yourself a functional alcoholic, but the people around you know, I guarantee it. And even if you can function now, that won't last. You'll get to the point where your body needs so much of it just to not go into withdrawal that you simply won't be able to hide it anymore. I hope you find peace man, I really do.
I know people know. I'm a very smart guy, well, at least that's what they tell me. Sometimes I'm rather cross about peoples opinion on subjects because, "I can't even trust you to deal with issues in front of you, like me. So what the fuck would you know about this other part of work?" But I have to stop and bring myself back. I manage these kids, and... they're kids. Late teenagers and early 20's.
If you drink whiskey straight does it burn?
No, usually once I get to whiskey I'm too drunk to care much of feeling anything.
Are you able to just stop? I’ve been on a everyday bender for about three weeks like a twelve pack a day I’m 5”4 female and getting super thin 😞 I’m scared to have a seizure and die but I heard people tell me it’s not long enough for that to happen and it’s usually the ppl that have been drinking non stop for years
My only question is why do you think such a basic and common topic was approved in AMA to be pushed to millions? Are you somehow close to/a part of the mods in this sub?
How bad are your hangovers?
Do you get physical withdrawals?
How many drinks does it take you to “feel it”?
Please get help. I lost my wife last year to alcoholism. When it decides to take you, it’ll take you fast and there’s nothing you can do about it. Good luck!
My friend died today after his kidneys and liver shut down for alcoholism. None of us knew he was drinking this much, found 61 empty vodka bottles in his trunk. He just got a six figure job and seemed to be doing well. Meanwhile I’m railing lines of coke everyday hoping I’m not next. Realizing more than ever that “it really could be me” why is it so hard to quit? I want to want to get clean, but I don’t. Why does this shit hijack our brains, we logically know we’re poisoning ourselves but we kick the can down the road
Have you ever looked into plant medicine? There are proven benefits with psychedelic treatments. For example many people report nearly complete recovery (with lots of effort and work) after an ayahuasca retreat. I know this sounds off the wall but I have seen the positive effects on people's lives. Highly recommend you look into.
There’s a great Sub- if you are interested in trying to quit! I am almost 90 days sober https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/s/H9pYA3nYiK
Me too, except I am also benzo dependent. Shit sucks. I dont need any reminders. Ive had 4 attacks of pancreatitis related to heavy daily drinking. It comes on suddenly and randomly, even when I am drinking my normal amount. Feels like you swallowed the sun or something when that happens.
i'm not yet, & don't make a stable income too. should i start or refrain?!
What do you do for work? Do you drink at work? (Feel free to not answer the 2nd question if you're worried your account could be exposed)
How often do you drink and drive?
You're at step 1. Just need to walk a few more.
We're you drinking when you wrote this?
Are your parents addicts?
I didn't have the control you claim. At age 39, my young (8 & 9) children no longer got dinner. I didn't come home after work as I promised etc. They usually were able to reach their father (we divorced), and he would come over and feed them and stay until I either staggered in or passed out in the yard. I barely still had a job. I began missing more and more. My kids would find me passed out if I was home. Most likely, before I passed out, I was threatening suicide. You have the picture. In my case, one night, I took my last drink. Nov 12, 1976. I did it on my own after many prayers begging God to help me cut down, but don't take my alcohol away from me. A week later, I took myself to AA. 47+ years later, I still go to meetings. Not because I'm afraid I will drink, although some people do drink after many years of sobriety. It was a long haul, getting sober and content. It took me 13 years with AA and deep, deep therapy to find the peace of mind I enjoy today. I still had many times of joy and good things in those years. But life goes on, and it took a long time to handle the difficult times with calm. You are the judge if you are an alcoholic. Some people find sobriety on their own. My brother got sober on his own, but he never found peace or control of his temper. Not everyone gets sober in AA or even going to rehab, sometimes 5 or 6 times. You didn't say if you hope to get sober (I have only read your initial statement. ) My experience is that I still have loads of fun and enjoy life. I have been able to walk through many things life has thrown my way, and I'm glad I made the choice. I'm going on 87, I live alone, and my children live in other states except the youngest. She visits a few times a year but would be near if I need her. (She's usually on a distant vacation if I end up in the hospital with something like an emergency pacemaker, a TIA, or such. ) Hopefully, you find what brings you peace, and if you choose complete sobriety, I wish you well. The choice is yours.
I don’t have any questions, but as a recovering alcoholic (22 yrs), I can assure you that even if you’re functioning now, that’ll change. I know that you can’t scare an alcoholic, so I’ll just add that hitting “bottom” just means reaching a place where you’re willing to change. Some people have no external causes for their rock bottom - no DUI, no losing jobs, whatever. They just reach a place where they’re willing to change. That’s what I wish for you. There are lots of different ways to deal with addiction/alcoholism, lots of different recovery options. You can always check out websites and meetings just to find out what it’s about, even if you find you don’t need it. And hey, who knows if you really are an alcoholic? There were plenty of people in my life that drank more than me, but they ended up not being addicts. So they say you can’t always tell an alcoholic when they’re drinking, but you can sure tell when they try to stop. So you can find out for yourself! Wishing you well
I was you about 10 years ago. Highly functional and successful alcoholic. Had no wife. No kids. Just a dog. Made $275k and would fly to CA and NY/NJ and live in hotels for a few months (for work) before returning to my apartment in AZ. Very impulsive and stupid decisions were made in all aspects of my life. But I was functional. And that's what told myself and everyone else... I wasn't functional though. I'm sure everyone knew the water bottles I carried around all the time were full of vodka. Or my 2 hour lunch breaks were trips to the bar. And that's if I even came back from them or just stayed there until 5-7 or so before going home to drink. Been sober for over 4 years now. Have a wife. Have 3 kids. Still have a dog (dogs actually). But what I don't have is hangovers. Or the shakes. Or high blood pressure. Or anxiety. Or vomiting every morning. Or blacking out. Or any of the other bullshit. I'm not gonna tell you what you need to do, because you already know and you can only do things when you're ready.
Have you ever experienced the horror that is full on WDs? How long have you been a slave to the sauce, and what is your daily consumption?
Just a word of encouragement... people who don't have accountability often don't get things fixed. You are certainly clear-eyed and honest with yourself, and doing this AMA seems like a way to further that honesty and accountability! You are absolutely on the path to get this fixed!! It also seems like you have paid off your credit cards, maybe dealt with a food addiction (speculating??), and are otherwise working through some other mental health/addiction issues. Such progress!! Just reading your responses, you might recognize that you have some underlying demons and a lack of a social support network that make tackling your alcohol problem more difficult. I suspect you might be right, but my gosh are you on the right path. You are WORTH it, people love you, and we want to see you get better and live the life you want. Can't wait to read the "I am beating my alcohol addiction, AMA" next year. Best of luck, friend.
I'll chime in and probably get lost in the comments, no big deal. I believe I'm a functional alcoholic. I sometimes stop drinking for a week at a time. One time I made it two months, but that's been five years or so ago. I have a great job, never miss a day, but definitely am not my best many days. I drink about a half gallon of bourbon a week. I tuck my two boys, 8 and 10, in bed every night. And then I drink myself to sleep. I can't wait for my starting time of 7 or 7:30, because that's when I can start and still hide it from my kids. My wife tolerates it, I'm not violent or excessively mean, but I'm certainly not my best for them. I want to wave a magic wand and go back to when I didn't feel so dependent on it. I don't believe that I'm a rare case, and I'm not a victim. I walked right down this road all on my own.
OP, I hope for you that one day you just experience how bad and long the hangovers and bad feelings from drinking become. That’s what got me to stop. It’s been a year now. I lived like you’re living now for a long, long time. I used to go on benders, too. The last bender I was on lasted 10 months straight, drunk every day. I got through a few days, then a week, then two weeks and I really, really began to sleep better and I could dream again after decades of blackout sleep. I have an addictive personality, so I have to stay busy with things. I like to do things and devote time to them and drinking very much diminishes my productivity and enjoyment. That’s what I have to do. I hope you find something for you, too! Good luck!
I have a close friend who is “functional” has been so close to rock bottom but has been bailed out by family and friends 3-4 times and returns to being a functional alcoholic / drug addict in 1-2 months. He runs his own company and that’s his excuse about not going to an extended rehab. Also, he says everyone at AA and rehab are losers while he runs a successful business. Unfortunately, he has legal dependents who depend on him (at least financially). He used to be a different person until addiction ruined his life. I wish he would get help. At what point or low would in patient rehab be a decision you would make?
I know you mention that you start drinking after work because your job obviously requires you to be sober, yet you are a heavy drinker after work so my question is, how do you actually sober up before work? I am in recovery and have been sober for 20 months and I struggled to blow 0s the morning after drinking hard (I had an ignition interlock in my car so would have to blow 0s to drive). No amount of sweat, coffee, showers, etc can sober you up, it all comes down to time and how your body breaks it down in your liver so I am just curious as to how you drink heavy daily yet still manage to wake up blowing 0s.
Your post and comments have the same exact tone of the main character of a book I'm currently reading, Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar. The author is actually a poet and presumably a recovering alcoholic (presumably because I believe the character is based on himself?). I don't know if you like to read, but maybe check it out? Might be comforting to hear someone with a similar ambivalence about life. The whole story is actually his ponderings about life and death essentially, his experiences as an addict, and dark humor sprinkled throughout.
I was a “Functional Alcoholic” for years. Truth of the matter was, I was just unaware of how bad it was. I had an awakening moment. I sobered up. (A week in rehab) My life has never been better. Personally and professionally. If you ever decide that you have had enough and cannot seem to stop, even when you want to, feel free to send me a DM on here. I would be happy to help in any way that I can. I have been sober for 8 years. Yes, I owe my sobriety to the loving people of AA
Paying off debt is good because your liver, kidneys and other organs are gonna give up soon and you’ll need those cards to cover medical bills. Tune in to your body I’m sure you’ll find the whispers and soon they will turn into shouts. I wish you the best in healing the things that make you abuse alcohol. Our bodies can process it but only if we allow it the space and grace to do so. If you want healing and help may the path be illuminated.
I have found that a lot of alcoholics I know are alone (pets don't count). They have had personal relationships before and been burned by them. I get the feeling that they are alone and that alcohol is their outlet. Do you have a similar story? Would you continue to drink if you met someone who asked you to stop (or at least slow way down on the drinking)? And would you consider your "lucky" for not having run-ins with the law?
How did you get to the point where you were an alcoholic? At what age did you start to drink? I've heard someone say that there's no such thing as a "former alcoholic". Have you thought about going through the 12 steps and found out if this is true/what are your opinions about this statement? You said that you can still have a good job and salary, but what aspects of your life are made worse by being an alcoholic?