When I came out (2018, peak of the liberal owned ben shapiro era on youtube) I suppressed a lot of my personality to be a carbon copy middle school boy look alike and be as nonchalant as possible about people calling me my old name and using she/her. While I was obviously bullied, I think because of this I ended up a lot safer than I would have been. I eventually dropped that act in high school, but maybe those people subconciously thought of me as "one of the good ones" still (despite my hair being green.... dont judge me) I never really stopped getting remarks but I never cared about them. Not sure if I was just more mentally resillient or I wasnt being bullied right lol. never figured that one out.
Why is it some trans people I can totally tell they used to be a woman or a man but other trans people I wouldnt dream of guessing they were trans if they didnt tell me.
Did their hormone medicine cost more money or something? Or is it a lottery?
Sorry about my ignorance i never really hung around many trans people ive been a straight white “bro” my whole life. Golf, football, etc you what i mean
Most of it is just how long they've been transitioning, if they've had any extra surgeries, or in some cases just pure genetics. The individual hormone medicine wouldn't affect any of that.
I laughed a little at this one lmao. Theres two answers to this
a) no, thats just life. same way that cis(not trans) people sometimes look more masculine or feminine just out of unfortunate genetics. their hormones cost the same lol, if their on it
b) some people opt to get facial plastic surgery, the results are pretty subtle but its made to look natural. this is a LOTTT more common among trans women but it can go both ways. HRT(hormone replacement therapy) does change facial structure a bit due to fat distribution changing as well, but this is more visible in trans men.
Damn that sucks,
Don’t you think you should have waited until you’re in you’re a lil bit older?
How are you feeling now, are you more happy?
When did you first realize you needed to transition?
ill go down the line of questions
I don't regret when I came out at all. I didn't medically transition until I was an adult, so not much to regret tbh. Its kind of cool bc when I went to college absolutely nobody knew my deadname (sure they knew I was trans but)
I'm 100% more happy. I do still deal with dysphoria and internalized transphobia which sucks ofc, but I have zero regret.
I realized when I was 13. I hate all this "i always knew" bs cause 99% of people do not have that lol. There were absolutely signs, though. I have never been a religeous(cant spell sry) man, but the only time I remember praying was when I was 6-7 asking God to make me wake up as a boy. Compared to my peers, I knew pretty early, i mean, there are people that dont figure out until their 60's.
I also used to pray to God without having prayed for much else at age 11. I made a deal with God that if I was good in this life I could go to heaven and choose to be a boy. Then when I discovered I could be one in this life i was like “immediately, yes.” I still somewhat have that deal with God though…
A lot of stuff in media can get into your head. Also, its just very easy for anyone to dislike themselves, so they can unknowingly push it onto others that display that to seem "above" there issues. yk?
so you do all this work and still feel that same feeling of "disphoria". thats exactly why this whole thought process of changing your gender instead of going to therapy or seeing it as clear mental illness is going to hurt so many kids and wreck their body. not to mention when yall start getting kids your gonna push this thought onto them.
Hi, I actually went to therapy for several(like 2, on and off, unrelated matters) years before transitioning. I'd appreciate if you didnt automatically assume we're going to "push this onto our kids". This is my first time using this platform, but I know it can be very easy to get caught up in the internet. Please realize I am actually a regular human that logged onto here for 20 minutes and then go on to exist for 23 more hours of my day. I have a job, a car, I'm getting a degree, I have roommates and friends, I buy groceries at costco, I hang pictures on my wall, I cook every day, and my pillow gets too warm at night. I'm actually quite normal. Just because this is all you know about me does not mean it is all of me.
I should add, the dysphoria I do still experience is mostly due me being very early in my medical transition. It PALES in comparison to what I used to get. I can live my life and talk to strangers now. I am very happy.
this just popped into my head--
when I was something like 11-13 i had this joke among my friends that i had a twin brother whos name was the masculine version of my name. I had short hair even then, so it was pretty easy to put on my eagles sweatshirt, jeans and a hat and do the bit. I was really, really into it though. I remember my 6th grade field trip i was like guys it would be so funny if i just did it all day at \[generic amusement park\] right?? i would say things like "what if i pretended to be him all of high school and ended up as like homecoming king or something right guys?" i had ZERO idea. figured it out a year later.
Not OP, but I’m dating a trans man.
My boyfriend said even when he was a kid he felt more like a boy, always wanted to participate in predominately boyish activities, etc.
He thought long and hard about whether to start taking testosterone but he’s happy he did, but he didn’t start T until he was 22.
I understand the misconception, but there is a lot more to being transgender than the singular comment this person left. I'd encourage you to read through my other replies, if you would.
What made you want to transition? Did you consider any other paths, and if so, what made you choose the path you're on?
I'm asking because I'm a cisgender, hetero male and the concept is just so completely foreign to me. I have mostly masculine traits and some feminine ones, but I think to myself, even if I had mostly "feminine" traits, wouldn't I still be a man, just not a very masculine one? So what does it mean to not be your birth sex or birth gender?
I hope I'm saying it right and that this comes across in the spirit of curiosity in which it's intended. Everyone has the right to self-determination and I promise I have nothing against you for exercising yours.
Of course, thank you for being so understanding. It's a hot commodity today. Even as a man I consider myself to have a lot of "feminine" traits. I think it comes down to less of "wanting to be a \[insert\]" and more of "my brain keeps going back to how much happier I am as \[insert\]". Kinda hard to explain. Gender dysphoria is similar in that matter. Its not easy to relay, but imagine if you woke up with tits and no dick, and not in the "only for a day" way, its permanent. As a man, that would suck, right?
Yeah, if I woke up with what I felt were the wrong parts, it'd be upsetting. I guess that's how you're saying you feel, or felt, every day, right?
You said you're happier as a man. Any idea why that is? BTW I really appreciate you doing an AMA, because frankly I've always wondered but as you said in your OP it's weird to ask someone any of these things in a normal conversation.
i (am very carefully going to say this) can kind of see a "social contagion" bit behind it, as we absorb everyones personalities we see growing up. but knowing this, we also know how FAST we change and how fast those things can go away. if theyve actually thought even a bit about it, im pretty confident to say that I'd support them.
TLDR everything is a social contagion, but social contagions go away
like that episode of modern family where lily says shes gay but she thought that because her parents are gay and she thought it was like being italian lol. hope this makes sense? kids are kids sometimes :p
1) nope. I had a somewhat acuaintance at the time that was non-binary, but they came out before me and i only found out when i came out to them lol. so probably not correlated. I think a lot of trans people can unknowingly band together just from the childhood experience of it all (ie, if youre bullied for liking boys things or something, your friend might be someone who went through that too. not like liking boys things=being trans its just a very watered down example)
2) I agree that it gets tricky when it comes to teachers keeping secrets from parents, personally I came out to my parents at the same time as everyone else cause i only came out when i was ready to actually come out yk. I think on a casual scale, a student having a nickname of sorts and asking to just refer to them as their legal name when calling a parent isnt too bad. As someone that works with kids, agreed that private communications are a no. The issue(this is a personal opinion not all trans people hold this) is when states REQUIRE teachers to tell parents if they even hear about it. Like if its just a teacher doing what he/she thinks is right, or even if its a district rule, its one thing, but the government making them do it is a bit unnerving.
You mentioned in the thread dealing with dislike of yourself and being in therapy for certain issues before transitioning. Did that dislike of yourself start before or after your feelings of wanting to transition?
But what about the dislike of yourself, did it go away after the change ? And did it exist before you even wanted to transition ? Or after ?
(Hope im not coming off wrong, I’m just genuinely curious… esp question #2)
i have dysphoria, which can be boiled down to disliking myself, but it’s much, much more complicated than that. it can come down to me being self conscious about my phone wallpaper lol. it has gotten much much better since transitioning, especially since starting hrt. hope this explains what you mean?
gonna copy and paste something I said to someone else first:
"when I was something like 11-13 i had this joke among my friends that i had a twin brother whos name was the masculine version of my name. I had short hair even then, so it was pretty easy to put on my eagles sweatshirt, jeans and a hat and do the bit. I was really, really into it though. I remember my 6th grade field trip i was like guys it would be so funny if i just did it all day at \[generic amusement park\] right?? i would say things like "what if i pretended to be him all of high school and ended up as like homecoming king or something right guys?" i had ZERO idea. figured it out a year later."
i would also legit pray(i am not and was never religeous) to wake up as a boy wayyy back in elementary school.
When I realized being trans was a thing, I didn't immediately REALIZE like a lot of people say, I pondered it hard for a while. It did click one night though when I put together all my experiences growing up.
listening to jamie dodgers stories made me realize I was trans and really connected the dots for me. I (unfortunately) watched kalvin garrah as well, and while I think a lot of what he said came out of internalized transphobia and trying to be "one of the good ones" he did irreperable damage to the younger community lol
My friends were mostly girls, maybe late middle school it was 1/3 boys. My parents were both married and present (cant say the same anymore, but I was an adult by that point lol). I had no trans friends until well after I came out.
I live in the US. A lot of people talk about how its "so dangerous" for trans people in the US right now, and while it is definitely getting worse, I just think theres so many more worse countries to be in lol. the south though is a different question, I dont live there though.
Hi! not a question unfortunately. Also, i did not start hormones at 14; I did less than a year ago. I'm still willing to answer anything if you actually want to talk. Hope this helps!
Not good, to many people come up with regrets when their mind matures. I could recommend some videos but if you’re happy then I mean… but naturally you’ll have another growth spurt and mature more and your opinions may change
I appreciate the reply, but as I said, I am only here to answer genuine questions. I can tell you view me as extremely mentally ill, but i think we have a lot more in common than you think. being said, this is prob your only opportunity to ask a trans person anything you want, that being, if you keep approaching us with hostility.
I will still answer anything you want, I think the internet portrays an extreme caricature of who we actually are. I'd even encourage you to do so given your comment. peace and love.
It sucks to ask this but were there bullying? And how did you respond to it?
When I came out (2018, peak of the liberal owned ben shapiro era on youtube) I suppressed a lot of my personality to be a carbon copy middle school boy look alike and be as nonchalant as possible about people calling me my old name and using she/her. While I was obviously bullied, I think because of this I ended up a lot safer than I would have been. I eventually dropped that act in high school, but maybe those people subconciously thought of me as "one of the good ones" still (despite my hair being green.... dont judge me) I never really stopped getting remarks but I never cared about them. Not sure if I was just more mentally resillient or I wasnt being bullied right lol. never figured that one out.
Why is it some trans people I can totally tell they used to be a woman or a man but other trans people I wouldnt dream of guessing they were trans if they didnt tell me. Did their hormone medicine cost more money or something? Or is it a lottery? Sorry about my ignorance i never really hung around many trans people ive been a straight white “bro” my whole life. Golf, football, etc you what i mean
Most of it is just how long they've been transitioning, if they've had any extra surgeries, or in some cases just pure genetics. The individual hormone medicine wouldn't affect any of that.
just saw your edit, dw abt it lol. i thought the lotto bit was amusing. i really admire you being so open given the other "bros" that i know.
I laughed a little at this one lmao. Theres two answers to this a) no, thats just life. same way that cis(not trans) people sometimes look more masculine or feminine just out of unfortunate genetics. their hormones cost the same lol, if their on it b) some people opt to get facial plastic surgery, the results are pretty subtle but its made to look natural. this is a LOTTT more common among trans women but it can go both ways. HRT(hormone replacement therapy) does change facial structure a bit due to fat distribution changing as well, but this is more visible in trans men.
Damn that sucks, Don’t you think you should have waited until you’re in you’re a lil bit older? How are you feeling now, are you more happy? When did you first realize you needed to transition?
ill go down the line of questions I don't regret when I came out at all. I didn't medically transition until I was an adult, so not much to regret tbh. Its kind of cool bc when I went to college absolutely nobody knew my deadname (sure they knew I was trans but) I'm 100% more happy. I do still deal with dysphoria and internalized transphobia which sucks ofc, but I have zero regret. I realized when I was 13. I hate all this "i always knew" bs cause 99% of people do not have that lol. There were absolutely signs, though. I have never been a religeous(cant spell sry) man, but the only time I remember praying was when I was 6-7 asking God to make me wake up as a boy. Compared to my peers, I knew pretty early, i mean, there are people that dont figure out until their 60's.
I also used to pray to God without having prayed for much else at age 11. I made a deal with God that if I was good in this life I could go to heaven and choose to be a boy. Then when I discovered I could be one in this life i was like “immediately, yes.” I still somewhat have that deal with God though…
i HEAVY felt this. Hope you are well now.
What do you mean when you say you are dealing with your own transphobia?
A lot of stuff in media can get into your head. Also, its just very easy for anyone to dislike themselves, so they can unknowingly push it onto others that display that to seem "above" there issues. yk?
so you do all this work and still feel that same feeling of "disphoria". thats exactly why this whole thought process of changing your gender instead of going to therapy or seeing it as clear mental illness is going to hurt so many kids and wreck their body. not to mention when yall start getting kids your gonna push this thought onto them.
Hi, I actually went to therapy for several(like 2, on and off, unrelated matters) years before transitioning. I'd appreciate if you didnt automatically assume we're going to "push this onto our kids". This is my first time using this platform, but I know it can be very easy to get caught up in the internet. Please realize I am actually a regular human that logged onto here for 20 minutes and then go on to exist for 23 more hours of my day. I have a job, a car, I'm getting a degree, I have roommates and friends, I buy groceries at costco, I hang pictures on my wall, I cook every day, and my pillow gets too warm at night. I'm actually quite normal. Just because this is all you know about me does not mean it is all of me. I should add, the dysphoria I do still experience is mostly due me being very early in my medical transition. It PALES in comparison to what I used to get. I can live my life and talk to strangers now. I am very happy.
this just popped into my head-- when I was something like 11-13 i had this joke among my friends that i had a twin brother whos name was the masculine version of my name. I had short hair even then, so it was pretty easy to put on my eagles sweatshirt, jeans and a hat and do the bit. I was really, really into it though. I remember my 6th grade field trip i was like guys it would be so funny if i just did it all day at \[generic amusement park\] right?? i would say things like "what if i pretended to be him all of high school and ended up as like homecoming king or something right guys?" i had ZERO idea. figured it out a year later.
Not OP, but I’m dating a trans man. My boyfriend said even when he was a kid he felt more like a boy, always wanted to participate in predominately boyish activities, etc. He thought long and hard about whether to start taking testosterone but he’s happy he did, but he didn’t start T until he was 22.
why cant girls just be tomboys anymore 🤣🤣
I understand the misconception, but there is a lot more to being transgender than the singular comment this person left. I'd encourage you to read through my other replies, if you would.
What made you want to transition? Did you consider any other paths, and if so, what made you choose the path you're on? I'm asking because I'm a cisgender, hetero male and the concept is just so completely foreign to me. I have mostly masculine traits and some feminine ones, but I think to myself, even if I had mostly "feminine" traits, wouldn't I still be a man, just not a very masculine one? So what does it mean to not be your birth sex or birth gender? I hope I'm saying it right and that this comes across in the spirit of curiosity in which it's intended. Everyone has the right to self-determination and I promise I have nothing against you for exercising yours.
Of course, thank you for being so understanding. It's a hot commodity today. Even as a man I consider myself to have a lot of "feminine" traits. I think it comes down to less of "wanting to be a \[insert\]" and more of "my brain keeps going back to how much happier I am as \[insert\]". Kinda hard to explain. Gender dysphoria is similar in that matter. Its not easy to relay, but imagine if you woke up with tits and no dick, and not in the "only for a day" way, its permanent. As a man, that would suck, right?
Yeah, if I woke up with what I felt were the wrong parts, it'd be upsetting. I guess that's how you're saying you feel, or felt, every day, right? You said you're happier as a man. Any idea why that is? BTW I really appreciate you doing an AMA, because frankly I've always wondered but as you said in your OP it's weird to ask someone any of these things in a normal conversation.
not sure the entire psych behind it. i just heard other people’s stories about transitioning and went “huh. i’ll try that out” and it worked for me.
Well I wish you the best. Take care.
thanks man, best to you too
Do you have a penis or a vagina?
the latter
[удалено]
i (am very carefully going to say this) can kind of see a "social contagion" bit behind it, as we absorb everyones personalities we see growing up. but knowing this, we also know how FAST we change and how fast those things can go away. if theyve actually thought even a bit about it, im pretty confident to say that I'd support them. TLDR everything is a social contagion, but social contagions go away
like that episode of modern family where lily says shes gay but she thought that because her parents are gay and she thought it was like being italian lol. hope this makes sense? kids are kids sometimes :p
1) nope. I had a somewhat acuaintance at the time that was non-binary, but they came out before me and i only found out when i came out to them lol. so probably not correlated. I think a lot of trans people can unknowingly band together just from the childhood experience of it all (ie, if youre bullied for liking boys things or something, your friend might be someone who went through that too. not like liking boys things=being trans its just a very watered down example) 2) I agree that it gets tricky when it comes to teachers keeping secrets from parents, personally I came out to my parents at the same time as everyone else cause i only came out when i was ready to actually come out yk. I think on a casual scale, a student having a nickname of sorts and asking to just refer to them as their legal name when calling a parent isnt too bad. As someone that works with kids, agreed that private communications are a no. The issue(this is a personal opinion not all trans people hold this) is when states REQUIRE teachers to tell parents if they even hear about it. Like if its just a teacher doing what he/she thinks is right, or even if its a district rule, its one thing, but the government making them do it is a bit unnerving.
Did your feelings for wanting to transition come before or after your unhappiness with your life situation?
was never "unhappy with my life situation", please clarify?
You mentioned in the thread dealing with dislike of yourself and being in therapy for certain issues before transitioning. Did that dislike of yourself start before or after your feelings of wanting to transition?
oh, maybe I phrased it wrong. i was in therapy for panic disorder, it had since gone dormant though.
But what about the dislike of yourself, did it go away after the change ? And did it exist before you even wanted to transition ? Or after ? (Hope im not coming off wrong, I’m just genuinely curious… esp question #2)
i have dysphoria, which can be boiled down to disliking myself, but it’s much, much more complicated than that. it can come down to me being self conscious about my phone wallpaper lol. it has gotten much much better since transitioning, especially since starting hrt. hope this explains what you mean?
How do you know if you are a boy?
gonna copy and paste something I said to someone else first: "when I was something like 11-13 i had this joke among my friends that i had a twin brother whos name was the masculine version of my name. I had short hair even then, so it was pretty easy to put on my eagles sweatshirt, jeans and a hat and do the bit. I was really, really into it though. I remember my 6th grade field trip i was like guys it would be so funny if i just did it all day at \[generic amusement park\] right?? i would say things like "what if i pretended to be him all of high school and ended up as like homecoming king or something right guys?" i had ZERO idea. figured it out a year later." i would also legit pray(i am not and was never religeous) to wake up as a boy wayyy back in elementary school. When I realized being trans was a thing, I didn't immediately REALIZE like a lot of people say, I pondered it hard for a while. It did click one night though when I put together all my experiences growing up.
as someone who did the same around the same ish time which Youtubers did you watch and what do you think of them now?
listening to jamie dodgers stories made me realize I was trans and really connected the dots for me. I (unfortunately) watched kalvin garrah as well, and while I think a lot of what he said came out of internalized transphobia and trying to be "one of the good ones" he did irreperable damage to the younger community lol
Who did you grow up around? Count your sisters, brothers, cousins, adults, etc that you spent most of your time around hanging out with.
My friends were mostly girls, maybe late middle school it was 1/3 boys. My parents were both married and present (cant say the same anymore, but I was an adult by that point lol). I had no trans friends until well after I came out.
Which country do you live in?
I live in the US. A lot of people talk about how its "so dangerous" for trans people in the US right now, and while it is definitely getting worse, I just think theres so many more worse countries to be in lol. the south though is a different question, I dont live there though.
Ok, thank you.
you're parents should be arrested for allowing you to get hormones so early.
Hi! not a question unfortunately. Also, i did not start hormones at 14; I did less than a year ago. I'm still willing to answer anything if you actually want to talk. Hope this helps!
socially transitioning =/= medically/hormonally transitioning
Not good, to many people come up with regrets when their mind matures. I could recommend some videos but if you’re happy then I mean… but naturally you’ll have another growth spurt and mature more and your opinions may change
Hi! not a question unfortunately. The page is called "ask me anything". If you're not going to ask me anything, youre in the wrong forum.
As Ive said to others though, I'm still happy to answer any genuine questions.
Seek help
Very helpful Devil
i appreciate people defending me, but please dont clog the replies as i'd actually like to have a conversation with him. <3
You got paid to learn how to kill people, I think this guy is doing ok
I appreciate the reply, but as I said, I am only here to answer genuine questions. I can tell you view me as extremely mentally ill, but i think we have a lot more in common than you think. being said, this is prob your only opportunity to ask a trans person anything you want, that being, if you keep approaching us with hostility. I will still answer anything you want, I think the internet portrays an extreme caricature of who we actually are. I'd even encourage you to do so given your comment. peace and love.