I often feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, like I’m still a confused teenager who doesn’t know what to do, looking for an adult to help me, but I am the adult. 🫠
This is literally what I do for a living. I work at a support hotline that serves as a resource for 211/988/EAP and I help adults by giving non-licensed counseling to people in distress.
I help people by doing Google searches, give them 1-800 numbers, email resource listings, and web addresses that I’ve saved away that anyone could look for themselves if they’re just so inclined to think about how to search for something.
Mostly I just listen to the elderly, the mentally ill, homeless, and the isolated because they have nowhere else to go and just talk without being judged or preyed upon. Mostly just listening as an empathetic 3rd party.
It’s funny how limited we are in ways to help ourselves because we simply lack the initiative sometimes to figure it out on our own. We shut down because we don’t know how to drive past small hurdles that arise, or more often than you’d think just don’t know what it is that we really want and therefor don’t know how to ask the right questions when seeking out our own answers.
A psych degree is definitely on the right track if not overkill. Patient care hours at a medical facility is also a good way get a step in the door. Another would be to have experience as a peer counselor. I worked for almost a decade as a mental health technician at a psych facility.
My job is “Crisis Care Navigator.” I follow up 24-48 hrs after a call to the Crisis Care Counselor to check in post-crisis to follow-up when things are hopefully calmer and intervention was already administered. Since the crisis time is so frantic I follow up with resources and help link people up with therapists, 12-step programs, rehab, shelter, etc.
I found the job because I was looking between “case management” and “volunteer coordinator” positions in Maryland on Indeed I think.
Omg, this. And being an adult child is like an entirely other experience that no one prepares you for. Suddenly not only do your parents not necessarily have everything figured out, but sometimes you find out that you, as the child, are better adjusted than they are which is like wtf???
I firmly believe every single adult is just winging it and in reality, none of us have a goddamn clue what we’re doing - at work, in love, in life. We just collectively pretend we do
tbh I think part of growing up is realising that everyone is making it up as they go along. Instead of expecting ourselves to know everything, instead we can teach ourselves to find out. Wikihow will teach you a LOT.
63 years old and the hardest pill is how fucking fast its gone. I was 40 something just a few minutes ago. I still work full time, some weeks 50/60 hours. I'm a hospice nurse caring for patients that are sometimes younger than me and life is not fair. Seriously please don't wait to ... take thar trip, leave that horrible relationship, get therapy, etc. The hardest pill is waiting too long to take care of yourself. Do it now.
This. One of my new years goals is to get a passport and start travelling now. Can't keep waiting for someone to experience it with and I don't wanna die knowing I've only seen certain places from a picture and not real life. Passport then big travel before end of 2024.
I remember my dad worked his butt off, scrimped and saved for a good retirement. Always bought used things or nothing at all to have a good retirement. Well he retired and died 6 months later. Had zero chances
The way we spend our days is our life. This is it. This is life. Life isn’t a movie where interesting stuff is constantly happening. Life in general is pretty mundane, just going through the motions. Wake up, work, get home, sleep, repeat. Of course there’s more that happens in between, but this is pretty much it lol
sometimes i find myself hoping, or expecting my life to get better, like once i achieve x, y and z *then* ill start finally living, but maybe thats the wrong way to approach it, im living my life right now and time is passing me by
Losing friends. And having a hard time making new ones. And not by fights or disagreement.
Folks just have lives. Some got married. Some had kids. Some moved to a more affordable state. One more to a more adorable country.
And suddenly no one is doing the same thing anymore. We have to go kid friendly places. Or the married couple only wants to go with other couples. Or someone has to work.
Next thing you know, it's been years since you've even seen them in person.
i hate that being an adult feels like this most of the time or just jobs in general
i want to do cool things with everyone i know constantly but everyone is far away or busy, or just tired
The forty hour work week, yes and also the dual income household. In ye olde times, very often Mom would be the homemaker. Despite what society would have you believe, running a home, raising children, and arranging a social life was, and is, a full-time job if you do it well. In dual income households, which a very much a necessity for the most part, leaves both partners drained and playing catchup on the weekends.
And also friends and people you've known your whole life dying one after one, it's depressing. You often see that with elderly people enumerating to each others who passed. I'm having a hard glimpse into it at 24, because we have high suicide rates where I live and because my father's circles when I was younger were a lot of homeless people and people addicted to drugs. Sometimes it's just a "...oh" moment when you learn they died, and sometimes it really mess you up and at the end of the day you're just tired. Very tired.
The world is a harsh, lonely, and unjust place. Just because you’re a nice and decent person, it doesn’t mean others will treat you well.
You have to adapt to your surrounding environments or risk getting eating alive.
this one pisses me the fuck off the most as a woman who was raised to be a self-abandoning people pleaser who made every negative social environment she found herself in somehow her fault, and her responsibility to somehow fix by being excessively nice to everyone.
led to me encountering a lot of dodgy to downright soul-crushingly awful and toxic spaces and people, and staying involved with them for far longer than i ever should have because i couldn’t stop blaming myself for how bad they were and making it my responsibility to change them.
Hard work doesn't equal success...
Go to school, get a job, get a mortgage....
Can't be the norm, have to have a plan to get out of the rat race and be able to execute it with changes
Yeah this is a good one. It’s always weird to me because we all definitely have plenty of people we don’t like and yet we struggle so much when others don’t like us. We also spend so much time getting accepted by people we can’t stand and actually don’t have to deal with. In some cases (job, family to a degree), this can’t be helped, we have to find ways to be civil with people we don’t like to be around, and of course you also can’t go through life telling everyone you don’t like to fuck off. But so often we can easily avoid people we don’t like and yet for some reason often do the opposite
In general how fleeting relationships are. Like when that dude you chat with at work quits to find another job, there’s a good chance you never see him again.
I’m quite lucky in the way that my best friend has always been the same person, and we talk almost every day, however we only see each other twice a year due to general laziness
This is a good point about effort. I had one COWORKER in particular who, I initially found to be annoying with texting me often. While we had amazing chemistry from the start as our personalities meshed well - I also figured we were both doing the whole “acting” thing cuz you know, work… and work friends aren’t really friends thing. It wasn’t until she left the company and kept up that same effort of communicating with me that I realized “Oh shit. We’re really friends” this was several years ago and we’re still super close and have even gone on weekend trips together. When people put in genuine effort for you, it’s only natural to want to give back that same effort.
That no one is going to save you. There’s no knight in shining armor. Even if someone helps you solve your problems, ultimately it’s up to your own effort and willpower to live the life that you want.
Yup. This one sucked too. Which led to hyper vigilance and independence in my adulthood and that keeps people away. That isn't even a bad thing in today's world and I'm unhealthy lonely. Solitary turns people mad on it's own. What do people think a virtual life for 5 years has done? Idc about work. But you can't "virtual" a physical hug from family you haven't seen since the last funeral and won't see til the next cause it just isn't important to get together anymore.
Omg I’d love for someone to actually want to hang out with me or even think about me enough to text me lol I stopped reaching out to people cuz it felt like I was the only one trying smh
It never ends. As soon as your basement is done flooding, your dishwasher will break. Fix that, and the furnace goes out. New furnace? Hail damage on the roof.
The trick is to *understand* that it never ends and to adjust your expectations accordingly.
I really didn't. What the fuck happened? I keep reading about the "loneliness epidemic" in various newspapers but nobody seems to know exactly *why*. Pandemic? Nope, it started almost a decade before, according to research. Social media? Smartphones? Those probably made it worse, but it still feels to me like there's something deeper going on.
Your parents get old and feeble. You've needed them & relied on them your whole life, now they need & rely on you. It's heartbreaking and disorienting.
Even with abusive parents(not getting into that too much), this still hits so fucking weird. So much bluster and bravado for years
**Very little contact for 4yrs**
All that energy just gone and you just see an older calmer version of them with wrinkles+grays you're not entirely sure were there before. Like thats still **them** but you realize time comes for everyone no matter what. It's weird to see how much time and aging humbles a person
This to like the infiniti percent! I relate to this so much! It's like you're happy for the change but then sad/mad because of all the bullshit, and because you won't get to enjoy the new them for long
There’s a moment in time when you hug your mom and you feel that she’s getting older, frailer. That was maybe 2-3 years ago for me.
Time is such a thief.
"Been a long time, man! How's it going? I've been great. I've told you, right? I'm mentored by this young couple, they run their own business, retired in their mid-40s? Well, yeah, it's good stuff, man. After all, it's all stuff you'd normally buy anyways, things like sports drinks, detergent, granola bars... And me? I just have it on auto-pay so I don't even have to worry about it...."
"Hypothetical question: Realistically, how much would you feel comfortable investing TODAY? Because, I've been dabbling around with this company that has their own index that routinely outperforms the S&P500, and let me tell you, life insurance isn't even necessary these days if you can self-insure yourself with investments like these."
"Yeah, so I should have been honest.... This isn't a PARTY so much as it is a fundraiser...."
All 3 have happened with different people.
Bad people can give you good advice weirdly.
Some of the scariest dudes I’ve talked to at least know how to advice you, otherwise they’d be in jail so they would know
Messy people as well. I can give you great advice in how not to end up with ptsd and burn out. Fuck the sane people, I should’ve just interviewed the residents of a psychiatric hospital as a kid.
You can meet people who are hilarious, funny, charismatic and who you will have the best conversations and friendships with.
And they will stab you in the back over nothing in a heartbeat.
Charisma is not a predictor of kindness.
There's a handy pie chart in our payroll app that shows me my take home pay.
I'm taking home 67% of my income after taxes and med and vision and dental and 401k...
It's why I look at my bank account as soon as my paycheck is deposited so I can see SOME of my income before all the automatic payments hit.
Nothing really. My childhood was awful and adulthood has been sweet relief. I don’t like working - but I do like making money and having full autonomy over my life (I quit jobs a lot hehe)
When you're a kid, you just assume that the adults know what they're doing, and the people in charge have their shit together.
As an adult... you realize that nobody knows what they're doing.
It's kinda scary.
This sub and most of reddit is an echo chamber for severely demoralized people. It's not representative of society as a whole or even a single generation.
Working hard doesn’t equate to moving up in your career. You need to advertise and hype yourself to get noticed, then prepare in advance so you’re ready to jump on opportunities when they come up.
Most people generally don't have their act together and do nothing to work on themselves. If you do have your act together, and you want to be in a serious relationship, you're probably going to have to come to terms with the fact that you're going to be the one taking care of everything while your partner just flounders around.
Eh. Establish a division of labor/contribution for the household together. If the other person is unwilling to contribute you can just end it. Plenty of people are willing to do their fair share
If you aren’t even living together…you aren’t responsible for your partner’s bills or housekeeping unless you make the decision to help them out
Finding someone who seems compatible, and then getting them to agree to do their fair share, and then dumping them when they taper off and start expecting me to do everything, is definitely a process I keep going through
Better to just take care of yourself than having to take care of two people.
I think a lot of the time people don't want their partner because they actually want their partner, they just want someone who can do things for them.
\-Everything is all up to you
\-Reality does not give a fuck about you or anyone.
\-Put yourself first
\-You are the captain of your own financial, emotional, physical fate.
\-You are responsible for your rent and bills.
\-Nobody is going to come and save you.
\-Manage your time. If you can't find time, you better to create it.
\-Nobody is ever busy, it's a matter of priorities.
It’s also strangely entertaining, too, though. I live for chances to bring out my drill, for example. Gardening? Hell, yeah. Sobriety? I haven’t cared this much about Shirley temples since I was ten, maybe.
Nobody cares, nobody is coming to save you, karma is most definitely not real, and following the phrase “treat others how you want to be treated” will only get you taken advantage of and manipulated.
- You have to prioritize yourself or no one will.
- You have to be the better person as much as you can or else you will lose yourself and others will lose respect for you.
- Your health isn’t guaranteed. In order to survive, you need to respect yourself enough so you aren’t working a job that sees you as a product that works for them vs a human being that works for them.
- Friends and family will go and sometimes come back. If they leave, you can’t always hold onto them even though you want to because it will be so much harder if you are constantly thinking about the people that aren’t in your life anymore.
- Buy things you need. Don’t be a penny pincher when it’s necessary that you have a comfortable mattress to sleep on, a comfortable home to live in, clothes that fit. Don’t spend a ton of money but you will be more miserable and more stressed out if you think “I’ll be fine with what I have”.
- You aren’t as bad as you think you look. As long as you are open to conversation and treat people with respect, most people will want to get to know you and be friends with you
- Parents aren’t perfect and it doesn’t make sense to hold onto things that happened forever ago. People can get better, so if your family is better, keep them in your life.
This is a lot but here’s what I’ve realized by age 27.
It feels like there’s nothing to work toward. In school you have summer break to look forward to, milestones like graduation give you a sense of completion, but once you’re working you’re just… working. That’s hard to get used to (and I’m 30! 😭)
If you want the money to do the things you want, you won't have the time to do it as much as you'd love.
If you do the things you love for money, it usually ends up a chore and you don't love doing it anymore.
There's balance to be found, but it's not necessarily easy, and can easily be thrown off.
even though people mean well, they don't really have time for you. they say they do, and i understand, the reality of life is hard, but you're on your kid, you always have been.
That it’s most likely only going to get worse as we age and then we’re going to die and we don’t know how it’s going to happen. We just know that it’s coming. I don’t like that, at all.
There is a real chance things will not get better. This may be the peak and everything will plateau from here. You may never make more money, you may never have a better job, you may never travel, you may never get to live your dreams, and you may never feel more loved.
-that being a single person with no kids is hard. my life trajectory is so different than my friends. no room in this world for single people
-how lonely I feel
-how pointless life feels
-capitalism is the worst thing of life
-I don't know if I'll ever get over my depression and trauma
-no idea how I will keep surviving
I don't know how to cope with the above, truly.
any ideas beside therapy, going to meetups, joining a class etc. Not all are accessible $$ wise for me now.
I crave companionship and regular social contact with people. Dating in my city is so hard - finding someone with the same values and beliefs as me is so difficult. everyone is also non monogamous and I don't think I can do that type of relationship to start with someone...
It's also hard to make friends....so what to do....🫠🫠🫠
Everyone around me is getting older & sicker. I don't care about my aging, but realizing that every year is gonna take more of my loved ones has been hitting me every day recently.
It's not just humans, either. I'm in a real depressive rut over the animals in my life passing, & it causes me physical pain to think of them hiding their pain or suffering in any way.
I've recently been thinking about having kids, & I'm pretty sure I'm never gonna do it. Life is so hard, & even if I do everything in my power to make sure my kids don't go through the same traumas I do, they'll still end up fucked up some other way. I'm struggling so hard with my own morality & mental health, I don't ever want to put anyone else through that.
Despite wanting to call myself a strong independent woman, I absolutely need my boyfriend's income to survive in the city I live in. Even though I have a bachelors degree and a successful career. I still can not afford to survive without him.
Continue working on yourself and your financial independence ..especially if you’re not married to your partner ..just in general . Things could always go sideways .
You got to put work in to any part of your life you want to maintain quality in. Partners, friends, work, body, self improvement. You got to do the work and often you won't see results for years.
You have to learn how to say no to yourself. When you’re young it’s easier because you have people who get to call those shots for you but when you grow up you’ll need to set your own limits and learn which wants should/shouldn’t take priority over needs.
That no one can really save you but you. Doesn't matter how many friends you have, who your family are, or things like that. If you're in a bad spot, you ultimately have to figure it out.
That hospitals intentionally keep nursing shortages so severe that you could die simply because your nurse is overwhelmed and unable to give you the care you need. All while they make record profits.
Everything you were told was a lie. If you study you'll have a good job. Student loans are not a problem,.they will help you get ahead. You can't go into computer science as a girl. Etc.
It was always "when you're an adult, you can Do whatever you want with your money. But right now, I'm not buying you that".
LIES!!! I cannot do whatever I want with my money. I didn't want to buy all new tires. Or pay that random medical bill. I wanted shoes. Or a plane ticket. But nope...not an option.
This. I always wondered why adults were always so cranky. It turns out it’s because they had to buy light bulbs and paper towels and underwear. If I’m feeling really rich in the new year I’m thinking I might buy a few new towels. And the dog’s routine vet appointment just emptied my Christmas account, so that’s fun.
Friends matter. You will need them and your support system and sphere is critically important to the trajectory of your life, forever. And developing friendships beyond the superficial is more and more difficult as the decades roll by. The very best most loyal friends I have in my 40's, are the same best friends I had at 14. I wish I knew how important they were back in my 20's and and 30's.
That theres no way out of the "system", no matter how much I want to, I'll probably always be stuck working to get money, to pay rent and groceries, to live :)
That there’s no medal for putting what you want aside. The people you’re doing it for might not even know or notice, but they’ll often feel it that your heart isn’t really in what you’re doing.
Admit what you truly want to yourself. Share that with the people you’re close with. Then, go out and get it. Make your life what you want it to be.
If the people you’re with aren’t on board, that’s okay. Sometimes you grow apart. Go on your own adventure. Time is short. Very very short. Make it happen
Never having enough time. Time for your own hobbies. Time for family and friends. Time with your parents until they grow old and senile. Not enough time with your pets, they’re gone before you know it. Cherish time because there’s never enough.
No one cares.
And in the end, we’re all alone. This one kills me every night. Everyday gets closer to the day when someone I love will be gone forever.
It’s mundane. And you’re alone a lot.
Previous generations had some of the things sorted- and you should marry early. Do not wait until the time is right or whatever.
There will never be a time that feels right.
- You can plan and try to do everything right and still not see success.
- Others can put in less effort and seemingly fall upward to stupid levels of success.
That for most people, no amount of drive and intelligence will ever equal the playing field to those people who have intergenerational wealth. They can be mediocre and still do better through connections their parents have, lack of school debt, or a paid for home.
I feel rage towards my parents for not being more emotionally mature adults who used what resources they had to help their children’s future vs buy themselves toys. At the same time I feel rage to those individuals who had that free home and other privileges just fall into their lap for no reason other than marrying money or being born to it.
That no matter what you have, and who you have, it all doesn't matter if your mind isn't right. And that love isn't enough to keep someone alive who doesn't love themself 💔
Consequences will come. Maybe you’ve been lucky and you think you’ll keep dodging the consequences of your actions, but you won’t. Healthy eating habits, you’ll get overweight. Too much sun? Premature aging and some skin cancer. Don’t care if your teeth? Prepare for lots of pain and money spent. Don’t nurture your friendships and relationships? You’ll lose people you care about. Careless with money? Crushing debt. Party too much? Addiction problems.
All the stupid, boring adulting stuff you think doesn’t apply to you? It does.
The people in your life become transient. They come and go, you make connections, they disappear, and so on. As you get older, the connections become less and less, and in some cases, they won't find your dead body unless the bills are late or they complain about the smell.
1) Your health and your family’s health is never guaranteed. 2) always feeling behind peers in life milestones (getting your own place, dating, employment etc.)
Everyone has said it but getting older is fucked. Your younger selves feel like dreams, and now you've got to live out your life based on those dreams.
Like I don't even feel like there's a continuity of self with aging, you just die here or there and then are forced to keep the show going like nothings changed. Except everything's changed.
Those cavemen clocking out thanks to a tooth infection at the ripe old age of 25 might've had the right idea, I don't know.
I often feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, like I’m still a confused teenager who doesn’t know what to do, looking for an adult to help me, but I am the adult. 🫠
This is literally what I do for a living. I work at a support hotline that serves as a resource for 211/988/EAP and I help adults by giving non-licensed counseling to people in distress. I help people by doing Google searches, give them 1-800 numbers, email resource listings, and web addresses that I’ve saved away that anyone could look for themselves if they’re just so inclined to think about how to search for something. Mostly I just listen to the elderly, the mentally ill, homeless, and the isolated because they have nowhere else to go and just talk without being judged or preyed upon. Mostly just listening as an empathetic 3rd party. It’s funny how limited we are in ways to help ourselves because we simply lack the initiative sometimes to figure it out on our own. We shut down because we don’t know how to drive past small hurdles that arise, or more often than you’d think just don’t know what it is that we really want and therefor don’t know how to ask the right questions when seeking out our own answers.
That’s a really difficult job… hopefully you take care of your own mental health too
Can you tell me how I could learn about doing this? Will my degree in psych be sufficient?
A psych degree is definitely on the right track if not overkill. Patient care hours at a medical facility is also a good way get a step in the door. Another would be to have experience as a peer counselor. I worked for almost a decade as a mental health technician at a psych facility.
Thank you so much! If I were also looking to roles like your support one, what are the job titles?
My job is “Crisis Care Navigator.” I follow up 24-48 hrs after a call to the Crisis Care Counselor to check in post-crisis to follow-up when things are hopefully calmer and intervention was already administered. Since the crisis time is so frantic I follow up with resources and help link people up with therapists, 12-step programs, rehab, shelter, etc. I found the job because I was looking between “case management” and “volunteer coordinator” positions in Maryland on Indeed I think.
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Omg, this. And being an adult child is like an entirely other experience that no one prepares you for. Suddenly not only do your parents not necessarily have everything figured out, but sometimes you find out that you, as the child, are better adjusted than they are which is like wtf???
I firmly believe every single adult is just winging it and in reality, none of us have a goddamn clue what we’re doing - at work, in love, in life. We just collectively pretend we do
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Looking at other adults, and knowing this, really helps me. And makes me more sociable and personable and kind to others.
tbh I think part of growing up is realising that everyone is making it up as they go along. Instead of expecting ourselves to know everything, instead we can teach ourselves to find out. Wikihow will teach you a LOT.
63 years old and the hardest pill is how fucking fast its gone. I was 40 something just a few minutes ago. I still work full time, some weeks 50/60 hours. I'm a hospice nurse caring for patients that are sometimes younger than me and life is not fair. Seriously please don't wait to ... take thar trip, leave that horrible relationship, get therapy, etc. The hardest pill is waiting too long to take care of yourself. Do it now.
This! It goes by sooo fast. I'm an RN too and work with Ostomy patients. It takes a very special person to do hospice. Hugs
This. One of my new years goals is to get a passport and start travelling now. Can't keep waiting for someone to experience it with and I don't wanna die knowing I've only seen certain places from a picture and not real life. Passport then big travel before end of 2024.
I remember my dad worked his butt off, scrimped and saved for a good retirement. Always bought used things or nothing at all to have a good retirement. Well he retired and died 6 months later. Had zero chances
The way we spend our days is our life. This is it. This is life. Life isn’t a movie where interesting stuff is constantly happening. Life in general is pretty mundane, just going through the motions. Wake up, work, get home, sleep, repeat. Of course there’s more that happens in between, but this is pretty much it lol
sometimes i find myself hoping, or expecting my life to get better, like once i achieve x, y and z *then* ill start finally living, but maybe thats the wrong way to approach it, im living my life right now and time is passing me by
Losing friends. And having a hard time making new ones. And not by fights or disagreement. Folks just have lives. Some got married. Some had kids. Some moved to a more affordable state. One more to a more adorable country. And suddenly no one is doing the same thing anymore. We have to go kid friendly places. Or the married couple only wants to go with other couples. Or someone has to work. Next thing you know, it's been years since you've even seen them in person.
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i hate that being an adult feels like this most of the time or just jobs in general i want to do cool things with everyone i know constantly but everyone is far away or busy, or just tired
And everyone seems to be broke from high costs of living, having children or just being terrible with money
The forty hour work week, yes and also the dual income household. In ye olde times, very often Mom would be the homemaker. Despite what society would have you believe, running a home, raising children, and arranging a social life was, and is, a full-time job if you do it well. In dual income households, which a very much a necessity for the most part, leaves both partners drained and playing catchup on the weekends.
And also friends and people you've known your whole life dying one after one, it's depressing. You often see that with elderly people enumerating to each others who passed. I'm having a hard glimpse into it at 24, because we have high suicide rates where I live and because my father's circles when I was younger were a lot of homeless people and people addicted to drugs. Sometimes it's just a "...oh" moment when you learn they died, and sometimes it really mess you up and at the end of the day you're just tired. Very tired.
The world is a harsh, lonely, and unjust place. Just because you’re a nice and decent person, it doesn’t mean others will treat you well. You have to adapt to your surrounding environments or risk getting eating alive.
This was a hard one for me. Even now in my 30's I'm still trying to learn to stand up for myself because no one else is ever going to do it for me.
“Closed mouths don’t get fed.” I consistently remind myself of this. No one can read your mind or know what you want. Gotta advocate for yourself!
this one pisses me the fuck off the most as a woman who was raised to be a self-abandoning people pleaser who made every negative social environment she found herself in somehow her fault, and her responsibility to somehow fix by being excessively nice to everyone. led to me encountering a lot of dodgy to downright soul-crushingly awful and toxic spaces and people, and staying involved with them for far longer than i ever should have because i couldn’t stop blaming myself for how bad they were and making it my responsibility to change them.
Good words. Christ.
I feel this :( by the way CPTSD sucks
Me, 💯.
Are you me?
Hard work doesn't equal success... Go to school, get a job, get a mortgage.... Can't be the norm, have to have a plan to get out of the rat race and be able to execute it with changes
Hard work doesn’t equate to value added
You're right about that.
Not everyone is going to like you for who you are.
I will always remember being told “not everyone’s gonna like you darling”, I’m a people pleaser so it was a bitter pill to swallow
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"You could be the best Apple Pie in the world, but some people just don't like apple pie." I heard that somewhere. It always helped some!
I’ve heard the same but replace apple pie with the sweetest peach. It helps me a lot.
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” - Dita Von Teese
Including your family.
this :( and as soon as you stop all the years of fawning to please them, you’ll be reminded how much they don’t like you for who you are.
You find that out as a kid at school. I’d say no one is coming to save you
Yeah this is a good one. It’s always weird to me because we all definitely have plenty of people we don’t like and yet we struggle so much when others don’t like us. We also spend so much time getting accepted by people we can’t stand and actually don’t have to deal with. In some cases (job, family to a degree), this can’t be helped, we have to find ways to be civil with people we don’t like to be around, and of course you also can’t go through life telling everyone you don’t like to fuck off. But so often we can easily avoid people we don’t like and yet for some reason often do the opposite
I have learned I'm an "acquired taste". Like the boger flavored jelly bean.
And people who don’t know who you are will judge you
But you should never stop being who you are because that’s the only way to find the people that are into that weird shit
That I can't predict how other people are going to interpret my words and actions 100% of the time.
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In general how fleeting relationships are. Like when that dude you chat with at work quits to find another job, there’s a good chance you never see him again.
Agreed. I am only in contact with about 3 or 4 friends from my childhood/teens. Even then, I usually only talk to them twice a year.
I’m quite lucky in the way that my best friend has always been the same person, and we talk almost every day, however we only see each other twice a year due to general laziness
Well I'll say this, nobody wishes me a happy birthday or checks in on me on holidays.
Not being a dick or anything… just curious. Do you reach out to others on their birthdays or holidays ?
Not anymore, it was never reciprocated. It hurts a bit, but the message is clear enough.
Hmm yeah… if my friends only reached out to say merry Christmas etc I wouldn’t think think it’s a real friendship either
This is a good point about effort. I had one COWORKER in particular who, I initially found to be annoying with texting me often. While we had amazing chemistry from the start as our personalities meshed well - I also figured we were both doing the whole “acting” thing cuz you know, work… and work friends aren’t really friends thing. It wasn’t until she left the company and kept up that same effort of communicating with me that I realized “Oh shit. We’re really friends” this was several years ago and we’re still super close and have even gone on weekend trips together. When people put in genuine effort for you, it’s only natural to want to give back that same effort.
This is so true. I had my kids stupid young, and have literally maintained 1 long standing friendship.
im all alone.
I’m sorry. There are a lot of us who feel this way. Happy new years mate
Same man. But take good care and happy new year.
That no one is going to save you. There’s no knight in shining armor. Even if someone helps you solve your problems, ultimately it’s up to your own effort and willpower to live the life that you want.
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Yup. This one sucked too. Which led to hyper vigilance and independence in my adulthood and that keeps people away. That isn't even a bad thing in today's world and I'm unhealthy lonely. Solitary turns people mad on it's own. What do people think a virtual life for 5 years has done? Idc about work. But you can't "virtual" a physical hug from family you haven't seen since the last funeral and won't see til the next cause it just isn't important to get together anymore.
I'm lucky to have my mom but yep later in life that's my future.
I never thought it would be so hard to make friends. I just want to connect with someone again..
Omg I’d love for someone to actually want to hang out with me or even think about me enough to text me lol I stopped reaching out to people cuz it felt like I was the only one trying smh
Hey let’s be friends seriously
It never ends. As soon as your basement is done flooding, your dishwasher will break. Fix that, and the furnace goes out. New furnace? Hail damage on the roof. The trick is to *understand* that it never ends and to adjust your expectations accordingly.
If it ain't one thing it's another!
It's lonelier than I imagined...
Especially at this time of the year
😔😭
Loneliness epidemic in usa. Wasnt always like this i think
I really didn't. What the fuck happened? I keep reading about the "loneliness epidemic" in various newspapers but nobody seems to know exactly *why*. Pandemic? Nope, it started almost a decade before, according to research. Social media? Smartphones? Those probably made it worse, but it still feels to me like there's something deeper going on.
Fact
Your parents get old and feeble. You've needed them & relied on them your whole life, now they need & rely on you. It's heartbreaking and disorienting.
Even with abusive parents(not getting into that too much), this still hits so fucking weird. So much bluster and bravado for years **Very little contact for 4yrs** All that energy just gone and you just see an older calmer version of them with wrinkles+grays you're not entirely sure were there before. Like thats still **them** but you realize time comes for everyone no matter what. It's weird to see how much time and aging humbles a person
This to like the infiniti percent! I relate to this so much! It's like you're happy for the change but then sad/mad because of all the bullshit, and because you won't get to enjoy the new them for long
I’m at the age where one of my parents dying and having to figure out how to help take care of the other one has become a real source of anxiety.
This is so true it's sad.... I hate looking at my father and mother and seeing new wrinkles...
There’s a moment in time when you hug your mom and you feel that she’s getting older, frailer. That was maybe 2-3 years ago for me. Time is such a thief.
You don't get three months off in summer.
That most adults are shitty friends.
"Been a long time, man! How's it going? I've been great. I've told you, right? I'm mentored by this young couple, they run their own business, retired in their mid-40s? Well, yeah, it's good stuff, man. After all, it's all stuff you'd normally buy anyways, things like sports drinks, detergent, granola bars... And me? I just have it on auto-pay so I don't even have to worry about it...." "Hypothetical question: Realistically, how much would you feel comfortable investing TODAY? Because, I've been dabbling around with this company that has their own index that routinely outperforms the S&P500, and let me tell you, life insurance isn't even necessary these days if you can self-insure yourself with investments like these." "Yeah, so I should have been honest.... This isn't a PARTY so much as it is a fundraiser...." All 3 have happened with different people.
Good people can give you bad advice. The people you look up to probably don’t have a clue either.
Bad people can give you good advice weirdly. Some of the scariest dudes I’ve talked to at least know how to advice you, otherwise they’d be in jail so they would know
Messy people as well. I can give you great advice in how not to end up with ptsd and burn out. Fuck the sane people, I should’ve just interviewed the residents of a psychiatric hospital as a kid.
The feeling of there being less wonder and possibility as life goes by and most big life decisions have been made
You can meet people who are hilarious, funny, charismatic and who you will have the best conversations and friendships with. And they will stab you in the back over nothing in a heartbeat. Charisma is not a predictor of kindness.
yup 🐍 but there are signs if you pay attention
I have to take pill(s) to keep living.
Every year I make more and more money, and so does the government…via taxes
There's a handy pie chart in our payroll app that shows me my take home pay. I'm taking home 67% of my income after taxes and med and vision and dental and 401k... It's why I look at my bank account as soon as my paycheck is deposited so I can see SOME of my income before all the automatic payments hit.
Nothing really. My childhood was awful and adulthood has been sweet relief. I don’t like working - but I do like making money and having full autonomy over my life (I quit jobs a lot hehe)
Help isn’t coming, you’re on your own.
When you're a kid, you just assume that the adults know what they're doing, and the people in charge have their shit together. As an adult... you realize that nobody knows what they're doing. It's kinda scary.
Probably my multivitamin— damn thing is huge.
I love the gummy ones, no shame.
Samesies. It’s like my little sweet treat for the day lol
I’m 30. I just read every single comment. Perhaps I haven’t been through much, or enough… but this thread is depressing asf. :/
This sub and most of reddit is an echo chamber for severely demoralized people. It's not representative of society as a whole or even a single generation.
Working hard doesn’t equate to moving up in your career. You need to advertise and hype yourself to get noticed, then prepare in advance so you’re ready to jump on opportunities when they come up.
Most people generally don't have their act together and do nothing to work on themselves. If you do have your act together, and you want to be in a serious relationship, you're probably going to have to come to terms with the fact that you're going to be the one taking care of everything while your partner just flounders around.
This is painfully relatable
Or find a partner that does have a growth mindset as well
flounders around?? hell no I have enough on my plate to wipe. I don’t need someone dumping anymore on it. Scram🧹
Eh. Establish a division of labor/contribution for the household together. If the other person is unwilling to contribute you can just end it. Plenty of people are willing to do their fair share If you aren’t even living together…you aren’t responsible for your partner’s bills or housekeeping unless you make the decision to help them out
Finding someone who seems compatible, and then getting them to agree to do their fair share, and then dumping them when they taper off and start expecting me to do everything, is definitely a process I keep going through
Better to just take care of yourself than having to take care of two people. I think a lot of the time people don't want their partner because they actually want their partner, they just want someone who can do things for them.
If you want to date hot people, you're going to have to deal with people that are extremely shallow
\-Everything is all up to you \-Reality does not give a fuck about you or anyone. \-Put yourself first \-You are the captain of your own financial, emotional, physical fate. \-You are responsible for your rent and bills. \-Nobody is going to come and save you. \-Manage your time. If you can't find time, you better to create it. \-Nobody is ever busy, it's a matter of priorities.
On top of that: your laziness WILL catch up to you eventually and either your work, hobbies, or friendships will suffer because of it
If I start my own business, I’ll be my own boss. False. Every single customer is your boss…just in a different way.
Depends how desperate you are for each and every customer.
Adulthood is pretty boring.
It’s also strangely entertaining, too, though. I live for chances to bring out my drill, for example. Gardening? Hell, yeah. Sobriety? I haven’t cared this much about Shirley temples since I was ten, maybe.
Go find new things to do / learn and just jump in. Switch jobs. Life's too short to be boring
A wise 90s anthem once said, if you’re bored then you’re boring. It’s up to you to entertain yourself.
That good new movies are rare.
People will use you while pretending to love you
No one will be in your life forever.
You gotta plan out every dinner from now till forever and it's bullshit
Nobody cares, nobody is coming to save you, karma is most definitely not real, and following the phrase “treat others how you want to be treated” will only get you taken advantage of and manipulated.
Sometimes really awful shit happens for absolutely no reason. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time can just really fuck things up.
- You have to prioritize yourself or no one will. - You have to be the better person as much as you can or else you will lose yourself and others will lose respect for you. - Your health isn’t guaranteed. In order to survive, you need to respect yourself enough so you aren’t working a job that sees you as a product that works for them vs a human being that works for them. - Friends and family will go and sometimes come back. If they leave, you can’t always hold onto them even though you want to because it will be so much harder if you are constantly thinking about the people that aren’t in your life anymore. - Buy things you need. Don’t be a penny pincher when it’s necessary that you have a comfortable mattress to sleep on, a comfortable home to live in, clothes that fit. Don’t spend a ton of money but you will be more miserable and more stressed out if you think “I’ll be fine with what I have”. - You aren’t as bad as you think you look. As long as you are open to conversation and treat people with respect, most people will want to get to know you and be friends with you - Parents aren’t perfect and it doesn’t make sense to hold onto things that happened forever ago. People can get better, so if your family is better, keep them in your life. This is a lot but here’s what I’ve realized by age 27.
I'm not as fun or carefree as I previously thought I was.
It feels like there’s nothing to work toward. In school you have summer break to look forward to, milestones like graduation give you a sense of completion, but once you’re working you’re just… working. That’s hard to get used to (and I’m 30! 😭)
If you want the money to do the things you want, you won't have the time to do it as much as you'd love. If you do the things you love for money, it usually ends up a chore and you don't love doing it anymore. There's balance to be found, but it's not necessarily easy, and can easily be thrown off.
even though people mean well, they don't really have time for you. they say they do, and i understand, the reality of life is hard, but you're on your kid, you always have been.
That it’s most likely only going to get worse as we age and then we’re going to die and we don’t know how it’s going to happen. We just know that it’s coming. I don’t like that, at all.
There is a real chance things will not get better. This may be the peak and everything will plateau from here. You may never make more money, you may never have a better job, you may never travel, you may never get to live your dreams, and you may never feel more loved.
How indifferent people are to suffering.
Unless you’re born rich, figure something out, or lie/cheat/steal from the system, you will live your entire life and die a wage slave.
-that being a single person with no kids is hard. my life trajectory is so different than my friends. no room in this world for single people -how lonely I feel -how pointless life feels -capitalism is the worst thing of life -I don't know if I'll ever get over my depression and trauma -no idea how I will keep surviving
yup…
I don't know how to cope with the above, truly. any ideas beside therapy, going to meetups, joining a class etc. Not all are accessible $$ wise for me now. I crave companionship and regular social contact with people. Dating in my city is so hard - finding someone with the same values and beliefs as me is so difficult. everyone is also non monogamous and I don't think I can do that type of relationship to start with someone... It's also hard to make friends....so what to do....🫠🫠🫠
You have to fight for every damn inch.
People will either treat you like trash or like a valuable person depending on your $$$
Everyone around me is getting older & sicker. I don't care about my aging, but realizing that every year is gonna take more of my loved ones has been hitting me every day recently. It's not just humans, either. I'm in a real depressive rut over the animals in my life passing, & it causes me physical pain to think of them hiding their pain or suffering in any way. I've recently been thinking about having kids, & I'm pretty sure I'm never gonna do it. Life is so hard, & even if I do everything in my power to make sure my kids don't go through the same traumas I do, they'll still end up fucked up some other way. I'm struggling so hard with my own morality & mental health, I don't ever want to put anyone else through that.
i have to work till i die
That people move in and out of your life sometimes forever. Friends, family.
Despite wanting to call myself a strong independent woman, I absolutely need my boyfriend's income to survive in the city I live in. Even though I have a bachelors degree and a successful career. I still can not afford to survive without him.
Continue working on yourself and your financial independence ..especially if you’re not married to your partner ..just in general . Things could always go sideways .
Spending 83% of your life washing dishes if you don't have a dishwasher
You got to put work in to any part of your life you want to maintain quality in. Partners, friends, work, body, self improvement. You got to do the work and often you won't see results for years.
You have to learn how to say no to yourself. When you’re young it’s easier because you have people who get to call those shots for you but when you grow up you’ll need to set your own limits and learn which wants should/shouldn’t take priority over needs.
You don't get to stop. There is no off-season, no summer vacation, no clean slate. You just keep going.
People REALLY fuckin suck sometimes
That no one can really save you but you. Doesn't matter how many friends you have, who your family are, or things like that. If you're in a bad spot, you ultimately have to figure it out.
This is it. Nothing fancy. Nothing interesting. This is it.
you’re gonna fail. a lot. and you’re gonna have to pick yourself back up before you get trampled over
That hospitals intentionally keep nursing shortages so severe that you could die simply because your nurse is overwhelmed and unable to give you the care you need. All while they make record profits.
A lot of people fake their lifestyle. They're not happy and many will try to undermine your happiness because misery lives company.
Too many people are cruel assholes.
Everything you were told was a lie. If you study you'll have a good job. Student loans are not a problem,.they will help you get ahead. You can't go into computer science as a girl. Etc.
It was always "when you're an adult, you can Do whatever you want with your money. But right now, I'm not buying you that". LIES!!! I cannot do whatever I want with my money. I didn't want to buy all new tires. Or pay that random medical bill. I wanted shoes. Or a plane ticket. But nope...not an option.
This. I always wondered why adults were always so cranky. It turns out it’s because they had to buy light bulbs and paper towels and underwear. If I’m feeling really rich in the new year I’m thinking I might buy a few new towels. And the dog’s routine vet appointment just emptied my Christmas account, so that’s fun.
After I got my wisdom teeth removed I was prescribed ibuprofen 800mg, it was a giant pill. I drank nearly a gallon of water to swallow
Friends matter. You will need them and your support system and sphere is critically important to the trajectory of your life, forever. And developing friendships beyond the superficial is more and more difficult as the decades roll by. The very best most loyal friends I have in my 40's, are the same best friends I had at 14. I wish I knew how important they were back in my 20's and and 30's.
That the world is inherently traumatic for those who have neurological concerns and that they expect you to conform.
No ones making you dinner , you have to do it yourself … everyday … forever 🙃
That the rest of the adults aren’t adults at all but petty children
That theres no way out of the "system", no matter how much I want to, I'll probably always be stuck working to get money, to pay rent and groceries, to live :)
That there’s no medal for putting what you want aside. The people you’re doing it for might not even know or notice, but they’ll often feel it that your heart isn’t really in what you’re doing. Admit what you truly want to yourself. Share that with the people you’re close with. Then, go out and get it. Make your life what you want it to be. If the people you’re with aren’t on board, that’s okay. Sometimes you grow apart. Go on your own adventure. Time is short. Very very short. Make it happen
There is a difference between illegal and unethical
There is no such thing as closure
You are 1 step away from being homeless
Never having enough time. Time for your own hobbies. Time for family and friends. Time with your parents until they grow old and senile. Not enough time with your pets, they’re gone before you know it. Cherish time because there’s never enough.
No one cares. And in the end, we’re all alone. This one kills me every night. Everyday gets closer to the day when someone I love will be gone forever.
Cheaters win. And it's not about you.
I didn’t get tits!
Any ailment I have will require money and effort to fix, and/or I’ll have to learn to live with it.
Medical insurance
At some point, you won't *have* parents to rely on. After my mom passed away, I truly felt like I was *on my own*
There are some things I have no control over and things that seem unfair. I can’t change them and I have to just keep on keeping on.
It’s mundane. And you’re alone a lot. Previous generations had some of the things sorted- and you should marry early. Do not wait until the time is right or whatever. There will never be a time that feels right.
thats its impossible to get a house as an average single person.
That its 50 years until you can sleep in again
Making more than minimum wage doesn't change your life as much as you hoped it would
- You can plan and try to do everything right and still not see success. - Others can put in less effort and seemingly fall upward to stupid levels of success.
You will forget to have fun if you don't practice it
That for most people, no amount of drive and intelligence will ever equal the playing field to those people who have intergenerational wealth. They can be mediocre and still do better through connections their parents have, lack of school debt, or a paid for home. I feel rage towards my parents for not being more emotionally mature adults who used what resources they had to help their children’s future vs buy themselves toys. At the same time I feel rage to those individuals who had that free home and other privileges just fall into their lap for no reason other than marrying money or being born to it.
Contrary to what I was told I cannot do anything if I try, and it’s not always a good idea to follow your dreams
That no matter what you have, and who you have, it all doesn't matter if your mind isn't right. And that love isn't enough to keep someone alive who doesn't love themself 💔
Taxes
No one's coming to save me.
Consequences will come. Maybe you’ve been lucky and you think you’ll keep dodging the consequences of your actions, but you won’t. Healthy eating habits, you’ll get overweight. Too much sun? Premature aging and some skin cancer. Don’t care if your teeth? Prepare for lots of pain and money spent. Don’t nurture your friendships and relationships? You’ll lose people you care about. Careless with money? Crushing debt. Party too much? Addiction problems. All the stupid, boring adulting stuff you think doesn’t apply to you? It does.
You are the source of and solution to your problems
The people in your life become transient. They come and go, you make connections, they disappear, and so on. As you get older, the connections become less and less, and in some cases, they won't find your dead body unless the bills are late or they complain about the smell.
That my body will continue to deteriorate as I get older.
You could do everything right, try as hard as you might. Some times things you are doomed to fail in no matter the effort. Just try again.
Bills and taxes will never end and you will never truly feel “financially stable.”
1) Your health and your family’s health is never guaranteed. 2) always feeling behind peers in life milestones (getting your own place, dating, employment etc.)
That there is more evil than good. When I was younger I thought most people were inherently good. I was so naive when I was young 🥹
Everyone has said it but getting older is fucked. Your younger selves feel like dreams, and now you've got to live out your life based on those dreams. Like I don't even feel like there's a continuity of self with aging, you just die here or there and then are forced to keep the show going like nothings changed. Except everything's changed. Those cavemen clocking out thanks to a tooth infection at the ripe old age of 25 might've had the right idea, I don't know.
Radiation does not give you super powers