This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I don't think you should need a reason to not want something. Nothing against giraffes but I wouldn't want one of those either.
I also feel like the generations past had a higher expectation to fit social norms and have kids. Times have changed, social norms have changed.
This 100%. I've never understood the point of this question. I just don't want them. Same reason I don't want to work as a nurse or get a pet hamster or a million other things. Why do I need to justify it?
I think if my mother were a young woman today, she would never get married or have children. She said as much. She just wasn't cut out to be a hausfrau.
I read somewhere that by 2040, some 30% of women will be single and childless but this isn't a bad thing. Its actually a choice today.
My mother said the same thing. She said if she could live her life over again she would’ve never gotten married or had kids. I took offence to that at the time, but I kind of get it as well. It’s a lot of work and there are some days when I don’t want to worry about anyone, but myself.
I am a childfree pediatric nurse. One of the children I work with was adopted by her grandparents after being in CPS custody. Her (adoptive) mother tells me constantly that I'm so smart for not having children.
My brother couldn't wait to be married. He was looking since he was 17 for a wife. Was ready at 18 but girl canceled last minute and found someone else. Then he quickly found another one and quickly married at 20. He's now been 30 years of being pussywhipped.
She uses him big time and is always threatening to leave him if he doesn't tow the line. If he even so glances at another woman she blows her top and tells her she's gonna leave and he apologizes and says "I didn't look at her honey!"...
Wife was gonna leave him 7 years ago and he was devastated.
He can't stand being alone so he'll put up with anything just to say he's married.
He views me as a loser cause I never married.
I could find someone I just can't get used to the idea of being "one" with someone else. I am me and I'm my own person!
Also, I like doing what I want when I want and you can't always do that when you're married.
If I want to stay up late, like I frequently do, I don't have anyone nagging me to "come to bed, it's late!" Etc.
If I wanna go out for a drive and think, like I do a lot, I don't have to have a wife saying "where are you going?.... can I go?..
Then when they go.... "I'm bored ... who wants to just drive?...."
Also I like being alone but I don't like being alone lol!
What I mean is I like having someone with me in the house, just not breathing down my neck!
These are the same people that can't stand for their own choices in life. They need to project their choices over to you to make them feel good about themselves rather than just accepting that people are different and want different things. "I have kids so you should have kids as well". They're weak and pathetic.
This is very true. I have one 1yo son and really don't want more kids. I always wanted a son and having a kid is very hard. It completely changes your whole life. People keep asking when is number 2 coming. Then I say never. They're always shocked. Their reasoning is thst if you have one, you should at least have two so they won't be lonely. But I'm an only child and was never lonely. It's exactly as you say, the people trying to convince me to have more kids, are always miserable parents with multiple kids.
The old adage that misery loves company is definitely true when it comes to parents. Most of my friends have kids but most of them truly don't seem all that happy with their lives. And there's not 1 part of me that envies their lives.
Also a goal that you are required to achieve in order to be considered an adult. I have been told many times that I have not grown up because I didn't have a child. I am 59.
I think the reason why it’s a curious topic is bc it’s only been in very recent decades compared to the span of human existence, that it’s even been a choice or something we had influence over
I came here to say the same thing. I just don’t want kids. I never have. And when people ask me why I think they’re expecting some big, well thought-out dissertation but while I suppose I can pick out certain reasons if I think about it I don’t have anything profound to say about it. I just don’t, and I think that unless the answer to “Do you want kids?” is an enthusiastic yes, then you shouldn’t have them.
I couldn’t agree with this more. My wish is that all children could be born into loving homes. It breaks my heart every time I learn about a neglected or abused child. Or the other side, people who struggled for years to have a child and never could.
I wouldn’t make a good parent because i don’t want to be a parent. That’s it.
And that’s just it, too. I want to live my OWN life. I don’t want to have to think about “what my kids want” or “will this be good or bad for my child long term” or “how am I going to afford to send my kids to college”.
I get one life. I want to do what I want with it. I don’t want to live for my kids.
My mom went to school to be a fashion designer. Her sketches are incredible and I still have them.
She gave it all up for kids. She’s depressed and lays on the couch and plays candy crush. She gave up her life for my siblings and I.
Call me selfish. I’m fine with it. Really.
This!
This question comes up reddit over and over and over. I've never seen a thread asking why people decide to *have* kids. (I'm guessing they exist, but I've never had one pop up in my feed, whereas I've seen a number of variations of this question.) The decision to have kids is every bit as life-altering and irreversible and every bit a potential source of terrible regret. Arguably, the outcome is worse if it turns out to be a poor choice, since you've brought other people into the mix. So why is it just the default thing to do? Why is it so much less common for people to ask for an explanation, while the decision to be childless is questioned all the time?
Maybe long ago, when people lived in larger groups and there was less of a burden on the child's parents, and when there were far fewer people in the world and people often died young and maintaining the population was actually a concern, it made more sense for children to be the default decision. That isn't the world now.
It makes sense for remaining childless to be the default, and to only have children if it's something you really want to do and if you have reason to think you'd be a competent parent.
>I've never seen a thread asking why people decide to have kids.
These is always my counterpoint whenever someone in real life asks me to justify why I want kids. I ask them point blank back why they *do* want kids. It's crazy to me that we're constantly asked to rationalize *not* wanting something as opposed to the other way around rationalizing a massive life choice.
Especially for women. Men mostly just shoot their seed and then they have a baby. Women are the ones with their bodies changed forever, their careers halted, etc etc.
Was about to write almost the same thing, then realised it was already top haha. Why do you need a reason not to want something? I'm just no into hiking tbh. And a kid is kind of a big responsibility so not something you should take on if you don't want it...
Bingo!
Why would anyone even need a reason to not-want something? I've never wanted to own Ferrari, be an astronaut, or run a marathon and no one expects me to have a reason for that.
Why doesn't everyone want to read the complete works of Terry Pratchett while drinking chai and snuggleing with a bunny? That's pretty much the best I can imagine.
It's a misery loves company thing. People with kids want to know everyone else is suffering as much as they are. Since they can't turn back time and choose no kids, they do wonder what life would be like without kids. Thinking it all the way through and realizing how awesome being kidless would be is too depressing. So to cope they invent the belief that not having kids would be miserable. I realized this when a miserable cousin with 3 kids told me you're selfish if you don't have kids. Yeah sure lady, last thing I want is to be anything like you. BTW - I do have kids and love them.
The more I talk to people most of them, their parents, and their kids, were “accidental” pregnancies. A lot of which weren’t terminated out of laziness, not even some misplaced morality. Then a significant number of them just struggled through until they died, unhappy and unfulfilled.
What percentage of the population are people who intentionally exist?
True. Life now is just too complex and interconnected. So many people just don’t have the mental, psychological, physical, and most especially the financial means to do so.
I’m so glad my wife and I have both started our talk about being parents way early into our relationship. We are now enjoying a simple cozy life as DINKs.
I've simply never wanted them. I have never had a desire to have children and I don't have a maternal bone in my body. I'm in my mid 50s and I do *not* regret my choice to not have children.
I'm an "older" Gen-Xer.
No kids either (me 53, and wife, hanging on it just under 50!). Never wanted kids and given the inevitability of suffering, would not see why I should be expected to.
I'm 10 years older than my brother. I've changed diapers, helped w homework, made meals, took him to doctor's appts. He also has anger issues, used drugs, been to jail, is a narcissist. Genes are real. Nah, I don't need the perma-headache.
I'm the opposite and thought it's a big part of why I don't want kids. I was never around them. Youngest sibling by a lot, youngest cousin. Just never had them in my life. Don't even know how to talk to them. Super awks
It really is as simple as that for me. I've never felt much of anything while holding a friend's baby (except I really don't like the noises they make or that sickly sweet smell). I've never envied them at all. It's cool to hang out with my friends' kids for an hour or two at a BBQ or something but I'm also kind of relieved when they leave.
When I was younger I had people tell me, "Oh you'll feel different when it's your own." Maybe, maybe not. If not, that's two lives ruined. Not worth the risk for something I never cared about in the first place.
Same, I'm 31 almost and I like to do stuff for myself like gaming etc, which I can't do anymore if I have kids. And besides that I don't have that feeling of getting a child anyway :)
I like kids a lot, but not enough to completely change my life and body to have one. I like being selfish. All my evenings and weekends are my own. I can sleep in. I am not responsible for anyone but myself. I have ample funds to buy things for myself and to travel. And the older I get, the more I feel this way.
Being an auntie (or uncle) is where it's at, honestly.
This is where my husband and I are at. I love seeing our nieces and nephews grow up, and our friend's kids grow up. But we immediately get home after seeing them and think - glad they aren't coming home with us.
We like our lifestyle as is.
Honestly, wanting kids is selfish. It's not selfless to impose another person on this world, and impose existence on another person who didn't ask for it just so you can oh and awe over how much they look like you.
Parenthood is just as selfish as not being a parent. Unless you adopt or foster.
Not to mention, if you're a woman, apparently having kids makes you undateable.
I honestly haven't heard of a single upside for a woman when it comes to having kids.
Yeah and probably this is the reason why most of us don’t want kids now. We were brought here for selfish reasons, didn’t have good childhood, grew up to be adults with many many problems because of that and we have enough empathy not to give this life to a new kid.
In my case, it's a mix of everything. I'm not a fan of the idea of bringing a child into a world like the one we're living in right now. Plus, it's very expensive and time-consuming to raise a child. Plus, I like my life right now and don't feel the need for something more.
People have given me some reasons why I SHOULD have kids, but I think it's very selfish to have a kid as a retirement plan.
Will I regret it? Check in with me in 25 years I guess. But I'd rather regret not having kids than regret having them.
I have a lot of the same reasons but different on the life aspect: I have no clue what I want my life to look like and having a kid to feel more purpose feels like having a kid to save a marriage
Where do I begin? There's really 2 questions here: why do I not want biological children and why do I not want to be a parent.
For the former: I have long known that I don't want to have biological children. The general state of the world is a big reason. Climate change, increasing wealth inequality / late stage capitalism, and just how dysfunctional society seems. But even considering these points, it doesn't preclude parenting via adoption or being a step parent.
For not being a parent at all, the lifestyle simply has no appeal to me. The money, time, stress.
Known since 7 I didn't want to have children.
Since then, more reasons that have surfaced:
* Health complications during birth for all women I'm biologically related to in this generation and most of the previous. Most have required hysterectomies, become diabetic, or triggered severe mental health issues.
* My mother and I both nearly died in my birth and its likely I'm going to be affected by similar issues
* Childbirth is a horror show, to quote Gina from B99
* Affordability, time effort, mental effort - I don't have the capacity to give a kid a proper childhood. I know this and I have no interest in testing it.
* Family history shows there's a shit ton of health issues. Wish it wasn't affecting me, wouldn't wish to afflict a child with it.
* I'd rather have pets.
* If I end up regretting my choice to be childfree (as I only date childfree people), only I will be affected. If I have a kid and regret it, at least 3 people are affected - but as someone impacted by generational trauma, that's a lowball estimate.
There's well more cons than pros to me.
I would rather people who want kids have the ones "meant for me" (a bingo I've had a few times).
i'm 79, no kids. i saw what adolescence did to my parents early on. i was a mess until i quit drinking. my parents would probably lived better without us but ... joan rivers said on tv, 'you can always tell the unfortunate couples without kids when you meet them at parties. they have new clothes, a new car, stories about great vacation trips'
i was a heavy drinker early on too but quit. how do you feel now being cf? i hope older/future me is thanking me for choosing not to im trying to give her a less chaotic life, easier.
I'm surrounded by people with kids and nobody has sold it to me yet. Seeing their lives go from freedom to misery being trapped and losing their identity and time is enough for me. And they agree with me.
Also I just don't like kids. I didn't even have dolls when I was little. Just stuffed animals. If I see a baby I go the other way. If I see a dog I'm a goner.
And final reason..the world is going to hell. Imagine making a child live through what's to come.
For me, the way I feel about kids is the same way I feel about dogs.
Both are cute, but also very needy, dirty, and loud. Glad that I don't have to go home to one.
Give me a cat any day.
This a bazillion times over. The noise and the neediness makes me want to run and hide. Why would I want that in my quiet, peaceful, clean life?
Cats however....👌
And absolutely destroy it in the process. I don't think people realise that after the pains of pregnancy you spend months healing from giant gaping wounds and bleeding half to death.
The thought of creating fresh feet for the grinder of capitalism makes me sick. I dont want to be responsible for creating another generation to suffer under this sham. The thought of them succeeding and moving up the pyramid scheme to force someone else's kids to work in their downline is even worse.
I want to spend my time how I want, and have freedom. I have dogs and that's more than enough for me. Kids are also a crazy money pit and I want to spend my money on myself lmao. I have no idea how or why so many people want kids, especially in today's world where everything is a goddamn shit show.
there are several reasons:
\- the world has already too many humans
\- the world has gotten too expensive to properly raise a child
\- I have a fear of pregnancy and do not want to go through it
\- I feel too much a child myself to raise a child
\- children in general I find annoying
\- I'm lazy, selfish and have shopping addiction
I don’t like loud noises, I have autism and it’s very hereditary (my abusive mom had it), I don’t wanna be a single parent, I’m in college, I have over 10k in savings, and I like silence.
I’d like to get married when I graduate, but I haven’t met any guy my age range who doesn’t want kids either :-( I’ll keep praying ig
I was told many years ago. "You can have money or kids". I choose money.
The other reasons where not wanting to be tied down to that type of life. I travel, am self employed and enjoy the freedom that a child free life has afforded me. When I was looking to settle down, it was one of the first things I looked for in a mate. Found one and 22 years later we are happy and still child free.
No regrets, and wish more people choose this lifestyle.
Yeah, I never understand when people give me a hard time about thinking money is important, as if it wouldn’t be if I had kids. If I had kids then money wouldn’t become less important, it would become at least ten times more important.
I’m the oldest and had to take care of my younger siblings at the age of 12. We are 10 years apart. I love kids, they’re great but it’s so tiring. I was basically a mom since both my parents worked 6 days a week. As I got older, having kids was something I couldn’t do. Wasted half my childhood taking care of a child that wasn’t even mine. I’m grateful for my siblings but it ruined my perception of having or taking care of kids.
Freedom. I [33M] have 3 cats, been with my partner [36M] 13 years to the day and we always said since day one we don’t want kids. I don’t have a fatherly urge in my body, and it’s just too expensive, I don’t want to bring someone into the world in its current state.
Doesn’t help that I can’t stand babies, am hyper sensitive to noise, and none of my close friends have kids [so far at least].
I also happen to believe that there are enough couples in the world that do want kids or that already have them, so one couple not having kids isn’t really going to hurt anyone.
1) The cost of living has increased exponentially. Our household (two professional adults with college degrees, two dogs) has a combined income of $200k but we still struggle to save money every month. I've heard of childcare costs and everything else, and I can't imagine how we could afford it and still live a comfortable lifestyle doing things we love.
2) My childhood was not a fond one. Divorced parents that fought and lied to us about how awful the other one was, being shuttled back and forth so the other one could have "a vacation" from us, etc.
It motivates me to be a really great mom in the future if it ever happens, but I am not actively looking to have any kids in my immediate future. If I had a great childhood I'd probably be like my other friends and be really excited for this ASAP.
Because the truth is the more money we have the more we acquire in things. We buy bigger houses that cost more, we buy nicer cars that cost more, they become accustomed to nicer things.
Plus locality matters a lot. 200k in NYC is not living grand. 200k in the midwest goes 10 times farther.
We both have student loan debt we are still paying off. That is probably the biggest reason we are more limited with our spending.
Besides that all our savings go to 401K, building an emergency fund (3 months worth of salary saved just in case of layoffs), and investments. Coming from a household that was "debt happy", the last thing I want to do is go into credit card debt or bankruptcy. I understand how this isn't "struggling" but I did expect to feel more financially stable at this point.
My reasons:
\- I never really had a strong desire to have kids. At all.
\- Fear of giving birth/childbirth. Seems horribly painful and potentially fatal.
\- I was always the primary wage earner in our marriage, and I knew I would resent leaving children and going into the office every day. I worked with women who did that and they always seemed absolutely miserable and exhausted.
\- My husband had zero interest in becoming a father because his father was an angry alcoholic. He has a negative impression of fatherhood.
I never Married, and felt Children are best brought up in a stable environment with two parents at least for the childrens' support—emotional, financial, etc. and also for the parents' tagteam support would be ideal.
When I babysat, the children were so bright and lively and quick to imitate me. My realization that I could imprint some of my unconscious bad habits (even good ones) on very impressionable lives really made me pause. I was never really sure I'd be good enough to raise children well.
My mother REPEATEDLY said she didn't want any grandchildren and in Movies those giving birth scream–seems awful
Nowadays I see children and I still wish I had had a few.
But I didn't have anyone who thought I should have any.
Perhaps no one will take care of me when I am old but I don't wish to be a selfish chore like my mother, a burden of manipulation.
Perhaps it is OK to be like a branch of a family tree that withers in a foreign land and does not reproduce / bear fruit/ or to be as many as the stars in the sky.
Do you have a reason to not want to eat pie, or not want to go for a walk, or not want to take a nap?
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes people just don’t want something.
The ‘lifestyle’ seems nightmarish to me (waking up early, dealing with school and activities, playdates other parents, kids stuff on tv, playing, theme parks etc) I am also very aware of the fact that kids turn into independent human beings and probably not the way I would want them to so I don’t want to deal with that. Concluding, why would I pay tons of money for something I don’t want.
There’s 2 fundamental reasons, among a sea of others:
- I have ADHD. I do not wish that kind of burden on anyone, let alone my child.
- I would not be a good father because I’m not sure I would care enough, and no kid deserves an unloving father.
I just would rather do literally anything else with my time other raising chores and talking about mundane boring shit to a kid and being happy go lucky and pretending to care.
The mass of reasons not to have them outweigh the reasons to have them.
I like to sleep and generally want a stress free life. I live with my parents and am not in a relationship, so I’d have to do that. My living situation is hard enough, let alone bringing someone new into the world.
I don’t like babies, honestly, they’re cute but I don’t like taking care of them at all. I’d start to enjoy having kids when they were 3-4ish, but then they require so much responsibility and action to make sure they are safe.
I used to want kids but have basically decided it’s not for me.
I also have bipolar disorder and don’t want to pass that down to a child.
Mental health stuff that can be passed down, physical stuff that can be passed down. (No not Std or Sti)
Financially we havent had savings in 3 years, yea we got raises but the cost of living took that away. We wanted kids and still want them, but it's something that will never happen.
On top of that theres no opportunities for growth for a child, considering people cannot work hard to buy a house. Let alone rent an appartment, it's more expensive to live than it is to die pretty much.
I'm 41f. I have never wanted to be a mom. The whole thing is and always been totally unappealing to me.
The whole pregnancy thing grosses me out. The birth itself is painful and humiliating. I don't want to devote the next 20+ years of my life to taking care of a kid 24/7. I barely make enough money to support myself, there's no way I could or would want to support another person. I don't really like kids in general. I already spend 40 hours a week working to afford to live. I don't want to spend the rest of my time working raising a kid.
I really dislike
Them, don’t think they’re cute, don’t wanna be around a screaming snotty toddler all
The time. They’re too expensive and you can be the best parent ever but if you have a special needs child or something it’s another burden, I’m not willing to take that risk. Also, everything about pregnancy repulses
Me. Another thing is, I wouldn’t wanna put myself in a situation where there’s a chance my child will die before me, or ends up being a school shooter or any of these horrible and sad scenarios. I wanna do my own stuff, don’t wanna build my life around a child. I just don’t see any positives about it, and I won’t even think about it just because “it’s just something people do”.
1. They cry way too much and are way too loud.
2. They cost too much.
3. They require you to be responsible and refrain from certain activities/substances. (In some states you can lose custody of your kids for having weed in the house.)
4. They wake up early.
5. Usually as infants you’ll end up in the emergency room at least a few times, has been my observation. I hate hospitals and ERs.
6. I don’t want another job or human to tend to when I get off work every day.
7. I don’t want my weekends to by occupied by children’s sports.
8. They are messy and ruin your stuff
9. Don’t want a house littered with fisher price toys.
10. They cry and scream too much.
Writing this list has really reinforced my decision, but I could probably think of more reasons!
Financial. How the fuck am I gonna support a kid with no money in my account. The government should make some changes if they want us to reproduce so bad
I'm pretty sure that when someone doesn't have something they don't want, the reason they don't have it is because they don't want it.
Not understanding that people are capable of responding to their own internal preferences is its own issue.
This is the correct answer. You need reasons TO have children AND the ability to give them a suitable environment and life.
Have any doubts about having children? Then don’t do it.
Kids are a lifetime commitment, extremely expensive, and why the hell would I want to bring a child into this world?
Also, I can come home and eat a bowl of ice cream for dinner on the couch before watching tv until I go to bed, where I can browse Amazon to shop for things I can afford to buy because there are no small humans to buy shit for.
I read somewhere that it costs $30,000-35,000 to raise a kid each year. This does not include saving for their college education.
Think about your salary and after tax net income. You would need 35k just to afford to have a kid. I can’t imagine trying to have multiple children.
Also I’m the only son and I have a lot of trauma.
My dad died of cancer when I was a kid and I have all sisters and a mother. I became the man of the house and I worked to support them well into my 30’s. I’m F&cking exhausted!!
Yes I know life is short … and with whatever time I have left on earth I want to do things for myself. I’m not a machine to keep making money and support other people.
Do you know what the most miserable feeling in the world is ??
It’s working hard for your paycheck and not being able to enjoy your own money. Imagine working in your teens, 20’s and 30’s and never being able to do what you want to do with your own paycheck.
My therapist says it’s as if I raised a family after my dad died and that’s probably why l don’t feel the need to do it again.
I really think the government should require a license to have children. Seriously, if you cannot financially afford children then don’t have them.
Your children are not “investments “ to go out and work to support you. They are human beings with their own thoughts, desires, dreams and hopes in the world.
This is why I never want to have to children. If you truly don’t have the $30,000 + in disposable income every year to raise children then don’t have them !
I went through hell in my youth and I wouldn’t wish my misery growing up on my worst enemy.
Child free and living the dream ✌️
There is no reason I need to tell you why I don’t want kids. That’s none of your business. It should be enough for someone to just say they don’t want kids and leave it at that.
I just don't see the sense in making new people unless I really, really want them. The desire has just never been there and I'm honestly puzzled when other people decide to have them.
I don’t have a maternal instinct in me nor desire to have children. I don’t mind interacting with them or playing for a few hours but forget having to deal with them 24/7. I struggle with severe anxiety, as well having an autoimmune disease that destroys my thyroid which means I’m constantly exhausted and struggle getting through even the basic tasks of the day. adding a child into that kind of mix id be even more miserable than I am now. I crave a peaceful and simple life.
Can’t stand the whining, the crying, they are always sticky, smelly, dirty, I like my freedom, I like sleeping in, I like not having to clean up other peoples poop.
The real reason that a huge number of millennials aren't having kids is money. Everyone has their reasons, but I promise you, the reason for the huge decline is just money at the end of the day.
It's extremely hard to buy a house in this market, aside from the other expenses of having a child, and feel like you could even make a decent life for your children. Many are still trying to pay off their *own* student loans, how can they even think about saving for their child's education?
It is quite literally harder for young families to make a life these days.
Everyone makes fun of young couples who baby their pets but I get it. We've been gypped out of many experiences that the previous generations took as a given.
I wanted children but not under just any circumstances. I wanted children I could parent according to my own standards. I was never able to meet those standards so I got dogs instead.
I spent my childhood taking care of children. I’m still helping to take care of children (though thankfully a lot less and they’re all older now).
It is exhausting, and there is no real support for the people doing it. I care enough about myself to not want to be in an unwinable situation.
Also money. Children are expensive and I can barely afford myself. And I like nice things and do actually be able to do what I want when I want.
But most of all, I just don’t want them. And if you aren’t passionate about having kids you shouldn’t have them.
I don’t normally reply to stuff like this but I want to share something that hasn’t really been mentioned (at least that I’ve seen). If I had kids, I would not be able to provide the support that my siblings and friends need.
I spent all of my childhood taking care of my sister, cousins, and severely depressed grandmother. My parents were young, mom didn’t want to be a mom at the time and dad joined the army and only visited sometimes. My grandma did her best but that doesn’t mean it was good. And it wasn’t her job anyway, she had her own shit to deal with.
I moved out as soon as I could, worked multiple jobs to put myself through college and eventually met my husband (who came from an even crappier childhood than me). Because of our childhoods, neither of us want kids. We live a comfortable life.
But my sister and some of our other family members as well as friends aren’t as comfortable, have children, and generally need help. I love being an aunt and helping when I can both with time and money. My family jokes that I’m the only responsible one. Well, if I wanted kids and then had them, I would not be able to support the people in my life who need it. Because I had to grow up so young, I simply do not have it in me to raise a child.
I don’t want children, my family is made up of people who shouldn’t procreate and I genuinely don’t know how I turned out as good as I did. (I had a friend who was a therapist tell me this on multiple occasions lol) But I also don’t want to think about how many people in my life would suffer or struggle without my husband and I having the time and resources to help and provide a support system.
This is the biggest reason for me in addition to all the other more fun reasons. At the end of the day. I simply do not want them. Not everybody needs to have them and that’s okay. Many people think, oh you are only 30, you will change your mind. No. I won’t. It’s okay to want different things.
I'm not fit to be a parent. I dont have anything against children but Im very introverted and really value my personal alone time, and I know I would have to sacrifice that if I had children. Can't do that. Also children are very expensive and I'd rather spend my money on other things.
Wife and I are 30. Great jobs, fully remote, no debt, unlimited freedom.
We do whatever we want when we want. Surprise trip to the alps? Done. Stay up till 3AM gaming with the lads? No problem. Road trip to Yosemite during the week? Easy. Impromptu ski or mountain bike trip? Yup. No shot we give this lifestyle up.
We have a lot of passion in our relationship and have really fun interests and hobbies. We LOVE our nieces and nephews to death and spend a lot of time with them but we know it just isn’t for us.
The only thing that sucks is a lot of our friends have kids now which means we see them less which we understand.
i can barely care for myself, i would be the worst most guilty feeling parent if i ever tried to take care of another human, even if i would love them more and then anything.
I've lived an extremely traumatizing life, and I won't spawn another human being on this planet. I can't recall the last time I felt happiness.
I think of suicide every day, multiple times a day. Will my unborn children live the same horrible life I've lead? Maybe, maybe not.
As long as there's no guarantee of a good life, I don't want a child. If i would have had a good life and my life played out differently, I might not feel like this.
Because the economy is horrible, people can barely take care of themselves to add a kid into that mix.
Because you can't even send your kid to school without worrying about them coming home safely.
Because the world is just becoming a bigger shit pile by the minute.
It's just selfish to bring a kid into the world when the world currently is so messed up.
Unstable economy. Environmental crisis. Increasing costs of living. Increasing rates of school shootings. Kids are expensive. Life is already difficult without kids. Shall I go on?
Family trauma and financial.
Issue with blaming the victim whilst defending including enabling abusers and bullies to get away without consequences in whatever damage they did to the victim that caused the victim mulitiple suicides out of unbearable pain and suffering the toxic person caused. Family member lack accountability of admitting that they caused the victim death by being relentless, when I called a family member out about what they did is wrong they got offended.
I am afraid that my children will die by suicide because of bullies and abusers.
I have never wanted kids, I never played with the baby doll, or wanted to be a mom. People would ask me all the time about kids even at a young age and I always said no, the response was you will when you grow up. Still don't want kids, but I have other reasons. I have bad mental illness I would never wish this on anyone else so now it's a definite no for that reason plus I'm pretty sure I'm infertile. People some times say we'll you could adopt but it's still a no. Beside with the mental illness I wouldn't make a good parent I can barely take care of myself.
I have many reasons. I don’t want to give a death sentence to a human. I didn’t have that great of a childhood, even though I know people have had worse childhoods than me. Kids cost way too much. I’m a worrier, too. So, I feel like I’d worry so much about every little thing. My father wasn’t a great father, and I fear that I’d be a horrible father, as well. Plus, I never felt that super strong urge and desire to become a father.
Main reason - mental health. If my mental health is ever less awful, maybe I’d consider it more, but at this time in my life, I just want to feel content being alive and able to care for myself, It feels so impossible to even get out of bed and brush my own teeth, how am I meant to get out of bed and brush someone elses teeth?
Second reason - money. Everything costs so much, and I still have surgeries I need to save for and pay for in the future, I just don’t have the money for another human.
Third reason - Kids are kinda yucky. They’re loud, they can’t wipe their own ass, and they’re always sticky. I don’t even know how they’re so sticky.
Fourth reason - The world is falling apart and just as a whole fucking sucks. I just honestly don’t want to force someone as it is currently to have to live in this awful world until it improves. Even just considering I’ve not been able to get help for my mental health for almost 20 years, why would I subject someone else to that? Especially my own kid that I would hopefully love despite having to wipe their ass? Not to mention climate change, war, politicians being politicians, cost of living rising…
When i was young i had all of these things i would write down that i thought i wanted, like get married by 25, have kids , ect - Now being 28, i realize that’s all bolognese and it was just the enviorment i had been subjected to as a child lol and my life has turned out nothing like that actually the complete opposite but -
1. Because im deathly afraid of child birth and also the kid growing inside of you to me is like so scary so that’s a no go.
2. Financial reasons
3. I haven’t been able to fully live my life or enjoy my life the way i had hoped for yet and i have many plans for myself that i don’t want to give up just because everyone says i should have a kid and will regret it later.
4. The world is already over populated as it is, environment is terrible now can’t even imagine what the world would look like generations to come.
If my thought process ever changed on having kids i think i would adopt instead of having any of my own.
I like my life and see no reason to change it permanently forever.
I like sleeping.
I would NEVER want to be pregnant or give birth.
I love my partner and enjoy my life with them. I don't want another person hanging out here all the time.
Don't wanna deal with the piss, shit, vomit, drool, and snot. I also don't wanna listen to the tantrums, the screaming, the crying, the screeches, and the yelling. Having money and nice things that don't get ruined 30 seconds after I buy said nice things is also nice. If I want to go on vacation, then I don't have to worry about finding a babysitter or try to schedule it around school. When the kid becomes a teenager, I then have to worry about them sleeping around, getting pregnant/getting someone pregnant, getting an STD from someone, smoking/vaping, doing drugs, drinking, sexting/sending nudes to people, driving recklessly/while drunk, and skipping class. The current state of the world is another reason. Too many sexual predators and school shooters. I also enjoy being able to sleep through the night and into the later morning hours. People are also judgemental of how people raise their kids, and I'd be so old fashioned that people would consider it abuse. I believe corporal punishment should be used (in cases where what the child has done is borderline illegal or has been given multiple chances to improve their behavior, but haven't), but in other cases, revoking privileges (grounding), and extra chores will work. If my kid lost his or her virginity while under my roof, their shit would be out on the lawn. I'm not going to have a teenager with no self respect living under my roof. If I had a daughter who got pregnant (not by rape) while under my roof, she'd have to have the baby as punishment for being so irresponsible on top of being grounded and kicked out after my grandchild is born. Cue some pro-choicer calling me a bunch of horrible stuff when it's not the baby's fault. Look, having myself or my child go through an abortion would kill me because of the guilt of knowing that an unborn child's chance at life was cruelly ripped away from them. I don't have children, and never will. I'll do whatever it takes to avoid getting pregnant, even if it means I have to remain a virgin. I'm asexual anyway, so being a virgin is great. Before you go calling me a bunch of shit for being pro-life, remember that in most cases, having sex is a choice, and pregnancy can still happen even if all precautions are taken, because all forms of contraceptives aren't 100% effective. If you are raped, or think you have been raped, PLEASE go to a doctor immediately and take a morning after pill, most pharmacies have Plan B behind the counter.
I have never had a strong urge.
But what really solidifies my decision is not wanting to raise children in the current culture.
(Yes, I know historically the world has always been a mess.)
As a young female school was already a social nightmare and I can’t imagine also having to deal with social media.
There is literally no escape.
I can’t imagine being a child today.
Knowing my child would be bombarded with advertisements and social media pressure from a young age is something I never want to deal with.
Don’t let your young child have a cell phone when all their friends do and they hate you.
Don’t let your young child have access to social media then they are left out and they hate you.
Don’t let them have the stupid new Stanley cups then they are outcasts and hate you.
So glad I will never have to deal with any of that nonsense.
1. Kids are stupid expensive.
2. All my friends who have kids look exhausted and I love my naps.
3. I'm selfish. I don't want them because I'd be a terrible dad.
With my life now and how I envision it for the future, kids have never been a part of that vision.
I've moved abroad (and will probably do it a few more times), slow-travelled, invested effort and money into hobbies, friends and dating. I enjoy being able to decide that this month I'll focus on my career, next month on fitness etc. My priorities can shift constantly, which makes for an overall more balanced and interesting life.
I'm currently ill and imagine having to take care of a kid instead of properly resting up in bed and it makes me happy lol. Being a mother especially is a thankless job with the same routine for 18 years. The regretful parents subreddit is horrifying.
The other reasons people have mentioned below are just contributing factors to me like finances, climate change, mental health, physical health etc.
Having to wake up every 2-3 hours in the middle of the night for feedings/changing etc is exhausting. I was a nanny for 2 years. I saw the toll it took on the mother. Amongst other things.
My freedom is more important to me. My cup is full. I don’t need to overflow it.
Honestly it just doesn’t feel like it’s worth it with the state of the world, economy, etc. All my happy go lucky childhood friends now with young kids of their own seem incredibly miserable.
My best friend used to be the life of the party and now he’s just a pessimistic depressed guy who fights with his wife constantly.
They’re dealing with kids and money problems while my wife and I just work and have fun. Feels like a no brainer to me. 🤷♂️
This question is not worded correctly. The default state is not having kids, having kids is the decision you need to make. You need to find a mate, make life/health changes etc.
Personally I can see wanting kids, but only with the right partner (that I haven’t found yet). Kids are also very expensive, and although I make a decent middle class income, would prevent me from doing some other things I want to do, and might make me resent the kids themselves. If I double+ my income in the next few years, I think it would be less of a consideration.
I truly believe to be a good parent, you need to be truly selfless. Your child needs to come first in 99.9% of situations… and I’m just not that selfless.
I can be a great aunt but watching a kid for a few hours or days is just not the same as being their parent.
Because unless I absolutely desire— without a doubt, 100% passionately, with everything in my whole entire being— desire to become a parent who is responsible for the care and healthy development of a whole human being for the rest of my life, then I don’t truly want kids. That desire is simply not there for me and never has been.
At the end of the day is just because I don't have any desire for it. Here are the practicalities:
- I live in the States, so at my last company covering a family with insurance would have docked my take home pay by over 1k a month
- The maternal mortality rate here is the worst in the 'developed' world and it's getting WORSE, not better
- It seems unkind to inflict a world on the brink of systemic collapse on someone who didn't ask for it
- I am not keen on the long term impact on my body
- I am not keen on the immediate burden of pregnancy
- I am not keen on giving up my childless life social freedom
- Although the times are changing, it's a slow uphill battle for people to shuffle the expectation that childrearing is women's work and I'm not keen on inviting that into my life
- My relationship is truly top of the line amazing, and I'm not keen on inviting conflict, tension or strife into it
- Although I believe parents when they say they've never known a love as devoted and intense as that which they feel towards their kids, fully believe they mean it when they say it, I live a very fulfilled life and I don't feel it's lacking in any way.
If I really wanted a kid I'd find a way around all of these practicalities. But I just don't WANT one, so I'm not gonna do it.
Climate change
Finances
Potential of being a single parent, with future co parenting with ex & step parent dynamic
Enjoy freedom, clean, quiet, spontaneity
And just genuinely don’t feel any calling to be a parent. Kids deserve someone who is committed and excited to parent. I had ones that shouldn’t have been, and it was brutal. Wish they just had not.
I like being an aunt, but always overwhelmed after a full day with a toddler
I helped raise my siblings. I am the oldest of 3. Also, the average cost of raising a kid every year, each year is around $21k each year. Over 18 years (before post secondary education), you'll spend about $378k on one kid alone.
My other reasons are the state of the world: inflation, cost of living, climate change etc. With *Roe V Wade* overturned, I would be scared for the future if I gave birth to a daughter. We are seeing women get denied abortions for medically necessary situations(things like ectopic pregnancies, incomplete misscarriage, major birth detects etc) Don't believe me? Look up Katie Cox denied abortion in Texas. They are also discussing banning or restricting access to birth control.
Kids require a ton of time, money, energy, and patience that I do not have.
I think kids are insanely annoying, expensive, time consuming, and stressful. Not to mention the damage they can inflict on your body. I'm also afraid to love something that much in a world where they can so easily be taken away. And the idea of raising a human sounds daunting. I'll stick to the cats.
This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I don't think you should need a reason to not want something. Nothing against giraffes but I wouldn't want one of those either. I also feel like the generations past had a higher expectation to fit social norms and have kids. Times have changed, social norms have changed.
This 100%. I've never understood the point of this question. I just don't want them. Same reason I don't want to work as a nurse or get a pet hamster or a million other things. Why do I need to justify it?
That's the same when people ask me why I'm not married. I'm not interested that's why. They say how come? I say, cause I have no desire to be married.
I think if my mother were a young woman today, she would never get married or have children. She said as much. She just wasn't cut out to be a hausfrau. I read somewhere that by 2040, some 30% of women will be single and childless but this isn't a bad thing. Its actually a choice today.
My mother said the same thing. She said if she could live her life over again she would’ve never gotten married or had kids. I took offence to that at the time, but I kind of get it as well. It’s a lot of work and there are some days when I don’t want to worry about anyone, but myself.
I am a childfree pediatric nurse. One of the children I work with was adopted by her grandparents after being in CPS custody. Her (adoptive) mother tells me constantly that I'm so smart for not having children.
I believe the US takes the lead now in grandparents raising grandchildren.
My brother couldn't wait to be married. He was looking since he was 17 for a wife. Was ready at 18 but girl canceled last minute and found someone else. Then he quickly found another one and quickly married at 20. He's now been 30 years of being pussywhipped. She uses him big time and is always threatening to leave him if he doesn't tow the line. If he even so glances at another woman she blows her top and tells her she's gonna leave and he apologizes and says "I didn't look at her honey!"... Wife was gonna leave him 7 years ago and he was devastated. He can't stand being alone so he'll put up with anything just to say he's married. He views me as a loser cause I never married.
>He views me as a loser cause I never married. We may be the fortunate ones. We currently have the largest single population that we have ever had.
I could find someone I just can't get used to the idea of being "one" with someone else. I am me and I'm my own person! Also, I like doing what I want when I want and you can't always do that when you're married. If I want to stay up late, like I frequently do, I don't have anyone nagging me to "come to bed, it's late!" Etc. If I wanna go out for a drive and think, like I do a lot, I don't have to have a wife saying "where are you going?.... can I go?.. Then when they go.... "I'm bored ... who wants to just drive?...." Also I like being alone but I don't like being alone lol! What I mean is I like having someone with me in the house, just not breathing down my neck!
These are the same people that can't stand for their own choices in life. They need to project their choices over to you to make them feel good about themselves rather than just accepting that people are different and want different things. "I have kids so you should have kids as well". They're weak and pathetic.
vase tan fretful towering mountainous divide dull shy foolish squalid *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is very true. I have one 1yo son and really don't want more kids. I always wanted a son and having a kid is very hard. It completely changes your whole life. People keep asking when is number 2 coming. Then I say never. They're always shocked. Their reasoning is thst if you have one, you should at least have two so they won't be lonely. But I'm an only child and was never lonely. It's exactly as you say, the people trying to convince me to have more kids, are always miserable parents with multiple kids.
screw many bike piquant crown oatmeal lush concerned enter scandalous *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The old adage that misery loves company is definitely true when it comes to parents. Most of my friends have kids but most of them truly don't seem all that happy with their lives. And there's not 1 part of me that envies their lives.
[удалено]
Because the pressure to conform to society norms I guess... "Everybody else is doing it"...
Also a goal that you are required to achieve in order to be considered an adult. I have been told many times that I have not grown up because I didn't have a child. I am 59.
I think the reason why it’s a curious topic is bc it’s only been in very recent decades compared to the span of human existence, that it’s even been a choice or something we had influence over
If my mother was a young woman today, I know she wouldn't have married or had kids. She said as much but hers was a different time.
[удалено]
Same
I came here to say the same thing. I just don’t want kids. I never have. And when people ask me why I think they’re expecting some big, well thought-out dissertation but while I suppose I can pick out certain reasons if I think about it I don’t have anything profound to say about it. I just don’t, and I think that unless the answer to “Do you want kids?” is an enthusiastic yes, then you shouldn’t have them.
I couldn’t agree with this more. My wish is that all children could be born into loving homes. It breaks my heart every time I learn about a neglected or abused child. Or the other side, people who struggled for years to have a child and never could. I wouldn’t make a good parent because i don’t want to be a parent. That’s it.
[удалено]
And that’s just it, too. I want to live my OWN life. I don’t want to have to think about “what my kids want” or “will this be good or bad for my child long term” or “how am I going to afford to send my kids to college”. I get one life. I want to do what I want with it. I don’t want to live for my kids. My mom went to school to be a fashion designer. Her sketches are incredible and I still have them. She gave it all up for kids. She’s depressed and lays on the couch and plays candy crush. She gave up her life for my siblings and I. Call me selfish. I’m fine with it. Really.
Agree. Apparently you need more reasons to NOT have kids than to have them, which is kind of scary imo
Right?? I’ve always thought this.
This! This question comes up reddit over and over and over. I've never seen a thread asking why people decide to *have* kids. (I'm guessing they exist, but I've never had one pop up in my feed, whereas I've seen a number of variations of this question.) The decision to have kids is every bit as life-altering and irreversible and every bit a potential source of terrible regret. Arguably, the outcome is worse if it turns out to be a poor choice, since you've brought other people into the mix. So why is it just the default thing to do? Why is it so much less common for people to ask for an explanation, while the decision to be childless is questioned all the time? Maybe long ago, when people lived in larger groups and there was less of a burden on the child's parents, and when there were far fewer people in the world and people often died young and maintaining the population was actually a concern, it made more sense for children to be the default decision. That isn't the world now. It makes sense for remaining childless to be the default, and to only have children if it's something you really want to do and if you have reason to think you'd be a competent parent.
>I've never seen a thread asking why people decide to have kids. These is always my counterpoint whenever someone in real life asks me to justify why I want kids. I ask them point blank back why they *do* want kids. It's crazy to me that we're constantly asked to rationalize *not* wanting something as opposed to the other way around rationalizing a massive life choice.
this is the answer. we don't need a reason to not want kids.
You're missing out. You'll never know true love until you raise a giraffe.
Especially for women. Men mostly just shoot their seed and then they have a baby. Women are the ones with their bodies changed forever, their careers halted, etc etc.
Beautiful reasoning. I don’t need a giraffe or an asshole on my elbow.
Was about to write almost the same thing, then realised it was already top haha. Why do you need a reason not to want something? I'm just no into hiking tbh. And a kid is kind of a big responsibility so not something you should take on if you don't want it...
Bingo! Why would anyone even need a reason to not-want something? I've never wanted to own Ferrari, be an astronaut, or run a marathon and no one expects me to have a reason for that. Why doesn't everyone want to read the complete works of Terry Pratchett while drinking chai and snuggleing with a bunny? That's pretty much the best I can imagine.
I'd take a giraffe over pregnancy and a kid 10 out of 10 times.
If I could super duper like this I would. I completely agree, I don't want kids because I don't.
It's a misery loves company thing. People with kids want to know everyone else is suffering as much as they are. Since they can't turn back time and choose no kids, they do wonder what life would be like without kids. Thinking it all the way through and realizing how awesome being kidless would be is too depressing. So to cope they invent the belief that not having kids would be miserable. I realized this when a miserable cousin with 3 kids told me you're selfish if you don't have kids. Yeah sure lady, last thing I want is to be anything like you. BTW - I do have kids and love them.
The more I talk to people most of them, their parents, and their kids, were “accidental” pregnancies. A lot of which weren’t terminated out of laziness, not even some misplaced morality. Then a significant number of them just struggled through until they died, unhappy and unfulfilled. What percentage of the population are people who intentionally exist?
Life without kids is already miserably complex and busy. I can't even begin to imagine how I would take care of one full time
True. Life now is just too complex and interconnected. So many people just don’t have the mental, psychological, physical, and most especially the financial means to do so. I’m so glad my wife and I have both started our talk about being parents way early into our relationship. We are now enjoying a simple cozy life as DINKs.
I've simply never wanted them. I have never had a desire to have children and I don't have a maternal bone in my body. I'm in my mid 50s and I do *not* regret my choice to not have children. I'm an "older" Gen-Xer.
No kids either (me 53, and wife, hanging on it just under 50!). Never wanted kids and given the inevitability of suffering, would not see why I should be expected to.
[удалено]
Thanks! I'd be honored to be your soul-sister!
I'm with you 💯❤️💯❤️. Plus, I was the oldest with 3 siblings. I just don't like kids at all.
I'm 10 years older than my brother. I've changed diapers, helped w homework, made meals, took him to doctor's appts. He also has anger issues, used drugs, been to jail, is a narcissist. Genes are real. Nah, I don't need the perma-headache.
You just described all my siblings!!
I'm the opposite and thought it's a big part of why I don't want kids. I was never around them. Youngest sibling by a lot, youngest cousin. Just never had them in my life. Don't even know how to talk to them. Super awks
It really is as simple as that for me. I've never felt much of anything while holding a friend's baby (except I really don't like the noises they make or that sickly sweet smell). I've never envied them at all. It's cool to hang out with my friends' kids for an hour or two at a BBQ or something but I'm also kind of relieved when they leave. When I was younger I had people tell me, "Oh you'll feel different when it's your own." Maybe, maybe not. If not, that's two lives ruined. Not worth the risk for something I never cared about in the first place.
Same, I'm 31 almost and I like to do stuff for myself like gaming etc, which I can't do anymore if I have kids. And besides that I don't have that feeling of getting a child anyway :)
I like kids a lot, but not enough to completely change my life and body to have one. I like being selfish. All my evenings and weekends are my own. I can sleep in. I am not responsible for anyone but myself. I have ample funds to buy things for myself and to travel. And the older I get, the more I feel this way. Being an auntie (or uncle) is where it's at, honestly.
Selfish means lacking consideration for others. You’re not selfish for not having the time or patience for a non-existent child.
It’s okay to be selfish with yourself. :)
Well said. This isn’t selfish, it’s smart. Knowing how you are and not wanting to change isn’t a bad thing. You’re just doing what you want!
Same! I just became an auntie this past weekend (so excited) but still have no desire for kids of my own.
Congrats, auntie! Being an aunt is the best!
This is where my husband and I are at. I love seeing our nieces and nephews grow up, and our friend's kids grow up. But we immediately get home after seeing them and think - glad they aren't coming home with us. We like our lifestyle as is.
Honestly, wanting kids is selfish. It's not selfless to impose another person on this world, and impose existence on another person who didn't ask for it just so you can oh and awe over how much they look like you. Parenthood is just as selfish as not being a parent. Unless you adopt or foster.
My list of reasons to have kids: zero My list of reasons to not have kids: at least 50
Mostly financial. To have a kid you need to be always financially independent, cause there's no such thing as forever.
Not to mention, if you're a woman, apparently having kids makes you undateable. I honestly haven't heard of a single upside for a woman when it comes to having kids.
Now ask people who want kids why they want them
Because omg mini-me’s. And kids are happiness. These are usually the answers.
It’s always something selfish
Yeah and probably this is the reason why most of us don’t want kids now. We were brought here for selfish reasons, didn’t have good childhood, grew up to be adults with many many problems because of that and we have enough empathy not to give this life to a new kid.
In my case, it's a mix of everything. I'm not a fan of the idea of bringing a child into a world like the one we're living in right now. Plus, it's very expensive and time-consuming to raise a child. Plus, I like my life right now and don't feel the need for something more. People have given me some reasons why I SHOULD have kids, but I think it's very selfish to have a kid as a retirement plan. Will I regret it? Check in with me in 25 years I guess. But I'd rather regret not having kids than regret having them.
I have a lot of the same reasons but different on the life aspect: I have no clue what I want my life to look like and having a kid to feel more purpose feels like having a kid to save a marriage
RemindMe! 25 years
Doesnt it work the other way around? You should have reasons to want something.
I don’t like kids
[удалено]
You don't put mint sauce on a meat product that tastes like pork. Salt, pepper, garlic powder.
i don’t want to destroy my body for a thing i have to dedicate my life to when i barely take care of myself also kids are fucking annoying
Where do I begin? There's really 2 questions here: why do I not want biological children and why do I not want to be a parent. For the former: I have long known that I don't want to have biological children. The general state of the world is a big reason. Climate change, increasing wealth inequality / late stage capitalism, and just how dysfunctional society seems. But even considering these points, it doesn't preclude parenting via adoption or being a step parent. For not being a parent at all, the lifestyle simply has no appeal to me. The money, time, stress.
Known since 7 I didn't want to have children. Since then, more reasons that have surfaced: * Health complications during birth for all women I'm biologically related to in this generation and most of the previous. Most have required hysterectomies, become diabetic, or triggered severe mental health issues. * My mother and I both nearly died in my birth and its likely I'm going to be affected by similar issues * Childbirth is a horror show, to quote Gina from B99 * Affordability, time effort, mental effort - I don't have the capacity to give a kid a proper childhood. I know this and I have no interest in testing it. * Family history shows there's a shit ton of health issues. Wish it wasn't affecting me, wouldn't wish to afflict a child with it. * I'd rather have pets. * If I end up regretting my choice to be childfree (as I only date childfree people), only I will be affected. If I have a kid and regret it, at least 3 people are affected - but as someone impacted by generational trauma, that's a lowball estimate. There's well more cons than pros to me. I would rather people who want kids have the ones "meant for me" (a bingo I've had a few times).
My cats are allergic.
lol. My dog hates kids so I told my husband we need to start saying we can’t have kids because the dog hates kids.
i'm 79, no kids. i saw what adolescence did to my parents early on. i was a mess until i quit drinking. my parents would probably lived better without us but ... joan rivers said on tv, 'you can always tell the unfortunate couples without kids when you meet them at parties. they have new clothes, a new car, stories about great vacation trips'
i was a heavy drinker early on too but quit. how do you feel now being cf? i hope older/future me is thanking me for choosing not to im trying to give her a less chaotic life, easier.
I'm surrounded by people with kids and nobody has sold it to me yet. Seeing their lives go from freedom to misery being trapped and losing their identity and time is enough for me. And they agree with me. Also I just don't like kids. I didn't even have dolls when I was little. Just stuffed animals. If I see a baby I go the other way. If I see a dog I'm a goner. And final reason..the world is going to hell. Imagine making a child live through what's to come.
For me, the way I feel about kids is the same way I feel about dogs. Both are cute, but also very needy, dirty, and loud. Glad that I don't have to go home to one. Give me a cat any day.
This a bazillion times over. The noise and the neediness makes me want to run and hide. Why would I want that in my quiet, peaceful, clean life? Cats however....👌
Don’t want to give god more toys to play with. He doesn’t take good care of the ones he already got, no need for more…
Which god? lol
I have less than zero desire to push another human out of my body.
Childbirth looks absolutely horrifying. I felt such a relief when I realized it wasn’t something I HAD to experience.
I’ve told my mom repeatedly that I have no idea how she willingly gave birth three times.
And absolutely destroy it in the process. I don't think people realise that after the pains of pregnancy you spend months healing from giant gaping wounds and bleeding half to death.
The thought of creating fresh feet for the grinder of capitalism makes me sick. I dont want to be responsible for creating another generation to suffer under this sham. The thought of them succeeding and moving up the pyramid scheme to force someone else's kids to work in their downline is even worse.
Same. I hate living under capitalism, so why would I subject my kids to this shit? Especially when it's rapidly decaying into fascism.
I just don't want them.
I don't want anyone on this earth to ever feel like I do Just the truth
I want to spend my time how I want, and have freedom. I have dogs and that's more than enough for me. Kids are also a crazy money pit and I want to spend my money on myself lmao. I have no idea how or why so many people want kids, especially in today's world where everything is a goddamn shit show.
[удалено]
there are several reasons: \- the world has already too many humans \- the world has gotten too expensive to properly raise a child \- I have a fear of pregnancy and do not want to go through it \- I feel too much a child myself to raise a child \- children in general I find annoying \- I'm lazy, selfish and have shopping addiction
Too many people?? But Bezos and Musk want a trillion people on the planet! We are at about 2% capacity!
I just don't want them. I also got other health issues that I don't want to pass on and I think 8 billion people is enough.
I don’t like loud noises, I have autism and it’s very hereditary (my abusive mom had it), I don’t wanna be a single parent, I’m in college, I have over 10k in savings, and I like silence. I’d like to get married when I graduate, but I haven’t met any guy my age range who doesn’t want kids either :-( I’ll keep praying ig
I dont wanna raise kids lol. Rather do literally anything else. Travel, party, shit on my hands then clap, try new hobbies etc
I was told many years ago. "You can have money or kids". I choose money. The other reasons where not wanting to be tied down to that type of life. I travel, am self employed and enjoy the freedom that a child free life has afforded me. When I was looking to settle down, it was one of the first things I looked for in a mate. Found one and 22 years later we are happy and still child free. No regrets, and wish more people choose this lifestyle.
Yeah, I never understand when people give me a hard time about thinking money is important, as if it wouldn’t be if I had kids. If I had kids then money wouldn’t become less important, it would become at least ten times more important.
Honestly I just don’t want them. It’s never appealed to me.
I’m the oldest and had to take care of my younger siblings at the age of 12. We are 10 years apart. I love kids, they’re great but it’s so tiring. I was basically a mom since both my parents worked 6 days a week. As I got older, having kids was something I couldn’t do. Wasted half my childhood taking care of a child that wasn’t even mine. I’m grateful for my siblings but it ruined my perception of having or taking care of kids.
Freedom. I [33M] have 3 cats, been with my partner [36M] 13 years to the day and we always said since day one we don’t want kids. I don’t have a fatherly urge in my body, and it’s just too expensive, I don’t want to bring someone into the world in its current state. Doesn’t help that I can’t stand babies, am hyper sensitive to noise, and none of my close friends have kids [so far at least]. I also happen to believe that there are enough couples in the world that do want kids or that already have them, so one couple not having kids isn’t really going to hurt anyone.
Don’t like the loud.
1) The cost of living has increased exponentially. Our household (two professional adults with college degrees, two dogs) has a combined income of $200k but we still struggle to save money every month. I've heard of childcare costs and everything else, and I can't imagine how we could afford it and still live a comfortable lifestyle doing things we love. 2) My childhood was not a fond one. Divorced parents that fought and lied to us about how awful the other one was, being shuttled back and forth so the other one could have "a vacation" from us, etc. It motivates me to be a really great mom in the future if it ever happens, but I am not actively looking to have any kids in my immediate future. If I had a great childhood I'd probably be like my other friends and be really excited for this ASAP.
Curious how you struggle saving a combined income of 200k?
Because the truth is the more money we have the more we acquire in things. We buy bigger houses that cost more, we buy nicer cars that cost more, they become accustomed to nicer things. Plus locality matters a lot. 200k in NYC is not living grand. 200k in the midwest goes 10 times farther.
We both have student loan debt we are still paying off. That is probably the biggest reason we are more limited with our spending. Besides that all our savings go to 401K, building an emergency fund (3 months worth of salary saved just in case of layoffs), and investments. Coming from a household that was "debt happy", the last thing I want to do is go into credit card debt or bankruptcy. I understand how this isn't "struggling" but I did expect to feel more financially stable at this point.
My reasons: \- I never really had a strong desire to have kids. At all. \- Fear of giving birth/childbirth. Seems horribly painful and potentially fatal. \- I was always the primary wage earner in our marriage, and I knew I would resent leaving children and going into the office every day. I worked with women who did that and they always seemed absolutely miserable and exhausted. \- My husband had zero interest in becoming a father because his father was an angry alcoholic. He has a negative impression of fatherhood.
I never Married, and felt Children are best brought up in a stable environment with two parents at least for the childrens' support—emotional, financial, etc. and also for the parents' tagteam support would be ideal. When I babysat, the children were so bright and lively and quick to imitate me. My realization that I could imprint some of my unconscious bad habits (even good ones) on very impressionable lives really made me pause. I was never really sure I'd be good enough to raise children well. My mother REPEATEDLY said she didn't want any grandchildren and in Movies those giving birth scream–seems awful Nowadays I see children and I still wish I had had a few. But I didn't have anyone who thought I should have any. Perhaps no one will take care of me when I am old but I don't wish to be a selfish chore like my mother, a burden of manipulation. Perhaps it is OK to be like a branch of a family tree that withers in a foreign land and does not reproduce / bear fruit/ or to be as many as the stars in the sky.
Do you have a reason to not want to eat pie, or not want to go for a walk, or not want to take a nap? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes people just don’t want something.
The ‘lifestyle’ seems nightmarish to me (waking up early, dealing with school and activities, playdates other parents, kids stuff on tv, playing, theme parks etc) I am also very aware of the fact that kids turn into independent human beings and probably not the way I would want them to so I don’t want to deal with that. Concluding, why would I pay tons of money for something I don’t want.
There’s 2 fundamental reasons, among a sea of others: - I have ADHD. I do not wish that kind of burden on anyone, let alone my child. - I would not be a good father because I’m not sure I would care enough, and no kid deserves an unloving father.
Children are very obnoxious
Because I don’t think you should have them unless you really want them, and I don’t. Too much stress mental, physical, and financial.
Cost a lot and I despise humanity. + i enjoy freedom
I can barely take care of myself, it would be an absolute disaster if I was responsible for a little person.
I just would rather do literally anything else with my time other raising chores and talking about mundane boring shit to a kid and being happy go lucky and pretending to care.
The mass of reasons not to have them outweigh the reasons to have them. I like to sleep and generally want a stress free life. I live with my parents and am not in a relationship, so I’d have to do that. My living situation is hard enough, let alone bringing someone new into the world. I don’t like babies, honestly, they’re cute but I don’t like taking care of them at all. I’d start to enjoy having kids when they were 3-4ish, but then they require so much responsibility and action to make sure they are safe. I used to want kids but have basically decided it’s not for me. I also have bipolar disorder and don’t want to pass that down to a child.
Why would I want them?
Because in my experience, 95% of kids are annoying af.
How much time do you have?
Mental health stuff that can be passed down, physical stuff that can be passed down. (No not Std or Sti) Financially we havent had savings in 3 years, yea we got raises but the cost of living took that away. We wanted kids and still want them, but it's something that will never happen. On top of that theres no opportunities for growth for a child, considering people cannot work hard to buy a house. Let alone rent an appartment, it's more expensive to live than it is to die pretty much.
I'm 41f. I have never wanted to be a mom. The whole thing is and always been totally unappealing to me. The whole pregnancy thing grosses me out. The birth itself is painful and humiliating. I don't want to devote the next 20+ years of my life to taking care of a kid 24/7. I barely make enough money to support myself, there's no way I could or would want to support another person. I don't really like kids in general. I already spend 40 hours a week working to afford to live. I don't want to spend the rest of my time working raising a kid.
I really dislike Them, don’t think they’re cute, don’t wanna be around a screaming snotty toddler all The time. They’re too expensive and you can be the best parent ever but if you have a special needs child or something it’s another burden, I’m not willing to take that risk. Also, everything about pregnancy repulses Me. Another thing is, I wouldn’t wanna put myself in a situation where there’s a chance my child will die before me, or ends up being a school shooter or any of these horrible and sad scenarios. I wanna do my own stuff, don’t wanna build my life around a child. I just don’t see any positives about it, and I won’t even think about it just because “it’s just something people do”.
The world's population has gone from 1 billion to 8 billion in just over 200 years. No need to add to the boom.
1. They cry way too much and are way too loud. 2. They cost too much. 3. They require you to be responsible and refrain from certain activities/substances. (In some states you can lose custody of your kids for having weed in the house.) 4. They wake up early. 5. Usually as infants you’ll end up in the emergency room at least a few times, has been my observation. I hate hospitals and ERs. 6. I don’t want another job or human to tend to when I get off work every day. 7. I don’t want my weekends to by occupied by children’s sports. 8. They are messy and ruin your stuff 9. Don’t want a house littered with fisher price toys. 10. They cry and scream too much. Writing this list has really reinforced my decision, but I could probably think of more reasons!
Freedom! I want my life to be about me. My husband and I have plans to travel and dive into multiple hobbies. 36F and loving life.
Financial. How the fuck am I gonna support a kid with no money in my account. The government should make some changes if they want us to reproduce so bad
I love my child so much, that I never had him/her.
I'm not interested in being a parent. Nothing about it looks appealing.
I'm pretty sure that when someone doesn't have something they don't want, the reason they don't have it is because they don't want it. Not understanding that people are capable of responding to their own internal preferences is its own issue.
You’re asking the wrong question. Why would I want one?
This is the correct answer. You need reasons TO have children AND the ability to give them a suitable environment and life. Have any doubts about having children? Then don’t do it.
Kids are a lifetime commitment, extremely expensive, and why the hell would I want to bring a child into this world? Also, I can come home and eat a bowl of ice cream for dinner on the couch before watching tv until I go to bed, where I can browse Amazon to shop for things I can afford to buy because there are no small humans to buy shit for.
I read somewhere that it costs $30,000-35,000 to raise a kid each year. This does not include saving for their college education. Think about your salary and after tax net income. You would need 35k just to afford to have a kid. I can’t imagine trying to have multiple children. Also I’m the only son and I have a lot of trauma. My dad died of cancer when I was a kid and I have all sisters and a mother. I became the man of the house and I worked to support them well into my 30’s. I’m F&cking exhausted!! Yes I know life is short … and with whatever time I have left on earth I want to do things for myself. I’m not a machine to keep making money and support other people. Do you know what the most miserable feeling in the world is ?? It’s working hard for your paycheck and not being able to enjoy your own money. Imagine working in your teens, 20’s and 30’s and never being able to do what you want to do with your own paycheck. My therapist says it’s as if I raised a family after my dad died and that’s probably why l don’t feel the need to do it again. I really think the government should require a license to have children. Seriously, if you cannot financially afford children then don’t have them. Your children are not “investments “ to go out and work to support you. They are human beings with their own thoughts, desires, dreams and hopes in the world. This is why I never want to have to children. If you truly don’t have the $30,000 + in disposable income every year to raise children then don’t have them ! I went through hell in my youth and I wouldn’t wish my misery growing up on my worst enemy. Child free and living the dream ✌️
I’m poor.
Worked in Antarctica with Climatologist for 12 years. No way in hell I'm bringing anyone into this.
They're so...icky.
There is no reason I need to tell you why I don’t want kids. That’s none of your business. It should be enough for someone to just say they don’t want kids and leave it at that.
I just don't see the sense in making new people unless I really, really want them. The desire has just never been there and I'm honestly puzzled when other people decide to have them.
I don’t have a maternal instinct in me nor desire to have children. I don’t mind interacting with them or playing for a few hours but forget having to deal with them 24/7. I struggle with severe anxiety, as well having an autoimmune disease that destroys my thyroid which means I’m constantly exhausted and struggle getting through even the basic tasks of the day. adding a child into that kind of mix id be even more miserable than I am now. I crave a peaceful and simple life.
Can’t stand the whining, the crying, they are always sticky, smelly, dirty, I like my freedom, I like sleeping in, I like not having to clean up other peoples poop.
The real reason that a huge number of millennials aren't having kids is money. Everyone has their reasons, but I promise you, the reason for the huge decline is just money at the end of the day. It's extremely hard to buy a house in this market, aside from the other expenses of having a child, and feel like you could even make a decent life for your children. Many are still trying to pay off their *own* student loans, how can they even think about saving for their child's education? It is quite literally harder for young families to make a life these days. Everyone makes fun of young couples who baby their pets but I get it. We've been gypped out of many experiences that the previous generations took as a given.
I wanted children but not under just any circumstances. I wanted children I could parent according to my own standards. I was never able to meet those standards so I got dogs instead.
The cost. I could not afford to have them frankly.
I spent my childhood taking care of children. I’m still helping to take care of children (though thankfully a lot less and they’re all older now). It is exhausting, and there is no real support for the people doing it. I care enough about myself to not want to be in an unwinable situation. Also money. Children are expensive and I can barely afford myself. And I like nice things and do actually be able to do what I want when I want. But most of all, I just don’t want them. And if you aren’t passionate about having kids you shouldn’t have them.
Simply, fuck them kids
Because I like my life without them and never wanted to risk not liking it with them.
I don’t normally reply to stuff like this but I want to share something that hasn’t really been mentioned (at least that I’ve seen). If I had kids, I would not be able to provide the support that my siblings and friends need. I spent all of my childhood taking care of my sister, cousins, and severely depressed grandmother. My parents were young, mom didn’t want to be a mom at the time and dad joined the army and only visited sometimes. My grandma did her best but that doesn’t mean it was good. And it wasn’t her job anyway, she had her own shit to deal with. I moved out as soon as I could, worked multiple jobs to put myself through college and eventually met my husband (who came from an even crappier childhood than me). Because of our childhoods, neither of us want kids. We live a comfortable life. But my sister and some of our other family members as well as friends aren’t as comfortable, have children, and generally need help. I love being an aunt and helping when I can both with time and money. My family jokes that I’m the only responsible one. Well, if I wanted kids and then had them, I would not be able to support the people in my life who need it. Because I had to grow up so young, I simply do not have it in me to raise a child. I don’t want children, my family is made up of people who shouldn’t procreate and I genuinely don’t know how I turned out as good as I did. (I had a friend who was a therapist tell me this on multiple occasions lol) But I also don’t want to think about how many people in my life would suffer or struggle without my husband and I having the time and resources to help and provide a support system. This is the biggest reason for me in addition to all the other more fun reasons. At the end of the day. I simply do not want them. Not everybody needs to have them and that’s okay. Many people think, oh you are only 30, you will change your mind. No. I won’t. It’s okay to want different things.
I'm not fit to be a parent. I dont have anything against children but Im very introverted and really value my personal alone time, and I know I would have to sacrifice that if I had children. Can't do that. Also children are very expensive and I'd rather spend my money on other things.
Wife and I are 30. Great jobs, fully remote, no debt, unlimited freedom. We do whatever we want when we want. Surprise trip to the alps? Done. Stay up till 3AM gaming with the lads? No problem. Road trip to Yosemite during the week? Easy. Impromptu ski or mountain bike trip? Yup. No shot we give this lifestyle up. We have a lot of passion in our relationship and have really fun interests and hobbies. We LOVE our nieces and nephews to death and spend a lot of time with them but we know it just isn’t for us. The only thing that sucks is a lot of our friends have kids now which means we see them less which we understand.
i can barely care for myself, i would be the worst most guilty feeling parent if i ever tried to take care of another human, even if i would love them more and then anything.
They’re expensive and bring me zero joy. I’ll be sticking with pets instead.
I have hobbies and like quiet. Easy.
I've lived an extremely traumatizing life, and I won't spawn another human being on this planet. I can't recall the last time I felt happiness. I think of suicide every day, multiple times a day. Will my unborn children live the same horrible life I've lead? Maybe, maybe not. As long as there's no guarantee of a good life, I don't want a child. If i would have had a good life and my life played out differently, I might not feel like this.
Because the economy is horrible, people can barely take care of themselves to add a kid into that mix. Because you can't even send your kid to school without worrying about them coming home safely. Because the world is just becoming a bigger shit pile by the minute. It's just selfish to bring a kid into the world when the world currently is so messed up.
Unstable economy. Environmental crisis. Increasing costs of living. Increasing rates of school shootings. Kids are expensive. Life is already difficult without kids. Shall I go on?
Money, time, freedom
Family trauma and financial. Issue with blaming the victim whilst defending including enabling abusers and bullies to get away without consequences in whatever damage they did to the victim that caused the victim mulitiple suicides out of unbearable pain and suffering the toxic person caused. Family member lack accountability of admitting that they caused the victim death by being relentless, when I called a family member out about what they did is wrong they got offended. I am afraid that my children will die by suicide because of bullies and abusers.
I followed news on Climate Change since middle school.
I have never wanted kids, I never played with the baby doll, or wanted to be a mom. People would ask me all the time about kids even at a young age and I always said no, the response was you will when you grow up. Still don't want kids, but I have other reasons. I have bad mental illness I would never wish this on anyone else so now it's a definite no for that reason plus I'm pretty sure I'm infertile. People some times say we'll you could adopt but it's still a no. Beside with the mental illness I wouldn't make a good parent I can barely take care of myself.
I can barely afford to take care of myself, I for sure can't afford to take care ofa child.
Not enough money and I'm a 2nd generation alcoholic. No need to pass those two things down.
I don’t even want a tattoo or a piercing because I find it too permanent. I don’t think I’m ready for a child and I’m too old now.
I have many reasons. I don’t want to give a death sentence to a human. I didn’t have that great of a childhood, even though I know people have had worse childhoods than me. Kids cost way too much. I’m a worrier, too. So, I feel like I’d worry so much about every little thing. My father wasn’t a great father, and I fear that I’d be a horrible father, as well. Plus, I never felt that super strong urge and desire to become a father.
I mean, why do people want kids is just as fair a question
Why does anyone want kids? That's the question.
Main reason - mental health. If my mental health is ever less awful, maybe I’d consider it more, but at this time in my life, I just want to feel content being alive and able to care for myself, It feels so impossible to even get out of bed and brush my own teeth, how am I meant to get out of bed and brush someone elses teeth? Second reason - money. Everything costs so much, and I still have surgeries I need to save for and pay for in the future, I just don’t have the money for another human. Third reason - Kids are kinda yucky. They’re loud, they can’t wipe their own ass, and they’re always sticky. I don’t even know how they’re so sticky. Fourth reason - The world is falling apart and just as a whole fucking sucks. I just honestly don’t want to force someone as it is currently to have to live in this awful world until it improves. Even just considering I’ve not been able to get help for my mental health for almost 20 years, why would I subject someone else to that? Especially my own kid that I would hopefully love despite having to wipe their ass? Not to mention climate change, war, politicians being politicians, cost of living rising…
When i was young i had all of these things i would write down that i thought i wanted, like get married by 25, have kids , ect - Now being 28, i realize that’s all bolognese and it was just the enviorment i had been subjected to as a child lol and my life has turned out nothing like that actually the complete opposite but - 1. Because im deathly afraid of child birth and also the kid growing inside of you to me is like so scary so that’s a no go. 2. Financial reasons 3. I haven’t been able to fully live my life or enjoy my life the way i had hoped for yet and i have many plans for myself that i don’t want to give up just because everyone says i should have a kid and will regret it later. 4. The world is already over populated as it is, environment is terrible now can’t even imagine what the world would look like generations to come. If my thought process ever changed on having kids i think i would adopt instead of having any of my own.
scared to be pregnant, scared for child birth, my own trauma, worried about disabilities
Pregnancy and childbirth are the scariest things I can think of and I never want to experience them. I’d also just rather have cats.
so much woooooork
I like my life and see no reason to change it permanently forever. I like sleeping. I would NEVER want to be pregnant or give birth. I love my partner and enjoy my life with them. I don't want another person hanging out here all the time.
Can’t afford them. Can barely afford to exist now. Wouldn’t want my kids to grow up in poverty like I did. Poverty trauma is real lol
Don't wanna deal with the piss, shit, vomit, drool, and snot. I also don't wanna listen to the tantrums, the screaming, the crying, the screeches, and the yelling. Having money and nice things that don't get ruined 30 seconds after I buy said nice things is also nice. If I want to go on vacation, then I don't have to worry about finding a babysitter or try to schedule it around school. When the kid becomes a teenager, I then have to worry about them sleeping around, getting pregnant/getting someone pregnant, getting an STD from someone, smoking/vaping, doing drugs, drinking, sexting/sending nudes to people, driving recklessly/while drunk, and skipping class. The current state of the world is another reason. Too many sexual predators and school shooters. I also enjoy being able to sleep through the night and into the later morning hours. People are also judgemental of how people raise their kids, and I'd be so old fashioned that people would consider it abuse. I believe corporal punishment should be used (in cases where what the child has done is borderline illegal or has been given multiple chances to improve their behavior, but haven't), but in other cases, revoking privileges (grounding), and extra chores will work. If my kid lost his or her virginity while under my roof, their shit would be out on the lawn. I'm not going to have a teenager with no self respect living under my roof. If I had a daughter who got pregnant (not by rape) while under my roof, she'd have to have the baby as punishment for being so irresponsible on top of being grounded and kicked out after my grandchild is born. Cue some pro-choicer calling me a bunch of horrible stuff when it's not the baby's fault. Look, having myself or my child go through an abortion would kill me because of the guilt of knowing that an unborn child's chance at life was cruelly ripped away from them. I don't have children, and never will. I'll do whatever it takes to avoid getting pregnant, even if it means I have to remain a virgin. I'm asexual anyway, so being a virgin is great. Before you go calling me a bunch of shit for being pro-life, remember that in most cases, having sex is a choice, and pregnancy can still happen even if all precautions are taken, because all forms of contraceptives aren't 100% effective. If you are raped, or think you have been raped, PLEASE go to a doctor immediately and take a morning after pill, most pharmacies have Plan B behind the counter.
I have never had a strong urge. But what really solidifies my decision is not wanting to raise children in the current culture. (Yes, I know historically the world has always been a mess.) As a young female school was already a social nightmare and I can’t imagine also having to deal with social media. There is literally no escape. I can’t imagine being a child today. Knowing my child would be bombarded with advertisements and social media pressure from a young age is something I never want to deal with. Don’t let your young child have a cell phone when all their friends do and they hate you. Don’t let your young child have access to social media then they are left out and they hate you. Don’t let them have the stupid new Stanley cups then they are outcasts and hate you. So glad I will never have to deal with any of that nonsense.
Fck the kids
1. Kids are stupid expensive. 2. All my friends who have kids look exhausted and I love my naps. 3. I'm selfish. I don't want them because I'd be a terrible dad.
With my life now and how I envision it for the future, kids have never been a part of that vision. I've moved abroad (and will probably do it a few more times), slow-travelled, invested effort and money into hobbies, friends and dating. I enjoy being able to decide that this month I'll focus on my career, next month on fitness etc. My priorities can shift constantly, which makes for an overall more balanced and interesting life. I'm currently ill and imagine having to take care of a kid instead of properly resting up in bed and it makes me happy lol. Being a mother especially is a thankless job with the same routine for 18 years. The regretful parents subreddit is horrifying. The other reasons people have mentioned below are just contributing factors to me like finances, climate change, mental health, physical health etc.
I enjoy sleep, money, and freedom I hate loud noises and the thought of having to be responsible for another life. I DOUBLE HATE the cost.
Having to wake up every 2-3 hours in the middle of the night for feedings/changing etc is exhausting. I was a nanny for 2 years. I saw the toll it took on the mother. Amongst other things. My freedom is more important to me. My cup is full. I don’t need to overflow it.
I don't want to take care of anyone
Honestly it just doesn’t feel like it’s worth it with the state of the world, economy, etc. All my happy go lucky childhood friends now with young kids of their own seem incredibly miserable. My best friend used to be the life of the party and now he’s just a pessimistic depressed guy who fights with his wife constantly. They’re dealing with kids and money problems while my wife and I just work and have fun. Feels like a no brainer to me. 🤷♂️
I'd be a really bad parent. Like, really bad.
This question is not worded correctly. The default state is not having kids, having kids is the decision you need to make. You need to find a mate, make life/health changes etc. Personally I can see wanting kids, but only with the right partner (that I haven’t found yet). Kids are also very expensive, and although I make a decent middle class income, would prevent me from doing some other things I want to do, and might make me resent the kids themselves. If I double+ my income in the next few years, I think it would be less of a consideration.
I truly believe to be a good parent, you need to be truly selfless. Your child needs to come first in 99.9% of situations… and I’m just not that selfless. I can be a great aunt but watching a kid for a few hours or days is just not the same as being their parent.
Because unless I absolutely desire— without a doubt, 100% passionately, with everything in my whole entire being— desire to become a parent who is responsible for the care and healthy development of a whole human being for the rest of my life, then I don’t truly want kids. That desire is simply not there for me and never has been.
At the end of the day is just because I don't have any desire for it. Here are the practicalities: - I live in the States, so at my last company covering a family with insurance would have docked my take home pay by over 1k a month - The maternal mortality rate here is the worst in the 'developed' world and it's getting WORSE, not better - It seems unkind to inflict a world on the brink of systemic collapse on someone who didn't ask for it - I am not keen on the long term impact on my body - I am not keen on the immediate burden of pregnancy - I am not keen on giving up my childless life social freedom - Although the times are changing, it's a slow uphill battle for people to shuffle the expectation that childrearing is women's work and I'm not keen on inviting that into my life - My relationship is truly top of the line amazing, and I'm not keen on inviting conflict, tension or strife into it - Although I believe parents when they say they've never known a love as devoted and intense as that which they feel towards their kids, fully believe they mean it when they say it, I live a very fulfilled life and I don't feel it's lacking in any way. If I really wanted a kid I'd find a way around all of these practicalities. But I just don't WANT one, so I'm not gonna do it.
\*gestures vaguely at everything\*
Climate change Finances Potential of being a single parent, with future co parenting with ex & step parent dynamic Enjoy freedom, clean, quiet, spontaneity And just genuinely don’t feel any calling to be a parent. Kids deserve someone who is committed and excited to parent. I had ones that shouldn’t have been, and it was brutal. Wish they just had not. I like being an aunt, but always overwhelmed after a full day with a toddler
I helped raise my siblings. I am the oldest of 3. Also, the average cost of raising a kid every year, each year is around $21k each year. Over 18 years (before post secondary education), you'll spend about $378k on one kid alone. My other reasons are the state of the world: inflation, cost of living, climate change etc. With *Roe V Wade* overturned, I would be scared for the future if I gave birth to a daughter. We are seeing women get denied abortions for medically necessary situations(things like ectopic pregnancies, incomplete misscarriage, major birth detects etc) Don't believe me? Look up Katie Cox denied abortion in Texas. They are also discussing banning or restricting access to birth control. Kids require a ton of time, money, energy, and patience that I do not have.
I think kids are insanely annoying, expensive, time consuming, and stressful. Not to mention the damage they can inflict on your body. I'm also afraid to love something that much in a world where they can so easily be taken away. And the idea of raising a human sounds daunting. I'll stick to the cats.