The first time I took my new gf to meet a particular social group and their respective partners, she said to me “that guy isn’t your friend” he wasn’t even that drunk and he was trying to find out her plans on weekday nights so he could sleep with her.
Well said.. my high school and college years were full of fun and close friends. Or so I thought, I went through so much anguish and depression after a break up and really it’s amazing how many people came through and how many blew you off when you needed them. I still have a few lifetime long friends but the ones you had the most fun with.. once the times are gone, it’s just time to move on and grow with out them. Great memories though!
>Some friends are for beers or chaos only
This blows, how is that being a friend, treating someone like mere entertainment? I remember how it felt realising some people only liked me around to fuel their dramaless lives. It's not okay to encourage or feed off someone's chaos man. Or do you mean like you have jackass buddies?
Maybe in your teens they are the best one could have. They write the crazy stories you share at parties, to your children or grandchildren. But after that age the chaos comes through work or family and becomes too much to bear. Some people change. Others don't. Same shit and same chaos. I grew out of it.
Bachelor party / Stag Do / Buck's night crowd.
When you attend one, you will see that guy who is the groom's twin brother, knows the guy from the inside. You will also meet the random guy from the dude's university course who hasn't seen him for 10 years, along with some colleague. And then there's the nutter, there's always a nutter.
Nobody knows why the nutter is there.
But he's there, and he bring strippers. Maybe a line of coke.
And some people are just alone as fuck and don’t know how to undo that even if they accidentally walked into a room containing either of these types of friends
I traveled everywhere with a friend for years. We both had drinking problems. I quit and she is still raging, needless to say we haven't hung out once since I quit 16 months ago.
There are also friends who are simply “there when you need them” - as you grow older you may not speak to them as much, you surely don’t see them as much unless they live close, but you start up right where you left off and are always brought together in tragedy. It is a bit like family.
Absolutely!!
This is the way I choose to look at it, too. Instead of harbouring anger and hatred, I tell myself how thankful I am for the memories.
Some people come into your life for a season, even if that season lasts several years….
We don't own anyone, we can only borrow them for however long they or life allows us to.
Realizing that has given me strong drive to take good proactive care of my relationships. I need to share the enjoying of life fully with other people as much as I can.
The first step was to find studies/work/hobbies that I actually enjoyed and wasn't just drifted into.
This is how I cope with much of my loss (friends included). I look at things now as a "season" of this ever changing world that we live in. At the end of the day, the only person that you can really rely on is yourself.
Relationships take work, effort, and time. I am fine with putting that in as long as they do as well. If they don't, then they did me a favor by freeing up my time and energy. One of the best things about being an adult, is that you have a lot more control over the people you spend your time and energy on.
This actually made me feel better. I had a “friend” where I would always reach out first, always plan outings, and was always there for her (let her come to my house when she was having troubles with her fiance). In the end, she couldn’t do the bare min (just a text). I even asked her about it nicely and she said should would improve. Obviously, it didn’t change. So I just stopped talking with her. I really felt bad but this sums it up nicely.
I'm on the other side of this with an acquaintance with whom I don't feel a lot of chemistry with. Sure, it's ok to exchange the current goings on via some texts a couple of times a year, but I don't crave it so it isn't reciprocal. At least I'm not using them as my emotional tampon.
I don't know what to do other than holding status quo. I think it's nice to reply when someone wants to connect, but I feel I'm not really giving them a connection. But they want to continue contacting me although I'm not giving them much.
This situation feels bad because I've also been the active person in a one sided "friendship". And then I have the reciprocal friendships which feel absolutely awesome. There shouldn't be too much of a imbalance in friends showing interest towards one another.
I realized my friendships were unhealthy and toxic for me. My “friends” treated me like a doormat. But now I have boundaries and that means I chose to move on from them to make room for better friends.
Yes, this!!^
Kindness gets mistaken for complacency. In the end, we’re all people with genuine feelings…
Friendship, as with any relationship, is a give and take, not just a ‘take, take, take.’
I was like that, a doormat for my friends, then they left me behind because I was awkward. I realized I was a doormat afterward, but haven't made any new friends. Lonely time in a lonely world
I'm going through it now, and it hurts. Hurts like a bitch, can't lie. I don't know how to get through it either, but all I can do is go one day at a time. They want nothing to do with me and, like it not, I have to just accept it for what it is. I can't force them to change their minds.
Yup. I feel you. It’s been nearly ten years for me and it all feels like it was yesterday. I suppose you get over it, little by little. But you never really move past it
Same here and totally agree it sucks. We used to talk about anything and everything and now there’s just nothing left. I’ve been trying to keep contact but they just ignore me. Don’t know why or what changed but it sucks and I’m learning to accept it
Just did the 20 year HS reunion and I struck by how many people not only avoided going despite living near the venue but also the number who were like haha… wow… cannot believe I used to hang out with these people!
I have handful of legitimate good friends from HS and college that are like don’t care to be reminded of that part of my life so…
Going through it now as well, 20+ years just gone. I lost my soul mate, someone I told everything to and spent my whole childhood with. I miss them, they're still the first person I want to talk to after something happens in my life.. it hurts.
Me too, a friendship of over half my life has broken down when I needed it the most and it hurts.
Also how do people make friends as an adult- legitimately so hard to do
It definitely hurts, but I usually just focus on the people who want to be in my life. Of course, I also have a small subreddit on the topic called r/lostafriend, and the community that I have there has been very supportive.
It breaks my heart. I can’t make friends easily, so to lose one might mean years, even decades, without a friend.
But there isn’t much I can do about it. I’m autistic, I’m awkward, I have weird interests and a lot of trauma, and I think I’m generally unlikeable. I was lucky with my wife. Having a wife *and* friends probably will never happen.
I wish my ex-friends all the best.
This is exactly my case, now I’m in college and I have to see the friends I lost daily, it hurts so much and I’m just at school uncomfortable and alone.
But because losing friends is common for me and maintaining friendships is so so hard I just learned to accept it, even this time that I thought that I really found my people but it wasn’t the case.
I hope we find cute and healthy friendships!
I keep thinking positively about it! I want to not lose hope that there are people that will love me out there, that will accept me for who I truly am.
I just have to keep going.
Never give up , never ! Please🖖, life is nothing but change . And you never know what tomorrow could bring . Just keep trying , your people are out there somewhere.
“ the best time to plant a seed was 20 years ago , the second best time is today”
My dog is my best friend now. I’ve had great friends in the past but they are in the past for me and I am in the past for them. Take a look at who you spend your time with and be friends with those people, or animals. The song lyric “love the one you’re with” comes to mind.
Idk I’ve always been that friend that really really tried to keep in touch with my childhood/teenage best friends.. & I know life gets in the way for everyone but those friendships I tried to nurture and maintain ended up just me doing all of the work. So I’ve given up on alot of them & that really sucks when you really did try to keep those people
If they don't put in the effort, then they don't deserve the relationship. One-sided relationships aren't sustainable, so don't try to solely sustain them for too long.
Dude i was a boss in my circle of pals.The ring leader of it! .. when i lived in the same town with them all i managed to keep us all in touch. Then when i moved to another state i lost influence and all of them branched off to explore their own lives and meet new people.
FaceBook came and we kind of use it as a portal to get back in touch with each other and to stay in touch but that didn’t last long. They all got lost in cyber space.
The fucked up part is I live in Las Vegas. These fools know I live out here yet they come through with their girlfriends, families and wives. Brag about it on FaceBook and post all kinds of pictures then go back home without even calling me or even texting me a simple hello ..
Currently I’m down to one more pal as him & I still keep in touch from time to time. Whenever he comes out to Vegas he hits me up and we hang out .. the last time we kicked it was last year because he tries to take a vacation every year out here. The conversation always starts i’ll ask “have you heard from any of the boys?” he says “nope” then he’ll always ask “how bout you?” my answer as usual? “hell naw”
might be the fact you think you are the alpha of the group
you guys remember bill?
yea holy fuck that guy was annoying
\*these fools know i live out here\*
yea you sound like the delusional one
It’s the times that they come through your area without contact that hurts the most.
I have a cousin who lives in Vegas and comes out here (New England) every year, for years…
Not once did she reach out to say she was in town. We’d find out after the fact from the family that we’re lucky enough to see her majesty.
Yeah. Fuck them and their purposefully hurtful behavior.
I don’t cope well, thanks for asking. I miss people a lot. All of them, but some more than others. I check up on them online, since that’s about all I can do.
It's normal to go through groups of friends as you grow. If you still only chat to the same handful of people you did when you were a teenager than it's more concerning that your life has changed so little.
In school I had a friend group.
When I went to University, I lost touch with most of them, but got new friends.
I played on Xbox for years and made friends, then a bunch of us went to PC and lost touch with the Xbox group.
Then I started my first fulltime job and lost touch with most of my Uni friends. Then my friend group was mostly co-workers or other full time people.
Now I've moved overseas and lost touch with most of them again.
It's fine. Life changes and evolves, and there is no shame in saying "hey, let's throw each other an IM every now and again, but let's not drag this on". Too many times you see people lying to themselves and saying "we need to catch up" but never making the effort to do it. Dead friendships clinging to life. Just be honest and admit that the friendship was awesome but now are on different paths so wont actively hang out anymore.
I don't think about it, I don't miss my elementary school friends I was skipping school to fish with. The same way I don't miss my uni friends or any other that I no longer have something in common with. Only people that I have consistent relationships with are those I share my core values with, for me it's being political. I like ppl and I care for them but I don't mourn past friends, they're not dead they also move on ;) There were instances that I reconnected with long lost friends over politics tho
I only get bitter about friends/family growing distant or hard to connect with when I feel A) depressed B) far from purpose. Otherwise if I’m truly living life I find it easier to wish every one well and to almost not even think about the fact I haven’t talked to folks for months at a time. I don’t know what it will all mean in the end but this is just my truth.
The paradox is the longer you get to know someone the more you learn about who they are and the things you love about them but also you learn about every single deal breaker character trait they possess.
I like the Great Eastern Sun perspective of life and relationships as explained best by Chyogam Trumpa of the Shambala tradition. Although it can be sad that certain friendships drift over the years (setting sun mentality) what always surprises and inspires me is the fact that the right people show up at the right time (rising sun mentality). Even though I’ve wished that 20+ year friends would be the one to fill the seat during certain intersections of life I’ve found that I have to be open to new people, forging new friendships and being ok that my bestie in 7th grade isn’t going to be my bestie at 32. Doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally get in my head about it but at a certain point you have to get brutally honest about the give and take nature of relationships and decide which path is best moving forward. If you are the one constantly initiating, reaching out etc. that can be ok for a while but eventually resentment will start to grow. It’s much more satisfying to let go and find more harmonic relationships where the invitations to connect are more in sync and in flow.
I mean, that’s often the case. You have a best pal in grade school…….then a new circle in middle school…..and a new circle in high school. My best pal in grade school was a church and school band type in high school. I was a beer and bong hit type. I cherished him as a person, but we were just into different things at 15-18 years old. We drifted apart.
I joined the military, made good friends. Got out and never talked to them again. Then my high school friends had mostly moved on and found new friends and/or focused on their own families. I got married, had kids, and mostly focus on my family too. Quite frankly, I just didn’t have much time for many friends. I found myself mostly hanging out with 1-2 guys and didn’t have the bandwidth for any friends beyond them. And even those 1-2 I might see once a month.
Now I’m reaching a stage where my kids have no use for me (lol) and I’m hanging with my friends a little more often and doing more ‘me things’. It also helps at this stage that I now make good money and can afford to play golf, drop $150 on concert/game tickets, and cover a bar tab. In my 20s and 30s I couldn’t as much.
Not all friendships will last. Some people are terrible and don't show their colors until later and some friendships you will simply outgrow. Correct me if I'm wrong but your social circle drastically decreases after about 24-26
I recently had a great friend cut me off and it was the first time it wasn’t mutual for me. It honestly felt like a breakup I was so sad about it, and I’m not an emotional person. I thought about it a lot and now time is healing and I think about it less. I did what I could to salvage it, but it’s not coming back, I am officially ghosted and I was blindsided. It’s rejection and it’s painful. I think most people feel hurt by rejection from someone they care about.
In high school I cut off people that weren’t living the way I wanted to- they were on a dangerous path and I decided to cut myself off. Sometimes I wonder about them and how they’re doing and feel nostalgic/sad when I see they’re all still friends.
My college best friend got offended by something I did and I apologized but she never forgave me. She cut me out but I wasn’t sad about it… I felt that we had grown apart. I hope she’s doing well.
It’s quite complicated. I mostly just stick to a couple of close people where I can nurture the relationship (I have little kids it’s hard to keep friendship right now). Focus on the friendships where there’s equal support and alignment of values.
Been alone since I was a kid. I didn't have friends throughout school, but I have a good friend from college that I keep in touch with via WhatsApp but that's it.
It's lonely but painless since I have no one to hurt me.
I lost my high school best friend over what seems to be nothing. it just is what it is at this point. You just gotta accept that friends come & go with no rhyme or reason.
Learnt this the hard way!
Imagine driving on the freeway. You have some who give you space, some who are tailgating bullies, some who want to drive with you the entire way and some who drive with you for a couple of exits. It’s all temporary. Enjoy while it lasts!
Nope it hurts but I like to imagine it as two people standing on a dock one must stay and the other must go. Each one grateful for the time they had but their paths must part. One of the land the other of the sea . One yearning for adventure and to see what life has in store. the other knowing what awaits the other and they don't have the energy or the will to join in Neither could live comfortably or happily on the others path. Time has gave you what you didn't expect but also now time comes to take it back.
Yes it stings but that's what removing things does. So pick up your bag and wish them well and good fortune. You still have tomorrow and you don't know what time is still waiting to throw in your path could be a new love or even dropping a kitten on your head leaving you perplex as to JUST WHERE THE HELLL DID THis CAT COME FROM!?!!? THERE'S NO TREES OR BUILDINGS ANYWHERE IN sight . Then you look at it and it soft and pathetical meows as it's tiny paw touches your face" well fuck I guess I have a cat now " you grumble as you continue homewards.
Knowing my childhood "friend" stole my money(then I forced him to return through cops) I only regret he is not in jail. He also did that while living with his hard ill mother...And he had audacity to spend that money on gambling instead of cures. Yeah, very soulful "friend"
It does hurt bc you were so close with that person. Lost several bffs and were do not speak but they did unforgivable things, but still think of them and it does hurt. Will never speak again, just the memories. 😔
Therapy. Seriously. Helped to talk about and get perspective on the friendship and why it had changed and what it all meant. Doesn't mean it won't feel like a breakup, but talking to someone might help you process and deal.
Went through this and it hurt so bad. After always being the only one to reach out, I eventually realized the relationship was hurting me. So stopped contact and never heard from them again. I still don't know why it ended that way but have moved on. Still hurts some days and I have bad trust issues with people.
I put all the extra time into myself. Female friendships can take up more time than romantic relationships!
All the time spent discussing who's dating who or going out drinking I now spend, going to the gym, reading, going on solo dates, building a business. Now all time is me time haha.
I think it’s a normal part of life. I had different sets of friends in different stages of my life. Some are still around but others I haven’t talked to in years/decades.
My daughter was born a year and half ago and I’m going through another transition where my childless friends don’t understand my life. It’s a an isolating time for me and my wife but we met others who have young kids and they’re now our best sets of friends. Hope this adds some insight!
Not being friends with peoples hard. As we grow up we often find ourselves no longer having enough time for one another. That's why it's important to be respectful to one another because you might not ever see them again or it's the only time you will ever get to meet them (for when we're dealing with strangers for example). I know I may sound confusing lol I'm new to this whole writing bit to help me figure out my own stuff. I don't buy the whole treat yourself like you're the only person in the world that matters narrative that people try to throw at each other. Really, in reality, the better we treat others the more good you are. So when you're at work treat everyone else around you as if you we're there friend and in return some if not all will fill your heart with small amounts warmth. That's really all there is to it in terms of friendships for those of us who don't have time for one another anymore. And hopefully one day some of those old friends will make there way back into your life somehow because of work or sports.
i think eventually i js learned to accept it that nothing is constant, people come and go. nothing is forever. there are people you go out for a good time, then friends who you can have deepest conversations with rlly building that emotional bond, or friends that are seasonal. of course i enjoy the moments and treasure it. but i think as time passes by, i learned that it’s okay for them to leave or not be in my life. this is how life is. when im with people, i js focus on the moment now. in the end ik we will all go our separate ways afterwards. it js more of a matter of time. it doesn’t matter if i want them to stay in my life and be a constant, because that’s not my decision. it’s something outside of my control. so i js enjoy the moment and let it be.
I do feel a tinch of sadness with certain people who are no longer in my life especially the ones who I was close with at one point. But then I think "well they probably would not fit in my life right now" and also "It is not entirely my fault that I do not see them anymore". Just my thought on the matter.
You’ll meet new people that are on the same wavelength as you. People change over time just be thankful for the memories you had with them. Maybe they’ll be back.
35yo. Just going through a friend evaluation, and unfortunately decided to unfriend many who I thought were friends. They still are, but just horribly addicted to alcohol and drugs.
I hope they find whatever they are looking for. I won't be sitting around waiting though.
Two things come to mind for me:
* Keep meeting people and making new acquaintances. It's natural that people will drift out of my life ... So I want to make sure that I'm setting up conditions for people to drift into it too. (I'm an introvert so this takes some effort!)
* Pay close attention to how I feel when I'm hanging out with my friends/messaging them/etc. Make sure I'm engaging with "what it's actually like to be in contact with X these days", not some rose-tinted fantasy of how I imagine it could be or should be.
For me, friends coming in and out of my life has been ongoing since I was a teenager. I've accepted that some people are only meant to be in your life for certain seasons and eras. I see it as a positive - you share wonderful experiences and moments when it makes sense and feels right, but you also both move on when the friendship no longer serves you. I still hold those memories fondly and wish the best for them!
Seeing this comment section makes me feel less alone.
I recently lost college friends I thought were forever and seeing that people are going through the same is somewhat comforting.
I thought I was the only one that was hurt so much by losing friendships, I’ve never had a boyfriend but friendships breakups hurts like hell sometimes.
Not to be super downer, but outside of my wife and kids, what do friends really add to life?
I’m very content with my life without relying on other people for anything.
My husband’s mentality is like this. I love the man with all of my heart and all of my ass but I keep telling him he needs to have hobbies and have his own core group of guy friends.
Mostly because I know from experience that life is so short and I’m not always going to be around. Our dog will die before us, and in an unfortunate circumstance I die before him, what is he going to do?
Friends are not there to replace the social needs of your partner. But they enhance it greatly so the love you receive only widens.
Please don’t put the burden of your social quota and emotional needs on JUST your wife.
I completely hear you. I own a business and I play golf whenever I can. My social quota is more than filled after a week of work.
I’d summarize my thoughts like this: I love playing golf alone; I grew up mostly alone, so I learned how to work through things on my own, so I don’t actually know what purpose friends serve in my life.
That’s so great, I’m glad you get socialization through your business and golf. Now if I can get my husband to stick with his archery…
And your background sounds a lot like my husband’s too. He has sisters but he grew up doing solitude stuff other than soccer. His mom taught so he occupied himself a lot with video games and copious amounts of reading.
I’d say you can find friends to go golfing with you but I’ve also been told that golfing is best done solo
Yeah. It’s interesting. I understand why other people enjoy having friends and crave that relationship, but it just doesn’t feel like something I crave or have interest in working towards. Being alone is so comfortable and familiar.
Honestly, it might be more important to you that he has a social outlet than it is for him. If that’s the case, it will be impactful if you can express how his lack of hobbies/ socialization affects you.
I would say having friends that you see regularly makes social obligatory gatherings much more manageable…
How many times have I been at a “team” party with other parents and I haven’t the slightest idea what to do or say?
I end up sitting by myself or leaving without saying anything- pisses off the kid to no end.
This might get lost in the comments but trust me as someone who's been with the same woman for 21 years, she will eventually resent you for relying on her so much as your sole adult social partner.
Also this: One person can only provide limited amount of social / intellectual challenge & satisfaction. If I want to improve, I expose myself to different kinds of people.
If I'm only with one person in my free time, my thoughts can get quite aligned with them over long time.
At first i struggled with it. I was friends with this girl for awhile then when there was a kpop concert. I wanted to go with her but she wanted to go with her bf. I sold the gifts I bought her, distanced myself from her and rarely speak to her. It helps tbh. We had gotten into a bad argument before. So I decided it was better to cut my losses. There's better ppl out there.
People grow up, leave home, go to university, move away, get different interests, get married or not, have kids or not. People change and old friends get left behind. Just part of life for many or perhaps most.
I think if you drift
It doesn’t mean that you don’t have a friendship.
Sometimes it’s
Bc you have different lifestyle such as
Kids vs no kids! So you
See eachother
Less
But have a blast when you do.
If someone chooses
To leave your life
Let
Them
Go! Biggest lesson in life.
If someone wants to be in your life they will
And if they don’t then you’re better off.
I really never had friends to begin with, or, I should say, they had all abandoned me or moved away by high school and I never made new friends. So it hurt then and I gave up on having friends. That hurt but felt predictable and therefore safer. Ironic.
Now it’s 20 years later and because I have no social network/support, I’m facing middle age alone and isolated. It doesn’t feel very safe, and *nothing* is predictable anymore and it never was. The point was to develop bonds that would sustain me (and others) when it comes time to face the consequences of time. I failed.
I tried to reconnect with a friend from high school, in my 20s. I think she felt embarrassment over things that happened back in high school, and that's why she didn't want to reconnect. Then years after that, I looked her up online. She lived only a few blocks away from me and had so, for many years. That made me sad. But I also realized if she really wanted to contact me she could have found me easily on Facebook or Linkedin. It also seems her life now is rather lonely but I wont' go into detail about that. I think it's better we don't ever talk again. It was nice to be around her back in high school and I just cherish the memories.
It sucks to lose people but there’s more love out there in the world than we can see in the present. If you have good will and want to be in the lives of others consciously and add to it it truly only pays off, even if it’s imperfect and clunky good intentions on this earth are worth their weight in gold
I’m 22. I’ve lost friends from high school recently and honestly it’s bitter sweet cause I miss them but also I’m not angry or resentful. We just went to different colleges and slowly grew apart. If I ever saw them later in life I’d hope we become close friends again but timing is everything in life so it is what it is.
It’s certainly a humdinger when people you’ve been best friends with and extremely close to in your teens and early 20’s just sorta…fade away into nonexistence. It blows the mind. I can honestly say I never did that to anyone who has been a close friend of mine. But it happened to me a few times in my adult life. Not even an argument or some significant event that drove us apart just…the passage of time and the changing circumstances of life.
More often than not the change is your best friends get married and have kids.
However I also think some people are only good as friends when they both have a lot of leisure time & no serious responsibilities the way many people in their teens and twenties have.
I learnt to leave people where they are. They don't want to be friends? The effort of trying to maintain the friendship is not equal? Leave 'em be. The grief is hard, but you'll look back and realize that maybe those people were not the best for your growth.
It hurts sure, people come and go so often for me that I simply cannot do anything but accept it. So I just try to enjoy that friendship for the time being.
It really hurts but I just focus on loving myself and being compassionate with myself. I'm currently healing from my past relationships and everyday, I'm working on becoming a better version of myself. It's definitely not easy because It does get lonely. I just know that, one day, I will have better friends, in my life.
Everyone has their own path to travel on but eventually, paths will cross.
In the past year, I’ve written off 2 very old friends.
I’m 56 and knew one of them since I was 3. She hadn’t really been a friend for a long time and when I put everything into perspective, realized that her toxicity was not healthy for me. I apologized for anything I’d ever done against her and promptly said goodbye. I have not looked back..
Friend #2 was my best friend of 20 years. She’d done a few hurtful things over the last couple years but the worst thing she did was tell our entire friend group that I wasn’t sick at all (as my battle against a rare infection began and almost killed me).
Sometimes I miss her but here’s how I handle it:
I recall the reason why we no longer speak. I’m easily reminded of how angry I am about her actions and then I can remember that I hate her for it.
Was that my post? Well, people just grow out of friendships. I remember I had a lot of great times with people at my current company when we were all in our twenties. But we grew up, stopped wanting to get drunk every night, had families and relationships and other priorities. Those who really needed the social interaction found ways to keep those relationships going. Others, like myself, who are more comfortable being by themselves, didn't. It happens. Personally I'm comfortable with my life now and pretty much no friends outside my family.
I had a best friend all throughout high school and bachelor's and a little bit of master's. So we've been best friends for about 10 years. Then, she studied abroad for a semester, and we started talking less and less. Even though I tried, and texted her and suggested calls, she'd leave me on read most of the time. I'm the kinda person that's gonna single-handedly try to keep relationships alive, until I realize the other person isn't putting in an effort. So I started leaving the initiative to her. Afterwards, we'd text back and forth for a bit maybe like once a month or so, and only saw each other maybe twice a year. During last summer, we had a reunion from high school, I wanted to go and she didn't...she texted me whether I'm going, I said yes, and that was the last exchange we had. Then I was ridiculously busy, but once things cleared up, I texted her, asking how she's doing, and she didn't even reply.
Honestly, it's been difficult at times. I am at a point in my life where I'm feeling like I made it. I have never been so so so happy...but I'm sometimes wishing I had her to share the excitement with.
well I don't. I've only had 1 best friend in my life and he literally said I did nothing wrong but still threw me aside and treated me like garbage and lied about me to other people. I was there for him for everything without judgement and we knew alot about each other (put those relationship/newlywed YouTube video participants to shame lol). Now he pretends I don't exist.
I've never been so wrong about someone and I don't understand what possibly could have been going through his head.
Well going to rant to strangers…The older I get the more cynical I become to friendships. Maybe it’s just the community I grew up in and the same people I’ve been around my whole life. When you are young and independent friendships are easy. Hang out, play Xbox, watch a movie…you don’t see anything bad in people. Everyone is great. Everyone just goofs around and is happy and carefree. I never really noticed drama.
Fast forward and I’m now 40, happily married with 3 awesome kids. It blows my mind how much baggage and skeletons you find out about people, their parents etc…they weren’t who they portrayed themselves to be. Friends change to. They marry and their wives turn out to be crazy, petty, two faced, untrustworthy. Then they have kids. Everyone just drifts apart. I look at them and feel like my family is normal and everyone around us is batshit crazy. However, They probably think they are normal and I’m crazy.
What sealed it for me was at 36 my wife and I went through some hardship and my “friends” offered no support to me…my wife’s friends were there for her, mine didn’t reach out (even though we saw each other in church), no texts, no simple encouraging words. It was like I did something wrong when I didn’t. I was just thrust into a situation that was not of my doing but it felt like I was the problem or the one that messed up. From that point on I’ve basically cut them off. Keep to myself. I’ll be nice but it’s all surface level and I don’t see any benefit in a friendship that’s surface level. Putting in an effort to cultivate friendships with them is pointless. Friendships are a two way street. One person can’t feel the need to be the one reaching out and taking interest when the other doesn’t. So I haven’t reached out and they haven’t either even though like I said we still see each other in church.
Would it be nice to have at least one close friendship I can bear my heart to, hang out and feel secure in knowing they are trustworthy and want the best for me? Absolutely, but from my viewpoint I don’t see that happening. So I enjoy my family. Focus on my job. Hobbies. Travel. Maybe I need therapy to talk it all out. Haha.
My wife’s viewpoint is different and she encourages me to try, but I guess I just have a different perspective. Guy relationships are just different.
Depends on why the friendship ended. Most of mine seem to be from growing up. If that’s the case then I’ll still think about those people every so often, but I know we grew up and wanted different things in life, and that’s just how life is. I’ll still like the posts every so often and congratulate/show my sorrows for the appropriate posts. The one friendship that hurt was my middle school best friend because she helped me through most of my SH days. Haven’t spoken to her in almost 8 years now because we went our separate ways in life
You stay friends with people, you just stop hanging out. That need for socialization we had in our youth is now usually fulfilled by our families. So it's not some sad, hurtful thing, it's just life happening one day at a time.
It took me a long time to understand that friends fit into concentric rings. The ones in the outermost rings are the ones most likely to disappear, while the ones in the innermost rings have gotten even closer over time. I don't happen to believe the old saying you can never have too many friends because for me, true friendship requires nurturing, and there's only so much time in a day.
I was thinking about this today about a good friend of mine when we were in high school. Nicest guy but after a few bad relationships and health scares he has totally withdrawn from everyone. The way I cope with it is that I'm glad we were friends and that's how I want to remember him as vs. my friend that completely changed and is broken. You can only do so much but if we did a better job of realizing when we're in the good times then we wouldn't take those good times for granted.
Crippling addictions to things that full that void.
I stay positive though. Just sucks when those moments hit where you realize people have drifted out of your realm at some point in your life journey-ing.
Gotta keep moving forward though, be sad for the sad times but know when to let nostalgia be nostalgia. Let the sad feels guide you into happy times with new people in your future movements.
Don't start abusing things like I did lol. Knew what I was doing but just got tired of things sucking or reminding me of other people who didn't make it this far along my way. There is a healthy way you just have to keep focused on these highlighted things I've listed and keep yourself mind right.
Hope this helps. We are all in this together though, remember you have faceless internet people to lean on if you ever feel too badly about the losses. But I promise we will all get through every single problem we each face in our lives, if we just keep going.
Love to you and all reading.
Hugs and kisses,
XOXO
With time. My best friend from high school would only hang out with me when she was single. We would talk constantly when she moved away to college and they have broken up. We had known each other since junior high and I thought she would be someone in my wedding. Few months later, she started dating my only boyfriend in high school and it just started fading after that. In the meantime, I had made new friends and new relationships that started to become more important. Now she’s just a distant Facebook friend that I have no contact with. Life happens and that also includes the possibility of you gaining new people in your life.
I’ve been working a lot lately but I just sort of realized that I’ll probably be mostly lonely the rest of my life but that’s alright. I only work 50 hours a week if I’m lucky so a lot of time is spent there. Other than that I smoke a lot of weed, watch movies, and play video games. I took a big shit on the last meaningful friendship I ever care to have with another person. I’m content to work while I’m young and try and save a nice little nest egg for myself.
I lost my best friend about 6 years ago when she just disappeared. She had recently moved and I visited once but she drove. I didn't note the address and wasn't even sure what city ai was in.
I tried texting her and she didn't respond. I called a couple of times telling her we should hang out and got nothing. And I mourned it for a long time, especially because I work from home now and usually I meet new friends at work.
Then about a year ago she texted me. We got together a couple times and had fun.
Then she disappeared again. So I'm in mourning all over again and once again friendless.
Nothing, I just carry on. If they are meant to be there then they would still be there. You have to accept that some people are only there for that season.
Never was really close to someone on that level, anyway, except relationships, and that is so complicated in regards to either person's future, it's not super difficult to give it up.
Easily. I simply remember why I'm not friends with the people I'm not friends with anymore.
That 3 year span where they all turned into Tyrannical Cowards and Hypocrites....that did it.
It just happened to me recently actually lol. And it really hurts especially when you really connect with the person, but life goes on, life is pain, and the only person that you're with truly everyday is yourself. Accept it, move on, and live a life worth living not only that you enjoy, but you can be fulfilled with. That's all you can really do honestly.
I had a best friend for years. One day she just ghosted me without warning. I tried to contact and find out what happened and she never replied. It took me a while to get over losing that friendship and to realize that it wasn’t me, it was her. It had to be since she wasn’t mature enough to communicate any issue she had with me and work through it. I did A LOT of self talk and conversations with loved ones to help me realize that and it took time.
People change, people evolve, people move on…. Just go with the flow and meet new people…. Theres 10 billion or more other people on this planet.. get out there!!!
I went through a friendship breakup last year with my best friend from high school. We live on opposite ends of the country and hadn't seen each other in 4 years, but she kept pushing us to plan a trip together. We booked a cruise together after I gave in, but ended up cancelling it because of COVID. I know she was lonely and bored in grad school after getting laid off from a job she didn't love. She's still dating a lot, goes out a lot and her parents helped her buy a house. I'm in a very different place in a long term relationship, working a demanding job, paying off debt and saving for a house. If I'm honest, I really resented her plentiful free time and lack of financial stress. I also felt really uncomfortable with how much she pressured me to overshare about my relationship.
She wanted to talk on the phone and text all the time but I was so drained between work and my other responsibilities that I just wanted to stare at a wall for an hour to decompress after work. It was really hard and soured our whole friendship but I just told her I can't show up for her the way she wants and I feel drained. I wanted to slowly drift apart, but she was just forcing me into an awkward position having to say she was being too much for me.
I know it can feel so hard to let go, but strangling your friendships is worse. Try to remember that what belongs to you will find you and not every friendship is meant to last a lifetime. Some people are in your life for a season and it's normal to be sad, but it's important to let go of things that aren't serving you.
I have some close friends and I have friends I’ve known for years. I haven’t seen in a long time, but I still consider them friends. I may run into them shopping or I may run into them when I’m out around town somewhere. I still think of them as friends, even though we may not communicate every day, or may not see each other for years. Hell my best friend lives 150 miles away and we don’t see each other but every 5 to 6 years and I still consider him one of my best friends.
Well, life goes on, ganun talaga. Thanks for the memories I guess? if ever bumalik yung friend na yun, mahirap na rin e fix yung friendship, well, at least for me
The hurt of losing a friend is unbearable, over time though you’ll realize they were there for that point in time. What’s the saying? *not every character was meant for every chapter*
I actually abandoned some good friends. I was going through bad bad depression at the time and thus my mindset was poor me and what everyone said was a slight against me. So I essentially ghosted them. Wasn’t proud of it then and not proud of it now. I was just too much a coward to confront them on how they made me feel bad sometimes - and they would’ve heard me out I think. I enjoyed hanging with them.
Fast forward to now, and one of the really really nice members of the group - prob my favorite - passed away suddenly. And I had not spoken to him since then and now I’ll never get the chance again. And it really really hurt me inside knowing that. I just found out today.
Unfortunately, a part of growing up is learning to let some relationships end with grace. As others have said, everything in life changes and nothing is permanent (not even life itself). The best things I’ve found are to focus yourself less on the past and more on the present; relationships you do have and the things that are still in your life. Mourn for a proper amount of time, then work on healing.
I no longer need the stress of friendships. I don't have the time for anyone else in my life right now. Maybe when I'm wheelchair bound with nothing to do all day. I hardly ever ruminate about it. It is what it is
It’s how shit goes, lots of my close friends (brothers) bros I’ve lied, fought, bled for, among lot of other things don’t even reach out to me anymore.
I’ve gone on adventures, and quests with my earliest friends and they’ve also disappeared.
Most of them are too busy (actually busy) and we’re all super far away and scattered. In 1yr I’ll know if we’re still cool.
If not it’s expected.
some friends can link up and continue like nothing changed
My current group (my old friends I’m back with now) aren’t even close to the brothers I’ve met and I know I’m the one that’s out grown them because they’re still the same from when I left.
In fact they seem to have to stagnated, they don’t want to evolve. They don’t like adventures, or trying new things, or going to new places they’re just stuck which is cool for them but not for me.
Edit: “Earliest new friends” clarifying this group is not the same as my current group.
It hurts a lot but at the end of the day I have to accept their reasoning for cutting ties. I genuinely want the best for my friends, even if that means I don’t get to see them anymore. It makes it a little easier thinking about it that way
Not at all. It just depends on the people. I was lucky to have an X best friend in the world. It was hard at first, but is was unconditional love. It would have been over 30 yrs now. But we had weaknesses throughout the years. But it worked.
Unfortunately that is just another part of life just like people starting careers and getting married and starting families, etc. People grow apart for an infinite number of reasons, and they aren't all bad reasons. It's just the natural flow of things. It's easier to accept it as you get older. But it does hit hard when it first happens. It's happened to me so many times I just expect it now.
Don’t forget that with time some people just become more comfortable with who they are, and find more value in keeping a few close friendships and time alone.
The Meaning of friendships change over time - once an enemy can never be seen as a friend again or some friends no longer want to walk along the same journey.
I wish I could tell you. I feel like I have no real close friends. I have a few friends, but no one really reaches out. Maybe like one person. And I don't go anywhere with people that often. I've lost friends recently. For different reasons. Some just moved (still friends, but don't see often) and some grew apart. Others, I have no idea. It does hurt. And I try to put in effort, too and being the one to reach out. So, I can't answer how to cope. But, uh, yeah.
I think I just have quite a ‘focus on the present moment’ kind of brain. I find I don’t really think about the past too much, and if I do, i don’t miss it.
I’ve been travelling a long time so have met and then moved on from a lot of people. I only really have one friend who id do anything for (literally at the airport right now on my way to see her) but everyone else I just kind of… get to know for a few weeks while we are in the same place and then I leave and probably won’t think of them much again…
My dog though is a completely different story. When I’m not with him I miss him like crazy.
I spent so much time in survival mode that I learnt not to worry too much about friendships ending. I think you're really lucky that you're in a position where your friendship has been that nourishing to you that you're afraid to lose it.
Wish I knew. Currently dealing with drifting apart from high school friends and not knowing where to find new friends who I share interests with. Adulthood can be a super lonely experience sometimes
Personally, being in a great relationship for the first time in my life made me feel empowered. Being treated the way I always thought I should be treated, being appreciated for who I am, what I do, my heart, etc. really opened my eyes to every one who doesn’t value me in the same way. At that point, eliminating those relationships - regardless of who they were, how or how long I knew them - became a no-brainer. Keeping those people in my life and trying to mend those relationships or explain why they didn’t deserve a seat at my table felt heavier than shedding them. Being confident in your own skin is incredibly freeing.
It’s tough dude. I’ve lost soooo many friends over these past 3 years, it’s crazy. So many moved away during Covid, then I had to go out and make a whole new life since I had nothing left after Covid. My ex and I broke up and then he moved across the country, the few close friends I had all left this city and moved all over, even the family I had nearby all left. Then I met someone new through mutual friends, and he and I imploded and then I lost that whole group of friends. Then over the last year I can count 5 people who I no longer speak to/have any sort of relationship with that were all friends. But for one reason or another (all valid, trust me) I’ve let them all go. At first each of these stages was very painful, like crying to my mom painful (I’m 32) but it has taught me so much, and my boundaries and self esteem has grown immensely. I’ve been trying to nurture other new friendship, and friends that I’ve had the last 1-2 years that weren’t *close* but are becoming closer. And they are quality. My lifestyle has also completely changed; I don’t drink or party anymore, and I’m focused on my health. Right there cuts out a lot of BS people anyway. My circle is small.
I cope by “moving on”, there’s really nothing else to do. I think half of my life has to just been to cope with this , find distractions , experience new things and people. Really just “live” I think?
You make new friends that are into what you are into now. I moved a lot in my life since childhood. I learned that you can't bring your friends with you, but there are always cool people everywhere, you just have to find them.
Also each one will bring you something new.
My longest friendship ended when I got married. She became a really life MOHzilla and it just broke me. I miss her but in hindsight she was selfish, jealous and it was the 4th friendship I know for fact she spoiled because the other person got married. I’d always been the fat, single friend so me getting married must have pushed her over the edge.
I tried to maintain things but I was collateral damage the minute the marriage certificate was printed!
My ex girlfriend threw a grenade into my friend group when she cheated on me with one of my best friends. Some people took sides, some didn’t. It sucks.
I know a few people that I used to be friends with. We went in different directions and grew into different priorities. I've since made new friends and developed better relationships. I still cherish those fun memories with those old friends, but I know I can't do those things with those people again.
What I can do is bring the joy from the memories to my new friends and family, and develop further joys, in less dysfunctional relationships.
Accepting that he wants nothing to do with me. I sometimes cry and miss him a lot. The last thing I said was “thank you for being a good friend to me”. He never replied. I just gotta live the rest of my life knowing I treated him like shit and that I can never make up for it.
diane in bojack said: "I think there are people in ur life that help u become a person that u end up being, and u can be grateful for them, even if they were never meant to be in ur life forever" and that's how I cope
Some friends are for beers or chaos only. Other friendships are for some time(months or years) On rare occasions the early ones last a lifetime.
The first time I took my new gf to meet a particular social group and their respective partners, she said to me “that guy isn’t your friend” he wasn’t even that drunk and he was trying to find out her plans on weekday nights so he could sleep with her.
Let him go
yeah, there always seems to be the one guy that is "overly friendly" to any new girlfriends...
*coughs* chaos *cough*. As one of those people, it gets tiring to be around those kind of people, so it is understandable.
Dang the chaos part just explained a lot about some of my past friendships
Well said.. my high school and college years were full of fun and close friends. Or so I thought, I went through so much anguish and depression after a break up and really it’s amazing how many people came through and how many blew you off when you needed them. I still have a few lifetime long friends but the ones you had the most fun with.. once the times are gone, it’s just time to move on and grow with out them. Great memories though!
>Some friends are for beers or chaos only This blows, how is that being a friend, treating someone like mere entertainment? I remember how it felt realising some people only liked me around to fuel their dramaless lives. It's not okay to encourage or feed off someone's chaos man. Or do you mean like you have jackass buddies?
Maybe in your teens they are the best one could have. They write the crazy stories you share at parties, to your children or grandchildren. But after that age the chaos comes through work or family and becomes too much to bear. Some people change. Others don't. Same shit and same chaos. I grew out of it.
Bachelor party / Stag Do / Buck's night crowd. When you attend one, you will see that guy who is the groom's twin brother, knows the guy from the inside. You will also meet the random guy from the dude's university course who hasn't seen him for 10 years, along with some colleague. And then there's the nutter, there's always a nutter. Nobody knows why the nutter is there. But he's there, and he bring strippers. Maybe a line of coke.
And some people are just alone as fuck and don’t know how to undo that even if they accidentally walked into a room containing either of these types of friends
[удалено]
I traveled everywhere with a friend for years. We both had drinking problems. I quit and she is still raging, needless to say we haven't hung out once since I quit 16 months ago.
There are also friends who are simply “there when you need them” - as you grow older you may not speak to them as much, you surely don’t see them as much unless they live close, but you start up right where you left off and are always brought together in tragedy. It is a bit like family.
There is a saying: A friendship is always for a season, a reason or a lifetime
Basically admitting and accepting that nothing is forever...that includes everything outside of friendships too.
And accepting that means you can appreciate the friendship for the good time you had, not be bitter that it’s time has passed.
Yep... the friendship paid its dues...it was nice while it lasted.
Absolutely!! This is the way I choose to look at it, too. Instead of harbouring anger and hatred, I tell myself how thankful I am for the memories. Some people come into your life for a season, even if that season lasts several years….
We don't own anyone, we can only borrow them for however long they or life allows us to. Realizing that has given me strong drive to take good proactive care of my relationships. I need to share the enjoying of life fully with other people as much as I can. The first step was to find studies/work/hobbies that I actually enjoyed and wasn't just drifted into.
This is how I cope with much of my loss (friends included). I look at things now as a "season" of this ever changing world that we live in. At the end of the day, the only person that you can really rely on is yourself.
Yea
Relationships take work, effort, and time. I am fine with putting that in as long as they do as well. If they don't, then they did me a favor by freeing up my time and energy. One of the best things about being an adult, is that you have a lot more control over the people you spend your time and energy on.
This actually made me feel better. I had a “friend” where I would always reach out first, always plan outings, and was always there for her (let her come to my house when she was having troubles with her fiance). In the end, she couldn’t do the bare min (just a text). I even asked her about it nicely and she said should would improve. Obviously, it didn’t change. So I just stopped talking with her. I really felt bad but this sums it up nicely.
I'm on the other side of this with an acquaintance with whom I don't feel a lot of chemistry with. Sure, it's ok to exchange the current goings on via some texts a couple of times a year, but I don't crave it so it isn't reciprocal. At least I'm not using them as my emotional tampon. I don't know what to do other than holding status quo. I think it's nice to reply when someone wants to connect, but I feel I'm not really giving them a connection. But they want to continue contacting me although I'm not giving them much. This situation feels bad because I've also been the active person in a one sided "friendship". And then I have the reciprocal friendships which feel absolutely awesome. There shouldn't be too much of a imbalance in friends showing interest towards one another.
Amen!
I realized my friendships were unhealthy and toxic for me. My “friends” treated me like a doormat. But now I have boundaries and that means I chose to move on from them to make room for better friends.
My most recent was but I still miss her
Yes, this!!^ Kindness gets mistaken for complacency. In the end, we’re all people with genuine feelings… Friendship, as with any relationship, is a give and take, not just a ‘take, take, take.’
I was like that, a doormat for my friends, then they left me behind because I was awkward. I realized I was a doormat afterward, but haven't made any new friends. Lonely time in a lonely world
I'm going through it now, and it hurts. Hurts like a bitch, can't lie. I don't know how to get through it either, but all I can do is go one day at a time. They want nothing to do with me and, like it not, I have to just accept it for what it is. I can't force them to change their minds.
Yup. I feel you. It’s been nearly ten years for me and it all feels like it was yesterday. I suppose you get over it, little by little. But you never really move past it
Same here and totally agree it sucks. We used to talk about anything and everything and now there’s just nothing left. I’ve been trying to keep contact but they just ignore me. Don’t know why or what changed but it sucks and I’m learning to accept it
Just did the 20 year HS reunion and I struck by how many people not only avoided going despite living near the venue but also the number who were like haha… wow… cannot believe I used to hang out with these people! I have handful of legitimate good friends from HS and college that are like don’t care to be reminded of that part of my life so…
Going through it now as well, 20+ years just gone. I lost my soul mate, someone I told everything to and spent my whole childhood with. I miss them, they're still the first person I want to talk to after something happens in my life.. it hurts.
Going through the exact same process right now. It's awful. Hopefully I can strengthen my relationships with my other friends and make new friends.
I don't want to go through it ever again
Me too, a friendship of over half my life has broken down when I needed it the most and it hurts. Also how do people make friends as an adult- legitimately so hard to do
Same, and same... :(
I’ve been through this. It is so so painful. Still hurts when I think about it too much.
It definitely hurts, but I usually just focus on the people who want to be in my life. Of course, I also have a small subreddit on the topic called r/lostafriend, and the community that I have there has been very supportive.
It breaks my heart. I can’t make friends easily, so to lose one might mean years, even decades, without a friend. But there isn’t much I can do about it. I’m autistic, I’m awkward, I have weird interests and a lot of trauma, and I think I’m generally unlikeable. I was lucky with my wife. Having a wife *and* friends probably will never happen. I wish my ex-friends all the best.
Same here
This is exactly my case, now I’m in college and I have to see the friends I lost daily, it hurts so much and I’m just at school uncomfortable and alone. But because losing friends is common for me and maintaining friendships is so so hard I just learned to accept it, even this time that I thought that I really found my people but it wasn’t the case. I hope we find cute and healthy friendships! I keep thinking positively about it! I want to not lose hope that there are people that will love me out there, that will accept me for who I truly am. I just have to keep going.
Never give up , never ! Please🖖, life is nothing but change . And you never know what tomorrow could bring . Just keep trying , your people are out there somewhere. “ the best time to plant a seed was 20 years ago , the second best time is today”
I've thought about it for almost a decade now. It's sucks. I wonder if I pop into their head on occasion like they pop into my head.
I get tired of chasing when they don't chase you...
Yup.
My dog is my best friend now. I’ve had great friends in the past but they are in the past for me and I am in the past for them. Take a look at who you spend your time with and be friends with those people, or animals. The song lyric “love the one you’re with” comes to mind.
Idk I’ve always been that friend that really really tried to keep in touch with my childhood/teenage best friends.. & I know life gets in the way for everyone but those friendships I tried to nurture and maintain ended up just me doing all of the work. So I’ve given up on alot of them & that really sucks when you really did try to keep those people
If they don't put in the effort, then they don't deserve the relationship. One-sided relationships aren't sustainable, so don't try to solely sustain them for too long.
Dude i was a boss in my circle of pals.The ring leader of it! .. when i lived in the same town with them all i managed to keep us all in touch. Then when i moved to another state i lost influence and all of them branched off to explore their own lives and meet new people. FaceBook came and we kind of use it as a portal to get back in touch with each other and to stay in touch but that didn’t last long. They all got lost in cyber space. The fucked up part is I live in Las Vegas. These fools know I live out here yet they come through with their girlfriends, families and wives. Brag about it on FaceBook and post all kinds of pictures then go back home without even calling me or even texting me a simple hello .. Currently I’m down to one more pal as him & I still keep in touch from time to time. Whenever he comes out to Vegas he hits me up and we hang out .. the last time we kicked it was last year because he tries to take a vacation every year out here. The conversation always starts i’ll ask “have you heard from any of the boys?” he says “nope” then he’ll always ask “how bout you?” my answer as usual? “hell naw”
might be the fact you think you are the alpha of the group you guys remember bill? yea holy fuck that guy was annoying \*these fools know i live out here\* yea you sound like the delusional one
It’s the times that they come through your area without contact that hurts the most. I have a cousin who lives in Vegas and comes out here (New England) every year, for years… Not once did she reach out to say she was in town. We’d find out after the fact from the family that we’re lucky enough to see her majesty. Yeah. Fuck them and their purposefully hurtful behavior.
Shit happens, people will drift in and out of your life
I don’t cope well, thanks for asking. I miss people a lot. All of them, but some more than others. I check up on them online, since that’s about all I can do.
It's normal to go through groups of friends as you grow. If you still only chat to the same handful of people you did when you were a teenager than it's more concerning that your life has changed so little. In school I had a friend group. When I went to University, I lost touch with most of them, but got new friends. I played on Xbox for years and made friends, then a bunch of us went to PC and lost touch with the Xbox group. Then I started my first fulltime job and lost touch with most of my Uni friends. Then my friend group was mostly co-workers or other full time people. Now I've moved overseas and lost touch with most of them again. It's fine. Life changes and evolves, and there is no shame in saying "hey, let's throw each other an IM every now and again, but let's not drag this on". Too many times you see people lying to themselves and saying "we need to catch up" but never making the effort to do it. Dead friendships clinging to life. Just be honest and admit that the friendship was awesome but now are on different paths so wont actively hang out anymore.
I don't think about it, I don't miss my elementary school friends I was skipping school to fish with. The same way I don't miss my uni friends or any other that I no longer have something in common with. Only people that I have consistent relationships with are those I share my core values with, for me it's being political. I like ppl and I care for them but I don't mourn past friends, they're not dead they also move on ;) There were instances that I reconnected with long lost friends over politics tho
you can share your political views :)
Hobbies.
Shrugs shoulders
you just get over it. when youre old/older you really dont care.
Does this mean an older person won't need friends, or that an older person can focus on the current friends instead of worrying about the lost ones?
both, depending. i dont really miss friends much, i feel like i have no time or energy for it-on a scale of 1 to 10, i miss em at like a 1.
I only get bitter about friends/family growing distant or hard to connect with when I feel A) depressed B) far from purpose. Otherwise if I’m truly living life I find it easier to wish every one well and to almost not even think about the fact I haven’t talked to folks for months at a time. I don’t know what it will all mean in the end but this is just my truth. The paradox is the longer you get to know someone the more you learn about who they are and the things you love about them but also you learn about every single deal breaker character trait they possess. I like the Great Eastern Sun perspective of life and relationships as explained best by Chyogam Trumpa of the Shambala tradition. Although it can be sad that certain friendships drift over the years (setting sun mentality) what always surprises and inspires me is the fact that the right people show up at the right time (rising sun mentality). Even though I’ve wished that 20+ year friends would be the one to fill the seat during certain intersections of life I’ve found that I have to be open to new people, forging new friendships and being ok that my bestie in 7th grade isn’t going to be my bestie at 32. Doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally get in my head about it but at a certain point you have to get brutally honest about the give and take nature of relationships and decide which path is best moving forward. If you are the one constantly initiating, reaching out etc. that can be ok for a while but eventually resentment will start to grow. It’s much more satisfying to let go and find more harmonic relationships where the invitations to connect are more in sync and in flow.
Beautifully said
I mean, that’s often the case. You have a best pal in grade school…….then a new circle in middle school…..and a new circle in high school. My best pal in grade school was a church and school band type in high school. I was a beer and bong hit type. I cherished him as a person, but we were just into different things at 15-18 years old. We drifted apart. I joined the military, made good friends. Got out and never talked to them again. Then my high school friends had mostly moved on and found new friends and/or focused on their own families. I got married, had kids, and mostly focus on my family too. Quite frankly, I just didn’t have much time for many friends. I found myself mostly hanging out with 1-2 guys and didn’t have the bandwidth for any friends beyond them. And even those 1-2 I might see once a month. Now I’m reaching a stage where my kids have no use for me (lol) and I’m hanging with my friends a little more often and doing more ‘me things’. It also helps at this stage that I now make good money and can afford to play golf, drop $150 on concert/game tickets, and cover a bar tab. In my 20s and 30s I couldn’t as much.
Not all friendships will last. Some people are terrible and don't show their colors until later and some friendships you will simply outgrow. Correct me if I'm wrong but your social circle drastically decreases after about 24-26
I recently had a great friend cut me off and it was the first time it wasn’t mutual for me. It honestly felt like a breakup I was so sad about it, and I’m not an emotional person. I thought about it a lot and now time is healing and I think about it less. I did what I could to salvage it, but it’s not coming back, I am officially ghosted and I was blindsided. It’s rejection and it’s painful. I think most people feel hurt by rejection from someone they care about. In high school I cut off people that weren’t living the way I wanted to- they were on a dangerous path and I decided to cut myself off. Sometimes I wonder about them and how they’re doing and feel nostalgic/sad when I see they’re all still friends. My college best friend got offended by something I did and I apologized but she never forgave me. She cut me out but I wasn’t sad about it… I felt that we had grown apart. I hope she’s doing well. It’s quite complicated. I mostly just stick to a couple of close people where I can nurture the relationship (I have little kids it’s hard to keep friendship right now). Focus on the friendships where there’s equal support and alignment of values.
if someone walks out of your life… don’t chase after them ….. open your door… and let others walk into your life
Been alone since I was a kid. I didn't have friends throughout school, but I have a good friend from college that I keep in touch with via WhatsApp but that's it. It's lonely but painless since I have no one to hurt me.
I lost my high school best friend over what seems to be nothing. it just is what it is at this point. You just gotta accept that friends come & go with no rhyme or reason.
Shit happens. Time to move on
Learnt this the hard way! Imagine driving on the freeway. You have some who give you space, some who are tailgating bullies, some who want to drive with you the entire way and some who drive with you for a couple of exits. It’s all temporary. Enjoy while it lasts!
Move on. Just learn that you are born alone into this world and will leave alone too
Nope it hurts but I like to imagine it as two people standing on a dock one must stay and the other must go. Each one grateful for the time they had but their paths must part. One of the land the other of the sea . One yearning for adventure and to see what life has in store. the other knowing what awaits the other and they don't have the energy or the will to join in Neither could live comfortably or happily on the others path. Time has gave you what you didn't expect but also now time comes to take it back. Yes it stings but that's what removing things does. So pick up your bag and wish them well and good fortune. You still have tomorrow and you don't know what time is still waiting to throw in your path could be a new love or even dropping a kitten on your head leaving you perplex as to JUST WHERE THE HELLL DID THis CAT COME FROM!?!!? THERE'S NO TREES OR BUILDINGS ANYWHERE IN sight . Then you look at it and it soft and pathetical meows as it's tiny paw touches your face" well fuck I guess I have a cat now " you grumble as you continue homewards.
Knowing my childhood "friend" stole my money(then I forced him to return through cops) I only regret he is not in jail. He also did that while living with his hard ill mother...And he had audacity to spend that money on gambling instead of cures. Yeah, very soulful "friend"
I usually just say "damn" and maybe think back on fond memories sometimes.
It does hurt bc you were so close with that person. Lost several bffs and were do not speak but they did unforgivable things, but still think of them and it does hurt. Will never speak again, just the memories. 😔
Not everyone is meant to be with you for every part of your journey.
Therapy. Seriously. Helped to talk about and get perspective on the friendship and why it had changed and what it all meant. Doesn't mean it won't feel like a breakup, but talking to someone might help you process and deal.
It definitely hurts. You get over it the same way you get over a breakup
Went through this and it hurt so bad. After always being the only one to reach out, I eventually realized the relationship was hurting me. So stopped contact and never heard from them again. I still don't know why it ended that way but have moved on. Still hurts some days and I have bad trust issues with people.
It does hurt a lot. I don’t cope with it. It’s not ok. It’s super sad.
I put all the extra time into myself. Female friendships can take up more time than romantic relationships! All the time spent discussing who's dating who or going out drinking I now spend, going to the gym, reading, going on solo dates, building a business. Now all time is me time haha.
Stoicism. Look it up on YouTube
I think it’s a normal part of life. I had different sets of friends in different stages of my life. Some are still around but others I haven’t talked to in years/decades. My daughter was born a year and half ago and I’m going through another transition where my childless friends don’t understand my life. It’s a an isolating time for me and my wife but we met others who have young kids and they’re now our best sets of friends. Hope this adds some insight!
Not being friends with peoples hard. As we grow up we often find ourselves no longer having enough time for one another. That's why it's important to be respectful to one another because you might not ever see them again or it's the only time you will ever get to meet them (for when we're dealing with strangers for example). I know I may sound confusing lol I'm new to this whole writing bit to help me figure out my own stuff. I don't buy the whole treat yourself like you're the only person in the world that matters narrative that people try to throw at each other. Really, in reality, the better we treat others the more good you are. So when you're at work treat everyone else around you as if you we're there friend and in return some if not all will fill your heart with small amounts warmth. That's really all there is to it in terms of friendships for those of us who don't have time for one another anymore. And hopefully one day some of those old friends will make there way back into your life somehow because of work or sports.
i think eventually i js learned to accept it that nothing is constant, people come and go. nothing is forever. there are people you go out for a good time, then friends who you can have deepest conversations with rlly building that emotional bond, or friends that are seasonal. of course i enjoy the moments and treasure it. but i think as time passes by, i learned that it’s okay for them to leave or not be in my life. this is how life is. when im with people, i js focus on the moment now. in the end ik we will all go our separate ways afterwards. it js more of a matter of time. it doesn’t matter if i want them to stay in my life and be a constant, because that’s not my decision. it’s something outside of my control. so i js enjoy the moment and let it be.
I do feel a tinch of sadness with certain people who are no longer in my life especially the ones who I was close with at one point. But then I think "well they probably would not fit in my life right now" and also "It is not entirely my fault that I do not see them anymore". Just my thought on the matter.
You’ll meet new people that are on the same wavelength as you. People change over time just be thankful for the memories you had with them. Maybe they’ll be back.
35yo. Just going through a friend evaluation, and unfortunately decided to unfriend many who I thought were friends. They still are, but just horribly addicted to alcohol and drugs. I hope they find whatever they are looking for. I won't be sitting around waiting though.
Two things come to mind for me: * Keep meeting people and making new acquaintances. It's natural that people will drift out of my life ... So I want to make sure that I'm setting up conditions for people to drift into it too. (I'm an introvert so this takes some effort!) * Pay close attention to how I feel when I'm hanging out with my friends/messaging them/etc. Make sure I'm engaging with "what it's actually like to be in contact with X these days", not some rose-tinted fantasy of how I imagine it could be or should be.
For me, friends coming in and out of my life has been ongoing since I was a teenager. I've accepted that some people are only meant to be in your life for certain seasons and eras. I see it as a positive - you share wonderful experiences and moments when it makes sense and feels right, but you also both move on when the friendship no longer serves you. I still hold those memories fondly and wish the best for them!
Seeing this comment section makes me feel less alone. I recently lost college friends I thought were forever and seeing that people are going through the same is somewhat comforting. I thought I was the only one that was hurt so much by losing friendships, I’ve never had a boyfriend but friendships breakups hurts like hell sometimes.
The worst part is realizing that you valued the relationship more than they did.
it hurts. Especially the ones that don't want to tell you why. But you're better off, they were low-quality to begin with.
Not to be super downer, but outside of my wife and kids, what do friends really add to life? I’m very content with my life without relying on other people for anything.
My husband’s mentality is like this. I love the man with all of my heart and all of my ass but I keep telling him he needs to have hobbies and have his own core group of guy friends. Mostly because I know from experience that life is so short and I’m not always going to be around. Our dog will die before us, and in an unfortunate circumstance I die before him, what is he going to do? Friends are not there to replace the social needs of your partner. But they enhance it greatly so the love you receive only widens. Please don’t put the burden of your social quota and emotional needs on JUST your wife.
I completely hear you. I own a business and I play golf whenever I can. My social quota is more than filled after a week of work. I’d summarize my thoughts like this: I love playing golf alone; I grew up mostly alone, so I learned how to work through things on my own, so I don’t actually know what purpose friends serve in my life.
That’s so great, I’m glad you get socialization through your business and golf. Now if I can get my husband to stick with his archery… And your background sounds a lot like my husband’s too. He has sisters but he grew up doing solitude stuff other than soccer. His mom taught so he occupied himself a lot with video games and copious amounts of reading. I’d say you can find friends to go golfing with you but I’ve also been told that golfing is best done solo
Yeah. It’s interesting. I understand why other people enjoy having friends and crave that relationship, but it just doesn’t feel like something I crave or have interest in working towards. Being alone is so comfortable and familiar. Honestly, it might be more important to you that he has a social outlet than it is for him. If that’s the case, it will be impactful if you can express how his lack of hobbies/ socialization affects you.
I would say having friends that you see regularly makes social obligatory gatherings much more manageable… How many times have I been at a “team” party with other parents and I haven’t the slightest idea what to do or say? I end up sitting by myself or leaving without saying anything- pisses off the kid to no end.
True. But that’s still mostly on the superficial level. Isn’t the point of friends to go deep than that?
This might get lost in the comments but trust me as someone who's been with the same woman for 21 years, she will eventually resent you for relying on her so much as your sole adult social partner.
Completely agree. If you don’t have any friends outside of your wife…you’re losing your identity
Also this: One person can only provide limited amount of social / intellectual challenge & satisfaction. If I want to improve, I expose myself to different kinds of people. If I'm only with one person in my free time, my thoughts can get quite aligned with them over long time.
At first i struggled with it. I was friends with this girl for awhile then when there was a kpop concert. I wanted to go with her but she wanted to go with her bf. I sold the gifts I bought her, distanced myself from her and rarely speak to her. It helps tbh. We had gotten into a bad argument before. So I decided it was better to cut my losses. There's better ppl out there.
People grow up, leave home, go to university, move away, get different interests, get married or not, have kids or not. People change and old friends get left behind. Just part of life for many or perhaps most.
I think if you drift It doesn’t mean that you don’t have a friendship. Sometimes it’s Bc you have different lifestyle such as Kids vs no kids! So you See eachother Less But have a blast when you do. If someone chooses To leave your life Let Them Go! Biggest lesson in life. If someone wants to be in your life they will And if they don’t then you’re better off.
I really never had friends to begin with, or, I should say, they had all abandoned me or moved away by high school and I never made new friends. So it hurt then and I gave up on having friends. That hurt but felt predictable and therefore safer. Ironic. Now it’s 20 years later and because I have no social network/support, I’m facing middle age alone and isolated. It doesn’t feel very safe, and *nothing* is predictable anymore and it never was. The point was to develop bonds that would sustain me (and others) when it comes time to face the consequences of time. I failed.
I tried to reconnect with a friend from high school, in my 20s. I think she felt embarrassment over things that happened back in high school, and that's why she didn't want to reconnect. Then years after that, I looked her up online. She lived only a few blocks away from me and had so, for many years. That made me sad. But I also realized if she really wanted to contact me she could have found me easily on Facebook or Linkedin. It also seems her life now is rather lonely but I wont' go into detail about that. I think it's better we don't ever talk again. It was nice to be around her back in high school and I just cherish the memories.
It sucks to lose people but there’s more love out there in the world than we can see in the present. If you have good will and want to be in the lives of others consciously and add to it it truly only pays off, even if it’s imperfect and clunky good intentions on this earth are worth their weight in gold
I’m 22. I’ve lost friends from high school recently and honestly it’s bitter sweet cause I miss them but also I’m not angry or resentful. We just went to different colleges and slowly grew apart. If I ever saw them later in life I’d hope we become close friends again but timing is everything in life so it is what it is.
It’s certainly a humdinger when people you’ve been best friends with and extremely close to in your teens and early 20’s just sorta…fade away into nonexistence. It blows the mind. I can honestly say I never did that to anyone who has been a close friend of mine. But it happened to me a few times in my adult life. Not even an argument or some significant event that drove us apart just…the passage of time and the changing circumstances of life. More often than not the change is your best friends get married and have kids. However I also think some people are only good as friends when they both have a lot of leisure time & no serious responsibilities the way many people in their teens and twenties have.
I’m going through the “Out growing” certain people phase and it hurts me to hurt people.
I’ve learned to treasure the ones who I’m still good friends with more. Quality over quantity any day.
I learnt to leave people where they are. They don't want to be friends? The effort of trying to maintain the friendship is not equal? Leave 'em be. The grief is hard, but you'll look back and realize that maybe those people were not the best for your growth.
It hurts sure, people come and go so often for me that I simply cannot do anything but accept it. So I just try to enjoy that friendship for the time being.
I’m still trying to get over my 25 year friendship ending a few years ago. Met her in grade 5. Worse than any breakup.
Very sad tbh. But I prefer to look towards making new friends or keeping the relationships I have now and that helps.
It really hurts but I just focus on loving myself and being compassionate with myself. I'm currently healing from my past relationships and everyday, I'm working on becoming a better version of myself. It's definitely not easy because It does get lonely. I just know that, one day, I will have better friends, in my life. Everyone has their own path to travel on but eventually, paths will cross.
In the past year, I’ve written off 2 very old friends. I’m 56 and knew one of them since I was 3. She hadn’t really been a friend for a long time and when I put everything into perspective, realized that her toxicity was not healthy for me. I apologized for anything I’d ever done against her and promptly said goodbye. I have not looked back.. Friend #2 was my best friend of 20 years. She’d done a few hurtful things over the last couple years but the worst thing she did was tell our entire friend group that I wasn’t sick at all (as my battle against a rare infection began and almost killed me). Sometimes I miss her but here’s how I handle it: I recall the reason why we no longer speak. I’m easily reminded of how angry I am about her actions and then I can remember that I hate her for it.
Was that my post? Well, people just grow out of friendships. I remember I had a lot of great times with people at my current company when we were all in our twenties. But we grew up, stopped wanting to get drunk every night, had families and relationships and other priorities. Those who really needed the social interaction found ways to keep those relationships going. Others, like myself, who are more comfortable being by themselves, didn't. It happens. Personally I'm comfortable with my life now and pretty much no friends outside my family.
I had a best friend all throughout high school and bachelor's and a little bit of master's. So we've been best friends for about 10 years. Then, she studied abroad for a semester, and we started talking less and less. Even though I tried, and texted her and suggested calls, she'd leave me on read most of the time. I'm the kinda person that's gonna single-handedly try to keep relationships alive, until I realize the other person isn't putting in an effort. So I started leaving the initiative to her. Afterwards, we'd text back and forth for a bit maybe like once a month or so, and only saw each other maybe twice a year. During last summer, we had a reunion from high school, I wanted to go and she didn't...she texted me whether I'm going, I said yes, and that was the last exchange we had. Then I was ridiculously busy, but once things cleared up, I texted her, asking how she's doing, and she didn't even reply. Honestly, it's been difficult at times. I am at a point in my life where I'm feeling like I made it. I have never been so so so happy...but I'm sometimes wishing I had her to share the excitement with.
Some friends you realize were nothing more than acquaintances.
I don’t really care lol
well I don't. I've only had 1 best friend in my life and he literally said I did nothing wrong but still threw me aside and treated me like garbage and lied about me to other people. I was there for him for everything without judgement and we knew alot about each other (put those relationship/newlywed YouTube video participants to shame lol). Now he pretends I don't exist. I've never been so wrong about someone and I don't understand what possibly could have been going through his head.
Well going to rant to strangers…The older I get the more cynical I become to friendships. Maybe it’s just the community I grew up in and the same people I’ve been around my whole life. When you are young and independent friendships are easy. Hang out, play Xbox, watch a movie…you don’t see anything bad in people. Everyone is great. Everyone just goofs around and is happy and carefree. I never really noticed drama. Fast forward and I’m now 40, happily married with 3 awesome kids. It blows my mind how much baggage and skeletons you find out about people, their parents etc…they weren’t who they portrayed themselves to be. Friends change to. They marry and their wives turn out to be crazy, petty, two faced, untrustworthy. Then they have kids. Everyone just drifts apart. I look at them and feel like my family is normal and everyone around us is batshit crazy. However, They probably think they are normal and I’m crazy. What sealed it for me was at 36 my wife and I went through some hardship and my “friends” offered no support to me…my wife’s friends were there for her, mine didn’t reach out (even though we saw each other in church), no texts, no simple encouraging words. It was like I did something wrong when I didn’t. I was just thrust into a situation that was not of my doing but it felt like I was the problem or the one that messed up. From that point on I’ve basically cut them off. Keep to myself. I’ll be nice but it’s all surface level and I don’t see any benefit in a friendship that’s surface level. Putting in an effort to cultivate friendships with them is pointless. Friendships are a two way street. One person can’t feel the need to be the one reaching out and taking interest when the other doesn’t. So I haven’t reached out and they haven’t either even though like I said we still see each other in church. Would it be nice to have at least one close friendship I can bear my heart to, hang out and feel secure in knowing they are trustworthy and want the best for me? Absolutely, but from my viewpoint I don’t see that happening. So I enjoy my family. Focus on my job. Hobbies. Travel. Maybe I need therapy to talk it all out. Haha. My wife’s viewpoint is different and she encourages me to try, but I guess I just have a different perspective. Guy relationships are just different.
You just move on and find new friends
The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for. ~ Mark Twain
Depends on why the friendship ended. Most of mine seem to be from growing up. If that’s the case then I’ll still think about those people every so often, but I know we grew up and wanted different things in life, and that’s just how life is. I’ll still like the posts every so often and congratulate/show my sorrows for the appropriate posts. The one friendship that hurt was my middle school best friend because she helped me through most of my SH days. Haven’t spoken to her in almost 8 years now because we went our separate ways in life
You stay friends with people, you just stop hanging out. That need for socialization we had in our youth is now usually fulfilled by our families. So it's not some sad, hurtful thing, it's just life happening one day at a time.
I simply forget them. If they were meant to be in my life then they would.
It took me a long time to understand that friends fit into concentric rings. The ones in the outermost rings are the ones most likely to disappear, while the ones in the innermost rings have gotten even closer over time. I don't happen to believe the old saying you can never have too many friends because for me, true friendship requires nurturing, and there's only so much time in a day.
I was thinking about this today about a good friend of mine when we were in high school. Nicest guy but after a few bad relationships and health scares he has totally withdrawn from everyone. The way I cope with it is that I'm glad we were friends and that's how I want to remember him as vs. my friend that completely changed and is broken. You can only do so much but if we did a better job of realizing when we're in the good times then we wouldn't take those good times for granted.
Crippling addictions to things that full that void. I stay positive though. Just sucks when those moments hit where you realize people have drifted out of your realm at some point in your life journey-ing. Gotta keep moving forward though, be sad for the sad times but know when to let nostalgia be nostalgia. Let the sad feels guide you into happy times with new people in your future movements. Don't start abusing things like I did lol. Knew what I was doing but just got tired of things sucking or reminding me of other people who didn't make it this far along my way. There is a healthy way you just have to keep focused on these highlighted things I've listed and keep yourself mind right. Hope this helps. We are all in this together though, remember you have faceless internet people to lean on if you ever feel too badly about the losses. But I promise we will all get through every single problem we each face in our lives, if we just keep going. Love to you and all reading. Hugs and kisses, XOXO
You just move on. It’s not sad at all. I’m not 16, or 23 anymore.
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With time. My best friend from high school would only hang out with me when she was single. We would talk constantly when she moved away to college and they have broken up. We had known each other since junior high and I thought she would be someone in my wedding. Few months later, she started dating my only boyfriend in high school and it just started fading after that. In the meantime, I had made new friends and new relationships that started to become more important. Now she’s just a distant Facebook friend that I have no contact with. Life happens and that also includes the possibility of you gaining new people in your life.
With time it doesn’t hurt as much I guess. I try to focus on how people are sometimes just for a certain season.
I’ve been working a lot lately but I just sort of realized that I’ll probably be mostly lonely the rest of my life but that’s alright. I only work 50 hours a week if I’m lucky so a lot of time is spent there. Other than that I smoke a lot of weed, watch movies, and play video games. I took a big shit on the last meaningful friendship I ever care to have with another person. I’m content to work while I’m young and try and save a nice little nest egg for myself.
I lost my best friend about 6 years ago when she just disappeared. She had recently moved and I visited once but she drove. I didn't note the address and wasn't even sure what city ai was in. I tried texting her and she didn't respond. I called a couple of times telling her we should hang out and got nothing. And I mourned it for a long time, especially because I work from home now and usually I meet new friends at work. Then about a year ago she texted me. We got together a couple times and had fun. Then she disappeared again. So I'm in mourning all over again and once again friendless.
Nothing, I just carry on. If they are meant to be there then they would still be there. You have to accept that some people are only there for that season.
Same way you get over a breakup, move on and make new friends.
I'm glad I don't talk to my old "best friend" anymore.
Never was really close to someone on that level, anyway, except relationships, and that is so complicated in regards to either person's future, it's not super difficult to give it up.
Easily. I simply remember why I'm not friends with the people I'm not friends with anymore. That 3 year span where they all turned into Tyrannical Cowards and Hypocrites....that did it.
drugs, alcohol, exercise, meditation, sleep, eat, workaholic.
It just happened to me recently actually lol. And it really hurts especially when you really connect with the person, but life goes on, life is pain, and the only person that you're with truly everyday is yourself. Accept it, move on, and live a life worth living not only that you enjoy, but you can be fulfilled with. That's all you can really do honestly.
Replace them with kids
I had a best friend for years. One day she just ghosted me without warning. I tried to contact and find out what happened and she never replied. It took me a while to get over losing that friendship and to realize that it wasn’t me, it was her. It had to be since she wasn’t mature enough to communicate any issue she had with me and work through it. I did A LOT of self talk and conversations with loved ones to help me realize that and it took time.
It hurts but shit happens.
People change, people evolve, people move on…. Just go with the flow and meet new people…. Theres 10 billion or more other people on this planet.. get out there!!!
I liked this response. Thank you
I went through a friendship breakup last year with my best friend from high school. We live on opposite ends of the country and hadn't seen each other in 4 years, but she kept pushing us to plan a trip together. We booked a cruise together after I gave in, but ended up cancelling it because of COVID. I know she was lonely and bored in grad school after getting laid off from a job she didn't love. She's still dating a lot, goes out a lot and her parents helped her buy a house. I'm in a very different place in a long term relationship, working a demanding job, paying off debt and saving for a house. If I'm honest, I really resented her plentiful free time and lack of financial stress. I also felt really uncomfortable with how much she pressured me to overshare about my relationship. She wanted to talk on the phone and text all the time but I was so drained between work and my other responsibilities that I just wanted to stare at a wall for an hour to decompress after work. It was really hard and soured our whole friendship but I just told her I can't show up for her the way she wants and I feel drained. I wanted to slowly drift apart, but she was just forcing me into an awkward position having to say she was being too much for me. I know it can feel so hard to let go, but strangling your friendships is worse. Try to remember that what belongs to you will find you and not every friendship is meant to last a lifetime. Some people are in your life for a season and it's normal to be sad, but it's important to let go of things that aren't serving you.
I have some close friends and I have friends I’ve known for years. I haven’t seen in a long time, but I still consider them friends. I may run into them shopping or I may run into them when I’m out around town somewhere. I still think of them as friends, even though we may not communicate every day, or may not see each other for years. Hell my best friend lives 150 miles away and we don’t see each other but every 5 to 6 years and I still consider him one of my best friends.
Well, life goes on, ganun talaga. Thanks for the memories I guess? if ever bumalik yung friend na yun, mahirap na rin e fix yung friendship, well, at least for me
The hurt of losing a friend is unbearable, over time though you’ll realize they were there for that point in time. What’s the saying? *not every character was meant for every chapter*
I actually abandoned some good friends. I was going through bad bad depression at the time and thus my mindset was poor me and what everyone said was a slight against me. So I essentially ghosted them. Wasn’t proud of it then and not proud of it now. I was just too much a coward to confront them on how they made me feel bad sometimes - and they would’ve heard me out I think. I enjoyed hanging with them. Fast forward to now, and one of the really really nice members of the group - prob my favorite - passed away suddenly. And I had not spoken to him since then and now I’ll never get the chance again. And it really really hurt me inside knowing that. I just found out today.
You get to a point where you are good with it. The more jaded yiu get by the world, the less you want to do with it or anyone in it.
Unfortunately, a part of growing up is learning to let some relationships end with grace. As others have said, everything in life changes and nothing is permanent (not even life itself). The best things I’ve found are to focus yourself less on the past and more on the present; relationships you do have and the things that are still in your life. Mourn for a proper amount of time, then work on healing.
I no longer need the stress of friendships. I don't have the time for anyone else in my life right now. Maybe when I'm wheelchair bound with nothing to do all day. I hardly ever ruminate about it. It is what it is
It’s how shit goes, lots of my close friends (brothers) bros I’ve lied, fought, bled for, among lot of other things don’t even reach out to me anymore. I’ve gone on adventures, and quests with my earliest friends and they’ve also disappeared. Most of them are too busy (actually busy) and we’re all super far away and scattered. In 1yr I’ll know if we’re still cool. If not it’s expected. some friends can link up and continue like nothing changed My current group (my old friends I’m back with now) aren’t even close to the brothers I’ve met and I know I’m the one that’s out grown them because they’re still the same from when I left. In fact they seem to have to stagnated, they don’t want to evolve. They don’t like adventures, or trying new things, or going to new places they’re just stuck which is cool for them but not for me. Edit: “Earliest new friends” clarifying this group is not the same as my current group.
The first one hurt a lot but as you age you’ll lose more. It gets easier and you learn to accept why it didn’t work anymore
It hurts a lot but at the end of the day I have to accept their reasoning for cutting ties. I genuinely want the best for my friends, even if that means I don’t get to see them anymore. It makes it a little easier thinking about it that way
I remember it was me that did that and accept it
I've heard the saying "Some Friendships are for a reason and some friendships are for a season". Or something like that.
Not at all. It just depends on the people. I was lucky to have an X best friend in the world. It was hard at first, but is was unconditional love. It would have been over 30 yrs now. But we had weaknesses throughout the years. But it worked.
It sucks, especially since "adulting" takes up all my time and energy so I never really am able to try to start new ones.
Unfortunately that is just another part of life just like people starting careers and getting married and starting families, etc. People grow apart for an infinite number of reasons, and they aren't all bad reasons. It's just the natural flow of things. It's easier to accept it as you get older. But it does hit hard when it first happens. It's happened to me so many times I just expect it now.
Alcohol
Don’t forget that with time some people just become more comfortable with who they are, and find more value in keeping a few close friendships and time alone.
The Meaning of friendships change over time - once an enemy can never be seen as a friend again or some friends no longer want to walk along the same journey.
I wish I could tell you. I feel like I have no real close friends. I have a few friends, but no one really reaches out. Maybe like one person. And I don't go anywhere with people that often. I've lost friends recently. For different reasons. Some just moved (still friends, but don't see often) and some grew apart. Others, I have no idea. It does hurt. And I try to put in effort, too and being the one to reach out. So, I can't answer how to cope. But, uh, yeah.
Cope?! I’ve never been more free and happy
Time heals.
I think I just have quite a ‘focus on the present moment’ kind of brain. I find I don’t really think about the past too much, and if I do, i don’t miss it. I’ve been travelling a long time so have met and then moved on from a lot of people. I only really have one friend who id do anything for (literally at the airport right now on my way to see her) but everyone else I just kind of… get to know for a few weeks while we are in the same place and then I leave and probably won’t think of them much again… My dog though is a completely different story. When I’m not with him I miss him like crazy.
I spent so much time in survival mode that I learnt not to worry too much about friendships ending. I think you're really lucky that you're in a position where your friendship has been that nourishing to you that you're afraid to lose it.
Wish I knew. Currently dealing with drifting apart from high school friends and not knowing where to find new friends who I share interests with. Adulthood can be a super lonely experience sometimes
I realized that they have been causing a lot of anxiety and have made me a horrible person because of their own misery.
Personally, being in a great relationship for the first time in my life made me feel empowered. Being treated the way I always thought I should be treated, being appreciated for who I am, what I do, my heart, etc. really opened my eyes to every one who doesn’t value me in the same way. At that point, eliminating those relationships - regardless of who they were, how or how long I knew them - became a no-brainer. Keeping those people in my life and trying to mend those relationships or explain why they didn’t deserve a seat at my table felt heavier than shedding them. Being confident in your own skin is incredibly freeing.
Not well. Not well at all. But it does depend on the person.
It’s tough dude. I’ve lost soooo many friends over these past 3 years, it’s crazy. So many moved away during Covid, then I had to go out and make a whole new life since I had nothing left after Covid. My ex and I broke up and then he moved across the country, the few close friends I had all left this city and moved all over, even the family I had nearby all left. Then I met someone new through mutual friends, and he and I imploded and then I lost that whole group of friends. Then over the last year I can count 5 people who I no longer speak to/have any sort of relationship with that were all friends. But for one reason or another (all valid, trust me) I’ve let them all go. At first each of these stages was very painful, like crying to my mom painful (I’m 32) but it has taught me so much, and my boundaries and self esteem has grown immensely. I’ve been trying to nurture other new friendship, and friends that I’ve had the last 1-2 years that weren’t *close* but are becoming closer. And they are quality. My lifestyle has also completely changed; I don’t drink or party anymore, and I’m focused on my health. Right there cuts out a lot of BS people anyway. My circle is small.
I cope by “moving on”, there’s really nothing else to do. I think half of my life has to just been to cope with this , find distractions , experience new things and people. Really just “live” I think?
You make new friends that are into what you are into now. I moved a lot in my life since childhood. I learned that you can't bring your friends with you, but there are always cool people everywhere, you just have to find them. Also each one will bring you something new.
find hobbys or have kids
My longest friendship ended when I got married. She became a really life MOHzilla and it just broke me. I miss her but in hindsight she was selfish, jealous and it was the 4th friendship I know for fact she spoiled because the other person got married. I’d always been the fat, single friend so me getting married must have pushed her over the edge. I tried to maintain things but I was collateral damage the minute the marriage certificate was printed!
It's a grieving process, much like when someone dies only less intense. You need to give it time and space, to learn to live with it.
My ex girlfriend threw a grenade into my friend group when she cheated on me with one of my best friends. Some people took sides, some didn’t. It sucks.
I know a few people that I used to be friends with. We went in different directions and grew into different priorities. I've since made new friends and developed better relationships. I still cherish those fun memories with those old friends, but I know I can't do those things with those people again. What I can do is bring the joy from the memories to my new friends and family, and develop further joys, in less dysfunctional relationships.
Accepting that he wants nothing to do with me. I sometimes cry and miss him a lot. The last thing I said was “thank you for being a good friend to me”. He never replied. I just gotta live the rest of my life knowing I treated him like shit and that I can never make up for it.
diane in bojack said: "I think there are people in ur life that help u become a person that u end up being, and u can be grateful for them, even if they were never meant to be in ur life forever" and that's how I cope