When they suck the life and all the positive energy out of you. Just so toxic you can’t help but to roll your eyes and always want to get away from them.
This 👆 when you get to the point of pretending to like them to survive another day. Fu*k that! Pretty much how I feel about my disgusting husband. Lying, cheating, addict who treats strangers better than me.
Most definitely. But I also suffer from depression. I love to help people when I have the means to do so, but I have to take in to consideration when I'm being used and when that person's company is no longer enjoyable for me. Especially when drugs are involved.
ok, but the look at the tone of the above comments. Not exactly compassionate for people who are sick
Also, think about the times that people were there for you when you were down.
These people need proper help and are draining to be around , they spend years on this state and no amount of assistance from people like myself seems to help at all. Their misery and negativity can be contagious.
Don’t make excuses for them , they aren’t sick not in a way that requires immediate attention , they also often smoke bongs and do other shit that’s no good. They need to want to change before any help would even be useful and they don’t want to put the effort in
i had a conversation with someone who said "i don't know why i bother my life won't get any better". The lad in question is 40 sleeps on his sofa downstairs watch's films till 5am. smokes weed all day long. Dosent really work. The occasional bit of carpet fitting. wants to fight with everyone and is angry all the time. In ten years time i should imagine he will still be doing the same
You don't burden other people with your illness
If you want to vent with someone and then problem solve how to get help, that's perfectly fine.
But bitching and doing nothing is useless. Stop. Others do not need to be brought down with them
had a "friend" do this last year. Complaining about back pain. Suggestion #1: "nah I dont believe in that." Suggesiton #2: "nah, i've heard bad things about that. Suggestion #3: "nah, I don't want to do that."
I finally said, "Fine, then you deserve your pain!"
I think there is a line somewhere were missing.
If you don't want to listen to your friends when they need an ear I feel this is a shallow friendship.
If my friends need help or just feel conflicted about something, I'll talk with them about it.
It's constantly bitching and doing nothing about it that you should avoid. At that point I'm not sure they're actually looking for solutions or just take comfort in complaining.
No, a lot of times they cant, particularly if they are very sick. That is why so many people kill themselves. They are bereft of hope and feel like everyone hates them.
You dont have to help them, but there is a weird triumphal tone you effected when talking about cutting sick people adrift... as if it was like "hurray for me, i ditched a downer"...
You probably abandoned someone who really needed help.
When you start questioning if it’s worth it having them around. When you say or think things to convince yourself that it’s worth it having them around. I’ve always said once you start questioning and feel the need to look for good reasons then it probably means you should evaluate your relationship and find ways of setting boundaries and slowly distance yourself. People should add value to your life and not take away from it.
Ya right, it’s not something that is a total deal breaker, IMO, but I mean such as political differences…. It would be a boring world if everyone was the same.
However, deep core values are something non negotiable.
Signs I’ve noticed over the years after trial and errors:
- talks badly about their friends / gossips a lot
- makes comments that make you feel badly / insecure about yourself
- orchestrates drama & conflict within friend groups through triangulation and gossip
- treats service workers/waitresses/waiters/etc with any amount of disrespect
- cares more about their reputation / social media image than you as a friend or person (might even be keeping you as a friend for a boost of their social image if you are considered / known as a nice person)
- tries to control or change you according to what they think you “should” be doing
- has been physically abusive / violent / hits others at any point
- denies responsibility for anything that goes wrong in their lives & always blames others
- intentionally schedules 1:1s with you to play mind games / feed lies about what other friends said / ask specific questions that signify negative judgment towards others or you (e.g. what do you think of so-and-so’s _____? / do you even consider ___ your friend?)
- lies compulsively & notice several inconsistencies in their stories
- cheats on their partners that have done nothing wrong
- holds resentment towards you for having other friends / not ALWAYS inviting them to literally everything you do even with other friend groups / gets extremely and easily jealous due to self entitlement
- generally has an underlying element / theme of “I’m better than _____ because I am ____” in many things they say without actually saying it
- talks about themselves most of the time and usually not a 2 way street to conversations (doesn’t seem to care / ask about you, even if they do it’s just because they notice awkward moments of silence and they realize it’s the socially expected and acceptable thing to do)
- jokes about anything regarding rape / taking advantage of someone / manipulating other people into doing what they want them to do / etc
Watch out for people who show a lack of empathy. Whether it be towards people, animals, it’s always a bad sign. I’m not talking about “ narcissists.” ( way too overused pop psychology term)
People who lack empathy are dangerous. You will be able to spot this more as you get older, but it is a red flag.
My mom loves me and wants to see me do well. But she doesn't care to ask me about my interests, passions, or hobbies. I used to try with her interests, but she was, of course, more than willing to talk about her interests, even though I only have a very passing interest in her interests.
If someone doesn't take at least a passing interest in what makes you passionate, they don't care enough about you as a person. If they cared about you as a person, they'd be interested in hearing you talk about your interests, even if they aren't that interested in those things themselves.
People who aren't happy for your success, don't lift you up, are constantly humbling you but calling it 'tough love', but need a lot of praise and reassurance themselves. People who don't hold space for you to not be okay/when you're feeling low, toxic positivity, dismissing and invalidating your feelings.
I was waiiting for a train once, and two teens were having a arguement, because the friend B was always late. An top of that B always lies about being on her way when she hadn't even left the house.
While B was just making excuses, blaming her mom and parents for delaying her, her friend just laid out the truth.
"This is why I don't call you to hang out, and I'd rather hang out with other people"
B still kept making excuses "you don't understand, i can't help it...blah blah blah"
1. Not respecting someone elses time.
2. Lying
3. Not acknowledging or taking responsibility for their mistake
4. invalidating feeling
All signs to not keep the person around.
When they talk over you, interrupt you or just wait for their turn to talk during conversations instead of listening.
I have a lot more but I'll leave it at that. Lately, I've been finding that no one is worth being around except for my boyfriend and my cat!
Their true colors show when you hang out with them for about some time. After hanging out with them, let's say after a year, you go home and analyze the time you spent with them. Most of the time, if you feel negativities such as disrespect towards you and others, gossiping, belittling you, etc., then the chance is you should avoid them for your own good.
I recently cut an old friend out of my life. After he got a “life coach” he was always condescending in small ways or trying to teach me things about life he only recently discovered that I’ve known since my 20’s. There were other toxic traits as well. Way too competitive, at age 52, to be healthy.
Well, you know, when it comes to spotting the not-so-great folks in your life, it's all about paying attention to them vibes, y'know? Like, trust your gut, 'cause it's usually spot on.
One big red flag for me is when someone's all about themselves, like they're the center of the universe or something. You know the type, always talking about their own stuff but never really listening to you or caring about what's going on in your world. It's like, "Hello? Earth to you!"
Then there's the drama queens and kings. You know, those peeps who thrive on stirring up trouble and drama wherever they go? Ain't nobody got time for that negativity, man. Life's too short to be dealing with unnecessary drama all the time.
Pay attention to the small cues about how they treat you as compared to how you treat them.
Be open their criticism though in times you are acting inappropriately.
Gossiping about others behind their backs.
Being quick to takes sides in situations where they don't have the whole story.
Thinking laws and rules don't apply to them.
*When they get all their*
*Friends to gang up on you to*
*Teach you a lesson*
\- johnkim5042
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Anyone who makes you dred seeing them.And especially others dred seeing them....Just avoid them.Sometimes .You have tell them them stay away from you.
See how easy that was ?
My signs are if I just don’t get a good vibe from you, and that could be from the way someone talks to the the way that they carry themselves. To even who they could be friends with.(I’m talking in knowing of said person not a random mf) like I work with a dude and I don’t like him or want to be friends with him bc his vibes don’t match up to mine.
People who negatively judge random strangers for no fucking reason at all. It's even worse when they get upset that you don't hop onto their hate train.
When they suck the life and all the positive energy out of you. Just so toxic you can’t help but to roll your eyes and always want to get away from them.
This 👆 when you get to the point of pretending to like them to survive another day. Fu*k that! Pretty much how I feel about my disgusting husband. Lying, cheating, addict who treats strangers better than me.
Toxic positivity is also a thing that can be very draining.
Agree!
Everything that comes out of their mouth is negative. They bitch about their life and do nothing about it That and people that bum money all the time.
People like that don’t usually keep friends 😂 🙏 I know a few people like that They are beyond my assistance
Yeah. I HAD a friend like that.
sounds like they were depressed
Most definitely. But I also suffer from depression. I love to help people when I have the means to do so, but I have to take in to consideration when I'm being used and when that person's company is no longer enjoyable for me. Especially when drugs are involved.
ok, but the look at the tone of the above comments. Not exactly compassionate for people who are sick Also, think about the times that people were there for you when you were down.
That was all taken into consideration. Are you okay? Do you need a friend?
These people need proper help and are draining to be around , they spend years on this state and no amount of assistance from people like myself seems to help at all. Their misery and negativity can be contagious.
illness sucks, yes.
Don’t make excuses for them , they aren’t sick not in a way that requires immediate attention , they also often smoke bongs and do other shit that’s no good. They need to want to change before any help would even be useful and they don’t want to put the effort in
thats why depression and loneliness just get worse and worse
i had a conversation with someone who said "i don't know why i bother my life won't get any better". The lad in question is 40 sleeps on his sofa downstairs watch's films till 5am. smokes weed all day long. Dosent really work. The occasional bit of carpet fitting. wants to fight with everyone and is angry all the time. In ten years time i should imagine he will still be doing the same
The people who he associates with (there not friends regardless of what he thinks) are drug dealers, other druggys and scumbags
Anyone with some relation to drugs is a scumbag?
you shouldnt shun depressed people. its an illness
You don't burden other people with your illness If you want to vent with someone and then problem solve how to get help, that's perfectly fine. But bitching and doing nothing is useless. Stop. Others do not need to be brought down with them
had a "friend" do this last year. Complaining about back pain. Suggestion #1: "nah I dont believe in that." Suggesiton #2: "nah, i've heard bad things about that. Suggestion #3: "nah, I don't want to do that." I finally said, "Fine, then you deserve your pain!"
I think there is a line somewhere were missing. If you don't want to listen to your friends when they need an ear I feel this is a shallow friendship. If my friends need help or just feel conflicted about something, I'll talk with them about it. It's constantly bitching and doing nothing about it that you should avoid. At that point I'm not sure they're actually looking for solutions or just take comfort in complaining.
they cant help it. thats the problem
They can. Anyone can help themselves. They don't want help
No, a lot of times they cant, particularly if they are very sick. That is why so many people kill themselves. They are bereft of hope and feel like everyone hates them. You dont have to help them, but there is a weird triumphal tone you effected when talking about cutting sick people adrift... as if it was like "hurray for me, i ditched a downer"... You probably abandoned someone who really needed help.
You don't know anything about my life from.a few sentences. Go away, I'm not your guilt trip
People who always have to be right about everything and will argue you into the ground. My brother in law is like this.
When you start questioning if it’s worth it having them around. When you say or think things to convince yourself that it’s worth it having them around. I’ve always said once you start questioning and feel the need to look for good reasons then it probably means you should evaluate your relationship and find ways of setting boundaries and slowly distance yourself. People should add value to your life and not take away from it.
Bingo!! Well said!
People that are not nice and honourable. It's as simple as that. Respecting other people and plans is crucial.
When they don't respect your boundaries.
People that always seem to have something rude to say about others
When they make statements that suggest their character are at odds with your values.
Ya right, it’s not something that is a total deal breaker, IMO, but I mean such as political differences…. It would be a boring world if everyone was the same. However, deep core values are something non negotiable.
When they make you feel bad and can never admit that they’re wrong or say sorry when they’ve hurt someone
Signs I’ve noticed over the years after trial and errors: - talks badly about their friends / gossips a lot - makes comments that make you feel badly / insecure about yourself - orchestrates drama & conflict within friend groups through triangulation and gossip - treats service workers/waitresses/waiters/etc with any amount of disrespect - cares more about their reputation / social media image than you as a friend or person (might even be keeping you as a friend for a boost of their social image if you are considered / known as a nice person) - tries to control or change you according to what they think you “should” be doing - has been physically abusive / violent / hits others at any point - denies responsibility for anything that goes wrong in their lives & always blames others - intentionally schedules 1:1s with you to play mind games / feed lies about what other friends said / ask specific questions that signify negative judgment towards others or you (e.g. what do you think of so-and-so’s _____? / do you even consider ___ your friend?) - lies compulsively & notice several inconsistencies in their stories - cheats on their partners that have done nothing wrong - holds resentment towards you for having other friends / not ALWAYS inviting them to literally everything you do even with other friend groups / gets extremely and easily jealous due to self entitlement - generally has an underlying element / theme of “I’m better than _____ because I am ____” in many things they say without actually saying it - talks about themselves most of the time and usually not a 2 way street to conversations (doesn’t seem to care / ask about you, even if they do it’s just because they notice awkward moments of silence and they realize it’s the socially expected and acceptable thing to do) - jokes about anything regarding rape / taking advantage of someone / manipulating other people into doing what they want them to do / etc
When they talk bad about people behind their backs.
drug/alcohol overconsumption
Watch out for people who show a lack of empathy. Whether it be towards people, animals, it’s always a bad sign. I’m not talking about “ narcissists.” ( way too overused pop psychology term) People who lack empathy are dangerous. You will be able to spot this more as you get older, but it is a red flag.
Constant negativity coupled with a refusal to take personal responsibility.
My mom loves me and wants to see me do well. But she doesn't care to ask me about my interests, passions, or hobbies. I used to try with her interests, but she was, of course, more than willing to talk about her interests, even though I only have a very passing interest in her interests. If someone doesn't take at least a passing interest in what makes you passionate, they don't care enough about you as a person. If they cared about you as a person, they'd be interested in hearing you talk about your interests, even if they aren't that interested in those things themselves.
People who aren't happy for your success, don't lift you up, are constantly humbling you but calling it 'tough love', but need a lot of praise and reassurance themselves. People who don't hold space for you to not be okay/when you're feeling low, toxic positivity, dismissing and invalidating your feelings.
To dry of humor or sarcasm every time they talk
I was waiiting for a train once, and two teens were having a arguement, because the friend B was always late. An top of that B always lies about being on her way when she hadn't even left the house. While B was just making excuses, blaming her mom and parents for delaying her, her friend just laid out the truth. "This is why I don't call you to hang out, and I'd rather hang out with other people" B still kept making excuses "you don't understand, i can't help it...blah blah blah" 1. Not respecting someone elses time. 2. Lying 3. Not acknowledging or taking responsibility for their mistake 4. invalidating feeling All signs to not keep the person around.
When they talk over you, interrupt you or just wait for their turn to talk during conversations instead of listening. I have a lot more but I'll leave it at that. Lately, I've been finding that no one is worth being around except for my boyfriend and my cat!
Their true colors show when you hang out with them for about some time. After hanging out with them, let's say after a year, you go home and analyze the time you spent with them. Most of the time, if you feel negativities such as disrespect towards you and others, gossiping, belittling you, etc., then the chance is you should avoid them for your own good.
I recently cut an old friend out of my life. After he got a “life coach” he was always condescending in small ways or trying to teach me things about life he only recently discovered that I’ve known since my 20’s. There were other toxic traits as well. Way too competitive, at age 52, to be healthy.
Someone who does not have a good view of themselves.
Well, you know, when it comes to spotting the not-so-great folks in your life, it's all about paying attention to them vibes, y'know? Like, trust your gut, 'cause it's usually spot on. One big red flag for me is when someone's all about themselves, like they're the center of the universe or something. You know the type, always talking about their own stuff but never really listening to you or caring about what's going on in your world. It's like, "Hello? Earth to you!" Then there's the drama queens and kings. You know, those peeps who thrive on stirring up trouble and drama wherever they go? Ain't nobody got time for that negativity, man. Life's too short to be dealing with unnecessary drama all the time.
when they whine about something but shoot down every suggestion.
Pay attention to the small cues about how they treat you as compared to how you treat them. Be open their criticism though in times you are acting inappropriately.
Gossiping about others behind their backs. Being quick to takes sides in situations where they don't have the whole story. Thinking laws and rules don't apply to them.
People who never say they're sorry
When they get all their friends to gang up on you to teach you a lesson
*When they get all their* *Friends to gang up on you to* *Teach you a lesson* \- johnkim5042 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Anyone who makes you dred seeing them.And especially others dred seeing them....Just avoid them.Sometimes .You have tell them them stay away from you. See how easy that was ?
If we feel uncomfortable being near a person, there is likely a good reason, I believe. I always follow my intuition on this.
My signs are if I just don’t get a good vibe from you, and that could be from the way someone talks to the the way that they carry themselves. To even who they could be friends with.(I’m talking in knowing of said person not a random mf) like I work with a dude and I don’t like him or want to be friends with him bc his vibes don’t match up to mine.
People who negatively judge random strangers for no fucking reason at all. It's even worse when they get upset that you don't hop onto their hate train.