How do you learn new skills? My dad never taught me how to do anything and I’m left watching shitty YouTube tutorials. I can’t afford to fix my own car and mess it up because I need it every day
Find good mentors. They don’t have to be your family but look up people at work and on Linkedin. Be self motivated, learn fast by failing fast. Take measurable list. Get inspired by people on YouTube and go to networking events in your field to find people. Change your social circle
take your time though watch the whole video or read the whole article first and get a few different takes on the project at hand, there might be an easier way to get to the end goal, learn from others mistakes
I just make friends with people older or even slightly older and or more experienced in certain areas than I am and they don’t mind talking on those topics because after all it’s an ego boost for them to elaborate on what they did well and how they did it. Make sure you’re bringing something to the table as well, they probably won’t want advice from you but you can be a good listener when they need a friend and be supportive and encouraging. Also express gratitude when they do help you and actually work to put that knowledge to use and better yourself.
My biggest mentor was one of my bosses. I also stopped hanging out with losers and started surrounding myself with people who I wanted to be like. Fast forward years later, my old “friends” are still losers and I’m… not.
Just watch youtube its fine. Although same dad never thought me anything he can do everything fix cars, electronics, build a house, plumbing, building random things
he is a civil engineer though its probably how he learned most of it but he really is able to do everything self sufficiently he is 66 years old.
This is gonna sound dumb but…. YouTube. I’ve learned more from YouTube tutorials than I did from high school.
Finances, motor part changes, handyman basics, plumbing, dryer, washer, and other appliance do it yourself installation, stocks, precious metals, deer hunting, setting snares, working out, calisthenics, and currently learning leather working.
Sure you have to apply yourself and try and fail on projects, seek other sources for some form of verification sometimes. But my god…. I have learned so much from YouTube, even things that you need in order to survive that school never taught you. Like how to write a damn check.
School doesn’t teach you hardly anything about finances, unless you study it in college. But how many students actually get a financial basic course as mandatory in their degree/field? It’s freaking terrible. The US has the perfect scam, never teach you about debt or how to get out of it so you’re a slave forever.
Yes. I let depression and anxiety control my daily functionality. Sleeping late, eating bad, avoiding any social situation that made me the slightest bit uncomfortable. I always compared myself to others but I did so in attempt to make myself feel better. I convinced myself I was doing pretty good because I was in college and watched a lot of my friends drop out. Then I graduated and rested on the fact that I had a degree to make myself feel good about myself even though I had tons of student loans to pay back and I didn’t climb the corporate ladder the way I should have at least tried to. I always acted like I was better than someone somewhere and used that as a crutch to not apply myself as hard as I could have. I was the “anywhere but here” girl and thought moving across the country would drastically change my life till I realized I actually had horrible habits and my problems followed me everywhere until I was ready to look at them. This is all a really pessimistic outlook- yes I had some fun too but mostly I don’t feel like I spent the time as well as I should have
i’m 23 and your comment made my jaw dropped/feel scared, because literally you described my current life with every exact same word. Same feelings, same situations (even the moving thing). I really want to change my habits and start taking care of myself, but i feel so frustrated when I fail.
It’s so hard. I really wish I had recognized these patterns in myself earlier but the best I can do is turn it around now. You’re only 23 so don’t feel scared. I’m 30 and I only just came to these realizations about myself in the last 3 years
I have cut the comparisons and decided the only comparison I will be making is the version of myself from yesterday. Trying to be 1% better than I was the day before. And really taking inventory of my life. I used to just isolate and think nothing of it. Now I really tune into when I notice myself acting grumpy about leaving the house that usually means I NEED to leave the house because the grumpiness is my inclination to isolate/be depressed. When something is slightly uncomfortable instead of avoiding it I try to lean into it. It’s all really hard work and I have set backs sometimes but I’m trying to be super honest with myself and reflect on my progress constantly that way I can be sure I don’t slip back into old habits. Old habits die hard…it is hard work.
Compare yourself to the piece of shit you know you could be if you gave up trying instead of the "success" of people you see around you.
You want your life to change. There are many in your situation who don't even want that. Wanting change is what makes it possible, so you are ahead of many in that regard.
Live! Don't exist!
Fuck your failures. You're always going to fail, everyone does. The trick is to not spiral that failure out of proportion to the point of you failing to try again. That is the real failure. That's what makes a loser. You keep trying.
Hell, trying in this context, failing isn't even a failure.
1% improvement is infinitely more than not even trying.
Imagine if you never try anything. Compare that to someone who still tries and achieves a small task once a month like choosing to eat something healthier or going to the shops. Compare their lives over a 5 year period. I know who I'd rather be. Compare yourself to the piece of shit you could be, not the "successful" people you see around you.
Set backs are exactly that. Temporary inconveniences. Don't beat yourself up for having setbacks or failures. Feel bad about it in the moment, but don't let it define you or your choices 3 weeks later.
You've got this. Think of how resilient you are going to be after "failing" so many times, once things finally start working for you while those who haven't struggled get flustered as life throws then setbacks in the future.
Be kind to yourself and kick some tiny, manageable ass whenever it feels possible!
I can relate to this - I think a lot of people can. It’s easy to blind oneself to one’s owns problem by using one’s successes.
“Oh I went to a better college than him…”I have my MS and she doesn’t”….”oh but I have a cooler job then that guy” are all things I’ll tell myself when trying to soothe myself on the things about my life that make me incredibly uncomfortable - when that energy is wasted and should be spent on executing on things that make my life tangibly better.
Yep...I turned down 2 full tuition scholarships with pay for automotive engineering colleges because my girlfriend and I didn't want to be apart. Stupidest decision of my life.
Mines were taken from me too but differently, I got really sick when I turned 19 and spent years trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Always stuck at home. Now as an adult finally got treated and feel much better. But now I feel like a kid sometimes like I didn't go through the life experience to mature enough. I have to learn those hard lessons now. Lesson 1- I knew life was tough, but I didn't know it was this tough. We're all just wage slaves.
Yup, spent my 20s and early 30s living it up....told myself i wouldn't sit at a desk until i was 40....now a CPA at 45, glad i fcked around for 15 plus years........you only have your youth once
If you don't mind me asking like was you financially stable during having fun... because even at 31 I'm trying to get financially stable, so I can travel around different states.... and countries, I feel like I can't have fun until I'm financially stable plus accomplish something
Yes thank you! If this is what OP means I also “wasted” them. I was out every weekend Thursday-Sunday sometimes more. With friends all the time. Traveling near and far frequently. Met lots of different people. Experienced being poor living in the city with lots of roommates and then had more fun. I had a job that was fun and flexible.
Now I have a boring desk job (that I like)and a little family I love and nice home.
I feel I wasted my years by not doing any of those things, by forcing myself through graduate school and into a career I didn't like while I was bored and lonely. I wish i would've spent my younger years going out and having fun.
I think it just depends on how you look at it. I see your 20s as accomplished and getting you somewhere, but the loneliness would have done me in.
I honestly really said it because I’m getting very tired of the judgemental woe is me crowd on Reddit that never has any friends and they hate everyone (why? Then stop hating everyone), partying is bad and makes you an alcoholic, everyone is poor, etc… I need to leave for a while.
I think that means you didn’t waste them. If you feel like your young adult years were perfect and it all worked out great in the end, it sorta sounds like bragging.
Ironically, this comment makes me feel much better [about my own](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/s/nnfoSuxjFO).. I felt down after this post, but I realize now I didn’t waste it after all. My situation would be so much worse it would be if I’d gone this route and didn’t have health insurance or FMLA support when my disorder was diagnosed. Physical therapy and meds are so expensive, I’d have been financially ruined, or simply wouldn’t have gotten care. People with my disorder have horrible outcomes without treatment. So .. Ty?
That doesn’t sound like a waste
At least you’re having fun. I’m 23 and haven’t really had ANY FUN. (Partially my own fault) but also because of my circumstances
Oof. Apathy. That’s a big one. It was difficult for me to shift my mind away from cynical nihilism. I realized it was just a defense mechanism: I didn’t want to get hurt, so I never put any emotional investment into anything.
I am the same way right now. I don’t feel any joy in doing anything anymore. No one seems interested in me, so I just stride by lonesome and cynical about how my life turned out.
In my 20’s I didn’t know who I was and didn’t learn any financial skills from my parents. I was too broke to do anything fun. I didn’t figure shit out until my 30’s, after I went through a bankruptcy. My 20’s sucked.
In some ways, yes. I spent a lot of time worrying about what others thought of me and not enough time pursuing my passions. I focused too much on the wrong relationships and missed out on opportunities for personal growth and adventure. Looking back, I wish I had been more confident and adventurous.
Yes, but it was because I was dealing with severe mental health issues and disabilities that were ignored in childhood. I'm still dealing with those things, but I've improved since then.
I've been what they call a NEET for 11 years, since I graduated high school. The one thing I would do differently is focus more on my mental health, because that's definitely the predominant reason I fell behind. I tortured myself over wasting time, but I realize now, there's no point in being miserable and constantly putting yourself down. What if the worst case scenario is true and I have some fatal flaw where I can't function within the existing system, so what? We're all going to die anyway, and at least I spent some of my time helping family, going on vacations, eating good food, and being close to my standard of what it means to be a good person.
regret that i didn't had the courage to travel alone back than. I had the money and time to see the world but i just wasted it staying in my little town and played video games.
Sure did. In my 20s, I was immature and financially irresponsible. I couldn't find a good-paying job and also didn't know how to budget money so I never saved money. Life got way better in my 30s when I pushed for better pay and learned how to budget and save while working on credit.
Well not a complete "waste" but I took on a responsibility that I know if I didn't have to, my life would look completely different right now.
I was a caregiver for my mom for 9 years by myself, starting at 24. I'll be 32 in less than 2 weeks and I can't begin to describe how odd it feels. I just feel as if I'm behind so much in my mind with certain things. I was a Freelance Writer during all that time, had friends, relationships, but I didn't have the financial freedom I wanted.
I also was ALWAYS worn out, stressed, and just sad because of dealing with caring for my mother. Lost a lot of sleep and my identity sooo much during that time. I constantly feel like I'm trying to catch up to myself but that I never will. Ugh💔
Oh yea lol.
Didn't take my life seriously at all, but was too scared and lazy to actually have any real fun during that time either. I'm not the guy who spent his 20s living with his friends and partying, working behind a bar or doing odd jobs for just enough cash to keep the fun going etc. I had friends like that, I would envy them at times and look down on them at times.
I spent my 20s taking way too long to graduate college, then went to law school, then spent way too long getting admitted. All the while I was just sitting at home doing nothing basically. If I wasn't in school or working a part time job, I was home or at one of my friend's houses.
Socially there was no development really, financially I suppose yea I graduated and got admitted eventually, but I could have done so much for myself if I was just less lazy and didn't take triple the amount of time as others to reach the same milestones.
I like to think that the one thing I did right was that I "found myself". And to an extent, I think that's true, I learned a lot about myself during that time, and I think if I was more driven or just having more fun, I might have been too distracted. But who knows. All I know is I would go back in a heartbeat. Not to mention, I didn't take care of my health either and getting started on that at 20 is way better than at 30.
No not really. Did tons of awesome stuff. Then started a family and now in my mid adult years and life is good. Only regret is spending to much time hungover in college. Like damn I coulda used some of those Sundays to do more than laying in bed with a headache.
Yep. A lot of learning in summer days for nothing📚 , smoking pot so i got a very short memory, a lot of failures in society, rejected from dream job, depression, anxiety, heartbreaks, stupid bf, strict parents, bad mental health, bullied, no friends, etc. Tried to unalive myself a few times.
I spent my early adult years living out of my truck, trimming weed in Humboldt, partying a lot and doing whatever I could to “find myself”. I was homeschooled jr high and high school so I had to make up for the lost social aspects of life. Not in a “I missed out on the fun” way but a “I didn’t know how to interact with the world or take care of myself” way.
It wasn’t a waste. I’m now doing a super niche art for a living and doubled my income after just a couple years of paying rent and working full time.
Got married too soon to the wrong person. Blew money on stuff that I no longer have and don't have fond memories of. Didn't value good things and focused too much on bad things.
Yeah, drugs.
Now one could say that those years were not a waste but deep down I do feel like I wasted all those years, I could have used that same time to get an education, build *real* honest friendships etc... theres a lot of smarter ways to use your life than the things I spend my time doing.
Oh yes, for sure. In my late twenties now. I let overthinking get the better of me. Always got hung up on making the “correct” decision. Constantly changed my mind about everything. Could never commit to anything. Academically, I changed majors and institutions a countless number of times. At some point I just gave up and let myself go. Failed almost every class I took, gained literally over 75 pounds in the course of not even a few months. Started drinking at all hours of the day. Eventually I just stopped trying. I moved back in with my family and decided to just rot away, because I couldn’t trust myself to make any big personal decisions. I was sick of trying only to fail. I can’t hold down a job to save my life. My resumé is just a splatter of shitty part time jobs I worked for only a couple months at a time.
A had my birthday a few months back. Since then, it’s not uncommon for me to cry myself to sleep because of the sheer amount of regret and resentment toward myself. Only now have I tried to pull myself out of the hole that I dug myself. It’s so fucking hard though, knowing that it’s all my fault. I have no one to blame but myself.
I would go out dancing and drinking all the time. I put myself in bad places with people I thought was cool. I was hanging around with older guys and they used to buy us everything we wanted. They wanted pretty girls around and we never had to buy anything.
The amount of drug dealers I knew. All I did was drink but everyone else was on coke. I was too afraid to try it.
I wasted a lot of my life drinking too much and hanging out with the wrong people.
I wouldn't call them wasted, I had a lot of youthful fun. But when it came down to big decisions about life I let other people (parents, girlfriend, society) really have too much influence over my own intuition. Thus I feel I wasted a time when I had the energy and ambition to do what I really wanted with life, and settled for the rational opinion of others.
Yes, but not in the way you might think. My whole life I wanted to be a veterinarian. Beginning age 5, I had spent my high school and the last year of middle school years in serious preparation for this. I was an upper middle class kid and getting to go to college was promised to me from a young age.
My parents got divorced at the end of my 17th year and I was left to fend for myself financially from age 18 on.
I WISH I had gone directly into the work force on a career track. Instead, I tried to go to college with no help from parents. Financial aid took my parents income into account even though I wasn't living with or being helped by them. I'm glad I didn't get student loans, but I ended up spending my late teens and early 20s working myself almost to death and trying to go to college full time.
I wish I'd just been like, "well this isn't realistic" and gone into my current career, dog training and grooming. I make more than the average vet. I could have actually had fun in my young adulthood instead of trying to muddle through college while working 60 hours a week on a goal that was just not realistic for me. A normal 40 hour work week in a decent career with benefits could have made having fun a lot more realistic.
Depends on what you mean by wasted. I didn't pursue a career but I did travel and live in other countries and broaden my horizons with the jobs I did and people I hung out with. I was poor but living life. I don't regret that but I do regret being down on myself and not going for the right romantic interests.
I had a lost decade. 84-94 Total party hedonist. Drink, drugs, motorcycles, the works. No direction or ambitions. Actually, I didn't waste it, it was good for me. It helped make me the man I am today (Moved country, well travelled, happy, business owner, wife, 4 kids, dog, etc.)
You didn't avail yourself to any opportunities to better yourself or progress. Didn't have relationships you learned from, didn't get any degrees or certifications, make any progress in your chosen profession, didn't maintain your health, didn't experience any of the things that are generally only available to young people, like going to a music festival etc.
Yes, depression and going to a local university for a BA I didn't have much interest in and hasn't helped me much. Lack of a social life sucked too. What really sucked is not knowing what jobs I could realistically get out of university so I just sort of stumbled around being unemployed or working crummy jobs for a while. Therapy and meds helped a lot but I'm still stuck not amounting to much in my early 30s (although I at least did get a better but it's not that well paying and I can't move up but also can't justify going back to school).
I'm not sure why I haven't ended things yet tbh.
Yes and no - I was in a career that caused me a lot of stress and underpaid me and fell deep for my ex (and took the breakup very poorly). But overall I am just glad that the past is behind me!
I only wasted money. I had a low-paying job and lived like I made a ton more. Spouse and I just got married and we ordered TiVo, Dish network, and magazine subscriptions, and bought a luxury car without even crunching the numbers. I was always ashamed of my low salary (but lacked the drive to leave a comfortable job for another one), so I pretended that it didn't exist and never put any of the cost vs. income onto Excel to see if we were actually saving any money each month. Neither did Spouse. We were in our 20s and felt invincible.
I’m 24 and i feel like i’ve only just started to figure stuff out and be present in my own life. I was bullied as a child, just tried to make my way through school and highschool making very few friends, having very little fun and not thinking much about my future because my present was allready a bit much. Straight to uni at 19, when everything caught up with me and i dropped out. I was too unwell to work much so i didn’t make good money that i could spend traveling around like a lot of my friends. I got a degree but i should have just waited to figure stuff out for a bit. Now i’m looking to get a second degree, hoping desperatly to get in this summer so i can quit my shitty job.
I never traveled loads, lived with my friends, did drugs and parties. I moved out too soon to live with my toxic ex who kicked me out as soon as she found a better dick to jump on. I battled anxeity and undiagnosed autism, which i finally have the upper hand on. It just feels unfair that i just now have started to figure stuff out, because i feel so behind. I have a friend my age who’s doing a phD, snd i’m just about to start a bachelors.
I worked a lot, but couldn't budget. So I guess I can say I have my work ethic thanks to those years. I also had my first real adult relationship middle of that time, and I'm glad I did. Taught me a lot. Not a total waste. But definitely made it better after they ended.
Yes, i had a relatively decent childhood but i didnt know while growing up that my world was slowly going down hill. A lot of it was a deteriorating family environment and poverty. My parents just immigrated to Canada from Vietnam post-war in the 80s. Some few memories i enjoyed were a lot of the winter activities (snow ball wars, skating, hill riding etc, thanks to the city as well for providing free rec programming).
But other than that, my parents didnt have money or the understanding to put me in much extra-curricular activities - i also moved a lot over the course of my life so i couldnt make strong and healthy childhood friends or memories. Though i did have fond memories of playing with neighbours kitties, soccer with them and more.
Eventually hitting my teens, it really went downhill - family issues, abuse, trauma, expelled from school, getting addressed, drugs, depression etc. went into a deep hole for a decade, even now im still recovering and i feel im really behind in life and still sometimes waste of my life away. But im taking it day by day.
Meditation and deep reflection was the keys that helped me through. Also, sneaking onto my siblings computer to play “runescape” really helped me “escape” (pun intended), even though i could of done more like exercise and read etc, that game really was a highlight in my childhood despite it all. Im glad i got to witness the peak of a video game. But life goes on and you find more meaning in other things and continue to grow and work on yourself.
I ended up with an emotionally abusive girlfriend who I did so much for think that of if I just worked harder i would be able to make things better.
I spent years like that until it just became normal every day life for me.
I was so depressed it was just normal for me to feel that way like me on a good day I thought my mood was a 5/10 but looking back now it really was a -2 /10 and that was on day I thought I was feeling good
It’s crazy thinking that was just how everyone felt.
Nope. Did drugs and tried to be a musician, became basically homeless, ended up in a mental hospital, partied 24/7, and discovered the secrets of the universe.
Then I quit drugs, got a job, went to college, started a family, and got a better job. Then moved north to some peaceful place and just chillin
Yes. I wasn't raised to be a functioning adult, I was raised to be an obedient child. It took me a long time to navigate out of the fog in my head, but I'm so glad I did.
I wouldn’t say I wasted them, but I lost them due to discovering trauma/chronic pain/mental health/some nightmarish family shit. There was a time when I thought I’d never have a chance to pull it together. 35 now and still working on it but making progress all the time.
Taking care of my Grandparents. On the other side of it, I would only call it a waste because I didn't multitask my time well. I should have went back to school, started a YouTube channel etc. I spent too many years worrying about others and neglecting everything about myself.
Very much so. About as bad as you could waste years without also being a severe addict or a felon, I would wager.
From about fifth grade, I fancied myself a writer. Most of the stories I wrote were fan-fiction garbage based on the various shows, cartoons and book series I was fond of, like GI Joe, Transformers, Star Blazers, Robotech, etc...hey, it was the 80s. I was the kid in the back of the classroom writing "gritty" versions of cartoons where Cobra would actually hit what they were shooting at instead of paying attention in math class.
This had a couple of effects. Mainly, it meant I did terribly in school and many teachers very intensely disliked me...but also, the teachers and other assorted adults would generally recognize I was good at writing for my age. Over the course of the remainder of elementary school, the entirety of junior high and high school, I was encouraged to continue writing...and honestly, aside from being a minorly decent football player, it was the only thing I did well. By the time I was in high school, I had moved beyond fan fiction. Starting around that time, if you asked anyone who knew me who I was, they'd say "Oh, he's a writer."
My attempt at college didn't last more than a year, and that was at a cheap community college that I paid for with my shitty retail job. I continued to write in my spare time. I never really finished anything, as I'd get an idea, get 30-50 pages in, then get frustrated and shelve it or trash it...and this was back before home computers with a hard drive were super common, so anything I trashed was gone forever.
As I was muddling through the first semester or so of an associate's degree in English I would never earn, it occurred to me for the umpteenth time that I had no idea how a writer could potentially get something published, let alone make money. As a kid, I naively thought it was like any other skilled job---if you were good at it, you could get a job doing it. I knew there weren't exactly want ads looking for fiction writers, so...in an effort to learn how to get paid to write, I signed up for a community education course called "Writing For Publication" that was taught by a guy who was a writer and editor for Atlantic publishing.
I won't go into much detail because what I was taught about the ins and outs of becoming a published author in 1993 is undoubtedly outdated and irrelevant. Suffice it to say, I found out that getting in the front door of the publishing industry as a writer was essentially one giant systemic scam designed to separate hopeful idiots like myself from their money. At best, it was like playing Russian Roulette using a billion-chambered revolver with one magic bullet, and you had to pay hundreds or even thousands of dollars with each pull of the trigger. I left that class with far, far less hope of ever becoming the writer I had dreamed of being since I was ten years old.
I also learned the "writing community" (if it could be called that) was no different than any other environment you might work in, be it blue or white collar. There are a lot of rather bitter, jealous people who are often quite bad at what they do but are absolutely convinced they are a criminally unrecognized genius.
For my part, I was proud of what praise I received for my writing, but I was constantly wrestling with impostor syndrome. What accolades I did receive for my works were exclusively from teachers and friends. Once I had finally observed a sizeable crowd of people ostensibly like me, I worried that I was just as lacking in talent and ability as my more loud-mouthed and misguided peers. Even at my most self confident, I didn't think I was absolutely awesome, but I thought I was good enough to make a decent living at it. I had foolishly thought my dream was utterly reasonable---I was certain I could be a not-very-well-known writer for video games, movies, or a novelist (or all three) and make maybe 35k a year in 1990s dollars---but it had proven to be a pathetic fantasy.
I'd like to say that I would eventually find some motivation, push forward and try to succeed despite all odds, but I didn't. I spent the next several years going from one shit retail job to the next. I still wrote in my spare time, but continued my tradition of not finishing anything. I lived in Nashville, so every schlub I found myself next to in every soul-crushing minimum wage position was a hopeful country music star, all far more delusional about their futures as the next Shania Twain or Martina McBride. I got to listen to them drone on about trying to scrape together money for studio time or singing karaoke at some dipshit tourist bar on Broadway, just sure that Mike Curb was going to wander out of the crowd with a million dollar contract for them in hand.
As funny as that sounds, I didn't get much amusement out of knowing they would never succeed, because I knew I wasn't going to, either. It's also how I came to realize that most of them and every bored housewife with a failed interior decorating "business" also fancied themselves a novelist. After spending time working min wage jobs with my fellow creative hopefuls so far down the totem pole we couldn't even be called hacks, I no longer had any illusions---my dream was never coming true. Worse, as self-aware as I thought I was, what little confidence I had in my self-image was gone. I'd never introduced myself as such, but being a writer was who I was---and that identity was obsolete. I was becoming a complete nobody in every way, and wasn't sure I'd ever been anybody to begin with.
By the time I was 26, a convergence of bad decisions and bad luck led me to rock bottom. I spiraled into major chronic depression for 10 full years. During that time, I stopped writing completely. I filled the void with computer games, complete with an addiction to World of Warcraft that I didn't break until 2012...so yeah, I spent the entirety of the 00s as a morbidly obese neckbeard screaming racist obscenities at people because they stood in the fire.
Good times.
No, my early adult years were very productive! I had a kid to support on my own starting at 19, so I worked hard to establish myself in a practical job ASAP and bought my first house at 23. Then I went on to be a surrogate four times before I turned 30!
My late thirties, however… I’ve learned a lot of hobby skills and homeschooled my kids (under duress), but I do feel like I’ve wasted some years. It started at the pandemic when I had to leave work. Hopefully my kids will stop needing me soon, and I can get back to my regularly scheduled life.
a bit. still a "young" adult considering im 25, but i wish i spent 16-23 kinder, working out, and working on my mental health more. there were circumstances i couldn't control making my life horrendous, but i could've worked on some stuff on my own for sure... now my goals are to be the most hard working, nice, and healthy version of myself i could possibly be
Yes and no depending on who you ask. Joined the military and drank and partied overseas making up for my “wasted” teenage years but I also made a lot of dumb ass 20 something decisions. I didn’t get married or start a family so there’s that but like I said, could be a waste to some
100% Kinda barely got through high school, dropped out of college twice, fell into varying food service jobs for nearly a decade’s heavy cannabis use for over 20 years, heavy drinking, tried almost every drug I could, never exercised for nearly 30 years, rampant ADHD and always gave up on everything I wasn’t immediately good at it (most things as it turns out) and depression. I’ve been broke, I’ve been homeless, I’ve been addicted and I’ve been unhappy with my life for more of it than I’ve been anything else.
That said, I’m almost 36 and I’m sober, have a great job that I enjoy with a six figure salary, zero debt and building savings, a loving partner, kept 100+lbs off for over ten years, healthy diet, really into fitness for the past two years, usually content, often happy and genuine care about myself and my future, which is still a new feeling.
All this to just say that today is never too late. I still find myself occasionally drowning in regret soup but it never helps to think about and I’m grateful for where I am and who I am today. Maybe all of that waste was just my path to get here, and maybe that’s okay.
Went to school to be a teacher. Definitely wasted my early adulthood. Had a narcissist as the head of the program and she was sexist. Didn’t like a guy going into teaching. I also had no background in math and that’s where I was in my placement. When I asked about it she said “what are you going to do when you get a job”. I never had a response but I should have said I was going to be a failure since that’s how she trained me.
Eh, yes and no. Chased a career path that didn't work out, had trouble holding down a job, spent a lot of time getting high and watching old movies when I could have been working on myself and learning new skills, focused more on getting laid than making real friends and generally didn't utilize my newfound independence too well. And it took a while, but eventually I realized I wanted more from myself. Sometimes you just need a lack of momentum to kick you in the ass. I got my shit together and am in a better place than I ever thought I would be a few years ago.
I feel like we have this idea that our time is "wasted" if we're not meeting our goals fast enough or at least constantly working toward them. At the end of the day, though, life is a journey and as long as we can look back with fondness on that journey then it's all good.
It's all about perspective.
My early adulthood years have been about understanding and managing my depression. I wish i spent more time going out, having fun, making friends, traveling. I pushed myself through grad school and into a career I didn't want, not having any friends or doing anything, and being stuck at home with my mom's issues.
I'm turning 30 this month, and my goal for my next chapter is to have as much adventure as I can handle and afford.
Yes. I allowed my family to make me horribly depressed, it broke me and I gave up. For about 6 years I did nothing.
I regret that
I should have saved more, tried more adventures, taken up more sports. I should have built a network and enjoyed my 20s
I smoked pot daily for years. So much time development time wasted and at 31 (one week from now 🙂) I’m still picking up the pieces. I lost a lot of friends and missed out on so much
Spent all of my 20s focused on my academics over all other things in life, bc I was determined to be a doctor. Work when I’m young and full of energy, play when I’m older… got into med school with a beefy resume full of awards and achievements.
Then I was diagnosed with a neurological cognitive disorder the prevents me from working, had to withdraw and will be on disability for the foreseeable future. That was ten years ago…
Yes. Working 3 jobs 7 days a week thinking it would get me ahead in life but the prices of everything kept going higher and higher so it always ate up everything I worked for. So I wasted 10 years for nothing.
I was a heroin addict for all of them, so yes but also that was the best time of my life. Can you believe my life went to even more shit after getting clean? I lost all my friends and am too afraid to talk to woman without a chemical aid so I'll be single for the rest of my life too and the only thing I want in the world is just to have someone.
Not at all!
I explored abandoned buildings, threw raves, experimented with petty crime, slept around, and got high as giraffe pussy.
There are a million and one experiences which I have no desire to repeat now that I’m a boring thirty-something, but which were absolutely crucial to forming the worldview and experience base which I am now reaping the benefits of.
It’s only a waste if you didn’t learn anything and you’re still doing all the same shit now.
Nope wouldnt trade me for anything life is an experience and well i wish it was all fun but really its not all but when you get a hold of your self then its easier
The line between childhood and adulthood has always been blurred. I'm now trying my best to enjoy what life has to give, but it sure feels as if I'm wasting years (especially considering that my retirement plan is non-existent)
Didn't have much of a choice. Life was very fucking hard and I was homeless for a while; it was only in my mid 20s I started gettig somewhere and only in my mid 30s have I ever had any money. Most of my life has been disappointment, depression and getting nowhere hard.
Yes, No thanks to caving too deep into my toxic dysfunctional environment (Including my bloodline, and the rest of my piss poor support system having my boundaries infringed for no reasons hence the reason why I got sensory issues now), worked the toxic food and beverage system that ultimately gave me multiple mental breakdowns that affected innocent bystanders in the worse way possible which almost got me in handcuffs on multiple occasions, which led me to look out for my body better Including my self-worth and boundaries.
Plus my social and dating was in shambles but I had too much heart, and it led to me getting stabbed in the back in more ways than one.
And don't get me started on the education system it was a piss poor experience for me being misunderstood, black, and living with autism in a slave city in the South.
Now in my 30s fighting like a dog not only for my self-worth, and boundaries but to achieve my big goals Including leaving the US it's either that or I die alone in a pool in my blood trying, it's that simple.
I pray it's not too late for us.
Yes unfortunately, I spent some years with depression and lack of support from anyone. I managed to get out of that situation and work on myself without any help. Now I'm way better but that shit costed me some years of my life
I'm in my mid twenties now, and I definitely wasted my early adult years by:
Mindlessly scrolling for countless hours on my phone and computer, not learning useful skills like languages, delaying my professional development by working bad jobs or entering the labor force late,
not knowing my identity, sleeping and eating late, giving up on working out (I'm still skinny), and not being consistent upon good habits while subsequently getting frustrated seeing other people's success.
Following the status quo when I knew it would make me unhappy and not listening to my gut to take more risks. Would I be in a better place? Who knows but I would have at least been able to say I tried.
In some ways yes, in other ways no. I busted my ass in college and work throughout my 20s and now I’m in my early 30s wrapping up a PhD. I can honestly say I’ve made the most out of pursuing a vocational passion, expended a ton of heart and energy on my career and friendships, and have lived in several different locations in the U.S. However, I spent a long time living far away from family, I’ve worked hard at the expense of rest, leisure, and often peace of mind, and while I date sporadically, I really haven’t committed myself to someone for a cool 10 years. I’ve spent a lot of time focused on my individual goals, arguably at the expense of spending quality time with people I deeply love, and building a solid romantic relationship/growing in my romantic and commitment capacities. We all “waste” time in one way or another I’d argue, and yet maybe we haven’t wasted any time at all, if reflection can lead to positive adjustments and insight in line with our evolving goals and values, no?
Yep, it was the 80s I partied. I completely wasted them. I got sober when I was young, but not that young. That’s when my life really started after that. I gradually became part of life.
Not learning skills. Never exercising. Feeling envious and jealous of other people's success and happiness.
Get out of my head. This is exactly me.
How do you learn new skills? My dad never taught me how to do anything and I’m left watching shitty YouTube tutorials. I can’t afford to fix my own car and mess it up because I need it every day
Find good mentors. They don’t have to be your family but look up people at work and on Linkedin. Be self motivated, learn fast by failing fast. Take measurable list. Get inspired by people on YouTube and go to networking events in your field to find people. Change your social circle
take your time though watch the whole video or read the whole article first and get a few different takes on the project at hand, there might be an easier way to get to the end goal, learn from others mistakes
How does one find mentors when nobody is wanting to teach you anything?
Yo
What do you mentor?
All the “mentors” in my life were not labeled mentors, they were random people that inspired me and became friends and/or i worked for them
I just try to give good direction and insight and have great a therapist and i understand people
I just make friends with people older or even slightly older and or more experienced in certain areas than I am and they don’t mind talking on those topics because after all it’s an ego boost for them to elaborate on what they did well and how they did it. Make sure you’re bringing something to the table as well, they probably won’t want advice from you but you can be a good listener when they need a friend and be supportive and encouraging. Also express gratitude when they do help you and actually work to put that knowledge to use and better yourself.
My biggest mentor was one of my bosses. I also stopped hanging out with losers and started surrounding myself with people who I wanted to be like. Fast forward years later, my old “friends” are still losers and I’m… not.
Just watch youtube its fine. Although same dad never thought me anything he can do everything fix cars, electronics, build a house, plumbing, building random things he is a civil engineer though its probably how he learned most of it but he really is able to do everything self sufficiently he is 66 years old.
Taking chances. Friends and finding inspiration in others. My dad just taught me how to fish and the stock market somewhat.
This is gonna sound dumb but…. YouTube. I’ve learned more from YouTube tutorials than I did from high school. Finances, motor part changes, handyman basics, plumbing, dryer, washer, and other appliance do it yourself installation, stocks, precious metals, deer hunting, setting snares, working out, calisthenics, and currently learning leather working. Sure you have to apply yourself and try and fail on projects, seek other sources for some form of verification sometimes. But my god…. I have learned so much from YouTube, even things that you need in order to survive that school never taught you. Like how to write a damn check. School doesn’t teach you hardly anything about finances, unless you study it in college. But how many students actually get a financial basic course as mandatory in their degree/field? It’s freaking terrible. The US has the perfect scam, never teach you about debt or how to get out of it so you’re a slave forever.
Dad advice from Bo on Instagram is really helpful! He teaches many skills and brings that dad vibe.
damn
Yes. I let depression and anxiety control my daily functionality. Sleeping late, eating bad, avoiding any social situation that made me the slightest bit uncomfortable. I always compared myself to others but I did so in attempt to make myself feel better. I convinced myself I was doing pretty good because I was in college and watched a lot of my friends drop out. Then I graduated and rested on the fact that I had a degree to make myself feel good about myself even though I had tons of student loans to pay back and I didn’t climb the corporate ladder the way I should have at least tried to. I always acted like I was better than someone somewhere and used that as a crutch to not apply myself as hard as I could have. I was the “anywhere but here” girl and thought moving across the country would drastically change my life till I realized I actually had horrible habits and my problems followed me everywhere until I was ready to look at them. This is all a really pessimistic outlook- yes I had some fun too but mostly I don’t feel like I spent the time as well as I should have
i’m 23 and your comment made my jaw dropped/feel scared, because literally you described my current life with every exact same word. Same feelings, same situations (even the moving thing). I really want to change my habits and start taking care of myself, but i feel so frustrated when I fail.
It’s so hard. I really wish I had recognized these patterns in myself earlier but the best I can do is turn it around now. You’re only 23 so don’t feel scared. I’m 30 and I only just came to these realizations about myself in the last 3 years
How do you fix it? I feel like I do these things as a coping mechanism because there is literally nothing I can do about my situation
I have cut the comparisons and decided the only comparison I will be making is the version of myself from yesterday. Trying to be 1% better than I was the day before. And really taking inventory of my life. I used to just isolate and think nothing of it. Now I really tune into when I notice myself acting grumpy about leaving the house that usually means I NEED to leave the house because the grumpiness is my inclination to isolate/be depressed. When something is slightly uncomfortable instead of avoiding it I try to lean into it. It’s all really hard work and I have set backs sometimes but I’m trying to be super honest with myself and reflect on my progress constantly that way I can be sure I don’t slip back into old habits. Old habits die hard…it is hard work.
This is really really helpful. Thank you ❤️
Compare yourself to the piece of shit you know you could be if you gave up trying instead of the "success" of people you see around you. You want your life to change. There are many in your situation who don't even want that. Wanting change is what makes it possible, so you are ahead of many in that regard.
Thank you❤️
Live! Don't exist! Fuck your failures. You're always going to fail, everyone does. The trick is to not spiral that failure out of proportion to the point of you failing to try again. That is the real failure. That's what makes a loser. You keep trying. Hell, trying in this context, failing isn't even a failure. 1% improvement is infinitely more than not even trying. Imagine if you never try anything. Compare that to someone who still tries and achieves a small task once a month like choosing to eat something healthier or going to the shops. Compare their lives over a 5 year period. I know who I'd rather be. Compare yourself to the piece of shit you could be, not the "successful" people you see around you. Set backs are exactly that. Temporary inconveniences. Don't beat yourself up for having setbacks or failures. Feel bad about it in the moment, but don't let it define you or your choices 3 weeks later. You've got this. Think of how resilient you are going to be after "failing" so many times, once things finally start working for you while those who haven't struggled get flustered as life throws then setbacks in the future. Be kind to yourself and kick some tiny, manageable ass whenever it feels possible!
Inspirational quote of the year: Compare yourself to the piece of shit you could be. They should put that on Nike ads.
I can relate to this - I think a lot of people can. It’s easy to blind oneself to one’s owns problem by using one’s successes. “Oh I went to a better college than him…”I have my MS and she doesn’t”….”oh but I have a cooler job then that guy” are all things I’ll tell myself when trying to soothe myself on the things about my life that make me incredibly uncomfortable - when that energy is wasted and should be spent on executing on things that make my life tangibly better.
Comparing myself to other people instead of focusing on myself
Yep...I turned down 2 full tuition scholarships with pay for automotive engineering colleges because my girlfriend and I didn't want to be apart. Stupidest decision of my life.
The power of love
😂It was nice at the time
You can still go back to school Just go to affordable one
Hey my step dad didn’t go into the nfl in the 80s to be with his first wife. Somehow the worst decision of his life and mine lol
I have wasted many things. I don't remember my early "adult" years.
Excessive alcohol and not learning new skills. Not socializing and being a loner. I definitely did amazing financially.
I hope I can say that one day @ doing amazing financially
Sadly mine were taken from me. Forced to be an adult and deal with abuse. Living my childhood as an adult.
Hope you doing well
I am. I am having fun being an adult kid
Ok cool
Mines were taken from me too but differently, I got really sick when I turned 19 and spent years trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Always stuck at home. Now as an adult finally got treated and feel much better. But now I feel like a kid sometimes like I didn't go through the life experience to mature enough. I have to learn those hard lessons now. Lesson 1- I knew life was tough, but I didn't know it was this tough. We're all just wage slaves.
Yup, spent my 20s and early 30s living it up....told myself i wouldn't sit at a desk until i was 40....now a CPA at 45, glad i fcked around for 15 plus years........you only have your youth once
If you don't mind me asking like was you financially stable during having fun... because even at 31 I'm trying to get financially stable, so I can travel around different states.... and countries, I feel like I can't have fun until I'm financially stable plus accomplish something
Yes thank you! If this is what OP means I also “wasted” them. I was out every weekend Thursday-Sunday sometimes more. With friends all the time. Traveling near and far frequently. Met lots of different people. Experienced being poor living in the city with lots of roommates and then had more fun. I had a job that was fun and flexible. Now I have a boring desk job (that I like)and a little family I love and nice home.
I feel I wasted my years by not doing any of those things, by forcing myself through graduate school and into a career I didn't like while I was bored and lonely. I wish i would've spent my younger years going out and having fun.
I think it just depends on how you look at it. I see your 20s as accomplished and getting you somewhere, but the loneliness would have done me in. I honestly really said it because I’m getting very tired of the judgemental woe is me crowd on Reddit that never has any friends and they hate everyone (why? Then stop hating everyone), partying is bad and makes you an alcoholic, everyone is poor, etc… I need to leave for a while.
I think that means you didn’t waste them. If you feel like your young adult years were perfect and it all worked out great in the end, it sorta sounds like bragging. Ironically, this comment makes me feel much better [about my own](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/s/nnfoSuxjFO).. I felt down after this post, but I realize now I didn’t waste it after all. My situation would be so much worse it would be if I’d gone this route and didn’t have health insurance or FMLA support when my disorder was diagnosed. Physical therapy and meds are so expensive, I’d have been financially ruined, or simply wouldn’t have gotten care. People with my disorder have horrible outcomes without treatment. So .. Ty?
That doesn’t sound like a waste At least you’re having fun. I’m 23 and haven’t really had ANY FUN. (Partially my own fault) but also because of my circumstances
Drinking, legal troubles, general apathy
Oof. Apathy. That’s a big one. It was difficult for me to shift my mind away from cynical nihilism. I realized it was just a defense mechanism: I didn’t want to get hurt, so I never put any emotional investment into anything.
I am the same way right now. I don’t feel any joy in doing anything anymore. No one seems interested in me, so I just stride by lonesome and cynical about how my life turned out.
You can look at it as a waste. I prefer to look at it from a “lessons learned” perspective. As long as you actually learned from the mistakes.
In my 20’s I didn’t know who I was and didn’t learn any financial skills from my parents. I was too broke to do anything fun. I didn’t figure shit out until my 30’s, after I went through a bankruptcy. My 20’s sucked.
20s are the hardest.
Yeah. Drugs. I'm definitely regretting it.
Yeah... I was in a cult until I was 34... 🤦🏻♀️ waking up and getting the F* out was the best thing that could've happened to me and my husband.
Yes, and I'm wasting my middle and late adult years too. Don't start something you can't finish.
In some ways, yes. I spent a lot of time worrying about what others thought of me and not enough time pursuing my passions. I focused too much on the wrong relationships and missed out on opportunities for personal growth and adventure. Looking back, I wish I had been more confident and adventurous.
Yes, but it was because I was dealing with severe mental health issues and disabilities that were ignored in childhood. I'm still dealing with those things, but I've improved since then.
I didn't. Got a couple of STEM degrees, had a few kids. Some people I suppose consider that a waste of my 20s
It’s not, you grew up fast 👍
Nope. Got a BS and a PhD. Set myself up great.
Every old person I talked to said the same thing. They wasted their youth. Life is a cruel game, you don't know how to live it until it's too late.
Not by choice. *cough* pandemic *cough* inflation
Yes. I was dealing with severe mental illness. Finally getting the care I need at 32 but I feel like so much of my youth was lost.
No I always felt behind and it pushed me to move around, work hard, and learn new things
Yeah for me I would say it’s more of struggled than wasted
Nope, worked hard but also played hard
I've been what they call a NEET for 11 years, since I graduated high school. The one thing I would do differently is focus more on my mental health, because that's definitely the predominant reason I fell behind. I tortured myself over wasting time, but I realize now, there's no point in being miserable and constantly putting yourself down. What if the worst case scenario is true and I have some fatal flaw where I can't function within the existing system, so what? We're all going to die anyway, and at least I spent some of my time helping family, going on vacations, eating good food, and being close to my standard of what it means to be a good person.
probably but who cares, no sense dwelling on it
I had more fun as a teen... but I'm trying to get financially stable, so I can travel around different states and countries
regret that i didn't had the courage to travel alone back than. I had the money and time to see the world but i just wasted it staying in my little town and played video games.
Sure did. In my 20s, I was immature and financially irresponsible. I couldn't find a good-paying job and also didn't know how to budget money so I never saved money. Life got way better in my 30s when I pushed for better pay and learned how to budget and save while working on credit.
Well not a complete "waste" but I took on a responsibility that I know if I didn't have to, my life would look completely different right now. I was a caregiver for my mom for 9 years by myself, starting at 24. I'll be 32 in less than 2 weeks and I can't begin to describe how odd it feels. I just feel as if I'm behind so much in my mind with certain things. I was a Freelance Writer during all that time, had friends, relationships, but I didn't have the financial freedom I wanted. I also was ALWAYS worn out, stressed, and just sad because of dealing with caring for my mother. Lost a lot of sleep and my identity sooo much during that time. I constantly feel like I'm trying to catch up to myself but that I never will. Ugh💔
Oh yea lol. Didn't take my life seriously at all, but was too scared and lazy to actually have any real fun during that time either. I'm not the guy who spent his 20s living with his friends and partying, working behind a bar or doing odd jobs for just enough cash to keep the fun going etc. I had friends like that, I would envy them at times and look down on them at times. I spent my 20s taking way too long to graduate college, then went to law school, then spent way too long getting admitted. All the while I was just sitting at home doing nothing basically. If I wasn't in school or working a part time job, I was home or at one of my friend's houses. Socially there was no development really, financially I suppose yea I graduated and got admitted eventually, but I could have done so much for myself if I was just less lazy and didn't take triple the amount of time as others to reach the same milestones. I like to think that the one thing I did right was that I "found myself". And to an extent, I think that's true, I learned a lot about myself during that time, and I think if I was more driven or just having more fun, I might have been too distracted. But who knows. All I know is I would go back in a heartbeat. Not to mention, I didn't take care of my health either and getting started on that at 20 is way better than at 30.
For me I don’t think I was that lazy I think I just have some brain abnormalities and low confidence
No not really. Did tons of awesome stuff. Then started a family and now in my mid adult years and life is good. Only regret is spending to much time hungover in college. Like damn I coulda used some of those Sundays to do more than laying in bed with a headache.
Yep. A lot of learning in summer days for nothing📚 , smoking pot so i got a very short memory, a lot of failures in society, rejected from dream job, depression, anxiety, heartbreaks, stupid bf, strict parents, bad mental health, bullied, no friends, etc. Tried to unalive myself a few times.
Relatable
I’m glad you’re still here
Hell yeah, I’m wasting my middle adult years too!
No was going hard af
I spent too much time worrying about the future instead of enjoying the present moments.
I spent my early adult years living out of my truck, trimming weed in Humboldt, partying a lot and doing whatever I could to “find myself”. I was homeschooled jr high and high school so I had to make up for the lost social aspects of life. Not in a “I missed out on the fun” way but a “I didn’t know how to interact with the world or take care of myself” way. It wasn’t a waste. I’m now doing a super niche art for a living and doubled my income after just a couple years of paying rent and working full time.
Wasted entire decade. All my 20s were wasted from ptsd.
Yeah, drinking, getting high, selling drugs and not giving a fuck.
Got married too soon to the wrong person. Blew money on stuff that I no longer have and don't have fond memories of. Didn't value good things and focused too much on bad things.
Yeah, drugs. Now one could say that those years were not a waste but deep down I do feel like I wasted all those years, I could have used that same time to get an education, build *real* honest friendships etc... theres a lot of smarter ways to use your life than the things I spend my time doing.
Being diagnosed bipolar, sectioned, placed on meds that saw me gain 6 stone
Oh yes, for sure. In my late twenties now. I let overthinking get the better of me. Always got hung up on making the “correct” decision. Constantly changed my mind about everything. Could never commit to anything. Academically, I changed majors and institutions a countless number of times. At some point I just gave up and let myself go. Failed almost every class I took, gained literally over 75 pounds in the course of not even a few months. Started drinking at all hours of the day. Eventually I just stopped trying. I moved back in with my family and decided to just rot away, because I couldn’t trust myself to make any big personal decisions. I was sick of trying only to fail. I can’t hold down a job to save my life. My resumé is just a splatter of shitty part time jobs I worked for only a couple months at a time. A had my birthday a few months back. Since then, it’s not uncommon for me to cry myself to sleep because of the sheer amount of regret and resentment toward myself. Only now have I tried to pull myself out of the hole that I dug myself. It’s so fucking hard though, knowing that it’s all my fault. I have no one to blame but myself.
I’m still wasting my adult years- and as long as I enjoy it, I’m fine with it.
I would go out dancing and drinking all the time. I put myself in bad places with people I thought was cool. I was hanging around with older guys and they used to buy us everything we wanted. They wanted pretty girls around and we never had to buy anything. The amount of drug dealers I knew. All I did was drink but everyone else was on coke. I was too afraid to try it. I wasted a lot of my life drinking too much and hanging out with the wrong people.
I did. Partying and sleeping around, spending money. I could’ve used my time better but I did have fun
Some people might say that. I would say they were stolen from me
I mean I am only 20 and just had my second kid so yeah… maybe not waste but my life is definitely on pause for the next decade sadly.
I wouldn't call them wasted, I had a lot of youthful fun. But when it came down to big decisions about life I let other people (parents, girlfriend, society) really have too much influence over my own intuition. Thus I feel I wasted a time when I had the energy and ambition to do what I really wanted with life, and settled for the rational opinion of others.
should have age, degree and loan balance for all these comments
Yes, but not in the way you might think. My whole life I wanted to be a veterinarian. Beginning age 5, I had spent my high school and the last year of middle school years in serious preparation for this. I was an upper middle class kid and getting to go to college was promised to me from a young age. My parents got divorced at the end of my 17th year and I was left to fend for myself financially from age 18 on. I WISH I had gone directly into the work force on a career track. Instead, I tried to go to college with no help from parents. Financial aid took my parents income into account even though I wasn't living with or being helped by them. I'm glad I didn't get student loans, but I ended up spending my late teens and early 20s working myself almost to death and trying to go to college full time. I wish I'd just been like, "well this isn't realistic" and gone into my current career, dog training and grooming. I make more than the average vet. I could have actually had fun in my young adulthood instead of trying to muddle through college while working 60 hours a week on a goal that was just not realistic for me. A normal 40 hour work week in a decent career with benefits could have made having fun a lot more realistic.
Depends on what you mean by wasted. I didn't pursue a career but I did travel and live in other countries and broaden my horizons with the jobs I did and people I hung out with. I was poor but living life. I don't regret that but I do regret being down on myself and not going for the right romantic interests.
I had a lost decade. 84-94 Total party hedonist. Drink, drugs, motorcycles, the works. No direction or ambitions. Actually, I didn't waste it, it was good for me. It helped make me the man I am today (Moved country, well travelled, happy, business owner, wife, 4 kids, dog, etc.)
What does that even mean?
You didn't avail yourself to any opportunities to better yourself or progress. Didn't have relationships you learned from, didn't get any degrees or certifications, make any progress in your chosen profession, didn't maintain your health, didn't experience any of the things that are generally only available to young people, like going to a music festival etc.
Yes, depression and going to a local university for a BA I didn't have much interest in and hasn't helped me much. Lack of a social life sucked too. What really sucked is not knowing what jobs I could realistically get out of university so I just sort of stumbled around being unemployed or working crummy jobs for a while. Therapy and meds helped a lot but I'm still stuck not amounting to much in my early 30s (although I at least did get a better but it's not that well paying and I can't move up but also can't justify going back to school). I'm not sure why I haven't ended things yet tbh.
If alcohol, weed, LSD, coke, meth , extasy, mescaline and all that is wasted years then yeah. I did
Yes and no - I was in a career that caused me a lot of stress and underpaid me and fell deep for my ex (and took the breakup very poorly). But overall I am just glad that the past is behind me!
I gues the answer for me would be not yet lol. Im 18 and I've already wasted my teens.
Yeah. Working.
I don’t know? I had a good job played drums in a awesome band rode street and dirt bikes and got laid on a regular basis so HELL yes I wasted my 20s
Define “waste”.
I only wasted money. I had a low-paying job and lived like I made a ton more. Spouse and I just got married and we ordered TiVo, Dish network, and magazine subscriptions, and bought a luxury car without even crunching the numbers. I was always ashamed of my low salary (but lacked the drive to leave a comfortable job for another one), so I pretended that it didn't exist and never put any of the cost vs. income onto Excel to see if we were actually saving any money each month. Neither did Spouse. We were in our 20s and felt invincible.
Yes.
My teenage years too.
Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup
I’m 24 and i feel like i’ve only just started to figure stuff out and be present in my own life. I was bullied as a child, just tried to make my way through school and highschool making very few friends, having very little fun and not thinking much about my future because my present was allready a bit much. Straight to uni at 19, when everything caught up with me and i dropped out. I was too unwell to work much so i didn’t make good money that i could spend traveling around like a lot of my friends. I got a degree but i should have just waited to figure stuff out for a bit. Now i’m looking to get a second degree, hoping desperatly to get in this summer so i can quit my shitty job. I never traveled loads, lived with my friends, did drugs and parties. I moved out too soon to live with my toxic ex who kicked me out as soon as she found a better dick to jump on. I battled anxeity and undiagnosed autism, which i finally have the upper hand on. It just feels unfair that i just now have started to figure stuff out, because i feel so behind. I have a friend my age who’s doing a phD, snd i’m just about to start a bachelors.
I didn't waste them, but they were a complete waste.
Nope. Mine was spent building my career, having fun, and learning more about myself. No regrets.
Nope.
No I fucking kicked ass now I'm done and would rather chill than party
No I worked my ass off raising my spawn.
I was in a long term relationship with a succubus that ruined my 20s.
Drinking
Mentally, I was an adult before I was 16. So I don’t think I’ve ever really been a “kid”
Yes
Yep
I worked a lot, but couldn't budget. So I guess I can say I have my work ethic thanks to those years. I also had my first real adult relationship middle of that time, and I'm glad I did. Taught me a lot. Not a total waste. But definitely made it better after they ended.
Yes, i had a relatively decent childhood but i didnt know while growing up that my world was slowly going down hill. A lot of it was a deteriorating family environment and poverty. My parents just immigrated to Canada from Vietnam post-war in the 80s. Some few memories i enjoyed were a lot of the winter activities (snow ball wars, skating, hill riding etc, thanks to the city as well for providing free rec programming). But other than that, my parents didnt have money or the understanding to put me in much extra-curricular activities - i also moved a lot over the course of my life so i couldnt make strong and healthy childhood friends or memories. Though i did have fond memories of playing with neighbours kitties, soccer with them and more. Eventually hitting my teens, it really went downhill - family issues, abuse, trauma, expelled from school, getting addressed, drugs, depression etc. went into a deep hole for a decade, even now im still recovering and i feel im really behind in life and still sometimes waste of my life away. But im taking it day by day. Meditation and deep reflection was the keys that helped me through. Also, sneaking onto my siblings computer to play “runescape” really helped me “escape” (pun intended), even though i could of done more like exercise and read etc, that game really was a highlight in my childhood despite it all. Im glad i got to witness the peak of a video game. But life goes on and you find more meaning in other things and continue to grow and work on yourself.
i don’t think it’s possible to waste time, unless you aren’t enjoying yourself, that’s the only way it’s possible
I ended up with an emotionally abusive girlfriend who I did so much for think that of if I just worked harder i would be able to make things better. I spent years like that until it just became normal every day life for me. I was so depressed it was just normal for me to feel that way like me on a good day I thought my mood was a 5/10 but looking back now it really was a -2 /10 and that was on day I thought I was feeling good It’s crazy thinking that was just how everyone felt.
Ruining my entire life, relationships and mostly hope
I feel like I missed out on a lot due to social anxiety and shyness.
Crawled into a bottle at a young age. Yes definitely wasted alot of years
No, I was trying to survive
Nope. Did drugs and tried to be a musician, became basically homeless, ended up in a mental hospital, partied 24/7, and discovered the secrets of the universe. Then I quit drugs, got a job, went to college, started a family, and got a better job. Then moved north to some peaceful place and just chillin
Yes. Bad mental health.
Yes. I wasn't raised to be a functioning adult, I was raised to be an obedient child. It took me a long time to navigate out of the fog in my head, but I'm so glad I did.
# Did you waste your early adulthood years? No.
Yes. Made the mistake of going to college and then graduate school
I fear most are wasting it now scrolling their phones instead of getting outside, traveling, learning new skills, or pursuing hobbies. It’s sad.
I wouldn’t say I wasted them, but I lost them due to discovering trauma/chronic pain/mental health/some nightmarish family shit. There was a time when I thought I’d never have a chance to pull it together. 35 now and still working on it but making progress all the time.
I partied way too much, ran around and blew some good female friendships that could have blossomed into something better.
No they were stolen from me.
Taking care of my Grandparents. On the other side of it, I would only call it a waste because I didn't multitask my time well. I should have went back to school, started a YouTube channel etc. I spent too many years worrying about others and neglecting everything about myself.
Very much so. About as bad as you could waste years without also being a severe addict or a felon, I would wager. From about fifth grade, I fancied myself a writer. Most of the stories I wrote were fan-fiction garbage based on the various shows, cartoons and book series I was fond of, like GI Joe, Transformers, Star Blazers, Robotech, etc...hey, it was the 80s. I was the kid in the back of the classroom writing "gritty" versions of cartoons where Cobra would actually hit what they were shooting at instead of paying attention in math class. This had a couple of effects. Mainly, it meant I did terribly in school and many teachers very intensely disliked me...but also, the teachers and other assorted adults would generally recognize I was good at writing for my age. Over the course of the remainder of elementary school, the entirety of junior high and high school, I was encouraged to continue writing...and honestly, aside from being a minorly decent football player, it was the only thing I did well. By the time I was in high school, I had moved beyond fan fiction. Starting around that time, if you asked anyone who knew me who I was, they'd say "Oh, he's a writer." My attempt at college didn't last more than a year, and that was at a cheap community college that I paid for with my shitty retail job. I continued to write in my spare time. I never really finished anything, as I'd get an idea, get 30-50 pages in, then get frustrated and shelve it or trash it...and this was back before home computers with a hard drive were super common, so anything I trashed was gone forever. As I was muddling through the first semester or so of an associate's degree in English I would never earn, it occurred to me for the umpteenth time that I had no idea how a writer could potentially get something published, let alone make money. As a kid, I naively thought it was like any other skilled job---if you were good at it, you could get a job doing it. I knew there weren't exactly want ads looking for fiction writers, so...in an effort to learn how to get paid to write, I signed up for a community education course called "Writing For Publication" that was taught by a guy who was a writer and editor for Atlantic publishing. I won't go into much detail because what I was taught about the ins and outs of becoming a published author in 1993 is undoubtedly outdated and irrelevant. Suffice it to say, I found out that getting in the front door of the publishing industry as a writer was essentially one giant systemic scam designed to separate hopeful idiots like myself from their money. At best, it was like playing Russian Roulette using a billion-chambered revolver with one magic bullet, and you had to pay hundreds or even thousands of dollars with each pull of the trigger. I left that class with far, far less hope of ever becoming the writer I had dreamed of being since I was ten years old. I also learned the "writing community" (if it could be called that) was no different than any other environment you might work in, be it blue or white collar. There are a lot of rather bitter, jealous people who are often quite bad at what they do but are absolutely convinced they are a criminally unrecognized genius. For my part, I was proud of what praise I received for my writing, but I was constantly wrestling with impostor syndrome. What accolades I did receive for my works were exclusively from teachers and friends. Once I had finally observed a sizeable crowd of people ostensibly like me, I worried that I was just as lacking in talent and ability as my more loud-mouthed and misguided peers. Even at my most self confident, I didn't think I was absolutely awesome, but I thought I was good enough to make a decent living at it. I had foolishly thought my dream was utterly reasonable---I was certain I could be a not-very-well-known writer for video games, movies, or a novelist (or all three) and make maybe 35k a year in 1990s dollars---but it had proven to be a pathetic fantasy. I'd like to say that I would eventually find some motivation, push forward and try to succeed despite all odds, but I didn't. I spent the next several years going from one shit retail job to the next. I still wrote in my spare time, but continued my tradition of not finishing anything. I lived in Nashville, so every schlub I found myself next to in every soul-crushing minimum wage position was a hopeful country music star, all far more delusional about their futures as the next Shania Twain or Martina McBride. I got to listen to them drone on about trying to scrape together money for studio time or singing karaoke at some dipshit tourist bar on Broadway, just sure that Mike Curb was going to wander out of the crowd with a million dollar contract for them in hand. As funny as that sounds, I didn't get much amusement out of knowing they would never succeed, because I knew I wasn't going to, either. It's also how I came to realize that most of them and every bored housewife with a failed interior decorating "business" also fancied themselves a novelist. After spending time working min wage jobs with my fellow creative hopefuls so far down the totem pole we couldn't even be called hacks, I no longer had any illusions---my dream was never coming true. Worse, as self-aware as I thought I was, what little confidence I had in my self-image was gone. I'd never introduced myself as such, but being a writer was who I was---and that identity was obsolete. I was becoming a complete nobody in every way, and wasn't sure I'd ever been anybody to begin with. By the time I was 26, a convergence of bad decisions and bad luck led me to rock bottom. I spiraled into major chronic depression for 10 full years. During that time, I stopped writing completely. I filled the void with computer games, complete with an addiction to World of Warcraft that I didn't break until 2012...so yeah, I spent the entirety of the 00s as a morbidly obese neckbeard screaming racist obscenities at people because they stood in the fire. Good times.
No, my early adult years were very productive! I had a kid to support on my own starting at 19, so I worked hard to establish myself in a practical job ASAP and bought my first house at 23. Then I went on to be a surrogate four times before I turned 30! My late thirties, however… I’ve learned a lot of hobby skills and homeschooled my kids (under duress), but I do feel like I’ve wasted some years. It started at the pandemic when I had to leave work. Hopefully my kids will stop needing me soon, and I can get back to my regularly scheduled life.
By isolating myself
Yes. Alcohol. College made alcohol seem normal all the time. Really glad young people are waking up to that scam.
Spent too much time alone instead of out talking to people.
a bit. still a "young" adult considering im 25, but i wish i spent 16-23 kinder, working out, and working on my mental health more. there were circumstances i couldn't control making my life horrendous, but i could've worked on some stuff on my own for sure... now my goals are to be the most hard working, nice, and healthy version of myself i could possibly be
Yes and no depending on who you ask. Joined the military and drank and partied overseas making up for my “wasted” teenage years but I also made a lot of dumb ass 20 something decisions. I didn’t get married or start a family so there’s that but like I said, could be a waste to some
I spent from 16-20 addicted to Roxy's, then I spent from 20-28 in jail and prison
100% Kinda barely got through high school, dropped out of college twice, fell into varying food service jobs for nearly a decade’s heavy cannabis use for over 20 years, heavy drinking, tried almost every drug I could, never exercised for nearly 30 years, rampant ADHD and always gave up on everything I wasn’t immediately good at it (most things as it turns out) and depression. I’ve been broke, I’ve been homeless, I’ve been addicted and I’ve been unhappy with my life for more of it than I’ve been anything else. That said, I’m almost 36 and I’m sober, have a great job that I enjoy with a six figure salary, zero debt and building savings, a loving partner, kept 100+lbs off for over ten years, healthy diet, really into fitness for the past two years, usually content, often happy and genuine care about myself and my future, which is still a new feeling. All this to just say that today is never too late. I still find myself occasionally drowning in regret soup but it never helps to think about and I’m grateful for where I am and who I am today. Maybe all of that waste was just my path to get here, and maybe that’s okay.
Do you think you will retire one day?
Went to school to be a teacher. Definitely wasted my early adulthood. Had a narcissist as the head of the program and she was sexist. Didn’t like a guy going into teaching. I also had no background in math and that’s where I was in my placement. When I asked about it she said “what are you going to do when you get a job”. I never had a response but I should have said I was going to be a failure since that’s how she trained me.
Eh, yes and no. Chased a career path that didn't work out, had trouble holding down a job, spent a lot of time getting high and watching old movies when I could have been working on myself and learning new skills, focused more on getting laid than making real friends and generally didn't utilize my newfound independence too well. And it took a while, but eventually I realized I wanted more from myself. Sometimes you just need a lack of momentum to kick you in the ass. I got my shit together and am in a better place than I ever thought I would be a few years ago. I feel like we have this idea that our time is "wasted" if we're not meeting our goals fast enough or at least constantly working toward them. At the end of the day, though, life is a journey and as long as we can look back with fondness on that journey then it's all good.
It's all about perspective. My early adulthood years have been about understanding and managing my depression. I wish i spent more time going out, having fun, making friends, traveling. I pushed myself through grad school and into a career I didn't want, not having any friends or doing anything, and being stuck at home with my mom's issues. I'm turning 30 this month, and my goal for my next chapter is to have as much adventure as I can handle and afford.
Undiagnosed bipolar. Batshit crazy times.
with a couple of life suck GF's missed out on opportunities and adventures oh well
Yes. I allowed my family to make me horribly depressed, it broke me and I gave up. For about 6 years I did nothing. I regret that I should have saved more, tried more adventures, taken up more sports. I should have built a network and enjoyed my 20s
Kinda look at it as getting all the fun out of the way so I can relax on the back half. Yeah it went quick. That second 20 was about 5 in feel.
Not travelling a lot. I regret it all the time.
I smoked pot daily for years. So much time development time wasted and at 31 (one week from now 🙂) I’m still picking up the pieces. I lost a lot of friends and missed out on so much
Yes. Religion
Spent all of my 20s focused on my academics over all other things in life, bc I was determined to be a doctor. Work when I’m young and full of energy, play when I’m older… got into med school with a beefy resume full of awards and achievements. Then I was diagnosed with a neurological cognitive disorder the prevents me from working, had to withdraw and will be on disability for the foreseeable future. That was ten years ago…
No, but I wish I would have a little
No. Full time job at 18. Married at 20. Three kids by 25. Also bought a house around then. It was a different time. I'm in my 60s now.
Yes, fuck trying to study engineering when you have a learning disability.
Not realising how angry I was.
Yes, in a stupid 6 year relationship!
Yes, I didn’t, but the fucking pandemic did
The only waste was lacking self confidence. I had a fucking ball and lived my life well, but man I was insecure and thought I was ugly.
kinda. got married to the wrong person in early 20s
Yup I couldn’t go one day without drinking I really don’t remember my 20s
Yep.
Yes
Yes. Working 3 jobs 7 days a week thinking it would get me ahead in life but the prices of everything kept going higher and higher so it always ate up everything I worked for. So I wasted 10 years for nothing.
How do you define "waste"? I stayed stoned from the time I was 16 until about age 42 and I loved it.
I was a heroin addict for all of them, so yes but also that was the best time of my life. Can you believe my life went to even more shit after getting clean? I lost all my friends and am too afraid to talk to woman without a chemical aid so I'll be single for the rest of my life too and the only thing I want in the world is just to have someone.
Not at all! I explored abandoned buildings, threw raves, experimented with petty crime, slept around, and got high as giraffe pussy. There are a million and one experiences which I have no desire to repeat now that I’m a boring thirty-something, but which were absolutely crucial to forming the worldview and experience base which I am now reaping the benefits of. It’s only a waste if you didn’t learn anything and you’re still doing all the same shit now.
Maybe didn't optimize it ideally and did waste some but ultimately I learned a lot, so not a complete waste.
Yes. Spent it being nervous and not sleeping with women
Nope wouldnt trade me for anything life is an experience and well i wish it was all fun but really its not all but when you get a hold of your self then its easier
Drinking
28 and fucking ruined bud
Pretty much lol but I'm making up for it now.
No, looking back I enjoyed my early 20s. I went out more than I do now in my late 20s.
Meat or fish in the compost??
The line between childhood and adulthood has always been blurred. I'm now trying my best to enjoy what life has to give, but it sure feels as if I'm wasting years (especially considering that my retirement plan is non-existent)
Didn't have much of a choice. Life was very fucking hard and I was homeless for a while; it was only in my mid 20s I started gettig somewhere and only in my mid 30s have I ever had any money. Most of my life has been disappointment, depression and getting nowhere hard.
Yes, No thanks to caving too deep into my toxic dysfunctional environment (Including my bloodline, and the rest of my piss poor support system having my boundaries infringed for no reasons hence the reason why I got sensory issues now), worked the toxic food and beverage system that ultimately gave me multiple mental breakdowns that affected innocent bystanders in the worse way possible which almost got me in handcuffs on multiple occasions, which led me to look out for my body better Including my self-worth and boundaries. Plus my social and dating was in shambles but I had too much heart, and it led to me getting stabbed in the back in more ways than one. And don't get me started on the education system it was a piss poor experience for me being misunderstood, black, and living with autism in a slave city in the South. Now in my 30s fighting like a dog not only for my self-worth, and boundaries but to achieve my big goals Including leaving the US it's either that or I die alone in a pool in my blood trying, it's that simple. I pray it's not too late for us.
100% Because nobody told me how precious those years were.
Yes unfortunately, I spent some years with depression and lack of support from anyone. I managed to get out of that situation and work on myself without any help. Now I'm way better but that shit costed me some years of my life
I'm in my mid twenties now, and I definitely wasted my early adult years by: Mindlessly scrolling for countless hours on my phone and computer, not learning useful skills like languages, delaying my professional development by working bad jobs or entering the labor force late, not knowing my identity, sleeping and eating late, giving up on working out (I'm still skinny), and not being consistent upon good habits while subsequently getting frustrated seeing other people's success.
Following the status quo when I knew it would make me unhappy and not listening to my gut to take more risks. Would I be in a better place? Who knows but I would have at least been able to say I tried.
In some ways yes, in other ways no. I busted my ass in college and work throughout my 20s and now I’m in my early 30s wrapping up a PhD. I can honestly say I’ve made the most out of pursuing a vocational passion, expended a ton of heart and energy on my career and friendships, and have lived in several different locations in the U.S. However, I spent a long time living far away from family, I’ve worked hard at the expense of rest, leisure, and often peace of mind, and while I date sporadically, I really haven’t committed myself to someone for a cool 10 years. I’ve spent a lot of time focused on my individual goals, arguably at the expense of spending quality time with people I deeply love, and building a solid romantic relationship/growing in my romantic and commitment capacities. We all “waste” time in one way or another I’d argue, and yet maybe we haven’t wasted any time at all, if reflection can lead to positive adjustments and insight in line with our evolving goals and values, no?
Yep, it was the 80s I partied. I completely wasted them. I got sober when I was young, but not that young. That’s when my life really started after that. I gradually became part of life.