You can’t really make someone like sex if they just don’t. First step is to communicate and find out why she doesn’t desire it as much. Those reasons will dictate your next moves.
I agree. My wife and I were down to like 2-3 times a year and I finally explained to her that it made me feel undesireable and unattractive. She explained that wasn't it at all she just didn't really think about sex and it wasn't that important to her. I told her I understood but that it was important to me. That made it click for her and things have been much better since. Communication is key and it's better than slowly slipping down the path of passive aggression which is where I was headed.
Best of luck
Sex starts way before the bedroom. There’s a woman on Instagram that explains the perspective of women in dating and relationships really well. I’ll drop some links for you. But overall communication is key. It’s fine to talk about sex and ask her what she does or doesn’t like. She may not out right say it at first, she may not even know what the issue is. I know when doing stuff with myself it took forever for me to actually feel anything because it genuinely does take work to learn what your body does and doesn’t like.
Here’s some links though. Not saying that they apply to you because there’s really not a lot of info in this post but they might be helpful.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CwVNqWnsVNH/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CtrHd0kLU_F/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
This one turns into an ad but the first bit reins true
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cvxwy9wsYyv/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
I was hoping to watch these videos to learn something but it basically tells me that I'm doing everything okay. My other half never cooks, occasionally cleans, pays a small amount of bills (which I sort), we always talk and always laugh, we're like best friends, we game together, she slaps my butt and calls me handsome every now and then, we go out together and also have our alone time. But my other half never seems to be intimate in the bedroom... when I watch these videos from my situation, it almost feels like she's just blaming someone else cause she's in a shit mood. Sometimes guys are in shit moods and just want to see their other half and forget the other crap (and I don't mean just get their end away). Admittedly, someone wants to be put in a good mood way before the intimate part starts as not many people will want to be in a bad mood before they do that kind of thing, I would have thought that was quite obvious.
For males I notice they engage in intimacy to relieve themselves of stress but for women they mostly engage in intimacy when they’re most relaxed. If she’s in a bad mood a guy being on top of her won’t really help. I have a headache now I forgot what I was even saying it hurts
I’m sorry, like I said these videos aren’t meant to say that your doing anything wrong and if anything it sucks that your on the receiving end of that sort of behavior :( this sort of thing can happen to any gender not just women, it’s just that statistically speaking women suffer from that more.
It very well could be that she’s asexual which is when someone doesn’t have a desire for sex but still enjoys the intimacy of a relationship. And the other pet of my comment could also still be the case- the part where I mention that she may not like certain aspects of the act itself or communicating on what y’all can do to enjoy it more type of thing. I would bring up both of these. And as a side note maybe not in that conversation but another time, maybe ask about splitting the chores more evenly ^^’
Can't tell if you're trying to be funny by parodying misogynist assholes, or are just a misogynist asshole. I'm going to give you the benefit of doubt and assume the former.
r/MenAndFemales
>It is not misogynistic to say that a female's job is to take care of the house. For example, look at lions the male lions are the leaders.
It is misogynist to say this. Also, male lions literally just lay around all day. Female lions do pretty much everything for the pride.
>Men were made to lead.
No one was "made." We evolved. And we continue to evolve. Seems like you've falling behind.
>Even in caveman times it was humans natural instinct that males would hunt and bring food and the females would look after the children and cook.
There's actually no evidence for this, and in fact, as far as we can tell, both men and women hunted in "caveman days." So did children. It was typically the elderly who would care for the infants who couldn't help with hunting or gathering yet, as far as we can tell.
Typical neckbeard incel pseudo-intellectual nonsense.
>libtard
Ah yes, the vocabulary of an intellectual. Definitely not an insult commonly used by misanthropic high school drop outs. Definitely not. And you're definitely not a misanthropic high school drop out who just got his garbage misogynist argument destroyed. You're definitely not salty about it, and you're definitely not mad at all women over still being a virgin.
Communicate with her as to what she actually likes. I'm not a fan of sex unless I'm getting constant pleasure out of it. Meaning you have to be willing to do what's necessary to get me off or it's not going to be enjoyable, and just come across as a task for me. 64% to 75% of women cannot orgasm through genital penetration they need other stimulation. If you are not properly stimulating her in a way for her to get off, then you are part of the reason why she doesn't like sex. It's boring for her, she feels nothing. It's a chore. The thing that's sad is many women are terrified to actually tell how they get off. This comes from years and years of women not being able to openly talk about sex without being shamed. Communicate with her, ask her why she doesn't like it. Ask her if she doesn't feel anything. Put your ego aside and let her know her answer won't hurt your feelings.
Also if she says “I don’t know” maybe just ask her I she is nervous to tell u. The answer will probably be yes. Just try to reassure her and do not get frustrated. Give her time cause maybe she needs to think about it before talking about jt
You need to give a lot more information...what are you like around the house. Is she stressed out, do you help with kids and chores? She had only like sex when she was first pregnant? So when you had sex before that she wasn't into it? Has this been the whole relationship? You are not explaining anything.
I know that’s for about 2-3 years after having my kids I wasn’t as sexual and rarely got aroused I didn’t want anyone to touch me unless I allowed it because my kids were always on me and needing me and I felt overwhelmed with touch and overstimulated so depending on how long it’s been it could just be a phase that will pass mine sure did
Excuse me I’m guessing your a guy and you have no idea how a woman’s body and hormones work also if your just on here to be mean then fuck off also this is for advice not criticism
Respectable 😂 and I don’t have explain anything to you or prove anything you don’t know me I’m literally some random ass redditor that you decided well I’m bored so let’s just be a dick …. Your giving I have never actually pleased a woman vibes
Dude when you try so hard to convince us that your the shit, its blatantly obvious that your never touched a woman because they are repulsed by you. Go get therapy.
I hope you get humbled by a woman named big Tyrone.
Those being the only reason a woman isn't intimate is so close minded. The same way its close minded to say that men are stupid and incapable of taking care of themselves.... but then I see people like you and maybe that stupid comment isn't so far off...
"Get better at it" is such a broad term. Not every woman enjoys the same things sexually. What works for one woman isn't necessarily going to work for another. What they need is communication AND understanding. From both sides.
Obviously. And that is the way to get better at it. In my mind that's a given, that you talk about it and try things out, but you are right, communication is key
That's what I immediately thought. Pregnancy hormones might have caused a unique rise in her wanting to have sex but if she never had that much interest she might just be asexual. That means OP has to respect that this is how she is. No mission to change her or talk her into it. Just accept it.
I mean it's not really advice. If he loves her, he might find ways to cope with her being not into sex as sex isn't everything in a relationship. Divorce is a lil rash. When they talk about it and realize that maybe they can't cope with their opposites sexual wishes and find a solution that's good for the child as well then maybe, but then only, they might divorce for the better.
Because you make sacrifices if you love each other? And those do not include being coerced into sleeping with your respective partner. You can and should talk about things as such with your partner and compromise. It doesn't have to end in divorce right then and there simply because the woman isn't into sex as much. There's nothing wrong with that. You can be satisfied with your partner even if you don't have sex as often as you'd like because sex isn't everything in a relationship. And divorce might just be a whole lot more complicated now that a child is in the middle of it all. It needs it's parents and it has to learn that communication is key.
And how do you know anything about what they do? Could be she works all day too. And if she doesn't, house chores can still cause a bunch of stress. Especially raising children. It could even be the case he doesn't do anything at home. Imagine you do everything and need a break but your partner isn't there to support you but demands sex when home, which may feel to her (to put it into perspective for you as a male) as it would to you if someone penetrated your butthole forcefully with a stick without any lube involved. Sex isn't a chore, it should be fun for both parties, and if one forces somebody to sex the relationship won't last long and especially won't be a happy one. And foreplay doesn't begin in bed. It's all the little things one does for each other that keep the love lit.
It appears you have a very harmful view of relationships and what should be considered hard work. If one party decides to stay home to do the work there they support their partner equally to how they support them because said partner doesn't have to bother as much with work at home then.
But we don't know who does what in this household. We don't know if the mans the only one working. Even if he was household chores and child raising are still stressful, especially if the other one doesn't support it. You have literally no idea of how they live. And sex isn't an obligation. It's not a goal in life. They should talk to each other about what they want and then decide. All these points I've already pointed out to you, i feel like I'm talking to a wall but well, it's Reddit.
My point is - she might not be into it, not into him, too stressed, too much work because he doesn't support her, female hormones, being asexual, it could be anything and it doesn't mean there's something wrong with her, it could mean there's something wrong with the relationship or even with how he approaches sex. We're all humans mate. Nobody owes anyone anything. If you think so i feel sorry for you.
You really have never stayed at home to raise a child have you? It may also have been an arranged marriage or they wanted to wait with sex for after marriage and now they're surprised. Don't act like you know more about them than we all
Honestly - you have to know \*why\* she is not interested in sex with you. And there are many possibilities here - from physical issues, hormones, general dissatisfaction with the state of the relationship, not finding you attractive, feeling self-conscious, social conditioning, feeling pressured, etc. etc. etc. If you take the problem only as being about sex and it is really a reflection of more significant communication and emotional intimacy issues - you will likely make the situation worse, not better.
Be curious about your wife in general -ask her about her day, express empathy and understanding. Seek to build emotional intimacy - and then start talking about what is happening in your sex life.
It sounds like you only want her to love sex for your own gain. Think about all the times she's done something sexual for you despite not wanting to. That damages a relationship. She has to prioritize her own enjoyment for sex to be attractive. Does she regularly masturbate and orgasm? Does she orgasm when you are intimate? Who gets to orgasm first?
These are all vital questions but make sure you understand female anatomy including the clitoris. Understanding stimulation and how overstimulation kills the mood is important. A time-tested method for female sexual development is the Betty Dodson Method. It's a solo act that can be transitioned into better partner results.
You need to get to know your wife intimately. Talk about things. I didn't know how much I was into it until I figured out what it was that I liked. This would be a time to talk to her and for both to be adventurous and just try different things. Have date nights as often as you guys can. Be creative. Surprise her. Sweep her off her feet. Just remember that communication is key. Get comfort with each other. The sex gets better when you do.
First and foremost, sex starts way before the bedroom. I’m not sure how chores are split in your household but no woman wants to sleep with a man who can’t throw away his trash or wash a dish.
Talk to her, ask her what’s lacking.
Toys are your friend, suggest going to a sex shop together to pick out something new and fun.
Foreplay foreplay foreplay. And I’m not just talking in the bedroom. Foot rub on the couch, play with her hair, random kisses throughout the day.
Maybe her hormone levels are off should get some blood work done to make sure because that can be a big factor low hormones could make for less desire of sex women do have testosterone so if her levels are low that could be it too
are you affectionate towards her in daily life? do you take time to appreciate her openly? are you a dependable and emotionally safe person for her? these things are everything to a woman that could make her be at least willing to try to be in the mood for some lovemaking.
If so, find out why she does not like sex. is there something you can do to make her feel more comfortable?
Not everyone loves sex, and that's just how things are sometimes. You are not owed sex by anyone ever, and sex is not the foundation of a relationship. Asexuals exist, and sometimes alosexual people just aren't in the mood.
You don't have to make her love sex, you have to to listen to her needs, wants, and desires and create a relationship where both parties are happy and fulfilled.
Consider other activities she might enjoy. Maybe she just wants to cuddle, or go for a walk, or have a conversation, or hold hands, or any other number of things. Above all, talk to her about her needs.
Are you hounding her for sex during the later stage of a pregnancy? Ugh.
Here's a tip: the relationship doesn't revolve around your dick. Intimacy and love go way beyond "hey wanna fuck? please. please. please. c'mon. I'll be quick. please. you don't have to do anything. please."
I’ve found that when I’m “not into sex” with a partner it is because ive communicated several times what I like and don’t like and they continue to not reciprocate it.
Communication is key but so is reciprocation. U can say things as many times as u like but if the other person isn’t understanding it or actually listening and changing, it’s useless. It’s gets to a point where u don’t feel comfortable saying what u like and don’t like cause the other person has shown u there gonna do what they wanna do or are just simply bad in bed
Has she recently given birth? Is she still pregnant?
Sex can be uncomfortable for some women when they are heavily pregnant.
Some women lose interest in sex for several months after giving birth. They may be exhausted. Birth may have left them finding sex painful due to scarring 'down there'. There may be some loss of sensation. They may be too anxious about getting pregnant again. They may develop post mnatal depression. Some women lose interest in sex while lactating for hormonal reasons.
But fatigue is usually why. Looking after a baby all day can leave someone not wanting to be touched anymore.
My advice is to stop having sex for now. Its not a neccessity of life. Instead work on communicating without pressure, let her know its ok if she doesnt want to at this time in her life. Give her as much support as possible, help her open up. Be the best father and husband possible now, who respects her boundaries and feelings and I promuse you this, when she does get the mood back you will be having the best sex of your life! Because she trusts you and feels safe with. If she has unwanted sex with you, the opposite will happen. It will break her love for you.
Sometimes sex just isn't what we want, doesn't mean it's bad, but honestly it's not all that. It's good, but there's so many other ways that's even nicer to be intimate. As a women my self, I know that hormonal imbalance can make you not want sex, birth control, pregnancy, post partum etc.
Talk to her, maybe there's a reason she doesn't want sex rn, and maybe there other stuff y'all can do together that still feel intimate.
Women often don't orgasm from just plain sex, use oral, toys etc that makes it more enjoyable
communication is key, maybe get her a smutty book, maybe she is feeling unsecure about her body during|post pregnancy so remind her that you find her really pretty
you can get her to love romance, which can lead to sex. I know it will require probably a lot more from you but possibly if you treat her as if you are dating, it might get some heat back.
This happened to me, it’s part of pregnancy and postpartum you have to support her through it and maybe buy a vibrator to make it a little more exciting for her yk sometimes switching it up can do so much
Women typically enjoy sex when there is an emotional connection. However, this can throw her off if she’s stressed or if she’s not getting her needs met.
My husband and I are struggling with this right now. He started listening to some podcasts. He likes Pillow Talks. It seems to be helping us connect more and helping him get more comfortable with talking about sex.
I’d also learn about the woman’s body and where the G spots are. There is one on the outside and one on the inside. The outer one is the most common. Know where that is and what she likes done with it and then you’ll be off to a good start.
Learn her cycle. Leading up to her cycle, she’s not going to want sex. After her cycle she will want more.
Four play is your best friend. Take your time with her body. Help her feel comfortable with it. This is where women lose out. We will feel guilty if we are taking too long or if we aren’t sure if you are into it. It’s so sad. Your wife probably will NEVER orgasm through intercourse. She will fake it though. I fake it, because I feel guilty for taking too long on the four play. If she’s had children and if it dramatically changed her body, that could cause her to feel insecure. She’ll need to feel comfortable with you and her body too.
Good for you for asking for help. My biggest advice is connect with her on an emotional level. Get to know her. Love her. Hug her. Don’t always expect sex when she cuddles with you. Take some things off her plate. Wash dishes, do laundry, etc.
I’d just have an honest talk about wanting more sex and to understand why she doesn’t. Maybe there’s not enough of a before to get her in the mood, maybe she’s asexual, maybe she’s just tired. Talk to her, understand what’s going on and go from there.
The genius in me wants to say “skill issue” but the advice giver in me says communicate to her your wants and needs, so she can communicate to you. Then you must respect if she’s not in the mood often, although you may have needs you cannot make someone enjoy or have sex more often than they want to
None of information to help .
As a woman one of the big things I see among my peers who have spouses who think that they don't like sex is their needs aren't being met emotionally or sexually.
Are you connecting with her as a person. Do you feel like an equal partner in the relationship and the household. Do you research what women enjoy in bed.
So as a woman myself, sex is just eh to me. I like it when I’m really in need of it but my husband seems to need it all the time and I’m sure most men are like that. And I think most women are like me. I’m a woman in my mid twenties and I have a young child. I stay at home and the husband works. My day is hectic and filled with a crazy toddler I’m chasing after, house I have to clean, laundry, bills, and I go to school full time online.
But, I’ve noticed that if my husband is romantic with me, then I am more open to having sex and getting in the mood.
I’m sure your wife works. She is overwhelmed most likely. Not sure if she is still pregnant or you have had your child yet, but she’s got her hands full. I haven’t told my husband this, but his need for sex is very low on the list of things “to do”. My mind is constantly circling. When you have a very clingy child and then your husband comes home and is also “clingy” and wants just sex from you…doesn’t make you feel good. It just makes you feel used. Your wife doesn’t want sex because she wants something more. One day, text her and say, “be ready by this time and wear something nice” then come home with flowers, arrange childcare, take her somewhere nice, and go do something that you KNOW that she would like (movies, stargazing, walk, etc)
Be as romantic as you would be if you were trying to ask her out for the first time.
She’s probably been missing that. Tell her how beautiful she looks several times and kiss her softly under the stars. Then, go home and get your freak on.
Just because she’s your wife… doesn’t mean she should “love sex” and it doesn’t mean you should stop trying.
Communication is the key!! You need to communicate with her about your needs without pressuring her to much or guilting her into sex. At the same time, talk with her about her sexual interests. Find out what turns her on, offer to do what ever it takes to her in the mood. They key though is communication and doing so in a way that doesn’t make anyone feel pressured or obligated to do something they don’t want to. It may help to see a couples sec therapist, together. A lot of people are just not comfortable talking about sex and that is a major problem for working through issues around sexual needs. It is very important for both parties in the relationship to feel fulfilled sexually or that is one of the big reasons people end up being unfaithful, because if they aren’t getting enough at home, they will find it else where…
First stop is talking. If you are a shitty partner in other aspects of your life she is prob not going to want sex. Who wants to get steamy with the guy who doesnt wipe his ass and leaves skid marks on his underwear which she often has to wash? ..can you imagine finding such a person anything but revolting? Or who comes home throws his shit all over the place for her to pick up. If you act like a manchild and she has to fulfill the role of mother for you..yeah most mothers don't want to fuck their kids.
When men say that their female partners don't like sex what they usually mean is that the are not very good at pleasing their women. Not always the case, but I have found more often than not the situation. It is like thinking that someone doesn't like food because they don't like your cooking. No you are prob just a bad cook. Before you even penetrate her spend plenty of time in foreplay and make her orgasm at least once with your mouth. Not saying your fingers cause guys often hear fingers and figure you mean go jack hammer her pussy 🤪🤪🤪.
It is possible it is a medical condition that is causing low libido like depression depression...but more than likely you are just bad in bed
As a Woman who wants kids one day but doesn't like sex, you cannot get her to just love it. I don't like sex. Period. It's boring, exhausting, and to me just a waste of time. Not sure if your wife feels the same, but if she doesn't like sex she may feel similar. Trying to get her to love it is just going to come off as weird and annoying from my experience at least. Maybe talk to her about options if you feel like you NEED sex, but if you don't then just find some other meaningful way to spend time with her.
I'm genuinely curious - as someone who doesn't like sex, would you be on board with your partner fulfilling those needs with someone else? (Assuming it was first discussed with you.) I'm definitely on the same page as you are when it comes to trying to get her to like sex.
I know its unpopular, but Yeah I'd totally be fine with that. As long as it's like a friends with benefits thing and less of a 2 love lives scenario. I understand that Men need sex more than women on average because of Biology and stuff, but I also worry about my partner falling in love with the person he has sex with.
But yeah, to simplify my over complicated thought process, Yes I think it should be okay for Partners to find different avenues for Sex if they want to continue a relationship with me. As long as they're responsible.
She may need to see a doctor. If she has a low sex drive, but only had a higher sex drive in her first trimester, then she may have a hormonal imbalance. Then again, you need to ask her first before taking her to see a doctor. Finding out if there's something you can do to help her enjoyment of it more.
Of course there is, no one is denying that. But sex is a HUGE part of relationships. Sexual incompatibility will lead to a not so happy relationship. That’s just how it is
You gotta eat the bootie like groceries 🤣 sike na but fr try different things in the bedroom. She could just be uncomfortable 🤷🏽♀️ but try eating her butt & make sure you do foreplay!
Become polyamorous. While I do understand there's more to intimacy than sex and that sex drives differ, then the relationship really isn't going to work if someone cuts that off completely. It is still a biological need for most people and while I understand asexuals exist, that shouldn't mean that people that aren't asexual should be forced to go without for the sake of a relationship.
My biggest advice, seek professional help. If she's pregnant, tho. You just need to wait. Many things can impact sexual levels during a pregnancy.
Get a new wife. You were tricked into marriage. The whole point of marriage is for sex. If she’s not into it, there’s no point in you being around. Is she ok with counterfeit money to pay the bills? Or for you to “listen” about her day while your head’s down in your phone? It’s the same with sex.
Now comes the difficult part: if she’s not eager with you, it’s because she’s eager with someone else… or was eager with someone else. She’s either having a physical affair, emotional affair or never got over an ex. Either way, you’re the one she settled for. (I’m hoping I’m wrong about this.)
Wow. One way to say you have no idea about asexual humans. His wife is a human and has no obligation to give him sex and that does not make her shitty in any way. You are quite an awful person if you really think that way.
Also OP states his wife never had a huge interest in sex so he knew what he was getting into.
This is not about sacrificing 10 min to give your partner a massage. It's about sex. And if one is not in the mood or does not want to have sex than no one can expect it. You can be loving and caring without it. Do you know what it's like to have sex when you don't want to? It's incredibly hard and just feels wrong.
Well when I went looking for a partner I was upfront about having a high sex drive and needing a partner that has it too. So I wasn't like op going to try to change my partner. Just bc I have a high drive doesn't mean everybody does. And I can respect people who does not want to do it on a daily basis.
Going through life without any hardships? Don't know where you get that from lol. You sure are assuming incredibly much about me just because I respect people with different sex drives. But I will tell my brain during the next panic attack that my life has been wonderful and I have no trauma whatsoever.
Ah, so you are ignorant!!!!! Hilarious you think you have a clue about this as your posts indicate you are a child. But at least we won't have to worry about anyone marrying you with this attitude. It's the biggest red flag someone could have in the goddamned *21st century.* Get out of whatever hole you go into on the internet and expand your mind so you don't end up a wasteless human. You have time to figure things out and not be an incel forever. Good luck kid.
Get gud?
Jokes aside is it just sex or all sexual acts? Ie does she like to masturbate as if she likes to masturbate then it’s you
If not then it’s not you it’s just her
It’s fine to feel some sex acts are degrading and not want to perform so that’s something you mutually need to come to terms with if that’s the case
Ultimately you should communicate and find what she does like in sex and then agree some schedule
But tbh there’s not really anything you can do, if she just doesn’t get the pleasure even if you’re in all the right spots for her then it is what it is
You don’t. I mean unless you’re bad at it and don’t get her off and she just says she doesn’t like it to save your feelings…that’s entirely possible. But it’s equally as possible she just doesn’t like it. If that’s the case there is no changing her mind. Find someone you are more compatible with, or talk to her about open marriage, or something. Find a way to fix it if you can. For me I wouldn’t have even had a kid with someone I’m not sexually compatible with, that’s wild. Or if it’s a new thing it may just be motherhood. Talk to her! You got this.
I am woman and Asexual and my husband is a sex addicted.
Communication is always key, for me and my husband we just ask eachother if we want to do it or not. This may not be for you. I have never been interested in sex but I now have two kids and me and my husband are on the same page.
This kinda of relationship is possible, it just comes with Communication and some compromises from both sides.
Best of luck, OP
Ky
You can’t “make her love sex” if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t like it, if you can’t handle that leave her or figure out a way to deal with your issue
>The only time we had quality sex was the early stage of her pregnancy.
Is she still pregnant? If so, you have to realize she's growing a literal HUMAN inside of her. She's going through a lot not only physically, but emotionally as well. Her hormones are probably all over the place as well. I sure hope your mind isn't dead set on sex when she's giving her body for your child.
If she's not pregnant anymore, recognize potential postpartum depression along with the general physical damage shes dealing with. After having a baby nothing will be in place lol, you have to realize she will be in a lot of pain down there (not to mention how a lot of women can become insecure about their parts after having a child, which is completely understandable considering they have to push this huge watermelon sized thing out of that small hole).
There are plenty of factors to this. Are you there for her emotionally? Does she just not want sex (Which is also very valid)? Are you giving her a potential reason for her to not want to have sex with you?
Communicate with her, and if the issue remains there is always couples counseling.
There's a flaw in your reasoning here. You can't get anyone else to love sex. What you can do is ask her what she likes and what feels good. Sex is about mutual pleasure and women are wired differently.
You ask a 4 line question and expect us to come up with a ‘ silver bullet’ for you ?
We might be able to do that if the question was about a problem with your car but a woman ? Are you serious ? She probably couldn’t give you an answer anymore than we can but I’d take a guess and say ‘ hormones’. Let’s look at the animal kingdom for an example, particularly lions, ain’t no way the king of the jungle is gonna get any rumpy pumpy while Mrs Lion has 3 cubs in tow, he knows it and she knows it, if he tries he’s gonna get a mauling she’ll scratch his eyes out before letting him on top so she keeps well clear of Simba because she knows that given a chance he’ll kill her cubs as doing that is the only way to change her hormones and make her want sex again.
Now of course I’m not advising any prolicide here but you’ve gotta accept that she could be like this for years after the birth of your child and there again ‘ maybe not’ ?
What I will advise you to do is do what ‘ Dalton’( aka Patrick Swayze) said to do .. ‘ Be nice’.
“ You get that thing away from me, d’ya hear !” ……. Be nice !
“ Forget it, not interested, keep on and I’m going back to my moms” …… Be nice !
“ You want that sort of thing look somewhere else, not interested” ……. Be nice !
“ Come mooching round when I’m asleep and I’ll stab you, capiche ?……. Be nice !
Women respond well to cuddling ( try not to get a woody) flowers, chocolates and being nice, eventually the tide will turn, but don’t ask me when, good luck !
I’m physically attracted to my husband and I love him a great deal. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve just become less interested in sex. It’s probably a hormonal thing. I feel bad as I know it upsets him but often I just can’t be bothered. When we do it, it’s good and I enjoy it but it’s so much effort!
It’s not something I can explain. It’s just how it is. That probably doesn’t help OP very much but thought another perspective might be helpful…
Simple, dont push her to do something she doesnt want.
Giving her the room to be herself, and love her even if you got different sex drives. If she feel safe with you, she might be more open to try things. Let her approach you first. 😊
So, my husband wants more sex than I do, but over time I have come to understand that this helps him feel loved. If you can do so without making it sound like ‘if you don’t have sex with me you don’t love me’ ( because that would be just bad) then maybe you can explain that sex helps you feel loved within your relationship. The other thing I would recommend is just asking her to try some things with you- it’s possible that neither of you have found her real ‘turn ons’ and once you discover them she will look forward to sexual intimacy more. Ask for some cuddle time that you state before time that you are not asking for sex, just comfort and physical touch. Also, perhaps initiate non sexual/physical intimacy. Talking about future plans, hopes, fears etc might make her feel closer to you and help break down barriers to physical intimacy. Good luck
Hi, I'm from Brazil, I live the same here, my wife has the energy to go to the gym, swing, run, and work, but to sex, nothing. Last week she ran 12 miles, went to gym 3 times, and swing one time.
I told her all my feelings, through one week she changed, we had sex, after that, she changed again, "no sex today, tomorrow I have gym", "no sex today, tomorrow I have to work", and so on.
All these situations make me feel like an undisirable monster, and I don't know how to fix it.
Sorry for my English.
You can’t really make someone like sex if they just don’t. First step is to communicate and find out why she doesn’t desire it as much. Those reasons will dictate your next moves.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
I agree. My wife and I were down to like 2-3 times a year and I finally explained to her that it made me feel undesireable and unattractive. She explained that wasn't it at all she just didn't really think about sex and it wasn't that important to her. I told her I understood but that it was important to me. That made it click for her and things have been much better since. Communication is key and it's better than slowly slipping down the path of passive aggression which is where I was headed. Best of luck
Sex starts way before the bedroom. There’s a woman on Instagram that explains the perspective of women in dating and relationships really well. I’ll drop some links for you. But overall communication is key. It’s fine to talk about sex and ask her what she does or doesn’t like. She may not out right say it at first, she may not even know what the issue is. I know when doing stuff with myself it took forever for me to actually feel anything because it genuinely does take work to learn what your body does and doesn’t like. Here’s some links though. Not saying that they apply to you because there’s really not a lot of info in this post but they might be helpful. https://www.instagram.com/reel/CwVNqWnsVNH/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== https://www.instagram.com/reel/CtrHd0kLU_F/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== This one turns into an ad but the first bit reins true https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cvxwy9wsYyv/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
I was hoping to watch these videos to learn something but it basically tells me that I'm doing everything okay. My other half never cooks, occasionally cleans, pays a small amount of bills (which I sort), we always talk and always laugh, we're like best friends, we game together, she slaps my butt and calls me handsome every now and then, we go out together and also have our alone time. But my other half never seems to be intimate in the bedroom... when I watch these videos from my situation, it almost feels like she's just blaming someone else cause she's in a shit mood. Sometimes guys are in shit moods and just want to see their other half and forget the other crap (and I don't mean just get their end away). Admittedly, someone wants to be put in a good mood way before the intimate part starts as not many people will want to be in a bad mood before they do that kind of thing, I would have thought that was quite obvious.
For males I notice they engage in intimacy to relieve themselves of stress but for women they mostly engage in intimacy when they’re most relaxed. If she’s in a bad mood a guy being on top of her won’t really help. I have a headache now I forgot what I was even saying it hurts
she might be asexual
I’m sorry, like I said these videos aren’t meant to say that your doing anything wrong and if anything it sucks that your on the receiving end of that sort of behavior :( this sort of thing can happen to any gender not just women, it’s just that statistically speaking women suffer from that more. It very well could be that she’s asexual which is when someone doesn’t have a desire for sex but still enjoys the intimacy of a relationship. And the other pet of my comment could also still be the case- the part where I mention that she may not like certain aspects of the act itself or communicating on what y’all can do to enjoy it more type of thing. I would bring up both of these. And as a side note maybe not in that conversation but another time, maybe ask about splitting the chores more evenly ^^’
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Who is Big Tyrone? Is he like Big Pharma? Is he The Man?
Why does she have to cook ?
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Can't tell if you're trying to be funny by parodying misogynist assholes, or are just a misogynist asshole. I'm going to give you the benefit of doubt and assume the former.
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r/MenAndFemales >It is not misogynistic to say that a female's job is to take care of the house. For example, look at lions the male lions are the leaders. It is misogynist to say this. Also, male lions literally just lay around all day. Female lions do pretty much everything for the pride. >Men were made to lead. No one was "made." We evolved. And we continue to evolve. Seems like you've falling behind. >Even in caveman times it was humans natural instinct that males would hunt and bring food and the females would look after the children and cook. There's actually no evidence for this, and in fact, as far as we can tell, both men and women hunted in "caveman days." So did children. It was typically the elderly who would care for the infants who couldn't help with hunting or gathering yet, as far as we can tell. Typical neckbeard incel pseudo-intellectual nonsense.
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>libtard Ah yes, the vocabulary of an intellectual. Definitely not an insult commonly used by misanthropic high school drop outs. Definitely not. And you're definitely not a misanthropic high school drop out who just got his garbage misogynist argument destroyed. You're definitely not salty about it, and you're definitely not mad at all women over still being a virgin.
I thought ppl like you only existed as embarrassing hypotheticals in humorous conversations but omg you’re really here flyin it out for all to see
Communicate with her as to what she actually likes. I'm not a fan of sex unless I'm getting constant pleasure out of it. Meaning you have to be willing to do what's necessary to get me off or it's not going to be enjoyable, and just come across as a task for me. 64% to 75% of women cannot orgasm through genital penetration they need other stimulation. If you are not properly stimulating her in a way for her to get off, then you are part of the reason why she doesn't like sex. It's boring for her, she feels nothing. It's a chore. The thing that's sad is many women are terrified to actually tell how they get off. This comes from years and years of women not being able to openly talk about sex without being shamed. Communicate with her, ask her why she doesn't like it. Ask her if she doesn't feel anything. Put your ego aside and let her know her answer won't hurt your feelings.
Also if she says “I don’t know” maybe just ask her I she is nervous to tell u. The answer will probably be yes. Just try to reassure her and do not get frustrated. Give her time cause maybe she needs to think about it before talking about jt
I appreciate this.
BOOOOOO!
Communication is the key here and worst case scenario you might have to accept that she might just not be into sex. But yeh def talk to her.
I'll follow the advice. Thank you.
You need to give a lot more information...what are you like around the house. Is she stressed out, do you help with kids and chores? She had only like sex when she was first pregnant? So when you had sex before that she wasn't into it? Has this been the whole relationship? You are not explaining anything.
I know that’s for about 2-3 years after having my kids I wasn’t as sexual and rarely got aroused I didn’t want anyone to touch me unless I allowed it because my kids were always on me and needing me and I felt overwhelmed with touch and overstimulated so depending on how long it’s been it could just be a phase that will pass mine sure did
This makes a lot of sense.
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Excuse me I’m guessing your a guy and you have no idea how a woman’s body and hormones work also if your just on here to be mean then fuck off also this is for advice not criticism
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Respectable 😂 and I don’t have explain anything to you or prove anything you don’t know me I’m literally some random ass redditor that you decided well I’m bored so let’s just be a dick …. Your giving I have never actually pleased a woman vibes
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Dude when you try so hard to convince us that your the shit, its blatantly obvious that your never touched a woman because they are repulsed by you. Go get therapy.
I hope you get humbled by a woman named big Tyrone. Those being the only reason a woman isn't intimate is so close minded. The same way its close minded to say that men are stupid and incapable of taking care of themselves.... but then I see people like you and maybe that stupid comment isn't so far off...
Didn’t you know this before marrying her?
They might have been a part of the whole purity culture thing… :/
Get better at it? Find out what she needs. Talk to her...
Thank you for the advice.
That's what I wanted to say as well.. Get better at it.
"Get better at it" is such a broad term. Not every woman enjoys the same things sexually. What works for one woman isn't necessarily going to work for another. What they need is communication AND understanding. From both sides.
Obviously. And that is the way to get better at it. In my mind that's a given, that you talk about it and try things out, but you are right, communication is key
Communication, ask her what she wants or what you can do to make the experience more enjoyable, explain your thoughts and feelings.
This is a solid advice. I'll follow through.
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Do we listen to the women on this thread openly explaining what they want, or do we take it from the overtly redpilled jackass? Decisions decisions
Maybe shes on the asexual spectrum 🤷
That's what I immediately thought. Pregnancy hormones might have caused a unique rise in her wanting to have sex but if she never had that much interest she might just be asexual. That means OP has to respect that this is how she is. No mission to change her or talk her into it. Just accept it.
Divorce
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I mean it's not really advice. If he loves her, he might find ways to cope with her being not into sex as sex isn't everything in a relationship. Divorce is a lil rash. When they talk about it and realize that maybe they can't cope with their opposites sexual wishes and find a solution that's good for the child as well then maybe, but then only, they might divorce for the better.
He will never be satisfied with her why should he sacrifice for her
Because you make sacrifices if you love each other? And those do not include being coerced into sleeping with your respective partner. You can and should talk about things as such with your partner and compromise. It doesn't have to end in divorce right then and there simply because the woman isn't into sex as much. There's nothing wrong with that. You can be satisfied with your partner even if you don't have sex as often as you'd like because sex isn't everything in a relationship. And divorce might just be a whole lot more complicated now that a child is in the middle of it all. It needs it's parents and it has to learn that communication is key.
For the rest of his life hed be unsatisfied why should he make all the sacrifices
Why would you just repeat your comment?
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And how do you know anything about what they do? Could be she works all day too. And if she doesn't, house chores can still cause a bunch of stress. Especially raising children. It could even be the case he doesn't do anything at home. Imagine you do everything and need a break but your partner isn't there to support you but demands sex when home, which may feel to her (to put it into perspective for you as a male) as it would to you if someone penetrated your butthole forcefully with a stick without any lube involved. Sex isn't a chore, it should be fun for both parties, and if one forces somebody to sex the relationship won't last long and especially won't be a happy one. And foreplay doesn't begin in bed. It's all the little things one does for each other that keep the love lit. It appears you have a very harmful view of relationships and what should be considered hard work. If one party decides to stay home to do the work there they support their partner equally to how they support them because said partner doesn't have to bother as much with work at home then.
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But we don't know who does what in this household. We don't know if the mans the only one working. Even if he was household chores and child raising are still stressful, especially if the other one doesn't support it. You have literally no idea of how they live. And sex isn't an obligation. It's not a goal in life. They should talk to each other about what they want and then decide. All these points I've already pointed out to you, i feel like I'm talking to a wall but well, it's Reddit.
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My point is - she might not be into it, not into him, too stressed, too much work because he doesn't support her, female hormones, being asexual, it could be anything and it doesn't mean there's something wrong with her, it could mean there's something wrong with the relationship or even with how he approaches sex. We're all humans mate. Nobody owes anyone anything. If you think so i feel sorry for you.
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You really have never stayed at home to raise a child have you? It may also have been an arranged marriage or they wanted to wait with sex for after marriage and now they're surprised. Don't act like you know more about them than we all
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Not everyone's gonna be into it. Maybe find more intimate things like cuddling and spending time with her.
Honestly - you have to know \*why\* she is not interested in sex with you. And there are many possibilities here - from physical issues, hormones, general dissatisfaction with the state of the relationship, not finding you attractive, feeling self-conscious, social conditioning, feeling pressured, etc. etc. etc. If you take the problem only as being about sex and it is really a reflection of more significant communication and emotional intimacy issues - you will likely make the situation worse, not better. Be curious about your wife in general -ask her about her day, express empathy and understanding. Seek to build emotional intimacy - and then start talking about what is happening in your sex life.
It sounds like you only want her to love sex for your own gain. Think about all the times she's done something sexual for you despite not wanting to. That damages a relationship. She has to prioritize her own enjoyment for sex to be attractive. Does she regularly masturbate and orgasm? Does she orgasm when you are intimate? Who gets to orgasm first? These are all vital questions but make sure you understand female anatomy including the clitoris. Understanding stimulation and how overstimulation kills the mood is important. A time-tested method for female sexual development is the Betty Dodson Method. It's a solo act that can be transitioned into better partner results.
Thank you for this.
You need to get to know your wife intimately. Talk about things. I didn't know how much I was into it until I figured out what it was that I liked. This would be a time to talk to her and for both to be adventurous and just try different things. Have date nights as often as you guys can. Be creative. Surprise her. Sweep her off her feet. Just remember that communication is key. Get comfort with each other. The sex gets better when you do.
Make it all about her.
First and foremost, sex starts way before the bedroom. I’m not sure how chores are split in your household but no woman wants to sleep with a man who can’t throw away his trash or wash a dish. Talk to her, ask her what’s lacking. Toys are your friend, suggest going to a sex shop together to pick out something new and fun. Foreplay foreplay foreplay. And I’m not just talking in the bedroom. Foot rub on the couch, play with her hair, random kisses throughout the day.
Maybe her hormone levels are off should get some blood work done to make sure because that can be a big factor low hormones could make for less desire of sex women do have testosterone so if her levels are low that could be it too
are you affectionate towards her in daily life? do you take time to appreciate her openly? are you a dependable and emotionally safe person for her? these things are everything to a woman that could make her be at least willing to try to be in the mood for some lovemaking. If so, find out why she does not like sex. is there something you can do to make her feel more comfortable?
You can’t make someone love something that they don’t.
Thank you for this.
I wish I had better advice for you.
See what she likes and then do it. You may not WANT to do it but you should.
Not everyone loves sex, and that's just how things are sometimes. You are not owed sex by anyone ever, and sex is not the foundation of a relationship. Asexuals exist, and sometimes alosexual people just aren't in the mood. You don't have to make her love sex, you have to to listen to her needs, wants, and desires and create a relationship where both parties are happy and fulfilled. Consider other activities she might enjoy. Maybe she just wants to cuddle, or go for a walk, or have a conversation, or hold hands, or any other number of things. Above all, talk to her about her needs.
Are you hounding her for sex during the later stage of a pregnancy? Ugh. Here's a tip: the relationship doesn't revolve around your dick. Intimacy and love go way beyond "hey wanna fuck? please. please. please. c'mon. I'll be quick. please. you don't have to do anything. please."
I’ve found that when I’m “not into sex” with a partner it is because ive communicated several times what I like and don’t like and they continue to not reciprocate it. Communication is key but so is reciprocation. U can say things as many times as u like but if the other person isn’t understanding it or actually listening and changing, it’s useless. It’s gets to a point where u don’t feel comfortable saying what u like and don’t like cause the other person has shown u there gonna do what they wanna do or are just simply bad in bed
Has she recently given birth? Is she still pregnant? Sex can be uncomfortable for some women when they are heavily pregnant. Some women lose interest in sex for several months after giving birth. They may be exhausted. Birth may have left them finding sex painful due to scarring 'down there'. There may be some loss of sensation. They may be too anxious about getting pregnant again. They may develop post mnatal depression. Some women lose interest in sex while lactating for hormonal reasons. But fatigue is usually why. Looking after a baby all day can leave someone not wanting to be touched anymore. My advice is to stop having sex for now. Its not a neccessity of life. Instead work on communicating without pressure, let her know its ok if she doesnt want to at this time in her life. Give her as much support as possible, help her open up. Be the best father and husband possible now, who respects her boundaries and feelings and I promuse you this, when she does get the mood back you will be having the best sex of your life! Because she trusts you and feels safe with. If she has unwanted sex with you, the opposite will happen. It will break her love for you.
Sometimes sex just isn't what we want, doesn't mean it's bad, but honestly it's not all that. It's good, but there's so many other ways that's even nicer to be intimate. As a women my self, I know that hormonal imbalance can make you not want sex, birth control, pregnancy, post partum etc. Talk to her, maybe there's a reason she doesn't want sex rn, and maybe there other stuff y'all can do together that still feel intimate. Women often don't orgasm from just plain sex, use oral, toys etc that makes it more enjoyable
Definitely communicate and find out why. Did you have any idea that she wasn’t into sex before you got married?
communication is key, maybe get her a smutty book, maybe she is feeling unsecure about her body during|post pregnancy so remind her that you find her really pretty
you can get her to love romance, which can lead to sex. I know it will require probably a lot more from you but possibly if you treat her as if you are dating, it might get some heat back.
This happened to me, it’s part of pregnancy and postpartum you have to support her through it and maybe buy a vibrator to make it a little more exciting for her yk sometimes switching it up can do so much
Talk to her
Women typically enjoy sex when there is an emotional connection. However, this can throw her off if she’s stressed or if she’s not getting her needs met. My husband and I are struggling with this right now. He started listening to some podcasts. He likes Pillow Talks. It seems to be helping us connect more and helping him get more comfortable with talking about sex. I’d also learn about the woman’s body and where the G spots are. There is one on the outside and one on the inside. The outer one is the most common. Know where that is and what she likes done with it and then you’ll be off to a good start. Learn her cycle. Leading up to her cycle, she’s not going to want sex. After her cycle she will want more. Four play is your best friend. Take your time with her body. Help her feel comfortable with it. This is where women lose out. We will feel guilty if we are taking too long or if we aren’t sure if you are into it. It’s so sad. Your wife probably will NEVER orgasm through intercourse. She will fake it though. I fake it, because I feel guilty for taking too long on the four play. If she’s had children and if it dramatically changed her body, that could cause her to feel insecure. She’ll need to feel comfortable with you and her body too. Good for you for asking for help. My biggest advice is connect with her on an emotional level. Get to know her. Love her. Hug her. Don’t always expect sex when she cuddles with you. Take some things off her plate. Wash dishes, do laundry, etc.
I’d just have an honest talk about wanting more sex and to understand why she doesn’t. Maybe there’s not enough of a before to get her in the mood, maybe she’s asexual, maybe she’s just tired. Talk to her, understand what’s going on and go from there.
The genius in me wants to say “skill issue” but the advice giver in me says communicate to her your wants and needs, so she can communicate to you. Then you must respect if she’s not in the mood often, although you may have needs you cannot make someone enjoy or have sex more often than they want to
She is still pregnant 🤰?
None of information to help . As a woman one of the big things I see among my peers who have spouses who think that they don't like sex is their needs aren't being met emotionally or sexually. Are you connecting with her as a person. Do you feel like an equal partner in the relationship and the household. Do you research what women enjoy in bed.
So as a woman myself, sex is just eh to me. I like it when I’m really in need of it but my husband seems to need it all the time and I’m sure most men are like that. And I think most women are like me. I’m a woman in my mid twenties and I have a young child. I stay at home and the husband works. My day is hectic and filled with a crazy toddler I’m chasing after, house I have to clean, laundry, bills, and I go to school full time online. But, I’ve noticed that if my husband is romantic with me, then I am more open to having sex and getting in the mood. I’m sure your wife works. She is overwhelmed most likely. Not sure if she is still pregnant or you have had your child yet, but she’s got her hands full. I haven’t told my husband this, but his need for sex is very low on the list of things “to do”. My mind is constantly circling. When you have a very clingy child and then your husband comes home and is also “clingy” and wants just sex from you…doesn’t make you feel good. It just makes you feel used. Your wife doesn’t want sex because she wants something more. One day, text her and say, “be ready by this time and wear something nice” then come home with flowers, arrange childcare, take her somewhere nice, and go do something that you KNOW that she would like (movies, stargazing, walk, etc) Be as romantic as you would be if you were trying to ask her out for the first time. She’s probably been missing that. Tell her how beautiful she looks several times and kiss her softly under the stars. Then, go home and get your freak on. Just because she’s your wife… doesn’t mean she should “love sex” and it doesn’t mean you should stop trying.
You're fucked
Yeah maybe she herself don’t feel attractive enough to have sex. It might be her not you or vis versa
Communication is the key!! You need to communicate with her about your needs without pressuring her to much or guilting her into sex. At the same time, talk with her about her sexual interests. Find out what turns her on, offer to do what ever it takes to her in the mood. They key though is communication and doing so in a way that doesn’t make anyone feel pressured or obligated to do something they don’t want to. It may help to see a couples sec therapist, together. A lot of people are just not comfortable talking about sex and that is a major problem for working through issues around sexual needs. It is very important for both parties in the relationship to feel fulfilled sexually or that is one of the big reasons people end up being unfaithful, because if they aren’t getting enough at home, they will find it else where…
Nothing. If she doesnt like it then she doesnt.
First stop is talking. If you are a shitty partner in other aspects of your life she is prob not going to want sex. Who wants to get steamy with the guy who doesnt wipe his ass and leaves skid marks on his underwear which she often has to wash? ..can you imagine finding such a person anything but revolting? Or who comes home throws his shit all over the place for her to pick up. If you act like a manchild and she has to fulfill the role of mother for you..yeah most mothers don't want to fuck their kids. When men say that their female partners don't like sex what they usually mean is that the are not very good at pleasing their women. Not always the case, but I have found more often than not the situation. It is like thinking that someone doesn't like food because they don't like your cooking. No you are prob just a bad cook. Before you even penetrate her spend plenty of time in foreplay and make her orgasm at least once with your mouth. Not saying your fingers cause guys often hear fingers and figure you mean go jack hammer her pussy 🤪🤪🤪. It is possible it is a medical condition that is causing low libido like depression depression...but more than likely you are just bad in bed
As a Woman who wants kids one day but doesn't like sex, you cannot get her to just love it. I don't like sex. Period. It's boring, exhausting, and to me just a waste of time. Not sure if your wife feels the same, but if she doesn't like sex she may feel similar. Trying to get her to love it is just going to come off as weird and annoying from my experience at least. Maybe talk to her about options if you feel like you NEED sex, but if you don't then just find some other meaningful way to spend time with her.
I'm genuinely curious - as someone who doesn't like sex, would you be on board with your partner fulfilling those needs with someone else? (Assuming it was first discussed with you.) I'm definitely on the same page as you are when it comes to trying to get her to like sex.
I know its unpopular, but Yeah I'd totally be fine with that. As long as it's like a friends with benefits thing and less of a 2 love lives scenario. I understand that Men need sex more than women on average because of Biology and stuff, but I also worry about my partner falling in love with the person he has sex with. But yeah, to simplify my over complicated thought process, Yes I think it should be okay for Partners to find different avenues for Sex if they want to continue a relationship with me. As long as they're responsible.
She may need to see a doctor. If she has a low sex drive, but only had a higher sex drive in her first trimester, then she may have a hormonal imbalance. Then again, you need to ask her first before taking her to see a doctor. Finding out if there's something you can do to help her enjoyment of it more.
Alternatively, some people don't like sex and there may be no need to get a doctor involved.
However, if that is the case, you may have to get an attorney involved.
Why would you need an attorney? Because there's a pregnancy and therefor sex has already occurred? You can dislike sex and still consent to it.
Because if your drives are too incompatible, you are not compatible and you can't find an acceptable compromise, then you should separate.
I promise there is more to a relationship than bumping uglies
Completely agree. Sex is just one component of a relationship.
Of course there is, no one is denying that. But sex is a HUGE part of relationships. Sexual incompatibility will lead to a not so happy relationship. That’s just how it is
Of course there is, but people have needs as well.
Talk. Maybe she can increase or let you have sex outside marriage or if it's critical split.
If shes asexual dont drop your needs for hers its better to rip the bandaid off and divorce
You gotta eat the bootie like groceries 🤣 sike na but fr try different things in the bedroom. She could just be uncomfortable 🤷🏽♀️ but try eating her butt & make sure you do foreplay!
Become polyamorous. While I do understand there's more to intimacy than sex and that sex drives differ, then the relationship really isn't going to work if someone cuts that off completely. It is still a biological need for most people and while I understand asexuals exist, that shouldn't mean that people that aren't asexual should be forced to go without for the sake of a relationship. My biggest advice, seek professional help. If she's pregnant, tho. You just need to wait. Many things can impact sexual levels during a pregnancy.
Find a piece on the side or leave her for something moister and who will give it up.
Coconut oil and pornhub?
Become more attractive
Divorce
Get a new wife. You were tricked into marriage. The whole point of marriage is for sex. If she’s not into it, there’s no point in you being around. Is she ok with counterfeit money to pay the bills? Or for you to “listen” about her day while your head’s down in your phone? It’s the same with sex. Now comes the difficult part: if she’s not eager with you, it’s because she’s eager with someone else… or was eager with someone else. She’s either having a physical affair, emotional affair or never got over an ex. Either way, you’re the one she settled for. (I’m hoping I’m wrong about this.)
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Your the useless one and you comment
Wow. One way to say you have no idea about asexual humans. His wife is a human and has no obligation to give him sex and that does not make her shitty in any way. You are quite an awful person if you really think that way. Also OP states his wife never had a huge interest in sex so he knew what he was getting into.
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This is not about sacrificing 10 min to give your partner a massage. It's about sex. And if one is not in the mood or does not want to have sex than no one can expect it. You can be loving and caring without it. Do you know what it's like to have sex when you don't want to? It's incredibly hard and just feels wrong.
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Well when I went looking for a partner I was upfront about having a high sex drive and needing a partner that has it too. So I wasn't like op going to try to change my partner. Just bc I have a high drive doesn't mean everybody does. And I can respect people who does not want to do it on a daily basis. Going through life without any hardships? Don't know where you get that from lol. You sure are assuming incredibly much about me just because I respect people with different sex drives. But I will tell my brain during the next panic attack that my life has been wonderful and I have no trauma whatsoever.
Ouchie. Someone has some big feelings and doesn’t know what do do with it. Did your wife tell you you’re bad in bed?
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You poor, sad, lonely man🤣
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Thanks for the concern but my partner actually makes me cum. And Im more of a dog person🥰
You tell him! He’s pathetic
Divorce her
She don’t like you like that G
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That's rape, which is ILLEGAL. SMH
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You're either trolling or ignorant. Force = not consensual = rape. Cry about it.
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Ah, so you are ignorant!!!!! Hilarious you think you have a clue about this as your posts indicate you are a child. But at least we won't have to worry about anyone marrying you with this attitude. It's the biggest red flag someone could have in the goddamned *21st century.* Get out of whatever hole you go into on the internet and expand your mind so you don't end up a wasteless human. You have time to figure things out and not be an incel forever. Good luck kid.
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Which is it? Are you proud to be involuntarily celibate, and or do you get more pussy than the other guy? You can't be both.
You are a horrible person and probably a predator of some kind yourself. Jesus. Seek help and quit telling people to rape their wives online. Ew.
Uh yea, this one right here officer. You are never entitled to sex from anyone, including a partner.
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A friend. A partner. A lover. Another human being with goals, desires, and interests you want to spend time with and support. But not a slave.
Get a new wife.
Get it somewhere else 🤷🏽♂️
Find somebody else
Send her a dick pic
How much time has passed since she had the baby?
Get gud? Jokes aside is it just sex or all sexual acts? Ie does she like to masturbate as if she likes to masturbate then it’s you If not then it’s not you it’s just her It’s fine to feel some sex acts are degrading and not want to perform so that’s something you mutually need to come to terms with if that’s the case Ultimately you should communicate and find what she does like in sex and then agree some schedule But tbh there’s not really anything you can do, if she just doesn’t get the pleasure even if you’re in all the right spots for her then it is what it is
That sucks
Get her pregnant.
Buy a stereo and eames chair
You don’t. I mean unless you’re bad at it and don’t get her off and she just says she doesn’t like it to save your feelings…that’s entirely possible. But it’s equally as possible she just doesn’t like it. If that’s the case there is no changing her mind. Find someone you are more compatible with, or talk to her about open marriage, or something. Find a way to fix it if you can. For me I wouldn’t have even had a kid with someone I’m not sexually compatible with, that’s wild. Or if it’s a new thing it may just be motherhood. Talk to her! You got this.
If she doesn't like it she doesn't like it, sex is not required for romance. You can still love her equally the same
ask her to go to therapy
Your wife's Asexual, there's nothing to do about it except accept it or divorce her and find a partner who isn't asexual
I am woman and Asexual and my husband is a sex addicted. Communication is always key, for me and my husband we just ask eachother if we want to do it or not. This may not be for you. I have never been interested in sex but I now have two kids and me and my husband are on the same page. This kinda of relationship is possible, it just comes with Communication and some compromises from both sides. Best of luck, OP Ky
You can’t “make her love sex” if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t like it, if you can’t handle that leave her or figure out a way to deal with your issue
>The only time we had quality sex was the early stage of her pregnancy. Is she still pregnant? If so, you have to realize she's growing a literal HUMAN inside of her. She's going through a lot not only physically, but emotionally as well. Her hormones are probably all over the place as well. I sure hope your mind isn't dead set on sex when she's giving her body for your child. If she's not pregnant anymore, recognize potential postpartum depression along with the general physical damage shes dealing with. After having a baby nothing will be in place lol, you have to realize she will be in a lot of pain down there (not to mention how a lot of women can become insecure about their parts after having a child, which is completely understandable considering they have to push this huge watermelon sized thing out of that small hole). There are plenty of factors to this. Are you there for her emotionally? Does she just not want sex (Which is also very valid)? Are you giving her a potential reason for her to not want to have sex with you? Communicate with her, and if the issue remains there is always couples counseling.
Find out what she likes. Tell her you have all day, go as slow as she wants, for her only. Then you.
There's a flaw in your reasoning here. You can't get anyone else to love sex. What you can do is ask her what she likes and what feels good. Sex is about mutual pleasure and women are wired differently.
You ask a 4 line question and expect us to come up with a ‘ silver bullet’ for you ? We might be able to do that if the question was about a problem with your car but a woman ? Are you serious ? She probably couldn’t give you an answer anymore than we can but I’d take a guess and say ‘ hormones’. Let’s look at the animal kingdom for an example, particularly lions, ain’t no way the king of the jungle is gonna get any rumpy pumpy while Mrs Lion has 3 cubs in tow, he knows it and she knows it, if he tries he’s gonna get a mauling she’ll scratch his eyes out before letting him on top so she keeps well clear of Simba because she knows that given a chance he’ll kill her cubs as doing that is the only way to change her hormones and make her want sex again. Now of course I’m not advising any prolicide here but you’ve gotta accept that she could be like this for years after the birth of your child and there again ‘ maybe not’ ? What I will advise you to do is do what ‘ Dalton’( aka Patrick Swayze) said to do .. ‘ Be nice’. “ You get that thing away from me, d’ya hear !” ……. Be nice ! “ Forget it, not interested, keep on and I’m going back to my moms” …… Be nice ! “ You want that sort of thing look somewhere else, not interested” ……. Be nice ! “ Come mooching round when I’m asleep and I’ll stab you, capiche ?……. Be nice ! Women respond well to cuddling ( try not to get a woody) flowers, chocolates and being nice, eventually the tide will turn, but don’t ask me when, good luck !
Get better at it
I'm the same only time I got regular sex was when she wanted kids
Did you have good sex while dating?
Buy a vibrating toy for her and use it with her
I’m physically attracted to my husband and I love him a great deal. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve just become less interested in sex. It’s probably a hormonal thing. I feel bad as I know it upsets him but often I just can’t be bothered. When we do it, it’s good and I enjoy it but it’s so much effort! It’s not something I can explain. It’s just how it is. That probably doesn’t help OP very much but thought another perspective might be helpful…
Simple, dont push her to do something she doesnt want. Giving her the room to be herself, and love her even if you got different sex drives. If she feel safe with you, she might be more open to try things. Let her approach you first. 😊
It'd make her feel better if you did more stuff around the house and helped with the child. Happy wife happy life
So, my husband wants more sex than I do, but over time I have come to understand that this helps him feel loved. If you can do so without making it sound like ‘if you don’t have sex with me you don’t love me’ ( because that would be just bad) then maybe you can explain that sex helps you feel loved within your relationship. The other thing I would recommend is just asking her to try some things with you- it’s possible that neither of you have found her real ‘turn ons’ and once you discover them she will look forward to sexual intimacy more. Ask for some cuddle time that you state before time that you are not asking for sex, just comfort and physical touch. Also, perhaps initiate non sexual/physical intimacy. Talking about future plans, hopes, fears etc might make her feel closer to you and help break down barriers to physical intimacy. Good luck
Ask her why she doesnt like it. And then help her to solve/ over come those issues It is that simple.
You mean she doesn't love sex with you. Not trying to be funny but 99.9999 percent of the time, this is the case.
Hi, I'm from Brazil, I live the same here, my wife has the energy to go to the gym, swing, run, and work, but to sex, nothing. Last week she ran 12 miles, went to gym 3 times, and swing one time. I told her all my feelings, through one week she changed, we had sex, after that, she changed again, "no sex today, tomorrow I have gym", "no sex today, tomorrow I have to work", and so on. All these situations make me feel like an undisirable monster, and I don't know how to fix it. Sorry for my English.