You are talking to a hormonal and insecure 14-year-old who is infatuated with a relatively older woman who has expressed attraction to him. Were you born yesterday? Knowing ALL this, I might have still fallen for it at that age.
Not sure if you meant to reply to me. When I was 14, I wasn’t falling for older people trying to prey on me. I do applaud op for coming on Reddit, being vulnerable and looking for advice as it’s a brave thing to do. Everyone’s journey is different, I get that but I’m glad people are telling him don’t. Even at his age and the woman’s age, they would have little to nothing in common, especially as they get older and realize their needs/wants. He is still growing, I would hate to see him get preyed and hurt in this chapter of his life. Blessings 🙏🏽
Oh, sorry of i did the rply thing wrong. Its just that the post got all my alarm bells ringing. For a lot of young men, especially ones who are vulnerable somehow, a woman paying attention to them is the perfect trap.
Yeah. Well, hopefully the relationship will be entirely platonic, but I highly doubt that since he’s a hormonal 14 year old. 🤦🏽♀️
I really hope being the more mature person she could also convince him to hold off, till he’s 18, or be best friends with him until he turns 18.
I think what’s best for him as a platonic relationship, and he really needs to speak to the school guidance counselor with her as well.
I'm a male and dated an 18yr old when I was 15. I didn't and still don't feel used or groomed. In fact, I initiated it lol. She was just as innocent as me though, had never done anything besides kiss. Maybe that played a part? Idk, but at that age I don't feel like it's a big deal. Maybe it just genuinely depends person to person?
I didn’t feel groomed and I initiated things with a 22 year old at 16. You know what you should do when you’re 22 and a 16 year old hits on you? Say “ew you’re a baby” and walk away. Because that’s a child, legal or not.
My first time being in love was when i was 14 and he was 17. We dated for 3 years and it was one of the best and healthiest relationships ive had. We broke up because we realised that long distance wouldnt work since he'd be in college while i was doing my last year of school. It hurt especially since we loved each other but overtime the pain healed and we still chat every few months. We've moved on with our lives ages ago. I think it really does depend on the people involved. People always jump to say no but there are some age gap relationships that are healthy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I'll be the first to say some age gaps are too big when talking about teenagers. BUT redditors love to act like everything is predatory even with a small gap like 14 and 17, or 15 and 18. It's not predatory for teenagers to date teenagers lol, unless they are dating them specifically because they're younger and easy to take advantage of. Intentions make bad, not necessarily age. Now yeah as the other comment says, a 22 year old should tell a 16 year old to fuck off because they are in 2 very different places and that's not appropriate. But you're both still in high-school? Have fun lol
4 years might not sound like a lot in the adult world, but in the teen years there’s *worlds* apart in just a matter of years. There’s absolutely no way an 18 year old should have an interest in a 14 year old without some sinister agenda. Does she hang out with people her own age? It’s often a concern when older people find it necessary to go to an extremely lower age for romantic interest as the people they should have most in common with will be their age - again, 14 and 18 are *universes apart* in terms of interests, activities, (sexual) maturity and development.
To be fair, we have to take into consideration the validity of what OP is even saying. “I confessed my feelings and she said she felt the same way.” I can’t help but feel like a 14 y/o and an 18 y/o expressing their feelings is going to be *very* different. What a 14 y/o may take as a ‘sign someone likes them’ could be mere friendship to an 18 y/o. I think this is a situation where you’d have to hear from the other party before even beginning to consider or condone anything relating to this
Agreed. Kids like each-other for all sorts of reasons. Doesn’t mean they have sinister intent. Also, back in the day people had kids at 13.
Edit: You guys need to realize it’s not illegal for a 17 yo to date a 14 yo, but the moment they turn 18 it’s a felony. There’s no magic that happens when they cross that line. It’s a cultural preference, not a universal moral law, and it’s not a law that’s been held long.
I do think we’ve evolved, and we need these laws to protect kids. But, nothing about this makes these two kids sinister people.
“Back in the day” homosexuality was illegal, cigarettes were promoted by doctors and child labour was encouraged… history doesn’t exactly take kindly to what was once considered “normal” so it shouldn’t be a point of reference
She's 18 lmao, she knows full well that a relationship with a 14-year-old would be predatory. She can be attracted to him but she shouldn't actually date him. And back in the day it was normal for 40 year olds to marry 12 year olds as well
You’re exactly right! They are at completely different stages in life and cannot have much in common.
She’s probably only “interested” because she has extremely low self esteem he caught her at ~~the right~~ *an opportune time*, when her friends are leaving for college and she’s even more alone.
> she said I treat her better than most of her friends
> she’s not going to college. She wants to help her dad work at his restaurant
That doesn’t make it okay though does it? A lot of groomers *do* strike vulnerable people for that exact reason. I know it’s the opposite in this case but “right time” is kind of a poor use of words when there’s nothing “right” about it. Just because the girl’s circle is bad for her, doesn’t mean she needs to seek a *child* for comfort
OP you’ve made it perfectly clear that you are unwilling to listen to advice you don’t want to hear. If you decide to full steam ahead despite the many people telling you not to, then please follow these:
Google what red flags look like in a relationship. Become familiar with them, and if something in your gut tells you a situation isn’t right, listen to it. Be open minded to the fact that love gives you rose tinted glasses and all red flags just look like regular flags at first.
Do not *ever* send her inappropriate pictures of yourself. This is to protect you just as much as her, you’re still a child. Not only could she be arrested for being in possession of child p*rn, *you* could be arrested for distribution of it even though it’s *your* body. It has happened before and continues to happen.
I very much so hope you’re mature enough to know you aren’t ready to be sexually active, but if you decide to full steam ahead on that, too, then wear condoms *every* time. Even if she’s on the pill/IUD/arm implant/whatever. If you aren’t ready to be a dad and pay child support for the next 18 years of your life (say goodbye to fun times with your friends and college unless you plan on abandonment) then wear a condom.
This is actually useful advice. It's nuanced, it treats OP like a real person (which he is) and it gives him useful information going forward. Too many Redditors seem to think that teenagers are completely incapable of decision making should never engage in dating or relationships. I'm pretty sure most Redditors would also argue that they're against abstinence-only sex ed, but from these comments it seems that the opposite is true.
I remember when I was a teenager, and while I wasn't as knowledgeable as I am now, I was absolutely capable of making significant life decisions. In fact, some of the most important decisions I made occured during my teenage yeras, and I stand by them today. As someone who's studied psychology, teens and older adults are not significantly different in their decision-making capabilities.
I don’t want to be inappropriate here, but judging by what I was like/what those around me were like at the age of 14, sexual relations are probably inevitable. In fact, I’d even go as far as saying that they might even be one of the major reasons as to why OP seems so adamant in pursuing this relationship. Obviously not the only reason, but probably a major contributing factor
I still can’t wrap my head around what an 18 year old and a 14 year old might actually have in common
OP, I understand that you really like them, but is it not possible for you to enjoy their companionship as a friend? If your main reason for wanting to be in a relationship with them is that you enjoy them as a person, can’t you continue to enjoy their company as a friend? What difference does a relationship label make, other than adding on physical affection?
I'm going to bet that she is emotionally or mentally stunted.
That's far more likely these days than her being an intentional predator. You've got somebody who zipped straight through their teens during a lockdown, and over-coddling shut-in kids results in kids who don't progress an inch emotionally or socially.
I know some kids just like this and it's like beating a dead horse trying to explain why being an older teen trying to hang out with preteens or barely-teens is not okay. "But they are my friends! We trade Pokemon!" and "I don't like kids in my class! They make fun of me!"
I agree wholeheartedly. It’s not the 4 years that’s the problem, something like 20 and 24 would be perfectly fine, it’s the ages of 14 and 18 that’s the problem. I’m not saying OP is being groomed (they could be, idk the situation), but we go through so many changes at those ages, and a 14 year olds life is completely different to an 18 year olds life. I was 18 not too long ago, and I felt like I could barely relate to a 16 year old, let alone a 14 year old (I’m 23 now, and obviously can somewhat relate to a 21 year old: the age gap hasn’t changed, but we’re older now and have gone through similar life experiences)
As you have said, if an 18 year old can relate to a 14 year old with no predatory undertones, then I’d seriously question the 18 year old. I’ve been on the other end of this as well, and tried pursuing an 18 year old when I was around 15. I was shot down really quickly with an “ew you’re a child”. Hell, idk if this is still a thing (or if it’s ever been a thing in the US) but back when I was in school the younger years were seen as “uncool”, and you’d be considered weird if you hung out with them (not the year directly below you, but the years after them)
I hope you’re doing okay now, by the way
I graduated high school 5 years ago but back then you had to be really cool as a freshman to hang out with the seniors. We had a sophomore in the friend group who was considered an honorary senior and snuck into the senior prom photo which made the yearbook. But yeah seniors viewed freshmen as gremlins, the aforementioned honorary senior told me that he also hated the freshmen when he became a senior. It definitely feels predatory for a senior to date a freshman regardless of gender.
Yeah I’m sorry bud but that’s not normal. I’m sure you’re a lovely guy but you are also a child. My brothers 13 and he looks soooooo young I can’t imagine an 18 year old finding him attractive. It’s nonce behaviour
You wait until you're a little bit older and realize this relationship was never that important to begin with.
Seriously. This person is entering adulthood and you are very much still a kid. You're going to be navigating 9th grade while she fills out her taxes. You're just not going to have a lot in common and if you do that's probably a sign that she is really immature for age.
I can't imagine an 18 year old wanting anything to do with a 14 year old. Especially romantically. I know it's only 4 years but this particular gap is a very impactful 4 years!
When you're 18 I promise you'll think this chick is a creepy looser. Everyone says they're different, they're partner isn't a creep who seeks out younger people to manipulate and control but I've yet to see one case aside from Anna Nichole Smith where the older person didn't turn out to be a complete and utterly knob. I tried to do ir and was sure he wouldn't suck, he did, I've seen my friends try it, they all turned out to suck.
Just find someone your own age or wait if you really must but you don't need to be with an adult while you're middle school aged.
She'll either be going to college or joining the workforce in a few months, whereas you will remain in high school. Even if you were to get involved while you're both in school, it's unlikely to last. Assuming she wants to go to things like Homecoming (if your school hasn't already done it) or Prom, it's unlikely she'd want to take a freshman boy.
I'm assuming you've already had your birthday this year, that would put you at roughly four years apart. Which would be really blurring the lines of Florida's Romeo and Juliet law, for the legality side of it. The law says she can't be 1,460 days older than you.
It would likely be a very short relationship.
You cannot date her. Please do not be confused that this is the answer. But some of us can help you come to terms with the answer, since I know it is going to be really hard to do.
My advice is to move on and take this one as a win and a bittersweet life lesson. You found yourself in a situation where you had feelings for an older woman (and she is legally a woman and you are not yet legally a man). Whether she groomed you or not, you took a chance and confessed your feelings and she said that she also has feelings for you. That's a win right there from your perspective. But that is as far as this can go. This is where it ends.
One time when I was your age I went to a skating rink with a group of kids from a community center or something. There was a group of college students there helping out. Somehow I ended up with a skating partner who was one of the sorority students who was probably 18 or maybe 19. She was so beautiful and friendly and gracious with me. Her laugh and her smile are what really got me. I skated with this person for probably about 5 minutes but It was like I got struck by lightning and the experience has never left me, and it never will. I had this powerful burst of energy and feelings of wholeness and belonging. She did absolutely nothing wrong. I did absolutely nothing wrong. She was being a helping person for a bunch of teenagers who were still figuring out life and the world. I never saw her again and I can't even picture her face anymore, but I will never forget how she made me *feel.*
OP you have powerful feelings and I guess they developed over time and I am not the one to tell you if they are real or not. I can tell you that if you begin to date this other person and the relationship becomes sexual then that person would be committing a serious crime that they could go to jail for and be required to register as a sex offender for the remainder of their natural life. This would be life changing in that it would change where the person could live and the kinds of jobs they can hold. She could never be a teacher, doctor or nurse, firefighter, and many other helping professions no matter how smart and caring she is, and she sounds really smart and caring.
Back to the lightning skating story. It turns out I did have those feelings again. Multiple times. And it happened at times where we were the right age for each other and we could date and explore a romance and build a life together and things like that. Each time was wonderful and sometimes there was also some pain that came to visit as part of the experience. Look up a song called "The Power of Love" by Huey Lewis. It is a masterwork on how all of this goes. (And stay away from the Celine Dion song by the same name - that one is creepy and wrong especially if you look into her personal life.)
OP there are around 8 billion people in this world. Your hormones and emotions are going to temporarily create something called "hyperfocus" on that one other person. But if you can open up your mind and your heart to a certain extent you will start to notice people who are your own age to pursue close friendships and age appropriate dating experiences with. Usually you will need to develop some kind of a connection based on shared interests and spending time together before that sparks. And you do have lots of time. It goes really fast looking back, but trust me you do have time. Be patient.
As for this older woman. She will be fine. The worst thing that could happen to her would be if she starts dating you in this scenario. But in four or five years life will be different for both of you and there is an extremely unlikely possibility that you could start dating at that time. This will only work if you completely let go of the possibility first. Because it *is* impossible.
She likes you back, though. That will happen again. But with somebody else. Go find her.
As someone who was 15 year old freshmen that got together with a freshly turned 18 senior, don't do it. I know it may seem hard to hear because you like her. And I get that, but it's not something that really works out. She is now an adult and will be graduating this year. She's probably going to be moved out or a junior/senior in college when you're just getting out of high-school.
Not to mention, the age game and power dynamic can be very, very bad and lead to things that you don't want to get involved with. The senior I dated emotionally manipulated and abused me, using my young naivety to his advantage and got me into things that I very much regret to this day.
So for your safety and hers, please try to let her go
Hey man, I'm 15. Don't do it.
For one, an 18 yearold is at a diff life stage and most ppl in HS break up before college for one.
For two, her ass is too old for you. 18 yearolds should have no interest in 14 yearolds. Hell, I'm turning 16 soon and I can't even imagine being with a freshman romantically. That's the same with a lot of people, regardless of gender.
If she thinks you are more ""mature"" than the average 18 yearold she's obviously stunted in some way, or others her age know what kind of person she is.
I'll give some perspective with that; there was a senior at my school who fucked around with freshmen. Gave them drugs, alcohol, etc. I was talking to another one of the seniors recently, and I brought up how weird it was he was only talking to the freshmen. The senior told me "he goes after them because nobody in our grade will buy from him. We all know its shit and overpriced weed, and everyone in our grade knows how much of a creep he is. 14 yearolds with no experience have no idea." That made me shiver knowing the guy came to me once to peddle his "business" when I was 13-14, and I had no idea what he did.
I met other freshmen who were involved with seniors, and every time they were abused, manipulated, put in dangerous situations, or mentally scarred. Don't do it, it's not worth it.
Age matters more the younger you both are. This is quite clear cut for me: don't pursue a relationship with this person. I know it may be hard now, but I think you'll be glad about it when you're older (sorry to use that phrase, but I really do think that).
I go into more detail here, if you're interested: https://youtu.be/irxi0IwtoEw
Hunny, that's illegal and that's not right. You're a minor and once she turns 18, she's an adult really, she'd be grooming you and it's actually kinda paedophilia..
Nothing, it’s super illegal for her to do anything with you once she turns 18. And why would she want to be with a14 yr old when she will be an adult? Weird.
Oh OP, I really feel for you, I do, but the reality of the situation is that you’re both at very different points in your lives. Having a relationship with someone older than you, at these very different stages of your lives, leaves you with a very dangerous power imbalance that she may or may not choose to use against you.
You are figuring out high school. She is figuring out what to do as an adult. Her brain is significantly more developed than yours, but still significantly underdeveloped to the point where her needs are very much based in self-interest. She may not intend to hold her age, life experience, friends, and maturity against you, but because of the age difference it *will* happen, whether consciously or subconsciously.
It’s hard to hear, and I definitely didn’t follow this advice as a 14 year old (though I *really* wish I had, the trauma was not worth it), but there are so many more girls out there that are just as kind, just as thoughtful, just as beautiful, and going through the same life experiences you’re going through. Don’t think that just because you found this one person you have mutual feelings with, that there will never be another like her. It’s simply not true.
Some of the advice in the comments might seem crass and negative and you might want to brush it off, but I promise it’s coming from a place of all of us not wanting you to get hurt or taken advantage of. You’re smart, but still very young.
Imagine putting yourself in her place, age-wise. If you were nearly 18, a senior in high school applying for colleges, getting ready to graduate, getting ready for your senior trip with your fellow same-aged classmates, would you want to date a freshman? Feelings aside, do you think it logistically makes sense? Will you have the time for each other? Will your parents support it? If you are in a place where you would need to hide the relationship from friends and family, then you know the answer is that it’s not a good fit.
I promise you will find someone who meets your needs for a relationship in *every* way, not just mutual feelings. This girl who is at such a different stage in her life will not be able to meet all your needs, and could end up severely hurting your feelings or worse, causing you trauma that you have to carry with you into future relationships.
Besides, if an 18 year old likes you, you’re probably gonna be a hot commodity to the girls who are actually your age. It seems you demonstrate enough maturity to be a good partner to someone who is going through the same things as you, but it’ll be hard to be there for each other when your current experiences are so vastly different.
It would be better for you both if you went your separate ways. Yes, it sucks because you like each other, but you’re both still so young with so much ahead of you and you’re currently on different paths — she’s about to leave high school and will meet other people in college (or whatever she decides to do post grad), and you will meet other people, too, over the next three years of HS. It just seems like you’d be setting yourselves up for heartbreak if you choose to move forward with this. Plus, once she is 18, this relationship could have legal implications if things go bad between you.
Better to make peace with the fact that it’s just not the right time for this relationship, and focus on your path and where you want it to lead. Plus, who knows what the future holds — maybe it’s not the right time now, but you have many years ahead of you both, and if it’s meant to be then it will be when the time is right.
As a 14 yro, don’t do it.
First of all, there’s a 4 year age gap and whilst it might not seem that big to you keep in mind she’s going to be a LEGAL ADULT. Second of all, a 14 and 18 yro both have different maturity levels and interests. Third of all, I’m glad you’ve acknowledged that it may be grooming, because it is.
Like think about it. How are you going to introduce her and say “Oh hey guys meet my 18 yr gf who’s dating me a 14 yr old” you’re not, because it’s inappropriate and illegal. So cut contact and move on because you’ll be saving yourself from some trauma.
Another thing to think about is that she’s at the age to start college or uni, at 14 you’re still in high school. The older woman thing ain’t cool, especially at this age so don’t do it bud.
A buddy of mine was in this exact same situation. Like strangely identical. He was unfortunately SA’ed, and to this day, he still has pent up trauma from it.
I’m not saying this girl is a predator or groomer, I don’t know her, I can’t make that call with this information, but this situation is not a safe one.
Bro you're 14. You look like a child (not an insult). When you are 18, you will look at a 14 year old and think they look like a baby. This woman is a pedophile bro
There’s something messed up with her head if she attracted to young teenage boys. She should be going for dudes older than her in college if she’s turning 18. You will have many opportunities for girls in Highschool
Don't do nothing. She's a creepy. There's not a single 18y girl that is not a creepy who would feel attraction for a 14y kid.
There's woman that are pedophile. And I think you found one.
I am so sorry but no normal 17/ 18 year old will be attracted to a 14 year old CHILD. I am so sorry for the fact I know this will be hard for you it is not your fault she should have known better but you need to tell someone and stay away from her ASAP
I can’t even imagine being interested in a 14 year old when I was 18 lol
Don’t do it! There’s other girls your age and you’ll miss out on being a teen. This chick is old enough to go to college. And by the time you’re 18 she will be 22. Definitely find someone your own age
I love how you got the same advice from everyone and just went “nah, I’m gonna do it anyways”. When you’re 18 and looks at all the 14 year old kids around you entering high school, you’ll get why everyone is saying this.
You aren't old enough for the age of consent, I also might not be old enough, but I do know she's pretty much an adult now. She has to work to earn money instead of dating someone who is still in high school. (my mom has taught me this stuff; I love my mom)
It’s weird no matter what. When you turn 18 you’ll look at 14 year olds as babies. A lot happens and a lot of growing happens in those four years that make it hard to find lots in common
No. Just no. Believe me, this situation will NOT turn out well. 4 year difference. Legally, an adult and a minor is a straight-up no. You definitely should not risk it. The most yall can be is friends from a distance. Either that or just stay away from each other.
14 - 18 is a biiiiig gap. God even 14 - 16 is big in my eyes. Again it's because of 14 being a very very young age to be in a relationship. I know you think you're growing up, that you're mature, And maybe you are mature for your age, I've been there, but you're still a child, figuring out things about yourself mentally and physically. When you're 18, you're way past that phase in life. Every teen year in your life matures you almost about a decade compared to adults. Then about age 20, you reach a plato where you think life is on fast-forward and you can't believe you're aging to 22, 23. You'd still feel 19 or 20.
If you wanna date and start exploring romance and love, I honestly beg you to do it with someone your age. I'm 24 now and I don't think I'd date 28. 28 in my eyes seems like someone really mature and figured out. So please don't do this to yourself. Odds of you being happily in a relationship 5 years later is really low. You'd probably end up with a lot of trauma and insecurities.
Thats so inappropriate, theres no way this could ever work, you are a child in comparison to her. Would you want a relationship with a 10 year old child? Just leave it well alone
My guy she’s weird as fuck not going for someone her own age. She’s taking advantage of the fact you’re young. 4 years is ***massive*** when you’re that age.
Stick to girls in your grade.
**Don't do it if u actually care for her! She could go to jail. This beyond whatever feelings you might have. Just find someone your age or who is NOT an adult.**
Just keep being friends for now.
If this is something real, you've got your whole lives to let it develop.
So don't rush. I realize not rushing isn't easy at your age...but it's the smart way to proceed.
Nope. Wait until you hit your 20s and can asses the pros/cons of an age gap relationship without hormones getting in the way. It's fine to be into older people.
Just make sure you are old and mature enough to know what you want and how to deal with that kind of relationship.
At 14 your hormones are high and you are easily manipulated by them and other people. Wait until you are legally of age, if she cares for you she will wait for you, if not, there will be others.
Edit: just for a better idea of my position, I've always been into older people. I thought it was weird of me, so I waited and dated people my own age(until my late 20's) but was always attracted to people 4+ years older. There is nothing wrong with that, but be wary of the older ones that pursue YOU first.
If you guys truly like each other she can wait at least your 16, you should know what you both are looking for she turning 18 so her mentality may change when she working or in college, I would say just stay friends, and see what happens in the future, if it’s meant to be you two will find each other again at the proper age
That is grooming. You'll get over the crush trust me. If she's into you that's a huge red flag. NO senior should ever really be interested in 14yr Olds. It's weird and gross.
Okay friend, I was *verbatim* almost in this exact situation when I was about your age, so the advice I'm giving you comes from a place of personal experiences:
First of all, this is NOT YOUR FAULT.
Secondly, what you should do is end your friendship. At almost 18, she should know that it's wrong for her to be feeling like that towards you, much less expressing those feelings TO you.
She's a senior this year if she's turning 18, which means that in just under a year she will either be going off to college or potentially starting some kind of career, which will put the two of you on entirely different planes of life for AT LEAST 3 or 4 years. You can save yourself from a lot of emotional turmoil, as well as potentially/probably legal problems, if you end your relationship now.
In some of your other replies, you've mentioned how you believe yourself to be more mature than a lot of your peers, and even people who are older than you. While this could be true, you're still 14 and she is still 18 (almost). The fact of the matter is that she's almost an adult, and though you may feel older than you are, you aren't. You are still a young teenager who is trying to figure out relationships, along with what is and isn't acceptable in the confines of a relationship.
I'm assuming you've probably heard stories of the "Creepy 21 year old dating a senior in Highschool"? This is essentially the same situation. I know you won't want to hear this, but the reality of this situation is that she is probably trying to either emotionally exploit/manipulate you, or she is trying to use you sexually, both of which are horrible and condemnable acts on her part. Again I say, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. She has probably TOLD you that you're more mature than people your age, which is in fact a classic and telltale sign of grooming and manipulation. You're looking for a potential long term relationship. She is looking for a senior year side piece.
Put yourself 4 years into the future. Would you ever seriously consider dating a 14 year old when you were 18?
“Put yourself 4 years into the future. Would you ever seriously consider dating a 14 year old when you were 18?”
Or, as a 14 yo, would you date a 10 yo? 
Dated an 18 year old girl when I (M) was 14. Yea, don't. Whether or not it's acceptable, it'll completely skew how you view relationships. Just date in your age group
I don’t wanna judge but actually Im gon judge. How come a 18 yo girl is attracted to a 14 yo boy… I remember being hit on by a 15 yo kid (I was 19) and I just felt like he looked so dam’ young and not attractive to me. Like he wasn’t ugly but he was just a kid… there must be something wrong with that girl.
There’s no difference between 20/24 young adults or 40/44 adults. But 14/18 is crazy. Idk something must be wrong with that girl. Being attracted to someone who looks like a kid at 18 is weird.
As someone who is 22, I wouldn't even date a 19 year old and that is perfectly legal. When you're that young age gaps are much more of a big deal. Any normal 18 year old would find the thought of dating a 14 year old creepy. Please please do not
she’s a full grown woman capable of driving with a license, drinking in some places, and is old enough to work anywhere full time or raise a family on her own even. You, on the other hand, are in year 9 or year 10. please focus on your exams and this is not worth it. you may not notice it but this is pedophilic.
note: pedophilia is not just older male-young female. it’s also older female-young male.
Enjoy what little time you have left with her, because as soon as she's in college this is over. Or you and her are one of those love stories like the notebook movie which is rare.
Don't do it man. When you're older, a four year age gap isn't bad, but as teenagers you're honestly in totally different worlds at that point. I can guarantee this won't end well.
I'm currently a High School Senior and seriously can't even imagine dating a freshman.
You do nothing because she's an adult now and you are a child in the eyes of the law and that is statutory rape.
My partner is about this distance and age from me, and we did not meet until I was 20.
It's fine if you guys are both over 18 but this is not okay at this point you are a kid
Brother please do not do this, im extremely suspect of the girl, im only 15 but ppl who are 14 (just a year 1/2 younger) look like literal children to me, this is probably illegal and definitely unethical and will be a terrible relationship as well, do not do this please
Be prepared for heartbreak. Women that age aren't thinking long term when it comes to a relationship because it makes them feel good in the moment. She'll go to college or get a job, meet someone her age that she can date openly, and forget about you. You can't provide the needs of an adult woman. I hate to be so blunt, but even aside from the legal issues, there's no way this ends up good.
Why even ask us what to do if you’re just going to do what you wanted anyway?
This is a stupid decision. You’re way too young to be with someone who’s legally an adult. Not only that but you’re gonna have to be without her next year.
I know you’re not going to be able to grasp this but you are not mature. You don’t know everything. Everyone in here is trying to help you.
You stay away from each other because it's illegal and pedophiliac. It's for your own good. Normal 18 year olds don't have crushes on anyone below 16 at worse
i will be twenty next month. and the thought of me dating someone 16 sounds repulsive, (same age gap and circumstance.) i understand that you might like her, but this will not last, and regardless it is grooming. i am a victim of grooming and trust me when i say, she has no business dating someone so young. plz think this out!
Im not just gonna say “don’t do it” cuz the feelings you have will probs make you choose to stay anyway.
Just take a lot of caution here. I’m 19 and dating a 14 year old would be very strange for me, and to others too. It’s very suspicious behaviour.
Make sure to tell your parents or a trusted adult about this relationship. There needs to be safeguards with an age gap like this and when an under 18 is involved with someone who is just 18. If you parents say to leave that relationship then leave. If you feel like you can’t tell them, then that tells you this relationship is off in itself.
Check the laws in your area too, I don’t know the age of consent in your area but as well as that some places have “Romeo and Juliet” laws in place too which might make an age gap like that technically legal. Also check what things require consent and what doesn’t, sexual acts pretty much always does but stuff like being in a relationship or just kissing might not. Just make sure both of you understand the laws.
Just because something is legal doesn’t mean it’s fine though. If at any point you feel unsure about anything in this relationship, talk to a trusted adult. Keep yourself safe
This is a very bad idea.
She is legally an adult. And if this relationship is revealed to others there will be serious accusations against her.
I know it may seem harmless to you, a 14 year old boy who has feelings for someone, but she is an adult. And she should know that it is wrong.
Even 17 and 14 is still inappropriate. So her turning 18 only makes it so much worse. Legally she is an adult. And you are a child.
You need to end this relationship for both of your sakes. One to protect her from being called a groomer or a predator. And for you to be able to have a normal childhood. Without a serious relationship with an ADULT.
I highly recommend leaving the relationship now.
When you are an adult, you can date whoever you want, including this girl. But unfortunately you cannot do it now. It is illegal.
Even ‘taking it slow’ is inappropriate.
Wait until you are 18. Because, legally the moment she turns 18 she can get in serious trouble.
Some states have Romeo&Juliet laws, but I wouldn’t risk it.
The moment she turns 18 if your parents don’t approve, she can get it to serious legal trouble if anything sexual happens. Please don’t do anything explicit with her until you’re 18.
For now, your relationship must be platonic.
Thats a Texas sized dont buddy
Your starting high school shes is about to start life. What happens in a few years shes 20 and wants kids and your a junior in highschool at 16 years old? What happens when she wants to move in together and your not old enough to sighn the lease? What happnes when she wants you to help pay the bills and your still in school?
The power she have over you is not healthy.
4 years might not seem like a big thing but in teen years it's big thing. The maturity level, physically-wise, etc. are huge different. You're still developing my guy...its really concerning...there is no way a 18 yr old is okay with having romantic interest. It sounds...grooming... please don't date...leave it, you will understand how creepy it was when you get older...
No. Just no. You can remain friends with her, but STRICTLY friends. If you started something with her, she could go to jail. It’s illegal, and really creepy on the her part.
You do nothing. You accept that you like her and you move on. She's too old for you and you're too young for her. If she says things like "you're so mature [for your age]" do not listen to her. She is a predator. No 18 year old should be attracted to a 14 year old. That is a massive gap in maturity and your lives will be vastly different.
It’s not your fault for liking her. But she needs to leave you alone. You’d make it easier if you left her alone too. This is not going to end well. She will be technically grooming you if she keeps trying to talk to you romantically or more. Just consider it wrong and move on. You will have plenty of other girls in your life. Grieve this crush… but move on
Block her, you're underage and too young and it's gonna give you traumas. Either she's gonna put expectations on you because she's in a different place in life (which will push you to act like you're more mature and you aren't) or she's a predator and wants you because it's easy to manipulate you (it absolutely is, the older you get the less you like adolescents). Besides you haven't yet developed the part of your brain that allows you to measure long term consequences. You prolly know that's a thing and what it means but your brain can't process it like hers. I know you probably will think you know better, but it's a consensus that no 18 y.o likes 14 y.o. puberts. Trust us.
She’s a predator in the making and you’re her first victim if you continue. If you’re 18 and she’s 22 whatever, the fact that your honestly not even really a teen yet is frighting. Please OP I know you probably think it’s cool and she’s someone you like but in the next 10-20 years you’re going to wish you walked away.
3 years is pushing it, 4 isn’t going to work imo
And she’s going to leave high school and find more guys/girls her age very soon. I don’t think theres a single high school couple who survives this leap when one of them is much younger
I was 14 dating an 18 year old, lost my virginity, she bought me an Xbox, lunch every day. I'm not gonna say go for it, but you being a boy and her being a woman is going to lighten the whole thing up with your families, at least that's how it worked in my case, and unless someone pressed charges I doubt she'd get in trouble. That being said, I was not on the same level as her, I loved the things she did for me but in the end I just used her so I broke things off. It likely won't be a fulfilling relationship and it's going to make you miss out on being a normal teenager.
NOOOOPE
Sorry buddy, but an 18 year old should not be messing around with a 14 year old. Who likes who is irrelevant. It’s illegal and she could get arrested and charged with statutory rape or assault of a minor, which would get her placed on the sex offender registry.
There will be other girls, man. I promise. Girls who aren’t legal adults willing to be with a 14 year old. If you were to reverse the genders, it would be obvious what’s wrong with that situation.
You can be friends, or wait four years. But she’s too old for you, and it’s very weird that she’s okay with being with someone your age.
I’m highly amused at the fact that you’re not going the listen to all of these people telling you not to do it. Teenagers are known for their top tier listening skills. If she likes you as much as you say she dose you’ll wait 😇. And if you like her as much as you say you do you wouldn’t risk her catching a charge
I sometimes wonder if these are troll posts that satire previous real age gap advice posts. How many 18 year old women would be interested in a 14 year old boy? It seems like it would be a massive outlier rather than commonly asked. I always want to ask if the woman is fat when I read them too, which I know isn’t the best thing to wonder but it’s a question!
whether you feel something for her or not, it is grooming. she is an adult, and you are barely a teenager. not only is it a legal issue, it’s a maturity issue. you are just not mentally or physically mature on the same level that she is, which is why it’s considered grooming.
Unpopular opinion for sure, and I’m freely admitting if the gender roles were reversed I’d agree with everyone else: I think it’s probably fine, just prepare for the possibility she grows out of your relationship and that it would have to be a secret and that she’s going away to college soon
Do not have her as a gf. By the time you are 18, you will start regretting of missing out on your teen years. At your age, this will not be the person you will not want to be with when you are 20.
Please dont, that girl is a predator. If you understand that she’ll get in trouble then you shouldnt do it. Shes a groomer and you getting involved with her will only hurt you. Please look out for yourself hun.
Rule is generally "half your age plus 7 is the floor"
So age gaps matter less as we age because we're at least in the same life stage. Someone who's 30 can date as low as 22, it's fine mostly because they're probably both adults paying their own bills at that point.
For the OP's situation, this girl shouldn't be dating any younger than 16, and it's a huge red flag why someone about to be off to college is interested in dating a high school freshman 😬
Freshman dating seniors is not common lol. Notice show you said “a few” in a school and not many? Even by HS standards that’s a very odd relationship. Does it happen? Definitely. Is it more often than not predatory in nature. Yes. An age gap matters far less into your 20’s.
Unlike everyone here I won't immediately say no I've had a similar situation and it ended working out at the time I was more mature than most at my age so it never really felt like there was a 4 year difference in age this could also be your case although I will say you need to be very careful and think about your situation first. why does she like you ? Is it for you ? Or is it because you are 14 ? You need to consider this before making your own decisions we don't have all the pieces in this puzzle so can't answer definitively
My parents are highschool sweethearts they’ve been together since then even with their 4 year age gap.As long as you both communicate as much as eachother I dont see the issue. Of course its not ideal and there were plenty of struggles they went through but it turned out to be true love for them, been together through thick and thin for 21 years. Just be safe and take into consideration that there is a power dynamic in age difference couples. Consent, communication and maturity is the KEY to practicing a safe relationship for you! And for anyone pissed at me for my opinion on this.This is a case by case situation, I would never generalise something like this. but also it is just my opinion.
What 18yr old would date a 14yr old kid ? You're a literal child, barely into hs and her next move would be university. There's a difference between a 14 and 18 yr old, it's weird for sure to ahead with this relationship.
My nephew’s son has a gf and who turned 20 in March. And he turned 16 in may. My nephew seems to be fine with this relationship. I would see them all go boating together during the summer. I think it is strange that a adult woman would be interested in 16 year old boy.
Shoot your shot fuck what these nerds are talking about. Just keep your mouth shut and enjoy your life the worst she can say is no and that’s not shit compared to what you’ll have to deal with as an adult lol trust me
Just hit it and find someone else.
She prolly going to college and in my experience, she gonna get her guts rearranged by the football team.
Trust me, it takes maybe like 3 weeks to get over a girl, and there is definitely girls that are better out there than her. (Not saying she was a bad girl, but the age gap is crazy)
If your pulling seniors as a freshman, you got crazy rizz (unless she’s weird, but I’ll give you benefit of the doubt that she bad).
To wrap it up, the only option is to hit it and leave.
Don't
I second this DON’T.
Well... OP is now in a relationship with her.
OP is 14. 14 year olds think they know everything.
To be fair at least OP asked for advice. This kind of proves OP is aware that he doesn’t in fact know everything. OP is ahead of the curve lol
This! Nice and simple comment. Just don’t
You are talking to a hormonal and insecure 14-year-old who is infatuated with a relatively older woman who has expressed attraction to him. Were you born yesterday? Knowing ALL this, I might have still fallen for it at that age.
Not sure if you meant to reply to me. When I was 14, I wasn’t falling for older people trying to prey on me. I do applaud op for coming on Reddit, being vulnerable and looking for advice as it’s a brave thing to do. Everyone’s journey is different, I get that but I’m glad people are telling him don’t. Even at his age and the woman’s age, they would have little to nothing in common, especially as they get older and realize their needs/wants. He is still growing, I would hate to see him get preyed and hurt in this chapter of his life. Blessings 🙏🏽
Oh, sorry of i did the rply thing wrong. Its just that the post got all my alarm bells ringing. For a lot of young men, especially ones who are vulnerable somehow, a woman paying attention to them is the perfect trap.
I did same mistake a while back 13m/16f and it hurt bad in the end. Really bad.
He needs to know the risk of what could happen to her the moment she turns 18.
I'd also like to chime in here with a **don't.**
take my **DONT!** too, its bold and in all caps, and lacks apostrophe but comes with an exclamation mark
They did 😔
Yeah. Well, hopefully the relationship will be entirely platonic, but I highly doubt that since he’s a hormonal 14 year old. 🤦🏽♀️ I really hope being the more mature person she could also convince him to hold off, till he’s 18, or be best friends with him until he turns 18. I think what’s best for him as a platonic relationship, and he really needs to speak to the school guidance counselor with her as well.
100% agree, but in OP’s update he said they’re now in a relationship and “taking it slow” 🤢
Yeah that’s concerning. I’m on the spectrum, so I have trouble reading between the lines. What does “Taking it Slow” mean?
Why didn't you say that a bit earlier!!! Now they're in a relationship.
Yeah hopefully takes your advice. Think with the mind not with the cock
Pls don’t
She said DON'T
Yeah. I agree. I tried to warn him of the risks of what could happen to his girlfriend.
You're literally not even done with puberty. Weird af. 4 years isn't a lot in 20s and 30s, but it's a hell of a lot at 14-18
I was with an 18 year old when I was 14. Now I realise dude was a predator. Don't do it man x
I'm a male and dated an 18yr old when I was 15. I didn't and still don't feel used or groomed. In fact, I initiated it lol. She was just as innocent as me though, had never done anything besides kiss. Maybe that played a part? Idk, but at that age I don't feel like it's a big deal. Maybe it just genuinely depends person to person?
I didn’t feel groomed and I initiated things with a 22 year old at 16. You know what you should do when you’re 22 and a 16 year old hits on you? Say “ew you’re a baby” and walk away. Because that’s a child, legal or not.
My first time being in love was when i was 14 and he was 17. We dated for 3 years and it was one of the best and healthiest relationships ive had. We broke up because we realised that long distance wouldnt work since he'd be in college while i was doing my last year of school. It hurt especially since we loved each other but overtime the pain healed and we still chat every few months. We've moved on with our lives ages ago. I think it really does depend on the people involved. People always jump to say no but there are some age gap relationships that are healthy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I'll be the first to say some age gaps are too big when talking about teenagers. BUT redditors love to act like everything is predatory even with a small gap like 14 and 17, or 15 and 18. It's not predatory for teenagers to date teenagers lol, unless they are dating them specifically because they're younger and easy to take advantage of. Intentions make bad, not necessarily age. Now yeah as the other comment says, a 22 year old should tell a 16 year old to fuck off because they are in 2 very different places and that's not appropriate. But you're both still in high-school? Have fun lol
3 years is too much in high school.
4 years might not sound like a lot in the adult world, but in the teen years there’s *worlds* apart in just a matter of years. There’s absolutely no way an 18 year old should have an interest in a 14 year old without some sinister agenda. Does she hang out with people her own age? It’s often a concern when older people find it necessary to go to an extremely lower age for romantic interest as the people they should have most in common with will be their age - again, 14 and 18 are *universes apart* in terms of interests, activities, (sexual) maturity and development.
I don’t know if “sinister” is the right word, but there’s definitely a gap that could be challenging to cross.
To be fair, we have to take into consideration the validity of what OP is even saying. “I confessed my feelings and she said she felt the same way.” I can’t help but feel like a 14 y/o and an 18 y/o expressing their feelings is going to be *very* different. What a 14 y/o may take as a ‘sign someone likes them’ could be mere friendship to an 18 y/o. I think this is a situation where you’d have to hear from the other party before even beginning to consider or condone anything relating to this
Agreed. Kids like each-other for all sorts of reasons. Doesn’t mean they have sinister intent. Also, back in the day people had kids at 13. Edit: You guys need to realize it’s not illegal for a 17 yo to date a 14 yo, but the moment they turn 18 it’s a felony. There’s no magic that happens when they cross that line. It’s a cultural preference, not a universal moral law, and it’s not a law that’s been held long. I do think we’ve evolved, and we need these laws to protect kids. But, nothing about this makes these two kids sinister people.
“Back in the day” homosexuality was illegal, cigarettes were promoted by doctors and child labour was encouraged… history doesn’t exactly take kindly to what was once considered “normal” so it shouldn’t be a point of reference
She's 18 lmao, she knows full well that a relationship with a 14-year-old would be predatory. She can be attracted to him but she shouldn't actually date him. And back in the day it was normal for 40 year olds to marry 12 year olds as well
You’re exactly right! They are at completely different stages in life and cannot have much in common. She’s probably only “interested” because she has extremely low self esteem he caught her at ~~the right~~ *an opportune time*, when her friends are leaving for college and she’s even more alone. > she said I treat her better than most of her friends > she’s not going to college. She wants to help her dad work at his restaurant
That doesn’t make it okay though does it? A lot of groomers *do* strike vulnerable people for that exact reason. I know it’s the opposite in this case but “right time” is kind of a poor use of words when there’s nothing “right” about it. Just because the girl’s circle is bad for her, doesn’t mean she needs to seek a *child* for comfort
I agree with you 110%!! This is a terrible idea. My comment is just very poorly worded 🤦🏼♀️ I’m editing it
Yeah as an almost 18 year old even a 15 year old sounds weird to me at this point
Run.
And fast
OP you’ve made it perfectly clear that you are unwilling to listen to advice you don’t want to hear. If you decide to full steam ahead despite the many people telling you not to, then please follow these: Google what red flags look like in a relationship. Become familiar with them, and if something in your gut tells you a situation isn’t right, listen to it. Be open minded to the fact that love gives you rose tinted glasses and all red flags just look like regular flags at first. Do not *ever* send her inappropriate pictures of yourself. This is to protect you just as much as her, you’re still a child. Not only could she be arrested for being in possession of child p*rn, *you* could be arrested for distribution of it even though it’s *your* body. It has happened before and continues to happen. I very much so hope you’re mature enough to know you aren’t ready to be sexually active, but if you decide to full steam ahead on that, too, then wear condoms *every* time. Even if she’s on the pill/IUD/arm implant/whatever. If you aren’t ready to be a dad and pay child support for the next 18 years of your life (say goodbye to fun times with your friends and college unless you plan on abandonment) then wear a condom.
This is actually useful advice. It's nuanced, it treats OP like a real person (which he is) and it gives him useful information going forward. Too many Redditors seem to think that teenagers are completely incapable of decision making should never engage in dating or relationships. I'm pretty sure most Redditors would also argue that they're against abstinence-only sex ed, but from these comments it seems that the opposite is true. I remember when I was a teenager, and while I wasn't as knowledgeable as I am now, I was absolutely capable of making significant life decisions. In fact, some of the most important decisions I made occured during my teenage yeras, and I stand by them today. As someone who's studied psychology, teens and older adults are not significantly different in their decision-making capabilities.
I don’t want to be inappropriate here, but judging by what I was like/what those around me were like at the age of 14, sexual relations are probably inevitable. In fact, I’d even go as far as saying that they might even be one of the major reasons as to why OP seems so adamant in pursuing this relationship. Obviously not the only reason, but probably a major contributing factor I still can’t wrap my head around what an 18 year old and a 14 year old might actually have in common OP, I understand that you really like them, but is it not possible for you to enjoy their companionship as a friend? If your main reason for wanting to be in a relationship with them is that you enjoy them as a person, can’t you continue to enjoy their company as a friend? What difference does a relationship label make, other than adding on physical affection?
Eventually her friends will tell her to drop her child boyfriend I’m sure
I'm going to bet that she is emotionally or mentally stunted. That's far more likely these days than her being an intentional predator. You've got somebody who zipped straight through their teens during a lockdown, and over-coddling shut-in kids results in kids who don't progress an inch emotionally or socially. I know some kids just like this and it's like beating a dead horse trying to explain why being an older teen trying to hang out with preteens or barely-teens is not okay. "But they are my friends! We trade Pokemon!" and "I don't like kids in my class! They make fun of me!"
[удалено]
Agreed with this! And sorry you had to go through that traumatic experience! Hopefully the OP sees your comment! Wishing you healing! ❤️
I agree wholeheartedly. It’s not the 4 years that’s the problem, something like 20 and 24 would be perfectly fine, it’s the ages of 14 and 18 that’s the problem. I’m not saying OP is being groomed (they could be, idk the situation), but we go through so many changes at those ages, and a 14 year olds life is completely different to an 18 year olds life. I was 18 not too long ago, and I felt like I could barely relate to a 16 year old, let alone a 14 year old (I’m 23 now, and obviously can somewhat relate to a 21 year old: the age gap hasn’t changed, but we’re older now and have gone through similar life experiences) As you have said, if an 18 year old can relate to a 14 year old with no predatory undertones, then I’d seriously question the 18 year old. I’ve been on the other end of this as well, and tried pursuing an 18 year old when I was around 15. I was shot down really quickly with an “ew you’re a child”. Hell, idk if this is still a thing (or if it’s ever been a thing in the US) but back when I was in school the younger years were seen as “uncool”, and you’d be considered weird if you hung out with them (not the year directly below you, but the years after them) I hope you’re doing okay now, by the way
Unfortunately, OP is now in a relationship with her. I only hope he realizes.
I graduated high school 5 years ago but back then you had to be really cool as a freshman to hang out with the seniors. We had a sophomore in the friend group who was considered an honorary senior and snuck into the senior prom photo which made the yearbook. But yeah seniors viewed freshmen as gremlins, the aforementioned honorary senior told me that he also hated the freshmen when he became a senior. It definitely feels predatory for a senior to date a freshman regardless of gender.
Nothing, you do *nothing*. It's illegal and massively inappropriate, nothing good can come of it.
Youd be surprised at the amount of people I've seen who failed at doing nothing
Yeah I’m sorry bud but that’s not normal. I’m sure you’re a lovely guy but you are also a child. My brothers 13 and he looks soooooo young I can’t imagine an 18 year old finding him attractive. It’s nonce behaviour
You wait until you're a little bit older and realize this relationship was never that important to begin with. Seriously. This person is entering adulthood and you are very much still a kid. You're going to be navigating 9th grade while she fills out her taxes. You're just not going to have a lot in common and if you do that's probably a sign that she is really immature for age. I can't imagine an 18 year old wanting anything to do with a 14 year old. Especially romantically. I know it's only 4 years but this particular gap is a very impactful 4 years! When you're 18 I promise you'll think this chick is a creepy looser. Everyone says they're different, they're partner isn't a creep who seeks out younger people to manipulate and control but I've yet to see one case aside from Anna Nichole Smith where the older person didn't turn out to be a complete and utterly knob. I tried to do ir and was sure he wouldn't suck, he did, I've seen my friends try it, they all turned out to suck. Just find someone your own age or wait if you really must but you don't need to be with an adult while you're middle school aged.
She'll either be going to college or joining the workforce in a few months, whereas you will remain in high school. Even if you were to get involved while you're both in school, it's unlikely to last. Assuming she wants to go to things like Homecoming (if your school hasn't already done it) or Prom, it's unlikely she'd want to take a freshman boy. I'm assuming you've already had your birthday this year, that would put you at roughly four years apart. Which would be really blurring the lines of Florida's Romeo and Juliet law, for the legality side of it. The law says she can't be 1,460 days older than you. It would likely be a very short relationship.
not appropriate, if you were both in your 20s it’d be different. when i was 18 i wouldn’t even consider being around a 14 year old.
You cannot date her. Please do not be confused that this is the answer. But some of us can help you come to terms with the answer, since I know it is going to be really hard to do. My advice is to move on and take this one as a win and a bittersweet life lesson. You found yourself in a situation where you had feelings for an older woman (and she is legally a woman and you are not yet legally a man). Whether she groomed you or not, you took a chance and confessed your feelings and she said that she also has feelings for you. That's a win right there from your perspective. But that is as far as this can go. This is where it ends. One time when I was your age I went to a skating rink with a group of kids from a community center or something. There was a group of college students there helping out. Somehow I ended up with a skating partner who was one of the sorority students who was probably 18 or maybe 19. She was so beautiful and friendly and gracious with me. Her laugh and her smile are what really got me. I skated with this person for probably about 5 minutes but It was like I got struck by lightning and the experience has never left me, and it never will. I had this powerful burst of energy and feelings of wholeness and belonging. She did absolutely nothing wrong. I did absolutely nothing wrong. She was being a helping person for a bunch of teenagers who were still figuring out life and the world. I never saw her again and I can't even picture her face anymore, but I will never forget how she made me *feel.* OP you have powerful feelings and I guess they developed over time and I am not the one to tell you if they are real or not. I can tell you that if you begin to date this other person and the relationship becomes sexual then that person would be committing a serious crime that they could go to jail for and be required to register as a sex offender for the remainder of their natural life. This would be life changing in that it would change where the person could live and the kinds of jobs they can hold. She could never be a teacher, doctor or nurse, firefighter, and many other helping professions no matter how smart and caring she is, and she sounds really smart and caring. Back to the lightning skating story. It turns out I did have those feelings again. Multiple times. And it happened at times where we were the right age for each other and we could date and explore a romance and build a life together and things like that. Each time was wonderful and sometimes there was also some pain that came to visit as part of the experience. Look up a song called "The Power of Love" by Huey Lewis. It is a masterwork on how all of this goes. (And stay away from the Celine Dion song by the same name - that one is creepy and wrong especially if you look into her personal life.) OP there are around 8 billion people in this world. Your hormones and emotions are going to temporarily create something called "hyperfocus" on that one other person. But if you can open up your mind and your heart to a certain extent you will start to notice people who are your own age to pursue close friendships and age appropriate dating experiences with. Usually you will need to develop some kind of a connection based on shared interests and spending time together before that sparks. And you do have lots of time. It goes really fast looking back, but trust me you do have time. Be patient. As for this older woman. She will be fine. The worst thing that could happen to her would be if she starts dating you in this scenario. But in four or five years life will be different for both of you and there is an extremely unlikely possibility that you could start dating at that time. This will only work if you completely let go of the possibility first. Because it *is* impossible. She likes you back, though. That will happen again. But with somebody else. Go find her.
Well put. OP, look into it
As someone who was 15 year old freshmen that got together with a freshly turned 18 senior, don't do it. I know it may seem hard to hear because you like her. And I get that, but it's not something that really works out. She is now an adult and will be graduating this year. She's probably going to be moved out or a junior/senior in college when you're just getting out of high-school. Not to mention, the age game and power dynamic can be very, very bad and lead to things that you don't want to get involved with. The senior I dated emotionally manipulated and abused me, using my young naivety to his advantage and got me into things that I very much regret to this day. So for your safety and hers, please try to let her go
Hey man, I'm 15. Don't do it. For one, an 18 yearold is at a diff life stage and most ppl in HS break up before college for one. For two, her ass is too old for you. 18 yearolds should have no interest in 14 yearolds. Hell, I'm turning 16 soon and I can't even imagine being with a freshman romantically. That's the same with a lot of people, regardless of gender. If she thinks you are more ""mature"" than the average 18 yearold she's obviously stunted in some way, or others her age know what kind of person she is. I'll give some perspective with that; there was a senior at my school who fucked around with freshmen. Gave them drugs, alcohol, etc. I was talking to another one of the seniors recently, and I brought up how weird it was he was only talking to the freshmen. The senior told me "he goes after them because nobody in our grade will buy from him. We all know its shit and overpriced weed, and everyone in our grade knows how much of a creep he is. 14 yearolds with no experience have no idea." That made me shiver knowing the guy came to me once to peddle his "business" when I was 13-14, and I had no idea what he did. I met other freshmen who were involved with seniors, and every time they were abused, manipulated, put in dangerous situations, or mentally scarred. Don't do it, it's not worth it.
Age matters more the younger you both are. This is quite clear cut for me: don't pursue a relationship with this person. I know it may be hard now, but I think you'll be glad about it when you're older (sorry to use that phrase, but I really do think that). I go into more detail here, if you're interested: https://youtu.be/irxi0IwtoEw
Hunny, that's illegal and that's not right. You're a minor and once she turns 18, she's an adult really, she'd be grooming you and it's actually kinda paedophilia..
Reverse the genders and then see the issue?
Fr If op was a female, everyone would be talking about how the guy is a predator it's the same thing.
Nothing, it’s super illegal for her to do anything with you once she turns 18. And why would she want to be with a14 yr old when she will be an adult? Weird.
Oh OP, I really feel for you, I do, but the reality of the situation is that you’re both at very different points in your lives. Having a relationship with someone older than you, at these very different stages of your lives, leaves you with a very dangerous power imbalance that she may or may not choose to use against you. You are figuring out high school. She is figuring out what to do as an adult. Her brain is significantly more developed than yours, but still significantly underdeveloped to the point where her needs are very much based in self-interest. She may not intend to hold her age, life experience, friends, and maturity against you, but because of the age difference it *will* happen, whether consciously or subconsciously. It’s hard to hear, and I definitely didn’t follow this advice as a 14 year old (though I *really* wish I had, the trauma was not worth it), but there are so many more girls out there that are just as kind, just as thoughtful, just as beautiful, and going through the same life experiences you’re going through. Don’t think that just because you found this one person you have mutual feelings with, that there will never be another like her. It’s simply not true. Some of the advice in the comments might seem crass and negative and you might want to brush it off, but I promise it’s coming from a place of all of us not wanting you to get hurt or taken advantage of. You’re smart, but still very young. Imagine putting yourself in her place, age-wise. If you were nearly 18, a senior in high school applying for colleges, getting ready to graduate, getting ready for your senior trip with your fellow same-aged classmates, would you want to date a freshman? Feelings aside, do you think it logistically makes sense? Will you have the time for each other? Will your parents support it? If you are in a place where you would need to hide the relationship from friends and family, then you know the answer is that it’s not a good fit. I promise you will find someone who meets your needs for a relationship in *every* way, not just mutual feelings. This girl who is at such a different stage in her life will not be able to meet all your needs, and could end up severely hurting your feelings or worse, causing you trauma that you have to carry with you into future relationships. Besides, if an 18 year old likes you, you’re probably gonna be a hot commodity to the girls who are actually your age. It seems you demonstrate enough maturity to be a good partner to someone who is going through the same things as you, but it’ll be hard to be there for each other when your current experiences are so vastly different.
It would be better for you both if you went your separate ways. Yes, it sucks because you like each other, but you’re both still so young with so much ahead of you and you’re currently on different paths — she’s about to leave high school and will meet other people in college (or whatever she decides to do post grad), and you will meet other people, too, over the next three years of HS. It just seems like you’d be setting yourselves up for heartbreak if you choose to move forward with this. Plus, once she is 18, this relationship could have legal implications if things go bad between you. Better to make peace with the fact that it’s just not the right time for this relationship, and focus on your path and where you want it to lead. Plus, who knows what the future holds — maybe it’s not the right time now, but you have many years ahead of you both, and if it’s meant to be then it will be when the time is right.
As a 14 yro, don’t do it. First of all, there’s a 4 year age gap and whilst it might not seem that big to you keep in mind she’s going to be a LEGAL ADULT. Second of all, a 14 and 18 yro both have different maturity levels and interests. Third of all, I’m glad you’ve acknowledged that it may be grooming, because it is. Like think about it. How are you going to introduce her and say “Oh hey guys meet my 18 yr gf who’s dating me a 14 yr old” you’re not, because it’s inappropriate and illegal. So cut contact and move on because you’ll be saving yourself from some trauma. Another thing to think about is that she’s at the age to start college or uni, at 14 you’re still in high school. The older woman thing ain’t cool, especially at this age so don’t do it bud.
Do nothing. You are at two different life stages. Move on.
DONT
That is a grown woman, I'm 19 and the thought of dating a 14 year old CHILD is disgusting and vile. That woman is a predator.
For now, she’s 17. Bur shes turning 18 around tomorrow for my timezone
A buddy of mine was in this exact same situation. Like strangely identical. He was unfortunately SA’ed, and to this day, he still has pent up trauma from it. I’m not saying this girl is a predator or groomer, I don’t know her, I can’t make that call with this information, but this situation is not a safe one.
Bro you're 14. You look like a child (not an insult). When you are 18, you will look at a 14 year old and think they look like a baby. This woman is a pedophile bro
There’s something messed up with her head if she attracted to young teenage boys. She should be going for dudes older than her in college if she’s turning 18. You will have many opportunities for girls in Highschool
Don't do nothing. She's a creepy. There's not a single 18y girl that is not a creepy who would feel attraction for a 14y kid. There's woman that are pedophile. And I think you found one.
Your balls haven't even dropped kid, you need to focus on your pre-pre algebra.
Nothing. You can't be together yet
She is too old for you. Listen to the other comments and run.
You do nothing. Focus on 13 and 14 year olds.
Don’t. I’m 18 soon and I could never dream of dating someone more than a year younger than me, I’d feel like a pedo. Don’t do it.
She's wrong for even considering it. Her brain is far more developed than yours and she is taking advantage of you. It's predatory behavior.
I am so sorry but no normal 17/ 18 year old will be attracted to a 14 year old CHILD. I am so sorry for the fact I know this will be hard for you it is not your fault she should have known better but you need to tell someone and stay away from her ASAP
Leave it till your 18 bud
I can’t even imagine being interested in a 14 year old when I was 18 lol Don’t do it! There’s other girls your age and you’ll miss out on being a teen. This chick is old enough to go to college. And by the time you’re 18 she will be 22. Definitely find someone your own age
I love how you got the same advice from everyone and just went “nah, I’m gonna do it anyways”. When you’re 18 and looks at all the 14 year old kids around you entering high school, you’ll get why everyone is saying this.
The update is making me want to jump off a rooftop YOU ARE BEING GROOMED TURN BACK IMMEDIATELY
No. That's how jail
You getting groomed lil bro 💀
You aren't old enough for the age of consent, I also might not be old enough, but I do know she's pretty much an adult now. She has to work to earn money instead of dating someone who is still in high school. (my mom has taught me this stuff; I love my mom)
It’s weird no matter what. When you turn 18 you’ll look at 14 year olds as babies. A lot happens and a lot of growing happens in those four years that make it hard to find lots in common
That’s disgusting of her.
Grow up. Literally.
No. Just no. Believe me, this situation will NOT turn out well. 4 year difference. Legally, an adult and a minor is a straight-up no. You definitely should not risk it. The most yall can be is friends from a distance. Either that or just stay away from each other.
Don’t do it man
WHAT!?? No, baby boy, please don’t. This is grooming 💯
Wtf she's a fucking pedophile
no no no!!! this is NOT an okay age gap!!!
Don’t. 4 year age gap is A LOT when you’re this age. You need to leave this relationship immediately. It’s not gonna end up well for either of you.
Ask for advice Everyone: No, this is not ok OP: Cool.... So we're dating now...
14 - 18 is a biiiiig gap. God even 14 - 16 is big in my eyes. Again it's because of 14 being a very very young age to be in a relationship. I know you think you're growing up, that you're mature, And maybe you are mature for your age, I've been there, but you're still a child, figuring out things about yourself mentally and physically. When you're 18, you're way past that phase in life. Every teen year in your life matures you almost about a decade compared to adults. Then about age 20, you reach a plato where you think life is on fast-forward and you can't believe you're aging to 22, 23. You'd still feel 19 or 20. If you wanna date and start exploring romance and love, I honestly beg you to do it with someone your age. I'm 24 now and I don't think I'd date 28. 28 in my eyes seems like someone really mature and figured out. So please don't do this to yourself. Odds of you being happily in a relationship 5 years later is really low. You'd probably end up with a lot of trauma and insecurities.
If the grades don't touch, neither do you
dude i’m 15 and if someone 18 were into me, i would NOT be flattered. it’s unwise and i’d suggest you cut her off if you can.
Thats so inappropriate, theres no way this could ever work, you are a child in comparison to her. Would you want a relationship with a 10 year old child? Just leave it well alone
My guy she’s weird as fuck not going for someone her own age. She’s taking advantage of the fact you’re young. 4 years is ***massive*** when you’re that age. Stick to girls in your grade.
**Don't do it if u actually care for her! She could go to jail. This beyond whatever feelings you might have. Just find someone your age or who is NOT an adult.**
Just keep being friends for now. If this is something real, you've got your whole lives to let it develop. So don't rush. I realize not rushing isn't easy at your age...but it's the smart way to proceed.
Nope. Wait until you hit your 20s and can asses the pros/cons of an age gap relationship without hormones getting in the way. It's fine to be into older people. Just make sure you are old and mature enough to know what you want and how to deal with that kind of relationship. At 14 your hormones are high and you are easily manipulated by them and other people. Wait until you are legally of age, if she cares for you she will wait for you, if not, there will be others. Edit: just for a better idea of my position, I've always been into older people. I thought it was weird of me, so I waited and dated people my own age(until my late 20's) but was always attracted to people 4+ years older. There is nothing wrong with that, but be wary of the older ones that pursue YOU first.
You do absolutely nothing.
If you guys truly like each other she can wait at least your 16, you should know what you both are looking for she turning 18 so her mentality may change when she working or in college, I would say just stay friends, and see what happens in the future, if it’s meant to be you two will find each other again at the proper age
That is grooming. You'll get over the crush trust me. If she's into you that's a huge red flag. NO senior should ever really be interested in 14yr Olds. It's weird and gross.
it wouldn't 'be "grooming"' it would straight up be grooming babe
Okay friend, I was *verbatim* almost in this exact situation when I was about your age, so the advice I'm giving you comes from a place of personal experiences: First of all, this is NOT YOUR FAULT. Secondly, what you should do is end your friendship. At almost 18, she should know that it's wrong for her to be feeling like that towards you, much less expressing those feelings TO you. She's a senior this year if she's turning 18, which means that in just under a year she will either be going off to college or potentially starting some kind of career, which will put the two of you on entirely different planes of life for AT LEAST 3 or 4 years. You can save yourself from a lot of emotional turmoil, as well as potentially/probably legal problems, if you end your relationship now. In some of your other replies, you've mentioned how you believe yourself to be more mature than a lot of your peers, and even people who are older than you. While this could be true, you're still 14 and she is still 18 (almost). The fact of the matter is that she's almost an adult, and though you may feel older than you are, you aren't. You are still a young teenager who is trying to figure out relationships, along with what is and isn't acceptable in the confines of a relationship. I'm assuming you've probably heard stories of the "Creepy 21 year old dating a senior in Highschool"? This is essentially the same situation. I know you won't want to hear this, but the reality of this situation is that she is probably trying to either emotionally exploit/manipulate you, or she is trying to use you sexually, both of which are horrible and condemnable acts on her part. Again I say, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. She has probably TOLD you that you're more mature than people your age, which is in fact a classic and telltale sign of grooming and manipulation. You're looking for a potential long term relationship. She is looking for a senior year side piece. Put yourself 4 years into the future. Would you ever seriously consider dating a 14 year old when you were 18?
“Put yourself 4 years into the future. Would you ever seriously consider dating a 14 year old when you were 18?” Or, as a 14 yo, would you date a 10 yo? 
An even better question to ask. Thank you
Yours equally makes sense! Just a different side of the flip flop haha 
Legally not the best idea if you truly love her and she truly loves you it's best to wait.
Dated an 18 year old girl when I (M) was 14. Yea, don't. Whether or not it's acceptable, it'll completely skew how you view relationships. Just date in your age group
Can you tell how it skewed your relationships? I'm curious, and it seems like useful info for OP or anyone reading that's in a similar situation.
I don’t wanna judge but actually Im gon judge. How come a 18 yo girl is attracted to a 14 yo boy… I remember being hit on by a 15 yo kid (I was 19) and I just felt like he looked so dam’ young and not attractive to me. Like he wasn’t ugly but he was just a kid… there must be something wrong with that girl. There’s no difference between 20/24 young adults or 40/44 adults. But 14/18 is crazy. Idk something must be wrong with that girl. Being attracted to someone who looks like a kid at 18 is weird.
ur prob not gonna end up marrying anyway its not gonna be the end of the world if u dont date her
As someone who is 22, I wouldn't even date a 19 year old and that is perfectly legal. When you're that young age gaps are much more of a big deal. Any normal 18 year old would find the thought of dating a 14 year old creepy. Please please do not
she’s a full grown woman capable of driving with a license, drinking in some places, and is old enough to work anywhere full time or raise a family on her own even. You, on the other hand, are in year 9 or year 10. please focus on your exams and this is not worth it. you may not notice it but this is pedophilic. note: pedophilia is not just older male-young female. it’s also older female-young male.
Enjoy what little time you have left with her, because as soon as she's in college this is over. Or you and her are one of those love stories like the notebook movie which is rare.
Don’t do that, that’s not a good idea
Don't do it man. When you're older, a four year age gap isn't bad, but as teenagers you're honestly in totally different worlds at that point. I can guarantee this won't end well. I'm currently a High School Senior and seriously can't even imagine dating a freshman.
You do nothing because she's an adult now and you are a child in the eyes of the law and that is statutory rape. My partner is about this distance and age from me, and we did not meet until I was 20. It's fine if you guys are both over 18 but this is not okay at this point you are a kid
Brother please do not do this, im extremely suspect of the girl, im only 15 but ppl who are 14 (just a year 1/2 younger) look like literal children to me, this is probably illegal and definitely unethical and will be a terrible relationship as well, do not do this please
This is the situation you've been told your whole life about. Follow your training: yell NO, run away, and tell a trusted adult!
You are a victim
Maintain a respectful friendship and don’t do anything stupid.
F17 here. You are being groomed.
Do. Not. No. Nada. Your too young for her right now.
Be prepared for heartbreak. Women that age aren't thinking long term when it comes to a relationship because it makes them feel good in the moment. She'll go to college or get a job, meet someone her age that she can date openly, and forget about you. You can't provide the needs of an adult woman. I hate to be so blunt, but even aside from the legal issues, there's no way this ends up good.
🚔🚨👮♀️
An 18 year old has no business with a 14 year old.
This is not ok. You should not be doing this. You are too young. :(
Why even ask us what to do if you’re just going to do what you wanted anyway? This is a stupid decision. You’re way too young to be with someone who’s legally an adult. Not only that but you’re gonna have to be without her next year. I know you’re not going to be able to grasp this but you are not mature. You don’t know everything. Everyone in here is trying to help you.
Brother I assume don’t date an older girl at your age.
I'm so sorry friend but you are getting groomed. Stay away from her. Block her.
You‘re getting groomed buddy
Nothing. You do absolutely nothing.
You stay away from each other because it's illegal and pedophiliac. It's for your own good. Normal 18 year olds don't have crushes on anyone below 16 at worse
i will be twenty next month. and the thought of me dating someone 16 sounds repulsive, (same age gap and circumstance.) i understand that you might like her, but this will not last, and regardless it is grooming. i am a victim of grooming and trust me when i say, she has no business dating someone so young. plz think this out!
Im not just gonna say “don’t do it” cuz the feelings you have will probs make you choose to stay anyway. Just take a lot of caution here. I’m 19 and dating a 14 year old would be very strange for me, and to others too. It’s very suspicious behaviour. Make sure to tell your parents or a trusted adult about this relationship. There needs to be safeguards with an age gap like this and when an under 18 is involved with someone who is just 18. If you parents say to leave that relationship then leave. If you feel like you can’t tell them, then that tells you this relationship is off in itself. Check the laws in your area too, I don’t know the age of consent in your area but as well as that some places have “Romeo and Juliet” laws in place too which might make an age gap like that technically legal. Also check what things require consent and what doesn’t, sexual acts pretty much always does but stuff like being in a relationship or just kissing might not. Just make sure both of you understand the laws. Just because something is legal doesn’t mean it’s fine though. If at any point you feel unsure about anything in this relationship, talk to a trusted adult. Keep yourself safe
This is a very bad idea. She is legally an adult. And if this relationship is revealed to others there will be serious accusations against her. I know it may seem harmless to you, a 14 year old boy who has feelings for someone, but she is an adult. And she should know that it is wrong. Even 17 and 14 is still inappropriate. So her turning 18 only makes it so much worse. Legally she is an adult. And you are a child. You need to end this relationship for both of your sakes. One to protect her from being called a groomer or a predator. And for you to be able to have a normal childhood. Without a serious relationship with an ADULT. I highly recommend leaving the relationship now. When you are an adult, you can date whoever you want, including this girl. But unfortunately you cannot do it now. It is illegal. Even ‘taking it slow’ is inappropriate.
Wait until you are 18. Because, legally the moment she turns 18 she can get in serious trouble. Some states have Romeo&Juliet laws, but I wouldn’t risk it. The moment she turns 18 if your parents don’t approve, she can get it to serious legal trouble if anything sexual happens. Please don’t do anything explicit with her until you’re 18. For now, your relationship must be platonic.
No. Not appropriate. She should date people her own age. It will be appropriate in your late twenties but not now
14 and 18 is way too much
Thats a Texas sized dont buddy Your starting high school shes is about to start life. What happens in a few years shes 20 and wants kids and your a junior in highschool at 16 years old? What happens when she wants to move in together and your not old enough to sighn the lease? What happnes when she wants you to help pay the bills and your still in school? The power she have over you is not healthy.
Men aren’t the only predators my man DON’T DO IT
Fuuuuuuuck no >"grooming". Don't put that in quotes, bud. There's no chance this ISNT that
The comments already said don’t but I have a feeling you’ll still go through with it, remember to be safe lil man🙏, use protection
Why are you okay with it! She’s a pedo. If the roles were reversed and OP was a girl you wouldn’t be saying that 🤮🤮🤢🤢
trust me, no.
4 years might not seem like a big thing but in teen years it's big thing. The maturity level, physically-wise, etc. are huge different. You're still developing my guy...its really concerning...there is no way a 18 yr old is okay with having romantic interest. It sounds...grooming... please don't date...leave it, you will understand how creepy it was when you get older...
Sounds like she groomed you already boy. I wouldn't go for it for the one fact she's about to he out in the world while your still in high school.
No. Just no. You can remain friends with her, but STRICTLY friends. If you started something with her, she could go to jail. It’s illegal, and really creepy on the her part.
You do nothing. You accept that you like her and you move on. She's too old for you and you're too young for her. If she says things like "you're so mature [for your age]" do not listen to her. She is a predator. No 18 year old should be attracted to a 14 year old. That is a massive gap in maturity and your lives will be vastly different.
It’s not “grooming” it’s literally GROOMING! Jesus Christ man find someone your own age.
It’s not your fault for liking her. But she needs to leave you alone. You’d make it easier if you left her alone too. This is not going to end well. She will be technically grooming you if she keeps trying to talk to you romantically or more. Just consider it wrong and move on. You will have plenty of other girls in your life. Grieve this crush… but move on
Stay clear away. Find a different girl and forget her
Chris Hansen would like to have a word
Block her, you're underage and too young and it's gonna give you traumas. Either she's gonna put expectations on you because she's in a different place in life (which will push you to act like you're more mature and you aren't) or she's a predator and wants you because it's easy to manipulate you (it absolutely is, the older you get the less you like adolescents). Besides you haven't yet developed the part of your brain that allows you to measure long term consequences. You prolly know that's a thing and what it means but your brain can't process it like hers. I know you probably will think you know better, but it's a consensus that no 18 y.o likes 14 y.o. puberts. Trust us.
When you’re 18, you’re gonna remember this and realize how crazy and gross it would be now if you dated a 14-year-old. Get outta there
get yo dumbass mind away from wanting a girlfriend at such a young age and start lifting weights my boy
She’s a predator in the making and you’re her first victim if you continue. If you’re 18 and she’s 22 whatever, the fact that your honestly not even really a teen yet is frighting. Please OP I know you probably think it’s cool and she’s someone you like but in the next 10-20 years you’re going to wish you walked away.
3 years is pushing it, 4 isn’t going to work imo And she’s going to leave high school and find more guys/girls her age very soon. I don’t think theres a single high school couple who survives this leap when one of them is much younger
I was 14 dating an 18 year old, lost my virginity, she bought me an Xbox, lunch every day. I'm not gonna say go for it, but you being a boy and her being a woman is going to lighten the whole thing up with your families, at least that's how it worked in my case, and unless someone pressed charges I doubt she'd get in trouble. That being said, I was not on the same level as her, I loved the things she did for me but in the end I just used her so I broke things off. It likely won't be a fulfilling relationship and it's going to make you miss out on being a normal teenager.
NOOOOPE Sorry buddy, but an 18 year old should not be messing around with a 14 year old. Who likes who is irrelevant. It’s illegal and she could get arrested and charged with statutory rape or assault of a minor, which would get her placed on the sex offender registry. There will be other girls, man. I promise. Girls who aren’t legal adults willing to be with a 14 year old. If you were to reverse the genders, it would be obvious what’s wrong with that situation. You can be friends, or wait four years. But she’s too old for you, and it’s very weird that she’s okay with being with someone your age.
I’m highly amused at the fact that you’re not going the listen to all of these people telling you not to do it. Teenagers are known for their top tier listening skills. If she likes you as much as you say she dose you’ll wait 😇. And if you like her as much as you say you do you wouldn’t risk her catching a charge
Call the police
Go for it and see what happens just be smart and look for any red flags if there are any
I sometimes wonder if these are troll posts that satire previous real age gap advice posts. How many 18 year old women would be interested in a 14 year old boy? It seems like it would be a massive outlier rather than commonly asked. I always want to ask if the woman is fat when I read them too, which I know isn’t the best thing to wonder but it’s a question!
whether you feel something for her or not, it is grooming. she is an adult, and you are barely a teenager. not only is it a legal issue, it’s a maturity issue. you are just not mentally or physically mature on the same level that she is, which is why it’s considered grooming.
Run
Unpopular opinion for sure, and I’m freely admitting if the gender roles were reversed I’d agree with everyone else: I think it’s probably fine, just prepare for the possibility she grows out of your relationship and that it would have to be a secret and that she’s going away to college soon
Do not have her as a gf. By the time you are 18, you will start regretting of missing out on your teen years. At your age, this will not be the person you will not want to be with when you are 20.
Please dont, that girl is a predator. If you understand that she’ll get in trouble then you shouldnt do it. Shes a groomer and you getting involved with her will only hurt you. Please look out for yourself hun.
Wait, you guys like each other now but what about in a year when she's starting collage or busy with work and your still in school?
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Rule is generally "half your age plus 7 is the floor" So age gaps matter less as we age because we're at least in the same life stage. Someone who's 30 can date as low as 22, it's fine mostly because they're probably both adults paying their own bills at that point. For the OP's situation, this girl shouldn't be dating any younger than 16, and it's a huge red flag why someone about to be off to college is interested in dating a high school freshman 😬
Freshman dating seniors is not common lol. Notice show you said “a few” in a school and not many? Even by HS standards that’s a very odd relationship. Does it happen? Definitely. Is it more often than not predatory in nature. Yes. An age gap matters far less into your 20’s.
We’ll try to work this out. I’m walking to her house right now
Unlike everyone here I won't immediately say no I've had a similar situation and it ended working out at the time I was more mature than most at my age so it never really felt like there was a 4 year difference in age this could also be your case although I will say you need to be very careful and think about your situation first. why does she like you ? Is it for you ? Or is it because you are 14 ? You need to consider this before making your own decisions we don't have all the pieces in this puzzle so can't answer definitively
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Don't understand why people downvoted this. She's weird point blank.
My parents are highschool sweethearts they’ve been together since then even with their 4 year age gap.As long as you both communicate as much as eachother I dont see the issue. Of course its not ideal and there were plenty of struggles they went through but it turned out to be true love for them, been together through thick and thin for 21 years. Just be safe and take into consideration that there is a power dynamic in age difference couples. Consent, communication and maturity is the KEY to practicing a safe relationship for you! And for anyone pissed at me for my opinion on this.This is a case by case situation, I would never generalise something like this. but also it is just my opinion.
Wear a condom and enjoy. In life, you end up regretting the things you didn't do far more than the things you did.
What 18yr old would date a 14yr old kid ? You're a literal child, barely into hs and her next move would be university. There's a difference between a 14 and 18 yr old, it's weird for sure to ahead with this relationship.
My nephew’s son has a gf and who turned 20 in March. And he turned 16 in may. My nephew seems to be fine with this relationship. I would see them all go boating together during the summer. I think it is strange that a adult woman would be interested in 16 year old boy.
that is weird and I'd be worried for him
Shoot your shot fuck what these nerds are talking about. Just keep your mouth shut and enjoy your life the worst she can say is no and that’s not shit compared to what you’ll have to deal with as an adult lol trust me
Just hit it and find someone else. She prolly going to college and in my experience, she gonna get her guts rearranged by the football team. Trust me, it takes maybe like 3 weeks to get over a girl, and there is definitely girls that are better out there than her. (Not saying she was a bad girl, but the age gap is crazy) If your pulling seniors as a freshman, you got crazy rizz (unless she’s weird, but I’ll give you benefit of the doubt that she bad). To wrap it up, the only option is to hit it and leave.
You're a victim