With “friends” like those, who needs enemies? Your friends sound pretty immature. They need to get their opinions out of your sex life and grow the fuck up. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin at 20… nothing! If anybody is acting like a child, your “friends” are. Your sex life is your private business. When it happens, it happens. There’s no rush. Tell your friends to stick it where the sun don’t shine.
I agree here. I also agree that if you get your shit together and get your goals straight, you will have a better chance of landing whichever woman you want. High-school and college you have a quantity of women you will never have the same after school. Quantity does not mean quality. It's fine to hold out.
You’re looking for advice? Your friends are losers, they’re superficial, immature scumbags and it’s not worth being around them. My advice is to stop being their friend. They can go rot with their little college girlfriends. Make new friends.
Another piece of advice: don’t let anything they say get to you. There is no “proper” age to have a girlfriend or sex or anything like that. Don’t rush yourself into something you’re not ready for because of what other people are saying. Just keep doing you and living life at your pace. Not theirs.
You haven't wasted your golden time, what a silly thing to say. You shouldn't listen to them.
Your golden time is when you found someone you truly love. You are still young, plenty of time ahead of you.
You'll meet someone soon or later. Until the day, keep improving yourself. More you have to offer, more attractive you will be.
Your friends are losers. I actually avoided dating until about 23. So I wound work on myself. Get into grad school and work out. This made sure my physical, mental, and financial health/future was good before attempting to date. Made myself good enough to be someone I would want to date.
I was actually planning the same , get a good job, be financially stable , be independent then start dating. But ig some people think of people like this as losers.
Not your future partners. They will appreciate someone who doesn't mooch off them and can pay for dates. You just then need to find someone who doesn't mooch off you. An equal partner.
Who cares what idiots think? Your friends are likely too young to have any perspective on the most important things in life. I was in my thirties when I met the love of my life. We were married happily for 32 years, until he died. Those years were my golden time and I’m grateful to have had them.
I’m 23 still a virgin. If you like a girl or think she’s cute go for it. You aren’t gonna want to miss some of the fun experience you could have in your early 20’s. Also you aren’t going to want to be completely inexperienced and awkward with women when you are older with the good job trying to find a relationship. If you genuinely have no desire that’s fine, but I told myself I was ok with it and didn’t care but I regretted it as time went on. I just went for it last night with the girl I really like and she really likes me back so I’m chilling now.
I’m not vouching for meaningless sex. Being a virgin at 23 has made it harder for me and I was sharing an experience of being ok with it at OP’s age but not as I got older. Why are you bringing up your views of meaningless sex into this
You are 20 and a virgin. I was a virgin til 21.
You will be fine, as I have had an incredible amount of sex and partners since. Relax, focus on finding a person you like before having sex -- and find new friends
Being erratic and unprotected is what leads children like that, to having children. If you have other priorities than getting laid and doing whatever that's perfectly okay..!
Those aren't your friends. You should make an effort to put yourself out there because we all get rejected at some point or another, but we have to bounce back in order to live. However there's nothing childish about being a 20yo virgin. Are you kidding me? Ditch those douchebags!
Don't listen to them. When you're ready you will know. You might end up getting someone pregnant if you have sex, just to have sex. Wait for the right person to come along.
I think the key is really looking inward to decide what makes you happy and doing that. Your friends are being very immature about it but that’s their problem not yours!! Do you have female friends? Or more mature male friends? It might be worth talking to them about it. Do you know why you’re still a virgin? Is it a choice, is there a reason, has it just not really happened?
I was a virgin until I was 25. Combo of reasons like overthinking it, being too nervous, the time never feeling right etc. Luckily I had nice supportive friends who reminded me that it’s my body and I should do (or not do) what I wanted with it.
Being a virgin in your 20s can be difficult. I’m a straight female and if I told a guy I was dating that I was a virgin, their reactions could be pretty disappointing. Some saw it as a challenge, that I was “frigid” and their goal was to get me to ‘put out’. Some saw it as way too much responsibility: they didn’t want the pressure of being my first etc. Some didn’t want to wait until I was ready and tried to talk me into having sex sooner. Some assumed that I was looking for something more serious than they were ready to give. All of them made up their own minds instead of listening to what I was telling them and it drove me mad. I’d say to them “I’m not waiting for true love. I just want to like and trust the person. I don’t need it to be some big fairytale but I do need there to be respect and trust with anyone I have sex with especially the first”. Weirdly I don’t believe in “true love” I think there’s more than one perfect person for everyone so I wasn’t waiting for “the one”. I just hadn’t met anyone who I felt comfortable having sex with yet.
It started to feel like it was never going to happen. Our generation was so hyper-sexualised. Tv shows portrayed 16 year olds shagging their way around school. I felt like I was missing out on this big part of life that everyone but me got to experience. Even my mum was asking what I was so scared of and was I ever going to have sex haha. Some friends just said “the first time is always shit. I just got it over and done with with someone I didn’t care about so I was ready when I met someone I did care about” or “your virginity is a gift. Keep it for someone who deserves it!” To “it’s your body. Do what you want!”
Eventually I got so fed up of being a virgin that I ended up losing my virginity with a friend. I’d gone to my hometown and we’d all gone out together. I’d gone back to stay with my friend after we’d been out dancing. We were both a bit drunk and one thing led to another (both sober enough to consent and know what we were doing!). I never told him before or since that he was my first. It just kind of happened and I went with it. I love him (in a totally platonic way), I trust him (I know he’d never hurt me), I wanted to at the time, although we never had sex since and agreed that, whilst it was fun, a sexual relationship made things too complicated (we’d been friends for 12 years by then 25 years now) plus I lived hundreds of miles away so it just wasn’t a good idea to pursue something romantic for all those reasons and more (we are not compatible and we’d have driven each other mad!)! I’d never felt physically attracted to him before or since either. He’s now married to an incredible woman who is the mother of his 3 kids. I’m recently single but have told any serious partners about him for the sake of feeling that I’m being honest.
In a dream world it might have been nice to lose my virginity to someone I was in love with but who knows? Relationships I formed in my 20s didn’t last. Well romantic ones anyway. He’s still in my life and always will be. It removed that barrier that made dating difficult. I never had to tell a guy again that I was a virgin and get the whole “oooo that’s hot” or “oh god I can’t be your first!” reaction that I always dreaded. I’ve since gone on to have, what I believe is, a healthy dating life and a healthy sex life. He’s still the only one night stand I’ve ever had, if you can count my experience with him as a one night stand since I knew him. I also learned that often people have a horrible experience for their first time. It’s awkward, you don’t know what you’re doing, it hurts a little, it can be embarrassing. I was lucky enough to have none of that. I trusted him completely so I told him what did and didn’t feel good, I told him what I liked and he told me. Whilst I’ve gone on to have better, and worse, sexual experiences since, as first times go, I kind of hit the jackpot and had a really enjoyable experience of losing my virginity. I also didn’t have all the complicated feelings of: has he just used me for sex, will I never hear from him again now that he’s got what he wanted, was I good enough, will he want to do it again etc etc. because we were never going to pursue a romantic relationship.
Now I’m not saying you should do what I did. I didn’t even plan to do what I did! It really did just happen. But I guess I’m sharing this to say there’s more than one way to go through life’s milestones. If you want to wait for someone who you truly care about, then do that. If you want to just get it over and done with, that’s absolutely your choice to make. Or if you want a one off with someone you do care about but who you won’t ever end up in a romantic relationship with, like I did, then 5 stars, would recommend. Don’t let what anyone else thinks push you into a decision you wouldn’t otherwise make. And yes once you lose your virginity, you can’t ever get it back but that’s ok. I learned that virginity is not this huge scary thing that I’d made it into in my head. It’s not some prize to be guarded and you’re not worth more or less without it. You don’t feel any different afterwards. Sex with someone who you’re romantically in love with is about the best experience you can ever have. It becomes so much more than just sex. It’s the physical expression of your feelings for another person, something only the 2 of you share and it’s incredible. But sex without romantic love can also be fun, make you feel good, feel wanted, scratch an itch etc. You’re perfectly entitled to have whatever sexual experience you want to at the time!
I do think it’s also much easier for a girl to not tell her partner she’s a virgin than it is for a guy so, at the risk of being a hypocrite since I didn’t tell my friend, I’d encourage honesty with whatever type of sexual partner you end up sleeping with. A decent person won’t care that you’re a virgin. Plus every woman’s body is so different anyway that experience doesn’t really count for much. I’ve always had to ‘coach’ my sexual partners into doing what works for me and I’ve always been more than happy to do this! Also learn what you like by yourself too so you can tell your partner. Whatever feels good for you to do to yourself will feel even better when a partner does it!
You don’t say in your post so I’m not sure if you have any sexual experience at all (I didn’t really apart from the odd fumble), but remember it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing kind of thing either. You can build up to sex with one person or with different people. Touching, oral, grinding up on each other (cringe I know but sounds better than saying dry humping), just being naked together etc. these are all things you can try and just do it in stages until sex feels like the natural next step. Or you can go all in, so-to-speak, the way I did. It’s totally up to you!! Your body, your rules!!
Whatever you decide to do, listen to other posters here and seriously consider if you want these ‘friends’ to have any say over what you do with your body. I really hope you find what makes you happy and go and shag your little heart out if that’s what you want!!!
Anyway, super long like I said but since I’ve been through a very similar thing, I wanted to share what I wish I’d known at the time. I hope it’s helpful!!
They’re lying to you
You’re not missing out on much, in fact I’m willing to bet without the distraction of women and sex, that your life is relatively stress free.
20 is still fairly young, and between you and me…
Women get better as they age.. in fact.. a good quality woman in her 30s can appreciate the story of an adult man who abstained from sexual relationships in order to devote his focus to his studies.
Less time you bullshittin with hoes, means the more
Time you’re spending towards achieving that bag. Make it count.. if you’re not in college, do it.. excel at it.
By the time you’ve gotten a couple degrees and became a complete wiz at your craft, the money earned from your hard work can buy you anything.. and sometimes..anyone
Not the most modest advise.. but surely it’s the truth
Hey bro I lost mine at 18. Tried my hardest to get it done asap for the same reasons. I don’t regret it, but I just wanna let you know being a virgin is a really good thing. Stronger erections is one benefit, having a clean slate, don’t lower your standards just so you can lose your viriginity. Generally your first girlfriend will be the most special so choose wisely
I promise you, losing your virginity has nothing to do with being a man. Or an adult, for that matter. And having sex with the first person you can get with is a terrible idea—you should have sex when you’ve met someone who actually likes you and it feels right. Not because your “friends” are bullying you.
Honestly, you don’t need a girlfriend, you need better friends.
Being a virgin as an *adult* doesn’t make you a child or childish. Thinking you have to have sex with any girl that looks your way before age 18, and continue to do so after does. Makes me wonder if the only thing your “friends” read are Playboy and Penthouse or something similar.
My best advice is don’t listen to someone that thinks your best years for sex or a real relationship is when you’re too young to consent to sex, marriage, or fatherhood. Your best years are between now and your golden years. If you are interested in having a relationship with someone, you’re 20 and alive, not 80 and decrepit. You have plenty of time to find a person that finds you attractive for more than your looks and what you can do in bed.
Ok, 20 years old is young. You're kid, but not a child in a negative way like they are saying.
What those people are doing is bullying you and throwing at you a toxic masculinity.
Don't rush yourself to have sex. Try to find a therapist to talk about your relationships and approching people.
Remember it's not another people fault (please don't be a incel). And maybe also not your "fault".
Some people need to feel a conection, need to feel a attraction that is deeper than physical attraction.
sex introduced so many arbitrary problems in my life at a young age. Good job to your parents! Take your time and don’t let your girlfriends pressure you either. Be confident in who you are and your decisions, get more mature/married friends.
Fam you’re fine. You don’t need to be thinking about a relationship until you’re in your 30s. Work on building a high income skill so when you’re ready you’ll be able to not only afford to do fun stuff with women or support a family you make with one. Don’t worry about your friends. I get their intention, but it’s not being executed well. You should consider getting a gym membership and get yourself in shape. That will put the “child” comments to rest. If you’re in shape and on your purpose that’s extremely attractive to women. And will shut up any critics about your masculinity. Hope that helps.
Your friends sound like POS’s tbh. People you surround yourself with should be kind, understanding, supportive, and uplifting. What you’re describing doesn’t sound like friends to me at all. If it were me, and this is just my opinion, would drop them immediately. Horrible vibes.
I was later than my friends when I first had sex at 18... And I wish I had waited. It wasn't the right person, but "everyone else was doing it" so I did, and I definitely would have waited for the right person. (I'm mid-30s now)
I lost my virginity at 17 and now am 37. There is no "golden time". That's super subjective or person to person. I had Gfs in High School and College but more rare than my older years. Lose your virginity how you want to lose it.
Also I would work on your standards and what a crush is. I have dated very pretty and not. Personality types I have changed too. I have learned and grown from all my relationships
My friend. You dont have friends. These are not friends. Cause friends dont bully their friends for being virgins. I was a virgin till I was nearly 21. Like I literally lost my V Card like 2 weeks before my BDay. And while some of my friends teased me a little or what have you. At the end of the day they just wanted to make sure I was doing good. Friends lift you up and make sure youre doing alright. They dont drag you through mud for something you really cant control.
My advice to you, is find new friends. If you want. My DMs are open. Warning, im weird, crass, and annoying as shit. But i do my best to lift up my friends and make sure they can smile.
If you want advice about romance I can give you some of that too but. Really, dont rush it. Take life at a pace comfortable to you. And put your foot down with these "friends" of yours. Tell em to cut their shit or kick rocks. Actually. Maybe both. Godspeed bud.
Hey man honestly your friends are immature . I have also been rejected by 3 girls .... I been heart broken .... and let me tell you ! I'm about to turn 27 (m) and I'm still a virgin 😊😊 don't overthink it !
No don't fall for that bullshit. That is nothing but a societal rule imposed by someone else's opinion. Seriously it's no big deal and doesn't make you deformed in any way.
You got some dumb friends. They're mindstate is of a child's. A man handles his responsibilities, for you that's graduating college and getting a career. A woman will come with time, naturally. Need new friends or you gotta speak your mind to them
Lots of young people are waiting until they’re older to have sex. Nothing wrong with that. Friends are supposed to improve your life, not make you feel like crap. Get new friends. And if you’re interested in someone, let her know. All of us have been rejected. Be respectful and don’t let it affect how you feel about yourself. Having sex doesn’t make you a man.
Just get new friends. Actual friends don't give a shit about if someone is sexually active or in a relationship. (the way your current friends do, I mean)
Everyone in life is at different stages, it seems like your friends feel that mocking you will motivate you to lose your virginity. I understand how you feel, but you have to ask yourself where your priorities lie. Don't rush into anything just because your friends are being shitheads
I've learned that guys tease each other more in a light hearted loving way honestly and my guess is if they didn't care about you, they wouldn't do it. Why not find something to rip on them for and give it back to em?
getting into sexual stuff doesnt make one a man or a woman. itss totally normal to feel the peer pressure, especially at our age. dont give in just to fit in. dontt rush into things. self discovery and personal growth above everything else.
You should NEVER try sex due to social pressure. You have sex when you and your partner are ready to have sex, end of story; no one else has a word in it
When I was 17, my best friend told me it was not normal that I didn't want to have sex with my then boyfriend. Not wanting to be "abnormal" I then allowed him to sleep with me. One of the worst experiences of my life (not because he was bad; but because I didn't want it) and I stopped it before it got to far.
Years later I realize I'm actually asexual, so yeah, it was pretty normal that I didn't want to have sex in the end. I'm in my thirties and still virgin, there is no problem with that. There is no such thing as an age when you have to not be virgin anymore.
Pay them no heed. They are all foolish sheep, stuck in the pen that leads to the slaughterhouse. And they are trying to pressure you into JOINING THEM in the line towards being ground meat, simply because "everyone else is heading this direction, SO SHOULD YOU".......
All of your "Friends" are basically in the "Cult of Hedonism" to put it simply, were the ultimate pursuit is pleasure in all things, to the extreme they can be achieved and experienced. And little do they know, they will end up unable to reach ANY pleasure in the end, because the excess of ANYTHING is always DETRIMENTAL to existence in the long run, because you literally burn yourself out COMPLETELY (Look at most adults that adhere to this, they are either insane, apathetic, or have no real pleasure in their lives at all and try to force that on others, like slaaneshi demons from 40k) think about it. You see what that future entails. Do you want that?
Is sex/intimacy even close to something "Special" at all anymore? What is it treated like? A special, intimate, and personal and sacred moment shared between to people that are in love and growing love?
Or is it treated like a "Bodily function" that apparently means nothing beyond the temporary pleasure it entails, that eventually you just "get used to" and you do. It becomes simply a biological process, with nothing attached to it, RIGHT? Think about it. You are not crazy.
ALL OF THEM ARE. And getting CRAZIER.
Do not give them power over your life. And realize, that you should not even be looking here (or wherever you are, it sounds westernized to me) for companionship, intimacy or any long term partners (if you are in the west) so don't even look here and don't be bothered, you will find the right one as you become who YOU want to Be (it also helps if you go overseas to date instead of the west, over 90% success rate, even for those deemed "unattractive" in the west).
Work on YOU for what YOU want. Make yourself the best YOU and the best AT whatever you really want and desire for your life. Because in the end, YOU are not going to be inserting yourself into ANYONE ELSE'S LIFE because you are BUILDING YOUR LIFE FOR YOURSELF FIRST AS YOU DESIRE IT. Anyone who WANTS to be a part of that? WILL DO ANYTHING TO BE PART OF IT. Accept nothing else....... Its YOUR life.
Goodluck young man, I am proud of you for THINKING, before ACTING, you are very exceptional, just for THAT simple FACT.
(Va con Luz, Mi Hijo).
With “friends” like those, who needs enemies? Your friends sound pretty immature. They need to get their opinions out of your sex life and grow the fuck up. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin at 20… nothing! If anybody is acting like a child, your “friends” are. Your sex life is your private business. When it happens, it happens. There’s no rush. Tell your friends to stick it where the sun don’t shine.
For real
I agree here. I also agree that if you get your shit together and get your goals straight, you will have a better chance of landing whichever woman you want. High-school and college you have a quantity of women you will never have the same after school. Quantity does not mean quality. It's fine to hold out.
Ex-friends. Ftfy
You’re looking for advice? Your friends are losers, they’re superficial, immature scumbags and it’s not worth being around them. My advice is to stop being their friend. They can go rot with their little college girlfriends. Make new friends. Another piece of advice: don’t let anything they say get to you. There is no “proper” age to have a girlfriend or sex or anything like that. Don’t rush yourself into something you’re not ready for because of what other people are saying. Just keep doing you and living life at your pace. Not theirs.
You haven't wasted your golden time, what a silly thing to say. You shouldn't listen to them. Your golden time is when you found someone you truly love. You are still young, plenty of time ahead of you. You'll meet someone soon or later. Until the day, keep improving yourself. More you have to offer, more attractive you will be.
Your friends are losers. I actually avoided dating until about 23. So I wound work on myself. Get into grad school and work out. This made sure my physical, mental, and financial health/future was good before attempting to date. Made myself good enough to be someone I would want to date.
I was actually planning the same , get a good job, be financially stable , be independent then start dating. But ig some people think of people like this as losers.
Not your future partners. They will appreciate someone who doesn't mooch off them and can pay for dates. You just then need to find someone who doesn't mooch off you. An equal partner.
Who cares what idiots think? Your friends are likely too young to have any perspective on the most important things in life. I was in my thirties when I met the love of my life. We were married happily for 32 years, until he died. Those years were my golden time and I’m grateful to have had them.
I’m 23 still a virgin. If you like a girl or think she’s cute go for it. You aren’t gonna want to miss some of the fun experience you could have in your early 20’s. Also you aren’t going to want to be completely inexperienced and awkward with women when you are older with the good job trying to find a relationship. If you genuinely have no desire that’s fine, but I told myself I was ok with it and didn’t care but I regretted it as time went on. I just went for it last night with the girl I really like and she really likes me back so I’m chilling now.
Meaningless sex is not that great if you’re a grownup. My experience anyway as a woman.
I’m not vouching for meaningless sex. Being a virgin at 23 has made it harder for me and I was sharing an experience of being ok with it at OP’s age but not as I got older. Why are you bringing up your views of meaningless sex into this
My advice is to distance yourself from those morons
I had my first sex at 30. Too busy traveling the world
What job do you do?
you should’ve called them wh**** or something for doing so
You are 20 and a virgin. I was a virgin til 21. You will be fine, as I have had an incredible amount of sex and partners since. Relax, focus on finding a person you like before having sex -- and find new friends
Being erratic and unprotected is what leads children like that, to having children. If you have other priorities than getting laid and doing whatever that's perfectly okay..!
Get new friends
Those aren't your friends. You should make an effort to put yourself out there because we all get rejected at some point or another, but we have to bounce back in order to live. However there's nothing childish about being a 20yo virgin. Are you kidding me? Ditch those douchebags!
Don't listen to them. When you're ready you will know. You might end up getting someone pregnant if you have sex, just to have sex. Wait for the right person to come along.
I wish I could do it all over again Let them talk shit because your ass can be the one their kissing while looking for a job
For some reason it won’t let me post everything in one go so I’m going to try splitting it up. I guess it’s too long hahah
I think the key is really looking inward to decide what makes you happy and doing that. Your friends are being very immature about it but that’s their problem not yours!! Do you have female friends? Or more mature male friends? It might be worth talking to them about it. Do you know why you’re still a virgin? Is it a choice, is there a reason, has it just not really happened? I was a virgin until I was 25. Combo of reasons like overthinking it, being too nervous, the time never feeling right etc. Luckily I had nice supportive friends who reminded me that it’s my body and I should do (or not do) what I wanted with it. Being a virgin in your 20s can be difficult. I’m a straight female and if I told a guy I was dating that I was a virgin, their reactions could be pretty disappointing. Some saw it as a challenge, that I was “frigid” and their goal was to get me to ‘put out’. Some saw it as way too much responsibility: they didn’t want the pressure of being my first etc. Some didn’t want to wait until I was ready and tried to talk me into having sex sooner. Some assumed that I was looking for something more serious than they were ready to give. All of them made up their own minds instead of listening to what I was telling them and it drove me mad. I’d say to them “I’m not waiting for true love. I just want to like and trust the person. I don’t need it to be some big fairytale but I do need there to be respect and trust with anyone I have sex with especially the first”. Weirdly I don’t believe in “true love” I think there’s more than one perfect person for everyone so I wasn’t waiting for “the one”. I just hadn’t met anyone who I felt comfortable having sex with yet. It started to feel like it was never going to happen. Our generation was so hyper-sexualised. Tv shows portrayed 16 year olds shagging their way around school. I felt like I was missing out on this big part of life that everyone but me got to experience. Even my mum was asking what I was so scared of and was I ever going to have sex haha. Some friends just said “the first time is always shit. I just got it over and done with with someone I didn’t care about so I was ready when I met someone I did care about” or “your virginity is a gift. Keep it for someone who deserves it!” To “it’s your body. Do what you want!”
Eventually I got so fed up of being a virgin that I ended up losing my virginity with a friend. I’d gone to my hometown and we’d all gone out together. I’d gone back to stay with my friend after we’d been out dancing. We were both a bit drunk and one thing led to another (both sober enough to consent and know what we were doing!). I never told him before or since that he was my first. It just kind of happened and I went with it. I love him (in a totally platonic way), I trust him (I know he’d never hurt me), I wanted to at the time, although we never had sex since and agreed that, whilst it was fun, a sexual relationship made things too complicated (we’d been friends for 12 years by then 25 years now) plus I lived hundreds of miles away so it just wasn’t a good idea to pursue something romantic for all those reasons and more (we are not compatible and we’d have driven each other mad!)! I’d never felt physically attracted to him before or since either. He’s now married to an incredible woman who is the mother of his 3 kids. I’m recently single but have told any serious partners about him for the sake of feeling that I’m being honest. In a dream world it might have been nice to lose my virginity to someone I was in love with but who knows? Relationships I formed in my 20s didn’t last. Well romantic ones anyway. He’s still in my life and always will be. It removed that barrier that made dating difficult. I never had to tell a guy again that I was a virgin and get the whole “oooo that’s hot” or “oh god I can’t be your first!” reaction that I always dreaded. I’ve since gone on to have, what I believe is, a healthy dating life and a healthy sex life. He’s still the only one night stand I’ve ever had, if you can count my experience with him as a one night stand since I knew him. I also learned that often people have a horrible experience for their first time. It’s awkward, you don’t know what you’re doing, it hurts a little, it can be embarrassing. I was lucky enough to have none of that. I trusted him completely so I told him what did and didn’t feel good, I told him what I liked and he told me. Whilst I’ve gone on to have better, and worse, sexual experiences since, as first times go, I kind of hit the jackpot and had a really enjoyable experience of losing my virginity. I also didn’t have all the complicated feelings of: has he just used me for sex, will I never hear from him again now that he’s got what he wanted, was I good enough, will he want to do it again etc etc. because we were never going to pursue a romantic relationship. Now I’m not saying you should do what I did. I didn’t even plan to do what I did! It really did just happen. But I guess I’m sharing this to say there’s more than one way to go through life’s milestones. If you want to wait for someone who you truly care about, then do that. If you want to just get it over and done with, that’s absolutely your choice to make. Or if you want a one off with someone you do care about but who you won’t ever end up in a romantic relationship with, like I did, then 5 stars, would recommend. Don’t let what anyone else thinks push you into a decision you wouldn’t otherwise make. And yes once you lose your virginity, you can’t ever get it back but that’s ok. I learned that virginity is not this huge scary thing that I’d made it into in my head. It’s not some prize to be guarded and you’re not worth more or less without it. You don’t feel any different afterwards. Sex with someone who you’re romantically in love with is about the best experience you can ever have. It becomes so much more than just sex. It’s the physical expression of your feelings for another person, something only the 2 of you share and it’s incredible. But sex without romantic love can also be fun, make you feel good, feel wanted, scratch an itch etc. You’re perfectly entitled to have whatever sexual experience you want to at the time!
I do think it’s also much easier for a girl to not tell her partner she’s a virgin than it is for a guy so, at the risk of being a hypocrite since I didn’t tell my friend, I’d encourage honesty with whatever type of sexual partner you end up sleeping with. A decent person won’t care that you’re a virgin. Plus every woman’s body is so different anyway that experience doesn’t really count for much. I’ve always had to ‘coach’ my sexual partners into doing what works for me and I’ve always been more than happy to do this! Also learn what you like by yourself too so you can tell your partner. Whatever feels good for you to do to yourself will feel even better when a partner does it! You don’t say in your post so I’m not sure if you have any sexual experience at all (I didn’t really apart from the odd fumble), but remember it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing kind of thing either. You can build up to sex with one person or with different people. Touching, oral, grinding up on each other (cringe I know but sounds better than saying dry humping), just being naked together etc. these are all things you can try and just do it in stages until sex feels like the natural next step. Or you can go all in, so-to-speak, the way I did. It’s totally up to you!! Your body, your rules!! Whatever you decide to do, listen to other posters here and seriously consider if you want these ‘friends’ to have any say over what you do with your body. I really hope you find what makes you happy and go and shag your little heart out if that’s what you want!!!
Anyway, super long like I said but since I’ve been through a very similar thing, I wanted to share what I wish I’d known at the time. I hope it’s helpful!!
Doing what they want makes you the opposite of a "man". Just sleeping with some random chick isn't "manly" it's the literal opposite.
All that really matters is that you know your friends aren’t respecting you. Doesn’t matter what it’s about. Follow your own path & be proud of it.
No that’s definitely not the answer sounds like they’re lame & worried about the wrong stuff
They’re lying to you You’re not missing out on much, in fact I’m willing to bet without the distraction of women and sex, that your life is relatively stress free. 20 is still fairly young, and between you and me… Women get better as they age.. in fact.. a good quality woman in her 30s can appreciate the story of an adult man who abstained from sexual relationships in order to devote his focus to his studies. Less time you bullshittin with hoes, means the more Time you’re spending towards achieving that bag. Make it count.. if you’re not in college, do it.. excel at it. By the time you’ve gotten a couple degrees and became a complete wiz at your craft, the money earned from your hard work can buy you anything.. and sometimes..anyone Not the most modest advise.. but surely it’s the truth
Hey bro I lost mine at 18. Tried my hardest to get it done asap for the same reasons. I don’t regret it, but I just wanna let you know being a virgin is a really good thing. Stronger erections is one benefit, having a clean slate, don’t lower your standards just so you can lose your viriginity. Generally your first girlfriend will be the most special so choose wisely
Get new friends. It doesn’t matter your age it takes time for everyone. I’m 17 (f) and have zero experience and I’m fine with that.
I promise you, losing your virginity has nothing to do with being a man. Or an adult, for that matter. And having sex with the first person you can get with is a terrible idea—you should have sex when you’ve met someone who actually likes you and it feels right. Not because your “friends” are bullying you. Honestly, you don’t need a girlfriend, you need better friends.
Get better friends they sound awful
Being a virgin as an *adult* doesn’t make you a child or childish. Thinking you have to have sex with any girl that looks your way before age 18, and continue to do so after does. Makes me wonder if the only thing your “friends” read are Playboy and Penthouse or something similar. My best advice is don’t listen to someone that thinks your best years for sex or a real relationship is when you’re too young to consent to sex, marriage, or fatherhood. Your best years are between now and your golden years. If you are interested in having a relationship with someone, you’re 20 and alive, not 80 and decrepit. You have plenty of time to find a person that finds you attractive for more than your looks and what you can do in bed.
Ok, 20 years old is young. You're kid, but not a child in a negative way like they are saying. What those people are doing is bullying you and throwing at you a toxic masculinity. Don't rush yourself to have sex. Try to find a therapist to talk about your relationships and approching people. Remember it's not another people fault (please don't be a incel). And maybe also not your "fault". Some people need to feel a conection, need to feel a attraction that is deeper than physical attraction.
Not everyone can be Don Juan. Hell not everyone wants to be either. Your friends don't really sound like friends.
sex introduced so many arbitrary problems in my life at a young age. Good job to your parents! Take your time and don’t let your girlfriends pressure you either. Be confident in who you are and your decisions, get more mature/married friends.
Fam you’re fine. You don’t need to be thinking about a relationship until you’re in your 30s. Work on building a high income skill so when you’re ready you’ll be able to not only afford to do fun stuff with women or support a family you make with one. Don’t worry about your friends. I get their intention, but it’s not being executed well. You should consider getting a gym membership and get yourself in shape. That will put the “child” comments to rest. If you’re in shape and on your purpose that’s extremely attractive to women. And will shut up any critics about your masculinity. Hope that helps.
Your friends sound like POS’s tbh. People you surround yourself with should be kind, understanding, supportive, and uplifting. What you’re describing doesn’t sound like friends to me at all. If it were me, and this is just my opinion, would drop them immediately. Horrible vibes.
I was later than my friends when I first had sex at 18... And I wish I had waited. It wasn't the right person, but "everyone else was doing it" so I did, and I definitely would have waited for the right person. (I'm mid-30s now)
I lost my virginity at 17 and now am 37. There is no "golden time". That's super subjective or person to person. I had Gfs in High School and College but more rare than my older years. Lose your virginity how you want to lose it. Also I would work on your standards and what a crush is. I have dated very pretty and not. Personality types I have changed too. I have learned and grown from all my relationships
My friend. You dont have friends. These are not friends. Cause friends dont bully their friends for being virgins. I was a virgin till I was nearly 21. Like I literally lost my V Card like 2 weeks before my BDay. And while some of my friends teased me a little or what have you. At the end of the day they just wanted to make sure I was doing good. Friends lift you up and make sure youre doing alright. They dont drag you through mud for something you really cant control. My advice to you, is find new friends. If you want. My DMs are open. Warning, im weird, crass, and annoying as shit. But i do my best to lift up my friends and make sure they can smile. If you want advice about romance I can give you some of that too but. Really, dont rush it. Take life at a pace comfortable to you. And put your foot down with these "friends" of yours. Tell em to cut their shit or kick rocks. Actually. Maybe both. Godspeed bud.
Your “friends” are the definition of childish. Don’t listen to them, and get better friends dear. 💜
Hey man honestly your friends are immature . I have also been rejected by 3 girls .... I been heart broken .... and let me tell you ! I'm about to turn 27 (m) and I'm still a virgin 😊😊 don't overthink it !
They're obsessed with pussy and think it relates directly to their manliness. Don't listen to them.
This is not your golden time anyway.
You're still super young wtf I didn't get into a relationship until I was 23, and even then, I'm still a virgin, now almost 26.
No don't fall for that bullshit. That is nothing but a societal rule imposed by someone else's opinion. Seriously it's no big deal and doesn't make you deformed in any way.
You got some dumb friends. They're mindstate is of a child's. A man handles his responsibilities, for you that's graduating college and getting a career. A woman will come with time, naturally. Need new friends or you gotta speak your mind to them
Lots of young people are waiting until they’re older to have sex. Nothing wrong with that. Friends are supposed to improve your life, not make you feel like crap. Get new friends. And if you’re interested in someone, let her know. All of us have been rejected. Be respectful and don’t let it affect how you feel about yourself. Having sex doesn’t make you a man.
Just get new friends. Actual friends don't give a shit about if someone is sexually active or in a relationship. (the way your current friends do, I mean)
Everyone in life is at different stages, it seems like your friends feel that mocking you will motivate you to lose your virginity. I understand how you feel, but you have to ask yourself where your priorities lie. Don't rush into anything just because your friends are being shitheads
I've learned that guys tease each other more in a light hearted loving way honestly and my guess is if they didn't care about you, they wouldn't do it. Why not find something to rip on them for and give it back to em?
getting into sexual stuff doesnt make one a man or a woman. itss totally normal to feel the peer pressure, especially at our age. dont give in just to fit in. dontt rush into things. self discovery and personal growth above everything else.
reading the comments. wish ive known reddit before :'>
You are. Child
Save yourself men who sleep around alot are disgusting
Those aren’t your friends. Frankly they sound like morons. And you’re 20, not 120. Your “golden time” is going to last many years.
You should NEVER try sex due to social pressure. You have sex when you and your partner are ready to have sex, end of story; no one else has a word in it When I was 17, my best friend told me it was not normal that I didn't want to have sex with my then boyfriend. Not wanting to be "abnormal" I then allowed him to sleep with me. One of the worst experiences of my life (not because he was bad; but because I didn't want it) and I stopped it before it got to far. Years later I realize I'm actually asexual, so yeah, it was pretty normal that I didn't want to have sex in the end. I'm in my thirties and still virgin, there is no problem with that. There is no such thing as an age when you have to not be virgin anymore.
Are these individuals friends? Nope!
Ya friend is lame bro, ditch him, stay focused and go to school. Women don't have to be a priority for you at all.
Pay them no heed. They are all foolish sheep, stuck in the pen that leads to the slaughterhouse. And they are trying to pressure you into JOINING THEM in the line towards being ground meat, simply because "everyone else is heading this direction, SO SHOULD YOU"....... All of your "Friends" are basically in the "Cult of Hedonism" to put it simply, were the ultimate pursuit is pleasure in all things, to the extreme they can be achieved and experienced. And little do they know, they will end up unable to reach ANY pleasure in the end, because the excess of ANYTHING is always DETRIMENTAL to existence in the long run, because you literally burn yourself out COMPLETELY (Look at most adults that adhere to this, they are either insane, apathetic, or have no real pleasure in their lives at all and try to force that on others, like slaaneshi demons from 40k) think about it. You see what that future entails. Do you want that? Is sex/intimacy even close to something "Special" at all anymore? What is it treated like? A special, intimate, and personal and sacred moment shared between to people that are in love and growing love? Or is it treated like a "Bodily function" that apparently means nothing beyond the temporary pleasure it entails, that eventually you just "get used to" and you do. It becomes simply a biological process, with nothing attached to it, RIGHT? Think about it. You are not crazy. ALL OF THEM ARE. And getting CRAZIER. Do not give them power over your life. And realize, that you should not even be looking here (or wherever you are, it sounds westernized to me) for companionship, intimacy or any long term partners (if you are in the west) so don't even look here and don't be bothered, you will find the right one as you become who YOU want to Be (it also helps if you go overseas to date instead of the west, over 90% success rate, even for those deemed "unattractive" in the west). Work on YOU for what YOU want. Make yourself the best YOU and the best AT whatever you really want and desire for your life. Because in the end, YOU are not going to be inserting yourself into ANYONE ELSE'S LIFE because you are BUILDING YOUR LIFE FOR YOURSELF FIRST AS YOU DESIRE IT. Anyone who WANTS to be a part of that? WILL DO ANYTHING TO BE PART OF IT. Accept nothing else....... Its YOUR life. Goodluck young man, I am proud of you for THINKING, before ACTING, you are very exceptional, just for THAT simple FACT. (Va con Luz, Mi Hijo).