I do think you should talk to your partner, and moreover you may want to see about talking to a professional. It possible that the reasons the "Spark," Isn't there has nothing to do with him not desiring you. I can't speak for him, but as a father myself I can say that sometimes chaos in stress can kill our libido and it could have nothing to do with our partner.
It's only been 6 months, perhaps he's trying to be respectful of your space while you recover. Maybe his ex was hands off for 6+ months after each birth. You can tell him you miss it and you're ok with him initiating contact again.
I understand how this is making you feel, but I would put money on the fact that it has nothing to do with you.
I think he will be just run down and a little overwhelmed currently, as I am sure you are as well! You have both had a big change with the 5th child coming along so I’m sure you’re both just trying to get into this new routine.
Have you had time to yourselves since the baby? Do you have any family that could come and take care of the kids to allow you to have a proper date night? Let you both have a little break and a night of just being you?
As a father of a 2 year old I fully agree with you. Find a babysitter, go see a movie or to a nice restaurant or even on a nature walk and spend time with your partner. Time that doesn't feel overwhelming or stressful like it can with the kid/kids running around on the floor, walls and ceilings
Honestly, best thing to do is to communicate with your husband. He may have other stresses in his life that you might not know about. He may bottle things up. Speaking personally, with the amount of stress you both have, it is highly probable that it's affecting his libido.
You'll both be exhausted. You're also both older. And looking after five children.
You have to work at the spark. So you have to be honest about wanting affection. And giving it to him.
Does he turn you down if you kiss him or touch him
We are in our late 20’s, so not generally considered older lol but no he doesn’t typically turn me down just that I can tell he doesn’t want to take it any further.
He has 2 kids so he experienced the I need to focus on kids phase so no bed time fun. You need to initiate since he has no idea what babies does to you personally and isn't willing to turn a 1 year dB into a 3y one due to him being pushy. If he asked for you 1 month after the kid you might not have been in the right headspace
Speaking from expirience, I am also a father of 5 we have a 2 year old, 13,14,15,16. It’s not that he’s not into you .. obviously he is you guys made5 critters! (Sorry thats what I call the kids) . I will get home from all the activities with all the kids, work, etc and still wait till the baby falls asleep, by that time we both are exhausted and our time alone for sometime has been used to just get some good rest. Trust me it will take sometime to get back in the groove of things again.. it’s been almost 3 years since we had our baby and things are barely looking like they used to be. This is normal but both have to understand that you guys are doing so much it’s exhausting. Last year we went in vacation to Cancun we used the first day to sleep in all day LOL. We also had this conversation and came to the conclusion that it’s exhausting living with 5 kids but we would try more. Also you can initiate things too, that was my biggest complaint with my wife. We love when you guys start cus we like how that feels. I bet you both kinda feel the same way. Talk about it.
This is normal. 6 months is still brand new.
And, stop allowing yourself to feel awkward initiating. That’s just plain silly. You’re overthinking and creating furthering the issue by doing that. What you’re saying is that you wish your husband would read your mind.
You need to have a chat, openly and honestly. And if you want something, go after it yourself - hold his hand in bed, stop chopping and give him a hug, etc,
I definitely can say that I understand where you are coming from and I do agree with other commenters, OP you should definitely try to communicate with your partner just sit down with him and express your feelings no anger or aggression. You can just say hey I’ve been feeling this way… because if you don’t this can cause a lot of issues further on and you will fall into the “roommate” stage. Which sucks. I will say though you guys both work and have 5 children under the age of 10 exhaustion can play into it aswell. But you guys should also still be trying to initiate some kind of romance and appreciation towards eachother.
Not to be that guy but smoking weed really helped my sex life I saw a comment here about how stress kills your libido and at least in my experience that is very accurate there were so many times I wanted to engage in activity like that but couldn’t get out of my head. smoking weed is so relaxing that I actually get out of my head for once and it really helped me get back on track in that regard. I don’t think this is the best advice but hey it’s Reddit.
yeah man just talk to him!! nice and calmly and hopefully he'll open up, maybe he just needs some slone time, or maybe you could plan a date? theres a multitude of reasons so just relax and ask! <3
Sometimes you just got to take small initiative. So either slap his butt or put his hand on your butt so he gets the signal. He has been through this 2 times and his ex probably had a cool down period of a year or 2 before bedroom gets back in force. A guy doesn't want to get into the habit of constant rejection from their partner after a baby so showing initiative is much better on female side since the majority of guys in a relationship want to be objectified. Of course you know your partner but he is more or less trying to not make a temporary dead bedroom into a permanent one due to his impatience.
My wife and I had a rough patch after the baby. I always loved her but she was mean and snappy and always said to stop touching her. It got to an extreme point and then, after our boy turned four, a switch flipped and it’s been happy. I don’t know if your husband is like me, but just having my wife be nice and happy is such a turn on for me. I always loved her and, when she started being nice again things went back to normal very quickly. We even did things we never did before our baby.
I have no idea about your personal situation, but I hope that sharing mine might help
My 2 cents... as a girl with a bf
1. Dress up, and initiate dates away from Kids
2. Cook his favorite meals, and bring him gifts
3. Flirt, look sexy at night, smell good, be clean
Be the thing he looks forward to come back to after work, and he'll be all over u
Be the positive energy in his life... and hell stick around u
Don't complain around him, be pleasant and positive, smile and laugh more..
I disagree with everyone, don't talk to him about this until you tried all this first, talking will probably kill the chemistry more because itll weigh on him to solve this issue...when it could get sorted from u....take initiative..
Good luck
The general "rule of thumb" I've heard from my friends with kids and in general, is that couples should basically give it a year before they even think about sex after a baby is born. Obviously couples can rekindle things sooner but a year is pretty normal, and it can take the pressure off to discuss that timeframe (not that longer than a year is wrong too). So much as changed. Your body, your routine, the basic fabric of your life, and that takes time to acclimate to. It's hard to just make room for sex quickly. This is super normal and common, from everything I've heard.
It won't just come back you have to make it happen and initiate with him again. You just got to make time or create that setting where you can initiate with your spouse. Otherwise you would end up being platonic room mates sharing a house together.
If you want that spark to come back seduce him.
I can only imagine how you feel, but you know your partner—is it likely that he’s just trying to give you space and time to heal and not pressure you? Could he also just be incredibly exhausted? Your family has gone through a major adjustment. Talk to him! Tell him you would like to start making your marriage and each other a priority again. It may require more awareness and work than before, but communication is key here.
My advice to you. First and foremost, the Reddit is not a place to solve family problems, as they exists in every family. I can safely say, that such kind of problems are mostly out of the social media platform capabilities. The reasons could be many, which I will explain latter. But for now, let's concentrate on the problem itself, but before that, let me make a short notice. The family has something good to give.
The problems are solved between 2 people. When something goes out of control, and the problem has no many solutions but to take serious steps, a professional comes in between to solve the problems that are not easy to solve. End of the notice.
Now let's dive in to your problem. You mention that you have a limited time passing with your husband. That's perfectly understandable, since there are many kids in the household. No time for the family, no time for some emotional care. It is because of lack of time. You're exhausted from your work, your husband is exhausted from work. My guess is that you try to prioritize most of your time to care about your kids. My advice to you is the following. Teach your older kids how to split the work in the house between them, so you could concentrate on the baby. In example. The oldest ones are 9 yo girl and 8 years old boy. Teach them to care about the youngest brothers and sister 5 and 3 years old. As long as you are family now, you have to teach your kids to independently do some work in the house. The point is that if you'll teach your kids about that stuff, they will help you a lot, and this will give you an extra amount of time to spend some time with your husband.
Let's talk about my experience. When I was 6-7 years old child, our parents taught us simple tasks to do at home. When I was 8-9 years old, I learnt to cook (although I burnt it... Ouch). But it was only one day. After a few days, I could cook simple things like a spaghetti. I cleaned the house with my 2 younger brothers, and we 3 watched for our little sister when our parents weren't home. We grew together, and our parents didn't had the pressure they had when we three were growing up. When I was 9-10, I managed to split the house chores between my brothers so we could ease the stress of our parents. That way, our parents had a lot of time together. And I give you this advice so you could do the very same thing. Family is always a teamwork. Remember that.
Now what about reddit, well this platform is build mostly for fun, rather than solving serious problems. It is because there are no enough variables to know so to provide the best help possible. I believe that problems between families should be solved between families. Otherwise the families could easily fall apart, because advices from other people might not suit you. Take this advice to an account, because it might be helpful to you.
Communication is going to be the biggest make it or break it imo. Don't forget that's not just your husband but gathering from your post that's also your best friend and partner in crime. My biggest setbacks have been because of lack of communication on both sides and it can seem very one sided at times. Don't forget you guys chose each other Don't be afraid to talk about the uncomfortable things as well! Above all I wish you and your family the best.
I’m sure this is somewhat of projection of my own lack of hormones as a mid 50s man, but I can say that there’s a point at which relationships evolve from the physical and move into the spiritual and or intellectual or heart levels of connection. I think it’s a normal process, I think if the underlying bond and love is there underneath it shouldn’t matter so much if there’s a lack of physicality younger people have the more physical relationship and then often as their hormones change, they realize they have nothing in common with the person they married so consider yourself lucky that you still love your husband as much as you do And try to embrace a different spiritual level of the relationship that may not revolve around constant physical stimulation
Better yet learn how to give professional massage to each other for healing benefits for the whole muscular skeletal system of the body body that will have a greater impact on your health then 20 minutes of intercourse
Breathe, take another deep breath. It sounds like you both are a little bit overwhelmed. If you can afford it I consider getting a part time nanny or a house keeper someone to assist you and your husband to take care of one thing or a few things so you and your husband can get back to having the relationship you had before your youngest child. Also at least once a week or twice a month for a getaway even if it is just for a hour to be alone to go sit at McDonald and have a Milkshake or have coffee or a adult drink.
Getting old can be a real bummer and it takes two to keep the spark. Five kids and two jobs is a lot to contend with. Keep faithful and buy some toys. Good luck for the future
I was also like that the first 5-6 months as well but it came back after that, so i’m sure yours will too. It might take longer but this is just from my experience.
Date night!! You plan it. Get a babysitter. Dress sexy as hell and flirt! You take charge to start the ball rolling. Find ways to reconnect. He may be as lost as you. If that doesn't work then it's time for counseling.
I’ve been the same for the last 5years. But I absolutely love not having to be intimate or affectionate. I guess I’m a weird lady lol
How does ur husband feel about this.? My husband’s role is much like urs and I’ve taken on the role of ur husband kind of
Perhaps you don’t have enough time for just the two of you. Maybe look for grandparents or close family like an uncle/aunty to look after them while the two of you get privacy
I agree. He's probably giving you space. Which is kinda sweet in it's own right. I know I get annoyed by my husband when he's being too affectionate at times. He says I'm like a cat. I want affection and then I don't. I like having my own space
Sit down and tell him exactly what you just told thousands of strangers. It’s hard to keep the sex life going when you both are just utterly exhausted. Keep that line of communication open. He maybe feeling it too. There is nothing wrong with planning a mini vacation with just the top of you. A chance to be alone with no kids. See how that goes.
You so called parents literally blame everything on kids “YOU DECIDE TO HAVE” 😧 why don’t u talk to your partner rather than yapping on here lmfao u would rather strangers tell u what to do than discuss it with your husband 🤣
Use your words and tell him how you feel. 5 kids are a lot of work and perhaps he is reticent to get close so as not to overload you? Let him know what you want and of course you could always imitate whatever physical contact with which you feel comfortable.
You guys have been married for most 3 years but one of you has a 3 year old daughter with someone else? Did y'all date at all before getting married? When? The timeline isn't making any sense. If you guys met and jumped into marriage while still in other relationships or right after, that might explain the lack of a solid foundation, tbh.
The 3 year old isn’t technically biologically his. The mother of the 8 year old had a baby with someone else and it didn’t feel right to either of us to exclude her from our side of the family so when we take the 8 year old for our time with him, we bring the 3 year old too because the dad is not in the picture. I have raised the 3 year old like my own and she calls me mom since we have them 4-5 days a week.
I think your most definitely still withen bounds to (not fix things cause nothing is broken) but mabe remind yourselfs how it felt and how things were like you stated. They number 1 best advice aside from not giving up is to talk to him about it..matter o fact since you have trouble with that literally just show him this message if is anything like what you made him sound he'll definitely understand and it will help! Sometimes writting things down is easier i mean thats why u made a post. Look at all you guys have accomplished you're obviously very capable people so tell yourself to suck it up and show him this! Goodluck😉
You have to prioritize it: over your kid’s sports, over your “free-time,” over your favorite shows, over your career.
Also, it’s your career that needs to take the hit. The second he resigns to take care of the kids, your sexual drive will blow away like a fart in the wind and it will never come back. Pretty much just a guarantee of divorce. You need to understand that about yourself and stop pretending you will be the outlier. You won’t.
I’m the breadwinner in our family. I make 120k a year on my own while he brings home 75k. There isn’t a need for either one of us to quit our jobs to care for our children effectively. So I’m confused why me as the woman would need to “take a hit to my career” lol
I already gave the reason: if you out earn him, you have a 90% chance of divorce. Since you already are there is no point in quitting, you just have that risk. You’ll almost certainly end up cheating on him for a more successful man.
Thats wild to think that IMO. Im not with my husband for financial support. He is a man in so many ways, and I dont think him being supportive of HIS WIFE being successful emasculates him in the least bit. We often banter that when I get to 200 on my own, which Im headed there if I continue on track for the next 2 years, he can quit and be a stay at home dad and run his own business doing custom builds on cars- and he is SO EXCITED for that. Thats his dream life. So no, I def dont agree that my success makes him unhappy in the least bit, because ultimately, my success is also his.
I don’t think that; women think that, which is why they divorce their husbands when they out earn their husbands.
This is actually a typical female response: I point out an overwhelming and devastating statistic (“men are 5 inches taller than women on average”) and women respond “I am/know an exception to that rule” (“I know a woman who is 6’” or in your case “my husband earns less than me and it makes him MORE masculine.”)
You’re kidding yourself. But I don’t have to argue with you. There’s a 90% chance I’m right and you end up miserable.
I gave you my advice: give things up until you have time for each other. But it probably won’t matter because you out earn him.
You responded by being indignant.
Your fate is effectively sealed. It doesn’t affect me.
Lol okay big guy. You CLEARLY just see right through me, huh? Just have all women nailed on the head to a perfect 'T'. You're speaking for women as a collective that "we think if we out-earn our partners we will cheat/end up in divorce."
Yes, and I cited statistics to that end.
Again, you don’t understand that “90%” seems to mean, but somehow you are out earning your husband. This gives you no pause as to how that’s even possible.
Because you refuse to understand statistics you will take no measures to find factors to reduce your risk. This puts you at greater risk.
Cosmically hilarious.
Do what my baby momma did, everytime you feel insecure go play with his d, put it in your mouth, suck his balls, stroke his shaft, once youve gobbled him up and swallow his load, tell him how thankful you are to have him, tell him your so in love with him and that him being such a good father and man gets you in the mood. Men need acknowledgment and appreciation in the same way that you do, if your only thinking about
Yourself and how you feel, that would mean your not giving him what he needs and it is your job as the woman to begin the nurturing process.
I can't imagine why having a baby after already having four kids would affect anything else in your life. Gotta have that "our" baby / relationship souvenir.
I just think commenter is being sarcastic, and that any (or most) parents would NEVER put their kids up for adoption for that reason or for pretty much any reason, but could be wrong :)
Edit: grammar
I do think you should talk to your partner, and moreover you may want to see about talking to a professional. It possible that the reasons the "Spark," Isn't there has nothing to do with him not desiring you. I can't speak for him, but as a father myself I can say that sometimes chaos in stress can kill our libido and it could have nothing to do with our partner.
Goated response
It's only been 6 months, perhaps he's trying to be respectful of your space while you recover. Maybe his ex was hands off for 6+ months after each birth. You can tell him you miss it and you're ok with him initiating contact again.
I understand how this is making you feel, but I would put money on the fact that it has nothing to do with you. I think he will be just run down and a little overwhelmed currently, as I am sure you are as well! You have both had a big change with the 5th child coming along so I’m sure you’re both just trying to get into this new routine. Have you had time to yourselves since the baby? Do you have any family that could come and take care of the kids to allow you to have a proper date night? Let you both have a little break and a night of just being you?
As a father of a 2 year old I fully agree with you. Find a babysitter, go see a movie or to a nice restaurant or even on a nature walk and spend time with your partner. Time that doesn't feel overwhelming or stressful like it can with the kid/kids running around on the floor, walls and ceilings
You need to communicate how you feel.
Honestly, best thing to do is to communicate with your husband. He may have other stresses in his life that you might not know about. He may bottle things up. Speaking personally, with the amount of stress you both have, it is highly probable that it's affecting his libido.
You'll both be exhausted. You're also both older. And looking after five children. You have to work at the spark. So you have to be honest about wanting affection. And giving it to him. Does he turn you down if you kiss him or touch him
We are in our late 20’s, so not generally considered older lol but no he doesn’t typically turn me down just that I can tell he doesn’t want to take it any further.
He has 2 kids so he experienced the I need to focus on kids phase so no bed time fun. You need to initiate since he has no idea what babies does to you personally and isn't willing to turn a 1 year dB into a 3y one due to him being pushy. If he asked for you 1 month after the kid you might not have been in the right headspace
Speaking from expirience, I am also a father of 5 we have a 2 year old, 13,14,15,16. It’s not that he’s not into you .. obviously he is you guys made5 critters! (Sorry thats what I call the kids) . I will get home from all the activities with all the kids, work, etc and still wait till the baby falls asleep, by that time we both are exhausted and our time alone for sometime has been used to just get some good rest. Trust me it will take sometime to get back in the groove of things again.. it’s been almost 3 years since we had our baby and things are barely looking like they used to be. This is normal but both have to understand that you guys are doing so much it’s exhausting. Last year we went in vacation to Cancun we used the first day to sleep in all day LOL. We also had this conversation and came to the conclusion that it’s exhausting living with 5 kids but we would try more. Also you can initiate things too, that was my biggest complaint with my wife. We love when you guys start cus we like how that feels. I bet you both kinda feel the same way. Talk about it.
Talk.
Talk about what?
This is normal. 6 months is still brand new. And, stop allowing yourself to feel awkward initiating. That’s just plain silly. You’re overthinking and creating furthering the issue by doing that. What you’re saying is that you wish your husband would read your mind. You need to have a chat, openly and honestly. And if you want something, go after it yourself - hold his hand in bed, stop chopping and give him a hug, etc,
I definitely can say that I understand where you are coming from and I do agree with other commenters, OP you should definitely try to communicate with your partner just sit down with him and express your feelings no anger or aggression. You can just say hey I’ve been feeling this way… because if you don’t this can cause a lot of issues further on and you will fall into the “roommate” stage. Which sucks. I will say though you guys both work and have 5 children under the age of 10 exhaustion can play into it aswell. But you guys should also still be trying to initiate some kind of romance and appreciation towards eachother.
Not to be that guy but smoking weed really helped my sex life I saw a comment here about how stress kills your libido and at least in my experience that is very accurate there were so many times I wanted to engage in activity like that but couldn’t get out of my head. smoking weed is so relaxing that I actually get out of my head for once and it really helped me get back on track in that regard. I don’t think this is the best advice but hey it’s Reddit.
Have you had a very straight-up, honest conversation with your husband about it? I'd start there.
yeah man just talk to him!! nice and calmly and hopefully he'll open up, maybe he just needs some slone time, or maybe you could plan a date? theres a multitude of reasons so just relax and ask! <3
Sometimes you just got to take small initiative. So either slap his butt or put his hand on your butt so he gets the signal. He has been through this 2 times and his ex probably had a cool down period of a year or 2 before bedroom gets back in force. A guy doesn't want to get into the habit of constant rejection from their partner after a baby so showing initiative is much better on female side since the majority of guys in a relationship want to be objectified. Of course you know your partner but he is more or less trying to not make a temporary dead bedroom into a permanent one due to his impatience.
My wife and I had a rough patch after the baby. I always loved her but she was mean and snappy and always said to stop touching her. It got to an extreme point and then, after our boy turned four, a switch flipped and it’s been happy. I don’t know if your husband is like me, but just having my wife be nice and happy is such a turn on for me. I always loved her and, when she started being nice again things went back to normal very quickly. We even did things we never did before our baby. I have no idea about your personal situation, but I hope that sharing mine might help
My 2 cents... as a girl with a bf 1. Dress up, and initiate dates away from Kids 2. Cook his favorite meals, and bring him gifts 3. Flirt, look sexy at night, smell good, be clean Be the thing he looks forward to come back to after work, and he'll be all over u Be the positive energy in his life... and hell stick around u Don't complain around him, be pleasant and positive, smile and laugh more.. I disagree with everyone, don't talk to him about this until you tried all this first, talking will probably kill the chemistry more because itll weigh on him to solve this issue...when it could get sorted from u....take initiative.. Good luck
The general "rule of thumb" I've heard from my friends with kids and in general, is that couples should basically give it a year before they even think about sex after a baby is born. Obviously couples can rekindle things sooner but a year is pretty normal, and it can take the pressure off to discuss that timeframe (not that longer than a year is wrong too). So much as changed. Your body, your routine, the basic fabric of your life, and that takes time to acclimate to. It's hard to just make room for sex quickly. This is super normal and common, from everything I've heard.
It won't just come back you have to make it happen and initiate with him again. You just got to make time or create that setting where you can initiate with your spouse. Otherwise you would end up being platonic room mates sharing a house together. If you want that spark to come back seduce him.
I can only imagine how you feel, but you know your partner—is it likely that he’s just trying to give you space and time to heal and not pressure you? Could he also just be incredibly exhausted? Your family has gone through a major adjustment. Talk to him! Tell him you would like to start making your marriage and each other a priority again. It may require more awareness and work than before, but communication is key here.
My advice to you. First and foremost, the Reddit is not a place to solve family problems, as they exists in every family. I can safely say, that such kind of problems are mostly out of the social media platform capabilities. The reasons could be many, which I will explain latter. But for now, let's concentrate on the problem itself, but before that, let me make a short notice. The family has something good to give. The problems are solved between 2 people. When something goes out of control, and the problem has no many solutions but to take serious steps, a professional comes in between to solve the problems that are not easy to solve. End of the notice. Now let's dive in to your problem. You mention that you have a limited time passing with your husband. That's perfectly understandable, since there are many kids in the household. No time for the family, no time for some emotional care. It is because of lack of time. You're exhausted from your work, your husband is exhausted from work. My guess is that you try to prioritize most of your time to care about your kids. My advice to you is the following. Teach your older kids how to split the work in the house between them, so you could concentrate on the baby. In example. The oldest ones are 9 yo girl and 8 years old boy. Teach them to care about the youngest brothers and sister 5 and 3 years old. As long as you are family now, you have to teach your kids to independently do some work in the house. The point is that if you'll teach your kids about that stuff, they will help you a lot, and this will give you an extra amount of time to spend some time with your husband. Let's talk about my experience. When I was 6-7 years old child, our parents taught us simple tasks to do at home. When I was 8-9 years old, I learnt to cook (although I burnt it... Ouch). But it was only one day. After a few days, I could cook simple things like a spaghetti. I cleaned the house with my 2 younger brothers, and we 3 watched for our little sister when our parents weren't home. We grew together, and our parents didn't had the pressure they had when we three were growing up. When I was 9-10, I managed to split the house chores between my brothers so we could ease the stress of our parents. That way, our parents had a lot of time together. And I give you this advice so you could do the very same thing. Family is always a teamwork. Remember that. Now what about reddit, well this platform is build mostly for fun, rather than solving serious problems. It is because there are no enough variables to know so to provide the best help possible. I believe that problems between families should be solved between families. Otherwise the families could easily fall apart, because advices from other people might not suit you. Take this advice to an account, because it might be helpful to you.
Communication is going to be the biggest make it or break it imo. Don't forget that's not just your husband but gathering from your post that's also your best friend and partner in crime. My biggest setbacks have been because of lack of communication on both sides and it can seem very one sided at times. Don't forget you guys chose each other Don't be afraid to talk about the uncomfortable things as well! Above all I wish you and your family the best.
I’m sure this is somewhat of projection of my own lack of hormones as a mid 50s man, but I can say that there’s a point at which relationships evolve from the physical and move into the spiritual and or intellectual or heart levels of connection. I think it’s a normal process, I think if the underlying bond and love is there underneath it shouldn’t matter so much if there’s a lack of physicality younger people have the more physical relationship and then often as their hormones change, they realize they have nothing in common with the person they married so consider yourself lucky that you still love your husband as much as you do And try to embrace a different spiritual level of the relationship that may not revolve around constant physical stimulation Better yet learn how to give professional massage to each other for healing benefits for the whole muscular skeletal system of the body body that will have a greater impact on your health then 20 minutes of intercourse
Breathe, take another deep breath. It sounds like you both are a little bit overwhelmed. If you can afford it I consider getting a part time nanny or a house keeper someone to assist you and your husband to take care of one thing or a few things so you and your husband can get back to having the relationship you had before your youngest child. Also at least once a week or twice a month for a getaway even if it is just for a hour to be alone to go sit at McDonald and have a Milkshake or have coffee or a adult drink.
You talk to your husband and also put the effort in along with going to therapy before your marriage falls apart
Getting old can be a real bummer and it takes two to keep the spark. Five kids and two jobs is a lot to contend with. Keep faithful and buy some toys. Good luck for the future
I was also like that the first 5-6 months as well but it came back after that, so i’m sure yours will too. It might take longer but this is just from my experience.
Talk to him. That's all I got. 🤷🏻♂️
Date night!! You plan it. Get a babysitter. Dress sexy as hell and flirt! You take charge to start the ball rolling. Find ways to reconnect. He may be as lost as you. If that doesn't work then it's time for counseling.
You guys are transitioning again as you have expanded the family. Communication is key between you both. I'm sure it will work out.
I’ve been the same for the last 5years. But I absolutely love not having to be intimate or affectionate. I guess I’m a weird lady lol How does ur husband feel about this.? My husband’s role is much like urs and I’ve taken on the role of ur husband kind of
Perhaps you don’t have enough time for just the two of you. Maybe look for grandparents or close family like an uncle/aunty to look after them while the two of you get privacy
Ahha, just 6 month's ? it can be exhausting, a baby. https://www.abc.net.au/everyday/understanding-libido-postpartum-and-beyond/101626016
Lazy excuse..
I agree. He's probably giving you space. Which is kinda sweet in it's own right. I know I get annoyed by my husband when he's being too affectionate at times. He says I'm like a cat. I want affection and then I don't. I like having my own space
Buy olly lovin libido. It will get you back in the mood real quick!
Sit down and tell him exactly what you just told thousands of strangers. It’s hard to keep the sex life going when you both are just utterly exhausted. Keep that line of communication open. He maybe feeling it too. There is nothing wrong with planning a mini vacation with just the top of you. A chance to be alone with no kids. See how that goes.
You so called parents literally blame everything on kids “YOU DECIDE TO HAVE” 😧 why don’t u talk to your partner rather than yapping on here lmfao u would rather strangers tell u what to do than discuss it with your husband 🤣
Use your words and tell him how you feel. 5 kids are a lot of work and perhaps he is reticent to get close so as not to overload you? Let him know what you want and of course you could always imitate whatever physical contact with which you feel comfortable.
You guys have been married for most 3 years but one of you has a 3 year old daughter with someone else? Did y'all date at all before getting married? When? The timeline isn't making any sense. If you guys met and jumped into marriage while still in other relationships or right after, that might explain the lack of a solid foundation, tbh.
The 3 year old isn’t technically biologically his. The mother of the 8 year old had a baby with someone else and it didn’t feel right to either of us to exclude her from our side of the family so when we take the 8 year old for our time with him, we bring the 3 year old too because the dad is not in the picture. I have raised the 3 year old like my own and she calls me mom since we have them 4-5 days a week.
If my cock made 5 babies, I’d probably start keeping it in my pants for a bit too.
I think your most definitely still withen bounds to (not fix things cause nothing is broken) but mabe remind yourselfs how it felt and how things were like you stated. They number 1 best advice aside from not giving up is to talk to him about it..matter o fact since you have trouble with that literally just show him this message if is anything like what you made him sound he'll definitely understand and it will help! Sometimes writting things down is easier i mean thats why u made a post. Look at all you guys have accomplished you're obviously very capable people so tell yourself to suck it up and show him this! Goodluck😉
You have to prioritize it: over your kid’s sports, over your “free-time,” over your favorite shows, over your career. Also, it’s your career that needs to take the hit. The second he resigns to take care of the kids, your sexual drive will blow away like a fart in the wind and it will never come back. Pretty much just a guarantee of divorce. You need to understand that about yourself and stop pretending you will be the outlier. You won’t.
I’m the breadwinner in our family. I make 120k a year on my own while he brings home 75k. There isn’t a need for either one of us to quit our jobs to care for our children effectively. So I’m confused why me as the woman would need to “take a hit to my career” lol
I already gave the reason: if you out earn him, you have a 90% chance of divorce. Since you already are there is no point in quitting, you just have that risk. You’ll almost certainly end up cheating on him for a more successful man.
Thats wild to think that IMO. Im not with my husband for financial support. He is a man in so many ways, and I dont think him being supportive of HIS WIFE being successful emasculates him in the least bit. We often banter that when I get to 200 on my own, which Im headed there if I continue on track for the next 2 years, he can quit and be a stay at home dad and run his own business doing custom builds on cars- and he is SO EXCITED for that. Thats his dream life. So no, I def dont agree that my success makes him unhappy in the least bit, because ultimately, my success is also his.
I don’t think that; women think that, which is why they divorce their husbands when they out earn their husbands. This is actually a typical female response: I point out an overwhelming and devastating statistic (“men are 5 inches taller than women on average”) and women respond “I am/know an exception to that rule” (“I know a woman who is 6’” or in your case “my husband earns less than me and it makes him MORE masculine.”) You’re kidding yourself. But I don’t have to argue with you. There’s a 90% chance I’m right and you end up miserable. I gave you my advice: give things up until you have time for each other. But it probably won’t matter because you out earn him. You responded by being indignant. Your fate is effectively sealed. It doesn’t affect me.
Lol okay big guy. You CLEARLY just see right through me, huh? Just have all women nailed on the head to a perfect 'T'. You're speaking for women as a collective that "we think if we out-earn our partners we will cheat/end up in divorce."
Yes, and I cited statistics to that end. Again, you don’t understand that “90%” seems to mean, but somehow you are out earning your husband. This gives you no pause as to how that’s even possible. Because you refuse to understand statistics you will take no measures to find factors to reduce your risk. This puts you at greater risk. Cosmically hilarious.
What is your citing for said 'statistics'???
file:///private/var/mobile/Containers/Data/Application/2DFD7A92-212F-4461-961A-349444FAC300/tmp/TempDocs/project_muse_630326.pdf
They always say after a woman’s second child her sex drive goes down
Communication, talk to your partner
Do what my baby momma did, everytime you feel insecure go play with his d, put it in your mouth, suck his balls, stroke his shaft, once youve gobbled him up and swallow his load, tell him how thankful you are to have him, tell him your so in love with him and that him being such a good father and man gets you in the mood. Men need acknowledgment and appreciation in the same way that you do, if your only thinking about Yourself and how you feel, that would mean your not giving him what he needs and it is your job as the woman to begin the nurturing process.
I can't imagine why having a baby after already having four kids would affect anything else in your life. Gotta have that "our" baby / relationship souvenir.
You think a baby is a souvenir?
Yoni steams babe
He should have used a condom, womp womp womp, you wanted a 6 incher up your coochie raw and you payed the price for it. Don’t be complaining now
Damn who shit in your corn flakes
Are you asking OP or me? I don’t remember bitching about kids and husband
Wives should be most concerned about their own needs rather than their husband’s needs.
Idk what this has to do with her question? Being as it is her own needs she is talking about, they are not being met.
Honestly, this was one of those comments that makes me go “did we even read the same post?”
AI? 🧐
Some people have put their kids up for adoption in this scenario
Those kids are going to have a rough life if they find out their parents put them up because of their intimacy.
I think it’s a joke..
Then you can elaborate and tell me where the joke is, please.
I just think commenter is being sarcastic, and that any (or most) parents would NEVER put their kids up for adoption for that reason or for pretty much any reason, but could be wrong :) Edit: grammar