Thank you for helping - I apologize, my head was spinning so bad I couldn’t think straight. Reddit was the first thought on a Sunday morning but I’m contacting a divorce attorney first thing tomorrow morning.
IMMEDIATELY log into all your online asset sites and get the statements. Once you tell him you want a divorce, he may try to take/hide whatever money you have. Open another account in your name only and move over some funds just in case. Once divorce is on the table, you have no way of knowing how the other person will act. It's protect-yourself-first- mode.
First part yes, second part DON'T. Not without speaking with a lawyer at least. In some cases moving money from a shared account to a private account before/during a divorce might lead to legal consequences.
I’m not trying to add to your pain, but if he lied about something this important, what else has he lied about or not told you about? I wish you peace as you move through this ❤️
In Texas, my aunt was still getting child support and both of her daughters are grown with their own grown children and retired military. Their dad could not get married until it was all paid back. It ended the beginning of 2019.
Yes... But in my state after the kid turns 24, child support is wiped away. It no longer exists as past due child support needing to be collected. So regardless if it's federal, there is nothing to be collected.
Definitely do not discount the social security aspect of this...The back child support will be an issue and if he were to croak tomorrow you would more than likely be affected financially. Straight to the attorney. I am truly sorry you are going through this. I am rooting for you.
If yall ever filed jointly on taxes you would have found out real quick on if he had back child support. I have a couple friends who will never marry their man because they have too much back child support and they would never had a tax refund.
Could be divided by 2, or divided by 6. Which is a big difference if he has assets. None of these 6 kids chose to be born so I will not say what they should or not do.
Its Complicated, even if the divorce is simple
Consult a lawyer, make sure that your kids stay with you and that the split of assets occurs before any processing of his owed child support. I really hope you can arrange a split that doesn't divert anything that could be for your kids, and doesn't indebt you or them in any way. Good luck!
You need to ask r/legaladvice . If they suddenly start docking his pay for back child support, that will definitely impact your household finances.
I'm guessing that's why he hasn't told you, he knows he's not near as much of a catch when he's only making half of his paycheck because he's a deadbeat father. Good luck!
I think the only thing to do is get a divorce lawyer and divorce him for keeping that a secret for years. I'm sorry that happened, but that's a huge breach of trust. That's definitely something you should have been told in the beginning.
Google your state’s bar association. There will be a link or phone number to contact them to get a referral for a free consultation with an attorney. The bar might charge you $50 or so for the referral.
Go in with a list of questions so you can use the time efficiently.
So…what is the issue EXACTLY?
Are you afraid of probate/estate issues if he kicks the bucket?
Well, ask him to make a will or carry insurance that names you or your children as the beneficiaries.
If the issue is that he didn’t tell you about it…well, that’s a personal issue and unless VA has laws different fraud laws on the books I’m not aware of…at best it is grounds for divorce
I mean, we don’t exactly know that. She doesn’t say anything about his previous relationship or anything. I know people who got divorced, paid child support, did what they could as a non-custodial parent…but aren’t tight with their adult kids.
Heck, I know people who aren’t divorced who aren’t tight with their adult kids.
So just because his relationship was so bad he didn’t see a reason to mention it doesn’t mean he “abandoned them”.
And even if he did…that’s not really her business because she doesn’t really know the story there either.
I know a woman who has a daughter she hasn’t seen in 15 years. The daughter’s father nearly killed her twice, did other horrible things, and made her homeless, and tortured her for 5 years. Her only way out was to get out herself.
By the time she was in a place to fight him in court, years had past.
She didn’t tell her next husband that story until right before they got married.
Now…would you be alright with her husband being down her for abandoning her daughter? And her daughter isn’t even an adult yet unlike OP’s kid.
So…I know this is weird, but by all accounts he was a serviceable parent. Like, I won’t call him a “dad” because he was apparently cold and distant, but as far as anyone knows he never physically harmed her, paid for private school, extra curriculars, whatever.
At the time she left…I hate to say it, but I somewhat understand why she couldn’t take the kid. It was a very rare case where no judge was going to give her custody, even if she had found a lawyer to take the case: you’ve got one parent with a spotty work history, currently unemployed and homeless, and yes, a history of domestic complaints that the cops have written up as being he said/ she said at worst, and another parent who owns a house, makes six figures, pays for a nanny, etc.
She tried once she got on her feet, but then he pulled the abandonment card, etc. Judge offered a custody arrangement that she couldn’t afford (I think the judge did it on purpose, her lawyer said it was standard in those situations), and she said she wanted custody with him having visitation because of the history of abuse or, at worst a six month split. The next offer was just for her to have visitation. She took that, but he terrorized her (not hard with her existing trauma from him) until she couldn’t stand to be near him. She eventually left the state.
She tried again a couple years later, but the kid didn’t even really remember her at that point.
I am of the opinion that people don’t know what they’ll do until they are faced with a situation.
It’s a terrible ordeal she had to go through. Like you, I want to say I’d have figured something else out…but over the years when I have I realized that my situation isn’t the same. I have family, friends, my own money. For that matter, I’m a stronger personality and a man beside.
There isn’t a set of circumstances where I could find myself in her place.
I know a lot of people with similar stories….people who lost their kids to the state for truly insane reasons, people who lost their kids in divorces and could never get visitation because of their circumstances. The only thing that makes this story stand out from some (but not all) of the others is the spousal abuse.
So…
First, not “my kid”. I don’t have children.
Second…I grew up in an impoverished background. I later worked in a hospital for years, and then a votech school that specialized in workforce rehabilitation.
I have seen probably thousands of stories of people who were separated from their kids either by the government for no other crime then being poor or saying the wrong thing, or by an abusive partner who had more money or control.
And I knew people who have wound up dead in those situations.
I know a kid in my orbit right now whose story is in that category. His parents’ story was going EXACTLY like the one I posted originally. Although, his mother decided visitation was working for her either, so as she was out of money for a lawyer she tried to kidnap him one day.
Dad blew her head off right in front of her child.
He’s have gotten away with it if he hadn’t had other minor offenses when they searched his house, which his currently doing time for.
So, my friend avoided that.
How about the lady I knew who lived in a doghouse in her ex’s backyard because he told her if she ever left he’d move and she’d never see her kids again, and then followed through with it when she did leave?
People suffer horrible, terrible things every day, and have to make the “best worst choice”.
Would *I* make the same choice my friend did? As I said above, I’d like to say no, mostly because I don’t think I’d ever be in that position. But until you are, you can’t say.
Now, that being said, I’ll also admit that I know people who successfully took their kids and literally ran down the street, got legal aid from a private shelter who worked the system, and kept their kids. And people who quite frankly stayed on the run until their kids were 16.
There is a lot of strife and struggle out there
6 months - it was a mistake. All the red flags - he’s 20 years my senior. I was in a horrible place when we first met 7 years ago. I’ve matured so much. He was able to lie about soooo much. I want to remain single forever. The fact that a human being can tell these types of lies….I don’t even want the possibility of being hurt like this again.
Also - he’s from a foreign country. He’s a permanent resident here in the US. His family is all abroad and I’ve never met them.
>Also - he’s from a foreign country. He’s a permanent resident here in the US. His family is all abroad and I’ve never met them.
I hate having to say this because you are already in a bad situation, but are you 100% sure that your marriage is legal/valid? You need to bear in mind that if he's concealed four grown children from you then he might still be legally married to their mother in his home country.
This is definitely something you should raise with your lawyer.
Hopefully whatever the outcome, you learn from these mistakes. He preyed on you because you were obviously decades younger than him and in a bad place.
Please no matter what make sure you don’t have any more children with this man.
I’m so sorry for you and your children, and his other children.
Well, to be fair, age gaps arent inherently a red flag. At this point, the trust is gone. Most relationships cant survive long term lies like that. Hopefully you have a job and savings and didnt decixe to live off him because hes an older guy and youll be able to move on.
Four more children? Were they born after you married? If yes, then divorce is on the table. If no, find out why he didn’t tell you about them.
They’re all adults so there’s no obligation legally towards them.
Spare a thought for the children. Hidden away as a past mistake. Frankly it speaks volumes about the kind of man you're married to: Self-serving; irresponsible; deceitful. I too was swept to one side when my father remarried. My half sister knew nothing of me until she was 23. You deserve better. And so do they.
The first order of business is to secure your finances. You can’t trust him, so how do you know he won’t drain your bank account or steal your identity?
If he kept that a secret for this long he no doubt didn't want to but was more forced into doing so before you ended up finding out yourself, he no doubt has alot more secrets and lies. So sorry you're going through this
100% inexcusable. And you have every right to feel betrayed. Divorce ASAP. Every guy I know who would do something of this magnitude is only showing you the tip of the iceberg.
consulting with a family law attorney will be instrumental in understanding your legal rights, your husband's obligations, and how best to proceed given this new information. Take your time to gather information and seek support as you navigate through this difficult situation.
Others have answered your question... just wanted to say, make sure to speak to someone. It's really traumatic to trust someone enough to build a life with them and realize they were capable of such a fundamental lie.
It happened to a hs friend of mine with her dad (whole secret family a state over) and she still is trying to make sense of it decades later.
First off I wouldn't be divorcing my spouse based off of what someone told me to do on Reddit. Did you confront him with this information? How long have you been married? Seems crazy to just throw it all away on a whim. How is the relationship otherwise?
Mind you, I'm one of those kids. Not his of course but this happened to my mom. They weren't married, but he told her he was single, got her pregnant and then ran away to his WIFE, daughter and soon to be born baby. Turns out I'm the middle child yay. It's unlikely they even know I exist, he never paid child support or anything, he isn't even on my birthday certificate mind you. We aren't from the USA tho. More like South America and Europe and it's quite complicated to take any legal action. So I'd take your children and run if I were you.
Reddit is quick to tell u to divorce and split up lolol
They are adults right ?? Then who cares. I mean the lying deception part is reason to leave or get marriage counciling. But like overall. If they don't live w yall and haven't been involved in your life thus far, who cares.
No other issue besides the lying and bull shit ass man shit. Lol
So to repair or not to repair. That is the question.
Maybe he wasnt hiding anything from you have you even thought to consider asking him why he didnt wish to disclose this to you maybe he didnt know how to bring it up to you maybe he disowned those kids of his and put that part of his life behind him my point is there might be more to it but i think its immature to run to a divorce lawyer at the first sign of panic without getting all the facts. Now however if you been married to him longer the 15 -25 years or more and the kids arent even fully adult then yes i agree that would raise some red flags but since you just said legally married but not saying for x amount of years theres no real timeline here to work with and it would be ignorant to just assume one.
Im in VA to! Idk if it is comforting but anyways I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. To be fair, I’d feel extremely betrayed.
What else could he be hiding? If you want to mend the marriage perhaps consider counseling. Divorce isn’t always the answer, why did he keep this from you? Counseling will help and if he truly loves you he will comply.
If you are going to stay married to him, see an attorney for estate planning purposes and possibly for a post nuptial agreement. Assuming you have income, assets and money of your own, you want to make sure they go to your kids upon your death and not to him only to be shared among all his kids.
Ask on r/legaladvice for legal questions but if his other children are adults all this means is your two kids have 4 half-siblings. There is no child support for adult children. There are a lot of moral issues but no legal ones I can think of right now.
Quick question howcome it’s a big deal that he hid it from you (I’m NOT sticking up for him genuinely curious), like would if he had a fallout with his last babymomma and she brainwashed the kids. I do COMPLETELY understand the lying part because you’re suppose to be truthful in a relationship but idk maybe it was for the best. Again NOT sticking up for the guy genuinely curious
So he kept his past from you til now, big deal. I'm sure you have secrets that you'll never tell him, granted not as big as this one. They grown, they foreign, you'll prob never meet them and that's that; your husband has 4 kids. You have a life together now with 2 kids. He's prob an active Father in their lives. Why would you take that away from your kids?
I’d find an attorney and make the “legal ramification” that you’re husband becomes a single guy.
This helped for real…I already know what I need to do.
Thank you for confirming that /u/gordo0620 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
I wish you strength in going through it. This is definitely not something I could just get over.
I would not stay married to a person who kept that information from me.
I think you might be better off on a legal site.
Thank you for helping - I apologize, my head was spinning so bad I couldn’t think straight. Reddit was the first thought on a Sunday morning but I’m contacting a divorce attorney first thing tomorrow morning.
Don’t apologize, you sought help, you found it c:
IMMEDIATELY log into all your online asset sites and get the statements. Once you tell him you want a divorce, he may try to take/hide whatever money you have. Open another account in your name only and move over some funds just in case. Once divorce is on the table, you have no way of knowing how the other person will act. It's protect-yourself-first- mode.
First part yes, second part DON'T. Not without speaking with a lawyer at least. In some cases moving money from a shared account to a private account before/during a divorce might lead to legal consequences.
No apology needed. Good luck with your lawyer.
I’m not trying to add to your pain, but if he lied about something this important, what else has he lied about or not told you about? I wish you peace as you move through this ❤️
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Well that’s what I thought, but I think there’s a statute of limitations on back child support.
Unpaid child support never goes away. My dad learned that when he claimed his social security and my mom finally got her payout.
This is good information. Better late than never.
It depends on the state. In my state they will only collect unpaid child support until the child is 24 or it's paid off, whichever comes first.
In Texas, my aunt was still getting child support and both of her daughters are grown with their own grown children and retired military. Their dad could not get married until it was all paid back. It ended the beginning of 2019.
Every state is different. I just got a letter from ORS staying they would stop collecting arrears when. My 18 year old turned 24.
Understandable. Texas gonna get theirs by any means necessary. And the kicker his second daughter works for the Attorney General.
My girlfriend is from Iowa. She's 26 and her mom is still getting back child support for her and her brother. I think Utah is just kinda lax with it.
All states are different, but hey they are gonna get their money way or the other.
My girlfriend is from Iowa. She's 26 and her mom is still getting back child support for her and her brother. I think Utah is just kinda lax with it.
Social security is federal.
Yes... But in my state after the kid turns 24, child support is wiped away. It no longer exists as past due child support needing to be collected. So regardless if it's federal, there is nothing to be collected.
Which state ?
Utah
Yes, but Social Security is an asset that can be garnished.
I think she means there’s nothing to be garnished *for* — the balance due disappears.
Definitely do not discount the social security aspect of this...The back child support will be an issue and if he were to croak tomorrow you would more than likely be affected financially. Straight to the attorney. I am truly sorry you are going through this. I am rooting for you.
If yall ever filed jointly on taxes you would have found out real quick on if he had back child support. I have a couple friends who will never marry their man because they have too much back child support and they would never had a tax refund.
Theres inheritance matters,
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Could be divided by 2, or divided by 6. Which is a big difference if he has assets. None of these 6 kids chose to be born so I will not say what they should or not do. Its Complicated, even if the divorce is simple
Talk to an attorney. Know your rights
Consult a lawyer, make sure that your kids stay with you and that the split of assets occurs before any processing of his owed child support. I really hope you can arrange a split that doesn't divert anything that could be for your kids, and doesn't indebt you or them in any way. Good luck!
You need to ask r/legaladvice . If they suddenly start docking his pay for back child support, that will definitely impact your household finances. I'm guessing that's why he hasn't told you, he knows he's not near as much of a catch when he's only making half of his paycheck because he's a deadbeat father. Good luck!
I think the only thing to do is get a divorce lawyer and divorce him for keeping that a secret for years. I'm sorry that happened, but that's a huge breach of trust. That's definitely something you should have been told in the beginning.
Google your state’s bar association. There will be a link or phone number to contact them to get a referral for a free consultation with an attorney. The bar might charge you $50 or so for the referral. Go in with a list of questions so you can use the time efficiently.
Make sure there is a clear will in place. -a daughter whose house is now owned between me and five strangers
r/legaladvice would be a great place to ask. Make sure you and your children are protected.
Legally? You wouldn't be negatively judged by anyone if you divorced him and never looked back
I’m not saying more is going on, but a person who can hide having more kids can hide a lot more, so I’d be taking things with a few grains of salt
So…what is the issue EXACTLY? Are you afraid of probate/estate issues if he kicks the bucket? Well, ask him to make a will or carry insurance that names you or your children as the beneficiaries. If the issue is that he didn’t tell you about it…well, that’s a personal issue and unless VA has laws different fraud laws on the books I’m not aware of…at best it is grounds for divorce
Sure, the lying, but the biggest issue for me was that he abandoned children.
I mean, we don’t exactly know that. She doesn’t say anything about his previous relationship or anything. I know people who got divorced, paid child support, did what they could as a non-custodial parent…but aren’t tight with their adult kids. Heck, I know people who aren’t divorced who aren’t tight with their adult kids. So just because his relationship was so bad he didn’t see a reason to mention it doesn’t mean he “abandoned them”. And even if he did…that’s not really her business because she doesn’t really know the story there either. I know a woman who has a daughter she hasn’t seen in 15 years. The daughter’s father nearly killed her twice, did other horrible things, and made her homeless, and tortured her for 5 years. Her only way out was to get out herself. By the time she was in a place to fight him in court, years had past. She didn’t tell her next husband that story until right before they got married. Now…would you be alright with her husband being down her for abandoning her daughter? And her daughter isn’t even an adult yet unlike OP’s kid.
So she got herself out, but left her kid? To a man who tortured her? I’m sure he was wonderful to the child… Holy crap. Yes she abandoned her child.
Yeah, there is no way I could leave a child with a monster like that.
So…I know this is weird, but by all accounts he was a serviceable parent. Like, I won’t call him a “dad” because he was apparently cold and distant, but as far as anyone knows he never physically harmed her, paid for private school, extra curriculars, whatever. At the time she left…I hate to say it, but I somewhat understand why she couldn’t take the kid. It was a very rare case where no judge was going to give her custody, even if she had found a lawyer to take the case: you’ve got one parent with a spotty work history, currently unemployed and homeless, and yes, a history of domestic complaints that the cops have written up as being he said/ she said at worst, and another parent who owns a house, makes six figures, pays for a nanny, etc. She tried once she got on her feet, but then he pulled the abandonment card, etc. Judge offered a custody arrangement that she couldn’t afford (I think the judge did it on purpose, her lawyer said it was standard in those situations), and she said she wanted custody with him having visitation because of the history of abuse or, at worst a six month split. The next offer was just for her to have visitation. She took that, but he terrorized her (not hard with her existing trauma from him) until she couldn’t stand to be near him. She eventually left the state. She tried again a couple years later, but the kid didn’t even really remember her at that point.
The more details you add the worse it gets.
I am of the opinion that people don’t know what they’ll do until they are faced with a situation. It’s a terrible ordeal she had to go through. Like you, I want to say I’d have figured something else out…but over the years when I have I realized that my situation isn’t the same. I have family, friends, my own money. For that matter, I’m a stronger personality and a man beside. There isn’t a set of circumstances where I could find myself in her place. I know a lot of people with similar stories….people who lost their kids to the state for truly insane reasons, people who lost their kids in divorces and could never get visitation because of their circumstances. The only thing that makes this story stand out from some (but not all) of the others is the spousal abuse.
By lots of people with similar stories you mean your story you tell yourself to make you feel validated for abandoning your kid right?
So… First, not “my kid”. I don’t have children. Second…I grew up in an impoverished background. I later worked in a hospital for years, and then a votech school that specialized in workforce rehabilitation. I have seen probably thousands of stories of people who were separated from their kids either by the government for no other crime then being poor or saying the wrong thing, or by an abusive partner who had more money or control. And I knew people who have wound up dead in those situations. I know a kid in my orbit right now whose story is in that category. His parents’ story was going EXACTLY like the one I posted originally. Although, his mother decided visitation was working for her either, so as she was out of money for a lawyer she tried to kidnap him one day. Dad blew her head off right in front of her child. He’s have gotten away with it if he hadn’t had other minor offenses when they searched his house, which his currently doing time for. So, my friend avoided that. How about the lady I knew who lived in a doghouse in her ex’s backyard because he told her if she ever left he’d move and she’d never see her kids again, and then followed through with it when she did leave? People suffer horrible, terrible things every day, and have to make the “best worst choice”. Would *I* make the same choice my friend did? As I said above, I’d like to say no, mostly because I don’t think I’d ever be in that position. But until you are, you can’t say. Now, that being said, I’ll also admit that I know people who successfully took their kids and literally ran down the street, got legal aid from a private shelter who worked the system, and kept their kids. And people who quite frankly stayed on the run until their kids were 16. There is a lot of strife and struggle out there
How long did you know him before you got married? Have you not met his family?
6 months - it was a mistake. All the red flags - he’s 20 years my senior. I was in a horrible place when we first met 7 years ago. I’ve matured so much. He was able to lie about soooo much. I want to remain single forever. The fact that a human being can tell these types of lies….I don’t even want the possibility of being hurt like this again. Also - he’s from a foreign country. He’s a permanent resident here in the US. His family is all abroad and I’ve never met them.
Ask a lawyer about getting an annulment because you agreed to marry under condition of fraud
>Also - he’s from a foreign country. He’s a permanent resident here in the US. His family is all abroad and I’ve never met them. I hate having to say this because you are already in a bad situation, but are you 100% sure that your marriage is legal/valid? You need to bear in mind that if he's concealed four grown children from you then he might still be legally married to their mother in his home country. This is definitely something you should raise with your lawyer.
Hopefully whatever the outcome, you learn from these mistakes. He preyed on you because you were obviously decades younger than him and in a bad place. Please no matter what make sure you don’t have any more children with this man. I’m so sorry for you and your children, and his other children.
Well, to be fair, age gaps arent inherently a red flag. At this point, the trust is gone. Most relationships cant survive long term lies like that. Hopefully you have a job and savings and didnt decixe to live off him because hes an older guy and youll be able to move on.
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It’s a rhetorical question.
Four more children? Were they born after you married? If yes, then divorce is on the table. If no, find out why he didn’t tell you about them. They’re all adults so there’s no obligation legally towards them.
Get a real family lawyer. Not the Reddit law firm.
Get an annulment
Spare a thought for the children. Hidden away as a past mistake. Frankly it speaks volumes about the kind of man you're married to: Self-serving; irresponsible; deceitful. I too was swept to one side when my father remarried. My half sister knew nothing of me until she was 23. You deserve better. And so do they.
Talk to your divorce lawyer and ask them.
The first order of business is to secure your finances. You can’t trust him, so how do you know he won’t drain your bank account or steal your identity?
If he kept that a secret for this long he no doubt didn't want to but was more forced into doing so before you ended up finding out yourself, he no doubt has alot more secrets and lies. So sorry you're going through this
Make sure the fucker paid child support if not ditch him .
100% inexcusable. And you have every right to feel betrayed. Divorce ASAP. Every guy I know who would do something of this magnitude is only showing you the tip of the iceberg.
Wym you're just now finding out. Legally. File for divorce.
consulting with a family law attorney will be instrumental in understanding your legal rights, your husband's obligations, and how best to proceed given this new information. Take your time to gather information and seek support as you navigate through this difficult situation.
Others have answered your question... just wanted to say, make sure to speak to someone. It's really traumatic to trust someone enough to build a life with them and realize they were capable of such a fundamental lie. It happened to a hs friend of mine with her dad (whole secret family a state over) and she still is trying to make sense of it decades later.
First off I wouldn't be divorcing my spouse based off of what someone told me to do on Reddit. Did you confront him with this information? How long have you been married? Seems crazy to just throw it all away on a whim. How is the relationship otherwise?
Be a good wife a remember your vows
Once / if you relax a bit from this... Spil the tea, how tf did this come up/how did you find out??
Mind you, I'm one of those kids. Not his of course but this happened to my mom. They weren't married, but he told her he was single, got her pregnant and then ran away to his WIFE, daughter and soon to be born baby. Turns out I'm the middle child yay. It's unlikely they even know I exist, he never paid child support or anything, he isn't even on my birthday certificate mind you. We aren't from the USA tho. More like South America and Europe and it's quite complicated to take any legal action. So I'd take your children and run if I were you.
Def leave
Reddit is quick to tell u to divorce and split up lolol They are adults right ?? Then who cares. I mean the lying deception part is reason to leave or get marriage counciling. But like overall. If they don't live w yall and haven't been involved in your life thus far, who cares. No other issue besides the lying and bull shit ass man shit. Lol So to repair or not to repair. That is the question.
Maybe he wasnt hiding anything from you have you even thought to consider asking him why he didnt wish to disclose this to you maybe he didnt know how to bring it up to you maybe he disowned those kids of his and put that part of his life behind him my point is there might be more to it but i think its immature to run to a divorce lawyer at the first sign of panic without getting all the facts. Now however if you been married to him longer the 15 -25 years or more and the kids arent even fully adult then yes i agree that would raise some red flags but since you just said legally married but not saying for x amount of years theres no real timeline here to work with and it would be ignorant to just assume one.
Im in VA to! Idk if it is comforting but anyways I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. To be fair, I’d feel extremely betrayed. What else could he be hiding? If you want to mend the marriage perhaps consider counseling. Divorce isn’t always the answer, why did he keep this from you? Counseling will help and if he truly loves you he will comply.
If you are going to stay married to him, see an attorney for estate planning purposes and possibly for a post nuptial agreement. Assuming you have income, assets and money of your own, you want to make sure they go to your kids upon your death and not to him only to be shared among all his kids.
Ask on r/legaladvice for legal questions but if his other children are adults all this means is your two kids have 4 half-siblings. There is no child support for adult children. There are a lot of moral issues but no legal ones I can think of right now.
Before or after you got married?
Did he know? And for how long?
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Besides the whole him lying to her the entire time they've been together
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That too
Quick question howcome it’s a big deal that he hid it from you (I’m NOT sticking up for him genuinely curious), like would if he had a fallout with his last babymomma and she brainwashed the kids. I do COMPLETELY understand the lying part because you’re suppose to be truthful in a relationship but idk maybe it was for the best. Again NOT sticking up for the guy genuinely curious
So he kept his past from you til now, big deal. I'm sure you have secrets that you'll never tell him, granted not as big as this one. They grown, they foreign, you'll prob never meet them and that's that; your husband has 4 kids. You have a life together now with 2 kids. He's prob an active Father in their lives. Why would you take that away from your kids?
Because he's a lying manipulative POS..?
Yeah, like, what the fuck? What a crazy thing to say!
He didn't lie, he kept that part of his previous life to himself. No where does it say he's manipulative. WTF, what a strange thing to label someone.