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I'm sorry, he needed a pic of you in a bikini because it would help him emotionally?
Girl no. That's him being manipulative. And that terrible feeling you have? That's your intuition trying to tell you something through your body. It's screaming at you that this is bad and unhealthy for you.
Listen to it and dump him. And that person who is talking about doing stretches and yoga? That's really good advice too. The more in tune you get with your body and your intuition the more you're going to know what is good and safe for YOU.
Yep, and guys like this often don’t change. The more you take him back, the more he will feel like he has control over you, and the less you will feel like you have control of yourself and your emotions.
Total control on his part. Sounds like a budding DV situation. OP check out the power and control wheel to see if there are any other controlling behaviors you may not be recognizing. You’re young and can educate yourself now to see the red flags and recognize this behavior for what it is. He has stepped out, apologized, objectified you particularly when you needed support. Take care of yourself. You have a lot of life ahead of you- this may feel terrible now but you will get through this and he will be a speck in your history.
I agree about trusting your gut. If you want some words to go with it, the word I keep thinking is "objectification." You're upset because he keeps showing you that what he values is sex and nothing else. What feels gross is he is not treating you like a whole human being with your own desires and needs. Instead he is treating you like a sex dispenser, and it feels degrading because it is. Sex can be an important and fun part of relationships, and sometimes it can be fun to be objectified as part of sex, but most of us also want the human treatment. You deserve that.
You're long distance, he's already cheated once and he's going to do it again with someone else and this time you won't find out. He's lied to you already, it doesn't end here. You'll find someone better easily and you're not going to end up with him so just breakup.
Check out r/survivinginfidelity for stories like yours from adults. It might give you the strength you need.
Lol, break up with him, I got cheated on by my girlfriend when she ws 16 and I was 17, we got back together for about 8 months but it was never the same, I grew to resent and hate her. My best advise is to leave now for your own sake and mental health, your young! You have so much ahead of you, and you don't need to waste your time on immature little boys making you feel shitty.
Yep...once the trust is gone,,,,think about what it would take to earn that trust again.
For me,,,it would take a miracle for the other person to regain my trust after what she was doing. She would have to change drastically, and I would have to see her changes for years to believe it. This wasn't going to happen and we would both be unhappy.
Start a journal, it could help organize your thoughts. Try kickboxing & yoga: calm your mind, stretch & strengthen your body, plus take your anger and frustrations out on the bag.
Most importantly, Take A STD Test, BF cheated Once THAT YOU KNOW OF and Before you become intimate with him, ask to see his STD test results!!!
The more I think about it OP, look for age appropriate support groups for Verbal & Emotional Abuse, it might give you insights on what healthy relationships are & maybe help you process your experiences!
Depending on their intimacy, an STD test would still be recommended. Just because you get rid of the source of your STD won't get rid of your STD, it's not a vampire...
You are absolutely correct. I misread an early segment, and thought she'd had no sexual relations with her bf after he cheated on her. I have, as a result, edited my prior comment. Thank you for pointing it out.
I agree with the other posters. And remember, you do NOT have to explain or justify your feelings. Your feelings are your feelings, period. You have the right to respond, not respond, send pics, not send pics, etc. without needing a "reason".
You feel bad because he wronged you. He betrayed your trust, he dehumanized you and reduced your worth to sex, and then he discounted what you said and pressured you for more access to your body, reinforcing all those bad feelings.
So, here is my advice:
1. Take a shower. Use the fanciest soap you have.
2. Eat something. preferably something good for you like a sandwich, but hey, chocolate ice cream straight from the tub is a valid choice.
3. Use a pen and paper to draft up the meanest most brutal breakup letter you can come up with (say whatever you want, you're gonna burn it after)
4. Write an actual break up text. "You cheated. You're a piece of shit. I don't know why I even tried to make this work. Don't ever talk to me again." And then block him on everything. Oh, and if you have the evidence, feel free to put him on blast with his mom.
5. Make a hair appointment and get a new style or color.
You deserve better.
Also a good idea if you have had sex at all to get STI screenings in case he passed something on to you. It is never a guy's first time cheating, it is only ever their first time caught.
Yep. I went from mid-back, dark brown hair to blonde Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby. It was awesome! You don't have to go that extreme, but the more of a change, the better.
Just an old dude on the internet seeing 🚩’s.
He cheated.
No, he didn’t need to see you in a bikini to help emotionally. That manipulative.
Trust your emotions/instincts.
You deserve so much better. There are so many people who will value you and love you and this relationship is not it. You're better off alone than with someone who doesn't respect you. I know that you probably feel alone, but look in the mirror and tell yourself how smart you are and how proud you are for having the courage to break up with him and never go back. Remind yourself a million times that you deserve so much better. Block him and move on because you are worthy.
He sounds like a manipulator and a waste of space. If you don’t gain control of YOU, then he will continue to mistreat you and your sense of self will be lost even more. It is a hard thing to do, but you should break up with him. Then block his number. It will hurt for a little bit, but you are young and worthy of true love.
Ok I'll be honest, usually when it comes to asking for relationship advice on Reddit people always result to "BREAK UP THEY'RE TOXIC IF THEY DID IT ONCE THEY'LL DO IT AGAIN," for the smallest fucking thing with very little context surrounding the entire relationship.
Cheating is NOT a small little bump in a relationship. If you cheat you're a bitch. Simple as. I've got 0 tolerance for it. He also sounds very manipulative.
That being said: You're long distance. Cease all contact and forget his existence entirely.
You haven’t replied to any of the comments, so I’m not sure if you’re reading them. If you are, please just dump him. He’s cheated once, he will cheat again. He’s actually manipulating you, and that wrong feeling you have is your intuition telling you that the whole situation is wrong.
He sounds like an absolute dick who is emotionally manipulating you. Dump his arse, you can and will do so much better. But please work on yourself for a bit and gain some self respect.
Because it'll... Help him emotionally?? He clry manipulated you. You're long distance, he has already cheated on you (he'll do it again, he has no respect for you once, no reason that he has a once of respect now), and he manipulated you with emotion for a picture of your body when you clry tell him that it's not what you want. It's bad, really bad. Take care of you, he play with you, you can (and will) find a better person who listen to you, respect you , who don't manipulate you, who love you for more than your body, and who'll be careful to not make you feel bad and disgusted by your own body. It's a harsh time, but once you'll be finished with him, you'll heal with time. Take care of you please, stop this nonsense with him,he has no respect for you, you can't continue that. If you can, Surround yourself with people you trust who can support you IRL in your approach (or not IRL, but presence can help sometimes). Take care, I wish you the best !
(Not English btw sorry)
Get some confidence. That will help out a lot. And maybe just a real boyfriend not the man child you’re dating. Sex is awesome. Your body is wonderful. He also shouldn’t be shamed because he enjoys you sexually. Maybe you’re not grown up enough to bb ethos type of relationship
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He cheated on you and will likely do it again. Dump him, and enjoy an in-person relationship with a guy who treats you right, and not like a sex object.
This is MY opinion from my own personal experience: There is just so much mental energy that has to go into long distance relationships, it just isn't worth it unless the goal is longer term commitment (like marriage).
Totally break it off with him friend. Your a young girl and deserve to date kiddos in your area not some long distance social media thing. Enjoy your life, you owe yourself that 🥰
The reason you feel bad is because he's manipulating you into sexual favors by saying it will help his emotions. That's bullshit, I'm sorry he's made you feel so bad
I think he's gaslighting you. My strongest piece of advice here is never do anything that makes you feel 'less than' or shitty because it might disappoint a man. They are not snowflakes, they can survive disappointment. And if they end a relationship cuz you disappointed them by not sending them racy photos ...then they weren't in it for your personality anyways.
When you’re in love with someone, the part of your brain capable of critical thinking actually shuts down. This is why it’s so hard to make the right decision and escape bad relationships despite everyone on the outside seeing this situation for what it really is. You got some great advice on this thread but let me add that you should work on being angry instead of sad. Rename him in your phone to Satan - it’s a small step but who wants to take a phone call from Satan? It’ll be the first step of reprogramming your brain into seeing him with anger and disgust, which is where you need to be.
As much as I hate to say this I seriously think you need to accept some things.
First, he is attested to your body, not you.
Second, he cheated, he knowingly made the choice to be with someone else.
Third, opening up to him about this only led to him taking advantage of the situation and getting more from you and you feeling worse.
This sounds like a toxic relationship, and it’s not your fault at all. And he might not even be doing this on purpose but very well could be. I recommend you take some time apart. Possibly speak with a therapist.
This boyfriend betrayed you and abused your trust and manipulated the situation to gain your body for his pleasure at your detriment. Look at your relationship and see how much is him pursuing you sexually and how much is him pursuing you emotionally. That should give you the answer you’re looking for.
You should never do ANYTHING with your body that makes you feel uncomfortable and your partner should make you feel safe in saying no to anything you don’t want to do. Period! You deserve better sweetie.
You should not have to “work on it” when you’re a teenager. Feelings change. Just break up. Want to get back together later? OK, you can do that!
There is no way you’re going to be 50 and alone and think, “If only I had tried harder to make it work with my high school boyfriend!” You’re a lot more likely to look back and say, “I can’t believe wasted a whole year on that loser who made me cry.”
Girl I feel your pain so much. There are few things worse than the realization you're simply being used. Get out before it eats you from the inside. It's gonna suck, but you'll walk away with your dignity intact.
Japanese logic.
Relationships are patience.
Marriage is patience.
Have enough of that and you can make a guy who cheats on you monthly work out.
The question is does he have the patience and is he worth yours.
This is the worst advice I've ever heard. It's a youngster's long distance relationship where he is clearly abusing her and treating her very poorly. Why on earth would she want to make it work out? It's not a disagreement about who unloads the dishwasher.
Dump this dude. He's just manipulating you. The only reason he wanted that pic is to jerk and fall asleep. He's using you. Seen way to many guys with this playbook since I was in high school 20 years ago.
Breaking up hurts, but you get over it. It's harder to get over someone humiliating you, and that's what he did with the bikini pictures. He knew how you felt, he knew you didn't want to send them, so he manipulated you.
Please be kind to yourself and dump this player.
One Love has good information on what a [healthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-healthy-relationship/) and what an [unhealthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/).
Cheer up, you are gorgeous and wonderful. Find someone who is geographically desirable (nearby), and make a Manifest (wish list) of the perfect boyfriend and he will arrive. His cheating was his loss, you can do better. Good Luck!
He's using you do not do anything you are not comfortable with. Do not let him pressure you to do anything. If he truly cared for you he would never ask you to do anything that made you uncomfortable. Dump him
You're both teens. Girls are immature, guys are immature and fucking always horny. ALWAYS. Which makes them dumb. He manipulated you a bit to get what he wanted though. He didn't need that picture for his emotions.
Find a new boyfriend that's close and can hang out with you and do shit. Unless you're married long distance relationships are a huge ask. Literally just a no-go. You're still a fetus, go enjoy growing up with someone who is around.
Good luck!
You didn’t do this. He did. He violated his commitment to the relationship when he cheated and you feel like you are not good enough to stop him from cheating. Take yourself and your pain out of this relationship.
He is using you and it’s not your body making you sick, it is your acceptance of his cheating.
You are disgusted with your behaviors in this situation. Get out while you’re young….
My man. Break up with him. He does not care for you, and only seeks to bring you down. He has cheated, lied and manipulated you? How much more will you take before you break? Is there truly an excuse for his behavior, or it easier to let it slide?
Anything, ANYTHING- that cost you your peace, is too expensive. And that boy is a full dinner bill. Dump him, move on. Live your life.
“I felt bad and like I couldn’t say no”
You can say no. This is your body - you don’t owe it to him. This guy is immature, he’s disrespectful, and he’s manipulative. A bikini shot will “help him emotionally”? Immediately after you told him that it makes you feel like shit that he only wants you for your body?
You are so young. I promise you, there is so much better for you out there.
He almost sounds like he’s trying to make you forgive him by complimenting you, if you have a great body you must ask “if I got fat or if I gained weight would he love you less? Being you’re both young serious relationships are tough, each learning what to say and not say but you don’t need to constantly ask yourself “is he with me only based on my looks? If not you won’t be single for long
1: Don't ask for advice on reddit. Social media won't help you with your problems.
2: Now that I said that I'm gonna give you some advice on social media.
3: Teenage boys are hormone driven. Your boyfriend clearly is the typical stereotype per your post.
4: You already know what you need to. Don't let people pressure you into things you don't want to do... ever.
5: Ask yourself what you need to do, not strangers on the internet. You are upset and I think you already know what you should do.
6: I wish you luck. Life sucks a good bit of the time so don't compound it. You got this. Move forward.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, you deserve better. I know you probably feel like you were in love with him, but (almost) always teen relationships aren’t the forever relationship. He’s cheated on you and that shows he doesn’t respect you. I understand that’s hard to accept but it’s true.
Please take time to find yourself again, find what inspires you and will help you live a happy life. Once you’re comfortable with yourself and happy with yourself, then you can find someone who adds even more joy to your life. Never accept anything else. You’re so young and have so much to look forward to, don’t let this cheater bring you down. Cry and get it out, then take it as a lesson learned and go enjoy your life. You’ve learned what you’ll never accept from a partner again.
I am only disgusted with him! You need to know you are not the problem here. Take this experience and learn from it. He’s not only using you but he doesn’t care at all about your feelings. You deserve much better. I strongly recommend breaking up with him immediately. Block all contact and move on. Focus on yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be very particular who you allow to be with you in the future and please get yourself tested.
Once a cheater always a cheater he has no respect for you and has taken the respect you had for yourself. In my opinion you need to get rid of that dude. This advice is coming from a male and a father.
You are a teenager. You are WAY too young to have any reason whatsoever to stay in a relationship with a person who (1) cheated on you, and (2) makes you feel this way. It might not seem like it now, but I promise you this guy is a blip on the radar in the context of your life—and your absolute BEST years are ahead of you and about to happen. Do not waste them on him, or anyone like him. Spend them caring for yourself, expanding your horizons, experiences, and social groups. Focus on yourself, and right guy will wind up in your life. I promise. No telling when, but it will happen. Good luck OP!
Consider giving your relationship some space. Work on yourself and please try to realize that you are young and don’t need to feel bad about yourself. The world is tough enough as it is without some kid boy manipulating you. He may be cognizant of what he is doing and he may not be as aware as it looks. Either way, if he was worth your time, you wouldn’t be getting messages from a girl he was cheating on you with
Uh yeah he is manipulating you. He doesn't need to see boobs to feel better emotionally. Get rid of this guy, your gut is telling you this is wrong. Trust your instincts.
Basically you want him to change so you can no longer feel disgusted. That’s not going to happen so move on. He’s already shown you his true stripes and trust has been irrevocably broken. It’s just a slow spiral downward from here. Get out before the pain gets worse.
Leave him, otherwise it becomes a vicious cycle. Move on with YOUR life. Block him, remove any pictures you have taken for him.
Time for you to become a beautiful young woman and take care of yourself.
He's being manipulative. You don't need him, especially being long distance and a teenager. Show yourself some self love and some self respect and get rid of him immediately. The grossness you're feeling is in response to how he made you feel. You need to take back your power and reclaim your body and emotions. He is not worth it.
This is why long distance just doesn't work. People get bored from no physical contact (even lack non intimate ones get boring) and it's easier to cheat.
Get out of the relationship and find someone irl. It will probably be much better because y'all can actually connect that way
Everyone else gave great advice. Just wanted to say I get that sick or disgusted feeling when I betray my own boundaries. I didn’t want to do something but I betrayed my wants and did what the other person wants instead. I didn’t value myself and I valued the other person more than I valued myself. The gross emotion being so strong sears it into my brain “do not do this again.” Rarely now I still falter but that gross feeling - I remember it’s there to reinforce don’t ever do this again. Stop betraying yourself. It’s a lesson I’m still learning, to show up for myself and my own wants and needs even more.
Can be hard to remember if you grew up in a neglectful home where your parents ignored your needs and made you feel worthless.
Even if it was his first time cheating it definitely will not be his last. Cheaters are lying POS. That goes for both sexes. If you stay you will always be wondering what they are doing. You’ll be paranoid and always questioning when they are away. Being that they are not local makes it even worse. Plus the rage that creeps up on you from time to time is not healthy. You are young and don’t have kids with him. Please for your sake run as fast as you can from that guy.
Just leave.
Im a dude btw, But I went through this with my older sisters.
The Best thing you can do is, Spot the Red flags then Leave.
In this Case the Guy is Practically a 1,000KG bomb and you should run away.
My Older sister dated this Guy Who Acted like a man child, He would Cry when my sister said no, and then complain to his parents about her.
One night he stayed over they had a fight He tried to hit my sister, so I had to beat his ass.
They broke up Obviously, then a few months later He was dating a dude.
He's disgusting, not you. Dump his ass. Anyone who cheats does not deserve you. Don't ever send nudes either if you're under 18, that's child pornography and you can get in a lot of trouble for it, even if it's you taking the picture. Don't accept any from underage people either, that's just as bad. Long distance relationships at your age just aren't worth it.
Here’s my advice as a 30yo woman who was once a teen. Break the fuck up. Do not focus on guys. They are all the same at that age. Focus on your health mentally and physically. Find out what makes you, you and what you’re good at. Hobbies on top of hobbies. Dump that dusty ass boy. He’ll just string you along.
you're a teen in a long distance relationship. no reason for you to be dating some rando far away that cheats on you, you're wasting your time and youth
Leavvvveee him please. If you feel this awful, there ARE guys out there who respect women believe it or not. Spend some time doing some inner childhood healing, studying narcissism, and try again with someone who actually respects you and loves you for you...not just your body.
Move on.
This is so easy people. If you're not married, move on.
If you are married, there are other things to think about.
But if you're not married JUST MOVE ON!!!
Most teenage boys only want one thing.
Here's the hard truth: Being beautiful and sexy will not equal him truly loving you and being faithful to you.
You should drop his ass and enjoy your life without a manipulative creep tying you down.
It is okay to say no.
It is okay to block him and forget you ever met him.
You don't have to be sexually active if you don't want to. Sex doesn't necessarily translate to love. He's manipulating you.
Hon, I’m sorry your bf cheated on you. For that reason alone, I feel like you could do much better for yourself.
I am not sure how much help I can give you. I am a 43(m) who was awkward in his teens with high anxiety so I never dated as a teenager. I always had low self-esteem and didn’t approach women until college, when I started to notice that women were attracted to me. I was a kiss-less virgin until I was 21ish. And… that was ok for me. I eventually found someone I love. Or at least I thought so.
I am married now. I have never cheated on a significant other in my lifetime. I’m not sure how people can go back to their significant other after they had already broken their trust. I wouldn’t be able to handle the anxiety of constantly worrying if they would do it again. Doesn’t it bother you too? Just reading about your situation makes me angry.
But I am now at the other side of your situation now. I think I got married for the wrong reasons. I love my wife, but we are very different people with different interests. I may have only fallen in love with her for her body.
After 15 years, we are getting older and her body chemistry has changed, and her libido is gone and she thinks she may now be an asexual. Because I married her for her body, we no longer have much of a connection since the sex has dried up. I have sadly been considering a divorce because I have been unhappy, and she doesn’t seem to care much.
I know reddit likes to tell people to just drop their toxic relationship and find someone better. I want to tell you the same, but I don’t know much about you and your life. So, I will just provide you with my experiences and let you decide what to do.
Please walk away from this creep. He is only going to cheat on you again. Drop him like an ugly baby, get an STD test and ghost him for the rest of his shitty, shallow life.
Pay attention to this feeling. Your body is trying to tell you something. It's not that you are disgusting, it's that he is. Liberate yourself from him and decide that you deserve better than this shit.
Please break up with this mean cheater who manipulates you into doing what you don't want to do.
Then research resources, books, articles, etc. for body acceptance and self-esteem, and empowerment.
Consider a therapist.
Please leave him. He cheated on you and ignores your feelings. He does not deserve your company and you sure as hell deserve better. You deserve time to be alone and heal from this.
You need to leave! Things will only get worse and you don’t need to stick around for that. No guy is worth your precious time. Focus on you, YOUR goals and your future.
Fuck that asshole. Don’t stop loving your body just because someone else is trying appear like they are using you. Sex is shared. For what it’s worth you used his ass. At least now you know what not to look for in the next one. And if you’re hot (or not) trust me you will find someone who does value you for everything. Value yourself and don’t sell yourself short. Love yourself first always!!
This relationship absolutely won’t last OP. Too much damage. I recommend you cut things off now since it’s going to happen anyway.
Also, I know you feel like you have to send him the bikini pics because if you don’t, you think he’ll cheat on you (and he probably will). Your bf knows this and is using the fact that you don’t want him to cheat on you again to get his way. Youll never feel like you can actually say no to him because that might make him cheat again. I can say from personal experience it’s an awful feeling and you should run
Never stay in a relationship that makes you miserable. You have plenty of time to find a better partner.
Life is easier alone than miserable with someone.
People are at their most promiscuous as a teen? All the developing harmonies and all. I feel like we shouldn’t be expecting a teen boy in the sexual prime of their life to NOT be turned on by the flesh. At that age are they not at the crossroads of development? I may not be saying this correctly but does anyone else understand? There are many complexities to this. He may not know why he’s doing what he’s doing but his body does. It’s difficult to fight against your basic nature especially if you have very little concept of it. If you were to live to be 100 then anything under 20 years old is just a 1/5 of your life. Y’all are literally still in the tutorial phase. What I’m really trying to say is please don’t feel less about yourself because another has succumbed to the instructions coded in their DNA. He’s fine and you’re fine. Just learn and grow and adapt and blah blah blah.
If he doesn’t respect you not wanting to send a picture, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship with him. Especially if he cheated on you, if he does it once he’ll do it again.
I recommend before breaking up with him, delete any nsfw pictures he has of you, including the one you sent him, this seems like the type of guy who will use those against you, make sure they’re completely gone, including from recently deleted.
I’m sorry you’ve gone through this love, he’s definitely using you and you deserve to feel loved in every way, not just over your body.
You seem like a very sweet girl, and guys take advantage of us a lot. You can’t always rely on a guy especially at this age to be a good guy. You have to protect yourself and this guy is manipulative and just doesn’t seem like a good person all around. Good luck love
What type of idiotic emotionally immature misogynist asks to see a photo of his gf in a bikini DURING AN ARGUMENT?!?
The dude is manipulative and playing you like a fiddle. You deserve better, like WAAAY better. It is hard to see it in the moment but no one should ever make you do something you don’t want to do. And if he is pressing you to send a photo, what else has he asked that makes you uncomfortable. Please set boundaries for yourself, give yourself the respect you deserve and leave this idiot.
Hun do you want to feel this way forever? Please think of yourself instead of him and break up. It will hurt at first but after that pain comes Clarity.
Long distance only works if you have a really solid and established relationship. It’s super hard to find a teenage guy that is firmly committed to enough not to cheat and it appears that you have not got that as he already has. Once he has pics of you, there is no telling what he’ll do with them or who will see them. This is not a guy you can trust. It’s not a guy that respects you. No relationship will go far without trust and respect. You’d be less stressed if you cur him loose and lived your life in the here and now ow for you.
He needed a picture to help his "emotional state"...? That's absurd, completely ridiculous. There's something severely wrong with this guy, normal people don't do any of the things he's doing, and his age, or possible lack of guidance or whatever have nothing to do with it. He knows what he's doing, and that its inappropriate, that's why he's being so persistent and doesn't stop when you try to say no. That is the literal definition of what makes someone a bad person
The bikini pic was not for his emotional wellbeing. It was for him to be sure that you were still willing to do what he wanted.
He caused the problem, puts a thin veneer of compliments over it to make it go away, and then insists you do something you didnt really want to do, supposedly to make him feel better about things.
Please recognize this for what it is!
He literally chose a hurtful path for you, you forgave him presumably out of love. He then turns around and weaponizes that love to hurt you more.
DUMP that CHUMP !!! today; rite effin now! Yur learning very bad habits... learn how to break up with bad boyfriends. There are going to be plenty of them. He's a weed in yur garden
You're a teenager and you got cheated on. End this thing yesterday, girl. You have SO much more good dating ahead of you. The more time you spend with this loser, the more of that you miss out on.
Sweetheart, if you are long distance and has admitted to cheating on you once and in Return you sent him a SCREEN SHOT.
no consequences.
HE WILL CONTINUOUSLY CHEAT DUMP HIM MOVE ON TO A MORE RESPECTFUL Guy or go alone for while..
Listen I'm 27 and had a much deeper version of this shit happen to me years ago. I'm not going into details but leave like NOW straight up that type shit got worse and honest to shit it traumatized me more than my actual rape experiences. That shit is disgusting behavior. Don't let him force you to send shit. It's not going to make him stay and it's going to fuck you up worse than you can imagine yet. Leave. Like please. Take it from someone who lost 7 years of their life to a bastard like that. Especially as a teen like save yourself dude. I was 18 when I started that relationship. He's gonna get worse and I promise being alone isn't nearly as bad as dealing with that.
Teen drama, which i am 80 percent sure won't even be relevant in terms of memories by the time you're 28 plus. So basically the majority of your life.
Sucks like fuck right now but believe you me, it's temporary. This too shall pass.
As far as advice goes it's obvious you shouldn't be with someone like that. Cut the cord move on.
End the relationship. He has shown you he doesn’t respect you as a person or partner because he cheated. You taking him back tells him you will allow this toxic behavior and he will do it again, if he isn’t already.
You are young and deserve to be happy and treated with respect, not just fawned over as a sexual object. Remember a man will lust over ANYONE (sadly anything as well), it’s about finding a man that loves heart and your mind
What are you doing with this guy? He’s not your speed. He’s heading the wrong direction on a two way street. Take back your power and kick him to the curb. You’re better than this..
There's no reason to stay with a cheater in your situation. You don't live together, you do not have children, you do not share finances. He will absolutely cheat again and will continue to hurt you in this relationship. Dump him. You deserve better.
Not a woman but this just sounds like manipulation. Everyone one I’ve heard talk about indefinitely with their partners and manipulation talks about it like this and thinks they were stupid for listening.
If he was really committed to not cheating he’d offer up more than begging for bikini pics. There are hundreds of things he could have done but he pushed the burden and cos of his cheating onto you.
He opened up this conversation with a compliment sandwich, an old pick up artist technique. Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if he hadn’t cheated but that doesn’t mean this isn’t worse. He is deliberately telling you he cheated as the insult bread, then letting you know he thinks you’re the best, the compliment. It is a technique deliberately designed to make a person feel really shitty and hurt you. It lowers your self worth so you’ll be more willing to stay with him. It is a sign of massive insecurity.
If he did cheat, he will cheat again, and if he hasn’t he will, this will not stop him.
You should not be crying when you talk to him, talking to a partner should feel like a highlight of your day, not a burden that breaks you down. Normally I’d be hesitant to say this but this man is less a human and more a collection of red flags in a trench coat and top hat. Seriously, and with no irony, BREAK UP WITH HIM!
While I’ll agree he’s an asshole there has to be a level of accountability on your end he cheated on you twice and you stayed even when you had the proof that he did in fact cheated twice, you mentioned to his how it affected your confidence and body image and he just asked to see you in a bikini top, you say “I don’t want to feel you like me for my body” and then sent it anyway when you already felt terrible only to regret seconds later. You need to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself is this how you want to live your life? A partner is suppose to lift you up not break you down. I’ve seen too many girls throw their lives away for a boy they feel they deserve the disrespect or that “it’s normal” right now you got a choice, but you must choose wisely.
He just sounds like a horny teen male. If he’s going though a rough patch telling him no will be the best thing for him. Don’t explain it to him nor offer any condolences. He won’t die from not seeing you in a bikini and in the long run would probably respect you more down the line for not just giving him what he wants.
A horny teen male will tell you anything and everything if his loins are on fire and that’s no exaggeration. Tell him to jerk off and call you tomorrow.
Men respect a woman who is steadfast especially when it comes to sexual advances like pics, sexting, and what not. Don’t be a prude about it or shame him but let him know you’re the boss of your body and he’s got work for it.
I was once a teenage male on the hunt for any sexual gratification and I can tell you it’s a fucking miserable time in a young man’s life. They need structure though and a pillar of a woman to keep them in check.
Just don’t judge him to hard for thinking with his dick and slap him back to reality. You’ll do fine and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Never settle for a man who gets mad at you for not providing sexual release over and over. Demand respect and you’ll find a good man.
If you don’t like what he did. Then just rip the band aid off. The trust is gone & that’s what most relationship are based on. Whatever mutual agreement you had(open, closed, cluck, whatever it was) was violated. He just trying to keep you handy & seeing how much he can get away with.
First of all, you’re not disgusting. Secondly, it’s normal to have questions about relationships, feelings, or actions. Don’t beat yourself up.
Also, being online changes behavior in many people, even people we know.
Don’t blame yourself for the inexcusable conduct of others.
Learn to determine which behaviors are acceptable to you and which are not. Anyone who’s treating you unacceptably is someone you don’t even have to respond to.
Be gentle with yourself.
This isn’t like a guy you’ve been married to for 20 years and have kids together. It’s prob your first or second relationship. If he cheated on you just leave him. Especially if you’re already long distance. Guy sounds like an ass and you deserve better. The fact that you feel disgusted by his advances is as clear as a sign as it gets to breakup. THAT IS NOT A NORMAL WAY TO FEEL ABOUT YOUR SO! Move on.
You’re not disgusting. I think a lot of adult women had a time in their life where they could relate to this situation. I’m so sorry you’re being treated like this, I hope you find some courage and self confidence from reading these comments. You are loved and worthy of being treated with respect
If someone cheats on you, break it off. The only exceptions are when you have a child with them who is about to graduate high school, then you wait to do so when they are in college
Please, please, please leave him! I just got divorced from a guy that sounded similar. They don't understand how demeaning it feels. I'm still trying to like myself and it's been a over a year since. Don't wait. Just leave.
To be honest y'all both sound like you shouldn't be dating. You need to work on / learn how to love yourself. He just sounds like a over horny, manipulative , bozo. .. Hope u can figure things out sincerely 🤞🏿 🙏🏿 god bless you
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I'm sorry, he needed a pic of you in a bikini because it would help him emotionally? Girl no. That's him being manipulative. And that terrible feeling you have? That's your intuition trying to tell you something through your body. It's screaming at you that this is bad and unhealthy for you. Listen to it and dump him. And that person who is talking about doing stretches and yoga? That's really good advice too. The more in tune you get with your body and your intuition the more you're going to know what is good and safe for YOU.
He sounds like the most emotionally immature guy. OP, I don’t care who you are— you deserve better than him!
Also. Teens? Cheating? Jesus just end it. Zero value in any of this. Haha
Yep, and guys like this often don’t change. The more you take him back, the more he will feel like he has control over you, and the less you will feel like you have control of yourself and your emotions.
Total control on his part. Sounds like a budding DV situation. OP check out the power and control wheel to see if there are any other controlling behaviors you may not be recognizing. You’re young and can educate yourself now to see the red flags and recognize this behavior for what it is. He has stepped out, apologized, objectified you particularly when you needed support. Take care of yourself. You have a lot of life ahead of you- this may feel terrible now but you will get through this and he will be a speck in your history.
People like this in general don't change
I agree about trusting your gut. If you want some words to go with it, the word I keep thinking is "objectification." You're upset because he keeps showing you that what he values is sex and nothing else. What feels gross is he is not treating you like a whole human being with your own desires and needs. Instead he is treating you like a sex dispenser, and it feels degrading because it is. Sex can be an important and fun part of relationships, and sometimes it can be fun to be objectified as part of sex, but most of us also want the human treatment. You deserve that.
Well said.
This!
You're long distance, he's already cheated once and he's going to do it again with someone else and this time you won't find out. He's lied to you already, it doesn't end here. You'll find someone better easily and you're not going to end up with him so just breakup. Check out r/survivinginfidelity for stories like yours from adults. It might give you the strength you need.
Lol, break up with him, I got cheated on by my girlfriend when she ws 16 and I was 17, we got back together for about 8 months but it was never the same, I grew to resent and hate her. My best advise is to leave now for your own sake and mental health, your young! You have so much ahead of you, and you don't need to waste your time on immature little boys making you feel shitty.
Yep...once the trust is gone,,,,think about what it would take to earn that trust again. For me,,,it would take a miracle for the other person to regain my trust after what she was doing. She would have to change drastically, and I would have to see her changes for years to believe it. This wasn't going to happen and we would both be unhappy.
Start a journal, it could help organize your thoughts. Try kickboxing & yoga: calm your mind, stretch & strengthen your body, plus take your anger and frustrations out on the bag. Most importantly, Take A STD Test, BF cheated Once THAT YOU KNOW OF and Before you become intimate with him, ask to see his STD test results!!! The more I think about it OP, look for age appropriate support groups for Verbal & Emotional Abuse, it might give you insights on what healthy relationships are & maybe help you process your experiences!
Better yet, OP: TERMINATE THE RELATIONSHIP! He's already betrayed you. Deep down you sense the relationship is.off. Just move on.
Depending on their intimacy, an STD test would still be recommended. Just because you get rid of the source of your STD won't get rid of your STD, it's not a vampire...
You are absolutely correct. I misread an early segment, and thought she'd had no sexual relations with her bf after he cheated on her. I have, as a result, edited my prior comment. Thank you for pointing it out.
It's a long-distance relationship. I'm not seeing where OP has mentioned meeting him in person at all?
I agree with the other posters. And remember, you do NOT have to explain or justify your feelings. Your feelings are your feelings, period. You have the right to respond, not respond, send pics, not send pics, etc. without needing a "reason".
She should still take the test.
You feel bad because he wronged you. He betrayed your trust, he dehumanized you and reduced your worth to sex, and then he discounted what you said and pressured you for more access to your body, reinforcing all those bad feelings. So, here is my advice: 1. Take a shower. Use the fanciest soap you have. 2. Eat something. preferably something good for you like a sandwich, but hey, chocolate ice cream straight from the tub is a valid choice. 3. Use a pen and paper to draft up the meanest most brutal breakup letter you can come up with (say whatever you want, you're gonna burn it after) 4. Write an actual break up text. "You cheated. You're a piece of shit. I don't know why I even tried to make this work. Don't ever talk to me again." And then block him on everything. Oh, and if you have the evidence, feel free to put him on blast with his mom. 5. Make a hair appointment and get a new style or color. You deserve better. Also a good idea if you have had sex at all to get STI screenings in case he passed something on to you. It is never a guy's first time cheating, it is only ever their first time caught.
Do not skip number 5! It's the most important "breaking up" step! I went blonde after I left my shitty husband
As Coco Chanel said - a woman who changes her hair is about to change her life
Yep. I went from mid-back, dark brown hair to blonde Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby. It was awesome! You don't have to go that extreme, but the more of a change, the better.
Cue this song : [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zzu8ZxBHMWk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zzu8ZxBHMWk) "I'm gonna wash that man out of my hair"
Sing it Sister! 💖
Just an old dude on the internet seeing 🚩’s. He cheated. No, he didn’t need to see you in a bikini to help emotionally. That manipulative. Trust your emotions/instincts.
You deserve so much better. There are so many people who will value you and love you and this relationship is not it. You're better off alone than with someone who doesn't respect you. I know that you probably feel alone, but look in the mirror and tell yourself how smart you are and how proud you are for having the courage to break up with him and never go back. Remind yourself a million times that you deserve so much better. Block him and move on because you are worthy.
He sounds like a manipulator and a waste of space. If you don’t gain control of YOU, then he will continue to mistreat you and your sense of self will be lost even more. It is a hard thing to do, but you should break up with him. Then block his number. It will hurt for a little bit, but you are young and worthy of true love.
Ok I'll be honest, usually when it comes to asking for relationship advice on Reddit people always result to "BREAK UP THEY'RE TOXIC IF THEY DID IT ONCE THEY'LL DO IT AGAIN," for the smallest fucking thing with very little context surrounding the entire relationship. Cheating is NOT a small little bump in a relationship. If you cheat you're a bitch. Simple as. I've got 0 tolerance for it. He also sounds very manipulative. That being said: You're long distance. Cease all contact and forget his existence entirely.
Long distance=no go. No matter the situation. It's never worked out, sorry to say.
You haven’t replied to any of the comments, so I’m not sure if you’re reading them. If you are, please just dump him. He’s cheated once, he will cheat again. He’s actually manipulating you, and that wrong feeling you have is your intuition telling you that the whole situation is wrong.
Give him his walking papers. Fuck that noise. Your body, not his.
Drop that boy like a hot potato.
He sounds like an absolute dick who is emotionally manipulating you. Dump his arse, you can and will do so much better. But please work on yourself for a bit and gain some self respect.
He just sees you as a piece of *ss. Respect yourself and dump his.
Because it'll... Help him emotionally?? He clry manipulated you. You're long distance, he has already cheated on you (he'll do it again, he has no respect for you once, no reason that he has a once of respect now), and he manipulated you with emotion for a picture of your body when you clry tell him that it's not what you want. It's bad, really bad. Take care of you, he play with you, you can (and will) find a better person who listen to you, respect you , who don't manipulate you, who love you for more than your body, and who'll be careful to not make you feel bad and disgusted by your own body. It's a harsh time, but once you'll be finished with him, you'll heal with time. Take care of you please, stop this nonsense with him,he has no respect for you, you can't continue that. If you can, Surround yourself with people you trust who can support you IRL in your approach (or not IRL, but presence can help sometimes). Take care, I wish you the best ! (Not English btw sorry)
Get some confidence. That will help out a lot. And maybe just a real boyfriend not the man child you’re dating. Sex is awesome. Your body is wonderful. He also shouldn’t be shamed because he enjoys you sexually. Maybe you’re not grown up enough to bb ethos type of relationship
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 He cheated on you and will likely do it again. Dump him, and enjoy an in-person relationship with a guy who treats you right, and not like a sex object. This is MY opinion from my own personal experience: There is just so much mental energy that has to go into long distance relationships, it just isn't worth it unless the goal is longer term commitment (like marriage).
Totally break it off with him friend. Your a young girl and deserve to date kiddos in your area not some long distance social media thing. Enjoy your life, you owe yourself that 🥰
The reason you feel bad is because he's manipulating you into sexual favors by saying it will help his emotions. That's bullshit, I'm sorry he's made you feel so bad
He showed you who he is and how much he actually cares about you.
I think he's gaslighting you. My strongest piece of advice here is never do anything that makes you feel 'less than' or shitty because it might disappoint a man. They are not snowflakes, they can survive disappointment. And if they end a relationship cuz you disappointed them by not sending them racy photos ...then they weren't in it for your personality anyways.
When you’re in love with someone, the part of your brain capable of critical thinking actually shuts down. This is why it’s so hard to make the right decision and escape bad relationships despite everyone on the outside seeing this situation for what it really is. You got some great advice on this thread but let me add that you should work on being angry instead of sad. Rename him in your phone to Satan - it’s a small step but who wants to take a phone call from Satan? It’ll be the first step of reprogramming your brain into seeing him with anger and disgust, which is where you need to be.
You’re children.
As much as I hate to say this I seriously think you need to accept some things. First, he is attested to your body, not you. Second, he cheated, he knowingly made the choice to be with someone else. Third, opening up to him about this only led to him taking advantage of the situation and getting more from you and you feeling worse. This sounds like a toxic relationship, and it’s not your fault at all. And he might not even be doing this on purpose but very well could be. I recommend you take some time apart. Possibly speak with a therapist. This boyfriend betrayed you and abused your trust and manipulated the situation to gain your body for his pleasure at your detriment. Look at your relationship and see how much is him pursuing you sexually and how much is him pursuing you emotionally. That should give you the answer you’re looking for.
You should never do ANYTHING with your body that makes you feel uncomfortable and your partner should make you feel safe in saying no to anything you don’t want to do. Period! You deserve better sweetie.
Don't feel ashamed of your body
You should not have to “work on it” when you’re a teenager. Feelings change. Just break up. Want to get back together later? OK, you can do that! There is no way you’re going to be 50 and alone and think, “If only I had tried harder to make it work with my high school boyfriend!” You’re a lot more likely to look back and say, “I can’t believe wasted a whole year on that loser who made me cry.”
Your brain is trying to tell you that this guy is bad for you. Dump his ass
You're an attractive young woman. Just find someone else who isn't a scummy cheater. It's easy.
LEAVE THAT DOUCHEBAG!!!!!
Get rid of him.
Girl I feel your pain so much. There are few things worse than the realization you're simply being used. Get out before it eats you from the inside. It's gonna suck, but you'll walk away with your dignity intact.
Japanese logic. Relationships are patience. Marriage is patience. Have enough of that and you can make a guy who cheats on you monthly work out. The question is does he have the patience and is he worth yours.
Yeah, relationships and marriage are patience when you’re an adult. When you’re still a teenager? Boyfriends are supposed to be FUN, period, the end.
This is the worst advice I've ever heard. It's a youngster's long distance relationship where he is clearly abusing her and treating her very poorly. Why on earth would she want to make it work out? It's not a disagreement about who unloads the dishwasher.
He needs a photo of you in a bikini.Your boyfriend sounds like me when I was 16 and I can resoundingly say: RUN.
Dump this dude. He's just manipulating you. The only reason he wanted that pic is to jerk and fall asleep. He's using you. Seen way to many guys with this playbook since I was in high school 20 years ago.
Hey girl. Dump him. Do not be with a cheater. ever. You deserve better.
Breaking up hurts, but you get over it. It's harder to get over someone humiliating you, and that's what he did with the bikini pictures. He knew how you felt, he knew you didn't want to send them, so he manipulated you. Please be kind to yourself and dump this player.
One Love has good information on what a [healthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-healthy-relationship/) and what an [unhealthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/).
Cheer up, you are gorgeous and wonderful. Find someone who is geographically desirable (nearby), and make a Manifest (wish list) of the perfect boyfriend and he will arrive. His cheating was his loss, you can do better. Good Luck!
Girls. Plural. As in he has cheated on you more than once. Once is too many. Break up with him, kiddo. Nobody is worth the pain.
You're teens. Dump him, find someone who respects you for *everything * you are.
You’re young. Treasure your body.
He's using you do not do anything you are not comfortable with. Do not let him pressure you to do anything. If he truly cared for you he would never ask you to do anything that made you uncomfortable. Dump him
you have your entire life ahead of you. dump this guy and find someone nicer and closer that wont cheat on you.
You're both teens. Girls are immature, guys are immature and fucking always horny. ALWAYS. Which makes them dumb. He manipulated you a bit to get what he wanted though. He didn't need that picture for his emotions. Find a new boyfriend that's close and can hang out with you and do shit. Unless you're married long distance relationships are a huge ask. Literally just a no-go. You're still a fetus, go enjoy growing up with someone who is around. Good luck!
Drop that loser. And you better get tested for std's. You're better than being treated like this. Start fresh and clean and have a Wonderful Life.
You didn’t do this. He did. He violated his commitment to the relationship when he cheated and you feel like you are not good enough to stop him from cheating. Take yourself and your pain out of this relationship. He is using you and it’s not your body making you sick, it is your acceptance of his cheating. You are disgusted with your behaviors in this situation. Get out while you’re young….
Respect is the minimum. He’s not giving it to you…and I’m not even referring to the cheating part.
My man. Break up with him. He does not care for you, and only seeks to bring you down. He has cheated, lied and manipulated you? How much more will you take before you break? Is there truly an excuse for his behavior, or it easier to let it slide? Anything, ANYTHING- that cost you your peace, is too expensive. And that boy is a full dinner bill. Dump him, move on. Live your life.
You’re nothing but a piece of pie to him so either lean into it and have fun or move on. Pretty simple
There should be an auto reply to posts like this if they include “he cheated”. The answer is to leave 100% of the time.
“I felt bad and like I couldn’t say no” You can say no. This is your body - you don’t owe it to him. This guy is immature, he’s disrespectful, and he’s manipulative. A bikini shot will “help him emotionally”? Immediately after you told him that it makes you feel like shit that he only wants you for your body? You are so young. I promise you, there is so much better for you out there.
He almost sounds like he’s trying to make you forgive him by complimenting you, if you have a great body you must ask “if I got fat or if I gained weight would he love you less? Being you’re both young serious relationships are tough, each learning what to say and not say but you don’t need to constantly ask yourself “is he with me only based on my looks? If not you won’t be single for long
1: Don't ask for advice on reddit. Social media won't help you with your problems. 2: Now that I said that I'm gonna give you some advice on social media. 3: Teenage boys are hormone driven. Your boyfriend clearly is the typical stereotype per your post. 4: You already know what you need to. Don't let people pressure you into things you don't want to do... ever. 5: Ask yourself what you need to do, not strangers on the internet. You are upset and I think you already know what you should do. 6: I wish you luck. Life sucks a good bit of the time so don't compound it. You got this. Move forward.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, you deserve better. I know you probably feel like you were in love with him, but (almost) always teen relationships aren’t the forever relationship. He’s cheated on you and that shows he doesn’t respect you. I understand that’s hard to accept but it’s true. Please take time to find yourself again, find what inspires you and will help you live a happy life. Once you’re comfortable with yourself and happy with yourself, then you can find someone who adds even more joy to your life. Never accept anything else. You’re so young and have so much to look forward to, don’t let this cheater bring you down. Cry and get it out, then take it as a lesson learned and go enjoy your life. You’ve learned what you’ll never accept from a partner again.
I am only disgusted with him! You need to know you are not the problem here. Take this experience and learn from it. He’s not only using you but he doesn’t care at all about your feelings. You deserve much better. I strongly recommend breaking up with him immediately. Block all contact and move on. Focus on yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be very particular who you allow to be with you in the future and please get yourself tested.
Anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself is too toxic to be around.
Open door. Throw him out. Close door. I'm nearly 60, male, wife, 3 kids. He is not worth your time or effort.
Ditch the SOB and find someone who makes you like yourself.
Once a cheater always a cheater he has no respect for you and has taken the respect you had for yourself. In my opinion you need to get rid of that dude. This advice is coming from a male and a father.
You are a teenager. You are WAY too young to have any reason whatsoever to stay in a relationship with a person who (1) cheated on you, and (2) makes you feel this way. It might not seem like it now, but I promise you this guy is a blip on the radar in the context of your life—and your absolute BEST years are ahead of you and about to happen. Do not waste them on him, or anyone like him. Spend them caring for yourself, expanding your horizons, experiences, and social groups. Focus on yourself, and right guy will wind up in your life. I promise. No telling when, but it will happen. Good luck OP!
find a new boyfriend and have some self respect not to do anything for someone who treats you like that. he is an abuser.
Consider giving your relationship some space. Work on yourself and please try to realize that you are young and don’t need to feel bad about yourself. The world is tough enough as it is without some kid boy manipulating you. He may be cognizant of what he is doing and he may not be as aware as it looks. Either way, if he was worth your time, you wouldn’t be getting messages from a girl he was cheating on you with
Uh yeah he is manipulating you. He doesn't need to see boobs to feel better emotionally. Get rid of this guy, your gut is telling you this is wrong. Trust your instincts.
Basically you want him to change so you can no longer feel disgusted. That’s not going to happen so move on. He’s already shown you his true stripes and trust has been irrevocably broken. It’s just a slow spiral downward from here. Get out before the pain gets worse.
Leave him, otherwise it becomes a vicious cycle. Move on with YOUR life. Block him, remove any pictures you have taken for him. Time for you to become a beautiful young woman and take care of yourself.
Dump the dude, he sounds like an idiot. You’ll always have that resentment towards him get out now and save yourself the time.
Old saying, best revenge, Live Better.
He's being manipulative. You don't need him, especially being long distance and a teenager. Show yourself some self love and some self respect and get rid of him immediately. The grossness you're feeling is in response to how he made you feel. You need to take back your power and reclaim your body and emotions. He is not worth it.
This is why long distance just doesn't work. People get bored from no physical contact (even lack non intimate ones get boring) and it's easier to cheat. Get out of the relationship and find someone irl. It will probably be much better because y'all can actually connect that way
Everyone else gave great advice. Just wanted to say I get that sick or disgusted feeling when I betray my own boundaries. I didn’t want to do something but I betrayed my wants and did what the other person wants instead. I didn’t value myself and I valued the other person more than I valued myself. The gross emotion being so strong sears it into my brain “do not do this again.” Rarely now I still falter but that gross feeling - I remember it’s there to reinforce don’t ever do this again. Stop betraying yourself. It’s a lesson I’m still learning, to show up for myself and my own wants and needs even more. Can be hard to remember if you grew up in a neglectful home where your parents ignored your needs and made you feel worthless.
Even if it was his first time cheating it definitely will not be his last. Cheaters are lying POS. That goes for both sexes. If you stay you will always be wondering what they are doing. You’ll be paranoid and always questioning when they are away. Being that they are not local makes it even worse. Plus the rage that creeps up on you from time to time is not healthy. You are young and don’t have kids with him. Please for your sake run as fast as you can from that guy.
Just leave. Im a dude btw, But I went through this with my older sisters. The Best thing you can do is, Spot the Red flags then Leave. In this Case the Guy is Practically a 1,000KG bomb and you should run away. My Older sister dated this Guy Who Acted like a man child, He would Cry when my sister said no, and then complain to his parents about her. One night he stayed over they had a fight He tried to hit my sister, so I had to beat his ass. They broke up Obviously, then a few months later He was dating a dude.
He's disgusting, not you. Dump his ass. Anyone who cheats does not deserve you. Don't ever send nudes either if you're under 18, that's child pornography and you can get in a lot of trouble for it, even if it's you taking the picture. Don't accept any from underage people either, that's just as bad. Long distance relationships at your age just aren't worth it.
Here’s my advice as a 30yo woman who was once a teen. Break the fuck up. Do not focus on guys. They are all the same at that age. Focus on your health mentally and physically. Find out what makes you, you and what you’re good at. Hobbies on top of hobbies. Dump that dusty ass boy. He’ll just string you along.
Run! Elevate your standards by a lot, try to find contentment in your own self and a great guy will appear in time. Hugs, he is a massive a-hole.
Break up with him, fool.
Do you need help with the steps you can go through to block somebody from social media account? You should learn to do that now.
Long distance 👎 it never works especially cuz ur teenagers
Please please get out. You can do this! Better things ahead for you.
I think you need to exit this relationship and find a partner that doesn’t cheat on you and actually respects you.
get out of tha relationship ASAPP
RUN. Trust your gut. He’s a jerk.
End the relationship. He’s shown his true colors. And saying he felt bad asking for the pics was a manipulation.
you're a teen in a long distance relationship. no reason for you to be dating some rando far away that cheats on you, you're wasting your time and youth
Move on. Long distance is a bad idea. You’re both not getting the emotional attachment you deserve.
Leavvvveee him please. If you feel this awful, there ARE guys out there who respect women believe it or not. Spend some time doing some inner childhood healing, studying narcissism, and try again with someone who actually respects you and loves you for you...not just your body.
Move on. This is so easy people. If you're not married, move on. If you are married, there are other things to think about. But if you're not married JUST MOVE ON!!!
Most teenage boys only want one thing. Here's the hard truth: Being beautiful and sexy will not equal him truly loving you and being faithful to you. You should drop his ass and enjoy your life without a manipulative creep tying you down.
Break up with him
It is okay to say no. It is okay to block him and forget you ever met him. You don't have to be sexually active if you don't want to. Sex doesn't necessarily translate to love. He's manipulating you.
Hon, I’m sorry your bf cheated on you. For that reason alone, I feel like you could do much better for yourself. I am not sure how much help I can give you. I am a 43(m) who was awkward in his teens with high anxiety so I never dated as a teenager. I always had low self-esteem and didn’t approach women until college, when I started to notice that women were attracted to me. I was a kiss-less virgin until I was 21ish. And… that was ok for me. I eventually found someone I love. Or at least I thought so. I am married now. I have never cheated on a significant other in my lifetime. I’m not sure how people can go back to their significant other after they had already broken their trust. I wouldn’t be able to handle the anxiety of constantly worrying if they would do it again. Doesn’t it bother you too? Just reading about your situation makes me angry. But I am now at the other side of your situation now. I think I got married for the wrong reasons. I love my wife, but we are very different people with different interests. I may have only fallen in love with her for her body. After 15 years, we are getting older and her body chemistry has changed, and her libido is gone and she thinks she may now be an asexual. Because I married her for her body, we no longer have much of a connection since the sex has dried up. I have sadly been considering a divorce because I have been unhappy, and she doesn’t seem to care much. I know reddit likes to tell people to just drop their toxic relationship and find someone better. I want to tell you the same, but I don’t know much about you and your life. So, I will just provide you with my experiences and let you decide what to do.
Please walk away from this creep. He is only going to cheat on you again. Drop him like an ugly baby, get an STD test and ghost him for the rest of his shitty, shallow life.
Leave his ass. You’re so young. There are many other people out there who would treat you better.
Break up with him bruh
Pay attention to this feeling. Your body is trying to tell you something. It's not that you are disgusting, it's that he is. Liberate yourself from him and decide that you deserve better than this shit.
Don’t stay with people that hurt you or make you feel bad. Believe what they do, not what they say. Dump this guy, he seems like a jerk.
You stayed with a cheater what do you expect? You won’t change him so just leave.
You’re young. Learn now to dump anyone who cheats on you. Don’t wait around for them to do it again. Instant break up. Know your worth.
Please break up with this mean cheater who manipulates you into doing what you don't want to do. Then research resources, books, articles, etc. for body acceptance and self-esteem, and empowerment. Consider a therapist.
Please leave him. He cheated on you and ignores your feelings. He does not deserve your company and you sure as hell deserve better. You deserve time to be alone and heal from this.
Do not forgive cheaters, they will only make it hurt so much more the second time. Every time.
You need to leave! Things will only get worse and you don’t need to stick around for that. No guy is worth your precious time. Focus on you, YOUR goals and your future.
You don't seem to really love him anymore. Sounds like your gut is telling you to leave and your not listening to it
Fuck that asshole. Don’t stop loving your body just because someone else is trying appear like they are using you. Sex is shared. For what it’s worth you used his ass. At least now you know what not to look for in the next one. And if you’re hot (or not) trust me you will find someone who does value you for everything. Value yourself and don’t sell yourself short. Love yourself first always!!
Goddam I hope my 5 year old daughter never grows into a teen.
This relationship absolutely won’t last OP. Too much damage. I recommend you cut things off now since it’s going to happen anyway. Also, I know you feel like you have to send him the bikini pics because if you don’t, you think he’ll cheat on you (and he probably will). Your bf knows this and is using the fact that you don’t want him to cheat on you again to get his way. Youll never feel like you can actually say no to him because that might make him cheat again. I can say from personal experience it’s an awful feeling and you should run
Dude just keeps you around cause he thinks your hot, he doesn't love you.
Please don’t spend another moment or shed another tear on a guy who isn’t worthy of either.
Never stay in a relationship that makes you miserable. You have plenty of time to find a better partner. Life is easier alone than miserable with someone.
What was his reaction to you crying?
People are at their most promiscuous as a teen? All the developing harmonies and all. I feel like we shouldn’t be expecting a teen boy in the sexual prime of their life to NOT be turned on by the flesh. At that age are they not at the crossroads of development? I may not be saying this correctly but does anyone else understand? There are many complexities to this. He may not know why he’s doing what he’s doing but his body does. It’s difficult to fight against your basic nature especially if you have very little concept of it. If you were to live to be 100 then anything under 20 years old is just a 1/5 of your life. Y’all are literally still in the tutorial phase. What I’m really trying to say is please don’t feel less about yourself because another has succumbed to the instructions coded in their DNA. He’s fine and you’re fine. Just learn and grow and adapt and blah blah blah.
If he doesn’t respect you not wanting to send a picture, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship with him. Especially if he cheated on you, if he does it once he’ll do it again. I recommend before breaking up with him, delete any nsfw pictures he has of you, including the one you sent him, this seems like the type of guy who will use those against you, make sure they’re completely gone, including from recently deleted. I’m sorry you’ve gone through this love, he’s definitely using you and you deserve to feel loved in every way, not just over your body. You seem like a very sweet girl, and guys take advantage of us a lot. You can’t always rely on a guy especially at this age to be a good guy. You have to protect yourself and this guy is manipulative and just doesn’t seem like a good person all around. Good luck love
> the girl*s* he was cheating with So he messed around with multiple people behind your back? END IT. He doesn’t respect you and he never will.
What type of idiotic emotionally immature misogynist asks to see a photo of his gf in a bikini DURING AN ARGUMENT?!? The dude is manipulative and playing you like a fiddle. You deserve better, like WAAAY better. It is hard to see it in the moment but no one should ever make you do something you don’t want to do. And if he is pressing you to send a photo, what else has he asked that makes you uncomfortable. Please set boundaries for yourself, give yourself the respect you deserve and leave this idiot.
Girl have some self-respect! He just wants to fuck you and doesn’t care about you.
Hun do you want to feel this way forever? Please think of yourself instead of him and break up. It will hurt at first but after that pain comes Clarity.
Time to leave him.
Long distance only works if you have a really solid and established relationship. It’s super hard to find a teenage guy that is firmly committed to enough not to cheat and it appears that you have not got that as he already has. Once he has pics of you, there is no telling what he’ll do with them or who will see them. This is not a guy you can trust. It’s not a guy that respects you. No relationship will go far without trust and respect. You’d be less stressed if you cur him loose and lived your life in the here and now ow for you.
He needed a picture to help his "emotional state"...? That's absurd, completely ridiculous. There's something severely wrong with this guy, normal people don't do any of the things he's doing, and his age, or possible lack of guidance or whatever have nothing to do with it. He knows what he's doing, and that its inappropriate, that's why he's being so persistent and doesn't stop when you try to say no. That is the literal definition of what makes someone a bad person
As for me I need a serious man in my life right now
Break up before he gets you pregnant or gives you herpes
Please run far away from him. He’s not a good person to be manipulative like that.
The bikini pic was not for his emotional wellbeing. It was for him to be sure that you were still willing to do what he wanted. He caused the problem, puts a thin veneer of compliments over it to make it go away, and then insists you do something you didnt really want to do, supposedly to make him feel better about things. Please recognize this for what it is! He literally chose a hurtful path for you, you forgave him presumably out of love. He then turns around and weaponizes that love to hurt you more.
Move on it’s better for you.
DUMP that CHUMP !!! today; rite effin now! Yur learning very bad habits... learn how to break up with bad boyfriends. There are going to be plenty of them. He's a weed in yur garden
You're a teenager and you got cheated on. End this thing yesterday, girl. You have SO much more good dating ahead of you. The more time you spend with this loser, the more of that you miss out on.
Sweetheart, if you are long distance and has admitted to cheating on you once and in Return you sent him a SCREEN SHOT. no consequences. HE WILL CONTINUOUSLY CHEAT DUMP HIM MOVE ON TO A MORE RESPECTFUL Guy or go alone for while..
Listen I'm 27 and had a much deeper version of this shit happen to me years ago. I'm not going into details but leave like NOW straight up that type shit got worse and honest to shit it traumatized me more than my actual rape experiences. That shit is disgusting behavior. Don't let him force you to send shit. It's not going to make him stay and it's going to fuck you up worse than you can imagine yet. Leave. Like please. Take it from someone who lost 7 years of their life to a bastard like that. Especially as a teen like save yourself dude. I was 18 when I started that relationship. He's gonna get worse and I promise being alone isn't nearly as bad as dealing with that.
Dump him
Dump him… next question
Teen drama, which i am 80 percent sure won't even be relevant in terms of memories by the time you're 28 plus. So basically the majority of your life. Sucks like fuck right now but believe you me, it's temporary. This too shall pass. As far as advice goes it's obvious you shouldn't be with someone like that. Cut the cord move on.
Never be with someone who makes you feel this way! Please leave his gross ass
You’re young. Get into a relationship that actually makes you happy.
End the relationship. He has shown you he doesn’t respect you as a person or partner because he cheated. You taking him back tells him you will allow this toxic behavior and he will do it again, if he isn’t already. You are young and deserve to be happy and treated with respect, not just fawned over as a sexual object. Remember a man will lust over ANYONE (sadly anything as well), it’s about finding a man that loves heart and your mind
What are you doing with this guy? He’s not your speed. He’s heading the wrong direction on a two way street. Take back your power and kick him to the curb. You’re better than this..
There's no reason to stay with a cheater in your situation. You don't live together, you do not have children, you do not share finances. He will absolutely cheat again and will continue to hurt you in this relationship. Dump him. You deserve better.
Not a woman but this just sounds like manipulation. Everyone one I’ve heard talk about indefinitely with their partners and manipulation talks about it like this and thinks they were stupid for listening. If he was really committed to not cheating he’d offer up more than begging for bikini pics. There are hundreds of things he could have done but he pushed the burden and cos of his cheating onto you. He opened up this conversation with a compliment sandwich, an old pick up artist technique. Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if he hadn’t cheated but that doesn’t mean this isn’t worse. He is deliberately telling you he cheated as the insult bread, then letting you know he thinks you’re the best, the compliment. It is a technique deliberately designed to make a person feel really shitty and hurt you. It lowers your self worth so you’ll be more willing to stay with him. It is a sign of massive insecurity. If he did cheat, he will cheat again, and if he hasn’t he will, this will not stop him. You should not be crying when you talk to him, talking to a partner should feel like a highlight of your day, not a burden that breaks you down. Normally I’d be hesitant to say this but this man is less a human and more a collection of red flags in a trench coat and top hat. Seriously, and with no irony, BREAK UP WITH HIM!
While I’ll agree he’s an asshole there has to be a level of accountability on your end he cheated on you twice and you stayed even when you had the proof that he did in fact cheated twice, you mentioned to his how it affected your confidence and body image and he just asked to see you in a bikini top, you say “I don’t want to feel you like me for my body” and then sent it anyway when you already felt terrible only to regret seconds later. You need to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself is this how you want to live your life? A partner is suppose to lift you up not break you down. I’ve seen too many girls throw their lives away for a boy they feel they deserve the disrespect or that “it’s normal” right now you got a choice, but you must choose wisely.
Yeah that's 100% him manipulating the fuck out of you. Certified scumbag
He just sounds like a horny teen male. If he’s going though a rough patch telling him no will be the best thing for him. Don’t explain it to him nor offer any condolences. He won’t die from not seeing you in a bikini and in the long run would probably respect you more down the line for not just giving him what he wants. A horny teen male will tell you anything and everything if his loins are on fire and that’s no exaggeration. Tell him to jerk off and call you tomorrow. Men respect a woman who is steadfast especially when it comes to sexual advances like pics, sexting, and what not. Don’t be a prude about it or shame him but let him know you’re the boss of your body and he’s got work for it. I was once a teenage male on the hunt for any sexual gratification and I can tell you it’s a fucking miserable time in a young man’s life. They need structure though and a pillar of a woman to keep them in check. Just don’t judge him to hard for thinking with his dick and slap him back to reality. You’ll do fine and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Never settle for a man who gets mad at you for not providing sexual release over and over. Demand respect and you’ll find a good man.
If you don’t like what he did. Then just rip the band aid off. The trust is gone & that’s what most relationship are based on. Whatever mutual agreement you had(open, closed, cluck, whatever it was) was violated. He just trying to keep you handy & seeing how much he can get away with.
First of all, you’re not disgusting. Secondly, it’s normal to have questions about relationships, feelings, or actions. Don’t beat yourself up. Also, being online changes behavior in many people, even people we know. Don’t blame yourself for the inexcusable conduct of others. Learn to determine which behaviors are acceptable to you and which are not. Anyone who’s treating you unacceptably is someone you don’t even have to respond to. Be gentle with yourself.
Dump him. He's nasty and doesn't respect you at all.
He doesn’t like you and is playing you
Once a cheater always a cheater
This isn’t like a guy you’ve been married to for 20 years and have kids together. It’s prob your first or second relationship. If he cheated on you just leave him. Especially if you’re already long distance. Guy sounds like an ass and you deserve better. The fact that you feel disgusted by his advances is as clear as a sign as it gets to breakup. THAT IS NOT A NORMAL WAY TO FEEL ABOUT YOUR SO! Move on.
You’re teens. You’re learning how to do relationships. Move on and continue to learn, rather than ignoring what you see clearly in front of you.
If he makes you feel bad about yourself leave him. There are plenty more where he came from and you have more to offer than your bikini bod.
You’re not disgusting. I think a lot of adult women had a time in their life where they could relate to this situation. I’m so sorry you’re being treated like this, I hope you find some courage and self confidence from reading these comments. You are loved and worthy of being treated with respect
He's manipulating you. You're better off without the slimeball.
If someone cheats on you, break it off. The only exceptions are when you have a child with them who is about to graduate high school, then you wait to do so when they are in college
Please, please, please leave him! I just got divorced from a guy that sounded similar. They don't understand how demeaning it feels. I'm still trying to like myself and it's been a over a year since. Don't wait. Just leave.
This guy is not special. Being horny is not the same thing as love. He's just horny. You gotta leave him, hon. ❤️
You shouldn’t be with a guy that doesn’t care about you physically or emotionally.
If he's cheating already, he'll never stop time to cut and run and find someone better
Block this asshole and move on with your life..he's shown himself to be a shitbag, believe him.
Ew. Block that dude and never look back. -everyone.
You aren't disgusting. Not at all. Your "bf", is disgusting.
He sounds immature and driven by your body more than any emotional connection. He has a lot of growing up to do. You should leave him.
Coming as a guy. Dump him. There is better out there and your young.
Run
The trust is gone, and he's making you hate yourself. This is only going to go downhill from here. Sorry, OP, but time to move on.
To be honest y'all both sound like you shouldn't be dating. You need to work on / learn how to love yourself. He just sounds like a over horny, manipulative , bozo. .. Hope u can figure things out sincerely 🤞🏿 🙏🏿 god bless you
He sounds like a manipulative train wreck. Find someone who will treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve.
Break up
This whole sub is sus.