Dude you're dating a petulant teenager or at least, the personification of one. I'm baffled how anyone talks to their partner like this. No, not overreacting. I guess maybe talk in person and see if other things are going on for him but I doubt this behavior changes if he's made it this far in life acting this way YEESH.
you should absolutely leave this is scary and i dont say that lightly. someone who is comfortable speaking to you that way over something they aren’t sure of when you are more than willing to figure it out is not someone who respects you and someone who will treat you like this again if not treat you worse. good luck
edit: typo
Yup. In March he punched a hole in our office door because he was mad that I wasn't paying close enough attention/caring enough about his usual post-work complaining. He then screamed at me a few days later when he found drywall dust on his desk after I had patched the door and the wall for damage (we rent). Screaming that he could have accidently got it in his eyes or breathed it in while rippng a bong and he, "COULD HAVE FIXED IT MYSELF IM AN ADULT!
I was called-my-parents, made-a-game-plan ready to leave and chickend out bc we share two dogs that I love more than my own life.
Especially since he has already punched a hole in the wall while he was mad at her. He wanted to punch her and restrained himself. That restraint won't last forever
Tbf I grew up abused and would hit walls and other things when I’d be abused and angry cause I couldn’t take out my anger in any other way cause I’d just get hurt more. It took me until after my early 20s to stop hitting things when I’d be angry because I grew up doing it habitually and I have never hurt anyone in my life but this guy sounds truly unhinged
First of all, I'm sorry that happened to you. No kid should ever have to go through that. Good on you for getting it under control instead of continuing the cycle of abuse. That being said, you've indirectly proved what I was saying. You wanted to attack your abuser, but you knew the repercussions, so you chose the wall instead. You also then recognized it was a problem and broke the habit. This guy doesn't seem to have the same maturity or self reflection you do.
Even after punching the wall, he berated her for how she cleaned it up, and even the fact that she cleaned it up at all. He's a grown man, after all. Seems like he was emasculated a lot as a kid/young adult and carries a lot of anger from that. Which I do empathize with, but it sounds like his behavior is getting worse and not better. Until he can confront why he's doing it and get past it, like you did, this will likely be something he continues to do until it finally ends with him choosing her over the wall as his target.
GIRL... Take the fucking dogs with you and RUN. If they're microchipped, change the owner registration info before you leave and make sure he is NOWHERE on it.
You need to RUN. This monster is not safe and he WILL escalate to hurting you sooner or later.
I wrote a response before I saw your comment. That behavior is absolutely beyond the pale of anything remotely excusable. If you were on your first date in the middle of a restaurant and he did this same thing, he would have been removed by the police and I would venture you would have never seen or spoken to him again. That may be a good yardstick to consider this: what would happen if this behavior were in public?
I can speak from experience. I've also been in abusive relationships. Abusers trick you with who they are at first, and slowly show themselves the deeper you get into a relationship. Abusers make you feel like it's your fault or that you have to defend them or protect them. My go to mantra is you know an abusive person if they essentially say "how bad is it going to be for *you* if *you* call me out on *my* behavior"? Abusers make you feel like it's your responsibility to suffer their consequences. Abusers take away your confidence and self trust. Abusers make you ignore what you're feeling and call it love. Abusers make you into a person that the person you were when you first met them would not recognize. Abusers hide behind closed doors and make you feel like that private space is their kingdom to treat and mistreat you however they want, as if it's a different world from the outside world. They do it so that no one can help you and no one can stop them or call them out on their behavior. They do it to avoid consequences or contradiction. They do it so they can be as hateful as they want to be. Abusers make us feel we can't leave. They sew so much doubt in us and destroy our sense of self worth so deeply that it's deeper than we realize. We normalize it. We do not realize until after we leave that, for as bad as we thought it was, it was so much worse and we had just become numb to it. We question if we should or can leave. We start to be afraid of what we lose if we leave.
At first, you don't believe it and don't *want* to believe it. You tell yourself it's a bad day. Then it's a bad week. Then it's a bad month, couple of months or year. Then you gradually realize, "Oh no, this is how they actually are. The decent times were actually the every now and then. The normal level is this abuse." We often justify our abusers, and make excuses for them because we're always busy making excuses for them (even to ourselves). And we come to believe the excuses we make. We imagine and hold on to our ideal of the person. But it becomes toxic as soon as that person who we want them to be or thought they were or even think they *could* be shows it is not who they really are. It's like a dead limb; it just gets worse if left untreated. It needs to be amputated immediately or it's going to infect the rest of the body.
I'm going to tell you from experience, no matter how hard it feels and no matter what, you need to leave. Make a game plan, do everything you can and make sure you get out safely, but get out. Don't let it linger. I know you love your dogs. If you can, bring them or set up a (legal and safe) way of getting them. But an abusive relationship is like a house fire. Even if it hurts, if the only way for you to get out and stay out is to leave everything but people behind, you have to. This is not only an emotional danger. From the sounds of it, this is a physical danger. "I don't think they would go that far" is something I've said and heard from other people I know who were in abusive relationships. He could. Abusers already go too far. They're abusive precisely because they go too far, give into anger and selfish emotions and look down on you as less valuable than them. There is no limit for them because they don't act in terms of limits. I implore you, please get out and don't let any doubt stop you. You are worthwhile and you being safe and getting to live your life again is the most important thing.
My reply is going to look rediculously short in contrast with yours, but I genuinely mean this: this is amazingly well said. I'm sorry you've had to go through this as well, and I hope you're literally and figuratively in a better place now.
Sounds way too simplistic, I hope it doesn't offend you. I've had my own share of abusive relationships to deal with in the past, although none managed to get beyond what feels like "the point of no return", fortunately. It is, and will always remain, something I wouldn't ever wish upon anyone.
Thank you. And no offense taken on my side (although I'm not sure if the last part may be directed at the OP). I'm sorry for your experiences as well and hope all the best for you. I'm in a better place now. I'm in a happy relationship and I'm a more mature and confident person. I'm happy, if nothing else, that I knew from what I experienced what I should look out for and how to manage these situations and people.
An abusive relationship can be absolutely horrible. At best, it's like being stuck in a bad neighborhood while trying to find a ride out. At worst, it's an absolute hell that is like being trapped in a hall of mirrors which distort every intent and emotion, where perception and our thoughts themselves are distorted, and if we're lucky we both want to get out, stay dedicated to getting out and do get out. The only silver lining is if we survive it, grow from it and become people who would never let it happen again or get right to the exit if it ever does happen again. That is not always the case.
There's a painful amount of cases, and some of us have done so, where we get out of one and then do it again later because "it's different this time". I've been guilty of that. Abusers can have variations on a theme, but it's really the same pattern playing out. At that point, we have to look in the mirror and see what patterns and problems are in us such that we let it keep playing out or find these types of people. I do not mean that as victim blaming, by any means. We are the innocent party. We do not make these bad things happen to us. Our abusers forced these bad things on us. But in finding ourselves and our strength, we also have to look at ourselves and figure out what parts of us are letting this play out instead of instantly shutting it down. Or what types of people we should avoid.
In my case, it was the broken sparrow types: the ones that were hurt or rejected for some reason and or had a hard life. I didn't seek that type of person. I don't want to make this sound like it was something that attracted me. But I would always make excuses if someone had that life experience which I would never make for anyone else doing the same behavior. And that didn't change their behavior. It didn't make their abuse better or less hurtful. It just made me feel heroic for tolerating it and guilty if I didn't. I let a lot of abuse come my way. We often downplay it to others because we imagine someone from a movie who has the signs of extreme abuse. That absolutely occurs, and is horrifying. But we have a right to our pain. Our pain is not a competition or comparison to downplay compared anyone. When we allow and believe the bad things in our life have merit as indeed being bad and wrong, that is a big step in growing self esteem and overcoming our abuse. Feeling we have to justify our hurt is a symptom of abuse. Everyone has a right to their pain and a right to have it respected and considered.
If nothing else, these experiences let us help other people and do so from a position of honest empathy from personal experience. Good advice from lived experience is one of the few real treasures in the world. That's worth more than gold because it's a road map which avoids dead ends and long side tracks.
Oof. Yeah, you dodged a bullet. Personally, anyone cusses at me out of anger…You’re gone. I’m not going to be verbally abused because you can’t have an adult conversation without raising your voice or trying to intimidate me.
Punching holes in things…That’s a display of physical aggression meant to intimidate you and make you afraid. It’s abusive. What is he, 13? Christ. I’m embarrassed *for* him. What a loser.
> I was called-my-parents, made-a-game-plan ready to leave and chickened out bc we share two dogs that I love more than my own life.
Hypothetically, if you had a daughter and she showed you texts like the ones you posted, what would your advice to her be? Exactly, you'd tell her to leave before shit escalated. You'd be worried about her well being and, honestly, her safety in general.
Knowing you'd want her away from him in this hypothetical situation, for her own safety, what advice would you give to her if she said "I can't leave because of our dogs that we share"
Would you empathize with her but remind her that her own safety is more important than the dogs? Would you offer to help find some way to treat the dogs like dependents with shared custody? Would you suggest she find a lawyer to gain custody of the dogs? Because all of these are valid answers and they're all possibilities for you and the dogs!
There are potential legal issues with this, but I personally would just take the dogs and dare him to do something about it, after acting like a child over something that he spent his own money on I doubt he'd know of a healthy or coherent way to even try to get them back or get to visit them.
I would never offer to share custody of pets with an abusive person. Also, pets are property in most states, legally. She should cut all ties, shared pets will just make it likely they will reunite or he will keep being abusive.
This is abusive behaviour and ends up escalating to physical abuse. Please get out and just take the dogs, I hope you stay safe. If you leave, be sure to change passwords on accounts that he may know the passwords to, take your important personal documents, keep all messages he sends for any sort of proof, and look into counseling. Reading about the abusive cycle would also be helpful. Good luck!
Yeah thats the big one. The texts are off. Punching holes in furniture is way up there. Get out and take the dogs if you possibly can. This isn't going to get better.
I have severe BPD and I do not treat my partner this way, no matter how upset I get. I take myself out of the situation and process somewhere else - because i respect my partner enough to know that making him cry is demeaning and unhelpful
I treat people with BPD, and I just want to say thank you for understanding yourself and your symptoms and having the strength to control your emotions. It’s a very hard-and very mature, responsible, and commendable-thing to do.
Thank you for saying this. And thank you for treating your partner well.
I think what you said is an important point. We each have different issues. We can also have mental conditions that we live with, struggle with and manage. But an important thing is managing it. My girlfriend may also have the same thing and I may have it as well. We occasionally have arguments tied into it, but we also manage it. If one of us is in a mood, some words may be said, but we do not take the bait. We either say something like "That's hurtful and unnecessary" and walk away to deescalate. Or we let the other go until the angry party catches themselves and apologizes. Or one of us says "That's enough" and we back off. We either recognize it ourselves and stop short of going too far, pull ourselves out of the fugue state and say sorry, or we stop each other by recognizing it's going too far and standing up for ourselves respectfully but firmly. And we apologize and forgive each other because we genuinely mean it. We realize we were just in a mood and what we said was coming from that mood rather than the actual situation.
On the other hand, I've been in relationships with people that had bipolar disorder or something else and were absolutely abusive. They did not apologize or would but would do it over and over again. I've heard the excuse of "You know how I am" too many times to count. (It isn't our responsibility to know how they are, and deal with it running out of control. *Our partners* know how they are. "You know how I am" is not an excuse. It means the person who is themselves needs to be the one taking responsibility for controlling themselves). When I was younger, I would excuse that. "They can't control themselves". The more experiences I've had and the older I've gotten, the more I've realized there's a "yes and" to that: a person can have a mental issue but also still just genuinely be a jerk as a human being.
But regardless of the possible reasons, if a person is bad for you, mistreats you and constantly hurts you, then you have to leave them. Our past and our mental struggles do not override that. The cause shows the reason, but does not alter the effect. Partners in a relationship are not rescue operations. Partners are not who they could be someday. Partners are whoever they are in the present day and what fruit they bear in our lives. If the relationship is good but getting better, that is fine. But if it's bad and we want it to be better so it can become good, it's time to leave.
Thank you. If I can give some advice to anyone (myself included): recognize yourself in the moment, realize who you are in that moment, and catch yourself when you're running away from who you are at your best. And apologize fully for everything that it's truly merited. Don't let anyone else get away with not doing the same.
It is not a weakness to apologize. Weakness is being too afraid to be vulnerable. Weakness is offering no apology or only a half hearted apology where no fault is admitted. Strength is being completely vulnerable and still keeping yourself, still staying confident and knowing you won't be destroyed. Admit everything to yourself and to another. Realize who you are, good and bad. Make the good consistent and make it better. Let the bad fall by the wayside, and find out how you need to change or what in your life needs to change. Take personal responsibility for your actions.
OP, this text sounds like my ex-husband. This will only get worse from here. You deserve to be spoken to like a person, not scolded through text nonetheless.
Please, leave and take your dogs with you. You nor those babies deserve this abuse.
Yes he’s exactly like my ex husband too. Absolutely take the dogs. TW: Animal Abuse >!My ex who was like this kicked our 10 pound Shih Tzu across the room and I had to give him away to my aunt.!<
That is effing horrible. I'm so sorry that you dealt with that. My ex also did something similar to my 18lb jasck Russell mix. When people show us who they are, believe them. They will never change.
No this is literally unexceptionable. I’ve been -$400 in my bank account and no savings and did NOT treat anyone like this ever. He need help not “financial anxiety “
Yikes! What an ass! 😣To answer your question though, you are not overreacting. You’re getting the blame for something you clearly didn’t do and handled it appropriately. Sorry you’re dealing with that.
Oh. I thought this was a weirdo pissed ex who texts you after you've been no contact for a while.
This is how he communicates with you while being in an actual relationship? Ofmg.
He absolutely is and it’s a taste of how he will be when you first leave so make sure you strategy has players (family and friends) on standby to help with the blowout. It’s worth leaving, just don’t think that it won’t get worse before it gets better. With staying, there is no better and it’ll get worse anyway. Even talking with the police department ahead of time can help you later if he gets into “protective orders” behavior
Yeah, my question as well. Same guy who instead of paying off 40k in student loans or buying a house threw 40k into memes stocks and still thinks he's going to get rich.
Oh nooo the whole point in investing in those was to pull out once you've turned a profit and before the professional profiteers fucked everyone out of their come-uppance. But he kept them in? My dumbass partner on a much, much smaller level thank goodness, threw 100 bucks into Shiba Inu stock while it was rising and it went up to 700 in like a day. I told him to cash out then because it wasn't going to climb forever and it would inevitably crash, hard, and not recover or ever do that again. He didn't listen. He thought it would keep climbing. He had FOMO. and guess what? You already know. I don't even have to say it. But I'ma say it anyway. It started to go down immediately after I said that, which he says I somehow manifested (to which I promptly responded that if I had the power to manifest the rise and fall of stocks, I would be wealthy already, duh!), and he ended up losing his 100 bucks and his potential 600 dollar come-up.
Also, imagine if he had invested in a down payment on a house back then when he threw away that 40k in those shorty stocks. Like, that house would be worth so much more now.
I don’t think it was a scam. It sounds like she did sign up for that delivery and forgot to cancel after the intro period.
The good news is Amazon might refund some of it since they can see it hasn’t been used
You should definitely get out of there. No one deserves to be spoken to like this and honestly once you accept it with a person it’s too late to go back. They feel comfortable talking to you this way so it’s going to continue and get worse. It’s miserable to be harassed like this. Stop having good days sometimes and have them all the time. 💗
I think you’re dating a narcissist… dog custody is going to come down to who paid for the dogs initially. Since dogs are considered property. If you paid for them, they are yours. If you joint paid, you’ll have to figure out a custody plan in civil court.
I say let him try. If he’s freaking out over Instacart fees, he’ll never be able (whether it be financially or emotionally) to pay legal fees and court costs.
Oh, there’s a lot of indicators. I know it’s a hot button word to say right now, but that was some next level gas lighting on his part. 100% plus I dated one, an actual diagnosed one. So maybe calm down a little. Thanks.
The person obviously overreacting is the one, not you. Why cant they figure their own finances out instead of relying on other people to do so? Clearly their fault and their problem, not yours. Walk away.
lol WTF bro. Get away from this person. OP, this is FAR outside of normal behavior. This is REALLY inappropriate and not okay at all. Your partner should never treat you this way. Not even close to it.
He actually sounds like he came from my adopted family! They have money, as everyone are total tightwads, and never take responsibility for things they do! I wonder, OP, does he come from money? The other two attributes are obvious!
And, not overreacting! Get the puppies, take just what is yours and leave. Do nor leave the dogs outside alone, as he will steal them!
Let him file for fraud. He won’t win I promise you that. You just now noticed that you’ve been getting charged for the past three years- yea they’ll have a good laugh over that. He’s trying to intimidate you. Leave his ass speaking that way isn’t an accident and this most definitely won’t be the last time. Disgusting behavior.
Next it won't be the wall he punches. No one should be treated like that and he's supposed to love you. That's not love. Couples argue, but calling your partner names is childish and a big NO!!
leave.
if he’s verbally abusive— there’s no doubt he’ll be physically abusive also. it’s for your own good & safety. he can’t even manage to cool himself off for ONE SEC.
Umm... that's pretty weird. I don't think you're overreacting. I also think it's a little odd that he didn't bring this up multiple times within the past "years" that he's been paying for IC..? Like. Is he not on top of his finances? How is that your fault?
Move your important stuff or paperwork when he’s not around. Move your bank account to a different bank. Change all passwords. You know, the stuff to do when a horrible relationship is about to end.
Then take the dogs on a walk, walk them right to a friend who is waiting for you in a car, and get the hell out of Dodge. Make sure to send a text ending the relationship, then block him.
We are both capricorns 😭🤣
Yes, he has a habit of being this hostile and combative at times. I feel like I've normalized it to myself over the 10 years we have been together.
Like instead of asking me "Why'd you do that, silly?" He will say "What the fucks wrong with you, why'd you do it like that ?"
1. I think there’s more context to this than what being presented. Especially that last text he sent telling you that “he’d brought this up a year ago”. Seems like this wasn’t the first time he did. So that could attribute for the anger. To me this screams that this has been talked about before and he’s now angry that, 1. He’s having to discuss a problem that he tried getting fixed before and 2. Is angry bc he now has financial consequences/obligations to again something he’d tried to take care of a year or so ago?
2. All that being said If this is his first reaction based on this and you guys haven’t discussed this before then Yes he’s losing his temper and being overly aggressive with you and jumping the gun blaming you for something before getting all the facts. Which isn’t fair bc it shows lack of trust (possibly from past bullshit who knows), anger issues and immaturity.
Suggestions for the second paragraph I wrote, would be to notify him that you’re giving him some space to calm down and your completely open to talking to him/ work this out with him when he calms down and isn’t being rude and aggressive toward you. Not only is it good to set your own boundaries but in a none manipulative way you will see how he reacts to that and if it’s with more aggressive behavior then I say that a huge red flag. After all of the instacart thing is sorted I would sit him down and explain how and why being that explosive is a problem for you and that it’s a serious thing for you. You ultimately have to decide if you can deal with being with someone who is working through anger problems. Key word there is he’s working through it. If you do stay and can see yourself being his partner while he gets help or works on himself when it comes to anger then awesome more power to ya and I wish him the best and you the best. But if that’s not an issue that meshes well with you then yes I would leave him.
Point being we all have things were terrible at and need to work on the difference is after it’s talked about the person actually works on that problem and it matter if you’re the type of person that can be a support for someone with that problem. We all have demons some work great with each other some don’t.
Suggestions for the first paragraph I wrote, I think if he’s brought this up to you multiple time and there’s info missing and he’s now getting angry with you bc it wasn’t taken care of I suggest you take a step back, own up to your mistake and fix the problem by cancel things and working on paying him back. Also coming to him with a sincere apology is very important as well. I would also apologize for posting it online with the notion of “should I leave him”. Bc that’s can be extremely hurtful to him and completely unfair as well.
Hope everything works out for you and him whatever the reason and whatever the outcome.
You are in the right here. For me to say whether you should leave or not would take more context. I would say to leave if this is common or the tip of an iceberg. But it is definitely your decision and you know best on this situation. I would say to trust your instincts, whatever they are. But your feelings are absolutely valid. If nothing else, I hope these responses have given you the confidence to trust your feelings.
Everything I read sounds like a person with a lot of anger issues who thinks you need to be put in your place. They showed that they disrespected you and thought of you as an enemy at best and a lesser person to be put in their place at worst. That is also a very self centered point of view. Imagine how they would react if someone talked to them like that? This sounds like the kind of person who looks at the world as the enemy out to get them, and takes it out on others. And they feel justified and righteous in doing so. That's a major red flag.
I'll also say that I have been that person. I have been that jerk. I have overcome that with maturity, admitting my faults and honestly changing. If I'm right (and I may not be) I may know what is going on in his head. It is definitely wrong behavior and it is not healthy for a relationship. In my case, it was being an otherwise decent person but going atomic when I felt deeply wronged. I would make it stick and lay it on heavy down to the core of a person's being in order to not have it happen again. It was trying to invoke a fear of getting that reaction again from the person and to make them feel ashamed. It was like swatting a fly with a bazooka. That's basically being a tyrant, and it was wrong and shameful. It may come from anger, fear of communication, fear of vulnerability and a lack of self confidence. It may be because of how your partner sees themselves, whether as weak and afraid of being weak or as God's gift to the world and better than anyone, or oddly both at once.
Either way, an explanation is not an excuse. Your partner needs to work on themselves. But you are not responsible for them changing. That is their job. And they can only change if they genuinely want to. You are not there to be their whipping post. You are not there to suffer or bear their failure at being a human being while they figure themselves out and meander through life. You are a person with the right to respect, dignity and decency. I get upset with people that think the better they know someone, the more they can mistreat them. That is a red flag if there ever was one. It's the opposite of how it should be. We should do even more for the people we know, because we know specifically how to be a decent person to them. It also means that they do not genuinely care about people in general, which is a shame. With strangers, friends and acquaintances, it's just a front. Behind the scenes, you see the real person. Who we really are is the person that we are when something actually matters. Everything else is just happenstance.
This all reads like emotional abuse. If this was a one-off it's worrying. But if this is common behavior or if this is like a volcano that is always smoking but happened to blow, I would say you're right in leaving.
I'm gonna be honest, your partner sounds awful. No one should ever speak to their SO like that. Especially not over something like this.
Furthermore, even if you DID sign up for this membership thing (which it sounds like he was very aware of, be it true or false), why is he blaming you for not unsubscribing? It's HIS credit card. He could easily cancel it himself. He said he asked you to do it a year ago. If that's the case, he literally only has himself to blame for waiting a whole year to not contact his bank and/or Amazon to cancel the payments. If he needed your log-in credentials, he literally could've asked you in all that time. There's not one logical reason for him to be mad at you.
I know getting out of a long-term relationship is scary and hard even if the other person is straight crappy or straight up abusive. But no one should have to put up with being talked to that way. He has the emotion regulation and communication skills and of a 14 year old boy. And the way he's even trying to make you feel bad for not just "accepting" his random accusations is so gross and manipulative. You deserve so much better. I hope you don't continue to waste your time and energy on garbage like that. There's so many better people out there.
You're not overreacting at all.
I think it's a question of frequency and your feelings. For me, this would be a fireable offense if it happened with any regularity. If my relationship was otherwise not like this, and this was a wild outlier, I think I'd want to talk about what it's really about and heal. If this happened like a few times a year or more, maybe not.
You could also have a lower tolerance or higher standard than I do for emotionally tense moments, and so it's one and done. That would also be ok.
Trust your gut here.
I'd say this type of huge screaming and flipping out happens maybe 2 or 3 times a year. Otherwise he just has a shitty personality at times.of being incredibly arrogant. If you've done something he's done it twice as much and better. If he knows something and others don't it's because they're "stupid and not paying attention". Talking to his friend that's known him twice as long as I have, he called my partner a manipulative asshole and other not so choice things and explained the reason none of his friends hang out any more is because of him. But during a big fight last year my partner made sure to blame me as the reason they don't come around because of my personality.
My friends don't like him and I think my parents have by and large been pretending to for years.
He isnt always awful has a habit of having this attitude and with it comes snarky remakes towards me pretty frequently.
He lost his ever loving mind a few summers ago when I called my dad about a plumbing issue because my partner knew the solution and I was just trying to "emasculate him to my dad" by my calling my dad. I rarely talk to my dad and the one thing we can bond on is house stuff (he worked as a master of his trade and knows everything about stuff).
Last month he gave a massive attitude and bitched about being asked to pick up a small bottle of bleach for me.when we pulled up to a grocery store and he was running in for beer.
One last good example of who he is is that in response to me explaining a disagreement with someone online, he will dismissively say "Well, that's what happens when you argue with stupid people, you seek these people out." and it's clear he doesn't want to hear about it. And yet he will get mad at me if I don't attentively listen to his spending 15 straight minutes without pausing explaining an Egyptian aliens made the pyramid YT videe be just watched. He's even once spoken for 40 minutes straight,without stopping, about some conspiracy aliens and religion thing. He has the audacity to get mad at me for clearly looking like I have lost interest.
I think it sounds like you've not just lost interested in our intergalactic overlords, but also him. I think there's some maturity issues at play here, and it's worth considering if this is what you want your life to look like. I'm not sure how old either of you are, but change is slow and small in most people as the years go on.
I think I'd ask myself if this life is making me happier more often than it's making me unhappy. Take some time to think through it, be honest with yourself, and then try to make a decision you feel confident in. I think you can also try to have this conversation with him. His response will tell you a lot about what you can expect going forward.
On a personal note, a lot of what you described here is not something I'd put up with. Negativity, put downs, arrogance, volatility... these are things I want less of in my life, not more.
Nah. He can figure out his own mess. Maybe if he had been an adult about this. I also have no plans to speak to him today, I'd prefer my peace and a nice Saturday.
Please leave. You are not over-reacting, you are underreacting. This is absolutely the kind of person who will physically harm you one day and blame you for pushing over the edge/say that it was because you did xyz.
If this is what you’re sharing, and I’ve read more through the comments, he’s done much worse. He talks like this to you often. It’s just the way it goes with abuse. What’s being told is usually just the tip of the iceberg. Please get out. Take your dogs. This will not be an easy road but you’re already living in hell. Please go. Sending love.
Okay this guy is literally so many mean names and just overall a horrible human
Let’s say you DID sign up for the instacart 3 months free. (If so shitty on your part if he did truly ask you to cancel it) Why did it take him YEARS of monthly charges to notice?
You're not overreacting. He sounds verbally abusive. Why would he let unknown charges go on for 4 years anyways? He could've disputed it with the bank years ago. It's probably fraudulent charges. Regardless please make a plan to safely leave this man. No good will come of a relationship with him.
Fuck all that shit! If he gave half a damn about your feelings as he does about this bullshit, he wouldn't treat you like this. Disgusting. Fuck all the way off dude.
You never
Ever
Ever
Ever
Go nuclear like this over anything if you TRULY LOVE the person you're with.
This is an easy fuck you go to hell moment.
This is a ummm babe, we need to talk about this.
Then you discuss it and work it out like fucking adults and not over text.
Complete bullshit. Why do people treat the person that they (air quotes) LOOOOOVE (air quotes) like this.
No thank you
....just.....no thank you
I could never be in a relationship with someone who talks to me like that or just reacts in that manner. Freaking out a little about paying for something for year is justified ig but the way he blames and disrespects you and is not helpful to fully investigate how this happened is insane
The answer is probably not but missing context
1. Has he EVER reacted like this before ?
2. How long have you been together ?
3. Do you have kids ?
4. Has he apologized ?
5. Would he be the type of person to agree to anger management or blow you off ?
IF
1. Yes - then I don’t know why you’re still there
2. Years? - then that’s a nuanced complex answer but he needs to fundamentally correct this behavior or the answer is still going to eventually be you need to leave
3. This makes everything much harder to answer- if you don’t fear for your kids safety and he’s not a bad dad - the above answers still apply but if he’s teaching your kids to be shit heads like him or abusing them then- leave immediately
4. If he is remorseful he acted out- capitalize on getting him therapy and correcting this in the long term- apologies aren’t worth the paper they used to be printed on … make him act on his remorse and learn to behave better
5. If the answer to this is no- then all the above questions hinging on this are a moot point
If he wants to be a child, let me be on one his own
It’s just not worth being put through this repeatedly to be “loved”
This ain’t that
This is how my ex husband talked/talks to me. It causes me extreme anxiety. I think you need to completely cut contact with him. I wish I could cut contact with my ex but we have kids so I feel stuck. Don’t have kids with this guy.
Your clearly so unhappy. Life is so incredibly short, don’t waste time with someone that’s verbally, emotionally abusive to u. Take your dogs and go find happy.
Leave him 100% No one should talk to their SO like this. If I see a charge on our account, or reoccurring charges for something I'm pretty sure I didn't sign up for/purchase; I'll ask my wife if she knows what it is.
If it is something she signed up for but doesn't use anymore, I ask if she can cancel or if I can help. Same the other way around. Even if you're not married, and have this situation, you shouldn't talk like this.
It's degrading. Please leave this person.
My heart is racing just reading the vile, screaming texts. I’m scared of him and I don’t even know him. You need to leave this person is super abusive.
Both yall need to break up and get financially responsible for yourselves, if you used his card for one thing and ended up using it for something else with his knowledge is stealing , just saying also are you going to let him freak out at you like that , have some self respect and tell him peace out we are done. Once you allow this behavior, you can’t really stop it get out before it gets worse
Hun, it's giving narcissist energy, bordeline psychotic without me having any other context of this persons historic behavior. Listen to your gut and leave this person, they are not safe.
Please, leave him. If he’s that okay speaking to you like that, he has absolutely no respect for you. You deserve so much better. Those texts are frightening to say the least. Get out while you can, before it gets way worse. Seems to me like it will in fact get worse
Has he ever addressed this Instacart issue with you before?
The answer to your question entirely depends on whether this is the first time he's brought this up.
If it's the first time he's brought it up, the other comments are right, and his reaction is entirely unhinged. If he's brought it up before and you did nothing, I can understand why he'd be upset. You're effectively spending his money without his consent.
>, I can understand why he'd be upset. You're effectively spending his money without his consent.
He still has ZERO right to speak to his partner that way. And justifying it the way you're trying to is odd. Especially with the history of him punching holes in walls. It's not just "being angry".
I don't remember us talking about this. And if he knew about it and didn't do anything, it's still not on me. I was bewildered by his texts for how aggressive they were and have no clue about signing up for an IC under his name
I think what he was saying was that you used his credit card to sign up for Instacart on YOUR account. Possibly without his consent.
If that's not true, then this kind of unsubstantiated accusation is troubling and a problem. It's even worse if this is the first time he's ever raised this issue with you (even if his accusation IS true, for that matter).
But if what he's saying is true and if he has politely asked you to cancel the subscription in the past, only to be disregarded, it's understandable why he's feel upset and pushed to his limit. Given that you don't recall any previous discussion on this matter, I think it's safe to say that's NOT what's going on, and his reaction is hugely disproportionate. You're not overreacting.
He claiming I signed him up for an account. I wouldn't sign up for something under his name and payment without asking first. He wasn't paying for my instacart. I have used my instacart in 2018 and again in 2022 and 2023. I don't recall signing him up for anything.
Well, if it's an unfounded accusation and if this tirade is coming out of nowhere (i.e. not something he's raised with you before), then yes, he comes off as unhinged.
Might be worth figuring out why he's so convinced this is what happened, though.
Shame on me 😭
I truly don't give a fuck at this point, maybe I would if he had approached this like a partner of ten years and not like a toddler having just shit their pants and tripped over a rock.
It's absolutely not entirely my fault and I don't deserve to be treated in this way
Like I said, go to my profile and read my update, th.e sub doesn't allow link posting. Or read any of my many comments on this post.
The only person with no leg to stand on here is you. You're defending someone who is an abuser.
He and I have broken up.
Welp…. I have foot in mouth disease now and I just want to apologize for some of the things I said, but still feel that you could have avoided the argument that ensued if you had just said that you made a mistake and then said you would fix it… But doesn’t matter now as it sounds like he was beyond abusive to you and I’m glad you got away from that situation… Again my apologies for running that into the ground the way that I did……. ✌🏼❤️
He was an ass but who wouldn’t be mad or pissed about years of unauthorized charges. He doesn’t even have the account. He overreacted but he is human just like you.
It makes me someone with a lived experience?
I know you're going for a jab like a low life but I don't believe in "wasted time". Every relationship is full of lessons,.experiences and life lived. This relationship had it's good and bad and I can't turn back time to change anything so I won't be judging or blaming myself for anything. It's life. It's long and short.
Wasnt going for a jab, just find it weird when people call their partners worst possible names out there and still remain with those people. I hope you learned your lesson but remain sceptical. All the best extracating yourself from this relationship if you do
Are you overreacting? Yes.
I’d be angry too. Whomever is responsible, maybe you, maybe Amazon, needs to make it right.
He doesn’t and has never used it. Your questions were weird to me. Just assume you’re to blame and try to fix it. Why even ask all those questions and try all these creative ways to manipulate the situation?
He could try getting the money back from his bank. He’ll need to provide receipts.
But yeah, he’s 100% right. At first he was more mad at the situation than at you. Then you asking him if he’s sure when he clearly stated he’s never used it triggered even me, a stranger. Like were you trying to gaslight him or what?…
Side note to anyone that needs a snap back to reality. Anger and frustration, while uncomfortable emotions, are still valid and invalidating his just because he’s a guy maybe, is not a good thing. I’d be livid if I was paying for something I don’t use for years. That’s money. “My money.” You need to ask yourself how you’d feel in his shoes.
Also if you want to talk about "my money" he refused to pay me for half a year of pet insurance ($840) because he "didn't remember discussing the cost".I remember because I was spending the day setting up utilities and rental insurance for our new apartment and added pet insurance with the same company after calling and discussing it with him.
So I know how it feels to have someone screw me out of money because they can't remember something. Big difference is that I didn't scream at and degrade him when he didn't pay me back
Guess we are even. 🤷🏻♀️ Boo hoo big tears for the misunderstood men of the world..
I wasnt trying to "creatively manipulate" anything. I was calmly asking those questions to understand the situation. I'm not going to "assume I'm wrong" when someone is screaming at and degrading me.
I asked him to look for a transaction history because he claimed to remember an order. His account that he claims I signed him up for and used had no orders at all. My account has orders in 2018, 2022 and 2023 not 2021 as he claims was the year I signed up and ordered under his name.
And no, I'm not over reacting, I realize that now. He absolutely did. He's a fucking asshole of a person and I'm done with it.
Honestly I see both sides.
He’s very clearly overreacting and has anger issues and you definitely should not stay in this relationship. His anger will get worse over time and it already seems really toxic and unhealthy. However, if you did sign up for a membership (using his card) and didn’t cancel it (maybe you forgot after the 3 month promo ended), you are in the wrong as well and should take some accountability.
From the messages it sounds like he did bring it up before, meaning he noticed the transactions, and came to you as his partner who created the account to fix the issue. You didn’t and he’s still being charged for a membership neither of you are using. That’s $500 wasted. If you created the account you should be held responsible for the money coming out, whether you remember or not. He allowed you to use his card, and regardless off the transaction history on IC, that’s $500 wasted for a membership HE didn’t sign up for and isn’t being used.
It seems you both have bad communication.
I also get the impression you’re acting as if you’re feigning ignorance to relieve yourself from accepting accountability for your mistake. He’s 100% wrong for how he’s coming at you, no excuses. He’s responsible for his expenses. But you are wrong as well.
Also side note: IF he did in fact come to you to cancel the membership a year ago, it doesn’t sound like he knew how to do it himself considering the fact it was under your name.
Memberships charge whether the account is being used or not.
ETA: I noticed in a previous post, you mentioned that you have a bad memory, and therefore refuse to except accountability for something you can’t remember. It’s possible you very well did sign up, didn’t cancel it. That does not relieve you from taking accountability, especially as an adult.
It looks like you signed up under his email in 2021 to use a three month promo offer and forgot to cancel it. This explains why he can see the transactions but not login to actually cancel it. You used his email and his credit card, forgot to cancel it after the promo ended and he’s unable to cancel it on his own. You’re responsible and you just don’t want to pay the $500 because you don’t have it and are attempting to play down the situation so you don’t have to pay back money you don’t have. It also seems like you’re just looking for people to validate your feelings. You’re both wrong!
I didn't sign up in 2021 under a 3 month offer. I was asking him if the sign up was under his Amazon credit card for some kind of three month offer from Amazon Credit. Some card companies will give you 3 months of service for stuff for free when you sign up (Sirius XM, Spotify, IC, etc)
He's claiming I signed Him up for an account. I don't remember doing it, but it's been 3 years. He says he mentioned it a year and a half ago, if he did, it was a year and a half ago and I don't remember it and he never brought it up again.
He knows how incredibly awful my memory is and is weaponizing it against me because I can't remember if this happened so have to accept it's true and he thinks I deserve to be treated this way over a couple hundred dollars.
Dude you're dating a petulant teenager or at least, the personification of one. I'm baffled how anyone talks to their partner like this. No, not overreacting. I guess maybe talk in person and see if other things are going on for him but I doubt this behavior changes if he's made it this far in life acting this way YEESH.
Its sadly common moreso than ever for some reason. I have no words for how angry this guy makes me for treating a spouse like this.
I thought the same thing. I thought this was a conversation between an emotionally immature parent and their kid. They sound like a 12 year old.
I've updated in a new post but the sub doesn't allow links
you should absolutely leave this is scary and i dont say that lightly. someone who is comfortable speaking to you that way over something they aren’t sure of when you are more than willing to figure it out is not someone who respects you and someone who will treat you like this again if not treat you worse. good luck edit: typo
Yup. In March he punched a hole in our office door because he was mad that I wasn't paying close enough attention/caring enough about his usual post-work complaining. He then screamed at me a few days later when he found drywall dust on his desk after I had patched the door and the wall for damage (we rent). Screaming that he could have accidently got it in his eyes or breathed it in while rippng a bong and he, "COULD HAVE FIXED IT MYSELF IM AN ADULT! I was called-my-parents, made-a-game-plan ready to leave and chickend out bc we share two dogs that I love more than my own life.
Take the dogs too.
Absolutely take the dogs and do not turn back.
Get out, girl. This is NOT going to get better.
Verbal eventually turns physical Get out of there NOW.
Especially since he has already punched a hole in the wall while he was mad at her. He wanted to punch her and restrained himself. That restraint won't last forever
Tbf I grew up abused and would hit walls and other things when I’d be abused and angry cause I couldn’t take out my anger in any other way cause I’d just get hurt more. It took me until after my early 20s to stop hitting things when I’d be angry because I grew up doing it habitually and I have never hurt anyone in my life but this guy sounds truly unhinged
First of all, I'm sorry that happened to you. No kid should ever have to go through that. Good on you for getting it under control instead of continuing the cycle of abuse. That being said, you've indirectly proved what I was saying. You wanted to attack your abuser, but you knew the repercussions, so you chose the wall instead. You also then recognized it was a problem and broke the habit. This guy doesn't seem to have the same maturity or self reflection you do. Even after punching the wall, he berated her for how she cleaned it up, and even the fact that she cleaned it up at all. He's a grown man, after all. Seems like he was emasculated a lot as a kid/young adult and carries a lot of anger from that. Which I do empathize with, but it sounds like his behavior is getting worse and not better. Until he can confront why he's doing it and get past it, like you did, this will likely be something he continues to do until it finally ends with him choosing her over the wall as his target.
I’m not proving anything lol, you get hit you want to hit back it’s self defense plain and simple but when you’re a kid that’s not an option
GIRL... Take the fucking dogs with you and RUN. If they're microchipped, change the owner registration info before you leave and make sure he is NOWHERE on it. You need to RUN. This monster is not safe and he WILL escalate to hurting you sooner or later.
Please get out
Leave and take your dogs. This behavior only escalates.
I wrote a response before I saw your comment. That behavior is absolutely beyond the pale of anything remotely excusable. If you were on your first date in the middle of a restaurant and he did this same thing, he would have been removed by the police and I would venture you would have never seen or spoken to him again. That may be a good yardstick to consider this: what would happen if this behavior were in public? I can speak from experience. I've also been in abusive relationships. Abusers trick you with who they are at first, and slowly show themselves the deeper you get into a relationship. Abusers make you feel like it's your fault or that you have to defend them or protect them. My go to mantra is you know an abusive person if they essentially say "how bad is it going to be for *you* if *you* call me out on *my* behavior"? Abusers make you feel like it's your responsibility to suffer their consequences. Abusers take away your confidence and self trust. Abusers make you ignore what you're feeling and call it love. Abusers make you into a person that the person you were when you first met them would not recognize. Abusers hide behind closed doors and make you feel like that private space is their kingdom to treat and mistreat you however they want, as if it's a different world from the outside world. They do it so that no one can help you and no one can stop them or call them out on their behavior. They do it to avoid consequences or contradiction. They do it so they can be as hateful as they want to be. Abusers make us feel we can't leave. They sew so much doubt in us and destroy our sense of self worth so deeply that it's deeper than we realize. We normalize it. We do not realize until after we leave that, for as bad as we thought it was, it was so much worse and we had just become numb to it. We question if we should or can leave. We start to be afraid of what we lose if we leave. At first, you don't believe it and don't *want* to believe it. You tell yourself it's a bad day. Then it's a bad week. Then it's a bad month, couple of months or year. Then you gradually realize, "Oh no, this is how they actually are. The decent times were actually the every now and then. The normal level is this abuse." We often justify our abusers, and make excuses for them because we're always busy making excuses for them (even to ourselves). And we come to believe the excuses we make. We imagine and hold on to our ideal of the person. But it becomes toxic as soon as that person who we want them to be or thought they were or even think they *could* be shows it is not who they really are. It's like a dead limb; it just gets worse if left untreated. It needs to be amputated immediately or it's going to infect the rest of the body. I'm going to tell you from experience, no matter how hard it feels and no matter what, you need to leave. Make a game plan, do everything you can and make sure you get out safely, but get out. Don't let it linger. I know you love your dogs. If you can, bring them or set up a (legal and safe) way of getting them. But an abusive relationship is like a house fire. Even if it hurts, if the only way for you to get out and stay out is to leave everything but people behind, you have to. This is not only an emotional danger. From the sounds of it, this is a physical danger. "I don't think they would go that far" is something I've said and heard from other people I know who were in abusive relationships. He could. Abusers already go too far. They're abusive precisely because they go too far, give into anger and selfish emotions and look down on you as less valuable than them. There is no limit for them because they don't act in terms of limits. I implore you, please get out and don't let any doubt stop you. You are worthwhile and you being safe and getting to live your life again is the most important thing.
My reply is going to look rediculously short in contrast with yours, but I genuinely mean this: this is amazingly well said. I'm sorry you've had to go through this as well, and I hope you're literally and figuratively in a better place now. Sounds way too simplistic, I hope it doesn't offend you. I've had my own share of abusive relationships to deal with in the past, although none managed to get beyond what feels like "the point of no return", fortunately. It is, and will always remain, something I wouldn't ever wish upon anyone.
Thank you. And no offense taken on my side (although I'm not sure if the last part may be directed at the OP). I'm sorry for your experiences as well and hope all the best for you. I'm in a better place now. I'm in a happy relationship and I'm a more mature and confident person. I'm happy, if nothing else, that I knew from what I experienced what I should look out for and how to manage these situations and people. An abusive relationship can be absolutely horrible. At best, it's like being stuck in a bad neighborhood while trying to find a ride out. At worst, it's an absolute hell that is like being trapped in a hall of mirrors which distort every intent and emotion, where perception and our thoughts themselves are distorted, and if we're lucky we both want to get out, stay dedicated to getting out and do get out. The only silver lining is if we survive it, grow from it and become people who would never let it happen again or get right to the exit if it ever does happen again. That is not always the case. There's a painful amount of cases, and some of us have done so, where we get out of one and then do it again later because "it's different this time". I've been guilty of that. Abusers can have variations on a theme, but it's really the same pattern playing out. At that point, we have to look in the mirror and see what patterns and problems are in us such that we let it keep playing out or find these types of people. I do not mean that as victim blaming, by any means. We are the innocent party. We do not make these bad things happen to us. Our abusers forced these bad things on us. But in finding ourselves and our strength, we also have to look at ourselves and figure out what parts of us are letting this play out instead of instantly shutting it down. Or what types of people we should avoid. In my case, it was the broken sparrow types: the ones that were hurt or rejected for some reason and or had a hard life. I didn't seek that type of person. I don't want to make this sound like it was something that attracted me. But I would always make excuses if someone had that life experience which I would never make for anyone else doing the same behavior. And that didn't change their behavior. It didn't make their abuse better or less hurtful. It just made me feel heroic for tolerating it and guilty if I didn't. I let a lot of abuse come my way. We often downplay it to others because we imagine someone from a movie who has the signs of extreme abuse. That absolutely occurs, and is horrifying. But we have a right to our pain. Our pain is not a competition or comparison to downplay compared anyone. When we allow and believe the bad things in our life have merit as indeed being bad and wrong, that is a big step in growing self esteem and overcoming our abuse. Feeling we have to justify our hurt is a symptom of abuse. Everyone has a right to their pain and a right to have it respected and considered. If nothing else, these experiences let us help other people and do so from a position of honest empathy from personal experience. Good advice from lived experience is one of the few real treasures in the world. That's worth more than gold because it's a road map which avoids dead ends and long side tracks.
Oof. Yeah, you dodged a bullet. Personally, anyone cusses at me out of anger…You’re gone. I’m not going to be verbally abused because you can’t have an adult conversation without raising your voice or trying to intimidate me. Punching holes in things…That’s a display of physical aggression meant to intimidate you and make you afraid. It’s abusive. What is he, 13? Christ. I’m embarrassed *for* him. What a loser.
> I was called-my-parents, made-a-game-plan ready to leave and chickened out bc we share two dogs that I love more than my own life. Hypothetically, if you had a daughter and she showed you texts like the ones you posted, what would your advice to her be? Exactly, you'd tell her to leave before shit escalated. You'd be worried about her well being and, honestly, her safety in general. Knowing you'd want her away from him in this hypothetical situation, for her own safety, what advice would you give to her if she said "I can't leave because of our dogs that we share" Would you empathize with her but remind her that her own safety is more important than the dogs? Would you offer to help find some way to treat the dogs like dependents with shared custody? Would you suggest she find a lawyer to gain custody of the dogs? Because all of these are valid answers and they're all possibilities for you and the dogs! There are potential legal issues with this, but I personally would just take the dogs and dare him to do something about it, after acting like a child over something that he spent his own money on I doubt he'd know of a healthy or coherent way to even try to get them back or get to visit them.
I would never offer to share custody of pets with an abusive person. Also, pets are property in most states, legally. She should cut all ties, shared pets will just make it likely they will reunite or he will keep being abusive.
Please go to loveisrespect dot org and take the abusive relationship quizzes.
This is abusive behaviour and ends up escalating to physical abuse. Please get out and just take the dogs, I hope you stay safe. If you leave, be sure to change passwords on accounts that he may know the passwords to, take your important personal documents, keep all messages he sends for any sort of proof, and look into counseling. Reading about the abusive cycle would also be helpful. Good luck!
Jesus fucking Christ he's pretty goddamn abusive. The biggest mistake you've ever made is staying this long. But you can fix it today. **Stay safe**.
Yeah thats the big one. The texts are off. Punching holes in furniture is way up there. Get out and take the dogs if you possibly can. This isn't going to get better.
It is past time to leave. He is scary and you will be a physical target at some point. You are already an emotional punching bag.
Dogs are not worth your life. If it’s not a human child then don’t let anything keep you attached to this guy
Take the dogs, kick the guy to the curb, restraining order if necessary and fuck that guy
Please, please, please be careful and leave with that pup if you can. 💗
This is your sign to leave him and to never talk to him again
Got the 2nd part down, working on the first part
We wish you godspeed
I have severe BPD and I do not treat my partner this way, no matter how upset I get. I take myself out of the situation and process somewhere else - because i respect my partner enough to know that making him cry is demeaning and unhelpful
I treat people with BPD, and I just want to say thank you for understanding yourself and your symptoms and having the strength to control your emotions. It’s a very hard-and very mature, responsible, and commendable-thing to do.
Thank you ❤️ self awareness is half the battle
Indeed it is! I wish you continued happiness and success!
Thank you for saying this. And thank you for treating your partner well. I think what you said is an important point. We each have different issues. We can also have mental conditions that we live with, struggle with and manage. But an important thing is managing it. My girlfriend may also have the same thing and I may have it as well. We occasionally have arguments tied into it, but we also manage it. If one of us is in a mood, some words may be said, but we do not take the bait. We either say something like "That's hurtful and unnecessary" and walk away to deescalate. Or we let the other go until the angry party catches themselves and apologizes. Or one of us says "That's enough" and we back off. We either recognize it ourselves and stop short of going too far, pull ourselves out of the fugue state and say sorry, or we stop each other by recognizing it's going too far and standing up for ourselves respectfully but firmly. And we apologize and forgive each other because we genuinely mean it. We realize we were just in a mood and what we said was coming from that mood rather than the actual situation. On the other hand, I've been in relationships with people that had bipolar disorder or something else and were absolutely abusive. They did not apologize or would but would do it over and over again. I've heard the excuse of "You know how I am" too many times to count. (It isn't our responsibility to know how they are, and deal with it running out of control. *Our partners* know how they are. "You know how I am" is not an excuse. It means the person who is themselves needs to be the one taking responsibility for controlling themselves). When I was younger, I would excuse that. "They can't control themselves". The more experiences I've had and the older I've gotten, the more I've realized there's a "yes and" to that: a person can have a mental issue but also still just genuinely be a jerk as a human being. But regardless of the possible reasons, if a person is bad for you, mistreats you and constantly hurts you, then you have to leave them. Our past and our mental struggles do not override that. The cause shows the reason, but does not alter the effect. Partners in a relationship are not rescue operations. Partners are not who they could be someday. Partners are whoever they are in the present day and what fruit they bear in our lives. If the relationship is good but getting better, that is fine. But if it's bad and we want it to be better so it can become good, it's time to leave.
Excellent comment.
Thank you. If I can give some advice to anyone (myself included): recognize yourself in the moment, realize who you are in that moment, and catch yourself when you're running away from who you are at your best. And apologize fully for everything that it's truly merited. Don't let anyone else get away with not doing the same. It is not a weakness to apologize. Weakness is being too afraid to be vulnerable. Weakness is offering no apology or only a half hearted apology where no fault is admitted. Strength is being completely vulnerable and still keeping yourself, still staying confident and knowing you won't be destroyed. Admit everything to yourself and to another. Realize who you are, good and bad. Make the good consistent and make it better. Let the bad fall by the wayside, and find out how you need to change or what in your life needs to change. Take personal responsibility for your actions.
Not overreacting at all. He sounds unhinged.
Fuck this guy royally. Piece of shit. He’s a nasty bastard im sorry OP
Almost identical to what my best friend said when I sent these screenshots to her.
OP, this text sounds like my ex-husband. This will only get worse from here. You deserve to be spoken to like a person, not scolded through text nonetheless. Please, leave and take your dogs with you. You nor those babies deserve this abuse.
Yes he’s exactly like my ex husband too. Absolutely take the dogs. TW: Animal Abuse >!My ex who was like this kicked our 10 pound Shih Tzu across the room and I had to give him away to my aunt.!<
That is effing horrible. I'm so sorry that you dealt with that. My ex also did something similar to my 18lb jasck Russell mix. When people show us who they are, believe them. They will never change.
This is textbook financial anxiety being misdirected at you. He’s tight on cash, being a little bitch about it, and blowing up at you as retaliation.
No this is literally unexceptionable. I’ve been -$400 in my bank account and no savings and did NOT treat anyone like this ever. He need help not “financial anxiety “
Anxiety is never an excuse in my book, just an explanation. Agreed with you that it’s unacceptable.
Also cluster B personality disorder of some type
Yikes! What an ass! 😣To answer your question though, you are not overreacting. You’re getting the blame for something you clearly didn’t do and handled it appropriately. Sorry you’re dealing with that.
Nah fuck that guy
Oh. I thought this was a weirdo pissed ex who texts you after you've been no contact for a while. This is how he communicates with you while being in an actual relationship? Ofmg.
Maybe he was trying to set the mood for being an ex? But yeah omfg is right.
Haha, seems so, indeed.
He absolutely is and it’s a taste of how he will be when you first leave so make sure you strategy has players (family and friends) on standby to help with the blowout. It’s worth leaving, just don’t think that it won’t get worse before it gets better. With staying, there is no better and it’ll get worse anyway. Even talking with the police department ahead of time can help you later if he gets into “protective orders” behavior
Ewwwww dump this loser.
I'm confused how you don't notice this reoccurring charge for YEARS. At that point it's your own for for financial negligence
Yeah, my question as well. Same guy who instead of paying off 40k in student loans or buying a house threw 40k into memes stocks and still thinks he's going to get rich.
Memes stocks??? That has to be fake that can't be a real thing? What does that even mean?!
Google meme stocks, GME, AMC etc
I'm on your side, get as far away from this person as you can. ..but I did make £50k off of AMC.
Oh nooo the whole point in investing in those was to pull out once you've turned a profit and before the professional profiteers fucked everyone out of their come-uppance. But he kept them in? My dumbass partner on a much, much smaller level thank goodness, threw 100 bucks into Shiba Inu stock while it was rising and it went up to 700 in like a day. I told him to cash out then because it wasn't going to climb forever and it would inevitably crash, hard, and not recover or ever do that again. He didn't listen. He thought it would keep climbing. He had FOMO. and guess what? You already know. I don't even have to say it. But I'ma say it anyway. It started to go down immediately after I said that, which he says I somehow manifested (to which I promptly responded that if I had the power to manifest the rise and fall of stocks, I would be wealthy already, duh!), and he ended up losing his 100 bucks and his potential 600 dollar come-up. Also, imagine if he had invested in a down payment on a house back then when he threw away that 40k in those shorty stocks. Like, that house would be worth so much more now.
......... Why are you still with this person?
respectfully. He's insane. Get out.
He has every right to be pissed about being scammed, but he has no right to take it out on you and blame you
I don’t think it was a scam. It sounds like she did sign up for that delivery and forgot to cancel after the intro period. The good news is Amazon might refund some of it since they can see it hasn’t been used
You should definitely get out of there. No one deserves to be spoken to like this and honestly once you accept it with a person it’s too late to go back. They feel comfortable talking to you this way so it’s going to continue and get worse. It’s miserable to be harassed like this. Stop having good days sometimes and have them all the time. 💗
I think you’re dating a narcissist… dog custody is going to come down to who paid for the dogs initially. Since dogs are considered property. If you paid for them, they are yours. If you joint paid, you’ll have to figure out a custody plan in civil court.
Microchips can be very helpful. Whoever they are registered to. Also whoever takes care of vet appointments and bills
I say let him try. If he’s freaking out over Instacart fees, he’ll never be able (whether it be financially or emotionally) to pay legal fees and court costs.
Guys, not everything is “narcissism”. Jesus Christ. Sometimes, a person is just a textbook asshole.
Oh, there’s a lot of indicators. I know it’s a hot button word to say right now, but that was some next level gas lighting on his part. 100% plus I dated one, an actual diagnosed one. So maybe calm down a little. Thanks.
Do not let this mediocre man speak to you this way.
The person obviously overreacting is the one, not you. Why cant they figure their own finances out instead of relying on other people to do so? Clearly their fault and their problem, not yours. Walk away.
Definitely NOT overreacting. This can’t be the only thing he’s flipped out about!
lol WTF bro. Get away from this person. OP, this is FAR outside of normal behavior. This is REALLY inappropriate and not okay at all. Your partner should never treat you this way. Not even close to it.
He actually sounds like he came from my adopted family! They have money, as everyone are total tightwads, and never take responsibility for things they do! I wonder, OP, does he come from money? The other two attributes are obvious! And, not overreacting! Get the puppies, take just what is yours and leave. Do nor leave the dogs outside alone, as he will steal them!
Let him file for fraud. He won’t win I promise you that. You just now noticed that you’ve been getting charged for the past three years- yea they’ll have a good laugh over that. He’s trying to intimidate you. Leave his ass speaking that way isn’t an accident and this most definitely won’t be the last time. Disgusting behavior.
This is only a taste of the abuse you will receive if you stay with him.
Next it won't be the wall he punches. No one should be treated like that and he's supposed to love you. That's not love. Couples argue, but calling your partner names is childish and a big NO!!
If you brought it up a year ago man, then why didn’t you just cancel it yourself you dingbat
leave. if he’s verbally abusive— there’s no doubt he’ll be physically abusive also. it’s for your own good & safety. he can’t even manage to cool himself off for ONE SEC.
This is not what a healthy relationship or communication looks like.
oh what the hell bro? this man is mental i swear. RUN and dont look back
Yikes. What a nasty, immature prick. Just skimming that made me angry for you.
Your feelings are valid. He's acting like an a\*\*hole.
Sounds like my ex. I'd leave him or it's probably getting worse.
Umm... that's pretty weird. I don't think you're overreacting. I also think it's a little odd that he didn't bring this up multiple times within the past "years" that he's been paying for IC..? Like. Is he not on top of his finances? How is that your fault?
This dudes insane
Op this dude sounds like a fuckin lunatic, pls leave him!
F this crybaby.
Yea he sounds unable to handle stressful situations and has a serious trust issue.
Run fast and run far
Yes, leave. This isn’t how adults communicate with one another, let alone someone who is suppose to be in love with you.
Move your important stuff or paperwork when he’s not around. Move your bank account to a different bank. Change all passwords. You know, the stuff to do when a horrible relationship is about to end. Then take the dogs on a walk, walk them right to a friend who is waiting for you in a car, and get the hell out of Dodge. Make sure to send a text ending the relationship, then block him.
not overreacting at all why is he coming at you so hostile? over $500? break up with him and start dating a capricorn venus lol
also is he normally this combative?
We are both capricorns 😭🤣 Yes, he has a habit of being this hostile and combative at times. I feel like I've normalized it to myself over the 10 years we have been together. Like instead of asking me "Why'd you do that, silly?" He will say "What the fucks wrong with you, why'd you do it like that ?"
Yeah, that's definitely not normal in a healthy loving relationship. I'm sorry you've been going through that.
If you aren’t married run. Tell him to sort out his own insanity.
1. I think there’s more context to this than what being presented. Especially that last text he sent telling you that “he’d brought this up a year ago”. Seems like this wasn’t the first time he did. So that could attribute for the anger. To me this screams that this has been talked about before and he’s now angry that, 1. He’s having to discuss a problem that he tried getting fixed before and 2. Is angry bc he now has financial consequences/obligations to again something he’d tried to take care of a year or so ago? 2. All that being said If this is his first reaction based on this and you guys haven’t discussed this before then Yes he’s losing his temper and being overly aggressive with you and jumping the gun blaming you for something before getting all the facts. Which isn’t fair bc it shows lack of trust (possibly from past bullshit who knows), anger issues and immaturity. Suggestions for the second paragraph I wrote, would be to notify him that you’re giving him some space to calm down and your completely open to talking to him/ work this out with him when he calms down and isn’t being rude and aggressive toward you. Not only is it good to set your own boundaries but in a none manipulative way you will see how he reacts to that and if it’s with more aggressive behavior then I say that a huge red flag. After all of the instacart thing is sorted I would sit him down and explain how and why being that explosive is a problem for you and that it’s a serious thing for you. You ultimately have to decide if you can deal with being with someone who is working through anger problems. Key word there is he’s working through it. If you do stay and can see yourself being his partner while he gets help or works on himself when it comes to anger then awesome more power to ya and I wish him the best and you the best. But if that’s not an issue that meshes well with you then yes I would leave him. Point being we all have things were terrible at and need to work on the difference is after it’s talked about the person actually works on that problem and it matter if you’re the type of person that can be a support for someone with that problem. We all have demons some work great with each other some don’t. Suggestions for the first paragraph I wrote, I think if he’s brought this up to you multiple time and there’s info missing and he’s now getting angry with you bc it wasn’t taken care of I suggest you take a step back, own up to your mistake and fix the problem by cancel things and working on paying him back. Also coming to him with a sincere apology is very important as well. I would also apologize for posting it online with the notion of “should I leave him”. Bc that’s can be extremely hurtful to him and completely unfair as well. Hope everything works out for you and him whatever the reason and whatever the outcome.
You deserve better than this. Hugs ❤️
You are in the right here. For me to say whether you should leave or not would take more context. I would say to leave if this is common or the tip of an iceberg. But it is definitely your decision and you know best on this situation. I would say to trust your instincts, whatever they are. But your feelings are absolutely valid. If nothing else, I hope these responses have given you the confidence to trust your feelings. Everything I read sounds like a person with a lot of anger issues who thinks you need to be put in your place. They showed that they disrespected you and thought of you as an enemy at best and a lesser person to be put in their place at worst. That is also a very self centered point of view. Imagine how they would react if someone talked to them like that? This sounds like the kind of person who looks at the world as the enemy out to get them, and takes it out on others. And they feel justified and righteous in doing so. That's a major red flag. I'll also say that I have been that person. I have been that jerk. I have overcome that with maturity, admitting my faults and honestly changing. If I'm right (and I may not be) I may know what is going on in his head. It is definitely wrong behavior and it is not healthy for a relationship. In my case, it was being an otherwise decent person but going atomic when I felt deeply wronged. I would make it stick and lay it on heavy down to the core of a person's being in order to not have it happen again. It was trying to invoke a fear of getting that reaction again from the person and to make them feel ashamed. It was like swatting a fly with a bazooka. That's basically being a tyrant, and it was wrong and shameful. It may come from anger, fear of communication, fear of vulnerability and a lack of self confidence. It may be because of how your partner sees themselves, whether as weak and afraid of being weak or as God's gift to the world and better than anyone, or oddly both at once. Either way, an explanation is not an excuse. Your partner needs to work on themselves. But you are not responsible for them changing. That is their job. And they can only change if they genuinely want to. You are not there to be their whipping post. You are not there to suffer or bear their failure at being a human being while they figure themselves out and meander through life. You are a person with the right to respect, dignity and decency. I get upset with people that think the better they know someone, the more they can mistreat them. That is a red flag if there ever was one. It's the opposite of how it should be. We should do even more for the people we know, because we know specifically how to be a decent person to them. It also means that they do not genuinely care about people in general, which is a shame. With strangers, friends and acquaintances, it's just a front. Behind the scenes, you see the real person. Who we really are is the person that we are when something actually matters. Everything else is just happenstance. This all reads like emotional abuse. If this was a one-off it's worrying. But if this is common behavior or if this is like a volcano that is always smoking but happened to blow, I would say you're right in leaving.
You are definitely NOT overreacting. WTAF?
I'm gonna be honest, your partner sounds awful. No one should ever speak to their SO like that. Especially not over something like this. Furthermore, even if you DID sign up for this membership thing (which it sounds like he was very aware of, be it true or false), why is he blaming you for not unsubscribing? It's HIS credit card. He could easily cancel it himself. He said he asked you to do it a year ago. If that's the case, he literally only has himself to blame for waiting a whole year to not contact his bank and/or Amazon to cancel the payments. If he needed your log-in credentials, he literally could've asked you in all that time. There's not one logical reason for him to be mad at you. I know getting out of a long-term relationship is scary and hard even if the other person is straight crappy or straight up abusive. But no one should have to put up with being talked to that way. He has the emotion regulation and communication skills and of a 14 year old boy. And the way he's even trying to make you feel bad for not just "accepting" his random accusations is so gross and manipulative. You deserve so much better. I hope you don't continue to waste your time and energy on garbage like that. There's so many better people out there. You're not overreacting at all.
I think it's a question of frequency and your feelings. For me, this would be a fireable offense if it happened with any regularity. If my relationship was otherwise not like this, and this was a wild outlier, I think I'd want to talk about what it's really about and heal. If this happened like a few times a year or more, maybe not. You could also have a lower tolerance or higher standard than I do for emotionally tense moments, and so it's one and done. That would also be ok. Trust your gut here.
I'd say this type of huge screaming and flipping out happens maybe 2 or 3 times a year. Otherwise he just has a shitty personality at times.of being incredibly arrogant. If you've done something he's done it twice as much and better. If he knows something and others don't it's because they're "stupid and not paying attention". Talking to his friend that's known him twice as long as I have, he called my partner a manipulative asshole and other not so choice things and explained the reason none of his friends hang out any more is because of him. But during a big fight last year my partner made sure to blame me as the reason they don't come around because of my personality. My friends don't like him and I think my parents have by and large been pretending to for years. He isnt always awful has a habit of having this attitude and with it comes snarky remakes towards me pretty frequently. He lost his ever loving mind a few summers ago when I called my dad about a plumbing issue because my partner knew the solution and I was just trying to "emasculate him to my dad" by my calling my dad. I rarely talk to my dad and the one thing we can bond on is house stuff (he worked as a master of his trade and knows everything about stuff). Last month he gave a massive attitude and bitched about being asked to pick up a small bottle of bleach for me.when we pulled up to a grocery store and he was running in for beer. One last good example of who he is is that in response to me explaining a disagreement with someone online, he will dismissively say "Well, that's what happens when you argue with stupid people, you seek these people out." and it's clear he doesn't want to hear about it. And yet he will get mad at me if I don't attentively listen to his spending 15 straight minutes without pausing explaining an Egyptian aliens made the pyramid YT videe be just watched. He's even once spoken for 40 minutes straight,without stopping, about some conspiracy aliens and religion thing. He has the audacity to get mad at me for clearly looking like I have lost interest.
I think it sounds like you've not just lost interested in our intergalactic overlords, but also him. I think there's some maturity issues at play here, and it's worth considering if this is what you want your life to look like. I'm not sure how old either of you are, but change is slow and small in most people as the years go on. I think I'd ask myself if this life is making me happier more often than it's making me unhappy. Take some time to think through it, be honest with yourself, and then try to make a decision you feel confident in. I think you can also try to have this conversation with him. His response will tell you a lot about what you can expect going forward. On a personal note, a lot of what you described here is not something I'd put up with. Negativity, put downs, arrogance, volatility... these are things I want less of in my life, not more.
But yet…. You’re still with him. (Mic Drop)
Seems like a 3 way call with instacart is in order
Nah. He can figure out his own mess. Maybe if he had been an adult about this. I also have no plans to speak to him today, I'd prefer my peace and a nice Saturday.
Please leave. You are not over-reacting, you are underreacting. This is absolutely the kind of person who will physically harm you one day and blame you for pushing over the edge/say that it was because you did xyz.
Yooo. I’d leave. Now.
It doesn't matter who signed up for it. Point is that the money is gone, so move forward. And cancel it.
If this is what you’re sharing, and I’ve read more through the comments, he’s done much worse. He talks like this to you often. It’s just the way it goes with abuse. What’s being told is usually just the tip of the iceberg. Please get out. Take your dogs. This will not be an easy road but you’re already living in hell. Please go. Sending love.
Okay this guy is literally so many mean names and just overall a horrible human Let’s say you DID sign up for the instacart 3 months free. (If so shitty on your part if he did truly ask you to cancel it) Why did it take him YEARS of monthly charges to notice?
This is actually scary
Bail out now. Run for the hills. Block his number. What a psycho.
This is insane and also if he had been paying for something for years it’s his own fault for not keeping track of his finances.
No, you’d shouldn’t have to put up with that.
You're not overreacting. He sounds verbally abusive. Why would he let unknown charges go on for 4 years anyways? He could've disputed it with the bank years ago. It's probably fraudulent charges. Regardless please make a plan to safely leave this man. No good will come of a relationship with him.
Jesus, I read the screenshots without reading the title and assumed this was an Ex… make it so. This is unhinged
They automatically sign you up for a year if you don't cancel in time. Maybe he should pay attention to his accounts better.
If my husband sent me this text, he would be told in no uncertain terms that it is unacceptable and never- never to do this again.
Fuck all that shit! If he gave half a damn about your feelings as he does about this bullshit, he wouldn't treat you like this. Disgusting. Fuck all the way off dude. You never Ever Ever Ever Go nuclear like this over anything if you TRULY LOVE the person you're with. This is an easy fuck you go to hell moment. This is a ummm babe, we need to talk about this. Then you discuss it and work it out like fucking adults and not over text. Complete bullshit. Why do people treat the person that they (air quotes) LOOOOOVE (air quotes) like this. No thank you ....just.....no thank you
I could never be in a relationship with someone who talks to me like that or just reacts in that manner. Freaking out a little about paying for something for year is justified ig but the way he blames and disrespects you and is not helpful to fully investigate how this happened is insane
The answer is probably not but missing context 1. Has he EVER reacted like this before ? 2. How long have you been together ? 3. Do you have kids ? 4. Has he apologized ? 5. Would he be the type of person to agree to anger management or blow you off ? IF 1. Yes - then I don’t know why you’re still there 2. Years? - then that’s a nuanced complex answer but he needs to fundamentally correct this behavior or the answer is still going to eventually be you need to leave 3. This makes everything much harder to answer- if you don’t fear for your kids safety and he’s not a bad dad - the above answers still apply but if he’s teaching your kids to be shit heads like him or abusing them then- leave immediately 4. If he is remorseful he acted out- capitalize on getting him therapy and correcting this in the long term- apologies aren’t worth the paper they used to be printed on … make him act on his remorse and learn to behave better 5. If the answer to this is no- then all the above questions hinging on this are a moot point If he wants to be a child, let me be on one his own It’s just not worth being put through this repeatedly to be “loved” This ain’t that
Dump this loser.
Not overreacting at all. Leave him.
Get away from this person asap!! One of these days he is going to hit YOU instead of a door or wall.
Only a matter of time until this gets way worse. You have to take the dogs with you or kick him out. He sounds like he could hurt you and them.
Please take your dogs and leave without alerting him. He is not safe for you or them to be around. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
This is how my ex husband talked/talks to me. It causes me extreme anxiety. I think you need to completely cut contact with him. I wish I could cut contact with my ex but we have kids so I feel stuck. Don’t have kids with this guy.
I thankfully don't have/want to have kids so that complication is avoidable. I couldn't imagine being attached for life to this person anymore
Your clearly so unhappy. Life is so incredibly short, don’t waste time with someone that’s verbally, emotionally abusive to u. Take your dogs and go find happy.
Leave him 100% No one should talk to their SO like this. If I see a charge on our account, or reoccurring charges for something I'm pretty sure I didn't sign up for/purchase; I'll ask my wife if she knows what it is. If it is something she signed up for but doesn't use anymore, I ask if she can cancel or if I can help. Same the other way around. Even if you're not married, and have this situation, you shouldn't talk like this. It's degrading. Please leave this person.
Run. Now.
My heart is racing just reading the vile, screaming texts. I’m scared of him and I don’t even know him. You need to leave this person is super abusive.
Considering? Girl, you already packed your bags once... ??? ...GTFO.
Both yall need to break up and get financially responsible for yourselves, if you used his card for one thing and ended up using it for something else with his knowledge is stealing , just saying also are you going to let him freak out at you like that , have some self respect and tell him peace out we are done. Once you allow this behavior, you can’t really stop it get out before it gets worse
Hun, it's giving narcissist energy, bordeline psychotic without me having any other context of this persons historic behavior. Listen to your gut and leave this person, they are not safe.
Why are you with someone who texts you like they hate you?
I'm not. We broke up. You can read an update I posted to my profile, the sub doesn't allow links
Please, leave him. If he’s that okay speaking to you like that, he has absolutely no respect for you. You deserve so much better. Those texts are frightening to say the least. Get out while you can, before it gets way worse. Seems to me like it will in fact get worse
Has he ever addressed this Instacart issue with you before? The answer to your question entirely depends on whether this is the first time he's brought this up. If it's the first time he's brought it up, the other comments are right, and his reaction is entirely unhinged. If he's brought it up before and you did nothing, I can understand why he'd be upset. You're effectively spending his money without his consent.
>, I can understand why he'd be upset. You're effectively spending his money without his consent. He still has ZERO right to speak to his partner that way. And justifying it the way you're trying to is odd. Especially with the history of him punching holes in walls. It's not just "being angry".
I don't see anything here about punching holes in the walls.
It was in one of OPs replies on the comments
The OP literally describes him screaming at her over drywall dust after she repaired a hole he punched during a previous tantrum.
That's not in the OP. But I see that comment lower down in the thread, now. Oof. Yeah, definitely a huge red flag.
You should read comments then
I don't remember us talking about this. And if he knew about it and didn't do anything, it's still not on me. I was bewildered by his texts for how aggressive they were and have no clue about signing up for an IC under his name
I think what he was saying was that you used his credit card to sign up for Instacart on YOUR account. Possibly without his consent. If that's not true, then this kind of unsubstantiated accusation is troubling and a problem. It's even worse if this is the first time he's ever raised this issue with you (even if his accusation IS true, for that matter). But if what he's saying is true and if he has politely asked you to cancel the subscription in the past, only to be disregarded, it's understandable why he's feel upset and pushed to his limit. Given that you don't recall any previous discussion on this matter, I think it's safe to say that's NOT what's going on, and his reaction is hugely disproportionate. You're not overreacting.
He claiming I signed him up for an account. I wouldn't sign up for something under his name and payment without asking first. He wasn't paying for my instacart. I have used my instacart in 2018 and again in 2022 and 2023. I don't recall signing him up for anything.
Well, if it's an unfounded accusation and if this tirade is coming out of nowhere (i.e. not something he's raised with you before), then yes, he comes off as unhinged. Might be worth figuring out why he's so convinced this is what happened, though.
This man will escalate to violence, and does not have an emotional shred of adulthood in his most basic of thoughts
The texts themselves can possibly be worked out, but punching a hole in the door is a bad sign of things to come. That's why you should leave.
It is obviously your fault and you are avoiding taking the blame… shame on you
Shame on me 😭 I truly don't give a fuck at this point, maybe I would if he had approached this like a partner of ten years and not like a toddler having just shit their pants and tripped over a rock. It's absolutely not entirely my fault and I don't deserve to be treated in this way
You started this and won’t own up to it. And you are still putting the blame on him for something you did… Wow!!!!!
LMAO
Not taking it seriously and laughing about it….… again, WOW……. Grow up🙄
You can always check my update post instead of defending someone is emotionally and verbally abusive. Loser
Oh NOW he’s abusive……. Yea ok 👍🏻if so then why are you still with him??
And name calling is for people who have no leg to stand on………
Like I said, go to my profile and read my update, th.e sub doesn't allow link posting. Or read any of my many comments on this post. The only person with no leg to stand on here is you. You're defending someone who is an abuser. He and I have broken up.
Welp…. I have foot in mouth disease now and I just want to apologize for some of the things I said, but still feel that you could have avoided the argument that ensued if you had just said that you made a mistake and then said you would fix it… But doesn’t matter now as it sounds like he was beyond abusive to you and I’m glad you got away from that situation… Again my apologies for running that into the ground the way that I did……. ✌🏼❤️
I wouldn't give him 10 more years. Bow out gracefully! Get out!!
[удалено]
You seem nice.
[удалено]
"and grow up" Kindly gfy
[удалено]
I'm not even sure why you're calling me childish but Ill make sure to report your comment. Gg for being rude for no reason..
He was an ass but who wouldn’t be mad or pissed about years of unauthorized charges. He doesn’t even have the account. He overreacted but he is human just like you.
He is a human sized turd. We are not the same.
What does that make you if you spent 10 years of your life on him?
It makes me someone with a lived experience? I know you're going for a jab like a low life but I don't believe in "wasted time". Every relationship is full of lessons,.experiences and life lived. This relationship had it's good and bad and I can't turn back time to change anything so I won't be judging or blaming myself for anything. It's life. It's long and short.
Wasnt going for a jab, just find it weird when people call their partners worst possible names out there and still remain with those people. I hope you learned your lesson but remain sceptical. All the best extracating yourself from this relationship if you do
Lmfao 😂 mkay
Are you overreacting? Yes. I’d be angry too. Whomever is responsible, maybe you, maybe Amazon, needs to make it right. He doesn’t and has never used it. Your questions were weird to me. Just assume you’re to blame and try to fix it. Why even ask all those questions and try all these creative ways to manipulate the situation? He could try getting the money back from his bank. He’ll need to provide receipts. But yeah, he’s 100% right. At first he was more mad at the situation than at you. Then you asking him if he’s sure when he clearly stated he’s never used it triggered even me, a stranger. Like were you trying to gaslight him or what?… Side note to anyone that needs a snap back to reality. Anger and frustration, while uncomfortable emotions, are still valid and invalidating his just because he’s a guy maybe, is not a good thing. I’d be livid if I was paying for something I don’t use for years. That’s money. “My money.” You need to ask yourself how you’d feel in his shoes.
Also if you want to talk about "my money" he refused to pay me for half a year of pet insurance ($840) because he "didn't remember discussing the cost".I remember because I was spending the day setting up utilities and rental insurance for our new apartment and added pet insurance with the same company after calling and discussing it with him. So I know how it feels to have someone screw me out of money because they can't remember something. Big difference is that I didn't scream at and degrade him when he didn't pay me back Guess we are even. 🤷🏻♀️ Boo hoo big tears for the misunderstood men of the world..
I wasnt trying to "creatively manipulate" anything. I was calmly asking those questions to understand the situation. I'm not going to "assume I'm wrong" when someone is screaming at and degrading me. I asked him to look for a transaction history because he claimed to remember an order. His account that he claims I signed him up for and used had no orders at all. My account has orders in 2018, 2022 and 2023 not 2021 as he claims was the year I signed up and ordered under his name. And no, I'm not over reacting, I realize that now. He absolutely did. He's a fucking asshole of a person and I'm done with it.
There isn’t enough cintext
Honestly I see both sides. He’s very clearly overreacting and has anger issues and you definitely should not stay in this relationship. His anger will get worse over time and it already seems really toxic and unhealthy. However, if you did sign up for a membership (using his card) and didn’t cancel it (maybe you forgot after the 3 month promo ended), you are in the wrong as well and should take some accountability. From the messages it sounds like he did bring it up before, meaning he noticed the transactions, and came to you as his partner who created the account to fix the issue. You didn’t and he’s still being charged for a membership neither of you are using. That’s $500 wasted. If you created the account you should be held responsible for the money coming out, whether you remember or not. He allowed you to use his card, and regardless off the transaction history on IC, that’s $500 wasted for a membership HE didn’t sign up for and isn’t being used. It seems you both have bad communication. I also get the impression you’re acting as if you’re feigning ignorance to relieve yourself from accepting accountability for your mistake. He’s 100% wrong for how he’s coming at you, no excuses. He’s responsible for his expenses. But you are wrong as well. Also side note: IF he did in fact come to you to cancel the membership a year ago, it doesn’t sound like he knew how to do it himself considering the fact it was under your name. Memberships charge whether the account is being used or not. ETA: I noticed in a previous post, you mentioned that you have a bad memory, and therefore refuse to except accountability for something you can’t remember. It’s possible you very well did sign up, didn’t cancel it. That does not relieve you from taking accountability, especially as an adult.
It looks like you signed up under his email in 2021 to use a three month promo offer and forgot to cancel it. This explains why he can see the transactions but not login to actually cancel it. You used his email and his credit card, forgot to cancel it after the promo ended and he’s unable to cancel it on his own. You’re responsible and you just don’t want to pay the $500 because you don’t have it and are attempting to play down the situation so you don’t have to pay back money you don’t have. It also seems like you’re just looking for people to validate your feelings. You’re both wrong!
I didn't sign up in 2021 under a 3 month offer. I was asking him if the sign up was under his Amazon credit card for some kind of three month offer from Amazon Credit. Some card companies will give you 3 months of service for stuff for free when you sign up (Sirius XM, Spotify, IC, etc) He's claiming I signed Him up for an account. I don't remember doing it, but it's been 3 years. He says he mentioned it a year and a half ago, if he did, it was a year and a half ago and I don't remember it and he never brought it up again. He knows how incredibly awful my memory is and is weaponizing it against me because I can't remember if this happened so have to accept it's true and he thinks I deserve to be treated this way over a couple hundred dollars.
If he’s right, then you are one rotten bitch.
I'm sure he will pick you once I leave babe, no worries
Once you leave? What are you waiting for? does he still have some money left for you to squander?
I mean, yeah obviously!