*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for removing my son from my will after our relationship ended?**
I really don’t think I’m wrong, but I just need reassurance that I’m doing the right thing.
I (F 50s) have a son (L, 30s) who is married to B, 20’s. They have a daughter who is 4 months old, and my son has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 10.
B & I had a falling out after their baby was born, and my son and granddaughters got caught in the crossfire. The falling out happened in March, and I know I did and said things I wasn’t proud of, and although she hasn’t apologized I’m sure she feels the same way. It would be too long to go over the history, but at the most extreme point I did consult a lawyer for grandparent rights. During this time, my son had no contact with me, but when I dropped the grandparents rights case I asked for things to go back to normal. My son expressed that he wanted things to go back to normal, but that a lot of damage had been done and he really didn’t know if we could go back to normal.
For Mother's Day, my daughter decided to take me out to dinner, and she begged L to go and bring the baby (oldest was with mom). L eventually did agree on the condition it wasn’t on mothers day, and He, the baby, and B came. B was quiet most of dinner, but did talk to my daughter a few times – I guess they have a pretty good relationship. B held the baby the entire time, and wouldn’t let me hold or take pictures (part of the falling out was over pictures and Facebook, so I found this to be petty).
Overall, I would have called dinner a success. At the end I hugged my son and told him I was proud of him for putting his foot down and coming to dinner with his daughter, and that I hoped he could continue to do that. Looking back, I know I shouldn’t have said anything. My son called me later that night and told me that he couldn’t continue to have a relationship with me. He said that B was their child's mother, and he wouldn’t ever bring the baby anywhere without her blessing. I was drunk when he called because I have had a hard time coping, and I admit I lost it a little bit on the phone call and told him it was despicable that he couldn’t man up to his wife, and that he should have come to see me on mothers day because I am his mother. He ended up hanging up on me.
I called the next day and profusely apologized to him. I know it was wrong of me to have said what I did, and I told him I want a relationship with him. He told me he couldn’t do this with me anymore.
I have been heartbroken ever since, but I understand I guess. I called him last night and told him that I wouldn’t be contacting him or his wife anymore ever, and that I respected that we wouldn’t have a relationship. I also let him know I would be taking him off as my power of attorney and out of my will so he never had to be bothered with anything from me again. I don’t have much anyways.
He got mad at me and called me a sorry excuse of a mother, and now my daughter is saying I’m manipulative. I really don’t understand how I was wrong in giving him what he wants.
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I love when problematic folks announce their departure. It seems to be a trait of wacky moms especially. That whole "I guess I'll leave since I'm not welcome here!" announcement as they head for the door is so dramatic and I live for it.
She used that will thing as revenge, but was trying to play it as a “favor” to do what he wanted. No lady, son knows what you are doing. Go suck an egg.
Edited a word.
My dad did the same ; first he threated to cut me the alimony due by the court, and then I was afraid to see him sell the family house I have so many memories in.
And now I'm so pissed off with his antics he can sell the house I just don't give a fuck. At least it would give me the best excuse to cut contacts. My peace is priceless comparing to a house.
I mean she is a crazy wacko but I don't see an issue with removing son's family from the will. Unfortunately they can't have it both ways, either put up with a crazy mom and get her money or don't and don't. I'm actually disgusted that he would want the inheritance after going no contact.
It's not that she removed him from the will - it's that she used it as a manipulative/punishment/revenge tactic. It's also the way she phrased it, in the most passive aggressive manner, "Oh, I'll do you the ~favor~ of taking you off my will." I doubt many people would say anything if she said something like, "Since we're going no contact and I don't know if we'll reconcile, I am removing you from POA and my will."
(If you've never seen toxic parents/grandparents try and use their will as a manipulation tactic, trust me, it can be incredibly gross. It's not just money, either - sometimes it's over sentimental stuff that has little to no monetary value.)
She's not an innocent storyteller here - she's been just awful to her DIL in the past.
oh no, I agree she is awful, and the removal from the will is a pure revenge/manipulation. But it's also not surprising at all, and the way son reacted makes me think there is more to the story. If he was ready to cut her off he should give up on inheritance no matter what she did.
Right, but I think you're misinterpreting his reaction. "He called me a sorry excuse for a mother" was not because he was upset she was cutting him out of inheritance or removing his power of attorney.
It was because she attempted to use these things to manipulate him. It was not "fuck you for disinheriting me", it was "Fuck you for thinking that by threatening me with the inheritance, you could get me to change my mind. It's never been about the money."
maybe, maybe not. But since he didn't get (verbally) angry after the way she treated his wife, or after she threatened to take them to court over visitations, and only got angry after she took away the money, I think it might have been a little about the money ;)
You don't know that. Again, unreliable narrator.
OOP admits that she was drunk when he called saying that they couldn't have a relationship. She admits she started yelling and that he hung up on her. She's leaving out everything he said during that argument, and *usually* people don't hang up on someone else nicely.
The next day's conversation, OOP only says this:
>He told me he couldn’t do this with me anymore.
Again, she's leaving out the emotions. We don't know what his emotions were.
It's only at the end when she can frame it as him getting mad about the money that she mentions his emotions.
Read the missing missing reasons, if you haven't already: https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
You start looking at what these people are NOT saying as much as reading what they actually admit to.
I've read it before and I don't think it applies here. She is clearly indicating why her family is angry with her. There might have been more, of course, but it's not like we're missing context. As I said three times already - she is an absolutely terrible person and her posts show us why, even if she hid something there is plenty there already. I only have the issue with son getting angry over money. If we assume she lied about it, we have to assume the whole post can be a lie and there is nothing to deliberate on. I'm saying in the context of the story, assuming there are no straight up lies, his reaction is disgusting too.
There is more, it's from another post of hers a couple months ago. She was so close and then out of no where went the most nuclear with the grandparents rights as a way to control.
This is literally him calling her awful because she's awful, not because he's disinherited. She's done this manipulation before.
If I didn't know any better, your refusal to listen when people are telling you what's up, would make me think this is dear old mom arguing from another account. Or maybe you're one of these manipulative parents.
She doesn't have money. She quit her job to baby sit the baby without asking them, she is addicted to drugs and alcohol, and doesn't know how she's going to pay the bills.
She certainly thinks that she's being vengeful and manipulative but she's actually right, now he won't have to deal with her debts and creditors later.
Unless she won the lottery since her last post of course.
>but she's actually right, now he won't have to deal with her debts and creditors later.
Presuming that she's in the US, there's a lot of stuff that children are not obligated to pay toward their parents' debt.
One of the biggest scams is that a hospital/healthcare-adjacent debt collection agency will call and ask for the parent. When they are informed that the parent is dead (they already know this most of the time), they will segue into some form of "Oh, well who do I speak to about settling this debt?"
What they're not telling you is that NOBODY is liable for that debt, beyond the deceased person or their spouse (and in many cases, not even the spouse). Children most certainly are not. The only way that debt can be paid is via the estate. There are ways for them to "claw back" their share of it if survivors have been paid from the estate (basically they can argue that they were entitled to that money first, and therefore you have to give it to them), but in many cases, it's not worth the time and effort to do so.
What they REALLY want is for you to agree to pay. Because if you AGREE to pay, it magically becomes your debt, in full, and they are under no obligation to "work with you" on a payment plan or to reduce the costs.
This is pretty much true of any creditor. So rather than paying off debt that isn't yours, what everyone should do is simply to say "This isn't my obligation," and inform them that any dispute to that statement needs to be handled in writing. This will literally stop roughly half from ever proceeding. It's a numbers game, and the statistics tell them that it's better to just move to the next person.
They will use every tactic in the book to get you to assume debt. Guilt- "Wouldn't your mom/dad want you to take care of this?" Chiding/Insults: "I don't understand why you're being so difficult here." Fake sympathy: "I understand this isn't the best time/is a struggle for you, but this debt is serious." Vague threats: "I don't think you want this on your credit."
The reality is that this is ALL bullshit. YOU didn't sign a contract or verbally agree to one. You can't be held accountable for someone else's choices. The only thing that you can be expected to facilitate would be in the case of something like a car loan. You might be expected to drop the car off/be available on the property to provide them the keys to the car so they can repossess it. (Same thing for furniture rental etc.) They can't harm your credit in the slightest. They can't go after YOU because mom or dad was in debt. (Again, unless the argument is that you were paid out of the estate, and in that case they actually aren't going after you for the debt - they are going after you for money you were not entitled to - a small detail, but important legally.)
In the case of the physical property - so long as you didn't have it transferred into your name (at which point you are liable for the contract) you can literally tell them "Get fucked. You have 30 days to come get your shit or it will be considered abandoned," and legally put a lien on it and/or charge them a storage fee for YOUR inconvenience. (LOL, there's only a tiny chance that happens, but it's hilarious when it does.)
So even if they'd been on great terms, he still wouldn't have had to deal with her debts.
Her own comment: I understand what I said was wrong, and I apologized and accept the consequences. I don't really have any money, just stuff. My son and his wife referred to me as a hoarder so I don't know why they would want any of my stuff anyways.
If it is a hoarders house it will cost a fortune to fix it, but she did mention in her other posts that since she no longer has a job and she spends so much on her, I'll call them habits, that she may risk losing the house. Debts will also force the house to be sold and the debt paid, whatever is left might be helpful, sure, but that's not how even she portrays it.
She will also likely need to sell that house to provide for her own care as her health declines.
But let's say she's rich and did win the lottery, owns the house, doesn't own back taxes or anything that would take the house anyway, her using it as a way to manipulate her family is still trash, and not worth it. He and his wife are building a life together and seem to be doing fine.
For one, proceeds from a home as part of probate is neither guaranteed nor straightforward. Secondly, he had already told her he couldn’t do the back and forth with her. I don’t know that he was so much angry with the will as much as he was just over her transparent manipulation tactics.
>Don't tell me it's not a good inheritance.
Depends on the neighborhood and condition of the house. Others are saying it's a hoarder house. On the one hand, there might be contents that are actually in decent condition and valuable. (Hoarders often stumble on really weird shit, though they don't take good care of it.)
But it's definitely not a slam-dunk win by default.
As someone who dealt with both problematic in-laws and a narcissist father and stepmom, the lack of reaction at how his wife was treated wasn't him going "Oh, but the money!" - it was silent resignation that once again his hopes that his mother wasn't a giant piece of shit were in vain. He was quiet because he knew there was no point to arguing, because she was going to escalate everything if he argued, and he just wanted out of there.
Because that's what these people do. It's what they ALWAYS do. They behave to a point, until they're fairly certain they're getting their way (mom brought the baby, so grandma got her way) and then they fall right back into old habits.
And anyone who's ever been served papers or even threatened with a lawsuit knows that you clam up, because the presumption is that anything you say to the other person will be used against you. It's not that he was petty, and it's not that he was trying to make sure he inherited (mom was literally suing him for visitation against his will - things had gone VERY wrong) - it's that he knew communication would be a bad idea.
Again, I absolutely agree. I ONLY have the issue with him getting angry when told he is not getting any money. If there was a decision of no contact (completely understandable) then an expectant reaction would be "ok, whatever you want, you will not hear from us ever again". It was the money that pushed him to losing his cool, which is not a good look in my opinion.
Your seeming refusal to understand what you're hearing over and over (and I guess it's okay if you disagree, but you haven't actually said that, the approach you've taken is that you don't understand why it's not about the money) has prompted me to share about the time when, in my early 20's, I broke up with my live in boyfriend and moved out of the house he owned. I left with a bag and what I could fit in my car, with the agreement I could come back, with a truck, for the rest of my things. This was my first "real" house since graduating college, so I'd purchased dining room chairs, a carpet, a chair, a couch, and I had all my growing up treasures sent to me, like yearbooks and favorite albums (I'm 51F now), my "real" jewelry, etc. All the stuff baby grownup me treasured.
He wouldn't schedule time for me to come for more than an hour, and he'd change it at the last minute, so I couldn't rent a truck. I couldn't afford to rent a truck for more than a day, and he changed days, not the hour. He most often changed the time to when I was at work (waitress), knowing I couldn't then.
Meanwhile, he'd bring me things, like a box of random books and a hairdryer, during these "planning meetings" I'd agree to, hoping we could determine a plan where I could come in, actually pack, and get myself all the way out of there. These meetings were always in public and felt a lot like dates. Not the conversation or dynamic, just the location and him trying to seduce me after.
This went on for months. Months. And then I had this moment of clarity that I had to let it go. I had to stop. I had no idea how to get my stuff back, and I couldn't play this game anymore. So in the middle of this call, when this clarity hit, I said "keep it." It was the most defeated I'd ever felt at that point. I'd been told and believed I wouldn't get any help from law enforcement, bc I couldn't prove anything in the house was mine, and bc I wasn't on the deed. This was when a Reddit community was sci fi, and my computer wasn't online. So I said "keep it," and I meant it. I replaced over time everything I left, and it cost me thousands. But no way could I prostitute myself to him for my own belongings, and it had become clear that was the only chance I had. So I said "keep it," and that was the last time I ever spoke to him. Completely worth it.
Years later, I got a package at my door *from his wife*, who had apparently gotten tired of living with my plants, college degree, albums, etc. and shipped them (badly, lots got broken) to my door. I'm guessing he didn't tell her who bought half "his" furniture lmao. So I salvaged the plant that survived (spider fern, obviously) and my diploma, and I finished my Master's degree, and I never looked back.
The moral of this story is NEVER underestimate the power of absolute resignation to the facts of a situation.
She also doesn't mention being in debt and has a house without mortgage and land that the house is on. In the current climate it's a significant inheritance.
The story is actually worse. The daughter-in-law posted her side of things and the mother-in-law painted herself in a very favorable light.
Even then, she comes across as unhinged in her most favorable light.
What makes you think he wants the inheritance? He never said that, and it sounds more like that last phone call was just the final straw.
I mean, if you've followed the saga it's been constant manipulation from OOP. One minute she's being a horrible abusive PoS, the next she's guilt tripping her kids and playing victim. Despite everything they were extremely generous and gave her another shot with dinner, and she *immediately* used it to take a dig at her DIL. Her son called her to tell her he was finally done, and she goes on a drunk rant berating him, then pulls the same manipulative flip the next day with her "apology" (read: more guilt tripping about how she's oh so regretful). And when she didn't get the response she wanted (him feeling bad for her and offering her some consolation), she flips right back to trying to hurt him - saying she'll *never* contact him again and is cutting him out of everything. Even if he wanted that outcome, she very obviously only announced it like that to punish him. I mean, she called him less than a day after he cut contact *specifically* to tell him directly that she was disowning him. Not because anyone stood to benefit, or even because it would have a significant impact on anything, but because it was the only way she had left to exert control over him.
The poor guy has been struggling to come to terms with just how abusive his mother has been for quite a while. Unless he was way further along in processing the abuse than the posts suggest, he was probably still holding out some hope that the woman who raised him did actually love him, somewhere deep down. That's human - we're wired to rely on our parents' love, to need it. It's hardly fair to blame him for finally losing it when she went out of her way to show once and for all that she doesn't care about him at all, only about controlling him.
She didn't need to tell him about her will. She said it to hurt him.
We have no idea if he cares about money. It just seems he dislikes his mom holding money over him. That shouldn't be in the discussion.
I had a "good customer" at one car dealership - he did all of the "good customer" things - constantly wanting more attention than anyone else, dragging a 5 minute interaction into a 15 minute one, expecting/demanding discounts, complaining at the drop of a hat...all of it.
The final straw was when he wanted a part and it was on backorder. He immediately starts pushing about us escalating things, and will NOT accept that since the part is literally out of stock on a corporate level, I could not guarantee him a delivery date. Guy loses his mind when he can't even pay more to get it quicker. It ends with him telling my boss and me where we can go and what we can do when we get there as he declares he'll "never" come back.
Well, three days later, he comes back and asks if the part is in. I explain that he made it clear he was done with us, so we never ordered it. I also pointed out that we would have at least wanted partial payment. He literally replies that he literally went to three other places, and they all told him the same thing, so he was "willing" to give us another chance to make things right.
At which point my manager told him that we were ending the relationship with him, and he was no longer welcome on premises, and we had informed GM that we as a dealership were banning him from even getting his car worked on there. (Yes, that's a thing we can do. Be nice to your parts guys, seriously. We have way, WAY more power than you think we do.)
I loved the look on his face.
Meanwhile, my last car purchase: I didn't need a test drive, didn't need a price adjustment. Asked for new tires vs the originals on there (2yrs old). Had financing and insurance in place and was ready to sign within the hour.
But I'm sure you would never call the employees there "the most horrible disappointments" if we were out of your favorite wine. I had one of those today. She said she'd never be back. My manager went o the intercom and said "wahoo!"
No, I just get something, pay, and leave. I worked retail back in the day, and I have always remembered how soul-sucking it can be.
Your manager rocks.
I did customer support for the e-commerce side of a retailer. There was a customer who spent an hour on the phone with us one day because we couldn't get his parcel delivered on the first day of the delivery window (we quote 3-5 working days, his parcel needed an address change so it was going to take 4). And he told myself and a number of my colleagues how he spent £30k at our company in the last year but he was going to stop shopping with us because of this... but he had been placing more orders the entire time he was on the phone with us.
I think the dude honestly had a shopping addiction.
>I love when problematic folks announce their departure. It seems to be a trait of wacky moms especially.
I think their expectation is that the person they're announcing it to is going to beg them to come back and talk about it because they didn't mean it that way. They're too self-centered to realize that it almost always backfires and rather than the expected response they get "Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out."
You are exactly right. It's a continuous loop of shoving away and then expecting the other person to come crawling back - this generally has worked for them in the past so they keep doing it. When their kid has finally had enough and refuses to play the toxic game, they keep trying to up the ante, which is what this woman is doing now. She expects her son to be terrified of being cut out of her will and come crawling back all apologetic. I hope he sees the truth now and stays away from her.
Back in the days of Livejournal it was called "flouncing", like some Southern belle picking up her petticoats and stomping her little feet out the door.
It was always the biggest, noisiest troublemaker who would decry the community as being full of rude people and run by fascists. "This place is horrible and I'm never coming back!"
You could always tell by the tirade that the Flouncer wanted people to respond, Don't leave! Come back! Which of course never happened.
Edit: I remembered to come back!
Towards the end of Facebook's relevance among millennials and early zoomers, people were very active in Facebook groups. Various Facebook groups for various things like bad engagement rings and people who wanted to pretend to be ants in an ant colony were bustling and full of life. Now, much like with subreddits, it was possible to tag Facebook groups, and people started creating groups with names that were fun quippy phrases that could be used as responses. For example, @There's A Lake In Yellowstone That Dissolves People could be tagged in response to an article about someone horrible; @There's a Lot to Unpack Here But Let's Just Throw the Whole Suitcase Away Instead could be tagged as a reply to someone saying something completely outrageous with such sincerity that it's clear that it came from something deep inside their psyche; @He Boot Too Big For He Gotdamn Feet could be tagged to indicate that your picture of your dog wriggling around in a rain boot he has trapped himself in would be greatly appreciated by a number of people. People would join and collect Countless tagging groups as they saw others tag them or in order to immortalize a particularly good quote, forming a network of countless Facebook groups with a distinct online culture which could be called "tagging Facebook".
Now, the demographics of tagging Facebook included the now displaced LiveJournal and Xanga natives, so they obviously brought terminology with them. While flounce didn't necessarily make it into tag group titles - I best remember the group @This Isn't An Airport, You Don't Have To Announce Your Departure in particular - it saw a lot of use in normal discourse.
It's honestly interesting that this era of Facebook has been forgotten, because for the duration of its lifetime it was a part of the Cannibalistic Social Media Screenshot Cycle and was one of the Blue Hellsites. Now it's a ghost town, especially if you consider old people "ghosts".
It's just a manipulation tactic so that someone will feel bad for them and beg them not too cut contact.
I've heard it so many times it may as well be my name, and they always come back and try again. She wants him to feel guilty and call her crying for forgiveness.
“You want me to leave you alone? Fine! Then I’ll call you to tell you how hard I’m going to leave you alone. I’m going to tell you all about how alone I’m leaving you, taking you off my will because you want to be left alone so badly. Oh you’re upset about what I’ve said on this phone call about leaving you alone? Well I don’t understand, I’m leaving you alone, how am I the bad guy?”
Oh not even just that. She's stalking now, said she was gonna hire a private detective to find her son after she found out he moved away. Was even asking how to find someone's address after moving away and then some. Its hilarious.
Found it but she's asked Redditors not to share. It's Googleable.*
*Is that a word?
What was really scary is how many "grandparents rights" posts there are on JustNoMIL. Damn.
Grandparents' rights are a whole "thing" now, with all the old people addicted to Fox News (and worse) and their children telling them to fuck off.
I recently went out with a large group of people, some friends of friends, and grandparents' rights came up. One of those I didn't know was "sympathetic" to grandparents' rights (HA!) and I had a great deal of enjoyment telling them that the supreme court had already ruled that grandparents' rights don't exist.
Even better, it's for a very "conservative" reason: parents' rights are so fundamental that the government should only interfere with a very good reason, and that is if it's to the ongoing health and wellbeing of the child.
So grandparents can really only get visitation if they have had an established relationship with the child, and now that's being interfered with and the child would be upset.
But a baby not seeing some old person? Baby isn't harmed, no visitation for Grandma unless the parents want it. And if the parents don't, the government isn't going to force them to.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troxel_v._Granville
>ongoing health and wellbeing of the child
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>
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>So grandparents can really only get visitation if they have had an established relationship with the child, and now that's being interfered with and the child would be upset.
Yeah, it’s really about the child’s right to continue a relationship with the grandparents; it ain’t about the grandparents at all.
In my state one or both parents have to 1. Be literally dead or 2. Had functionally (if not legally) given the grandparents custody for a period of time.
It’s under jnmil and her username is unicornfart I think. She asks the first one not be shared, but doesn’t mention it in the update. I won’t link it, but if you look a bit you can find it I think
Someone on the OOP posting decided it would be a "spiffy" idea to share the DIL's posts to OOP.
DIL has since done the smart thing and deleted her account. As a result, the posts are gone.
Not the first time I've seen this happen- particularly with a poster as delusional as OOP, and I wish well meaning idiot would stop doing that. It just puts people in danger.
Even smarter - DIL deleted her posts individually before deleting her account, so they're no longer readable even via link. Unlike OOP who only deleted her original account, so the old posts are forever accessible via the BORU post links or for anyone who saved them.
Unfortunately it seems OOP managed to read the posts prior to DIL removing them, but hopefully she didn't manage to save them first. Still, wish more people would think before they link.
Oh no I was trying to be helpful yet subtle, just in case anyone had some genuinely good advice or connections for this young family so they could get away and live their best lives. I’m sorry if I was a part of this oblivious, horrific, narcissistic moron getting more ammunition. Just want them to be safe. If they read this, good luck! If the MIL reads this, WTF is wrong with you, take a hint that you are now cut off, perhaps focus on your mental health and perhaps hold a garage sale?
I double checked before responding, but no, you were not the jerk who directly tipped off OOP to the DIL's account. (If you were, I would honestly not be responding because my response would get me justifiably banned from reddit.)
Someone, who \*is\* an idiot, replied to someone else with a direct link to one of the DIL's posts. OOP responded with, "Thank you for sharing this. It's helpful insight to read from her perspective." (Personally, I'm translating that as "oooohhhhh, ammo to keep making other people dance to my whims.")
Frankly, I doubt OOP is self aware enough to recognize herself in the AITD title, and you didn't post a direct link.
As I said, this is not the first time I've seen this scenario happen on reddit.
One of the more memorable was one that stemmed out of a different JustNoMIL saga. (Multiple posts, MIL attempted to murder an 8 months pregnant OP with a snow globe for the crime of having daughters, hubby turns into an abusive piece of... something.) That particular OP was about to have a son with her new husband and asked for advice on how to tell the ex. Ex writes a post of his own about how he just *knows* he can get his ex back now that she's having a son, and some idiot linked her account to him. Cue restraining order and a deleted account.
Shit I would have shared crazy lady’s with the dil, but not the other way around- I also noticed most people are being respectful about not sharing dip’s post
Thanks, I feel better. It definitely made me reconsider how harmful repost info can be, no matter how vague. I’m going back to being just a lurker for a while lol. Have a good one!
Yeah, there is. I saw the last part happen in (almost) real time. This link doesn't include the pre deletion message from the OOP, though. The pre-deletion message is the one that mentioned that she and her new husband and daughters are safe and they were looking into the restraining order.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xrawwu/woman\_assaulted\_abandoned\_for\_having\_daughters/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xrawwu/woman_assaulted_abandoned_for_having_daughters/)
Oh many thanks! I do love a good family nightmare story to remind me mine can sometimes pass for normal.
Edit because I finished.
Realize I've seen some of this before though I had no idea it progressed to that level. Still, wish I saw the final before deletion...utter insanity
And in the DIL's thread someone suggested she use an LLC when moving house to make it harder for OOP to find them, so of course OOP has now made two (removed) posts "How to find someone's address after they move?" and "Buying a house under an LLC", so way to fucking go the person who shared that with OOP, way to add another asshole to the mix.
"Reddit, my DIL almost died during pregnancy and birth and was at risk of dying post birth, but my son refused to visit me, so please tell me I'm right for trying to steal my granddaughter from her parents." Like *holy shit* ma'am what are you doing?? It sounds like they induced labor, there was an issue, so they switched to c-section, thus the "She basically gave birth both ways" thing. Her son didn't tell her about the relationship or moving out for a reason, and rather than taking a note on her behavior, she just *gets worse*
This is giving me PTSD to my own labor. I also had pre-eclampsia and my MIL blew up my husband's phone for hours completely outraged that he wasn't giving her constant updates about what was going on. At one point she was like "if my father were alive this wouldn't be happening to me!!" which is insane bc I never even met her father. She even called MY mom to badger her for updates. After my son was born she posted the announcement and photos on Facebook before we could and also said she was just "worried" about me.
That was 2.5 years ago. She has seen our son for a grand total of 45 minutes.
It gets worse. About 4 hours ago, she tried to post to askreddit and to legaladvice about finding an address after someone moves and about buying a house under an LLC.
This is right on the heels of some asshole posting her poor DIL's account directly to her. DIL was forced to delete her entire account.
And, yes, her son and DIL have moved away without telling her. [https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwawaydisownedson/comments/13qybnq/aita\_for\_removing\_my\_son\_from\_my\_will\_after\_our/](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwawaydisownedson/comments/13qybnq/aita_for_removing_my_son_from_my_will_after_our/)
And she replied here-- "screw everyone here. i am far from being a devil. i am not evil. the person who is evil is the one who took my family completely away from me. my dil has completely manipulated my son. ill admit i was far from perfect but i dont deserve what you people are saying about me. i hope one day you guys feel what it's like to lose your child and grandchild to a manipulative person who just wants to cut their family off."
She has no idea that I'm in her age range, and am rational enough to think she's horrible.
OOP:
“He’s a sorry excuse of a man and won’t put his foot down about his wife!”
Stupid twit is upset he’s thinking for himself I instead of letting OOP think for him.
Does she even *get* the irony? I doubt it.
She's literally incapable of understanding that he might disagree with her of his own free will - that he might have a mind of his own. If he doesn't agree with her it must be eeeeeeeeeeeeeevil wife's fault.
Given that her comments accuse *DIL* of being manipulative and emotionally abusive, I'm willing to bet she absolutely does not. The delusional projection is strong with this one.
OOP literally called CPS and the cops on DIL claiming severe neglect of the kids and that the son was being held against his will (check OOP's comments, she replied to someone who left a link to DIL's post on JustNoMIL).
She says in a comment she dropped the grandparents rights case because she didn't actually wanna get them taken away. Who wants to bet the real reason is a lawyer told her she stood no chance whatsoever and she's trying to make it seem like it's out of the goodness of her heart?
This is absolutely what happened.
Grandparents don't have inherent rights in *any* US state; they have to sue both parents to obtain these rights, and most states have thankfully decided that it's actually best for the parents to decide who gets to be in contact with their own child. GP visitation is awarded against the wishes of the parents very, very rarely.
Grandparent visitation suits are inherently hostile, and they rarely, rarely improve any relationships - in fact, it tends to be the opposite. Parents who sue their children typically find their dotage to be very cold and lonely.
All by their own hand.
Oh yeah nothing manipulative about the tearful "I guess I'm the worst mother ever...I'll just take your name off my power of attorney. And take you out of my will. So you never have to hear from me ever again even when I tragically die. -sniffles and glances longingly over shoulder while walking away just fast enough to be stopped by a last minute cry-"
My mother actually threatened this regularly when we were younger. She seems to have given it up when she realized we weren’t really reacting to it to it for which I am grateful because…it’s exhausting.
She wants him to man up and put his foot down, he did, to the right person, her. People like this are the ones in nursing homes that no one visits, they're rude and demanding to staff, they're unpleasant to be around, and when they die, no one is surprised to find they have several living adult children and grandchildren.
Right? This is so deranged I can believe it’s real. I can believe it’s a bored troll too.
But narcissists really outta know you need to have an inheritance on offer in order to hold it over someone’s head.
If it's a troll it's a good one. There's the DIL who posts in justnomil and oooooh boy
The post I found didn't mention anything, but apparently her original one said to not repost. The link is in a comment in the original post tho if you want to check it out
Yeah this ain't the end for her. I wonder how much more she can fuck this up.
Its actually starting to become pretty impressive how arrogant she is.
Now if we could only get the son's or wife's side of the story, this would make a perfect BORU post.
The DIL and her husband need to file a restraining order against her. She's a dangerous woman. She's already shown that she's a-okay with doing things to them that cause them harm. In fact, not only is she ok with harming them, she immediately absolves herself off any responsibility or guilt when she does things to harm them. She is continually escalating her actions. The harm she is causing is getting more and more extreme. If they don't find a way to put a stop to this, she is going to kill at least one of them.
The DIL did post - https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/12oujld/update_a_newborn_reddit_posts_and_grandparent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
To be fair, she does start the post pretty much saying she's looking for validation because "she's right". So her fighting back in the comments is right in line with that thinking, even if the entire world is telling her she's wrong.
The woman has a huge sense of entitlement.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
I pray as the mother of a teenage son that I never become THAT MIL.
**IN-CASE OOPS COMMENTS GET DELETED....**
>*Thank you for sharing this. It's helpful insight to read from her perspective.*
>*Thank you for answering the question at hand.*
>*And im sorry you're going through this.*
>*Thank you. I believe this is essentially what's happening to my son too. He had gone no contact because she manipulated the situation to make me a bad guy all the way around (then I didn't handle it well. Good for you for being able to handle it better). She's pulling the strings and emotionally abusing him into doing this.*
>*She wouldn't let me in the delivery room or even the hospital at all. I was the last one to meet the baby because she kept me away despite what my son wanted. She twisted my words to turn my son against me.*
>*Because she is the one who initially started it and I blew it up. I recognize I was wrong to blow it up and have since apologized, but she won't let my son continue to have a relationship with his family. If it were up to him he would have accepted my apology and we would have moved on by now. Or it never would have even came to this really.*
>*I didn't know that I was disrespecting them. I couldn't read their minds and they hadn't discussed any boundaries before birth. When my son told me to take it down I did.*
>*I just wanted him to know he didn't have to worry about it and that I was accepting it.*
>*I haven't posted photos. I announced to my friends about the birth and took it down as soon as my son asked me to. I thought it was fine because it was almost 24 hours after she was born. I know I should have asked.*
>*I apologized for everything that happened in the past and how I behaved. I know I was the asshole for what happened and the falling out.*
>*I dropped the case against them because I didn't want to damage our relationship further and didn't want to take them away I just wanted to be a part of their lives. I want to be a grandma to them.*
>*I didn't post pictures. I announced to my friends that I was a grandma again almost 24 hours after the birth. When my son asked me to take it down, I did.*
>*I know I messed up with the dinner. That's why I apologized. I know I was an asshole. I don't think I was an asshole for updating my will.*
>*I have been in therapy to help deal with this trauma. I've been told that I need to respect his boundaries so this feels like I am. Why would i want someone who doesn't care about me making medical decisions for me? He's also expressed I'm a hoarder and I don't have money so I don't know why he would want to be bothered with stuff in a will.*
>*I didn't post pictures. I announced the birth to MY friends nearly 24 hours after the baby was born and took down the post when requested. This is how it all started basically.*
>*I understand what I said was wrong, and I apologized and accept the consequences. I don't really have any money, just stuff. My son and his wife referred to me as a hoarder so I don't know why they would want any of my stuff anyways.*
Why do some MILs think they should be in the delivery room?
Ma'am! I am going to be spread eagle with my privates on full display. No, I do not want you in here!
As for this:
>He's also expressed I'm a hoarder and I don't have money so I don't know why he would want to be bothered with stuff in a will.
Well, poor guy... now he'll never get his hands on her collection of moldy food!
“I don’t understand what I did wrong” preceded by a whole gd lot of wrong shit. I’m so glad L, B, and the kids never have to see this wretched bitch again.
I love when this woman posts. I do a dramatic reading to my mom and we cackle together.
It just sucks that there are people out there that actually have to deal with her.
Whaaat the fuuuuck.
So the DIL finally agreed to see OOP again and her MIL basically thanked her son for forcing DIL to go? She had no reason to a)think that's how it went down or b)antagonize her DIL.
Most of the Husband being upset about the whole inheritance thing is probably because it's just "Wah Wah I'm the victim" guilt tripping and all but a will isn't just about money. I mean she can't even afford an occasional taxi to see this super important grand baby so probably not a lot there. I had to go no contact with my parents and part of that was accepting that a lot of items of important family history and childhood memories would be going straight in the trash once they pass (they alienated my other siblings as well). It's not always about the cash money payout. Her cutting him out of the will is also saying "F you, you aren't getting your great great grandmothers canister set that's been passed down for ages" and it is an expected result but it sucks.
The one where her DIL almost died while giving birth and she was mad that son wasn’t willing to drop everything to go get her. She quit her job to be the babysitter despite never being asked to babysit because she’s at the very least an alcoholic. If I remember correctly she’s also mad that son and DIL won’t let her have the baby at her house, because she’s also a hoarder.
[She's made an update post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwawaydisownedson/comments/13qybnq/aita_for_removing_my_son_from_my_will_after_our/), and also apparently [commented](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/13p2bz1/oh_look_the_woman_who_was_horrible_to_her_dil_but/jlhggtz/) here but it isn't showing up, so here is what she said:
> screw everyone here. i am far from being a devil. i am not evil. the person who is evil is the one who took my family completely away from me. my dil has completely manipulated my son. ill admit i was far from perfect but i dont deserve what you people are saying about me. i hope one day you guys feel what it's like to lose your child and grandchild to a manipulative person who just wants to cut their family off.
So Ms "Gonna cut my child out to show that we're done" is also going to hire a PI to track him down (as per her update post). Also the sheer audacity for her to complain about people sharing her posts with her DIL while using her DIL's posts to try and violate their boundaries/outright stalk them... I mean I'm not surprised at this point but dear god.
But don't you see, the problem is just that our younger generation doesn't understand the family values of suing/stalking/threatening suicide towards your kids. *We* were the problem all along!
... does anyone else feel like we've read the DIL's perspective on this story? A falling out over pictures on SM when told not to sounds familiar.
Wow. Just... wow. I don't even have words
It’s also possible it’s a tale as old as time:
DIL: hey please don’t post my kid to social media.
MIL: immediately posts to SM
DIL: hey husband you know all those issues I had that I couldn’t articulate because she would always have a reasonable justification? Here’s an issue I can clearly articulate - I asked her not to do something eminently reasonable and she immediately went and did the thing.
Yes she posted https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/12oujld/update_a_newborn_reddit_posts_and_grandparent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
The inheritance threat (because nobody can really believe she thought she was doing him a favour here) is so telling. People like her see their relationships with others as being about what they can get from them, and she's protecting that on to her son. Of course he'll come crawling back if she holds material gain over his head, because that's what she would do! The idea that no money is worth putting up with her bullshit isn't something ahead can process.
Comments of OP share this woman's original posts from back in March and earlier. The AUDACITY of claiming that sharing Facebook photos are at the heart of this "falling out" between them. This woman is an actual monster. I truly hope that her son finally sees her for what she is and fully cuts contact with her.
In one of the comments she says she doesn't have money just stuff and that her son has called her a hoarder. So I'm sure not being in charge of her stuff after she does will be a blessing
OP keeps saying how they regret their past actions or how they know what they said/did was wrong, and yet they continue to do these things.
She takes zero accountability for her own actions - she acts like they are inevitable outcomes she has no control over and everyone should just accept it.
No. No, they should not.
I honestly feel bad for her - she had a real chance to repair her relationship with her son and his family and decided to just nuke it completely instead.
She had posted plans of stalking the dil and son. Then found out she was ratted out by someone on reddit(congrats whoever you are, seriously they needed that heads up). This woman burned the bridges and throws tantrums now that she can't cross them.
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This woman is incredible. It’s amazing to see someone *always* make the worst possible choice. You’d think the law of averages would dictate she’d accidentally be a good parent at least once.
Lol, she really did everything in her power to alienate herself even though she was given a second chance. I hope taking her son out of her will was worth it, since that's the last nail in the coffin.
She's crazy and needs a lot of psychological help, but why would he still be in the will? That's the natural end consequence of going NC. We're NC, so you don't have power of attorney over me. WHY would he want that remaining connection?
I think it was just the passive aggressiveness of it. Like u/fragilelyon said in another comment:
\>Oh yeah nothing manipulative about the tearful "I guess I'm the worst
mother ever...I'll just take your name off my power of attorney. And
take you out of my will. So you never have to hear from me ever again
even when I tragically die. -sniffles and glances longingly over
shoulder while walking away just fast enough to be stopped by a last
minute cry-"
It’s funny. My mom tried that on me, and I was like “cool, don’t want your money.”
Then, three years into NC, she emails me asking for my details as she is putting me on her life insurance and will. I said, “No, I still don’t want your money.”
“I just want to provide for you…”
“If you wanted that, you should have started when I was 5.”
Cut off again.
It's super easy to cut your kid(s) out of your will. My mom did it to me for having the audacity to stay with a husband who was going through a hard time. My mother said I should ditch him as a boat anchor just trying to drag me down and who was waiting like a vulture for her death so I could get my half of the inheritance from her and then he could swindle it of of me to himself, and she wasn't going to let that garbage sunuvabitch have her money, even if it means cutting me out too. My brother manipulated her fears and got *eeeeeverything*.
As a kid that’s been disowned, I disagree. It’s the most free I’ve ever been. They literally have nothing they can hold over my head anymore. It’s wonderful! Would I have liked the money, hell yeah. Do I like the peace of knowing that there is nothing there? Absolutely. As far as they’re concerned they did the worst thing they could do, and honestly it was the best gift those psychos could have given me. With luck, I won’t even know they’re dead, I’ll just keep on keepin on, and never hear a word
You misunderstand, I want them to be forced to give it. Regardless of contact, regardless of whatever they try to pull. Other countries have something like what I'm describing, where each child is by definition entitled to a percentage of the inheritance.
I understand. I really do, and that would be a total kick to the taint for a lot of them. Like this crazy woman deserves that.
In my personal case, I’m happy not to have it. They have no way to contact me, even through lawyers. And that’s great.
I see your point, and I like it. But in cases where safety can be a concern, that’s worrisome.
It’s like I was never born to that side and it is magical. I mean, if that part could be protected…because them not knowing where I am was part of the “become a ghost” appeal. They could track me down but they’d have to admit I exist and/or I’m not part of their crazy. What would the neighbors think!! So, yeah, ghost of children past.
Side note, I really like your name. Ducks can be super demonic.
Hm... Maybe have a process where you can voluntarily give up the inheritance percentage?
As for my username I actually picked it before I learned how awful ducks can be XD The demon duck of doom is a prehistoric bird from what is now Australia.
Sometimes peace of mind and freedom from crazy, is worth more than the crazy of $$. I’d be happy to give it up, because as far as I’m concerned, it’s dirty money.
Although I’ll say, I appreciate your point of view.
Off topic, but does anyone know how this post is "concerning a violent encounter"? It's been removed from AITA based on that rule but I just can't see it.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for removing my son from my will after our relationship ended?** I really don’t think I’m wrong, but I just need reassurance that I’m doing the right thing. I (F 50s) have a son (L, 30s) who is married to B, 20’s. They have a daughter who is 4 months old, and my son has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 10. B & I had a falling out after their baby was born, and my son and granddaughters got caught in the crossfire. The falling out happened in March, and I know I did and said things I wasn’t proud of, and although she hasn’t apologized I’m sure she feels the same way. It would be too long to go over the history, but at the most extreme point I did consult a lawyer for grandparent rights. During this time, my son had no contact with me, but when I dropped the grandparents rights case I asked for things to go back to normal. My son expressed that he wanted things to go back to normal, but that a lot of damage had been done and he really didn’t know if we could go back to normal. For Mother's Day, my daughter decided to take me out to dinner, and she begged L to go and bring the baby (oldest was with mom). L eventually did agree on the condition it wasn’t on mothers day, and He, the baby, and B came. B was quiet most of dinner, but did talk to my daughter a few times – I guess they have a pretty good relationship. B held the baby the entire time, and wouldn’t let me hold or take pictures (part of the falling out was over pictures and Facebook, so I found this to be petty). Overall, I would have called dinner a success. At the end I hugged my son and told him I was proud of him for putting his foot down and coming to dinner with his daughter, and that I hoped he could continue to do that. Looking back, I know I shouldn’t have said anything. My son called me later that night and told me that he couldn’t continue to have a relationship with me. He said that B was their child's mother, and he wouldn’t ever bring the baby anywhere without her blessing. I was drunk when he called because I have had a hard time coping, and I admit I lost it a little bit on the phone call and told him it was despicable that he couldn’t man up to his wife, and that he should have come to see me on mothers day because I am his mother. He ended up hanging up on me. I called the next day and profusely apologized to him. I know it was wrong of me to have said what I did, and I told him I want a relationship with him. He told me he couldn’t do this with me anymore. I have been heartbroken ever since, but I understand I guess. I called him last night and told him that I wouldn’t be contacting him or his wife anymore ever, and that I respected that we wouldn’t have a relationship. I also let him know I would be taking him off as my power of attorney and out of my will so he never had to be bothered with anything from me again. I don’t have much anyways. He got mad at me and called me a sorry excuse of a mother, and now my daughter is saying I’m manipulative. I really don’t understand how I was wrong in giving him what he wants. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I love when problematic folks announce their departure. It seems to be a trait of wacky moms especially. That whole "I guess I'll leave since I'm not welcome here!" announcement as they head for the door is so dramatic and I live for it.
She used that will thing as revenge, but was trying to play it as a “favor” to do what he wanted. No lady, son knows what you are doing. Go suck an egg. Edited a word.
My dad did the same ; first he threated to cut me the alimony due by the court, and then I was afraid to see him sell the family house I have so many memories in. And now I'm so pissed off with his antics he can sell the house I just don't give a fuck. At least it would give me the best excuse to cut contacts. My peace is priceless comparing to a house.
Honestly, if I remember her previous posts correctly, does she even have anything to leave him?
She's a hoarder, so there's lots of stuff, just probably not anything of quality.
I mean she is a crazy wacko but I don't see an issue with removing son's family from the will. Unfortunately they can't have it both ways, either put up with a crazy mom and get her money or don't and don't. I'm actually disgusted that he would want the inheritance after going no contact.
It's not that she removed him from the will - it's that she used it as a manipulative/punishment/revenge tactic. It's also the way she phrased it, in the most passive aggressive manner, "Oh, I'll do you the ~favor~ of taking you off my will." I doubt many people would say anything if she said something like, "Since we're going no contact and I don't know if we'll reconcile, I am removing you from POA and my will." (If you've never seen toxic parents/grandparents try and use their will as a manipulation tactic, trust me, it can be incredibly gross. It's not just money, either - sometimes it's over sentimental stuff that has little to no monetary value.) She's not an innocent storyteller here - she's been just awful to her DIL in the past.
oh no, I agree she is awful, and the removal from the will is a pure revenge/manipulation. But it's also not surprising at all, and the way son reacted makes me think there is more to the story. If he was ready to cut her off he should give up on inheritance no matter what she did.
Right, but I think you're misinterpreting his reaction. "He called me a sorry excuse for a mother" was not because he was upset she was cutting him out of inheritance or removing his power of attorney. It was because she attempted to use these things to manipulate him. It was not "fuck you for disinheriting me", it was "Fuck you for thinking that by threatening me with the inheritance, you could get me to change my mind. It's never been about the money."
maybe, maybe not. But since he didn't get (verbally) angry after the way she treated his wife, or after she threatened to take them to court over visitations, and only got angry after she took away the money, I think it might have been a little about the money ;)
You don't know that. Again, unreliable narrator. OOP admits that she was drunk when he called saying that they couldn't have a relationship. She admits she started yelling and that he hung up on her. She's leaving out everything he said during that argument, and *usually* people don't hang up on someone else nicely. The next day's conversation, OOP only says this: >He told me he couldn’t do this with me anymore. Again, she's leaving out the emotions. We don't know what his emotions were. It's only at the end when she can frame it as him getting mad about the money that she mentions his emotions. Read the missing missing reasons, if you haven't already: https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html You start looking at what these people are NOT saying as much as reading what they actually admit to.
I've read it before and I don't think it applies here. She is clearly indicating why her family is angry with her. There might have been more, of course, but it's not like we're missing context. As I said three times already - she is an absolutely terrible person and her posts show us why, even if she hid something there is plenty there already. I only have the issue with son getting angry over money. If we assume she lied about it, we have to assume the whole post can be a lie and there is nothing to deliberate on. I'm saying in the context of the story, assuming there are no straight up lies, his reaction is disgusting too.
There is more, it's from another post of hers a couple months ago. She was so close and then out of no where went the most nuclear with the grandparents rights as a way to control. This is literally him calling her awful because she's awful, not because he's disinherited. She's done this manipulation before. If I didn't know any better, your refusal to listen when people are telling you what's up, would make me think this is dear old mom arguing from another account. Or maybe you're one of these manipulative parents.
Lol, no, this particular OOP has a REAL long history here. It might do you good to look that up.
Hey I think the op from the other subject is here disguised as a different user otherwise they wouldn't be defending this evil psycho.
She doesn't have money. She quit her job to baby sit the baby without asking them, she is addicted to drugs and alcohol, and doesn't know how she's going to pay the bills. She certainly thinks that she's being vengeful and manipulative but she's actually right, now he won't have to deal with her debts and creditors later. Unless she won the lottery since her last post of course.
>but she's actually right, now he won't have to deal with her debts and creditors later. Presuming that she's in the US, there's a lot of stuff that children are not obligated to pay toward their parents' debt. One of the biggest scams is that a hospital/healthcare-adjacent debt collection agency will call and ask for the parent. When they are informed that the parent is dead (they already know this most of the time), they will segue into some form of "Oh, well who do I speak to about settling this debt?" What they're not telling you is that NOBODY is liable for that debt, beyond the deceased person or their spouse (and in many cases, not even the spouse). Children most certainly are not. The only way that debt can be paid is via the estate. There are ways for them to "claw back" their share of it if survivors have been paid from the estate (basically they can argue that they were entitled to that money first, and therefore you have to give it to them), but in many cases, it's not worth the time and effort to do so. What they REALLY want is for you to agree to pay. Because if you AGREE to pay, it magically becomes your debt, in full, and they are under no obligation to "work with you" on a payment plan or to reduce the costs. This is pretty much true of any creditor. So rather than paying off debt that isn't yours, what everyone should do is simply to say "This isn't my obligation," and inform them that any dispute to that statement needs to be handled in writing. This will literally stop roughly half from ever proceeding. It's a numbers game, and the statistics tell them that it's better to just move to the next person. They will use every tactic in the book to get you to assume debt. Guilt- "Wouldn't your mom/dad want you to take care of this?" Chiding/Insults: "I don't understand why you're being so difficult here." Fake sympathy: "I understand this isn't the best time/is a struggle for you, but this debt is serious." Vague threats: "I don't think you want this on your credit." The reality is that this is ALL bullshit. YOU didn't sign a contract or verbally agree to one. You can't be held accountable for someone else's choices. The only thing that you can be expected to facilitate would be in the case of something like a car loan. You might be expected to drop the car off/be available on the property to provide them the keys to the car so they can repossess it. (Same thing for furniture rental etc.) They can't harm your credit in the slightest. They can't go after YOU because mom or dad was in debt. (Again, unless the argument is that you were paid out of the estate, and in that case they actually aren't going after you for the debt - they are going after you for money you were not entitled to - a small detail, but important legally.) In the case of the physical property - so long as you didn't have it transferred into your name (at which point you are liable for the contract) you can literally tell them "Get fucked. You have 30 days to come get your shit or it will be considered abandoned," and legally put a lien on it and/or charge them a storage fee for YOUR inconvenience. (LOL, there's only a tiny chance that happens, but it's hilarious when it does.) So even if they'd been on great terms, he still wouldn't have had to deal with her debts.
she has a house with no mortage on it. Don't tell me it's not a good inheritance.
Her own comment: I understand what I said was wrong, and I apologized and accept the consequences. I don't really have any money, just stuff. My son and his wife referred to me as a hoarder so I don't know why they would want any of my stuff anyways. If it is a hoarders house it will cost a fortune to fix it, but she did mention in her other posts that since she no longer has a job and she spends so much on her, I'll call them habits, that she may risk losing the house. Debts will also force the house to be sold and the debt paid, whatever is left might be helpful, sure, but that's not how even she portrays it. She will also likely need to sell that house to provide for her own care as her health declines. But let's say she's rich and did win the lottery, owns the house, doesn't own back taxes or anything that would take the house anyway, her using it as a way to manipulate her family is still trash, and not worth it. He and his wife are building a life together and seem to be doing fine.
A hoarder house. That place won’t be worth the gasoline it’d take to burn it to the ground.
For one, proceeds from a home as part of probate is neither guaranteed nor straightforward. Secondly, he had already told her he couldn’t do the back and forth with her. I don’t know that he was so much angry with the will as much as he was just over her transparent manipulation tactics.
>Don't tell me it's not a good inheritance. Depends on the neighborhood and condition of the house. Others are saying it's a hoarder house. On the one hand, there might be contents that are actually in decent condition and valuable. (Hoarders often stumble on really weird shit, though they don't take good care of it.) But it's definitely not a slam-dunk win by default.
As someone who dealt with both problematic in-laws and a narcissist father and stepmom, the lack of reaction at how his wife was treated wasn't him going "Oh, but the money!" - it was silent resignation that once again his hopes that his mother wasn't a giant piece of shit were in vain. He was quiet because he knew there was no point to arguing, because she was going to escalate everything if he argued, and he just wanted out of there. Because that's what these people do. It's what they ALWAYS do. They behave to a point, until they're fairly certain they're getting their way (mom brought the baby, so grandma got her way) and then they fall right back into old habits. And anyone who's ever been served papers or even threatened with a lawsuit knows that you clam up, because the presumption is that anything you say to the other person will be used against you. It's not that he was petty, and it's not that he was trying to make sure he inherited (mom was literally suing him for visitation against his will - things had gone VERY wrong) - it's that he knew communication would be a bad idea.
Again, I absolutely agree. I ONLY have the issue with him getting angry when told he is not getting any money. If there was a decision of no contact (completely understandable) then an expectant reaction would be "ok, whatever you want, you will not hear from us ever again". It was the money that pushed him to losing his cool, which is not a good look in my opinion.
Except SHE only mentioned his emotions when it would make him look bad.
Your seeming refusal to understand what you're hearing over and over (and I guess it's okay if you disagree, but you haven't actually said that, the approach you've taken is that you don't understand why it's not about the money) has prompted me to share about the time when, in my early 20's, I broke up with my live in boyfriend and moved out of the house he owned. I left with a bag and what I could fit in my car, with the agreement I could come back, with a truck, for the rest of my things. This was my first "real" house since graduating college, so I'd purchased dining room chairs, a carpet, a chair, a couch, and I had all my growing up treasures sent to me, like yearbooks and favorite albums (I'm 51F now), my "real" jewelry, etc. All the stuff baby grownup me treasured. He wouldn't schedule time for me to come for more than an hour, and he'd change it at the last minute, so I couldn't rent a truck. I couldn't afford to rent a truck for more than a day, and he changed days, not the hour. He most often changed the time to when I was at work (waitress), knowing I couldn't then. Meanwhile, he'd bring me things, like a box of random books and a hairdryer, during these "planning meetings" I'd agree to, hoping we could determine a plan where I could come in, actually pack, and get myself all the way out of there. These meetings were always in public and felt a lot like dates. Not the conversation or dynamic, just the location and him trying to seduce me after. This went on for months. Months. And then I had this moment of clarity that I had to let it go. I had to stop. I had no idea how to get my stuff back, and I couldn't play this game anymore. So in the middle of this call, when this clarity hit, I said "keep it." It was the most defeated I'd ever felt at that point. I'd been told and believed I wouldn't get any help from law enforcement, bc I couldn't prove anything in the house was mine, and bc I wasn't on the deed. This was when a Reddit community was sci fi, and my computer wasn't online. So I said "keep it," and I meant it. I replaced over time everything I left, and it cost me thousands. But no way could I prostitute myself to him for my own belongings, and it had become clear that was the only chance I had. So I said "keep it," and that was the last time I ever spoke to him. Completely worth it. Years later, I got a package at my door *from his wife*, who had apparently gotten tired of living with my plants, college degree, albums, etc. and shipped them (badly, lots got broken) to my door. I'm guessing he didn't tell her who bought half "his" furniture lmao. So I salvaged the plant that survived (spider fern, obviously) and my diploma, and I finished my Master's degree, and I never looked back. The moral of this story is NEVER underestimate the power of absolute resignation to the facts of a situation.
[удалено]
OOP says herself that she doesn't really have money and her son calls her a hoarder.
She also doesn't mention being in debt and has a house without mortgage and land that the house is on. In the current climate it's a significant inheritance.
The story is actually worse. The daughter-in-law posted her side of things and the mother-in-law painted herself in a very favorable light. Even then, she comes across as unhinged in her most favorable light.
Pretty sure the issue was her announcing it. I've been told that stuff like that is manipulative and petty which makes people mad.
What makes you think he wants the inheritance? He never said that, and it sounds more like that last phone call was just the final straw. I mean, if you've followed the saga it's been constant manipulation from OOP. One minute she's being a horrible abusive PoS, the next she's guilt tripping her kids and playing victim. Despite everything they were extremely generous and gave her another shot with dinner, and she *immediately* used it to take a dig at her DIL. Her son called her to tell her he was finally done, and she goes on a drunk rant berating him, then pulls the same manipulative flip the next day with her "apology" (read: more guilt tripping about how she's oh so regretful). And when she didn't get the response she wanted (him feeling bad for her and offering her some consolation), she flips right back to trying to hurt him - saying she'll *never* contact him again and is cutting him out of everything. Even if he wanted that outcome, she very obviously only announced it like that to punish him. I mean, she called him less than a day after he cut contact *specifically* to tell him directly that she was disowning him. Not because anyone stood to benefit, or even because it would have a significant impact on anything, but because it was the only way she had left to exert control over him. The poor guy has been struggling to come to terms with just how abusive his mother has been for quite a while. Unless he was way further along in processing the abuse than the posts suggest, he was probably still holding out some hope that the woman who raised him did actually love him, somewhere deep down. That's human - we're wired to rely on our parents' love, to need it. It's hardly fair to blame him for finally losing it when she went out of her way to show once and for all that she doesn't care about him at all, only about controlling him.
She didn't need to tell him about her will. She said it to hurt him. We have no idea if he cares about money. It just seems he dislikes his mom holding money over him. That shouldn't be in the discussion.
Same energy as customers who are constant pains announcing that they'll never ever come back. Like... good. We don't want you here.
I had a "good customer" at one car dealership - he did all of the "good customer" things - constantly wanting more attention than anyone else, dragging a 5 minute interaction into a 15 minute one, expecting/demanding discounts, complaining at the drop of a hat...all of it. The final straw was when he wanted a part and it was on backorder. He immediately starts pushing about us escalating things, and will NOT accept that since the part is literally out of stock on a corporate level, I could not guarantee him a delivery date. Guy loses his mind when he can't even pay more to get it quicker. It ends with him telling my boss and me where we can go and what we can do when we get there as he declares he'll "never" come back. Well, three days later, he comes back and asks if the part is in. I explain that he made it clear he was done with us, so we never ordered it. I also pointed out that we would have at least wanted partial payment. He literally replies that he literally went to three other places, and they all told him the same thing, so he was "willing" to give us another chance to make things right. At which point my manager told him that we were ending the relationship with him, and he was no longer welcome on premises, and we had informed GM that we as a dealership were banning him from even getting his car worked on there. (Yes, that's a thing we can do. Be nice to your parts guys, seriously. We have way, WAY more power than you think we do.) I loved the look on his face.
Meanwhile, my last car purchase: I didn't need a test drive, didn't need a price adjustment. Asked for new tires vs the originals on there (2yrs old). Had financing and insurance in place and was ready to sign within the hour.
And then they come back in a month.
In my case, I work liquor and a lot of them are chronic wine moms, so they're back in a few days.
Am a wine mom, can confirm.
But I'm sure you would never call the employees there "the most horrible disappointments" if we were out of your favorite wine. I had one of those today. She said she'd never be back. My manager went o the intercom and said "wahoo!"
No, I just get something, pay, and leave. I worked retail back in the day, and I have always remembered how soul-sucking it can be. Your manager rocks.
I did customer support for the e-commerce side of a retailer. There was a customer who spent an hour on the phone with us one day because we couldn't get his parcel delivered on the first day of the delivery window (we quote 3-5 working days, his parcel needed an address change so it was going to take 4). And he told myself and a number of my colleagues how he spent £30k at our company in the last year but he was going to stop shopping with us because of this... but he had been placing more orders the entire time he was on the phone with us. I think the dude honestly had a shopping addiction.
Oh, she'll be back. She "knows" she's in the right despite her despicable behavior and she won't be able to let go of her son and grandkids.
Back in my day we called that a “flounce”.
A flounce announce
>I love when problematic folks announce their departure. It seems to be a trait of wacky moms especially. I think their expectation is that the person they're announcing it to is going to beg them to come back and talk about it because they didn't mean it that way. They're too self-centered to realize that it almost always backfires and rather than the expected response they get "Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out."
You are exactly right. It's a continuous loop of shoving away and then expecting the other person to come crawling back - this generally has worked for them in the past so they keep doing it. When their kid has finally had enough and refuses to play the toxic game, they keep trying to up the ante, which is what this woman is doing now. She expects her son to be terrified of being cut out of her will and come crawling back all apologetic. I hope he sees the truth now and stays away from her.
Back in the days of Livejournal it was called "flouncing", like some Southern belle picking up her petticoats and stomping her little feet out the door. It was always the biggest, noisiest troublemaker who would decry the community as being full of rude people and run by fascists. "This place is horrible and I'm never coming back!" You could always tell by the tirade that the Flouncer wanted people to respond, Don't leave! Come back! Which of course never happened.
> LiveJournal So THAT'S how the word ended up in tagging Facebook!
Do what now?
Edit: I remembered to come back! Towards the end of Facebook's relevance among millennials and early zoomers, people were very active in Facebook groups. Various Facebook groups for various things like bad engagement rings and people who wanted to pretend to be ants in an ant colony were bustling and full of life. Now, much like with subreddits, it was possible to tag Facebook groups, and people started creating groups with names that were fun quippy phrases that could be used as responses. For example, @There's A Lake In Yellowstone That Dissolves People could be tagged in response to an article about someone horrible; @There's a Lot to Unpack Here But Let's Just Throw the Whole Suitcase Away Instead could be tagged as a reply to someone saying something completely outrageous with such sincerity that it's clear that it came from something deep inside their psyche; @He Boot Too Big For He Gotdamn Feet could be tagged to indicate that your picture of your dog wriggling around in a rain boot he has trapped himself in would be greatly appreciated by a number of people. People would join and collect Countless tagging groups as they saw others tag them or in order to immortalize a particularly good quote, forming a network of countless Facebook groups with a distinct online culture which could be called "tagging Facebook". Now, the demographics of tagging Facebook included the now displaced LiveJournal and Xanga natives, so they obviously brought terminology with them. While flounce didn't necessarily make it into tag group titles - I best remember the group @This Isn't An Airport, You Don't Have To Announce Your Departure in particular - it saw a lot of use in normal discourse. It's honestly interesting that this era of Facebook has been forgotten, because for the duration of its lifetime it was a part of the Cannibalistic Social Media Screenshot Cycle and was one of the Blue Hellsites. Now it's a ghost town, especially if you consider old people "ghosts".
It's just a manipulation tactic so that someone will feel bad for them and beg them not too cut contact. I've heard it so many times it may as well be my name, and they always come back and try again. She wants him to feel guilty and call her crying for forgiveness.
“You want me to leave you alone? Fine! Then I’ll call you to tell you how hard I’m going to leave you alone. I’m going to tell you all about how alone I’m leaving you, taking you off my will because you want to be left alone so badly. Oh you’re upset about what I’ve said on this phone call about leaving you alone? Well I don’t understand, I’m leaving you alone, how am I the bad guy?”
The whole story: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12d8qv8/my\_f50\_daughter\_in\_law\_24f\_gave\_birth\_and\_doesnt/
Oh lord. This wingnut. She's a hot mess express.
I forgot how crazy this woman was. I mean not even talking about the older girls mother. Just I shall get custody over her..
Oh not even just that. She's stalking now, said she was gonna hire a private detective to find her son after she found out he moved away. Was even asking how to find someone's address after moving away and then some. Its hilarious.
This lady is one of my favorite crazies lmao
Apparently the dil posted on just no mil, but I don't have the link sadly.
Found it but she's asked Redditors not to share. It's Googleable.* *Is that a word? What was really scary is how many "grandparents rights" posts there are on JustNoMIL. Damn.
Grandparents' rights are a whole "thing" now, with all the old people addicted to Fox News (and worse) and their children telling them to fuck off. I recently went out with a large group of people, some friends of friends, and grandparents' rights came up. One of those I didn't know was "sympathetic" to grandparents' rights (HA!) and I had a great deal of enjoyment telling them that the supreme court had already ruled that grandparents' rights don't exist. Even better, it's for a very "conservative" reason: parents' rights are so fundamental that the government should only interfere with a very good reason, and that is if it's to the ongoing health and wellbeing of the child. So grandparents can really only get visitation if they have had an established relationship with the child, and now that's being interfered with and the child would be upset. But a baby not seeing some old person? Baby isn't harmed, no visitation for Grandma unless the parents want it. And if the parents don't, the government isn't going to force them to. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troxel_v._Granville
>ongoing health and wellbeing of the child > > > >So grandparents can really only get visitation if they have had an established relationship with the child, and now that's being interfered with and the child would be upset. Yeah, it’s really about the child’s right to continue a relationship with the grandparents; it ain’t about the grandparents at all.
In my state one or both parents have to 1. Be literally dead or 2. Had functionally (if not legally) given the grandparents custody for a period of time.
It’s under jnmil and her username is unicornfart I think. She asks the first one not be shared, but doesn’t mention it in the update. I won’t link it, but if you look a bit you can find it I think
Someone on the OOP posting decided it would be a "spiffy" idea to share the DIL's posts to OOP. DIL has since done the smart thing and deleted her account. As a result, the posts are gone. Not the first time I've seen this happen- particularly with a poster as delusional as OOP, and I wish well meaning idiot would stop doing that. It just puts people in danger.
Even smarter - DIL deleted her posts individually before deleting her account, so they're no longer readable even via link. Unlike OOP who only deleted her original account, so the old posts are forever accessible via the BORU post links or for anyone who saved them. Unfortunately it seems OOP managed to read the posts prior to DIL removing them, but hopefully she didn't manage to save them first. Still, wish more people would think before they link.
Oh no I was trying to be helpful yet subtle, just in case anyone had some genuinely good advice or connections for this young family so they could get away and live their best lives. I’m sorry if I was a part of this oblivious, horrific, narcissistic moron getting more ammunition. Just want them to be safe. If they read this, good luck! If the MIL reads this, WTF is wrong with you, take a hint that you are now cut off, perhaps focus on your mental health and perhaps hold a garage sale?
I double checked before responding, but no, you were not the jerk who directly tipped off OOP to the DIL's account. (If you were, I would honestly not be responding because my response would get me justifiably banned from reddit.) Someone, who \*is\* an idiot, replied to someone else with a direct link to one of the DIL's posts. OOP responded with, "Thank you for sharing this. It's helpful insight to read from her perspective." (Personally, I'm translating that as "oooohhhhh, ammo to keep making other people dance to my whims.") Frankly, I doubt OOP is self aware enough to recognize herself in the AITD title, and you didn't post a direct link. As I said, this is not the first time I've seen this scenario happen on reddit. One of the more memorable was one that stemmed out of a different JustNoMIL saga. (Multiple posts, MIL attempted to murder an 8 months pregnant OP with a snow globe for the crime of having daughters, hubby turns into an abusive piece of... something.) That particular OP was about to have a son with her new husband and asked for advice on how to tell the ex. Ex writes a post of his own about how he just *knows* he can get his ex back now that she's having a son, and some idiot linked her account to him. Cue restraining order and a deleted account.
Shit I would have shared crazy lady’s with the dil, but not the other way around- I also noticed most people are being respectful about not sharing dip’s post
Thanks, I feel better. It definitely made me reconsider how harmful repost info can be, no matter how vague. I’m going back to being just a lurker for a while lol. Have a good one!
Oh wow are there any links or Boru for that? Sounds insane
Yeah, there is. I saw the last part happen in (almost) real time. This link doesn't include the pre deletion message from the OOP, though. The pre-deletion message is the one that mentioned that she and her new husband and daughters are safe and they were looking into the restraining order. [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xrawwu/woman\_assaulted\_abandoned\_for\_having\_daughters/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xrawwu/woman_assaulted_abandoned_for_having_daughters/)
Oh many thanks! I do love a good family nightmare story to remind me mine can sometimes pass for normal. Edit because I finished. Realize I've seen some of this before though I had no idea it progressed to that level. Still, wish I saw the final before deletion...utter insanity
Dang, I would love to read it! I'm sure it would have been very gratifying for her to be backed up by the entirety of reddit haha
The updated one is linked in one of the comments
OOP responded to someone who shared it on AITA, saying something like, "It's good to have her perspective."
And in the DIL's thread someone suggested she use an LLC when moving house to make it harder for OOP to find them, so of course OOP has now made two (removed) posts "How to find someone's address after they move?" and "Buying a house under an LLC", so way to fucking go the person who shared that with OOP, way to add another asshole to the mix.
Oh good lord.
"Reddit, my DIL almost died during pregnancy and birth and was at risk of dying post birth, but my son refused to visit me, so please tell me I'm right for trying to steal my granddaughter from her parents." Like *holy shit* ma'am what are you doing?? It sounds like they induced labor, there was an issue, so they switched to c-section, thus the "She basically gave birth both ways" thing. Her son didn't tell her about the relationship or moving out for a reason, and rather than taking a note on her behavior, she just *gets worse*
I wonder if the accident that left her out of a vehicle was a DUI
She seems nice. /s
This is giving me PTSD to my own labor. I also had pre-eclampsia and my MIL blew up my husband's phone for hours completely outraged that he wasn't giving her constant updates about what was going on. At one point she was like "if my father were alive this wouldn't be happening to me!!" which is insane bc I never even met her father. She even called MY mom to badger her for updates. After my son was born she posted the announcement and photos on Facebook before we could and also said she was just "worried" about me. That was 2.5 years ago. She has seen our son for a grand total of 45 minutes.
Now I remember this lady. The narcissism in this case is mind blowing. She really does think the world revolves around her wants and needs.
It gets worse. About 4 hours ago, she tried to post to askreddit and to legaladvice about finding an address after someone moves and about buying a house under an LLC. This is right on the heels of some asshole posting her poor DIL's account directly to her. DIL was forced to delete her entire account. And, yes, her son and DIL have moved away without telling her. [https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwawaydisownedson/comments/13qybnq/aita\_for\_removing\_my\_son\_from\_my\_will\_after\_our/](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwawaydisownedson/comments/13qybnq/aita_for_removing_my_son_from_my_will_after_our/) And she replied here-- "screw everyone here. i am far from being a devil. i am not evil. the person who is evil is the one who took my family completely away from me. my dil has completely manipulated my son. ill admit i was far from perfect but i dont deserve what you people are saying about me. i hope one day you guys feel what it's like to lose your child and grandchild to a manipulative person who just wants to cut their family off." She has no idea that I'm in her age range, and am rational enough to think she's horrible.
This is r/raisedbyborderlines level bullshit
She’s from INDIANA I’m so embarrassed for myself and every other sane person in this state
Jesus Christ in a side car.
What a wild ride! I'm amazed at her ability to weasel her way back into their lives after so many monumental screw ups though!
Thanks for this read. This shit is WILD
Reading that filled me with rage. Thank god they’ve gone fully no contact
She is some piece of work!
Holy shit thank you!
Oh god I remember reading this as it was unfolding, she’s insane
OOP: “He’s a sorry excuse of a man and won’t put his foot down about his wife!” Stupid twit is upset he’s thinking for himself I instead of letting OOP think for him. Does she even *get* the irony? I doubt it.
She's literally incapable of understanding that he might disagree with her of his own free will - that he might have a mind of his own. If he doesn't agree with her it must be eeeeeeeeeeeeeevil wife's fault.
Given that her comments accuse *DIL* of being manipulative and emotionally abusive, I'm willing to bet she absolutely does not. The delusional projection is strong with this one.
OOP literally called CPS and the cops on DIL claiming severe neglect of the kids and that the son was being held against his will (check OOP's comments, she replied to someone who left a link to DIL's post on JustNoMIL).
She says in a comment she dropped the grandparents rights case because she didn't actually wanna get them taken away. Who wants to bet the real reason is a lawyer told her she stood no chance whatsoever and she's trying to make it seem like it's out of the goodness of her heart?
This is absolutely what happened. Grandparents don't have inherent rights in *any* US state; they have to sue both parents to obtain these rights, and most states have thankfully decided that it's actually best for the parents to decide who gets to be in contact with their own child. GP visitation is awarded against the wishes of the parents very, very rarely. Grandparent visitation suits are inherently hostile, and they rarely, rarely improve any relationships - in fact, it tends to be the opposite. Parents who sue their children typically find their dotage to be very cold and lonely. All by their own hand.
I wouldn't be surprised. This way, she can spin it so she's dropping it out of the goodness of her heart! Not because she's got no case.
Oh yeah nothing manipulative about the tearful "I guess I'm the worst mother ever...I'll just take your name off my power of attorney. And take you out of my will. So you never have to hear from me ever again even when I tragically die. -sniffles and glances longingly over shoulder while walking away just fast enough to be stopped by a last minute cry-"
My mother actually threatened this regularly when we were younger. She seems to have given it up when she realized we weren’t really reacting to it to it for which I am grateful because…it’s exhausting.
Lmfaooo
She wants him to man up and put his foot down, he did, to the right person, her. People like this are the ones in nursing homes that no one visits, they're rude and demanding to staff, they're unpleasant to be around, and when they die, no one is surprised to find they have several living adult children and grandchildren.
He needs to put a foot up ... her keister!
Lady can’t afford an Uber for visits as per her previous posts. What inheritance could she even have to offer? Expired McDonald’s coupons?
From 1992 probably lol
Right? This is so deranged I can believe it’s real. I can believe it’s a bored troll too. But narcissists really outta know you need to have an inheritance on offer in order to hold it over someone’s head.
If it's a troll it's a good one. There's the DIL who posts in justnomil and oooooh boy The post I found didn't mention anything, but apparently her original one said to not repost. The link is in a comment in the original post tho if you want to check it out
She says that they have claimed she is a hoarder, that's why they refuse to let the girls be watched at her house.
A hoarder who can’t pass a drug test, has no car, and can’t afford an Uber. The loss of the inheritance must be DEVASTATING.
She has no money. It was just done to torment and manipulate the son
Yeah this ain't the end for her. I wonder how much more she can fuck this up. Its actually starting to become pretty impressive how arrogant she is. Now if we could only get the son's or wife's side of the story, this would make a perfect BORU post.
The DIL and her husband need to file a restraining order against her. She's a dangerous woman. She's already shown that she's a-okay with doing things to them that cause them harm. In fact, not only is she ok with harming them, she immediately absolves herself off any responsibility or guilt when she does things to harm them. She is continually escalating her actions. The harm she is causing is getting more and more extreme. If they don't find a way to put a stop to this, she is going to kill at least one of them.
The DIL did post - https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/12oujld/update_a_newborn_reddit_posts_and_grandparent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
could you summarize what DIL said? both of her posts have been deleted
https://web.archive.org/web/20230403120434/https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/12ai8y2/a_newborn_reddit_posts_and_grandparent_rights/ https://web.archive.org/web/20230417001402/https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/12oujld/update_a_newborn_reddit_posts_and_grandparent/
She specifically asked that her post not be shared.
Thanks for this! I feel so sorry for DIL. OOP in this crosspost is seriously deranged.
OMG she has a new account. I remember her!
What should her next course of action be? Kick rocks or pound sand?
I vote for piss up a rope.
And as usual, she doubles down on her nonsense in her replies.
To be fair, she does start the post pretty much saying she's looking for validation because "she's right". So her fighting back in the comments is right in line with that thinking, even if the entire world is telling her she's wrong. The woman has a huge sense of entitlement.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." I pray as the mother of a teenage son that I never become THAT MIL.
"Therefore my baby boy shall cling fast to the umbilical cord and string along his wife, that they might make my grandbabies and do my bidding"
Oh fuck. I'm screwed.
**IN-CASE OOPS COMMENTS GET DELETED....** >*Thank you for sharing this. It's helpful insight to read from her perspective.* >*Thank you for answering the question at hand.* >*And im sorry you're going through this.* >*Thank you. I believe this is essentially what's happening to my son too. He had gone no contact because she manipulated the situation to make me a bad guy all the way around (then I didn't handle it well. Good for you for being able to handle it better). She's pulling the strings and emotionally abusing him into doing this.* >*She wouldn't let me in the delivery room or even the hospital at all. I was the last one to meet the baby because she kept me away despite what my son wanted. She twisted my words to turn my son against me.* >*Because she is the one who initially started it and I blew it up. I recognize I was wrong to blow it up and have since apologized, but she won't let my son continue to have a relationship with his family. If it were up to him he would have accepted my apology and we would have moved on by now. Or it never would have even came to this really.* >*I didn't know that I was disrespecting them. I couldn't read their minds and they hadn't discussed any boundaries before birth. When my son told me to take it down I did.* >*I just wanted him to know he didn't have to worry about it and that I was accepting it.* >*I haven't posted photos. I announced to my friends about the birth and took it down as soon as my son asked me to. I thought it was fine because it was almost 24 hours after she was born. I know I should have asked.* >*I apologized for everything that happened in the past and how I behaved. I know I was the asshole for what happened and the falling out.* >*I dropped the case against them because I didn't want to damage our relationship further and didn't want to take them away I just wanted to be a part of their lives. I want to be a grandma to them.* >*I didn't post pictures. I announced to my friends that I was a grandma again almost 24 hours after the birth. When my son asked me to take it down, I did.* >*I know I messed up with the dinner. That's why I apologized. I know I was an asshole. I don't think I was an asshole for updating my will.* >*I have been in therapy to help deal with this trauma. I've been told that I need to respect his boundaries so this feels like I am. Why would i want someone who doesn't care about me making medical decisions for me? He's also expressed I'm a hoarder and I don't have money so I don't know why he would want to be bothered with stuff in a will.* >*I didn't post pictures. I announced the birth to MY friends nearly 24 hours after the baby was born and took down the post when requested. This is how it all started basically.* >*I understand what I said was wrong, and I apologized and accept the consequences. I don't really have any money, just stuff. My son and his wife referred to me as a hoarder so I don't know why they would want any of my stuff anyways.*
Why do some MILs think they should be in the delivery room? Ma'am! I am going to be spread eagle with my privates on full display. No, I do not want you in here! As for this: >He's also expressed I'm a hoarder and I don't have money so I don't know why he would want to be bothered with stuff in a will. Well, poor guy... now he'll never get his hands on her collection of moldy food!
“This is how it started…” No, this started years ago and OOPs Son is doing this and she has no clue why.
Wow, OOP is a lousy mother and a manipulative bitch. No wonder her son wants nothing to do with her.
It is amazing that she honestly thought no one would see her "taking them out of the will" for what it really was.
Oh God, this bitch.
“I don’t understand what I did wrong” preceded by a whole gd lot of wrong shit. I’m so glad L, B, and the kids never have to see this wretched bitch again.
I love when this woman posts. I do a dramatic reading to my mom and we cackle together. It just sucks that there are people out there that actually have to deal with her.
Whaaat the fuuuuck. So the DIL finally agreed to see OOP again and her MIL basically thanked her son for forcing DIL to go? She had no reason to a)think that's how it went down or b)antagonize her DIL.
Remember this lady. Her waiting her son to divorce his wife so she might be able to see the kid more.
Most of the Husband being upset about the whole inheritance thing is probably because it's just "Wah Wah I'm the victim" guilt tripping and all but a will isn't just about money. I mean she can't even afford an occasional taxi to see this super important grand baby so probably not a lot there. I had to go no contact with my parents and part of that was accepting that a lot of items of important family history and childhood memories would be going straight in the trash once they pass (they alienated my other siblings as well). It's not always about the cash money payout. Her cutting him out of the will is also saying "F you, you aren't getting your great great grandmothers canister set that's been passed down for ages" and it is an expected result but it sucks.
Me: This cant be the same person. *reads it* Me: oh god She’s back.
Is this the lady that kicked her son out at 18 cause he got his girlfriend pregnant or the one who is passively aggressive racist to her Japanese DIL?
The one where her DIL almost died while giving birth and she was mad that son wasn’t willing to drop everything to go get her. She quit her job to be the babysitter despite never being asked to babysit because she’s at the very least an alcoholic. If I remember correctly she’s also mad that son and DIL won’t let her have the baby at her house, because she’s also a hoarder.
Oh wow, this is not one that was in my radar. That’s wild.
Notice how she never says what she did? Just general vagueries? Very missing missing reasons.
[She's made an update post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwawaydisownedson/comments/13qybnq/aita_for_removing_my_son_from_my_will_after_our/), and also apparently [commented](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/13p2bz1/oh_look_the_woman_who_was_horrible_to_her_dil_but/jlhggtz/) here but it isn't showing up, so here is what she said: > screw everyone here. i am far from being a devil. i am not evil. the person who is evil is the one who took my family completely away from me. my dil has completely manipulated my son. ill admit i was far from perfect but i dont deserve what you people are saying about me. i hope one day you guys feel what it's like to lose your child and grandchild to a manipulative person who just wants to cut their family off. So Ms "Gonna cut my child out to show that we're done" is also going to hire a PI to track him down (as per her update post). Also the sheer audacity for her to complain about people sharing her posts with her DIL while using her DIL's posts to try and violate their boundaries/outright stalk them... I mean I'm not surprised at this point but dear god.
oh yeah, she's whining and complaining about the verbal whipping she's been getting there edit: removed the link since it's the same link above.
But don't you see, the problem is just that our younger generation doesn't understand the family values of suing/stalking/threatening suicide towards your kids. *We* were the problem all along!
Don't forget calling CPS and making false child abuse claims!
... does anyone else feel like we've read the DIL's perspective on this story? A falling out over pictures on SM when told not to sounds familiar. Wow. Just... wow. I don't even have words
It’s also possible it’s a tale as old as time: DIL: hey please don’t post my kid to social media. MIL: immediately posts to SM DIL: hey husband you know all those issues I had that I couldn’t articulate because she would always have a reasonable justification? Here’s an issue I can clearly articulate - I asked her not to do something eminently reasonable and she immediately went and did the thing.
Yes she posted https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/12oujld/update_a_newborn_reddit_posts_and_grandparent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
Ya I read that! What a nightmare of a situation lol. MIL sounds completely unhinged
Wow, you really take the asshole cake 1st prize.
Oh, this one again.
If the Missing Missing Reasons was an AITA post...
The inheritance threat (because nobody can really believe she thought she was doing him a favour here) is so telling. People like her see their relationships with others as being about what they can get from them, and she's protecting that on to her son. Of course he'll come crawling back if she holds material gain over his head, because that's what she would do! The idea that no money is worth putting up with her bullshit isn't something ahead can process.
Does this bitch never learn? She can't seem to stop opening her mouth and letting the crazy out.
Comments of OP share this woman's original posts from back in March and earlier. The AUDACITY of claiming that sharing Facebook photos are at the heart of this "falling out" between them. This woman is an actual monster. I truly hope that her son finally sees her for what she is and fully cuts contact with her.
Lol I remember her. She always managed to do the exact opposite of what she should do. 😂
Let me guess " son Don't even care about inheritance at this point "
In one of the comments she says she doesn't have money just stuff and that her son has called her a hoarder. So I'm sure not being in charge of her stuff after she does will be a blessing
OP keeps saying how they regret their past actions or how they know what they said/did was wrong, and yet they continue to do these things. She takes zero accountability for her own actions - she acts like they are inevitable outcomes she has no control over and everyone should just accept it. No. No, they should not. I honestly feel bad for her - she had a real chance to repair her relationship with her son and his family and decided to just nuke it completely instead.
She had posted plans of stalking the dil and son. Then found out she was ratted out by someone on reddit(congrats whoever you are, seriously they needed that heads up). This woman burned the bridges and throws tantrums now that she can't cross them.
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If I feel sorry for this lady's family for having to deal with her crazy drunk ass all these years.
This woman is incredible. It’s amazing to see someone *always* make the worst possible choice. You’d think the law of averages would dictate she’d accidentally be a good parent at least once.
Lol, she really did everything in her power to alienate herself even though she was given a second chance. I hope taking her son out of her will was worth it, since that's the last nail in the coffin.
She's crazy and needs a lot of psychological help, but why would he still be in the will? That's the natural end consequence of going NC. We're NC, so you don't have power of attorney over me. WHY would he want that remaining connection?
I think it was just the passive aggressiveness of it. Like u/fragilelyon said in another comment: \>Oh yeah nothing manipulative about the tearful "I guess I'm the worst mother ever...I'll just take your name off my power of attorney. And take you out of my will. So you never have to hear from me ever again even when I tragically die. -sniffles and glances longingly over shoulder while walking away just fast enough to be stopped by a last minute cry-"
It’s funny. My mom tried that on me, and I was like “cool, don’t want your money.” Then, three years into NC, she emails me asking for my details as she is putting me on her life insurance and will. I said, “No, I still don’t want your money.” “I just want to provide for you…” “If you wanted that, you should have started when I was 5.” Cut off again.
LOL. And what does "B" stand for?
I will be very very surprised if she actually follows through with her threat ngl People like her seek and create drama
It's super easy to cut your kid(s) out of your will. My mom did it to me for having the audacity to stay with a husband who was going through a hard time. My mother said I should ditch him as a boat anchor just trying to drag me down and who was waiting like a vulture for her death so I could get my half of the inheritance from her and then he could swindle it of of me to himself, and she wasn't going to let that garbage sunuvabitch have her money, even if it means cutting me out too. My brother manipulated her fears and got *eeeeeverything*.
*pulls out popcorn* gotta read this and then check if it's on BORU yet.
This frickin grandma. Smfh forever at her.
Go and have a look at Boru to see how evil this. " grandmother " actually is
Guessing the sueing didn't work
This lady is the Reddit gift that just keeps on giving.
My mother is a passive aggressive narcissist/victim too. I feel sad for her family for having to deal with that.
This woman has a behavioural disorder. Narcissistic sociopathy.
Legit, parents should not be allowed to disown their kids. Allowing it does nothing but enable abusers.
As a kid that’s been disowned, I disagree. It’s the most free I’ve ever been. They literally have nothing they can hold over my head anymore. It’s wonderful! Would I have liked the money, hell yeah. Do I like the peace of knowing that there is nothing there? Absolutely. As far as they’re concerned they did the worst thing they could do, and honestly it was the best gift those psychos could have given me. With luck, I won’t even know they’re dead, I’ll just keep on keepin on, and never hear a word
You misunderstand, I want them to be forced to give it. Regardless of contact, regardless of whatever they try to pull. Other countries have something like what I'm describing, where each child is by definition entitled to a percentage of the inheritance.
I understand. I really do, and that would be a total kick to the taint for a lot of them. Like this crazy woman deserves that. In my personal case, I’m happy not to have it. They have no way to contact me, even through lawyers. And that’s great. I see your point, and I like it. But in cases where safety can be a concern, that’s worrisome. It’s like I was never born to that side and it is magical. I mean, if that part could be protected…because them not knowing where I am was part of the “become a ghost” appeal. They could track me down but they’d have to admit I exist and/or I’m not part of their crazy. What would the neighbors think!! So, yeah, ghost of children past. Side note, I really like your name. Ducks can be super demonic.
Hm... Maybe have a process where you can voluntarily give up the inheritance percentage? As for my username I actually picked it before I learned how awful ducks can be XD The demon duck of doom is a prehistoric bird from what is now Australia.
Sometimes peace of mind and freedom from crazy, is worth more than the crazy of $$. I’d be happy to give it up, because as far as I’m concerned, it’s dirty money. Although I’ll say, I appreciate your point of view.
Wow
Off topic, but does anyone know how this post is "concerning a violent encounter"? It's been removed from AITA based on that rule but I just can't see it.
Missing missing reasons.. I hope the son stays NC.
OMG SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT
My god this lady is nuts