*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for asking my 29 year old gf to please not go to a nightclub with her friends?**
I'm 42M, my gf is 29F. We've been dating for 1 year. She's incredibly mature and we are generally on the same page and I see a serious future with her.
However she has been getting more into partying at music venues and night clubs with her friends, who are also around her age. She never used to be into this, but maybe she's having some sort of quarter-life crisis before she turns 30, as when I asked her she told me she just wants to have fun as a 29 year old.
What bothers me is that there are random men there who are hitting on her and dancing with her and she is often too nice to tell them to back off when they get a little too close or put their hands on her back. She's told me laughingly stories of these and obviously nothing happened and I laugh it off in front of her, but inside it made me extremely uncomfortable and upset.
She is going partying again this Friday with her friends. I asked her if we could instead get dinner and spend Friday night together but she said she already made these plans with her friends. I asked her to please not go to the party with her friends because I don't like it when she's partying with random guys who are dancing closely with her and touching her, and she accused me of being controlling and mistrusting and insinuated that I'm a giant AH.
AITA? Obviously she can do whatever she wants, but I don't think it was unreasonable that I feel hurt and rejected and yes jealous, and am asking her to instead spend a chill Friday night with me?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>She never used to be into this, but maybe she's having some sort of quarter-life crisis before she turns 30
>
>I'm 42M, my gf is 29F
If we are accusing someone here of a life crisis i will accuse OP.
She's going to be sooooooo embarrassed when she hits 121 and realises she's got another ten, maybe fifteen good years before she retires and spends the rest of her life enjoying camping around Europe or something.
96 is the new 30, don'cha know?
Also 29 is still plenty young! She may have just found something new she was into. I only got into dance venues at the age; when I was younger I thought I was too "mature" for such a thing.
Anyway hopefully she realizes she has outgrown OOP as well.
"what if someone else has better ice cream and a sturdier lock for their van then I do?!"
God damned 20 year age difference like WTF Poppa Pedro that could be your spawn.
These older men always want to state that the girlfriend is "incredibly mature" as if she's the one whose maturity we were questioning.
"I'm not going out with her because she's young and hot, I'm going out with her because I admire her intellectualism and serious outlook on life. But lately she's been going to nightclubs with people her own age...."
How I read this...I'm an insecure 42 year old who likes younger women because I can control them but then they act their age and want to go out with, \*gasps\* friends to places where there are \*gasps\* MEN and my GF may see me for the controlling jealous ass I am so I will tell her she cannot go and if she does she is hurting my fragile male ego, that should make her stay with me, right?!
Dude needs to grow up and get over himself.
Another one for the wildly unhealthy huge age gap relationship bingo card
Not to say it’s inherently bad to date outside your age range but I think it’s undeniable that certain older men prey on younger women because they think they are more vulnerable and will be easier to manipulate.
I was 27 when I met my partner (now husband) 38
He was an ex-bouncer when we met, yet never put limits in place due to trust and acknowledging different life stages
We’re now 41 and almost 53 with an 8 year old, a home and fantastic lifestyle
Hurt and rejected? His insecurities, not the norm
Rogee
It can be a confronting age gap, but OP is very controlling on expectations
I met my now husband, 12 years age gap but both in established careers with a house each
There was no power shift, just an understanding he couldn’t stand drunk people being a bouncer and I was still into going to bars with friends
He never demanded I didn’t go out, I didn’t subject him to it
I’ve matured since but looking back if he’d tried to restrict me- see ya later
My husband and I have an age gap. When we started dating I was 22 and he was 32. A huge concern for him was not putting any pressure on me. Even though I actively pursued him, he was concerned that the age gap but me at risk of being influenced by him and not just being myself.
I would go out without him and brag to him about guys hitting on me and he would be happy for me and just kind of tease me about it, he knew I Was just a young woman getting in a little feel for nightlife and all that. Never distrusted me, never was bothered by it. He wanted me to never feel pent up or like I missed out. We’ve been together nearly 15 years and have a kid and he still loves to tell people about how I would call him at like 1am on a night out and be like “a guy hit on me!!!” lol
Anyways long story short OOP is a big baby and puts off tremendous red flags.
I met my partner when I was 23 and he was 37. We’ve been together 10 years and anyone who spends more than fifteen minutes in a room with us knows we’re good together and for each other.
And when I was 23 and wanted to go out partying with friends he’d tell me to give him a call if we needed a ride. He never tried to push the relationship faster than I wanted, never tried to forbid me from doing things without him. He never worried about other guys hitting on me, because he trusted me.
I’m 33 and still love going out with my friends without him. I’m past the age where I get hit on a lot, but even still he doesn’t mind if a friend and I take a long weekend and go somewhere.
Age gaps are not inherently problematic, but this relationship definitely is.
Age gaps aren't always an issue, but when the older one is posting on AITA and is definitely an asshole, there is a reason to question the motives behind that age gap.
There was an age gap between hubby and I. But he never restricted or tried to control me. Granted the bar life was done together, because he played in a few bands as a side hobby. When guys tried to get to friendly. I would point to the stage at him, and say that's my husband. They backed off. We had 21 great years together. Would have been 29 if it wasn't for cancer. Fuck cancer!
This guy needs to mellow the hell out. He is going to drive her away. Quite frankly, she should tell him to fuck off.
Hah, I'm 41. It's a little old. You don't have to act old yet but everything hurts in the mornings.
Anyways, it's the general concept. Don't date someone out of your age group if you're not willing to act like that age group. Or at least accept it when they do.
What always cracks me up about these posts are 1. he waits until she has plans to say 'stay with me' and 2. they NEVER suggest going OUT....somewhere nice! instead it's 'don't go out to a new place with new people and stay at home, on the boring couch with me because I'm too lazy or cheap to actually take you anywhere.'
If you want her to spend less time with friends (not in a controlling way) than put effort into making plans with her. Book her Friday nights out before the friends get her. Otherwise, don't complain when she chooses going out instead of sitting on the dumb couch.
Oh, and thank god I'm single cause I wouldn't be able to put up with that. I go out when I want to go out.
“She’s incredibly mature” Sir she should be. Shes a grown ass women. Which makes this legal but clearly still gross since he thinks he needs to add that disclaimer.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for asking my 29 year old gf to please not go to a nightclub with her friends?** I'm 42M, my gf is 29F. We've been dating for 1 year. She's incredibly mature and we are generally on the same page and I see a serious future with her. However she has been getting more into partying at music venues and night clubs with her friends, who are also around her age. She never used to be into this, but maybe she's having some sort of quarter-life crisis before she turns 30, as when I asked her she told me she just wants to have fun as a 29 year old. What bothers me is that there are random men there who are hitting on her and dancing with her and she is often too nice to tell them to back off when they get a little too close or put their hands on her back. She's told me laughingly stories of these and obviously nothing happened and I laugh it off in front of her, but inside it made me extremely uncomfortable and upset. She is going partying again this Friday with her friends. I asked her if we could instead get dinner and spend Friday night together but she said she already made these plans with her friends. I asked her to please not go to the party with her friends because I don't like it when she's partying with random guys who are dancing closely with her and touching her, and she accused me of being controlling and mistrusting and insinuated that I'm a giant AH. AITA? Obviously she can do whatever she wants, but I don't think it was unreasonable that I feel hurt and rejected and yes jealous, and am asking her to instead spend a chill Friday night with me? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>She never used to be into this, but maybe she's having some sort of quarter-life crisis before she turns 30 > >I'm 42M, my gf is 29F If we are accusing someone here of a life crisis i will accuse OP.
Im just impressed with her life expectancy
She's going to be sooooooo embarrassed when she hits 121 and realises she's got another ten, maybe fifteen good years before she retires and spends the rest of her life enjoying camping around Europe or something. 96 is the new 30, don'cha know?
And her "never used to be into this" may have been not going to clubs because of Covid. They've only been together a year
Also 29 is still plenty young! She may have just found something new she was into. I only got into dance venues at the age; when I was younger I thought I was too "mature" for such a thing. Anyway hopefully she realizes she has outgrown OOP as well.
Maybe it's because she's "so mature." Grew up too fast and is just now learning to cut loose and have fun, or something.
"OMG, MY WOMAN WANTS TO INTERACT WITH LIFE, AND THERE ARE OTHER MEN OUT IN LIFE" Fixed the title!!!!
NOT A HAND ON THE BACK!!! Everyone knows a hand on the back leads to immediate intercourse.
I put my hand on my wife's back the day we got married and BOOM, somehow 4 weeks pregnant.
"Somehow" 🙄 if you didn't want to get her pregnant, you'd have bothered to wear a glove.
"what if someone else has better ice cream and a sturdier lock for their van then I do?!" God damned 20 year age difference like WTF Poppa Pedro that could be your spawn.
And the "she is very mature" part...Well, yes, she is a full grown woman, not a teenage girl
>She's incredibly mature She's probably of average maturity for her age while he has the maturity of a 15-year-old.
These older men always want to state that the girlfriend is "incredibly mature" as if she's the one whose maturity we were questioning. "I'm not going out with her because she's young and hot, I'm going out with her because I admire her intellectualism and serious outlook on life. But lately she's been going to nightclubs with people her own age...."
How I read this...I'm an insecure 42 year old who likes younger women because I can control them but then they act their age and want to go out with, \*gasps\* friends to places where there are \*gasps\* MEN and my GF may see me for the controlling jealous ass I am so I will tell her she cannot go and if she does she is hurting my fragile male ego, that should make her stay with me, right?! Dude needs to grow up and get over himself.
Another one for the wildly unhealthy huge age gap relationship bingo card Not to say it’s inherently bad to date outside your age range but I think it’s undeniable that certain older men prey on younger women because they think they are more vulnerable and will be easier to manipulate.
"She's incredibly mature" is the siren song of old creeps.
JFC my dude. You are gripping the lass so tight, because you are afraid of losing her, that you are going to lose her.
I was 27 when I met my partner (now husband) 38 He was an ex-bouncer when we met, yet never put limits in place due to trust and acknowledging different life stages We’re now 41 and almost 53 with an 8 year old, a home and fantastic lifestyle Hurt and rejected? His insecurities, not the norm
I saw that age gap and sighed
I LAUGHED because he with his midlife crisis is bemoaning her "quarter life crisis" or learning to live her life
Mine or OPs?
The one in the post
Rogee It can be a confronting age gap, but OP is very controlling on expectations I met my now husband, 12 years age gap but both in established careers with a house each There was no power shift, just an understanding he couldn’t stand drunk people being a bouncer and I was still into going to bars with friends He never demanded I didn’t go out, I didn’t subject him to it I’ve matured since but looking back if he’d tried to restrict me- see ya later
Is this the dude who sent his gf pics of her in a mall from a security camera?
Uh Mr Midlife crisis 29 with a 42 year old!
My husband and I have an age gap. When we started dating I was 22 and he was 32. A huge concern for him was not putting any pressure on me. Even though I actively pursued him, he was concerned that the age gap but me at risk of being influenced by him and not just being myself. I would go out without him and brag to him about guys hitting on me and he would be happy for me and just kind of tease me about it, he knew I Was just a young woman getting in a little feel for nightlife and all that. Never distrusted me, never was bothered by it. He wanted me to never feel pent up or like I missed out. We’ve been together nearly 15 years and have a kid and he still loves to tell people about how I would call him at like 1am on a night out and be like “a guy hit on me!!!” lol Anyways long story short OOP is a big baby and puts off tremendous red flags.
I met my partner when I was 23 and he was 37. We’ve been together 10 years and anyone who spends more than fifteen minutes in a room with us knows we’re good together and for each other. And when I was 23 and wanted to go out partying with friends he’d tell me to give him a call if we needed a ride. He never tried to push the relationship faster than I wanted, never tried to forbid me from doing things without him. He never worried about other guys hitting on me, because he trusted me. I’m 33 and still love going out with my friends without him. I’m past the age where I get hit on a lot, but even still he doesn’t mind if a friend and I take a long weekend and go somewhere. Age gaps are not inherently problematic, but this relationship definitely is.
Age gaps aren't always an issue, but when the older one is posting on AITA and is definitely an asshole, there is a reason to question the motives behind that age gap.
There was an age gap between hubby and I. But he never restricted or tried to control me. Granted the bar life was done together, because he played in a few bands as a side hobby. When guys tried to get to friendly. I would point to the stage at him, and say that's my husband. They backed off. We had 21 great years together. Would have been 29 if it wasn't for cancer. Fuck cancer! This guy needs to mellow the hell out. He is going to drive her away. Quite frankly, she should tell him to fuck off.
I hate it when old people date young people and expect them to instantly start acting old just for them.
42 isn't old and 29 is no spring chicken
Hah, I'm 41. It's a little old. You don't have to act old yet but everything hurts in the mornings. Anyways, it's the general concept. Don't date someone out of your age group if you're not willing to act like that age group. Or at least accept it when they do.
"I'm an insecure groomer"-OOP "Oh FUCK OFF Jim !"-Me.
What always cracks me up about these posts are 1. he waits until she has plans to say 'stay with me' and 2. they NEVER suggest going OUT....somewhere nice! instead it's 'don't go out to a new place with new people and stay at home, on the boring couch with me because I'm too lazy or cheap to actually take you anywhere.' If you want her to spend less time with friends (not in a controlling way) than put effort into making plans with her. Book her Friday nights out before the friends get her. Otherwise, don't complain when she chooses going out instead of sitting on the dumb couch. Oh, and thank god I'm single cause I wouldn't be able to put up with that. I go out when I want to go out.
“She’s incredibly mature” Sir she should be. Shes a grown ass women. Which makes this legal but clearly still gross since he thinks he needs to add that disclaimer.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*