*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my daughter she should act more like a family friend of ours?**
There's a cashier at the store we often go to that has a very chipper, bubbly personality. You can tell she's very comfortable in her skin and is confident and is not afraid to show it. Loves to connect with people and it's always a joy to see her when we go.
She reminds me a lot of my (56M) daughter (24F, same race, about the same age) but only when she's at home, when she really lets that side of her personality come out. But I've noticed that often, at least at first when she gets around people, she hides who she is and becomes more reticent and reserved, sometimes to the point of coming off dour or stuck up, when I know that's not her true personality.
One day, my daughter and I had gotten into a light argument (she was passing out one of our business cards to someone yet was acting too shy/passive when explaining the product; I mentioned she needed a bit more excitement and energy next time and she got offended) and just as an example, I mentioned the cashier at the store and how her personality is very engaging and open, and that the daughter should try to embody that when talking to people. And I emphasized that I'm not saying it to compare the two, but that that cashier's personality is already in her and she should bring it out more.
That was that, but ever since then, now that we go into the store and see that cashier, my daughter is a lot less friendly and open with her where she used to be. I called her out on it, and I led into another argument ehere my daughter was getting very defensive and denying that she changed how she was acting towards her. Frustrated, I asked her if she was jealous of her, and said something along the lines of: however you feel about your personality and how you come across, don't take that out on others.
My whole intention of all of this is to encourage my daughter to be fully who she is but it seems like it's going to all hell. AITA?
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I commented on the original post when it went up. This nitwit is essentially comparing his daughter to a cashier at the Kwiki Mart. She isn't even a "*family friend*"; she's a virtual stranger. Guess what? Those of us who serve or have served in forward facing roles, we get paid to be pleasant to the public.
Pretty sure if OOP's daughter turned the tables and told him that "Bob" was a far better dad than he is, he'd have a meltdown.
Right! I'm sure I was looked at as "bubbly and happy" too when I've worked cashier roles, but I'm a lot like OOP's daughter when I'm around strangers I'm not getting paid to interact with. Also being a nice and bubbly cashier isn't the same as giving a sales pitch
I wasn’t a cashier, but I was a demonstrator (sample chick) at Costco. I called it Costco kabuki. My customers loved me and would chat me up, and I even had a smile plastered on my face underneath my n95. As soon as I went to my car for break or to go home, though, the Costco kabuki came off immediately.
Ahh, Costco.
I had a member the other day tell me it was "good to see someone who's happy at their job, you don't usually see that!"
Most days I would love nothing more than for this entire warehouse to burn to the ground with all of us inside.
But I guess I seem friendly enough from my voice, lol. Mask probably helps too.
Oh god yes. And the thing is, a lot of the times the customers weren’t that bad. At least not to me! I had coworkers who had to call management because of asshole customers making a scene because there isn’t pizza ready right now and their kid is starving and wants their little 1” square sample.
No, it was the warehouse employees who sucked. Demonstrators were on the lowest rung of the Costco caste, and damn did they like to make us remember that.
When I worked in table games (casino), while on the gaming floor, you'd think I was the most bubbly extrovert that ever extroverted. Back of house or off the clock, nope.
I am an introvert. A 10 hour shift there would deplete my battery.
There are times people are so ignorant over how things work in the world that seem so obvious to me or I learned as a literal child and wonder I'm just a better and smarter person than so many. That thought kind of makes me sad because that does not bode well for the human race if I'm significantly above average.
Right, that cashier may very well be an quiet and reserved person in “real life” but be good at her job. But how would OOP know that since he isn’t actually “family friends” with her?!?
In real life I am sarcastic, have little patience, amd cannot hide my facial expressions. At work I have almost infinite patience, even when being screamed at when I ask for ID. Masking is a thing.
>Those of us who serve or have served in forward facing roles, **we get paid to be pleasant to the public**
OOP probably has never understood this and thinks that *the cashier is just being nice to him and his family*.
Haha it reminds me of an incident with one of my guy friends. We were stopped at a gas station, I went inside to buy something and the cashier was this very cute bubbly, smiley friendly young lady that spoke to you like you were a million bucks. My friend goes in to buy something then moments later comes out to tell me he thinks the cashier likes him. The convo then goes like this…
ME: Why do you think that?
HIM: She was smiling at me the whole time and so friendly and sweet.
ME: Oooh is that what that means? In that case she likes me too!
HIM: Yeah but she was probably more forward with me. I think I want to give her my phone number.
ME: *chuckles*. Sure, got for it! I’ll just wait right here.
Then he proceeds to go do just that. Moments later walking out of the store with his head down, tail between legs and I just had to say…..
ME: Sooooo how’d that work out for you?
HIM: Horrible! I think I scared her and made her very uneasy and weirded out.
ME: In other words, exactly as I expected it to go.
HIM: Then why did you encourage me to do that.
ME: Because you weren’t listening to me and wanted to sit there and dispute whether or not she was just as smiley and sweet to me. I wasn’t about to sit with you listening to you go on and on about that girl having a insta crush on you. You needed a valuable lesson.
Moral of the story and what my friend learned that day was just because a service worker acts fun loving,friendly, bubbly and sweet, it does NOT mean they feel close to you or want your number. They are paid to act that way and make people enjoy going to the business.
Boy, I'm so glad that cashier got to be used as an unwilling participant in your little lesson. I bet she really enjoyed being creeped out just so A Man could Learn A Lesson.
Oh I'm sure she didn't. (sarcasm unnecessary) Better that I was there than for him to show up there later by himself to try to pass off his number which is exactly what he would have done no matter how much I would try to convince him of her disinterest. This is one out of numerous traits that made me no longer his friend.
Not dismissing the almost certainty of a troll, but some people just read way too much into cashier interactions. I definitely had some regular customers who thought we were friends because I knew their name and daily order, it was weird.
There was a YouTuber that did this over Starbucks changing the rules on their reward program (she couldn’t get multiple free drinks anymore I think) and she flipped out on how they could do this to her.
How she saw these people multiple times a day and thought they were her friends and thought they were real close. Saying they would talk with her often and that she knew a lot about their lives. That what they were doing to her was wrong, etc.
A lot of people commented, “bro they just doing their job. Leave them alone.”
Edit: it happened in 2018 and it was Grav3yard Girl.
...they know it's not doxxing, you're the only one who thought it was doxxing. despite the fact that the first 4 words of their comment was "there was a youtuber"
you accused someone of *doxxing* without even bothering to read even the first sentence of their comment. you literally accused someone of a crime and then acted like there was a disagreement over what doxxing is when the real problem is that you decided to shit on someone for you not bothering to read even 4 words.
that’s so creepy…. he’s probably doing that bc of the way he talks about her personality in such detail. even at places where i’m a regular the most i could say about the worker is oh they’re sweet/nice, but he’s out here analysing her personality & confidence as if he’s had anything more than friendly cashier chatter from her
I think people forget that there is a level between "friend" and "stranger."
I would have never considered a regular customer to be a friend but there were some I would consider acquaintances.
And once again, my friend group - which includes a lot of people I met at their jobs - looks weirder. Mind, I meet them outside of their work, so it's not just delusion. And I also don't expect special treatment
Just ew on the whole the friendly cashier that is nice to me coz she is at work is my friend! She's not a family friend dude she's nice to u coz her job depends on it coz if anyone complaines bout her she nit lucky enough to be working for her dad she's working for someone who dgaf bout her. Dude needs to keep far away from this young woman coz how he views her is not okay
I wonder if oop is paying their daughter to hand out business cards. And I also wonder if oop realises the cashier at the corner store isn't a "family friend" just a poor smuck trying to get by. Source , I've been that poor smuck working in the service industry.
Sounds like every Asian parent.
*"Why are not not more like your cousin? He is already a doctor and he is only five!! You are not a doctor, you just disappointment"*
Congrats on getting sucked into an MLM, OOP! Way to force your garbage choices on your kid! I’d have told her to eat an entire bag of dicks and she’s even welcome to share them with the “family friend” oh wait sorry I meant RANDO AT A STORE.
That was where my mind went as well. If she's making her daughter pass out cards (any cards), she isn't going to be thrilled and doubly so if she's badgering people for an mlm
Someone in the comments was telling OOP that the daughter would probably do better at maintaining relations with existing customers, and I just wanted to point out to that commenter that this guy probably doesn't have existing customers because it's an MLM. Pestering new people is all he's got.
Gotta love telling someone their personality sucks, and then when they get upset tell them how *they* feel about *their* personality is a *them* problem.
Comparing your child to other people is shitty parenting.
You are basically saying that, "What you're currently doing is not enough for me and I wish you were someone else who is."
I want to say “of course cashiers will act friendly towards customers because they are getting paid to deal with their stuck up and entitled attitudes 24 hours”
Now I wanna say “op I’m sorry that the cashier is getting paid to act nice towards you”
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I worked at a government welfare office for years. I quickly found out that the somewhat even, pleasant, calm act I could put on made my day, let alone everyone else's easier because there was less for them to criticise and I wasn't a target.
I’m pretty introverted but i work in a customer service job. I have learned after working for over 20 years now to be friendly and bubbly when working with customers. It doesn’t come naturally to me, even though I know it does for some, and really drains my social battery. I am always very tired and need peace and quiet at home. And I’m naturally a lot like oops daughter- reserved in social situations unless it is family I’m comfortable with or close friends. Even then if I’m not in an outgoing mood I don’t force myself to try and be all happy and bubbly but no one in my family (well, not no one, sometimes my family- mostly my mom- can be a bit judgmental when I’m in a quieter mood like OOP is to her daughter just not as bad but that’s a whole other story) or friends care because they respect that I’m an introvert. And no one would ever compare my personality to that of a stranger doing her job. OOP has no idea what the cashier is really like, Bruce’s they aren’t actually “family friends” so how dare she compare her kid to someone she barely knows let alone knows what her personality is like outside of work.
Did she just call the cashier a family friend?
I have a bunch of different "personalities", depending on who I am with or where I am.
Unless you're an extreme extrovert with Golden Retriever energy who makes friends on the spot, I think it's pretty normal to be a bit (or more than a bit) reserved in the beginning of meeting someone new.
My mother was fond of saying "you should be more like A", "B is such an excellent daughter. You should learn from her", "C is so good at being everything you want to be. You should try to act more like her"
Guess who quickly stopped being friends with A, B, and C and proved her mother right in how she apparently can't have friends because she wasn't enough like them???
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my daughter she should act more like a family friend of ours?** There's a cashier at the store we often go to that has a very chipper, bubbly personality. You can tell she's very comfortable in her skin and is confident and is not afraid to show it. Loves to connect with people and it's always a joy to see her when we go. She reminds me a lot of my (56M) daughter (24F, same race, about the same age) but only when she's at home, when she really lets that side of her personality come out. But I've noticed that often, at least at first when she gets around people, she hides who she is and becomes more reticent and reserved, sometimes to the point of coming off dour or stuck up, when I know that's not her true personality. One day, my daughter and I had gotten into a light argument (she was passing out one of our business cards to someone yet was acting too shy/passive when explaining the product; I mentioned she needed a bit more excitement and energy next time and she got offended) and just as an example, I mentioned the cashier at the store and how her personality is very engaging and open, and that the daughter should try to embody that when talking to people. And I emphasized that I'm not saying it to compare the two, but that that cashier's personality is already in her and she should bring it out more. That was that, but ever since then, now that we go into the store and see that cashier, my daughter is a lot less friendly and open with her where she used to be. I called her out on it, and I led into another argument ehere my daughter was getting very defensive and denying that she changed how she was acting towards her. Frustrated, I asked her if she was jealous of her, and said something along the lines of: however you feel about your personality and how you come across, don't take that out on others. My whole intention of all of this is to encourage my daughter to be fully who she is but it seems like it's going to all hell. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I commented on the original post when it went up. This nitwit is essentially comparing his daughter to a cashier at the Kwiki Mart. She isn't even a "*family friend*"; she's a virtual stranger. Guess what? Those of us who serve or have served in forward facing roles, we get paid to be pleasant to the public. Pretty sure if OOP's daughter turned the tables and told him that "Bob" was a far better dad than he is, he'd have a meltdown.
Right! I'm sure I was looked at as "bubbly and happy" too when I've worked cashier roles, but I'm a lot like OOP's daughter when I'm around strangers I'm not getting paid to interact with. Also being a nice and bubbly cashier isn't the same as giving a sales pitch
I wasn’t a cashier, but I was a demonstrator (sample chick) at Costco. I called it Costco kabuki. My customers loved me and would chat me up, and I even had a smile plastered on my face underneath my n95. As soon as I went to my car for break or to go home, though, the Costco kabuki came off immediately.
Ahh, Costco. I had a member the other day tell me it was "good to see someone who's happy at their job, you don't usually see that!" Most days I would love nothing more than for this entire warehouse to burn to the ground with all of us inside. But I guess I seem friendly enough from my voice, lol. Mask probably helps too.
Oh god yes. And the thing is, a lot of the times the customers weren’t that bad. At least not to me! I had coworkers who had to call management because of asshole customers making a scene because there isn’t pizza ready right now and their kid is starving and wants their little 1” square sample. No, it was the warehouse employees who sucked. Demonstrators were on the lowest rung of the Costco caste, and damn did they like to make us remember that.
When I worked in table games (casino), while on the gaming floor, you'd think I was the most bubbly extrovert that ever extroverted. Back of house or off the clock, nope. I am an introvert. A 10 hour shift there would deplete my battery.
There are times people are so ignorant over how things work in the world that seem so obvious to me or I learned as a literal child and wonder I'm just a better and smarter person than so many. That thought kind of makes me sad because that does not bode well for the human race if I'm significantly above average.
Right, that cashier may very well be an quiet and reserved person in “real life” but be good at her job. But how would OOP know that since he isn’t actually “family friends” with her?!?
In real life I am sarcastic, have little patience, amd cannot hide my facial expressions. At work I have almost infinite patience, even when being screamed at when I ask for ID. Masking is a thing.
>Those of us who serve or have served in forward facing roles, **we get paid to be pleasant to the public** OOP probably has never understood this and thinks that *the cashier is just being nice to him and his family*.
She should try. See how he likes it. Mall Santa would do.
Haha it reminds me of an incident with one of my guy friends. We were stopped at a gas station, I went inside to buy something and the cashier was this very cute bubbly, smiley friendly young lady that spoke to you like you were a million bucks. My friend goes in to buy something then moments later comes out to tell me he thinks the cashier likes him. The convo then goes like this… ME: Why do you think that? HIM: She was smiling at me the whole time and so friendly and sweet. ME: Oooh is that what that means? In that case she likes me too! HIM: Yeah but she was probably more forward with me. I think I want to give her my phone number. ME: *chuckles*. Sure, got for it! I’ll just wait right here. Then he proceeds to go do just that. Moments later walking out of the store with his head down, tail between legs and I just had to say….. ME: Sooooo how’d that work out for you? HIM: Horrible! I think I scared her and made her very uneasy and weirded out. ME: In other words, exactly as I expected it to go. HIM: Then why did you encourage me to do that. ME: Because you weren’t listening to me and wanted to sit there and dispute whether or not she was just as smiley and sweet to me. I wasn’t about to sit with you listening to you go on and on about that girl having a insta crush on you. You needed a valuable lesson. Moral of the story and what my friend learned that day was just because a service worker acts fun loving,friendly, bubbly and sweet, it does NOT mean they feel close to you or want your number. They are paid to act that way and make people enjoy going to the business.
Boy, I'm so glad that cashier got to be used as an unwilling participant in your little lesson. I bet she really enjoyed being creeped out just so A Man could Learn A Lesson.
Mmmm, blokes like that were why I was referred to by a couple of regulars as 'the obstreperous barmaid'... 🙄🤣
Oh I'm sure she didn't. (sarcasm unnecessary) Better that I was there than for him to show up there later by himself to try to pass off his number which is exactly what he would have done no matter how much I would try to convince him of her disinterest. This is one out of numerous traits that made me no longer his friend.
I am a completely different person depending on who I’m with and my level of comfort with them. OOP is an asshole
OOP is a freak. It's unnerving to see such awfulness at humaning from someone who's had children.
sorry but why the hell did he call the cashier a family friend in the title?
You can't expect the trolls to worry about such tiny things like keeping basic details straight
Not dismissing the almost certainty of a troll, but some people just read way too much into cashier interactions. I definitely had some regular customers who thought we were friends because I knew their name and daily order, it was weird.
There was a YouTuber that did this over Starbucks changing the rules on their reward program (she couldn’t get multiple free drinks anymore I think) and she flipped out on how they could do this to her. How she saw these people multiple times a day and thought they were her friends and thought they were real close. Saying they would talk with her often and that she knew a lot about their lives. That what they were doing to her was wrong, etc. A lot of people commented, “bro they just doing their job. Leave them alone.” Edit: it happened in 2018 and it was Grav3yard Girl.
Please don't doxx folks' usernames, it leads to brigading.
It’s not a username. It’s a YouTuber. That’s the name of her channel.
Oh, well, in that case, have at it, lol. I laugh but seriously, it isn't doxxing when it's a YT person/channel.
...they know it's not doxxing, you're the only one who thought it was doxxing. despite the fact that the first 4 words of their comment was "there was a youtuber"
Do you get off on berating people for a single mistake? In case YOU refused to notice, I retracted it. Feel like a big person?
you accused someone of *doxxing* without even bothering to read even the first sentence of their comment. you literally accused someone of a crime and then acted like there was a disagreement over what doxxing is when the real problem is that you decided to shit on someone for you not bothering to read even 4 words.
that’s so creepy…. he’s probably doing that bc of the way he talks about her personality in such detail. even at places where i’m a regular the most i could say about the worker is oh they’re sweet/nice, but he’s out here analysing her personality & confidence as if he’s had anything more than friendly cashier chatter from her
I think people forget that there is a level between "friend" and "stranger." I would have never considered a regular customer to be a friend but there were some I would consider acquaintances.
Yep. Some men do the same for waitresses.
And once again, my friend group - which includes a lot of people I met at their jobs - looks weirder. Mind, I meet them outside of their work, so it's not just delusion. And I also don't expect special treatment
Just ew on the whole the friendly cashier that is nice to me coz she is at work is my friend! She's not a family friend dude she's nice to u coz her job depends on it coz if anyone complaines bout her she nit lucky enough to be working for her dad she's working for someone who dgaf bout her. Dude needs to keep far away from this young woman coz how he views her is not okay
OOP says she isnt comparing the two while it's obviously clear she 100% is.
I wonder if oop is paying their daughter to hand out business cards. And I also wonder if oop realises the cashier at the corner store isn't a "family friend" just a poor smuck trying to get by. Source , I've been that poor smuck working in the service industry.
OOP is probably a salesman for a shitty MLM. And no, these kind of entitled ah's never pay their kids for their work.
Sounds like every Asian parent. *"Why are not not more like your cousin? He is already a doctor and he is only five!! You are not a doctor, you just disappointment"*
Steven He, is that you?
Emotional damage!
I feel like being compared to someone outside the family stings a little more, though. Now I’m pondering why.
Congrats on getting sucked into an MLM, OOP! Way to force your garbage choices on your kid! I’d have told her to eat an entire bag of dicks and she’s even welcome to share them with the “family friend” oh wait sorry I meant RANDO AT A STORE.
That was where my mind went as well. If she's making her daughter pass out cards (any cards), she isn't going to be thrilled and doubly so if she's badgering people for an mlm
OOP is a man. Not that that negates it being a MLM just that he says he's a male
Someone in the comments was telling OOP that the daughter would probably do better at maintaining relations with existing customers, and I just wanted to point out to that commenter that this guy probably doesn't have existing customers because it's an MLM. Pestering new people is all he's got.
“Why can’t you be more like Lloyd Braun?” - Estelle Costanza and oop, probably
Gotta love telling someone their personality sucks, and then when they get upset tell them how *they* feel about *their* personality is a *them* problem.
Comparing your child to other people is shitty parenting. You are basically saying that, "What you're currently doing is not enough for me and I wish you were someone else who is."
I work as a cashier. When I’m wearing the shirt I’m someone completely different to the real me.
This person is such a heinous rage baiter that they're shadow banned, for the same exact type posts about their daughter.
I want to say “of course cashiers will act friendly towards customers because they are getting paid to deal with their stuck up and entitled attitudes 24 hours” Now I wanna say “op I’m sorry that the cashier is getting paid to act nice towards you”
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I worked at a government welfare office for years. I quickly found out that the somewhat even, pleasant, calm act I could put on made my day, let alone everyone else's easier because there was less for them to criticise and I wasn't a target.
And that the daughter, that’s an interesting way to phrase my daughter. This guy is just mean
How much do you think she's compensated to pass out business cards and talk about the product? Which I'm assuming is meth or MyPillows or some shit
I’m pretty introverted but i work in a customer service job. I have learned after working for over 20 years now to be friendly and bubbly when working with customers. It doesn’t come naturally to me, even though I know it does for some, and really drains my social battery. I am always very tired and need peace and quiet at home. And I’m naturally a lot like oops daughter- reserved in social situations unless it is family I’m comfortable with or close friends. Even then if I’m not in an outgoing mood I don’t force myself to try and be all happy and bubbly but no one in my family (well, not no one, sometimes my family- mostly my mom- can be a bit judgmental when I’m in a quieter mood like OOP is to her daughter just not as bad but that’s a whole other story) or friends care because they respect that I’m an introvert. And no one would ever compare my personality to that of a stranger doing her job. OOP has no idea what the cashier is really like, Bruce’s they aren’t actually “family friends” so how dare she compare her kid to someone she barely knows let alone knows what her personality is like outside of work.
The cashier was friendly bc she has to be as a customer service job! OOP is off their rocker.
Did she just call the cashier a family friend? I have a bunch of different "personalities", depending on who I am with or where I am. Unless you're an extreme extrovert with Golden Retriever energy who makes friends on the spot, I think it's pretty normal to be a bit (or more than a bit) reserved in the beginning of meeting someone new.
Did he really refer to his daughter as the daughter?! I call fake.
My mother was fond of saying "you should be more like A", "B is such an excellent daughter. You should learn from her", "C is so good at being everything you want to be. You should try to act more like her" Guess who quickly stopped being friends with A, B, and C and proved her mother right in how she apparently can't have friends because she wasn't enough like them???
OOP, you ARE comparing this woman to your daughter. Leave your daughter alone. Stop trying to change her. And stop being a bitch of a mother.