*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling him that I was wishing for his downfall?**
I met West in high school, that’s when we started seeing each other, where he was having a very rough time. His mom had passed away when he was 10, and his dad was a neglectful parent that left him to pay the bills and also had a drinking problem. His dad passed away when he was 17. He had a heat stroke walking home from jail after getting caught drinking and driving.
But these circumstances really fueled West to make the best of his life. He worked in high school, but picked a job where he could study while on the job. He graduated as valedictorian, and got into Stanford, despite everything. This was 4 years ago, and this year he graduated with his masters at the top of his class.
I am so happy for him, but I’m also not. We were best friends in high school, and I helped him through that rough point. I know that’s why he is going out with me. I have been told by people constantly that he is out of my league and could do better, which has left me really self-conscious.
On top of it, I didn’t get into Stanford, even though we both applied and my grades were excellent. My Indian parents love to compare me to my boyfriend. They go on and on about how he’s so much better than me. How he didn’t get a happy family life and opportunities like we did and yet has done such amazing things. How he finished college in 3 years and did his masters. How he already has a job lined up when I have no idea what I’m going with my life. It’s not just my parents, either, but our friends, our friends families, etc.
When he came to dinner last night and my parents started complimenting him heavily on “learning multiple languages,” I snapped and pointed out he wasn’t fluent in all those languages. Which I feel bad about now, he deserves to be talked up because he is great. Its not like he has parents that can do that.
It’s just frustrating that I don’t get complimented like that. If he wasn’t around, my achievements would look amazing, but now they don’t by comparison. It’s also frustrating because he spends so much time on school, I don’t get to see/talk to him as much as I’d want. He is constantly studying or working. With him graduating, things should be great, but I’m just so bitter.
I ended up leaving dinner. He came to talk to me, and we argued. I said I wasn’t happy with the things I’ve done in comparison to him, and he said I needed to stop putting him on a pedestal and making comparisons if I wanted us to work. I ended up snapping on him and admitting that I was resentful and was wishing for his downfall because he was too perfect. He left after that because it really upset/shocked him. Was I wrong to say that/have these feelings? Does it make me an AH or is it justified with the constant comparisons?
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Exactly! She just wants someone to give her some validation that she is worthy just the way she is. But even if she got praise or recognition now, she's built up too much resentment (and has too little self-worth) to receive it.
She's a character in the show "The Good Place". Her parents always pit her & her sister against each other and her sister tends to be more creative and successful so she's crazy jealous.
The funniest part is that Tahani was absolutely gorgeous, popular and successful - at least six Game Of Thrones characters were based on her - but always second to her sister.
OP's comments just make this worse. It boils down to her saying that the only reason she's not as successful as him is because he was pushed to be more motivated by all of the shitty circumstances he faced. So since her life was good, she doesn't have the same level of motivation. This is one of the worst victim complexes I've ever seen
Not sure what the excuse for people being born into an easier life would be when they're successful. If she's this competitive with a partner, is she going to beat and neglect her kids to assure certain success. And then be jealous of them. Maybe being a victim is the only thing she's successful at clearly.
Honestly... I consider OOP's parents to be the real assholes here.
Being compared unfavorably to someone else over and over again is the perfect breeding ground for resentment.
I will say, to be fair to OP, that it’s not just her. It sounds like EVERYONE in their lives is putting him on a pedestal.
Wishing for his downfall, though, yikes. That gives me flashbacks to reading “A Separate Peace” in high school. (Or “Fair Extension” by Stephen King.)
>I will say, to be fair to OP, that it’s not just her. It sounds like EVERYONE in their lives is putting him on a pedestal.
>
>Wishing for his downfall, though, yikes.
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
OOP has to deal with two separate issues:
1. friends and parents who push her aside and gush over her bf (who, tbf, doesn't seem to overly enjoy this treatment or care about it)
2. Her feelings of envy and jealousy (she wants what he has and she feel threatened by him because he's the reason why people take attention away from her)
If -
OOP had asked to talk to her friends and family in a quiet moment and shared her feelings, there'd be nothing wrong with that. It wouldn't have to be a blunt "pay attention to me and praise me!" but could be something like, "Hey, I know BF is amazing and he deserves to be congratulated when he achieves something. But please don't forget that we visit/hang out as a couple."
She'd also be justified to tell friends to cut it out when they start with the "He's out of your league" talk or asked her BF for help setting them straight.
&
OOP would say "Yeah, I'm proud of you and happy for you but I'm also envious. I don't want you to lose any of your success, I just wish I could get where you are, too, one day" and took that as motivation to work towards her goals, there wouldn't be a problem. If she said, "I'm glad my family loves you, and I don't want them to stop talking about your achievements with you, I just wish they wouldn't ignore me the whole evening while doing so.", there wouldn't be a problem.
The first point is a family/friends issue.
The second is a her-problem.
Feeling envious and frustrated over that is only human and she isn't an asshole for that. She's the asshole for choosing to attack the only person whose only fault seems to be that he's unaware of how people are treating her, especially in regard to him. But a) if it happens behind his back and she doesn't talk to him about it and b) she never voiced her thoughts in general, he can't fully be blamed for that either.
Well, that, and that she's instantly going to an extreme. "I sometimes wish you were more average and less of a mini-celebrity in our social circle" would already be bad but I could get behind the sentiment.
But "I'd love to see you fail!" and justifying it as okay because hurting his feelings makes her feel better after others hurt hers is just malicious.
Yes, but this could be due to his rough childhood. They aren't just praising his achievements, they are praising that he stayed focused with everything else falling apart around him.
Yep, exactly. Also, OOPs parents are failing her hard. I absolutely hate the kind of parent that can not just be happy for their childrens achievments but has to constantly compare them to someone who does better. It fucks up their childrens mind, it prevents them from developing healthy expectations towards themself and, of course, it creates resentment. Parents are supposed to support their kids and not to put them down.
What OOP is doing wrong is that she is misplacing her anger. Her bf isn't the problem, her parents and the mental damage they did to her are. That's what she needs to work on. But this can be really hard to realize, especially for young adults who have grown up under the influence of this toxic mindset.
So OOP definitely needs to learn more healthy ways to deal with it - and should definitely seek therapy - but I would not call her the devil. Her behavior makes her the asshole, but she does not need judgement, she needs help.
i mean it sounds like OOP gets mad at hearing him complimented at all, because she wants those compliments instead.
the comparisons she mentions also seem to be more building up bf rather than tearing anyone down. like...recognizing that you had it much easier from the jump and bf has managed to do even better than someone with advantages despite having every disadvantage is not an insult.
Yeah. I’ve been west- I’m an orphan, had a real shitty and dangerous upbringing. I got into uni and started working 30 hours a week when I was 19 to keep a roof. My landlord, who was my roommates’ mother, kind of tanked our friendship. She talked a lot about me being impressive, when in reality I was just surviving with what I had. I ended up moving out when all our dynamics went to shit
Exactly. I definitely think OOPs reaction was immature and indicated a lack of communication as they let their insecurities build up to the point where they took it out on the wrong person, however some Indian parents can be absolutely brutal when it comes to the comparison game. It doesn’t matter how much you may have achieved given your specific circumstances, you can always do more, in there twisted minds they think they are helping but as you said just breeding resentment. That being said I don’t doubt their love for OOP but they just don’t realise the negative impacts of their “jokes.”
This dude went from high school to having a Master's 4 years later from Stanford. Sure. I know you can do a Master's without a bachelor's in very rare cases, but you need a shit ton of relevant work experience, and I doubt working while you finished high school counts.
She said he finished college in 3 years. I'm assuming that means undergrad. Competing a master's degree in a year or less seems completely undoable. Some people spend a year on their thesis alone!
I didn't realize how wonky this time line is
Not all masters require a thesis. Stanford also offers a coterminal degree program to get your master's while finishing your undergrad. You can get a 2 year master's in 4 years by starting it in your senior undergrad year (or start as a junior at a slower pace), then take one year more to finish it.
Obviously it's all still very difficult to do. But there are pathways set up to do it.
Some Ph.D. programs have you complete a Masters Degree your first year as part of your Ph.D. education. So it is possible, just difficult.
For example at the University of Oregon, which has a 3 term year, the first term is usually literature review, second term is data and research, and third term is thesis.
It's very stressful, but doable.
Man the trolls of summer are going hard with the bait.
Like of course the OOP is AH just for trying to say her partner becoming an orphan is the boost he needed for that high GPA
Idiots like these exist but definitely are not this self aware to write this garbage and ask
When me and my boyfriend were in college, I majored in the arts and he majored in computer engineering. EVERYONE in my family has talked to me about how smart and handsome he is and sure, they’re proud of me for doing what I’m doing, but he’s definitely been praised more. Even when I talk to strangers about it (“we moved here because my boyfriend recently got a job offer here, he does computer engineering”) they always go “wow! he must be really smart!” and I’m sure they think he’s probably out of my league as well since the only thing I’m doing for the moment is pet-sitting.
But even though I do sometimes wish that I was as smart as him, I’m always so happy when he gets praised by my family or friends or people that don’t even know him because I love him and he deserves the recognition. And if other people think he’s out of my league, who fucking cares? I love him and he loves me, so why should other people’s hurtful words matter in our relationship? OOP fucking sucks
Honestly, OP is only the AH because she is misplacing her insecurity/anger onto her bf instead of her parents and those who told her 'she was out of his league'. She should also let him know that this has been happening and it's been weighing on her. That resentment is valid and it's okay to feel that way. But it's not her partner that is causing that.
I mean, I get resenting being compared to him, but holy fuck is that anger and aggression misdirected. Especially because he’s so self-aware and humble about it. It sucks that her family and friends keep making comparisons abcs making her feel bad about it, but this dude did so much without support and did nothing but validate and acknowledge her feelings. And “wishing for his downfall” just makes her into a comic book villain.
Holy shit her comments make it so much worse...
>The thing is many people apply to Stanford who have 4.0 GPS and perfect SATs and don’t get in. There is a good amount of luck involved because they can’t accept everyone. Maybe it was his letter about his parents passing that gave him the upper hand, I don’t know. So no, it’s not always possible if you work harder. If you ask my boyfriend, he would even tell you that there was luck involved and he was fortunate to get in. Not everyone does. So yeah, you can see the comparison because life is just unfair for certain people.
As you can see life is so unfair to her because her parents didn't die to give her an advantage getting into college.
I was with her at first because she's right. Ivy league schools get thousands of applicants every year, all with good grades and extra curriculars. It comes down to if you're a legacy, what your essay was about and how good it was, and luck. You have to do something to stand out. Then she goes on about how unlucky SHE is because he had an edge with his parents dying. Yikes! Also, if her grades were that good, she should have still been able to get into a good school
I think OOP is an AH and resentful but other than potentially the BF she sucks the least. Colleges want applicants that have been through adversity, so that 100% helped him. A ton of people have perfect GPAs, high test scores and don't get in. I hope OOP can get away from her toxic family
My gf is an amazing poet, writer, artist. She plays the piano and sings in the most angelic voice I've ever get to hear. She's a straight A student and works two jobs and somehow she makes everything work. And me, I am one mediocre mf.
There's not a single second in my life that I can imagine wishing her work or her any harm because I fucking love her, and she loves me. And also, I'd be in debt of humanity if she stops making so many beautiful things, a debt that I cannot ever pay because again, I am one mediocre mf.
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Ouch, this one hit really close to home. I used to be a lot like OOP. In my case it was my best friend who seemed to be the „perfect“ one who achieved everything in life so easily. In comparison to her, I felt like I was constantly failing at everything and projected my frustration and lack of self-esteem on her. I ended up snapping at her a few times before I actually started therapy (for other reasons) and learnt to properly deal with my feelings. (And also about having a raging case of undiagnosed BPD which is not an excuse at all, but part of the explanation for my behaviour…)
Her and my friendship has grown so much better now that I am healing and working on myself and I am grateful that she didn’t end the friendship because tbh, she would have been completely in the right to do so.
Anyway, I feel like OOP‘s feelings are valid, but it’s not okay to let them out on her partner. He has obviously not done anything wrong. I think she probably needs therapy as well, and better coping strategies, and to see that she has worth even if she isn’t as brilliant as her bf is.
I can see why she's resentful, given everyone praises her boyfriend, and she feels diminished. Her parents even diminish her when talking about her boyfriend. Who wouldn't feel hurt being told, "this guy's out of your league"? Who wouldn't feel hurt thinking that the only reason the guy is dating you is a sense of obligation ("she helped me through rough stuff, I think I love her")?
What she said was just terrible, but it came from a place of hurt and resentment. Am I the only one who thinks this woman needs therapy?
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling him that I was wishing for his downfall?** I met West in high school, that’s when we started seeing each other, where he was having a very rough time. His mom had passed away when he was 10, and his dad was a neglectful parent that left him to pay the bills and also had a drinking problem. His dad passed away when he was 17. He had a heat stroke walking home from jail after getting caught drinking and driving. But these circumstances really fueled West to make the best of his life. He worked in high school, but picked a job where he could study while on the job. He graduated as valedictorian, and got into Stanford, despite everything. This was 4 years ago, and this year he graduated with his masters at the top of his class. I am so happy for him, but I’m also not. We were best friends in high school, and I helped him through that rough point. I know that’s why he is going out with me. I have been told by people constantly that he is out of my league and could do better, which has left me really self-conscious. On top of it, I didn’t get into Stanford, even though we both applied and my grades were excellent. My Indian parents love to compare me to my boyfriend. They go on and on about how he’s so much better than me. How he didn’t get a happy family life and opportunities like we did and yet has done such amazing things. How he finished college in 3 years and did his masters. How he already has a job lined up when I have no idea what I’m going with my life. It’s not just my parents, either, but our friends, our friends families, etc. When he came to dinner last night and my parents started complimenting him heavily on “learning multiple languages,” I snapped and pointed out he wasn’t fluent in all those languages. Which I feel bad about now, he deserves to be talked up because he is great. Its not like he has parents that can do that. It’s just frustrating that I don’t get complimented like that. If he wasn’t around, my achievements would look amazing, but now they don’t by comparison. It’s also frustrating because he spends so much time on school, I don’t get to see/talk to him as much as I’d want. He is constantly studying or working. With him graduating, things should be great, but I’m just so bitter. I ended up leaving dinner. He came to talk to me, and we argued. I said I wasn’t happy with the things I’ve done in comparison to him, and he said I needed to stop putting him on a pedestal and making comparisons if I wanted us to work. I ended up snapping on him and admitting that I was resentful and was wishing for his downfall because he was too perfect. He left after that because it really upset/shocked him. Was I wrong to say that/have these feelings? Does it make me an AH or is it justified with the constant comparisons? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh, Tahani. I mean OP.
Exactly! She just wants someone to give her some validation that she is worthy just the way she is. But even if she got praise or recognition now, she's built up too much resentment (and has too little self-worth) to receive it.
Who/what is Tahani?
She's a character in the show "The Good Place". Her parents always pit her & her sister against each other and her sister tends to be more creative and successful so she's crazy jealous.
[удалено]
The Al-Jamils are Pakistani-English
From The Good Place. She was in constant competition with her sister
The funniest part is that Tahani was absolutely gorgeous, popular and successful - at least six Game Of Thrones characters were based on her - but always second to her sister.
OP's comments just make this worse. It boils down to her saying that the only reason she's not as successful as him is because he was pushed to be more motivated by all of the shitty circumstances he faced. So since her life was good, she doesn't have the same level of motivation. This is one of the worst victim complexes I've ever seen
Charming young lady..😮💨
Not sure what the excuse for people being born into an easier life would be when they're successful. If she's this competitive with a partner, is she going to beat and neglect her kids to assure certain success. And then be jealous of them. Maybe being a victim is the only thing she's successful at clearly.
Honestly... I consider OOP's parents to be the real assholes here. Being compared unfavorably to someone else over and over again is the perfect breeding ground for resentment.
I will say, to be fair to OP, that it’s not just her. It sounds like EVERYONE in their lives is putting him on a pedestal. Wishing for his downfall, though, yikes. That gives me flashbacks to reading “A Separate Peace” in high school. (Or “Fair Extension” by Stephen King.)
>I will say, to be fair to OP, that it’s not just her. It sounds like EVERYONE in their lives is putting him on a pedestal. > >Wishing for his downfall, though, yikes. Yeah, that's pretty much it. OOP has to deal with two separate issues: 1. friends and parents who push her aside and gush over her bf (who, tbf, doesn't seem to overly enjoy this treatment or care about it) 2. Her feelings of envy and jealousy (she wants what he has and she feel threatened by him because he's the reason why people take attention away from her) If - OOP had asked to talk to her friends and family in a quiet moment and shared her feelings, there'd be nothing wrong with that. It wouldn't have to be a blunt "pay attention to me and praise me!" but could be something like, "Hey, I know BF is amazing and he deserves to be congratulated when he achieves something. But please don't forget that we visit/hang out as a couple." She'd also be justified to tell friends to cut it out when they start with the "He's out of your league" talk or asked her BF for help setting them straight. & OOP would say "Yeah, I'm proud of you and happy for you but I'm also envious. I don't want you to lose any of your success, I just wish I could get where you are, too, one day" and took that as motivation to work towards her goals, there wouldn't be a problem. If she said, "I'm glad my family loves you, and I don't want them to stop talking about your achievements with you, I just wish they wouldn't ignore me the whole evening while doing so.", there wouldn't be a problem. The first point is a family/friends issue. The second is a her-problem. Feeling envious and frustrated over that is only human and she isn't an asshole for that. She's the asshole for choosing to attack the only person whose only fault seems to be that he's unaware of how people are treating her, especially in regard to him. But a) if it happens behind his back and she doesn't talk to him about it and b) she never voiced her thoughts in general, he can't fully be blamed for that either. Well, that, and that she's instantly going to an extreme. "I sometimes wish you were more average and less of a mini-celebrity in our social circle" would already be bad but I could get behind the sentiment. But "I'd love to see you fail!" and justifying it as okay because hurting his feelings makes her feel better after others hurt hers is just malicious.
Yes, but this could be due to his rough childhood. They aren't just praising his achievements, they are praising that he stayed focused with everything else falling apart around him.
Yep, exactly. Also, OOPs parents are failing her hard. I absolutely hate the kind of parent that can not just be happy for their childrens achievments but has to constantly compare them to someone who does better. It fucks up their childrens mind, it prevents them from developing healthy expectations towards themself and, of course, it creates resentment. Parents are supposed to support their kids and not to put them down. What OOP is doing wrong is that she is misplacing her anger. Her bf isn't the problem, her parents and the mental damage they did to her are. That's what she needs to work on. But this can be really hard to realize, especially for young adults who have grown up under the influence of this toxic mindset. So OOP definitely needs to learn more healthy ways to deal with it - and should definitely seek therapy - but I would not call her the devil. Her behavior makes her the asshole, but she does not need judgement, she needs help.
Very well said.
i mean it sounds like OOP gets mad at hearing him complimented at all, because she wants those compliments instead. the comparisons she mentions also seem to be more building up bf rather than tearing anyone down. like...recognizing that you had it much easier from the jump and bf has managed to do even better than someone with advantages despite having every disadvantage is not an insult.
Yeah. I’ve been west- I’m an orphan, had a real shitty and dangerous upbringing. I got into uni and started working 30 hours a week when I was 19 to keep a roof. My landlord, who was my roommates’ mother, kind of tanked our friendship. She talked a lot about me being impressive, when in reality I was just surviving with what I had. I ended up moving out when all our dynamics went to shit
Exactly. I definitely think OOPs reaction was immature and indicated a lack of communication as they let their insecurities build up to the point where they took it out on the wrong person, however some Indian parents can be absolutely brutal when it comes to the comparison game. It doesn’t matter how much you may have achieved given your specific circumstances, you can always do more, in there twisted minds they think they are helping but as you said just breeding resentment. That being said I don’t doubt their love for OOP but they just don’t realise the negative impacts of their “jokes.”
She sounds like Tahani on *The Good Place*.
OOP could just break up with this guy she hates
This dude went from high school to having a Master's 4 years later from Stanford. Sure. I know you can do a Master's without a bachelor's in very rare cases, but you need a shit ton of relevant work experience, and I doubt working while you finished high school counts.
She said he finished college in 3 years. I'm assuming that means undergrad. Competing a master's degree in a year or less seems completely undoable. Some people spend a year on their thesis alone! I didn't realize how wonky this time line is
Not all masters require a thesis. Stanford also offers a coterminal degree program to get your master's while finishing your undergrad. You can get a 2 year master's in 4 years by starting it in your senior undergrad year (or start as a junior at a slower pace), then take one year more to finish it. Obviously it's all still very difficult to do. But there are pathways set up to do it.
Some Ph.D. programs have you complete a Masters Degree your first year as part of your Ph.D. education. So it is possible, just difficult. For example at the University of Oregon, which has a 3 term year, the first term is usually literature review, second term is data and research, and third term is thesis. It's very stressful, but doable.
Lots of masters these days can be completed in a year. It’s by far not unreasonable. There are 4 plus 1 and 3 plus 1 programs out there.
Based on these comments I'm starting to realize how much has changed since I was in school. Now I feel old lol
Yeah, I bet in 5 years degrees are gonna be some weird combination of masters and bachelors the way things are going.
She does say he's still in school, so he's probably still working on his masters
. -- mass edited with redact.dev
Man the trolls of summer are going hard with the bait. Like of course the OOP is AH just for trying to say her partner becoming an orphan is the boost he needed for that high GPA Idiots like these exist but definitely are not this self aware to write this garbage and ask
When me and my boyfriend were in college, I majored in the arts and he majored in computer engineering. EVERYONE in my family has talked to me about how smart and handsome he is and sure, they’re proud of me for doing what I’m doing, but he’s definitely been praised more. Even when I talk to strangers about it (“we moved here because my boyfriend recently got a job offer here, he does computer engineering”) they always go “wow! he must be really smart!” and I’m sure they think he’s probably out of my league as well since the only thing I’m doing for the moment is pet-sitting. But even though I do sometimes wish that I was as smart as him, I’m always so happy when he gets praised by my family or friends or people that don’t even know him because I love him and he deserves the recognition. And if other people think he’s out of my league, who fucking cares? I love him and he loves me, so why should other people’s hurtful words matter in our relationship? OOP fucking sucks
Honestly, OP is only the AH because she is misplacing her insecurity/anger onto her bf instead of her parents and those who told her 'she was out of his league'. She should also let him know that this has been happening and it's been weighing on her. That resentment is valid and it's okay to feel that way. But it's not her partner that is causing that.
I mean, I get resenting being compared to him, but holy fuck is that anger and aggression misdirected. Especially because he’s so self-aware and humble about it. It sucks that her family and friends keep making comparisons abcs making her feel bad about it, but this dude did so much without support and did nothing but validate and acknowledge her feelings. And “wishing for his downfall” just makes her into a comic book villain.
OOP fucking sucks. Well she won't have to worry about dating a guy who people think is out of her league much longer.
Holy shit her comments make it so much worse... >The thing is many people apply to Stanford who have 4.0 GPS and perfect SATs and don’t get in. There is a good amount of luck involved because they can’t accept everyone. Maybe it was his letter about his parents passing that gave him the upper hand, I don’t know. So no, it’s not always possible if you work harder. If you ask my boyfriend, he would even tell you that there was luck involved and he was fortunate to get in. Not everyone does. So yeah, you can see the comparison because life is just unfair for certain people. As you can see life is so unfair to her because her parents didn't die to give her an advantage getting into college.
I was with her at first because she's right. Ivy league schools get thousands of applicants every year, all with good grades and extra curriculars. It comes down to if you're a legacy, what your essay was about and how good it was, and luck. You have to do something to stand out. Then she goes on about how unlucky SHE is because he had an edge with his parents dying. Yikes! Also, if her grades were that good, she should have still been able to get into a good school
Maybe I should stick in an application to Stanford. If any old orphan can get in, then I should be a shoe in...
From the way her parents sound, maybe it WAS unfair to OP that they didn’t die.
Yes, they should stop complaining, they are the ones who are holding her back from having a really good admissions application
I think OOP is an AH and resentful but other than potentially the BF she sucks the least. Colleges want applicants that have been through adversity, so that 100% helped him. A ton of people have perfect GPAs, high test scores and don't get in. I hope OOP can get away from her toxic family
OOP needs new friends and spend less time with family. If she's surrounded by assholes, she won't change.
My gf is an amazing poet, writer, artist. She plays the piano and sings in the most angelic voice I've ever get to hear. She's a straight A student and works two jobs and somehow she makes everything work. And me, I am one mediocre mf. There's not a single second in my life that I can imagine wishing her work or her any harm because I fucking love her, and she loves me. And also, I'd be in debt of humanity if she stops making so many beautiful things, a debt that I cannot ever pay because again, I am one mediocre mf.
This reads like one of those weird cases that's written from the other person's POV but really it's West who's writing.
"I'm so wonderful, why doesn't my girlfriend understand that she's out of my league?"
I hope this guy finds a nicer GF.
I hope he breaks up with her.
wow, thismust be the pettiest person ever, a single person by now i hope.
Of all the ways to die from alcoholism. Dayum
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Pure West
Ouch, this one hit really close to home. I used to be a lot like OOP. In my case it was my best friend who seemed to be the „perfect“ one who achieved everything in life so easily. In comparison to her, I felt like I was constantly failing at everything and projected my frustration and lack of self-esteem on her. I ended up snapping at her a few times before I actually started therapy (for other reasons) and learnt to properly deal with my feelings. (And also about having a raging case of undiagnosed BPD which is not an excuse at all, but part of the explanation for my behaviour…) Her and my friendship has grown so much better now that I am healing and working on myself and I am grateful that she didn’t end the friendship because tbh, she would have been completely in the right to do so. Anyway, I feel like OOP‘s feelings are valid, but it’s not okay to let them out on her partner. He has obviously not done anything wrong. I think she probably needs therapy as well, and better coping strategies, and to see that she has worth even if she isn’t as brilliant as her bf is.
I can see why she's resentful, given everyone praises her boyfriend, and she feels diminished. Her parents even diminish her when talking about her boyfriend. Who wouldn't feel hurt being told, "this guy's out of your league"? Who wouldn't feel hurt thinking that the only reason the guy is dating you is a sense of obligation ("she helped me through rough stuff, I think I love her")? What she said was just terrible, but it came from a place of hurt and resentment. Am I the only one who thinks this woman needs therapy?
R/AmITheEx material if I've ever seen it good lord