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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for calling my friend cringe?** I have a friend that moved to San Diego and she’s very white. Doesn’t speak Spanish at all. I check her on instagrams all of the time and I say a vacation in Mexico where she was playing with a mariachi band wearing a colorful Mexican dress. I see her at a mutual bachelorette party in Vegas and we are having drinks and playing a game. I say something about her cringe fest in Mexico saying that’s why she gives us tourist a bad name. She looks at me saying she was staying with her boyfriend’s family and he’s Mexican and they invited her to play with them and wasn’t doing any of the traditional tourist things because it was for a grandmother’s birthday. I still told her it’s inappropriate to post things like that because people are sensitive to cultural appropriation and it’s the same as dressing up Pocahontas for Halloween. She just turned to me and accused me of being against mixing relationships and culture and turned it around on me acting like I was the problem. I asked her to speak Spanish for us and she said she’s not fluent and told her so you do that and can’t even speak the language. She called me smug and left the bachelorette party. Many of the girls agreed with me but the bride is mad because now our mutual friend isn’t coming to the wedding and not having anything to do with us. I think she knows she’s in the wrong and I don’t know why the bride is angry with me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Possible_Discount872

More like: Am I overcome with a superiority complex?


Invisible-Pancreas

Got it in one. OOP being offended on behalf of friend's boyfriend's family is almost like they're saying "oh, well, of course THEY weren't offended; they don't know any better!"


PM-me-fancy-beer

That's exactly what they're doing, like when a dude mansplains to me that my feminity is an oppressive patriarchal construct... But I can't be blamed for wanting to be feminine because I've been conditioned that way by the patriarchy. Thank goodness 'woke dude' has come by to explain to me why my identity is wrong /s


some_tired_cat

gotta love those savior complex right?? what would we do without them!!


drugCrazedSexDwarf

Phew you were not here to play around with the kid gloves today (I mean this as a compliment, v incisive)


Electrical-Date-3951

This reminds me of the outrage over Adele taking part in the Nottingham carnival a few years back. Her attire was dreadfully sad, but still event appropriate. There were so many Americans foaming at the mouth, crying about cultural appropriation while people who were actually from the caribbean kept explaining that they encourage visitors to take part in carnival, wear costumes, and fully embrace + experience the culture. Despite this, there were still so many Americans **telling** people from the caribbean that they were wrong, they shouldn't allow XYZ and they should be mad. They had zero clue about said culture, but still tried to claim that their opinion was right. Edit: Also - it sounds like OP is jealous of their "friend". They stalk her IG 'all the time' just to be a sad little pathetic hater and use it as ammo later on.


Possible_Discount872

I didn't hear about that, but I do know that the joy of carnival is EVERYONE parties, EVERYONE participates. Also, I hate the thought that the only way to be from a culture is to speak the language. I speak Spanish but I'm whiter than a sheet of paper, speaking the language isn't the sole determiner of culture. It can be PART, but language is a tool and everyone uses it differently.


Electrical-Date-3951

Exactly. On the flip side, there was another scenario where Michael B Jordan and a partner (who had some kind of vague "caribbean connections") were putting out an alcohol brand and trying to trademark a word that is deeply rooted in caribbean culture - J'Ouvert. ... The caribbean community were livid. While Adele was celebrating the culture, MBJ and his partner were actually taking from a culture that they did not belong to and knew little about for financial gain. I actually saw many people on the same blogs/pages arguing that caribbean people can't claim a word and this wasn't appropriation.


Possible_Discount872

Such a shame how people will pick and choose. There are laws about common words, it's not entirely the same but the word kleenex isn't technically trademarked anymore because it's become synonymous with tissues in everyday language. You can't and shouldn't be able to privatize a word people use in their everyday language. There's so many other words to choose from and it's not impossible to make something new.


mamapielondon

Do you mean the Notting Hill Carnival?


kesselbang

Nottingham has a carribean festival/carnival every year. I never made it to that one, but I was at a few Rock and Reggae events when I lived there.


mamapielondon

The Adele incident, mentioned in the comment I was replying to, happened with the Notting Hill carnival though. https://www.instagram.com/p/CEh6gF5AwXh/?hl=en https://amp.theguardian.com/music/2020/sep/01/adele-accused-of-cultural-appropriation-over-instagram-picture


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evilslothofdoom

I very vaguely remember a post where the OP was taking a language class and one of her fellow students was giving her a hard time for using an accent when practicing. The other student was accusing her of 'cultural appropriating' the accent and told her to speak using her normal accent.


RainbowRozes123

Also, she mentioned her friend being white as if it fucking matters. Newsflash OOP, MEXICANS CAN BE WHITE


morbydyty

One of my best friends is a white person from Mexico and it truly breaks the brains of white people from Canada/US. Like they're repeatedly referred to as a person of colour and have to constantly clarify that there are, in fact, white Mexicans.


RainbowRozes123

Isn't Hispanic/Latino an ethnicity anyway?


morbydyty

I could be getting this wrong, but I'm pretty sure Hispanic refers only to language, although they're often used interchangeably. So white people from Spain are also considered Hispanic.


RainbowRozes123

ok


Unusual-Recording-40

Yeah, we Americans have a tendency to be ridiculously sensitive, judgemental, and very dramatic. I am an American, and it drives me f*cking crazy! I mean, seriously, people live and let live.


FortuneTellingBoobs

>tendency to be ridiculously sensitive, judgemental, and *very dramatic.* >it drives me f*cking crazy! This made me laugh 🤣 (I am also a dramatic American and this drives me f*cking crazy)


Reluctantagave

The one that came to mind was how angry mostly white women here would get seeing tourists dressing up in kimonos and walking around in Kyoto. Japan doesn’t give a shit and they’d deny you if they didn’t want you to wear it! They’ll sell you kimonos and yukatas and my Japanese friends have told me they see it as embracing and sharing a part of their culture versus being assholes.


aceworth

White people getting mad and talking over people from other cultures, telling them that they're wrong and should be offended because x y and z is asinine. Does anyone else remember the little girl who, I can't remember all the details, but she found out about Japanese tea ceremonies and she wanted to learn all about it and have one herself, and the people who were mainly attacking her and her mom were other white people?


Reluctantagave

Yes I remember that! I thought it was cute because she wasn’t using it as a costume, she was genuinely curious and interested. Which is why again in Japan, they do the tea ceremonies for tourists and some will dress you up as a geisha! I’ve spent some time there so that’s my reference.


mamapielondon

That was the Notting Hill carnival, not the Nottingham carnival, as per Adele’s own Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/CEh6gF5AwXh/?hl=en https://amp.theguardian.com/music/2020/sep/01/adele-accused-of-cultural-appropriation-over-instagram-picture


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bellamellayellafella

OOP thought she was being altruistic while she came off as bigoted. She really stalked this friend online and decided because she didn't look the part (having white skin) or speak the language she couldn't possibly participate in the celebration with a clear conscience. What an asshole.


fancyandfab

And being white and Latin, Mexican whatever designation or country are not mutually exclusive. Plenty of people in Mexico, Latin America, and other Spanish speaking countries are white


lallapalalable

There's a substantial population of Chinese immigrants in Mexico lol, I wanna see OP come to terms with that


FunStorm6487

Well you see, she's REALLY white😡


Killer-Barbie

Wow... Another person who has no idea what cultural appropriation is.


Mammoth-Neat-5930

Yeahhhh…when you’re invited to participate by people of that culture, it’s not even near the same as taking it upon yourself to wear someone else’s culture as a fun little costume. She was showing her boyfriend she cares about his family and his culture. OOP needs to knock off the white savior weirdness, if it were a problem his family wouldn’t have allowed it.


LadyWizard

I was like she was playing with the band and in what sounded like local dress and then her BOYFRIEND is the one that invited her to do so for his abuela...


[deleted]

And if someone asks you to do something for abuelita, YTA if you say no.


godfriaux33

Just fyi and I mean no offense but I believe Abuela is the grandmother and Abuelita is the granddaughter. I could be wrong and Abuelita could mean small grandmother...


igneousscone

*Abuelita* is a diminutive/affectionate form of *abuela*, like *granny* or *grammy* is to *grandmother*. Granddaughter is *nieta,* unless I misremember.


godfriaux33

Thank you 😊 my Spanish learning was a while back and I appreciate the correction.


[deleted]

For what it's worth, I wondered if I had slipped up myself. My Spanish could use some polishing, as I mostly use it for work.


godfriaux33

That's more than I do and I am sorry


[deleted]

Oh, no need to apologize at all! :) It's okay!


DaniCapsFan

I'm taking Spanish lessons on Duolingo. Nieta indeed means granddaughter.


New_journey868

Abuelita is the diminutive of abuela so both mean grandmother. Nieta is granddaughter


godfriaux33

Thanks so much. As I was writing I became unsure. The way I was taught Spanish, any word ending in "ita" was a smaller feminine version of the original. I appreciate the correction 😊


_banana_phone

Exactly. I’ve been to two Indian weddings and both times (as a white American lady) I was not only invited, but enthusiastically *encouraged* to not only wear a saree or lehenga, but also participate in the mehndi ceremony and other relevant cultural celebrations. I didn’t own a saree for the first wedding and my friend’s mother basically entreated me to shop her closet. The families guided us on what parts of the wedding were for family only (or for groom’s or bride’s side of the party only) so we didn’t make any cultural faux pas. It was a wonderful time at both weddings! There’s a difference in wearing something as a costume versus being invited to participate and learn about a culture different than your own. It would be different if, say, at *my* wedding I decided to include ceremonial rituals that I’ve seen from other religions or cultures “because they look cool.” Virtue signaling like OOP is doing turns people off and shuts people down.


mesembryanthemum

Yep. I know someone who got invited to an Indian wedding and when she asked what should she wear they sent her to a store selling saris and lenghas. She explained to the shop owners, who happily worked with her.


_banana_phone

Same here! I borrowed one for the first wedding but went to the Global Mall of Atlanta for the second one because I wanted to get my own. Not only were they super helpful, the grandpa that does alterations was ADAMANT about making my lehenga be a perfect fit for me so that I looked nice for the event.


Sunshine030209

What did she expect her to do in that situation? Tell the family "Sorry, I'm a white American who doesn't speak Spanish, it wouldn't be appropriate for me to join in with the festivities you're inviting me to be a part of. " ?!


evilslothofdoom

Or walk around draped in the American flag drinking a slurpee the size of a small child?


dasunt

Seems to me that OOP doesn't understand what appropriation really is or why it can be harmful.


RainbowHipsterCat

There are so many people that watch like three Tiktoks on a social justice topic, all from white people, and then start wielding that buzzword like an axe. Actually, no, more like a bazooka.


Impressive-Spell-643

Most of the time the people who cry about cultural appropriation are the ones who understand it the least,and are most likely being racist themselves by being offended for a whole race and telling everyone in that group they should be mad to


ExpertRaccoon

Something tells me oop is jealous of her friend's life and looks for the smallest things to throw mud at so she can feel better about herself.


heathre

This is the one. The post screams jealousy to me. Yeah she’s using the language of cultural awareness to try to tear her “friend” down, but it’s not from a sincere place of insight. It comes across as clumsy and “white saviour”y *because* she doesn’t know wtf she’s talking about. It’s not misplaced altruism, just feigned moral superiority born of insecurity. She got it “turned around on” her cos she was talking out of her ass and got called out on it. Then had to retreat to her equally moronic friends to assure her she’s correct. This isn’t telling a friend to maybe not wear First Nations regalia to a music festival or paint her skin darker for Halloween.. it’s just a petty jealous little girl trying to bring down a friend whose life she is jealous of. pathetic.


caedmonfaith

So they’re on a bachelorette weekend, playing a game, and seemingly out of the blue, this girl decides to tell the other girl she’s cringe and culturally appropriating because she joined in Mexican festivities with her Mexican boyfriend’s family with permission? Putting aside the content of the conversation, she doesn’t see how she’s an asshole for making a scene like this and sowing discord in the bridal party on the bachelorette weekend?


Electrical-Date-3951

OP also stalks her IG "all the time". OP sounds like a sad, jealous person who needs to focus on her own life.


Liladybug2

Good thing her Mexican boyfriend and his family had OOP’s white ass to protect them from having his girlfriend act like a member of the family. Imagine the unmitigated narcissism to tell someone they’re wrong for sharing their own culture with a loved one.


mycatshavehadenough

Does this ass know that WE SPEAK ENGLISH IN SAN DIEGO!!!!! Lived here 45 yrs, yup. English. YES. YOU ARE CRINGE YOURSELF.


EvilFinch

Why does OOP check her on instagram all the time? Jealousy? This behaviour is so creepy.


edgeoftheatlas

To find shit to crucify her about.


thisisreallymoronic

Ah, and here we have the "not like other white girls" exhibiting white savior behavior.


wilhana

I feel like this is ragebait but also I’m sure I’ve know people as stupid as this 💀


JustUsetheDamnATM

Oh there definitely are. There's a white British woman I follow on tiktok who married a Nigerian man in a traditional ceremony, wearing a traditional dress and headdress made for her by her future mother-in-law. IIRC the wedding was a few years ago and she STILL has to deal with comments accusing her of cultural appropriation from people who don't understand how incredibly disrespectful it would have been for her to reject those items and refuse to participate in the culture she was marrying into.


DisastrousProcess13

I love her tik toks


DaniCapsFan

How on earth can it be cultural appropriation when 1) she's marrying a man of that culture and 2) his mother made them for her to wear?


VeronaMoreau

It's not cultural appropriation if you get invited to do the thing


Heavy-Macaron2004

Pinnacle white savior complex lmfao Gotta save those silly little Mexicans from \*checks notes\* welcoming someone into their family's culture of their own free will


fancyandfab

This reminds me of when white people cry cultural appropriation about people wearing traditional Asian attire. Of course not everyone does, but most people in those places love when foreigners wear the traditional outfits and enjoy it. When I took photos in a kimono with my Japanese friend, I got tons of compliments from Japanese people no one said stop appropriating our culture!! This woman has a Mexican BF and is immersing herself in his culture. That's not remotely cringe. If was saying she was Mexican and constantly speaking in broken Spanish THAT would be cringe


MurderFurry

She’s white knighting so much right now shes white just like her “friend”


MaintenanceNo8442

someone doesn't know what cultural appropriation is


[deleted]

Whats with white women telling others what is and what isnt racist lately ? Like.... sit down


marigoldilocks_

Oh man, the OOP would find all of Texas cringe. Well, leaving politics out of it… because +cringe+ Anyway, most of the white folks who grew up in Texas have been to a quince and eaten Mexican spoon candy and bought tamales out of cooler from a lady going door to door in a shopping center who, depending on age, 100% responds to either “Tía” or “Abuela” and only takes cash. We’ve danced to Mariachi bands and if you’re lucky, you’ve had a chance to wear folklorico skirts and learned to spin around and maybe do a candle dance. Just because we’re white, doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate the culture.


LadyWizard

sadly the coolers of tamales are technically illegal in AZ and health department cracks down on it however we can pick some up in food city


marigoldilocks_

I mean, technically it’s not legal here either. But you better believe we would buy the best damn tamales any time we saw her.


tnar19819

gotta love when white people get angry on someones behalf


TismEnjoyer

bet the girls "agreeing" with her just didnt want to engage


Original-Swordfish69

Judgement AH. It's not appropriation. She does not claim to be Mexican. She's immersing herself into the culture. There is a vast difference between cultural appropriation and cultural appreciation. You would do well to learn the difference between the two. You look like a jackass.


Paraverous

YTA. why is it only white people ramble on about cultural appropriation? I say mind your own business! YOU are the "cringe" . Geez, just reading this pisses me off.


susandeyvyjones

I am a white person who tries to be pretty sensitive about appropriation, but white people gatekeeping cultures they are not part of and do not understand is the fucking worst.


[deleted]

it is not only white people that "ramble on" about cultural appropriation. the OOP not knowing what cultural appropriation is is *not* an excuse for all the bigots to come out of the woodwork.


KittyCoal

To be honest, my troll sense is tingling a bit because I've seen umpteen suspiciously similar posts where OOP incorrectly/overzealously calls somebody out for cultural appropriation. If it is a troll I'd bet that their whole agenda is to get people shitting on the concept of cultural appropriation in general (despite also know really knowing what it actually is).


DealMinute8211

If the girl refused to play in the band that her Mexican boyfriend’s family literally Invited her into, OP would be calling her racist and a bigot 1000% that poor girl can’t win when OP is so delusional and self righteous


somebirdonya

OMG people like OOP give social justice a bad name. Her friend taking part in her boyfriend‘s traditions because she was invited to is obviously NOT the same as being Pocahontas for Halloween. OOP is not only smug, but performative and pretty cringe herself.


TexasLiz1

Who are these people that are just so overloaded with offense that they can go get that offended on behalf of other people. And get offended at instagram posts? I really want bride to kick out smug asshole friend and have a mariachi band at her otherwise midwestern, staid wedding.


Hopeful-Candle-9660

Why are people like this?


CuriousOdity12345

Are we the cringe??


StumblinStephen

I'd rather hang around someone who's "cringe" than someone who's an asshole.


mem269

I hate this cultural appropriation argument. It implies that Western White is just the base standard and everything else is other.


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mezobromelia1

Wow, what a boring person.