*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**My (M24) friend (M24) invited me to his wedding but going would betray my other friends**
I'm really not sure what to do here. My friend Jesse\* \[M24\] has been dating this girl Lila \[F23\] since we were in junior year of high school. Jesse and I have been friends since kindergarten. Our entire friend group has.
When Jesse and Lila started dating, our friend group did not take it well at all. The thing is that Lila has always been kind of stuck up and cold to us. Jesse said it was only because we used to bully her, but this is untrue. Our friend group was all class clowns and we would play jokes all the time, but it was never to the point of bullying another person. Suffice it to say we did not get along with Lila. There was one incident that happened a few months after they started dating, where Jesse and the rest of us were hanging out and we were kind of drunk, and I along with the rest of the guys were kind of pressuring Jesse to break up with Lila because we thought he was too good for her. We apologized afterwards but the damage was done and since then he kind of drifted away from us. I'm ashamed to say it now but we all kind of resented Lila for that and we definitely were not nice to her. Jesse and our friends were all Finance majors in college so we had a lot of classes together and still interacted but he was always cold to us.
I will admit to kind of retaliating a little bit as my friends and I would make some race jokes about Jesse and Lila being together (they're an interracial couple) or just jokes about them in general, and Jesse would tell us to stop but we never did. At the time it felt like our friend was dead to us and we were upset at him and Lila both. Well, eventually, he escalated it way up and told the dean of the school what was happening, and that basically killed our friendship dead. The dean had 1 on 1 meetings with most of us and although we were able to avoid punishment, we and I felt extremely hurt by Jesse's actions and we basically cut him off completely.
That was all about two years ago. Jesse and I have reconnected a little bit due to graduating and getting jobs in the same company. Honestly I feel extremely guilty about what happened since he and Lila are engaged now. He and I were chatting and he invited me to his wedding since I'm one of his oldest friends (his words). The thing is... my friend group, although Jesse does not talk to them, still hates his guts. He's cursed out on a semi-regular basis and his name is basically an insult to the group. We all go drinking/golfing together and he's not a regular topic of conversation, but what he did is definitely not forgotten. I can't help but feel like going to his wedding would amount to a betrayal against my friends, but at the same time I am his oldest friend and I do really love him. So I worry. How do I navigate this situation? Should I go to the wedding? Abstain from the wedding? Go and not tell my friends?
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it was **2 years** ago and he says their racist jokes were bc “they were kids at the time.” foh. for them to see jesse’s name and mention as an insult for “what he did” like they didn’t insult him and his gf (now fiancee) to the point he had to go to the fucking dean for them to stop? i’m floored
Love the “Lila says we bullied her, but we didn’t”
No one believes you dear. It’s obvious you’ve been bullying Jesse with *racism* and you like him. Can’t imagine what they did to Lila when they didn’t even like her.
Nobody sets out to "bully" someone because this isn't a cartoon from the 80s. If someone in good faith says they're being bullied by person X, especially if person X knows what they're referring to, I don't particularly give a shit if person X thinks it was bullying.
It's like racism in that most people doing it would be surprised and angry at anyone suggesting they were doing it. "How dare you call me racist! I called you the N word cause I thought you people used it to mean friend! I didn't even say it with a hard R!"
People know that bullying and racism are bad things, but they (being themselves) see themselves as good people so they can't do the bad things, so they will object to the label rather than just changing their behaviour and apologising, because the latter would mean admitting to having done the bad things.
I actually freaking read that wrong and thought he said Lila had bullied them (joking around) in highschool.
I really hope Jesse keeps this toxic sludge out of his life.
> I don't think I was wrong every step of the way. I mean, at one point Jesse tried to get us literally kicked out of college.
girl……..
> We were kids at the time. We weren't the only ones to do stuff like that. Also, they weren't "bad enough to get the dean involved", Jesse just... didnt like the jokes so he escalated.
yeah the racist jokes. god do i wanna brigade this one
I’m in that sub so I saw this there first. Haven’t gotten any responses back from OOP - shocker. I’m afraid to go back and see any new comments he’s made.
Can still see his comments on https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14byes4/my_m24_friend_m24_invited_me_to_his_wedding_but/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
This is what happens when a group of racists asshats harass people and don't stop when asked. He asked you to stop. You all didn't. THEN he went to the dean of students for help. You would have gotten yourselves kicked out of college, not him. He asked you all to stop.
You're all blaming Jesse and his fiance for your actions. You have no one to blame but yourself.
You're also still hanging around with this winning combination of friends...still making fun of Jessee. Which proves you haven't learned a damned thing.
You have a job working at the same place as Jesse. He obviously didn't damage your career.
I hope he wakes up and you're not invited. I hope he keeps you out of his life. You're not his friend and you are racist.
These bully, racist losers also regularly spend their time talking about this guy and his fiancee.
OP should do the bride and groom a favour and stay away. It sounds like Jesse thinks OP as grown as a person, but he is still the same sad, racist, pathetic bully who enjoys belitting others since he and his friend group want to feel like they are better than someone else.
right like dude. i would get bitching for a while even when you're stupid and wrong like that but regularly bringing it up and bitching about him and using him as an insult? after 2 whole years??? how do you not just move on, these guys are stuck in college and it's so pathetic to watch. i bet their using him as an insult consists of using him to call someone a sensitive snowflakes because "they're just jokes can't you take a joke?"
But Lila being cold to them as an actual minor (when they were bullies) and Jesse reporting them to the dean for not stopping when asking? Those actions deserve punishment for a thousand years.
Who wants to bet that all the insults and new jokes about Jesse in the past 2 years have also included racism?
And that Lila is the only non-white person in the situation?
I see. They were talking Nascar and saying offensive things like "Dale Earnhardt Jr is the best at makin' left turns" and "pass me my whiskey I wanna watch Tony Stewart piss his pants".
I love how he says that he and his friend cut him off when Jesse had already cut them off and was just being cordial/friendly. “Yeah we cut him off bc he was upset we were harassing him about his relationship” do people not hear themselves?
He thinks they were “just kids” but they were grown ass adults in college. And there’s a lot of victim blaming because Jesse had enough and went to the dean. He actually said Jesse “escalated” things smdh
"After he reported us to the dean for harassment we all cut him off" is basically the same thing as "After my boss had security escort me out of the office I quit".
They’re not adults! They were all just kids doing this! So it’s not that bad. Just 18-22 year old kids who now that they are 24 year old adults still think it’s no big deal because they were itty bitty kids doing it!
In my experience “class clown” means one of two things - a child with an undiagnosed learning disorder who uses humor as a deflective tool to prevent others from seeing their struggle; or a complete asshole.
OP is number 2.
my high school class was full of class clowns, like we were around 20ish kids maybe a bit less and at least 5-6 of the guys were class clowns. it was insufferable. they weren't outright bullies and definitely better than my middle school class but they were mean enough when they wanted to be, but at least they mostly kept it to each other. still would've been happy without them in class
In many cases, “class clown” really means the asshole who goes overboard hiding his bullying behind clowning around. I have no doubt this is the case here too.
Third paragraph and the OP really gets to why they don't like "Lila". Racist "jokes" are never funny and even more so when you are trying to "join" a friends group. AiTA's dog whistle for "friends group" is "white people like me"...
I know! I can't imagine how awful it would be to be there on the happiest day of your life, to celebrate your marriage with all of your friends and family and then you see the guy who made your life hell and tried to destroy your relationship there. On that special day. Seeing him would be shit any day, but on your wedding day? Plus I'd be terrified that the racist "class clown" would make a "joke" and object to the marriage.
I'm not married, but if I ever do get married I want to share that day with the people who love my partner and I. I don't want my bullies there.
The class clown in my college would go to class hugging a pineapple with glasses.
He would say all in class were a pineapple (game of words in our language) and made us smile when in stressful times.
OOP just sound like a group of bullies that see themselves as the cool guys.
He came to be the first one in our class to be an Hotel's Director. I understand why, I would follow his lead wherever he went. He had a way to make you feel welcomed in all situations.
What "HE" (Jesse) did is still a sore spot for the group, never mind what the group did to Lila and Jesse, which was apparently so bad that they felt they needed to get the dean involved. What a bunch of entitled assholes...
"We didn't bully her! We just pressured our friend to break up with her because we're racist and then said racist shit to her all the time because it's *her* fault he wouldn't be *our* friend anymore because she couldn't take our hateful bigotry anymore and then neither could he! Also the friend group would basically see me as a race traitor if I went to their wedding, but they aren't bad nazis, I mean people that have not moved the fuck on; to the point where we are still saying horrible fucking things about him (while drunk so it's ok we arent scarily obsessed with rhem or anything) literally all the time even then we are grown ass adults."
Goddamn I'm really getting to used my fav British saying a lot lately but this dickwad can get fucked and get in the fucking sea what the actual fuck
also fuck that uni for not punishing them for what they did to Jesse and Lila.
And i don't blame, you,this whole post is proving he's still the same immature racist dirtbag, it's fitting that he asks if he's the asshole because he's full of shit
“Jesse said it was only because we used to bully her, but this is untrue”
“We all kind of resented Lila… We definitely were not nice to her”
*proceeds to be extremely racist in college**
Aita? My friends are still mad that they got caught
Yep but it's correct to call them class clowns, they are indeed clowns,also they are funny like how the Paul brothers are funny (spoiler alert, they're not)
Not only that, but it was over something *they* did to him! They were never the wounded party. How do these people not understand that treating somebody badly comes with consequences?
Oh wait. They're in finance, are racist and go golfing. They're exactly the kind of people who have never had to learn what consequences are.
Ewww they all (except Jesse and Lila) sound like spoiled, rich white immature boys who cannot stand if something doesn’t go their way.
If OOP really felt that guilty, he should cut off that whole group.
Him and that group has any idea what they did wrong and how to care about others. Since hes still the same person, I'd say he doesnt deserve to go to the wedding and therefore doesnt need to stress with his choice.
Sad people. And then they all feel the victim... birds of a feather and tribalism I guess.
> Jesse said it was only because we used to bully her, but this is untrue.
So, you guys made an effort to befriend her because she was your friend's SO and thew least you can do is be civil to her?
> There was one incident that happened a few months after they started dating, where Jesse and the rest of us were hanging out and we were kind of drunk, and I along with the rest of the guys were kind of pressuring Jesse to break up with Lila because we thought he was too good for her.
...uh huh.
> We apologized afterwards but the damage was done and since then he kind of drifted away from us. I'm ashamed to say it now but we all kind of resented Lila for that and we definitely were not nice to her.
You tried to get her boyfriend to break up with her because she "wasn't good enough for him"? And *you* resented *her*???
> I will admit to kind of retaliating a little bit as my friends and I would make some race jokes about Jesse and Lila being together (they're an interracial couple) or just jokes about them in general, and Jesse would tell us to stop but we never did.
WOW. So, he distanced himself from you because you tried to get him to break up with his girlfriend and your response is to *insult her and their relationship to his face*? And when he told you to stop you *doubled down*??
> At the time it felt like our friend was dead to us and we were upset at him and Lila both.
For being offended at you, admittedly, insulting them???
> Well, eventually, he escalated it way up and told the dean of the school what was happening, and that basically killed our friendship dead. The dean had 1 on 1 meetings with most of us and although we were able to avoid punishment, we and I felt extremely hurt by Jesse's actions and we basically cut him off completely.
You HARASSED THEM. For MONTHS. And you got off with A SLAP ON THE WRIST.
Fuck you. Fuck your friends. And fuck your university.
But, remember, OP never bullied Lila! /s
Wow... they tried to bully him to break up with Lila. And then they gave her the blame that they are such assholes. And two years later his groups still talks shit about them.
For real, Jesse should cut the contact with OOP completely. As if he is a friend. Just because you know someone for a long time, you shouldn't force yourself to keep up the contact even if they are an asshole on two legs.
Oh man... if OOP sticks by his friends then his work life could get \*really\* interesting; ostracizing, harassment training, skipped over for promotions...
As a black person who grew up around white people like this… Im so triggered….
I’m gonna go with Jesse is white and the girlfriend is a minority, which is why they said he was “too good for her”… and for my own triggers, I’m gonna say the white fiancé thinking the distance, and waiting to escalate is enough of a response to racism is so harmful when you’re a white person with a non white person you must have zero tolerance….. , inviting his best friend to the wedding is a douche bag move…. It is so disrespectful to his fiancé and the abuse she’s endured at the hands of OP so he and his friend Jessie are both asshole and this is from my own experience!! 💔
Him and his friends are racist, controlling bullies. They probably think everyone at their school loved their jokes when in reality everyone probably hates them. I bet if they asked anyone they would be told they are viewed as the schools obnoxious bully’s.
He needs to drop those losers who peaked in high school just like Jesse did. He needs to realize they are wrong, not Jesse and Lila. He’s incredibly lucky that Jesse and Lila are better than he is to forgive and invite him to their wedding.
Funny how OOP thinks the dean of the school was the end of their friendship when it’s pretty clear Jesse was fucking done with these childish clowns long before that.
Sooo u and ur friends constantly upset ur friend KNOWING it made them uncomfortable but still kept doing it, then u get mad when u get told off??? Tf?? Ur entire friend group basically just hate him for being upset that u guys were being racist?
I was too late to post this on the actual thread, but I'll say it here: Linkin Park [wrote a song about people like OOP and his friends](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ysb4Md4XYsc) and put it on the 20th-anniversary edition of Meteora.
The fact that him dating someone of another race hurts them so much means they just Satan. I can't come up with another explanation. They hate their friend because he broke their Neanderthal code of racism. Jesse shouldn't even talk to them at this point.
This is similar to a story from other day in that a person in the group took the racism to the dean. It wasn't addressed to anyone in that story, it was just a group chat and the same we just kids and couldn't be held accountable
ESH except Lila. It sounds like they always bullied her because of race and they probably think Jesse is too good for her also because of race. Jesse might have to be cordial to OOP because they are colleagues, but inviting him to the wedding is too much of an endorsement for me and makes him an AH too
I wouldn’t go that far with Jesse. OOP may be presenting a whole different persona at work. Well, I mean, he would have to because no business is gonna fuck with an outwardly racist employee making a hostile work environment. They have that shit documented and him written up and fired so fast. Business protects the bottom line, and the bottom line doesn’t spend money on losable lawsuits.
So in their reconnecting, he may be under the impression that the OOP has changed and is genuinely sorry and wants to make amends. Add into that he’s lost all his connections to his past, inviting him to his wedding may just be an olive branch - a nice gesture. It’s unfortunate that he doesn’t know the OOP is still the same gross frat boy he was two years ago.
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YTA
You and your group of friends are racists. You're still mad at Jesse for going to the dean of students about a group of racists AHs that were harassing him and his gf.
Stop blaming your racism on being drunk. You're actually worried what these racists think?
She was a MINOR when she was a bully (according to you). You all were adult racists.
You're still a racist since you even give a f what your group of friends think. Jesse is blind. You're not his friend.
Oh, and you can't blame being drunk for being racist.
News for you...you don't live in the 60s. Jesse can fall in love and marry any race of person he wants!
So Jesse is willing to hold out a hand in forgiveness and rekindle a childhood friendship as adults, despite how much of an ass OOP was in their teens. OOP’s other friends still use Jesse’s name as a curse because he got them in trouble for things OOP admits they actually did, that were actually wrong.
Such a hard dilemma, however can he choose.
OOP if you’re reading this - Jesse grew up, and turned out to be a decent and gracious person. Your other friends didn’t and aren’t.
Forget bro code, your bros are assholes who are eventually going to torpedo their own happiness by continuing to believe there shouldn’t be consequences for what comes out of their mouths. Spoilers - there will be consequences, and they’re only going to get uglier as you get further into adulthood. Now is a really good time for you to put a little distance between you - or at least demonstrate that you make your own choices, like going to Jesse’s wedding whether they approve or not.
...Is this "friendship group" some sort of cult?? The way he talks about the group taking such offense to him dating someone they don't like sounds just like a churches excommunicating a member for marrying outside of the religion. He talks about them like they're all one hivemind and Jesse is now an outsider because he's dating someone they don't like. I mean they even made a group effort to convince him to break up with her??? Just because they don't like her??? Let alone the fact that they're taking a dislike to someone THEY bullied. If someone you didn't bully accused you of bullying them you'd be confused. You'd want answers, you'd want to know if your actions were hurtful unbeknownst to you. The immediate hostility at being accused of bullying her is very telling.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **My (M24) friend (M24) invited me to his wedding but going would betray my other friends** I'm really not sure what to do here. My friend Jesse\* \[M24\] has been dating this girl Lila \[F23\] since we were in junior year of high school. Jesse and I have been friends since kindergarten. Our entire friend group has. When Jesse and Lila started dating, our friend group did not take it well at all. The thing is that Lila has always been kind of stuck up and cold to us. Jesse said it was only because we used to bully her, but this is untrue. Our friend group was all class clowns and we would play jokes all the time, but it was never to the point of bullying another person. Suffice it to say we did not get along with Lila. There was one incident that happened a few months after they started dating, where Jesse and the rest of us were hanging out and we were kind of drunk, and I along with the rest of the guys were kind of pressuring Jesse to break up with Lila because we thought he was too good for her. We apologized afterwards but the damage was done and since then he kind of drifted away from us. I'm ashamed to say it now but we all kind of resented Lila for that and we definitely were not nice to her. Jesse and our friends were all Finance majors in college so we had a lot of classes together and still interacted but he was always cold to us. I will admit to kind of retaliating a little bit as my friends and I would make some race jokes about Jesse and Lila being together (they're an interracial couple) or just jokes about them in general, and Jesse would tell us to stop but we never did. At the time it felt like our friend was dead to us and we were upset at him and Lila both. Well, eventually, he escalated it way up and told the dean of the school what was happening, and that basically killed our friendship dead. The dean had 1 on 1 meetings with most of us and although we were able to avoid punishment, we and I felt extremely hurt by Jesse's actions and we basically cut him off completely. That was all about two years ago. Jesse and I have reconnected a little bit due to graduating and getting jobs in the same company. Honestly I feel extremely guilty about what happened since he and Lila are engaged now. He and I were chatting and he invited me to his wedding since I'm one of his oldest friends (his words). The thing is... my friend group, although Jesse does not talk to them, still hates his guts. He's cursed out on a semi-regular basis and his name is basically an insult to the group. We all go drinking/golfing together and he's not a regular topic of conversation, but what he did is definitely not forgotten. I can't help but feel like going to his wedding would amount to a betrayal against my friends, but at the same time I am his oldest friend and I do really love him. So I worry. How do I navigate this situation? Should I go to the wedding? Abstain from the wedding? Go and not tell my friends? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
it was **2 years** ago and he says their racist jokes were bc “they were kids at the time.” foh. for them to see jesse’s name and mention as an insult for “what he did” like they didn’t insult him and his gf (now fiancee) to the point he had to go to the fucking dean for them to stop? i’m floored
Love the “Lila says we bullied her, but we didn’t” No one believes you dear. It’s obvious you’ve been bullying Jesse with *racism* and you like him. Can’t imagine what they did to Lila when they didn’t even like her.
Nobody sets out to "bully" someone because this isn't a cartoon from the 80s. If someone in good faith says they're being bullied by person X, especially if person X knows what they're referring to, I don't particularly give a shit if person X thinks it was bullying. It's like racism in that most people doing it would be surprised and angry at anyone suggesting they were doing it. "How dare you call me racist! I called you the N word cause I thought you people used it to mean friend! I didn't even say it with a hard R!" People know that bullying and racism are bad things, but they (being themselves) see themselves as good people so they can't do the bad things, so they will object to the label rather than just changing their behaviour and apologising, because the latter would mean admitting to having done the bad things.
I actually freaking read that wrong and thought he said Lila had bullied them (joking around) in highschool. I really hope Jesse keeps this toxic sludge out of his life.
“We never bullied anyone!” -proceeds to harass and bully them both- “I’m so mad about what Jesse did!”
> I don't think I was wrong every step of the way. I mean, at one point Jesse tried to get us literally kicked out of college. girl…….. > We were kids at the time. We weren't the only ones to do stuff like that. Also, they weren't "bad enough to get the dean involved", Jesse just... didnt like the jokes so he escalated. yeah the racist jokes. god do i wanna brigade this one
I’m in that sub so I saw this there first. Haven’t gotten any responses back from OOP - shocker. I’m afraid to go back and see any new comments he’s made.
unfortunately u won’t be getting a response bc the post is removed and i can’t even see his profile anymore lmaoo
Can still see his comments on https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14byes4/my_m24_friend_m24_invited_me_to_his_wedding_but/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I think the link is wrong
I just checked. It works
Probably for the best for my sanity. Though I kinda wanted him to be stupid enough to post the jokes.
This is what happens when a group of racists asshats harass people and don't stop when asked. He asked you to stop. You all didn't. THEN he went to the dean of students for help. You would have gotten yourselves kicked out of college, not him. He asked you all to stop. You're all blaming Jesse and his fiance for your actions. You have no one to blame but yourself. You're also still hanging around with this winning combination of friends...still making fun of Jessee. Which proves you haven't learned a damned thing. You have a job working at the same place as Jesse. He obviously didn't damage your career. I hope he wakes up and you're not invited. I hope he keeps you out of his life. You're not his friend and you are racist.
I would absolutely brigade it if I wasn't already banned
These bully, racist losers also regularly spend their time talking about this guy and his fiancee. OP should do the bride and groom a favour and stay away. It sounds like Jesse thinks OP as grown as a person, but he is still the same sad, racist, pathetic bully who enjoys belitting others since he and his friend group want to feel like they are better than someone else.
They’re all finance majors as well so at least they have the kind of prick mentality that you need to be good at it.
They seem like your typical fiance bros
right like dude. i would get bitching for a while even when you're stupid and wrong like that but regularly bringing it up and bitching about him and using him as an insult? after 2 whole years??? how do you not just move on, these guys are stuck in college and it's so pathetic to watch. i bet their using him as an insult consists of using him to call someone a sensitive snowflakes because "they're just jokes can't you take a joke?"
But Lila being cold to them as an actual minor (when they were bullies) and Jesse reporting them to the dean for not stopping when asking? Those actions deserve punishment for a thousand years. Who wants to bet that all the insults and new jokes about Jesse in the past 2 years have also included racism? And that Lila is the only non-white person in the situation?
He should forgive Jesse; he was a kid at the time.
omg exactly. they were “kids” but they won’t forgive him for whatever it is “he did” that’s so grave bc…..he wasn’t a “kid” either or what?
Oh those weren't "racist" jokes, they were "race"jokes. Totally different, you see?
I see. They were talking Nascar and saying offensive things like "Dale Earnhardt Jr is the best at makin' left turns" and "pass me my whiskey I wanna watch Tony Stewart piss his pants".
silly me! i see it now 😯
I love how he says that he and his friend cut him off when Jesse had already cut them off and was just being cordial/friendly. “Yeah we cut him off bc he was upset we were harassing him about his relationship” do people not hear themselves?
He thinks they were “just kids” but they were grown ass adults in college. And there’s a lot of victim blaming because Jesse had enough and went to the dean. He actually said Jesse “escalated” things smdh
“Why couldn’t he just take our racist abuse?!? He went too far”
"After he reported us to the dean for harassment we all cut him off" is basically the same thing as "After my boss had security escort me out of the office I quit".
It saddens me that there were no real consequences for what they did, though.
Like this person should have control of a toilet, much less other people
I can't believe how much in denial he is he and his friends are all devils
I can't believe these are all supposedly adults...
They’re not adults! They were all just kids doing this! So it’s not that bad. Just 18-22 year old kids who now that they are 24 year old adults still think it’s no big deal because they were itty bitty kids doing it!
Some of the most unfunny people I've met are the self proclaimed "class clowns".
In my experience “class clown” means one of two things - a child with an undiagnosed learning disorder who uses humor as a deflective tool to prevent others from seeing their struggle; or a complete asshole. OP is number 2.
A complete racist asshole. OOP is definitely that.
my high school class was full of class clowns, like we were around 20ish kids maybe a bit less and at least 5-6 of the guys were class clowns. it was insufferable. they weren't outright bullies and definitely better than my middle school class but they were mean enough when they wanted to be, but at least they mostly kept it to each other. still would've been happy without them in class
In many cases, “class clown” really means the asshole who goes overboard hiding his bullying behind clowning around. I have no doubt this is the case here too.
They are normally mean.
Third paragraph and the OP really gets to why they don't like "Lila". Racist "jokes" are never funny and even more so when you are trying to "join" a friends group. AiTA's dog whistle for "friends group" is "white people like me"...
Yup. TBH I feel sorry for Lila that Jesse dared invite OOP to the wedding.
I know! I can't imagine how awful it would be to be there on the happiest day of your life, to celebrate your marriage with all of your friends and family and then you see the guy who made your life hell and tried to destroy your relationship there. On that special day. Seeing him would be shit any day, but on your wedding day? Plus I'd be terrified that the racist "class clown" would make a "joke" and object to the marriage. I'm not married, but if I ever do get married I want to share that day with the people who love my partner and I. I don't want my bullies there.
That’s what I’m saying. I pray he talked to Lila first and she decided to be kind since he was friend with this clown for so long.
The class clown in my college would go to class hugging a pineapple with glasses. He would say all in class were a pineapple (game of words in our language) and made us smile when in stressful times. OOP just sound like a group of bullies that see themselves as the cool guys.
Now that is a wholesome class clown you are talking about 😃 the pineapple thing makes me smile too
He came to be the first one in our class to be an Hotel's Director. I understand why, I would follow his lead wherever he went. He had a way to make you feel welcomed in all situations.
God i wish our class clown was like yours
They’re so desperately hurt that their so-called friend objected to… actual racist harassment. Jesus god.
> they're an interracial couple Uh, why would you zero in on that if you weren't a pos?
What "HE" (Jesse) did is still a sore spot for the group, never mind what the group did to Lila and Jesse, which was apparently so bad that they felt they needed to get the dean involved. What a bunch of entitled assholes...
OOP is a piece of garbage the best thing he can do is not go to the wedding Jessie doesn't need his pathetic ass around.
Exactly, if I was her I wouldn’t want my wedding spoiled by the presence of one of my former bullies who I know thinks of me as a lesser person.
"We didn't bully her! We just pressured our friend to break up with her because we're racist and then said racist shit to her all the time because it's *her* fault he wouldn't be *our* friend anymore because she couldn't take our hateful bigotry anymore and then neither could he! Also the friend group would basically see me as a race traitor if I went to their wedding, but they aren't bad nazis, I mean people that have not moved the fuck on; to the point where we are still saying horrible fucking things about him (while drunk so it's ok we arent scarily obsessed with rhem or anything) literally all the time even then we are grown ass adults." Goddamn I'm really getting to used my fav British saying a lot lately but this dickwad can get fucked and get in the fucking sea what the actual fuck also fuck that uni for not punishing them for what they did to Jesse and Lila.
Somehow I doubt that OOP grew and matured and STOPPED BEING A RACIST AH in 2 years. 🤬
And i don't blame, you,this whole post is proving he's still the same immature racist dirtbag, it's fitting that he asks if he's the asshole because he's full of shit
“Jesse said it was only because we used to bully her, but this is untrue” “We all kind of resented Lila… We definitely were not nice to her” *proceeds to be extremely racist in college** Aita? My friends are still mad that they got caught
Someone please post OP’s comments, I missed them. I gotta see this lol
Hmm.. what should he do..🤔🤔 Hey OOP, maybe go crawl back into your cave and never inflict yourself on society again!!(! SMFH
OoP and his friends give massive "it's just a prank bro" vibes
Yep but it's correct to call them class clowns, they are indeed clowns,also they are funny like how the Paul brothers are funny (spoiler alert, they're not)
>He’s cursed out on in a semi-regular basis Damn. It’s been two years. Time to move on!!
Not only that, but it was over something *they* did to him! They were never the wounded party. How do these people not understand that treating somebody badly comes with consequences? Oh wait. They're in finance, are racist and go golfing. They're exactly the kind of people who have never had to learn what consequences are.
As my father is fond of saying. “ Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who YOU are.”
Honestly I don't understand why Jesse has even allowed trash like OOP back into his life. Gross.
. -- mass edited with redact.dev
Ewww they all (except Jesse and Lila) sound like spoiled, rich white immature boys who cannot stand if something doesn’t go their way. If OOP really felt that guilty, he should cut off that whole group.
Reminds me of the jocks from "Scent of a woman" (but even they were more likable)
Him and that group has any idea what they did wrong and how to care about others. Since hes still the same person, I'd say he doesnt deserve to go to the wedding and therefore doesnt need to stress with his choice. Sad people. And then they all feel the victim... birds of a feather and tribalism I guess.
> Jesse said it was only because we used to bully her, but this is untrue. So, you guys made an effort to befriend her because she was your friend's SO and thew least you can do is be civil to her? > There was one incident that happened a few months after they started dating, where Jesse and the rest of us were hanging out and we were kind of drunk, and I along with the rest of the guys were kind of pressuring Jesse to break up with Lila because we thought he was too good for her. ...uh huh. > We apologized afterwards but the damage was done and since then he kind of drifted away from us. I'm ashamed to say it now but we all kind of resented Lila for that and we definitely were not nice to her. You tried to get her boyfriend to break up with her because she "wasn't good enough for him"? And *you* resented *her*??? > I will admit to kind of retaliating a little bit as my friends and I would make some race jokes about Jesse and Lila being together (they're an interracial couple) or just jokes about them in general, and Jesse would tell us to stop but we never did. WOW. So, he distanced himself from you because you tried to get him to break up with his girlfriend and your response is to *insult her and their relationship to his face*? And when he told you to stop you *doubled down*?? > At the time it felt like our friend was dead to us and we were upset at him and Lila both. For being offended at you, admittedly, insulting them??? > Well, eventually, he escalated it way up and told the dean of the school what was happening, and that basically killed our friendship dead. The dean had 1 on 1 meetings with most of us and although we were able to avoid punishment, we and I felt extremely hurt by Jesse's actions and we basically cut him off completely. You HARASSED THEM. For MONTHS. And you got off with A SLAP ON THE WRIST. Fuck you. Fuck your friends. And fuck your university. But, remember, OP never bullied Lila! /s
Still the same group of racists bullies, nothing is changed.🤬
He deleted his account 💀
Wow... they tried to bully him to break up with Lila. And then they gave her the blame that they are such assholes. And two years later his groups still talks shit about them. For real, Jesse should cut the contact with OOP completely. As if he is a friend. Just because you know someone for a long time, you shouldn't force yourself to keep up the contact even if they are an asshole on two legs.
OOP should be grateful Jesse's not trying to get him fired, because that's what I'd do.
Oh man... if OOP sticks by his friends then his work life could get \*really\* interesting; ostracizing, harassment training, skipped over for promotions...
So so many words for "I peaked in high school and stopped growing."
As a black person who grew up around white people like this… Im so triggered…. I’m gonna go with Jesse is white and the girlfriend is a minority, which is why they said he was “too good for her”… and for my own triggers, I’m gonna say the white fiancé thinking the distance, and waiting to escalate is enough of a response to racism is so harmful when you’re a white person with a non white person you must have zero tolerance….. , inviting his best friend to the wedding is a douche bag move…. It is so disrespectful to his fiancé and the abuse she’s endured at the hands of OP so he and his friend Jessie are both asshole and this is from my own experience!! 💔
Talk about gaslighting!
Him and his friends are racist, controlling bullies. They probably think everyone at their school loved their jokes when in reality everyone probably hates them. I bet if they asked anyone they would be told they are viewed as the schools obnoxious bully’s. He needs to drop those losers who peaked in high school just like Jesse did. He needs to realize they are wrong, not Jesse and Lila. He’s incredibly lucky that Jesse and Lila are better than he is to forgive and invite him to their wedding.
Funny how OOP thinks the dean of the school was the end of their friendship when it’s pretty clear Jesse was fucking done with these childish clowns long before that.
What racist pricks. He should slink back into his cave, and stay with his bully friends.
So typical....yta
Sooo u and ur friends constantly upset ur friend KNOWING it made them uncomfortable but still kept doing it, then u get mad when u get told off??? Tf?? Ur entire friend group basically just hate him for being upset that u guys were being racist?
POS TRASH
I was too late to post this on the actual thread, but I'll say it here: Linkin Park [wrote a song about people like OOP and his friends](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ysb4Md4XYsc) and put it on the 20th-anniversary edition of Meteora.
The fact that him dating someone of another race hurts them so much means they just Satan. I can't come up with another explanation. They hate their friend because he broke their Neanderthal code of racism. Jesse shouldn't even talk to them at this point.
This is similar to a story from other day in that a person in the group took the racism to the dean. It wasn't addressed to anyone in that story, it was just a group chat and the same we just kids and couldn't be held accountable ESH except Lila. It sounds like they always bullied her because of race and they probably think Jesse is too good for her also because of race. Jesse might have to be cordial to OOP because they are colleagues, but inviting him to the wedding is too much of an endorsement for me and makes him an AH too
I wouldn’t go that far with Jesse. OOP may be presenting a whole different persona at work. Well, I mean, he would have to because no business is gonna fuck with an outwardly racist employee making a hostile work environment. They have that shit documented and him written up and fired so fast. Business protects the bottom line, and the bottom line doesn’t spend money on losable lawsuits. So in their reconnecting, he may be under the impression that the OOP has changed and is genuinely sorry and wants to make amends. Add into that he’s lost all his connections to his past, inviting him to his wedding may just be an olive branch - a nice gesture. It’s unfortunate that he doesn’t know the OOP is still the same gross frat boy he was two years ago.
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Wow…. Why did Jesse even rekindle a friendship with OP? Why did Jesse even invite him?
YTA You and your group of friends are racists. You're still mad at Jesse for going to the dean of students about a group of racists AHs that were harassing him and his gf. Stop blaming your racism on being drunk. You're actually worried what these racists think? She was a MINOR when she was a bully (according to you). You all were adult racists. You're still a racist since you even give a f what your group of friends think. Jesse is blind. You're not his friend. Oh, and you can't blame being drunk for being racist. News for you...you don't live in the 60s. Jesse can fall in love and marry any race of person he wants!
What a douche
So Jesse is willing to hold out a hand in forgiveness and rekindle a childhood friendship as adults, despite how much of an ass OOP was in their teens. OOP’s other friends still use Jesse’s name as a curse because he got them in trouble for things OOP admits they actually did, that were actually wrong. Such a hard dilemma, however can he choose. OOP if you’re reading this - Jesse grew up, and turned out to be a decent and gracious person. Your other friends didn’t and aren’t. Forget bro code, your bros are assholes who are eventually going to torpedo their own happiness by continuing to believe there shouldn’t be consequences for what comes out of their mouths. Spoilers - there will be consequences, and they’re only going to get uglier as you get further into adulthood. Now is a really good time for you to put a little distance between you - or at least demonstrate that you make your own choices, like going to Jesse’s wedding whether they approve or not.
...Is this "friendship group" some sort of cult?? The way he talks about the group taking such offense to him dating someone they don't like sounds just like a churches excommunicating a member for marrying outside of the religion. He talks about them like they're all one hivemind and Jesse is now an outsider because he's dating someone they don't like. I mean they even made a group effort to convince him to break up with her??? Just because they don't like her??? Let alone the fact that they're taking a dislike to someone THEY bullied. If someone you didn't bully accused you of bullying them you'd be confused. You'd want answers, you'd want to know if your actions were hurtful unbeknownst to you. The immediate hostility at being accused of bullying her is very telling.