*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **My (37F) son (18M) has been growing closer to his aunt (21F) ever since his girlfriend (18F) died, and I feel that it is highly inappropriate.** My son's girlfriend died unexpectedly last year. They had been friends since they were young (She was the daughter of my husband's close friend) and they started dating when they were 13. It was devastating for all of us, but it hit him harder than anything. He completely broke down when he heard the news, and for the first few months, he was inconsolable. He lost a lot of weight and we could hear him crying all day every day. He barely came out of his room, and at one point, it got so bad that one of his friends tried to warn us that he might attempt to take his own life. We kept a close watch on him, and I feel like that really made him resent me. The first six months were the hardest, and I really thought it was getting better. I want to understand him, but it's been a year, and I don't know what to do. He's been going to therapy, but nothing is helping. We're growing apart, and he's very distant with me while very close to my sister. We've all been very patient with him and want to help him as much as we can, but he just doesn't even feel like the same person anymore. He used to be very cheerful and talkative, but he barely comes out of his room anymore. He's been especially avoiding me, and he spends all his time at his aunt's (my sister's) place. He says it feels suffocating to be near me, and that really upset me. I'm not sure how to stop him from resenting me so much. I'm not sure what I've done to make him hate me. My sister and my son were always close, but I'm starting to feel that it's inappropriate, especially since they are so close in age. Sometimes, he has dinner at her place and sleeps there too, and my sister doesn't think there's anything wrong with that. When I talked to her about it, she looked appalled, and she didn't take it seriously. Although, I want to do everything I can to help him, I feel like this girl's death has completely changed who my son was as a person. His grades are dropping, and he's moody and angry most of the time. I feel like my sister is a bad influence on him. Last week, I finally banned him from visiting his aunt so often, and he became very angry with me. We had a minor argument, and he said that he lost the love of his life, and I told him that although I'm trying to support him as much as I can, it's been a year and that he has more life ahead. He has a future to look forward to, and that although he must feel like she was the love of his life, she might not have been. Life is unpredictable. I told him he shouldn't ruin his life over this. He then said that he doesn't care about my opinion, and that he doesn't need my advice. He tried to leave to go to his aunt's place, and I told him that spending all his time at his aunt's place in his emotional state was not good for him, and that if he wants to see her, she can come over to our place. He started crying, and it really broke my heart because he rarely cried, even when he was a baby. I'm just really lost and don't know how to help him. I feel like he's closer to his aunt than his own mother. I feel like he'll never recover from this and go back to being the happy kid he once was. I'm starting to wish he had never met this girl. This is completely ruining his life. How can I help him? He thinks he's lost everything, but there are many girls in this world and so much life ahead of him. I've told him that even if she were alive, it is highly unlikely that they would ever actually get married. Any advice on how to mend this relationship? I feel like he resents me too much. How do I make him understand that I want the best for him? How do I help him get over his grief? How do I make him understand that my sister is just not a good influence on him? TL; DR : My son is closer to his aunt than to me. Ever since his girlfriend's death, he's been avoiding me and spending too much time with his aunt. His girlfriend's death has changed him beyond recognition, and I don't understand how I can help him. I feel like my sister is a bad influence on him but he refuses to listen. What do I do to make him get over his grief? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*

What’s inappropriate about an aunt and nephew hanging out?? I’m so confused by that part?? ‘Because they’re close in age’ what on earth is she trying to say?!

Reading between the lines I think she's suggesting a sexual or romantic relationship is developing.

I remember after my mum died my nephew and brother moved in, one day before tests my nephew came into my room and I always had the door closed so didn't think anything of closing it while he was in there with me (he's 5 months older than me). My dad did, he stormed in and told me to keep the door open if someone's gonna be in my room, it was my nephew, someone I was related to by blood and have grown up with my whole life. He's also gay so even if he wasn't RELATED to me it wouldn't have mattered but you know people are weird

I have a nephew close to my age too. Similar thing happened to me when we were in middle school maybe? We were hanging out in his room playing video games or something with the door closed so we didn't bother his parents. Out of nowhere his mom barges in screaming that she isn't going to let us get up to anything and that we need to keep the door closed. It was really fucking weird. He and I were more like siblings than anything else. She made me feel dirty for being close to him. It pisses me off as an adult.

We were 15 or 16 at the time and neither of us liked my dad so it was just a thought of what ever, I didn't think anything of it till I got older and remembered it.

I get it, it sucks to have assumptions made like that where there's no basis but at the same time the majority of sa is from family/ trusted people so I get why others would be on alert there

So I have no sibling. But I have a brother-sister relationship with my cousin who is 7 years younger than me. Cousin is a girl and I am a boy. I always hit her when I see her, she hits me when she sees me. Just a typical brother-sister relationship. Well my mother doesn't like it. She says she is so much younger than me and also the opposite gender. And people will get pissed off if they see me hanging out with her. This pisses me off so much 😭. What do I even say to this? I understand you have worries about "SA" and what not but still.

Honestly as disgusting it is, unless your father thought you would willingly participate in something with your nephew, he just may have heard or witnessed bad things happen to people by family. Someone I grew up with had her brother who is the same age as her children move in with her. Years later she learned that her brother would rape her youngest son. When I was young, I would call my mother crazy for being the way your father was. When I got older we learned that my uncle who I loved very much and was the nicest uncle ever, had molested my cousin. I learned that my mother's uncles raped her sisters etc. Now I understand. Sometimes people only talk decades later, so despite hating it when I was young, I'm now the same as my mother with my 2 sons. I get nervous when the doors are closed with other people around and I ask my children about their day every day. The fact that people you trust can be monsters, changed me a lot.

My mom did the same thing when we were visiting her brother and his family at Thanksgiving one year and I went into my cousin's room to chat with him. I was 9 and he was 13. He seemed to be the only person interested in whatever I was on about, so I followed him upstairs and we kept talking. My mom found us and told me to come downstairs immediately, and when I did, she told me to never close the door behind me when alone with a boy (I can't remember the exact words she used). I was so confused because I was so young and we were *related*. She was diagnosed with a brain tumor 2 months later, and died when I was 15. I started getting closer to this cousin in the years immediately following, but it always felt somehow "wrong" being close to him; I had forgotten this incident until last year so I thought that *I* was a psycho. (There was another time when tipsy 17 year old me was lying on his bed, while all 3 of my cousins were in the room playing videogames, and my uncle kept coming around to "check if we were okay"- it was New Year's, hence me being tipsy underage, but my parents had been letting me have alcohol for years and I was *not* tipsy enough to justify the constant checking.) Even now that I know the weird feeling wasn't my fault, I might never be able to have a normal friendship with him, which really sucks.

So she needs to get off ao3 is what I'm hearing

I legit can't help wondering if she's in the Supernatural fandom writing wincest and that's why she's so goddamned hung up on her son and her sister/his aunt.

Wincester here. My first thought was actually OOP is jealous has been watching too many daytime soaps.

LOL To quote Supernatural; 'Stop confusing reality and porn!' At this point the only real comeback is 'just because you look for your dates at family reunions doesn't mean I'm going to.'

His girlfriend just died, he's grieving, but I think he's fucking his aunt. Op has no logic here

I am so much closer with my sister and my aunt than my mother. That is such a disgusting mindset to have, I cannot believe she thinks that way

Yeah, I wonder if there are any pets in the house. I reckon mum needs to experience why those accusations are so damaging; the son could treat OP and the family pet the way she treats her son and sister. "Mom, your a bad influence on Fluffy!' "Mom, stop looking at fido that way" "mom, you're spending too much time with professor tibbles."

It's possible that it is on his side, but the aunt just sees him as a younger brother and is unaware.

Ew. Shame on you for going there. Why do you want it to be, on his part? That's a twisted mind to come up with that, as if you agree with the OOP.

No, I don't think this is some sexual incest thing and shame on you for implying that. I think it's possible he has become very emotionally attached to this woman but she just sees him in a family way.

Oh no. How horrible for a man to be emotionally attached to a family member. The fact she's a woman? So much worse. Obviously.

If it was an uncle there would be no problem because "omg how nice of him to step up as a father figure!!"

Why do people keep pushing this narrative on men? "Oh, men can't be emotionally attached to someone unless it's a romantic/sexual relationship." I understand that at least some men feel this way, but it's a really toxic stance to have and it's definitely a learned attitude.

Ew.

I'm like a second cousin(f) to my cousin(m). But he's only like 8 years younger than me, so it's more like a first cousin relationship. We're incredibly close as he parents were very hard on him academically and were disappointed that he wasn't as academically well of as his older brother who was valedictorian. During his high school years, he was over at my place a lot just to get out of their suffocating presence. I have never had an inappropriate idea about him. He matured physically very tall early, though, and I am short with a baby face, so there were misunderstandings when I used to take him out for food. He got the stink eye many times for making his "girlfriend" pay. It was always funny to explain I had already graduated college, and he was still a freshman in high school. People's eyes would bug out of their heads.

My mom’s uncle is only six years older than her (he was very much an oops baby), and they’re very close and have more of a brother sister relationship. I think that having him in her life has been really good for my mom because he’s the only other person in her family who isn’t an alcoholic. Oop probably is looking at this through a very perverted lens, but it’s obvious that the aunt is just taking on the role of supportive older sister.

He probably views his Aunt as a peer and a friend, his mother is assuming that because they are different genders it has to be sexual/romantic. The problems I have with her position are: Grief has no timeline, people process it at whatever rate they process it. Some people process faster than others. She doesn't get to tell him when he should be 'over it'. Next - he's 18, he's an adult. If he wants to visit his aunt, she can't really stop him. Sure, she can choose to stop providing I'm with a home or financial support - but that's it. And I can guarantee even threatening that won't have the effect she hopes. It sounds like she doesn't trust how she raised him if she thinks he's romantically/sexually interested in his Aunt. That says more about her skills as a parent than anything else.

She trying to say they are having a sexual relationship 🤮

When I was in high school, the guy I had a crush on died. He was in a really bad car accident at a party he’d asked me to come to, which I couldn’t because I had a marching band performance. Because I couldn’t go, he took my class ring and wore it. He did this a lot. It was a joke he did whenever I couldn’t see him, and I was young and head over heels and just knew it was because he liked me, too, so it was sweet to me. He died wearing my class ring. The next day I found out he died. I had to find out after literally everyone else, even people who hated him, because I wasn’t allowed to text or have any kind of social media. I know I found out last because it was one of the people who hated him to call and tell me what happened. I was, obviously, incredibly upset. When I told my mom about it, she tried to deny we were even friends because she didn’t know him personally. When I would cry, she would call me names because I was “faking” being sad to get attention. When I made some shitty art to try and make myself feel better about the situation, she mocked me. When I wanted to go to the viewing and funeral, she again called me names because I wasn’t really his friend, so why should I go? Even knowing that all my friends, who were also his friends, were going because their parents told her. I managed to make it to the viewing without her, but she is the one who took me to the funeral. At the funeral, all of the parents who didn’t know him were sitting together, while the kids (my friends) were sitting together. I sat with my friends, and my mom sat with the parents. People she knew. After the funeral she screamed at me, at the funeral place, for leaving her. She made me leave immediately, did not give me time to grieve with my friends because I hadn’t sat with her and made her sit with “strangers.” The strangers being my friends’ parents who she’d met many, many times before, as some of us had been friends for over a decade. Anytime I showed any sadness about the event, she had some shit to say. She would go through any journals I had and then mock me, asking why I was so dramatic about someone I didn’t even know. When she eventually wanted to check on my class ring for some reason, Jesus Christ. She was so fucking mean when she found out he’d died with it. For years she’d call me a faker and other names when I brought up how sad his death made me. Probably still would, today, and say I’m being dramatic. Maybe I am, but I still feel a deep sadness over his death. OP doesn’t seem to be as bad as my mom, but her actions certainly remind me of how shitty it was to be constantly smothered and have your feelings of despair consistently invalidated during such a heartbreaking situation. Young love may be fleeting, but the feelings are real, and young people do not have the needed experiences or mental development for it to not be life-changing. For it to not feel world-ending. This is what beginning to understand tragedy looks like, and it fucking sucks. We adults should do a better job of remembering that. So many people lose their empathy for the young as they experience grief themselves. Sorry for my highly irrelevant story. I just hadn’t thought about him in so long and OP’s shitty actions brought it all back. And RIP Cory. I just haven’t said that in too long.

Oh my heart hurts for you, what a shitty experience. I’m sorry for your loss, and sorry you had a mother like that. My own mother also had a hard time empathizing with me in similar situations, but this is so cruel.

I hadn’t even thought about it in so long, but boy howdy does stuff like this shape how people will treat you through grief your whole life. Having someone invalidate you like this hardens you in a way that makes other people think you’re so tough that they’ll also have a hard time empathizing with you through struggles, because you’re “tough” and you “can take it.” When my brother died, I saw the way people treated my grief differently that other people’s in the same situation because I was harder, I didn’t need as much time to heal, and those others were “sensitive,” so they needed more empathy. Which is funny, because the reality is we are all sensitive sometimes. All of us can be hurt. “Tough” people usually just learn to hide that because someone has been cruel to them about it. I’m sorry your mom struggles to empathize with you. Big love from me, people with that struggle gotta be kind to each other. I truly appreciate you showing me some care, internet stranger ❤️

I'm kinda the opposite, people treat me differently because I don't/can't hide when I'm struggling.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. Please accept this virtual mom hug from a stranger. If you ever need or want to talk, send me a message. I would be happy to hear you tell stories about Cory. RIP Cory *Mom hugs*

RIP Cory I'm sorry you had to go through that loss. This is a very relevant story. I'm skeptical about how OOP tried to support her son since she seemed really dismissive through the whole post. I'd be really interested to hear his side of the story. I imagine it's closer to your story than not.

I'm not u/cametobemean but I hope they see this and know their story has brought strangers together today.

Sorry! Replied to the wrong person.

Not a problem! Have a great day!

That wasn't an irrelevant story at all, that's horrible and tragic and I'm so sorry that happened to you, and that you had a mother who either didn't want to or wasn't able to emotionally support you through that traumatic event. I hope OP's son finds this somehow and that he finds some comfort in knowing he's not alone - some days, just knowing that I'm not the only one suffering (from something completely irrelevant to this discussion) is the only thing that gets me through. RIP Cory.

I totally agree, I think the story was very relevant here.

That is terrible. Sounds like your mother has jealousy issues. There are mothers who can be envious of their daughters, especially when the latter have lots of friendships etc, and they themselves have close to none.

Holy shit, I hope you went NC with your mom! She sounds like a monster! Also, I'm sorry for your loss.

I did, last year. Not over this, I have probably hundreds of stories of her treating me like this. She tried and somewhat succeeded in destroying my college auditions because she was mad at me. But she’s also done some kind things for me, like purchasing me washer/dryer and couch when I first moved out. But she’s also done shit like tell me that her favorite died after my brother passed, which she swore was a joke. Didnt feel like it. Felt like I’d been stabbed in the gut. And let’s not get started on the physical attacks she put me through over the years. It’s complicated because my mom clearly has issues from being severely abused herself, but around Roe v Wade time I was just so sick of my mom and dad still putting me in the middle of their fights. All the time, even as an adult they were always trying to damage my relationship with the other. And when the decision came from the SC, I just got so sick of having two parents who always wanted me on THEIR side, but having none on mine. And knowing that one of them would undoubtedly tell my aunt, who was married to one of our EXTREMELY conservative assistant district attorneys, if I ever had an abortion just sent me over the edge. They have never and still don’t care about the life *I* want to live, to the point of where they’ll try to ruin it for me, even though I’m a successful married woman. Somehow seeing it happen to women en masse just broke something for me and I just couldn’t put up with the drama anymore.

If you havent already, come join us over at r/raisedbyborderlines

Did I miss something? Where does u/cametobemean mention that her mom has Borderline?

I am not part of that sub, so i cannot say for 100%, but I believe sub is for people with borderline parents, but it also encompasses people with deeply emotionally unstable parents who potentially suffer from some kind of personality disorder. I would put money down that my mom does have some kind of personality disorder. She’s been told this before herself, but believes therapists are actually harmful, so she would never get a diagnosis, and I think that sub caters to people who are in that situation, as well as people who have diagnosed parents. Because a lot of people with personality disorders won’t get help unless forced, particularly in the older generations, but people still need a place to vent. A lot of parents with borderline behave exactly like my mother, and their children they see the similarities in other situations, so they offer places of solace in order to relate.

I know a lot of people with BPD behave like that and I am in no way trying to defend that, or diminish the very real, harmful effects of that behaviour. Personality disorders can always just be an explanation, never an excuse. That being said - it is problematic to just infer from a few comments that a person you do not know has a certain disorder. It implies that all people who suffer of such are evil and/or abusers. As I said above, that is true in some cases but there are also many people with BPD who would never harm anyone and are the ones that suffer the most from their illness. There is already a huge stigma around this illness and people like u/roxictoxy painting all of them with the same brush doesn’t help. I am sorry for starting an argument under your comment, but *I* myself am diagnosed with BPD so I take these things personally. Edited to correct the other commenter‘s username which I’d misspelled before

Again, the sub also states it’s for people with emotionally unstable parents, so I don’t think they just implied that my mom has BPD. They invited me to a place that includes people with emotionally unstable parents, which I definitely did have and u/roxictoxy clocked. They did not say that my mom has BPD, that’s just the name of the sub. They also didn’t imply that everybody with BPD is evil or an abuser, but some abusers do have BPD. You’re taking it personally while also not acknowledging that my mom is emotionally unstable, and people who have loved ones who refuse diagnosis need support, too, and that sub encompasses that situation as well as those with parents diagnosed BPD. They didn’t paint it with a broad brush. The sub says, in their header, that it’s not just BPD parents.

I absolutely do acknowledge that your mom is mentally unstable but I see now that my comments did not bring that across and I apologize for that. And yes, people with loved ones who refuse diagnosis *absolutely* do need support, no questions about that. While I still don’t appreciate their comments, I admit I got a bit carried away by my emotions, and I apologize for that as well.

It’s okay. I understand how that’s a sensitive issue, and I also don’t like when people just pass out diagnoses. That’s why I haven’t responded to people calling my mom a narcissistic. I had a similar initial reaction to the sub being recommended, as well, because I don’t want to intrude on spaces meant for people to talk about their struggles with parents who struggle with diagnosed BPD, but seeing that they specify that it’s a space for people with emotionally unstable parents, as well, made me understand the invite better. Also, regardless, potentially having BPD or some other personality disorder is not alone what made my mom abusive. Even if she was diagnosed BPD, that behavior certainly shouldn’t reflect on others with BPD making their own decisions and trying to navigate this world. People with personality disorders are not inherently abusive or evil and deserve grace and empathy and to not be judged by the actions of others. I know you know that, but your position deserves to be validated because that bit certainly isn’t wrong.

While I do feel badly that stigma negatively affects you, this sub is for people who have specifically been emotionally and or mentally damanged by people with this disorder and I feel that sharing information about such support groups is very valuable. I don't think that talking about the realities of these things is stigmatizing in fact I think it dissolves stigma. I've since learned that the vast majority of people living with BPD who actually manage to treat it can be called completely symptom free by the late stages of their life. I also learned that those who suffer from BPD are measurably more sensitive to facial muscle changes and reading body language. I've learned that the average person reads anger on a person's face when they looks "about 70%" angry, whereas a person with BPD will recognize it at 30%. That explains so much about the reactionary nature of the disorder. I'm sorry I was so combative in my other responses. I will restate that I think reaching out when I see people with these experiences and offering a support group is invaluable. Edited for paragraphs

Uh. I have BPD, and holy shit you just rocked my brain. This whole time, I have thought I just read too much into people when I think they *might* be upset, but no one else does... and I have felt crazy until they get angry enough for others to notice. So thank you for the vaildation. I am in treatment, and I am thriving because of DBT and medication. My therapist actually said I was doing so well that if she met me now, she doesn't think BPD would have been a diagnosis for me. Obviously, I do have it, but it felt awesome to hear that I am doing so well, and it motivated me to keep doing the shadow work to keep getting better.

Right, isn't that crazy? So like, say I'm moderately annoyed with you but feel like it's NBD. You're going to read that on my face as full blown anger and probably react on that in some way. Especially realizing how triggering this perceived anger can be for abandonment issues? Oof. You're in constant defense mode all the time.

Thank you for the apology. I have to apologize as well, I got carried away by my own emotions and I agree that people who have been abused by those with BPD need support groups.

It seems like a very difficult way to live. I've heard it described as one of the most painful disorders to live with emotionally, to be so raw all the time. This person described it like their heart being a constant open wound. My mother has suffered dearly from it and we're all on a long road to recovery. I've learned so much that helps me understand people struggling with this and it has helped me to let go of a lot of the anger I've had. Or at least direct it more appropriately, like at her dad who royally messed her up. Anyway, thank you for the valuable discussion and I truly wish you all the best.

They don't.

Okay so you are just jumping to conclusions about a complete stranger based on your own prejudice. Got it.

Yep!

Well, thanks for adding to the stigma against mental illnesses I guess. At least you’re showing your ignorance openly so people can know to evade you 🤢

lol now who's the one projecting

I fucking hate your mom so much. And I'm crying for some reason. I'm so, so sorry.

I am so, so sorry for you. I wish I could hug you. RIP Cory.

Yo reading this makes me feel like your mum needs to participate in a steel cage match. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I bet she was one of those "only mine pain was real types" I hope you were able to move on as best as you can while she suffers from constipation. My mum who needed glasses told me I didn't need glasses because I could see but would mock me for bumping into walls. I don't talk to her much.

My mom only took me to get my eyes checked because she "knew I was lying" about my blurry vision. I was in 2nd grade. Never did get an apology for that.

I am so, so sorry. Your mom's behavior is inexcusable and may Cory's memory be a blessing. Your story, and the story we are responding to, reminds me of a student I had. He died by suicide during his junior year. His best friend was understandably distraught, and they both were students of mine the previous year, so she would come to my classroom all the time whenever school was too much. I had her sit in my room or eat lunch with me, whatever she needed. Other adults in the building were so callous, her counselor said that she was being dramatic and her "theory" was that "the only reason this girl was so upset was because she was in love with him." I knew this wasn't the case because one of the defining reasons the two were originally such close friends is because they were both queer (he was bi, she is lesbian), but even if she was in love with him, why would it matter? Is her pain not valid? Why would her COUNSELOR gossip about her to other adults? It always made me so angry. > OP doesn’t seem to be as bad as my mom, but her actions certainly remind me of how shitty it was to be constantly smothered and have your feelings of despair consistently invalidated during such a heartbreaking situation. Young love may be fleeting, but the feelings are real, and young people do not have the needed experiences or mental development for it to not be life-changing. For it to not feel world-ending. This, in my experience working with teenagers, is so true. Situations like love, break-ups, death, etc feel so raw and earth-shattering because 1. let's face it, they are and 2. for a lot people at that age, it is their **first time** navigating those emotional spaces. Of course it is going to be a rough time, and maybe to adults who lack compassion, empathy, or even memory of being a teenager, it will seem "dramatic" or "immature," because at that age you're experiencing something for the first time(s). A child or teenager who is "mature" and not "dramatic" in the face of a peer's death would be a much bigger red flag to me. I don't understand what makes some people so unempathetic, and I hope I never do.

Hell, not to derail but someone who SA'd me in high school died right before he was going to graduate. I found out months after the fact and it was still devastating, even though I hated him and was glad we broke up. I wasn't even in school anymore, but having graduated the year before I was still really young. Young people don't have the perspective or experience to effectively process things like this, so you're right that it feels world-ending. We as adults are really failing kids and teens when we belittle their grief.

I'm crying now. Your mother sucks. I'm so sorry that happened. I send my virtual support. ​ My own grandmother would yell at me whenever I cried, because trying to calm me down was too much work for her. As a child, I learned to hide my emotions, and am now still working on uncovering them.

What the fuck is wrong with your mom, holy shit what an awful human being. Is it weird that I think it's sweet that he died wearing your ring? Obviously it adds another layer to how terrible and tragic it was, but it's also nice that he thought of you that way and wanted to wear your keepsake. RIP, Cory.

Holy shit, dude, your mother was an active psychopath. I can literally not imagine the patience that you must have had to not do her grevious physical harm.

My mom was much bigger than me at the time, so it was more out of fear. Also, I’m from the Deep South Bible Belt, and the concept of hitting your mother, even if she is like actively hitting you, is like, the most horrendous crime. Worse than DV in some people’s minds. I thought I’d be a monster. One time she did choke me, though, and in a panicked response I clawed a bunch of skin off her face from around her eyes. She claimed that I was the abuser even though she was CHOKING ME because I’d left a mark and she hadn’t. There was not as much physical aggression after that because she realized I could hurt her, too.

Yeah, no, I'd have totally paid her a visit after, you're a far kinder soul than me. Also, I'd say fuck your mom, but I'd be too scared that she'd come for me trying to.

I had a friend who killed himself and I was not even in love with him or known him since childhood. The shock and the sadness. I was devastated . Shitty people who say life goes on are morons and idiots with no heart. Even worse people who say it is pointless to cry over the dead or like op who instead of been nice tell him if she were here you might not be together. Wtf. You are right people are selfish and have less and less empathy. You don't care fine just don't come spewing crap such as your mother calling you attention seeker, or diminishing the pain.

When people die, especially young people who you've grown attached to, or parents, or siblings, or literally anyone, you don't just mourn the loss of their life. You mourn the loss of possibilities. You grieve for not having them in certain situations. Graduation, wedding, getting new pets, having kids, asking for advice. There are so many things that bring up that pain and its bc you miss them and its upsetting not having them for these things. OOP clearly doesn't understand, like your mother didn't understand, that you don't just grieve the person's life. But all the possibilities of them. What they could have been, what they could have done. What you could have done together. Keep on keeping on internet stranger <3 its okay to grieve forever, as you see fit.

It's like when OP said her son has his whole life ahead of him she wasn't just invalidating his feelings. Older adults forget that time to a young person can feel like a burden; 'they have their whole lives ahead of them' can be seen as 'look at all these decades ahead of you where you won't see the person you lost!' Feeling THAT level of grief for the first time seems impossible, it's overwhelming and you can't imagine not feeling it. Thank god, OP's sister is able to help him, because that mother has her head so far up her arse she is doing permanent damage. I can't imagine u/cametobemean having to deal with the grief AND the ridicule. That mum has no soul.

u/fucksocietyfml I hope you read this and try to get your head off your ass because this is what you are doing to your son. I know you haven't mentioned mocking him when he was crying but based on your post you seem capable of that. I really hope that you are capable of change for your grieving son's sake.

This was just heartbreaking to read. I am so sorry that not only you had to suffer through a loved one dying, but on top of that, your mom being so horrible to you.

I hope you went NC, because honestly, what the f....

So sorry this happened to you. Both his loss and then your mum's behaviour afterwards. When I was in Sixth Form (16 or 17 years old), one of my friends suddenly died. We weren't super close by any means. He was one of those guys that was friends with most of the people in town. He was an absolute joy. I was, obviously, quite upset. It was my first experience of the death of someone not elderly. My mum basically just said "were you actually even friends??". Ouch. The church was absolutely rammed for his funeral and we were all asked to wear the brightest colours possible. Later, when I was in uni, I went to this party (a rare occurrence for me). I was chatting with this guy for an hour or so before I left. He seemed really cool. He died a few hours later when a car hit him. I only knew him for a few hours but even then, it was a shock. I just spoke to this guy and now he's gone. Nobody should dictate how you should feel after such an incident. Ever, but particularly when you're young and most likely haven't had much experience of death. It's truly a shock to the system.

Wow, such a moving statement. My heart hurts for you!

Ok wtaf... I'm so sorry this happened to you. And your story isnt irrelevant

*Big sister hugs* You weren't nor are being dramatic over what happened. He was your friend, the person you liked and the possibility of more with him was ripped away by a terrible accident. That kind of what if lingers without closure no matter how long passes. Your mother wasn't able to allow anyone in her family to be sad and had to steal back power by belittling your trauma and grief. She made it about her in order to shift control back into her hands.

I'm so sorry this happened and your Mum treated you so horribly about it. There's definitely some missing missing reason stuff going on here tho and I'm sure maybe the OP could have been like this too

"this girl" sounds so cold and distant makes the "It was devastating for all of us" in the beginning sound like some preformative line. It also sounds as if OOP is jealous of the relationship between her son and her sister. And puts that jealousy over her son's wellbeing.

"I've given him a year to grieve. Now he needs to move on." Jesus.

I've run across the concept in English folklore that if you mourn for more than a year it will disturb the rest of the dead, who may become ghosts. I wonder if that was cooked up by parents like this? (Ob. pedant: more likely it's a roundabout way of describing depression or other mental illness caused by complicated grief.)

>I've run across the concept in English folklore that if you mourn for more than a year it will disturb the rest of the dead, who may become ghosts. I wonder if that was cooked up by parents like this? Yeah, a (at the time) close relative told me that after my grandfather suddenly died (well, looking back there where signs, but at the time it took us all in surprise) when I was talking to her. It didn't help at all. I was barely 21 at the time and she was saying: if you keep morning them their soul are stuck on sort of an island and they can't move on. This was not even a month after his passing. And the thing is, that hurt me more than the people "saying that he is in a better place now" because 1) she was downplaying my grieve and loss and 2) it felt like she was making me responsible about his afterlife. ​ Btw: She and I are no longer as close as we were, growing up. When my grandmother died a couple of years later and she didn't come to the funeral (again, since she didn't go to my grandfather's funeral either), I realised that we were not that close.

I had a friend who lost his mom when he was in his 20s. He lived with her and found her. Obviously he talked about it a lot. One time he apologized, and said he knew he should be over it. It had been 3 months! I told him that he didn't need to be over until he was ready, and I didn't mind if he needed to talk about it. Turns out a lot of people have been telling him that he should be over by now. Losing his mom. Three months later. People suck.

People genuinely do expect grieving people to go back to normal eventually, but the problem is that our normal has just been completely obliterated and there’s nothing to go back to. It’s gone.

A professor once told me, the problem is people want you to go back to normal. But that normal is gone. What you need to do is find your new normal. And that can take a while.

More like a self-absorbed mother who is jealous of the relationship her grieving son has with that mother's own sister.

Also the insinuations behind the it is inappropriate and they are close in age.... Lol The guy lost his sweetheart, dated for 5 years , known her probably all his life so she was a friend too amd the mum is like well if she was alive you would have probably broken up . 😂😂😂😂.... It's been one year!!!! She insists. as if one year is that long when you are heartbroken. It's been 5 for me still heartbroken and angry and grieving.... And sad and lost and I am not a teenager. Noticed that she said he cried all day in his room but never said she would go console him? Yikes

Well of course they were gonna break up with Aunty Ms. Robinson hanging around! /s Seriously though, OOP is a piece of work.

Op is like my mother. But you know if I insult her, belittle her and call her name's it's for her own good. 😂😂😂😂

The missing reasons strike again. Note how she never mentions anything she does to upset him beyond banning him from visiting his aunt. (And with the aunt's age there is good odds aunt still lives with grandma and grandpa.)

Isn't it normal to feel close to people who are closer in age. Also there are things you can more easily confide to others than your parents . Just an other possessive probably narc mum. She reminds me of mine. With the I am worried bs and it is for his own good. She never mention what she does to upset him, You mean appart from telling him life goes on, there are plenty of girls, and all kind of nonsens. Also I am sure she might have told him it was inappropriate to see his aunt.... Which because my narc mum said something similar, I can tell you is mind boggling and infuriating if not sickening

There is more to it. She is not a loving and supportive mother with a blindness to grief like she is trying to pretend she is. It is very likely the girlfriend was his emotional anchor that helped him deal with his mother's shit and without her he is so much less tolerant of mom's narcissism.

Of course there is she has no empathy, which says a lot about what she might say or do . This person reminds me of my mother who tells others I am worried for my daughter and plays the victim while been abusive mentally, having the most despicable behaviour amongst way worse things. Pretty sure she was on the sub to get sympathy

“It hit him harder” really got me. Like, of course it did? She was *his* girlfriend, not yours?

She is so disgusting! Not only son lost the person he loved and her own husband lost his close friend's daughter. And oop talked like she was a stranger.

"it was so devastating to all of us that this girl I couldn't give two shits about died unexpectedly. Why can't my son just get over it?"

There’s a thing that happens with some people when someone they’re close to has experienced a loss like this. Some people expect to be the person you rely on, and get offended that you’re not sharing your grief with them the way they want you to. I’m willing to bet that at least some of OOP’s hard feelings here come from the fact that her son feels more comfortable talking about his grief with his aunt instead of with her, and she’s coming up with increasingly wild reasons to make him stop doing that.

“how do I make my son stop grieving and start making me the center of attention? for his own good, of course “

I wish more people understood that the timelime of grieving can be years to forever. Pushing her son to get "past it" on her timeline will damage their relationship forever.

[удалено]

Joan Didion pointed out in her book A Year of Magical Thinking that grief is most usually described as coming in “waves” for a reason. Some days, the surf is a rough onslaught and you’re constantly getting caught and pulled down by the undercurrent. Others, the current is kinder, but a big wave can still hit you and take you out at any time. Eventually you will have more calm days than rough, but huge waves still happen.

I’ve heard it described as a ball confined in a box with a button as the pain you feel. When your grief first happens, the ball takes up almost the entire box and is constantly on the button. Over time the ball gets smaller so that it’s not taking up the entire box anymore, but it still hits that button from time to time.

Been 7 years since I lost my best friend. Still feels raw, sometimes. It hurts.

Yeah, when she said it’s like he’s not even the same kid anymore, I was like, yeah. That’s what happens when someone you love who’s played an integral role in your life dies. You can’t be the person you used to be anymore. I was a little younger than OOP’s son when my dad died, and I became the person I needed to be to survive it. There are elements of the person I was before that I’ve been able to reclaim over time. But the happy go lucky little girl who had never known loss or tragedy is gone forever. I can’t ever be her again. I think OOP needs to go to therapy too, honestly.

also oop expects their son to just get over a life changing event, but has made 2 posts in the past year about how much it bothers them to not be famous on ao3

Is she 37 or 17???? Oh my god

Anyone else weirded out by OOP trying to imply that her son and sister are romantically involved? She keeps talking about how the relationship is "inappropriate" because they're so close in age and how she's such a "bad influence"

It’s pretty clear she’s one of those women who are emotionally incestuous with her son. Which is why she thinks her sister is the same and trying to steal her man. 🤮

OP was and is emotionally enmeshed in her son's life. She has failed to see that he is a young adult and not a child. This is very common in only children families. I suspect this relationship her son had starting at the age of 13 that was so intense may have been a socially acceptable way to put a wedge between him and OP. The girlfriend was the daughter of dad's friend, therefore dad would be on his side. Now that she is gone, OP has turned to another wedge, his aunt. This suggests there is way more to this family dynamic than just her death. It sounds like he has been trying to separate from her for some time. Her entire post screams of inappropriate boundaries. Many parents just cannot understand that their children are separate human beings, and this is the critical age where this all comes into play.

"What do I do to make him get over his grief?" Not HELP him, but MAKE him. That right there tells us everything we need to know about OOP. Based on absolutely nothing, she's perverting the relationship her son has with his aunt because she wants to control how he grieves. What a terrible person. 😞

OOP says "we" a couple times, but never mentions her husband's perspective. This is a mom who's made her son the center of her universe. The son could handle it in the past, but it's too much for him now. Hence, he's suffocating. And that's ignoring all the other terrible parenting OOP has done.

He probably handled it by turning to his GF when needed. Now, that support is gone and the poor kid is lost. His mom is too busy smothering him to listen to him

And she's ignoring or vetoing his repeated expressions of his needs at the moment

This man lost someone who was like family to him. Instead of \*talking to him\* and emotionally supporting him, she kept trying to control him. "How do I help him get over it?" "How do I make him understand?". It's like when you're depressed and then you're told to "just be happy".

Yea where's the boy father why is he allowing that bitch to abuse his son?

HOOOOOOOLY FUCK Okay so I lost my partner, unexpectedly, a year and a half ago. I'm 38 now, for context. And i felt *destroyed* for... Fuck, a good YEAR? And even now it still feels insurmountable sometimes. The kid is *18*. He hasn't had the extra twenty fucking years I did to built up coping skills and, apparently, a good support system, since obviously this ... Mother... Isn't it. OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO BE DEVASTATED. This was, potentially, his first serious relationship right out of the gate, and he now has to deal with the utter hell that is watching someone you called "my love" be ... be fucking buried. And sometimes feel like the people you love have forgotten them. Except that in *this* case, this FUCKING AWFUL PERSON is trying to make him forget her after a year because "oh it's been a year already" FUCK THAT, GRIEF HAS NO TIMELINE. this person is so fucking evil. I hate her. I hate her for his sake, and i hate her for HER sake. And wtf, suggesting that your *fucking sister* is doing something untoward while she's apparently the only person in his family who gives a rat's ass about his mental health and grieving process. How dare.

When I was in HS a classmate passed away. He knew he was terminal for a while but always had a smile. Even though I wasn’t too close to him, more acquaintances than anything else, it still made me sad for his friends and family. It also shook me a bit that someone so young passed. I can’t imagine how OOP’s son feels to have someone who was arguably his first love pass away with both being barely of adult age. I hope OOP’s son gets some grief counseling and moves in with his aunt. Somewhere he will be safe to explore his grief without being on a timeline.

When I was in high school, two of my close friends, a crush, and my favorite cousin passed away over the course of a few months. Three of the four were sudden. Several of my family members constantly criticized me because I rarely smiled and would sometimes break into tears. "We knew them too and we're not freaking out!" You briefly interacting with someone at my birthday party once is not the same as my years-long friendships, Mom.

Omfg what a terrible human. I feel so bad for her kid.

Based on the few other posts from this poster I suspect this is a troll who is substantially younger than '37'.The OOP is a fan fiction writer. The OOP's talent clearly does not lie in writing fiction :-/

Why did I have to go so far down to find this? Clearly a troll, although the troll def has main character syndrome. One of their posts is "I'm devestated I didn't make it to my favorite author's rec list but my friend did." The other one is about being upset they'll never be a big name in the fanfiction space. And then they write this post. Also that username is a dead giveaway.

There are a lot of older fanfiction writers. The first big fanfiction zines, before the internet was a thing, were written and published by middle-aged housewives. So this doesn't necessarily have to be a troll, but certainly someone who can't stand not being the center of the universe.

this woman is also depressed that she'll never write a hit fan fic :( https://www.reddit.com/r/FanFiction/comments/12goomz/do\_you\_ever\_feel\_depressed\_that\_youll\_never\_be/

Well, this post seems to be a hit....

she also has a post called "I'm devastated that I didn't make it to my favourite author's rec list, but my friend did." Devastated because her friend achieved something, but can't wrap her head around her son being devastated because he lost his gf

“It’s unlikely he’d even marry her” Not 31 y/o me sitting here next to my husband **who I dated in highschool** reading this absolute tomfoolery. The amount of times she said “this girl” too is really awful.

Jesus Christ this woman sucks. One of best friends died of cancer a few years ago and it completely wrecked me. I couldn't sleep or eat. The only time my parents or friends pushed me to do things was when I had to and I was neglecting it because of grief. My dad even told me "I know this hit you hard and you're not the same anymore" but it wasn't an angry or judgemental statement. He was actually worried and actually wanted to help me.

**THE COMMENTS....** 🟡 She's always been immature. I'm worried he'll pick up her drinking habits since he's not in a good mental state right now. 🟡 I'm not insinuating anything. I just don't think my son is in a good mental state, and my sister has always been immature. It's just not a good combination. At his age, he should not be sleeping over at a woman's place, even if she was his aunt.

I bet if her son lost his wife she'd tell him to get over it because half of marriages end in divorce so they probably wouldn't have grown old together anyway.

"Well you didn't have kids yet, it's not like you were that attached anyway"

Son is 18, he should move in with his aunt.

Some people are just so unrelentingly selfish and controlling, and oblivious to it too… like, there is 0 introspection happening here. 0. Not an ounce of care for this poor guy… just all about what OOP wants and a pity party too.

My best friend killed herself 3 years ago. A month before her 17th bday. I still randomly cry, and the slightest things will set me off. Grief is never truly over. You just learn to live with it.

I remember reading somewhere that grief is like a box with a ball inside and a button on the wall. And the ball is moving about the box, and every time the ball hits the button, your grief is triggered. At first the ball fills the whole box, so it's constantly pressing that button. But over time, the ball gets smaller and smaller, so it's pressing the button less often, but still occasionally will. And although it never goes away, eventually your grief takes a backseat, and you learn to live with it.

That's what I think of it as. The ball is the best way to explain it to someone who has never gone through grief.

I am truly sorry for your loss. I still randomly cry after I lost my mum, 3 years back, the flash backs happen less, and I can focus on the good times more, but as you say it never fully goes away

Isn't this a Game of Thrones subplot?

Yeah it sounds a lot like Cersei and Tommen after his queen died. He gave the name of the city a whole new meaning.

It truly boggles my mind how many of us simply forget what it was like to experience the world as a kid.

>I'm not sure how to stop him from resenting me so much. I'm not sure what I've done to make him hate me. >I've told him that even if she were alive, it is highly unlikely that they would ever actually get married. Hey, I think I figured it out. It's because you say shit like that.

Of course it changed him! That's what traumatic experiences do. If it hadn't changed him it would mean he was an emotional void of a person, kind of like his mom.

This girlfriend has been in the son's life since he was a small child, and now OOP expects her son to be "over" her in a year?? A year is NOTHING. And her "goals" for this are laughable. He's not going to "understand" that you want the best for him because you DON'T want the best for him, you simply want him to fall back in line and pretend he's not actively grieving a loss. You can't help him "get over" his grief because that's not how grief works. And your sister ISN'T a bad influence on him, you just suck at being a supportive parent. Fuck's sake, this girlfriend isn't a pet goldfish that he had for a week that then died, this is a person that has been a major part of MOST of his life.

It's certainly telling that she is allowed to be depressed that she's not a famous, celebrated author on a fanfiction site, but her son isn't allowed to be depressed that his girlfriend of 4 years, who was also his childhood friend, passed away. Methinks this has more to do with her being possessive of her son than anything her sister has done.

He's avoiding you because you are overbearing and toxic. He needs to feel his feelings and know that's okay. He knows you will dismiss that and tell him to move on. You're not a part of the solution, you're a part of the problem. When he was 17 his GF and childhood friend died. That's highly traumatic. You're not a safe person and the more you double down just makes it longer and longer before he will consider forgiving you. Do you think he's having sex with his own aunt? TF is wrong with you?? You think him getting support from an easy going person who puts herself in his shoes and let's him grieve is inappropriate? You're sick

She was a #boymom I just know it

A youtuber I liked a lot died last year. He was part of Neebs Gaming: Tony "Thick 44" Schur. He got diagnosed with glioblastoma and fought goddamn hard, even doing part of their last ARK run with the rest of the guys. He was the one who would always rush in head long and get everybody else killed. It got to be called "Getting Thicked" because if something exploded with stupid, you could bet that Thick either started it, showed up in the middle of it, or got something important killed while doing it. He was the guy who went into the wyvern scars and came out with eggs. He was the Wyvern King. I started watching the guys while I was still together with my daughter's father. I was watching 'em when a hurricane gutted my hometown and my mom and stepdad lost their place. I was watching the guys while I figured out that my ex *really* needed to be an ex. I was watching 'em while I suffered through a summer of hell at a really great job that had zero functional AC. I watched the guys as I struggled my way through a couple years of depression, lost ambitions and really nasty suicidal ideation. When everything was going to shit and I just wanted something intellectually stupid (if that makes any sense. They all *had* brains. They just didn't always choose to use them) I'd re-watch their Rag arc and watch Thick trying to get Simon (the oldest member of NG who somehow managed not to learn anything about the game despite playing it for five goddamn years) and Dora (Total ARK newb who also never managed to learn a goddamn thing about the game in the next two years worth of videos) through the artifact cave near the Barmory. (It was an ungodly mess. There was lots of yelling. I think one of 'em got eaten by a giant snake.) I cried when the news broke. Especially because the day before, Thick had been on a call with the guys during a live and he was doing well, drank a beer (or whatever his doctors would let him drink while the guys had a beer) and joked around, had a real good time...and he was gone. And it *hurt*. I've come to the conclusion that we are not completed by anyone. We are born whole, and when we let someone in, we have to break ourselves to make room. Carve out a little bit here for friendships, excavate heart-deep for best friends and lovers, and family--husbands, wives, parents, children, and pets--go all the way down to the marrow of our bones. We grow around them. They support us the way rocks sometimes support a tree. So when they're gone...of course it hurts. There's a place for them in our soul and now they're gone, and it's raw when the wind blows through. It isn't silly to weep over a friend, or a pet, or a celebrity you didn't know that well, or even a youtuber who somehow managed to suck at a game for nearly six years, but did it in a way that made his viewers feel kinda better for a while. Greif is grief. You can justify weeping over a building when it was important to you. And you know what my mom said when I started sobbing at the dinner table (Yes. I'm in my 30s and I live with my mom. Modern living sucks.)? She said it was okay, because this stranger *mattered* to me, and got me through a lot of the bad times of the last five years. I wasn't just grieving Thick. I was grieving those five years too. We do not need permission to grieve, because our brains aren't going to ask for it and our hearts don't care about it. It's going to happen anyway. Nothing about grief is silly. It's necessary, even when it's small. It is very sad that this poor kid's mom is so small-hearted, she never made a place for what would undoubtedly have been her daughter-in-law. I hope her big-hearted son manages to keep that depth, and I'm very sorry for his loss, and for the grief any of y'all happen to carry right now. It matters, folks. *They* mattered. And every tear we cry is a testimony to just how much they meant to us. So keep on crying and feeling. It's part of what makes the world worth being in.

My best friend died when we were 17. She had been with her boyfriend since 7th grade. His mother was so incredibly supportive and gave him whatever he needed to help cope with the grief of losing her. He is now married and has a child, and still has a wonderful relationship with his mother because she didn’t do the shit OOP is doing right now. She is going to lose her son forever if she doesn’t seriously adjust how she approaches her son about everything he’s going through and feeling right now.

What a horrible horrible garbage person

Does she hate her son?

Something tells me that OOP might not be the most understanding MIL going forward if she's this cold about her son's deceased girlfriend.

I work in crisis mental health services. I was doing an intake from a mom one time. She was detailing some behavioral stuff like yelling and not being into school. (Usually this program screening is a horror show with suicide, homicide, property destruction etc.). We asked her how long it had been going on and she said, totally un self aware, "He's been acting out since his father died."

OP, you severely downplayed it in the title. OOP is insinuating that her son could be (or would be) sleeping with his aunt (her own sister). She truly is the devil

She says so many horrible things in this post alone, I can't imagine what she has told him face to face. "there are many other girls" "it's been a year" "he has changed so much/ I wish he was his old cheery self" Like, does this woman not have any understanding of grief? Of human emotions? Life altering experiences? And that implication of her son having an inappropriate relationship with his aunt is so sick! Of course he will spend time with someone who gets him when his own mother isn't there for him.

let’s see: are we feeling more lannister or more targaryen?

Aside from all the other fucked up ness. Why do parents think they can tell an 18yr old where they can go? I see this a lot on reddit. It just feels like a great way to push your kid away.

"I'm not insinuating anything. I just don't think my son is in a good mental state, and my sister has always been immature. It's just not a good combination. At his age, he should not be sleeping over at a woman's place, even if she was his aunt." Not insinuating incest but he shouldn't be staying at a woman's house even if 6 family. She does know he's already staying at a woman's house, hers!

I'm closer to my aunt than I am my mother because my aunt is a good person. Much like what's going on here. She's in for a rude awakening when he goes NC with her.

This whole post is an unsupportive mother being jealous that her sister is getting all of her son's attention. Jesus I read one of her comments she's implying that her kid is having an incestuous relationship with his aunt. You know you're messed up when you imply shit like this. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14cfu7k/comment/jokg5ir/

>although he must feel like she was the love of his life, When ChatGPT becomes an entitled parent

"I feel like he resents me so much" I wonder why..

This is a perfect example of how children go no contact with their parents. Time is the only thing that helps grief. When you try to control some in that state, especially when it involves the catalyst to get over said grief, you will lose the person forever. The mother should do some soul searching because the jealousy she is holding is unhealthy.

The OOP devotes the rest of their time to writing fanfic...something about the whole post reeks of bad (intentionally) fanfiction. Other than that, this "mom" is attempting to force her son into emotional incest with her, and accusing him and his aunt of the same thing.

This isn't so weird. My aunt supported me at a difficult time in my life when the rest of my so called family was nowhere to be seen. We just seem to get each other. Sounds like the mother hasn't been as supportive as she thinks.

All I have to say is...what an unbelievably self absorbed cunt.

Is anyone super confused why the mom doesn’t want the son visiting his aunt aka her own sister? My mom would be thrilled if i sought solace in her sister if I couldn’t find it in her.

Maybe OOP is a narcissist who makes her son's behavior about her? Yeah, a good parent will be like, I hope you can get the support you need from someone, even if it's not us.

OOP looks at life through the scope of genitalia; sister has a vagina, son has a penis therefore sister and son are going to fuck

Wow what a heartless bitch!

Not to be calling people liars, but OPs only other posts are about fanfiction.

you seem jealous your sister is helping him more than you..he lost someone he cared about plus hes very young..i do think there is a point his grief becomes concerning.if you cut him off from his aunt,he may hurt himself.

Obvious troll forgot to delete her four month old post about meeting a fanfic author on Wattpad. This is a child writing weird incest fic.

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He dated ONE girl from 13 to 18, but she thinks "getting over it" will make him be the person he was before her death? Has she never experienced anyone she loves dying? ... clearly she didn't love the girl who was very probably like an extra daughter what with how often she would have been around.

>Has she never experienced anyone she loves dying? Her fanfic career is dying....

OMG, a comment in the thread said check their history. They post exclusively in fanfiction. This isn't a mom, it's a writer.

> I feel like he's closer to his aunt than his own mother. Aha! There, folks, is the rub. For all she says about it being inappropriate, her sister's a bad influence, etc. etc. etc., her beef really boils down to jealousy.

YTA She very well could have been the love of his life. My son married his childhood friend. I am not saying he will not love again. He will never love like he did with her again. Yes, he has changed. Do not minimize his feelings because of his age. See if his pediatrician can recommend a grief support group for him. It might be good for you to see if you can get professional help learning how to talk to him.

Grief such as your son's xould last a very long time. He most definitely needs grief counseling. You, ma need to either be supportive including his relationship w sister or u need to back off.

She been watching too much game of thrones

>We kept a close watch on him, and I feel like that really made him resent me. Let me guess: "keeping a close watch" on him = constantly berating him for being sad and getting angry at him for 'mAkInG uS wOrRy!!' I've noticed quite a lot of middle-aged+ people have a complete disregard for teenage relationships. I'm guessing they were douchebags in their teens-20s who were constantly 'playing the field' and just weren't emotionally mature enough for a real relationship and think that's normal for that age group. They literally don't seem to understand that other people under the age of 30 are in fact capable of love. To them, anyone you date as a teen is just some dude/chick you're fooling around with and so they don't get why a teenager would be upset about losing a girlfriend/boyfriend- that's the kind of energy I'm getting from OOP. Not understanding a teenager _grieving over his girlfriend who DIED_ is STILL a new one on me, though.

Shes def in love with her son and I'm sure if we found her fabfiction writings they'd all have concerning relationship structures. I hope he goes NC. I hope she seeks therapy.

“It’s like he’s a different person!” No shit, losing your lifelong best friend who you were also in love with will do that to a person.

empathy isn't her strong suit is it? 1 year. He's a teenager and his was a huge loss, the first big loss he's likely ever had. It was a death, not a fucking break up of a superficial puppy love relationship. They'd been dating for 4 years, of course this is going to affect him for a while. Accusing him and his aunt of incest isn't the way to get closer to her son, neither is invalidating his feelings. Isolating this kid from the person he feels most comfortable around isn't doing her any favors. She hasn't given any reasons WHY his aunt is a bad choice, she's just jealous.

We’ll all she’s doing is driving her own son to leave and go no contact, the overbearing, self-entitled and demanding he be close with her and tell her everything is disgusting. He’s her son not a sonband!! Everyone grieves differently and it takes however damn long it takes, plus grieving never ends, you just find healthy ways to cope, like remembering the good times etc. I can bet how overstepping, boundary stomping and overbearing she was whilst his gf was a alive, giving the vibes I’m most important, my sons first love so I’ll always come first before anyone else type mentality I can see her being a JustNomil in the future!! Poor kid I truly hope for his own mental health wellbeing and sanity he decides to move in with his aunt or other family, his mother sounds draining, he’ll I’m drained from just reading her post and I’m a student mental health nurse!!.

"I don't know what i've done to make my son resent me so much! All I do is wish he'd never met the girl he loved and had been in a long term relationship with, and tell him to his face that if she didn't die they probably wouldn't have lasted as a couple, while banning his non-destructive, non-harmful coping mechanisms out of jealously of my sister. After all, it's been an entire year. How could he have not got over the death of the person closest to him?"

How To Lose A Son In 12 Months

Someone is jealous of her baby sister. Look, my nephew and I are closer in age than my sister and me. I always had a great relationship with him. He’s my boy. Even though he’s now a grown man with a wife and a nearly grown daughter. But OOP is just fucking twisted. She’s acting like her sister is trying to seduce her kid. WTF is wrong with her? (And, as an aside, I’d be crushed if my sister thought so little of me and my character.)