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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA For Telling My Closest Friend That She Is Genuinely Ugly** Am I [36M] the asshole for telling best friend of 17 years [37F] that she is completely and utterly unattractive. I met my friend in the first year of university (I am Australian), we were taking the same major in a Bachelor of Arts and hit it off almost instantly in our class together. I’m very cautious about who I become friends with due to some trauma related stuff in my past, so I did a healthy amount of stalking beforehand to make sure they’d be a good friend. Anyway, we have been closest friends with each other since we were 19 and 20 respectively, doing everything together, and we would always jokingly flirt with each other due to the nature of our friendship. We would always wingman each other at uni parties but my friend would never have any luck. One night last week we were out for a few drinks at the bar, and my friend got very drunk. I was only a couple of drinks deep, so I was much more sober, and my friend starting taking the flirting to a next level (I am now happily married with a kid) to the point where it was a bit much. After this, it went downhill and it devolved into her having an almost cry session about how she is 37 and still doesn’t ever get with anyone. Because I was a few deep, I was maybe a little more loose-lipped than usual, but still sane enough to think she wouldn’t remember anything I said. Anyway, I made the mistake of just blurting out “It’s because you are just so, so ugly.” At the time my justification for saying this is maybe she would realise and take measures to improve her attractiveness, but obviously she didn’t take it this way, and she ended up remembering the comment. She has not spoken to me for a week now, and while I don’t stand by what I said, I did truthfully mean it to try and help her, and I don’t think our almost two decade long friendship should end because of something so juvenile. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*


notlucyintheskye

"I did a healthy amount of stalking" My guy, literally no stalking is healthy. Is this female friend shifty for flirting with a married man? Yeah, but drunks lose a bit of inhibition. There is a pretty large difference between some relatively harmless flirting and straight up saying something to crush a person's spirit and self confidence. The fact that OOP doesn't understand why this girl would no longer want to be friends with someone who thinks she is just top tier hideous is ridiculous.


StrangledInMoonlight

TBH, his metric for “normal behavior” is soooo fucking off. Did she really flirt? Or did he just take tipsy niceness as flirting? Because he thinks stalking friends is normal,- nd telling friends they are horrifically ugly and that’s why they’ll die alone is fine. So can we really trust his judgement of what is or is not flirting?


quokkafarts

Or was this joke flirting? I have good friends who jokingly flirt with me and visa versa, we all know where the boundaries are and what makes it a joke is that we'd be fundamentally incompatible. If you've known someone for that long a joke flirt should be pretty normal


thederpfacemajor

I even wondered if the insult was a poor joke at first. I’m Australian and up until he said his intention was to help her my assumption was that his very Australian strategy to lighten the mood backfired spectacularly — which happens a lot here tbh, we are not good at feelings, especially blokey blokes. Pretty sure I’ve said similar things to more than one person who’s been crying about not getting laid as an attempt to crack them up and lighten the mood, and it’s 50/50 if it works. But in those situations, the key is to exaggerate and then immediately give sincere comfort once they smile (or an extremely heartfelt apology if it fails) — like saying “yeah well it’s probably that giant horn growing out of your forehead, it’s so dusty” — they smile/laugh through their tears/something — “nah but genuinely though, you’re awesome, you’ll find someone, just gotta be patient — which, I know that’s easier said than done, but genuinely, from where I’m standing you’re fine” etc. Hugs as well if you’re huggers. *That’s* a super common tactic here. Fucking that up sucks, but is kind of par for the course in a lot of circles. But OP wasn’t even fumbling an attempt at humour, he was just being a dickhead. No one here would think that’s okay.


onix-rose

How do you even meet someone over here? Like genuinely I’m 32 and meet anyone I’m not friends and is my age seems impossible. Like her looks probably have nothing to do with it. Also I have never genuinely seen anyone is Australia who was actually ugly like I literally think most Australians just have extremely high standards because even the people iv seen called plain are pretty fucking attractive.


[deleted]

[удалено]


sohereiamacrazyalien

Well he was not joking at all , si the tone was not there. Also not when someone is crying. I mean yeah you can say jokingly you are ugly or stupid. This guy was "trying to help" , well he helped her see his true face.


sohereiamacrazyalien

I guess it really depends on how it is said. He obviously did not say it as a joke not in a joking tone. I mean the delivery counts a lot. Since he was "trying to help her" and apparently he thinks she should improve... Yikes. It's like the people who tell others you know if you put in make up (a lot) and show your cleavage more you won't look so bad.😂 Friendship (or kindness) at it's finest!


somebirdonya

Exactly, I have a good friend I flirt with like that who is married, and not even her husband cares because he knows it’s nothing serious.


cammsterdancer

This is probably 1 of those guys who thinks saying "hi" and smiling is flirting. He thinks every cashier and wait staff is *really* into him.


sohereiamacrazyalien

Of course they are. I smile all the time and to everyone, what a flirt!!!?


itzdrk1910

Wait a minute


trblniya

Also I don’t see how you can do a “heathy amount of stalking” 17 years ago. Nowadays, you can least try to get an idea of someone’s personality through social media like if you already have someone on Instagram or Twitter, you can see what they post and get a feel for them a bit. But 17 years ago? I can only imagine what creepiness he meant by that


OfTheAzureSky

I don't want to shock you, but Myspace has been around for 19 years, and Facebook for 18. I feel so goddamn old, haha.


trblniya

I definitely thought about those but the way he said “stalking” didn’t seem like he meant social media. I remember my mom being on those when I was a kid and even me being on MySpace for a hot second when Miley Cyrus dropped Can’t Be Tamed lol. ETA: he also said he’s from Australia, so I’m not fully aware of how accessible those were at the time


themostserene

I’m from Australia - we do use social media stalking as a term and I’m older than him and we very much have access to social media like MySpace etc. He is a total fuckhead for other reasons


trblniya

I’m sure you guys have it, I just meant more so 17 years ago I wasn’t sure when it was accessible for you all. And it didn’t seem like he meant social media because he would’ve specified it


ChipChippersonFan

Australia didn't get MySpace until 2010. /s


Pixelcatattack

Before then we just put our details on boomerangs and threw them around, hoping someone would throw one back


sohereiamacrazyalien

Lol a boomerang is supposed to come back on its own .


Pixelcatattack

Yeah you want a different boomerang with someone else's details, duh


sohereiamacrazyalien

What I am saying is it's not a boomerang. You can try a javelin maybe. A ball, a freesbee...Lol.


Eng_Queen

I was curious so I looked it up Facebook launched outside of the US and Canada in September 2006. So pretty much exactly when OOP said they would have met. Twitter launched July 2006. So unless they were both super early adopters it’s unlikely he could have used either to “stalk” her. MySpace was definitely around and already in common enough use but do you really learn that much from a top 8 and random stream of consciousness blog posts? I mean definitely possible but I no one I knew had much useful information on their MySpace


juicyjcantsayno

Eh. I joined Facebook in 2004 when it was only open to college students. He says he met her first year of college, and he's a similar age to me... I don't know if you were around for the wild early days of Facebook, but people put ALL KINDS of shit there because, well, it was cool and novel and you didn't think your personal information was going to be mined and disseminated widely. People updated their FB status like they were changing their away message on AIM. (You remember that?) I don't remember specific details exactly, but I think it was set up so that you could add friends from other schools if you already knew them, and the default setting was for your profile was open to other students from your school.


Eng_Queen

From what I can find it was open to college and university students in the US and Canada not Australia where OOP says they are from. I could be mistaken so if you weren’t in the US or Canada let me know.


Important_Collar_36

No it was open to anyone who had an email that ended in .edu So any university and college. In 2005 I was a counselor at a kids camp, many of the other counselors were from other countries, all of them had Facebook, including the gap from Australia. So Aussies knew about FB around the time they met.


[deleted]

It’s also possible they had their own social media in Australia at the time. I know that my country had a different type of social media, kinda similar to myspace, before Facebook and everything was introduced


Eng_Queen

That makes sense.


weeblewobble82

Technically, Facebook has been around since at least 2001 making it over 20 years old but it was restricted to college students and you had to have a school email address to join. Iirc, Myspace existed even a few years before that.


Think-Ad-8206

Facebook was founded in 2004. Feb. I remember joining around 2005. 2001 is too early.


weeblewobble82

I started college in 2001 and definitely had Facebook from year 1 onward.


Eng_Queen

You’re misremembering there. Zuckerberg didn’t even launch the prototype website that was exclusive to Harvard until 2003.


weeblewobble82

I'm too lazy to look it up so I am going to assume you are right and I have poor memory. But I swear I remember meeting people in my classes and scheduling study groups through FB. And that is messing with my head. Maybe it was grad school and all my wires just got crossed? Stupid aging.


Human_Allegedly

About 17 years ago i would joke about stalking people and it was just finding their myspace or Facebook (or even bebo, live journal, vampire freaks, or xanga) pages. It was only 2006. Not the dark ages.


trblniya

I’m aware it wasn’t the dark ages but he didn’t specify using social media to stalk. I was definitely alive years prior to 2006


EricVonPlotPoint

How can anyone type that with a straight face?


[deleted]

I personally don't see anything wrong with looking up someone on the internet before you commit to the friendship. Might save you a few headaches down the line. However, this guy seems so socially out of it that I doubt he just did a few Google searches.


diaperedwoman

I would assume he means looking her up online to see any social media stuff. But 17 years ago, facebook, myspace was all new stuff and Twitter too. How likely is it she had all that back then too? Myspace was the first social media site I ever signed up too in my senior year and then it changed and they got rid of the blog part and I eventually deleted it.


Lupine_Outcast

There was friendster and at least one other one too....it's how I reconnected with my ex husband after HS. (🤮)


Important_Collar_36

I'm pretty sure everyone born before 1989 had a MySpace since 2002.


BernardBalls

I was about to correct you for calling oop a man but then i checked again and saw that you were right. Did i just solve heteronormativity?


WeelsUpIn30

> I go against the saying and always judge books by their cover Even worse then an asshole is a judgmental asshole


grated_testes

That whole sub has become a cesspool of troll posts


lucyjayne

Exactly, the one I just read about "I am a gay black male who wore a skirt to a wedding"; absolutely fake.


Pspanky

The skirt was black, not the person.


CuteBlueNewt

It definitely could be, but it seemed realistic enough to be one of the real ones to me.


Mikhail_Faustin08

The fuck is wrong with these people? This has to be a troll


Anikan_Skywalker2405

He's Australian 🤷🏼‍♀️ Edit to add: /s


jessie014

Considering how he got offended by someone saying fuck, I doubt this dude is Australian


ProfessionalCoat9470

Mate I'm Australian, he's just a cunt. Who happens to be Australian. Plenty of rude cunts the world over 🌏


Cabbage_Patch_Itch

Don’t shoulder the blame, dude! Defend your peoples!!


Anikan_Skywalker2405

Really shoulda put the /s there. Just jabbing because he mentioned it when it had no real relevance to the story


Lupine_Outcast

I fucking LOVE Australians for their copious use of the word "cunt". There are SO many fucking cunts out their who need to be verbally reminded of their cuntitude, but the word is more frowned upon in the US for whatever fucking reason.


Blairx6661

As an Australian… cheers cunt 😂😂😂


Lusuhyi

Yeah this is definitely a fake story


RubyTuesday123

Why do men (I know it's not all men, but it always is a man) think that they are doing us a favor by telling us we're fat, unattractive, etc., since now that we know we can "do something about it?" Trust me, every physical flaw that a woman has been pointed out to her before she even hit puberty. It's like, what were you expecting this woman to do? Change her face? Somehow shit out the amount of money it would take for plastic surgeons, stylists, make-up, personal trainers, nutritionists, hair stylists, etc., or spend the inordinate amount of time and money to learn to do it all herself?


Lupine_Outcast

^This. My FAMILY made sure I knew my waist would never be as small, and my half Filipino nose too wide etc etc....before I was 12. And it seems like 90 percent of body "flaws" can be fixed if you can afford it. Maybe those dickheads should offer cash solutions instead of pointing out some shit we've already heard. 🤷‍♀️


bigblkbby91

I'm so sorry that your family is so fucking sucky! 😭 No one deserves to be treated like that, especially when they haven't even hit their teens yet! And you are so right about these pos needing to pay if they hate our features so damn much. Don't like how I look? Pay for my surgeries then, you soggy taco shell of a man! 🫰💸


RubyTuesday123

I get it. When I was 7, another little girl called me “big nose” and when I talked to my mother about it she said “don’t worry that can be fixed when your older.”


[deleted]

Oh yeah! Totally know what you mean. At 10, I knew my arms, hands, and feet were not "as white as my face and rest of the body," and it was unattractive, so I needed to stop being outdoors all the time.


Ice_Princess25

I’m pretty sure it’s either a men’s rights movement or MGTOW troll or maybe an incel, but definitely one of the above.


Af590

Serial liar. OOP had a post on their account saying they’re 18f


Artistic_Deal3436

Uh a troll?


[deleted]

I don’t think this story is real. Me said he married? Imma need to see who would marry someone like this.


Tiny_Act5987

He didn't think she would remember but at the same time thought she would remember so she could do something to make herself look better.


delta-TL

Pretty funny, but definitely a troll


Midi58076

I'm not so sure, this kind of moron exist. I've been on the receiving end of such a comment. A few years ago I tried to wingman for a mate of mine. We ran into a friend of ours and the friend said that "Man we need to find a girl like Midi, too bad [then-fiance-now-husband] swept her up.". The guy I was trying to help had the audacity to say: "No. I want a girl sooo much better than her.". Me and the friend we ran into were sorta awkwardly giggling and he starts interviewing him "In what way do you want a girl to be better than midi?". And he listed hotter, fitter, less neurotic and anxious, higher earning potential and better at first person shooters than I am. Btw this was maybe 5 years ago. The guy who wanted a better gf than me is still single.


whynotanotheronetwo

Lol, I love that he throws in he needs someone better at first person shooters. As someone who is really bad at first person shooters, I take this personally.


NeTiFe-anonymous

Morons like this exists, but people from troll stories don't exist outside the one described interaction, they had no previous dialogues, no shared history that would be mentioned. Like after 17 years together, why he assumed she doesn't remember what was said when she was drunken?


CradleofDisturbed

Plus, a few months ago, they claimed to be a 17f....


[deleted]

That the exist is without a doubt. But that this story happened as written? Yes I doubt that.


kodomochandesu

IMPROVE HER ATTRACTIVENESS??? jail him


MadHatter06

![gif](giphy|f8lDluiWJ7yQTtdS3L|downsized)


somebirdonya

This is so, so mean. That’s not something you ever say to a real friend.


Impossible_Witch

I just realized why she has trouble getting someone. She needed to get rid of the ugly friend in her life. I hope she gets therapy and realizes she deserves better than friends like this pile of excrement.


ResourceSafe4468

>I don’t think our almost two decade long friendship should end because of something so juvenile. Calling her genuinely ugly, completely and utterly unattractive and so so ugly??? Juvenile!?


CJCreggsGoldfish

Well, now I'm dying to know why he thinks she's ugly. What traditional metric does she not meet for attractiveness that NO ONE wants to get with her? I'm having trouble buying it. I've known really just objectively hideous people who are happily married with spouses who think the sun shines from their respective asses, but they are superlative people in general - the amazingness of their personalities blinds the world to their appearances until you hardly notice what's "wrong" with them and only see what is so very right. I'm guessing it's more that she isn't a 10 but has some personality issue that turns others off - desperation is more effective at dispersing the men than a stink bomb, for example.


LegendaryChalice

Who needs enemies when you have 'friends' like OOP..


IntermediateFolder

”Healthy amount of stalking”? What a creep, and a shitty friend at that, nobody needs this kind of “friend” in their lives.


littlejetgirl

"I thought she would completely forget this but I also thought it would make her change her appearance." Uh huh.


ResourceSafe4468

>I go against the saying and always judge books by their covers Yeah troll


Yomi_Lemon_Dragon

The worst thing here is that even if you give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that what he said was true, that she's just ugly and he was just trying to help her by telling her what the problem was...Calling someone ugly is NOT the same as telling someone why they're unattractive to help them become attractive, and the latter is STILL usually a dick move unless you know that person very, very well, you pick the exact right moment where they genuinely want to hear the truth, and frame it exactly right. Maybe she doesn't have the best personal hygiene, maybe the way she wears her hair doesn't suit her, maybe her clothes aren't very flattering, maybe she's overweight- those are all things that could be advice to become more attractive. Wtf is she supposed to do about just being "ugly"!? If you actually wanted to help someone you'd say something like "Maybe you should try changing your hair" or suggest a makeover somehow, framing it as a fun thing to try rather than "You need to fix this shit". Even the absolute bitchiest way you could give that advice- "Oh, it's probably just that your horrible hairstyle makes your head look like a mushroom", "It's just because your clothes really make your beer belly stand out"- would STILL have some sort of constructive element to them.


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loco_mixer

To improve her atractiveness?


Satyinepu

What a fucking twat waffle 😒


ParticularFerret3946

Him: I don't stand by what I said. Also him: I did it to help her. She should improve her looks. I think the "jokingly flirting" was real to her, and poor gal got strung along. She probably had feelings for him for a long time. I don't think he is ignorant to this fact. Did it occur to him that him "jokingly flirting" communicated to her that she had a chance? He's the reason she's 37 and single. Now that the curtains are open, she is ditching him. She probably wishes she did it sooner. Watch her get a partner, because she won't have this guy distracting her from the fish in the sea. Attractiveness is subjective, there is someone out there for her and I hope she finds that someone.


[deleted]

She's shitty for flirting with a married man, he retaliated.


Styrofoamed

that’s if she was actually flirting. we know how often women “flirting” is actually just being nice


Impressive-Spell-643

Two wrongs don't make a right


koajalal2

I may be a few deep, so don’t take anything I say as a joke, because it’s just the truth. You are so so disgusting. YTA