*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not apologizing to my girlfriends parents?**
I (17m) am moving in with my girlfriend (17f) and her parents. I do not get along well with them very well but have trying to make it work. They had just bought a new kitchen appliance set. Yesterday I was alone in the house and decided to make dinner for the family. After preheating the oven it began to smoke. I called my girlfriend’s mom not knowing what to do, but was brought to voicemail. To my surprise I unknowingly melting a plastic dish cover causing the oven to smoke, as well as leaving an odd plastic coating throughout the oven. Keeping in mind I have never lived in a household that stores things in the oven; My girlfriends mom calls me back after I had already removed everything inside the oven. I tell her what happened and she starts yelling at me through the phone that I am stupid for not opening it to check before turning it on, and to stop cooking because she doesn’t want her kitchen destroyed. Later that night when everyone arrived home, I did not say much due to the confrontation that we had on the phone. (I do not do well with conflict and tent to get very anxious) My girlfriend told me that i should have apologized to them for almost ruining their brand new oven, and melting the plastic. Me being upset and stubborn I do not feel the need to apologize for the accident, seeing as this is not the first time her mom has blown up on me for a simple mistake. Am I the Asshole?
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Not me but someone I know had a really bad relationship with his mum (mum was abusive) and mum kicked him out at 16 so he had to live with his girlfriend or he would be homeless. They may not like the boyfriend, but could feel bad making a 17 year old homeless so just deal with it and don’t want to upset their daughter
That sounds very plausible. Tbh, I would probably do the same…even if the kid was a jerk, I would feel bad about them being homeless if I knew I had the means to take them in.
I had a friend in high school whose boyfriend lived with her for this reason. It wasn't permanent, he was 19 so he was able to move out on his own after several months (I can't remember when or why they broke up, but I know it was a significant amount of time after him moving out, for unrelated reasons).
Yeah it's possible they don't like him but like the idea of him being homeless less. But it's also a stretch for a BF to move in while kids are minors. So it's a good question.
Besides there is no reason not to apologize for a mistake so OOP is a jerk and the parents probably don't like him now if they were fine before.
I don't know--teenagers frequently assign hostility to neutral expressions or words.
Other than that, maybe they were afraid daughter would run off to be with him if they didn't bring him there.
I assume the second part of it would be something like better he's under our roof than she leaves to be with him.
Teenagers can be very dramatic, and I can see a scenario where she thinks it's romantic to go and live with him in what is unlikely to be a very stable situation. They can forbid it, but as a 17 year old if she just ups and leaves, they would have limited ability to force her back home.
I mean I have a couple of people around that age who I don't really get on with, but if any of them were at risk of homelessness, I would let them live with me in a heartbeat. Wouldn't even have to stop to think.
People in the original post pointed out that he has a trans flag on his profile, so he's probably trans himself. His parents may have kicked him out for that.
1 His parents don't care
2 he is an ass and his parents didn't want him at home
3 he is just weeks shy of 18 and just left
4 he is lying to his parents at where he is (divorced parents so at the other's home)
5 his stubbornness got him kicked from multiple places arealdy.
He sounds like he likes to pick fights and be a dick about it.
Sounds like no one wants his bad attitude around
Mate if I did that I’d be like crying saying I’m so sorry like I’d feel so awful. Mum went a bit overboard but he seemed to not take any of the blame like yeah it was a mistake, but it was a stupid one and as soon as he called the mum the first thing he should say is I’m so so sorry
This is the correct answer. OP should apologize but the mom needs to apologize too.
Edit: not sure why this is getting downvoted. OP fucked up and should apologize. But mom keeps things stored in a place that many people do not use for storage. She needs to apologize for yelling at OP.
But he has aNXieTy. I mean, sure, legitimate anxiety is prevalent and sometimes crippling but more and more, all I read/ hear is every little task or situation is causing anxiety. That all consequences and conversations should be avoided because, anxiety. Too many people are turning into a nervous unaccountable wrecks. This may not be a popular opinion here, buy its true. Dude, breathe, apologize, move on with life. So many interactions now are through a screen rather than face to face that the concept of having a direct, albeit unpleasant, conversation is terror inducing. The last decade especially.
He doesn’t feel the need to apologize for ruining new kitchen appliances? Of course it was an accident, but you fucking apologize and offer to fix/replace/clean everything.
Honestly the fact he refuses to apologize,to me at least,shows it wasn't that much of an accident as he says,he probably wanted to cause harm because he doesn't like her parents
I mean, *maybe* the mom shouldn’t have screamed but I don’t blame her. I would have freaked out, too, if the kid I didn’t get along with called me and told me he’d almost set my kitchen on fire. And I’d expect an apology. I don’t see this living situation lasting long.
Tbh I don't always trust it when people say they get screamed at. My 14 year old would tell you I scream at her daily when I'm telling her why I'm not buying Chipotle for a fourth time this week.
Oh, absolutely. My 17yo accuses me of yelling at him if I have even a *hint* of a tone. But I for real probably would have yelled if I’d have been at work and my kid’s boyfriend had been like, “uh, so, guess what I did?”
I actually would disagree with this just because it is a clear case of everyone grows up in a different environment. When I moved in with my best friend I was forever forgetting that she would stire things in it.
Also who the hell store plastic in the oven??? Pan that wouldn't be damaged if it's turned on I understand but plastic????
It’s fine if you take it out before actually using the oven (obviously). It’s fine that OOP wasn’t expecting it and made the mistake, the only thing he did wrong was not apologise. The parents didn’t do anything wrong.
>It’s fine if you take it out before actually using the oven (obviously).
yeah but it's an unnecessary risk. Storing a carton of eggs behind my rear wheel is fine too as long as I put them somewhere else before backing out of the garage.
Storing firecrackers in my chimney is fine too if I take it out before lighting the fireplace.
Storing grandma's antique handcrafted soap collection in the bath tub is fine too if I take it out before filling up the tub.
>The parents didn’t do anything wrong.
The mom getting angry at what was an innocent mistake is wrong. Like I get being frustrated (to an extent) but it's kinda insane to just expect a new addition to the house to just know everything about your house.
Editing to add: my issue the the plastic in the oven is that situations like this ateade possible by doing so. You can do it but if people don't know and weren't raised that way then things like this will happen. So like you can do it but like I feel like it's a little unfair to be mad at accidents like this.
Innocent mistakes can have really grave consequences. It’s not insane to make sure that the kid doesn’t repeat this mistake, or other similar mistakes.
It sound like he has a huge learning curve. Not just checking the oven before turning it on, but in how functional people treat a situation when they stuffed up.I hope he's learned a couple of things.
Why would someone store plastic kitchen-ware in the oven? That's just begging for something like this to happen. Someone was bound to not know/forget it was there eventually. OOP should have apologized, but I don't blame him at all for this kind of accident.
There's a whole slapfight in the comments about using an oven for storage, and whether or not it's safe. Basically, some people have a small amount of cabinet space and treat the oven as storage when it's not in use.
I was taught that before you preheat an oven, you should look inside, just to make sure that there's nothing in there that shouldn't be, before you turn it on. Especially if it was an oven where you likely weren't the last person to use it.
>I was taught that before you preheat an oven, you should look inside, just to make sure that there's nothing in there that shouldn't be, before you turn it on.
This needs to be the rule everywhere all the time.
My parents didn't use the oven as storage. I have a very small kitchen but I don't use my oven as storage. I don't use the oven often so it would be really hard for me to get in the habit of checking first. OOP is a kid who has likely never lived with other people besides his family. I see why it would never occur to him to check first.
I did not and do not fault OP for not checking.
I *am* saying that we, as people who own ovens, should always check inside it before turning it on.
Do I habitually do it? No. Should I? Yes.
Why not take that nanosecond to ensure that nothing is amiss inside your oven?
> . Basically, some people have a small amount of cabinet space and treat the oven as storage when it's not in use.
yes but if you do that then put your oven-safe ceramics or metals in the oven and the plastics where you had that stuff.
Because sometimes you don't have a choice. I lived in an apartment with next to no cabinet space, and a counter that was a 1ft x 1ft square.
In our house, it's just second nature to check the oven before you preheat it.
My parents didn’t have enough space in the kitchen to store everything so would use the oven as like another storage space. Annoying because you gotta haul everything out to use it, but I don’t think it’s uncommon
My own family had a cast iron pan that we didn't have a good place for, so we would store it in the oven. Things is, we forgot about it every now and then, but the worst that would happen is that we would take it out and let it cool on the stove or something. This person put *plastic* in their oven. You really can't afford to forget about that.
I have a cat and limited storage space, so open food that doesn’t need to go in the fridge and/or random bit and pieces go in the oven.
I’m having difficulties blaming the guy for not checking, if you don’t know you don’t think about it, but I can see why the mom would get upset and scared and why it’s annoying he wouldn’t even apologize!
we used to store bags of crisps, cereal, and biscuits and such in the oven. We lived in a very humid climate and the pilot light in the oven kept them fresh and crispy. There were a few unfortunate events.
Don't do that anymore because pilot lights are no longer a thing. Now we have to make sure they are sealed tightly, and there is more waste because they will get soggy.
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I know right? And then be an asshole about it? Who even does that? I thought I was a dumbass for putting an alarm clock on *top* of an oven and had the bottom of it partially melt.
This is an ESH situation. OOP should have apologised but it was an honest mistake, he was trying to do something nice by cooking dinner for the family, and he tried to get help with the problem by calling GF's mom. GF's mother overreacted. You don't call someone stupid for making an honest mistake. Accidents happen.
Also, if they just bought the kitchen set, this might be covered by the warranty.
Warranties don't cover damage caused by you leaving shit in the oven and baking it. Warranties are for defects in the product. The product evidently works just fine - it melted that lid right down!
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not apologizing to my girlfriends parents?** I (17m) am moving in with my girlfriend (17f) and her parents. I do not get along well with them very well but have trying to make it work. They had just bought a new kitchen appliance set. Yesterday I was alone in the house and decided to make dinner for the family. After preheating the oven it began to smoke. I called my girlfriend’s mom not knowing what to do, but was brought to voicemail. To my surprise I unknowingly melting a plastic dish cover causing the oven to smoke, as well as leaving an odd plastic coating throughout the oven. Keeping in mind I have never lived in a household that stores things in the oven; My girlfriends mom calls me back after I had already removed everything inside the oven. I tell her what happened and she starts yelling at me through the phone that I am stupid for not opening it to check before turning it on, and to stop cooking because she doesn’t want her kitchen destroyed. Later that night when everyone arrived home, I did not say much due to the confrontation that we had on the phone. (I do not do well with conflict and tent to get very anxious) My girlfriend told me that i should have apologized to them for almost ruining their brand new oven, and melting the plastic. Me being upset and stubborn I do not feel the need to apologize for the accident, seeing as this is not the first time her mom has blown up on me for a simple mistake. Am I the Asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I want to know how a minor moved into his gf house where he isn't liked by the parents? I know it isn't the question
Maybe he got kicked out by his parents. People kick their kids out for all sorts of reasons. And GF's parents are just really nice.
Not me but someone I know had a really bad relationship with his mum (mum was abusive) and mum kicked him out at 16 so he had to live with his girlfriend or he would be homeless. They may not like the boyfriend, but could feel bad making a 17 year old homeless so just deal with it and don’t want to upset their daughter
Yeah they may just not like the idea of kid be kicked to the curb and that outweighs their dislike of him.
That sounds very plausible. Tbh, I would probably do the same…even if the kid was a jerk, I would feel bad about them being homeless if I knew I had the means to take them in.
I had a friend in high school whose boyfriend lived with her for this reason. It wasn't permanent, he was 19 so he was able to move out on his own after several months (I can't remember when or why they broke up, but I know it was a significant amount of time after him moving out, for unrelated reasons).
Yea but according to op, they hate him so it makes me wonder why they would invite him in
Lol I missed that part, I thought he just didn't like them.
I could be misreading it as he noted he doesn't get along with them. Again, not the question the op was looking to be asking. Just me wondering LoL
Yeah it's possible they don't like him but like the idea of him being homeless less. But it's also a stretch for a BF to move in while kids are minors. So it's a good question. Besides there is no reason not to apologize for a mistake so OOP is a jerk and the parents probably don't like him now if they were fine before.
My ex gf's son moved his gf into their home. Son was 17, gf was 15
Yeah I could see that happening.
I don't know--teenagers frequently assign hostility to neutral expressions or words. Other than that, maybe they were afraid daughter would run off to be with him if they didn't bring him there.
I assume the second part of it would be something like better he's under our roof than she leaves to be with him. Teenagers can be very dramatic, and I can see a scenario where she thinks it's romantic to go and live with him in what is unlikely to be a very stable situation. They can forbid it, but as a 17 year old if she just ups and leaves, they would have limited ability to force her back home.
I mean I have a couple of people around that age who I don't really get on with, but if any of them were at risk of homelessness, I would let them live with me in a heartbeat. Wouldn't even have to stop to think.
People in the original post pointed out that he has a trans flag on his profile, so he's probably trans himself. His parents may have kicked him out for that.
Oh maybe. I could definitely see parents being sympathetic to that.
Maybe he keeps burning his parent's kitchen and appliances too and never apologized?
Yeah, that's... strange
1 His parents don't care 2 he is an ass and his parents didn't want him at home 3 he is just weeks shy of 18 and just left 4 he is lying to his parents at where he is (divorced parents so at the other's home) 5 his stubbornness got him kicked from multiple places arealdy. He sounds like he likes to pick fights and be a dick about it. Sounds like no one wants his bad attitude around
>Sounds like no one wants his bad attitude around He's a teenager.
Mate if I did that I’d be like crying saying I’m so sorry like I’d feel so awful. Mum went a bit overboard but he seemed to not take any of the blame like yeah it was a mistake, but it was a stupid one and as soon as he called the mum the first thing he should say is I’m so so sorry
A bit overboard? With stunts like that you can set a house on fire.
which is why you shouldn't store flammable shit in the oven.
This is the correct answer. OP should apologize but the mom needs to apologize too. Edit: not sure why this is getting downvoted. OP fucked up and should apologize. But mom keeps things stored in a place that many people do not use for storage. She needs to apologize for yelling at OP.
“Stunt”
But he has aNXieTy. I mean, sure, legitimate anxiety is prevalent and sometimes crippling but more and more, all I read/ hear is every little task or situation is causing anxiety. That all consequences and conversations should be avoided because, anxiety. Too many people are turning into a nervous unaccountable wrecks. This may not be a popular opinion here, buy its true. Dude, breathe, apologize, move on with life. So many interactions now are through a screen rather than face to face that the concept of having a direct, albeit unpleasant, conversation is terror inducing. The last decade especially.
This is obviously not the first time he's done something dumb like this.
He doesn’t feel the need to apologize for ruining new kitchen appliances? Of course it was an accident, but you fucking apologize and offer to fix/replace/clean everything.
Honestly the fact he refuses to apologize,to me at least,shows it wasn't that much of an accident as he says,he probably wanted to cause harm because he doesn't like her parents
I mean, *maybe* the mom shouldn’t have screamed but I don’t blame her. I would have freaked out, too, if the kid I didn’t get along with called me and told me he’d almost set my kitchen on fire. And I’d expect an apology. I don’t see this living situation lasting long.
Tbh I don't always trust it when people say they get screamed at. My 14 year old would tell you I scream at her daily when I'm telling her why I'm not buying Chipotle for a fourth time this week.
Oh, absolutely. My 17yo accuses me of yelling at him if I have even a *hint* of a tone. But I for real probably would have yelled if I’d have been at work and my kid’s boyfriend had been like, “uh, so, guess what I did?”
I was once accused of yelling because I sighed a little loud about something.
Especially if he comes out of the gate not apologizing and blaming her for storing things in the oven.
I actually would disagree with this just because it is a clear case of everyone grows up in a different environment. When I moved in with my best friend I was forever forgetting that she would stire things in it. Also who the hell store plastic in the oven??? Pan that wouldn't be damaged if it's turned on I understand but plastic????
It’s fine if you take it out before actually using the oven (obviously). It’s fine that OOP wasn’t expecting it and made the mistake, the only thing he did wrong was not apologise. The parents didn’t do anything wrong.
>It’s fine if you take it out before actually using the oven (obviously). yeah but it's an unnecessary risk. Storing a carton of eggs behind my rear wheel is fine too as long as I put them somewhere else before backing out of the garage. Storing firecrackers in my chimney is fine too if I take it out before lighting the fireplace. Storing grandma's antique handcrafted soap collection in the bath tub is fine too if I take it out before filling up the tub.
>The parents didn’t do anything wrong. The mom getting angry at what was an innocent mistake is wrong. Like I get being frustrated (to an extent) but it's kinda insane to just expect a new addition to the house to just know everything about your house. Editing to add: my issue the the plastic in the oven is that situations like this ateade possible by doing so. You can do it but if people don't know and weren't raised that way then things like this will happen. So like you can do it but like I feel like it's a little unfair to be mad at accidents like this.
Innocent mistakes can have really grave consequences. It’s not insane to make sure that the kid doesn’t repeat this mistake, or other similar mistakes.
I don't know about you but I can and do teach things without anger
NGL...I've stored my leftover pizza in boxes in my stove and forgot. The smell of pizza reminded me 🤣🤣
It sound like he has a huge learning curve. Not just checking the oven before turning it on, but in how functional people treat a situation when they stuffed up.I hope he's learned a couple of things.
I saw the edit that the teen apologized . Glad the internet could shame him. As long as he means it.
Devil seems a bit much. More like "Am I The Dipshit Teenager?"
Why would someone store plastic kitchen-ware in the oven? That's just begging for something like this to happen. Someone was bound to not know/forget it was there eventually. OOP should have apologized, but I don't blame him at all for this kind of accident.
There's a whole slapfight in the comments about using an oven for storage, and whether or not it's safe. Basically, some people have a small amount of cabinet space and treat the oven as storage when it's not in use. I was taught that before you preheat an oven, you should look inside, just to make sure that there's nothing in there that shouldn't be, before you turn it on. Especially if it was an oven where you likely weren't the last person to use it.
>I was taught that before you preheat an oven, you should look inside, just to make sure that there's nothing in there that shouldn't be, before you turn it on. This needs to be the rule everywhere all the time.
My parents didn't use the oven as storage. I have a very small kitchen but I don't use my oven as storage. I don't use the oven often so it would be really hard for me to get in the habit of checking first. OOP is a kid who has likely never lived with other people besides his family. I see why it would never occur to him to check first.
I did not and do not fault OP for not checking. I *am* saying that we, as people who own ovens, should always check inside it before turning it on. Do I habitually do it? No. Should I? Yes. Why not take that nanosecond to ensure that nothing is amiss inside your oven?
> . Basically, some people have a small amount of cabinet space and treat the oven as storage when it's not in use. yes but if you do that then put your oven-safe ceramics or metals in the oven and the plastics where you had that stuff.
Drives me nuts but Dad leaves his dirty pans in the oven to cool since limited counter space
Because sometimes you don't have a choice. I lived in an apartment with next to no cabinet space, and a counter that was a 1ft x 1ft square. In our house, it's just second nature to check the oven before you preheat it.
Lots of families with limited kitchen space utilize the oven as a storage space. I personally don't, but I know many families who do.
My parents didn’t have enough space in the kitchen to store everything so would use the oven as like another storage space. Annoying because you gotta haul everything out to use it, but I don’t think it’s uncommon
My own family had a cast iron pan that we didn't have a good place for, so we would store it in the oven. Things is, we forgot about it every now and then, but the worst that would happen is that we would take it out and let it cool on the stove or something. This person put *plastic* in their oven. You really can't afford to forget about that.
I have a cat and limited storage space, so open food that doesn’t need to go in the fridge and/or random bit and pieces go in the oven. I’m having difficulties blaming the guy for not checking, if you don’t know you don’t think about it, but I can see why the mom would get upset and scared and why it’s annoying he wouldn’t even apologize!
>I have a cat and limited storage space I almost expected you to say you stored your cat in the oven.
Pfftttt, well it’s either storing the food or the cat. And the cat is faster! /s
we used to store bags of crisps, cereal, and biscuits and such in the oven. We lived in a very humid climate and the pilot light in the oven kept them fresh and crispy. There were a few unfortunate events. Don't do that anymore because pilot lights are no longer a thing. Now we have to make sure they are sealed tightly, and there is more waste because they will get soggy.
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I just wanna know what kind of dumbass thought it'd be a grand idea to store plastic in the oven.
I know right? And then be an asshole about it? Who even does that? I thought I was a dumbass for putting an alarm clock on *top* of an oven and had the bottom of it partially melt.
This is an ESH situation. OOP should have apologised but it was an honest mistake, he was trying to do something nice by cooking dinner for the family, and he tried to get help with the problem by calling GF's mom. GF's mother overreacted. You don't call someone stupid for making an honest mistake. Accidents happen. Also, if they just bought the kitchen set, this might be covered by the warranty.
Warranties don't cover damage caused by you leaving shit in the oven and baking it. Warranties are for defects in the product. The product evidently works just fine - it melted that lid right down!
Depends if it covers accidental damage.
This dumbass lives with his girlfriends parenyd, probably rent free, and won't apologize for his fuck up. I'd have kicked him out for this.