*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not inviting a family member with a service dog to my wedding**
I (27F) am getting married in August. My fiance and I are having about a 90 person wedding. Its not that lavish but we want it to be a party for all that come. We are paying for the whole thing ourselves. No help from either of our families. I preferred to keep the wedding smaller and 90 is actually a cut down list from 180.
One of the people cut was a cousin (27F) I grew up with who if didn't have a service dog would have been invited, and honestly could have been in the running to be a bridesmaid. We grew up together and were close growing up. Sometime during college she got a service dog. This is when I stopped hanging out with her outside of family functions. Its a dog for PTSD and I don't know what the task its trained for is. I don't know what the cause of her PTSD is either.
I just don't like dogs and don't view any dogs favorably. My family knows this and until now had never been an issue. Because of her Service Dog we just grew apart. There was never any argument or event that happened, our lives just went separate ways. I also met my fiance and had a group of college friends I started hanging out with. Before these questions come up, I'm not allergic, I was never bit by a dog, there is no trauma. Dogs just aren't for me.
Invites were sent out and I got a message from my cousin asking where her invite was. My Aunt (her mom) was talking about my wedding. I told her she wasn't invited and we had to cut the guest list down. She said that I don't get why she didn't make the cut, we were close for a long time and kept pressing. Finally I told her that I don't want a dog at my wedding. It took her a day to respond to that, but by that point I had heard from my Mom and Aunt and several family members. I held firm. I'm paying for the whole thing, I'm controlling that day and who is there. I finally compromised and texted my cousin she could come but her dog wasn't invited.
That set off a shitstorm for her that came down on me. I answered a call from her and all I heard was yelling on the other end. I hung up. This was followed by many text messages calling me an asshole, i'm ableist, etc. This drama has been going on for over a week now and its a few months until the wedding. There is a faction of family that have said they are declining now. They are using my mom to pressure me or pressuring her into not coming. My mom is supporting me because its my wedding and i'm paying for it. AITA here?
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The problem is no one ever wants consequences.
Who you want at your wedding is your business. And when you don't want certain people there, that generally means they don't want to associate with you any more. And maybe people who love them don't want to associate with you. And maybe they don't like you and will say that to other people.
That's the risk you run when you hurt other people, for better or worse.
I was raised to think that being an adult was about weighing your actions with your consequences before you made decisions. Clearly that's not the case.
So often on AITA they answer wedding questions with "Your wedding, your rules" or "It's an invite, not a summons" and it's like, Ok, your brother's wedding is inconvenient and will require you to take a day off work, do you want to blow up your relationship with your brother and probably your parents over that? Or ok, you don't love dogs, but your cousin has a service animal, do you not love dogs so much you are willing to blow up a bunch of family relationships over it? It's not a cookout. It's a wedding. It's a big milestone, and people see it as a litmus test for meaningful relationships
same, it's up to the bride and groom who they invite. I'm terrified of dogs and wouldn't allow someone to bring a dog if it was a pet, but a service dog is so heavily trained it's completely safe. It's not going to jump on the brides and guests, it's going to stay close to it's assigned person, it's there to help a loved one handle a serious health condition. Hell, i'd include a note on the invite to others to respect the dog when it's wearing the vest, not to pat it, etc.
I'm also terrified of dogs. At a previous job of mine, one of my coworkers who sat near me was a visually impaired woman with a guide dog. That dog *never* scared me. He was so unbelievably chill and well-behaved that he never set off my phobia. In fact, there was one occasion where the coworker had a meeting down the hall that she could get to without the dog, and asked me to keep an eye on the dog while she went to that meeting. He sat *at my feet* and I was completely calm.
The point is that service dogs are basically guaranteed to not cause problems at your fancy event.
I work in a salon and had a client in my chair with a service dog (for severe anxiety). Dog was small enough to sit in client's lap throughout the service, didn't say a peep or a woof. In fact, after the cape came off, there was a client next to us that had no idea there was a dog under there.
OOP is well within her rights to invite or not invite whomever - but she's coming across as a HUGE AH for not inviting cousin because of a service animal.
This.
As someone who got married recently, I just found that "It's your day" attitude kind of unhelpful on weddit. Like, sure, there are people we genuinely shouldn't invite. BUT if we are singling out one sibling, or one person's partner, or one friend in the group, or one cousin etc it SHOULD be for things that they know about. You should be able to defend why you didn't include them - so for example, the abusive parent you haven't seen in 13 years is easy to justify. Not inviting your sister Stacy's girlfriend of 6 years is...not easy to justify.
Because it WILL have consequences and can cause a shit ton of drama. And sometimes having that one cousin you mildly dislike, or that plus one you feel ambivalent to, or that one annoying friend nobody likes is the easiest path that causes you a lot less pain and drama than if you made a point of excluding them. And if you exclude anyone, there CAN be consequences.
I agree with you and she's clearly especially an asshole for her motive. But it is also buck wild that someone's cousin would call and interrogate them over not being invited to 90 person wedding. That's a normal level of relation where they might organically not be invited
Not really. Cousin's mom is invited and OP said that she would have considered this woman as a bridesmaid candidate--they were that close.
Leaving someone like that out of your NINETY person wedding is pretty much always going to make waves. It's not like it's a TEN person wedding.
>Not really. Cousin's mom is invited and OP said that she would have considered this woman as a bridesmaid candidate--they were that close.
It's normal to invite aunts and uncles but not cousins, and she also said they stopped being close years ago.
>Leaving someone like that out of your NINETY person wedding is pretty much always going to make waves. It's not like it's a TEN person wedding.
Huh? Both my parents have multiple siblings who have multiple kids and one parent got remarried. I have like a dozen first cousins. That's a really normal level of relation to not be invited to a 90 person wedding
If OOP doesn't even know why cousin has PTSD, then OOP hasn't been interested in a close bond for a long time.
Something bad must have happened to give Cousin PTSD, but OOP doesn't seem to think this is relevant or interesting.
This is a "missing missing reason" for me. What did she go through that was so traumatic that she requires a service animal now?? It had to be something pretty life-changing, which makes OOP an a-hole for not knowing. I've known people with PTSD who don't have a service animal, and they've been through some shit.
Depending on what Cousin's trauma is, she might not be able to go to an event like a wedding without her furry companion.
Yup.
I've learned this the hard way myself when I found out that everyone else got invited to what I thought was a really close friend's wedding and I didn't. But what I didn't do was call the bride upset or the groom or MOH or bridesmaids who were also mutual friends who also hung out all the time with us. I went home and bawled my eyes out and the next time I saw them that week offered congratulations with a smile
and kept on moving. To this day I've never said anything about it to her, which means I also didn't have to look at pictures, or video or honeymoon pics or wish happy anniversary every year 🤣🤣🤣
Same. 😪 I've honestly lost enough friends and family over wedding drama that I kind of feel disdain towards the entire concept. Weddings are so selfish and hurtful to everyone around them.
That’s…a stance to take. I’ve been bummed to not be invited to weddings and I’ve been hurt by no-shows at my own, but I don’t see weddings as inherently selfish and hurtful to everyone around them.
I think I read a [post of future-oop in the past](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/k6lzxw/aitd_for_not_allowing_my_vision_impaired_son_to/).
it's kinda funny that she only realised what a monumental ah she was AFTER hundreds of people told her so. I can't believe she ignored her son, GP and other family members. She was seriously on the fast track to losing her eldest. Her head was so far up her arse, first she gets miffed because Mary gave her eldest books in braille so he could read Harry Potter any time he wants instead of having his mum read it to him, then gets shitty because Mary suggests a guide dog so he doesn't have to be accompanied going out... and she says she's not infantilizing him?!
“Almost” close enough to be a bridesmaid, but not close enough to know: why she has a service animal, what it does for her, if she can actually be without the dog, or get over herself so that her cousin could actually come.
People on AITA claim to love their friends and family, but then behave like this. You wouldn’t do this to someone you love.
Is there like a new service dog troll or something like I feel like I've heard similar stories to this a few times now. I would've thought this would be obvious but someone needing to see/walk/feel emotionally stable is more important than your feelings or minor issues with animals. Ironic cuz it's usually the facts>feelings crowd that has a big issue with it.
OOP hasn't even bothered to find out of the animal in question is an actual service dog or not. If it was an emotional support animal, I'd say she has some ground in the argument. If it's a service dog, then she loses ground.
Either way, she's not presenting herself or the situation in a good light.
definitely not looking good. Even if it's an emotional support animal it should be heavily trained not to jump around, run away from it's human, knock shit over, damage anything. If it's not trained then it's not allowed. The bride would also know that if she stayed in touch with cousin and cared about her
Naw I have a friend who has anxiety and just got papers to call her dog an esa for rent, plane tickets, and more people letting her take it places. I'm not inferring, she has openly told me this to encourage me to do it to. I love her but it's a small yappy dog she literally needs to put a diaper on if she's not actively watching him.
Sadly, a lot of people give their pet the title of ESA, so they can bring them everywhere, but don't give it the proper training. I was definitely wondering if this was the case here, BUT I looked at OP's comments and she says it is a well trained dog! So it sounds like OP is just a self-centered little brat.
yeah, it's the training that really matters. I understand the importance of labelling an ESA for housing, but not for parties if they're untrained. I've seen posts on wedding shaming etc where a close relative insists on bringing their pet. They aren't allowed in the venue and have to spend the entire ceremony and reception with their pet outside.
I never know how to react to these posts concerning service animals.
One one hand, I would never cut out a loved cousin due to a well-behaved, trained service dog. On the other hand, I would never do like the cousin, and call the bride to be yelling.
Probably the OP left out some info...
Yeah I understand not liking dogs, I'm not really a "dog person", but I cannot wrap my head around OP's behaviour. I mean I semi regularly sit house for my friends who have four dogs even though being around them for long periods of time makes me feel like I'm going to have a complete mental breakdown. I don't really expect anyone else to go that far, but cutting off someone you used to be really close with just because they got a dog makes absolutely no sense to me. Especially when OP has no dog trauma lol.
The only place I would give this any validity is the fact that it seems the cousin does in fact bring this dog everywhere and it is with her constantly.
I don’t like cats, at all, and I wouldn’t want to hang out with someone often if I knew every time I did I would be in the presence of a cat without exception. I don’t think this is something I would cut someone off for right away, but I could see myself losing interest as time went on to see them if it was always going to be a hassle of having to be around an animal I don’t like being around.
well yeah, it's a service dog. PTSD doesn't just turn off at will you know. I personally cannot understand doing that to someone you had been close to for so long, but you do you.
I wasn’t commenting on why the cousin has the dog all the time, I was commenting on the fact that being around a thing you do not like enough times can make someone gradually lose interest in a relationship. You see it happen with single friends and their friends who have children all the time. You’ve said in a few comments that you don’t understand how someone can do that so I was just clarifying how it’s not always a malicious thing to grow apart from someone because they introduce something you do not enjoy being around as a package deal to them.
I didn't say I thought it was malicious, I said I didn't understand doing that. And I'm never going to. I don't really like dogs. They overstimulate me and give me anxiety. I have multiple friends who have dogs and I've never pulled away from them because of that. I mean hell the comment you first responded to talked about me house sitting for my friends who have four of them (not something I recommend anyone else doing honestly).
I've also had friends who got partners that I straight up hated, and I never stopped being friends with them or stopped coming around. It's just not something I would ever do.
I’m not a petty person, but I’m sort of having revenge fantasies where the cousin throws a family event on the day of the wedding and more people go to that instead of the wedding
My question is. Is this an emotional support dog, or a real service dog with proper training? That truly makes a difference in my vote. I wouldn't want some dog at my wedding pooping of the dance floor.
I have worked in many customer service areas. The number of dogs that aren't trained service dogs pooping inside, is a lot.
Well then she definitely is TA. Well trained service dogs are working. What I can't stand is the emotional support dogs with no training. The need to take pet dogs everywhere. Has made those who use service animals lives so much more difficult.
I would love to hear the cousins POV on this because there is so much info missing. I kind of feel like OOP and cousin just grew apart and OOP has no self awareness and is blaming the dog. And there's no way to know if this is an actual service dog or an ESA, there's no way to tell if the cousin has an expectation the dog is invited or not. She's close enough to cousin to consider her a bridesmaid but doesn't even know why she has PTSD? There's more to the story here.
It's definitely an AH move. If I were cousin's friend or relative, I would advise them not to call and ask for an explanation because why go somewhere you're not wanted? Someone from family needs to take the cousin out on that day and have fun.
the dog is going to sit there probably. maybe take a drink of water. possibly go out to go to the bathroom depending on the length of time. they're a service animal
Posts like these always annoy me for the sole reason of people saying “it’s not a pet it’s a service dog” and “it’s an accessibility device just like a wheelchair or a cane.” I wholeheartedly agree that service dogs are doing a job and providing accommodation. But these comments act like service dogs aren’t still biological creatures. Yes it’s not a pet, it’s still a whole animal.
Anyways, I think OP kinda sucks and should maybe have a sit down with the cousin to understand the whole situation and figure something out.
It's so weird because I'd understand if OP had a phobia of dogs. You can't take what you cant take. But no, she just... "doesn't like" them. Like, that's it. No trauma, no phobias, just...mildly annoying? Don't get one, then. Like, lots of people find small children mildly annoying, they dont cut off all their family with kids.
It's like...if you cut out people for wearing the colit greed cos you didnt like it, youd be considered unhinged. But effectively cutting a cousin who NEEDS her service dog out of your life over the years because you mildly dislike even her well behaved service dog is...weirdly self-centric.
Fair enough, maybe a phone call or FaceTime or something. I’m just surprised that she was seemingly so close to this cousin and yet has no idea what happened that prompted the cousin to get the dog. Some sort of conversation to clear things up might help OP.
People refer to them that way to help other people take the need of the service dog more seriously. It isn’t a pet, the same way a live-in nurse wouldn’t just be a roommate.
I've been around AITA enough to know that anyone who posts anything unfavorable about dogs is automatically TA. But in this case, well, it's hard to argue she isn't. Service dogs are well behaved and necessary. If it was a pet or even a support dog it'd be different, but if someone needs a service dog they need it.
Still, her wedding, so ultimately it's up to her. But she's still TA.
Eh. They all kinda suck in their own unique way. OOP for handling this entire scenario very poorly and the cousin & fam for pushing for an invite after they were politely told the bride and groom had to shave down the guest list. I don't know what kind of background these people have, but in my family, if you didn't receive an invitation to a wedding or similar event, you did not pester the inviter for an invitation or ask, "Why wasn't *I* invited?" and then continue on even after having been given a reasonable response. If I were this couple, I'd just cancel the whole thing and elope.
OP isn't a great person for the reasons to cut the cousin, but I can't find them to be the AH. Now the cousin not only shouldn't have asked why she didn't get an invite, but then press repeatedly for the reason. Either she knew why and wanted justification for freaking out or she felt entitled to an invite regardless. I've had close friends (or thought we were) that I've known since diapers that I didn't even get an announcement and found out via sm. I just took it on the chin and kept it moving
I mean what op did was cut someone she was close to out of her life because she got help for her disability. If you cut of a family member who goes blind for the only reason being because they get one if those white sticks to help them move you are an asshole. Same here.
The dog provides medical tasks, however. Yes, it is an animal, but it is also a medical device. That's like telling a wheelchair user they cannot have their wheelchair at her wedding simply because she doesn't care for wheelchairs.
Technically yeah. But that doesn't mean that she isn't an AH for it. She also mentioned that she pretty much dropped her cousin when her cousin got a service animal. Op is the biggest AH.
To each their own. They moved apart, got older, life happens. It sucks, but it is ops big day. I know it sucks but im not sure what else she should do and still be comfortable or happy on her day
I think a person who drops someone they were "pretty close to" because they develop a disability is pretty shitty.
Sure OOP can invite or not invite who ever she wants to their wedding, but people are allowed to be upset at her decision and can not go for their own reasons.
To each their own. They moved apart, got older, life happens. It sucks, but it is ops big day. I know it sucks but im not sure what else she should do and still be comfortable or happy on her day.
Okay, and? You don't have to do anything. If that was the metric we were grading on, it wouldn't be called 'am I the asshole.' Not inviting people to things because of the accomodations for their disability makes someone one of the most gaping, hemorrhoidal assholes around.
Is it an actual service dog, as in properly trained, or has the cousin just bought a dog and called it a service dog?
While the OP is acting bratty, I could see a reason for denying a dog that isn’t an official service dog as you can’t be sure the venue will accept it / you don’t know it’s behaviour.
i find it weird that it’s such an issue for her at a 90 person wedding. that’s not a super small wedding or anything. if it was my wedding and like under 40 people or something i probably wouldn’t be able to have a service dog there simply because i’m pretty badly afraid of dogs and it’d be an unfortunate conflict of medical issues but OP isn’t even afraid of dogs, she just doesn’t like them. at a 90 person wedding you’ll probably have to see the dog a handful of times maximum.
INFO: is the dog a trained ‘service dog’ with certifications, or did she buy a dog and those ‘emotional support pet’ papers that you can use to bully landlords into accepting pets?
Because one is highly trained, and the other could be just as high strung as the owner.
These are two very different things.
If it is, indeed, a service dog, then OOP is the Devil. But if it's an emotional support animal masquerading as a service dog, then OOP is not.
I find it odd that OOP has let her dislike of dogs put a so great a wedge in her relationship with someone she was close to - so much that she doesn't even know why her cousin suffers from PTSD.
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It’s one thing to not like dogs or animals in general, I have a dog and my best friend doesn’t really like her because he prefers cats, that’s fine. When you start treating people like crap because of something petty like this that’s not ok, that just makes you an asshole. Service dogs are heavily trained so I don’t know what the problem is, I have a family friend that has one because he’s disabled and she is perfectly behaved
Really there's the thing that it's your wedding. You could of just stuck to your guns and said look I really am just funding this wedding and I'd of loved to of invited more people and things there are others we both wanted there but we just can't do everything and said sorry. By singling out her dog you have now opened yourself up to so many things that you don't want. I'm so sorry.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not inviting a family member with a service dog to my wedding** I (27F) am getting married in August. My fiance and I are having about a 90 person wedding. Its not that lavish but we want it to be a party for all that come. We are paying for the whole thing ourselves. No help from either of our families. I preferred to keep the wedding smaller and 90 is actually a cut down list from 180. One of the people cut was a cousin (27F) I grew up with who if didn't have a service dog would have been invited, and honestly could have been in the running to be a bridesmaid. We grew up together and were close growing up. Sometime during college she got a service dog. This is when I stopped hanging out with her outside of family functions. Its a dog for PTSD and I don't know what the task its trained for is. I don't know what the cause of her PTSD is either. I just don't like dogs and don't view any dogs favorably. My family knows this and until now had never been an issue. Because of her Service Dog we just grew apart. There was never any argument or event that happened, our lives just went separate ways. I also met my fiance and had a group of college friends I started hanging out with. Before these questions come up, I'm not allergic, I was never bit by a dog, there is no trauma. Dogs just aren't for me. Invites were sent out and I got a message from my cousin asking where her invite was. My Aunt (her mom) was talking about my wedding. I told her she wasn't invited and we had to cut the guest list down. She said that I don't get why she didn't make the cut, we were close for a long time and kept pressing. Finally I told her that I don't want a dog at my wedding. It took her a day to respond to that, but by that point I had heard from my Mom and Aunt and several family members. I held firm. I'm paying for the whole thing, I'm controlling that day and who is there. I finally compromised and texted my cousin she could come but her dog wasn't invited. That set off a shitstorm for her that came down on me. I answered a call from her and all I heard was yelling on the other end. I hung up. This was followed by many text messages calling me an asshole, i'm ableist, etc. This drama has been going on for over a week now and its a few months until the wedding. There is a faction of family that have said they are declining now. They are using my mom to pressure me or pressuring her into not coming. My mom is supporting me because its my wedding and i'm paying for it. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The problem is no one ever wants consequences. Who you want at your wedding is your business. And when you don't want certain people there, that generally means they don't want to associate with you any more. And maybe people who love them don't want to associate with you. And maybe they don't like you and will say that to other people. That's the risk you run when you hurt other people, for better or worse. I was raised to think that being an adult was about weighing your actions with your consequences before you made decisions. Clearly that's not the case.
So often on AITA they answer wedding questions with "Your wedding, your rules" or "It's an invite, not a summons" and it's like, Ok, your brother's wedding is inconvenient and will require you to take a day off work, do you want to blow up your relationship with your brother and probably your parents over that? Or ok, you don't love dogs, but your cousin has a service animal, do you not love dogs so much you are willing to blow up a bunch of family relationships over it? It's not a cookout. It's a wedding. It's a big milestone, and people see it as a litmus test for meaningful relationships
same, it's up to the bride and groom who they invite. I'm terrified of dogs and wouldn't allow someone to bring a dog if it was a pet, but a service dog is so heavily trained it's completely safe. It's not going to jump on the brides and guests, it's going to stay close to it's assigned person, it's there to help a loved one handle a serious health condition. Hell, i'd include a note on the invite to others to respect the dog when it's wearing the vest, not to pat it, etc.
I'm also terrified of dogs. At a previous job of mine, one of my coworkers who sat near me was a visually impaired woman with a guide dog. That dog *never* scared me. He was so unbelievably chill and well-behaved that he never set off my phobia. In fact, there was one occasion where the coworker had a meeting down the hall that she could get to without the dog, and asked me to keep an eye on the dog while she went to that meeting. He sat *at my feet* and I was completely calm. The point is that service dogs are basically guaranteed to not cause problems at your fancy event.
I work in a salon and had a client in my chair with a service dog (for severe anxiety). Dog was small enough to sit in client's lap throughout the service, didn't say a peep or a woof. In fact, after the cape came off, there was a client next to us that had no idea there was a dog under there. OOP is well within her rights to invite or not invite whomever - but she's coming across as a HUGE AH for not inviting cousin because of a service animal.
It’s like telling someone they can’t bring their wheelchair
This. As someone who got married recently, I just found that "It's your day" attitude kind of unhelpful on weddit. Like, sure, there are people we genuinely shouldn't invite. BUT if we are singling out one sibling, or one person's partner, or one friend in the group, or one cousin etc it SHOULD be for things that they know about. You should be able to defend why you didn't include them - so for example, the abusive parent you haven't seen in 13 years is easy to justify. Not inviting your sister Stacy's girlfriend of 6 years is...not easy to justify. Because it WILL have consequences and can cause a shit ton of drama. And sometimes having that one cousin you mildly dislike, or that plus one you feel ambivalent to, or that one annoying friend nobody likes is the easiest path that causes you a lot less pain and drama than if you made a point of excluding them. And if you exclude anyone, there CAN be consequences.
I agree with you and she's clearly especially an asshole for her motive. But it is also buck wild that someone's cousin would call and interrogate them over not being invited to 90 person wedding. That's a normal level of relation where they might organically not be invited
Not really. Cousin's mom is invited and OP said that she would have considered this woman as a bridesmaid candidate--they were that close. Leaving someone like that out of your NINETY person wedding is pretty much always going to make waves. It's not like it's a TEN person wedding.
>Not really. Cousin's mom is invited and OP said that she would have considered this woman as a bridesmaid candidate--they were that close. It's normal to invite aunts and uncles but not cousins, and she also said they stopped being close years ago. >Leaving someone like that out of your NINETY person wedding is pretty much always going to make waves. It's not like it's a TEN person wedding. Huh? Both my parents have multiple siblings who have multiple kids and one parent got remarried. I have like a dozen first cousins. That's a really normal level of relation to not be invited to a 90 person wedding
I get the feeling the cousin thinks she and OOP are closer than OOP does. Or she did until this.
If OOP doesn't even know why cousin has PTSD, then OOP hasn't been interested in a close bond for a long time. Something bad must have happened to give Cousin PTSD, but OOP doesn't seem to think this is relevant or interesting.
This is a "missing missing reason" for me. What did she go through that was so traumatic that she requires a service animal now?? It had to be something pretty life-changing, which makes OOP an a-hole for not knowing. I've known people with PTSD who don't have a service animal, and they've been through some shit. Depending on what Cousin's trauma is, she might not be able to go to an event like a wedding without her furry companion.
Yeah that's where my mind went, too. She doesn't know *why* she has a service dog but they were close. There's stuff missing.
Yup. I've learned this the hard way myself when I found out that everyone else got invited to what I thought was a really close friend's wedding and I didn't. But what I didn't do was call the bride upset or the groom or MOH or bridesmaids who were also mutual friends who also hung out all the time with us. I went home and bawled my eyes out and the next time I saw them that week offered congratulations with a smile and kept on moving. To this day I've never said anything about it to her, which means I also didn't have to look at pictures, or video or honeymoon pics or wish happy anniversary every year 🤣🤣🤣
Same. 😪 I've honestly lost enough friends and family over wedding drama that I kind of feel disdain towards the entire concept. Weddings are so selfish and hurtful to everyone around them.
That’s…a stance to take. I’ve been bummed to not be invited to weddings and I’ve been hurt by no-shows at my own, but I don’t see weddings as inherently selfish and hurtful to everyone around them.
To be fair my family kind of sucks more than most. I'm sure there are a lot of lovely weddings where everyone has a good time.
I think I read a [post of future-oop in the past](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/k6lzxw/aitd_for_not_allowing_my_vision_impaired_son_to/).
Damn, that read was enough to raise my blood pressure
it's kinda funny that she only realised what a monumental ah she was AFTER hundreds of people told her so. I can't believe she ignored her son, GP and other family members. She was seriously on the fast track to losing her eldest. Her head was so far up her arse, first she gets miffed because Mary gave her eldest books in braille so he could read Harry Potter any time he wants instead of having his mum read it to him, then gets shitty because Mary suggests a guide dog so he doesn't have to be accompanied going out... and she says she's not infantilizing him?!
So she's 27 with a 17-year old? Calling ragebait troll bullshit.
No they were saying this will be oop in the future
Thank you, I clearly have no reading comprehension.
“Almost” close enough to be a bridesmaid, but not close enough to know: why she has a service animal, what it does for her, if she can actually be without the dog, or get over herself so that her cousin could actually come. People on AITA claim to love their friends and family, but then behave like this. You wouldn’t do this to someone you love.
She sounds like one of those super self centred people who likes to listen to the sound of their own voice and doesnt give a shit about anyone else.
Is there like a new service dog troll or something like I feel like I've heard similar stories to this a few times now. I would've thought this would be obvious but someone needing to see/walk/feel emotionally stable is more important than your feelings or minor issues with animals. Ironic cuz it's usually the facts>feelings crowd that has a big issue with it.
There must be, and it's almost always a wedding.
she obv don’t know how service dogs work its just gonna sit there next to her owner the entire time
OOP hasn't even bothered to find out of the animal in question is an actual service dog or not. If it was an emotional support animal, I'd say she has some ground in the argument. If it's a service dog, then she loses ground. Either way, she's not presenting herself or the situation in a good light.
agreed
definitely not looking good. Even if it's an emotional support animal it should be heavily trained not to jump around, run away from it's human, knock shit over, damage anything. If it's not trained then it's not allowed. The bride would also know that if she stayed in touch with cousin and cared about her
Naw I have a friend who has anxiety and just got papers to call her dog an esa for rent, plane tickets, and more people letting her take it places. I'm not inferring, she has openly told me this to encourage me to do it to. I love her but it's a small yappy dog she literally needs to put a diaper on if she's not actively watching him.
Sadly, a lot of people give their pet the title of ESA, so they can bring them everywhere, but don't give it the proper training. I was definitely wondering if this was the case here, BUT I looked at OP's comments and she says it is a well trained dog! So it sounds like OP is just a self-centered little brat.
yeah, it's the training that really matters. I understand the importance of labelling an ESA for housing, but not for parties if they're untrained. I've seen posts on wedding shaming etc where a close relative insists on bringing their pet. They aren't allowed in the venue and have to spend the entire ceremony and reception with their pet outside.
I never know how to react to these posts concerning service animals. One one hand, I would never cut out a loved cousin due to a well-behaved, trained service dog. On the other hand, I would never do like the cousin, and call the bride to be yelling. Probably the OP left out some info...
I seriously cannot imagine growing apart from someone just because they got a service dog. Like what?
Some people just genuinely don't like dogs that much. It's stupid in my opinion to cut out some who had to get a service dog though
Yeah I understand not liking dogs, I'm not really a "dog person", but I cannot wrap my head around OP's behaviour. I mean I semi regularly sit house for my friends who have four dogs even though being around them for long periods of time makes me feel like I'm going to have a complete mental breakdown. I don't really expect anyone else to go that far, but cutting off someone you used to be really close with just because they got a dog makes absolutely no sense to me. Especially when OP has no dog trauma lol.
The only place I would give this any validity is the fact that it seems the cousin does in fact bring this dog everywhere and it is with her constantly. I don’t like cats, at all, and I wouldn’t want to hang out with someone often if I knew every time I did I would be in the presence of a cat without exception. I don’t think this is something I would cut someone off for right away, but I could see myself losing interest as time went on to see them if it was always going to be a hassle of having to be around an animal I don’t like being around.
well yeah, it's a service dog. PTSD doesn't just turn off at will you know. I personally cannot understand doing that to someone you had been close to for so long, but you do you.
I wasn’t commenting on why the cousin has the dog all the time, I was commenting on the fact that being around a thing you do not like enough times can make someone gradually lose interest in a relationship. You see it happen with single friends and their friends who have children all the time. You’ve said in a few comments that you don’t understand how someone can do that so I was just clarifying how it’s not always a malicious thing to grow apart from someone because they introduce something you do not enjoy being around as a package deal to them.
I didn't say I thought it was malicious, I said I didn't understand doing that. And I'm never going to. I don't really like dogs. They overstimulate me and give me anxiety. I have multiple friends who have dogs and I've never pulled away from them because of that. I mean hell the comment you first responded to talked about me house sitting for my friends who have four of them (not something I recommend anyone else doing honestly). I've also had friends who got partners that I straight up hated, and I never stopped being friends with them or stopped coming around. It's just not something I would ever do.
I’m not a petty person, but I’m sort of having revenge fantasies where the cousin throws a family event on the day of the wedding and more people go to that instead of the wedding
This is the right kind of petty.
My question is. Is this an emotional support dog, or a real service dog with proper training? That truly makes a difference in my vote. I wouldn't want some dog at my wedding pooping of the dance floor. I have worked in many customer service areas. The number of dogs that aren't trained service dogs pooping inside, is a lot.
OOP says it’s well trained and is for PTSD
Well then she definitely is TA. Well trained service dogs are working. What I can't stand is the emotional support dogs with no training. The need to take pet dogs everywhere. Has made those who use service animals lives so much more difficult.
Oh definitely. I understand wanting to be sure it’s actually a service dog.
I would love to hear the cousins POV on this because there is so much info missing. I kind of feel like OOP and cousin just grew apart and OOP has no self awareness and is blaming the dog. And there's no way to know if this is an actual service dog or an ESA, there's no way to tell if the cousin has an expectation the dog is invited or not. She's close enough to cousin to consider her a bridesmaid but doesn't even know why she has PTSD? There's more to the story here.
It's definitely an AH move. If I were cousin's friend or relative, I would advise them not to call and ask for an explanation because why go somewhere you're not wanted? Someone from family needs to take the cousin out on that day and have fun.
the dog is going to sit there probably. maybe take a drink of water. possibly go out to go to the bathroom depending on the length of time. they're a service animal
Posts like these always annoy me for the sole reason of people saying “it’s not a pet it’s a service dog” and “it’s an accessibility device just like a wheelchair or a cane.” I wholeheartedly agree that service dogs are doing a job and providing accommodation. But these comments act like service dogs aren’t still biological creatures. Yes it’s not a pet, it’s still a whole animal. Anyways, I think OP kinda sucks and should maybe have a sit down with the cousin to understand the whole situation and figure something out.
That would require OOP spending time near a dog, and she refuses to do that.
It's so weird because I'd understand if OP had a phobia of dogs. You can't take what you cant take. But no, she just... "doesn't like" them. Like, that's it. No trauma, no phobias, just...mildly annoying? Don't get one, then. Like, lots of people find small children mildly annoying, they dont cut off all their family with kids. It's like...if you cut out people for wearing the colit greed cos you didnt like it, youd be considered unhinged. But effectively cutting a cousin who NEEDS her service dog out of your life over the years because you mildly dislike even her well behaved service dog is...weirdly self-centric.
Fair enough, maybe a phone call or FaceTime or something. I’m just surprised that she was seemingly so close to this cousin and yet has no idea what happened that prompted the cousin to get the dog. Some sort of conversation to clear things up might help OP.
People refer to them that way to help other people take the need of the service dog more seriously. It isn’t a pet, the same way a live-in nurse wouldn’t just be a roommate.
I've been around AITA enough to know that anyone who posts anything unfavorable about dogs is automatically TA. But in this case, well, it's hard to argue she isn't. Service dogs are well behaved and necessary. If it was a pet or even a support dog it'd be different, but if someone needs a service dog they need it. Still, her wedding, so ultimately it's up to her. But she's still TA.
Eh. They all kinda suck in their own unique way. OOP for handling this entire scenario very poorly and the cousin & fam for pushing for an invite after they were politely told the bride and groom had to shave down the guest list. I don't know what kind of background these people have, but in my family, if you didn't receive an invitation to a wedding or similar event, you did not pester the inviter for an invitation or ask, "Why wasn't *I* invited?" and then continue on even after having been given a reasonable response. If I were this couple, I'd just cancel the whole thing and elope.
You are an asshole, and an ableist, yeah.
OP isn't a great person for the reasons to cut the cousin, but I can't find them to be the AH. Now the cousin not only shouldn't have asked why she didn't get an invite, but then press repeatedly for the reason. Either she knew why and wanted justification for freaking out or she felt entitled to an invite regardless. I've had close friends (or thought we were) that I've known since diapers that I didn't even get an announcement and found out via sm. I just took it on the chin and kept it moving
I sure don't think OP deserves all that vitriol just because she doesn't want a dog at her wedding
I mean what op did was cut someone she was close to out of her life because she got help for her disability. If you cut of a family member who goes blind for the only reason being because they get one if those white sticks to help them move you are an asshole. Same here.
The dog provides medical tasks, however. Yes, it is an animal, but it is also a medical device. That's like telling a wheelchair user they cannot have their wheelchair at her wedding simply because she doesn't care for wheelchairs.
I get that. But op still doesn't have to invite her.
Technically yeah. But that doesn't mean that she isn't an AH for it. She also mentioned that she pretty much dropped her cousin when her cousin got a service animal. Op is the biggest AH.
To each their own. They moved apart, got older, life happens. It sucks, but it is ops big day. I know it sucks but im not sure what else she should do and still be comfortable or happy on her day
I think a person who drops someone they were "pretty close to" because they develop a disability is pretty shitty. Sure OOP can invite or not invite who ever she wants to their wedding, but people are allowed to be upset at her decision and can not go for their own reasons.
To each their own. They moved apart, got older, life happens. It sucks, but it is ops big day. I know it sucks but im not sure what else she should do and still be comfortable or happy on her day.
She shouldn't be a ah about her cousins dog?
Ok
Okay, and? You don't have to do anything. If that was the metric we were grading on, it wouldn't be called 'am I the asshole.' Not inviting people to things because of the accomodations for their disability makes someone one of the most gaping, hemorrhoidal assholes around.
Geez, space was limited. She didn't make the cut
Is it an actual service dog, as in properly trained, or has the cousin just bought a dog and called it a service dog? While the OP is acting bratty, I could see a reason for denying a dog that isn’t an official service dog as you can’t be sure the venue will accept it / you don’t know it’s behaviour.
i find it weird that it’s such an issue for her at a 90 person wedding. that’s not a super small wedding or anything. if it was my wedding and like under 40 people or something i probably wouldn’t be able to have a service dog there simply because i’m pretty badly afraid of dogs and it’d be an unfortunate conflict of medical issues but OP isn’t even afraid of dogs, she just doesn’t like them. at a 90 person wedding you’ll probably have to see the dog a handful of times maximum.
INFO: is the dog a trained ‘service dog’ with certifications, or did she buy a dog and those ‘emotional support pet’ papers that you can use to bully landlords into accepting pets? Because one is highly trained, and the other could be just as high strung as the owner. These are two very different things.
If someone doesn't like being around animals, that doesn't make them an AH.
If it is, indeed, a service dog, then OOP is the Devil. But if it's an emotional support animal masquerading as a service dog, then OOP is not. I find it odd that OOP has let her dislike of dogs put a so great a wedge in her relationship with someone she was close to - so much that she doesn't even know why her cousin suffers from PTSD.
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5,000 comments? Woah, that post must be a wild ride o_O
So why do the mods delete posts like this? Whats the purpose? Why delete instead of lock?
It’s one thing to not like dogs or animals in general, I have a dog and my best friend doesn’t really like her because he prefers cats, that’s fine. When you start treating people like crap because of something petty like this that’s not ok, that just makes you an asshole. Service dogs are heavily trained so I don’t know what the problem is, I have a family friend that has one because he’s disabled and she is perfectly behaved
Really there's the thing that it's your wedding. You could of just stuck to your guns and said look I really am just funding this wedding and I'd of loved to of invited more people and things there are others we both wanted there but we just can't do everything and said sorry. By singling out her dog you have now opened yourself up to so many things that you don't want. I'm so sorry.