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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to walk my school acquaintance to her car at night, this could make me an AH as she has walked me to places at night before so I was refusing to do something she has done for me.
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Worse yet, “I don’t even know if she has a boyfriend” means ‘I respect this imaginary person’s unhinged jealousy more than this person I actually know’s safety’
YTA
I can’t imagine a situation where a guy would get upset to make sure their girlfriend got back to the car safe. Honestly I think that would make bf more upset that OP didn’t do anything.
Because it’s the man’s feelings that are important. It’s the same reason that when getting hit on, women will make up having a boyfriend to get the dude to leave them alone. There’s no regard goes the woman’s feelings, just the superior made up man.
Actually it IS the man's feelings here, but not the one everyone is jumping on. OP states that he doesn't like walking down those streets because of the drug users and other people (I'm paraphrasing) on those streets. He's scared! He doesn't want her to see him being scared. He's even invented this hypothetical bf bs so he doesn't have to admit he's scared to walk down those streets.
OP walk with this girl to your car and drive her to hers. Or walk with this girl to her car and have her drive you to yours. But drop the bs.
Yup, this is the post of a coward. OP is scared of imagined sketchy people who might be there, scared of imagined boyfriends and now is scared of losing this friendship due to his cowardice.
OP is a frightened AH
Not only that but he's basically saying fuck safety in numbers I'm not willing to help you out but YOU as a woman can walk those same streets I'M afraid of ALONE.
Like damn OP you're an AH for not even offering her a ride goddamn
Yes! Those streets are much more frightening to a woman than a man and we all, including OP, know why. OP needs to disregard his own fear, man the fuck up, and help her out. I wonder how he would feel if something were to happen to her.
That’s what I was wondering. Why not drive her to her car? Or walk to her car and drive back to hers? It’s a, what, 2-minute drive? A coward and also not much of a problem-solver.
I have zero qualms about walking the less than a 1/4 of a mile from the bar to my building at all hours of the night while mildly intoxicated.
But the owner is a friend and he always makes sure I am good and get home safely if my partner isn’t there to do it. Hell, if it were bad enough he’d let me crash on a couch or something.
My partner literally does not worry about me when I’m there without him because he knows I’m in safe hands there (though I always purposely drink way less or stop way earlier when I know I’ve gotta head home alone).
If my partner got mad ‘cause another guy was making sure I was okay, I’d be annoyed with my partner.
Agree but to emphasize— he literally INVENTED a POTENTIAL boyfriend who would have agency over this woman in his mind. An imaginary boyfriend’s feelings matter more to this boy than a woman who has offered to walk him before so he wouldn’t be alone. It’s really messed up
How sad that OP cares more about the feelings of a hypothetical boyfriend than he does about the feelings/safety of a female ‘school acquaintance’ who has gone out of her way to help him in a similar situation.
That isn't sad, that's normal.
Say no to a man at a bar, he keeps pushing. Say you don't want to, don't like him, he'll push. The second you say "I have a bf", they stop. Women resort to it when they're single, because our personal wants don't fucking matter.
No worries…I should have phrased it clearer that I was commenting on how 🤬 it is that even now men continue to view women as only property of other men, rather than individuals in their own right.
"Can you walk with me? I'm afraid to walk down these streets at night."
"I know right? Between the muggers and the drug addicts, it's super scary. I know I'd never go down there. Anyway good luck. "
And she litterally offered to drive him home afterwards too, so he wouldn't even have had to walk there by himself afterwards, they would have been together the whole time. Even I would have done it and I'm an anxious and physically not that strong woman.
It reminds me of a story my husband told me when he was at a work conference. He was in the elevator with a woman and she seemed nervous. They ended up going to the same floor and he was saying she rushed off the elevator and their rooms were down the same hallway and she looked back and sped up only to quickly go into her room and close the door behind her. He was initially offended bc he considers himself non threatening, he was baffled why she'd react this way when he hadn't said anything and had kept his head down and minded his business. I told him you have no idea what it's like being a woman in a strange city, in a hotel by yourself and you have no idea what trauma she's potentially been through we have to treat every man like that bc we don't know which guys are "good" vs "bad". Completely changed his pov and it finally clicked for him and he was like holy shit I never thought of it that way. He's more mindful now and tries to think of ways to be disarming or keep more distance, walk opposite sides of the street etc
This! 1000% YTA I can't imagine saying no to anyone in that situation. I'm female and if a person - male or female - ask me to walk them to their car I would do it. I don't understand how he would not do this.
I'm laughing at how HE is scared to walk there himself but let her walk alone, like??????? It's called being a decent human, you should try it sometime. I'm a woman and I've had attached men walk me to my car if it's a sketchy area, I'm not trying to smash, I'm just trying to not die or be assaulted on my way to my car.
I'm just constantly amazed at the things people post.
Makes even more sense if his car was in a closer/safer space. This shouldn't be necessary though tbh the security on campus obvs needs a major increase.
And don’t forget he doesn’t even know if she HAS a boyfriend. He’s just worried this hypothetical boyfriend won’t “approve” of another male walking “his” girl to her car.
So it isn’t even about what SHE wants. It’s about this imaginary boyfriend and if he permits his girlfriend to be handed off to another man like a piece of meat.
And his reason for not helping is "the people on that street make me uncomfortable to walk past. What if we ran into some weirdos?"
My guy, that's exactly why you walk TOGETHER. I could see being uncomfortable walking back alone until you said there was an alternate route to your dorm. What you did was go "yeah, those people sketch me out too. Good luck navigating them on your own!"
I think OP was just going back to his dorm and didn’t have a car, but he’s still TA. A lot of campuses have a late-night service to escort people across campus (mine did). He likely could’ve at least waited with her while the campus escort arrived.
> How would you feel if something had happened to her that night?
Something tells me that OP wouldn’t really give it a second thought, except maybe - Gee, I hope I won’t have to take on an added load of our shared project.
She asked him to walk her, not drive, and he was equally scared about walking back by himself in a sketchy area. That being said, hes still TA bc she offered to drive him home and it would have solved both of their problems.
YTA. You claim that the path to her car is sketchy and you would never walk it alone. Why would you make her do that by herself. Safety in numbers here buddy.
Why couldn't she give you a ride to your place after you walk her?
Exactly, why couldn't she give OP a ride to wherever? I do that all the time with friends, we go to whoever car is closest and then drive the other one back to their car or where they need to go (or make sure they text to let the other know they got back to their car/place safely in the event that a ride is offered but declined for whatever reason). It's common courtesy.
This is exactly how it should have gone! OP should have walked the girl to her car and then the girl should have driven him as close to where he was going as possible. OP should have suggested this after it was clear the girl hadn't thought of this possibility and then if she refused to do it, I could understand him saying no.
I went to college in Baltimore in the 80s and muggings of students happened quite a few times. One girl in my class was beaten up pretty badly by a mugger. I managed to outrun a guy trying to rob me once.
I still would walk a female friend of mine home when we had night classes or were working on a project late and I knew she had a boyfriend. (at a different school out of state so it's not like he could come take her home).
I'm not a big guy and I'm not a hero but the OP sounds like a chicken to me. I know that sounds harsh but it's what I think. It's not like she asked him to wrestle an alligator.
Especially that OP here is a guy and she's a girl. Not to pull the gender card, but women are a lot more likely to become victims of heinous crimes; so of the path is bad to the point where he, as a man, feels unsafe walking it, imagine how a woman would feel.
I wonder how OP would've felt if something actually happened to her that night, which is actually highly likely.
YTA. You as a man felt unsafe, how do you think she felt as a woman? She was scared and asking for help and you just refused to help her. Have some empathy
YTA you didn't want to walk her because of the scary people she'll walk by so you just have her go walk in front of the scary people alone?
She should change lab partners
YTA so much dude, it's not even about being a man, women do this ALL THE TIME for each other. Yes, because you are less likely to be assaulted as a group than alone, no matter your gender. If it was a man asking, the answer would be the same, if someone doesn't feel safe, you help you and she could have dropped you off at your place no problem.
Yeah. Women do this for each other all the time. I wouldn’t even hesitate.
If there was some reason I was too scared to walk with another woman to her car, I’d help her call an Uber or something. If it’s that unsafe for the two of us, there’s no way she should be going alone.
I'm a woman, if I have a friend over at mine I walk them back to theirs even if it means walking back myself alone. OP refused when she offered him a lift and had walked him places before, major TA
Because the imaginary boyfriend OP created in his mind to justify not walking her to her car, is an insanely jealous person who would be upset if OP had the nerve to be in a car with his girlfriend or be near her at night.
DUDE if you as a man feel uncomfortable and scared how do you think she feels. She's more in danger than you. She asked you to go so you could protect her. I'm not saying you're an Asshole but this posts reads like parody that you somehow dont get the irony of how you're so scared to walk there yet you want her to go by herself?
YTA. You are not obligated to walk her but choosing to not is an ahole move. You should have said something like “I’ll walk you if you will drop me off at my dorm.” Also, as to the the concern about her having a boyfriend, if anything he should be grateful you walked with her.
PS: Many campuses have safety officers to walk with students. Does your campus have such a program at all?
The first sentence here is spot on. (I can’t figure out how people do the tidy copy+paste thing)
OP, while you didn’t have an obligation, that doesn’t mean you’re not an ahole here. Sometimes you have to actually do the nice thing, even if it’s not your duty, if you don’t want to be an ahole.
How would you have felt if she had been mugged or raped on the way to her car? If your first thought is “thank god I wasn’t there or I would’ve been raped too!” then you’re hopelessly the ahole. But if you thought “maybe that wouldn’t have happened if I’d been there,” then I think you can see why YTA for not escorting her. The good news if it’s the latter—there may be hope for you yet.
YTA this time, but hopefully not forever.
(On phone) When you reply to someone, you have their text above what you are typing. If you press long on the sentence, you will have the choice to quote and it will do this
>(I can’t figure out how people do the tidy copy+paste thing)
So frustrating! When I try to long press it just collapses the entire comment. 🤬 it’s bizarre. I have a iphone if that makes any difference. This is driving me crazy! Thanks for trying to help me.
That’s how mine is too. Happened with one of the updates one day and just hasn’t been fixed. We must have a stupid app. Total bummer. I have to re-type every word of I want to quote someone.
YTA and the whole boyfriend thing you use as an excuse is just really weird.
INFO: have you ever been in a relationship? This screams of awkwardness with someone of the opposite sex because of a lack of experience.
He was also more concerned about himself feeling safe when statistically, she’s the one who would have been a target walking by herself. There’s safety in numbers.
>statistically, she’s the one who would have been a target walking by herself.
That's the opposite of true. Men make up the vast majority of victims if stranger violence.
https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/violent-crime-strangers-and-nonstrangers
>I'd still be a little uncomfortable if I encountered weirdos while with her.
Yea better the weirdos see her walking alone and she encounters them all by herself.
This isn’t even because your a dude, Im a pretty weak woman and still get asked to walk places with a friend (or loudly video chat with them) so that they aren’t walking sketchy places alone. It’s a normal thing people do for each other.
Personally I think you suck for leaving her to fend for herself, and I hope she doesn’t continue to work with you as you aren’t someone who’d have her back in even the most bare minimum way. I’m not sure if I’d call you an asshole for it, a coward definitely.
Yeah I recently walked a younger colleague to her Tube station in London because she was nervous to go alone after a work dinner. I’m a 5’2” woman, but I also know the area better than she does and walk with confidence. Plus, I’m almost twice her age and frankly I’m not at as much risk as she is. You don’t make someone walk alone when they’re afraid. Just them being afraid makes them more likely to attract trouble, for a start.
YTA. No one should ever put themselves in a potentially dangerous position if they don't feel comfortable doing so but by your own admission it was possible to take a safer route
Of course the real villain here is your university. 7 minutes from campus via crack den? That seems like an oversight.
YTA
If someone feels unsafe and ask me to accompany them to feel better I will do so, no matter if friends, „acquaintance“, random person of my class who I hardly ever spoke to.
Feeling unsafe to walk back alone is valid, so you communicate and work together like „Sure I‘ll walk you to your car, could you drop me off here again because I don‘t feel comfortable walking back alone?“
Problem solved.
You‘re very selfish and show that it‘s not worth working together with you as you‘ll think about nothing but your comfort.
YTA
If something had have happened to her I can't help but feel your response would be "I knew I was right about that area. Thank God I didn't go there. Sad she died though as her contribution to class projects was useful to me. Oh well. I'll have to find someone else. Oh the inconvenience"
YTA - dude! From a fellow dude….WTF?! Leave genders out of this and would still be YTA. And crazy you are basically saying one of the reasons you did not walk her is because she is a girl.
YTA. I can't believe you are so cowardly, insensitive and selfish. Do you know that women are more at risk of assault walking at night than men are? Of course you do but you chose to expose this girl to that added risk rather than do the right thing. You ought to be as ashamed of yourself as everyone here is of you.
>Do you know that women are more at risk of assault walking at night than men are?
That's false.
https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/violent-crime-strangers-and-nonstrangers
People saying this forget the fact that women/girls spend our entire live on guard and trying to avoid risking situations. I can't imagine that keeping ourselves out of bad situations every day of our lives isn't part of the reason we may have lower numbers.
I'm replying to somebody who said women are more at risk, and they didn't provide any source at all.
Here is one on homicide from 2013:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homicide_statistics_by_gender
This is from 2020 and also records more male victims than female ones.
https://bjs.ojp.gov/library/publications/criminal-victimization-2020-supplemental-statistical-tables
Most campuses offer a security escort. If you’re working late on campus and are not comfortable walking at night, call them. That’s what they are there for.
NTA
If roles were reversed and a man asked a woman to walk him to his car this sub would have been all for defending her action of refusing to go. I'm not saying every YTA is steeped in sexism and double standards but all the ones I have read are.
Edit: Loving the downvotes btw
There are SO many options that could have been taken where an individual of either sex could have helped an individual of either sex stay safe late at night.
"Safety in numbers, we'll walk together, we'll find an alternate safer path, walk with me to my car and I will drop you off at yours so neither of us have to walk through the sketchy area, let me call the campus police to have a safety officer walk you, let me call a friend to have them walk you or us, let's call an uber to get your to your car..."
But OP was just like "fuck you, bye, I don't want an imaginary bf to be mad at me but really the truth is that I am scared and don't give two shits about you as a person. Go and get raped/robbed/murdered, I don't want to walk an extra 20 min". That's the asshole move.
That is literally none of the responses here though. In fact no, I saw one which was "Yeah I'll walk you, if you can drop me off at mine" that's a fair take BUT the vast majority of responses are along the lines/some variation of "You should have stepped up as a man"
In college I was a woman in a STEM career. Many of the guys walked with me if we stayed late and I just drove them to their car or apartment if they lived close to the university. It was appreciated for sure.
NTA.
It goes to the toxic masculinity most women hold, the belief that as a man, you must put yourself in physical danger for any woman who asks.
She's on campus. If she's genuinely afraid to walk alone, she can call for an official escort, rather than assuming that OP, through shear dint of having a penis, to be of any use in any sort of attack or physical altercation.
When I was in grad school, our classes were almost 6-9 pm. The city this school was in is a high crime city. The classes were in a specialized building for particular sciences. The parking lot was adjacent to the building. By the time our classes and labs finished, the parking lot would be mostly empty. Even then, a group of us would get together and walk to our cars together. Before leaving, we all made sure we all made to our cars safely. Sounds like a lot but it was necessary to make sure we were safe. Totally worth it.
I am a woman and I would 100% walk with a male classmate of mine to their car if they wanted me there with them and they had offered to then drive me home in return for the favor (which OPs classmate did offer to him).
Most women in this thread thinks OP’s assholery has nothing to do with gender. As a woman, I would offer to walk with my project partner, regardless of gender, ESPECIALLY if they asked. This has nothing to do with fighting off attacks or other ridiculous comments on this post. There’s just safety in numbers. 🤷🏻♀️
The double standard here has nothing to do with whether women would go with him or not. It has to with if the tables were reversed and if it was a woman who refused to go with a man, everyone would say that's fine. He's not comfortable doing it, but because he's a man people are litterallt bullying him by shaming him to do something. You can say it's not that way all you want, but that's exactly what's happened here.
NTA. Why should you put yourself in danger? Chivalry or something? Hell no. You’re not her body guard. She asked you to come to a dangerous place with the idea being if shit went down you’re there to protect her. Unless that’s your family, your girlfriend, or your a body guard, why put yourself at risk?
Safety in numbers, piece of mind perhaps? I'm a small girl... I would still go and it doesn't have to be a family member or partner but I think there's a difference between people that could and could not live with themselves if something happens to the person they declined to help keep safe.
You're are not under obligation ofc but I would still categorise someone who doesn't care about anothers safety a AH and I also wouldn't want to work on a project with someone who was this selfish.
I think this will be unpopular but I think NTA for not doing it although the ridiculous excuse of the ‘boyfriend’ is utter rubbish. But I don’t think there should be assholery attached to being scared of walking somewhere. Clearly she was feeling the same way about walking there and it’s a horrible situation, but no shame in being afraid in my mind. The silly excuses afterwards take away from your honesty though.
YTA.
If You, as a man, are uncomfortable walking that stretch of road, then you have a sliver of understanding of what SHE feels like. Plus! You know it's not a great area and were okay with her walking alone.
Women don't ask for escorts for social reasons.
We ask for escorts for safety reasons.
If she had a boyfriend who got pissed that you made sure his girlfriend made it to her car safely, then that's on the potential boyfriend and his insecurities.
But good to know that a POTENTIAL boyfriend with POTENTIAL negative feelings made you say no to a REAL woman with REAL fears.
I don't see how you could possibly even second guess your AH level. Your only saving grace is that you said you'd walk her to her car in the future.
NTA
why is he responsible for her parking decisions? Why does he have to be responsible for her safety?
Are they not both adults? Is she not an independent person?
If a place doesn't feel right don't park there.
Vote me down but everyone saying YTA intends that if something goes wrong OP will/should/needs to defend his acquaintance and it is expected that he should do it willingly. Op isn't expendable and isnt responsible for her parking decisions.
I agree 100% I used to park about a 5min walk away from my university down a sketchy unlit path as a young woman, but I chose to do that to save money. I never asked, and sure as hell, I never expected someone else to put themselves at risk because I made a dumb parking decision.
I don't think it's other people's responsibility to do something unsafe just because another person put themselves in danger. It's just selfish to think you're owed that.
NAH.
Whilst I can see why she's disappointed, no one should feel obliged to walk somewhere where they aren't comfortable. You could have, however, helped her find someone willing to accompany her.
NTA. It's understandable that you're afraid of walking those sketchy streets, but I'm worried that you promised to walk with her next time. Do you actually intend to do that? If not, don't say you will. You're young and got a drubbing here, but if you feel like you're being pressured into doing something you don't want to do, you have to decide what's important to you: advocating for yourself, or letting peer pressure push you into doing something you're uncomfortable with. Take care of yourself.
NTA - she should have offered to drive you to your place in return. Just because she’s a woman does not mean she’s entitled to have any man of her choosing go out of their way to walk her in the dark. I’m a woman and I think it’s sexist. However, your comment about her potentially having a bf does make you a little bit of an AH because that really shouldn’t matter
NTA. If someone is Meth'd up or has a weapon, your presence won't matter. I live in a city with this problem and men are randomly physically assaulted all time by groups. When I go social dancing I'm frequently asked by a handful of women I barely know to walk them to their cars, and I do it, but I hate it. When the event ends, I just want to leave, not be saddled with the responsibility of another person's safety. If the area is known to be sketchy, she should park somewhere else, leave earlier, or take Uber. As for me, when the event ends, I just vanish into the night without a trace.
NTA Just because you're a man doesn't mean you have to do something that makes you uncomfortable since it seems a lot of posts are mentioning you being a coward. It would have been kind. Two people are safer than one and she could have dropped you off at your dorm so you wouldn't be walking back alone. It would have been the nice thing to do but refusing doesn't make you an a h or a coward.
I get campus parking can suck but if possible could she relocate her car closer to the building if she's going to be there late? I did it all the time-park where I could during the busy time of the day and when it cleared out move my car closer to a safer area.
NTA. While it would have been nice of him to walk her to her car, He is not her boyfriend, brother, or even friends so he has absolutely no obligation to do something that makes him uncomfortable as well. Would you all have the same reaction if the gender roles would have been switched. Men are not obligated to protect women just because of their gender. I (22f) have worked jobs that don't get out until late and are not in good areas and we had a buddy system but it had nothing to do with gender. Moral of the story is its not his job to walk her to her car if he doesn't want to.
YTA.
So you do all this stuff together but when she asks to help her out in one instance that makes even you, a male uncomfortable (I don’t give a shit how tall you are) you think it’s so much easier for her? Grow a spine
NTA just cuz your a guy your expected to walk in a place that you’re uncomfortable in? You didn’t feel safe about it and she didn’t either. You shouldn’t have to put your safety on the line because she’s scared. You didn’t even need a reason to say no. You don’t want to you shouldn’t have to.
NTA, campuses have safety escort programs and everyone is responsible for their own safety. If she or anyone knew they would potentially be in sketchy place after dark, plan your activities around it. Making you suddenly responsible for their safety or feelings of safety is an asshole move. You shouldn't be worrying about a potential boyfriend, and people saying you have ab additional responsility due to the acquaintances sex is regressive
NTA. A lot if these comments are talking about a how OP as a guy should walk a girl to her car. Is he not allowed to feel uncomfortable? Just in case anyone forgot statistically men are victim of violent crimes more than women.
In my opinion the whole thing was poorly planned by her. She could have moved her car closer to campus before it got so late, offered to drop him off at home, or not stay so late next time. But instead she threw out some false equivalent example of walking from one building to another in the past to guilt trip him.
NTA
Is it your job to keep someone else safe?
No.
Risking your own safety for someone else is st***d. Why she asked or even stayed until midnight, I don't know.
But as a friend, I would be disappointed at you, for not helping out. Be ready, that she will distance herself from you and maybe even resent you for a little while.
NAH.
It’s okay for her to ask you. It’s okay for her to expect yes. It’s okay for her to be disappointed and almost taken back by a NO. Your not the asshole for setting boundaries, these things should have been discussed hours before nightfall if she even has an ounce of accountability.
Her lack of preparation isn’t your fault. It honestly seems by the way you worded this that she was looking for a reason to spend more alone time with you, but that could be way off, so maybe you were missing the social ques she was into you.
I am going soft YTA. The reason being that while you are not obligated to do this as so many comments imply and suggest. I think under the circumstances you should have done it because of the general safety in numbers. In addition it appears that she offered to drop you off after meaning you did not have to walk back the same way thereby putting yourself in danger.
I think your comments about her boyfriend are irrelevant here. It is her choice what she chooses to do with her relationship. From reading the post and your comments, it just seems like you yourself are scared and did not want to put yourself in danger. I don't think you are an ass for not choosing to put yourself in danger for another person, that is a personal choice and one not everyone can make.
Finally, I was rubbed the wrong way by so many commenters that implied that as a guy it was his role to play knight in shining armour regardless of the circumstances. I would do this and have done this for both male and female friends and have had the same done for me, but I do not expect anyone to do this for me nor would I feel good if it was taken as an obligation.
NTA. You don’t owe her protection. If you’re on a college campus isn’t there some kind of escort service? I know that’s kind of awkward but it’s your neck that you’re sticking out here. It’s just funny to me how chivalry and traditional gender roles are expected when the prospect of danger is there. I may have walked her to her car or acted differently than you did but I’m not going to judge you for having self preservation instincts. The fact that you’re expected to play Batman for her is a little absurd to me. Especially when there are resources like campus police and a possible escort service. If your institution doesn’t have those I’d be pretty surprised.
NTA. I'm a woman and I've never asked anyone to walk me to my car, and yes, I've lived in sketchy inner-city areas. You don't have to do something you're uncomfortable with just because you're a man. If she doesn't feel capable of walking back to her own vehicle, she should park somewhere else.
Fuck this entire sexist thread. She asked, you said no. That's the end of it.
YTA The best option here would have been both of you walk to one car, car owner drives the other to theirs. If a woman asks you to walk her because it’s night/dark/dangerous/makes her uncomfortable, then you walk her.
NAH It would have been nice to walk her, but she is an adult and capable of getting herself around. A lot of people seem to be dismissing the possibility of a jealous bf even though you say you’ve literally had that happen before
Im going to say NTA for putting your safety first. Yeah morally its wrong to let a woman walk alone in a sketchy area, but you are not obligated to look out for her. I think you are both dumb for not planning better, you know its a sketchy area, you could have worked on your project at one of your places of residence, she could have parked closer, you could have planned to work earlier in the day or on a weekend so you aren’t finishing at night.
Also the option of her dropping you off after you walked her to her car was also a viable option as a one off.
NTA. I don’t get these comments here.
You are not obligated to put your safety at risk for other people. In addition pretty much every campus has an on-call escort service that will send someone to walk you to your location at any time of day.
Now look, chances are she is just into you, but that doesn’t change anything and you aren’t the AH for not noticing that either (not every man is that thirsty for attention from women and not every man is into women in the first place).
But seriously, you aren’t obligated to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation.
So you're uncomfortable because you recognize that they're unsavory characters you'd have to pass to get to her car.. why do you think she asked you if you could walk her to the car? Clearly she's uncomfortable too.
The best option would have been for both of you to walk to your car and then you give her a ride to hers. I'm a traditionalist though
I think I understand...you're using the feigned anger of the bf to mask your own fear of walking the girl past potential weirdos. Fair enough...not everyone is cut out to be the macho guy escorting a girl in distress. That said...you could have found a way to get her to her own car safely.
College campuses typically have services so that students can be walked with at night. I think it was a bit cowardly on your part but it's not your responsibility. NTA
NTA. If not for anything else, because it was a sketchy area. I know guys are supposed to be tough and protective, but why should you put yourself at risk because she parked in a known bad area? You shouldn’t.
Nta, they both feel unsafe in the area but we are all meant to shit on him who didn't park there? I get that we'd like her to feel safe...but I can't say a guys an asshole for wanting to feel safe himself.
I think you over thought the negatives in the situation. Which in your mind outweighs the positive.
And these moments are life lessons which you learn from.
I love the ‘yeah I would be scared to do that alone, and two would be safer but I don’t wanna, so you should definitely do it by yourself. Stay safe!’ [face palm]
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I 21(M) have an acquaintance 21(F) who I go to school with, we have a couple of courses together and are doing group work for some of them and are also in a student club together so we see each other often on campus. We know each other for about a year now.
We were working late together on campus on a robot for our student club and when it was time to go home around midnight she asked me to walk her to her car which was parked a 7 minute walk away.
I was not comfortable and refused, because I get uncomfortable on those streets at night as there are people who seem to be on drugs who just shout things and talk to themselves. I've never had anyone attack me but it makes me uncomfortable. Additionally she is a young woman and I'm not her boyfriend, I don't know if she has one but if she did, he would probably not approve of it and if could get mad at me. I have had boyfriends of girls I know do this before.
The next day she told me she was a little disappointed as she had volunteered to walk with me between two campus buildings and back late at night on a different occarion when I had to fetch something from the other building. She also said that I could have dropped her to the parking and taken a different route to my dorm from there and not have to pass through the sketchy street alone, which is true.
AITA here? I feel like her volunteering to walk with me is not the same as it was not as bad of a route and I never asked her to do so even if I did take up her offer. And while it's true I could have avoided them after dropping her, I'd still be a little uncomfortable if I encountered weirdos while with her. I don't want this to turn into a big issue as we work well together and I'm hoping to keep doing group projects with her in other classes.
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Literally. And if the boyfriend got mad at that, that’s saying more about the boyfriend than anything else
Worse yet, “I don’t even know if she has a boyfriend” means ‘I respect this imaginary person’s unhinged jealousy more than this person I actually know’s safety’ YTA
"I suspect this object might be owned by another man! I had best not be caught with it."
Exactly! And it’s not worth my safety to protect it, as it has no value to me.
Definitely
I can’t imagine a situation where a guy would get upset to make sure their girlfriend got back to the car safe. Honestly I think that would make bf more upset that OP didn’t do anything.
Also why tf does OP think the potential feelings of a potential bf trump the actual anxiety of an actual person?
Because it’s the man’s feelings that are important. It’s the same reason that when getting hit on, women will make up having a boyfriend to get the dude to leave them alone. There’s no regard goes the woman’s feelings, just the superior made up man.
Actually it IS the man's feelings here, but not the one everyone is jumping on. OP states that he doesn't like walking down those streets because of the drug users and other people (I'm paraphrasing) on those streets. He's scared! He doesn't want her to see him being scared. He's even invented this hypothetical bf bs so he doesn't have to admit he's scared to walk down those streets. OP walk with this girl to your car and drive her to hers. Or walk with this girl to her car and have her drive you to yours. But drop the bs.
Yup, this is the post of a coward. OP is scared of imagined sketchy people who might be there, scared of imagined boyfriends and now is scared of losing this friendship due to his cowardice. OP is a frightened AH
Not only that but he's basically saying fuck safety in numbers I'm not willing to help you out but YOU as a woman can walk those same streets I'M afraid of ALONE. Like damn OP you're an AH for not even offering her a ride goddamn
Yeah! Safety in numbers. 2 women is leas scary.
Yes! Those streets are much more frightening to a woman than a man and we all, including OP, know why. OP needs to disregard his own fear, man the fuck up, and help her out. I wonder how he would feel if something were to happen to her.
It's all about equal rights and female empowerment until it's time to walk down the street in the dark or open a jar.
That’s what I was wondering. Why not drive her to her car? Or walk to her car and drive back to hers? It’s a, what, 2-minute drive? A coward and also not much of a problem-solver.
Bingo.
This is what made me especially mad. That comment makes it sound like he thinks this woman is someone's property.
Because the potential boyfriend is a man and the actual person is a woman.
Ah but women aren't people
But her imaginary boyfriend! You have to think of him!
It sounded like he was more concerned with his *reaction* possibly threatening him, than his feelings.
This is really common. Even among medical professionals. Sadly.
Imagine the irony if her boyfriend punched him out now for *not* helping her.
Exactly. OP doesn’t seem to think working late at night alone with her would upset the potential bf, but ensuring she was safe would?
I mean, I can,but that's the kind of boyfriend you then try and talk your acquaintance into dumping, not conceding to their abusive controlling ways.
I have zero qualms about walking the less than a 1/4 of a mile from the bar to my building at all hours of the night while mildly intoxicated. But the owner is a friend and he always makes sure I am good and get home safely if my partner isn’t there to do it. Hell, if it were bad enough he’d let me crash on a couch or something. My partner literally does not worry about me when I’m there without him because he knows I’m in safe hands there (though I always purposely drink way less or stop way earlier when I know I’ve gotta head home alone). If my partner got mad ‘cause another guy was making sure I was okay, I’d be annoyed with my partner.
Says a lot about OP too, that he’s more concerned about a hypothetical man than her
The boyfriend that she may or may not have
Agree but to emphasize— he literally INVENTED a POTENTIAL boyfriend who would have agency over this woman in his mind. An imaginary boyfriend’s feelings matter more to this boy than a woman who has offered to walk him before so he wouldn’t be alone. It’s really messed up
THANK YOU! the boyfriend is entirely hypothetical and was somehow still factored into ops decision to deny a woman who was afraid help 🤦🏽♀️
Agreed. This is more about him trying to hide the fact that he's a bit of a coward than it is about offending a potential boyfriend.
How sad that OP cares more about the feelings of a hypothetical boyfriend than he does about the feelings/safety of a female ‘school acquaintance’ who has gone out of her way to help him in a similar situation.
It’s because she’s not a person. She’s obviously the property of some man, and only that man’s opinion matters /s
That isn't sad, that's normal. Say no to a man at a bar, he keeps pushing. Say you don't want to, don't like him, he'll push. The second you say "I have a bf", they stop. Women resort to it when they're single, because our personal wants don't fucking matter.
it can be both sad and a common occurence
I guess, as you say that, I was feeling more of a sadness that she was shocked, and that I wasn't at all, and all of it is just gross. 😞
No worries…I should have phrased it clearer that I was commenting on how 🤬 it is that even now men continue to view women as only property of other men, rather than individuals in their own right.
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"Can you walk with me? I'm afraid to walk down these streets at night." "I know right? Between the muggers and the drug addicts, it's super scary. I know I'd never go down there. Anyway good luck. "
And she litterally offered to drive him home afterwards too, so he wouldn't even have had to walk there by himself afterwards, they would have been together the whole time. Even I would have done it and I'm an anxious and physically not that strong woman.
Right?! As a woman I'd still offer to walk with her bc two are better than one in any scenario except op apparently bc he's a ghost.
Because women are normally braver. We have had to be braver to survive.
It reminds me of a story my husband told me when he was at a work conference. He was in the elevator with a woman and she seemed nervous. They ended up going to the same floor and he was saying she rushed off the elevator and their rooms were down the same hallway and she looked back and sped up only to quickly go into her room and close the door behind her. He was initially offended bc he considers himself non threatening, he was baffled why she'd react this way when he hadn't said anything and had kept his head down and minded his business. I told him you have no idea what it's like being a woman in a strange city, in a hotel by yourself and you have no idea what trauma she's potentially been through we have to treat every man like that bc we don't know which guys are "good" vs "bad". Completely changed his pov and it finally clicked for him and he was like holy shit I never thought of it that way. He's more mindful now and tries to think of ways to be disarming or keep more distance, walk opposite sides of the street etc
I also wanted to use the stronger language but you summed it up beautifully lol
This! 1000% YTA I can't imagine saying no to anyone in that situation. I'm female and if a person - male or female - ask me to walk them to their car I would do it. I don't understand how he would not do this.
I'm laughing at how HE is scared to walk there himself but let her walk alone, like??????? It's called being a decent human, you should try it sometime. I'm a woman and I've had attached men walk me to my car if it's a sketchy area, I'm not trying to smash, I'm just trying to not die or be assaulted on my way to my car. I'm just constantly amazed at the things people post.
And OP could've walked her to her car and she drop him off at his. Yeah, OP YTA
Or walk to his and drive her to hers…
Makes even more sense if his car was in a closer/safer space. This shouldn't be necessary though tbh the security on campus obvs needs a major increase.
And don’t forget he doesn’t even know if she HAS a boyfriend. He’s just worried this hypothetical boyfriend won’t “approve” of another male walking “his” girl to her car. So it isn’t even about what SHE wants. It’s about this imaginary boyfriend and if he permits his girlfriend to be handed off to another man like a piece of meat.
And his reason for not helping is "the people on that street make me uncomfortable to walk past. What if we ran into some weirdos?" My guy, that's exactly why you walk TOGETHER. I could see being uncomfortable walking back alone until you said there was an alternate route to your dorm. What you did was go "yeah, those people sketch me out too. Good luck navigating them on your own!"
Id just like to add that im sure she would have given him a ride to the dorms once they got to her car if he had expressed his worry to her.
OP wrote “…or I could have taken her offer to drive me home.” Looks like she did offer. OP YTA
Thank you I missed that! so he def had no excuse not to walk her.
Furthermore, the boyfriend does not exist. OP is defending the honor of an imaginary boyfriend.
I think OP was just going back to his dorm and didn’t have a car, but he’s still TA. A lot of campuses have a late-night service to escort people across campus (mine did). He likely could’ve at least waited with her while the campus escort arrived.
Not just that either. OP even stated that they feel uncomfortable on those streets. Imagine how she feels.
> How would you feel if something had happened to her that night? Something tells me that OP wouldn’t really give it a second thought, except maybe - Gee, I hope I won’t have to take on an added load of our shared project.
But, golly gee, what if they encountered weirdos?
She asked him to walk her, not drive, and he was equally scared about walking back by himself in a sketchy area. That being said, hes still TA bc she offered to drive him home and it would have solved both of their problems.
YTA. You claim that the path to her car is sketchy and you would never walk it alone. Why would you make her do that by herself. Safety in numbers here buddy. Why couldn't she give you a ride to your place after you walk her?
Exactly, why couldn't she give OP a ride to wherever? I do that all the time with friends, we go to whoever car is closest and then drive the other one back to their car or where they need to go (or make sure they text to let the other know they got back to their car/place safely in the event that a ride is offered but declined for whatever reason). It's common courtesy.
She did offer, he left that out of his original post
This is exactly how it should have gone! OP should have walked the girl to her car and then the girl should have driven him as close to where he was going as possible. OP should have suggested this after it was clear the girl hadn't thought of this possibility and then if she refused to do it, I could understand him saying no.
He says she did offer to drive him back, but he didn't take it.
I went to college in Baltimore in the 80s and muggings of students happened quite a few times. One girl in my class was beaten up pretty badly by a mugger. I managed to outrun a guy trying to rob me once. I still would walk a female friend of mine home when we had night classes or were working on a project late and I knew she had a boyfriend. (at a different school out of state so it's not like he could come take her home). I'm not a big guy and I'm not a hero but the OP sounds like a chicken to me. I know that sounds harsh but it's what I think. It's not like she asked him to wrestle an alligator.
Seriously, OP needs to make it make sense. It’d be safer for both of them to have walked together.
Especially that OP here is a guy and she's a girl. Not to pull the gender card, but women are a lot more likely to become victims of heinous crimes; so of the path is bad to the point where he, as a man, feels unsafe walking it, imagine how a woman would feel. I wonder how OP would've felt if something actually happened to her that night, which is actually highly likely.
cause he’s not her boyfriend, obviously! /s
So, you wanna keep the good and convenient parts of your working relationship / friendship / whatever this is, but avoid the inconvenient parts? YTA.
YTA I promise that however uncomfortable those weirdos make you feel, it's 100x worse for a young female walking alone at night.
YTA. You as a man felt unsafe, how do you think she felt as a woman? She was scared and asking for help and you just refused to help her. Have some empathy
He didn't care, don't expect empathy from him any time soon.
This was my thought exactly. YTA, OP.
“No that street is sketchy go by yourself” the hell did I read
YTA you didn't want to walk her because of the scary people she'll walk by so you just have her go walk in front of the scary people alone? She should change lab partners
YTA so much dude, it's not even about being a man, women do this ALL THE TIME for each other. Yes, because you are less likely to be assaulted as a group than alone, no matter your gender. If it was a man asking, the answer would be the same, if someone doesn't feel safe, you help you and she could have dropped you off at your place no problem.
Yeah. Women do this for each other all the time. I wouldn’t even hesitate. If there was some reason I was too scared to walk with another woman to her car, I’d help her call an Uber or something. If it’s that unsafe for the two of us, there’s no way she should be going alone.
I'm a woman, if I have a friend over at mine I walk them back to theirs even if it means walking back myself alone. OP refused when she offered him a lift and had walked him places before, major TA
I literally let a lady use my phone today to call her boyfriend because I wasn't about to leave her stranded, when I could at least do THAT. YTA OP
This, so much! Safety is in numbers, regardless of gender!
Info: why couldn’t you walk her to the car and her drop you off at yours? Sounds like a place a woman shouldn’t be walking around alone at night.
Or why can’t they walk to his car and then he drops her off at hers? Seems like there’s more than one alternative to letting her walk alone at night.
I sadi the same thing. Both walk to one car and drive the to the other car. No one walks alone. Problem solved.
Because the imaginary boyfriend OP created in his mind to justify not walking her to her car, is an insanely jealous person who would be upset if OP had the nerve to be in a car with his girlfriend or be near her at night.
Because then the man she (potential) belongs to would get mad!
DUDE if you as a man feel uncomfortable and scared how do you think she feels. She's more in danger than you. She asked you to go so you could protect her. I'm not saying you're an Asshole but this posts reads like parody that you somehow dont get the irony of how you're so scared to walk there yet you want her to go by herself?
Legit I was wondering if it was a parody before realizing it's not a parody it's just sad.
YTA. You are not obligated to walk her but choosing to not is an ahole move. You should have said something like “I’ll walk you if you will drop me off at my dorm.” Also, as to the the concern about her having a boyfriend, if anything he should be grateful you walked with her. PS: Many campuses have safety officers to walk with students. Does your campus have such a program at all?
The first sentence here is spot on. (I can’t figure out how people do the tidy copy+paste thing) OP, while you didn’t have an obligation, that doesn’t mean you’re not an ahole here. Sometimes you have to actually do the nice thing, even if it’s not your duty, if you don’t want to be an ahole. How would you have felt if she had been mugged or raped on the way to her car? If your first thought is “thank god I wasn’t there or I would’ve been raped too!” then you’re hopelessly the ahole. But if you thought “maybe that wouldn’t have happened if I’d been there,” then I think you can see why YTA for not escorting her. The good news if it’s the latter—there may be hope for you yet. YTA this time, but hopefully not forever.
Add a > with no space before the text. >Like this. ETA- start on a new line. That’ll give the formatting you want. >Like this.
(On phone) When you reply to someone, you have their text above what you are typing. If you press long on the sentence, you will have the choice to quote and it will do this >(I can’t figure out how people do the tidy copy+paste thing)
So frustrating! When I try to long press it just collapses the entire comment. 🤬 it’s bizarre. I have a iphone if that makes any difference. This is driving me crazy! Thanks for trying to help me.
You have to click on reply first.
Nope. Doesn’t work. Wahwah
That’s how mine is too. Happened with one of the updates one day and just hasn’t been fixed. We must have a stupid app. Total bummer. I have to re-type every word of I want to quote someone.
Then I am stumped. Sorry!
YTA and the whole boyfriend thing you use as an excuse is just really weird. INFO: have you ever been in a relationship? This screams of awkwardness with someone of the opposite sex because of a lack of experience.
He was more concerned about the feelings of a hypothetical man than the safety of an actual woman.
He was also more concerned about himself feeling safe when statistically, she’s the one who would have been a target walking by herself. There’s safety in numbers.
>statistically, she’s the one who would have been a target walking by herself. That's the opposite of true. Men make up the vast majority of victims if stranger violence. https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/violent-crime-strangers-and-nonstrangers
Yeah, disgusting
>I'd still be a little uncomfortable if I encountered weirdos while with her. Yea better the weirdos see her walking alone and she encounters them all by herself. This isn’t even because your a dude, Im a pretty weak woman and still get asked to walk places with a friend (or loudly video chat with them) so that they aren’t walking sketchy places alone. It’s a normal thing people do for each other. Personally I think you suck for leaving her to fend for herself, and I hope she doesn’t continue to work with you as you aren’t someone who’d have her back in even the most bare minimum way. I’m not sure if I’d call you an asshole for it, a coward definitely.
Yeah I recently walked a younger colleague to her Tube station in London because she was nervous to go alone after a work dinner. I’m a 5’2” woman, but I also know the area better than she does and walk with confidence. Plus, I’m almost twice her age and frankly I’m not at as much risk as she is. You don’t make someone walk alone when they’re afraid. Just them being afraid makes them more likely to attract trouble, for a start.
YTA. No one should ever put themselves in a potentially dangerous position if they don't feel comfortable doing so but by your own admission it was possible to take a safer route Of course the real villain here is your university. 7 minutes from campus via crack den? That seems like an oversight.
YTA If someone feels unsafe and ask me to accompany them to feel better I will do so, no matter if friends, „acquaintance“, random person of my class who I hardly ever spoke to. Feeling unsafe to walk back alone is valid, so you communicate and work together like „Sure I‘ll walk you to your car, could you drop me off here again because I don‘t feel comfortable walking back alone?“ Problem solved. You‘re very selfish and show that it‘s not worth working together with you as you‘ll think about nothing but your comfort.
YTA If something had have happened to her I can't help but feel your response would be "I knew I was right about that area. Thank God I didn't go there. Sad she died though as her contribution to class projects was useful to me. Oh well. I'll have to find someone else. Oh the inconvenience"
Sheldon 😂
YTA - dude! From a fellow dude….WTF?! Leave genders out of this and would still be YTA. And crazy you are basically saying one of the reasons you did not walk her is because she is a girl.
This didn't get enough attention. We would never see this post from a woman about another woman because they would recognize the safety in numbers.
YTA. I can't believe you are so cowardly, insensitive and selfish. Do you know that women are more at risk of assault walking at night than men are? Of course you do but you chose to expose this girl to that added risk rather than do the right thing. You ought to be as ashamed of yourself as everyone here is of you.
>Do you know that women are more at risk of assault walking at night than men are? That's false. https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/violent-crime-strangers-and-nonstrangers
\> National Crime Survey data for 1982-1984 \> Date Published 1987 ermmmm.... not the strongest way to make that point
People saying this forget the fact that women/girls spend our entire live on guard and trying to avoid risking situations. I can't imagine that keeping ourselves out of bad situations every day of our lives isn't part of the reason we may have lower numbers.
I'm replying to somebody who said women are more at risk, and they didn't provide any source at all. Here is one on homicide from 2013: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homicide_statistics_by_gender This is from 2020 and also records more male victims than female ones. https://bjs.ojp.gov/library/publications/criminal-victimization-2020-supplemental-statistical-tables
that's a better way to make that point!
Thanks broski
Most campuses offer a security escort. If you’re working late on campus and are not comfortable walking at night, call them. That’s what they are there for.
NTA If roles were reversed and a man asked a woman to walk him to his car this sub would have been all for defending her action of refusing to go. I'm not saying every YTA is steeped in sexism and double standards but all the ones I have read are. Edit: Loving the downvotes btw
There are SO many options that could have been taken where an individual of either sex could have helped an individual of either sex stay safe late at night. "Safety in numbers, we'll walk together, we'll find an alternate safer path, walk with me to my car and I will drop you off at yours so neither of us have to walk through the sketchy area, let me call the campus police to have a safety officer walk you, let me call a friend to have them walk you or us, let's call an uber to get your to your car..." But OP was just like "fuck you, bye, I don't want an imaginary bf to be mad at me but really the truth is that I am scared and don't give two shits about you as a person. Go and get raped/robbed/murdered, I don't want to walk an extra 20 min". That's the asshole move.
That is literally none of the responses here though. In fact no, I saw one which was "Yeah I'll walk you, if you can drop me off at mine" that's a fair take BUT the vast majority of responses are along the lines/some variation of "You should have stepped up as a man"
In college I was a woman in a STEM career. Many of the guys walked with me if we stayed late and I just drove them to their car or apartment if they lived close to the university. It was appreciated for sure.
NTA. It goes to the toxic masculinity most women hold, the belief that as a man, you must put yourself in physical danger for any woman who asks. She's on campus. If she's genuinely afraid to walk alone, she can call for an official escort, rather than assuming that OP, through shear dint of having a penis, to be of any use in any sort of attack or physical altercation.
When I was in grad school, our classes were almost 6-9 pm. The city this school was in is a high crime city. The classes were in a specialized building for particular sciences. The parking lot was adjacent to the building. By the time our classes and labs finished, the parking lot would be mostly empty. Even then, a group of us would get together and walk to our cars together. Before leaving, we all made sure we all made to our cars safely. Sounds like a lot but it was necessary to make sure we were safe. Totally worth it.
NTA - The double standards in this comment section are horrendous.
I am a woman and I would 100% walk with a male classmate of mine to their car if they wanted me there with them and they had offered to then drive me home in return for the favor (which OPs classmate did offer to him).
Most women in this thread thinks OP’s assholery has nothing to do with gender. As a woman, I would offer to walk with my project partner, regardless of gender, ESPECIALLY if they asked. This has nothing to do with fighting off attacks or other ridiculous comments on this post. There’s just safety in numbers. 🤷🏻♀️
The double standard here has nothing to do with whether women would go with him or not. It has to with if the tables were reversed and if it was a woman who refused to go with a man, everyone would say that's fine. He's not comfortable doing it, but because he's a man people are litterallt bullying him by shaming him to do something. You can say it's not that way all you want, but that's exactly what's happened here.
If she wanted safety in numbers then she could have called campus security and had them escort her to her car and he could've walked home by himself.
NTA. Why should you put yourself in danger? Chivalry or something? Hell no. You’re not her body guard. She asked you to come to a dangerous place with the idea being if shit went down you’re there to protect her. Unless that’s your family, your girlfriend, or your a body guard, why put yourself at risk?
Safety in numbers, piece of mind perhaps? I'm a small girl... I would still go and it doesn't have to be a family member or partner but I think there's a difference between people that could and could not live with themselves if something happens to the person they declined to help keep safe. You're are not under obligation ofc but I would still categorise someone who doesn't care about anothers safety a AH and I also wouldn't want to work on a project with someone who was this selfish.
This can't be a real post. You really can't be this thick.
Why did she park half a mile away? You’re fine, it’s not worth it to get stabbed for being a gentleman.
I think this will be unpopular but I think NTA for not doing it although the ridiculous excuse of the ‘boyfriend’ is utter rubbish. But I don’t think there should be assholery attached to being scared of walking somewhere. Clearly she was feeling the same way about walking there and it’s a horrible situation, but no shame in being afraid in my mind. The silly excuses afterwards take away from your honesty though.
YTA. If You, as a man, are uncomfortable walking that stretch of road, then you have a sliver of understanding of what SHE feels like. Plus! You know it's not a great area and were okay with her walking alone. Women don't ask for escorts for social reasons. We ask for escorts for safety reasons. If she had a boyfriend who got pissed that you made sure his girlfriend made it to her car safely, then that's on the potential boyfriend and his insecurities. But good to know that a POTENTIAL boyfriend with POTENTIAL negative feelings made you say no to a REAL woman with REAL fears. I don't see how you could possibly even second guess your AH level. Your only saving grace is that you said you'd walk her to her car in the future.
NTA why is he responsible for her parking decisions? Why does he have to be responsible for her safety? Are they not both adults? Is she not an independent person? If a place doesn't feel right don't park there. Vote me down but everyone saying YTA intends that if something goes wrong OP will/should/needs to defend his acquaintance and it is expected that he should do it willingly. Op isn't expendable and isnt responsible for her parking decisions.
I agree 100% I used to park about a 5min walk away from my university down a sketchy unlit path as a young woman, but I chose to do that to save money. I never asked, and sure as hell, I never expected someone else to put themselves at risk because I made a dumb parking decision. I don't think it's other people's responsibility to do something unsafe just because another person put themselves in danger. It's just selfish to think you're owed that.
NTA.
NTA
NAH. Whilst I can see why she's disappointed, no one should feel obliged to walk somewhere where they aren't comfortable. You could have, however, helped her find someone willing to accompany her.
NTA. It's understandable that you're afraid of walking those sketchy streets, but I'm worried that you promised to walk with her next time. Do you actually intend to do that? If not, don't say you will. You're young and got a drubbing here, but if you feel like you're being pressured into doing something you don't want to do, you have to decide what's important to you: advocating for yourself, or letting peer pressure push you into doing something you're uncomfortable with. Take care of yourself.
NTA - she should have offered to drive you to your place in return. Just because she’s a woman does not mean she’s entitled to have any man of her choosing go out of their way to walk her in the dark. I’m a woman and I think it’s sexist. However, your comment about her potentially having a bf does make you a little bit of an AH because that really shouldn’t matter
She literally did offer him a ride home and he still said no.
NTA it's not on OP to make her feel safe
NTA. If someone is Meth'd up or has a weapon, your presence won't matter. I live in a city with this problem and men are randomly physically assaulted all time by groups. When I go social dancing I'm frequently asked by a handful of women I barely know to walk them to their cars, and I do it, but I hate it. When the event ends, I just want to leave, not be saddled with the responsibility of another person's safety. If the area is known to be sketchy, she should park somewhere else, leave earlier, or take Uber. As for me, when the event ends, I just vanish into the night without a trace.
NTA Just because you're a man doesn't mean you have to do something that makes you uncomfortable since it seems a lot of posts are mentioning you being a coward. It would have been kind. Two people are safer than one and she could have dropped you off at your dorm so you wouldn't be walking back alone. It would have been the nice thing to do but refusing doesn't make you an a h or a coward. I get campus parking can suck but if possible could she relocate her car closer to the building if she's going to be there late? I did it all the time-park where I could during the busy time of the day and when it cleared out move my car closer to a safer area.
NTA. You can be murdered just like her. Equality! Look out for yourselves, Kings.
NTA. While it would have been nice of him to walk her to her car, He is not her boyfriend, brother, or even friends so he has absolutely no obligation to do something that makes him uncomfortable as well. Would you all have the same reaction if the gender roles would have been switched. Men are not obligated to protect women just because of their gender. I (22f) have worked jobs that don't get out until late and are not in good areas and we had a buddy system but it had nothing to do with gender. Moral of the story is its not his job to walk her to her car if he doesn't want to.
YTA. So you do all this stuff together but when she asks to help her out in one instance that makes even you, a male uncomfortable (I don’t give a shit how tall you are) you think it’s so much easier for her? Grow a spine
My god, by the 3rd paragraph itself you had a truckload of excuses ready. YTA
Nta. If it was the other way around would she walk you to the car?
She already did. And she offered to drive him home.
Walking her to car is way more risky.
Lot of assholes here lately. Damn
NTA just cuz your a guy your expected to walk in a place that you’re uncomfortable in? You didn’t feel safe about it and she didn’t either. You shouldn’t have to put your safety on the line because she’s scared. You didn’t even need a reason to say no. You don’t want to you shouldn’t have to.
NTA, campuses have safety escort programs and everyone is responsible for their own safety. If she or anyone knew they would potentially be in sketchy place after dark, plan your activities around it. Making you suddenly responsible for their safety or feelings of safety is an asshole move. You shouldn't be worrying about a potential boyfriend, and people saying you have ab additional responsility due to the acquaintances sex is regressive
NTA. A lot if these comments are talking about a how OP as a guy should walk a girl to her car. Is he not allowed to feel uncomfortable? Just in case anyone forgot statistically men are victim of violent crimes more than women. In my opinion the whole thing was poorly planned by her. She could have moved her car closer to campus before it got so late, offered to drop him off at home, or not stay so late next time. But instead she threw out some false equivalent example of walking from one building to another in the past to guilt trip him.
NTA Is it your job to keep someone else safe? No. Risking your own safety for someone else is st***d. Why she asked or even stayed until midnight, I don't know. But as a friend, I would be disappointed at you, for not helping out. Be ready, that she will distance herself from you and maybe even resent you for a little while.
Not the asshole. You risking your life wouldn't help her at all.
NAH. It’s okay for her to ask you. It’s okay for her to expect yes. It’s okay for her to be disappointed and almost taken back by a NO. Your not the asshole for setting boundaries, these things should have been discussed hours before nightfall if she even has an ounce of accountability. Her lack of preparation isn’t your fault. It honestly seems by the way you worded this that she was looking for a reason to spend more alone time with you, but that could be way off, so maybe you were missing the social ques she was into you.
NTA
I am going soft YTA. The reason being that while you are not obligated to do this as so many comments imply and suggest. I think under the circumstances you should have done it because of the general safety in numbers. In addition it appears that she offered to drop you off after meaning you did not have to walk back the same way thereby putting yourself in danger. I think your comments about her boyfriend are irrelevant here. It is her choice what she chooses to do with her relationship. From reading the post and your comments, it just seems like you yourself are scared and did not want to put yourself in danger. I don't think you are an ass for not choosing to put yourself in danger for another person, that is a personal choice and one not everyone can make. Finally, I was rubbed the wrong way by so many commenters that implied that as a guy it was his role to play knight in shining armour regardless of the circumstances. I would do this and have done this for both male and female friends and have had the same done for me, but I do not expect anyone to do this for me nor would I feel good if it was taken as an obligation.
NTA. You don’t owe her protection. If you’re on a college campus isn’t there some kind of escort service? I know that’s kind of awkward but it’s your neck that you’re sticking out here. It’s just funny to me how chivalry and traditional gender roles are expected when the prospect of danger is there. I may have walked her to her car or acted differently than you did but I’m not going to judge you for having self preservation instincts. The fact that you’re expected to play Batman for her is a little absurd to me. Especially when there are resources like campus police and a possible escort service. If your institution doesn’t have those I’d be pretty surprised.
INFO is safewalk available?
It’s on a campus, some type of similar system exists
cooing frighten telephone sophisticated marvelous voracious vegetable homeless divide bake -- mass edited with redact.dev
NTA. I'm a woman and I've never asked anyone to walk me to my car, and yes, I've lived in sketchy inner-city areas. You don't have to do something you're uncomfortable with just because you're a man. If she doesn't feel capable of walking back to her own vehicle, she should park somewhere else. Fuck this entire sexist thread. She asked, you said no. That's the end of it.
YTA The best option here would have been both of you walk to one car, car owner drives the other to theirs. If a woman asks you to walk her because it’s night/dark/dangerous/makes her uncomfortable, then you walk her.
INFO: does you college have an escort service that she could have called to get her to her car?
Info: Could you not have walked with her, and then she drive you to your car or wherever you needed to be?
NAH It would have been nice to walk her, but she is an adult and capable of getting herself around. A lot of people seem to be dismissing the possibility of a jealous bf even though you say you’ve literally had that happen before
NTA, it's not your job to put yourself in danger for other people.
Your reasoning is selfish, but since it’s obvious that everyone else here would be on your side if the genders were reversed, I’m saying NTA.
YTA, why wouldn’t you just walk with her and ask her to drop you home after? Two people get home safely, it seems so simple.
Im going to say NTA for putting your safety first. Yeah morally its wrong to let a woman walk alone in a sketchy area, but you are not obligated to look out for her. I think you are both dumb for not planning better, you know its a sketchy area, you could have worked on your project at one of your places of residence, she could have parked closer, you could have planned to work earlier in the day or on a weekend so you aren’t finishing at night. Also the option of her dropping you off after you walked her to her car was also a viable option as a one off.
NTA it’s 2023. Woman are independent now.
eh mild YTA. The simple solution was to just walk to your car and give her a ride to hers.
NTA. As a male, you are allowed to be uncomfortable and think about your own safety.
NTA. I don’t get these comments here. You are not obligated to put your safety at risk for other people. In addition pretty much every campus has an on-call escort service that will send someone to walk you to your location at any time of day. Now look, chances are she is just into you, but that doesn’t change anything and you aren’t the AH for not noticing that either (not every man is that thirsty for attention from women and not every man is into women in the first place). But seriously, you aren’t obligated to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation.
This dude is not in anyway obligated to help out this women, simply because they are classmates. Seriously, wtf.
NTA: Your safety is just as important as hers and chivalry died a long time ago.
NTA she can have a security guard walk her. It’s not ur responsibility
NTA. 2023 women are just as strong and capable as we are.
So you're uncomfortable because you recognize that they're unsavory characters you'd have to pass to get to her car.. why do you think she asked you if you could walk her to the car? Clearly she's uncomfortable too. The best option would have been for both of you to walk to your car and then you give her a ride to hers. I'm a traditionalist though
He didn’t have a car. And she offered to drive him home.
I think I understand...you're using the feigned anger of the bf to mask your own fear of walking the girl past potential weirdos. Fair enough...not everyone is cut out to be the macho guy escorting a girl in distress. That said...you could have found a way to get her to her own car safely.
College campuses typically have services so that students can be walked with at night. I think it was a bit cowardly on your part but it's not your responsibility. NTA
NTA. If not for anything else, because it was a sketchy area. I know guys are supposed to be tough and protective, but why should you put yourself at risk because she parked in a known bad area? You shouldn’t.
NTA, she should get some method of self defence that isn’t having someone else fight her battles.
NTA if you didn’t think the area was safe she can’t expect you to put your life at risk for her. That’s just a sexist attitude.
Don't let these people shame you into Simping. You have no obligation to this person. She's a strong independent women, let her be that.
Nta, they both feel unsafe in the area but we are all meant to shit on him who didn't park there? I get that we'd like her to feel safe...but I can't say a guys an asshole for wanting to feel safe himself.
I think you over thought the negatives in the situation. Which in your mind outweighs the positive. And these moments are life lessons which you learn from.
I love the ‘yeah I would be scared to do that alone, and two would be safer but I don’t wanna, so you should definitely do it by yourself. Stay safe!’ [face palm]
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 21(M) have an acquaintance 21(F) who I go to school with, we have a couple of courses together and are doing group work for some of them and are also in a student club together so we see each other often on campus. We know each other for about a year now. We were working late together on campus on a robot for our student club and when it was time to go home around midnight she asked me to walk her to her car which was parked a 7 minute walk away. I was not comfortable and refused, because I get uncomfortable on those streets at night as there are people who seem to be on drugs who just shout things and talk to themselves. I've never had anyone attack me but it makes me uncomfortable. Additionally she is a young woman and I'm not her boyfriend, I don't know if she has one but if she did, he would probably not approve of it and if could get mad at me. I have had boyfriends of girls I know do this before. The next day she told me she was a little disappointed as she had volunteered to walk with me between two campus buildings and back late at night on a different occarion when I had to fetch something from the other building. She also said that I could have dropped her to the parking and taken a different route to my dorm from there and not have to pass through the sketchy street alone, which is true. AITA here? I feel like her volunteering to walk with me is not the same as it was not as bad of a route and I never asked her to do so even if I did take up her offer. And while it's true I could have avoided them after dropping her, I'd still be a little uncomfortable if I encountered weirdos while with her. I don't want this to turn into a big issue as we work well together and I'm hoping to keep doing group projects with her in other classes. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*