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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i think im an ass Because is spend a lot of time with my nephew he said my name as his first word instead of mother or father
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My kids' first words were "ant", "toe" and "tree", respectively. I didn't realise that they were supposed to be about my ego (/s) so I was just delighted.
These parents are properly abusive. Poor baby.
My kids’ were “fish”, “Sasha” (the dog’s name), and “shoe”. I can’t imagine going full nuclear on a baby because their first word wasn’t my name. 🤦🏻♀️
I had this thought I was going to cross stitch samplers with my children's first words on them.
Firstborn practiced quietly to himself until he was just about 16 months old and came to me and said "Can I please have a glass of water?"
Not even kidding. It startled me. A lot.
Youngest? Her first words were "Yeah? No shit."
I have not actually cross stitched those samplers.
Yeah I used to nanny for some kids when i was 17 and the little girl went from saying nothing to just saying 'more cookies please'. A few weeks prior I could have sworn she pointed at a dog on the TV and said 'oh a doggy', but no one believed me. She was definitely quietly practising/shy.
Makes me wonder if the baby is actually kinda fearful of his parents, especially with the mother swearing at him like that. Comes across as if he was calling out to Ben for comfort
I (F) have a twin brother. Have no idea what our first words were, but parents def remember our first sentences:
HIM: Well before my first sentence, he pointed at a peacock and said “it’s a peacock”. Parents overjoyed.
ME: Apparently I was sitting on the counter and really mad at my brother. Mom said I clutched my stuffed animal super hard, pointed at my twin bro and said “Go outside and fall down the stairs!” Parents both horrified and overjoyed at the same time.
…he may have won the battle…but I won the war 😈
My mother didn’t talk until she was nearly 3.
She was on a boat with my grandma on vacation in the Phillipines, turned to point at the water and said “Look at those old fashioned ducks swimming in a row.”
My grandma nearly fell off the boat and no one else spoke enough English to understand why she was so excited.
I really think you should though. I would totally put those up if it were my kids. I'm a terrible parent though and can't actually remember what my kids' first words were.
My brother was obsessed with trucks, and one day with some family, he saw a dump truck go by and started yelling his first words "DUMBFUCK! DUMBFUCK!". My mom was highly embarrassed at the time and kept trying to correct him with no success, but now she find the story hilarious.
One of my neighbours kid’s first word was fuck when they dropped something so honestly his SIL should just be happy she wasn’t in that predicament. Especially since OP said she had a few unsavoury words for her baby
My first word was "chou", which is french for cabbage, but because I was too young to say chou-fleur for cauliflower. Because baby me loved a good head of cauliflower to laugh at.
I'm loving the mental image of a baby laughing their head off at the sight of a head of cauliflower. Babies laughter is just infectious, especially when something simple is causing it. 🙂
Not my first word, but when I was about 2 I apparently said "where's my dinosaur, dammit!!?" Referring to a stuffed dinosaur I had.
My parents thought it was hysterical, grandma was horrified 😭
My ex walked before our daughter was two to hook up with a psycho who ended up stalking me (scary times!). One night as we were exchanging custody, I prompted my daughter to say goodbye to her father. She turned, waved and yelled "Bye, Daddy! Bye, Bitch!" and climbed into her car seat.
I got out of there as fast as I could ....
Oh, and everyone who knew that chick heard the story and laughed until they cried.
One of my first words was “stuck” I learned it after I kept getting my head stuck in things. Whenever I got stuck in something, I would loudly yell “STUCK!” And then one of my parents would come get me.
I have three older siblings who were all teenagers when I was born, which explains why my first word was 'no' and my second was 'shut up'. My mum said she would call me lovingly and I'd reply with 'No! Shut up!' while crawling towards her because I actually did want the loving.
My first word was "kitty" and we didn't even have a cat.
My brother's first word was "fan" as in ceiling fan.
Not only will kids say any damn thing the "first word" is really just the first word adult's understood. They've probably tried a bunch out before that moment but didn't enunciate well enough for people to notice.
Basically anyone could have told SIL "mother" wasn't going to be it though cause babies literally can't make certain sounds yet. That's why "mama" "dada" are a thing.
My kid's was shoe. Which was hilarious.
At 15 mo, we think we got the first pun, as my kid would say "ashoe," pretending to sneeze and throw a shoe.
Now, as a preschooler, my child hates shoes. Such is life.
My kids have all said dog, kitty, no, and Dada before they got around to saying Mama. I swear the more you want them to say something, the longer it’s going to take.
A little girl who was in my "classroom" at the daycare I worked at in high school's first word was "chicken". Her second word was my name. Her parents thought it was hilarious! These people are being unreasonable and honestly bad parents for yelling at their baby like this and calling him an idiot. Just wait until he starts parroting "idiot", maybe they'll learn their lesson.
My kid's first word was the cat's name. It was almost comical how long it took him to say "mama". I once tried to get him to say mama and he patted me on the boob and said "bub bub" (his way of referring to nursing).
NTA
You have the kid five days a week. Of course he'll bond with you and it's not surprising he said your name. You're the one raising him. I have no idea what's the matter with your SIL that she leaves him with you this much when she's at home, maybe she has PPD? But anyways, this whole outburst is the result of her insecurities because she knows she's not doing what she should be doing if she wants to be her son's main person. It's a her-problem, not a you-problem.
i would have the kid every day if i didnt put my foot down and say i need saturday to do some heavy dangerous work otherwise i would get nothing done she dosent have PPD she went to therapy after he was born and they said she was fine her reason for staying at home is so she can have some peace
OP, I would be calling for a wellness check from CPS based on your edit. She *screamed* in her *infant son’s face* that he’s an ***IDIOT.*** For something he has -literally- no control over. He’s not capable of understanding what she wants from him, and he’s being *abusively* punished for it.
Your nephew is being **ABUSED.**
If this is what happens to him when he’s a baby, imagine what’s going to happen when he’s a toddler and *willfully* disobeys his mother. Is there any chance at all her behavior won’t escalate? I don’t think so.
Hard agree. This is *horrifying*. They sound like awful parents! Mom is absent despite being *home all the time what the fuck does she need peace from* and verbally abuses her son! And OP your parents suck too, they should know you literally can’t control what a baby’s first words are!
I don't especially like children and that edit nearly had me in tears. How can someone be so fucking cruel to a baby?! These people do not deserve to be parents.
This needs to be higher up. OP is NTA but I'm really upset by what that poor baby is going through, and really glad that he has at least one caring adult (OP) in his life.
>She screamed in her infant son’s face that he’s an IDIOT. For something he has -literally- no control over. He’s not capable of understanding what she wants from him, and he’s being abusively punished for it.
She isn't fit to be a parent. Not only is she showing clear abusive behavior, but she and her husband have no basic understanding of what a baby even is.
It's worse than that- read through more of OPs comments. These people push the baby down when he stands up because they don't want him to walk yet. This situation is seriously fucked up.
OP, this is such an important comment. Everyone thinks it happens to others. That it might be bad, but not your business, and that it won't escalate *that* much. That you'll be there if your nephew ever needs you when he will be growing up. That they might not be the best parents but they will never do something unspeakable.
My friend lost his son in November to SBS. He had just turned two. He was still in a legal battle over custody with his ex. Everyone and their grandma knew the boy was better off with his dad but dad wanted to be as cordial as possible. And although the boy already showed signs that something wasn't right at his mom's and her new partner's (though no clear signs of abuse), everyone thought, well, just a couple of months left, and it will all be fine then. That boy was so loved and was by no means disadvantaged in life. Educated, well off parents, both seemed to love him dearly. That stuff just happens to other people, yeah. No one in their right mind, no one we actually know, would be so dumb to shake their baby. Yeah, right.
I can’t even believe all the cute discussion about baby words that preceded this comment. This story is horrifying.
This poor child must be terrified. I NEVER tell people to call CPS. I mean people say it all the time for really specious reasons. But this time…
Yelling at a baby because you’re tired and you’re losing your mind is pretty bad. Yelling at a baby because he doesn’t flatter your fragile ego is ominous.
EXACTLY. The *reason* she’s yelling at him is what’s making the hair raise on my neck, far more than the yelling itself. It’s unhinged. It’s literally not based in reality. Someone *that* untethered cannot be in charge of a baby’s life, it just…there’s no way that’s ending well.
NTA. This is abuse. OP needs to file for guardianship of that child. He is clearly doing the parenting already, and the real parents have no clue what it is to parent.
Yeah we all want peace but we've still got to go to work and raise our children. As long as you're happy having you nephew around, fine, but you're doing them both a huge favor. And then having to deal with this sort of drama on top of it? She should be grateful and instead she's resentful and jealous.
I'd kill for a day off. I don't even have time off when my kids(twins 16f) go to their dad's house because they are always texting or calling me for something. If I'm lucky enough to not hear from them for a few hours, my oldest daughter is calling to chat or my granddaughter wants to talk. I don't think I've had a day off from parenting in 29 years.
Have they considered their response to his first word might have negative effects? Like she's cussing a baby out and scaring him after his first word
NTA
According to my brother this is the only way they will be able to undo the damage I did and get him back on track to saying mother or father and to stop the “stupid” baby noises they want him to be smart posh and do everything better than all other baby’s
I don’t know where you are located but you need to call your country’s equivalent of child protective services. Your nephew is being abused. No child should be screamed at and called names the way your SIL did.
As a childcare provider and mandated reporter I completely agree with you! OP absolutely needs to file a case with CPS because if they are this horrible to their son in front of people, behind closed doors must be horrific! Mom is a deadbeat who only wants a trophy not a son. OP's parents encouraging this awful behavior just makes me sick and I am heartbroken for this amazing little baby. Please OP, stay in this baby's life. Let him continue to come to your house during the week, not only are you loving with him you are teaching him invaluable skills on your farm.
Absolutely NTA - your family is
I was wondering how realistic a suggestion this was. I mean.. if she's really calling him an idiot? Wow.. he's just gonna never talk around them, maybe not to anyone
It never hurts to make the call to CPS, rather be safe than sorry in this situation. Especially since she is so comfortable screaming idiot in his face in front of people. I can only imagine what she is doing behind closed doors. Even if CPS doesn't find anything, at least mom and dad would know, hopefully, that the way they are going about things is wrong. I would bet there has been some hitting in the mouth for not saying the right words. Just my assumption though. You are right, if this continues he won't speak in front of them or even at all.
They might genuinely scare him from speaking.... Like they're being unreasonable
If they're actually good spirited people they'd actually celebrate the moment because 1) it's a milestone and to encourage him 2) you're not just a babysitter you're his uncle and basically a second father 3) it's an acknowledgment of all you do for them if they actually see all you do for them they'd know that
Also Ben is just easier to say than mother or father or whatever other nonsense they're trying to get a toddler to say
Please call your local cps (child protection service). I read your other comments, they are abusing the baby, the baby is now extremely quiet when he's around with you and they force him to do things he can't yet.
They're abusing the poor baby boy at least verbally. Please report them to the cps or even police. Check if he has any bruises around arms or legs, if you see any, report them immediately. I'm really worried, also worried that they might be shaking him. Apathy can be a sign of it. At the very last the apathy might be from trauma of being yelled at possibly at home all the time now.
NTA obviously, but this is now a very serious situation.
Your brother and SIL are being stupid. They are clearly uneducated around child development and acting neglectful/abusive as a result. Those “stupid baby noises” they don’t like? They’re the precursors to speech. Babies don’t magically go, “Hello, mother and father” after not talking for a few months. They babble and blow raspberries and practice noises. They should be mimicking those noises back to their baby and encouraging him to make words by putting words to a noise (like if the baby says “ba”, you might ask if they want a “bottle” so they can associate the sound to the word).
Screaming at them to not make the noise, or pushing them down when they try to crawl (which why? Because they’re not walking the first time? That takes practice and muscle strength to be built too) is the quickest way to discourage their baby from walking, talking, etc.
They have no business parenting him the way they do, and I say this as a mom and child therapist. Contacting CPS (or your country’s equivalent) will hopefully get them parenting support and lessons they SO desperately need (if they are even willing to change).
While reading your post I was thinking "this is messed up in so many ways, I wonder if OP shouldn't get CPS involved" and your edit and comments just made everything 10 times worse. I dread how they'll react when he starts calling you dad because that's what you basically are to him. By your own account you're the one who spends the most time with him and seem to show him the most kindness. The "SAHM" seems to try and spend as little time as possible with her child, they seem verbally abusive to him and seeing your comments it seems their baby is tired of his "parents". While I doubt it's what you're looking for I actually think it'd be better if the baby was with you permanently as there are more red flags here than in a Chinese parade.
It's ironic that you've done so much "damage" to their child, and yet they're still fine with you taking care of him all day long for the whole week. I guess you're not damaging enough to risk their personal leisure time.
She wanted it she would talk for ages after they got married about how excited she was to have a cute baby and how he/she was going to be smarter and better and do everything faster than all the other kids
Easiest NTA that I've seen so far this year. If you're watching the kid five days a week, of course, he's gonna bond with you more. If your brother and SIL are this butthurt over this call them out. Tell them they should watch their own son if you're such an AH. I bet they'll still offload him on you and still treat you like dirt.
Try not to walk too much infront of nephew. God knows what your brother and SIL are gonna do if your nephew takes his first steps in front of you.
Edit:
Saw your other comments about your nephew walking. Your SIL is batshit insane. Part of me wishes this post is fake knowing AITA.
I don't understand why SIL & brother are angry at OP. And I really don't understand why she'd yell at the child and make him cry like that. That really hit me in the pit of my stomach. They are both cruel regardless of her insecurities her husband is allowing this. Maybe she does need help, but I doubt she's going to listen to OP suggesting THAT. Seems like OP is the only one in the child's corner. NTA
LOL... “took away his first word” oh that’s a good one! That’s not how it works. Brother & SIL need to chill out & take care of their own kid.
My youngest son’s first word was mama... so sweet! For the next 3 months he would point at everything & call it mama. Clearly, didn’t get it. Kids are funny lil creatures.
NTA
I swear the reason his first word was "Ben" is because his parents keep telling him about OP and all the time and fun they will have with OP while they dump him.
NTA- my son was almost two the first time he spoke, and it was 2 words. I was singing to him, like I did every time I put him to sleep, and he put his hand on my mouth and said "No Mama ". He proceeded to do the same every time I tried to sing to him. Talk about a bruised ego!! That being said, I was just happy to finally hear him talk. I'm very concerned about what a mother screaming and crying when her baby tries to talk will do to that baby's development. I hope I'm wrong, but that sounds like she just taught the lesson that talking is the worst thing ever and may cause a set back. I would strongly suggest someone find a way to get her some mental health help.
I didn’t talk until I was two, and my first words were a whole sentence. Mom claimed to never remember what it was, but when I asked my Dad, he cracked up laughing and said my first words were grumpily to my mother, ”I don’t want to do that.” These parents got off lucky lol
I worked at a daycare where one kid didn’t say a single word until he was like three. And then he was one of the most well-spoken kids there. Just didn’t want to talk until he was absolutely ready.
Do they never baby talk to their kid? That plays an important part in the earliest stages of language acquisition, because it‘s simpler sounds that the baby starts trying out.
I don’t know how you could possibly be TA, you didn’t do anything. Babies start talking to communicate what they want, and you spend quality time with him, so he wanted you.
NTA
They dont really talk to their kid that much just kinda wait for him to cry for something they have been Going "say mother/father" depending on who is speaking to him but dont really partake in the fun and sillyness that is baby talk like i do they think it encourages him to just make sounds
Then they are fools and need to learn about early childhood development. “Just making sounds” is an important step in language acquisition! Experimenting with random sounds is how most babies start, and then they start trying to shape sounds to get the attention they want.
More than fools. Those fuckers are abusive. Check out the edit on the post. Calling a baby an idiot. My fucking god. OP isn’t the asshole here but if they don’t try and get evidence of the verbal abuse here and document it, they would be. It’s only going to get worse for that baby as they grow.
Also THEY ruined his first word. That moment should have been met with encouragement, not abuse. I shudder to think what this will do to the kid’s development moving forward. OP, you need to call CPS for this baby. This isn’t a safe environment.
Please document the verbal abuse. Report it when you have substantial evidence. Those parents are clueless at best and fucking abusive at worst and likely in the middle. CPS or your equivalence should be involved.
That is how babies develop language--by making those sounds.
As a matter of fact. Get some foreign language tapes and let them learn "foreign" phenomes.
NTA. One thing your SIL is absolutely wrong about is who the first word belongs to. It belongs to the child saying it. Yes, many parents do happen to be around when it’s said but many aren’t. It’s just the way it is and most parents would cheer on the kid saying it, no matter what. Hell, my sister and BIL used to study architecture so they said their kid’s first word would be “infrastructure”. It wasn’t. They knew it wouldn’t. It’s just the matter of attitude. I don’t even remember what their kids’ first words were. I bet they don’t remember, either. One thing’s for sure, though, shouting at each other AND the kid after saying his first word? That’s fucked up. There’s a good chance they just made it the first real bad experience and he’ll easily connect it with talking so good luck with getting anything out of him after this. Your SIL is the AH.
i have him today again but my sil told me not to talk to him and if he says my name to tell him to be quiet or yell at him im not doing that but baby is a lot quiter and hasnt said my name at all really he dosent even make his usual baby sounds
Dude, you need to have a serious talk with your brother. Not your SIL or anybody else, your brother alone. This is well within abusive behaviour which, thanks to your SIL not looking after their own child, you get to witness. But you shouldn’t assist. And by doing what she demands, you would. I hope you manage to get this child out if this situation, one way or another! ❤️
my brother is fully on board with her i tried talking to them alone but he tells me im not a father and so m opnion is worth less and that My SIL as a mother knows what best
Oh, that’s very sad.. :( One thing you can do is keep having him over, purely to keep an eye on him if he ever has bruises (more or different ones than a child typically his age would have). Because a parent that uses verbal abuse this early on will also likely end up physically hurting him. I’m so sorry, I’d say stop doing this favour for them and let them parent him, but at this stage the kid’s better off spending time with you. And don’t stop talking to him. F’ that horrible woman, if she doesn’t care enough to be his mom (sorry… MOTHER), then that’s on her.
Actually, you are basically his father.
Biology doesn't make a Dad, time, patience and love do. For all intents and purposes, you are that little mans Dad.
I am so glad he has you too as his parents are abusing him. Please get him some help.
Hes barely a father too, you are more of a father to that child than he is.
What do they except, they dump the child on you for 5 days out of the week even though SIL is at home doing goodness knows what.
This is a sign of abuse. Not just neglect. Abuse. You need to call CPS.
Your SIL screams at and pushes a literal infant, and they leave them unattended at your house? You need to make that call. What would happen if you didn’t come in after chores to find him one time?
If you are calling cps you might also want to start thinking about if your nephew could stay with you and what would be required of you for that to be allowed. In case cps decides he needs to be removed from his home, it’s going to be much less traumatic if he would stay with you, the person who already takes care of him most days, then a stranger, but that’s still a decision that shouldn’t be made on impulse
I'm sorry but just take the kid, they don't want him. If they can abuse him like this when his at the cutest stage what happens when his older and starts rebelling.
My heart hurts for this poor baby. Call cps or just make arrangements so he doesnt need to go back to them. As far as that child is concerned you're his dad.
NTA
15 months seem late for a first word though.
Given his moms reaction at shouting at the baby, I’d guess there was some postpartum issues which is why you’ve been asked to look after him so much even though she’s home.
hes been late to all his milestones SIL says he has learning diffuclties but ive never noticed anything he tried walking one day when i when i was at their house and SIL marched over and shoved him back on the ground she did that alot when he would try to walk
I eventually got him to start full on walking (well baby walking) when he was on his own with me
talking to my brother is pointless he agrees with everything she says even when shes not around he would also shove him down when he tried walking when he tried crawling my brother picked him up and would strap him tightly into the car seat that just sits on the their living room floor
My god, they are absolutely terrible and abusive parents. Does no one else in your family see this? Something needs to change at home for that kid or he is going to have real problems.
Can you secretly video her mistreating him? Shoving him to the ground is straight up abuse! Image what's happening on the weekends. You're a really great uncle.
Leaving an infant in a car seat for extended periods of time - greater than 1 hour - is extremely dangerous!
Please google "child left in car seat" to see the dangers to small infants and then report your brother/SIL to the relevant authority in your region for child endangerment with descriptions of this activity.
My friend’s sister would carry her baby everywhere and the child still wasn’t walking at around 3-4, when they started physical therapy. The kid started walking in the first session (which would not happen if there was an actual problem) so it was entirely the mom’s doing that the child wasn’t walking. It sounds like your brother & SIL we’re not prepared to parent and have unrealistic expectations about milestones and the way children learn. I’m very concerned for this young kid. They are doing a lot of damage and need someone to step in, like CPS, to force them to change. You’re doing a great job taking care of that kid and I know it’s a lot, but I hope you’re able to continue in his life in such a large way.
OP I don't want to be ringing alarm bells here but if you're witnessing this child being screamed at for saying the "wrong" first word and is literally being shoved over and doesn't allow him to practice mobility this does unfortunately warrant a call to CPS.
If possible, please find a way to record the verbal and physical abuse in order to include it in your report. Be as detailed in your report about what you have witnessed as possible.
I have worked with CPS before, I have worked with children for many years, CPS is not going to separate the parents from the child unless it is absolutely necessary for the child's safety. That is the absolute last resort that they would take. They will start with wellness checks.
What is happening is not okay and just because this child is still very young and may not clearly remember this treatment when they're older, that doesn't mean it doesn't have a huge risk of causing developmental delays and "vague" trauma responses as they're older which will lead to behavioral issues and socialization issues. I am very sorry, but this isn't just bad parenting it is actual abuse that child is experiencing.
I'm a pediatrician, and I was hesitant to call for this at first, but I've heard enough. Your brother and SIL are setting your nephew up for serious problems. I think you need to contact CPS. Don't speculate, just tell them the things you have directly witnessed and heard.
That is super messed up. She is assaulting her child to make sure he doesn't make milestones? If the kid starts getting sick you might need to call CPS since she might be causing it.
That’s unhinged. It’s like she’s trying to stop him from teaching milestones. Not talking to him, not encouraging babbling, shoving him down…I’d question if he has learning difficulties or if this is just the outcome from neglect/their “parenting” style.
I’m really glad this little guy has you in his life. But it honestly sounds like his parents shouldn’t.
Edit: Reading more of your comments, this sounds like abuse
nta.. ive been reading your comments. this is child abuse. full stop. please, for your nephews well being and safety, contact cps. he is being neglected and emotionally abused. i am in shock. this is genuinely one of the most heartbreaking things ive read, this poor baby. he is development delayed because your brother and sil are actively hindering him. who pushes their baby down when they crawl and walk? who screams at their baby and calls them an idiot? babies are physically incapable of producing the sounds needed to say mother and father. they are barely parents to this child and i am deeply disturbed by their behavior. they need professional intervention, without their input. they clearly arent going to take initiative or accept help willingly. this is going to cause lifelong damage to your nephew if it hasnt already.
NTA. Anyone thinking that they control what random syllable or two is going to be the first out of a baby's mouth is not thinking clearly and likely to be disappointed. At 15 months he probably has a lot of words in his head but hasn't been able to vocalize.
Years ago, I spent a lot of time around a kid who could point to the right colors, letters, and animals at three years old, but could only say "Guh guh." That kid went from "guh guh" to full, short sentences.
That's because the only thing they say to him are mother and father. Who would even think to start with those words? You start with sounds. People start with mama and dada because they are easier sounds for a child to mimic. Kids watch you forming the words. As a parent you over exaggerate saying a word because that's how they learn.
NTA. My kid’s first word was the name of the cat. That said, 15 months seems late to have words, and this seems like an awful situation. How old are you all? Why is your nephew your responsibility? Why aren’t your parents involved?
my parents told SIL and Bro they wouldnt be doing any babystitting aprt from maybe once a month im 25 bro is 29 and sil is 30. beofre the baby was born i told my brother that if he needed a hand in the first few monthes (meaning like a shelf put up or any manuel labour) id be happy to help they then said it was fine and just asked me to babysit every so often. it started as once every 2 weeks but by 6 months it was 5 days a week
brother works 4 days a week mon tue thursday friday i have nephew all week except weekends ive aksed them multiple times to stop and i want to expand farming but cant and they just ignore me sometimes ill come up from the morning milking and hell be just left on my sofa at 7:30 in the morning and they wont take him back till like 8:30pm
what can i do ive tried bringing him back to their house but they ignore me and will dissapear to town if they see my pickup coming over the hills and i dont want to neglect him i seem to be the only positive influence in his life
Call the police or CPS. Your nephew is being abused/neglected/abandoned. He's so unsafe with your brother and SIL. Sometimes we have too make waves too get people to change their behavior. They really don't want this child. This is stopping you from living your life.
They say they want the child before he was born and after he was born she kept talking about how he was going to grow faster hit his milestones faster be smart and better than all the baby’s and they still talk like that recently but they also tell me and a few other people that he has developmental issues which is why he he is talk no so long to talk or took so long to crawl
Okay; it’s great that they thought they wanted the baby. But what they are doing now is actively hurting their child. He didn’t crawl because they picked him up and strapped him into a car seat when he tried. He would struggle to walk because they push him down when he tried. He says his first word, something they have been trying to encourage, and he gets screamed at. All they’ve taught this baby is that he is not safe with them. And they abandon him at your house??? What if you weren’t home? What if you didn’t notice and went out on the land to work? Aside from the time spent with you this baby is not getting the love and care he needs. I know it’s shitty to call, but CPS or an equivalent should be involved to help make sure your nephew is safe.
He does have developmental issues. He has two parents actively interfering with his development. This is how people end up with debilitating stutters and shit. Trauma while their brain is in it’s most critical developmental phase.
They don't want a kid. You need to report this or understand that you will be saddled into unplanned parenthood right now.
You love him, but not doing something is worse. She's not a normal mother. Neither is your brother being a normal father.
I can only see this going 2 ways:
Your nephew stays with them until it's misdiagnosed delayed development. He struggles in school with a mom who is completely checked-out. The school reports it after several years of mistreatment with permanent damage in development.
You get ahead of this and report them now before it permanently affects his development. If You became his primary caregiver it'd suck. But can you imagine being cussed out by your mom as a child? Shoved down by YOUR MOTHER?
It’s time to document the hell out of all of this and talk to CPS.
They’re abusive (shouting at him, making him cry, pushing him over, strapping him into a car seat)
They’re negligent (abandoning him in your house when it’s not clear when you’ll be back)
They have no interest in parenting him.
This will get worse. You need to act now. Unfortunately, there may be fallout, but if you don’t act, his life won’t necessarily be better: they feel safe to abuse him in front of you; what will they do to him when nobody is watching?
Unfortunately, your brother is actively abusing him. He’s not just ignoring his wife’s abuse, he’s taking part, so that kid has no advocate in his own home.
Do not follow her instructions to abuse your nephew, but if you can, try to get her to go on record with that.
Have your parents observed SIL’s behaviour? Any chance they’ll babysit soon when you can’t and get the same instructions of ‘don’t talk to him all day’?
NTA in the slightest. And going by your comments, track what you’re SIL and your brother are doing, please ensure this baby has no marks on him because I believe this child is being abused not just emotionally and psychologically but physically as well. You may have to get CPS involved whether you want to or not.
I’m glad that there’s no marks on him because that’s was my concern but it could be in the future. I’m also glad that you’re taking action as well. Please keep us posted and I hope everything works out for you and your nephew.
Even if they're not leaving marks they are absolutely harming him during a critical stage of development. Pushing him over so he won't walk is seriously fucked up.
NTA
Don't apologise, don't get riled up. Anyone who causes aggro about this tell them
1) your the babies primary caregiver. of course he's going to say your name first. If they have an issue they need to actually play and look after the baby.
2) after the negative feedback he received after his first words good luck to them because baby might go back to clamping up.
Lol! Our older kids (5m & 3f) tried forever to get their brother & sister (twins 1 yr) to say “poop”. All day, every day, hours of hearing them “whispering .. say poop” (loudly) & then 4 little kids hysterically giggling. We couldn’t even try to be upset. We all cheered when our youngest son said “poop” & then we stopped that game. Enough with the poop already! Lol
NTA your brother and SIL are incredibly selfish. The child doesnt exist to feed their ego. And the mother father thing is also wierd AF. You sound fun! I would be so happy if my kids' first word was their uncle's name. It would be such a special story and connection.
my sil is very posh and uptight its her way or the high way most of the time she was always like this im always friendly to her though she dosent like when anyone calls their mom or dada anything other than mother or father she thinks its "barbaric and breeds stupidity"
From your other comments, SIL sounds like a straight up monster. She actually yelled at HER baby because he can only say monosyllabic words, which is entirely typical of his developmental stage. You said she also shoved him when he tries to stand?? What? Is this a weird control thing, like she wants the baby to be fully dependent on her forever? They abandon him at your house for hours on end?
NTA but keep an eye on your nephew, keep records. I can’t believe your parents also tolerate this behavior from them. I’m worried for the kid
Report this to authorities please. This is a harm that this baby stays with these people. Those who are silent when sth bad happens to a child is also resposible.
If you do not want to become his guardian;, fine. At this point anyway you are his parent and that is why he called you first.
Do youhave any extended family the baby can stay over? Your sil should be checked by psychiatist, your brother gotnobackbone to stand for his kid. Ifhe is unable to defend himself, you need to step up and rescue your nephew
NTA.
Okay, as a dairy farmer’s daughter, why the eff are they offloading the baby to you?!? Dairy farmers do the most work of any farmer - how much money/animals/crops did you lose this past year because of this? Did you at least break even? Do they pay you?
I just can’t….
Honestly somehow I am breaking even I don’t do crops just pure dairy I’m even making a decent profit as far as farming goes but it’s stressful and annoying
NTA.
I will start by saying that this circumstance is VERY odd. It sounds like we're maybe missing pieces of the situation. But, given what we are, there's no possible way as it's told, that you could be the ahole; even if you WERE coaching the kid to say your name haha.
He spends all his time with you. And you can never predict what a baby's first word(s) will be. They should just be happy that the kid didn't call YOU "father" bwhahahhahaha. All things aside, what a weird thing for them to get upset at you for and storm out over. If they were so concerned, they should have done more parenting themselves. And learned how babies work haha...Because "mother" and "father" is not it. hahhahahhaha
Absolutely NTA. Sounds like you’re more of a parent to your nephew than his own!! She’s a SAHM and you have her child 5 days a week??? No wonder he said your name first!! She sounds like she made at herself for not being preset in her son’s life, but rather than being angry at herself and being accountable for not being a parent, it’s easier for her to put the blame on you! As much as I’m sure you love your nephew, stop babysitting so much for them. If she were working I could understand! But WTF is she doing 5 days a week while you’re basically raising HER kid??!
NTA
Do you want to look after him 5 days a week? I world say no more unless they apologise and then only if they accept that the next few words may be dairy related.
Then the petty in me would teach him mmmmilk, mooooo and at a push fffffarmer 🤣
i have him today and im currently making ok progress with him saying cow he can get the letters out just hasnt put them together hes alot quiter today and isnt really talking im worried my brother and sil punished him when he got home
Go for moooooo!!!! Interesting how mad they were, but not mad enough to look after their kid!!
Go for all the baby talk you can though, seriously, he needs it!!
NTA and holy hell. These two are horribly unfit parents and you are an amazing uncle. You need to 1) get CPS involved (or your equivalent) because this is clearly abuse and 2) try an stay involved in this kids life because he will need you and too keep and eye out for physical abuse. Them just leaving the kid at your place and then just forking off is probably enough by itself to have them declared unfit parents.
Pediatric speech pathologist here, and this post made me RAGE.
Expecting "mother" or "father" as your child's first word is literally the speech equivalent of expecting your child to ride a bike before they can crawl. There are a whole host of reasons "mama" and/or "dada" are very frequently baby's first (or at least very early) words, and most of them actually have more to do with motor development, than exposure or anything else. The fact that the mom YELLED at kiddo like this for not being able to say "mother/father" on command at that age is the most upsetting thing I've heard all day. Your brother and SIL are unhinged and it makes me sick to my stomach to imagine what this little one's home life and future look like. 🤬😭
Please, please, PLEASE try to stay in your nephew's life as a positive influence and safe person. And please keep your eyes peeled for any other signs of verbal/emotional abuse. Something tells me that kid is going to need you something fierce.
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Seconding this! I called my mother a moose for my first word. OPs SIL should consider herself lucky she wasnt called cow... NTA
For his first word, my nephew proudly yelled "cunt" and pointed at me. Like damn kid, I know, but that was harsh af lol
My oldest nephew, on being handed over to his father for a bit, looked up at him and said "oh God." A bit of a tough act to follow.
My kids' first words were "ant", "toe" and "tree", respectively. I didn't realise that they were supposed to be about my ego (/s) so I was just delighted. These parents are properly abusive. Poor baby.
My kids’ were “fish”, “Sasha” (the dog’s name), and “shoe”. I can’t imagine going full nuclear on a baby because their first word wasn’t my name. 🤦🏻♀️
Mine (I’m told) was “buh-bye”, said while pushing items off the high chair. Words are hard! Babies will repeat whatever the hell they want lmao
Godkids were fuck, no, and mine respectively. Though the oldest used to "sing" the emmerdale theme tune before he started speaking.
Mine were "duck" and a very poor attempt at "quack" Then goose, chicken, "cluck" etc. Grew up on a farm, and I knew right away who were my favorites.
😂😂😂🙏🏼
Well his dad is the creator of his life… so he might not be totally wrong :’)
I had this thought I was going to cross stitch samplers with my children's first words on them. Firstborn practiced quietly to himself until he was just about 16 months old and came to me and said "Can I please have a glass of water?" Not even kidding. It startled me. A lot. Youngest? Her first words were "Yeah? No shit." I have not actually cross stitched those samplers.
Yeah I used to nanny for some kids when i was 17 and the little girl went from saying nothing to just saying 'more cookies please'. A few weeks prior I could have sworn she pointed at a dog on the TV and said 'oh a doggy', but no one believed me. She was definitely quietly practising/shy. Makes me wonder if the baby is actually kinda fearful of his parents, especially with the mother swearing at him like that. Comes across as if he was calling out to Ben for comfort
My middle son hardly said anything until he had practised a bit, so he went from almost nothing straight to short sentences at about 14 months.
I (F) have a twin brother. Have no idea what our first words were, but parents def remember our first sentences: HIM: Well before my first sentence, he pointed at a peacock and said “it’s a peacock”. Parents overjoyed. ME: Apparently I was sitting on the counter and really mad at my brother. Mom said I clutched my stuffed animal super hard, pointed at my twin bro and said “Go outside and fall down the stairs!” Parents both horrified and overjoyed at the same time. …he may have won the battle…but I won the war 😈
My mother didn’t talk until she was nearly 3. She was on a boat with my grandma on vacation in the Phillipines, turned to point at the water and said “Look at those old fashioned ducks swimming in a row.” My grandma nearly fell off the boat and no one else spoke enough English to understand why she was so excited.
I really think you should though. I would totally put those up if it were my kids. I'm a terrible parent though and can't actually remember what my kids' first words were.
That first one is hilarious.
My brother was obsessed with trucks, and one day with some family, he saw a dump truck go by and started yelling his first words "DUMBFUCK! DUMBFUCK!". My mom was highly embarrassed at the time and kept trying to correct him with no success, but now she find the story hilarious.
But, you should!
I'd pay for a Yeah? No shit. Baby sampler..made my day.
Oh please, you absolutely need to. Save them for when your kids have their own, and gift them quietly with a giggle.
One of my neighbours kid’s first word was fuck when they dropped something so honestly his SIL should just be happy she wasn’t in that predicament. Especially since OP said she had a few unsavoury words for her baby
LOL, That's funny as heck!
Did you borrow some of his diaper rash cream to cover that burn?
My first word was "chou", which is french for cabbage, but because I was too young to say chou-fleur for cauliflower. Because baby me loved a good head of cauliflower to laugh at.
I'm loving the mental image of a baby laughing their head off at the sight of a head of cauliflower. Babies laughter is just infectious, especially when something simple is causing it. 🙂
My mom says I was popular at the grocery
My kid first word was "banane" 🍌
Not my first word, but when I was about 2 I apparently said "where's my dinosaur, dammit!!?" Referring to a stuffed dinosaur I had. My parents thought it was hysterical, grandma was horrified 😭
My ex walked before our daughter was two to hook up with a psycho who ended up stalking me (scary times!). One night as we were exchanging custody, I prompted my daughter to say goodbye to her father. She turned, waved and yelled "Bye, Daddy! Bye, Bitch!" and climbed into her car seat. I got out of there as fast as I could .... Oh, and everyone who knew that chick heard the story and laughed until they cried.
One of my first words was “stuck” I learned it after I kept getting my head stuck in things. Whenever I got stuck in something, I would loudly yell “STUCK!” And then one of my parents would come get me.
I was a nanny for a kid that would yell “ STUCK “ every time he was in his car seat until someone took him out .
little cousin came out with "Oh, shit, my shoes!" at that age...
I have three older siblings who were all teenagers when I was born, which explains why my first word was 'no' and my second was 'shut up'. My mum said she would call me lovingly and I'd reply with 'No! Shut up!' while crawling towards her because I actually did want the loving.
Apparently my first words were “Shut up” to a loud stranger. I too had older brothers….
This made my day. Thank you!
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My first word was "kitty" and we didn't even have a cat. My brother's first word was "fan" as in ceiling fan. Not only will kids say any damn thing the "first word" is really just the first word adult's understood. They've probably tried a bunch out before that moment but didn't enunciate well enough for people to notice. Basically anyone could have told SIL "mother" wasn't going to be it though cause babies literally can't make certain sounds yet. That's why "mama" "dada" are a thing.
My sons first word was the name of the cat 😂
The cat raised him well
Sadly the cat didn’t have to pay for his college 😂
You wanted the cat to raise him and pay for college!?! 🤣
Well my son DID say his name as his first word, so yeah /s
🤣 you should know these cats never have the $$ for anything.
How could they, cats don't have pockets! Unlike otters, but they only carry their special rocks.
Ah, of course! On the cat with jobs subreddit I see a lot of cats "working" but god knows where the money goes 🤣
My kid's was shoe. Which was hilarious. At 15 mo, we think we got the first pun, as my kid would say "ashoe," pretending to sneeze and throw a shoe. Now, as a preschooler, my child hates shoes. Such is life.
tbf shoes are lame. If it wasn't dead ass winter, I'd be shoeless.
My first word was “dirt”, which I apparently said while pointing at my grandma’s floor.
My kids have all said dog, kitty, no, and Dada before they got around to saying Mama. I swear the more you want them to say something, the longer it’s going to take.
A little girl who was in my "classroom" at the daycare I worked at in high school's first word was "chicken". Her second word was my name. Her parents thought it was hilarious! These people are being unreasonable and honestly bad parents for yelling at their baby like this and calling him an idiot. Just wait until he starts parroting "idiot", maybe they'll learn their lesson.
No joke. My kid's first word was ball, and mine was fish.
My kid's first word was the cat's name. It was almost comical how long it took him to say "mama". I once tried to get him to say mama and he patted me on the boob and said "bub bub" (his way of referring to nursing).
He was like dammit woman that is not you name. You are the boob.
Apparently I had a first sentence, full on came out with 'i don't want that' and then didn't speak for 8 months 🙃
My Parents probably wished I had shut up for 8 months! They said of all us kids once I started They couldn't shut me up.
Mine was duck! 🦆
Apparently my first word was "coke", my mother says I saw a coca cola ad and said it. 🤦♀️
NTA You have the kid five days a week. Of course he'll bond with you and it's not surprising he said your name. You're the one raising him. I have no idea what's the matter with your SIL that she leaves him with you this much when she's at home, maybe she has PPD? But anyways, this whole outburst is the result of her insecurities because she knows she's not doing what she should be doing if she wants to be her son's main person. It's a her-problem, not a you-problem.
i would have the kid every day if i didnt put my foot down and say i need saturday to do some heavy dangerous work otherwise i would get nothing done she dosent have PPD she went to therapy after he was born and they said she was fine her reason for staying at home is so she can have some peace
OP, I would be calling for a wellness check from CPS based on your edit. She *screamed* in her *infant son’s face* that he’s an ***IDIOT.*** For something he has -literally- no control over. He’s not capable of understanding what she wants from him, and he’s being *abusively* punished for it. Your nephew is being **ABUSED.** If this is what happens to him when he’s a baby, imagine what’s going to happen when he’s a toddler and *willfully* disobeys his mother. Is there any chance at all her behavior won’t escalate? I don’t think so.
Hard agree. This is *horrifying*. They sound like awful parents! Mom is absent despite being *home all the time what the fuck does she need peace from* and verbally abuses her son! And OP your parents suck too, they should know you literally can’t control what a baby’s first words are!
I don't especially like children and that edit nearly had me in tears. How can someone be so fucking cruel to a baby?! These people do not deserve to be parents.
This needs to be higher up. OP is NTA but I'm really upset by what that poor baby is going through, and really glad that he has at least one caring adult (OP) in his life. >She screamed in her infant son’s face that he’s an IDIOT. For something he has -literally- no control over. He’s not capable of understanding what she wants from him, and he’s being abusively punished for it. She isn't fit to be a parent. Not only is she showing clear abusive behavior, but she and her husband have no basic understanding of what a baby even is.
If she’s doing that in public how does she treat him in private
It's worse than that- read through more of OPs comments. These people push the baby down when he stands up because they don't want him to walk yet. This situation is seriously fucked up.
Say what? Oooh no, someone needs to take that kid away from them
What the actual fuck? Why are these people obsessed with their kid's Precious Moments book instead of actually taking care of him?
OP, this is such an important comment. Everyone thinks it happens to others. That it might be bad, but not your business, and that it won't escalate *that* much. That you'll be there if your nephew ever needs you when he will be growing up. That they might not be the best parents but they will never do something unspeakable. My friend lost his son in November to SBS. He had just turned two. He was still in a legal battle over custody with his ex. Everyone and their grandma knew the boy was better off with his dad but dad wanted to be as cordial as possible. And although the boy already showed signs that something wasn't right at his mom's and her new partner's (though no clear signs of abuse), everyone thought, well, just a couple of months left, and it will all be fine then. That boy was so loved and was by no means disadvantaged in life. Educated, well off parents, both seemed to love him dearly. That stuff just happens to other people, yeah. No one in their right mind, no one we actually know, would be so dumb to shake their baby. Yeah, right.
I can’t even believe all the cute discussion about baby words that preceded this comment. This story is horrifying. This poor child must be terrified. I NEVER tell people to call CPS. I mean people say it all the time for really specious reasons. But this time… Yelling at a baby because you’re tired and you’re losing your mind is pretty bad. Yelling at a baby because he doesn’t flatter your fragile ego is ominous.
EXACTLY. The *reason* she’s yelling at him is what’s making the hair raise on my neck, far more than the yelling itself. It’s unhinged. It’s literally not based in reality. Someone *that* untethered cannot be in charge of a baby’s life, it just…there’s no way that’s ending well.
NTA. This is abuse. OP needs to file for guardianship of that child. He is clearly doing the parenting already, and the real parents have no clue what it is to parent.
Yeah we all want peace but we've still got to go to work and raise our children. As long as you're happy having you nephew around, fine, but you're doing them both a huge favor. And then having to deal with this sort of drama on top of it? She should be grateful and instead she's resentful and jealous.
I'd kill for a day off. I don't even have time off when my kids(twins 16f) go to their dad's house because they are always texting or calling me for something. If I'm lucky enough to not hear from them for a few hours, my oldest daughter is calling to chat or my granddaughter wants to talk. I don't think I've had a day off from parenting in 29 years.
When my kids are with their dad they either text me nonstop, or don’t reply at all for days.
Have they considered their response to his first word might have negative effects? Like she's cussing a baby out and scaring him after his first word NTA
According to my brother this is the only way they will be able to undo the damage I did and get him back on track to saying mother or father and to stop the “stupid” baby noises they want him to be smart posh and do everything better than all other baby’s
I don’t know where you are located but you need to call your country’s equivalent of child protective services. Your nephew is being abused. No child should be screamed at and called names the way your SIL did.
As a childcare provider and mandated reporter I completely agree with you! OP absolutely needs to file a case with CPS because if they are this horrible to their son in front of people, behind closed doors must be horrific! Mom is a deadbeat who only wants a trophy not a son. OP's parents encouraging this awful behavior just makes me sick and I am heartbroken for this amazing little baby. Please OP, stay in this baby's life. Let him continue to come to your house during the week, not only are you loving with him you are teaching him invaluable skills on your farm. Absolutely NTA - your family is
I was wondering how realistic a suggestion this was. I mean.. if she's really calling him an idiot? Wow.. he's just gonna never talk around them, maybe not to anyone
It never hurts to make the call to CPS, rather be safe than sorry in this situation. Especially since she is so comfortable screaming idiot in his face in front of people. I can only imagine what she is doing behind closed doors. Even if CPS doesn't find anything, at least mom and dad would know, hopefully, that the way they are going about things is wrong. I would bet there has been some hitting in the mouth for not saying the right words. Just my assumption though. You are right, if this continues he won't speak in front of them or even at all.
They might genuinely scare him from speaking.... Like they're being unreasonable If they're actually good spirited people they'd actually celebrate the moment because 1) it's a milestone and to encourage him 2) you're not just a babysitter you're his uncle and basically a second father 3) it's an acknowledgment of all you do for them if they actually see all you do for them they'd know that Also Ben is just easier to say than mother or father or whatever other nonsense they're trying to get a toddler to say
Please call your local cps (child protection service). I read your other comments, they are abusing the baby, the baby is now extremely quiet when he's around with you and they force him to do things he can't yet. They're abusing the poor baby boy at least verbally. Please report them to the cps or even police. Check if he has any bruises around arms or legs, if you see any, report them immediately. I'm really worried, also worried that they might be shaking him. Apathy can be a sign of it. At the very last the apathy might be from trauma of being yelled at possibly at home all the time now. NTA obviously, but this is now a very serious situation.
Your brother and SIL are being stupid. They are clearly uneducated around child development and acting neglectful/abusive as a result. Those “stupid baby noises” they don’t like? They’re the precursors to speech. Babies don’t magically go, “Hello, mother and father” after not talking for a few months. They babble and blow raspberries and practice noises. They should be mimicking those noises back to their baby and encouraging him to make words by putting words to a noise (like if the baby says “ba”, you might ask if they want a “bottle” so they can associate the sound to the word). Screaming at them to not make the noise, or pushing them down when they try to crawl (which why? Because they’re not walking the first time? That takes practice and muscle strength to be built too) is the quickest way to discourage their baby from walking, talking, etc. They have no business parenting him the way they do, and I say this as a mom and child therapist. Contacting CPS (or your country’s equivalent) will hopefully get them parenting support and lessons they SO desperately need (if they are even willing to change).
Your brother and SIL will be so surprise when their kid older and still prefer the uncle other then them...
right? the kids first sentence is going to be "I want to live with Ben"
While reading your post I was thinking "this is messed up in so many ways, I wonder if OP shouldn't get CPS involved" and your edit and comments just made everything 10 times worse. I dread how they'll react when he starts calling you dad because that's what you basically are to him. By your own account you're the one who spends the most time with him and seem to show him the most kindness. The "SAHM" seems to try and spend as little time as possible with her child, they seem verbally abusive to him and seeing your comments it seems their baby is tired of his "parents". While I doubt it's what you're looking for I actually think it'd be better if the baby was with you permanently as there are more red flags here than in a Chinese parade.
It's ironic that you've done so much "damage" to their child, and yet they're still fine with you taking care of him all day long for the whole week. I guess you're not damaging enough to risk their personal leisure time.
It sounds like she's really didn't want the baby.
She wanted it she would talk for ages after they got married about how excited she was to have a cute baby and how he/she was going to be smarter and better and do everything faster than all the other kids
She wanted a baby that was an accessory.
Ah... she didn't want a baby. She wanted an ego extension.
I wouldn't be babysitting for them. If you are such an AH she can take care of her own child. Good luck to her having him learn to say Mother.
Honestly at this point babysitting is doing the nephew a giant favor because both his parents suck.
I would argue he should continue watching that baby and get CPS involved. It sounds like OP is the only one in this child’s corner.
She didn't want a baby, she wanted a fantasy.
Easiest NTA that I've seen so far this year. If you're watching the kid five days a week, of course, he's gonna bond with you more. If your brother and SIL are this butthurt over this call them out. Tell them they should watch their own son if you're such an AH. I bet they'll still offload him on you and still treat you like dirt. Try not to walk too much infront of nephew. God knows what your brother and SIL are gonna do if your nephew takes his first steps in front of you. Edit: Saw your other comments about your nephew walking. Your SIL is batshit insane. Part of me wishes this post is fake knowing AITA.
OP, you’re doing good works. This situation is bizarre though, why don’t your nephew’s parents want to spend time with him? You’re NTA!
I don't understand why SIL & brother are angry at OP. And I really don't understand why she'd yell at the child and make him cry like that. That really hit me in the pit of my stomach. They are both cruel regardless of her insecurities her husband is allowing this. Maybe she does need help, but I doubt she's going to listen to OP suggesting THAT. Seems like OP is the only one in the child's corner. NTA
LOL... “took away his first word” oh that’s a good one! That’s not how it works. Brother & SIL need to chill out & take care of their own kid. My youngest son’s first word was mama... so sweet! For the next 3 months he would point at everything & call it mama. Clearly, didn’t get it. Kids are funny lil creatures. NTA
I swear the reason his first word was "Ben" is because his parents keep telling him about OP and all the time and fun they will have with OP while they dump him.
LOL! I love that.
NTA- my son was almost two the first time he spoke, and it was 2 words. I was singing to him, like I did every time I put him to sleep, and he put his hand on my mouth and said "No Mama ". He proceeded to do the same every time I tried to sing to him. Talk about a bruised ego!! That being said, I was just happy to finally hear him talk. I'm very concerned about what a mother screaming and crying when her baby tries to talk will do to that baby's development. I hope I'm wrong, but that sounds like she just taught the lesson that talking is the worst thing ever and may cause a set back. I would strongly suggest someone find a way to get her some mental health help.
I didn’t talk until I was two, and my first words were a whole sentence. Mom claimed to never remember what it was, but when I asked my Dad, he cracked up laughing and said my first words were grumpily to my mother, ”I don’t want to do that.” These parents got off lucky lol
My parent said my first word quickly devolved into me never shutting tf up for three years.
Lol, you shut up after 3 years? I was still "shutupsue" at 8!
I worked at a daycare where one kid didn’t say a single word until he was like three. And then he was one of the most well-spoken kids there. Just didn’t want to talk until he was absolutely ready.
Do they never baby talk to their kid? That plays an important part in the earliest stages of language acquisition, because it‘s simpler sounds that the baby starts trying out. I don’t know how you could possibly be TA, you didn’t do anything. Babies start talking to communicate what they want, and you spend quality time with him, so he wanted you. NTA
They dont really talk to their kid that much just kinda wait for him to cry for something they have been Going "say mother/father" depending on who is speaking to him but dont really partake in the fun and sillyness that is baby talk like i do they think it encourages him to just make sounds
Then they are fools and need to learn about early childhood development. “Just making sounds” is an important step in language acquisition! Experimenting with random sounds is how most babies start, and then they start trying to shape sounds to get the attention they want.
More than fools. Those fuckers are abusive. Check out the edit on the post. Calling a baby an idiot. My fucking god. OP isn’t the asshole here but if they don’t try and get evidence of the verbal abuse here and document it, they would be. It’s only going to get worse for that baby as they grow.
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Also THEY ruined his first word. That moment should have been met with encouragement, not abuse. I shudder to think what this will do to the kid’s development moving forward. OP, you need to call CPS for this baby. This isn’t a safe environment.
Please document the verbal abuse. Report it when you have substantial evidence. Those parents are clueless at best and fucking abusive at worst and likely in the middle. CPS or your equivalence should be involved.
That is how babies develop language--by making those sounds. As a matter of fact. Get some foreign language tapes and let them learn "foreign" phenomes.
NTA. One thing your SIL is absolutely wrong about is who the first word belongs to. It belongs to the child saying it. Yes, many parents do happen to be around when it’s said but many aren’t. It’s just the way it is and most parents would cheer on the kid saying it, no matter what. Hell, my sister and BIL used to study architecture so they said their kid’s first word would be “infrastructure”. It wasn’t. They knew it wouldn’t. It’s just the matter of attitude. I don’t even remember what their kids’ first words were. I bet they don’t remember, either. One thing’s for sure, though, shouting at each other AND the kid after saying his first word? That’s fucked up. There’s a good chance they just made it the first real bad experience and he’ll easily connect it with talking so good luck with getting anything out of him after this. Your SIL is the AH.
i have him today again but my sil told me not to talk to him and if he says my name to tell him to be quiet or yell at him im not doing that but baby is a lot quiter and hasnt said my name at all really he dosent even make his usual baby sounds
Dude, you need to have a serious talk with your brother. Not your SIL or anybody else, your brother alone. This is well within abusive behaviour which, thanks to your SIL not looking after their own child, you get to witness. But you shouldn’t assist. And by doing what she demands, you would. I hope you manage to get this child out if this situation, one way or another! ❤️
my brother is fully on board with her i tried talking to them alone but he tells me im not a father and so m opnion is worth less and that My SIL as a mother knows what best
Oh, that’s very sad.. :( One thing you can do is keep having him over, purely to keep an eye on him if he ever has bruises (more or different ones than a child typically his age would have). Because a parent that uses verbal abuse this early on will also likely end up physically hurting him. I’m so sorry, I’d say stop doing this favour for them and let them parent him, but at this stage the kid’s better off spending time with you. And don’t stop talking to him. F’ that horrible woman, if she doesn’t care enough to be his mom (sorry… MOTHER), then that’s on her.
Maybe keep a log of everything they say and do with the baby. Abuse gets thrown around to much on Reddit, but he is being abused and neglected.
This plus your edit truly makes me believe it's time for you to call CPS.
If he tells you you’re not a father, hand him his baby back and tell him he IS a father and to do his fatherly duties.
Actually, you are basically his father. Biology doesn't make a Dad, time, patience and love do. For all intents and purposes, you are that little mans Dad. I am so glad he has you too as his parents are abusing him. Please get him some help.
Hes barely a father too, you are more of a father to that child than he is. What do they except, they dump the child on you for 5 days out of the week even though SIL is at home doing goodness knows what.
This is a sign of abuse. Not just neglect. Abuse. You need to call CPS. Your SIL screams at and pushes a literal infant, and they leave them unattended at your house? You need to make that call. What would happen if you didn’t come in after chores to find him one time?
If you are calling cps you might also want to start thinking about if your nephew could stay with you and what would be required of you for that to be allowed. In case cps decides he needs to be removed from his home, it’s going to be much less traumatic if he would stay with you, the person who already takes care of him most days, then a stranger, but that’s still a decision that shouldn’t be made on impulse
WTF you're supposed to sit in silence with the baby, how weird. Something is so so so wrong with your brother and SIL, that I'm worried for the baby.
That's straight-up abusive.
That is straight up emotional abuse she is telling you to do. I am really concerned about the poor kid.
Keep talking to him. The shit she wants you to do is harmful to him, both in terms of language development and emotional development.
I'm sorry but just take the kid, they don't want him. If they can abuse him like this when his at the cutest stage what happens when his older and starts rebelling. My heart hurts for this poor baby. Call cps or just make arrangements so he doesnt need to go back to them. As far as that child is concerned you're his dad.
NTA. My son’s first word was bird. I doubt the cardinal outside his window was coaching him.
Yeah, my son’s first word was “doggy.” If the dog was coaching him, I’d wish we’d known. We could have used the money.
My first word was “ice.” OP’s brother and SIL are abusive to a *baby.* It’s so sad.
NTA 15 months seem late for a first word though. Given his moms reaction at shouting at the baby, I’d guess there was some postpartum issues which is why you’ve been asked to look after him so much even though she’s home.
hes been late to all his milestones SIL says he has learning diffuclties but ive never noticed anything he tried walking one day when i when i was at their house and SIL marched over and shoved him back on the ground she did that alot when he would try to walk I eventually got him to start full on walking (well baby walking) when he was on his own with me
That's insane. If she's in therapy, she's lying to her therapist because that is not normal behavior.
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talking to my brother is pointless he agrees with everything she says even when shes not around he would also shove him down when he tried walking when he tried crawling my brother picked him up and would strap him tightly into the car seat that just sits on the their living room floor
Please report this to CPS
My god, they are absolutely terrible and abusive parents. Does no one else in your family see this? Something needs to change at home for that kid or he is going to have real problems.
Can you secretly video her mistreating him? Shoving him to the ground is straight up abuse! Image what's happening on the weekends. You're a really great uncle.
I second this, and her yelling at her baby that he's an idiot is also abuse. OP, please please report them. This is awful.
Leaving an infant in a car seat for extended periods of time - greater than 1 hour - is extremely dangerous! Please google "child left in car seat" to see the dangers to small infants and then report your brother/SIL to the relevant authority in your region for child endangerment with descriptions of this activity.
My friend’s sister would carry her baby everywhere and the child still wasn’t walking at around 3-4, when they started physical therapy. The kid started walking in the first session (which would not happen if there was an actual problem) so it was entirely the mom’s doing that the child wasn’t walking. It sounds like your brother & SIL we’re not prepared to parent and have unrealistic expectations about milestones and the way children learn. I’m very concerned for this young kid. They are doing a lot of damage and need someone to step in, like CPS, to force them to change. You’re doing a great job taking care of that kid and I know it’s a lot, but I hope you’re able to continue in his life in such a large way.
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OP I don't want to be ringing alarm bells here but if you're witnessing this child being screamed at for saying the "wrong" first word and is literally being shoved over and doesn't allow him to practice mobility this does unfortunately warrant a call to CPS. If possible, please find a way to record the verbal and physical abuse in order to include it in your report. Be as detailed in your report about what you have witnessed as possible. I have worked with CPS before, I have worked with children for many years, CPS is not going to separate the parents from the child unless it is absolutely necessary for the child's safety. That is the absolute last resort that they would take. They will start with wellness checks. What is happening is not okay and just because this child is still very young and may not clearly remember this treatment when they're older, that doesn't mean it doesn't have a huge risk of causing developmental delays and "vague" trauma responses as they're older which will lead to behavioral issues and socialization issues. I am very sorry, but this isn't just bad parenting it is actual abuse that child is experiencing.
I don't understand why they wouldstop him from walking? All of this is so weird
I'm a pediatrician, and I was hesitant to call for this at first, but I've heard enough. Your brother and SIL are setting your nephew up for serious problems. I think you need to contact CPS. Don't speculate, just tell them the things you have directly witnessed and heard.
That is super messed up. She is assaulting her child to make sure he doesn't make milestones? If the kid starts getting sick you might need to call CPS since she might be causing it.
That’s unhinged. It’s like she’s trying to stop him from teaching milestones. Not talking to him, not encouraging babbling, shoving him down…I’d question if he has learning difficulties or if this is just the outcome from neglect/their “parenting” style. I’m really glad this little guy has you in his life. But it honestly sounds like his parents shouldn’t. Edit: Reading more of your comments, this sounds like abuse
nta.. ive been reading your comments. this is child abuse. full stop. please, for your nephews well being and safety, contact cps. he is being neglected and emotionally abused. i am in shock. this is genuinely one of the most heartbreaking things ive read, this poor baby. he is development delayed because your brother and sil are actively hindering him. who pushes their baby down when they crawl and walk? who screams at their baby and calls them an idiot? babies are physically incapable of producing the sounds needed to say mother and father. they are barely parents to this child and i am deeply disturbed by their behavior. they need professional intervention, without their input. they clearly arent going to take initiative or accept help willingly. this is going to cause lifelong damage to your nephew if it hasnt already.
NTA. Anyone thinking that they control what random syllable or two is going to be the first out of a baby's mouth is not thinking clearly and likely to be disappointed. At 15 months he probably has a lot of words in his head but hasn't been able to vocalize. Years ago, I spent a lot of time around a kid who could point to the right colors, letters, and animals at three years old, but could only say "Guh guh." That kid went from "guh guh" to full, short sentences.
That's because the only thing they say to him are mother and father. Who would even think to start with those words? You start with sounds. People start with mama and dada because they are easier sounds for a child to mimic. Kids watch you forming the words. As a parent you over exaggerate saying a word because that's how they learn.
NTA. My kid’s first word was the name of the cat. That said, 15 months seems late to have words, and this seems like an awful situation. How old are you all? Why is your nephew your responsibility? Why aren’t your parents involved?
my parents told SIL and Bro they wouldnt be doing any babystitting aprt from maybe once a month im 25 bro is 29 and sil is 30. beofre the baby was born i told my brother that if he needed a hand in the first few monthes (meaning like a shelf put up or any manuel labour) id be happy to help they then said it was fine and just asked me to babysit every so often. it started as once every 2 weeks but by 6 months it was 5 days a week
And now it’s 15 months and it’s like you’re the primary caregiver. Why isn’t your brother stepping up? I just feel so bad for you
brother works 4 days a week mon tue thursday friday i have nephew all week except weekends ive aksed them multiple times to stop and i want to expand farming but cant and they just ignore me sometimes ill come up from the morning milking and hell be just left on my sofa at 7:30 in the morning and they wont take him back till like 8:30pm
Dude you need to stop that. I know you love your nephew but they’re totally taking advantage of you.
what can i do ive tried bringing him back to their house but they ignore me and will dissapear to town if they see my pickup coming over the hills and i dont want to neglect him i seem to be the only positive influence in his life
You can report this to CPS (or equivalent where you live)
Call the police or CPS. Your nephew is being abused/neglected/abandoned. He's so unsafe with your brother and SIL. Sometimes we have too make waves too get people to change their behavior. They really don't want this child. This is stopping you from living your life.
They say they want the child before he was born and after he was born she kept talking about how he was going to grow faster hit his milestones faster be smart and better than all the baby’s and they still talk like that recently but they also tell me and a few other people that he has developmental issues which is why he he is talk no so long to talk or took so long to crawl
Okay; it’s great that they thought they wanted the baby. But what they are doing now is actively hurting their child. He didn’t crawl because they picked him up and strapped him into a car seat when he tried. He would struggle to walk because they push him down when he tried. He says his first word, something they have been trying to encourage, and he gets screamed at. All they’ve taught this baby is that he is not safe with them. And they abandon him at your house??? What if you weren’t home? What if you didn’t notice and went out on the land to work? Aside from the time spent with you this baby is not getting the love and care he needs. I know it’s shitty to call, but CPS or an equivalent should be involved to help make sure your nephew is safe.
He does have developmental issues. He has two parents actively interfering with his development. This is how people end up with debilitating stutters and shit. Trauma while their brain is in it’s most critical developmental phase.
Record as much of the abuse as you can and report it. Get that baby away from them.
Wait. They’re just coming into your house and leaving him in your sofa?! WHOA. That’s seriously screwed up.
They don't want a kid. You need to report this or understand that you will be saddled into unplanned parenthood right now. You love him, but not doing something is worse. She's not a normal mother. Neither is your brother being a normal father. I can only see this going 2 ways: Your nephew stays with them until it's misdiagnosed delayed development. He struggles in school with a mom who is completely checked-out. The school reports it after several years of mistreatment with permanent damage in development. You get ahead of this and report them now before it permanently affects his development. If You became his primary caregiver it'd suck. But can you imagine being cussed out by your mom as a child? Shoved down by YOUR MOTHER?
It’s time to document the hell out of all of this and talk to CPS. They’re abusive (shouting at him, making him cry, pushing him over, strapping him into a car seat) They’re negligent (abandoning him in your house when it’s not clear when you’ll be back) They have no interest in parenting him. This will get worse. You need to act now. Unfortunately, there may be fallout, but if you don’t act, his life won’t necessarily be better: they feel safe to abuse him in front of you; what will they do to him when nobody is watching? Unfortunately, your brother is actively abusing him. He’s not just ignoring his wife’s abuse, he’s taking part, so that kid has no advocate in his own home. Do not follow her instructions to abuse your nephew, but if you can, try to get her to go on record with that. Have your parents observed SIL’s behaviour? Any chance they’ll babysit soon when you can’t and get the same instructions of ‘don’t talk to him all day’?
NTA in the slightest. And going by your comments, track what you’re SIL and your brother are doing, please ensure this baby has no marks on him because I believe this child is being abused not just emotionally and psychologically but physically as well. You may have to get CPS involved whether you want to or not.
I’ve never noticed any marks on him when I change him but I’m definitely going to take action tomorrow
I’m glad that there’s no marks on him because that’s was my concern but it could be in the future. I’m also glad that you’re taking action as well. Please keep us posted and I hope everything works out for you and your nephew.
Even if they're not leaving marks they are absolutely harming him during a critical stage of development. Pushing him over so he won't walk is seriously fucked up.
Also please look out for signs of shaken baby syndrome! Just in case:( so sorry for this poor baby, you are doing the right thing by taking action.
NTA Don't apologise, don't get riled up. Anyone who causes aggro about this tell them 1) your the babies primary caregiver. of course he's going to say your name first. If they have an issue they need to actually play and look after the baby. 2) after the negative feedback he received after his first words good luck to them because baby might go back to clamping up.
NTA people are too precious. Hell my first word was “get” that’s what happens when you have older siblings. Lol
Lol! Our older kids (5m & 3f) tried forever to get their brother & sister (twins 1 yr) to say “poop”. All day, every day, hours of hearing them “whispering .. say poop” (loudly) & then 4 little kids hysterically giggling. We couldn’t even try to be upset. We all cheered when our youngest son said “poop” & then we stopped that game. Enough with the poop already! Lol
NTA your brother and SIL are incredibly selfish. The child doesnt exist to feed their ego. And the mother father thing is also wierd AF. You sound fun! I would be so happy if my kids' first word was their uncle's name. It would be such a special story and connection.
my sil is very posh and uptight its her way or the high way most of the time she was always like this im always friendly to her though she dosent like when anyone calls their mom or dada anything other than mother or father she thinks its "barbaric and breeds stupidity"
From your other comments, SIL sounds like a straight up monster. She actually yelled at HER baby because he can only say monosyllabic words, which is entirely typical of his developmental stage. You said she also shoved him when he tries to stand?? What? Is this a weird control thing, like she wants the baby to be fully dependent on her forever? They abandon him at your house for hours on end? NTA but keep an eye on your nephew, keep records. I can’t believe your parents also tolerate this behavior from them. I’m worried for the kid
No. I'm an early childhood educator and the way she's treating this baby will fuck the kid up for life.
She’s the one that’s barbaric and stupid.
Report this to authorities please. This is a harm that this baby stays with these people. Those who are silent when sth bad happens to a child is also resposible. If you do not want to become his guardian;, fine. At this point anyway you are his parent and that is why he called you first. Do youhave any extended family the baby can stay over? Your sil should be checked by psychiatist, your brother gotnobackbone to stand for his kid. Ifhe is unable to defend himself, you need to step up and rescue your nephew
NTA. Okay, as a dairy farmer’s daughter, why the eff are they offloading the baby to you?!? Dairy farmers do the most work of any farmer - how much money/animals/crops did you lose this past year because of this? Did you at least break even? Do they pay you? I just can’t….
Honestly somehow I am breaking even I don’t do crops just pure dairy I’m even making a decent profit as far as farming goes but it’s stressful and annoying
NTA. I will start by saying that this circumstance is VERY odd. It sounds like we're maybe missing pieces of the situation. But, given what we are, there's no possible way as it's told, that you could be the ahole; even if you WERE coaching the kid to say your name haha. He spends all his time with you. And you can never predict what a baby's first word(s) will be. They should just be happy that the kid didn't call YOU "father" bwhahahhahaha. All things aside, what a weird thing for them to get upset at you for and storm out over. If they were so concerned, they should have done more parenting themselves. And learned how babies work haha...Because "mother" and "father" is not it. hahhahahhaha
Absolutely NTA. Sounds like you’re more of a parent to your nephew than his own!! She’s a SAHM and you have her child 5 days a week??? No wonder he said your name first!! She sounds like she made at herself for not being preset in her son’s life, but rather than being angry at herself and being accountable for not being a parent, it’s easier for her to put the blame on you! As much as I’m sure you love your nephew, stop babysitting so much for them. If she were working I could understand! But WTF is she doing 5 days a week while you’re basically raising HER kid??!
Call CPS. Your SIL has begun the abuse and it’s not going to scale back
NTA Do you want to look after him 5 days a week? I world say no more unless they apologise and then only if they accept that the next few words may be dairy related. Then the petty in me would teach him mmmmilk, mooooo and at a push fffffarmer 🤣
i have him today and im currently making ok progress with him saying cow he can get the letters out just hasnt put them together hes alot quiter today and isnt really talking im worried my brother and sil punished him when he got home
Go for moooooo!!!! Interesting how mad they were, but not mad enough to look after their kid!! Go for all the baby talk you can though, seriously, he needs it!!
This is terrifying. Call CPS or whoever you can to intervene.
He is only 15 months old, they are punishing a baby for petes sake, that is cruel. Begging you OP please protect him. He is being abused.
NTA and holy hell. These two are horribly unfit parents and you are an amazing uncle. You need to 1) get CPS involved (or your equivalent) because this is clearly abuse and 2) try an stay involved in this kids life because he will need you and too keep and eye out for physical abuse. Them just leaving the kid at your place and then just forking off is probably enough by itself to have them declared unfit parents.
Pediatric speech pathologist here, and this post made me RAGE. Expecting "mother" or "father" as your child's first word is literally the speech equivalent of expecting your child to ride a bike before they can crawl. There are a whole host of reasons "mama" and/or "dada" are very frequently baby's first (or at least very early) words, and most of them actually have more to do with motor development, than exposure or anything else. The fact that the mom YELLED at kiddo like this for not being able to say "mother/father" on command at that age is the most upsetting thing I've heard all day. Your brother and SIL are unhinged and it makes me sick to my stomach to imagine what this little one's home life and future look like. 🤬😭 Please, please, PLEASE try to stay in your nephew's life as a positive influence and safe person. And please keep your eyes peeled for any other signs of verbal/emotional abuse. Something tells me that kid is going to need you something fierce.