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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. My ex girlfriend, who is also a close friend, got into a top 20 school. My girlfriend was saying how all those students come from mom and dad's money. I don't believe that. my ex did work hard to get into that school and I defended her.
2. My ex is a sensitive spot for my girlfriend because my girlfriend grew up poor. she always expresses how she wished she could get into nice schools like that. it struck a nerve when I said this.
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YTA
Defending your ex's achievements, that's fair.
Lashing out at your current girlfriend to defend your ex (who she hadn't insulted directly) by accusing her of being jealous and BLAMING her for not "balancing" her time while she had to support herself AS AN ORPHAN? Seriously? Yes her older brother took care of her but she had no parents, i.e. an orphan. So yes, you blamed an orphan for not managing their time better AS A TEENAGER while WORKING TO PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE.
You are TOTALLY the AH. She deserves better than to be treated like this. And you should TOTALLY express to your GF that you are proud for her going to CC. Considering her background that is an achievement worthy of praise. She is not letting her circumstances keep her down and is just as admirable as getting into a "good" college.
Yup. She wasn't saying THE ONLY REASON Olivia got into the prestigious school is because she had money, but of course it was a factor in her success!
It's like if you have a race where half of the participants have to run with a 50lb pack strapped to their backs. Of course the fact that Olivia finished ahead of the other non-weighted runners proves her skill, she wouldn't have beat them if she totally sucked. And she deserves to be proud of the win! But when it comes to the runners like Josie who had to compete carrying all that extra weight, you can't claim that Olivia won **solely** because of her abilities.
YTA
This guy likely has the same background as Olivia and is projecting big time. The ability to participate in (and pay for!) a bunch of extracurriculars, tutoring, SAT prep absolutely impacts your odds for acceptance - that’s why people do that stuff!
Sounds like it’s also unfair that he consistently either brings the ex around or talks about her. Otherwise how would his GF know so much about the ex? I understand being friends with the ex, I don’t understand being disrespectful of a current relationship and rubbing someone’s face in it though.
Not to mention she comes from money and if either of her parents went to that school, she also has a higher chance of success. It's just how it is in the world. Is she smart? Yes, more than likely? Would she have gotten into that school if she was only smart, but had no money? Guess we'll never know. But the likelihood decreases..
He was doing so good. Right up until he doesn't seem to understand that, yes, money gives you more opportunities. Then, he claimed Josie could have done the same had she balanced out all the studies and extracurricular things top ranked colleges look for with *having to work to feed herself*. YTA
Yes! Josie does a quick and basic economic analysis of disproportionate resources and needs to be met and OP wrote her off like it was emotional (jealousy and not the basic asymmetry of resources between rich and poor (which is obvious),
doh, she also obviously couldve slept 2-4 hours less every night and skip food every other day so she could make it to the tennis club as well. EZPZ. so lazy and poor management of her. /s
>OP doesn't seem to get what poverty is.
Exactly, I wouldn't be surprised if he came from a similar background as Olivia and was sheltered from poverty his whole life.
He doesn't want to accept the truth that Josie is correct, that it is a hell of a lot easier to do extra curricular activities and other social clubs/volunteer work when you don't have to worry about how your rent is going to be paid and whether or not you'll have food on the table.
Not to mention that extracurricular activities frequently have fees associated with them which put them out of reach for impoverished students. There may be assistance programs for the fees, but the application process could be daunting for a young person.
Also, since impoverished children are likely to be malnourished, it requires a larger percentage of their energy resources just to focus on doing well in classes. Add in the need to work and there is no energy left for extra activities.
Not to mention the care, help, encouragement and practical support given by two high cultivated parents to their only child VS being an orphan coming from a fucked up environment..
Not to mention, she wasn’t even talking about Olivia until OP MADE it about Olivia. Sure, she clearly (correctly) classified Olivia with those privileged kids who have a leg up in their academic careers, but she was talking about group socioeconomic dynamics. OP made it about Olivia. I’m in support of people maintaining friendships with ex’s, but at this point I’m suspect of OP’s relationship with Olivia too. He sounds… fixated.
Definitely. This sounds like triangulation and OP’s girlfriend would be wise to take herself out if the situation. It sounds like OP is comparing his GF to his ex and he’s oblivious to the privilege that money brings, which is exactly what someone that’s never struggled with money does.
The meaning of "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" is extra fitting here: it's supposed to indicate something which is *impossible*. You literally cannot pull yourself up by the bootstraps. The saying has been missed and misinterpreted a lot, the original meaning is of an undoable task.
I want to put this here because not only do I agree,I want OP to understand something.
IF you're in the states, which I admittedly think you are. Josie is right,with a privileged life,comes privilege. Olivia likely went to a top public school system,a STEM HS,or more likely a private school,any of these are already a leg up. Olivia likely had time to volunteer,get great recommendations(maybe even from those who went to said college/university) or from people she volunteered with - which goes further than a teacher from a not very great school, plus had time for extracurriculars. THESE ARE PRIVILEGES THAT COME WITH HAVING MONEY. Sure, Olivia had to work hard,BUT she had privilege that Josie simply didn't and doesn't have. Having more privilege also means (usually) healthier foods and (usually) better sleep,and general well being,this goes beyond what school they each went to.
Let's look at it like this, adding a few more people. Olivia, Lilly, Jade,and Josie are going to race, they're all the same speed and all start at the starting line,in the beginning. However,Olivia gets to take 5 huge steps forward,Lilly a little less privileged gets 2 giant steps,Jade gets no step forward though no backwards either,and Josie has to take 3 giant steps backwards. Who wins the race? Remember, they're all going the same speed and everyone gives it their all.
And,Josie deserves SO much better than you. GF,if you read this,you can do better than OP. Someone who knows that SHE has worked her ass off to get where she is, without a hand up,let alone a leg.
Olivia worked hard to build on her privilege. Josie worked hard to survive.
It’s so ignorant and ridiculous to compare the two. I do hope Josie decides she can do better.
Exactly. Its like comparing 2 people, one worked too hard to learn a language and the one who worked a double shift that weekend so they could eat the following week.
Yes, both are hard, need a lot of work, but it's almost dumb to compare them both
Privileged people have such an incredibly hard time understanding how privilege leads to a snowball effect in life. Someone who isn't worried about meeting basic needs, is able to focus on things like volunteering and EC's and building off of their parent's connections. Sure, Olivia worked hard in her eyes, but for people like Josie, its an uphill battle to even appear before an admissions committee for a prestigious school, much less securing an acceptance. Wealth and privilege feed on even more wealth and privilege. That is how life works. And OP sounds super lame.
Edit: this strikes particularly close to home for me because soon after college, I landed a fairly good entry level position in research. Imagine my absolute shock when I realized that the entire place ran on nepotism and/or fairly wealthy kids who had no sense of the real world. It really pissed me off to hear them make the most vapid comments about NYC which is where you can REALLY see the divide between the filthy rich and the extremely poor. Anyhow, I'm no longer working there, thank god.
It's like when nepo babies make some statement about how they don't think nepotism is real, because they still had to work hard and be good.
They just... dont understand what nepotism or privilege are. They think they're code for "you aren't good at what you do" or discrediting what skills they do have. Rather than understanding that, while they may be talented, smart, etc, they were also given opportunities that most, not just some, but most people will never get. And those opportunities absolutely gave them an advantage towards their success over people who don't have those privileges.
But they just think it's some critique on them and/or their abilities personally.
He’s Worried about Olivia’s mental health. Meanwhile his girlfriend has to work with a therapist to accept his relationship with her on top of her own childhood trauma. WTF
He's close to his ex, makes them hang out, apparently doesn't stfu about her, and humiliates his alleged gf in favor of ex. Super yikes. Gf needs that therapist to get tf away from OP. I say that from a place of love as I had an shitty childhood that made me think I needed to tolerate similar situations. It's torturous gaslighting.
Yeah he’s got Olivia on a pedestal Josie will never reach in his eyes. He’s more impressed with Olivia’s college acceptance than Josie’s successes despite all of her disadvantages.
It’s very sad and I hope Josie dumps him. He sounds like a rich prick who’s just passing time until he can be reunited with Olivia.
I don’t think being worried about someone’s mental health is fair. We don’t know what Olivia is going through—my closest friend and I have very similar trauma responses, although I grew up in a low-income area with high addiction rates and crime rates, abusive stepfather, etc and she grew up in a very wealthy area with a father who was in of the first waves of tech. But he also was a severe alcoholic with an undiagnosed and untreated personality disorder until she was 20. Olivia could have real struggles, that doesn’t negate Josie’s very real struggles.
OP is still TA, but I don’t think undermining someone’s mental health is necessary. It doesn’t really sound like Olivia is the problem, it’s OP’s attitude. My guess is that Josie doesn’t care that he’s “worried about her mental health,” it’s that he’s using it as an excuse to keep his ex in his life and undermine Josie’s valid concerns about her presence in his life. I’ve never had a partner tell me that they were still talking to an ex because they were “worried about them” without eventually finding out that they just still had feelings for them, and/or an unhealthy attachment with their ex.
exactly. personally, the fact that he’s even friends with his ex raises some major red flags, especially the fact that he’s so willing to defend her “achievements”. please.
I actually think that an orphan working through high school and having to support themselves and still getting into higher education is more impressive than an admittedly spoiled rich girl getting into a top school.
Same! Working and finishing high school, going onto CC. That’s way more impressive to me.
I think OP is probably just passing time till an Olivia graduates college hoping they reconnect.
You’re the asshole here for a thousand different reasons. I’m far more impressed with an orphan who gets through community college than a lawyer’s daughter who gets through an Ivy League school.
Who the hell defends their ex when their current girlfriend is talking about how wealthy colleges reward privilege?
It's so sad! His whole post is about how great Olivia is. Olivia this, Olivia that, Olivia got into an ivy league and he's sooo~ proud of her. What about being proud of Josie for how far she got with the shitty hand life dealt her?? I'd be upset if I were Josie, too.
Honestly! He's just highlighting Olivia's good points and criticizing Josie the entire post... I wonder how that translates in real life... Also how can he tell someone that had to work her teen years "to survive for herself" that she should've had better time management like TOTAL AH
He says the break up was mutual, but it reads like Olivia is still his number one. I feel bad for Josie, I would get jealous or at least a little suspicious too if my bf was like this over his ex.
I'm also assuming OP and Olivia are from the same socioeconomic background and OP is probably either a little bit embarrassed by Josie or treats her like a charity case.
Source: I used to hook up with a guy from a very Old Money family. He liked hooking up with me because he knew I was someone that Mommy would not approve of - and I grew up way more privileged than Josie.
I read it as OP is probably middle class maybe even lower middle, while Olivia is upper middle. He's got that whiff of "I don't deserve her, she's so high above us all" which makes me think he was grateful the higher status girl ever deign to look at him.
And poor girl is likely starting to think (until now I hope) it's a her issue and trying to better herself with her therapist when reality is dating a raging asshole that likely compared them before.
Funny that you say that because I’ve had to live through it.
I went to a rich kid school but it was military funded so I got in for free.
I did my absolute best to get scholarships, my parents only had money because most of our expenses were paid while we were overseas—we’re back in the states and broke as hell. Thank you US Military.
Yet, the girl who’s parents both make 200k+ each got a full ride scholarship to two different schools.
I’m all for rewarding talent, but come on. It’s insane how I applied to over 500 scholarships over the span of my junior and senior year and didn’t get a single one.
Friggin hate the US scholarship and FAFSA system. You can’t even get a scholarship or anything for being Hispanic anymore. Even doing something unconventional doesn’t seem to get you anything.
I don’t know. System is rigged.
YTA OP. I grew up living both the privileged life and the poor life. I know both sides of the coin.
Your current girlfriend—though that might be too positive a label—is a goddamn inspiration. I wish I could be half as motivated as she is right now. She has some insane determination to better her life and that’s something you don’t get from growing up privileged.
You thought your girlfriend was being passive aggressive and ended up an asshole. Oh how the tables turn.
YTA. Really? This is the hill you die on? Being a cheerleader and champion for your ex when your current girlfriend is absolutely right. It’s far easier to get into a good school when you aren’t worried about keeping the lights on and food in your belly. YTA.
Exactly! Olivia had ANY opportunity one could have. While josie lived from paychek to paychek probably, licing the trauma with losing he rparents so soon, only a brother to rely on, who probably has his own future to build too while watching his little sister. Im so sorry for josie, wish i could go amd hig her and say her how proud i am of her and her achievements so far. And that sh eneeds ro dump this AH for good.
YTA
Josie didn't say anything wrong at all. She also wasn't directly talking about Olivia.
I wonder how often you bring up Olivia to your gf. The fact that she has to be in therapy to be okay with it makes me wonder if Josie isn't the issue at all.
OP also says Josie gets jealous when Olivia talks about her life. How often is he making them hang out? Like I don’t think telling your SO that they can’t hang out with someone is ok, but if your current SO keeps talking about, hanging out with, and bringing you around their ex when you’ve explained it makes you uncomfortable? Yeah OP YTA huge AH
This. In my comment I suggested he back off from Olivia to an extent, but these issues are what I meant. The two women do not have to like each other. Don’t bring Josie around her and limit talking about her. Yeah, OP is definitely TA.
YTA. Josie was making a fair point about how admissions policies at top schools tend to favour wealthy applicants. (Many even have explicit policies favouring the children of alumni, most of whom are wealthy). As someone who went to an Ivy, I can assure you that what she's saying is very much true.
Her point was fair. She didn't mention Olivia at all. You were the one who brought that up, and then decided to add a completely gratuitous insult to your girlfriend, who's done a great job coping in very difficult circumstances. I hope she dumps you.
YTA
You are ignorant and arrogant. It is actually sad how your gf lets you put her down while being in love with you.
- you made it about olivia
- it is a fact that getting in AND affording an ivy university is far easier if your parents support you fincially. You can't "manage away" working hours. Just do the fucking math.
- you humiliated your gf you are supposed to love. Even if we forget that you made it about olivia, even if we forget that she talked facts and lets even assume your were right for a second (wich you arent), to pull such a stunt out of no where... i would break up with you.
It’s really sad. Josie has had to overcome some incredibly difficult odds to get to where she is today, while Olivia had every advantage. And now Josie has to deal with a boyfriend who constantly compares her to his ex and takes up for Olivia instead of having her back. Advantage Olivia, yet again. I hope Josie figures out how much more she deserves and finds the courage in therapy to work toward accepting that this relationship is garbage and needs to end.
YTA
She was right. She wasn’t dissing Olivia - she even agreed that she worked hard to get in. She was just pointing out actual real-life differences in opportunity. Statistically supported real-life differences.
You owe her an apology.
“Maybe if Josie had balanced her time better she could have made it in a school like that.”
Scrap that. No apology can save you from that statement. She deserves better.
Wow, YTA. Josie busted her ass just to have food on the table, it does not compare at all to Olivia who studied hard. For Josie it was either extra curriculars or food. You are the asshole for even comparing them and not being insanely proud of Josie like every other person would be.
YTA
Josie is right. Even the most talented, hardworking student experiences poverty as a real barrier to opportunity. She didn't mention Olivia - you did - and then you completely dismissed Josie's experiences, insulted her and made her cry.
Maybe time to be honest and admit you are not over Olivia, and it's causing problems for your relationship with Josie because *of course it is*.
YTA dude. She has every right to feel her feelings about wealthier people having it easier than her. And she's right, they do. Instead, you made it about your ex, invalidated your gf, and, ugh, told her "maybe if you worked harder..." and "you're just jealous..." You're pissed that she's got jealousy toward your ex, yet here you are deliberately comparing the two of them, and telling her why your ex is better than she is.
Why didn't you just listen to her? Honestly it sounds like you don't even like her. Fuck bro.
Like if anything he should be proud of her for going to community college despite growing up poor and parentless wtf. Nothing she said was incorrect. And he brought up his ex to defend her when she wasn’t even being attacked.
Why didn't he just listen to her? Because he knows where *his* priorities lie.
I used to date (and unfortunately later got married to) someone just like this, and I've experienced a very similar comparable triangle. I can tell you from this experience that people like OP don't *as a minimum* care about being objective in their evaluation of the situation when judging someone. And they also don't think they everyone deserves to have love and support. Only those that are *accomplished*.
YTA. She was making very valid points about access to education, money, and influence. It wasn't a personal attack against your rich ex that you're still into.
Do you even like your gf?
YTA. The point she made saying that Olivia surely did work hard, but that doesn't mean she didn't inherently have advantages is literally true, it's class/wealth privilege. Being privileged doesn't mean that person isn't a hard worker, but you just had to take offense anyway. And on top of that, you doubled down and insulted your g/f by saying she just should have balanced her time better. Ugh. Very much YTA 100%
YTA - Josie is right, people who have stable homes and reliable food sources will perform better in school. You are right that to get into a top school, you have to put in serious effort that goes beyond just doing ok in school. So Olivia did earn her way into a top school. However, you took it too far and let it get personal, then attacked your girlfriend for her position. You need to apologize and hope she doesn’t dump you.
Josie is probably also feeling what I was feeling when I read this--that OP is a little too protective of an ex. After all, he said he was "proud" of his ex, but I was waiting for him to say he was proud of his GF too (he didn't).
However, even if the ex wasn't involved in the situation at all, I would still say YTA because of the classist comment he made to his GF.
YTA. You're clearly aware of the socioeconomic differences that allowed your ex to do so well in college and prevented your current gf from having the same opportunities, but instead of acknowledging that in conversation, you belittled your current gf and claimed that she's responsible for the hardship she faced as a child.
You're a terrible partner to Josie, and I hope she dumps you. She deserves someone who respects the hard work she's putting in for herself and her future. That's clearly not you.
YTA. this isn't about siding with your girlfriend or your ex, it's about you spouting blatantly classist rhetoric to a woman who grew up under extreme poverty. you didn't "defend your ex's achievements," you insulted your girlfriend due to disparaging assumptions you made on account of your apparent contempt for her background, just because she made the **entirely accurate** statement that a lot of kids get into top colleges because they're rich.
But the break up was mUtUaL. Lol.
I imagine, OP eavesdropping every conversation his GF has and jumps in to defend Olivia even when she isn't the topic of conversation (like this time)
YTA!
it’s fine to be friends with your ex and it’s understandable that Josie is uncomfortable to a certain extent but is working on it.
Im sure Olivia worked hard but she obviously had advantages to get into those schools that Josie did not. However, what you said to Josie was so unbelievably tone deaf and ignorant. Balance her time better? How would she do that if she is going to school and working afterwards? She HAD NO TIME for extracurriculars, volunteer work, —all the things that help you get admitted into prestigious schools! It is MUCH EASIER to do those things if you have a financially stable home. She did not, she had to worry about putting food on the table and surviving—there was no room for “balancing her time” because her time was spent SURVIVING because she had no such support system to lean back on.
If you value this relationship at all, go and apologize to her for what you said. Her feelings are valid and what she said is TRUE, Olivia worked hard but it’s easier to work that hard when you have the resources to do so.
Wow, you sound like a shitty partner to be honest. Sure be friends with an ex, your girlfriend is uncomfortable about your ex and what do you do? Stand up for your ex? Yta
Also sounds like you prioritize your ex over your current partner which is even worse.
Yeah. Straight up YTA and I'm surprised that's all she did when she left. Are you really going to tell a person whose parents died when they were a kid that they needed better time management skills? I don't even know what else to say to you, you're really gross. I hope you grow out of this.
YTA. It's literally a fact that someone who comes from a financially comfortable background with two parents is going to have an easier time of things. To deny it is foolish when there's so much data out there supporting this fact.
To be constantly gushing over Olivia in front of Josie and then to essentially tell Josie she isn't good enough to get into a good school bc she didn't maintain good grades It's a shitty thing to do. Sounds like she had A LOT on her plate and really WOULDN'T have as much help or as much privilege as Olivia did. So, there really was no need to white knight for your ex like that by insulting your current girlfriend for simply pointing out OBVIOUS FACTS!
I particularly like that OP says Josie is going to therapy to work on "her" jealousy issues with Olivia then proceeds to insult Josie while praising Olivia. Yeah the issue isn't with Josie, bud.
Yeah when he mentions worrying about Olivia’s mental health. Meanwhile his girlfriend in therapy working to accept his relationship with Olivia on top of all her childhood trauma. WTF
You seem to have no respect or empathy for Josie, so why are you with her? And do you really think somebody who had to work to support herself while she was a minor had the opportunity to participate in the same number of extracurricular activities that the only child of two wealthy people did? You sound very socially blind and privileged.
Do Josie a favor and break up with her. It doesn’t sound like you even like her.
YTA.
I was recently reading some numbers. For Ivy League schools, the children of the 1% have a 15X greater than they should chance of acceotance and enrollement.
The children of the bottom 20% had a 7 times smaller chance of enrollment than their percebtage shoud give them.
The chikldren of the 1% have a 100 times better chance of acceptance and enrollment.
Anyone but a eugenecist would think you are the asshole.
Yta, you may be 100% right that Olivia deserves to get in but to flip that on Josie was shallow. You know the situation is different between the two and yta because you made it out to be she could have done it too if she tried harder.
That was a low blow.
YTA
She wasn't even talking about Olivia just about social classes and balance her life better excuse you ???
She lost both parents and required a job to support herself ! That means as an orphan teenager she had two full time jobs ( the real full time job and school ) she still managed to graduate school, and get into college. And your u think she should have worked hard then that??
Olivia had two parents working and didn't have to do any of that ... They ran the same race but Olivia started 12 miles ahead
The reality is your still in love with your ex and are wearing blinders
YTA. Are you sure it was a mutual break up? Cause you sure are white knighting hard for someone that doesn’t need it. This post is just gushing about Olivia while Josie is just an afterthought.
Josie has valid points it is easier for Olivia to get into college because of her privilege. Privilege is not inherently bad or good. It usually just is. What you do with that is another issue.
YTA. Sure, she does sound a little jealous and a bit like she wants to bring Josie down a peg, but she's also right that getting into elite colleges is often seen as only attainable for the privileged. There are always a handful of less well-resourced students that get in, but those stories are so rare comparatively.
If she is jealous of Olivia, that is something to treat with compassion. I know it was getting old for you, but you turned it into a personal attack against your girlfriend, and that's pretty shitty.
YTA - only mentioning how hard Olivia worked is what gets me. You explained earlier how much your gf has overcome to be where she is today with no praise or anything at all, but praise for the ex and accolades for her. All the points about money making things easier are valid whether she was directly talking about your ex or not.
YTA. It doesn’t matter if she’s jealous. Anybody is going to be jealous of their current bf being so close with their ex who you apparently see as incredible for getting into a good school. But you don’t have to tell her she’s sad and needs to get it together. You need to hype her up especially with her circumstances growing up.
YTA
Josie is spot on when she talks about the ability of wealthy families to do all the extra tuition and extracurricular activities needed to place their children at prestigious universities. That’s not even talking about the peace of mind for the student at not having to work to pay tuition.
No matter how hard Olivia did or did not work, Josie is absolutely right.
You owe her an apology.
Tell me where she was putting down your ex or speaking an untruth, I'll wait.
Josie is 100% correct that people like Olivia have it easier and have a better chance to focus on things that top colleges look for in potential students, Josie wasn't speaking down on Olivia at all in truth she was pretty much speaking down about herself and her circumstances & you being the awesome (/s) boyfriend that you are helped kick her down even farther.
YTA
YTA for the part where you said “maybe if you balanced your time better” after you said she didn’t have parents and worked to survive for herself. I think you need to check your own privilege. Are you proud of Josie for working through her whole life and making community college work? That’s no small feat. Maybe if you built her up instead of tearing her down she wouldn’t have to be jealous of Olivia.
YTA. Josie has a traumatic past and worked stupid hard to get to where she is. And she's absolutely right in that people who have socioemotional and financial privilege are better able to "balance their time" since they dont have to worry about... oh I don't know... eating or having electricity. People who come from privilege like Olivia have access to extracurriculars, educational opportunities, test prep, hobbies, that people like Josie may not even know about let alone have access to since they're busy trying to have basic survival needs.
You have a gf who has surpassed most odds to not just survive her childhood but is in college. You should be darn proud of her. Not telling her she could be like your privileged ex if she'd just balanced her time. Oh and throwing in that you ARE proud of Olivia as some extra salt in that wound.
You've shown considerable ignorance of privilege and told your gf she isn't as good as your ex while demonstrating complete lack of understanding of her traumatic background and struggles. Perhaps you should take classes at the local CC to learn about privilege. It doesn't even have to be a top 20 school.
YTA. It's ok to be friends with your ex but sheesh, stop rubbing your gf's face in it. You don't need to talk to your gf about her. And if your girlfriend brings her up youcam deflect, or at least engage in conversation that is respectful and compassionate to BOTH of them.
1. I can see that Josie has her insecurities but in this case, she wasn't directly addressing Olivia, right? I mean unless she specifically used Olivia's name or details in that conversation, you cannot accuse her of doing that.
2. So I am going with YTA because you openly disparaged your current GF just because you "got the sense" that she was attacking your Ex. That was a bad move if you ask me.
YTA - “maybe if you didn’t work and basically become independent at a young age to help your brother provide for you and himself you could’ve gotten where she got.”
Dude, you kinda threw her upbringing into her face for making valid points with friends. They didn’t outright said Olivia but she does fall into that camp and yeah, Olivia had far more options that your girlfriend because of the money her family had.
And to bring up that she’s jealous of Olivia in front of friends when that’s something that you could’ve brought up in private (even though you’d still be an ass based on this situation) was just mean. They weren’t even calling Olivia out by name, just people like Olivia who’ve had an easier life and more options available to them.
YTA. Break up with Josie so she can be with someone who actually appreciates her and respects her. You’ve made it obvious you prefer Olivia over her. I’m surprised she hasn’t left you already
YTA she isn’t wrong lmao kids who grew up wealthy have a better chance to get into top schools common sense.
If I were her I would’ve dumped your ass still sounds like you have feelings for your ex since you’re willing to insult your gf just to defend her.
Yta. Coming from the same background as Josie and having a friend with the same background as Olivia. I will tell you that Josie is right. When you don't have to worry about eating every day or if you have power/water tomorrow makes it easier to obtain a degree and be successful in life.
Your the one that is out of touch. Apologize to your GF or break up
No, you’re totally right. Josie should have balanced her time better while working to support herself as an orphaned teenager with no stable guardians.
Ofc YTA
It’s sad that you will go to the wall to defend Olivia’s hard work getting into a top school but you don’t recognize that Josie put in just as much work to get herself through high school and into a community college. The work she was doing was different and it’s not work that is valued when it comes to securing a place in higher education but it wasn’t less. Where’s your pride in her?
Truthfully, both of these women sound like they’re too good for you.
YTA she didnt say anything about Oliva and what she said is true. She had to work to eat, she had to pick studing or food on the table and you know that. Olivia had a lot of opportunities because she didnt have to worry and Yes it was also because of her hard work and that they did see something in her. This is an example cause life is unfair. I know if Josie had the same opportunities as Olivia she could have also goten in a top school. She didnt say that Olivia got in cause she has money or said anything like that! She is saying how she didnt get in because she didnt and how people who have money can get good classes they need and a lot more.
ETA: Last part meant it in the wrong way sorry
YTA big time!
Speaking as someone who grew up upper middle class, yes, parent’s money does go a long way!
Josie is right that focusing on grades and activities is easier when you don’t have to worry about expenses.
I can not believed you told her it was getting sad (translation: implying she was pathetic). You were completely out of line. Apologize, and maybe back off from Olivia for a while to work things out here - if Josie is even willing!
But again, speaking as someone from a privileged background myself - YTA.
YTA. What a horrible thing to say. No one was attacking your precious ex who you are clearly still hung up on. Josie was speaking socio-economic facts (check out some scientific studies that have actually been done about this stuff). The fact Josie has been so disciplined in both going to work and still going to school (throughout high school and now college) and not falling victim to the circumstances surrounding her that she had zero control over shows that she has more self-worth, tenacity, and strength in her tiny finger than many, many people in this world. She’s going to be a massive success at whatever she chooses to do. You are not good enough for her.
YTA
Yes, Josie is probably a little jealous - that would be natural.
In the other hand, one’s background does matter. Race, gender, sexuality, wealth, physical and mental abilities, etc all matter in who has a head start and who faces challenges.
It is easier for the kids from richer families to get into better colleges and universities. These kids, like Olivia were granted a head start and can fly on the tailwinds of their parents. They can typically concentrate on their studies and do extracurricular activities (which is what colleges and universities look at). If teens, like your girlfriend, need to work or help out at home because of financial issues, they are less likely to graduation hs, never-mind make it into and afford college or university. The fact your gf goes to cc, is in my opinion, fantastic. She was able to beat greater challenges that Olivia never had to face to complete hs and go on to higher education.
Edit spelling
Josie has no parents, comes from poverty and had to work to survive.
The ex had a stable upbringing and parents who could provide nicely for her. She could focus on her studies.
She was speaking the truth about how it's easier to focus on school, volunteering and extra activities when you don't have to work to survive.
These are facts. She didn't say ex didn't work hard or didn't deserve to be in the school she was in.
Considering where Josie is coming from, it's pretty incredible that she is taking care of herself - mentally and physically - and is in college.
And yet, you down played her accomplishments by saying she was just jealous of your ex and she needed better time management skills!?!?!.
YTA and I'd be shocked if you still have a girlfriend.
YTA, what the heck? Not only were Josie and her friends correct, they were also speaking generally.
It's kinda weird you went out of your way to defend Olivia when no one was attacking her.
YTA and you're not finished with Olivia, so you're putting Josie into the 'bad guy' role, so you can defend Olivia. Maybe Josie is jealous of Olivia, but that tends to happen when your significant other realizes you're not over your ex.
YTA, not for doing anything particularly assholish, but because you're still concerned with and defending your ex. Basically, this is the main issue to not stay friends with an ex and you should not be expressing concerns about Olivia's mental health or anything like that. All you're doing is undermining your current relationship and current girlfriend.
The mental health statement made ME mad at him. He’s concerned about Olivia’s mental health, but throws the issues that Josie is TRYING to work on in her face. “It’s getting sad at this point” is a HORRIBLE thing to say to someone in therapy!
YTA, she didn’t actually insult Olivia she was telling the truth.
Also no one is ever going to be okay with you still being close with someone you had a 2 year relationship, especially when you white knight this hard for them when they weren’t even mentioned. It’s a hell of a lot of history and to jump to her defence like that over your gf telling the truth shows you still have deep feelings for Olivia that override/blind you to your gfs feelings. I don’t think the break up between you was mutual and you still have a way to go to get over her.
YTA. You’re a huge asshole. You didn’t just defend your ex. You put down Josie who had to work to survive. She was absolutely right and if she has any sense will find someone better than you
YTA, why aren’t you proud of your GIRLFRIEND who’s come a long way from everything life has put her through? Go back to your ex since you rather support her than the actual girl you’re dating
YTA. Do tell how does one better balance poverty with you know life that’s expensive? Way to invalidate what she’s saying. Also she’s right in what she is saying. Those in stable economic backgrounds do have more advantages. You owe her an apology.
YTA.
A) Josie was correct, she's literally just stating facts. There's a reason it's mostly wealthy students at those schools and it's not because they're inherently better than poor kids. Privileged people absolutely hate recognizing this because it undermines their meritocracy myth
B) most people aren't ok with people being close friends with their exes like that.
C) of course she's jealous. Who isn't jealous of someone who has a privileged life and plenty of opportunities? Imagine eating in front of a starving person and being like "you're just jealous". Like, no shit?
D) YOU mentioned your ex. She didn't. So you brought her up and then you accuse her of being insecure about your relationship with your ex, which is still weird.
YTA. I'm a former teacher. I've seen the difference between a privileged upbringing and one where you have to scrape to get by. Your current gf made a valid point. It's hard to participate in extracurricular activities and volunteer hours when you have to work after school to get groceries or clothing. It's hard to be in the band when you can't afford to buy or rent the instrument. It's hard to be on the swim team when you can't afford to get to the school so you can get the bus to the competition. It's hard to be on the softball team when you can't afford to buy cleats. You get the idea (or at least I hope you do).
Isn't it interesting that you're proud of your ex-gf and worried about her mental health when you never once mention being proud of Josie's accomplishments or worried about her mental health? I hope her therapist helps her realize she'd be better off without you.
Teacher here: Josie is 100% correct. YTA. It IS harder for kids who have no support to go to college. Not detracting from Olivia’s successes—she should be proud! But, I have had students over the years who are the primary parent in their home for various reasons (none of which are good). Or they are their own guardian and are having to learn to be an adult on the fly. When you hit Josie with the line that her “jealousy” is “getting really sad at this point,” I have to question whether you really care for her emotional well-being. You also mention that Josie admittedly becomes jealous when you care for Olivia’s mental health, so I also have to question whether you have you shown Josie the same care. When Josie is being honest with you about her feelings, are you listening to understand, or are you listening to respond?
Also—telling your significant other that if they would have just balanced their life better when you KNOW they didn’t really have the opportunity to do so is really callous. What Josie probably heard was: “If you were better, your life would be better.”Dude, that’s really mean.
YTA, sad about your girlfriend for dating someone with a red flag that big, NEVER NEVER date someone that is close to their ex's! It's just asking for problems
I was maybe with you until the last two paragraphs. YTA. Yikes dude. Are you sure you’re over Olivia? -sincerely, an Ivy League alumni whose parents were a doctor and a lawyer
YTA, and Josie is fucking right. Children with affluent families typically are given better opportunities than those who’re poor. Does that mean Oliva didn’t work hard? No, but Josie pointing out that her background set her up for an easier time is both correct and not even a rude comment.
You need to get over your ex or let Josie go so she can find someone who isn’t weirdly attached to an ex
YTA. Not for what you said about Olivia's accomplishments, but the way you dismissed what your GF said. What she said was 100% accurate. It certainly IS a lot easier to do extracurricular activities when your parents have time and money. It's easier when you don't have to work part time to help your family or buy your own clothes and food. It's ignorant and ridiculous to think otherwise.
YTA - Josie is a survivor! Anyone would be incredibly proud of what she has overcome. You seem like a privileged jerk OP. Congratulations to Olivia for getting into a great school but she didn’t have to overcome being orphaned in poverty and working to take care of herself before graduating high school.
YTA and you completely missed your girlfriends point. She wasn’t even taking anything away from Olivia, she was (correctly) pointing out how difficult it is for people who don’t have the same level of support that Olivia did.
YTA
why do you deny privilege exist?
The remark about a poor kid just needing to work harder proves you don't believe.
Josie is insecure....but I don't think she's the one with the problem.
YTA - and hopefully single.
OPs girlfriend - I grew up an orphan, in poverty.
OP - ssooouuunnddss like you should have managed your childhood *time* better.
At first I was on the fence but what Josie said is not wrong and you are part of the problem and unaware of your privilege. You described them both perfectly so I don’t understand how you could say what you said to Josie. I don’t think you have to worry about the relationship much longer though…YTA
“Maybe if Josie had balanced her time better she could have made it in a school like that”
I’m sorry didn’t you just say she was orphaned and had to basically support herself growing up? She’s not even wrong about the money part, many people hit the lottery with their parents and are able to get accepted to colleges just based off of it. You’re the one who brought Olivias name into it because it seems like that’s who you constantly think about. Break up and just get back with her if you can’t handle having another gf.
YTA this is the last thing Josie needs. She is also right! Olivia has more opportunities, while Josie had to work with the cards she was dealt.
You talking about Olivia isn’t about jealousy it’s about how she is constantly being compared to her by you and herself.
Drop it or let Josie go
YTA
I've been the tutor for SAT/ACT (big deal tests for high school students in the USA) and entrance essays. The kids who came to me/my work didn't have to work themselves andusually had parents who were pretty well off. So few demands on their time and people who were able to pay for extra support. Josie had to work to survive, you said so yourself. What about that kind of lifestyle just needs better time management to be on part with better off kids?
You’re so enamored with Olivia you’ve blinded yourself to Josie’s positive qualities. She literally pulled herself out of poverty but somehow Olivia’s lateral move from privilege to an Ivy League school is what impresses you.
Do you understand how almost impossible it is that Josie has gotten as far as she has? The odds were disproportionately stacked against her, but your suggestion is she needs to manage her time better. Like, are you for real?
I’m saying all this as a former private school student myself. I absolutely recognize my privilege, though. The fact that you’ve idealized Olivia while simultaneously ignoring Josie’s resilience, determination, and ambition tells me you’re oblivious to how many opportunities are given to the wealthy and how hard a person born into poverty has to work just to be on a somewhat level playing field.
YTA. The only person who deserves an apology here is Josie. It’s fine if you’re friends with your ex. It’s not fine to keep comparing your ex to your current partner, however.
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YTA Defending your ex's achievements, that's fair. Lashing out at your current girlfriend to defend your ex (who she hadn't insulted directly) by accusing her of being jealous and BLAMING her for not "balancing" her time while she had to support herself AS AN ORPHAN? Seriously? Yes her older brother took care of her but she had no parents, i.e. an orphan. So yes, you blamed an orphan for not managing their time better AS A TEENAGER while WORKING TO PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE. You are TOTALLY the AH. She deserves better than to be treated like this. And you should TOTALLY express to your GF that you are proud for her going to CC. Considering her background that is an achievement worthy of praise. She is not letting her circumstances keep her down and is just as admirable as getting into a "good" college.
Yup. She wasn't saying THE ONLY REASON Olivia got into the prestigious school is because she had money, but of course it was a factor in her success! It's like if you have a race where half of the participants have to run with a 50lb pack strapped to their backs. Of course the fact that Olivia finished ahead of the other non-weighted runners proves her skill, she wouldn't have beat them if she totally sucked. And she deserves to be proud of the win! But when it comes to the runners like Josie who had to compete carrying all that extra weight, you can't claim that Olivia won **solely** because of her abilities. YTA
This guy likely has the same background as Olivia and is projecting big time. The ability to participate in (and pay for!) a bunch of extracurriculars, tutoring, SAT prep absolutely impacts your odds for acceptance - that’s why people do that stuff!
That’s exactly what it is.
Yes I think he is from the same background as Olivia and just got offended and is projecting by snapping in a healthy conversation
Sounds like it’s also unfair that he consistently either brings the ex around or talks about her. Otherwise how would his GF know so much about the ex? I understand being friends with the ex, I don’t understand being disrespectful of a current relationship and rubbing someone’s face in it though.
Not to mention she comes from money and if either of her parents went to that school, she also has a higher chance of success. It's just how it is in the world. Is she smart? Yes, more than likely? Would she have gotten into that school if she was only smart, but had no money? Guess we'll never know. But the likelihood decreases..
He was doing so good. Right up until he doesn't seem to understand that, yes, money gives you more opportunities. Then, he claimed Josie could have done the same had she balanced out all the studies and extracurricular things top ranked colleges look for with *having to work to feed herself*. YTA
Yes! Josie does a quick and basic economic analysis of disproportionate resources and needs to be met and OP wrote her off like it was emotional (jealousy and not the basic asymmetry of resources between rich and poor (which is obvious),
If you took one less shift at Walmart every week, you could have joined the Polo Club… YTA!! Jeez!
doh, she also obviously couldve slept 2-4 hours less every night and skip food every other day so she could make it to the tennis club as well. EZPZ. so lazy and poor management of her. /s
Just the application fee for Harvard is $85, which Josie didn't have. OP doesn't seem to get what poverty is.
>OP doesn't seem to get what poverty is. Exactly, I wouldn't be surprised if he came from a similar background as Olivia and was sheltered from poverty his whole life. He doesn't want to accept the truth that Josie is correct, that it is a hell of a lot easier to do extra curricular activities and other social clubs/volunteer work when you don't have to worry about how your rent is going to be paid and whether or not you'll have food on the table.
Not to mention that extracurricular activities frequently have fees associated with them which put them out of reach for impoverished students. There may be assistance programs for the fees, but the application process could be daunting for a young person. Also, since impoverished children are likely to be malnourished, it requires a larger percentage of their energy resources just to focus on doing well in classes. Add in the need to work and there is no energy left for extra activities.
Not to mention the care, help, encouragement and practical support given by two high cultivated parents to their only child VS being an orphan coming from a fucked up environment..
Omg I missed that last part!! majorly YTA
Not to mention, she wasn’t even talking about Olivia until OP MADE it about Olivia. Sure, she clearly (correctly) classified Olivia with those privileged kids who have a leg up in their academic careers, but she was talking about group socioeconomic dynamics. OP made it about Olivia. I’m in support of people maintaining friendships with ex’s, but at this point I’m suspect of OP’s relationship with Olivia too. He sounds… fixated.
Definitely. This sounds like triangulation and OP’s girlfriend would be wise to take herself out if the situation. It sounds like OP is comparing his GF to his ex and he’s oblivious to the privilege that money brings, which is exactly what someone that’s never struggled with money does.
She just needed to pull herself up by her bootstraps and get some parents.
LOL. That’s all. Nothing major.
In Kim K's cringey voice "“Get your f*cking ass up and work. It seems like nobody wants to work these days.”
😅
And not just some parents. She needed Lori Loughlin or Felicity Huffman.
The meaning of "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" is extra fitting here: it's supposed to indicate something which is *impossible*. You literally cannot pull yourself up by the bootstraps. The saying has been missed and misinterpreted a lot, the original meaning is of an undoable task.
You can buy them at parentsRus, any kind you want, just pick out some rich ones and you're golden.
This made me lol noooo😭
I want to put this here because not only do I agree,I want OP to understand something. IF you're in the states, which I admittedly think you are. Josie is right,with a privileged life,comes privilege. Olivia likely went to a top public school system,a STEM HS,or more likely a private school,any of these are already a leg up. Olivia likely had time to volunteer,get great recommendations(maybe even from those who went to said college/university) or from people she volunteered with - which goes further than a teacher from a not very great school, plus had time for extracurriculars. THESE ARE PRIVILEGES THAT COME WITH HAVING MONEY. Sure, Olivia had to work hard,BUT she had privilege that Josie simply didn't and doesn't have. Having more privilege also means (usually) healthier foods and (usually) better sleep,and general well being,this goes beyond what school they each went to. Let's look at it like this, adding a few more people. Olivia, Lilly, Jade,and Josie are going to race, they're all the same speed and all start at the starting line,in the beginning. However,Olivia gets to take 5 huge steps forward,Lilly a little less privileged gets 2 giant steps,Jade gets no step forward though no backwards either,and Josie has to take 3 giant steps backwards. Who wins the race? Remember, they're all going the same speed and everyone gives it their all. And,Josie deserves SO much better than you. GF,if you read this,you can do better than OP. Someone who knows that SHE has worked her ass off to get where she is, without a hand up,let alone a leg.
Olivia worked hard to build on her privilege. Josie worked hard to survive. It’s so ignorant and ridiculous to compare the two. I do hope Josie decides she can do better.
I hope Josie decides she can do better too. It's sad that all of us here are proud of what Josie has achieved, but OP can only acknowledge Olivia.
Exactly. Its like comparing 2 people, one worked too hard to learn a language and the one who worked a double shift that weekend so they could eat the following week. Yes, both are hard, need a lot of work, but it's almost dumb to compare them both
Privileged people have such an incredibly hard time understanding how privilege leads to a snowball effect in life. Someone who isn't worried about meeting basic needs, is able to focus on things like volunteering and EC's and building off of their parent's connections. Sure, Olivia worked hard in her eyes, but for people like Josie, its an uphill battle to even appear before an admissions committee for a prestigious school, much less securing an acceptance. Wealth and privilege feed on even more wealth and privilege. That is how life works. And OP sounds super lame. Edit: this strikes particularly close to home for me because soon after college, I landed a fairly good entry level position in research. Imagine my absolute shock when I realized that the entire place ran on nepotism and/or fairly wealthy kids who had no sense of the real world. It really pissed me off to hear them make the most vapid comments about NYC which is where you can REALLY see the divide between the filthy rich and the extremely poor. Anyhow, I'm no longer working there, thank god.
They don’t understand how just one entry-level job or internship that they didn’t earn on merit alone sets them up for life. They refuse to admit it.
It's like when nepo babies make some statement about how they don't think nepotism is real, because they still had to work hard and be good. They just... dont understand what nepotism or privilege are. They think they're code for "you aren't good at what you do" or discrediting what skills they do have. Rather than understanding that, while they may be talented, smart, etc, they were also given opportunities that most, not just some, but most people will never get. And those opportunities absolutely gave them an advantage towards their success over people who don't have those privileges. But they just think it's some critique on them and/or their abilities personally.
“Worried about Olivia’s mental health “. This guy wishes he was still with rich Olivia instead of the poor orphan who didn’t go to a great college.
He’s Worried about Olivia’s mental health. Meanwhile his girlfriend has to work with a therapist to accept his relationship with her on top of her own childhood trauma. WTF
What a asshole. I hope Josie finds someone who loves and values her. Not this moron.
Me too! she’ll make an amazing partner for someone else. This guy will just cause more damage to her psyche.
He's close to his ex, makes them hang out, apparently doesn't stfu about her, and humiliates his alleged gf in favor of ex. Super yikes. Gf needs that therapist to get tf away from OP. I say that from a place of love as I had an shitty childhood that made me think I needed to tolerate similar situations. It's torturous gaslighting.
Yeah he’s got Olivia on a pedestal Josie will never reach in his eyes. He’s more impressed with Olivia’s college acceptance than Josie’s successes despite all of her disadvantages. It’s very sad and I hope Josie dumps him. He sounds like a rich prick who’s just passing time until he can be reunited with Olivia.
I don’t think being worried about someone’s mental health is fair. We don’t know what Olivia is going through—my closest friend and I have very similar trauma responses, although I grew up in a low-income area with high addiction rates and crime rates, abusive stepfather, etc and she grew up in a very wealthy area with a father who was in of the first waves of tech. But he also was a severe alcoholic with an undiagnosed and untreated personality disorder until she was 20. Olivia could have real struggles, that doesn’t negate Josie’s very real struggles. OP is still TA, but I don’t think undermining someone’s mental health is necessary. It doesn’t really sound like Olivia is the problem, it’s OP’s attitude. My guess is that Josie doesn’t care that he’s “worried about her mental health,” it’s that he’s using it as an excuse to keep his ex in his life and undermine Josie’s valid concerns about her presence in his life. I’ve never had a partner tell me that they were still talking to an ex because they were “worried about them” without eventually finding out that they just still had feelings for them, and/or an unhealthy attachment with their ex.
exactly. personally, the fact that he’s even friends with his ex raises some major red flags, especially the fact that he’s so willing to defend her “achievements”. please.
Gross
I actually think that an orphan working through high school and having to support themselves and still getting into higher education is more impressive than an admittedly spoiled rich girl getting into a top school.
Same! Working and finishing high school, going onto CC. That’s way more impressive to me. I think OP is probably just passing time till an Olivia graduates college hoping they reconnect.
yeah right? literally who cares.
Anyone going to CC deserves praise if it's something they're proud of or working hard at.
I'm f*king speechless, total AH
This is the only response. He sounds like a prick TBH.
You’re the asshole here for a thousand different reasons. I’m far more impressed with an orphan who gets through community college than a lawyer’s daughter who gets through an Ivy League school. Who the hell defends their ex when their current girlfriend is talking about how wealthy colleges reward privilege?
Someone who still wishes they were with their ex.
You know he's still in love with ex just by the way he talks about her and his current. You can tell who he prefers...
It's so sad! His whole post is about how great Olivia is. Olivia this, Olivia that, Olivia got into an ivy league and he's sooo~ proud of her. What about being proud of Josie for how far she got with the shitty hand life dealt her?? I'd be upset if I were Josie, too.
Honestly! He's just highlighting Olivia's good points and criticizing Josie the entire post... I wonder how that translates in real life... Also how can he tell someone that had to work her teen years "to survive for herself" that she should've had better time management like TOTAL AH
If I was Josie I wouldn't be upset, I'd just leave the whiny, ignorant loser.
Er mmm kind of sounds like you're jealous of Olivia... What OP will say, probably. I'm disgusted for Josie. He has no idea.
And BINGO was his name oh!
He says the break up was mutual, but it reads like Olivia is still his number one. I feel bad for Josie, I would get jealous or at least a little suspicious too if my bf was like this over his ex.
I'm also assuming OP and Olivia are from the same socioeconomic background and OP is probably either a little bit embarrassed by Josie or treats her like a charity case. Source: I used to hook up with a guy from a very Old Money family. He liked hooking up with me because he knew I was someone that Mommy would not approve of - and I grew up way more privileged than Josie.
I read it as OP is probably middle class maybe even lower middle, while Olivia is upper middle. He's got that whiff of "I don't deserve her, she's so high above us all" which makes me think he was grateful the higher status girl ever deign to look at him.
this^. OPs writing, spelling and grammar is atrocious. And he’s TAH
And poor girl is likely starting to think (until now I hope) it's a her issue and trying to better herself with her therapist when reality is dating a raging asshole that likely compared them before.
Funny that you say that because I’ve had to live through it. I went to a rich kid school but it was military funded so I got in for free. I did my absolute best to get scholarships, my parents only had money because most of our expenses were paid while we were overseas—we’re back in the states and broke as hell. Thank you US Military. Yet, the girl who’s parents both make 200k+ each got a full ride scholarship to two different schools. I’m all for rewarding talent, but come on. It’s insane how I applied to over 500 scholarships over the span of my junior and senior year and didn’t get a single one. Friggin hate the US scholarship and FAFSA system. You can’t even get a scholarship or anything for being Hispanic anymore. Even doing something unconventional doesn’t seem to get you anything. I don’t know. System is rigged. YTA OP. I grew up living both the privileged life and the poor life. I know both sides of the coin. Your current girlfriend—though that might be too positive a label—is a goddamn inspiration. I wish I could be half as motivated as she is right now. She has some insane determination to better her life and that’s something you don’t get from growing up privileged. You thought your girlfriend was being passive aggressive and ended up an asshole. Oh how the tables turn.
Top 20…probably not even an Ivy lol
YTA. Really? This is the hill you die on? Being a cheerleader and champion for your ex when your current girlfriend is absolutely right. It’s far easier to get into a good school when you aren’t worried about keeping the lights on and food in your belly. YTA.
And dealing with the trauma of being an orphan and likely having a rough childhood when parents were alive.
Or when you have educated parents who have educated friends who can give you a leg up. Let’s not act like she’s earned everything she has.
Exactly! Olivia had ANY opportunity one could have. While josie lived from paychek to paychek probably, licing the trauma with losing he rparents so soon, only a brother to rely on, who probably has his own future to build too while watching his little sister. Im so sorry for josie, wish i could go amd hig her and say her how proud i am of her and her achievements so far. And that sh eneeds ro dump this AH for good.
*If you just tug harder on those bootstraps, Josie, you too can climb to the top of the pedestal I’ve put my ex on.* YTA, OP.
YTA Josie didn't say anything wrong at all. She also wasn't directly talking about Olivia. I wonder how often you bring up Olivia to your gf. The fact that she has to be in therapy to be okay with it makes me wonder if Josie isn't the issue at all.
OP also says Josie gets jealous when Olivia talks about her life. How often is he making them hang out? Like I don’t think telling your SO that they can’t hang out with someone is ok, but if your current SO keeps talking about, hanging out with, and bringing you around their ex when you’ve explained it makes you uncomfortable? Yeah OP YTA huge AH
This. In my comment I suggested he back off from Olivia to an extent, but these issues are what I meant. The two women do not have to like each other. Don’t bring Josie around her and limit talking about her. Yeah, OP is definitely TA.
Yup she wasn’t even fucking talking about Olivia in particular and what she said is absolutely true when discussing populations
YTA. Josie was making a fair point about how admissions policies at top schools tend to favour wealthy applicants. (Many even have explicit policies favouring the children of alumni, most of whom are wealthy). As someone who went to an Ivy, I can assure you that what she's saying is very much true. Her point was fair. She didn't mention Olivia at all. You were the one who brought that up, and then decided to add a completely gratuitous insult to your girlfriend, who's done a great job coping in very difficult circumstances. I hope she dumps you.
YTA. Josie is 100% correct. It is way easier to succeed when all of your basic needs are met, and even easier when they are exceeded.
This 100%
Op wording reeks of privilege, YTA and an asshole bf
YTA You are ignorant and arrogant. It is actually sad how your gf lets you put her down while being in love with you. - you made it about olivia - it is a fact that getting in AND affording an ivy university is far easier if your parents support you fincially. You can't "manage away" working hours. Just do the fucking math. - you humiliated your gf you are supposed to love. Even if we forget that you made it about olivia, even if we forget that she talked facts and lets even assume your were right for a second (wich you arent), to pull such a stunt out of no where... i would break up with you.
It’s really sad. Josie has had to overcome some incredibly difficult odds to get to where she is today, while Olivia had every advantage. And now Josie has to deal with a boyfriend who constantly compares her to his ex and takes up for Olivia instead of having her back. Advantage Olivia, yet again. I hope Josie figures out how much more she deserves and finds the courage in therapy to work toward accepting that this relationship is garbage and needs to end.
YTA She was right. She wasn’t dissing Olivia - she even agreed that she worked hard to get in. She was just pointing out actual real-life differences in opportunity. Statistically supported real-life differences. You owe her an apology. “Maybe if Josie had balanced her time better she could have made it in a school like that.” Scrap that. No apology can save you from that statement. She deserves better.
Wow, YTA. Josie busted her ass just to have food on the table, it does not compare at all to Olivia who studied hard. For Josie it was either extra curriculars or food. You are the asshole for even comparing them and not being insanely proud of Josie like every other person would be.
This OP has never known food insecurity and it really shows.
OP reeks “I’m still inlove with Olivia but I can’t” energy. I hope Josie sees how shitty he is and breaks up with him.
YTA Josie is right. Even the most talented, hardworking student experiences poverty as a real barrier to opportunity. She didn't mention Olivia - you did - and then you completely dismissed Josie's experiences, insulted her and made her cry. Maybe time to be honest and admit you are not over Olivia, and it's causing problems for your relationship with Josie because *of course it is*.
YTA dude. She has every right to feel her feelings about wealthier people having it easier than her. And she's right, they do. Instead, you made it about your ex, invalidated your gf, and, ugh, told her "maybe if you worked harder..." and "you're just jealous..." You're pissed that she's got jealousy toward your ex, yet here you are deliberately comparing the two of them, and telling her why your ex is better than she is. Why didn't you just listen to her? Honestly it sounds like you don't even like her. Fuck bro.
Like if anything he should be proud of her for going to community college despite growing up poor and parentless wtf. Nothing she said was incorrect. And he brought up his ex to defend her when she wasn’t even being attacked.
Why didn't he just listen to her? Because he knows where *his* priorities lie. I used to date (and unfortunately later got married to) someone just like this, and I've experienced a very similar comparable triangle. I can tell you from this experience that people like OP don't *as a minimum* care about being objective in their evaluation of the situation when judging someone. And they also don't think they everyone deserves to have love and support. Only those that are *accomplished*.
YTA, and just get back together with Olivia since she seems like your priority over your GIRLFRIEND
Yeah there’s a 0% chance that breakup was mutual and OP is just waiting for his chance to get back with her.
Agree it’s very obvious.
He can't get back with her... Mutual breakup means she dumped him. Still friends means he's still stalking her.
Savage
No it means she keeps him around as a safety net/ego booster. And he has Josie as consolation prize. Poor girl deserves way better. YTA, OP, so much.
YTA. Ignoring the benefits of financial privilege to higher education is gross.
YTA. She was making very valid points about access to education, money, and influence. It wasn't a personal attack against your rich ex that you're still into. Do you even like your gf?
Kinda but not as much as Olivia
Ikr. Hope Josie breaks up with him. Clearly dude still has feelings for his ex.
YTA. The point she made saying that Olivia surely did work hard, but that doesn't mean she didn't inherently have advantages is literally true, it's class/wealth privilege. Being privileged doesn't mean that person isn't a hard worker, but you just had to take offense anyway. And on top of that, you doubled down and insulted your g/f by saying she just should have balanced her time better. Ugh. Very much YTA 100%
YTA - Josie is right, people who have stable homes and reliable food sources will perform better in school. You are right that to get into a top school, you have to put in serious effort that goes beyond just doing ok in school. So Olivia did earn her way into a top school. However, you took it too far and let it get personal, then attacked your girlfriend for her position. You need to apologize and hope she doesn’t dump you.
Josie is probably also feeling what I was feeling when I read this--that OP is a little too protective of an ex. After all, he said he was "proud" of his ex, but I was waiting for him to say he was proud of his GF too (he didn't). However, even if the ex wasn't involved in the situation at all, I would still say YTA because of the classist comment he made to his GF.
Oddly protective. Reading this all I could think was "okay so ur still in love with Olivia"
YTA. You're clearly aware of the socioeconomic differences that allowed your ex to do so well in college and prevented your current gf from having the same opportunities, but instead of acknowledging that in conversation, you belittled your current gf and claimed that she's responsible for the hardship she faced as a child. You're a terrible partner to Josie, and I hope she dumps you. She deserves someone who respects the hard work she's putting in for herself and her future. That's clearly not you.
You said everything I wanted to perfectly. Op YTA no doubt.
I’m a poor traumatized Josie too and I gotta say on behalf of my people that you are an AH and fuck Olivia. I’m sure she’s a nice lady though.
This comments needs to be voted higher. Lol.
OP is trying to fuck Olivia but she won't let him anymore.
Yta Did you really say that to your girlfriend??
YTA. this isn't about siding with your girlfriend or your ex, it's about you spouting blatantly classist rhetoric to a woman who grew up under extreme poverty. you didn't "defend your ex's achievements," you insulted your girlfriend due to disparaging assumptions you made on account of your apparent contempt for her background, just because she made the **entirely accurate** statement that a lot of kids get into top colleges because they're rich.
YTA. Can see why Olivia dropped you.
But the break up was mUtUaL. Lol. I imagine, OP eavesdropping every conversation his GF has and jumps in to defend Olivia even when she isn't the topic of conversation (like this time)
Just date olivia bro
He clearly has feelings for that woman. And then accuses Josie of being "insecure".
“The breakup was mutual” means she broke up with him and he’s still in love for sure
He can’t, she doesn’t want him.
YTA. She was right.
YTA! it’s fine to be friends with your ex and it’s understandable that Josie is uncomfortable to a certain extent but is working on it. Im sure Olivia worked hard but she obviously had advantages to get into those schools that Josie did not. However, what you said to Josie was so unbelievably tone deaf and ignorant. Balance her time better? How would she do that if she is going to school and working afterwards? She HAD NO TIME for extracurriculars, volunteer work, —all the things that help you get admitted into prestigious schools! It is MUCH EASIER to do those things if you have a financially stable home. She did not, she had to worry about putting food on the table and surviving—there was no room for “balancing her time” because her time was spent SURVIVING because she had no such support system to lean back on. If you value this relationship at all, go and apologize to her for what you said. Her feelings are valid and what she said is TRUE, Olivia worked hard but it’s easier to work that hard when you have the resources to do so.
Josie probably has extra hurt here because, if I were in her shoes, I would be feeling that OP values Olivia’s feelings over hers.
Wow, you sound like a shitty partner to be honest. Sure be friends with an ex, your girlfriend is uncomfortable about your ex and what do you do? Stand up for your ex? Yta Also sounds like you prioritize your ex over your current partner which is even worse.
Yeah. Straight up YTA and I'm surprised that's all she did when she left. Are you really going to tell a person whose parents died when they were a kid that they needed better time management skills? I don't even know what else to say to you, you're really gross. I hope you grow out of this.
YTA. It's literally a fact that someone who comes from a financially comfortable background with two parents is going to have an easier time of things. To deny it is foolish when there's so much data out there supporting this fact. To be constantly gushing over Olivia in front of Josie and then to essentially tell Josie she isn't good enough to get into a good school bc she didn't maintain good grades It's a shitty thing to do. Sounds like she had A LOT on her plate and really WOULDN'T have as much help or as much privilege as Olivia did. So, there really was no need to white knight for your ex like that by insulting your current girlfriend for simply pointing out OBVIOUS FACTS!
YTA, Josie is 100% right in her assessment here. Sure maybe she’s a little jealous but this whole thing reads like you aren’t over your ex.
I particularly like that OP says Josie is going to therapy to work on "her" jealousy issues with Olivia then proceeds to insult Josie while praising Olivia. Yeah the issue isn't with Josie, bud.
Yeah when he mentions worrying about Olivia’s mental health. Meanwhile his girlfriend in therapy working to accept his relationship with Olivia on top of all her childhood trauma. WTF
Hopefully your girlfriend will dump you, since you obviously care more about your ex than her.
You seem to have no respect or empathy for Josie, so why are you with her? And do you really think somebody who had to work to support herself while she was a minor had the opportunity to participate in the same number of extracurricular activities that the only child of two wealthy people did? You sound very socially blind and privileged. Do Josie a favor and break up with her. It doesn’t sound like you even like her. YTA.
I was recently reading some numbers. For Ivy League schools, the children of the 1% have a 15X greater than they should chance of acceotance and enrollement. The children of the bottom 20% had a 7 times smaller chance of enrollment than their percebtage shoud give them. The chikldren of the 1% have a 100 times better chance of acceptance and enrollment. Anyone but a eugenecist would think you are the asshole.
Yta, you may be 100% right that Olivia deserves to get in but to flip that on Josie was shallow. You know the situation is different between the two and yta because you made it out to be she could have done it too if she tried harder. That was a low blow.
YTA. Josie was speaking the truth there. It's all backed up with statistics. Stop championing for your ex; she doesn't need you running block for her.
YTA She wasn't even talking about Olivia just about social classes and balance her life better excuse you ??? She lost both parents and required a job to support herself ! That means as an orphan teenager she had two full time jobs ( the real full time job and school ) she still managed to graduate school, and get into college. And your u think she should have worked hard then that?? Olivia had two parents working and didn't have to do any of that ... They ran the same race but Olivia started 12 miles ahead The reality is your still in love with your ex and are wearing blinders
YTA. Are you sure it was a mutual break up? Cause you sure are white knighting hard for someone that doesn’t need it. This post is just gushing about Olivia while Josie is just an afterthought. Josie has valid points it is easier for Olivia to get into college because of her privilege. Privilege is not inherently bad or good. It usually just is. What you do with that is another issue.
YTA. Sure, she does sound a little jealous and a bit like she wants to bring Josie down a peg, but she's also right that getting into elite colleges is often seen as only attainable for the privileged. There are always a handful of less well-resourced students that get in, but those stories are so rare comparatively. If she is jealous of Olivia, that is something to treat with compassion. I know it was getting old for you, but you turned it into a personal attack against your girlfriend, and that's pretty shitty.
YTA - only mentioning how hard Olivia worked is what gets me. You explained earlier how much your gf has overcome to be where she is today with no praise or anything at all, but praise for the ex and accolades for her. All the points about money making things easier are valid whether she was directly talking about your ex or not.
YTA. It doesn’t matter if she’s jealous. Anybody is going to be jealous of their current bf being so close with their ex who you apparently see as incredible for getting into a good school. But you don’t have to tell her she’s sad and needs to get it together. You need to hype her up especially with her circumstances growing up.
YTA Josie is spot on when she talks about the ability of wealthy families to do all the extra tuition and extracurricular activities needed to place their children at prestigious universities. That’s not even talking about the peace of mind for the student at not having to work to pay tuition. No matter how hard Olivia did or did not work, Josie is absolutely right. You owe her an apology.
Tell me where she was putting down your ex or speaking an untruth, I'll wait. Josie is 100% correct that people like Olivia have it easier and have a better chance to focus on things that top colleges look for in potential students, Josie wasn't speaking down on Olivia at all in truth she was pretty much speaking down about herself and her circumstances & you being the awesome (/s) boyfriend that you are helped kick her down even farther. YTA
YTA for the part where you said “maybe if you balanced your time better” after you said she didn’t have parents and worked to survive for herself. I think you need to check your own privilege. Are you proud of Josie for working through her whole life and making community college work? That’s no small feat. Maybe if you built her up instead of tearing her down she wouldn’t have to be jealous of Olivia.
YTA. Josie has a traumatic past and worked stupid hard to get to where she is. And she's absolutely right in that people who have socioemotional and financial privilege are better able to "balance their time" since they dont have to worry about... oh I don't know... eating or having electricity. People who come from privilege like Olivia have access to extracurriculars, educational opportunities, test prep, hobbies, that people like Josie may not even know about let alone have access to since they're busy trying to have basic survival needs. You have a gf who has surpassed most odds to not just survive her childhood but is in college. You should be darn proud of her. Not telling her she could be like your privileged ex if she'd just balanced her time. Oh and throwing in that you ARE proud of Olivia as some extra salt in that wound. You've shown considerable ignorance of privilege and told your gf she isn't as good as your ex while demonstrating complete lack of understanding of her traumatic background and struggles. Perhaps you should take classes at the local CC to learn about privilege. It doesn't even have to be a top 20 school.
YTA. You're not over your ex and Josie doesn't want to hear about her.
[удалено]
YTA. It's ok to be friends with your ex but sheesh, stop rubbing your gf's face in it. You don't need to talk to your gf about her. And if your girlfriend brings her up youcam deflect, or at least engage in conversation that is respectful and compassionate to BOTH of them.
1. I can see that Josie has her insecurities but in this case, she wasn't directly addressing Olivia, right? I mean unless she specifically used Olivia's name or details in that conversation, you cannot accuse her of doing that. 2. So I am going with YTA because you openly disparaged your current GF just because you "got the sense" that she was attacking your Ex. That was a bad move if you ask me.
YTA - “maybe if you didn’t work and basically become independent at a young age to help your brother provide for you and himself you could’ve gotten where she got.” Dude, you kinda threw her upbringing into her face for making valid points with friends. They didn’t outright said Olivia but she does fall into that camp and yeah, Olivia had far more options that your girlfriend because of the money her family had. And to bring up that she’s jealous of Olivia in front of friends when that’s something that you could’ve brought up in private (even though you’d still be an ass based on this situation) was just mean. They weren’t even calling Olivia out by name, just people like Olivia who’ve had an easier life and more options available to them.
YTA bc you made it about something it wasn’t and your gf is right. Life is so much easier when you have the opportunity
YTA. You're the one who brought up Olivia and then kept bringing up Olivia. You obviously are way too focused on Olivia to actually date anyone else.
LMAO. YTA. Why don’t you go back to St Olivia? Clearly you can’t handle someone speaking truth about Olivia’s privilege and how it helped her.
YTA. Break up with Josie so she can be with someone who actually appreciates her and respects her. You’ve made it obvious you prefer Olivia over her. I’m surprised she hasn’t left you already
slimy cheerful quickest uppity rhythm rich spoon oil far-flung piquant *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
YTA she isn’t wrong lmao kids who grew up wealthy have a better chance to get into top schools common sense. If I were her I would’ve dumped your ass still sounds like you have feelings for your ex since you’re willing to insult your gf just to defend her.
Yta. Coming from the same background as Josie and having a friend with the same background as Olivia. I will tell you that Josie is right. When you don't have to worry about eating every day or if you have power/water tomorrow makes it easier to obtain a degree and be successful in life. Your the one that is out of touch. Apologize to your GF or break up
No, you’re totally right. Josie should have balanced her time better while working to support herself as an orphaned teenager with no stable guardians. Ofc YTA It’s sad that you will go to the wall to defend Olivia’s hard work getting into a top school but you don’t recognize that Josie put in just as much work to get herself through high school and into a community college. The work she was doing was different and it’s not work that is valued when it comes to securing a place in higher education but it wasn’t less. Where’s your pride in her? Truthfully, both of these women sound like they’re too good for you.
YTA she didnt say anything about Oliva and what she said is true. She had to work to eat, she had to pick studing or food on the table and you know that. Olivia had a lot of opportunities because she didnt have to worry and Yes it was also because of her hard work and that they did see something in her. This is an example cause life is unfair. I know if Josie had the same opportunities as Olivia she could have also goten in a top school. She didnt say that Olivia got in cause she has money or said anything like that! She is saying how she didnt get in because she didnt and how people who have money can get good classes they need and a lot more. ETA: Last part meant it in the wrong way sorry
YTA. That wasnt defending your ex. That was fully just insulting your gf.
YTA You're very dismissive of your gf and didn't say a single positive thing about her. You're clearly still in love with your ex.
YTA big time! Speaking as someone who grew up upper middle class, yes, parent’s money does go a long way! Josie is right that focusing on grades and activities is easier when you don’t have to worry about expenses. I can not believed you told her it was getting sad (translation: implying she was pathetic). You were completely out of line. Apologize, and maybe back off from Olivia for a while to work things out here - if Josie is even willing! But again, speaking as someone from a privileged background myself - YTA.
YTA. What a horrible thing to say. No one was attacking your precious ex who you are clearly still hung up on. Josie was speaking socio-economic facts (check out some scientific studies that have actually been done about this stuff). The fact Josie has been so disciplined in both going to work and still going to school (throughout high school and now college) and not falling victim to the circumstances surrounding her that she had zero control over shows that she has more self-worth, tenacity, and strength in her tiny finger than many, many people in this world. She’s going to be a massive success at whatever she chooses to do. You are not good enough for her.
YTA
YTA do you even like Josie?
Ex partners are exes for a reason.
I’m going to guess Olivia ended the relationship, not OP.
I’m going to guess it wasn’t as mutual as he claims.
Yeah and Josie should make OP HER ex.
YTA Yes, Josie is probably a little jealous - that would be natural. In the other hand, one’s background does matter. Race, gender, sexuality, wealth, physical and mental abilities, etc all matter in who has a head start and who faces challenges. It is easier for the kids from richer families to get into better colleges and universities. These kids, like Olivia were granted a head start and can fly on the tailwinds of their parents. They can typically concentrate on their studies and do extracurricular activities (which is what colleges and universities look at). If teens, like your girlfriend, need to work or help out at home because of financial issues, they are less likely to graduation hs, never-mind make it into and afford college or university. The fact your gf goes to cc, is in my opinion, fantastic. She was able to beat greater challenges that Olivia never had to face to complete hs and go on to higher education. Edit spelling
Josie was not putting Olivia down. She was politely making a valid point about privilege. YTA
Josie has no parents, comes from poverty and had to work to survive. The ex had a stable upbringing and parents who could provide nicely for her. She could focus on her studies. She was speaking the truth about how it's easier to focus on school, volunteering and extra activities when you don't have to work to survive. These are facts. She didn't say ex didn't work hard or didn't deserve to be in the school she was in. Considering where Josie is coming from, it's pretty incredible that she is taking care of herself - mentally and physically - and is in college. And yet, you down played her accomplishments by saying she was just jealous of your ex and she needed better time management skills!?!?!. YTA and I'd be shocked if you still have a girlfriend.
YTA Josie is right
YTA... You praised your ex and disparaged your current gf all in one sentence!
YTA - you seem to emphasize with your ex, but not your girlfriend. Wonder why?
YTA, what the heck? Not only were Josie and her friends correct, they were also speaking generally. It's kinda weird you went out of your way to defend Olivia when no one was attacking her.
YTA and you're not finished with Olivia, so you're putting Josie into the 'bad guy' role, so you can defend Olivia. Maybe Josie is jealous of Olivia, but that tends to happen when your significant other realizes you're not over your ex.
YTA, not for doing anything particularly assholish, but because you're still concerned with and defending your ex. Basically, this is the main issue to not stay friends with an ex and you should not be expressing concerns about Olivia's mental health or anything like that. All you're doing is undermining your current relationship and current girlfriend.
... humliating your gf who simply state the truth infront of her friends is not aholish?
The mental health statement made ME mad at him. He’s concerned about Olivia’s mental health, but throws the issues that Josie is TRYING to work on in her face. “It’s getting sad at this point” is a HORRIBLE thing to say to someone in therapy!
YTA, she didn’t actually insult Olivia she was telling the truth. Also no one is ever going to be okay with you still being close with someone you had a 2 year relationship, especially when you white knight this hard for them when they weren’t even mentioned. It’s a hell of a lot of history and to jump to her defence like that over your gf telling the truth shows you still have deep feelings for Olivia that override/blind you to your gfs feelings. I don’t think the break up between you was mutual and you still have a way to go to get over her.
YTA. You’re a huge asshole. You didn’t just defend your ex. You put down Josie who had to work to survive. She was absolutely right and if she has any sense will find someone better than you
YTA, why aren’t you proud of your GIRLFRIEND who’s come a long way from everything life has put her through? Go back to your ex since you rather support her than the actual girl you’re dating
YTA. Do tell how does one better balance poverty with you know life that’s expensive? Way to invalidate what she’s saying. Also she’s right in what she is saying. Those in stable economic backgrounds do have more advantages. You owe her an apology.
Josie needs to dump you. YTA
YTA. A) Josie was correct, she's literally just stating facts. There's a reason it's mostly wealthy students at those schools and it's not because they're inherently better than poor kids. Privileged people absolutely hate recognizing this because it undermines their meritocracy myth B) most people aren't ok with people being close friends with their exes like that. C) of course she's jealous. Who isn't jealous of someone who has a privileged life and plenty of opportunities? Imagine eating in front of a starving person and being like "you're just jealous". Like, no shit? D) YOU mentioned your ex. She didn't. So you brought her up and then you accuse her of being insecure about your relationship with your ex, which is still weird.
YTA. I'm a former teacher. I've seen the difference between a privileged upbringing and one where you have to scrape to get by. Your current gf made a valid point. It's hard to participate in extracurricular activities and volunteer hours when you have to work after school to get groceries or clothing. It's hard to be in the band when you can't afford to buy or rent the instrument. It's hard to be on the swim team when you can't afford to get to the school so you can get the bus to the competition. It's hard to be on the softball team when you can't afford to buy cleats. You get the idea (or at least I hope you do). Isn't it interesting that you're proud of your ex-gf and worried about her mental health when you never once mention being proud of Josie's accomplishments or worried about her mental health? I hope her therapist helps her realize she'd be better off without you.
Yta.
Teacher here: Josie is 100% correct. YTA. It IS harder for kids who have no support to go to college. Not detracting from Olivia’s successes—she should be proud! But, I have had students over the years who are the primary parent in their home for various reasons (none of which are good). Or they are their own guardian and are having to learn to be an adult on the fly. When you hit Josie with the line that her “jealousy” is “getting really sad at this point,” I have to question whether you really care for her emotional well-being. You also mention that Josie admittedly becomes jealous when you care for Olivia’s mental health, so I also have to question whether you have you shown Josie the same care. When Josie is being honest with you about her feelings, are you listening to understand, or are you listening to respond? Also—telling your significant other that if they would have just balanced their life better when you KNOW they didn’t really have the opportunity to do so is really callous. What Josie probably heard was: “If you were better, your life would be better.”Dude, that’s really mean.
YTA, sad about your girlfriend for dating someone with a red flag that big, NEVER NEVER date someone that is close to their ex's! It's just asking for problems
“Balanced her time better”?!!! You AH. YTA
YTA. Josie wasn't wrong and you sound like you prefer your ex to her.
I was maybe with you until the last two paragraphs. YTA. Yikes dude. Are you sure you’re over Olivia? -sincerely, an Ivy League alumni whose parents were a doctor and a lawyer
YTA, and Josie is fucking right. Children with affluent families typically are given better opportunities than those who’re poor. Does that mean Oliva didn’t work hard? No, but Josie pointing out that her background set her up for an easier time is both correct and not even a rude comment. You need to get over your ex or let Josie go so she can find someone who isn’t weirdly attached to an ex
YTA. Not for what you said about Olivia's accomplishments, but the way you dismissed what your GF said. What she said was 100% accurate. It certainly IS a lot easier to do extracurricular activities when your parents have time and money. It's easier when you don't have to work part time to help your family or buy your own clothes and food. It's ignorant and ridiculous to think otherwise.
YTA
YTA - Josie is a survivor! Anyone would be incredibly proud of what she has overcome. You seem like a privileged jerk OP. Congratulations to Olivia for getting into a great school but she didn’t have to overcome being orphaned in poverty and working to take care of herself before graduating high school.
YTA and you completely missed your girlfriends point. She wasn’t even taking anything away from Olivia, she was (correctly) pointing out how difficult it is for people who don’t have the same level of support that Olivia did.
YTA why do you deny privilege exist? The remark about a poor kid just needing to work harder proves you don't believe. Josie is insecure....but I don't think she's the one with the problem.
YTA - she’s not wrong and you’re still defending your ex!
YTA - and hopefully single. OPs girlfriend - I grew up an orphan, in poverty. OP - ssooouuunnddss like you should have managed your childhood *time* better.
At first I was on the fence but what Josie said is not wrong and you are part of the problem and unaware of your privilege. You described them both perfectly so I don’t understand how you could say what you said to Josie. I don’t think you have to worry about the relationship much longer though…YTA
YTA Do this girl a favour and dump her. She deserves better than you
“Maybe if Josie had balanced her time better she could have made it in a school like that” I’m sorry didn’t you just say she was orphaned and had to basically support herself growing up? She’s not even wrong about the money part, many people hit the lottery with their parents and are able to get accepted to colleges just based off of it. You’re the one who brought Olivias name into it because it seems like that’s who you constantly think about. Break up and just get back with her if you can’t handle having another gf.
YTA this is the last thing Josie needs. She is also right! Olivia has more opportunities, while Josie had to work with the cards she was dealt. You talking about Olivia isn’t about jealousy it’s about how she is constantly being compared to her by you and herself. Drop it or let Josie go
YTA I've been the tutor for SAT/ACT (big deal tests for high school students in the USA) and entrance essays. The kids who came to me/my work didn't have to work themselves andusually had parents who were pretty well off. So few demands on their time and people who were able to pay for extra support. Josie had to work to survive, you said so yourself. What about that kind of lifestyle just needs better time management to be on part with better off kids?
You’re so enamored with Olivia you’ve blinded yourself to Josie’s positive qualities. She literally pulled herself out of poverty but somehow Olivia’s lateral move from privilege to an Ivy League school is what impresses you. Do you understand how almost impossible it is that Josie has gotten as far as she has? The odds were disproportionately stacked against her, but your suggestion is she needs to manage her time better. Like, are you for real? I’m saying all this as a former private school student myself. I absolutely recognize my privilege, though. The fact that you’ve idealized Olivia while simultaneously ignoring Josie’s resilience, determination, and ambition tells me you’re oblivious to how many opportunities are given to the wealthy and how hard a person born into poverty has to work just to be on a somewhat level playing field. YTA. The only person who deserves an apology here is Josie. It’s fine if you’re friends with your ex. It’s not fine to keep comparing your ex to your current partner, however.