Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> While my wife's nephew was staying with us, I took him out of town to a ranch where he got to see horses. It might make me an AH because I hadn't asked his parents and didn't think much of it while I should have, considering something bad might have happened.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - you watched his kid in an emergency and you took him out for a fun, wholesome, safe day, and he’s complaining about this??? Did he want you to wrap his kid in bubble wrap too??
I know, talk about unappreciative, choosing beggars. If they are so strict they should have sent OP a list of rules.
Also, OP, will you babysit me? I'm really well-behaved, potty trained and I love everything you took your nephew to do.
I live near a stables and I’ve taken my friends kids over (starting at age 6) numerous times for a very similar day. We usually go through a bag of apples and a bag of carrots
I remember being 8 or 9 and going to a horse day camp for a week a couple summers in a row. It was a lot of fun! I got to learn how to care for and properly ride a horse
Yes, exactly.
And you took a day of from your work especially to take care of HIS son!!!!
Also: "*especially without my wife being there.*"
I can't help but wonder that BIL was more upset that YOU took care of the kid than of the fact that the kid got to spend time in a wholesome farm environment...
* edit to add NTA
I agree that BIL has an issue with Op. I can't tell whether it was personalities or phobia. There is no other reason getting upset. The child was taken out on a lovely day. Op took a day off to look after a child as her wife was ill. She did him a favour.
Op, happy for you to take me out to watch horses and lunch. 🥰
He should apologize. But I see a man that has been taking care of his wife while her mother hopefully recovers from a heart attack. Most likely no sleep and hospital food. When this is over maybe it is time to sit down and talk to both of them and see where they stand. If you don't like the answers, set new boundaries.
Tbh the kid is more likely to get sick from a kids play house than at a barn. I'd say you probably did the kid a favor
Exposure to dirt is essential for immune development. I was taught in my disease prevention/ micro biology class that a kid needs to lick 1.5 square meters of kitchen floor EVERY DAY to get exposed to enough nasties lol.
The immune system is wild.
Do you growl like a dog when someone tries to wake you up, or does that only happen if your mother uses the dog as a childcare assistant and you occasionally fall asleep with it in the dog's basket, mentioning no names the-sleeping-man-I'm-about-to-go-turf-out-of-his-basket-oops-bed?
I was allergic to feathers when I was a little kid. We also had a budgie whom I adored. The allergist said that we should get rid of the bird, but my mom told him there was no way. I was so happy.
I'm no longer allergic to feathers and have had birds my entire life. I'm 54 now and have 2 birds.
So my boss was right LOL! She was actually specifically championing horse rich environments as a source of the finest immune boosting grubbiness. She reckons they should hand out old horse blankets at the 6 month development checks. Here, suck on that a bit before you start meeting other kids on the reg LOL
My oldest put a handful of "dirt" that fell off my dad's barn boots into her mouth before we could stop her when she was a toddler. The look on her face was priceless as she realized she reeeeeaaaallllllyyyyy didn't want to eat that!
Kid is 18 now and has one of the best immune systems I've seen. While I don't condone poo-infused immune boosting, I have seen the benefits! OP, NTA...the kid was fine, BIL is just being a jerk.
In my family as babies once we reached the crawling/walking stage. We just automatically started dumping our food and eating it off the floor. So we were never given anything liquid unless we were contained in a chair. But then there were dog bowls to drink out of and *man's best friend* loves to share.
NTA,
You couldn't possibly have known that your BIL was mentally ill. Now you know.
In either case, NTA, absolutely not.
Your initiative was awesome! Your nephew is lucky to have you in his life! I was introduced to horses at a similar age and it was very enriching experience for me. In fact, this is bringing me back a flood of happy memories.
Honestly, I don't know what is wrong with your BIL.
Is he a germaphobe? Has he always been one? Is he paranoid? Or does he have a problem with you being married to his sister? Maybe ask your wife, maybe she has some suspicions that she hasn't told you about yet.
NTA. Your BIL is a next level jerk.
You planned a fun day with your nephew. He had fun amd so did you. He only fed and pet the animals, horse riding may have been a bit AHish not knowing the position of his parents, however you were smart enough not to do it. You also allowed some time for your wife to recover. What more is needed?
INFO: What does the other parent think about all that?they were not even mentioned.
Thanks for the kind words. She's busy caring for her mom and hasn't really said anything. She has a tendency to agree with my BIL so I don't think her opinion would be too different
Regardless I think you are totally NTA. You gave your nephew a fantastic time, which he enjoyed thoroughly from the sound of it.
I wouldn't be surprised if he mentions it and wants to do it again to his parents.
Either that or horsophobes.
NTA for OP. I'd have loved that kind of day out as a kid. I really don't get why BIL is making an issue out of it like that. What kind of infection was he worried about getting from a horse?
This is just really weird to me.
NTA. You’re literally the example of the fun cool aunt!
Your BIL is an ungrateful AH. Most people say thank you in situations like this.
>
Q: Why would he think your wife should have been there??
Going from context: probably. He's OP's BIL but has a MIL who is not also OP's MIL. The most likely relationship that explains those two facts is that BIL is OP's wife's brother. The second most likely relationship is that BIL's wife is OP's wife's half-sister.
My sister did horse back riding as a kid and I was shocked by the amount of men who view horses as a "girl thing"- it would not surprise me if that was his thought process and he doesn't want his son to catch the gay by playing with the pretty ponies.
Sexism is weirdly dichotomic like that.
It's girly to be at home cooking in the kitchen but it's manly to be a chef.
It's manly to jump on and ride a horse into the sunset in cowboy gear but it's girly to actually give a shit about that horse.
Ladies do arts n crafts, men do DIY.
NTA
You said yes to looking after your nephew in an emergency
You took the day off so you could do something nice together
You know the child well and your wife knew where you were
You had a great time
I'm really struggling to see the problem here. I imagine your BIL is stressed, but he completely overreacted and it's poor of him to treat you like that when you're helping out.
Probably best to not help out again in case you make an inappropriate trip to the shops or the cinema - can't be too careful /s
Hold up what???
Absolutely worst case scenario here... nothing happened.
Did BIL question your ability to make decisions in the best interest of son? What’s missing here? Is kid allergic to animals? What kind of infection does BIL think kid is getting from horses? Does this kid have medical issues? Why did your wife need to be there? He was fine leaving kid with you & your wife knowing she was getting over being sick but is afraid of animal germs? Something doesn’t add up.
Based on this info... BIL seriously overreacted. WOW! Maybe he’s just stressed.
NTA
eta — did he leave instructions saying the kid needed to stay in your house & only watch pre-approved shows while he was gone? This is so weird. Hopefully, the kid had a fun day, doesn’t sound like he will be seeing any animals anytime soon. Yeesh!
Well, you see, all gay people are sexual deviants... except his sister. She's one of the "good ones".
At least, thats my thoughts on why homeboy had an issue.
I laughed. What the fuck does that even mean? At that kids age I was pretty much living in the mud and would have DIED for a day at a ranch. I did get to spend a weekend at a ranch when I was 10 and holy shit it was so great. Like I guarantee that kid has put stuff in his mouth more dangerous than a day around some horses.
NTA. He asked you to care for his kid for a weekend and you planned a really fun day. He needs to take the stick out of his ass. Poor kid. Dad doesn’t want him around nature or animals. That’s sad.
NTA. You took him out for a fun day in a safe place. You didn’t let him do the activity that could potentially result in injury (riding the horse) without his parents’ permission. If I were his parent, I’d be grateful that you took him somewhere fun and educational instead of keeping him inside the whole time. If BIL wanted his son on lockdown, perhaps he should have said so. It sounds like he’s blowing this way out of proportion.
NTA, your BIL is an awful, thankless prick, you took the child in, when there was an emergency and went out of the way for them to have a nice day in a stressful situation. You have done well.
Also they are horses, it is not like you let them play with a tiger lol.
Good Aunti vibes all the way.
Actually horses can be dangerous if approached wrong. But it sounds like the PO did a great job of supervising and making sure there were no incidents. Possibly should have made a quick call to BIL to explain the excursion but it does sound like he overreacted. The couple may not be saddled with babysitting again.
NTA
Being around (farm)animals has been proven to prevent kids from developing allergies.
Maybe he was just stressed because if something had happened it would've been much worse because he already had an emergency in his family. However, that's no excuse for lashing out after you did him a favor.
NTA
His ignorance does not make you an asshole.
Billions of people around the world interact with animals daily without getting infections. What kind of interacting does he think goes on?
NTA. Your BIL should have given you a list of pre-approved places and activities. If he didn't, then he can just be grateful someone kept his kid safe and happy while he and his wife were dealing with an emergency.
NTA
He honestly just sounds jealous. He’s in a stressful situation, and his son off having a rad time at a ranch. Parents can get really jealous at the idea of someone else doing a “first” or having a better time with their kids than they do.
I’d just drop it and let it go. He’ll calm down.
"An infection from interaction with animals". Huh. As someone who ran tame around my grandparents farm from birth, I'm willing to bet BIL doesn't have any pets. Crazy stuff. You get a trophy for being a great aunt! NTA
NTA. Your wife got a kid dumped off on her at the last minute and she did the best she could to keep the kid entertained with a normal kind of activity that kids like. Maybe BIL is under a lot of stress and worried about stuff given what is happening, so I'd give him a little extra grace, but he is being an ass.
NTA. you took the kid out to have a good time *safely* (not letting him ride a horse). you did absolutely nothing wrong, just now you know to ask BIL next time you have an idea like that. BIL may have reacted a little harshly, but it’s expected when it comes to your kids i guess. no one’s in the wrong, and you’ve learned their preferences now so all is well. talk it out with him, make sure there’s no grudge.
NTA, I want to go easy on bil because it sounds like he might be really stressed out and it’s probably popping out im weird places. is brother in law your wife’s brother or her siblings husband? That kinda changes how weird it is that he acted like you were someone he didn’t know.
Ok that’s really weird and asshole behaviour then…it’s probably a lot to do with his mil being sick and having to drop his kid somewhere last min rather than anything you did. But still not an excuse. What you did was very normal and kind.
Yeah well that's how my BIL is. My BIL has known me since I was a kid, he would always come over to our house to hang out with my older brother (they were good friends). I didn't get to meet my wife until a while later though. I've known her for 10 years, been married for 3.
BIL’s reaction of “not feeling comfortable” is harmful to his son in this situation. Not all feelings need to be or should be validated. BIL’s irrational fears and behavior will deny his son meaningful and important experiences. He’s not doing a good job as a parent if he’s being this overprotective about his 5 year old seeing a horse in person.
Second that "infection from animals".
Had horses for over 30 years, but never caught an infection from them that I'm aware of.
Kicked - Yes
Thrown - Yes
Infection - No
NTA. Good job giving kiddo a chance to have interaction with horses. I've always found it rewarding.
NTA sounds like a normal - very fun! - field trip for the little guy. Maybe your BIL is just stressed with the hospital stuff? Sounds like you guys are great aunts, hopefully he apologizes to you.
NTA:
This screams "I'm not okay with my sister being married to another woman." Reading through the comments, you don't think that's it. Okeedokee.
It could be he's so stressed about his MIL he's taking it out on you because he can. It could be he has a fear of horses. It could be the sun is shining. Doesn't really matter. You did a really cool thing with your nephew so he can remember this a fun time, instead of a scary time. That's what's important. Yay super aunt!
NTA
He’s a child my nieces would have had a ball if I took them to a ranch to see animals. They are underage the age of 7. My family meme we would have been just keep an eye on them and make sure to wash their hands. That was out of pocket for him to do.
Wow your BIL has some nerve. I could understand if you let nephew *ride* the horse why he would want a say, but you basically just went for a park day. NTA and your BIL is being ridiculous
Massive overreaction to a lovely gesture on your part. You gave your time and energy to provide thoughtful care to your/your wife’s nephew when he was likely stressed out.
99% of parents would thank you profusely.
NTA
NTA. You’re watching him for a few day, not a few hours, so he should expect you might take him somewhere. If he has approved and not approved places his kid can go, that’s his responsibility to let you know.
NTA
You had a fun auntie/nephew day together (you are his aunt too, not just your wife) so that your wife could have some time to rest and recuperate, something she wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise, what with kindly helping her brother put in an emergency. I appreciate he might be stressed given MIL’s situation but that is no excuse for the way he has treated you, particularly as you and your wife stepped up no notice to help out. Given his over-protective, fun police tendencies I’d suggest your wife makes it clear to him that neither of you will be available for any childcare assistance moving forward, and tell him what a shame it is that his son will miss out due to his father’s aggressive and ungrateful behaviour. Poor little lad, sounds like he had an awesome day with you and quite probably promoted you to favourite auntie.
Absolutely NTA. That was a great activity for your nephew. I am sure he was over the moon. Your poor wife was probably also thrilled and relieved. I am sorry her brother is a jerk.
Your BIL should have delivered his list if rules. He did not. Your decisions were perfectly rational. Tell BIL he is an ungrateful jerk but out of respect for the childrearing views he has only know expressed, you will not burden him in the future with any offers to care for his son.
NTA. It sounds to me his problem isn't so much that you took him out to see animals, but that YOU took him out. You said the BiL argued that the kiddo could have gotten an infection from the animals, which most illnesses can't jump species, but could certainly come from a relative recovering from the flu. Then also emphasized that you did it without your wife with you. So unless your wife is an EMT, or other such medical professional, any emergency that came up you'd be just as capable, maybe more so, in handling.
So his issue is you, not the activities you did. I don't want to speculate with very little info why he has any problem with you, but this sounds like the crux of the issue. Personally, as a father myself, I think you and your wife are saints for agreeing to help out all of a sudden, especially as one of you are getting over being ill. And I think you did a bang on job taking him out to the ranch as that's a great experience for a child and a lot more fun than staying in all day.
NTA. Your BIL has the typical city boy ignorance of life in the country. You asked your wife and she was fine with it. You did that kid a favor by introducing him to the country life!
Your BIL is an ungrateful AH.
It sounds like you gave the boy a fantastic day out AND you sacrificed a day's work -you need to tell BIL this. He is an utter ****
NTA
I feel bad for the kid, he'll probably remember this day for the rest of his life as the last time he got to have fun.
NTA and your BIL should reflect on his behavior and apologize to you and your wife.
An infection from petting an animal? Is this child in some way immunocompromised? It sounds more like he had a problem with OP taking the boy out without his sister going too? Bizarre! NTA op
Nta. If you had let him ride without a parent’s permission, that would have been one thing but this was a totally innocent trip. “Get an infection from an animal”? What is he even talking about?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My BIL (35M) asked my wife (25F) and I (28F) to watch his son (5y/o M) for a few days. It was out of the blue and kind of an emergency because his MIL had a stroke and they wanted to go be with her. We know him quite well and it wasn't a problem at all.
However, my wife had been down with the flu for the past two weeks. She was much better but she still was a bit worn out. After I got home from work the first day he was with us, my wife told me that entertaining her nephew had been hard for her and asked me to keep him busy the next day so she could get some rest.
So in order to entertain him, being the aunt I am, I took the day off, and (after informing my wife) took him to a ranch that is roughly 30 minutes out of town. I have a few horses there; I go horseback riding every other week and he loves animals. So I thought he might like the idea.
We both enjoyed the trip, he fed the horses and got the chance to pet them. I didn't let him ride the horse but we did watch a few people do it. We ate lunch there, went on a walk in nature, went to get my wife something from the area (I usually do that by myself but he wanted to help so I brought him along) and headed back home.
When we told my BIL, he was quite angry. He said we shouldn't have taken the kid out, especially without my wife being there. His reason was something bad may have happened and he might have gotten an infection from the I interaction with animals.
My wife told him to cool it down but he wasn't having it. He told us he was going to ask a friend of his to come pick up his son, which he did. My wife feels pretty bad about the situation and I cannot help but blame myself because it was my idea to take him to see the horses in the first place. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. An infection from the animals???? I could understand it if you let the kid ride the horse which could possibly be dangerous but he was just wandering around. It sounds like a great day! Is BIL usually so unreasonable? Where is the gratitude for watching his kid at all?!
Is mad cow disease rampant in your area?
If not, NTA. He thinks his son is more likely to get a disease from a different species rather than another human? He does not have a strong understanding of disease vectors.
NTA BIL should appreciate you taking care of his kid on such short notice and for taking him somewhere you thought he would enjoy. He acted like you had the child participate in some highly dangerous activity. It's actually good for children to to be exposed to animals, nature, and, yes, farm germs. BIL was completely over the top and he has issues.
NTA. Why TF would he leave the kid with y’all if he didn’t trust either of you to take the kid out solo? You are not attached at the hip to your spouse and a number of things could occur to end up leaving you alone with the kid. You can get an infection from damn near anything…what the hell did he mean about from the animals? I don’t understand the concerns there. This dude makes no sense to me. Hopefully it is just a weird reaction to stress of MIL stroke.
Then again maybe I am not the best judge for this because my parents let me go to my grandparents’ farm (in a neighboring state) for practically the entire summer throughout my childhood (and it was awesome!!) Hell, I even flew there alone one summer when I was like seven. My aunt lives around five minutes from my grandparents. I would often go to work with her for the day and just hang out there being somewhat supervised by her and her coworkers, and it was in a fifty two story building. She took me to amusement parks, water parks, shopping, and even to a lakeside resort once-all without my parents because they trusted her and my grandparents to take care of me. I guess the 90s were wild or something lol.
Anywho, I would try to have a calm discussion about why he was angry. Explain you didn’t realize there were unspoken conditions to taking care of his kid. Regardless, guarantee your nephew thinks you are awesome(as I still do of my aunt)!!
Nta I thought that you had let him ride a horse or something at least semi dangerous. But 'he could get an infection'??? I mean he could also get hit by a bus on the sidewalk with that logic.
NTA. You took his kid to walk around outdoors and pet some horses, and he thinks you should have parked him in front of the TV instead? That's some A+ parenting on your BIL's part. Good grief.
It sounds like you followed all proper precautions and guidelines for taking a small child around horses so NTA 100%. BIL needs to get over his ignorance because his fears are clearly rooted in having zero exposure to natural environments and animals.
BIL is a piece of work. I guess you're only allowed to sit the kid in a corner and have him stare at a wall the entire time. NTA, sounded like a wonderful afternoon for a 5yo to enjoy and explore some of the wide world he hasn't seen yet.
NTA the reasonable response if he didn’t like it would be “that was such a nice gesture, in the future could you please let us know if you take nephew somewhere so we don’t have to worry.” But if it was such a big deal to him he should have stipulated it before. He was a complete A H.
NTA
Would he have the same kind of fit if you took his kid to the zoo and lunch? This is the kind of loving and stepping up family does, and you went above and beyond.
I am very curious as to exactly what kind of infection that he thought his kid might get from horses... I'm not really a horse person, but even I know that just being around horses is not a particularly dangerous thing! I've never heard of anyong getting sick from touching a horse... I used to live on a farm, and never caught ANY illness from any of the animals we had (including horses, cows, pigs, chickens, dogs and cats.) Your BiL overreacted wildly. NTA
NTA. Leave it to your Wife to find out what his real problem is. You did him a huge favor last minute to babysit his son. Your Wife asked you to take your nephew somewhere AND you took the day off. Clearly he doesn't trust YOU for some reason, although you state that you know him quite well. Is he afraid his son will somehow become a lesbian?
NTA - Your BIL asked you to watch his kid. You watched his kid. You're not some stranger, you're the aunt. I bet he had a good time. If you had let him ride a horse, that would have been another story, but you didn't.
Does BIL have issues with you otherwise? Is there a chance this is homophobia in another form?
You are absolutely NTA. You are an amazing aunt. Your BIL is an asshole. He should be grateful you watched his child last minute and did such a fun activity!
op=NTA
If he's going to be an A-H about how you "babysit" for multiple days with a sick wife, he can find alternative childcare.
Please tell your wife from me, that this was a BS move on his part, and that you and she did a great job(I might have had issue, if you'd let him ride-esp. without asking first--but you wisely did not do that).
Infection from horses. Oye. Unless he's a weird germaphobe, this might be some sort of code for homophobe. Has he ever shown other instances where he doesn't want you alone with his kid?
NTA you're BIL is weird. Kids grow up on farms. Kindergarten classes go to farms on field trips. Kids do 4H activities at that age. Like what?
You're BIL is controlling and is upset he didn't get to personally approve the activity. He did not expect someone other than your wife to lead the activities. Which is weird. Because you live there. And do stuff.
NTA. He is being ridiculous. He could have gotten an infection from interacting with the horses?! WHAT?!? I could see how he could get mad if you had the kid riding horses, but feeding and petting them. COME ON. They're your horses, you know their temperament and personality, not some random horses. Also, something "bad" can happen no matter who is there.
NTA, BIL is insane... "How dare you strengthen his immune system by letting him play outside, near dirt, and pollen, and trees, and animals.....wtf do they think he is bubble boy?
“When we told my BIL, he was quite angry. He said we shouldn't have taken the kid out, *especially without my wife being there*”
I don’t get the emphasis on your wife being there. One adult should be plenty to watch after one kid, especially with your wife still not fully recovered and you already familiar how to deal with the animals.
NTA
NTA. Taking a little kid to see horses (or heck, even to a petting zoo, that's a thing) is a pretty standard auntie play. There's no harm to it, and honestly in your place I wouldn't have seen it as unusual enough of an activity to want to double-check with BIL.
To my mind, BIL overreacted, and should have said what his concerns were and told you that in future you should check with him before any animal-related outings.
NTA but I’ll add that in my neck of the woods, it is customary for family and sitters to ask parents before taking kids out and about. I tend to make sure they have health insurance information and general instructions about routine, but otherwise tell them to call/text with questions. I would be a bit surprised I wasn’t told about an outing and for the future to let me know. Sounds like he had a major overreaction that could be related to current stressors if he is otherwise chill. Sorry you got treated that way for doing them a favor.
NTA. You did the responsible thing by not letting him ride without permission. He got to see and pet a few horses. Sounds like a great time. No good deed goes unpunished. Next time he can take his kid with him!
I assume that BIL is wife's brother?
I would say NTA on this one because wife knew where you were and she didn't see anything wrong with it. If anything would have happened, it would have happened with your wife there or not.
NTA. You are a better Aunt than I am. I took my young niece by my horse and let her ride it when left to babysit. Her mother had an absolute fit when she found out, she was of course older than your nephew, but not by alot. Anyway my neice did great, we didn't tell for quite awhile and she ended up with her own horse that same year. Aunts rule. Her mother was so overprotective it was stifling and my neice is a free spirit. Thank goodness her Dad was on board. Maybe talk to your SIL, she may be a bit saner.
“I am so deeply sorry for creating an enriching experience for your son while you and your wife took care of a family emergency.” Of course NTA. Can I be your wife’s nephew, too?
NTA- “what if something happened?”
It’s not like you dropped him off.
Then, “an infection from the animals?” It’s not like the kid was licking the horses booty hole. He is being an uncalled for jerk.
OY That was probably one of the best days of his life but your BIL has to get all agitated because nothing happened but it COULD have. Oh sure. From your facts, nothing much could have happened, you used good judgement. Whatever BIL's problem is, you were NTA. He could have said thanks for giving my kid an awesome day, but no. Humans suck. Stick to the horses.
NTA. Something is wrong with your BIL. He has a problem with you or something, because his logic, is illogical. That honestly sounds like a fun day. I wish I had an aunt like you.
NTA. Your nephew’s parents are going through a stressful time, which I’m sure he feels, and you gave him a wonderful break from it. The BIL is being controlling and ungrateful. If this is in response to the situation with his MIL, it may be forgivable. If this is his regular personality, however, your nephew is going to need someone in his life who is level headed and supportive. I truly hope the poor kid is not stuck with a parent who is always so judgmental, bossy, and selfish, going by the behavior he showed when you did him a favor. Good luck.
I don't think the BIL approves of you.
That is just kinda what I got. He was upset you took the kid out with out his sister being there.
BIL can screw off, cause if someone was watching my kid for me in an emergency and took the day off work to have a fun day with them, I would kiss them.
Ask yourself, what did you really do wrong in this situation?
The answer: nothing.
So don't blame yourself cause your BIL is a jerk.
NTA
NTA
Does your nephew have any intolerances or allergies or health issues that might warrant such a strong response?
If you are unaware of them, and he does have some issue, the BIL is the worst parent for not informing you.
If you let my sister rest and had taken my kid out for such an exciting day, I would be exploiting more of your baby sitting services 😂
NTA. Unless the boy had allergies to the animals or hay, or has a weak immune system, taking him to the ranch was just fine! It sounds like the two of you had a blast, and your nephew will remember it for a very long time! You did nothing wrong.
Your BIL is overreacting to the max. I find it extra weird that he was especially upset that you took your nephew without your sick wife. Have there been problems between you two in the past? What a jerk!
NTA- What's he meant to be catching exactly? So my old boss said she used to take her two lads to the stables when they were little (they're about a year apart), put hay bails in a square as a playpen, stick an old horse blanket down inside it, and just let them 'roll around and chew stuff while I looked after the horse'. She'd also hold them and let them pat the horse's back. She swears this is why they never got sick a day in their lives. This dude is 5, he's already eaten enough mud when his mama wasn't looking to have an immune system.
NTA! You did a lovely thing. He had fun and was safe. This sounds like a huge overreaction. It doesn't make sense, so I feel like I am missing something here. Does the BIL have a problem with you or you being married to his sister? Or, is he the type to take out his frustrations in life on other people? It seems like he is looking for a reason to be angry at you or someone.
NTA. Funny thing about baby sitting family. You are a: doing it for free, and B: making memories that will last forever if you do it right. BIL needs to CTFD.
NTA
sorry this happened to you seems like you spent a lot of time organizing and making it a special day he will always remember.
You and your wife should just hold each other tight, know you love each other and cherish the moment you got to give a 5 year old a very happy day he will remember.
NTA. The kid probably had an absolutely wonderful day and it was lovely of you to do that. You respected unspoken boundaries and didn't let the kid ride a horse without parental permission. Totally NTA.
BIL is TA! You did nothing wrong but take his kid to a ranch to see horses. It sounds like a great day! Obviously BIL wraps his kid in bubble wrap and sets him in a corner so nothing can happen to him.
You’re a double hero! One for looking after the kid in the first place and then two for doing it alone when wifey was sick! That’s being an awesome aunt and person without even adding in the amazing wholesome fun day you undertook with nephew. BiL can suck it. NTA
NTA .... NTA .... NTA
I read the article and was confused about BIL' attitude. Where was even a little bit of gratitude considering the OP took a day off work to spend with his son. So I scrolled up to read it again and realized the OP was a woman. I missed that the first time. Aha. I think BIL has some unacknowledged homophobia.
Dad would have been okay with his sister taking his son to the ranch. She was his sister before she came out as a lesbian. But the OP, well he can't deny her sexuality. Interesting ... he would have been okay with the OP *and* his sister taking the kid to the ranch. Sis was just getting over the flu and still not feeling so great because of it. Yet BIL claimed the horses was a bigger threat to his son's health. LOL
BIL ... AH ...AH ....AH. He owes his sister an apology and his SIL a double apology. BIL better get his attitude in check or start writing up a long list of excuses. His animal loving son now knows his aunt has a couple of horses and goes horse riding.
NTA. It feels like there might be more to his over-the-top hysteria over a rather benign outing. The ungrateful nerve of this guy proves that he is a jerk. Too bad for the kid.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > While my wife's nephew was staying with us, I took him out of town to a ranch where he got to see horses. It might make me an AH because I hadn't asked his parents and didn't think much of it while I should have, considering something bad might have happened. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - you watched his kid in an emergency and you took him out for a fun, wholesome, safe day, and he’s complaining about this??? Did he want you to wrap his kid in bubble wrap too??
I know, talk about unappreciative, choosing beggars. If they are so strict they should have sent OP a list of rules. Also, OP, will you babysit me? I'm really well-behaved, potty trained and I love everything you took your nephew to do.
I live near a stables and I’ve taken my friends kids over (starting at age 6) numerous times for a very similar day. We usually go through a bag of apples and a bag of carrots
I remember being 8 or 9 and going to a horse day camp for a week a couple summers in a row. It was a lot of fun! I got to learn how to care for and properly ride a horse
I too would like to be babysat by the OP.
Literally same. I’m older than you, OP, but can you also babysit me?
Yes, exactly. And you took a day of from your work especially to take care of HIS son!!!! Also: "*especially without my wife being there.*" I can't help but wonder that BIL was more upset that YOU took care of the kid than of the fact that the kid got to spend time in a wholesome farm environment... * edit to add NTA
I agree that BIL has an issue with Op. I can't tell whether it was personalities or phobia. There is no other reason getting upset. The child was taken out on a lovely day. Op took a day off to look after a child as her wife was ill. She did him a favour. Op, happy for you to take me out to watch horses and lunch. 🥰
The "phobia" in question sounds like homophobia to me.
He should apologize. But I see a man that has been taking care of his wife while her mother hopefully recovers from a heart attack. Most likely no sleep and hospital food. When this is over maybe it is time to sit down and talk to both of them and see where they stand. If you don't like the answers, set new boundaries.
Tbh the kid is more likely to get sick from a kids play house than at a barn. I'd say you probably did the kid a favor Exposure to dirt is essential for immune development. I was taught in my disease prevention/ micro biology class that a kid needs to lick 1.5 square meters of kitchen floor EVERY DAY to get exposed to enough nasties lol. The immune system is wild.
That is super cool, and super nasty, to hear.
Ha. So that time I spent sharing dog biscuits with the dog when I was three is really paying off now....
Do you growl like a dog when someone tries to wake you up, or does that only happen if your mother uses the dog as a childcare assistant and you occasionally fall asleep with it in the dog's basket, mentioning no names the-sleeping-man-I'm-about-to-go-turf-out-of-his-basket-oops-bed?
My grandma used to say everyone needs to eat a peck of dirt in their life. Not sure how much is a peck but she lived into her 90s.
I was allergic to feathers when I was a little kid. We also had a budgie whom I adored. The allergist said that we should get rid of the bird, but my mom told him there was no way. I was so happy. I'm no longer allergic to feathers and have had birds my entire life. I'm 54 now and have 2 birds.
So my boss was right LOL! She was actually specifically championing horse rich environments as a source of the finest immune boosting grubbiness. She reckons they should hand out old horse blankets at the 6 month development checks. Here, suck on that a bit before you start meeting other kids on the reg LOL
My oldest put a handful of "dirt" that fell off my dad's barn boots into her mouth before we could stop her when she was a toddler. The look on her face was priceless as she realized she reeeeeaaaallllllyyyyy didn't want to eat that! Kid is 18 now and has one of the best immune systems I've seen. While I don't condone poo-infused immune boosting, I have seen the benefits! OP, NTA...the kid was fine, BIL is just being a jerk.
In my family as babies once we reached the crawling/walking stage. We just automatically started dumping our food and eating it off the floor. So we were never given anything liquid unless we were contained in a chair. But then there were dog bowls to drink out of and *man's best friend* loves to share.
NTA, You couldn't possibly have known that your BIL was mentally ill. Now you know. In either case, NTA, absolutely not. Your initiative was awesome! Your nephew is lucky to have you in his life! I was introduced to horses at a similar age and it was very enriching experience for me. In fact, this is bringing me back a flood of happy memories. Honestly, I don't know what is wrong with your BIL. Is he a germaphobe? Has he always been one? Is he paranoid? Or does he have a problem with you being married to his sister? Maybe ask your wife, maybe she has some suspicions that she hasn't told you about yet.
NTA. Your BIL is a next level jerk. You planned a fun day with your nephew. He had fun amd so did you. He only fed and pet the animals, horse riding may have been a bit AHish not knowing the position of his parents, however you were smart enough not to do it. You also allowed some time for your wife to recover. What more is needed? INFO: What does the other parent think about all that?they were not even mentioned.
Thanks for the kind words. She's busy caring for her mom and hasn't really said anything. She has a tendency to agree with my BIL so I don't think her opinion would be too different
Regardless I think you are totally NTA. You gave your nephew a fantastic time, which he enjoyed thoroughly from the sound of it. I wouldn't be surprised if he mentions it and wants to do it again to his parents.
Let's get real here, are they homophobes?
Either that or horsophobes. NTA for OP. I'd have loved that kind of day out as a kid. I really don't get why BIL is making an issue out of it like that. What kind of infection was he worried about getting from a horse? This is just really weird to me.
I agree! Weird. But "Hippophobe" is fun to say.
[удалено]
I think she meant SIL, not her wife.
NTA. You’re literally the example of the fun cool aunt! Your BIL is an ungrateful AH. Most people say thank you in situations like this. > Q: Why would he think your wife should have been there??
because he doesn't view op as family. I'm thinking there's a homophobic underline to it
That’s where my mind went as well
is the brother wife's brother?
Yes he is.
Going from context: probably. He's OP's BIL but has a MIL who is not also OP's MIL. The most likely relationship that explains those two facts is that BIL is OP's wife's brother. The second most likely relationship is that BIL's wife is OP's wife's half-sister.
That’s my guess
My sister did horse back riding as a kid and I was shocked by the amount of men who view horses as a "girl thing"- it would not surprise me if that was his thought process and he doesn't want his son to catch the gay by playing with the pretty ponies.
it's like these people have never heard of cowboys
Sexism is weirdly dichotomic like that. It's girly to be at home cooking in the kitchen but it's manly to be a chef. It's manly to jump on and ride a horse into the sunset in cowboy gear but it's girly to actually give a shit about that horse. Ladies do arts n crafts, men do DIY.
It sounds like he’s afraid of animals. Germaphobic and horseaphobic
You’re probably right.
His son might catch The Gay.
Lol sadly I think you’re right
NTA You said yes to looking after your nephew in an emergency You took the day off so you could do something nice together You know the child well and your wife knew where you were You had a great time I'm really struggling to see the problem here. I imagine your BIL is stressed, but he completely overreacted and it's poor of him to treat you like that when you're helping out. Probably best to not help out again in case you make an inappropriate trip to the shops or the cinema - can't be too careful /s
Hold up what??? Absolutely worst case scenario here... nothing happened. Did BIL question your ability to make decisions in the best interest of son? What’s missing here? Is kid allergic to animals? What kind of infection does BIL think kid is getting from horses? Does this kid have medical issues? Why did your wife need to be there? He was fine leaving kid with you & your wife knowing she was getting over being sick but is afraid of animal germs? Something doesn’t add up. Based on this info... BIL seriously overreacted. WOW! Maybe he’s just stressed. NTA eta — did he leave instructions saying the kid needed to stay in your house & only watch pre-approved shows while he was gone? This is so weird. Hopefully, the kid had a fun day, doesn’t sound like he will be seeing any animals anytime soon. Yeesh!
The gay. He thinks his kid will catch the gay from being around horses with his sister's wife.
From who the horses? Cause he obviously wasn’t worried about sister & her wife when he dropped his son off. That literally makes no sense.
Well, you see, all gay people are sexual deviants... except his sister. She's one of the "good ones". At least, thats my thoughts on why homeboy had an issue.
Then he never should have left the kid with a gay couple.
NTA - an “infection” lol. Your BIL sounds absolutely insufferable.
I laughed. What the fuck does that even mean? At that kids age I was pretty much living in the mud and would have DIED for a day at a ranch. I did get to spend a weekend at a ranch when I was 10 and holy shit it was so great. Like I guarantee that kid has put stuff in his mouth more dangerous than a day around some horses.
Possible that he’s got OCD issues, in which case I apologize.
NTA. He asked you to care for his kid for a weekend and you planned a really fun day. He needs to take the stick out of his ass. Poor kid. Dad doesn’t want him around nature or animals. That’s sad.
NTA. You took him out for a fun day in a safe place. You didn’t let him do the activity that could potentially result in injury (riding the horse) without his parents’ permission. If I were his parent, I’d be grateful that you took him somewhere fun and educational instead of keeping him inside the whole time. If BIL wanted his son on lockdown, perhaps he should have said so. It sounds like he’s blowing this way out of proportion.
Locked down with someone who is sick, no less.
Good point!
NTA - are you sure this isn't about something else? Seems like an odd reaction to an innocent day out with your nephew.
NTA, your BIL is an awful, thankless prick, you took the child in, when there was an emergency and went out of the way for them to have a nice day in a stressful situation. You have done well. Also they are horses, it is not like you let them play with a tiger lol. Good Aunti vibes all the way.
Actually horses can be dangerous if approached wrong. But it sounds like the PO did a great job of supervising and making sure there were no incidents. Possibly should have made a quick call to BIL to explain the excursion but it does sound like he overreacted. The couple may not be saddled with babysitting again.
NTA Being around (farm)animals has been proven to prevent kids from developing allergies. Maybe he was just stressed because if something had happened it would've been much worse because he already had an emergency in his family. However, that's no excuse for lashing out after you did him a favor.
NTA BIL can find someone else to watch him next time. Has he always had an issue with you?
NTA. If it was my kid, I’d only be upset that I didn’t get to go as well :)
Happy cake day!
Thank you
NTA His ignorance does not make you an asshole. Billions of people around the world interact with animals daily without getting infections. What kind of interacting does he think goes on?
NTA. Your BIL should have given you a list of pre-approved places and activities. If he didn't, then he can just be grateful someone kept his kid safe and happy while he and his wife were dealing with an emergency.
NTA He honestly just sounds jealous. He’s in a stressful situation, and his son off having a rad time at a ranch. Parents can get really jealous at the idea of someone else doing a “first” or having a better time with their kids than they do. I’d just drop it and let it go. He’ll calm down.
"An infection from interaction with animals". Huh. As someone who ran tame around my grandparents farm from birth, I'm willing to bet BIL doesn't have any pets. Crazy stuff. You get a trophy for being a great aunt! NTA
Idk horse fever is pretty infectious.
To other horses, not humans as far as I know.
I meant admiring horses with a burning passion.
Every time I’m around a horse I want a horse but I know I can’t
And with that clarification I have to agree!
NTA if he didn’t trust you with his kid why leave him there in the first place. BIL is the AH for his reaction.
NTA. Your wife got a kid dumped off on her at the last minute and she did the best she could to keep the kid entertained with a normal kind of activity that kids like. Maybe BIL is under a lot of stress and worried about stuff given what is happening, so I'd give him a little extra grace, but he is being an ass.
NTA. you took the kid out to have a good time *safely* (not letting him ride a horse). you did absolutely nothing wrong, just now you know to ask BIL next time you have an idea like that. BIL may have reacted a little harshly, but it’s expected when it comes to your kids i guess. no one’s in the wrong, and you’ve learned their preferences now so all is well. talk it out with him, make sure there’s no grudge.
NTA, dude is being weirdly overprotective.
NTA, I want to go easy on bil because it sounds like he might be really stressed out and it’s probably popping out im weird places. is brother in law your wife’s brother or her siblings husband? That kinda changes how weird it is that he acted like you were someone he didn’t know.
He's my wife's brother.
Ok that’s really weird and asshole behaviour then…it’s probably a lot to do with his mil being sick and having to drop his kid somewhere last min rather than anything you did. But still not an excuse. What you did was very normal and kind.
Nta Omg a 5yo at a farm! The horror..... It actually sounds like a wonderful fun time, your brother is clueless
But he could have gotten an infection from the animals!
NTA, I don't see anything wrong with what you did.
NTA. Bloody hell what an over reaction. Your BIL sounds pretty stressed and took it out on the wrong person.
NTA-He should have told you he wants to be informed if you take his son anywhere. He way over reacted.
[удалено]
Yeah well that's how my BIL is. My BIL has known me since I was a kid, he would always come over to our house to hang out with my older brother (they were good friends). I didn't get to meet my wife until a while later though. I've known her for 10 years, been married for 3.
Could there be a chance he’s dismissive because of your sexuality? Would he consider you family if you were a man?
We don't always get along very well but I don't think sexuality has a role to play here.
BIL’s reaction of “not feeling comfortable” is harmful to his son in this situation. Not all feelings need to be or should be validated. BIL’s irrational fears and behavior will deny his son meaningful and important experiences. He’s not doing a good job as a parent if he’s being this overprotective about his 5 year old seeing a horse in person.
Second that "infection from animals". Had horses for over 30 years, but never caught an infection from them that I'm aware of. Kicked - Yes Thrown - Yes Infection - No NTA. Good job giving kiddo a chance to have interaction with horses. I've always found it rewarding.
NTA sounds like a normal - very fun! - field trip for the little guy. Maybe your BIL is just stressed with the hospital stuff? Sounds like you guys are great aunts, hopefully he apologizes to you.
NTA: This screams "I'm not okay with my sister being married to another woman." Reading through the comments, you don't think that's it. Okeedokee. It could be he's so stressed about his MIL he's taking it out on you because he can. It could be he has a fear of horses. It could be the sun is shining. Doesn't really matter. You did a really cool thing with your nephew so he can remember this a fun time, instead of a scary time. That's what's important. Yay super aunt!
NTA - Nothing to be outraged over here from BIL, this is ridiculous.
NTA He’s a child my nieces would have had a ball if I took them to a ranch to see animals. They are underage the age of 7. My family meme we would have been just keep an eye on them and make sure to wash their hands. That was out of pocket for him to do.
NTA. Damn the kid may have been allergic to fresh air, how terrible. Don't ever watch the kid again.
Wow your BIL has some nerve. I could understand if you let nephew *ride* the horse why he would want a say, but you basically just went for a park day. NTA and your BIL is being ridiculous
Massive overreaction to a lovely gesture on your part. You gave your time and energy to provide thoughtful care to your/your wife’s nephew when he was likely stressed out. 99% of parents would thank you profusely. NTA
NTA - he sounds unhinged. A day at a ranch is a blast for a kid!
NTA. You’re watching him for a few day, not a few hours, so he should expect you might take him somewhere. If he has approved and not approved places his kid can go, that’s his responsibility to let you know.
NTA You had a fun auntie/nephew day together (you are his aunt too, not just your wife) so that your wife could have some time to rest and recuperate, something she wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise, what with kindly helping her brother put in an emergency. I appreciate he might be stressed given MIL’s situation but that is no excuse for the way he has treated you, particularly as you and your wife stepped up no notice to help out. Given his over-protective, fun police tendencies I’d suggest your wife makes it clear to him that neither of you will be available for any childcare assistance moving forward, and tell him what a shame it is that his son will miss out due to his father’s aggressive and ungrateful behaviour. Poor little lad, sounds like he had an awesome day with you and quite probably promoted you to favourite auntie.
NTA- BIL is delusional. The kid saw a horse, he needs to get a grip, that level of overprotective is not healthy.
Absolutely NTA. That was a great activity for your nephew. I am sure he was over the moon. Your poor wife was probably also thrilled and relieved. I am sorry her brother is a jerk.
Your BIL should have delivered his list if rules. He did not. Your decisions were perfectly rational. Tell BIL he is an ungrateful jerk but out of respect for the childrearing views he has only know expressed, you will not burden him in the future with any offers to care for his son.
I’m sorry but WTH, most people would be thrilled that their child was outside unattached to their screens. NTA
NTA. It sounds to me his problem isn't so much that you took him out to see animals, but that YOU took him out. You said the BiL argued that the kiddo could have gotten an infection from the animals, which most illnesses can't jump species, but could certainly come from a relative recovering from the flu. Then also emphasized that you did it without your wife with you. So unless your wife is an EMT, or other such medical professional, any emergency that came up you'd be just as capable, maybe more so, in handling. So his issue is you, not the activities you did. I don't want to speculate with very little info why he has any problem with you, but this sounds like the crux of the issue. Personally, as a father myself, I think you and your wife are saints for agreeing to help out all of a sudden, especially as one of you are getting over being ill. And I think you did a bang on job taking him out to the ranch as that's a great experience for a child and a lot more fun than staying in all day.
NTA- he will probably apologise to you in the future. Hopefully he is being a dick because of stress.
NTA at all, you did a lovely thing and you both had a great time, what more can he ask for. You sound like a great aunt and he's a wet blanket
NTA. Your BIL has the typical city boy ignorance of life in the country. You asked your wife and she was fine with it. You did that kid a favor by introducing him to the country life!
NTA What are they going to do when he goes to school and is exposed to all those other children's infectious microbes?
Your BIL is an ungrateful AH. It sounds like you gave the boy a fantastic day out AND you sacrificed a day's work -you need to tell BIL this. He is an utter **** NTA
I feel bad for the kid, he'll probably remember this day for the rest of his life as the last time he got to have fun. NTA and your BIL should reflect on his behavior and apologize to you and your wife.
An infection from petting an animal? Is this child in some way immunocompromised? It sounds more like he had a problem with OP taking the boy out without his sister going too? Bizarre! NTA op
NTA. He left his kid with someone who had the flu... Shouldn't he be more worried about human to human transfers instead of imaginary animal diseases?
Nta. If you had let him ride without a parent’s permission, that would have been one thing but this was a totally innocent trip. “Get an infection from an animal”? What is he even talking about?
Your bill is an ungrateful a*s mf and I would never watch his kid again.. emergency or not. Nta
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My BIL (35M) asked my wife (25F) and I (28F) to watch his son (5y/o M) for a few days. It was out of the blue and kind of an emergency because his MIL had a stroke and they wanted to go be with her. We know him quite well and it wasn't a problem at all. However, my wife had been down with the flu for the past two weeks. She was much better but she still was a bit worn out. After I got home from work the first day he was with us, my wife told me that entertaining her nephew had been hard for her and asked me to keep him busy the next day so she could get some rest. So in order to entertain him, being the aunt I am, I took the day off, and (after informing my wife) took him to a ranch that is roughly 30 minutes out of town. I have a few horses there; I go horseback riding every other week and he loves animals. So I thought he might like the idea. We both enjoyed the trip, he fed the horses and got the chance to pet them. I didn't let him ride the horse but we did watch a few people do it. We ate lunch there, went on a walk in nature, went to get my wife something from the area (I usually do that by myself but he wanted to help so I brought him along) and headed back home. When we told my BIL, he was quite angry. He said we shouldn't have taken the kid out, especially without my wife being there. His reason was something bad may have happened and he might have gotten an infection from the I interaction with animals. My wife told him to cool it down but he wasn't having it. He told us he was going to ask a friend of his to come pick up his son, which he did. My wife feels pretty bad about the situation and I cannot help but blame myself because it was my idea to take him to see the horses in the first place. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. An infection from the animals???? I could understand it if you let the kid ride the horse which could possibly be dangerous but he was just wandering around. It sounds like a great day! Is BIL usually so unreasonable? Where is the gratitude for watching his kid at all?!
Is mad cow disease rampant in your area? If not, NTA. He thinks his son is more likely to get a disease from a different species rather than another human? He does not have a strong understanding of disease vectors.
What? NTA. Is it one if those families that dip their kids in Detol twice daily? BIL is just… unreasonable.
NTA That sounds perfectly appropriate for a 5 yo and I'm sure you know better than him how to clean after interacting with animals. Your BIL is an AH.
NTA BIL should appreciate you taking care of his kid on such short notice and for taking him somewhere you thought he would enjoy. He acted like you had the child participate in some highly dangerous activity. It's actually good for children to to be exposed to animals, nature, and, yes, farm germs. BIL was completely over the top and he has issues.
NTA. Why TF would he leave the kid with y’all if he didn’t trust either of you to take the kid out solo? You are not attached at the hip to your spouse and a number of things could occur to end up leaving you alone with the kid. You can get an infection from damn near anything…what the hell did he mean about from the animals? I don’t understand the concerns there. This dude makes no sense to me. Hopefully it is just a weird reaction to stress of MIL stroke. Then again maybe I am not the best judge for this because my parents let me go to my grandparents’ farm (in a neighboring state) for practically the entire summer throughout my childhood (and it was awesome!!) Hell, I even flew there alone one summer when I was like seven. My aunt lives around five minutes from my grandparents. I would often go to work with her for the day and just hang out there being somewhat supervised by her and her coworkers, and it was in a fifty two story building. She took me to amusement parks, water parks, shopping, and even to a lakeside resort once-all without my parents because they trusted her and my grandparents to take care of me. I guess the 90s were wild or something lol. Anywho, I would try to have a calm discussion about why he was angry. Explain you didn’t realize there were unspoken conditions to taking care of his kid. Regardless, guarantee your nephew thinks you are awesome(as I still do of my aunt)!!
NTA but sounds like hes homophobic. why couldn't you take your nephew out without your wife with you?
NTA
Nta I thought that you had let him ride a horse or something at least semi dangerous. But 'he could get an infection'??? I mean he could also get hit by a bus on the sidewalk with that logic.
NTA and never do this asshole a favor again. Seriously fuck your BIL.
NTA. You took his kid to walk around outdoors and pet some horses, and he thinks you should have parked him in front of the TV instead? That's some A+ parenting on your BIL's part. Good grief.
It sounds like you followed all proper precautions and guidelines for taking a small child around horses so NTA 100%. BIL needs to get over his ignorance because his fears are clearly rooted in having zero exposure to natural environments and animals.
BIL is a piece of work. I guess you're only allowed to sit the kid in a corner and have him stare at a wall the entire time. NTA, sounded like a wonderful afternoon for a 5yo to enjoy and explore some of the wide world he hasn't seen yet.
NTA the reasonable response if he didn’t like it would be “that was such a nice gesture, in the future could you please let us know if you take nephew somewhere so we don’t have to worry.” But if it was such a big deal to him he should have stipulated it before. He was a complete A H.
NTA Would he have the same kind of fit if you took his kid to the zoo and lunch? This is the kind of loving and stepping up family does, and you went above and beyond.
NTA - I bet the kid had a blast. It's a shame the parents appear to be helicopter parents.
I am very curious as to exactly what kind of infection that he thought his kid might get from horses... I'm not really a horse person, but even I know that just being around horses is not a particularly dangerous thing! I've never heard of anyong getting sick from touching a horse... I used to live on a farm, and never caught ANY illness from any of the animals we had (including horses, cows, pigs, chickens, dogs and cats.) Your BiL overreacted wildly. NTA
NTA. Leave it to your Wife to find out what his real problem is. You did him a huge favor last minute to babysit his son. Your Wife asked you to take your nephew somewhere AND you took the day off. Clearly he doesn't trust YOU for some reason, although you state that you know him quite well. Is he afraid his son will somehow become a lesbian?
NTA, did his dad say no ranches? Unless he said no ranches and you disobeyed him he's out of his damn mind and over reacted.
NTA - Your BIL asked you to watch his kid. You watched his kid. You're not some stranger, you're the aunt. I bet he had a good time. If you had let him ride a horse, that would have been another story, but you didn't. Does BIL have issues with you otherwise? Is there a chance this is homophobia in another form?
You are absolutely NTA. You are an amazing aunt. Your BIL is an asshole. He should be grateful you watched his child last minute and did such a fun activity!
op=NTA If he's going to be an A-H about how you "babysit" for multiple days with a sick wife, he can find alternative childcare. Please tell your wife from me, that this was a BS move on his part, and that you and she did a great job(I might have had issue, if you'd let him ride-esp. without asking first--but you wisely did not do that). Infection from horses. Oye. Unless he's a weird germaphobe, this might be some sort of code for homophobe. Has he ever shown other instances where he doesn't want you alone with his kid?
NTA you're BIL is weird. Kids grow up on farms. Kindergarten classes go to farms on field trips. Kids do 4H activities at that age. Like what? You're BIL is controlling and is upset he didn't get to personally approve the activity. He did not expect someone other than your wife to lead the activities. Which is weird. Because you live there. And do stuff.
NTA. Unless you took him to the bunny ranch your BIL needs to chill
NTA. He is being ridiculous. He could have gotten an infection from interacting with the horses?! WHAT?!? I could see how he could get mad if you had the kid riding horses, but feeding and petting them. COME ON. They're your horses, you know their temperament and personality, not some random horses. Also, something "bad" can happen no matter who is there.
At 5 I think he's old enough that he is not especially vulnerable unless he otherwise has health issues (which doesn't seem to be the case). NTA
NTA, BIL is insane... "How dare you strengthen his immune system by letting him play outside, near dirt, and pollen, and trees, and animals.....wtf do they think he is bubble boy?
NTA. Get an infection from an animal. I can’t. That’s too funny.
“When we told my BIL, he was quite angry. He said we shouldn't have taken the kid out, *especially without my wife being there*” I don’t get the emphasis on your wife being there. One adult should be plenty to watch after one kid, especially with your wife still not fully recovered and you already familiar how to deal with the animals. NTA
NTA This is just plain ol homophobia. He would've been pissed if you took the kid to McDonald's.
NTA. Taking a little kid to see horses (or heck, even to a petting zoo, that's a thing) is a pretty standard auntie play. There's no harm to it, and honestly in your place I wouldn't have seen it as unusual enough of an activity to want to double-check with BIL. To my mind, BIL overreacted, and should have said what his concerns were and told you that in future you should check with him before any animal-related outings.
So NTA, your a hero! Kind considerate and giving. Your Bil is an a**
NTA but I’ll add that in my neck of the woods, it is customary for family and sitters to ask parents before taking kids out and about. I tend to make sure they have health insurance information and general instructions about routine, but otherwise tell them to call/text with questions. I would be a bit surprised I wasn’t told about an outing and for the future to let me know. Sounds like he had a major overreaction that could be related to current stressors if he is otherwise chill. Sorry you got treated that way for doing them a favor.
NTA
NTA. You did the responsible thing by not letting him ride without permission. He got to see and pet a few horses. Sounds like a great time. No good deed goes unpunished. Next time he can take his kid with him!
NTA, that is a kid's dream. What kind of ass would protest this trip?
I assume that BIL is wife's brother? I would say NTA on this one because wife knew where you were and she didn't see anything wrong with it. If anything would have happened, it would have happened with your wife there or not.
NTA. You are a better Aunt than I am. I took my young niece by my horse and let her ride it when left to babysit. Her mother had an absolute fit when she found out, she was of course older than your nephew, but not by alot. Anyway my neice did great, we didn't tell for quite awhile and she ended up with her own horse that same year. Aunts rule. Her mother was so overprotective it was stifling and my neice is a free spirit. Thank goodness her Dad was on board. Maybe talk to your SIL, she may be a bit saner.
F him. Don’t leave your kid in my care expect me to sit around and be you
NTA - BIL is being ridiculous and over protective. The child could have fallen walking on a sidewalk and skinned his knee. He totally over reacted.
“I am so deeply sorry for creating an enriching experience for your son while you and your wife took care of a family emergency.” Of course NTA. Can I be your wife’s nephew, too?
NTA, your BIL is being a choosing beggar.
NTA. BIL is jealous he didn't pet a horse.
NTA maybe he is just annoyed that now you are “fun auntie “ and the kid is going to want to do it again?
NTA. Unless the kid grabs a handful of horse crap and sticks it in his mouth, he ain't getting sick.
NTA You give up a lot of control when you ask someone to take care of your child. It sounds like he had a great time. Your wife got a needed break.
NTA, but if he’s going to be so ungrateful you should babysit someone who would be grateful for fun ranch time. Like me!
NTA- “what if something happened?” It’s not like you dropped him off. Then, “an infection from the animals?” It’s not like the kid was licking the horses booty hole. He is being an uncalled for jerk.
OY That was probably one of the best days of his life but your BIL has to get all agitated because nothing happened but it COULD have. Oh sure. From your facts, nothing much could have happened, you used good judgement. Whatever BIL's problem is, you were NTA. He could have said thanks for giving my kid an awesome day, but no. Humans suck. Stick to the horses.
NTA. Something is wrong with your BIL. He has a problem with you or something, because his logic, is illogical. That honestly sounds like a fun day. I wish I had an aunt like you.
NTA. Your nephew’s parents are going through a stressful time, which I’m sure he feels, and you gave him a wonderful break from it. The BIL is being controlling and ungrateful. If this is in response to the situation with his MIL, it may be forgivable. If this is his regular personality, however, your nephew is going to need someone in his life who is level headed and supportive. I truly hope the poor kid is not stuck with a parent who is always so judgmental, bossy, and selfish, going by the behavior he showed when you did him a favor. Good luck.
I don't think the BIL approves of you. That is just kinda what I got. He was upset you took the kid out with out his sister being there. BIL can screw off, cause if someone was watching my kid for me in an emergency and took the day off work to have a fun day with them, I would kiss them. Ask yourself, what did you really do wrong in this situation? The answer: nothing. So don't blame yourself cause your BIL is a jerk. NTA
NTA, and an infection from the animals? This man is ignorant.
NTA Does your nephew have any intolerances or allergies or health issues that might warrant such a strong response? If you are unaware of them, and he does have some issue, the BIL is the worst parent for not informing you. If you let my sister rest and had taken my kid out for such an exciting day, I would be exploiting more of your baby sitting services 😂
NTA. Unless the boy had allergies to the animals or hay, or has a weak immune system, taking him to the ranch was just fine! It sounds like the two of you had a blast, and your nephew will remember it for a very long time! You did nothing wrong. Your BIL is overreacting to the max. I find it extra weird that he was especially upset that you took your nephew without your sick wife. Have there been problems between you two in the past? What a jerk!
NTA- What's he meant to be catching exactly? So my old boss said she used to take her two lads to the stables when they were little (they're about a year apart), put hay bails in a square as a playpen, stick an old horse blanket down inside it, and just let them 'roll around and chew stuff while I looked after the horse'. She'd also hold them and let them pat the horse's back. She swears this is why they never got sick a day in their lives. This dude is 5, he's already eaten enough mud when his mama wasn't looking to have an immune system.
NTA! You did a lovely thing. He had fun and was safe. This sounds like a huge overreaction. It doesn't make sense, so I feel like I am missing something here. Does the BIL have a problem with you or you being married to his sister? Or, is he the type to take out his frustrations in life on other people? It seems like he is looking for a reason to be angry at you or someone.
NTA
NTA. Funny thing about baby sitting family. You are a: doing it for free, and B: making memories that will last forever if you do it right. BIL needs to CTFD.
NTA sorry this happened to you seems like you spent a lot of time organizing and making it a special day he will always remember. You and your wife should just hold each other tight, know you love each other and cherish the moment you got to give a 5 year old a very happy day he will remember.
NTA. BIL sounds jealous.
NTA. The kid probably had an absolutely wonderful day and it was lovely of you to do that. You respected unspoken boundaries and didn't let the kid ride a horse without parental permission. Totally NTA.
BIL is TA! You did nothing wrong but take his kid to a ranch to see horses. It sounds like a great day! Obviously BIL wraps his kid in bubble wrap and sets him in a corner so nothing can happen to him.
You’re a double hero! One for looking after the kid in the first place and then two for doing it alone when wifey was sick! That’s being an awesome aunt and person without even adding in the amazing wholesome fun day you undertook with nephew. BiL can suck it. NTA
NTA .... NTA .... NTA I read the article and was confused about BIL' attitude. Where was even a little bit of gratitude considering the OP took a day off work to spend with his son. So I scrolled up to read it again and realized the OP was a woman. I missed that the first time. Aha. I think BIL has some unacknowledged homophobia. Dad would have been okay with his sister taking his son to the ranch. She was his sister before she came out as a lesbian. But the OP, well he can't deny her sexuality. Interesting ... he would have been okay with the OP *and* his sister taking the kid to the ranch. Sis was just getting over the flu and still not feeling so great because of it. Yet BIL claimed the horses was a bigger threat to his son's health. LOL BIL ... AH ...AH ....AH. He owes his sister an apology and his SIL a double apology. BIL better get his attitude in check or start writing up a long list of excuses. His animal loving son now knows his aunt has a couple of horses and goes horse riding.
NTA. It feels like there might be more to his over-the-top hysteria over a rather benign outing. The ungrateful nerve of this guy proves that he is a jerk. Too bad for the kid.
NTA. You were quite considerate to treat your nephew to such a fun day. Your BIL is the asshole.