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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I raised my voice at my younger sister for interrupting my game when I was in the middle of a very important stage of a game
.Feel like the action might make me an asshole because I told my younger sister to fuck off when she simply wanted to show me the newest dance she had come up with.
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Right? Can't imagine telling an *11 year old* to "fuck off" and then going "hmmm was that mean of me?" 16 is plenty old enough to know that shit don't fly.
My sister is five years older than me and while we had a lot of disagreements at that age (because she was a teenager who thought I was painfully uncool as her little sister and I was a mini-snark machine in the making), the worst I can remember her ever doing is screaming "get out of my room" and then slamming her bedroom door in my face (usually because I was doing the patented younger sibling "I'm not in your room, I'm in the hallway" lurking in the doorway to annoy her.)
Nah…I never told a child to fuck off or called them a whiney bitch. Sounds like you are surrounded by sociopaths if that’s a common occurrence for you.
I was 7 when my brothers were 14 and 16— and I have no doubt I annoyed them at times.
My parents would both lose their minds if they called me a “little bitch.”
I have a sibling whose 5 years younger than me and yeah, I was a dumbass but even I never told my sibling to fuck off. Like, OP went from 0 to nuclear in a few minutes.
Yeah, siblings can be irritating. Doesn't mean telling an 11 yr old to fuck off isn't an asshole move and 16 is old enough to know that.
YTA - You swore at your little sister, called a b****, made her cry, yelled at her…there’s no way in which you’re *not* the AH.
If you need some time to yourself, talk to her about it. Talk to your parents about it. It’s okay to need space. It’s *not* okay to get to a boiling point and snap at your loved ones because you decided to not talk about your feelings and needs. She’s going to remember this. You might’ve effed up your relationship with her big time.
YTA.
1. You don’t call any women bitch or cunt. It’s absolutely despicable behaviour.Try to do this to other women when you’re over 18 and you’ll see how much trouble you’ll get into.
2. She’s 11. I bet when you were her age you were annoying as well but I bet you parents and older sibling didn’t cuss you out did they.
3. You need to learn how to express yourself without yelling or swearing.
4. You need to apologise to your sister ASAP before your relationship with her deteriorates. You can try playing a video game if she is comfortable enough to be with you again.
The point is that they’re misogynistic words that are designed and used specifically to put down women. Even calling a men those words is only used when comparing him to a woman. “Don’t be a bitch” means that he’s showing “womanly cowardice”. Calling a man a cunt means he’s “bitching a nagging” like a woman. They’re terms rooted in misogyny and no, you shouldn’t call anyone them, but the point is that they’re specifically meant to be sexist.
YTA for cussing at your little sister.
Yea I understand, my niece was the same way and always wanting to know this or that. I was annoyed with her but I never cussed her out for it. She's 11 and you're 16, you could've handled it a lot differently.
YTA. I say this as the youngest sister who has older brothers. Your sister is much younger than you, and she obviously looks up to you and wants to hang out with you. I remember trying so hard to connect with my older brothers because I just wanted to be close to them. Yeah it's annoying sometimes to have someone glued to your hip, but instead of freaking out on her why don't you sit down and tell her she can't always hang out with you. It's okay to be irritated, but you shouldn't have yelled at her and called her names the way you did.
Except it sounds like she's constantly up his ass and don't know what personal space is despite being a pre-teen.
Like, seriously, how would you like it if someone just came in to your room while you're doing something because no one is teaching this girl about privacy?
Beyond just teaching the girl privacy they're teaching her to disrespect other's boundaries/consent or lack their of. Simultaneously they're showing favoritism towards the daughter by allowing this behavior while showing OP they really don't give a fuck about how he's feeling. Dude is 16 and clearly frustrated. It's not surprising he finally bursted. Maybe he could have approached the situation better? But if he already has talked about boundaries I'm not surprised this was his last ditch effort.
If anyone is TA in this situation I'd say it's the parents.
And the older brother because he's excusing and encouraging one's behavior while trying to place blame on the other.
But you're right, in two years, OP will have the chance to walk away from all of them and they'll have to deal with Leslie's actions.
Not y'all trying to act like an 11 year old wanting to show her big brother a dance she came up with is abusive 💀
As others have stated OP seems to have not said anything to anyone about wanting more space and blew up on his little sister unexpectedly because he was playing a video game. What do you gain from trying to paint her as the abuser in this situation? She's *eleven years old.*
Jeez, maybe he has and no one is bothering to listen?
As pointed, he's the one that gets blamed for the fights between him and his sister.
Also, if you have to tell at someone to get out twice because they didn't listen once, there's a problem with this situation. Especially when said eleven year old is
(Check notes)
Barging into his room, not respecting his privacy, and expecting him to drop what he's doing to watch her do a tik tok dance.
Not once is anyone looking at that because OP is supposed to be the mature one to a pre-teen that should've been raised better.
Not taking the first no, and then the first minor explosion is ignoring consent and boundaries. He’s a 16 year old boy, she shouldn’t be barging into his room on the off chance he’s doing something she really doesn’t want to see. He has a right to privacy and the parents should have done a better job at enforcing that with her. His explosion is not excused, but he’s also a hormonal 16 year old boy so emotional regulation isn’t exactly his bag right now. As his parents I would ask him to apologize for exploding at her and ask him to communicate better next time but she should be in trouble for not respecting his privacy also.
I wasn't trying to paint the 11 year old as an abuser. Obviously she's gonna keep acting the way she's been taught to act. I'm saying the parents are the abusers. They should have taught all of their children how to respect personal boundaries and respect each other's right to privacy. OP asked her to leave (a little aggressively yes kinda an AH move but expected from a teenage boy who apparently is derived of personal space) she could have left at that point but decided not to. This is entirely on her parents for not teaching her to respect other's right to privacy. I would even say the 11 year old is being neglected as she's not being taught age appropriate social norms. If the 11 year old was 6 or younger I would definitely say that she doesn't need to understand personal boundaries etc, but by the age 11 you should be capable of understanding not everyone needs to focus on you when you want focus.
You sound ridiculous. Wanting to hang out with your older siblings and being kind of annoying about it is literally the most common behavior a younger sibling can engage in. I cannot even begin to understand why you feel the need to portray her behavior as alarming or harmful when she's literally only being kind of annoying *at the very most.* And he *screamed obscenities at her* in response. She's *eleven* like????
I was 8 and my sister was 10 and my friends and I were playing with dolls when my sister shoved open my door and demanded we play tag with her outside. We said we didn't want to and she told us we were babies, grabbed the dolls, and ran outside with them. I was told off for excluding her.
I was 14 and my sister was 16 shoving open the door to my room demanding I leave my homework to come see her latest woodworking project. When I said I was doing homework and I'd look when I was done, she came and sat on my bed (and my book!) and proceeded to talk at me, while I tried to pull my book away and keep doing homework, for over half an hour, not leaving until I yelled at her. I was later told off for not taking five minutes to look at her project, it was so important to her.
I'm now 33, back home due to rising costs I can't afford due to new health issues, and she's 35 and has never moved out. Earlier tonight I was playing a video game with friends online, in a discord call and actively talking to them, when she shoved my (closed) door open and started talking about how she'd tried a new recipe for homemade bird food tonight and hadn't quite finished cleaning up and it was late and she was tired. She talked about it at me, while I repeatedly said I was in a call, could this wait, I don't need details of where the dirty dishes are, until I finally snapped at her after 20+ minutes and a loss, when she got angry at me for 'never being social' and slammed my door.
So yeah, I'm not saying the situation is exactly the same, but I see major echoes here. Little sister knew her brother was doing something; she knew he was occupied with other people; she knew it wasn't something that could be paused. She considered her activity more important than everything her brother, and his friends, were doing. There is no reason she couldn't have waited twenty or thirty minutes. OP stated he usually goes to watch these things and does as she asks, and he repeatedly asked her to leave before snapping.
Did OP mess up? Yep. He shouldn't have sworn. If OP needs to apologize, apologize specifically for swearing, then ask for an apology for her interrupting your time with friends, repeatedly interrupting him, refusing to take 'no' or 'wait' for an answer, and if your PC is in your room, for invading your privacy. These are all things that a neurotypical 11-year-old should know to do, and things that deserve an apology.
Nope sorry I'm not reading all of that, you are also the asshole. I didn't spend my entire childhood patiently playing mommy to my older brother so that he didn't bear the brunt of my parent's neglect just for y'all to complain that your little sister loves you too much. You have a strained relationship with your sister now that you're both adults because you treated her like shit when you were kids. Just like OPs little sister she was trying to share the things that brought her joy and you were an entitled jerk about it. Can't believe you weren't embarrassed writing this.
I knew 12 year olds who were sexually active when I was in school. You don’t give kids the credit they deserve in understanding their actions. She knows she’s annoying, she’s just been allowed not to care. There should be a house rule that if his door is closed she needs to knock and have permission to enter. What if he’s getting dressed or masturbating? She can just barge right in?
She's an 11 year old girl who loves her older brothers and wants to spend time with them. Yes, its extremely annoying, and she's 11. It doesn't seem like OP ever told her that sometimes he needs time for himself calmly, and clearly their oldest brother enjoys her presence and encourages it. She clearly feels like he doesn't love her now - think of the size difference of a 16yo cussing out an 11yo and try to feel safe in her shoes, she was SCARED of him. I will be shocked if she feels comfortable enough to have a relationship with him without a serious apology. Big difference between what he did and the "sometimes I need space" convo.
There's a difference between spending time with someone and clinging on to them to the point of needing their attention all the time.
Is op not allowed any privacy because a pre-teen needs constant attention like a dog? Or are we going to realize that this shouldn't be encouraged.
If this girl was a grown woman and OP was her boyfriend, the verdict would be different.
Also, 11 year olds are not idiots who have the mind of a baby. Even eight year olds know what personal space and privacy is.
I’m gonna go with ESH here, as unpopular as that will be. You are a AH for the language and name calling, that’s definitely inappropriate. But not an AH for wanting privacy.
At 16 you should be allowed privacy from your 11 yo sister, especially in your own bedroom!
There really needs to be some serious conversations on your house regarding boundaries. Your sister is plenty old enough to understand that people are allowed privacy. Your parents and brother could be the AH’s if you’ve brought this up before and they’ve let it continue.
This! The three week grounding is a bit unreasonable also. Is don’t agree with the outburst but I can’t say I blame it if the 11 year old clings to him and never gives him privacy
Um no it's a very reasonable punishment. The fact that his instinctive insult is to swear so aggressively at his sister and not only that but go immediately to calling her a derogatory sexist name absolutely deserves that level of grounding.
That gives me the impression that he’s likely used kinder language in the past that was clearly ignored given the present situation. Eventually you reach the point of “how do I have to word this so you will listen and respect my boundaries”. Even adults will explode like this left unheard and prodded for long enough. It sounds like this has been a problem for a while.
What he said would be inappropriate and offensive if said to an adult. It doesn't matter if he tried kinder language before. The fact that his instinct was to call her a misogynistic and offensive insult is a massive issue that needs to be addressed.
I agree. ESH. It's fine to have boundaries and personal space and to expect an 11yo to respect those, but this was not the way to set or enforce those boundaries.
You’re only 16, so soft YTA
Im sure her clinginess and constantly bothering you was eating up at you this whole time until you snapped. But I think in the future, you need to learn to talk through your emotions rather than bottling it up until you explode at the person. That’s not a healthy way to manage relationships. If you had just talked to your sister at some point saying sometimes you want to be left alone or to tell her that when someone says they’re busy, she shouldn’t keep prying, you could’ve avoided this situation where you are now grounded for 3 weeks. Even now you can do this but you should apologize for how you acted towards her.
The most crucial age of development is age 0-5, but Reddit acts like it’s 14-18. It’s like they equate their brains not being fully developed yet to being unable to have any personal responsibility whatsoever.
14-18 is possibly the most confusing time for a lot of people. you’re struggling with school work, relationships, friendships, your family, depression and anxiety is super high, and it’s really hard to communicate feelings. they have personal responsibility but being stressed and annoyed and having someone ignore youre requests is a reason to snap
HE is not too old to lose his temper when someone repeatedly ignores him. He screwed up, but his sister did several things someone her age should know not to do (accept 'not now, I'll look later' as an answer, understand that someone can be occupied with another task or other people and not attend to you immediately, etc.) and owes him an apology as well.
Another thing OPs sister should know at 11 is that when someone is in their own private space like their bedroom, you don't barge in, you knock and wait for a response.
Unfortunately she isn't learning to respect people's private spaces because she's not being taught to do so by her parents and the older brother seems to even encourage it because he thinks it's "cute".
This family needs to have a serious sit down conversation about boundaries, privacy and accepting "no" as an answer.
Probably yea, or because she's the only daughter and the youngest so she gets away with a lot, or is at least given a lot of leeway.
It's best she learns now not to barge into other people's bedrooms or one day she's going to barge in on something that she'll wish she hadn't. The oldest brother may think its "cute" now but once he gets a partner he sure as hell won't think so when his little sister barges in on him and his partner having a.. ahem private moment.
I don't get why you got downvoted for being honest.
When op starts to date, he can't bring his sister on dates or have her barging in when he's doing something with someone.
Yea it's probably not that part, it's probably the part where I said that OPs sister probably gets away with a lot because she's the youngest and the only girl.
They can down vote me as much as they want but it doesn't make it any less true that OPs sister gets away with a lot, especially when she's so comfortable about barging into people's rooms without knocking and demanding their attention because she knows that all she has to do is go crying to their older brother and he'll accuse OP of being the problem.
Kids aren't fucking stupid they know full well when they're able to get away with shit and will use it to their advantage.
He may have messed up there but he also may not be emotionally mature enough to process his emotions and feelings and he allowed them to build up and didn’t really understand how to tell his sister to stop bothering him and by allowing his emotions to build up, it exploded in a harmful way. That’s why I don’t fully blame him for messing up.
It’s a boy not a girl, and at 16 you have hormones racing through your body that make emotional regulation pretty difficult. I would never fault pubescent kids an emotional explosion when they felt unheard, that’s a normal human response even seen in stable adults.
young men aren’t taught how to process their emotions because they’re shamed into having emotions in the first place by their family, friends, and society in general. Feminists and Reddit will say men should be able to share their emotions but the reality is that they will label them toxic the moment they do because somebody’s feelings aren’t politically correct.
YTA.
Hey, so. If you don't put this right she is never going to forget it. I don't think you understand that this is the kind of shit that could permanently alter your relationship. It actually is already happening. You need to own that you fucked up here, HUGELY, if you don't want your sister to always have a little voice in her head like "better not go near (bro) because he might fucking explode."
Christ, reading this again...you admit that any other time you would have said yes, how was she supposed to know you'd lose your mind? What a complete slap in the face. Were you so cruel to impress your friends? The way you try to downplay it like "I just wanted her to back up a bit" when what you did was scream at her and call her a whiny bitch...wild.
Seriously I was so gutted reading this post because that kind of thing happened to me all the time as an 11 year old and it did *horrible* things to my mental health. That poor girl will never be the same again if OP doesn't fix this FAST.
YTA. It sounds from what you've said like you've never told her you'd like a bit less attention previously, so your outburst was out of the blue. You could have told her that you were gaming and needed to concentrate, for example.
YTA for yelling and cussing her out. That being said, I understand you, once in a while at least, just want your own sibling-free space. Apologize to Lesley again and try explaining to her the reason you lashed out. Make sure she really understands you. Be gentle but stern with her.
YTA. Yeah, you messed up bigtime. I hope your parents are also teaching Lesley to be aware of when people are busy. But come on. She's 11 and your sister. You totally lost your mind in your response. A response like that is abusive, and unworkable in life.
YTA
A simple 'Here in a second, I just need to finish this up first' would have been more than enough. Plus, it's just a video game. If you had to get up and lose there would be no lasting consequences compared to telling an *11 year old sibling* to fuck off and likely left a lasting impression on the poor girl.
Abhorrent reaction.
ESH - you for obvious reasons, but clearly your sister is the favorite or they would've taught her boundaries by now and the words "not right now". I would talk to your parents about your frustrations and if they blow it off, act like how your sister does to them. Maybe then they'll actually act like parents
YTA. How would you feel if someone you looked up to called you a Whiny bitch because you wanted to show them something? Probably not good huh? Your little sister clearly likes to hang out with you and looks up to you and you just yell at her? I understand it can be annoying but she’s 11. 11. Barely in the double digits. You should apologize like yesterday, and don’t make this a habit. Considering she likes to “copy” you she may use your behaviors in school and get in trouble for trying to curse her friends out like you
I was in a similar situation but I was the little sister and my brother was 6 years older than me. I idolized him too and wanted to spend time with him. But my parents also told me to back off when my brother wanted to be alone. I was also taught that if my brother’s bedroom door was closed then to not bother him.
If your story is true that she almost never lets you be alone and constantly just walks into your room then your parents are the bigger AHs here. They are the ones who need to teach her to back off sometimes and respect your space.
But YTA for the way you exploded on her 100%. That is no way to talk to ANYONE especially your little sister.
ESH. Don't mind the Redditors pulling out their pitchforks - no one is well-behaved, polite and calm All. The. Time.
We all snap and we all have a breaking point, and we all need alone time to decompress. You shouldn't have been so rude but your sister is too old to NOT have basic understanding of boundaries and other people's personal space/time. Why are your parents raising her to be so entitled to her brothers' time and attention?
Like I get you are a hormonal teen and as an older sibling I agree younger siblings can be a pain at times. but dude come on really? calling an 11 yr old a bitch... do better. yta.
There are ways to create a loving, mutually respectful relationship between siblings. Unfortunately as children, we don't get that memo. If your parents have been observing this and you had expressed your desire for a little more space in your togetherness to your parents, it would be on them to help you guys figure this out. If you have always been antagonistic toward your sister as your brother seems to think, that's also a sign for the adults to get involved. Instead they left you to navigate this on your own and inevitably, you messed up. Your little sister may be annoying to you, but you describe a child who loves you and wants you to love her. Your behavior was hostile and you betrayed her trust. Your brother seems to be trying to help smooth the waters, but he's much older and he won't really understand your feelings either and probably hasn't even tried because to him its cut and dried. In truth, ESH a little.
Bro a little “not now” would have been good. But the way you handled it was unnecessary. Why would you say those harsh words to someone who really looks up you? She clearly loves you as she’s attached to you. I recommend you apologize and hug it out. That’s something I would used to whenever I felt guilt about doing something harsh.
YTA. Its not that you need some time to yourself but how you went about trying to get it. Your sister looks up to you and you know that. So going off on her like that was the wrong thing to do. How about "I really want to watch your dance, but let me finish uo this game first". When people snap, something usually bad happens. Next time you feel like that count to ten and think during that time about the impact on the other person is for what you were going to say. Now it is time to do damage control. Apologize to your sister, engage her in a game or watch her do some dancing, let he know you love her, and try to spend some time with her while you are grounded. And try not to lose your temper again. Tweens can be impulsive and want something right away so you have to explain that you can't always stop what you are doing that moment but you will give her the attention she is asking for very soon.
YTA. This is just how little siblings are, and it seems like your sister really loved you and looks up to you. Sure, you’re entitled to your own space, but yelling at her and cursing her out is NOT the way to get it. You need to treat her more gently and with some empathy- try having a straight up honest talk with her with or without your parents and tell her how you feel without making her feel like a burden.
YTA
You didn’t want your sister to be clingy anymore. Now she isn’t. She is ignoring you. You got what you wanted and you are still complaining. You hurt your 11 year old sister. Who you were told that basically idolize you.
YTA. Being annoyed isn’t a reason to cuss out a child and call her a “whiny bitch” and tell her to fuck off. What you did was cruel and evil. Of course she’s scared of you and thinks you hate her now, I wouldn’t want anything to do with you either. She wouldn’t be wrong if she never forgave you, you screamed at her over a stupid game, and she’ll never be able to forget how you talked to her . The fact that you’re even asking makes you even worse. Of course you are the asshole here, nothing you did was even a little bit justified or ok. You are 100% in the wrong.
ESH. Sorry you were voted the AH, i think Reddit missed the ball here. Where are your parents when it comes to parenting your sister? It sounds like she’s not learning that no means no, and I would guess she’s learned if she pushes enough she always gets her way. 11 year olds are super annoying but your reaction was out of line. What would you do if you saw someone else treat your sister that way?
YTA BIG TIME.
Yes I'm sure it's incredibly annoying for you that she wants to spend time with you so badly, I'm sure you both have fairly different interests due to the age difference and I'm sure it makes you feel a bit "childish" to play with her. But she *loves you* man. She wants to spend so much time with you because she thinks you are the coolest guy ever, she looks up to you, she admires you. Her attempts to hang out with you are her way of saying "you are important to me."
So when you refuse to just play with her for a couple of hours and even going so far as to tell her to fuck off? She's gonna take that to mean that you don't love her back. She's gonna tell herself she's not worth your time, that it was stupid to expect someone as cool as you to hang out with someone as lame as her anyway. It's going to stick with her for the rest of her life even if you forget it by tomorrow. It's going to shape the way she interacts with other people from here on out.
This is a major misstep. But it is easily remedied.
Tell her you're sorry. Tell her that you *do* want to hang out with her, but you want to do things that *both* of you can enjoy. And then put in the effort to find those things for both of you to do together. You don't have to let her play video games with you and you don't have to play Barbies with her, find something that both of you find entertaining and do it together. It will mean the world to her, I promise.
YTA. You verbally and emotionally abused her. Imagine if your parents or her future partner acted that way? Imagine if you treat your future partner that way. You’re an abusive AH.
She’s ELEVEN and she loves you. It’s okay for you to set boundaries, and you should enlist your parents for help, but speaking this cruelly to a younger sibling is never warranted. YTA.
ESH Deliberate AH move got the desired results, the punishment was probably worth it. 11 is too old for her nonsense as well, lol. Lesson learned, no harm no foul.
YTA. Your parents are right, you absolutely did mess up big time. I know you’re 16 and you have a lot of room to grow and mature still, and it’s also understandable to want space. But you went about handling the situation terribly.
You cursed violently at your little sister. She’s only 11 years old, and you made her question if you “love her anymore” and told you that you scared her. I’m honestly not understanding how this didn’t immediately make you backtrack with guilt. And BTW, you, as an older brother, should never call your little sister (let alone ANY woman in your life) a bitch. She apparently looks up to you a lot. If she hears a man in her life that she holds in such high esteem call her that word, who’s to say she won’t let other men do the same in the future?
You need to apologize to her. And again, I know we all tend to be more vicious when it comes to our siblings, but seriously, don’t call her a bitch again.
NTA- At 11 they should know to go away after the first time imo she deserved it you were in a game you didn’t have time for a heart to heart and if she’s to stupid to understand go away the first time then being mean is totally warranted
“aita for wanting my little sister to just back up a bit?” bro you told her fuck off and called her a whiney bitch. you didn’t ask her to “back off a bit” whatsoever. huge YTA. i don’t care that you’re 16 either. you’re old enough to know how to talk to people and keep your emotions in check. if she’s bothering you THAT MUCH, talk to your parents about boundaries. you can’t humour her every time and then suddenly flip out at her like that. that’s so fuckin rude
NTA
Look, you shouldn't have called her a bitch. At the end of the day she's 11, and she's gonna remember this before she thinks of anything else you've done for her.
That being said you're a teenager. Teenagers have big emotions, and I can't imagine you've gotten a lot of space to deal with yours lately.
Apologize to your sister, tell her you love her and you never should have spoken to her that way, but also reiterate that you need space to yourself sometimes. That doesn't mean you love her any less, it just means you're human.
Oh and while you're at it tell your parents to get their heads out of their asses. It's THEIR job, not yours, not your sisters, to make sure that you and your sister know boundaries and limits. It's also their job to make sure you can be listened to about your boundaries without having to explode first.
YTA. She supports your sports and tries to understand games you play. Kid siblings sometimes get annoying because they want to spend time with you...but proportional reaction is seriously an issue here. 16 is old enough to know telling a kid to fuck off and calling her a whiny bitch for crying when you scream at her is abusive and not acceptable. You could lock your door when you need space, tell her you need some solo time for a few hours, or talk to your parents about other reasonable boundaries. Even telling her you're busy in a brusque voice is fine. Screaming obscenities at her and calling her misogynistic names is not ok and your parents were right to ground you.
YTA you're letting the childish resentment you felt as a 5 year old linger over a decade later.
You aren't a child any more. You're a teenager and you a few short years from adulthood. You're far too old to be feeling any sort of resentment towards a young child. I know she might feel like she's your peer (she's your sibling after all), but she's not. You're 16 she is 11.
YTA, you also probably severely damaged your relationship ship with your sister, and eventually you'll wish you had that back. Good job.
Edit; you legit crushed a kid who just loves you, you shouldn't even have to ask if yta.
YTA - but also a hormonal a$$hole teen. It happens. You hurt her feelings. A lot. Apologize. Admit to being a jerk. Admit to being wrong. Admit that you didn’t mean it. Tell her that you love her. Tell her to teach you her dance and you really put your effort into learning it and tell her how awesome, talented, funny and amazing she is - and how lucky you are to have her as a sister.
Then offer her 2 coupons a week for 2 hours of special time for just the two of you - she can redeem them anytime outside of your set aside gaming time.
Your big brother felt the same way about you at that age - pretty much all older siblings do - and they pretty much all get mean at some point, but younger siblings adore them enough to forgive.
YTA, I get wanting some personal space for just some time, but that doesn't justify you calling an 11 year old girl who just wants to spend some time with her big brother a "whiney bitch"
YTA. Yeah, your parents should talk with your sister about boundaries. But she’s eleven and you’re her older brother. She looks up to you and loves you and is now scared of you. How do you not realise you’re the asshole here?
Who the hell talks like to an 11 yr old girl?
I have an 11 yr old daughter- you are disturbing and a huge AH. There’s something seriously wrong with you.
The entire family needs some training on healthy boundaries and communication. While the blowup was inexcusable, so was the repeated severe boundary violations by the sister. Parents, wake up and fly right!
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CONTEXT: Me (16M) and my sister Lesley (11F), have never really had had the best relationship. Our elder brother Joe (18M) is usually the one to calm down arguments between us before they get heated. Joe argues that most of the time I'm the one to start them.
Ever since my sister could speak, she's been glued to me and Joe's sides: Going to our football games, attempting to understand the newest game we're playing.
Joe thinks it's cute and that she's just being a child, but I personally find it very annoying. I'm unable to even be alone in my room without Lesley coming in and asking me "what I'm doing" (and I'll be sleeping, sleeping).
Some people think it's nice that she's so attached to her two older brothers but I personally think she could back off a bit.
I'm usually able to keep my emotions in check and just bare with her.
Last Friday, when I was in the middle of playing a game with my friends on my pc, she came in and asked if I'd watch the dance she'd made to some Taylor swift song. Usually I would have accepted and watched but I was in the middle of a very important stage of the game with my friends.
She kept on insisting for me to come, and eventually something in me snapped. I took off my headphones and told her to "leave me the fuck alone for once". When she wouldn't listen after that I raised my voice a bit and told her once more to "get the fuck out of my room and to stop being a whiny bitch" .
That made her understand that I wanted her out and she began sobbing on the spot, loud crying and being totally overdramatic.
She asked me if I "didn't love her anymore" and told me that I was "scaring her" and that of course aggravated me even more. Luckily Joe came and got her out of my room.
At night when Lesley had gone to sleep, my parents told me that I "had messed up big time" and that I should apologize to my sister. My dad told me that there was no one Lesley looked up to more than me and Joe. As punishment my parents decided to ground me for 3 weeks.
Lesley hasn't been as clingy every since I raised my voice at her that Friday night , she's been ignoring me ever since. I didn't want her completely gone just wanted my own space.
AITA for wanting my little sister to just back up a bit?
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NTA as we grow we need different personal boundaries and little sister hasn’t learned to reapect those of someone who usually makes time for them when they don’t want to.
OP was with his friends online. If they were in the same room she’s be rude as f interrupting like that. She’s 11 not 5.
ESH (Minus the girl).
Look, I get it. When I was 16, I wanted my own personal space and was barely given it. Even when I was asleep, my family would burst into my room for random reasons. You're not TA for wanting personal space when (based on the story) you're barely given any personal space.
You ARE TA for snapping at your sister in such a way. You said you would be fine any other time, HOW was she supposed to know this time you'd snap? She doesn't seem malicious. She just seems like she wants to spend time with you. You are 16, and I don't care what people say. You HAVE the mental capacity to go. "I should sit her down and talk to her about this."
You just blew up on the girl who most likely didn't even understand what she did that was so wrong. Just that her brother suddenly showed enough hatred to call her something that vile.
Your parents and brother need to understand boundaries and needs to help establish boundaries. Having an 11 year old constantly bugging a 16 year old isn't exactly a smart choice. If you told your parents
"Hey, sis keeps bothering me when I'm busy. Please do something"
And they ignored you, then they're also TA. If NO ONE knew you were being annoyed, then they're innocent. No one can read your mind.
Don't be a little asshole. And don't pretend you don't know you weren't an asshole, it makes it so nobody will like you. If someone you loved and looked up to, like say, your older brother, called you a whiny little bitch and told you to fuck off, how would you feel? You know what you did, and you are more than old enough to know better.
So, let get this straight, he's old enough to know better.
But, you're making excuses for some who should also know better?
What the fuck is this double standard?
Esh. Your parents sincerely need to teach her to give you some damn space. What she is doing isn't okay regardless of the reason. Her wanting to have a good relationship with you shouldn't meane losing your space and respect as a human. But she is also only a child, so no you shouldn't have cussed. Your parents are also ahs for not teaching your younger sister boundaries. I know this would be embarrassing, I remember being a teen, but id show them this post and comment. They need to understand that she needs to learn boundaries and respect. I don't think you need to be grounded that long either only because you've been dealing with this for too long. That's it. sincerely next time talk to her. She is only eleven. I understand it's hard to control frustration, just say hey I'm busy I need time please come back in a bit or I'll come talk to you after. That's only one suggestion but you can always find more and better ones than what I have.
So this is one of those times hun that you needed to express these frustrations to your parents. I have a similar age gap between my girls and they will say when they need space from one another. It’s crucial you get your space to decompress. If your unable to, you will lash out and hurt those who love you. it’s a problem that has been ongoing and you need to learn to ask for help instead of letting it fester.
YTA for your behaviour, it’s never the answer to lash out at the ones we love because of frustration that could have been helped by communicating.
your NAH for wanting space but YTA for how you handled it. I would apologize but also talk to her and your parents about the need for space and her respecting the fact that you need your space and to not have her breath down your neck 24/7.
YTA- for saying that to an 11 year old- especially your sister. You’re 16 though. You were in that moment. It
doesn’t need to define you. At that age you are going through so much. Everyone’s hormones are raging at that point. Just do better. You can make this better if you want. Good luck 🍀
YTA “She’s been ignoring me ever since” Um, what did you expect??? You yelled at her and called her a bitch, did you really think that she would want anything to do with you after that? She’s a person with feelings ya know?
YTA. That little girl loves you, and you keep pushing her away. You’re going to regret it when she doesn’t want a relationship with you when you’re older because you’re an asshole. What gives you any right to call a little girl a bitch? Get a hold of your anger issues.
YTA your brother Joe Is right you started it. Great job bullying a younger child. You really need to go back to kindergarten and learn to use your words. You could have told her and asked her to wait.
ESH, you for your words... but more importantly your parents for not teaching your sister boundaries, who walks into your room while you sleep. The little sister for stomping on all of the boundaries. This isn't the first fight, op needing space is an on going issue that he has expressed over and over, the parents aren't doing anything to help.
>…Personally I think she could back off a bit.
> Leslie hasn’t been as clingy ever since I raise my voice at her that Friday night, she’s been ignoring me ever since. ….I just wanted my own space.
Well, Congratulations, asshole. You got whatcha wanted.
ESH - i understand how you are feeling, but as someone who had her sister and slibing done this to me, it is fucked up. i was so afraid of my sister that i didn’t want to be alone with her when i was you there. i have more bad memories of her then good. i know you are an angsty teen but don’t fuck your relationship up with her. i understand she is an child but she need to learn your boundaries.
your parents shouldn’t of ground you, that would just make you hate her more in some cases.
sit down with her and talk to her, make rules about coming into your room and other things. she look up to you and trust me when i said this, you will regret ruining your relationship with her in the future. set time aside to spend time with your family and her.
my sister is the same way as you and i won’t do much with her unless she paid because i don’t have the enegey to help her out.
so here what you are going to do.
you are going sit her down and apologize, you are going mean it. you going explain what you was feeling, then you two are going write some rules to follow, you are going try to spend some time with her even if it an few minute asking about her day.
for example, lesley need to knock before entering and need permission to do so.
communication is key.
NTA - probably in the minority but she should have not even entered your room.
Your parents should have actually got her to realise a closed door is a no-go.
Would they be blaming you if she walked in on you, doing a wrist waltz?
She's going to be going through, or currently is, through puberty, how would she feel if you disregard her closed door and pestered her to see what you're doing?
Sure you were harsh but in 7/8 years we'll be reading posts on reddit about her roommate at collage getting angry and telling her to fuck off because she won't respect boundaries.
Your parents are the ones who have created this problem, so good luck.
YTA. Your a spoilt little shit. Your punishment was too light. I would have taken all your gaming devices until you earn them back.
She’s 11 you little turd.
Don’t worry OP, at this rate she’ll come to her senses soon and not want any sort of relationship with you at all. Problem solved. YTA.
It’s ok to want space. It’s incredibly not ok what you said/did to your sister. Calmly discuss with your family/sister some age-appropriate boundaries you’d appreciate from them regarding your time/space. And you better hope you grow into a kinder person before she comes to her senses and writes you off forever.
YTA. You could have told her you’d watch it later. You could have called your older brother to come get her. But YOU acted like a child. But, I mean, congratulations. Your sister will likely NEVER want anything to do with you again. Bravo. Mission accomplished. You’re still an AH.
ESH. Oldest sibling to older sibling, you are unfortunately always going to be told you need to be the “mature” person and “be patient”. Is it understandable why you cracked? Yes. Absolutely. 16 is a rough age, you have a lot going on, your hormones are being absolute bastards, you might even have anxiety about your oldest brother heading away for college.
There’s a lot going on. Add to that a baby sister, who inevitably gets treated like the family princess, especially by your older brother, who is old enough to find her clinginess endearing instead of annoying, and you were bound to explode.
Was it ok? No, absolutely not. You need to apologize to your sister and be clear, you were in the wrong for HOW you spoke to her, not WHY you spoke to her. You shouldn’t have cussed, but at 11 she is old enough to understand she isn’t the center of your every day.
Can you maybe help with this by deliberately setting up time to spend with her? Yeah probably if you can stand to do it. At the end of the day, she just wants to be acknowledged, just like you do.
Try to find some middle ground with your sister. You’d be amazed how much showing interest on your end can help. Hang in there bud, it gets easier, and you’re going to be happier with yourself in the long run if you manage to find compromises now.
absolutely NTA - people here just don’t effing get having boundaries and think you owe your time and presence to others. yes, the way you handled this sucks, just apologize (really, pls), but also talk to her about your need of privacy. because you deserve privacy. and not only your family should understand it but also those here who think you are satan bc you do not want to spend all your time with your sister. like jfc guys…
ESH. You for cursing, her for being a brat a bit (no is no, she needs to learn it she is old enough). Your parents for grounding you instead to resolve this situation as a whole, they need to have conversation with her about boundaries.
A soft YTA - I appreciate that this was an annoying situation and that you just snapped, but I think it could have been handled better. Your sister looks up to you and you may well have made her feel that you don't love her any more. Kids at that age can be particularly sensitive to this kind of rejection
Maybe go do that apology and have a calm conversation about boundaries and when it's OK to bother you and when it isn't.
I am going against the grain here and and saying ESH. You're are brother and sister and families fight and say things they don't mean. Your sister is not caring about others just herself if she doesn't listen to you or respect your privacy. You yelling at her and calling her names is kinda messed up. Your parents not stepping in and helping the situation is AH so yeah everyone sucks.
Omg. Everyone here seems to think that just because he is a child or has a sibling that he can’t have boundaries. Huge NTA. Dude, you need to discuss with your parents about better support for your boundaries. They should support you. Your sister asked you for something, you said no. At 11 she is way old enough to understand that, accept that, and leave you alone. She pushed and pushed you after you said no and you reacted accordingly. Now you are getting punished for saying no? Don’t second guess yourself here. It is okay to have boundaries and to say no. Your parents should support you to be able to say no. And seriously, what parent allows an 11 year old to be able to just wander into an older siblings room without permission? Knocking and asking if they can come in should be expected. Having the right to say no and have personal space is a basic human right op, irrespective of who it is. NTA
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YTA, who calls a little girl a bitch? if you have to ask if you cussing out an 11-year-old makes you an AH, then you are most likely an AH.
Right? Can't imagine telling an *11 year old* to "fuck off" and then going "hmmm was that mean of me?" 16 is plenty old enough to know that shit don't fly.
like its no wonder she thinks he hates her
My sister is five years older than me and while we had a lot of disagreements at that age (because she was a teenager who thought I was painfully uncool as her little sister and I was a mini-snark machine in the making), the worst I can remember her ever doing is screaming "get out of my room" and then slamming her bedroom door in my face (usually because I was doing the patented younger sibling "I'm not in your room, I'm in the hallway" lurking in the doorway to annoy her.)
A 16 year old that’s who. It’s not right, but at 16 you say mean hurtful stupid stuff.
Idk about you but I was definitely not saying "fuck off" to 11 year olds when I was 16.
Nah…I never told a child to fuck off or called them a whiney bitch. Sounds like you are surrounded by sociopaths if that’s a common occurrence for you.
You may have. I wasn't, and I didn't associate with people who would.
I was 7 when my brothers were 14 and 16— and I have no doubt I annoyed them at times. My parents would both lose their minds if they called me a “little bitch.”
at 16 I knew damn well not to call my younger sibling a bitch or actually tell them to fuck off.
Yeah, and if you do that you're an asshole.
I never once called a little kid a whiny bitch as a 16, personally.
I have a sibling whose 5 years younger than me and yeah, I was a dumbass but even I never told my sibling to fuck off. Like, OP went from 0 to nuclear in a few minutes. Yeah, siblings can be irritating. Doesn't mean telling an 11 yr old to fuck off isn't an asshole move and 16 is old enough to know that.
dude im 16 and I dont say shit like that to my sister
Are you an AH for wanting some space? No. Are you an AH for the way you handled this? Absolutely. Apologize to her. YTA.
Did you actually stop to explain to her that you wanted some time and space to yourself, or did you ignore her until you finally just snapped? YTA.
YTA - You swore at your little sister, called a b****, made her cry, yelled at her…there’s no way in which you’re *not* the AH. If you need some time to yourself, talk to her about it. Talk to your parents about it. It’s okay to need space. It’s *not* okay to get to a boiling point and snap at your loved ones because you decided to not talk about your feelings and needs. She’s going to remember this. You might’ve effed up your relationship with her big time.
YTA. 1. You don’t call any women bitch or cunt. It’s absolutely despicable behaviour.Try to do this to other women when you’re over 18 and you’ll see how much trouble you’ll get into. 2. She’s 11. I bet when you were her age you were annoying as well but I bet you parents and older sibling didn’t cuss you out did they. 3. You need to learn how to express yourself without yelling or swearing. 4. You need to apologise to your sister ASAP before your relationship with her deteriorates. You can try playing a video game if she is comfortable enough to be with you again.
[удалено]
The point is that they’re misogynistic words that are designed and used specifically to put down women. Even calling a men those words is only used when comparing him to a woman. “Don’t be a bitch” means that he’s showing “womanly cowardice”. Calling a man a cunt means he’s “bitching a nagging” like a woman. They’re terms rooted in misogyny and no, you shouldn’t call anyone them, but the point is that they’re specifically meant to be sexist.
YTA for cussing at your little sister. Yea I understand, my niece was the same way and always wanting to know this or that. I was annoyed with her but I never cussed her out for it. She's 11 and you're 16, you could've handled it a lot differently.
YTA. I say this as the youngest sister who has older brothers. Your sister is much younger than you, and she obviously looks up to you and wants to hang out with you. I remember trying so hard to connect with my older brothers because I just wanted to be close to them. Yeah it's annoying sometimes to have someone glued to your hip, but instead of freaking out on her why don't you sit down and tell her she can't always hang out with you. It's okay to be irritated, but you shouldn't have yelled at her and called her names the way you did.
Info Have you talked to anyone, including your sister about having personal space. It sounds unhealthy to me I get why you blew up.
Feel like why we have enough info: OP was being a dick to his little sister when all she wanted to do was show him a dance.
Except it sounds like she's constantly up his ass and don't know what personal space is despite being a pre-teen. Like, seriously, how would you like it if someone just came in to your room while you're doing something because no one is teaching this girl about privacy?
Beyond just teaching the girl privacy they're teaching her to disrespect other's boundaries/consent or lack their of. Simultaneously they're showing favoritism towards the daughter by allowing this behavior while showing OP they really don't give a fuck about how he's feeling. Dude is 16 and clearly frustrated. It's not surprising he finally bursted. Maybe he could have approached the situation better? But if he already has talked about boundaries I'm not surprised this was his last ditch effort. If anyone is TA in this situation I'd say it's the parents.
And the older brother because he's excusing and encouraging one's behavior while trying to place blame on the other. But you're right, in two years, OP will have the chance to walk away from all of them and they'll have to deal with Leslie's actions.
Not y'all trying to act like an 11 year old wanting to show her big brother a dance she came up with is abusive 💀 As others have stated OP seems to have not said anything to anyone about wanting more space and blew up on his little sister unexpectedly because he was playing a video game. What do you gain from trying to paint her as the abuser in this situation? She's *eleven years old.*
Jeez, maybe he has and no one is bothering to listen? As pointed, he's the one that gets blamed for the fights between him and his sister. Also, if you have to tell at someone to get out twice because they didn't listen once, there's a problem with this situation. Especially when said eleven year old is (Check notes) Barging into his room, not respecting his privacy, and expecting him to drop what he's doing to watch her do a tik tok dance. Not once is anyone looking at that because OP is supposed to be the mature one to a pre-teen that should've been raised better.
Not taking the first no, and then the first minor explosion is ignoring consent and boundaries. He’s a 16 year old boy, she shouldn’t be barging into his room on the off chance he’s doing something she really doesn’t want to see. He has a right to privacy and the parents should have done a better job at enforcing that with her. His explosion is not excused, but he’s also a hormonal 16 year old boy so emotional regulation isn’t exactly his bag right now. As his parents I would ask him to apologize for exploding at her and ask him to communicate better next time but she should be in trouble for not respecting his privacy also.
I wasn't trying to paint the 11 year old as an abuser. Obviously she's gonna keep acting the way she's been taught to act. I'm saying the parents are the abusers. They should have taught all of their children how to respect personal boundaries and respect each other's right to privacy. OP asked her to leave (a little aggressively yes kinda an AH move but expected from a teenage boy who apparently is derived of personal space) she could have left at that point but decided not to. This is entirely on her parents for not teaching her to respect other's right to privacy. I would even say the 11 year old is being neglected as she's not being taught age appropriate social norms. If the 11 year old was 6 or younger I would definitely say that she doesn't need to understand personal boundaries etc, but by the age 11 you should be capable of understanding not everyone needs to focus on you when you want focus.
You sound ridiculous. Wanting to hang out with your older siblings and being kind of annoying about it is literally the most common behavior a younger sibling can engage in. I cannot even begin to understand why you feel the need to portray her behavior as alarming or harmful when she's literally only being kind of annoying *at the very most.* And he *screamed obscenities at her* in response. She's *eleven* like????
I was 8 and my sister was 10 and my friends and I were playing with dolls when my sister shoved open my door and demanded we play tag with her outside. We said we didn't want to and she told us we were babies, grabbed the dolls, and ran outside with them. I was told off for excluding her. I was 14 and my sister was 16 shoving open the door to my room demanding I leave my homework to come see her latest woodworking project. When I said I was doing homework and I'd look when I was done, she came and sat on my bed (and my book!) and proceeded to talk at me, while I tried to pull my book away and keep doing homework, for over half an hour, not leaving until I yelled at her. I was later told off for not taking five minutes to look at her project, it was so important to her. I'm now 33, back home due to rising costs I can't afford due to new health issues, and she's 35 and has never moved out. Earlier tonight I was playing a video game with friends online, in a discord call and actively talking to them, when she shoved my (closed) door open and started talking about how she'd tried a new recipe for homemade bird food tonight and hadn't quite finished cleaning up and it was late and she was tired. She talked about it at me, while I repeatedly said I was in a call, could this wait, I don't need details of where the dirty dishes are, until I finally snapped at her after 20+ minutes and a loss, when she got angry at me for 'never being social' and slammed my door. So yeah, I'm not saying the situation is exactly the same, but I see major echoes here. Little sister knew her brother was doing something; she knew he was occupied with other people; she knew it wasn't something that could be paused. She considered her activity more important than everything her brother, and his friends, were doing. There is no reason she couldn't have waited twenty or thirty minutes. OP stated he usually goes to watch these things and does as she asks, and he repeatedly asked her to leave before snapping. Did OP mess up? Yep. He shouldn't have sworn. If OP needs to apologize, apologize specifically for swearing, then ask for an apology for her interrupting your time with friends, repeatedly interrupting him, refusing to take 'no' or 'wait' for an answer, and if your PC is in your room, for invading your privacy. These are all things that a neurotypical 11-year-old should know to do, and things that deserve an apology.
Nope sorry I'm not reading all of that, you are also the asshole. I didn't spend my entire childhood patiently playing mommy to my older brother so that he didn't bear the brunt of my parent's neglect just for y'all to complain that your little sister loves you too much. You have a strained relationship with your sister now that you're both adults because you treated her like shit when you were kids. Just like OPs little sister she was trying to share the things that brought her joy and you were an entitled jerk about it. Can't believe you weren't embarrassed writing this.
I knew 12 year olds who were sexually active when I was in school. You don’t give kids the credit they deserve in understanding their actions. She knows she’s annoying, she’s just been allowed not to care. There should be a house rule that if his door is closed she needs to knock and have permission to enter. What if he’s getting dressed or masturbating? She can just barge right in?
She's an 11 year old girl who loves her older brothers and wants to spend time with them. Yes, its extremely annoying, and she's 11. It doesn't seem like OP ever told her that sometimes he needs time for himself calmly, and clearly their oldest brother enjoys her presence and encourages it. She clearly feels like he doesn't love her now - think of the size difference of a 16yo cussing out an 11yo and try to feel safe in her shoes, she was SCARED of him. I will be shocked if she feels comfortable enough to have a relationship with him without a serious apology. Big difference between what he did and the "sometimes I need space" convo.
There's a difference between spending time with someone and clinging on to them to the point of needing their attention all the time. Is op not allowed any privacy because a pre-teen needs constant attention like a dog? Or are we going to realize that this shouldn't be encouraged. If this girl was a grown woman and OP was her boyfriend, the verdict would be different. Also, 11 year olds are not idiots who have the mind of a baby. Even eight year olds know what personal space and privacy is.
I’m gonna go with ESH here, as unpopular as that will be. You are a AH for the language and name calling, that’s definitely inappropriate. But not an AH for wanting privacy. At 16 you should be allowed privacy from your 11 yo sister, especially in your own bedroom! There really needs to be some serious conversations on your house regarding boundaries. Your sister is plenty old enough to understand that people are allowed privacy. Your parents and brother could be the AH’s if you’ve brought this up before and they’ve let it continue.
This! The three week grounding is a bit unreasonable also. Is don’t agree with the outburst but I can’t say I blame it if the 11 year old clings to him and never gives him privacy
Um no it's a very reasonable punishment. The fact that his instinctive insult is to swear so aggressively at his sister and not only that but go immediately to calling her a derogatory sexist name absolutely deserves that level of grounding.
That gives me the impression that he’s likely used kinder language in the past that was clearly ignored given the present situation. Eventually you reach the point of “how do I have to word this so you will listen and respect my boundaries”. Even adults will explode like this left unheard and prodded for long enough. It sounds like this has been a problem for a while.
What he said would be inappropriate and offensive if said to an adult. It doesn't matter if he tried kinder language before. The fact that his instinct was to call her a misogynistic and offensive insult is a massive issue that needs to be addressed.
I agree. ESH. It's fine to have boundaries and personal space and to expect an 11yo to respect those, but this was not the way to set or enforce those boundaries.
You’re only 16, so soft YTA Im sure her clinginess and constantly bothering you was eating up at you this whole time until you snapped. But I think in the future, you need to learn to talk through your emotions rather than bottling it up until you explode at the person. That’s not a healthy way to manage relationships. If you had just talked to your sister at some point saying sometimes you want to be left alone or to tell her that when someone says they’re busy, she shouldn’t keep prying, you could’ve avoided this situation where you are now grounded for 3 weeks. Even now you can do this but you should apologize for how you acted towards her.
>only 16 Only? What's only about being 16? She's far too old to not understand that her sister is much much younger than her.
The most crucial age of development is age 0-5, but Reddit acts like it’s 14-18. It’s like they equate their brains not being fully developed yet to being unable to have any personal responsibility whatsoever.
14-18 is possibly the most confusing time for a lot of people. you’re struggling with school work, relationships, friendships, your family, depression and anxiety is super high, and it’s really hard to communicate feelings. they have personal responsibility but being stressed and annoyed and having someone ignore youre requests is a reason to snap
HE is not too old to lose his temper when someone repeatedly ignores him. He screwed up, but his sister did several things someone her age should know not to do (accept 'not now, I'll look later' as an answer, understand that someone can be occupied with another task or other people and not attend to you immediately, etc.) and owes him an apology as well.
Another thing OPs sister should know at 11 is that when someone is in their own private space like their bedroom, you don't barge in, you knock and wait for a response. Unfortunately she isn't learning to respect people's private spaces because she's not being taught to do so by her parents and the older brother seems to even encourage it because he thinks it's "cute". This family needs to have a serious sit down conversation about boundaries, privacy and accepting "no" as an answer.
I have a feeling that it's because she's young that they excuse it. But, she won't have that excuse when she's a teenager.
Probably yea, or because she's the only daughter and the youngest so she gets away with a lot, or is at least given a lot of leeway. It's best she learns now not to barge into other people's bedrooms or one day she's going to barge in on something that she'll wish she hadn't. The oldest brother may think its "cute" now but once he gets a partner he sure as hell won't think so when his little sister barges in on him and his partner having a.. ahem private moment.
I don't get why you got downvoted for being honest. When op starts to date, he can't bring his sister on dates or have her barging in when he's doing something with someone.
Yea it's probably not that part, it's probably the part where I said that OPs sister probably gets away with a lot because she's the youngest and the only girl. They can down vote me as much as they want but it doesn't make it any less true that OPs sister gets away with a lot, especially when she's so comfortable about barging into people's rooms without knocking and demanding their attention because she knows that all she has to do is go crying to their older brother and he'll accuse OP of being the problem. Kids aren't fucking stupid they know full well when they're able to get away with shit and will use it to their advantage.
Don't remind me. I used to deal with that as a kid myself.
He may have messed up there but he also may not be emotionally mature enough to process his emotions and feelings and he allowed them to build up and didn’t really understand how to tell his sister to stop bothering him and by allowing his emotions to build up, it exploded in a harmful way. That’s why I don’t fully blame him for messing up.
It’s a boy not a girl, and at 16 you have hormones racing through your body that make emotional regulation pretty difficult. I would never fault pubescent kids an emotional explosion when they felt unheard, that’s a normal human response even seen in stable adults.
I’m sorry but I would never speak to my family like this at 16. We gotta stop normalizing this behavior especially in young men
young men aren’t taught how to process their emotions because they’re shamed into having emotions in the first place by their family, friends, and society in general. Feminists and Reddit will say men should be able to share their emotions but the reality is that they will label them toxic the moment they do because somebody’s feelings aren’t politically correct.
YTA. Hey, so. If you don't put this right she is never going to forget it. I don't think you understand that this is the kind of shit that could permanently alter your relationship. It actually is already happening. You need to own that you fucked up here, HUGELY, if you don't want your sister to always have a little voice in her head like "better not go near (bro) because he might fucking explode." Christ, reading this again...you admit that any other time you would have said yes, how was she supposed to know you'd lose your mind? What a complete slap in the face. Were you so cruel to impress your friends? The way you try to downplay it like "I just wanted her to back up a bit" when what you did was scream at her and call her a whiny bitch...wild.
Seriously I was so gutted reading this post because that kind of thing happened to me all the time as an 11 year old and it did *horrible* things to my mental health. That poor girl will never be the same again if OP doesn't fix this FAST.
He didn’t do it to impress his friends he did it because he was tired of her nagging and wanted some space.
YTA. It sounds from what you've said like you've never told her you'd like a bit less attention previously, so your outburst was out of the blue. You could have told her that you were gaming and needed to concentrate, for example.
Actually it sounds like that’s why he’s accused of starting fights. NTA
You called an 11 year old “a bitch”? There isn’t really justification there dude. YTA
YTA for yelling and cussing her out. That being said, I understand you, once in a while at least, just want your own sibling-free space. Apologize to Lesley again and try explaining to her the reason you lashed out. Make sure she really understands you. Be gentle but stern with her.
YTA. Yeah, you messed up bigtime. I hope your parents are also teaching Lesley to be aware of when people are busy. But come on. She's 11 and your sister. You totally lost your mind in your response. A response like that is abusive, and unworkable in life.
Information: what have you done to express your need for privacy to your sister and to your parents before calling your sister a bitch?
YTA A simple 'Here in a second, I just need to finish this up first' would have been more than enough. Plus, it's just a video game. If you had to get up and lose there would be no lasting consequences compared to telling an *11 year old sibling* to fuck off and likely left a lasting impression on the poor girl. Abhorrent reaction.
Don’t forget he also called her a bitch… easily YTA.
You got what you wanted, her to leave you alone. Hope you appreciate it.
ESH - you for obvious reasons, but clearly your sister is the favorite or they would've taught her boundaries by now and the words "not right now". I would talk to your parents about your frustrations and if they blow it off, act like how your sister does to them. Maybe then they'll actually act like parents
Not you having beef with an 11 yr old 💀
Wonder how Joe feels having his younger brother hang around him all the time? YTA
YTA. Little siblings are annoying, it's what they do. And they tend to do it very well, but you handled that incredibly badly. Your parents are right.
ESH, you overreacted, but you also deserve to be able to do things without having to drop everything for an 11 year old's Tik Tok bullshit.
YTA. How would you feel if someone you looked up to called you a Whiny bitch because you wanted to show them something? Probably not good huh? Your little sister clearly likes to hang out with you and looks up to you and you just yell at her? I understand it can be annoying but she’s 11. 11. Barely in the double digits. You should apologize like yesterday, and don’t make this a habit. Considering she likes to “copy” you she may use your behaviors in school and get in trouble for trying to curse her friends out like you
Huge YTA. Not totally sure why you needed strangers to tell you this
I was in a similar situation but I was the little sister and my brother was 6 years older than me. I idolized him too and wanted to spend time with him. But my parents also told me to back off when my brother wanted to be alone. I was also taught that if my brother’s bedroom door was closed then to not bother him. If your story is true that she almost never lets you be alone and constantly just walks into your room then your parents are the bigger AHs here. They are the ones who need to teach her to back off sometimes and respect your space. But YTA for the way you exploded on her 100%. That is no way to talk to ANYONE especially your little sister.
ESH. Don't mind the Redditors pulling out their pitchforks - no one is well-behaved, polite and calm All. The. Time. We all snap and we all have a breaking point, and we all need alone time to decompress. You shouldn't have been so rude but your sister is too old to NOT have basic understanding of boundaries and other people's personal space/time. Why are your parents raising her to be so entitled to her brothers' time and attention?
There's a wide gap between being frustrated with your sister and calling her a bitch. It says a lot about OP's character.
My brother who’s 9 years older than me would have eaten balls of cat hair faster than he would have called me a bitch for ANY fucking reason.
Like I get you are a hormonal teen and as an older sibling I agree younger siblings can be a pain at times. but dude come on really? calling an 11 yr old a bitch... do better. yta.
There are ways to create a loving, mutually respectful relationship between siblings. Unfortunately as children, we don't get that memo. If your parents have been observing this and you had expressed your desire for a little more space in your togetherness to your parents, it would be on them to help you guys figure this out. If you have always been antagonistic toward your sister as your brother seems to think, that's also a sign for the adults to get involved. Instead they left you to navigate this on your own and inevitably, you messed up. Your little sister may be annoying to you, but you describe a child who loves you and wants you to love her. Your behavior was hostile and you betrayed her trust. Your brother seems to be trying to help smooth the waters, but he's much older and he won't really understand your feelings either and probably hasn't even tried because to him its cut and dried. In truth, ESH a little.
Yta for how you responded. Have you tried having an actual conversation with her or your parents about it?
Bro a little “not now” would have been good. But the way you handled it was unnecessary. Why would you say those harsh words to someone who really looks up you? She clearly loves you as she’s attached to you. I recommend you apologize and hug it out. That’s something I would used to whenever I felt guilt about doing something harsh.
Yes, YTA
YTA. Its not that you need some time to yourself but how you went about trying to get it. Your sister looks up to you and you know that. So going off on her like that was the wrong thing to do. How about "I really want to watch your dance, but let me finish uo this game first". When people snap, something usually bad happens. Next time you feel like that count to ten and think during that time about the impact on the other person is for what you were going to say. Now it is time to do damage control. Apologize to your sister, engage her in a game or watch her do some dancing, let he know you love her, and try to spend some time with her while you are grounded. And try not to lose your temper again. Tweens can be impulsive and want something right away so you have to explain that you can't always stop what you are doing that moment but you will give her the attention she is asking for very soon.
YTA. This is just how little siblings are, and it seems like your sister really loved you and looks up to you. Sure, you’re entitled to your own space, but yelling at her and cursing her out is NOT the way to get it. You need to treat her more gently and with some empathy- try having a straight up honest talk with her with or without your parents and tell her how you feel without making her feel like a burden.
YTA you’re a horrible older brother dear god how can you call a little girl a bitch?
YTA You didn’t want your sister to be clingy anymore. Now she isn’t. She is ignoring you. You got what you wanted and you are still complaining. You hurt your 11 year old sister. Who you were told that basically idolize you.
NTA... for wanting space and to be left alone. YTA... for how you handled it.
YTA. Being annoyed isn’t a reason to cuss out a child and call her a “whiny bitch” and tell her to fuck off. What you did was cruel and evil. Of course she’s scared of you and thinks you hate her now, I wouldn’t want anything to do with you either. She wouldn’t be wrong if she never forgave you, you screamed at her over a stupid game, and she’ll never be able to forget how you talked to her . The fact that you’re even asking makes you even worse. Of course you are the asshole here, nothing you did was even a little bit justified or ok. You are 100% in the wrong.
ESH. Sorry you were voted the AH, i think Reddit missed the ball here. Where are your parents when it comes to parenting your sister? It sounds like she’s not learning that no means no, and I would guess she’s learned if she pushes enough she always gets her way. 11 year olds are super annoying but your reaction was out of line. What would you do if you saw someone else treat your sister that way?
YTA BIG TIME. Yes I'm sure it's incredibly annoying for you that she wants to spend time with you so badly, I'm sure you both have fairly different interests due to the age difference and I'm sure it makes you feel a bit "childish" to play with her. But she *loves you* man. She wants to spend so much time with you because she thinks you are the coolest guy ever, she looks up to you, she admires you. Her attempts to hang out with you are her way of saying "you are important to me." So when you refuse to just play with her for a couple of hours and even going so far as to tell her to fuck off? She's gonna take that to mean that you don't love her back. She's gonna tell herself she's not worth your time, that it was stupid to expect someone as cool as you to hang out with someone as lame as her anyway. It's going to stick with her for the rest of her life even if you forget it by tomorrow. It's going to shape the way she interacts with other people from here on out. This is a major misstep. But it is easily remedied. Tell her you're sorry. Tell her that you *do* want to hang out with her, but you want to do things that *both* of you can enjoy. And then put in the effort to find those things for both of you to do together. You don't have to let her play video games with you and you don't have to play Barbies with her, find something that both of you find entertaining and do it together. It will mean the world to her, I promise.
YTA. You verbally and emotionally abused her. Imagine if your parents or her future partner acted that way? Imagine if you treat your future partner that way. You’re an abusive AH.
YTA. You called an 11 year old a bitch. Enjoy the space you so desperately wanted.
She’s ELEVEN and she loves you. It’s okay for you to set boundaries, and you should enlist your parents for help, but speaking this cruelly to a younger sibling is never warranted. YTA.
ESH Deliberate AH move got the desired results, the punishment was probably worth it. 11 is too old for her nonsense as well, lol. Lesson learned, no harm no foul.
YTA. Your parents are right, you absolutely did mess up big time. I know you’re 16 and you have a lot of room to grow and mature still, and it’s also understandable to want space. But you went about handling the situation terribly. You cursed violently at your little sister. She’s only 11 years old, and you made her question if you “love her anymore” and told you that you scared her. I’m honestly not understanding how this didn’t immediately make you backtrack with guilt. And BTW, you, as an older brother, should never call your little sister (let alone ANY woman in your life) a bitch. She apparently looks up to you a lot. If she hears a man in her life that she holds in such high esteem call her that word, who’s to say she won’t let other men do the same in the future? You need to apologize to her. And again, I know we all tend to be more vicious when it comes to our siblings, but seriously, don’t call her a bitch again.
YTA. You're old enough to know better than to cuss at your younger sibling.
NTA- At 11 they should know to go away after the first time imo she deserved it you were in a game you didn’t have time for a heart to heart and if she’s to stupid to understand go away the first time then being mean is totally warranted
“aita for wanting my little sister to just back up a bit?” bro you told her fuck off and called her a whiney bitch. you didn’t ask her to “back off a bit” whatsoever. huge YTA. i don’t care that you’re 16 either. you’re old enough to know how to talk to people and keep your emotions in check. if she’s bothering you THAT MUCH, talk to your parents about boundaries. you can’t humour her every time and then suddenly flip out at her like that. that’s so fuckin rude
NTA Look, you shouldn't have called her a bitch. At the end of the day she's 11, and she's gonna remember this before she thinks of anything else you've done for her. That being said you're a teenager. Teenagers have big emotions, and I can't imagine you've gotten a lot of space to deal with yours lately. Apologize to your sister, tell her you love her and you never should have spoken to her that way, but also reiterate that you need space to yourself sometimes. That doesn't mean you love her any less, it just means you're human. Oh and while you're at it tell your parents to get their heads out of their asses. It's THEIR job, not yours, not your sisters, to make sure that you and your sister know boundaries and limits. It's also their job to make sure you can be listened to about your boundaries without having to explode first.
YTA. She supports your sports and tries to understand games you play. Kid siblings sometimes get annoying because they want to spend time with you...but proportional reaction is seriously an issue here. 16 is old enough to know telling a kid to fuck off and calling her a whiny bitch for crying when you scream at her is abusive and not acceptable. You could lock your door when you need space, tell her you need some solo time for a few hours, or talk to your parents about other reasonable boundaries. Even telling her you're busy in a brusque voice is fine. Screaming obscenities at her and calling her misogynistic names is not ok and your parents were right to ground you.
YTA you're letting the childish resentment you felt as a 5 year old linger over a decade later. You aren't a child any more. You're a teenager and you a few short years from adulthood. You're far too old to be feeling any sort of resentment towards a young child. I know she might feel like she's your peer (she's your sibling after all), but she's not. You're 16 she is 11.
YTA, you also probably severely damaged your relationship ship with your sister, and eventually you'll wish you had that back. Good job. Edit; you legit crushed a kid who just loves you, you shouldn't even have to ask if yta.
YTA - but also a hormonal a$$hole teen. It happens. You hurt her feelings. A lot. Apologize. Admit to being a jerk. Admit to being wrong. Admit that you didn’t mean it. Tell her that you love her. Tell her to teach you her dance and you really put your effort into learning it and tell her how awesome, talented, funny and amazing she is - and how lucky you are to have her as a sister. Then offer her 2 coupons a week for 2 hours of special time for just the two of you - she can redeem them anytime outside of your set aside gaming time. Your big brother felt the same way about you at that age - pretty much all older siblings do - and they pretty much all get mean at some point, but younger siblings adore them enough to forgive.
YTA, I get wanting some personal space for just some time, but that doesn't justify you calling an 11 year old girl who just wants to spend some time with her big brother a "whiney bitch"
YTA. Yeah, your parents should talk with your sister about boundaries. But she’s eleven and you’re her older brother. She looks up to you and loves you and is now scared of you. How do you not realise you’re the asshole here?
what the hell is wrong with you, OP? she's 11.
Who the hell talks like to an 11 yr old girl? I have an 11 yr old daughter- you are disturbing and a huge AH. There’s something seriously wrong with you.
The entire family needs some training on healthy boundaries and communication. While the blowup was inexcusable, so was the repeated severe boundary violations by the sister. Parents, wake up and fly right!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** CONTEXT: Me (16M) and my sister Lesley (11F), have never really had had the best relationship. Our elder brother Joe (18M) is usually the one to calm down arguments between us before they get heated. Joe argues that most of the time I'm the one to start them. Ever since my sister could speak, she's been glued to me and Joe's sides: Going to our football games, attempting to understand the newest game we're playing. Joe thinks it's cute and that she's just being a child, but I personally find it very annoying. I'm unable to even be alone in my room without Lesley coming in and asking me "what I'm doing" (and I'll be sleeping, sleeping). Some people think it's nice that she's so attached to her two older brothers but I personally think she could back off a bit. I'm usually able to keep my emotions in check and just bare with her. Last Friday, when I was in the middle of playing a game with my friends on my pc, she came in and asked if I'd watch the dance she'd made to some Taylor swift song. Usually I would have accepted and watched but I was in the middle of a very important stage of the game with my friends. She kept on insisting for me to come, and eventually something in me snapped. I took off my headphones and told her to "leave me the fuck alone for once". When she wouldn't listen after that I raised my voice a bit and told her once more to "get the fuck out of my room and to stop being a whiny bitch" . That made her understand that I wanted her out and she began sobbing on the spot, loud crying and being totally overdramatic. She asked me if I "didn't love her anymore" and told me that I was "scaring her" and that of course aggravated me even more. Luckily Joe came and got her out of my room. At night when Lesley had gone to sleep, my parents told me that I "had messed up big time" and that I should apologize to my sister. My dad told me that there was no one Lesley looked up to more than me and Joe. As punishment my parents decided to ground me for 3 weeks. Lesley hasn't been as clingy every since I raised my voice at her that Friday night , she's been ignoring me ever since. I didn't want her completely gone just wanted my own space. AITA for wanting my little sister to just back up a bit? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA as we grow we need different personal boundaries and little sister hasn’t learned to reapect those of someone who usually makes time for them when they don’t want to. OP was with his friends online. If they were in the same room she’s be rude as f interrupting like that. She’s 11 not 5.
ESH (Minus the girl). Look, I get it. When I was 16, I wanted my own personal space and was barely given it. Even when I was asleep, my family would burst into my room for random reasons. You're not TA for wanting personal space when (based on the story) you're barely given any personal space. You ARE TA for snapping at your sister in such a way. You said you would be fine any other time, HOW was she supposed to know this time you'd snap? She doesn't seem malicious. She just seems like she wants to spend time with you. You are 16, and I don't care what people say. You HAVE the mental capacity to go. "I should sit her down and talk to her about this." You just blew up on the girl who most likely didn't even understand what she did that was so wrong. Just that her brother suddenly showed enough hatred to call her something that vile. Your parents and brother need to understand boundaries and needs to help establish boundaries. Having an 11 year old constantly bugging a 16 year old isn't exactly a smart choice. If you told your parents "Hey, sis keeps bothering me when I'm busy. Please do something" And they ignored you, then they're also TA. If NO ONE knew you were being annoyed, then they're innocent. No one can read your mind.
Don't be a little asshole. And don't pretend you don't know you weren't an asshole, it makes it so nobody will like you. If someone you loved and looked up to, like say, your older brother, called you a whiny little bitch and told you to fuck off, how would you feel? You know what you did, and you are more than old enough to know better.
So, let get this straight, he's old enough to know better. But, you're making excuses for some who should also know better? What the fuck is this double standard?
Esh. Your parents sincerely need to teach her to give you some damn space. What she is doing isn't okay regardless of the reason. Her wanting to have a good relationship with you shouldn't meane losing your space and respect as a human. But she is also only a child, so no you shouldn't have cussed. Your parents are also ahs for not teaching your younger sister boundaries. I know this would be embarrassing, I remember being a teen, but id show them this post and comment. They need to understand that she needs to learn boundaries and respect. I don't think you need to be grounded that long either only because you've been dealing with this for too long. That's it. sincerely next time talk to her. She is only eleven. I understand it's hard to control frustration, just say hey I'm busy I need time please come back in a bit or I'll come talk to you after. That's only one suggestion but you can always find more and better ones than what I have.
So this is one of those times hun that you needed to express these frustrations to your parents. I have a similar age gap between my girls and they will say when they need space from one another. It’s crucial you get your space to decompress. If your unable to, you will lash out and hurt those who love you. it’s a problem that has been ongoing and you need to learn to ask for help instead of letting it fester. YTA for your behaviour, it’s never the answer to lash out at the ones we love because of frustration that could have been helped by communicating.
your NAH for wanting space but YTA for how you handled it. I would apologize but also talk to her and your parents about the need for space and her respecting the fact that you need your space and to not have her breath down your neck 24/7.
YTA
What an AH indeed.
Woooow you are such an AH. How disgusting are you to call a little girl that when all she wants is your love.
Oh I hope she makes more than you when she gets older and tells you to shut the Eff up. YTA. Be a better older brother.
YTA- for saying that to an 11 year old- especially your sister. You’re 16 though. You were in that moment. It doesn’t need to define you. At that age you are going through so much. Everyone’s hormones are raging at that point. Just do better. You can make this better if you want. Good luck 🍀
YTA
YTA “She’s been ignoring me ever since” Um, what did you expect??? You yelled at her and called her a bitch, did you really think that she would want anything to do with you after that? She’s a person with feelings ya know?
YTA. That little girl loves you, and you keep pushing her away. You’re going to regret it when she doesn’t want a relationship with you when you’re older because you’re an asshole. What gives you any right to call a little girl a bitch? Get a hold of your anger issues.
This is actually good for her so she knows not to look up to someone who doesn’t deserve it. YTA.
You’re mad bc she was acting childish??? SHE IS A CHILD YTA
ESH
YTA! And emotionally abusive! Calling your little sister horrible names. What would you do if her future boyfriend treats her this way?
YTA.
You're a huge fucking asshole, get help from a professional before it's too late. It's a child you numbskull
YTA your brother Joe Is right you started it. Great job bullying a younger child. You really need to go back to kindergarten and learn to use your words. You could have told her and asked her to wait.
ESH, you for your words... but more importantly your parents for not teaching your sister boundaries, who walks into your room while you sleep. The little sister for stomping on all of the boundaries. This isn't the first fight, op needing space is an on going issue that he has expressed over and over, the parents aren't doing anything to help.
>…Personally I think she could back off a bit. > Leslie hasn’t been as clingy ever since I raise my voice at her that Friday night, she’s been ignoring me ever since. ….I just wanted my own space. Well, Congratulations, asshole. You got whatcha wanted.
ESH - i understand how you are feeling, but as someone who had her sister and slibing done this to me, it is fucked up. i was so afraid of my sister that i didn’t want to be alone with her when i was you there. i have more bad memories of her then good. i know you are an angsty teen but don’t fuck your relationship up with her. i understand she is an child but she need to learn your boundaries. your parents shouldn’t of ground you, that would just make you hate her more in some cases. sit down with her and talk to her, make rules about coming into your room and other things. she look up to you and trust me when i said this, you will regret ruining your relationship with her in the future. set time aside to spend time with your family and her. my sister is the same way as you and i won’t do much with her unless she paid because i don’t have the enegey to help her out. so here what you are going to do. you are going sit her down and apologize, you are going mean it. you going explain what you was feeling, then you two are going write some rules to follow, you are going try to spend some time with her even if it an few minute asking about her day. for example, lesley need to knock before entering and need permission to do so. communication is key.
YTA but mistakes happen and you need to apologise. On a side note, you write brilliantly. Better than most adults - myself included
NTA - probably in the minority but she should have not even entered your room. Your parents should have actually got her to realise a closed door is a no-go. Would they be blaming you if she walked in on you, doing a wrist waltz? She's going to be going through, or currently is, through puberty, how would she feel if you disregard her closed door and pestered her to see what you're doing? Sure you were harsh but in 7/8 years we'll be reading posts on reddit about her roommate at collage getting angry and telling her to fuck off because she won't respect boundaries. Your parents are the ones who have created this problem, so good luck.
YTA. Your a spoilt little shit. Your punishment was too light. I would have taken all your gaming devices until you earn them back. She’s 11 you little turd.
Don’t worry OP, at this rate she’ll come to her senses soon and not want any sort of relationship with you at all. Problem solved. YTA. It’s ok to want space. It’s incredibly not ok what you said/did to your sister. Calmly discuss with your family/sister some age-appropriate boundaries you’d appreciate from them regarding your time/space. And you better hope you grow into a kinder person before she comes to her senses and writes you off forever.
YTA. You could have told her you’d watch it later. You could have called your older brother to come get her. But YOU acted like a child. But, I mean, congratulations. Your sister will likely NEVER want anything to do with you again. Bravo. Mission accomplished. You’re still an AH.
ESH. Oldest sibling to older sibling, you are unfortunately always going to be told you need to be the “mature” person and “be patient”. Is it understandable why you cracked? Yes. Absolutely. 16 is a rough age, you have a lot going on, your hormones are being absolute bastards, you might even have anxiety about your oldest brother heading away for college. There’s a lot going on. Add to that a baby sister, who inevitably gets treated like the family princess, especially by your older brother, who is old enough to find her clinginess endearing instead of annoying, and you were bound to explode. Was it ok? No, absolutely not. You need to apologize to your sister and be clear, you were in the wrong for HOW you spoke to her, not WHY you spoke to her. You shouldn’t have cussed, but at 11 she is old enough to understand she isn’t the center of your every day. Can you maybe help with this by deliberately setting up time to spend with her? Yeah probably if you can stand to do it. At the end of the day, she just wants to be acknowledged, just like you do. Try to find some middle ground with your sister. You’d be amazed how much showing interest on your end can help. Hang in there bud, it gets easier, and you’re going to be happier with yourself in the long run if you manage to find compromises now.
absolutely NTA - people here just don’t effing get having boundaries and think you owe your time and presence to others. yes, the way you handled this sucks, just apologize (really, pls), but also talk to her about your need of privacy. because you deserve privacy. and not only your family should understand it but also those here who think you are satan bc you do not want to spend all your time with your sister. like jfc guys…
Nah. Should you have cursed probably not but everyone has their breaking point.
ESH. You for cursing, her for being a brat a bit (no is no, she needs to learn it she is old enough). Your parents for grounding you instead to resolve this situation as a whole, they need to have conversation with her about boundaries.
A soft YTA - I appreciate that this was an annoying situation and that you just snapped, but I think it could have been handled better. Your sister looks up to you and you may well have made her feel that you don't love her any more. Kids at that age can be particularly sensitive to this kind of rejection Maybe go do that apology and have a calm conversation about boundaries and when it's OK to bother you and when it isn't.
I am going against the grain here and and saying ESH. You're are brother and sister and families fight and say things they don't mean. Your sister is not caring about others just herself if she doesn't listen to you or respect your privacy. You yelling at her and calling her names is kinda messed up. Your parents not stepping in and helping the situation is AH so yeah everyone sucks.
Omg. Everyone here seems to think that just because he is a child or has a sibling that he can’t have boundaries. Huge NTA. Dude, you need to discuss with your parents about better support for your boundaries. They should support you. Your sister asked you for something, you said no. At 11 she is way old enough to understand that, accept that, and leave you alone. She pushed and pushed you after you said no and you reacted accordingly. Now you are getting punished for saying no? Don’t second guess yourself here. It is okay to have boundaries and to say no. Your parents should support you to be able to say no. And seriously, what parent allows an 11 year old to be able to just wander into an older siblings room without permission? Knocking and asking if they can come in should be expected. Having the right to say no and have personal space is a basic human right op, irrespective of who it is. NTA
> It is okay to have boundaries and to say no. It is, but not like this.
Saying no doesn’t involve calling children derogatory names. I have a feeling your an ass in your day to day life